The Golden Hour - Episode 26: Horses In The Front
Episode Date: July 4, 2019The boys get the Culture Corner's thoughts on Lil Nas X coming out, 4th of July celebrations and talk buying outlawed fireworks in San Berneeda, bathtub water games, fisherman str...ippers, relationship advice for a natural snakes in the front hitter, power outages at Dave & Busters, the Broke Back Revenant, sprung Sooner State, sound p#ssies and much more!Postmates - promo code: KATS2019MVMT - https://www.mvmtwatches.com/katsLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Ha ha ha ha ha
Gang gang
Back off my broccolini
Get your life together
It is
Don't touch me bro
I'm not touching you dude
You know what dude
You don't know anything dude
Bro have you ever thought about something? Probably not
Dude you know what you should do is put nacho cheese on your fucking face
Bro Brendan thinks he's getting headaches
Those are ideas dude do is put nacho cheese on your fucking face bro brendan thinks he's getting headaches it's an
those are ideas dude
every time somebody asks him a question i want an answer from him he takes ibuprofen he's like
i don't know what's going on what's happening here i'm just joking man i love you man sunscreen huh
huh yeah you look like kimmy gibbler getting ready for a vacation right now maybe now if she's lesbian
you know i do look like that lady from uh mary with children remember her mary or whatever her
name was the neighbor oh the neighbor you kind of do she was real hot like the first couple years
and she was still hotter she got later but she turned a lot more into like kind of like a little
more butch exotic bird kind of look. Exotic butch look.
Yeah, exotic butch.
Like she's from Butcharaugwa.
Dude, I feel bad.
I want to start this off.
Your skin, you're looking good today, dude.
You're looking crispy.
What?
Yeah, you're looking crispy, dude.
What are you talking about?
Did you go on vacation?
What have you been doing, dude? Huh?
Where were you this weekend?
Wow.
Definitely. Thought you were going to need help to get out of that sentence.
I'll say this, dude.
I was with the Impractical Jokers.
God, please spit it out.
Jesus Christ.
Dude, it's funny.
Hey, what are you, murdering people?
You asked me what I do.
I know, right away.
Super suspect, bro.
We are both uniquely ignorant, bro.
It's pretty awesome, dude.
I feel bad because we're getting our coffee.
It's a young transgender woman who makes our coffee.
Hold on.
Not who makes our coffee.
This person works nearby at an establishment.
Makes our coffee. She makes coffee and at an establishment. Makes our coffee.
She makes coffee and we happened upon the environment.
Yeah, correct.
I mean, it's not like our personal coffee maker.
Yeah, we don't have her like in a-
Either way, it's a transgender female, you know?
They got the TJ.
She walks up and I go, what's up, bro?
Did you?
I did.
I felt so bad.
I went, what's up, bro?
And I went, I pretend I didn't say it and stared off at this guy. I went, what's up, bro? And I went, I pretend I didn't say it and stared off at this guy.
I went, what's up, bro?
Or brozilla.
That's what you can turn that into.
Oh, man.
It's tough to come back from.
It's not the way you want to kick off the day.
But I think a transgender person would like, if I say, if I'm like, if I am feeling like 50% man, 50% woman, you know, or kind of, you know, in that space, you know,
like that Bermuda Triangle.
Yeah, sure.
I think if someone calls you bro, that's kind of okay.
I don't think so.
I could tell it hurt her feelings.
Oh, you could tell.
Okay.
Then that's different.
It's ma'am.
Did they really?
It's ma'am.
And threw the coffee at me.
I went, all right.
Really?
No.
Damn, dude.
Damn, dude. You're dressed insanely, very uniquely today. Nicely. right. Really? No. Dang, dude.
You're dressed insanely, very uniquely today.
Nicely.
That's what I meant.
Thanks, dude.
Someone said I've been too mean to you, so.
Yeah, that's the word on the street.
I'm sorry.
I just said, you know, when he doesn't have a cigarette, he gets mean.
Oh, definitely.
He wants to suck dick and he gets mean.
Wow.
Already talking about wieners and stuff.
Nope.
This episode, we're going to try not to. Yeah. Oh, really? We're going to try not to after you. This episode, we're going to try not to.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
We're going to try not to after you do, right?
We're going to try not to.
Dude, you look like a pastor at a Banana Republic, dude.
You look horrible, man.
I look horrible?
Yeah, dude.
You look like the worst Wahlberg brother.
Oh, dude.
You look like the shittiest Wahlberg brother that made all the wrong decisions that they all have to financially support now out in L.A.
Yeah, dude, I look like Trout Wahlberg.
Bro, you though, if you have any glass or mirrors or anything, a reflective glass, you should go buy them because, dude, you.
Yeah, spit it out, dude.
Bro, you look like one of the Beagle Boys that fucking came out of the closet and moved to New York, bro.
Moved to New York.
While the rest of your family was doing crime like they're supposed to, dude.
You're like, fuck robbing this duck.
I'm out of here, bro.
I'm out of here, man.
Yeah, dude.
You look like Spiffy Beagle.
Spiffy Beagle's dope. Yeah, dude. Sure he is, dude. You look like Spiffy Beagle. Spiffy Beagle's dope.
Yeah, dude.
Sure he is, man.
Oh, my God, bro.
Powerful culture corner over here today.
Yeah, we got some heaters in here today.
What up, boys?
What up?
What's up, Derek?
How are you?
I'm good, man.
How are you feeling?
I'm doing pretty good.
What's going on over there in the black community?
That's a fair question. It was a fair question. That's a fair question.
It was a fair question.
It was a fair question.
I have no problem with it.
Well, you have a better chance
of knowing than he and I do.
He lives in a gated,
way gated community.
Correct, Rich.
Yeah, and I'm over here
in the little Middle East
over here in Los Angeles.
I mean, I live in basically
like a little bit of an extension
of the Gaza Strip where I'm at.
So, it's, you know, I mean, people are waving flags in the park. like a little bit of an extension of the Gaza Strip where I'm at.
It's you know, I mean people are waving
flags in the park. I have no idea what they are.
People are throwing rocks.
I don't even know.
Yeah, it's like
How do you feel about
this might
not be directed towards you.
Your eyes
looked racist when the question was.
I can see the racism.
I was going to say, what do you think of Lil Nas X going gay?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I thought it was pretty cool, man.
And also just right on time.
You know what I'm saying?
He's just...
Perfect timing.
Even if you're not gay.
I thought about coming out.
Yeah?
Just to boost tickets, though.
Really?
Maybe.
To boost them to who, dude?
People who what?
To gay?
Oh, you want more of a gay fan base?
I don't know, dude.
Yeah.
You think Lil Nas... You thought it was a good move? fan base? I don't know, dude. Yeah. But you think
Lil Nas, you think that was a good move?
I mean, I'm sure it's a good move.
I haven't talked to any black people about this.
I'm very serious. Making love to men as well, but it's also
a good move for his career. You know what I mean? I think it's both
of good moves. I think he's having a good time
the whole way around. Good move for his personal
life, too, you know? Yeah, I mean, if he
is, also, I think, also,
most people probably knew that he was gay or preferred men.
The outfits gave off that vibe.
I wouldn't say outfit.
He has that kind of like, sometimes to me, like a gay, some gay men, they have that,
like they've been kind of just looking for sugar a little or something.
You know what I'm saying?
Like their mouth kind of has like that little bit of-
The sweetness.
Yeah, it's got that sugar.
They got a little sugar in their tongue.
Yeah.
That sweet and low.
Yeah, like they just fucking just polished off a lemon about eight minutes ago.
Or a lime or something.
Or ate the last rib and just sucked that bad boy dry.
Yeah, and kept it in their pockets and maybe hid it later.
Proud of them, you know?
Yeah, that's awesome.
Some of it is, it's like when it like an opportune time to do it?
Is it PR stuff?
But I think at this point and those guys' careers at that level, everything probably
has a PR spin behind it or whatever.
For sure.
You could just keep it to yourself.
Yeah.
Name the most successful gay rapper.
I feel like it's frowned upon in your community, D.
In some neighborhoods, it is. In some neighborhoods, it is.
In some neighborhoods, it is.
But I don't know any gay rappers.
By some, you mean all neighborhoods?
Actually, I think in poor neighborhoods, if it's black or white.
Yeah.
Because if I think about it, yeah, we had this fellow named Roy Boy.
Oh.
And he.
Yeah.
And they call him that when he was nine, dude.
And he was about six and a half feet tall.
And four feet of it was hair, you know?
Yeah, Roy Boy was down. He put his hair straight up as high as it could go and it was a lot of hair, dude.
It looked like a little hay bale, you know, on his head.
And he would invite us over to play Battleship and stuff and play like water games in the tub and all kind of stuff.
Yeah.
Not naked, but bathing suits, but it was a small tub, dude, so.
And he had a little sugar you
couldn't help but really get to know each other you know maybe it sounds like a nice guy he but
also he wasn't nice he was very he he ended up uh he was rude and aggressive and he would beat us
if we didn't behave on the ship you know that was his big thing oh he was pretty aggressive vibe
yeah he had more of a dominatrix type of vibe you know but yeah i think if he would have said he was pretty aggressive vibe yeah he had more of a dominatrix type of vibe you know but yeah i think if he would have said he was gay in like a poor neighborhood then people would have
been not cool about it whereas like in poor black neighborhoods growing up i always heard like that
it was like kind of like a taboo so i think it might just be like in a poor environment it might
just be a low income yeah people don't is that fair fair to say? Poor people don't like gay stuff yet.
I wonder why.
I don't know.
I think they like it.
It's just, it's already hard enough without, you know, maybe somebody, you know, doing
like, you know, trying to teach the guys on the basketball team.
Like, you know, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's hard enough without butts.
I thought I had an idea.
Yeah. Let's get started though.
You want to just start boys?
Little Nas got them hits dude and the new song is good too.
I like the new song. What's the new one? With Cardi B?
I haven't heard it. I haven't heard that.
I haven't heard that one dude.
Which one were you talking about?
Whenever he came out of the closet he put this thing
on Twitter as a video with a song.
Yeah the cartoon where he's like just keeps blasting off
into the air
I didn't see that
he was like
I tried to tell y'all
and it's like a
city skyline
and one's just a big dick
is it a wiener?
yeah man
rainbow wiener
well that's Tower 7 dude
look into it
that's all I'm saying bro
dude I got deep
last night
watching Alex Jones
and Eddie Bravo
talking about Tower 7 dude
you went too deep?
well it's crazy you believe that shit? too deep? Well, it's crazy.
You believe in that shit?
Bro, look into it, man.
It's crazy, bro.
Your house could fall down, dude.
And who did it?
You.
No, I would never do that, dude.
I'm not driving all the way out there.
You went deep into it, though, huh?
You buy that stuff?
I got in there, huh?
You believe in all that?
Look, man, I think there's definitely,
at this point, if this many people are starting to think about it, then I think there's something going on.
When you say this many people, you mean the people that follow Alex Jones?
That's not, the majority would disagree.
Well, people call him AJ, okay, first of all.
Oh, you're a follower.
No, no, no.
You're a follower.
I like more Eddie Bravo style, man, you know?
Because Eddie kind of gets high and just has his eyes closed and just keeps talking about it.
And just goes.
And no one's around.
Dude, the other night at the comic store, Eddie and Sam cornered me because I said something about fucking aliens.
And they went off.
Yeah.
They kind of messed me up for the night.
Oh, definitely.
I was stuck for an hour.
Oh, yeah.
It's great.
They make you reconsider everything you've ever believed in.
It's great, bro.
It's great stuff. It's better than drugs,
kind of. It really is. I got high
from it. Yeah. You're like, damn,
we're going deep. And Kat's here too.
We're multicultural here.
Yeah, what's up, guys? What's up, girl? What's up, Kat?
What's going on? Are you celebrating 4th of July this year?
I celebrate 4th of July, but it's
more so my birthday than 4th
of July. When's your B-Day? It's tomorrow.
Oh, wow. The day right before.
Did you get her anything? Huh? Did you get
cupcakes, cake, anything? Yeah. I got her
something. She doesn't like sweets that much, so I
got her something she would like. She loves sweets. I know. I was just
trying to take a shot in the dark and see
if I got it. Seemed like I knew her better than you did.
Yeah. I haven't gotten
her something, but now I'm gonna. I'll probably get her
a new King of the Sting shirt. We have shirts for girls now.
We do.
Well, they're coming.
But Kat will get the first one.
Yep.
There you go, Kat.
You got something.
There you go.
What are you doing?
Are you celebrating?
Yeah, I am going to head back to San Jose this weekend to see my parents.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, hang out with them.
My dad's birthday is also on Saturday.
Damn, you guys like those M80s or what?
Them M80s?
Yeah, y'all do fireworks?
You get them black cats, the snakes, the twisters, the poppers.
The Vietnamese love fireworks.
That's what I'm saying.
Your dad make?
What?
Does he what?
What?
Your dad what?
Nothing.
What?
Wow.
Wow.
This is when I check out of Brennan's most racist.
No, I'm not.
You are.
Not today.
It's a new record.
Not today, man. Either way, Kat'm not. You are. Not today. It's a new record. Not today, man.
Either way, Kat, have fun out there.
Thank you.
Happy early birthday, Kat, from someone who looks back to you and cares about you.
Thank you.
I appreciate it, guys.
Are you doing anything for the 4th?
When you were growing up, was there fireworks in New Orleans?
Oh, yeah.
There was fireworks year-round, dude.
Yeah.
Sunday was a big firework night. Bottle rockets? Twizzlers? Twizzlers. Oh, yeah. There was fireworks year-round, dude. Yeah. Sunday was a big
firework night.
Bottle rockets?
Twizzlers?
Oh, dude.
A lot of times,
yeah, people,
we had bottle rockets
were big.
If you had a freaking
pack of bottle rockets.
A black cat and
Yeah.
Yeah, scare somebody.
Yeah.
Kill a cat,
scare a senior citizen.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Turn it up, dude.
Or we'd drink wine
and throw the bottles off the interstate over a bridge on the interstate. Same thing as firecrackers? Yeah. Keep people on their toes. Okay. All right. Turn it up, dude. Or we'd drink wine and throw the bottles off the interstate over
a bridge on the interstate. Same thing as firecrackers?
Yeah. Keep people on their toes.
Yeah. It's more about keeping people activated
in the area. Yeah, it really is.
You can't get fireworks anymore, though. Although,
someone DMed me and said you can get them in San
Bernido. Okay. San Bernido
is
a new place that Brendan made up.
Is that what they call it? I don't know.
Or have you been
playing Fortnite or something?
Dude, I've never heard
of San Bernardino.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
San Bernardino?
Is that what it is?
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
You can buy fireworks out there.
In San Bernardino?
Oh, dude, I was in Texas
and you can buy tons
of fireworks there.
Yeah, but you can't bring them here.
The cops will shut you down.
Will they really?
Yeah, they seized
like $4 million in fireworks. Are you serious? In Long Beach. Bunch of wimps around here, The cops will shut you down. Will they really? Yeah, they seized like $4 million in fireworks.
Are you serious?
In Long Beach.
Bunch of wimps around here, dude.
Bunch of bitches.
Bunch of straight bitches, dude.
Let me pop my rockets, bro.
Oh, bro, these people around here can't even handle an egg, like a regular egg, you know,
that's from a chicken that's on fucking drugs or whatever.
You'll do three to five years for lighting a snake in my neighborhood.
Really?
Yeah, that bullshit snake.
Dude, that little thing?
Remember that thing?
Yeah.
And it would just keep climbing out of itself.
It was sick.
That thing was awesome, man.
All right, let's kick this off.
Shout out to 4th of July.
Yeah.
Awesome, boys.
Let's start with some debate club.
Up first, we got Grace.
This is Grace.
Oh, yeah.
Got them bangs.
Hey, my name's Grace, and I'm just wondering, would you rather live in Mexico or Canada?
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.
Buzz, buzz, girl.
I mean, this one's so easy to me.
Is it really?
Oh, my God.
This is easier than crunchy or smooth peanut butter for me, baby.
Well, we also only make really easy questions coming here because one of us prefers the easier one.
I don't pick these.
I would say Canada all goddamn day.
The neighbors to the north, there's no cartel up there.
That's a good point.
They're not trying to get into here.
There's a reason.
It's nice there, dude.
They got little Eskimo hoes everywhere.
Yeah.
Good food.
Nice people. What else? Name a couple more things. This is going to get good. About Canada? Yeah. They got little Eskimo hoes everywhere. Good food. Nice people. What else? Name a couple
more things. This is going to get good. About Canada?
They got hockey.
Name four more things.
They got ice. They got
maple syrup. You can't do ice.
That's not something. We have maple syrup.
They have Vancouver.
They have Drake. They have
Kawhi Leonard.
Drake from Toronto.
Dude, Drake is starting to look like a freaking trucker, bro, like a mixed lesbian trucker, dude.
He's getting there.
He's celebrating a little too much.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, dude.
He's celebrating a little too much.
He's had too many beef franks, it looks like.
You're going to go with Mexico?
Listen, there's a reason I'm jumping the border, bro.
Mm-hmm.
Cartel, too, bro.
Think about that.
It's muy peligroso in Mexico.
Mm-hmm.
That's the problem. There's too many mexico you know that's the problem there's too
many you know that's the thing i don't like if i'm doing cocaine you know i don't like to be
in a hot hot area i like to be more hydrated canada you know i think mexico here's here's
what i think would help we give a river to mexico we got a lot of rivers fucking milling around here. You know? The Idaho River.
You name your two.
There's one.
Yeah.
Name the other one.
Mississippi.
There you go.
Then what do you got?
Keep going.
Huh?
Keep going.
Dude.
Mr. Rivers.
There's tons of...
My bad.
There's tons of...
My bad your mom made you study the rivers, girl, I know.
Bro, there's tons of rivers, bro.
Colorado River.
Or he named it.
No, you didn't.
You're the first one I named. Did you? Yeah, of rivers, bro. Colorado River. Or he named it. No, you didn't.
It's the first one I named.
Did you?
Yeah, CTE, baby.
Which ones did you name, dude?
Colorado, Mississippi, okay?
Okay, yeah.
Keep going.
We know I'm two river shop.
Okay. We know this.
I do the two mains, and I'm out.
Dude, the Okeechobee, okay?
Oh, this dude making Native American names up.
Probably the Okeewanabe.
Florida, dude.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
That's Okeechobee, dude.
It's a Florida river.
They also have the-
Table Rock.
That's a mountain in South Africa.
It's in Missouri.
It's a river.
Table Rock, yes.
Is it really?
How big is it?
Can someone look it up?
Table Rock River?
It's a river, dude.
Dude, I can say anything, and people have named rivers after it.
Los Angeles River?
How about that?
Nope, not a real river.
Is it?
Nope.
Yes, it is.
Table Rock Lake in Missouri, which also the outlet goes into a river.
What's up, baby?
A lake is not just a round river, dude.
You're out of your mind, bro.
Dude, hey, keep going.
Hey, you've named two of them.
You named Colorado and Mississippi, dude. I're out of your mind, bro. Dude, hey, keep going. Hey, you've named two of them. You named Colorado and Mississippi, dude.
I'll keep going.
Please do.
Okay.
The Chafuncta River.
Oh, fuck off.
No, I don't know.
The Chafuncta.
I'm starting historically with our native rivers, dude.
Okay?
I'm going to go all the way.
How about the Hudson?
Okay.
The Hudson is, isn't the Hudson a lake?
Lake Hudson?
New Jersey, but it's also a river, bro.
Is it really?
You got to remember.
Hudson River?
Yes, that's a river.
He's from New Jersey.
Is it?
Hudson River.
Hudson River.
Okay, so you got one.
What were you saying?
I'll go the Missouri River.
Very huge river, a lot of water in it.
God, what gave you that?
The, when I said Table Rock, because that's in Missouri?
Yeah.
No shit, dude.
Missouri River.
It's a very big and popular river right there.
And that goes to Table Rock.
It floats into Table Rock.
Yeah, no one knows that, bro.
Okay, I'll go also with the Oklahoma River.
Very huge, popular outdoor river.
I'm glad you scanned over all the rivers before you came in here.
And that's another popular river, the North Canadian River.
And my friend Max
has a son named Rivers.
I like that name.
It is a good name, actually.
I like the name...
I forgot it.
I thought you were going to
get it out of your pants.
I had it written down.
Either way,
neither one was great with rivers.
Can we just say that?
Can we meet somewhere in the middle?
What is this lady's problem?
Don't fucking touch me, dude, but keep touching me, bro.
That's Brennan's shady idea, man.
Shady idea.
What's up with bangs here?
She wants to move to Mexico?
Bang a lion, dude.
Would you rather live in Canada or Mexico, boys?
And let me just say, first of all, this is hair code.
Ladies, if you want to bang, grow them out the front, you know?
Let them hang, girl.
Yeah.
If you want to bang, let them out the front, you know? Let them hang, girl. Yeah.
If you want to bang, let them hang.
Yeah, that's it.
If you got them bang for the bang, you know?
Trying to bang, you let it hang.
Oh, damn, dude.
What?
What's up, girl?
Is that a little stroke?
What's up, girl?
No, this seems like a beautiful young woman, and I'm happy she reached out to us.
What's her name?
Grace.
Oh, yeah, Grace.
Grace needs to stay in Canada if she is there because that sun would be a real problem in Mexico
for this young white lady.
That's true.
Now, in Mexico, you're going to get sun cancer, okay?
You're going to get cancer from the sun.
In Mexico.
Yeah, in Mexico.
In Mexico, you are.
Muy caliente.
Muy caliente.
You're going to get...
You're going to shit your pants.
Can't drink the water.
You can't drink it.
It's going to take a year to adapt to it.
The peca de cal.
Yeah.
The peca de cal.
The peca de cal.
You can't taste the cheese
in the peca de cal.
Yeah.
But also,
if you get down there
to some nice areas,
things can be good.
Say Wataneo,
where your father lives.
What's his name?
Morgan Freeman.
Morgan Freeman.
Father escaped too.
Sorry.
But if you guys,
as soon as we get a camera on Derek,
you'll see that he is obviously Morgan Freeman's love child.
It's so Claire's day that he's a Morgan Freeman child.
And no disrespect to your paper dad, but I'm talking.
Morgan Freeman's from Memphis, so I'm actually kind of nervous.
You know what I mean?
All I'm saying is look into it.
Yeah, dude.
You got your own little Tower 7 over there.
Tower Cewataneo.
So that's in Mexico.
But yeah, Canada, dude.
Look, Canada.
I'm saying this.
Max Exodus coming to Canada, dude.
A lot of people are going to be getting out of America and moving to Canada.
I would go Canada.
Yep.
Friendly people.
Safe people.
Everyone's friendly.
Friendly people in Mexico, too.
There's just still too much disorganization there.
There's too much political unrest.
There's too much violency.
You get murdered.
You take a friend to Tijuana.
Somebody gets murdered in your group.
Now you've got to find somebody else to be in your fantasy football league at the last minute.
You ain't lying.
And you want to go to a show with your buddies, walk in the show.
It's a donkey show.
You think it's a circus.
That ain't a circus. Yeah. That ain't a circus.
That ain't a circus.
Yeah, and you got kids there eating popcorn.
Yeah, kids are front row.
Yeah, and also sometimes there's a disconnect.
With their chick lads.
You go to the clubs down there,
and they're just blasting the loudest music from 1994.
Sometimes people want a more peaceful environment.
Yeah, it's violent in Mexico, man.
It's just aggressive, I feel like.
And hot sauce doesn't go with everything, you know what I'm saying?
So I'm taking my ass to Canada.
Drake, maple syrup.
End of story.
But I would like to re-review this.
Let's table this and bring it back up in 10 years or four years.
That's a good point.
And see how, because I think Mexico could catch up, but they got to tighten some of
that stuff up, man.
By tighten some stuff, he means all stuff.
And why, if it's great, are people leaving there all the time?
You know?
You don't see us climbing their walls.
It's just not good advertising.
It's like, if you want us to come, then stay and invite us.
More people would go.
What, dude?
I would go more if people wasn't always being like, oh, I'm getting the fuck out of there.
Everyone goes there, right?
Everyone. Where,, right? Everyone.
Where, to Mexico?
Yes.
No.
For vacation, everybody.
Cancun.
It's dangerous, though.
Puerto Vallarta.
People start me-sing, you know?
People go, oh, I don't know.
Me-sing, Cancun, Puerto Vallarta.
What's the other big name?
Natalie Holloway.
Me-sing, bro.
You know?
Oh, no se.
No, no.
Yeah.
Bueno, bueno.
Canada all day. You know? Oh, no, say. No, no. Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Canada all day.
77% of people also went Canada as well.
Yeah, there's no cartel in Canada, baby.
Oh, yeah.
Now, I would love it, yeah, but let's, I say we deviate one of these rivers down to Mexico. I think that would help out a lot.
That's one thing we're doing is kind of hogging some of the water.
Throw them a factory, though.
Nike, throw them a factory. Yeah, dude. Let them a factory, though. Nike, throw them a factory.
Let's get Apple in Mexico.
Throw them a factory, dude. I want a pair of those
Betsy Rosses that came out. You see that?
I didn't see them. Actually, they're kind of shitty looking.
Are they? Yeah. Kaepernick got pissed about them.
Oh, I did see them with the old school flag on the back.
They didn't release those, though, did they?
Look at you looking at shoes, bro.
They were gonna, yeah.
Up next, we got Alex from Austin, Texas.
Oh, good.
This is Alex.
Powerful hair, dude.
What up, Brendan and Theo?
This is Alex from Austin, Texas, and I got a debate club for you.
Who is better, the Power Rangers or the Ninja Turtles?
Buzz, buzz, gang, gang.
Gang, bro.
Buzz, buzz, dog.
This one's too easy for me bro it's too easy for you
yeah them power rangers jumping them tides all gay and shit listen the turtles worth of shit man
the turtles worth of shit michelangelo do you know all of them can you name the turtles yes i can go
michelangelo um donatello yes that's the tricky one. Leonardo. And I want to say Fibonacci.
Who is it?
Donatello.
Raphael.
Michelangelo.
Leonardo.
Donatello.
Jesus, we are dumb, man.
And the last one.
They all sound the same, don't they?
Raphael.
Four.
Four baby turtles.
Yeah.
Well, I don't like here's obviously you know
they got shredder my dog shredder out there shout out to shredder you know and r.i.p a lot of people
know he died a couple months ago um but they're cool man pizza turtles that's true it's easy bro
it's so easy for me that's easy the power rangers they showed up you know they got a couple of you
know dude the power rangers it was a gay pride parade that's all. The Power Rangers, they showed up. You know, they got a couple of, you know. Dude, the Power Rangers, it was a gay pride parade.
That's all that was.
Bro, they got horses in the back.
Yeah, horses in the back.
Ladies in the front.
They'd shing and make a rainbow.
Then they're in tights all of a sudden.
I'm like, what the fuck?
You know, as a kid, I was like, what's happening right now?
Yeah.
Strange.
Yeah, Power Rangers, yeah, I didn't know what they showed up.
Like, yeah, it seemed a little vague.
You couldn't know.
You didn't know who was who.
What were they defending?
Do we know?
We don't.
We know the Turtles were defending the sewer and the rat.
Their master.
Discipline.
Pizza.
April's fine ass.
Yeah, dude, damn.
The rat king.
Let's go to the culture corner.
What do you guys think?
Because I think Brennan is, you know. You look like a Power Ranger. Ninja Turtles all day, bro. Those guys go to the culture corner. What do you guys think? Because I think Brennan is,
you know,
you look like a Power Ranger.
Oh, dude, Ninja Turtles all day, bro.
Those guys would for sure get pussy.
Power Rangers ain't getting no pussy, dog.
Damn.
Derek took it super athlete.
Whoa, bro.
They're cooler, dog.
You ain't lying, man.
And their diversity, bro.
They're green.
They're green.
Power Rangers are pretty diverse, too.
It had an Asian chick,
a black dude,
a white dude, an Asian dude. But you couldn't see them sometimes, could you? You couldn't Rangers are pretty diverse, too. It had an Asian chick, a black dude, a white dude.
But you couldn't see them sometimes, could you?
You couldn't see any of them, really.
Yeah.
Kat, are you a Power Ranger fan?
I mean, I feel like I have to be because.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're younger.
No.
That was around the time I was growing up.
Weren't there like Power Rangers like ninjas or samurai, some shit like that?
Yeah.
I feel like they just represented more Asian people, so I have to be on their team.
I could see that kicking, jumping off of stuff, electricity coming off of them.
That's Asian stuff, dude.
It's more anime style.
Dude, turtles were ninjas.
There's nothing more Asian than a ninja.
Master Splinter was an Asian.
But did they train that much or anything?
A lot of times, one of them was lazy, I think.
One was lazy.
They drove a van.
They did drive a van with Casey and April.
April had them tights, bro.
April had them titatas, bro.
Dude, April had them freaking double tortoise hitters in the front.
Yeah.
Dang, bro.
She had it banging.
Dude, I would freaking. She had that yellow jumpsuit, remember? Bro, I'd put on a diaper and shave my head and pretend I was. Dang, bro. She had it banging. Dude, I would freaking...
She had that yellow jumpsuit,
remember?
Bro, I'd put on a diaper
and shave my head
and pretend I was a baby, dude,
to get on that tit.
You know it?
So,
what do the people say?
Shout out to Turtles, though.
74% Ninja Turtles.
Dude, that's so...
Yeah, come on.
Who the fuck's picking Power Rangers?
What else you got?
I'll tell you who.
26% of our audience who is obviously cat stalkers.
Up next, we got Clay from Indianapolis.
Oh, yeah.
I like people named after stuff that's in the bottom of a river.
What up, Theo?
What up, Brendan?
This is from 19...
It's your boy Clay from Indianapolis. Got a debate club for ya.
It's from the future.
Cash or card? Paper or plastic? That coke hitter? Or that coke chopper?
Oh!
What's in your wallet? Hope you guys are doing well. Gang gang.
Must buy.
Is that Macho Man Randy Savage?
Whoa! Dude! I like that. Nice. Gang Gang Buzz Buzz Is that Macho Man Randy Savage?
I like that Nice
This guy is awesome
Look at that Gang Gang Buzz Buzz
He sent this to us from 1987
He knew we were going to be here
He's in Indy, might be at my show in Indy I would assume
He's dressed like that as well
What do you mean he's probably deceased now?
It's from 1987 This show is getting out of hand This. He's from the past. But what do you mean? He's probably deceased now. It's from 1987.
This show's getting out of hand. This guy's
coming from the future, you know what I'm saying?
The past, you delinquent. That's the Terminator, bro.
Yeah, but the past is 1987.
It doesn't go backwards.
Hey, but is he asking if I like cash or
credit? Or are we just talking about drugs?
Cash or credit, like at the store. Oh, come on,
bro. Listen, I'm more of a cash guy.
I'm old school.
I like having cash.
Yeah.
Are you a cash hitter?
I like having cash, dude.
You can't make it rain with credit cards.
Yeah.
You feel me?
You can if you throw your credit card at a stripper, but they will accept it.
I'll tell you that.
You can swipe them cheeks.
Yeah.
You feel me?
Yeah, dude.
Trying to swipe cheeks, trying to make it rain.
Swipe cheeks.
Yeah, I feel you getting pink-eyed, bro.
That sounds dangerous, brother.
That's my middle name, dog.
You're a cash cow, though?
Yeah, I like cash, man.
I like to have a little cash hidden around and stuff like that.
You know, in case you get somebody kidnapped or whatever, you can pay them right there.
You get kidnapped, you can pay them right there.
I'm not driving off to the ATM.
That's where you get murdered by kidnappers.
I like to pay right up front if I get kidnapped.
I feel you.
I like a little cash.
Also, is there anything more embarrassing when you valet a car or some shit and you don't have cash to tip the dude?
I go, I'll get you next time, man.
Knowing damn well it's not going to be for a long time.
And you'll forget.
For sure.
And he'll forget.
No, he won't.
You're right, bro. You won't forget. No, he won't. You're right, bro.
You won't forget.
You're right.
And that's crazy. It's also really, yeah, you can't really tip people anymore because that's the community, too.
It's like, that's a harder working environment.
You know, people are doing jobs and need tips, and you can't even tip them.
No, now tips, if everything's hard, you just tip them with advice.
Stay in school. Comb your hair.
Stay in school, dude. Bro, you just tip them with advice. Stay in school. Comb your hair. Stay in school,
dude. Bro, you didn't even
do that. Dude, I
have a degree.
You didn't even go to school.
Yeah, I did, bro. What school?
MTV doesn't count. A lot
of different schools, bro. Adult schools,
adult college.
You're crazy, boy.
You can't name more rivers than me, though.
I'll give you that.
You tell your mom I said congrats.
Bro, if we had a map contest, bro.
You tell your mom I said you did a good job on the rivers.
If we had a map contest, I'd smoke you.
Okay?
And I'm going cash, baby.
I'm doing it.
Look, I don't even care if you cut the cocaine up, dude.
You know what I'm saying, bro?
Give me the block of ice, baby. Dude, yeah. I'll put it. Dude, I'll hide even care if you cut the cocaine up, dude. Me neither, bro. Give me the block of ice, baby.
Dude, yeah.
I'll put it...
Dude, I'll hide a...
You know, I'll throw a gram in my b-hole, bro, in that rear jaw.
You feel me?
Let's go, daddy.
I'll put that devil brick in my anus.
Horses in the bag, dude.
White horses in the bag, dude.
I don't know, bro.
I bet you'd let a couple
Dark horses park there
Don't touch me dude
I will call the cops
There's a lot of footage
You reaching over here
Let's keep this moving
I can't
You're the one that
Took it weird didn't ya
Huh
You're the one that
Took it weird there dude
Hear people booing
Horses in the bag.
That song has a different meaning,
doesn't it? It's a little different now.
I still like it, though.
58% went with cash as well.
Fuck yeah. Cash is
gangster, isn't it? Cash is just
more real. Yeah, if
they unplug it all, you got nothing.
Credit feels fake. It's nothing. If they unplug it, you it all, you got nothing. Credit feels fake.
It's nothing.
Well, if they unplug it, you got nothing, man.
You're right, dude.
You got nothing, boy.
The bank can just zip your shit.
Yeah, and where are you going to go?
Who are you going to go knock on the bank?
Who are you going to complain to?
Carl at the bank?
That motherfucker's gone, bro.
U.S. Bank don't give a fuck about your dreams.
Yeah.
Cash it out, man.
Cash city.
Shit's about to get heated.
I say cash it out.
Yep.
Start hiding cash in your backyard.
Yeah.
Time to pay the bills.
You guys want to do a little flaunt my aunt?
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, let's see some hotties, dude.
I can't deal with this.
I keep having to look at this.
Where's Pop my uncle at?
What else you got?
How about first we got, how about that?
We can start with that.
A little mass, bro.
Right?
Uncle Slick Victor.
Hey, que paso?
This is a regular picture of a dude, man.
He's just fishing.
That's just a nice guy fishing.
No, he caught that with his hands, dude, and he's a freaking Native American.
Zoom in on him a little.
He's an Eskimo.
Yeah.
They call him Schemos, bro.
Yeah.
Beautiful guy.
That fish can eat.
50 years old.
He likes to fish and do crossword puzzles when he's hitting his vape.
He's also a retired stripper who now just has a warehouse job.
But in his younger days, he used to strip.
Speaking of cash.
Oh, he's a Native American, dude.
I mean, you basically just described every Native American I've ever met.
Let me guess.
He drinks alcohol as well?
That's not even a lake behind him, dude.
That's gin.
That's vodka.
If you can see this.
That's his backyard full of vodka.
No, man.
Victor, you seem like a swell guy, man.
Hand-caught fish.
I love that.
And you can tell he's not mistreating the fish.
A lot of guys, they get the fish and they throw it in a little ice cooler or something.
I think you're off, bro.
I think you're off.
Them Eskimos were mean as fuck to these fish.
He's going to eat that thing face first as soon as the camera looks away.
Boy, he might eat it like that, but he's going to look it in the eyes before he eats it.
Not like other people that sneak up behind it and skin it.
What I'm saying is this, dude, is that male or female, that fish?
Can we zoom in on it a little?
I'm going to go with male, but we don't know.
Now, do you catch that thing with a, his hands are dirty as fuck.
He catch that thing with a pole, a fishing pole, or his hands his hands are dirty from this man knows poles bro
from years of hard work on the pole he's an american dude but he's a stripper on a pole
yeah they hey dude you have to be how was she gonna make any money dude drinking you can't
make any money just drinking don't they make ices i don't think so that's hawaiians ah you're going to make any money, dude. Drinking? You can't make any money just drinking. Don't they make Icy's?
I don't think so.
That's Hawaiians.
You're right, dude. Again, shout out to your mom.
Beautiful guy. And he used to strip as well. I wonder what led him into that.
Yeah.
Does it say anything else about him?
No, that's all we know. Good for him, man.
A little Magic Mike Eskimo vibe there.
Yeah. What do you guys think of this little Magic Mike Eskimo vibe there. Yeah. I like him.
What do you guys think of this guy?
Since he looks...
Magic Victor.
He looks like a neat man.
Like a guy who's...
He looks kind of like that guy...
Who's the guy that hides in the woods with football players and stuff?
Hides in the woods with football players.
You know who I'm talking about.
And he puts like...
Give me some more description there.
And he would touch them?
You can touch...
I mean, yeah, you could touch them
if you meet them.
I've never met him.
Hides in the woods with football players?
Yes, dude.
With...
Come on.
Leonard...
Leonard...
Who's that running back
that played for Seattle?
Sean Lynch.
Yes.
He hides with people in the woods?
Bear Grylls. That's what I'm thinking of. people in the woods? Bear Grylls.
That's what I'm thinking of.
Oh!
He looks like Bear Grylls
kind of.
Wow.
Yeah.
No.
But definitely not.
You don't think so?
No, not in any fashion.
Zoom in a little bit.
Definitely like in the eyes.
Bear Grylls is
an Eskimo.
I mean it's...
Wow, he's a stripper too, huh?
Would you watch
this guy strip, you think?
I'd watch fucking Vitor slap that
man around. Derek, what do you think? I don't know if I'm being
racist or he just seems so short.
He's like 5'1", this guy.
You want a tall stripper? I need some length, man.
Damn, bro.
I need some body. Yeah, I'm with you, man.
No one likes to watch small
people do anything. That's not true.
No one likes small fighters. No one likes small strippers. No one likes small watch small people do anything. That's not true, Brandon. No one likes small fighters.
No one likes small strippers.
No one likes small basketball, small football.
I'm with D.
I need some Lent.
I need that fucking anaconda in my face if I'm going to go.
Oh, my God, bro.
Somebody call Carl Lentz, bro.
I need a pastor, man.
I need the Lord if I'm going to sit here anymore.
You need that anaconda in your face.
You're nuts, guy.
Dude, I'm talking about if I was at a strip club and that was my thing,
with D, I need some Lentz.
How did we get here?
This is a man with a fish, a hand car.
He's a stripper with a fish.
Yeah, you're right.
He's a nice young gentleman.
Is he, though?
This looks like a bait and switch, literally.
He's out here. He's showing us the fish, but really, he probably didn't even have any ass on his shorts. He probably has nice young gentleman. Is he, though? This looks like a bait and switch, literally.
He's out here.
He's showing us the fish, but really, he probably doesn't even have any ass on his shorts.
He probably has the ass cut out of him.
You know what?
He's a catfish.
Yeah, he's a catfish.
He's a catfish.
And what's he doing now?
He's in witness protection, they said.
Did they say anything else? No, he's just working in a warehouse now.
Oh, that's witness protection.
Okay, first of all.
For sure.
Working at a warehouse, dude.
Okay. Be more general victor yeah victor the stripper fisherman a lot of left no one's buying this shit yeah a lot of
left and right turns in this story so i think that uh yeah victor is a i think uh victor's a
nice young uncle yeah we just don't know who he really is.
No, I think he's lying about everything, and he's a catfish if I've ever seen one.
Yep, so flaunt my uncle?
What was it?
Pop my uncle.
Pop my uncle?
What do we call the uncles on this show?
Did we change the whole idea behind this show while I was out of town?
While you're what?
Daydreaming?
Do you even know where you're at right now?
I think I was in freaking Smoke, Oklahoma, dude.
What else we got?
Oh, two guys in Oklahoma said that they're upset with you about something.
I don't remember what it was, but that's all they said.
Dang, I wish you knew.
I know.
I'll try to get more information, but I think the guy was drunk.
That's fair.
So I was like, all right, I'll tell him that.
Well, shout out to Oklahoma.
Yeah.
What else you got, D?
Hold on one second, boys.
Horses in the back, bitches in the front.
There's not that many bitches in the front, apparently.
It's just really.
It's just horses in the back.
Yeah.
Horses in the back, horses in the front.
All right, boys, ready for the next one?
Yeah.
It sounds like the Alamo, really, that he's singing about.
Yeah, or an interesting party he had one night.
Oh, yeah.
Sounds like Victor's buddy.
Horses in the front, horses in the back.
Yeah, I know.
This song's kind of catchy.
What else you got, Doug?
We got Aunt Sherry and her partner, Aunt Randy.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I'm not mad at these ant on ant.
And this is beautiful.
Flowers in the front, flowers in the back.
These freaking beautiful pups.
Dude, I used to live across the street.
I used to live across the street from some beautiful lesbians, dude.
Nicest people on earth, aren't they?
Well, I don't know about that, but one of them worked at the library.
I remember that. And, aren't they? Well, I don't know about that, but one of them worked at the library. I remember that.
And, yeah, they were cool.
They were a little bit violent sometimes, though.
With each other?
But they loved to put up Christmas decorations.
Yeah, they can always bake, can't they?
I mean, they could stare a fucking batter into a damn brownie, bro.
Lesbians can get pretty damn aggressive.
They have some cool powers, man.
They have some cool, useless powers, for sure.
Well, it just depends. You have different types of
lesbian women. What gets me
is there's some that's angry against men
for no reason.
That kind of stuff kind of gets on my nerves.
Well, they think it's a competition. You know what's weird to me
is when you got like one, I think they call them
lipstick lesbians, it's just this
dimey dime, right?
Who likes women.
But then she's dating a butch girl that looks like a man.
She's got a dude, baby.
Yeah, but they don't want to do because dudes.
Well, here's the thing.
A lot of butch lesbian women are the most covert men you've ever met in your life, bro.
They're like the swaggiest men ever.
They got a lot of testosterone.
Well, they know exactly
what to say to a woman.
They're basically,
they're good.
They're like Neil Strauss
or whatever that guy
that wrote the book
that picking up women, you know?
Oh, no, they're like Mel Gibson,
What Women Want.
Yes.
But lesbians.
Yeah, they're so swaggy, dude,
and they're beating us
at our own game
of chasing women because-
That's our competition, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And of course,
they're going to tell chicks
don't go by men you know because they
want the chicks fucking they're tricking us i think whatever dude i'm pissed i'm fucking pissed
i'm fucking pissed you're so right dude am i because i don't know what i'm talking about
but you're right whatever you're talking about you're right dude Whatever you're talking about, you're right, dude. I don't think so, man. I think you're right.
You're out of your mind, bro. I guess, dude.
Dude, how can you say
I'm right if I don't know what I'm talking about?
That means you're crazy. I'm crazy.
You look like a bush lesbian. Yeah, well.
So it's all good. Oh, definitely. Now,
if we're talking hairstyle
and t-shirt size, yeah, dude.
These are my people, bro.
That's your community.
Now look. Wait, what do these bitches want?
They want...
Jesus, man.
They want us to flaunt their pups?
We're going to try to rank them stupid dogs?
Talk about a safe dog.
Could there be any safer dog than golden retrievers?
Oh, yeah. They want more pets,
first of all, is what they want.
Also, are we sure these are lesbians?
We don't know.
What information do we have on these beautiful ladies?
Well, we know they're partners.
Okay.
They could be business partners, as it's said.
Do they have an LLC or something?
Do they own a corporation?
I don't think so.
Do you think partners in life?
I think so.
I think they own a ring together for marriage.
You think they own a ring?
Yeah, for marriage.
Yeah.
And then they also are owners of multiple doggy daycares in new jersey
oh and now that's another thing man lesbians uh lesbian women uh can take care of pets better
than anyone i agree with that and that's a superpower man to have that much affection and
stuff to be able to take care of animals birds too dude it's rare you catch a decent lesbian
woman without a bird or a parrot lit or something at the house.
Yeah, well-maintained parakeet or some shit.
Yeah, and that's...
I mean...
We're all doing something, man.
These partners, these lesbians look boring.
You know what I'm saying?
They look super boring.
Like, they go to Bed Bath & Beyond on the weekends.
You know, it just doesn't look like a fun time.
The background's annoying me for whatever reason. I don't know. This whole thing just... I don't know. I doesn't look like a fun time the background's annoying me for whatever reason i don't know this whole thing just i don't know i don't know dude well first of all they have
a black dog which i think is you know for them that's a big step i think even in that community
they have christmas decorations so they're celebratory you know i think they similar haircut
bro here's the thing.
You can't look...
Just look at them as like two cool dudes
that also have four dogs and...
Two gay dudes?
No, that's the thing.
You have to look at them as straight dudes.
Like, oh, look at these straight-ass dudes.
Oh, then that's a cool picture.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's two dudes with four dogs.
Yeah, that's it.
And one has a vest on.
This is dope.
Yeah, bro. I would love that, dude. A hundred percent, man. Look at the glass half full. And one has a vest on? This is dope.
I haven't heard about that, dude.
A hundred percent, man.
Look at the glass half full.
Yeah, bro.
You got to look at the, yeah, you got to look at this decently.
Shout out to both these aunties.
Yeah.
And what is it?
What does it say?
Is this for flaunt my aunt?
Yes, sir.
Whose aunt is it? We don't know who's aunt it is. Bunch of people say? Is this for flaunt my aunt? Yes, sir. Whose aunt is it?
We don't know whose aunt it is.
Bunch of people's aunts.
Do we even fucking know?
Do people submitting these people know these people?
They definitely know them.
You're not going to just submit this pic from the mall.
Yeah.
You know, this is a high quality pic. There's no system of checks and balances here.
Is this CNN, dude?
What is going on?
What is going on here?
What else you got, D?
Oh, God. Up next
we got Uncle Eddie.
We still on Flop My... Yeah, it was the last one
for Flop My... God damn,
Eddie. What do you think about this guy, Cat?
What's your first thought when you see a man
like this in America? Stared Cat?
I'll say, don't give her any ideas, Brendan.
Let her talk. I think of the movie The Revenant.
I think he's an outdoorsy man,
can take care of himself,
maybe other people very well.
Does anyone notice he has the biggest glove in the world?
Yeah.
The glove is awful.
Oh, and he's in a snowstorm, bro.
He's Snow Jay Simpson, bro.
Look at this dude, bro.
That's the biggest glove I've ever seen.
The biggest glove ever.
Definitely will fit, and we can't acquit.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Dude, this dude will suck the liver right out of an emu's butt, dude.
This guy.
This dude.
Fucking arm wrestle a moose, no problem.
Yeah, this guy definitely has a couple missing wives.
I'll say that.
Or missing little cubs because he's a big old bear if you catch my drift.
He's out there on his own.
Some broke back revenant shit going on.
That's the vibe I get.
Yeah, I don't know if he seems very homoerotic to me, man.
But also if you're out in the snow, dude.
By yourself?
Yeah.
Dude, does he bench 700 pounds? He's huge.
Bro, you'll fuck a warm wall if you're out in the snow for a long time.
Yeah, it ain't gay if you're out there too long.
Yeah, if you've been out there a week, dude, who knows?
Horses in the back. Horses in the front.
Who cares, man?
Who cares, dude? Shout out to this fucking brother. Uncle, what's his name, Herman? Uncle Eddie. Eddie dude shout out to this
fucking
uncle what's his name
Herman
uncle Eddie
Eddie
shout out to Edward
and do we know any
other information about him
oh yeah we uh
he's the biggest redneck
you'll ever meet
apparently
he uh
worked at a truck stop
for years
keeping lot lizards
under control
and now is just
killing animals
and sometimes he
actually kills them
with his bare hands
I buy all of that
I love that man I buy all of that.
I love that, man. I believe all of that.
And does it say anything else that he likes to do?
Does he read or does he do, you know?
I'd be interested to see what his favorite shows are.
Favorite shows are, me too.
I'd be very interested to see what his favorite shows are.
Any guesses?
Wonder Years, I bet.
You're going Wonder Years?
What would you do if I turned out a door?
Everyone said the
best friend out there was Marilyn Manson for a hot
second. It's not, though. That's when the
internet started, dude. That's what started the internet, really.
Did you hear the other
rumor? Marilyn Manson removed a rib?
He had to blow himself? He started
that, I bet. You went there. I was just saying he
removed a rib. Yeah. Yeah, I heard he removed a rib and made a spoon out of it to blow himself. He started that, I bet. You went there. I was just saying he removed a rib.
Yeah.
Yeah, I heard he removed a rib and made a spoon out of it to have soup.
I believe that.
Yeah.
I believe it, dude.
Shout out to this giant uncle.
Do you think if somebody took one of your ribs out of your body and put it in a lineup with other bones or other ribs, you'd be able to know your rib from others?
I'm not a rib expert.
But what if you touched each rib?
Would you know you think which one is yours?
Now I'm saying they put you to sleep.
They take a rib out of your body.
Sure.
Okay, they chop a rib out.
Then put it next to some baby back ribs?
No, they just put it.
No, you're going to notice if it's like in a rack of ribs.
It's in a rack of ribs?
No.
Is it covered in St. Louis barbecue sauce or are we talking southern barbecue sauce?
I feel like this, dude.
I feel like this wilderness guy.
When I get in a conversation with you, dude, I feel like I'm in the wilderness.
Go.
And I feel like we're running out of water, and it's getting late.
And say they took ribs out of other people.
Out of six.
Out of six other people, and they set each one of those ribs in front of you.
If you touched the rib, do you think you would get a sense of which one was yours?
No.
Do you?
I think you would probably.
I don't think you'd get.
What do they call the pain?
Like sometimes when soldiers or people, like a shark bites off an arm.
Oh, shark pain, I think.
Sympathy pains.
Phantom, I think it's like phantom pain.
Like phantom, right?
Like it still feels like your arm's there.
Phantom, dude, from Marvel Universe or whatever?
No, Phantom of the Opera is I think what he's talking about.
You guys are fucking crazy.
The Phantom of the Opera is here.
All right, let's go on.
Oh, my God, bro.
Your brain is like a damn blender, dude.
It's a bunch of shit, man.
Up next, we got a little shit smoothie in there.
Hey, we need to get you a cigarette or somebody's dick.
Oh, wow.
Dick jokes, huh?
Funny still?
All right, Theo.
Up next, we got.
Sorry, Theo.
Don't apologize to this fuck.
Hey, man.
Thank you, Derek, for being at least trying to be respectful to everyone.
I'm trying to.
We got some relationship advice.
This is Angela from Spring, Oklahoma.
Oh, she sounds beautiful.
Oh, shnikes.
Get that chest ink, bro.
Hey, guys.
My name is Angela.
Snakes in the front.
Snakes in the back.
I'm getting some relationship advice.
My guy that I was with for two years.
Is she a robot?
We just recently broke up.
We constantly cheated.
He's not the only one.
Every guy before him that I've been with has felt the need to wander off.
It doesn't matter what I do.
Keeping up with the house.
Making sure food's on the table.
Keeping up with myself.
This is the 1950s.
Make sure things stay exciting.
It doesn't matter.
They always come back. That's the thing.
Hold on. Sorry. Brennan wants to starve at home, obviously.
Let's go back to the middle. This lady.
Hold up, Doug.
This is the 1950s housewife.
Food's always on the table.
House is spotless.
I don't say much when he walks in the door.
She's just holding the mail.
She's like, tell me what it says.
I don't educate myself.
What are you talking about?
She is a housewife.
This is what she likes to do.
Be at home.
Do recipes.
Take care of the house.
Take care of the kids.
Well, that shit ain't working.
Oh, my God, dude.
Get me out of this, man.
I feel like I'm at a Dave and Buster's and the power's out, bro.
That's what I feel.
But Brendan's still playing all the games.
He's still kicking the ticket machine, wondering why the tickets aren't coming out.
Who cares why they're not coming out?
It takes 70,000 tickets to get a damn whistle, you idiot.
All right, let's let this poor lady finish.
No matter what I do, keeping up with the house, making sure food's on the table, All right, let's let this poor lady finish. Okay.
No matter what I do, keeping up with the house, making sure food's on the table,
keeping up with myself, making sure things stay exciting, role-playing in the bedroom,
doesn't matter.
But they always come back.
That's the thing.
Oh.
So I'm just wondering, what makes them want to wander in the first place?
Tell me something good.
Gang, gang.
Buzz, buzz.
Bye.
Buzz, buzz, buzz. My little vixen.
Buzz, buzz, my housewife vixen.
I think she said buzz, bust, I think, at the end.
Dang, dude.
That buzz had an S-T on the end of it.
Phew.
Dog, you. Go ahead, bro.
You start this one after you condemn this lady's
lifestyle. I'd love to see how you're gonna
dig yourself out of this, bro.
Shovels in the front, dude. Dig yourself
out of this shithole you put yourself in.
Shovels in the front. Shovels in the
back. Man, they always come
back. I don't know, man.
Maybe they take her for granted and they're just not trying to fuck with her.
Or maybe she's just too good.
And they're like, God, she might be overwhelming.
It sounds like she don't have her own shit going on.
Get a hobby.
Get less tattoos.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, you don't get less tattoos, Brendan.
You can't just do that.
We'll just stop getting them, maybe.
Although I think they're sexy. Okay, then why would you say that then? She is from Spring, Brendan. You can't just do that. We'll just stop getting them, maybe. Although I think they're sexy.
Okay, then why would you say that then?
She is from Spring, Oklahoma.
Ooh.
Sprung.
Sprung.
Maybe them boys are out there doing that broke back shit and then come back after the storm.
You know what I'm saying?
No.
That's not even a good idea, I don't think.
But what I will say is this, and I'm sorry, it's a good idea, but I just don't think that that's accurate.
I don't think, but what I will say is this, and I'm sorry, it's a good idea, but I just don't think that that's accurate.
What I'm thinking is if these guys are leaving, well, maybe y'all have too many doors on your
house or apartment.
You know?
Talking about taking people prisoner?
No.
If people can get out easily.
Yeah.
No, don't take them prisoner, but don't put four doors on your house.
But here's the other thing.
And then be upset if your spouse leaves.
They can fucking get out so easily.
Yeah, maybe he's confused.
Yeah, do one door.
I don't even do a back door.
You come in the front,
you go out the front.
One door.
One door.
Doors in the front.
Doors in the front.
That's it, man.
quit making so many
goddamn pies.
Sounds like she's cooking
all the time.
Maybe it's overwhelming
for the dude.
Maybe you need to mix it up. Start going out on him.
Quit making apple pies, cherry
pies, rhubarb, pecan,
pumpkin.
One pie a week, girl.
One pie a week. Netflix and chill.
She seems like an
older soul. Does she?
Nope.
I'm a fan, though.
I hope it works out. Do you? Nope. Oh my a fan, though. I hope it works out.
Do you?
Nope.
Oh, my God, man.
You are just a real strange guy, man.
Come on, bro.
Don't touch me.
Do not touch me, dude.
But keep touching her.
Look, I think maybe, I don't know.
What do you guys think?
Let's go to Kat, maybe.
Let's go to Culture's Corner.
Let's get a woman's perspective.
Let's also talk to Derek as well, you know?
Oh, yeah, dude.
I mean, definitely.
She's providing way too much to these guys.
You can't do that, especially when you're younger.
They get too comfortable, start taking you for granted.
How old is she?
Kat's right, how old is she?
Yeah, if you're 19, homeboy's coming on, you got a seven-course meal,
you're dressed like a
fifties housewife
and you got fucking
you know
you're doing too much
you're scaring everybody away
it sounds like
yeah you could
boys going out the alley
and one of the seven doors
you have in your house
yeah
having a little fun
yeah maybe
I don't know
Kat
she may be chasing guys
who just aren't ready
to settle down
the same way she is too
cause she's hot yeah that's true she's young maybe she's ready for something that I don't know. Kat? She may be chasing guys who just aren't ready to settle down the same way she is, too.
Because she's hot.
Yeah, that's true.
She's young.
Maybe she's ready for something that younger guys around her age aren't ready for.
Older soul.
Exactly.
D, what do you think?
I think she definitely hooks up with a lot of dudes who attract a lot of girls.
So stop that.
Fuck a Seth Rogen-looking motherfucker.
Yeah. Who's going to be grateful
that he's... Look at you. You know what I mean?
And I bet that problem's done. And then if that guy
cheats on you, then it's definitely you. You know what I mean? Read a book
or something. You're saying get an ugly
dude. Get an ugly dude.
Get an ugly dude. Let's switch it up.
I'm sure you're fucking the same guy over and over again.
And that's why they keep cheating. You're talking about that bad
boy hitter. That bad boy hitter.
That pipe game.
Yeah, there's a whole spectrum to it. If you get a guy that's why they keep cheating. You're talking about that bad boy hitter. That bad boy hitter. That pipe game. Yeah, there's a whole spectrum to it.
If you get a guy that's all about looks or something like that,
then you might not get a guy that has as much heart or as much, like, you know,
gratitude or anything like that.
So you've got to kind of even the scale out.
It's like if you get a 10 in looks, then they're going to be a 7 in something.
You know, it's all relative.
It's all evens out.
You know, that's why you want to get that 8.
You want to find an 8.
The hard 8.
That hard 8.
The hard 8.
Don't go for the 10.
Fuck, boy.
Yeah.
Get that 8.
Take down a date.
Get that 8, yeah.
Date an 8.
Date an 8.
Because everybody can be an 8.
Here's the thing.
Everybody can be an 8 if they take care of themselves.
I don't believe that, but I like how positive you are.
An 8's an 8. You know what I'm saying? Anybody can be a 5 if they take care of themselves. I don't believe that, but I like how positive you are. An eight's an eight.
You know what I'm saying?
Anybody can be a five, but an eight?
No, if you brush your teeth and you, I think, have a little bit of insight into yourself.
The right attitude?
Yeah, some self-awareness, I think you can be an eight.
I think a high can be as a six.
Damn.
Yeah, God doesn't give everyone good looks, bro.
Trust me, I know, dude.
I know you know. Okay.
But look what you've done with your stuff.
Dude, I'm cross-eyed, but both of them are in the same...
They're both... They're straight cross.
Yeah. Like a chameleon.
Yeah, it's crossed on the inside. On the outside, it looks fine.
Shout out to this lady, though. I hope she figures out.
Quit fucking with them fuckboys, though. That's the problem.
Well, I don't know if we didn't help
that woman. I feel like we did, though.
Well.
How about a little rip my drip then, fellas, yeah?
Yeah, let's rip them up.
What's the surprising feeling you got?
First, we got Nigel and his girlfriend, Tiana.
Wait, how do you pronounce that word?
Nigel.
Okay.
And then Tiana.
Just saying, I don't want anybody sending in something racist to us.
Oh, dang.
Dang, it looks like J. Cole and Nicki Minaj
made every wrong decision.
Boy, you know what I like?
I like how they're wearing the same color.
I like how he's obviously in white pants.
This isn't even a racist thing,
but I feel like only black guys can pull off white pants.
Not a lot of white dudes pulling off white pants.
Latin or black, white dudes can't pull it off.
I don't know, though. Mark Twain? That was a thing back then, though. not a lot of white dudes pulling off white pants latin or black white dudes can't pull it off i
don't know though mark twain that was a thing back then though mark twain what about um oh uh don
johnson don johnson mark twain also that guy who had the megaphone in wwe and wwf
brett uh the mouth of the south jimmy hart was that him no mouth of the south
you guys know who theouth of the South, Jimmy Hart. Was that him? No, Mouth of the South. You guys know who the Mouth of the South is?
Did he have white pants on, though?
Yeah.
Well, there's some exceptions, but in general, white dudes stay away from white pants.
Yeah, but yeah, a black guy or a mixed guy, a guy with some tint in his skin can look better in lighter colors because there's more contrast.
If you can salsa dance, you can wear white pants.
Yeah.
That's my rule.
So they want to flaunt that on,
huh? No, they want that drip ripped.
Oh, rip that drip. Yeah.
Yeah, I like the matchy-matchy.
I think it's kind of like, because then you
know you're a team, unless you're out there fighting.
If I see a couple in matching shit that's fighting.
Nothing worse. She got them horses
in the front. Oh, yeah.
She got them milk horses in the front,
dude. Horses in the front. Camels in the back. A couple dairy. So you got the milk horses in the front, dude. Horses in the front,
camels in the back.
A couple dairy ponies
parked on the frickin',
on the Ponderosa.
But no, they both look
like handsome people there.
Yeah, it's a good-looking couple, man.
No, he's got that
Rastafarian vibe coming in
a little longer,
and he's not gonna probably,
he's gonna have trouble
probably getting employed
except unless he's, you know.
Smelling that reefer.
Selling reefer or doing boating or doing fishing.
Also, dreads tend to smell like dookie.
Hold on.
There's a length at a certain point.
I think he's still in a safe zone.
He's in that J. Cole zone.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
But if you go any longer, dude, there's nothing worse than a long, long...
Oh, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, you can snip one off and smoke it, dude.
You know?
Bro, if you cut off part of a dreadlock and plant it, dude,
stuff fucking grows out of it.
Yeah.
They did that in our school when I was a kid.
That makes sense.
Dude, white people with dreads?
Name something worse.
Go.
Doesn't exist.
Damn.
I like these two.
I'd like to see a jerry curl come back on this beautiful gentleman right here.
I think he could do it.
I would like you in a jerry curl.
I can't do it.
I can do a perm.
No, we could put an S curl on your hair.
I don't think we can, man.
We don't know.
Derek?
D, what do you...
We should do something with D.
I could get that jerry curl, bro.
You do it.
If you had a jerry curl.
Easy E, bro.
I have that easy E look. Yeah. Do it, bro. Yeah. That should get that Jericho, bro. You do it. If you got a Jericho. You look like Eazy-E, bro. I have that Eazy-E look.
Yeah.
Do it, bro.
Yeah.
That should be dope.
Well, here's the thing.
Nobody has one.
I've been saying, they have a guy, Miles, that works at the Laugh Factory, and he's got real
kind of curly hair.
You know what I'm talking about?
I've been telling him to grow one for a while, or suggesting to him.
Dude, have you ever seen a black dude with an S-curl mullet?
What if you mulleted it up a little bit?
S-curl hair and then shave the sides.
Just mulleted it up.
When I was young, they had a lot of Jerry curls and I loved them.
I loved them. Deion Sanders had one.
Easy E.
Bo Jackson, did he even have one for a little bit?
I think for a little when he was younger.
For a hot second he did.
College days.
Deion Sanders
had that wet wet
oh bro
dude he used to
keep a cup on his
shoulder and just
drip into it
the real
the first drip
beautiful dude
pour right into his
fucking car and
cruise off
praise god bro
beautiful
alright
you had that
matchy matchy
it's a risky move
though if y'all end up
fighting in the street
bro that shit
doesn't you you know.
Also, what's behind them, though?
What is that?
The only time I've ever seen mirrors like that are at a cruise ship.
They're on a vacation on a cruise, yep.
In the Bahamas on a cruise.
I thought it looked weird.
It's that Natalie Holloway gift set right there in the sink they got.
A couple snorkel masks.
That Titanic fashion.
I'm not mad at them.
Yeah.
Shout out to both.
They're a lovely couple.
Looking flashy.
She's a dimey dime.
What else we got?
Up next, we got, this is Young Chap from Baltimore.
Chap?
Young Chap.
Damn.
So this dude, I think, is Jewish, maybe.
Did Ice take this picture?
What's going on here?
He's covered in five Gs of kratom straight from Thailand.
Oh, damn. Don't let Chin see this. He said he sent this? He's covered in five G's of Kratom straight from Thailand. Oh, damn.
Don't let Chin see this.
He said he sent this one in for Chin.
This guy's British.
I think.
Is that Mr. Bean's son?
Dude, that's that Kratom hater right there.
He's from Baltimore, man.
This dude's for real.
Gang, bro.
Which is, Donnie is his name?
His name, Young Chap. Young Chap. gang bro which is donnie is his name his name young chap young chap i bet he snorts all that
kratom just writes the meanest blog on the internet that's what he looks like dude how
much kratom's and it's he he got two different colors yeah he's that's that deep kratom dive
them kratom dives you ever fucks with the kratom? Uh-uh. I've seen, you know, there's been some videos of Chin having...
Chin and Dewitt just start singing.
Yeah.
Snorts and just starts singing like a country western.
Can you snort it?
You can do anything with it, dude.
Dude, I snorted some vitamin B one time in like a TV thing they were shooting.
Pretty cool.
It's like fake cocaine.
You can do as much as you want.
Oh, that's what they put, right? Yeah.
For the white powder? Yeah, it's really cool. You can just keep
doing it. Weird.
Shout out to this Kratom King, though.
That's the Kratom King. Damn, bro.
That's a young chap, dude.
Theo, he apparently sent you some
Michelle's granola a few weeks back.
Don't eat that, dude. And he wondered what he thought. Don't eat that, dude.
I have not opened that yet.
But as soon as I do, I'll eat it, bro.
Maybe.
Or he fucking doused it and covered it in kratom.
Oh, you have no hope.
Dude, you're sending him granola.
Send your boy some kratom.
I'm not like Theo.
I'm not a pussy.
I'll take it, dude.
Hey, kratom king.
Do I use it every day?
Maybe. I don't think you can handle it. Hey. Hey, kratom King. Do I use it every day? Maybe.
I don't think you can handle it.
Hey, Kratom King.
You know how I'm feeling, dog.
What else we got?
Thanks, young chap.
I haven't eaten the brownies yet.
It's granola, bro.
Yeah, it will be.
Well, if it was brownies, it'll definitely be granola by the time I open it because it's been a couple weeks.
But thank you for sending it, man.
That's sweet of you, bro.
And I'll have some of it.
Sweet, sweet.
And good luck out there, dude.
Obviously, you're going to get busted for something.
Dude, good luck slaying in that kratom on the streets of Baltimore.
Actually, way good luck.
Have you been to Baltimore, bro?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
The Wire?
Yeah.
Yeah, bro.
Baltimore Ravens?
You got Ray Lewis?
Oh, that's their squad, too.
The Troll in the Streets?
You got Ray Lewis who killed a dude out there?
Well, The Wire and a lot of people that are untethered.
If you want to see some outtakes from The Walking Dead, go to downtown Baltimore, dude.
Good each, dude. A lot of Baltimore, dude. Get each, dude.
A lot of people, bro.
Arms in the front.
Zombies in the back.
Yeah.
World War Z, a.k.a. Baltimore.
What else you got, man?
Let's wrap it up with some King it or Sting it.
Let's wrap it up.
This first one is Jake Pass from Christian, Mississippi.
No, this is Jake from Pass Christian, Mississippi.
Oh, man.
I'm an idiot.
Sorry. No, you're not, man. I don't know about that one. Don't do yourself like that, man. You got the best. Hey, Mississippi. No, this is Jake from past Christian, Mississippi. Oh, man, I'm an idiot. Sorry.
No, you're not, man.
I don't do shit like that, man.
You got the best.
Very wise.
Chin and Nick now?
Who knows, bro?
Together, we don't know.
Jury's out, dude.
Jury's out.
And if you mix their names together, you know what their nickname is.
I don't.
Let's go.
Here we go.
What's up, Brandon?
Going on with DL.
Jake from Past Christian, Mississippi.
I got a King and Stinger for you guys.
Real quick, though.
Rip my lawn.
Rip my lawn.
Lonnie.
Shout out to Lonnie.
Actually, don't.
The weed eater is broken.
King and Stinger.
Throwing tomahawks like a Jason Momoa style badass.
What do you think?
Damn. He's kind of gangster with it. Dude. You're just thinking, throwing Tomahawks like a Jason Momoa-style badass. What do you think? Damn!
He's kind of gangster with it.
Dude, if you're looking for a lady, just bust that thing out at a park and start slaying them.
The girls, freaking tits in the front, cheeks out the back.
You start throwing them hammers, dude.
They dig it.
Thor's in right now.
It's a ballsy move, dude.
Do it at a park. Get arrested. Start some Kratom. Get dig it. Thor's in right now. It's a ballsy move, dude. Do it at a park. Get
arrested. Start some Kratom.
Get a girl.
Go ahead, Dale. Stitches in the sternum,
bro. Ed looks dangerous,
dude, throwing axes. But
you know what I'm saying? The Patriot, one of my
favorite films, probably one of the top 40 or
25 films ever.
Aim small, miss small, man.
Dude, Apocalypto? you ever seen them bad boy hitters
the original hitters with the blue people that was avatar same movie but with
native americans i don't fuck with these blues mines i think well these were reds they were
yeah redskins that's not a racist term that That's a Washington Redskins term. It is?
Mm-hmm.
I don't care, man.
Either way, you ever thrown a fucking blade like that?
Yeah.
It's hard to do.
It's not that hard to do, bro.
Well, you can throw it.
I'm saying it's hard to make it stick like Homeboy did here with this.
Shout out to his lawn.
I'm not mad at that lawn at all.
Oh, bro, I'll take the lisp off of a troubled boy, bro.
I could throw that axe easily, I think.
Yeah, circumcise a few kids.
Oh, dude, I could circumcise a squirrel from 60 paces. Goddamn. I didn throw that axe easily, I think. Yeah, circumcise a few kids. Oh, dude. I could
circumcise a squirrel from 60 paces.
Goddamn. I didn't know you had that skill.
Yeah. It's tough. I've
tried throwing it. It's tough. It's actually very
What's tough about it? Throwing a light axe at a board?
To get the stick, though, bro.
Not that tough, dude, if you know what you're doing.
Oh, wow. Shout out to Apocalypto. What's this
guy's name again? Donnie? Jake.
Jake. Close. And what was his question? Throwing axes? Throwing axes. Just in general? Yeah. This ispto. What's this guy's name again? Donnie? Jake. Jake. Close.
And what was his question?
Throwing axes?
Throwing axes.
Just in general?
Interesting.
Yeah.
This is the thing.
What Tomahawks do?
People are always doing it in their backyard.
The only Tomahawk I like is my steak.
Yeah.
I'm not trying to go back in time to throw axes.
I say front yard it, man.
I say it's time to take things from the backyard into the front yard.
That's a great idea.
That's the best idea you've ever had all day.
Don't fucking touch me.
Actions in the front, you know? Because here idea, dude. That's the best idea you've ever had all day. Actions in the front, you know?
Because here's the thing.
You want the neighbors to know.
You want that guy that's thinking about stealing your car battery
to know the skill set you have.
You want the guy who borrowed your mower three months ago
to know suddenly it's time to wash that bitch and bring it back.
Gas it up, return it, motherfucker.
Yeah, yeah.
It's time to hit the pawn shop and get that bitch back and bring it back to you. up. Return it, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. It's time to hit the pawn shop and get that bitch back and bring it back to you.
The weed whacker is due.
Yeah.
Bro, I say.
It's a great idea, bro.
Yeah.
I say you put this thing in the front and show the neighborhood who's boss.
Set up front, man.
Become the Batman in the neighborhood.
That shit's dope.
Start with this.
Ninja stars.
Do something else.
Next year, it's fucking flaming bow and arrows.
Sharp spoons.
Firecrackers.
Yes.
Dude, spoons, bro.
We used to eat off of the sharpest spoons when I was young.
Not these wussy-ass spoons with the comfortable edges on them.
Are you talking about a shank?
No.
We had the sharpest spoons around, bro.
You had to just barely get that soup off of there.
Ooh.
Dude, you know what I don't like? Someone gave me a spork the other day. They did? Yeah, get that soup off of there oh dude you know i don't like his
someone gave me a spork the other day they did yeah get the fuck out of my face also paper straws
also get on my face yeah the turtle's gonna run into a fucking straw he deserves it you know i'm
saying yeah that's what i'm saying dude well they said the thing about outlawing forks in los
andros because in hollywood because they said it's too just offensive to the food on the plate
i'm with this dude though i'm with theo best idea all it's too offensive to the food on the plate. I'm with this dude, though. I'm with Theo.
Best idea all day.
Bring that shit to the front.
Flex on the neighbors.
Yeah.
Do lassoing, bro.
Become the man you always wanted to be, bro.
Start riding a horse in the front yard.
Get your shirt off.
Bro, get a pony, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
Throw an axe, bro.
Dude, get a crocodile.
Yeah.
It's Fourth of July, man.
Do whatever you want to do, son.
It's America, baby. Yep.
What else you got? We got
another one here from Aaron
Shepard from Grand Rapids,
Michigan. Aaron Shepard. Okay.
Hi, Brendan and Theo.
Welcome to my King at Her Sting It.
Ooh. Question for you guys.
Attention. This ASMR trend.
People tapping on shit.
Whispering in your ear. Cr ASMR trend. People tapping on shit. Whispering in your ear.
Crumbling things.
Slurping noodles.
Fucking crunching on ice chunks.
What do you guys think?
Does it make you feel so relaxed?
Or like you have a lot of anxiety and you want to vomit?
What are you getting, an idea?
I have a huge erection, but I'm also upset.
What's going on
Dale chips oh
It's a real pet peeve of mine, bro. But I have a condition I forget what's called Dax Shepard called it out
He has the same condition. I forget what it's called. Legit condition. Really?
I can't listen to people chew food.
Like, crunchy food?
Yeah.
I'm telling you.
Oh, relax, man.
My girl loves Slim Hot Cheetos.
If she starts eating them, I have to go upstairs.
I can't hear any of it.
Wow.
If a fan is on, if people are slurping drinks, it's a condition.
I'm talking.
You want to see me go zero to 100?
Eat some chips around me, bro.
See what happens.
I've been that way since I was a kid.
What about Ruffles, you think?
Can't do with Ruffles, Fritos, Doritos, Nachos.
Doritos are loud.
Can we?
Dude, you know what?
I'm making these loud ass chips.
That's what I'm saying.
We'll sog them up a little bit.
But also, I went to a movie, one of those movie theaters where you can order dinner and shit.
Just eat dinner at home
and watch the fucking movie.
But you can order meals.
Oh, yeah.
Some fucking prick next to me,
some lesbo,
this butch girl,
ordered the vegetable tray.
Snapping on carrots,
cauliflower, broccoli.
I had to leave the movie.
I missed the movie.
I had to get up and leave.
My girl stayed and watched while I went
outside. That's how bad my condition
is, dude. It's a real
medical condition. No, it is not.
I promise. I promise, dude.
Oh, just because you and Dax
Shepard decided it was on a podcast
because y'all are sound pussies?
Here's what I'm saying, dude.
The world is filled
with sounds bro
certain sounds trigger me bro
well then go talk to a specialist
dude go talk to a free to allay
delivery guy or somebody who deals
with this shit on the regular
you know don't be crying outside of the
damn you know
cinema 17 yeah
because you can't handle it
you don't have any tics or conditions still
I mean I'll tell you this dude I have this uncanny ability that I hate it's like 17, yeah. Because you can't handle it. You don't have any tips or conditions still?
I mean.
I'll tell you this, dude.
I have this uncanny ability that I hate.
It's like, it's almost like my superpower. If I go into a restroom, I can tell, like, almost to the second when the last time somebody took a dump in there was.
That's a cool superpower.
Just by smell.
And I hate it, bro.
Oh, man.
That's a cool superpower.
It's not, bro.
It's miserable.
It's miserable. Right when I walk in, bro. Oh, man, that's a cool superpower. It's not, bro. It's miserable. It's miserable.
Right when I walk in, I'm like, oh, 42 seconds.
And it just kills me, man.
It's not a cool power.
It's the worst.
But I deal with it.
I prepare myself a little bit before I go in the restroom.
I throw a couple crazy times in my head.
I'll just say like two minutes and nine seconds, minutes 14 minutes yeah 10 seconds you know so that way when i go in my mind is like you know
kind of yeah it's just kind of focused on another stuff um but yeah dude if you can't handle somebody
chewing chips i can't dude i'm telling you it's a real metal condition then you're gonna die when
the world comes yeah why me if aliens start chewing on chips i'm fucked yeah or if your
neighbor does bro
somebody cracks open a can of fucking baby carrots and you're done daddy game over dad
game over they're so loud though it's ridiculous dude i was off abbott kenny the other day
grabbing a coffee i had to pee so bad there's someone in the bathroom right and there's like
a long line i'm next up someone's
in there for a hot i mean i'm i'm eight minutes long time dude this dime piece dumper comes out
she knows she blew it up i she comes out just like this and walked right by she winked at you
dude and she blew that bathroom up maybe she had something in her eye did she look like she could
have had something in her eye nope it was just like she could have had something in her eye? Nope. It was just like, you ain't going to do shit.
Wink.
Damn.
It was super sexy.
Wow, man.
That's feminism, dude.
The dumper dime piece.
Shout out to her if she's out there.
She's not out there, man.
If she's out there and you want to get to Theo,
you got to get through the beat.
That's not how you say it. She's not out there man it might have been a dude okay well well story changes quick dude anaconda in the front
uh what else we got well king and her sting of this the the noises oh sting oh is she saying
it's a bad thing? Yeah.
She knows.
She might have the same condition because she went through all the triggers for people
who have this, like chomping on those chips, everything.
So she might have it.
So I don't know if the king or sting is.
She's saying she has it too?
Yeah.
She's saying ASMR.
Do you like it?
There's these videos out there on the internet where people are touching things and they're
just, and they're ignorant or whatever. Oh, it it's like a thing asmr i've never seen so much something in my life that
shit bothers me i like it but i don't like the ones of the famous people doing it because then
i feel like they start to become it it's like it gets a little egoey sometimes you know like yeah like there
was this one kind of hottie doing it and then she started to seem like a real bitch by the time she
had like her 2000th sound or something you know and i'm like look anybody can make a damn sound
you know it's not like you're mozart it's not a skill yeah but also another little fact about me
that most people don't know i don't like my hands wet either that also i'm a weird kid dude
just like you can't do drugs i can't do carrots or get my hands wet big nos they call them big nos
um what else we got that's it boys dang that's it we learned a lot about each other did we
feel like it's true feel like it dude yeah what's the breakdown from it? I learned about you that...
Sounds, hands wet.
Sounds, hands wet.
You don't like kind of a housewife kind of lady.
No, I do.
I just think that she's coming on too strong for the fellas in Oklahoma.
Yeah.
We also learned, you know, Lil Nas.
Lil Nas is out on a whole new...
Who is he going to start dating?
What do you think?
Tyler, the Creator. Jaden Smith do you think? Tyler, the creator?
Jaden Smith, I bet.
Tyler, the creator is gay or no?
Yeah, he's gay.
Oh, he is?
Wow.
He's bi.
He's definitely a sexual man.
Yeah, you're gay.
You're gay.
Real dudes are like,
man, that one time
we got all drunk in college
and sucked dick.
Oh, no, you're gay, dude.
Girls can do that.
Well, then,
here's the thing, though.
Being bi,
it's like,
I think you almost have to go all the way gay. If you're just being bi, dude, anybody could do that. Well, then here's the thing, though. Being bi, it's like I think you almost have to go all the way gay.
If you're just being bi, dude, anybody could do that.
Pick a lane.
Yeah.
Or just at least being bi is kind of like taking the easy way out, I feel like, a little.
Yeah, because you can just play both sides.
Yeah.
Jaden Smith, that little twink, though, he's like full-blown.
I don't know.
I haven't heard that, but maybe.
Full-blown is an HIV term.
Yeah, in the 90s.
That shit's cured, bro.
But the term ain't, dude.
Full-blown's all good.
Nah, I mean, it's good, but it's, you know, I'm okay with being unblown, you know?
Well, I like to be full-blown.
Well, look.
Then, look, dude.
Well, shout-out to full-blown.
Where are you going to be, bro?
You on tour? Yeah, I'm going to be on tour, man. then look dude well shout out to full blown uh where are you gonna be bro uh yeah i'm gonna be
on tour man i got some shows a new show that uh from manchester or london you're going to europe
soon yep in september and it's a new afternoon show um and you can just go to theobond.com
slash tour and uh and get tickets to it go see one of the best i'm talking about theo not myself
uh well go see one of the uh up and coming talking about Theo, not myself. Well, go see one of the up-and-coming and hard-working future best.
What are your dates, Brendan?
I am in Indy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm in Cincinnati next week.
Next Friday, Saturday, I'm at Cincinnati.
Week after, I'm in Indy.
And then tickets for Nashville and Portland just went on sale.
tfak.com.
Get you some.
Dude.
Horses in the front. Horses some. Dude. Horses in the front.
Horses in the front.
Horses in the back.
You know, we could have stopped at horses in the front.
Why?
Not in the back, too.
All right.
A little Nas style.
Horses, horses everywhere.
That's it.
It's the King and I stand.