The Golden Hour - Episode 21: Bobby Ricky Bobby
Episode Date: May 23, 2019The guys launch "Roast my Host", reading off YouTube comments from fans and talk Theo reading coloring books, Brendan's open mouth winking, Bobby long-nap-short-cock Lee, low tit ...bellies, seasoned calf muscles, Apple vs Android, Beavis and Butt-Head vs Ren & Stimpy, more Cultural Corner talk, advice on having sex in a pool and more!Postmates - promo code: KATS2019Dave -Â https://www.dave.com/katsLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Back off my broccolini.
Get your life together.
It is.
Don't touch me, bro.
I'm not touching you, dude.
What's up, bro?
Good to see you, man.
Not much, man.
Good to see you, too.
So I'm just saying maybe this time, since we just used Matty Macs, is it okay this time
if we do the old buzzers?
Why don't we put a thing up on the Instagram story and let the fans decide. You want us to use
the cool hip one that our
boy MattyMac3000 made?
Okay. Or should we use the
Toys R Us ones that Theo likes?
Okay, and hit them all.
And it
lights up.
Does yours light up?
Yes, mine does. Let me see it light up. First, let's
do this. Ready?
Yes.
We got to turn on.
It's on.
Oh, did it break?
Did you break it, though? I did not.
I turned it on.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, no.
Hold on.
Dude, see, you're moving it all around.
Wow.
Well, that solves that.
I just need one of those.
It works once in a while.
I fixed it like a Russian.
There you go.
Works once in a while.
It's like a stepdad.
So you guys want this?
Hold on.
That's one of them.
And that's mine.
Or.
Or.
How about this?
We'll bring this out for the King and the Sting round specifically.
Okay.
I appreciate you compromising, man.
Yeah, I appreciate you compromising.
I'm just high stress right now, dude.
Yeah, the thing is stress you out, man.
A black box around us, you know?
Yeah, who knows what's in there, dude?
What if they crack that open and...
It's full of...
Yeah, the voices of thousands of Malaysian people that were on that plane you
know six thousand people died yeah dude look that up derrick can you i mean you can't even tell
which one malaysia is basically just a place to go if you want to crash a plane now it's like
it's as common as like like doing bungee jumping or something yeah it's like the new what they
call it bermuda triangle yeah it is like that's the new hip triangle these days yeah a lot of people if
you're gonna push your wife off of a cruise it used to be like aruba you would do that but now
everybody's doing it in malaysia what's next y'all yeah florida yeah you head down to tampa and start
pushing people off cruise ships dude what's the next what's next you're gonna go out there to uh
saint landry parish and throw you uh throw your side piece out of a P-Rod. She's going to go to Denver and go to fucking Golden Corral and stuff ribs in your wife's mouth and make her disappear.
What?
God, dude.
People.
Fucking people, dude.
Yeah, people, dude.
Wow.
We better get through this episode, man.
Before your CT flares up so bad, bro.
I'm going to have to check you into a center.
You might be in a center right now.
I might be, man.
This is all just fake. Yeah. Wearing a center. You might be in a center right now. I might be, man.
This is all just fake.
Yeah.
Wearing a fucking.
It's the gay tricks, dude.
The gay tricks, dude. Yeah.
Instead of pills, you eat dicks.
Whoa, buddy.
It could have been you spend time with a guy doing something you like, painting.
That would be gay.
Yeah.
It would be, and that would be enough.
You don't have to go straight to sex.
Yeah, you're right, dude.
How are we kicking this off?
A little rip my drip?
Yeah, dude. Let me see a stupid ass? A little rip my drip? Yeah, dude.
Let me see a stupid ass outfit today.
There it is.
Very nice.
Oh, cool.
Oh, fantastic.
Could you look any more like the Rat King in this?
Yeah, look at those.
Where do you even get a shirt like that?
It's a hamster shirt, man.
Your grandma sent you that shirt?
Where do you get a shirt like that, dude?
I grew into that shirt.
I got that shirt when I was 12 years old and have slowly grown up.
And eventually one day it'll be like a little tankini if I keep getting
taller. Ooh, it's kind of like a fortune cookie. You know, you look like you have anger management
and you take it out on hamsters. Like I'm hangry? Yeah, you just slap hamsters around.
That's your therapy. Dude, seriously though, where do you get that shirt? Beautiful shirt. No
joke, man. I got that when? Beautiful shirt. No joke, man.
I got that when I was young.
Somebody died in our area, and they gave that up.
And, you know, I was first to jump on that piece.
Man, I love small ground game.
And the second I got a chance at that piece of just to be fully haberdashed in this piece of sweet rodentia.
And you can see it if you look on the YouTube right there.
And this shirt is full hemp out the front.
It's first team all hemp.
Oh, dude, actually.
That's first team all hemp, hemp.
And actually, I'm joking, this shirt is actually a G-Pig, this is Guinea Pig.
That's a Guinea Pig?
Yeah.
It's a different game now.
Yeah.
Because Guinea Pigs can take the body shots.
Oh, they can take them.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, Guinea Pig can take a nice liver shot.
Oh, yeah.
Hamsters not.
Guinea Pig, liver shot, bro.
Dude, hamsters are so small, a liver shot's a brain shot.
Yeah.
You don't want to do that.
Your full fist hits them, you know?
Yeah, but a G-pig, they're more built like that Daniel Cormier.
Yeah, they're like a little warthog, a furry warthog.
You can really unload on them fucking things.
They're the heavy bags of rodents.
Just fucking uh, uh, uh, uh.
Hit them, dude.
They're beautiful.
Yeah, man, so there's a little bit of rip my drip, man.
Dude, I expect you to wear this, though.
You know, like, don't even surprise me these days.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Like, I have no idea.
If someone asked me where you found that shirt, I could not tell you.
Oh, dude.
That's a Theo shirt.
Like, he might have drew it himself.
And look the way this.
He might have got the Boy Scout, like, earned it, like, tying knots or some shit.
I don't know what they do there.
Yeah, dude.
Tying knots in your mama's bed sheets, dude.
You feel me?
I feel you, dawg.
Welcome to Nottingham.
Robin Hood is here.
Why are you in sweats?
Why are you tapping your sweats?
I lost some.
You only wear sweats for one reason, one reason only.
You go to the strip club, you're trying to get that free nut up.
What?
Everyone knows that, bro.
Dude, I'll jerk off by myself, so I'm not driving to a center to some organized corporation to jerk
off, dude. I'd rather make an LLC and
just coom at the house, papa. You can
coom in the club, bro. In them sweats.
Get out of here. Yeah, you got them nut sweats.
That's why you wear sweats. The only reason.
Why do you think people wear sweats on planes?
Mile high, nut. These are action
pants, you delinquent.
That makes sense. No, I couldn't find my
wallet. That's why couldn't find my wallet.
That's why I was looking for it.
Oh, I thought you had hamster food in your pockets.
No, dude, I'm looking for something I lost.
Don't you know what someone looks like when they're doing that?
You don't know anything.
No, I don't.
Bring Brendan up, dude.
Yeah, let me see my fucking sweet-ass drippy drip.
I came fresh off the fucking Met Gala.
There's that 1960s football card for your dumb ass.
Oh, damn, dude.
Look at that shit, bro.
Everyone did that.
Receivers, quarterbacks, that was the pose back then, bro.
Look at that snarled up rat nose I got, bro.
Bro, you look like.
Why is my nose like that?
Keep zooming in on my nose.
I need a goddamn nose job.
Can you buy me one, Theo?
What is happening to my nose, bro?
I'm buying me one first.
And second of all, dude, zoom back out, man.
God, that is a tough look, dude.
You look like the guy waiting for the mail at a gay bathhouse, bro.
You look like an all-men's mailbox.
You know what I'm saying?
Like a cum dumpster?
No, mail.
Just mail?
Oh, yeah.
They're putting that mail in you, Big Daddy.
Huh?
Okay.
Like I'm the postman?
Yeah, you want this two-ounce package?
And only deliver through the back?
Yeah, you want these thick stamps, Big Dog?
You want that two-day delivery, Big Dog?
Yeah, dude.
You look like Sprawl Bunion, dude.
Like you're about to sprawl out on some dude's bed.
In place.
You're about to play fish dinner with an old man.
Can we go to another shot of this creature?
You're about to play fucking freeze tag naked, bro.
Oh, my.
Oh, what is up, bro?
Did I come fresh off the Met Gala?
Look at them brows. Look like you fucking met a bunch of kids behind an Abercrombie and Fitch, bro.
You look like the high schooler that won't die.
That's it.
Gosh.
Bro, what grade are you in?
50th?
Dude, you came in with a hamster shirt, gosh. Bro, what grade are you in? 50th? You got to.
Dude, you came in with a hamster shirt, bro.
Yeah, because I look good in anything, baby, because I'm the damn rat king, son.
And when your mother dies and there's rats running out of her house, I'll be there.
R.I.P., baby.
R.I.P., dude.
R.I.P., baby.
Rest in gravy, bitch.
But, yeah, man, what are you even doing here, dude?
Dude, I'm just living, dude.
What are you, on student council, bro?
You got to fucking...
You look like a picnic.
You look like a trick, Nick, dude.
You look like something that a lot of men, tender men, will eat snacks off of your back
if you laid on the ground in a park.
Oh, like the naked sushi girls?
Yeah, yeah.
Just a naked giant sushi dude?
Yeah, dude. You look like a trick
Nick. Let's get into this episode, man.
Look, I'm tired of roasting each other.
I want to launch a new segment.
Right now.
A new segment? A little Roast My Host, boys?
A little Roast My Host. These are the best comments
from people online.
We've been dishing it out, man,
and it's time for us to take a little bit of it.
Do we dish it out, though?
To each other.
We're pretty nice to the peeps.
We called somebody's aunt fat a couple times.
I definitely know that.
Because I've woken up in the middle of the night and been like, did we call somebody's aunt fat?
I know.
I regret making fun of the guy with the owl.
No, I don't.
That guy definitely seemed like he knows something that we don't.
But I do regret that guy.
I remember the older man or woman that had the, looked like there was just a wallet that was don't. But I do regret that guy. I remember the older man or woman that had the,
looked like there was just one.
She was on steroids?
A wallet that was stretched up and had like a belt on and black.
Yeah, she's steroids.
Las Vegas.
Yeah.
Steroids, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Actually, yeah.
I don't, yeah.
I was talking about chocolate body, baby.
Yeah, yeah.
Chocolate body grandma.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what you get.
Yeah, you're right, dude.
Yeah, that's life, bro.
Yeah.
You can get in the nuts. Like grandma on yay. Yeah, don't what you get. Yeah, you're right, dude. Yeah, that's life, bro. Yeah. Kicking in the nuts.
Like grandma and yay.
Yeah, don't have nuts, grandma.
Don't have nuts, grandma.
Alcoholism.
Yeah, that's true.
How about that?
Don't submit a picture of your grandma with nuts and graham crackers and we'd take it easy on you.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, you know who doesn't have nuts?
Most every grandma, okay?
So every now and then if one pops through with some newts, bro,
it's okay.
I'm going to say what's up.
Your grandma slides my DM
with her nuts hanging out.
I got to say something
to my boys.
Yeah, I'm going to spill
a little turtle soup
because I'm fucking shell-shocked
when I see that shit.
That's right, dog.
But we wanted to hear
from you guys a little bit.
Derek, where did we get these from?
These are all fan submissions.
These are all from
the YouTube comments,
from the Instagram comments. These are all just the YouTube comments, from the Instagram comments.
These are all just the comments for King of the Sting.
Okay.
And it's the fans ripping into Theo and I.
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm going to read one.
You read one about me, and I'm going to read one about you.
Let's do that.
Yeah.
Yep.
Let's do that.
Are you good with reading, or do you want to get help?
What do you want to do?
Should we call your mom?
Okay.
Let's pretend that you completed every word in that sentence.
First of all. Should we call your mom
until you're trying to read before you pass out?
That's a game we play often in here
is pretending Brendan used all the
letters recently in a sentence. Second
of all, I would like
to read this one.
I'm just
proud of you. You can read, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Now you're using my old jokes against you. How's that an old joke? Against me. How's that an old joke? you can read, bro. Oh, yeah. Now you're using my old jokes against you.
How's that an old joke?
Against me.
How's that an old joke?
I can read way better than you, dude.
Dude.
What?
If you put a bunch of words in front of us, dude, they would know me way better than they
would know you.
No.
Oh, yeah.
Go ahead, dude.
Bro, when you open up a book, a lot of the words run to the back of the book because
they're like, oh, fuck.
Dude, you just read coloring books.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Here it comes.
Your mom would show you pictures.
Here comes this mumblebee.
All right, let's do it, brother.
Hit it, dude.
Okay.
Before I have to get my degree out on you and your mom.
Okay.
And Derek and Kat, we want you guys to decide in the end which one is the best one of each.
So the winner would be whose fans, well, they're both our fans, but who got roasted worse would be the winner, right?
Okay, who got roasted worse.
Yeah.
Yes, will be the winner.
And then the best one from each side, roasting you or roasting me, gets maybe a King of the Sting shirt.
We'll figure it out.
Okay, they get something.
Maybe they get a deep fried hamster from you.
That's fine, dude.
Well, you can eat G-Pig.
If you go to Peru, you can eat G-Pig on the street.
And don't send me any images of it, but you can do it.
And I'll say this right now, that Brendan looks like the water buffalo Joe Rogan's buddy shot in Australia.
That's true, dude.
I haven't seen that water buffalo.
Bro, you definitely do. We smell like dead water buffalo. Oh, dude. I haven't seen that water buffalo. Bro, you definitely do.
We smell like dead water buffalo.
Oh, dude, you definitely.
You definitely see like one of those big animals that there's always like some fucking rich white guy shot.
He's holding his head up.
With a runny nose and just a little bit of blood.
Yeah, and sometimes there's no blood.
He just poisoned it.
Yeah, he just choked it out.
This guy, Emmanuel Barron.
Who sent that?
Okay, and that was Illest Flu.
Illest Flu.
Illest Flu.
The guy has the flu.
He should probably get help.
This guy says, Theo looks like a 90s troubled teen that learns to express his aggression through dance.
Damn, bro
Just remember
You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
Dude, you're singing so bad
I have no idea what song it is
This would be love
Because
I've had
The time of my life.
And I owe it all to you.
All right.
All right.
Brendan, who sent that one in?
Emmanuel Barron, bro.
I already told you his name, bro.
Okay, sorry.
I forgot his name.
Brendan looks like a special Olympics coach that got fired for shooting up them tisms with picograms.
got fired for shooting up them tisms with picograms.
Brendan running that false tribe out there at those SO games, baby.
That Jamaican bobsled team, bro.
Giving them boys a little extra juicy juice.
Brendan got those SOs out there in blackface, dude.
Trying to get them sportied up, boy. That golden stitch vibe, bro.
That's hilarious.
And that one is from
Guestefano Briones.
So that's straight out of Spain, I guess.
Brendan looks like a manager
at a local car audio store.
Okay, that's true.
Car audio store?
That place you go in
and there's always like a car alarm.
What can I help you with? Yeah, there's always a car alarm. What can I help you with?
There's always a car alarm nobody can turn off.
The guy that's trying to help you has earplugs in.
They're always going off all day.
We'll take care of that in a second.
What can I help you with today?
Oh, you want to hear some Nelly?
That's all the guy says the whole time.
He's got Jason Aldean at 9,000 decibels.
What a great character.
That would be a great character for a sketch.
He's a great character.
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
You boys want to hear that new fucking melody?
I guess.
Drop your tail feather?
Is that what you guys want to hear?
Yeah, you guys want to hear drop your tail feather?
Because you haven't heard it.
Do you hear it on the X9000?
Boo, boo, boo.
Hold on, the manager.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's the manager.
You're looking at him.
And that was from Notreia.
That one's hilarious.
Brendan looks like a Puerto Rican third baseman that flexes his ass cheeks for a whole three-hour game.
That is true, dude.
Those are fucking good.
I could totally see you out there.
Yeah, those are great.
Damn, bro.
I'm still flexing that ass.
That ass in this hot sun.
Let him go.
Hopefully a fucking Baldwin can come his way, man.
Damn, dude.
He'll hand me out, bro.
And that one was from Drewski.
Remember you wanted to do a whole episode of this?
Yeah.
What else we got?
Get us into something else, man.
Get us out of this dark hole, dude.
Do you have a fucking magic carpet ride?
I think Brendan flexed in his ass for three hours in the hot sun.
That's the best one.
Yeah.
That one's hilarious. That guy deserves a hamster or something.. That's the best one. Yeah. That one's hilarious.
That guy deserves a hamster or something.
That may be the best one.
Who's the guy's name?
Khal Drago?
Make sure he gets a fucking ice cream sandwich with a hamster or whatever.
Drew Ski.
That's his name.
Drew Ski.
Drew Ski Ball.
I had a friend named Drew that died, actually.
I just remembered that.
That's cool.
But what else are we getting into here, buddy?
We'll start it with a little debate club.
A little debate club.
All right. Oh, bring on the black box start it with a little debate club. A little debate club. All right.
Oh, bring on the black box.
It's not for debate club, is it?
King and Sting.
Ah, fuck.
I got all excited for no reason.
This first one is from Tony and Luna.
This is Tony and Luna.
Super cute kiddo, man.
Hello, Brennan and Theodore.
This is Tony and Luna from Triple Falls, Wisconsin.
Father, daughter combo. Gang, gang.
You playing music, interrupting our video? Yeah? Kid's super cute. Anyway, we have a debate club for you. Oh yeah, a lot of kids love that song. I'd argue. Me, personally, I like the orange.
It's nice and citrusy.
Tastes so good.
Luna, what do you like?
What's that in your hand?
Apple.
What do you like?
Apple.
She likes the apple.
So what is it?
Apples or oranges?
Buzz buzz, gang gang.
Thanks for all you do, boys.
Buzz, buzz, cute kid, man.
Can you say gang, gang?
Can you say buzz, buzz?
Aw, super cute, man.
Beautiful young lady, man.
Or young man.
Could be the one at that age.
That's a lady for sure, dude.
It doesn't matter, and God will choose, brother.
But I'll say this, you're a beautiful child there.
Thank you for sending in that in, Tony and Luna.
Apples or oranges? I'm an apple guy myself, you're a beautiful child there. Thank you for sending in that in, Tony and Luna. Apples or oranges?
I'm an apple guy myself, man.
I keep it original.
I feel like orange is kind of an imposter.
Real juicy, a lot of work.
They're kind of the crab legs of the fruit gang.
You really got to crack into them to get to the sweet center.
Apple, ready to go.
Snap on into it.
Put a little peanut butter on there if you want.
Whatever you want to do, bro.
Get in here, bucko. You know what else you could do. Yeah. Snap on into it. Put a little peanut butter on there if you want. Whatever you want to do, bro. Get in here, bucko.
You know what else you could do?
Yeah.
In high school, pop a little hole, make a little smoking device out of it.
Smoke a little devil's dandruff out of it.
Chippy, chippy, huh?
Yeah, baby.
Devil's dandruff is cocaine, you delinquent.
Not where I'm from, bro.
Really?
Yeah, dude.
Devil's dandruff is weed?
Maybe I got it confused.
You're talking about that brown frown, dude. You might have fucking hit a little bit too much, dude. The devil's dandruff is weed? Maybe I get it confused. You're talking about that brown frown, dude.
You might have fucking hit a little bit too much, dude.
I'm talking about that Satan's lettuce.
You might be talking about Satan's fucking drywall.
You might be talking about crack cocaine.
I'm talking about that big bird herping.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I'm talking about, baby.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I'm talking about that brown frown we used to smoke down there in Louisiana, boy.
Oh, that's heroin, bro. If it's brown, it's heroin. This is when weed was brown, dude. It wasn talking about that brown frown we used to smoke down there in Louisiana, boy. Well, that's heroin, bro.
Yeah, if it's brown, it's heroin. This is when
weed was brown, dude. It wasn't always green.
There was a time where weed had given up on itself.
You going with oranges or what? I'll say
this, man. I like an apple to
an apple. You put your ear up to an apple, you can hear it say
come fuck me, big dog, right?
Oh, wait, are you
eating the green apples?
Yeah, you're eating the granny apple. The granny apple says that.
It goes, come fuck me.
Granny apples are a little too tart, bro.
I hate green apples.
Hey, is there a worse thing than a green apple?
It reminds you not to do sex with senior citizens, dude.
That's why they're like that.
Granny apples, it's a whole thing.
Dude, and then grandmas got together and went, hey, let's dip these in caramel so we trick everyone.
Not me. Not me,
you old fucks. Guilf City, bro.
Not me, you wrinkly fucks.
What? I stay with the red,
bro. Give it up for red apples.
Don't fucking touch me, you old fuck. Don't touch me, dude.
I've heard, actually. Jesus. 52%
said apples as well. Really?
But I go with oranges as an adult, and orange
is something a little bit more exotic, you know?
You start to know when an orange is good.
When you're a kid, you're eating shitty oranges.
They'll give you that shitty orange for summer camp.
It takes you three hours to get into that bitch.
It's shot in your eye nine times.
Oh, it would sting.
Burn all the cuts on your hand.
Oh, preach, bro.
You know?
And then you put it in the—it got hot in your lunchbox for a while.
Dude, you probably didn't play any sports growing up, but I did.
And so in Little League, in the halftimes for a while. You probably didn't play any sports growing up, but I did. In Little League,
in the halftimes,
they would give us oranges. I love how he considers
reading a sport. That's the funny thing about
Brendan. He's like, oh, yeah. No, this game he played
with your mom, bro. It was your head coach.
She'd have a whistle. Brendan's like, man,
big game today, and he opens it up.
Isn't it weird, though? They give you
orange slices at halftime?
That was the only snack a thousand orange slice
Fuck they were good
Ice cold every now and then did and yeah, and you they would leave like that kind of growth on your face like that white
Yeah, that's sticky icky, bro
But yeah peanut butter on an apple I go apples all day oranges are more for adults and stuff like that or people that are from
Italy or something like that.
You see a little Italian every now and then over the side of summer camp fucking sharpening his shoes and busting into an orange, you know?
Yeah, get your tangerines off me, bro.
Apple all day.
Yeah, dude.
Up next is Eric from Newark.
Eric, my dick, bro.
Sorry, that's an old joke.
Theo, Brennan was good
Eric out of Newark Ohio
Theo you got me hooked on that Bishop Gunn man
that shit's legit
Bishop Gunn
great band
Apple or Android
I'm going Apple man
Android sucks
I got nothing but issues with old Androids.
And that little green bastard robot, he's probably the one that took the bite out of the Apple on my phone anyway.
Praise God.
So fuck him.
Let me know what you guys think.
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.
Buzz, buzz, gangster.
Well, I'm an Apple user, man.
Thanks, Eric, for sending that in.
And thanks for the switch up with the Newark, Ohio.
A lot of people went Jersey.
Oh, is it Ohio?
I thought it was Jersey. A lot of people went Jersey out of the gate, and I stood my ground and waited to see where you were from, brother. that in, and thanks for the switch up with the Newark, Ohio. A lot of people went Jersey. Oh, was it Ohio? I thought it was Jersey.
A lot of people went Jersey out of the gate, and I stood my ground and waited to see where you were from, brother.
Not me, bro.
I assumed New Jersey.
God bless the Midwest, dude.
Dude, who the fuck doesn't have an Apple in America?
Only ISIS fucks with droids because you can't detect them.
Only scumbags and dudes cheating on their girls fuck with the droids, the flip phones, because there's no cloud.
The real gangsters fuck with Apple.
Side piece city, it's a new phone store coming near you.
Yeah.
It's communication only for you to keep in touch with your tribal chicks.
You know what I'm saying?
Cricket Wireless.
Yeah, not your chiefstress, not your main squeeze.
We're talking about the secondary squirts.
Talking about that Metro fucking, what's it called?
Metro PCS.
That's what it is.
That's that side piece.
Or cricket.
People constantly shooting each other for cricket phones.
Always.
The flip phone?
Yeah.
Remember that one phone that would go chirp, chirp?
The next, was it the next tell?
Sidekick?
The one that would go chirp?
No, it was yellow and you'd hear it go chirp, chirp and you'd like walkie talkie your friends.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah.
It was a cell phone that you could walkie-talkie.
It was Nextel.
Oh, shit.
No, it was Nextel, and it was a walkie-talkie, also a cell phone.
But you get charged if you just use the walkie-talkie.
Yeah, you could see where your cousin was.
So a bunch of my black friends on the football team had it.
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.
It was dope.
Dude, now I'll say this, man.
First of all, that, look, man, don't text and drive, brother,
because you sound like a guy that's going to do that.
You're out there asking which phone to use.
And you're driving.
It seems like you're driving something big and heavy
made with some quick creed in the back.
So if you fall asleep at the wheel, dude, other people die.
You've got to think about that.
It's not just you dying.
He's that cargo hitter, isn't he?
Yeah, oh, Eric is, bro.
That's full cargo, bro.
Eric's a remodeler, bro.
You're that guy who's definitely going to take out a family, so be careful.
Keep your eyes on the road is what we're telling you.
It's never just the parent that dies when there's kids in the back seat,
so you've got to tighten up out there, brother.
Yeah, this got dark.
It did, man.
But I'll say I think it's Apple, man.
It's Apple for now, dude, until the revolution,
until humans strike back against robots.
And then at that time, I think it'll be, you know, just rumor and letter.
Back to people writing letters.
Here's the problem, though, with Apple.
The Apple fucking workers commit suicide left and right.
They commit suicide so much, they have to put a net around the fucking building.
So I feel a little bad, but also, gots to have my iPhone, you know?
It's like diamonds.
I know they're blood diamonds.
That shit looks fresh, though.
Yeah.
So what do you do? But here's the thing. It makes them more, you know they're blood diamonds. That shit looks fresh, though. So what do you do?
But here's the thing.
It means so much more if somebody died.
Like Elon Musk killing everyone left and right for them cars.
You know that? Bet you didn't know that.
Yeah. You didn't even know that?
Yeah, did you guys know that?
Enjoy your electric fucking car.
68% went with
iPhone as well.
Who's the other percent?
This last one is from Skatishawa Whitewagon.
Ooh, she got that Kentucky dirty fucking...
Is this a character in Dances with Wolves?
What was it?
Getting her nickname right, it's Skatishawa Whitewagon from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Oh, beautiful.
Oh, yeah, she's definitely Native American.
Hey, boss. Skatishawa Whitewagon from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Oh, beautiful. Oh, yeah, she's definitely Native American. Hey, boss.
It's Ketisha White Wagon from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
And I'm wondering, which show is funnier, Beavis and Butthead or Ren and Stimpy?
Debate it.
Wait, what did she say in Ren and Stimpy?
What's a better show, Beavis and Butthead or Ren and Stimpy?
Ooh, you and I look like Beavis and Butthead if they grew up and got their lives together a little bit, don't we?
Have you ever seen Beavis and Butthead?
I used to love that show.
Yeah, I used to.
They go.
Yeah, remember that one?
Hey, Butthead.
Remember that?
Hey, Butthead.
Oh, let's get a car.
Yeah, that's them.
Mike Judge, bro.
Ren and Stimpy was a little filthy.
I would let my son watch Ren and Stimpy.
Ren and Stimpy was a little filthy.
A little filthy?
We also look like Ren and Stimpy, don't we?
You look like the little chihuahua.
You look like the big fat cat.
No, I look like the big fat cat.
No, dude.
You have the nose as the cat, but body-wise, I'm the cat.
You're the little chihuahua.
No, you have the body of the cat.
I actually have the body of the... You have the face of the cat. You're the little chihuahua. No, you have the body of the cat. I actually have the body of the –
You have the face of the cat.
We'll see.
Let's age a little more and see how we look.
Yeah, you're right.
Let's not just chalk it up yet, you know?
But, yeah, I think the first one, what was the thing the lady asked?
Beavis and Butthead or Beavis and Butthead?
Ren and Stimpy, I think, were definitely more exciting.
Beavis and Butthead, I used to go steal all the Beavis and Butthead jewelry from Spencer's Gifts out there at the Slidell Mall.
And I got busted one time. Beavis and Butthead jewelry from Spencer's Gifts out there at the Slydale Mall. And I got busted one time.
Beavis and Butthead jewelry.
Oh, wow.
A lot of necklaces.
They had like a couple of wristlets, bracelets.
Dude, how big were Beavis and Butthead?
God.
Let's get a hammer.
And remember they play like a rock film?
Like, yeah, fuck it.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then it would cut to a.
Yeah, fuck it.
Yeah.
And like one would be jacking off to ACDC.
I didn't like Butthead.
I think I liked Beavis.
I liked the blonde head one better.
You did?
Yeah.
One of them was a fucking idiot, you know?
They're both idiots, I think.
You think?
No, one of them was smarter, I think.
One of them actually went to school.
Does it say any information about their lives?
I don't think so.
I'm looking it up.
Did you see the movie?
Beavis and Butthead?
They had their movie.
The movie?
Yeah, they had their movie, dude.
No, did you see Garbage Pail Kids, the movie?
I think so.
Me too, I think so.
Yeah, I used to collect Garbage Pail Kids cards.
Oh, yeah.
Those were dope.
Yeah.
Good, dude.
So good, man.
Don't fucking touch me.
Don't touch me.
Hey, getting erect a little bit.
Let's move on, man.
This thing's making me erect.
68% went with Beavis and Butthead.
Yeah, that's our demo, bro.
Yeah, but Ren and Stimpy,
I felt like they were just a little bit.
They were game changers, weren't they?
No, but they were just a reinvention
of Tom and Jerry in a lot of ways, you know?
They were like Mexican Tom and Jerrys.
Yeah.
Yeah, like real X-rated Tom and Jerrys.
I'm gonna fucking hurt you, Tom.
Damn, Stimpy, you idiot.
Remember that?
Stimpy, you idiot. Yeah that? Stimpy, you idiot.
Yeah.
They're kind of like us almost.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
But you must have been Stimpy then.
All right, let's hear more.
All right, we're going to go into Flop My Aunt next.
A little Flop My Aunt.
That's when I'm ready to see some bad...
I'm ready to see some...
All ties with them...
Oh, man.
Head eyes.
Dude, I shouldn't have mastered it.
I just feel exhausted, man.
You got no energy?
I feel like a shark bit all the semen out of me.
You feel like one of them sucker fish got you, huh?
Yeah, and I just feel like I was a sucker fish and I jerked off.
If I jerk off, I feel very depleted.
It's like when you play Apex.
You ever played that game?
Mm-mm.
It's like a first-person shooter game,
but you have people you don't know that are also on your team.
It's like when you just get shot immediately.
You just have to lay there and you accidentally
press the button to watch the game still go on.
Oh, and that's what you're going through because you jacked off.
You're kind of in a simulation right now. You're just going through
life. Yep. Don't jack off,
dude. I'm trying not to.
Up first, we got Uncle Elmo.
This is Uncle Elmo.
Oh, hell yeah. Oh, shit.
Look at that low tit.
Boy, that belly.
He lives with his mom.
The third titty.
The third low tit.
Look at the calves on this fucking Clydesdale.
God, dog.
Brisket.
Got the Moana calves.
That's that thick Hawaiian calf there.
Brisket, can you risk it?
That thing is sticky, icky.
And it has that house arrest bracelet
up by the knee, which is sexy.
Is that a house arrest? Okay, so
at least his
shorts aren't clean, are they?
Little oil spills on the front, little
ass cheeks out the back. Now, those aren't
jean shorts. Those were jeans
that he decides to hot out and cut
the legs off. Fuck yeah, because he's a
risk taker. Fuck yeah, he is.
NASCAR fan, I bet my life on it.
God, boy, I would inject those calves with some seasoning and cook them bitches, dude.
Those are two ribeyes sitting on fucking some femurs, bro.
Fallopian tubes, bro.
When he could fucking just gestate into my belly, those things look so damn good.
Can you zoom out on him so we can see his face?
What's his name, Lance?
Zoom in on his face for me. Uncle Elmo.
Uncle Elmo sipping,
is that a Coke Zero or is that an
alcohol adult beverage?
He has a koozie.
We talking koozies,
bro. That's when
you know.
That's when you know life is good.
Oh, yeah. You got koozies, you got
thick calves, and a fucking...
Not much chest hair.
This guy's a damn...
Dime piece.
Oh, wow.
This guy is definitely the kind of guy you'll meet on a service road.
This kind of guy fucks right off of a service road near the interstate.
Yeah.
King Lot Lizard.
Does he have a giant hat on?
He's got a NASCAR, it looks like.
I fucking knew it.
No, that's a Tim Tebow hat, isn't it?
Nope, that's NASCAR.
It is?
And then he has the Stan blonde hair.
The picture was taken at Talladega.
Oh, dang.
Sure it was.
I call it, bro.
Ricky Bobby, dude.
I watch way too much First 48.
Ricky Bobby.
This dude looks like Bobby Ricky Bobby.
This dude double Bobby's one Ricky, dude.
Bobby Ricky Bobby.
BRB, son.
Be right back with the fucking.
Dude, be right back without my fucking shirt.
Yeah, bro.
I like that.
I like the swag of them.
Just having the vest.
Oh, yeah.
That's that redneck NASCAR swag, dude.
Yeah, I love that.
Chicks dig that, depending on what state you're in.
Oh, but I bet his skin smells like fresh diesel, bro.
Yeah, his skin smells like fucking motor oil.
You know? Oh, dude.
His skin probably smells like fucking a turkey
leg at NASCAR.
Beautiful man, beautiful aunt.
Flop my aunt, is that what this is? Oh, yeah.
Beautiful guy, Elmo. Flop my uncle.
Shout out to Elmo, dude. Yeah.
Up next, we got Aunt Madeline.
This is Aunt Madeline.
Well, goddamn, Madeline.
Apparently, your phone's on low battery, and you're in the bathroom getting ready.
Charging it up, huh?
Let's see.
Charge it up, auntie.
Can you roll up a little bit?
Or is this just a counter?
I can't see all that.
Listen, this is all she...
She has a lot going on on the counter.
She must be going out, took a picture for her man before she went out, or someone she's
into.
That's what's going on here, because you're not sending this to a friend. Your friends don't give a fuck.
Well, let's flop on. What do they say about the information?
Any information with it, Derek? She likes playing guitar,
making people laugh, and she
loves dudes with mullets.
She has the same birthday
as a Theodore Vaughn.
And is seeing him at the
Brea Improv in August. Oh, shit, girl.
I'm there as well. Don't let me
yourself to just the mullet. She's talking about me, Brandon.
Okay?
She seemed like a nice lady.
She's Pisces.
Is that Kalilah, though, I'm wondering?
It does look like Bobby Lee's girl.
And this is awkward.
She often flirts with me when I'm on their show.
And this is awkward for her to slide into our show like this because Bobby's probably going to see it.
Really?
When's he going to see it, dude?
He's awake for 40 minutes a day.
He's a koala bear.
Yeah, dude.
He sleeps 90 hours.
Oh, dude.
He's a koala bear.
He's a koala.
He's always just, you just smell the eucalyptus on his breath, dude.
That guy.
And I called him eucalyptus and, dude, ended up with this lady.
That could happen.
Bobby, wake up.
Bobby the long nap Lee, baby. That's what we call him.
Long Nap Short Cock.
They call him, dude.
Dude, I'm not mad at this auntie. She's obviously feeling
my boy over here. So gang, gang, girl.
Buzz, buzz, young lady. I'll see what I can do,
though. Thank you for reaching out.
I'll see what I can do. Listen,
all right, if you ask, I'll do it.
I'll play Love Matchmaker.
I'll do that. I'll be Love Matchmaker. I'll do that.
I'll be your fucking, what's his name, Chris Hansen?
Benny Hanna.
Who hosts the show?
Who hosts The Bachelor?
No, it's Benny.
I'll be your Chris Hansen.
Chris Harrison.
No, Chris Hansen.
I'll go like this.
Come on in.
Take a seat.
Why do you have Mike Hart's lemonade in your car?
Yeah.
Theo came and drank.
What are you doing?
We have a fucking full batch of hamsters?
He has his own.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Why do you have sweats?
What are you doing with your sweats there?
Why do you have a bunch of hamster teeth made out of necklace?
He doesn't like that shit.
That's the shit he likes.
Why do you have a picture of a shirtless Dustin Poirier?
Here he has that.
Here he has that, girl he has that, girl.
Jesus Christ, man.
Why do you have a bag full of warm condoms?
Well, that's the best.
Oh, because you left them on the windshield
and they were sitting in the direct sun.
Okay.
Okay, that makes sense.
Now I'm going to read some of your texts
to this 13-year-old.
I want to jack you off all night long.
Did you say that?
They'd be like, no, I don't mean jack their penis off.
I mean the controller, the video game we're playing.
Anyways, I'll see what I can do for you, girl.
We'll see.
But I will do that for you too.
But only, you got to be nice, man.
I don't know her, Brendan.
She sent a picture to the internet.
I'm going to be your Wonderwall.
I'm going to be the filter that she has to get through.
I'll be your White Walker.
I will do that for you.
No, you –
In this journey of love, I will be your White Walker, dude.
What?
Yeah.
I'm going to protect you from the crazies, dude.
No, dude.
You're Bromeo.
I'm your Chris Hansen.
You're Bromeo, and I'm Foulliette, bro.
Okay?
That's the truth, dude.
And I ain't falling for any of your bullshit.
Nah, dude.
I'm going to take care of this for you.
Hey.
First of all, Brennan's the kind of guy who, when he winks, he has to open his mouth.
Yeah, dude.
This is the worst kind of guy.
Let me see you wink.
Oh, what the fuck?
Keep your mouth.
You know that does this.
You pop up.
Now look at me.
Yeah, dude.
Keep your mouth closed when you wink, you creep.
Oh, my God.
You look like you're in a coma and they ask you a question and you're trying to answer it.
That's how you look.
You don't even know how to wink at people, dude.
You're supposed to wink like this.
Where'd your whole body go with it, dude?
Because it's a sign of appreciation.
Dude, all I'm saying, if you are trying to meet a nice young lady, I will be that filter.
I will be that love net for you that they have to get through to get to my friend Theo.
Yeah.
Hey.
If you're a filter, bro, it's Rio de Janeiro.
Yeah, I'll do that, bro.
Rio de Janeiro.
For you, I'll do that.
Nope.
You're the fucking not a filter, dude.
The last one is.
Hey, I'll be your Klondike bar.
Ugh.
Dude, I would rather freeze to death somewhere.
Dude, I'll be your Chris Hansen.
No.
What else we got, Derek?
We got a little relationship advice for us.
Perfect.
Somebody advise me how to get out of this damn relationship.
Up first, we got Trish from Utah.
Oh, big Trish.
Ooh.
Trish from Utah.
Trish got trashed.
Trash.
That was taking a bath.
Salt Lake City. What's up Salt Lake City Red Iguana
Love your jawline girl
Oh damn she has a seal
Beautiful
But today I have a question for you
And I need some
Is that a Ninja Turtle shirt?
Yep.
So I have been single now for three years.
Oh, God.
I have a great education, a great career.
I don't have any kids.
Confidence much?
But I just can't seem to find any good quality guys out there.
They either want to jump into a marriage right away, or they want zero commitment at all.
So my question to you is, where would you
recommend a girl to go
to find some good quality
single men out there? Look no further, girl.
Let me know what you think. I love you guys. Thank you so much.
Bye. Love you. Hey,
again, I will
be this for you. It seems
like she's looking for a husband
and she's directing it toward you
again. That's what's going on here, dude.
What?
She didn't mention my name.
She's asking for advice in her own natural habitat, which is Utah, which is a different
altitude than where we are, you freak.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
It's probably tough pickings out in Salt Lake City.
Everyone's Mormon.
Everyone's trying to have multiple wives.
I don't know if that's a stereotype, but I've been there.
Look, I think that the thing is you got to be out in places.
You got to be on street corners, but not in a sexual way.
You got to be out there with a coffee.
Be out there.
Drop a couple things on the ground.
Playing pogs with your friends.
Yeah, playing pogs.
What, dude?
You know what?
Can't I just give her some advice without you shitting on my idea?
Dude, play pogs with your friends.
Because you don't care, dude.
She can play Pogs.
She's not playing Pogs.
She has sweet blue eyes.
She's also worked out.
She's 26 years old.
She's probably hanging out in the gym too much.
That's the problem.
Here's your problem.
You're eating too much beef jerky and protein shakes.
Go get a real meal.
Yeah.
Well, what I say is get out there.
You got them Rapunzel hairs.
Grow them out longer.
And hang it off the balcony.
See if you got a fella that climbs up for a fucking Michelob Ultra.
You know what I'm saying?
That's a good idea.
Get you a nice little blonde roast and sit out front in some Daisy Duke.
See what comes your way.
See what you catch in your little web of lies.
Drop something and see if some man helped you out with it.
Yeah.
And ask a man straight up, are you just looking for some sexual or are you looking for some,
you know, sentimental action, you know?
Ask him, though.
Be straight up.
Yeah.
You got them blue eyes, them baby blues.
You got lips, nice lips.
You got a chiseled jaw.
You look like Thor if he's a female.
Oh, yeah.
Which is a good thing.
My friend Theo's a-looking, he's a-liking.
And listen, girl, for you, I'll do that.
Every time you wink, dude, I feel like someone's grandparent that they really, really love dies.
You have the scariest wink.
Dude, how can you treat me like this, man?
Because, dude.
I wish I had a friend like me.
Someone should.
The way you treat these women that call in here, telling this lady to go play pogs out in the
street get hit by traffic first of all denver has that insane bus that goes down the middle of the
fucking sidewalk for no reason yeah you're talking about 16th street my friend had saw lady die yeah
no shit a lady dies every day there that thing goes so fast in the middle of the fucking run yeah
they don't even put any inkling no clue no, no sign that, hey, you're about to die, dude.
And people die all the time trying to buy a hat
or a chapstick. Dude, so where should this lady
go to meet a guy? Because obviously she's at the
gym. Maybe she's fucking with too many meatheads.
So that's not going to work. Mix
it up, girl. Go salsa
dancing, which I'm sure all the white people in Utah
are foaming at the mouth to do.
I'm going to say this. You probably, you seem like a confident
woman. I'll say that. You probably, you seem like a confident woman. I'll say that.
You obviously, you have some attractive looks, and so that's going to be something that men
are going to notice.
You may not be recognizing that men are approaching you.
You may be being too hard and not giving out a vibe that you're approachable.
You can't be too cool for school and meet a cool guy.
I really believe that.
You act too cool for school, you're going to meet guys that are too cool
for you.
That's what you're going to meet.
Today, Junior.
Yeah, sorry, dude. Not all of us went to
30 grades, okay?
Yeah, it's called college.
It takes a while to get there. It's easy to do
sixth grade four times, okay?
Makes sense, dude.
I think her thing is guys are probably intimidated of her.
They could be. She's smart,
dime piece, works out a ton,
tries her shit together.
Who knows if she does her shit together? She's asking us for help.
Yeah, which means she's obviously very smart.
Does it?
I think so. Look at her.
Dime piece.
She looks like Prince Charming, but Prince is charming.
She's got a fucking gun behind her back. You don't know what she's like. I have a Prince Charming, but Prince is charming. She's got a fucking gun behind her back.
You don't know what she's like.
I have a dick.
I don't know.
Don't put trust in the internet.
But here's what I'm saying.
Good luck, lady.
Here's how you meet a man.
Go out there,
take something,
drop it on the ground,
see if a man helped you get it.
Slide in a bunch of DMs,
see who gets back to you.
No,
people are going to get back to you.
You know?
Go out there,
drop us something nice out there,
a necklace or something.
Nah, this is what you do.
Make a bunch of grilled cheese, go on the corner,
see who grabs it, and offers to split half with you. Yeah, there you go.
That's thinking, bro. Yeah,
dress up like a homeless guy and see if somebody
will try to fuck. Dress up like a clown
and see if someone will fuck you.
That's stupid.
That is stupid. Get me out of here.
Derek, get me out of here.
Dude, get me the fuck away from this clown.
We got King in her sting it.
King in her sting my dick hole.
Dude, bring my fucking device out, would you?
Bring your freaking.
You fucking hater.
My boy Mickey Mac made this.
Pandora, your boy.
You never even DM'd him like I didn't thank him.
Dude, I did DM him.
I sent him a video and a dick pic.
Did you?
No, I didn't.
I did.
Okay. Called my bluff. Dude, I did DM. I sent them a video and a dick pic. Did you? No, I didn't. I did. Okay.
Called my bluff.
First up, this is Alex from Connecticut.
Don't believe it.
Alex from Connecticut.
Now, I'm telling you, man.
King in the Sting is the dopest pocket.
Oh, hey, guys.
I didn't see you there.
Buzz, buzz.
Gang, gang.
Buzz, buzz.
I got a King in the Sting for you.
Yes, sir. What do you King of the Sting it for you. Yes sir.
What do you think of rugby?
Full contact, less concussions than the NFL.
Not true.
Less concussions than football.
Not true.
But full contact, men hitting men, women hitting women, all brutal, all the time, but safer.
Rugby King of the Sting it.
Is this thing on?
Yep.
It's basically, rugby's like New Jersey in the 80s, basically.
You know?
You talk about a mosh pit, but with a referee?
Yes.
That's what rugby is.
It's a mosh pit.
Look, shout out my old roommate, Kevin.
He used to play on GW's rugby team, and they weren't that great.
But one of my friends also played on Berkeley's rugby team, and they have the best program.
All white boys.
All white boys.
Some Tongans.
They got supermodels playing on the fucking team, dude.
And they run the show.
Until you get down to New Zealand, and New Zealand says, hold my bear.
This is our sport.
You American fucks.
And beat the shit out of us.
That's how it goes, man.
Yeah, I think rugby, hopefully it'll gain some ground.
I mean, I think they're still waiting for soccer to gain some ground.
But if rugby, I don't know how it could gain more ground in the U.S., but I agree.
It's not, Theo.
It would have gained ground already.
Here's the thing.
We used to play a game called Smear the Queer.
Now, this was in the 90s, so don't get mad at me.
This is early 90s.
That's what the kids called it.
I didn't develop the game.
It was called Smear the Queer.
You'd throw the ball up, and then whoever would get it, everyone would tackle. That's rugby, bro. We all grew
up playing rugby. They just made it all fancy, got a ref, put jerseys on certain people,
got teams. It's called Smear the Queer, bro. No one wants to go professional and Smear
the Queer in America.
Yeah, they put, what's his name in the stands? Who's your old buddy from Easter Island? What
was that guy's name? South Africa. You know what I'm talking about? The black guy?
Usain Bolt? buddy from Easter Island. What was that guy's name? South Africa. You know what I'm talking about, the black guy? Not the,
I mean,
not.
Usain Bolt?
No,
not Usain Bolt.
He's someone who helped
free a nation,
you delinquent.
Apartheid.
Nelson Mandela.
Yeah,
they put Nelson Mandela
in the stands
and they tried to get
everybody fired up
in the movie
with Matt Damon's.
And I'll tell you this,
I love,
good guess,
and I love rugby,
dude.
I think rugby.
It's a cool sport.
It brings people together.
It's safer. I think it's gonna start to cool sport. It brings people together. It's safer.
I think it's going to start to pick up ground because the NFL is turning into kind of a fucking...
It's getting a little soft, dude. It'll pick up
everywhere but America. We already picked up
here. Yeah, that could be true.
But it's a real sport. I think you got more
young people playing it these days. I don't think
so. I think you're off on that. I think internationally
rugby's killing it. But in America,
we call it freeze tag, bro.
Yeah, and we used to play smear to queer, too.
And we had a gay dude in our neighborhood named Thick Roy.
And he would catch the ball.
He was homosexual.
But was he good?
Was he a gay Krishna Koye?
Huh?
And you couldn't, like, tackle him?
Oh, dude, he was good, bro.
Yeah, see?
That's where the game probably developed.
And he loved it, dude.
He would, like, hold your – he would, like – while you were – he was big, he would
hold your hand while you were trying to tackle him. I it, dude. He would like hold your, he would like, while you were, he was big, he would hold your hand
while you're trying to tackle.
I bet, dude.
And then sometimes he'd tackle you.
And then get on top of you?
Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
See, but that's how the game starts.
Smir, the queer.
It's just one big, tough queer dude.
Yeah.
And everyone had to tackle him.
And they're kings.
A lot of those men are kings now.
And then it turned into rugby.
Yep.
And that's Robert Baratheon.
Shout out to rugby, dude.
I'm going to king it because I actually appreciate the sport internationally.
In America, it's some bullshit. Kind of like. Shout out to rugby, dude. I'm going to king it because I actually appreciate the sport internationally.
In America, it's some bullshit.
Kind of like our soccer here.
International, dope.
Here.
Dumb.
I support it as well.
Next.
Up next, this is from Robert from Florida.
Oh, my God.
This is Rob from Florida. Bobby Bear.
This guy looks like my brother.
Yo, what up?
Brandon Theo.
What's up, Doug?
Corey out of the Woodlands, Texas.
Corey, not Robert.
Out here.
Fired.
Cleaning pools, listening to podcasts, and licking penis.
Anyway, I got a king of the scene for you, all right?
That's sex in the pool.
Oof. What y'all think about that? Oof.
Alright. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz.
Buzz, buzz. And I'm sure he's taking a few
fucking water buffaloes down in them pools.
You think? Yeah, you go a nice
cougar in the backyard in the middle of summer.
She offers you a nice iced tea. Maybe it's
spiked with something. Next thing you know,
your ball's deep in that shallow end in this
old lady yeah i've
seen a thousand times praise god brother praise god that's the lord's work you're doing that
i'm not a fan of the sex in the waters not my thing do i look like a frog to you i'm not i
like it raw dude but not in pools not in fucking pools i can't feel anything it's like it
desensitizes my dick yeah i don't feel anything. I might as well fuck the jet in the hot tub.
I can't feel anything.
What?
Or just not fuck anything.
Well, no, I'm just saying if you're going to do it, it's all the same to me.
Take care of your body.
You ever busted nuts in a hot tub?
Dude, I have jerked off in a hot tub, yes, before.
Oh, you're dirty, dude.
Well, you asked.
That's why you can't be in my pool, bro.
Yeah, you asked.
That's why you can't come to my pool.
Okay, that's fine.
You're not allowed, bro.
I don't want to go out there.
All right.
What I'm trying to say is this, dude.
I think having sex in a pool, it's like trying to fuck and be in the Navy at the same time or be a merchant marine.
I can't do it.
It ain't for me.
I'm not a strong enough man.
Somebody that can fuck in the water, dude, immediately should qualify for buds and be able to go in and be a potential Navy SEAL.
It's called Aquaman.
Yeah, not everybody can do it, dude.
No, it's not for everyone.
Yeah, I think my dick's a little more graphite-y.
People that might have more of a slick dick could do it.
My dick's more of a ranger type.
I can fuck in the mountains.
Really?
High elevation, bring it on, mile high club, member.
Water, not my thing.
Yeah.
I'm not a frog, as they call it.
Yeah, I'm not that amphibian.
That's what they call Navy SEALs, frogs.
That's code. That's lingo. Yeah, I'm not that amphibian. But thank's what they call Navy Seals That's code, that's lingo
Yeah I'm not that amphibian
But thank you man and good luck
And thanks for keeping the pools clean
I like a clean pool
Nothing better than a clean pool
Stay out of my pool
King pools
But sting sex in pools
You like fucking in pools?
Yeah Derek what's going on
It's all water Do I look like a fish? The last one is from... You like fucking in pools? No. Yeah, Derek, what's going on? Yeah, Derek, don't be...
What's up, dog?
You fucking in pools?
Fuck no.
It's just water.
Do I look like a fish?
I'll fuck a faucet if I want to be a dog.
Yeah, that's true.
Do I look like a barracuda?
Yeah, I'll jerk off in Hawaii.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
I'll go down to Florida and jerk off in the hotel room.
It's all the same.
If I want that much moisture in the air.
Florida's crazy, dude.
Dude.
You jump in a bay, you just slip right off the side of it.
Everything is just so much moisture down there.
You shake somebody's hand,
you can't even get it.
It's weird, man.
It's like you're in just a sauna together in life.
Let's go to Kat.
What do you think about pool sex, Kat?
Hot tub or pool, Kat?
Oh, it's a terrible idea.
The water washes away all natural lubrication.
So it's just like, it's dry.
It's not a good time. Then you you have to be other than the girl.
You got all them weird ingredients,
chemicals going on. Chlorine. Yeah, you're trying to
get in trouble. Chlorine in your dick hole?
Come on, bro.
Next. Science.
Last one
is from Ben Link from
Durham. It's Ben Link from
Durham. BL. Oh, he's a teacher. This Ben Link from Durham. It's Ben Link from Durham. BL.
Oh, he's a teacher.
This is Ben from Durham.
Question for King It or Sting It.
My students and I included wear Crocs on Fridays.
Oof.
So kids with Crocs, acceptable.
Adults with Crocs, I need the expert's opinion.
King It or Sting It.
Maybe go grab a cup of coffee while I talk fashion for a second.
So with Crocs, it's absolutely no-no.
Really?
Not as a male.
You can't do it, bro. Why?
Especially around kids.
Well, adult male he's talking.
Yeah, you can't do it, dude.
You absolutely cannot do it.
And why not?
Crocs just ain't the thing, man.
It's like wearing Uggs.
It comes with tofu and a Tesla.
You just can't do it.
Yeah? You can't do it, bro.
But what if you want to know if water's warm or not
and you still want to keep a shoe on?
Buy some aqua socks. Remember aqua socks as a kid?
Yeah, I guess you can tell
in aqua socks.
But you could
use a crock, too.
What if you want to put sand in your shoe without taking your shoe off?
Wear a sandal.
Fuck.
put sand in your shoe without taking your shoe off.
Wear a sandal.
Fuck.
I thought we'd go the entire history of this show without you outsmarting me.
But yeah, I'm going to say no on the Crocs.
If I see an adult in Crocs, I know immediately
that I can sell him a used car.
I see an adult in Crocs, I know he either
touches kids or he's getting no pussy.
God. Dude, the guy's a teacher.
Could you have thought of any other idea?
Dude, first of all, he's a teacher with tats hanging out.
I'm sure he's pretty loosey-goosey with the kids.
He's the guy that puts on movies for the kids.
You're a teacher.
All right, kids, we're going to watch Malcolm X for the 17th time.
Yeah, we're going to watch Vietnam.
Social studies.
Deleted scenes.
We're going to put on Schindler's List for the 17th time. Social studies. We're on Schindler's List for
17th time. We're going to put on Schindler's
Lisp.
It's about a guy who's trying to tell everybody
the Holocaust is going to happen, but he just stutters so bad
he can't.
And so it ends up happening. That's crazy,
huh? And there's a lot of rumors about that.
Yeah, there are. Let's hear something else, Derek. Get me
out of this place. Get me the fuck out of here, D.
Damn, Jesus Christ. That's it, boys. We're at 21. Let's hear something else, Derek. Get me out of this place. Get me the fuck out of here, D. Damn, Jesus Christ.
That's it, boys.
We're at 21.
Damn, that's it, bro.
Dude, we did it, man.
Dude, don't touch me, bro.
Dude, don't fucking touch me.
I'm off to Australia, down under, bro.
Yeah, I'm off to Australia, mate.
Be careful, man.
Dude, yeah.
A lot of things that can kill you down there.
Yeah.
And a lot of people don't know this.
Koalas have herpes.
Really?
Oh, no, they have chlamydia.
They have chlamydia.
Yeah.
Every koala does.
So if you get it, tell your girl, you got it from the koalas.
Oh, that's a good idea, huh?
So I got to go to one of those parks and get some pictures of me with them.
Yeah, that's what I did.
Went right off the plane, fucked with some koalas, pet a kangaroo.
I was like, we good.
That's a black belt tip for you.
Is it?
Yeah, dude.
Enjoy it down there, my man.
Yeah, I'm excited, man.
I'm excited to get down there and get some sunshine down there.
Get you some, man.
Have fun, dude.
Have fun for us.
Thanks, man.
I will, dude, and I'll be down there.
I'll definitely be wearing a Don't Touch Me Bro shirt when I'm down there.
And is there a lot of violence down there?
Zero violence.
Oh, wow.
Zero fucking shootings.
No guns.
A ton of Asians.
It's not that there's a prom.
That's their holiday, though. Is that true? Cat, let's get that cultural corner here. Yeah, because Japan, ton of Asians. Not that there's a problem. That's their holiday, though.
Is that true? Kat, let's get that cultural
corner here. Yeah, because Japan's not far away.
Asia's not that far when you think about it.
I'm not asking you about maps. Let's go.
I am not sure what that side
of the world does. I've been there. I'm telling
you, man. I got off the plane and was
like, oh shit, I didn't expect so many Asians.
Not that there's a problem with it, but yeah, this is where
they go for holiday. Yeah. So don't be alarmed. It's all good, baby. They'll take care of you. I won't expect so many Asians. I know there's a problem with it. But like, yeah, this is where they go for holiday.
Yeah.
So don't be alarmed.
It's all good, baby.
They'll take care of you.
I won't be alarmed.
Touch some koalas.
Slap some crocodiles.
Yeah?
Yeah, it's going to be fun, man.
I'm excited.
Get some rest. Oh, I am, man.
After, get some rest.
I'm exhausted.
I'm going to take a nap right now.
I want to thank everybody so much for supporting King and the Sting.
Yes, it's been great, man.
Is this going to be our last one in this studio?
Are we moving the new studio?
I think so.
If I know correctly, I think when we come back, we're in the new studio.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
Well, it's been real.
And it's been fun.
It's been real.
It's been fun.
And it's been real fun.
Derek, Kat, thank you guys.
Love you guys.
Yeah, thank everybody.
All the fans.
Again, you guys make the show, so you guys send submissions and everything.
We can't do the show unless you submit. So much good stuff. Where's that guy who usually makes the videos so you guys send submissions and everything we can't do the show
unless you submit
so much good stuff
where's that guy
who usually makes the videos
where he's like
burning pigs
and stuff like that
shooting guns
you know that dude
oh I know
that crazy guy
me too
he's probably gonna arrest
I think he robbed a bank
or something
did he
he looked like a bank robber
yeah we all do
I like that guy
I love you man
love you too man
leave me alone
be safe out there dude
I'll be in Cleveland
yeah I think
you'll be in Australia
I'll be in Cleveland yeah dude all I think you'll be in Australia. I'll be in Cleveland.
Yeah, dude.
All good.
All right, I'm out.
Later, dude.
Bye.