The Golden Hour - Episode 26: Horses In The Front

Episode Date: July 4, 2019

The boys get the Culture Corner's thoughts on Lil Nas X coming out, 4th of July celebrations and talk buying outlawed fireworks in San Berneeda, bathtub water games, fisherman str...ippers, relationship advice for a natural snakes in the front hitter, power outages at Dave & Busters, the Broke Back Revenant, sprung Sooner State, sound p#ssies and much more!Postmates - promo code: KATS2019MVMT - https://www.mvmtwatches.com/katsLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Ha ha ha ha ha Gang gang Back off my broccolini Get your life together It is Don't touch me bro I'm not touching you dude You know what dude
Starting point is 00:00:16 You don't know anything dude Bro have you ever thought about something? Probably not Dude you know what you should do is put nacho cheese on your fucking face Bro Brendan thinks he's getting headaches Those are ideas dude do is put nacho cheese on your fucking face bro brendan thinks he's getting headaches it's an those are ideas dude every time somebody asks him a question i want an answer from him he takes ibuprofen he's like i don't know what's going on what's happening here i'm just joking man i love you man sunscreen huh
Starting point is 00:00:39 huh yeah you look like kimmy gibbler getting ready for a vacation right now maybe now if she's lesbian you know i do look like that lady from uh mary with children remember her mary or whatever her name was the neighbor oh the neighbor you kind of do she was real hot like the first couple years and she was still hotter she got later but she turned a lot more into like kind of like a little more butch exotic bird kind of look. Exotic butch look. Yeah, exotic butch. Like she's from Butcharaugwa. Dude, I feel bad.
Starting point is 00:01:12 I want to start this off. Your skin, you're looking good today, dude. You're looking crispy. What? Yeah, you're looking crispy, dude. What are you talking about? Did you go on vacation? What have you been doing, dude? Huh?
Starting point is 00:01:21 Where were you this weekend? Wow. Definitely. Thought you were going to need help to get out of that sentence. I'll say this, dude. I was with the Impractical Jokers. God, please spit it out. Jesus Christ. Dude, it's funny.
Starting point is 00:01:37 Hey, what are you, murdering people? You asked me what I do. I know, right away. Super suspect, bro. We are both uniquely ignorant, bro. It's pretty awesome, dude. I feel bad because we're getting our coffee. It's a young transgender woman who makes our coffee.
Starting point is 00:01:59 Hold on. Not who makes our coffee. This person works nearby at an establishment. Makes our coffee. She makes coffee and at an establishment. Makes our coffee. She makes coffee and we happened upon the environment. Yeah, correct. I mean, it's not like our personal coffee maker. Yeah, we don't have her like in a-
Starting point is 00:02:12 Either way, it's a transgender female, you know? They got the TJ. She walks up and I go, what's up, bro? Did you? I did. I felt so bad. I went, what's up, bro? And I went, I pretend I didn't say it and stared off at this guy. I went, what's up, bro? And I went, I pretend I didn't say it and stared off at this guy.
Starting point is 00:02:27 I went, what's up, bro? Or brozilla. That's what you can turn that into. Oh, man. It's tough to come back from. It's not the way you want to kick off the day. But I think a transgender person would like, if I say, if I'm like, if I am feeling like 50% man, 50% woman, you know, or kind of, you know, in that space, you know, like that Bermuda Triangle.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Yeah, sure. I think if someone calls you bro, that's kind of okay. I don't think so. I could tell it hurt her feelings. Oh, you could tell. Okay. Then that's different. It's ma'am.
Starting point is 00:02:58 Did they really? It's ma'am. And threw the coffee at me. I went, all right. Really? No. Damn, dude. Damn, dude. You're dressed insanely, very uniquely today. Nicely. right. Really? No. Dang, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:05 You're dressed insanely, very uniquely today. Nicely. That's what I meant. Thanks, dude. Someone said I've been too mean to you, so. Yeah, that's the word on the street. I'm sorry. I just said, you know, when he doesn't have a cigarette, he gets mean.
Starting point is 00:03:17 Oh, definitely. He wants to suck dick and he gets mean. Wow. Already talking about wieners and stuff. Nope. This episode, we're going to try not to. Yeah. Oh, really? We're going to try not to after you. This episode, we're going to try not to. Yeah. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:03:26 We're going to try not to after you do, right? We're going to try not to. Dude, you look like a pastor at a Banana Republic, dude. You look horrible, man. I look horrible? Yeah, dude. You look like the worst Wahlberg brother. Oh, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:41 You look like the shittiest Wahlberg brother that made all the wrong decisions that they all have to financially support now out in L.A. Yeah, dude, I look like Trout Wahlberg. Bro, you though, if you have any glass or mirrors or anything, a reflective glass, you should go buy them because, dude, you. Yeah, spit it out, dude. Bro, you look like one of the Beagle Boys that fucking came out of the closet and moved to New York, bro. Moved to New York. While the rest of your family was doing crime like they're supposed to, dude. You're like, fuck robbing this duck.
Starting point is 00:04:17 I'm out of here, bro. I'm out of here, man. Yeah, dude. You look like Spiffy Beagle. Spiffy Beagle's dope. Yeah, dude. Sure he is, dude. You look like Spiffy Beagle. Spiffy Beagle's dope. Yeah, dude. Sure he is, man. Oh, my God, bro.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Powerful culture corner over here today. Yeah, we got some heaters in here today. What up, boys? What up? What's up, Derek? How are you? I'm good, man. How are you feeling?
Starting point is 00:04:38 I'm doing pretty good. What's going on over there in the black community? That's a fair question. It was a fair question. That's a fair question. It was a fair question. It was a fair question. I have no problem with it. Well, you have a better chance of knowing than he and I do.
Starting point is 00:04:50 He lives in a gated, way gated community. Correct, Rich. Yeah, and I'm over here in the little Middle East over here in Los Angeles. I mean, I live in basically like a little bit of an extension
Starting point is 00:05:01 of the Gaza Strip where I'm at. So, it's, you know, I mean, people are waving flags in the park. like a little bit of an extension of the Gaza Strip where I'm at. It's you know, I mean people are waving flags in the park. I have no idea what they are. People are throwing rocks. I don't even know. Yeah, it's like How do you feel about
Starting point is 00:05:16 this might not be directed towards you. Your eyes looked racist when the question was. I can see the racism. I was going to say, what do you think of Lil Nas X going gay? Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought it was pretty cool, man.
Starting point is 00:05:30 And also just right on time. You know what I'm saying? He's just... Perfect timing. Even if you're not gay. I thought about coming out. Yeah? Just to boost tickets, though.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Really? Maybe. To boost them to who, dude? People who what? To gay? Oh, you want more of a gay fan base? I don't know, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:44 You think Lil Nas... You thought it was a good move? fan base? I don't know, dude. Yeah. But you think Lil Nas, you think that was a good move? I mean, I'm sure it's a good move. I haven't talked to any black people about this. I'm very serious. Making love to men as well, but it's also a good move for his career. You know what I mean? I think it's both of good moves. I think he's having a good time the whole way around. Good move for his personal
Starting point is 00:05:59 life, too, you know? Yeah, I mean, if he is, also, I think, also, most people probably knew that he was gay or preferred men. The outfits gave off that vibe. I wouldn't say outfit. He has that kind of like, sometimes to me, like a gay, some gay men, they have that, like they've been kind of just looking for sugar a little or something. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:06:19 Like their mouth kind of has like that little bit of- The sweetness. Yeah, it's got that sugar. They got a little sugar in their tongue. Yeah. That sweet and low. Yeah, like they just fucking just polished off a lemon about eight minutes ago. Or a lime or something.
Starting point is 00:06:29 Or ate the last rib and just sucked that bad boy dry. Yeah, and kept it in their pockets and maybe hid it later. Proud of them, you know? Yeah, that's awesome. Some of it is, it's like when it like an opportune time to do it? Is it PR stuff? But I think at this point and those guys' careers at that level, everything probably has a PR spin behind it or whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:53 For sure. You could just keep it to yourself. Yeah. Name the most successful gay rapper. I feel like it's frowned upon in your community, D. In some neighborhoods, it is. In some neighborhoods, it is. In some neighborhoods, it is. But I don't know any gay rappers.
Starting point is 00:07:08 By some, you mean all neighborhoods? Actually, I think in poor neighborhoods, if it's black or white. Yeah. Because if I think about it, yeah, we had this fellow named Roy Boy. Oh. And he. Yeah. And they call him that when he was nine, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:22 And he was about six and a half feet tall. And four feet of it was hair, you know? Yeah, Roy Boy was down. He put his hair straight up as high as it could go and it was a lot of hair, dude. It looked like a little hay bale, you know, on his head. And he would invite us over to play Battleship and stuff and play like water games in the tub and all kind of stuff. Yeah. Not naked, but bathing suits, but it was a small tub, dude, so. And he had a little sugar you
Starting point is 00:07:45 couldn't help but really get to know each other you know maybe it sounds like a nice guy he but also he wasn't nice he was very he he ended up uh he was rude and aggressive and he would beat us if we didn't behave on the ship you know that was his big thing oh he was pretty aggressive vibe yeah he had more of a dominatrix type of vibe you know but yeah i think if he would have said he was pretty aggressive vibe yeah he had more of a dominatrix type of vibe you know but yeah i think if he would have said he was gay in like a poor neighborhood then people would have been not cool about it whereas like in poor black neighborhoods growing up i always heard like that it was like kind of like a taboo so i think it might just be like in a poor environment it might just be a low income yeah people don't is that fair fair to say? Poor people don't like gay stuff yet. I wonder why.
Starting point is 00:08:27 I don't know. I think they like it. It's just, it's already hard enough without, you know, maybe somebody, you know, doing like, you know, trying to teach the guys on the basketball team. Like, you know, I don't know. I don't know. It's hard enough without butts. I thought I had an idea.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah. Let's get started though. You want to just start boys? Little Nas got them hits dude and the new song is good too. I like the new song. What's the new one? With Cardi B? I haven't heard it. I haven't heard that. I haven't heard that one dude. Which one were you talking about? Whenever he came out of the closet he put this thing
Starting point is 00:09:01 on Twitter as a video with a song. Yeah the cartoon where he's like just keeps blasting off into the air I didn't see that he was like I tried to tell y'all and it's like a city skyline
Starting point is 00:09:10 and one's just a big dick is it a wiener? yeah man rainbow wiener well that's Tower 7 dude look into it that's all I'm saying bro dude I got deep
Starting point is 00:09:20 last night watching Alex Jones and Eddie Bravo talking about Tower 7 dude you went too deep? well it's crazy you believe that shit? too deep? Well, it's crazy. You believe in that shit? Bro, look into it, man.
Starting point is 00:09:27 It's crazy, bro. Your house could fall down, dude. And who did it? You. No, I would never do that, dude. I'm not driving all the way out there. You went deep into it, though, huh? You buy that stuff?
Starting point is 00:09:39 I got in there, huh? You believe in all that? Look, man, I think there's definitely, at this point, if this many people are starting to think about it, then I think there's something going on. When you say this many people, you mean the people that follow Alex Jones? That's not, the majority would disagree. Well, people call him AJ, okay, first of all. Oh, you're a follower.
Starting point is 00:09:58 No, no, no. You're a follower. I like more Eddie Bravo style, man, you know? Because Eddie kind of gets high and just has his eyes closed and just keeps talking about it. And just goes. And no one's around. Dude, the other night at the comic store, Eddie and Sam cornered me because I said something about fucking aliens. And they went off.
Starting point is 00:10:17 Yeah. They kind of messed me up for the night. Oh, definitely. I was stuck for an hour. Oh, yeah. It's great. They make you reconsider everything you've ever believed in. It's great, bro.
Starting point is 00:10:26 It's great stuff. It's better than drugs, kind of. It really is. I got high from it. Yeah. You're like, damn, we're going deep. And Kat's here too. We're multicultural here. Yeah, what's up, guys? What's up, girl? What's up, Kat? What's going on? Are you celebrating 4th of July this year? I celebrate 4th of July, but it's
Starting point is 00:10:42 more so my birthday than 4th of July. When's your B-Day? It's tomorrow. Oh, wow. The day right before. Did you get her anything? Huh? Did you get cupcakes, cake, anything? Yeah. I got her something. She doesn't like sweets that much, so I got her something she would like. She loves sweets. I know. I was just trying to take a shot in the dark and see
Starting point is 00:10:57 if I got it. Seemed like I knew her better than you did. Yeah. I haven't gotten her something, but now I'm gonna. I'll probably get her a new King of the Sting shirt. We have shirts for girls now. We do. Well, they're coming. But Kat will get the first one. Yep.
Starting point is 00:11:09 There you go, Kat. You got something. There you go. What are you doing? Are you celebrating? Yeah, I am going to head back to San Jose this weekend to see my parents. Oh, nice. Yeah, hang out with them.
Starting point is 00:11:19 My dad's birthday is also on Saturday. Damn, you guys like those M80s or what? Them M80s? Yeah, y'all do fireworks? You get them black cats, the snakes, the twisters, the poppers. The Vietnamese love fireworks. That's what I'm saying. Your dad make?
Starting point is 00:11:31 What? Does he what? What? Your dad what? Nothing. What? Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:11:38 This is when I check out of Brennan's most racist. No, I'm not. You are. Not today. It's a new record. Not today, man. Either way, Kat'm not. You are. Not today. It's a new record. Not today, man. Either way, Kat, have fun out there. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Happy early birthday, Kat, from someone who looks back to you and cares about you. Thank you. I appreciate it, guys. Are you doing anything for the 4th? When you were growing up, was there fireworks in New Orleans? Oh, yeah. There was fireworks year-round, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Sunday was a big firework night. Bottle rockets? Twizzlers? Twizzlers. Oh, yeah. There was fireworks year-round, dude. Yeah. Sunday was a big firework night. Bottle rockets? Twizzlers? Oh, dude. A lot of times, yeah, people, we had bottle rockets
Starting point is 00:12:11 were big. If you had a freaking pack of bottle rockets. A black cat and Yeah. Yeah, scare somebody. Yeah. Kill a cat,
Starting point is 00:12:19 scare a senior citizen. Okay. All right. All right. Turn it up, dude. Or we'd drink wine and throw the bottles off the interstate over a bridge on the interstate. Same thing as firecrackers? Yeah. Keep people on their toes. Okay. All right. Turn it up, dude. Or we'd drink wine and throw the bottles off the interstate over a bridge on the interstate. Same thing as firecrackers?
Starting point is 00:12:28 Yeah. Keep people on their toes. Yeah. It's more about keeping people activated in the area. Yeah, it really is. You can't get fireworks anymore, though. Although, someone DMed me and said you can get them in San Bernido. Okay. San Bernido is a new place that Brendan made up.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Is that what they call it? I don't know. Or have you been playing Fortnite or something? Dude, I've never heard of San Bernardino. Do you know what I'm talking about? San Bernardino? Is that what it is?
Starting point is 00:12:52 Yeah. Well, there you go. You can buy fireworks out there. In San Bernardino? Oh, dude, I was in Texas and you can buy tons of fireworks there. Yeah, but you can't bring them here.
Starting point is 00:13:01 The cops will shut you down. Will they really? Yeah, they seized like $4 million in fireworks. Are you serious? In Long Beach. Bunch of wimps around here, The cops will shut you down. Will they really? Yeah, they seized like $4 million in fireworks. Are you serious? In Long Beach. Bunch of wimps around here, dude. Bunch of bitches.
Starting point is 00:13:09 Bunch of straight bitches, dude. Let me pop my rockets, bro. Oh, bro, these people around here can't even handle an egg, like a regular egg, you know, that's from a chicken that's on fucking drugs or whatever. You'll do three to five years for lighting a snake in my neighborhood. Really? Yeah, that bullshit snake. Dude, that little thing?
Starting point is 00:13:24 Remember that thing? Yeah. And it would just keep climbing out of itself. It was sick. That thing was awesome, man. All right, let's kick this off. Shout out to 4th of July. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Awesome, boys. Let's start with some debate club. Up first, we got Grace. This is Grace. Oh, yeah. Got them bangs. Hey, my name's Grace, and I'm just wondering, would you rather live in Mexico or Canada? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Buzz, buzz, girl. I mean, this one's so easy to me. Is it really? Oh, my God. This is easier than crunchy or smooth peanut butter for me, baby. Well, we also only make really easy questions coming here because one of us prefers the easier one. I don't pick these. I would say Canada all goddamn day.
Starting point is 00:14:11 The neighbors to the north, there's no cartel up there. That's a good point. They're not trying to get into here. There's a reason. It's nice there, dude. They got little Eskimo hoes everywhere. Yeah. Good food.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Nice people. What else? Name a couple more things. This is going to get good. About Canada? Yeah. They got little Eskimo hoes everywhere. Good food. Nice people. What else? Name a couple more things. This is going to get good. About Canada? They got hockey. Name four more things. They got ice. They got maple syrup. You can't do ice. That's not something. We have maple syrup. They have Vancouver.
Starting point is 00:14:40 They have Drake. They have Kawhi Leonard. Drake from Toronto. Dude, Drake is starting to look like a freaking trucker, bro, like a mixed lesbian trucker, dude. He's getting there. He's celebrating a little too much. Yeah, bro. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:14:53 He's celebrating a little too much. He's had too many beef franks, it looks like. You're going to go with Mexico? Listen, there's a reason I'm jumping the border, bro. Mm-hmm. Cartel, too, bro. Think about that. It's muy peligroso in Mexico.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Mm-hmm. That's the problem. There's too many mexico you know that's the problem there's too many you know that's the thing i don't like if i'm doing cocaine you know i don't like to be in a hot hot area i like to be more hydrated canada you know i think mexico here's here's what i think would help we give a river to mexico we got a lot of rivers fucking milling around here. You know? The Idaho River. You name your two. There's one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Name the other one. Mississippi. There you go. Then what do you got? Keep going. Huh? Keep going. Dude.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Mr. Rivers. There's tons of... My bad. There's tons of... My bad your mom made you study the rivers, girl, I know. Bro, there's tons of rivers, bro. Colorado River. Or he named it.
Starting point is 00:15:44 No, you didn't. You're the first one I named. Did you? Yeah, of rivers, bro. Colorado River. Or he named it. No, you didn't. It's the first one I named. Did you? Yeah, CTE, baby. Which ones did you name, dude? Colorado, Mississippi, okay? Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:54 Keep going. We know I'm two river shop. Okay. We know this. I do the two mains, and I'm out. Dude, the Okeechobee, okay? Oh, this dude making Native American names up. Probably the Okeewanabe. Florida, dude.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Yeah, maybe. Maybe. That's Okeechobee, dude. It's a Florida river. They also have the- Table Rock. That's a mountain in South Africa. It's in Missouri.
Starting point is 00:16:17 It's a river. Table Rock, yes. Is it really? How big is it? Can someone look it up? Table Rock River? It's a river, dude. Dude, I can say anything, and people have named rivers after it.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Los Angeles River? How about that? Nope, not a real river. Is it? Nope. Yes, it is. Table Rock Lake in Missouri, which also the outlet goes into a river. What's up, baby?
Starting point is 00:16:39 A lake is not just a round river, dude. You're out of your mind, bro. Dude, hey, keep going. Hey, you've named two of them. You named Colorado and Mississippi, dude. I're out of your mind, bro. Dude, hey, keep going. Hey, you've named two of them. You named Colorado and Mississippi, dude. I'll keep going. Please do. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:49 The Chafuncta River. Oh, fuck off. No, I don't know. The Chafuncta. I'm starting historically with our native rivers, dude. Okay? I'm going to go all the way. How about the Hudson?
Starting point is 00:17:00 Okay. The Hudson is, isn't the Hudson a lake? Lake Hudson? New Jersey, but it's also a river, bro. Is it really? You got to remember. Hudson River? Yes, that's a river.
Starting point is 00:17:09 He's from New Jersey. Is it? Hudson River. Hudson River. Okay, so you got one. What were you saying? I'll go the Missouri River. Very huge river, a lot of water in it.
Starting point is 00:17:19 God, what gave you that? The, when I said Table Rock, because that's in Missouri? Yeah. No shit, dude. Missouri River. It's a very big and popular river right there. And that goes to Table Rock. It floats into Table Rock.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Yeah, no one knows that, bro. Okay, I'll go also with the Oklahoma River. Very huge, popular outdoor river. I'm glad you scanned over all the rivers before you came in here. And that's another popular river, the North Canadian River. And my friend Max has a son named Rivers. I like that name.
Starting point is 00:17:49 It is a good name, actually. I like the name... I forgot it. I thought you were going to get it out of your pants. I had it written down. Either way, neither one was great with rivers.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Can we just say that? Can we meet somewhere in the middle? What is this lady's problem? Don't fucking touch me, dude, but keep touching me, bro. That's Brennan's shady idea, man. Shady idea. What's up with bangs here? She wants to move to Mexico?
Starting point is 00:18:14 Bang a lion, dude. Would you rather live in Canada or Mexico, boys? And let me just say, first of all, this is hair code. Ladies, if you want to bang, grow them out the front, you know? Let them hang, girl. Yeah. If you want to bang, let them out the front, you know? Let them hang, girl. Yeah. If you want to bang, let them hang.
Starting point is 00:18:28 Yeah, that's it. If you got them bang for the bang, you know? Trying to bang, you let it hang. Oh, damn, dude. What? What's up, girl? Is that a little stroke? What's up, girl?
Starting point is 00:18:41 No, this seems like a beautiful young woman, and I'm happy she reached out to us. What's her name? Grace. Oh, yeah, Grace. Grace needs to stay in Canada if she is there because that sun would be a real problem in Mexico for this young white lady. That's true. Now, in Mexico, you're going to get sun cancer, okay?
Starting point is 00:18:54 You're going to get cancer from the sun. In Mexico. Yeah, in Mexico. In Mexico, you are. Muy caliente. Muy caliente. You're going to get... You're going to shit your pants.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Can't drink the water. You can't drink it. It's going to take a year to adapt to it. The peca de cal. Yeah. The peca de cal. The peca de cal. You can't taste the cheese
Starting point is 00:19:10 in the peca de cal. Yeah. But also, if you get down there to some nice areas, things can be good. Say Wataneo, where your father lives.
Starting point is 00:19:17 What's his name? Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman. Father escaped too. Sorry. But if you guys, as soon as we get a camera on Derek, you'll see that he is obviously Morgan Freeman's love child.
Starting point is 00:19:31 It's so Claire's day that he's a Morgan Freeman child. And no disrespect to your paper dad, but I'm talking. Morgan Freeman's from Memphis, so I'm actually kind of nervous. You know what I mean? All I'm saying is look into it. Yeah, dude. You got your own little Tower 7 over there. Tower Cewataneo.
Starting point is 00:19:50 So that's in Mexico. But yeah, Canada, dude. Look, Canada. I'm saying this. Max Exodus coming to Canada, dude. A lot of people are going to be getting out of America and moving to Canada. I would go Canada. Yep.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Friendly people. Safe people. Everyone's friendly. Friendly people in Mexico, too. There's just still too much disorganization there. There's too much political unrest. There's too much violency. You get murdered.
Starting point is 00:20:12 You take a friend to Tijuana. Somebody gets murdered in your group. Now you've got to find somebody else to be in your fantasy football league at the last minute. You ain't lying. And you want to go to a show with your buddies, walk in the show. It's a donkey show. You think it's a circus. That ain't a circus. Yeah. That ain't a circus.
Starting point is 00:20:26 That ain't a circus. Yeah, and you got kids there eating popcorn. Yeah, kids are front row. Yeah, and also sometimes there's a disconnect. With their chick lads. You go to the clubs down there, and they're just blasting the loudest music from 1994. Sometimes people want a more peaceful environment.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Yeah, it's violent in Mexico, man. It's just aggressive, I feel like. And hot sauce doesn't go with everything, you know what I'm saying? So I'm taking my ass to Canada. Drake, maple syrup. End of story. But I would like to re-review this. Let's table this and bring it back up in 10 years or four years.
Starting point is 00:20:56 That's a good point. And see how, because I think Mexico could catch up, but they got to tighten some of that stuff up, man. By tighten some stuff, he means all stuff. And why, if it's great, are people leaving there all the time? You know? You don't see us climbing their walls. It's just not good advertising.
Starting point is 00:21:12 It's like, if you want us to come, then stay and invite us. More people would go. What, dude? I would go more if people wasn't always being like, oh, I'm getting the fuck out of there. Everyone goes there, right? Everyone. Where,, right? Everyone. Where, to Mexico? Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:26 No. For vacation, everybody. Cancun. It's dangerous, though. Puerto Vallarta. People start me-sing, you know? People go, oh, I don't know. Me-sing, Cancun, Puerto Vallarta.
Starting point is 00:21:36 What's the other big name? Natalie Holloway. Me-sing, bro. You know? Oh, no se. No, no. Yeah. Bueno, bueno.
Starting point is 00:21:45 Canada all day. You know? Oh, no, say. No, no. Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Canada all day. 77% of people also went Canada as well. Yeah, there's no cartel in Canada, baby. Oh, yeah. Now, I would love it, yeah, but let's, I say we deviate one of these rivers down to Mexico. I think that would help out a lot. That's one thing we're doing is kind of hogging some of the water. Throw them a factory, though.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Nike, throw them a factory. Yeah, dude. Let them a factory, though. Nike, throw them a factory. Let's get Apple in Mexico. Throw them a factory, dude. I want a pair of those Betsy Rosses that came out. You see that? I didn't see them. Actually, they're kind of shitty looking. Are they? Yeah. Kaepernick got pissed about them. Oh, I did see them with the old school flag on the back. They didn't release those, though, did they?
Starting point is 00:22:19 Look at you looking at shoes, bro. They were gonna, yeah. Up next, we got Alex from Austin, Texas. Oh, good. This is Alex. Powerful hair, dude. What up, Brendan and Theo? This is Alex from Austin, Texas, and I got a debate club for you.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Who is better, the Power Rangers or the Ninja Turtles? Buzz, buzz, gang, gang. Gang, bro. Buzz, buzz, dog. This one's too easy for me bro it's too easy for you yeah them power rangers jumping them tides all gay and shit listen the turtles worth of shit man the turtles worth of shit michelangelo do you know all of them can you name the turtles yes i can go michelangelo um donatello yes that's the tricky one. Leonardo. And I want to say Fibonacci.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Who is it? Donatello. Raphael. Michelangelo. Leonardo. Donatello. Jesus, we are dumb, man. And the last one.
Starting point is 00:23:19 They all sound the same, don't they? Raphael. Four. Four baby turtles. Yeah. Well, I don't like here's obviously you know they got shredder my dog shredder out there shout out to shredder you know and r.i.p a lot of people know he died a couple months ago um but they're cool man pizza turtles that's true it's easy bro
Starting point is 00:23:38 it's so easy for me that's easy the power rangers they showed up you know they got a couple of you know dude the power rangers it was a gay pride parade that's all. The Power Rangers, they showed up. You know, they got a couple of, you know. Dude, the Power Rangers, it was a gay pride parade. That's all that was. Bro, they got horses in the back. Yeah, horses in the back. Ladies in the front. They'd shing and make a rainbow. Then they're in tights all of a sudden.
Starting point is 00:23:56 I'm like, what the fuck? You know, as a kid, I was like, what's happening right now? Yeah. Strange. Yeah, Power Rangers, yeah, I didn't know what they showed up. Like, yeah, it seemed a little vague. You couldn't know. You didn't know who was who.
Starting point is 00:24:07 What were they defending? Do we know? We don't. We know the Turtles were defending the sewer and the rat. Their master. Discipline. Pizza. April's fine ass.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Yeah, dude, damn. The rat king. Let's go to the culture corner. What do you guys think? Because I think Brennan is, you know. You look like a Power Ranger. Ninja Turtles all day, bro. Those guys go to the culture corner. What do you guys think? Because I think Brennan is, you know, you look like a Power Ranger. Oh, dude, Ninja Turtles all day, bro.
Starting point is 00:24:27 Those guys would for sure get pussy. Power Rangers ain't getting no pussy, dog. Damn. Derek took it super athlete. Whoa, bro. They're cooler, dog. You ain't lying, man. And their diversity, bro.
Starting point is 00:24:39 They're green. They're green. Power Rangers are pretty diverse, too. It had an Asian chick, a black dude, a white dude, an Asian dude. But you couldn't see them sometimes, could you? You couldn't Rangers are pretty diverse, too. It had an Asian chick, a black dude, a white dude. But you couldn't see them sometimes, could you? You couldn't see any of them, really.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Yeah. Kat, are you a Power Ranger fan? I mean, I feel like I have to be because. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're younger. No. That was around the time I was growing up. Weren't there like Power Rangers like ninjas or samurai, some shit like that?
Starting point is 00:25:04 Yeah. I feel like they just represented more Asian people, so I have to be on their team. I could see that kicking, jumping off of stuff, electricity coming off of them. That's Asian stuff, dude. It's more anime style. Dude, turtles were ninjas. There's nothing more Asian than a ninja. Master Splinter was an Asian.
Starting point is 00:25:22 But did they train that much or anything? A lot of times, one of them was lazy, I think. One was lazy. They drove a van. They did drive a van with Casey and April. April had them tights, bro. April had them titatas, bro. Dude, April had them freaking double tortoise hitters in the front.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Yeah. Dang, bro. She had it banging. Dude, I would freaking. She had that yellow jumpsuit, remember? Bro, I'd put on a diaper and shave my head and pretend I was. Dang, bro. She had it banging. Dude, I would freaking... She had that yellow jumpsuit, remember? Bro, I'd put on a diaper and shave my head
Starting point is 00:25:48 and pretend I was a baby, dude, to get on that tit. You know it? So, what do the people say? Shout out to Turtles, though. 74% Ninja Turtles. Dude, that's so...
Starting point is 00:26:01 Yeah, come on. Who the fuck's picking Power Rangers? What else you got? I'll tell you who. 26% of our audience who is obviously cat stalkers. Up next, we got Clay from Indianapolis. Oh, yeah. I like people named after stuff that's in the bottom of a river.
Starting point is 00:26:21 What up, Theo? What up, Brendan? This is from 19... It's your boy Clay from Indianapolis. Got a debate club for ya. It's from the future. Cash or card? Paper or plastic? That coke hitter? Or that coke chopper? Oh! What's in your wallet? Hope you guys are doing well. Gang gang.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Must buy. Is that Macho Man Randy Savage? Whoa! Dude! I like that. Nice. Gang Gang Buzz Buzz Is that Macho Man Randy Savage? I like that Nice This guy is awesome Look at that Gang Gang Buzz Buzz He sent this to us from 1987 He knew we were going to be here
Starting point is 00:26:58 He's in Indy, might be at my show in Indy I would assume He's dressed like that as well What do you mean he's probably deceased now? It's from 1987 This show is getting out of hand This. He's from the past. But what do you mean? He's probably deceased now. It's from 1987. This show's getting out of hand. This guy's coming from the future, you know what I'm saying? The past, you delinquent. That's the Terminator, bro. Yeah, but the past is 1987.
Starting point is 00:27:14 It doesn't go backwards. Hey, but is he asking if I like cash or credit? Or are we just talking about drugs? Cash or credit, like at the store. Oh, come on, bro. Listen, I'm more of a cash guy. I'm old school. I like having cash. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:27 Are you a cash hitter? I like having cash, dude. You can't make it rain with credit cards. Yeah. You feel me? You can if you throw your credit card at a stripper, but they will accept it. I'll tell you that. You can swipe them cheeks.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Yeah. You feel me? Yeah, dude. Trying to swipe cheeks, trying to make it rain. Swipe cheeks. Yeah, I feel you getting pink-eyed, bro. That sounds dangerous, brother. That's my middle name, dog.
Starting point is 00:27:49 You're a cash cow, though? Yeah, I like cash, man. I like to have a little cash hidden around and stuff like that. You know, in case you get somebody kidnapped or whatever, you can pay them right there. You get kidnapped, you can pay them right there. I'm not driving off to the ATM. That's where you get murdered by kidnappers. I like to pay right up front if I get kidnapped.
Starting point is 00:28:07 I feel you. I like a little cash. Also, is there anything more embarrassing when you valet a car or some shit and you don't have cash to tip the dude? I go, I'll get you next time, man. Knowing damn well it's not going to be for a long time. And you'll forget. For sure. And he'll forget.
Starting point is 00:28:21 No, he won't. You're right, bro. You won't forget. No, he won't. You're right, bro. You won't forget. You're right. And that's crazy. It's also really, yeah, you can't really tip people anymore because that's the community, too. It's like, that's a harder working environment. You know, people are doing jobs and need tips, and you can't even tip them. No, now tips, if everything's hard, you just tip them with advice.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Stay in school. Comb your hair. Stay in school, dude. Bro, you just tip them with advice. Stay in school. Comb your hair. Stay in school, dude. Bro, you didn't even do that. Dude, I have a degree. You didn't even go to school. Yeah, I did, bro. What school? MTV doesn't count. A lot
Starting point is 00:28:58 of different schools, bro. Adult schools, adult college. You're crazy, boy. You can't name more rivers than me, though. I'll give you that. You tell your mom I said congrats. Bro, if we had a map contest, bro. You tell your mom I said you did a good job on the rivers.
Starting point is 00:29:12 If we had a map contest, I'd smoke you. Okay? And I'm going cash, baby. I'm doing it. Look, I don't even care if you cut the cocaine up, dude. You know what I'm saying, bro? Give me the block of ice, baby. Dude, yeah. I'll put it. Dude, I'll hide even care if you cut the cocaine up, dude. Me neither, bro. Give me the block of ice, baby. Dude, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:26 I'll put it... Dude, I'll hide a... You know, I'll throw a gram in my b-hole, bro, in that rear jaw. You feel me? Let's go, daddy. I'll put that devil brick in my anus. Horses in the bag, dude. White horses in the bag, dude.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I don't know, bro. I bet you'd let a couple Dark horses park there Don't touch me dude I will call the cops There's a lot of footage You reaching over here Let's keep this moving
Starting point is 00:29:55 I can't You're the one that Took it weird didn't ya Huh You're the one that Took it weird there dude Hear people booing Horses in the bag.
Starting point is 00:30:07 That song has a different meaning, doesn't it? It's a little different now. I still like it, though. 58% went with cash as well. Fuck yeah. Cash is gangster, isn't it? Cash is just more real. Yeah, if they unplug it all, you got nothing.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Credit feels fake. It's nothing. If they unplug it, you it all, you got nothing. Credit feels fake. It's nothing. Well, if they unplug it, you got nothing, man. You're right, dude. You got nothing, boy. The bank can just zip your shit. Yeah, and where are you going to go? Who are you going to go knock on the bank?
Starting point is 00:30:34 Who are you going to complain to? Carl at the bank? That motherfucker's gone, bro. U.S. Bank don't give a fuck about your dreams. Yeah. Cash it out, man. Cash city. Shit's about to get heated.
Starting point is 00:30:43 I say cash it out. Yep. Start hiding cash in your backyard. Yeah. Time to pay the bills. You guys want to do a little flaunt my aunt? Fuck yeah. Yeah, let's see some hotties, dude.
Starting point is 00:30:53 I can't deal with this. I keep having to look at this. Where's Pop my uncle at? What else you got? How about first we got, how about that? We can start with that. A little mass, bro. Right?
Starting point is 00:31:02 Uncle Slick Victor. Hey, que paso? This is a regular picture of a dude, man. He's just fishing. That's just a nice guy fishing. No, he caught that with his hands, dude, and he's a freaking Native American. Zoom in on him a little. He's an Eskimo.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Yeah. They call him Schemos, bro. Yeah. Beautiful guy. That fish can eat. 50 years old. He likes to fish and do crossword puzzles when he's hitting his vape. He's also a retired stripper who now just has a warehouse job.
Starting point is 00:31:36 But in his younger days, he used to strip. Speaking of cash. Oh, he's a Native American, dude. I mean, you basically just described every Native American I've ever met. Let me guess. He drinks alcohol as well? That's not even a lake behind him, dude. That's gin.
Starting point is 00:31:47 That's vodka. If you can see this. That's his backyard full of vodka. No, man. Victor, you seem like a swell guy, man. Hand-caught fish. I love that. And you can tell he's not mistreating the fish.
Starting point is 00:31:56 A lot of guys, they get the fish and they throw it in a little ice cooler or something. I think you're off, bro. I think you're off. Them Eskimos were mean as fuck to these fish. He's going to eat that thing face first as soon as the camera looks away. Boy, he might eat it like that, but he's going to look it in the eyes before he eats it. Not like other people that sneak up behind it and skin it. What I'm saying is this, dude, is that male or female, that fish?
Starting point is 00:32:17 Can we zoom in on it a little? I'm going to go with male, but we don't know. Now, do you catch that thing with a, his hands are dirty as fuck. He catch that thing with a pole, a fishing pole, or his hands his hands are dirty from this man knows poles bro from years of hard work on the pole he's an american dude but he's a stripper on a pole yeah they hey dude you have to be how was she gonna make any money dude drinking you can't make any money just drinking don't they make ices i don't think so that's hawaiians ah you're going to make any money, dude. Drinking? You can't make any money just drinking. Don't they make Icy's? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:32:48 That's Hawaiians. You're right, dude. Again, shout out to your mom. Beautiful guy. And he used to strip as well. I wonder what led him into that. Yeah. Does it say anything else about him? No, that's all we know. Good for him, man. A little Magic Mike Eskimo vibe there. Yeah. What do you guys think of this little Magic Mike Eskimo vibe there. Yeah. I like him.
Starting point is 00:33:05 What do you guys think of this guy? Since he looks... Magic Victor. He looks like a neat man. Like a guy who's... He looks kind of like that guy... Who's the guy that hides in the woods with football players and stuff? Hides in the woods with football players.
Starting point is 00:33:21 You know who I'm talking about. And he puts like... Give me some more description there. And he would touch them? You can touch... I mean, yeah, you could touch them if you meet them. I've never met him.
Starting point is 00:33:31 Hides in the woods with football players? Yes, dude. With... Come on. Leonard... Leonard... Who's that running back that played for Seattle?
Starting point is 00:33:41 Sean Lynch. Yes. He hides with people in the woods? Bear Grylls. That's what I'm thinking of. people in the woods? Bear Grylls. That's what I'm thinking of. Oh! He looks like Bear Grylls kind of.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Wow. Yeah. No. But definitely not. You don't think so? No, not in any fashion. Zoom in a little bit. Definitely like in the eyes.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Bear Grylls is an Eskimo. I mean it's... Wow, he's a stripper too, huh? Would you watch this guy strip, you think? I'd watch fucking Vitor slap that man around. Derek, what do you think? I don't know if I'm being
Starting point is 00:34:09 racist or he just seems so short. He's like 5'1", this guy. You want a tall stripper? I need some length, man. Damn, bro. I need some body. Yeah, I'm with you, man. No one likes to watch small people do anything. That's not true. No one likes small fighters. No one likes small strippers. No one likes small watch small people do anything. That's not true, Brandon. No one likes small fighters.
Starting point is 00:34:25 No one likes small strippers. No one likes small basketball, small football. I'm with D. I need some Lent. I need that fucking anaconda in my face if I'm going to go. Oh, my God, bro. Somebody call Carl Lentz, bro. I need a pastor, man.
Starting point is 00:34:43 I need the Lord if I'm going to sit here anymore. You need that anaconda in your face. You're nuts, guy. Dude, I'm talking about if I was at a strip club and that was my thing, with D, I need some Lentz. How did we get here? This is a man with a fish, a hand car. He's a stripper with a fish.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Yeah, you're right. He's a nice young gentleman. Is he, though? This looks like a bait and switch, literally. He's out here. He's showing us the fish, but really, he probably didn't even have any ass on his shorts. He probably has nice young gentleman. Is he, though? This looks like a bait and switch, literally. He's out here. He's showing us the fish, but really, he probably doesn't even have any ass on his shorts. He probably has the ass cut out of him.
Starting point is 00:35:10 You know what? He's a catfish. Yeah, he's a catfish. He's a catfish. And what's he doing now? He's in witness protection, they said. Did they say anything else? No, he's just working in a warehouse now. Oh, that's witness protection.
Starting point is 00:35:20 Okay, first of all. For sure. Working at a warehouse, dude. Okay. Be more general victor yeah victor the stripper fisherman a lot of left no one's buying this shit yeah a lot of left and right turns in this story so i think that uh yeah victor is a i think uh victor's a nice young uncle yeah we just don't know who he really is. No, I think he's lying about everything, and he's a catfish if I've ever seen one. Yep, so flaunt my uncle?
Starting point is 00:35:51 What was it? Pop my uncle. Pop my uncle? What do we call the uncles on this show? Did we change the whole idea behind this show while I was out of town? While you're what? Daydreaming? Do you even know where you're at right now?
Starting point is 00:36:05 I think I was in freaking Smoke, Oklahoma, dude. What else we got? Oh, two guys in Oklahoma said that they're upset with you about something. I don't remember what it was, but that's all they said. Dang, I wish you knew. I know. I'll try to get more information, but I think the guy was drunk. That's fair.
Starting point is 00:36:18 So I was like, all right, I'll tell him that. Well, shout out to Oklahoma. Yeah. What else you got, D? Hold on one second, boys. Horses in the back, bitches in the front. There's not that many bitches in the front, apparently. It's just really.
Starting point is 00:36:32 It's just horses in the back. Yeah. Horses in the back, horses in the front. All right, boys, ready for the next one? Yeah. It sounds like the Alamo, really, that he's singing about. Yeah, or an interesting party he had one night. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Sounds like Victor's buddy. Horses in the front, horses in the back. Yeah, I know. This song's kind of catchy. What else you got, Doug? We got Aunt Sherry and her partner, Aunt Randy. Ooh. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:37:06 I'm not mad at these ant on ant. And this is beautiful. Flowers in the front, flowers in the back. These freaking beautiful pups. Dude, I used to live across the street. I used to live across the street from some beautiful lesbians, dude. Nicest people on earth, aren't they? Well, I don't know about that, but one of them worked at the library.
Starting point is 00:37:24 I remember that. And, aren't they? Well, I don't know about that, but one of them worked at the library. I remember that. And, yeah, they were cool. They were a little bit violent sometimes, though. With each other? But they loved to put up Christmas decorations. Yeah, they can always bake, can't they? I mean, they could stare a fucking batter into a damn brownie, bro. Lesbians can get pretty damn aggressive.
Starting point is 00:37:44 They have some cool powers, man. They have some cool, useless powers, for sure. Well, it just depends. You have different types of lesbian women. What gets me is there's some that's angry against men for no reason. That kind of stuff kind of gets on my nerves. Well, they think it's a competition. You know what's weird to me
Starting point is 00:38:00 is when you got like one, I think they call them lipstick lesbians, it's just this dimey dime, right? Who likes women. But then she's dating a butch girl that looks like a man. She's got a dude, baby. Yeah, but they don't want to do because dudes. Well, here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:38:14 A lot of butch lesbian women are the most covert men you've ever met in your life, bro. They're like the swaggiest men ever. They got a lot of testosterone. Well, they know exactly what to say to a woman. They're basically, they're good. They're like Neil Strauss
Starting point is 00:38:28 or whatever that guy that wrote the book that picking up women, you know? Oh, no, they're like Mel Gibson, What Women Want. Yes. But lesbians. Yeah, they're so swaggy, dude,
Starting point is 00:38:36 and they're beating us at our own game of chasing women because- That's our competition, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And of course, they're going to tell chicks
Starting point is 00:38:44 don't go by men you know because they want the chicks fucking they're tricking us i think whatever dude i'm pissed i'm fucking pissed i'm fucking pissed you're so right dude am i because i don't know what i'm talking about but you're right whatever you're talking about you're right dude Whatever you're talking about, you're right, dude. I don't think so, man. I think you're right. You're out of your mind, bro. I guess, dude. Dude, how can you say I'm right if I don't know what I'm talking about? That means you're crazy. I'm crazy.
Starting point is 00:39:13 You look like a bush lesbian. Yeah, well. So it's all good. Oh, definitely. Now, if we're talking hairstyle and t-shirt size, yeah, dude. These are my people, bro. That's your community. Now look. Wait, what do these bitches want? They want...
Starting point is 00:39:28 Jesus, man. They want us to flaunt their pups? We're going to try to rank them stupid dogs? Talk about a safe dog. Could there be any safer dog than golden retrievers? Oh, yeah. They want more pets, first of all, is what they want. Also, are we sure these are lesbians?
Starting point is 00:39:45 We don't know. What information do we have on these beautiful ladies? Well, we know they're partners. Okay. They could be business partners, as it's said. Do they have an LLC or something? Do they own a corporation? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:39:54 Do you think partners in life? I think so. I think they own a ring together for marriage. You think they own a ring? Yeah, for marriage. Yeah. And then they also are owners of multiple doggy daycares in new jersey oh and now that's another thing man lesbians uh lesbian women uh can take care of pets better
Starting point is 00:40:13 than anyone i agree with that and that's a superpower man to have that much affection and stuff to be able to take care of animals birds too dude it's rare you catch a decent lesbian woman without a bird or a parrot lit or something at the house. Yeah, well-maintained parakeet or some shit. Yeah, and that's... I mean... We're all doing something, man. These partners, these lesbians look boring.
Starting point is 00:40:36 You know what I'm saying? They look super boring. Like, they go to Bed Bath & Beyond on the weekends. You know, it just doesn't look like a fun time. The background's annoying me for whatever reason. I don't know. This whole thing just... I don't know. I doesn't look like a fun time the background's annoying me for whatever reason i don't know this whole thing just i don't know i don't know dude well first of all they have a black dog which i think is you know for them that's a big step i think even in that community they have christmas decorations so they're celebratory you know i think they similar haircut bro here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:41:05 You can't look... Just look at them as like two cool dudes that also have four dogs and... Two gay dudes? No, that's the thing. You have to look at them as straight dudes. Like, oh, look at these straight-ass dudes. Oh, then that's a cool picture.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Yeah. Yeah, it's two dudes with four dogs. Yeah, that's it. And one has a vest on. This is dope. Yeah, bro. I would love that, dude. A hundred percent, man. Look at the glass half full. And one has a vest on? This is dope. I haven't heard about that, dude. A hundred percent, man.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Look at the glass half full. Yeah, bro. You got to look at the, yeah, you got to look at this decently. Shout out to both these aunties. Yeah. And what is it? What does it say? Is this for flaunt my aunt?
Starting point is 00:41:43 Yes, sir. Whose aunt is it? We don't know who's aunt it is. Bunch of people say? Is this for flaunt my aunt? Yes, sir. Whose aunt is it? We don't know whose aunt it is. Bunch of people's aunts. Do we even fucking know? Do people submitting these people know these people? They definitely know them. You're not going to just submit this pic from the mall.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Yeah. You know, this is a high quality pic. There's no system of checks and balances here. Is this CNN, dude? What is going on? What is going on here? What else you got, D? Oh, God. Up next we got Uncle Eddie.
Starting point is 00:42:11 We still on Flop My... Yeah, it was the last one for Flop My... God damn, Eddie. What do you think about this guy, Cat? What's your first thought when you see a man like this in America? Stared Cat? I'll say, don't give her any ideas, Brendan. Let her talk. I think of the movie The Revenant. I think he's an outdoorsy man,
Starting point is 00:42:29 can take care of himself, maybe other people very well. Does anyone notice he has the biggest glove in the world? Yeah. The glove is awful. Oh, and he's in a snowstorm, bro. He's Snow Jay Simpson, bro. Look at this dude, bro.
Starting point is 00:42:42 That's the biggest glove I've ever seen. The biggest glove ever. Definitely will fit, and we can't acquit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Dude, this dude will suck the liver right out of an emu's butt, dude. This guy. This dude.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Fucking arm wrestle a moose, no problem. Yeah, this guy definitely has a couple missing wives. I'll say that. Or missing little cubs because he's a big old bear if you catch my drift. He's out there on his own. Some broke back revenant shit going on. That's the vibe I get. Yeah, I don't know if he seems very homoerotic to me, man.
Starting point is 00:43:22 But also if you're out in the snow, dude. By yourself? Yeah. Dude, does he bench 700 pounds? He's huge. Bro, you'll fuck a warm wall if you're out in the snow for a long time. Yeah, it ain't gay if you're out there too long. Yeah, if you've been out there a week, dude, who knows? Horses in the back. Horses in the front.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Who cares, man? Who cares, dude? Shout out to this fucking brother. Uncle, what's his name, Herman? Uncle Eddie. Eddie dude shout out to this fucking uncle what's his name Herman uncle Eddie Eddie shout out to Edward
Starting point is 00:43:48 and do we know any other information about him oh yeah we uh he's the biggest redneck you'll ever meet apparently he uh worked at a truck stop
Starting point is 00:43:55 for years keeping lot lizards under control and now is just killing animals and sometimes he actually kills them with his bare hands
Starting point is 00:44:01 I buy all of that I love that man I buy all of that. I love that, man. I believe all of that. And does it say anything else that he likes to do? Does he read or does he do, you know? I'd be interested to see what his favorite shows are. Favorite shows are, me too. I'd be very interested to see what his favorite shows are.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Any guesses? Wonder Years, I bet. You're going Wonder Years? What would you do if I turned out a door? Everyone said the best friend out there was Marilyn Manson for a hot second. It's not, though. That's when the internet started, dude. That's what started the internet, really.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Did you hear the other rumor? Marilyn Manson removed a rib? He had to blow himself? He started that, I bet. You went there. I was just saying he removed a rib. Yeah. Yeah, I heard he removed a rib and made a spoon out of it to blow himself. He started that, I bet. You went there. I was just saying he removed a rib. Yeah. Yeah, I heard he removed a rib and made a spoon out of it to have soup. I believe that.
Starting point is 00:44:51 Yeah. I believe it, dude. Shout out to this giant uncle. Do you think if somebody took one of your ribs out of your body and put it in a lineup with other bones or other ribs, you'd be able to know your rib from others? I'm not a rib expert. But what if you touched each rib? Would you know you think which one is yours? Now I'm saying they put you to sleep.
Starting point is 00:45:10 They take a rib out of your body. Sure. Okay, they chop a rib out. Then put it next to some baby back ribs? No, they just put it. No, you're going to notice if it's like in a rack of ribs. It's in a rack of ribs? No.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Is it covered in St. Louis barbecue sauce or are we talking southern barbecue sauce? I feel like this, dude. I feel like this wilderness guy. When I get in a conversation with you, dude, I feel like I'm in the wilderness. Go. And I feel like we're running out of water, and it's getting late. And say they took ribs out of other people. Out of six.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Out of six other people, and they set each one of those ribs in front of you. If you touched the rib, do you think you would get a sense of which one was yours? No. Do you? I think you would probably. I don't think you'd get. What do they call the pain? Like sometimes when soldiers or people, like a shark bites off an arm.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Oh, shark pain, I think. Sympathy pains. Phantom, I think it's like phantom pain. Like phantom, right? Like it still feels like your arm's there. Phantom, dude, from Marvel Universe or whatever? No, Phantom of the Opera is I think what he's talking about. You guys are fucking crazy.
Starting point is 00:46:10 The Phantom of the Opera is here. All right, let's go on. Oh, my God, bro. Your brain is like a damn blender, dude. It's a bunch of shit, man. Up next, we got a little shit smoothie in there. Hey, we need to get you a cigarette or somebody's dick. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Dick jokes, huh? Funny still? All right, Theo. Up next, we got. Sorry, Theo. Don't apologize to this fuck. Hey, man. Thank you, Derek, for being at least trying to be respectful to everyone.
Starting point is 00:46:41 I'm trying to. We got some relationship advice. This is Angela from Spring, Oklahoma. Oh, she sounds beautiful. Oh, shnikes. Get that chest ink, bro. Hey, guys. My name is Angela.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Snakes in the front. Snakes in the back. I'm getting some relationship advice. My guy that I was with for two years. Is she a robot? We just recently broke up. We constantly cheated. He's not the only one.
Starting point is 00:47:14 Every guy before him that I've been with has felt the need to wander off. It doesn't matter what I do. Keeping up with the house. Making sure food's on the table. Keeping up with myself. This is the 1950s. Make sure things stay exciting. It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:47:32 They always come back. That's the thing. Hold on. Sorry. Brennan wants to starve at home, obviously. Let's go back to the middle. This lady. Hold up, Doug. This is the 1950s housewife. Food's always on the table. House is spotless. I don't say much when he walks in the door.
Starting point is 00:47:52 She's just holding the mail. She's like, tell me what it says. I don't educate myself. What are you talking about? She is a housewife. This is what she likes to do. Be at home. Do recipes.
Starting point is 00:48:06 Take care of the house. Take care of the kids. Well, that shit ain't working. Oh, my God, dude. Get me out of this, man. I feel like I'm at a Dave and Buster's and the power's out, bro. That's what I feel. But Brendan's still playing all the games.
Starting point is 00:48:31 He's still kicking the ticket machine, wondering why the tickets aren't coming out. Who cares why they're not coming out? It takes 70,000 tickets to get a damn whistle, you idiot. All right, let's let this poor lady finish. No matter what I do, keeping up with the house, making sure food's on the table, All right, let's let this poor lady finish. Okay. No matter what I do, keeping up with the house, making sure food's on the table, keeping up with myself, making sure things stay exciting, role-playing in the bedroom, doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:48:58 But they always come back. That's the thing. Oh. So I'm just wondering, what makes them want to wander in the first place? Tell me something good. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Bye.
Starting point is 00:49:11 Buzz, buzz, buzz. My little vixen. Buzz, buzz, my housewife vixen. I think she said buzz, bust, I think, at the end. Dang, dude. That buzz had an S-T on the end of it. Phew. Dog, you. Go ahead, bro. You start this one after you condemn this lady's
Starting point is 00:49:32 lifestyle. I'd love to see how you're gonna dig yourself out of this, bro. Shovels in the front, dude. Dig yourself out of this shithole you put yourself in. Shovels in the front. Shovels in the back. Man, they always come back. I don't know, man. Maybe they take her for granted and they're just not trying to fuck with her.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Or maybe she's just too good. And they're like, God, she might be overwhelming. It sounds like she don't have her own shit going on. Get a hobby. Get less tattoos. You know what I'm saying? Well, you don't get less tattoos, Brendan. You can't just do that.
Starting point is 00:50:02 We'll just stop getting them, maybe. Although I think they're sexy. Okay, then why would you say that then? She is from Spring, Brendan. You can't just do that. We'll just stop getting them, maybe. Although I think they're sexy. Okay, then why would you say that then? She is from Spring, Oklahoma. Ooh. Sprung. Sprung. Maybe them boys are out there doing that broke back shit and then come back after the storm.
Starting point is 00:50:17 You know what I'm saying? No. That's not even a good idea, I don't think. But what I will say is this, and I'm sorry, it's a good idea, but I just don't think that that's accurate. I don't think, but what I will say is this, and I'm sorry, it's a good idea, but I just don't think that that's accurate. What I'm thinking is if these guys are leaving, well, maybe y'all have too many doors on your house or apartment. You know?
Starting point is 00:50:34 Talking about taking people prisoner? No. If people can get out easily. Yeah. No, don't take them prisoner, but don't put four doors on your house. But here's the other thing. And then be upset if your spouse leaves. They can fucking get out so easily.
Starting point is 00:50:46 Yeah, maybe he's confused. Yeah, do one door. I don't even do a back door. You come in the front, you go out the front. One door. One door. Doors in the front.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Doors in the front. That's it, man. quit making so many goddamn pies. Sounds like she's cooking all the time. Maybe it's overwhelming for the dude.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Maybe you need to mix it up. Start going out on him. Quit making apple pies, cherry pies, rhubarb, pecan, pumpkin. One pie a week, girl. One pie a week. Netflix and chill. She seems like an older soul. Does she?
Starting point is 00:51:20 Nope. I'm a fan, though. I hope it works out. Do you? Nope. Oh my a fan, though. I hope it works out. Do you? Nope. Oh, my God, man. You are just a real strange guy, man. Come on, bro.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Don't touch me. Do not touch me, dude. But keep touching her. Look, I think maybe, I don't know. What do you guys think? Let's go to Kat, maybe. Let's go to Culture's Corner. Let's get a woman's perspective.
Starting point is 00:51:45 Let's also talk to Derek as well, you know? Oh, yeah, dude. I mean, definitely. She's providing way too much to these guys. You can't do that, especially when you're younger. They get too comfortable, start taking you for granted. How old is she? Kat's right, how old is she?
Starting point is 00:52:01 Yeah, if you're 19, homeboy's coming on, you got a seven-course meal, you're dressed like a fifties housewife and you got fucking you know you're doing too much you're scaring everybody away it sounds like
Starting point is 00:52:12 yeah you could boys going out the alley and one of the seven doors you have in your house yeah having a little fun yeah maybe I don't know
Starting point is 00:52:20 Kat she may be chasing guys who just aren't ready to settle down the same way she is too cause she's hot yeah that's true she's young maybe she's ready for something that I don't know. Kat? She may be chasing guys who just aren't ready to settle down the same way she is, too. Because she's hot. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:52:27 She's young. Maybe she's ready for something that younger guys around her age aren't ready for. Older soul. Exactly. D, what do you think? I think she definitely hooks up with a lot of dudes who attract a lot of girls. So stop that. Fuck a Seth Rogen-looking motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:52:44 Yeah. Who's going to be grateful that he's... Look at you. You know what I mean? And I bet that problem's done. And then if that guy cheats on you, then it's definitely you. You know what I mean? Read a book or something. You're saying get an ugly dude. Get an ugly dude. Get an ugly dude. Let's switch it up. I'm sure you're fucking the same guy over and over again.
Starting point is 00:53:00 And that's why they keep cheating. You're talking about that bad boy hitter. That bad boy hitter. That pipe game. Yeah, there's a whole spectrum to it. If you get a guy that's why they keep cheating. You're talking about that bad boy hitter. That bad boy hitter. That pipe game. Yeah, there's a whole spectrum to it. If you get a guy that's all about looks or something like that, then you might not get a guy that has as much heart or as much, like, you know, gratitude or anything like that. So you've got to kind of even the scale out.
Starting point is 00:53:19 It's like if you get a 10 in looks, then they're going to be a 7 in something. You know, it's all relative. It's all evens out. You know, that's why you want to get that 8. You want to find an 8. The hard 8. That hard 8. The hard 8.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Don't go for the 10. Fuck, boy. Yeah. Get that 8. Take down a date. Get that 8, yeah. Date an 8. Date an 8.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Because everybody can be an 8. Here's the thing. Everybody can be an 8 if they take care of themselves. I don't believe that, but I like how positive you are. An 8's an 8. You know what I'm saying? Anybody can be a 5 if they take care of themselves. I don't believe that, but I like how positive you are. An eight's an eight. You know what I'm saying? Anybody can be a five, but an eight? No, if you brush your teeth and you, I think, have a little bit of insight into yourself.
Starting point is 00:53:56 The right attitude? Yeah, some self-awareness, I think you can be an eight. I think a high can be as a six. Damn. Yeah, God doesn't give everyone good looks, bro. Trust me, I know, dude. I know you know. Okay. But look what you've done with your stuff.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Dude, I'm cross-eyed, but both of them are in the same... They're both... They're straight cross. Yeah. Like a chameleon. Yeah, it's crossed on the inside. On the outside, it looks fine. Shout out to this lady, though. I hope she figures out. Quit fucking with them fuckboys, though. That's the problem. Well, I don't know if we didn't help that woman. I feel like we did, though.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Well. How about a little rip my drip then, fellas, yeah? Yeah, let's rip them up. What's the surprising feeling you got? First, we got Nigel and his girlfriend, Tiana. Wait, how do you pronounce that word? Nigel. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:37 And then Tiana. Just saying, I don't want anybody sending in something racist to us. Oh, dang. Dang, it looks like J. Cole and Nicki Minaj made every wrong decision. Boy, you know what I like? I like how they're wearing the same color. I like how he's obviously in white pants.
Starting point is 00:54:56 This isn't even a racist thing, but I feel like only black guys can pull off white pants. Not a lot of white dudes pulling off white pants. Latin or black, white dudes can't pull it off. I don't know, though. Mark Twain? That was a thing back then, though. not a lot of white dudes pulling off white pants latin or black white dudes can't pull it off i don't know though mark twain that was a thing back then though mark twain what about um oh uh don johnson don johnson mark twain also that guy who had the megaphone in wwe and wwf brett uh the mouth of the south jimmy hart was that him no mouth of the south
Starting point is 00:55:23 you guys know who theouth of the South, Jimmy Hart. Was that him? No, Mouth of the South. You guys know who the Mouth of the South is? Did he have white pants on, though? Yeah. Well, there's some exceptions, but in general, white dudes stay away from white pants. Yeah, but yeah, a black guy or a mixed guy, a guy with some tint in his skin can look better in lighter colors because there's more contrast. If you can salsa dance, you can wear white pants. Yeah. That's my rule.
Starting point is 00:55:44 So they want to flaunt that on, huh? No, they want that drip ripped. Oh, rip that drip. Yeah. Yeah, I like the matchy-matchy. I think it's kind of like, because then you know you're a team, unless you're out there fighting. If I see a couple in matching shit that's fighting. Nothing worse. She got them horses
Starting point is 00:55:59 in the front. Oh, yeah. She got them milk horses in the front, dude. Horses in the front. Camels in the back. A couple dairy. So you got the milk horses in the front, dude. Horses in the front, camels in the back. A couple dairy ponies parked on the frickin', on the Ponderosa. But no, they both look
Starting point is 00:56:15 like handsome people there. Yeah, it's a good-looking couple, man. No, he's got that Rastafarian vibe coming in a little longer, and he's not gonna probably, he's gonna have trouble probably getting employed
Starting point is 00:56:24 except unless he's, you know. Smelling that reefer. Selling reefer or doing boating or doing fishing. Also, dreads tend to smell like dookie. Hold on. There's a length at a certain point. I think he's still in a safe zone. He's in that J. Cole zone.
Starting point is 00:56:39 Yes. Yeah, yeah. But if you go any longer, dude, there's nothing worse than a long, long... Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, you can snip one off and smoke it, dude. You know? Bro, if you cut off part of a dreadlock and plant it, dude,
Starting point is 00:56:53 stuff fucking grows out of it. Yeah. They did that in our school when I was a kid. That makes sense. Dude, white people with dreads? Name something worse. Go. Doesn't exist.
Starting point is 00:57:02 Damn. I like these two. I'd like to see a jerry curl come back on this beautiful gentleman right here. I think he could do it. I would like you in a jerry curl. I can't do it. I can do a perm. No, we could put an S curl on your hair.
Starting point is 00:57:15 I don't think we can, man. We don't know. Derek? D, what do you... We should do something with D. I could get that jerry curl, bro. You do it. If you had a jerry curl.
Starting point is 00:57:23 Easy E, bro. I have that easy E look. Yeah. Do it, bro. Yeah. That should get that Jericho, bro. You do it. If you got a Jericho. You look like Eazy-E, bro. I have that Eazy-E look. Yeah. Do it, bro. Yeah. That should be dope. Well, here's the thing. Nobody has one.
Starting point is 00:57:31 I've been saying, they have a guy, Miles, that works at the Laugh Factory, and he's got real kind of curly hair. You know what I'm talking about? I've been telling him to grow one for a while, or suggesting to him. Dude, have you ever seen a black dude with an S-curl mullet? What if you mulleted it up a little bit? S-curl hair and then shave the sides. Just mulleted it up.
Starting point is 00:57:50 When I was young, they had a lot of Jerry curls and I loved them. I loved them. Deion Sanders had one. Easy E. Bo Jackson, did he even have one for a little bit? I think for a little when he was younger. For a hot second he did. College days. Deion Sanders
Starting point is 00:58:05 had that wet wet oh bro dude he used to keep a cup on his shoulder and just drip into it the real the first drip
Starting point is 00:58:13 beautiful dude pour right into his fucking car and cruise off praise god bro beautiful alright you had that
Starting point is 00:58:20 matchy matchy it's a risky move though if y'all end up fighting in the street bro that shit doesn't you you know. Also, what's behind them, though? What is that?
Starting point is 00:58:28 The only time I've ever seen mirrors like that are at a cruise ship. They're on a vacation on a cruise, yep. In the Bahamas on a cruise. I thought it looked weird. It's that Natalie Holloway gift set right there in the sink they got. A couple snorkel masks. That Titanic fashion. I'm not mad at them.
Starting point is 00:58:43 Yeah. Shout out to both. They're a lovely couple. Looking flashy. She's a dimey dime. What else we got? Up next, we got, this is Young Chap from Baltimore. Chap?
Starting point is 00:58:54 Young Chap. Damn. So this dude, I think, is Jewish, maybe. Did Ice take this picture? What's going on here? He's covered in five Gs of kratom straight from Thailand. Oh, damn. Don't let Chin see this. He said he sent this? He's covered in five G's of Kratom straight from Thailand. Oh, damn. Don't let Chin see this.
Starting point is 00:59:07 He said he sent this one in for Chin. This guy's British. I think. Is that Mr. Bean's son? Dude, that's that Kratom hater right there. He's from Baltimore, man. This dude's for real. Gang, bro.
Starting point is 00:59:21 Which is, Donnie is his name? His name, Young Chap. Young Chap. gang bro which is donnie is his name his name young chap young chap i bet he snorts all that kratom just writes the meanest blog on the internet that's what he looks like dude how much kratom's and it's he he got two different colors yeah he's that's that deep kratom dive them kratom dives you ever fucks with the kratom? Uh-uh. I've seen, you know, there's been some videos of Chin having... Chin and Dewitt just start singing. Yeah. Snorts and just starts singing like a country western.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Can you snort it? You can do anything with it, dude. Dude, I snorted some vitamin B one time in like a TV thing they were shooting. Pretty cool. It's like fake cocaine. You can do as much as you want. Oh, that's what they put, right? Yeah. For the white powder? Yeah, it's really cool. You can just keep
Starting point is 01:00:07 doing it. Weird. Shout out to this Kratom King, though. That's the Kratom King. Damn, bro. That's a young chap, dude. Theo, he apparently sent you some Michelle's granola a few weeks back. Don't eat that, dude. And he wondered what he thought. Don't eat that, dude. I have not opened that yet.
Starting point is 01:00:23 But as soon as I do, I'll eat it, bro. Maybe. Or he fucking doused it and covered it in kratom. Oh, you have no hope. Dude, you're sending him granola. Send your boy some kratom. I'm not like Theo. I'm not a pussy.
Starting point is 01:00:37 I'll take it, dude. Hey, kratom king. Do I use it every day? Maybe. I don't think you can handle it. Hey. Hey, kratom King. Do I use it every day? Maybe. I don't think you can handle it. Hey, Kratom King. You know how I'm feeling, dog. What else we got?
Starting point is 01:00:56 Thanks, young chap. I haven't eaten the brownies yet. It's granola, bro. Yeah, it will be. Well, if it was brownies, it'll definitely be granola by the time I open it because it's been a couple weeks. But thank you for sending it, man. That's sweet of you, bro. And I'll have some of it.
Starting point is 01:01:12 Sweet, sweet. And good luck out there, dude. Obviously, you're going to get busted for something. Dude, good luck slaying in that kratom on the streets of Baltimore. Actually, way good luck. Have you been to Baltimore, bro? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The Wire?
Starting point is 01:01:28 Yeah. Yeah, bro. Baltimore Ravens? You got Ray Lewis? Oh, that's their squad, too. The Troll in the Streets? You got Ray Lewis who killed a dude out there? Well, The Wire and a lot of people that are untethered.
Starting point is 01:01:40 If you want to see some outtakes from The Walking Dead, go to downtown Baltimore, dude. Good each, dude. A lot of Baltimore, dude. Get each, dude. A lot of people, bro. Arms in the front. Zombies in the back. Yeah. World War Z, a.k.a. Baltimore. What else you got, man?
Starting point is 01:01:53 Let's wrap it up with some King it or Sting it. Let's wrap it up. This first one is Jake Pass from Christian, Mississippi. No, this is Jake from Pass Christian, Mississippi. Oh, man. I'm an idiot. Sorry. No, you're not, man. I don't know about that one. Don't do yourself like that, man. You got the best. Hey, Mississippi. No, this is Jake from past Christian, Mississippi. Oh, man, I'm an idiot. Sorry. No, you're not, man.
Starting point is 01:02:06 I don't do shit like that, man. You got the best. Very wise. Chin and Nick now? Who knows, bro? Together, we don't know. Jury's out, dude. Jury's out.
Starting point is 01:02:16 And if you mix their names together, you know what their nickname is. I don't. Let's go. Here we go. What's up, Brandon? Going on with DL. Jake from Past Christian, Mississippi. I got a King and Stinger for you guys.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Real quick, though. Rip my lawn. Rip my lawn. Lonnie. Shout out to Lonnie. Actually, don't. The weed eater is broken. King and Stinger.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Throwing tomahawks like a Jason Momoa style badass. What do you think? Damn. He's kind of gangster with it. Dude. You're just thinking, throwing Tomahawks like a Jason Momoa-style badass. What do you think? Damn! He's kind of gangster with it. Dude, if you're looking for a lady, just bust that thing out at a park and start slaying them. The girls, freaking tits in the front, cheeks out the back. You start throwing them hammers, dude. They dig it.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Thor's in right now. It's a ballsy move, dude. Do it at a park. Get arrested. Start some Kratom. Get dig it. Thor's in right now. It's a ballsy move, dude. Do it at a park. Get arrested. Start some Kratom. Get a girl. Go ahead, Dale. Stitches in the sternum, bro. Ed looks dangerous, dude, throwing axes. But
Starting point is 01:03:15 you know what I'm saying? The Patriot, one of my favorite films, probably one of the top 40 or 25 films ever. Aim small, miss small, man. Dude, Apocalypto? you ever seen them bad boy hitters the original hitters with the blue people that was avatar same movie but with native americans i don't fuck with these blues mines i think well these were reds they were yeah redskins that's not a racist term that That's a Washington Redskins term. It is?
Starting point is 01:03:45 Mm-hmm. I don't care, man. Either way, you ever thrown a fucking blade like that? Yeah. It's hard to do. It's not that hard to do, bro. Well, you can throw it. I'm saying it's hard to make it stick like Homeboy did here with this.
Starting point is 01:03:55 Shout out to his lawn. I'm not mad at that lawn at all. Oh, bro, I'll take the lisp off of a troubled boy, bro. I could throw that axe easily, I think. Yeah, circumcise a few kids. Oh, dude, I could circumcise a squirrel from 60 paces. Goddamn. I didn throw that axe easily, I think. Yeah, circumcise a few kids. Oh, dude. I could circumcise a squirrel from 60 paces. Goddamn. I didn't know you had that skill.
Starting point is 01:04:10 Yeah. It's tough. I've tried throwing it. It's tough. It's actually very What's tough about it? Throwing a light axe at a board? To get the stick, though, bro. Not that tough, dude, if you know what you're doing. Oh, wow. Shout out to Apocalypto. What's this guy's name again? Donnie? Jake. Jake. Close. And what was his question? Throwing axes? Throwing axes. Just in general? Yeah. This ispto. What's this guy's name again? Donnie? Jake. Jake. Close.
Starting point is 01:04:25 And what was his question? Throwing axes? Throwing axes. Just in general? Interesting. Yeah. This is the thing. What Tomahawks do?
Starting point is 01:04:30 People are always doing it in their backyard. The only Tomahawk I like is my steak. Yeah. I'm not trying to go back in time to throw axes. I say front yard it, man. I say it's time to take things from the backyard into the front yard. That's a great idea. That's the best idea you've ever had all day.
Starting point is 01:04:44 Don't fucking touch me. Actions in the front, you know? Because here idea, dude. That's the best idea you've ever had all day. Actions in the front, you know? Because here's the thing. You want the neighbors to know. You want that guy that's thinking about stealing your car battery to know the skill set you have. You want the guy who borrowed your mower three months ago to know suddenly it's time to wash that bitch and bring it back.
Starting point is 01:05:01 Gas it up, return it, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. It's time to hit the pawn shop and get that bitch back and bring it back to you. up. Return it, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. It's time to hit the pawn shop and get that bitch back and bring it back to you. The weed whacker is due. Yeah. Bro, I say. It's a great idea, bro. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:12 I say you put this thing in the front and show the neighborhood who's boss. Set up front, man. Become the Batman in the neighborhood. That shit's dope. Start with this. Ninja stars. Do something else. Next year, it's fucking flaming bow and arrows.
Starting point is 01:05:26 Sharp spoons. Firecrackers. Yes. Dude, spoons, bro. We used to eat off of the sharpest spoons when I was young. Not these wussy-ass spoons with the comfortable edges on them. Are you talking about a shank? No.
Starting point is 01:05:38 We had the sharpest spoons around, bro. You had to just barely get that soup off of there. Ooh. Dude, you know what I don't like? Someone gave me a spork the other day. They did? Yeah, get that soup off of there oh dude you know i don't like his someone gave me a spork the other day they did yeah get the fuck out of my face also paper straws also get on my face yeah the turtle's gonna run into a fucking straw he deserves it you know i'm saying yeah that's what i'm saying dude well they said the thing about outlawing forks in los andros because in hollywood because they said it's too just offensive to the food on the plate
Starting point is 01:06:03 i'm with this dude though i'm with theo best idea all it's too offensive to the food on the plate. I'm with this dude, though. I'm with Theo. Best idea all day. Bring that shit to the front. Flex on the neighbors. Yeah. Do lassoing, bro. Become the man you always wanted to be, bro. Start riding a horse in the front yard.
Starting point is 01:06:14 Get your shirt off. Bro, get a pony, dude. You know what I'm saying? Throw an axe, bro. Dude, get a crocodile. Yeah. It's Fourth of July, man. Do whatever you want to do, son.
Starting point is 01:06:24 It's America, baby. Yep. What else you got? We got another one here from Aaron Shepard from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Aaron Shepard. Okay. Hi, Brendan and Theo. Welcome to my King at Her Sting It. Ooh. Question for you guys.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Attention. This ASMR trend. People tapping on shit. Whispering in your ear. Cr ASMR trend. People tapping on shit. Whispering in your ear. Crumbling things. Slurping noodles. Fucking crunching on ice chunks. What do you guys think? Does it make you feel so relaxed?
Starting point is 01:06:56 Or like you have a lot of anxiety and you want to vomit? What are you getting, an idea? I have a huge erection, but I'm also upset. What's going on Dale chips oh It's a real pet peeve of mine, bro. But I have a condition I forget what's called Dax Shepard called it out He has the same condition. I forget what it's called. Legit condition. Really? I can't listen to people chew food.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Like, crunchy food? Yeah. I'm telling you. Oh, relax, man. My girl loves Slim Hot Cheetos. If she starts eating them, I have to go upstairs. I can't hear any of it. Wow.
Starting point is 01:07:38 If a fan is on, if people are slurping drinks, it's a condition. I'm talking. You want to see me go zero to 100? Eat some chips around me, bro. See what happens. I've been that way since I was a kid. What about Ruffles, you think? Can't do with Ruffles, Fritos, Doritos, Nachos.
Starting point is 01:07:54 Doritos are loud. Can we? Dude, you know what? I'm making these loud ass chips. That's what I'm saying. We'll sog them up a little bit. But also, I went to a movie, one of those movie theaters where you can order dinner and shit. Just eat dinner at home
Starting point is 01:08:06 and watch the fucking movie. But you can order meals. Oh, yeah. Some fucking prick next to me, some lesbo, this butch girl, ordered the vegetable tray. Snapping on carrots,
Starting point is 01:08:19 cauliflower, broccoli. I had to leave the movie. I missed the movie. I had to get up and leave. My girl stayed and watched while I went outside. That's how bad my condition is, dude. It's a real medical condition. No, it is not.
Starting point is 01:08:32 I promise. I promise, dude. Oh, just because you and Dax Shepard decided it was on a podcast because y'all are sound pussies? Here's what I'm saying, dude. The world is filled with sounds bro certain sounds trigger me bro
Starting point is 01:08:47 well then go talk to a specialist dude go talk to a free to allay delivery guy or somebody who deals with this shit on the regular you know don't be crying outside of the damn you know cinema 17 yeah because you can't handle it
Starting point is 01:09:02 you don't have any tics or conditions still I mean I'll tell you this dude I have this uncanny ability that I hate it's like 17, yeah. Because you can't handle it. You don't have any tips or conditions still? I mean. I'll tell you this, dude. I have this uncanny ability that I hate. It's like, it's almost like my superpower. If I go into a restroom, I can tell, like, almost to the second when the last time somebody took a dump in there was. That's a cool superpower. Just by smell.
Starting point is 01:09:20 And I hate it, bro. Oh, man. That's a cool superpower. It's not, bro. It's miserable. It's miserable. Right when I walk in, bro. Oh, man, that's a cool superpower. It's not, bro. It's miserable. It's miserable. Right when I walk in, I'm like, oh, 42 seconds. And it just kills me, man.
Starting point is 01:09:35 It's not a cool power. It's the worst. But I deal with it. I prepare myself a little bit before I go in the restroom. I throw a couple crazy times in my head. I'll just say like two minutes and nine seconds, minutes 14 minutes yeah 10 seconds you know so that way when i go in my mind is like you know kind of yeah it's just kind of focused on another stuff um but yeah dude if you can't handle somebody chewing chips i can't dude i'm telling you it's a real metal condition then you're gonna die when
Starting point is 01:09:59 the world comes yeah why me if aliens start chewing on chips i'm fucked yeah or if your neighbor does bro somebody cracks open a can of fucking baby carrots and you're done daddy game over dad game over they're so loud though it's ridiculous dude i was off abbott kenny the other day grabbing a coffee i had to pee so bad there's someone in the bathroom right and there's like a long line i'm next up someone's in there for a hot i mean i'm i'm eight minutes long time dude this dime piece dumper comes out she knows she blew it up i she comes out just like this and walked right by she winked at you
Starting point is 01:10:38 dude and she blew that bathroom up maybe she had something in her eye did she look like she could have had something in her eye nope it was just like she could have had something in her eye? Nope. It was just like, you ain't going to do shit. Wink. Damn. It was super sexy. Wow, man. That's feminism, dude. The dumper dime piece.
Starting point is 01:10:56 Shout out to her if she's out there. She's not out there, man. If she's out there and you want to get to Theo, you got to get through the beat. That's not how you say it. She's not out there man it might have been a dude okay well well story changes quick dude anaconda in the front uh what else we got well king and her sting of this the the noises oh sting oh is she saying it's a bad thing? Yeah. She knows.
Starting point is 01:11:26 She might have the same condition because she went through all the triggers for people who have this, like chomping on those chips, everything. So she might have it. So I don't know if the king or sting is. She's saying she has it too? Yeah. She's saying ASMR. Do you like it?
Starting point is 01:11:38 There's these videos out there on the internet where people are touching things and they're just, and they're ignorant or whatever. Oh, it it's like a thing asmr i've never seen so much something in my life that shit bothers me i like it but i don't like the ones of the famous people doing it because then i feel like they start to become it it's like it gets a little egoey sometimes you know like yeah like there was this one kind of hottie doing it and then she started to seem like a real bitch by the time she had like her 2000th sound or something you know and i'm like look anybody can make a damn sound you know it's not like you're mozart it's not a skill yeah but also another little fact about me that most people don't know i don't like my hands wet either that also i'm a weird kid dude
Starting point is 01:12:27 just like you can't do drugs i can't do carrots or get my hands wet big nos they call them big nos um what else we got that's it boys dang that's it we learned a lot about each other did we feel like it's true feel like it dude yeah what's the breakdown from it? I learned about you that... Sounds, hands wet. Sounds, hands wet. You don't like kind of a housewife kind of lady. No, I do. I just think that she's coming on too strong for the fellas in Oklahoma.
Starting point is 01:12:56 Yeah. We also learned, you know, Lil Nas. Lil Nas is out on a whole new... Who is he going to start dating? What do you think? Tyler, the Creator. Jaden Smith do you think? Tyler, the creator? Jaden Smith, I bet. Tyler, the creator is gay or no?
Starting point is 01:13:09 Yeah, he's gay. Oh, he is? Wow. He's bi. He's definitely a sexual man. Yeah, you're gay. You're gay. Real dudes are like,
Starting point is 01:13:16 man, that one time we got all drunk in college and sucked dick. Oh, no, you're gay, dude. Girls can do that. Well, then, here's the thing, though. Being bi,
Starting point is 01:13:24 it's like, I think you almost have to go all the way gay. If you're just being bi, dude, anybody could do that. Well, then here's the thing, though. Being bi, it's like I think you almost have to go all the way gay. If you're just being bi, dude, anybody could do that. Pick a lane. Yeah. Or just at least being bi is kind of like taking the easy way out, I feel like, a little. Yeah, because you can just play both sides. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:37 Jaden Smith, that little twink, though, he's like full-blown. I don't know. I haven't heard that, but maybe. Full-blown is an HIV term. Yeah, in the 90s. That shit's cured, bro. But the term ain't, dude. Full-blown's all good.
Starting point is 01:13:51 Nah, I mean, it's good, but it's, you know, I'm okay with being unblown, you know? Well, I like to be full-blown. Well, look. Then, look, dude. Well, shout-out to full-blown. Where are you going to be, bro? You on tour? Yeah, I'm going to be on tour, man. then look dude well shout out to full blown uh where are you gonna be bro uh yeah i'm gonna be on tour man i got some shows a new show that uh from manchester or london you're going to europe
Starting point is 01:14:12 soon yep in september and it's a new afternoon show um and you can just go to theobond.com slash tour and uh and get tickets to it go see one of the best i'm talking about theo not myself uh well go see one of the uh up and coming talking about Theo, not myself. Well, go see one of the up-and-coming and hard-working future best. What are your dates, Brendan? I am in Indy. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm in Cincinnati next week. Next Friday, Saturday, I'm at Cincinnati.
Starting point is 01:14:36 Week after, I'm in Indy. And then tickets for Nashville and Portland just went on sale. tfak.com. Get you some. Dude. Horses in the front. Horses some. Dude. Horses in the front. Horses in the front. Horses in the back.
Starting point is 01:14:49 You know, we could have stopped at horses in the front. Why? Not in the back, too. All right. A little Nas style. Horses, horses everywhere. That's it. It's the King and I stand.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.