The Golden Hour - Episode 39: PLANTASIA
Episode Date: October 3, 2019Theo returns from Hawaii and the culture corner welcomes comedian Shapel Lacey. The gang talks Theo picking up hitchhikers, Mountain Drunks, Crash Cab'n, Cheer Bodies, Super Ninte...ndo vs Sega Genesis, Badge Bunnies, Salmon Sosa, Dwight Howard University, is Lester Holt white? And much more.1. Manscaped - https://manscaped.com/ offer code: KATS2. Policy Genius3. Shipstation - https://shipstation.com/ offer code: KATS4. Postmates - Download Postmates offer code: KATS2019See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Now there's someone had a fingernail on the table. We're trying to figure out who did a big one to not mine
Not mine. I got the fingers of a pianist or somebody or somebody looking for something real small in a basket
Good at pickpocketing, huh?
Yeah.
Maybe good at magic?
Huh?
Maybe good at magic?
Yeah, maybe.
You can't have fat fingers and be good at magic.
You could.
What are you drinking?
This?
A little sparkling water.
Sparkling water from what, bro?
Is it natural?
I guess.
What do you mean?
Do you drink anything, drink anything natural mineral water bro
oh my god bro yeah if it's cold i'll drink it bro oh my god it's cold you put them from me i'm down
in it dude i'll put i'll put i'll put some some ice on my nuts in bro and serve you up a refreshing
batch dog you gotta calm down you can't just drink anything that's bro what's up no i'm just saying
you can't drink out of you can't who drinks water out of a metal can dude that's what they threw my
way so i drank it dude i feel like you're on a different vibe because who did i feel like you
are on a different vibe because you came back from hawaii now i will say this you got the sun
kiss skin i'll give you that you look good good. You look good. You been surfing? Huh?
Maybe hanging out with some pineapple honeys?
Had a good time, man.
Had fun.
A little Lilo and Stitch action?
No, I didn't see any animals.
I'm trying to think if I saw any or not.
Maybe a Lilo and bitch?
No, dude.
I don't call women bitches, dude.
It's because they're females.
Well, it depends.
I mean, there's some bitches out there.
Yeah, especially in Hawaii. They got attitudes. Am I right got attitudes am i right what no no no you're left a little tuna
huh do you eat a little yeah you did all of it bro bro you do you fall asleep with your mouth
open an official swim right into your mouth oh yeah that fresh catch oh it's like that dude
some of that spam too you look like the guy like spam uh-uh i've had spam before but not
spam and uh what does shave in about 18 years spam and shaved ice bro that's hawaii Some of that spam, too? You look like the guy who likes spam. Uh-uh. I've had spam before, but not. Spam and what else?
Shaved ice.
Haven't had it in about 18 years.
Spam and shaved ice, bro.
That's Hawaii.
Dude, it was great.
I was in Maui, first of all.
So don't sound like a frickin'
Well, that's Hawaii, bro.
Well, don't sound like a filthy casual dog.
Hey, there's nothing worse than Wood Island.
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
They all look the same.
Yeah, if you don't give a fuck.
Maui.
If you don't give a fuck.
Hawaii.
Then you end up on any island, bro.
That's right, dude.
Yeah.
You'll end up on Staten Island, dude.
Okay?
Drinking pina coladas.
I went to Catalina Island.
Thought it was Hawaii, bro.
There you go.
Short flight.
That's why you don't know what it's like, boy.
Boy, I've been there.
It was good.
Have you been to Maui?
I've been to Maui.
I've been all over.
Hawaii's my favorite place to go.
Hold on. I've been all over. was good. Have you been to Maui? I've been to Maui. I've been all over. Hawaii's my favorite place to go. Hold on. Favorite place to go?
I've been all over. Vegas term.
Dude, you're the guy.
What island? Alright.
You've been there once, bro. Came back with a
Hawaiian shirt looking like
Hawaii 5-0. Alright, chill out,
dude. Chill out, man.
I've been there a bunch. No, you haven't. It's my favorite
place to go. Here's why, dude. Okay. Hear me
out here. Short flight. Yep. Kind of exotic. Yep. Zero terrorist. bunch. No, you haven't. It's my favorite place to go. Here's why, dude. Okay. Hear me out here. Short flight.
Yep.
Kind of exotic.
Yep.
Zero terrorist.
Yep.
No ISIS.
Yep.
The worst thing that's going to happen, you jump on a wave when the locals whooped your ass.
That's it.
Yep.
That's a pretty good call.
Yeah, I had a good time, man.
I went to this place, Pai, it's called, and just hung out, man.
Just chilled by yourself?
Chilled out, yep.
Did you surf?
Nope. This guy was going to teach me to out, yeah. Did you surf? Nope.
This guy was going to teach me to surf,
this guy named Ian Walsh.
He's like a famous surfer,
but I didn't get to meet up with him.
Why not?
I already had some classes and stuff that I was going to.
I was already, it was just like last minute.
Did you go in the water?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to, bro.
Oh, I went in the water.
Little sea turtle.
Dude, I was in there.
There's all kinds of stuff in there.
It's beautiful.
Isn't the best, huh?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, dude. It's great. You came back refreshed. I's all kind of stuff in there. It's beautiful. Isn't the best, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude.
It's great.
You came back refreshed.
I don't know about that, Brendan.
Really?
All right.
Are you in a bad mood?
Flirt with me.
No, I'm not in a bad mood.
Well, it's good to see you, though, man.
I was in Denver.
I was in Denver, dog.
Hometown.
How was it?
Good?
It was good.
A little stressful playing for your mama, playing for your papa.
I get some bits that are pretty racy, as the kids call it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, so it's awkward doing it in front of your dad.
Yeah.
It's awkward doing it in front of your dad, doing it in front of your mom.
Derek was there.
Oh, I love your dad now.
My dad loves you.
Really?
Oh, man, his dad got black as shit when I met him, dog.
It was awesome.
His dad's real urban?
My dad's real urban.
He started talking about collard greens with me out of nowhere.
My dad's urban.
Started talking about hot sauce, collard greens.
That's a little racial.
That's what I said. I said, Dad, I i'm gonna have to ask you to leave yeah he's
oh man you don't fucking hate him i don't know why you're at i don't know why you're acting like
that he's like you'll be hooping bro i said oh he did you be hooping and then i was like dad you
gotta leave all right where's my hose at like don't. You're married to my stepmom.
Please don't do that, Dad.
Wow.
Yeah, I got very strange.
Very strange.
What was it?
Why did he have an attitude?
Well, he grew up around all black dudes.
He did?
I've never seen that side of him.
He grew up slaying in weed.
That was his side hustle.
Oh, yeah.
In high school.
He got kicked out of high school.
Graduated eventually.
Shout out to my dad, Regis High School.
Regis High School? Yeah, all boys. i thought it was a hospital isn't it uh i think so did your dad go to high school at a hospital that makes a lot of sense right now that makes a lot of
sense but yeah he grew up around a lot of black dudes and that you just brought it out of him man
it came out of his spirit dog yeah it's his real his real spirit came out. Like a fried chicken bowl?
I said, I do.
That's what he said?
Yeah, he did.
And he did this real cool handshake.
I was like, what the fuck is happening?
And he started sagging his pants.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
I know, man.
Then my mom had way too many wobbly pops,
started kissing my friend on his neck.
Oh, really?
She was drinking?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. My mom fancied herself.
A lot of mountain drunks up there.
Yeah.
And we ain't talking about that Mountain Dew either.
You feel me?
A lot of air drunks too, dude.
That thin air up there.
Oh, that'll get you wobbly, man.
Oh, somebody hopped up on a couple lungfuls of fucking inhale, and next thing you know,
they're breaking into your car.
Dude, I took one hit of this whatever D had.
It's high altitude.
You forget you get higher in high altitude.
Was it marijuana?
The Mary Jane.
Legal out there.
Be cool, man.
He smoked marijuana?
Duzzy.
Oh, damn.
You're looking at a freaking Snoop Dogg over there.
It's ridiculous.
We shared a condo.
I walked in like, hey, Cheech and Chong, can you chill out for a second, man?
We got you so high, bro.
You really took a lot of it?
Dude, I took one puff, keto, not that night,
had an entire Pudge Brothers pizza in my underwear.
Yeah, dude.
Derek, you watched me eat the entire Pudge Brothers pizza in my underwear.
Was it a good pie or not?
I was so high, it could have been pumpkin pie.
You know what I'm saying?
Which is also a good choice.
That's not a good reference.
You're right.
Yeah.
Shout out to Pudge Brothers.
Is that what it's called?
Pudge Brothers?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And are the guys actually bigger guys, the brothers?
Or are they...
You know, I've never seen them.
Hmm.
We should rename this show Pudge Brothers.
Although you're looking thin, dude.
That Hawaiian shirt.
I'm fucking lean, bro.
Dude, maybe button up one of them, though, huh?
Hey, mahalo, bro.
You're that guy.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dog the Bounty Hunter.
How are you doing, dude?
Bro, my eyes are up here, okay?
My bad, Dog the Bounty Hunter with all the extra jewelry.
This ain't jewelry, bro.
Are you going to track down Derek for stealing the other day?
This is island charm, dude.
Island charm?
Yeah, dude.
All right, bro.
Go get me a spam sandwich, bro.
I miss you, man.
I feel like we haven't been in here for a while.
Really?
Yeah, I texted you once.
I said, hey, dude, excited for King of the Sting.
Text back, bro.
Nah, man.
Yeah.
Send me a picture.
Send me a picture when we wake up like this.
I knew I was going to see you.
With your shirt off like this, dude.
Be cool.
We're friends.
Well, I knew I was going to write a lot of stuff, and I didn't want you to fucking be
strained, you know?
Yeah.
Did you buy a bunch of Hawaii shirts out there?
Let me see. What did I do, man? i can't even really remember what did i do i just chilled out and what else man went in
the water um i saw you picked up a hitchhiker yeah i picked up a hitchhiker over there see it was
confusing because it looked a little bit like yellow wolf uh no no the guy was out to lunch a little bit no he was still also are you
trying to die huh are you trying to die i love hitchhikers man you know i used to hitchhike when
i was young and it's something you can't really do here that much anymore because everybody's so
oh no no no you know why you can't do it huh because they murder people not all of them yeah
bro not all of them dude i didn't get't get murdered. Well, because you had a camera on the guy, so he didn't want evidence.
No, I told him right when I got in.
I was like, I'm just doing this just in case, you know?
And he's like, yeah.
I think, because that's the thing.
When a hitcher gets in, they don't know.
It's, you know, I'm saying somebody's got to be the murderer.
Yeah, it could be you.
Yeah.
It could be him.
Yeah.
But we know you're not a murderer.
Well.
So it could be him.
But you don't know if you're a murderer until you pick up a hitchhiker also.
You're right.
When you're right, you're right.
Sometimes I want to murder a few Uber drivers.
They won't shut the fuck up, will they?
Yeah.
I swear I checked on the thing.
No talking.
You did?
Every time.
They ignore it and they power through it.
They power through it.
They power through it. They power through it.
Dude, that could be a good idea for a podcast.
Just random hitchhikers.
You got audio set up.
You just find out about these people.
Yeah.
This guy was great.
He's been hitchhiking for five years.
This guy Josiah was his name.
Straight out the Bible too, dog.
If they get in with a biblical name, dude, you got to give them a ride.
Some guy gets in, he's like, oh, my name's Noah.
My boat broke down. You're like, all on in dude you got it that guy that you
picked up didn't look like you did drugs at all they do they have a meth problem they called ice
no it's not i'm talking about shaved ice oh yeah bro i don't think oh meth in hawaii is big is it
oh big how are you gonna do do meth and be out at the beach
That sounds crazy
You're there all day
They did have some people that were living on the beach
Dude you should have picked them up and pretended it was cash cab
And started asking random questions
And not paying them
Wouldn't that be dope
I'm just fucking with you man
Have a good day
Dude what about crash cab you pick him up and then crash into something.
And see...
Or Slash Cab, you pick him up and just listen to Guns N' Roses the whole time.
Name that tune.
He's gonna win money.
That'd be dope, man.
I don't think it'd be that great, actually.
I feel like it's a good idea.
I feel like you would kill that.
A little show like Cash Cab, but you're just picking up random strangers because you don't shut the fuck up anyways so you
just like keep talking to them because you got you got a lot of knowledge to drop man so i feel
like i'm saying you could pitch up like yeah what do you say anyone who's hitchhiking probably not
doing very well you know because there's uber now so i feel like if you but hitchhiking is
isn't uber hitchhiking yeah basically yeah yeah but
there's like document this is like just where you know there's proof of where you've been at
i guess i don't know dude we had new culture corner today yeah chapelle lacy chapelle lacy's
in the house man look at him man look at him of my favorite people. Nicest guy in the world.
Really?
The nicest guy in the world.
I am really nice.
Well, you had an anger problem, so let's be cool.
Dude, you had to go to anger management for how long?
Years.
Years.
High school and college.
Damn.
I know.
When did you realize you had a problem
bro i didn't realize they told me motherfucking come on really he's angry right now please don't
i know yeah i'm sorry that was aggressive i'm sorry i'll chill out please don't throw vans
i know right that was aggressive i'll call how do you get a hang ready for fucking
yeah why did it take years that's's crazy. Because it doesn't stop.
It's only there.
It doesn't fucking stop, you little pussy.
You need to go to anger management, dude.
It's fun.
Allie, boy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's fun.
But here's the other thing about Chappelle.
You probably didn't know this, Theo, nor do you care.
He was a cheerleader.
I know that.
Male cheerleader.
I've seen him do a round off back handspring, dude.
Oh, really?
I've done more than a round off back handspring, dude. Oh, really? I've done more than a roundoff back handspring.
Thank you very much.
Come on now.
I'm not a minimalist, okay?
How are you going to be a male cheerleader with an attitude problem?
I'm a gangster.
Be cool, bro.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
I keep being aggressive.
I'm sorry.
Dude, you got to work on your...
Dude, he's got daggers in his pom-poms.
That dude's a...
He's got Chinese stars in his pom-poms.
That'd be such a great superhero.
That would be dope.
Oh, that would be cool.
They're also called Power Rangers.
True, true.
Power Rangers are all cheerleaders.
I'll be the Pink Ranger.
Damn.
I don't care.
It's just a color.
Sure, man. Sure, buddy. I know. That was aggressive, too. I'm sorry. I need to tone it down. stranger damn oh i don't care what it's just a color sure man sure buddy i know that was
aggressive too i'm sorry i need to tone it down you know get the mic out of my face all right
yeah we need to talk to your uh supervisor wow culture corner's getting thick brother
yeah it is thick over there huh thick with three c's in a good way though
Thick with three C's.
In a good way, though.
I'm only talking to Derek and Chappelle.
Cat, please don't sue me.
Hey, I'm on keto.
Are you really?
Dude, he went to Portland with me.
He went to Portland with me.
With his diet, I went, dude, you should try keto.
He goes, yeah, I'm down for that.
Meal comes.
He gets a giant burrito, twoins like well damn dog it was something crazy
he said i'll start when i get back yeah that's what i'm saying man that's what i'm saying
reincarnation dude eat what you want in this life start when you get back that's what i'm talking
about dude chapelle headlined his first weekend. Did you?
Where at? He's going to this week.
Yeah, House of Comedy, Minnesota.
Oh, wow.
October 3rd through 6th.
I know.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Dang, get them long weekends.
Yeah, this is my first headlining weekend.
Is it?
Yeah.
Oh, congratulations.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm proud of you, man.
Thank you, guys.
Four nights, huh?
Yeah.
In the mall, huh?
In that mall.
Dude, the mall's crazy.
They have four American Eagles in there.
For real?
And they have real, someone's found a real American Eagle in there one time.
No, for real.
There's birdwilding out there.
There's peacocks.
Yeah.
I rode a hippo.
How big is it?
It's big, bro.
It's the biggest mall in America, but the biggest is in Edmonton.
Same place, though. Wow. It's the exact same mall,, but the biggest is in Edmonton. Same place, though.
It's the exact same mall, same owners.
Yeah.
Wow.
They have a shooting range in the one in Edmonton, too.
They have a shooting range?
They have an amusement park.
You can gun.
You can gun over there.
They have an amusement park in that bitch.
Yeah, they do.
They got rides, pirates.
It's crazy.
Y'all been to Paisley Park?
Nah, man.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, where Prince is from?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, he knew.
You shut up. In Minnesota. Damn. Sorry, sorry, yeah, where Prince is from? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, he knew. You shut up.
In Minnesota?
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Just so aggressive.
Hey, man, let's call your parole officer, dude.
Be cool, man.
Be cool.
It's just because you've been talking a lot of crap about me on podcasts, bro.
Oh, about how you lied, said you ran a 4-3 in the 40?
I've been around the game too long, Chappelle.
I love you.
All right.
Downhill 40, probably.
On a skateboard
and a rocket.
You still skateboarding?
Yeah, I still get down.
Bigger board, though?
I'm just saying you can't have a small board
and be ollieing and shit at 250 pounds.
More like a long board.
Why do you say 250
as if you know my weight yeah are you not i mean you right but like dude 250 knows 250 bro
game recognizes game you know i don't like that he guessed it right though like
bro gains recognize gains dog pounds recognize pounds, man. It's getting thick-diculous up in here. Thick-diculous.
It's getting thick, bro.
Thick-diculous.
It's getting fucking cultural, dog.
Bro, everybody's thinking here besides you and Chin and Cat, man.
That's true.
I'm working on it, I swear.
Are you trying to lean out?
Yeah, man.
Why?
I'm trying to get back to that cheer body.
Really?
Are y'all hating?
Are y'all hating?
Are y'all playing?
All right, you know what
you know what you okay don't say your body though now y'all want to talk to you ain't
making it to your car you ain't making it to your car all right that's how it is
hey man note to self yeah culture corner way too cultured that was all fun and games he
started threatening us, bro.
Let's get a Middle Eastern dude in here.
We got a light in the load with a Middle Eastern guy.
We need to lighten it up here.
Make fun of that cheer body.
Yeah, no doubt, dog.
We need more Asians, though.
We need a Brazilian up in this, bitch.
I fucked up, man.
We need some namaste, bro.
It's getting a little... Yeah, I'm'll come super dark arch you feel me getting dark test what y'all
saying about dark i didn't say nothing we're talking about his tour now y'all talking about
his tour now y'all making it home dark arch bro okay dark chappelle is a little dark bro
chappelle's dark i'm not talking about his skin either. No. Chappelle's dark.
Yeah, I'm just dark.
You're dark soul.
When you meet him, bro, you set your clock forward an hour, bro.
Chappelle's dark, dog.
I've heard so many dark jokes, and that's probably the best one I've ever heard.
Welcome to King of the Sting, dog.
I'm 32 years old, and I've been hearing dark jokes all my life, and I have never.
That's a good one.
Thank you, bro.
I got to give an applause.
They're good, bro.
They're good.
They're good.
Y'all got to see Chappelle.
I would take that home with me.
See him in Minneapolis this weekend.
Very funny.
Do you know what my mom said?
She came to the show, and people were talking to her.
She was making sure everyone knew she was my mom.
Really?
She started heckling.
I had to put her in her place a little bit to start the show.
But then after, I had to.
Damn.
I know, it was awful.
But then Emily's ratchet as fuck, dude.
Well, mom was all, hey!
She had her bathing suit?
Yeah, dude.
Mom kept going, she ready!
What the fuck is happening, mom?
Oh, that's crazy.
Then they gave me the stand ovation while Mom was clapping,
her cheeks in the back.
Jesus Christ.
I know, dude.
How do you think I feel?
That's my family.
But my mom, someone goes, oh, you obviously find the kid.
You watch King's Thing.
She goes, I can't.
They're too mean to each other.
Really?
I was like, wait, Mom, come on.
We're not mean to each other.
Brennan's mean sometimes, I think.
You're super mean to me.
Really?
Oh, yeah. I think you're way mean sometimes. You're super mean to me. Really? Oh, yeah.
I think you're way meaner.
Let's ask the culture corner.
Who's mean, Chin?
What?
Chin's not going to say.
Derek?
Who's meaner?
Who's mean?
Oh, man.
You guys go back and forth, if I'm being honest.
But Theo's mean.
Theo's mean, but it's funny.
And then you're mean, and it's like mean. Just mean mean? No, I'm not mean mean. Theo's mean, but it's funny. And then you're mean, and it's like mean.
Just mean mean?
No, not mean mean.
When Theo's mean, it's way more mean, but it's funny.
And then when you're mean, it's way less mean,
but it's like, oh, that was just mean.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Mean Gene, they call you.
Interesting.
Kat, you take the same position?
Yeah, chime in, Kat.
I agree with that wholeheartedly. Oh, you take the same position? Yeah, chime in, Kat. I agree with that wholeheartedly.
Oh, interesting.
I think Theo has that backhanded southern insult thing just inherently in him.
Like, oh, bless your heart.
Yeah.
Where I'm from, we call that an asshole.
Call it what you will.
I do think Theo is meaner, but because the humor kind of softens the punchline.
We let it roll.
Yeah, you're not as mean, but it's like,
oh, that's just, okay, that's mean.
Interesting.
You're both assholes, though.
Now that's what I'm talking about.
Let's start this episode.
It's good to be back.
How soon will Kat sues us is what I want to know.
I think about it every night.
Let's ask her. Every night before I it every night. Let's ask her.
Every night before I go to bed.
Let's ask her.
Do you guys want a two-week notice before I do so?
Nah, just hit me with it, man.
Yeah, he'll put it in his sack.
Hit me with your best shot.
What do we got, dawgs?
You guys want to start a little debate club?
Sure, man.
How are these things working?
Oh, wow.
Up first, we got Ethan Calhoun.
Oh, snappy, snappy.
Ooh, little bumble rumble.
What?
Well, we need some volume.
Hey, don't blame me.
Audio guy.
This is my favorite guy.
This is basically...
Wait till he starts talking, bro.
This is me.
It's probably me in a couple years.
Yeah, let's be real.
This is Theo
in Hawaii
in four years
aloha brother
aloha bro
we're doing it
from freaking
dude you gotta go
to Maui dude
I've been there bro
no you have not bro
I asked
nobody's seen you dude
nobody's seen you there
have you done stand up
out there
huh
no I'm gonna go do it soon
we should go do a tour
over there
we should
dude it's so awesome.
That's where we should do our first King of the Sing it.
Yeah.
Hawaii.
Yeah.
Let's go to those islands.
I think they want stand-up, though.
They don't want a couple of goofs fucking screwing around.
Yeah, you might be right.
They want both, man.
You guys are both goofs.
Yeah.
Have you been to Hawaii, Derek?
Once with the fam.
Oh, wow.
Really?
During 9-11.
Whoa.
Oh, wow.
Damn, bro.
You're going to throw that at us? Just herders. Let's call them herders. Whoa. So I couldn't go. Oh, wow. Damn, bro. You're going to throw that at us?
Just hurt us.
Let's call them.
Wow.
Way to represent, bro.
I don't want Derek's family in my foxhole.
Wow.
Damn, bro.
And I got to miss like two months of school because we couldn't fly back.
Damn.
So everybody had a different experience during that, you know, during that time.
So it was a good time for you.
I was 11.
I was balling out, dude. Really, only for you it was a good time for you. I was 11. I was balling out, dude.
Really, only for you it was a good time.
I was like, this is awesome.
Wow.
When the shit hits the fan, the post-its go to Hawaii, bro.
That's shady, bro.
Derek giving shout-outs to Osama.
Wow.
Wow.
And what'd you guys do during 9-11 and stuff, Kat?
I gathered around a TV while I was at school, and all watched it how old were you i was i think like a first in first grade wow too young
to be turning the tv for the kids man too young to turn on the tv for kids seeing planes wrecking
the buildings that's true isn't it yeah chappelle what were you doing? I was late for school. So you missed all of it?
Yeah.
I woke up and I said, where's New York?
Oh, wow.
I was 14.
You went to a public school.
What state were you in? Arizona, man.
Oh, wow. What part?
Mesa.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Damn.
Fucking Chappelle's a straight up illegal i know i shouldn't be here right now
i got that zimbabwe blood oh yeah one of them sheriff joe country over there dude
that dude's a gangster that's around doesn't intent is he the one that puts the inmates in
the pink suits pink suits and he used to have a thing around, doesn't he? In tents. Is he the one that puts the inmates in the pink suits? Pink suits,
and he used to have a thing
called Tent City.
Yeah.
And he would put them in.
Well,
they got rid of it.
Yeah,
he'd make them camp.
He's not the sheriff anymore.
He'd make them camp
in the desert all the time.
Yeah.
And it was like.
Yeah,
he was like Bobby Knight,
basically.
Yeah.
He was crazy.
Yeah,
he was wild.
He's been the sheriff
for as long as I can remember.
Is he still alive?
He's still alive,
but he's not the sheriff anymore.
Yeah,
I think he got too,
I guess he got too old.
He got,
or no, he didn't get, they just just he didn't win probably wow he would do that
for the rest of the rest of his life if he could wow he's like the warden from shawshank huh from
shawshank yeah he's i ain't seen shawshank damn sorry aggressive aggressive i gotta remember i'm
sorry i forget why i'm messing man you're not in the yeah you ain't in the you know you ain't in
a put me in a cheerleading gym i'm happy that's what i'm saying with. Yeah, you ain't in a, you know. Put me in a cheerleading gym.
I'm happy.
That's what I'm saying.
This ain't a cheerleading competition, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Go outside and do a couple cartwheels and come back in.
You feel me?
All right, let's kick this off.
We got the volume.
Is this Andy Dick?
What's going on here?
This is about where Andy Dick's career is right now.
I'll say that.
This is our boy, Ethan Calhoun.
Ethan.
Hello, Theo.
Hello, Brendan. I'll say that. This is our boy Ethan Calhoun. Ethan. Hello, Theo. Hello, Brendan.
I got to say,
the two of you guys
are the greatest duo
since Martin and Lewis.
You're far superior
to Milli Vanilli
or Shields and Yarnell.
You might need to look them up.
Today's debate club question
is quite simple.
Zots or Pop Rocks?
I know you don't need
to look them up.
Oh yeah, one more thing.
The Culture Corner rocks!
Double gang.
Buzz squared.
Dude.
I want this guy
to be the official mascot.
First of all,
Kathy Griffin fell off.
I'll say that, bro. But not surprising. First of all, I'm not off. I'll say that, bro.
But not surprising. First of all, I'm not
mad at Kiritop's new gimmick.
That shit is fire.
He's pulling candy out of the trunk now?
Yeah. Dude, shout out to that guy
Martin and Lewis from... Who is
that? Where's he from?
He didn't say where he was from. That's the Peace Treaty
guys, or is it? Martin and Lewis? Yeah.
I think that was the old comedy guy.
Oh, super old school comedy duo.
The original comedy duo.
Who founded America, or found it?
You're thinking Lewis and Clark.
Yes.
Shout out Lewis and Clark, boy.
Zots were the, I'm not too familiar with Zots.
They were like the sour, they had like the fizzy middle.
No one knows, huh?
Yeah, Zots are a little random.
So Pop Rocks all goddamn day.
I put them in my mouth.
You like them?
Oh, I loved them.
Pop Rocks, huh?
Yeah.
They were too much of a dangerous candy for me, I remember.
I remember I had a couple.
I think I had two of them.
How many are in the package?
There's a bunch.
It's one pack.
You can dump a ball in your mouth and just listen to it crackle pop.
Oh, you can, too?
Yeah, if you want to have CTE later in life.
I wanted to live a regular existence,
so I remember having one or two of the
rocks, and then choosing not
to have any more, and I remember having a lot of Lick-A-Made.
Lick-A-Made? Oh, I
know those Zots remind me of Warheads.
That's what I was trying to think of about
seven episodes ago. CTE my ass.
Warheads were dope. what I was trying to think of about seven episodes ago. CT my ass. Warheads were dope.
Bro, you were wondering something for seven episodes.
Or maybe that's a sign of CT.
But it did just hit me, bro.
Warheads were the shit.
Ooh, you guys know what I'm talking about.
Chappelle, no candy ever, huh?
Really?
Why?
What happened?
God damn, dude.
That candy mess, it don't fit my aggression.
Damn, really?
What is it?
Like, what do you mean about it?
Like, candy?
It's just too sweet.
Yeah.
You know?
You don't have any sweet teeth.
No.
Even those front two you got there.
Hey, what's up, man?
Why you got to do that?
No, I'm just, I'm just, you got to see the teeth on.
See, that's Brendan being mean right there.
That's mean.
How is that mean?
That's mean.
That's mean.
What?
You don't have to point that out. You have great teeth. That's where I draw the that me? That's me. What? You don't have to point that out.
You have great teeth.
That's where I draw the line.
Yes, I am.
I draw the line.
What the fuck?
How am I the bad guy?
You have great teeth.
You can literally say anything about my skin tone,
but when you talk about this gap, bro,
it's a different world.
Look what Michael Strahan did with the same teeth.
Oh, come on.
One guy. That's the oldest one in the book. Worst joke I've ever heard about my gap. dude it's a different word it's a different word Michael Strahan did with the same team oh come on one guy
that's the oldest one
in the book
worst joke I've ever
heard about my gap
I love your gap
I'm saying
who wouldn't want candy
R.I.P. Brendan
R.I.P. Brendan
R.I.P. bro
I don't have sweet
I don't have a sweet tooth
I have sweet teeth
I love all
all sugar
do you
you're not a sugar guy
I'll have some
I don't mind like a
maybe a creme brulee or something at night.
Oh, my God.
Or a bread pudding.
But nothing like a Twizzler or a Red Vine or some Runtz?
I used to have Runtz when I was young.
I remember from, I think, sixth and seventh grade.
I would enjoy a good box of Runtz.
Yeah, I feel like Runtz would be your thing as a kid.
I'd picture you with a backpack full of Runtz.
We used to play this game Sugar. We'd put as much sugar as you could in your mouth and try to slap it out of each other's mouths
oh ct sugar buzz because the moisture would all absorb as much as it could and so then you were
real dried out and trying to beat that sugar out of each other damn called sugar sugar beat
no sugar boys it was a game telling you it was a game it wasn't just saying a bunch of stuff
no i'm saying we could do it now.
Okay, no.
You ever put Kool-Aid in your mouth?
The raw Kool-Aid?
The powder Kool-Aid?
Oh, yeah, bro.
That's living, brother.
Your tongue will be that color for the rest of the month.
And what did you guys play back in the home country, Kat?
The home country?
She's from America.
She's from San Jose.
country? She's from America. She's from San Jose.
In my
neighborhood, you used to just try
to stay out of the way of cholas and
ABGs. There you go.
And would you eat candy?
I mean...
Did everyone have shitty childhoods besides me?
If you had candy,
they wanted to steal it from you, so you had to run
off. If you win, you keep your candy.
If not, you get your ass beat.
You look like you're kind of fast, Kat.
Fast enough.
Fast enough.
You look fast.
So it was a lot of gang violence and stuff in the area?
Yes, very ethnic gang violence.
Wow.
It's super culture in here today.
This is what you wanted.
I know.
super culture in here today.
This is what you wanted.
I know.
This is what you wanted, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is what you lobbied for, brother.
I thought I wanted this.
I thought I wanted this.
So, Brendan, you just...
I told you to write your ideas out before you...
You're right.
You're right.
I just set everything up, and then here we are.
I think the show's going to get canceled.
Well, look, dude.
Or we're going to get a fucking attack by MS9 or whatever.
Cats old neighbors are.
MS9.
This shit's getting bad.
I'm worried for us dude
it was all fun and games
I'm just messing around
dude he goes to show you
what's going on out there
yeah you're right bro
so debate pop rocks
but really warheads for me
well the man asked
pop rocks or zots dude
this is a gentleman
who spent time
to put that together
and send that in
this zots man
who is that
what's the man's name
Lonnie
Ethan Calhoun oh Ethan Calhoun.
Oh, Ethan Calhoun, brother.
First of all. He's black.
Yeah, he does look black, dude.
And he might be black.
I didn't see the mask. How much of the...
I can't tell with the mask what all he's wearing.
Is that a Riddler's mask he's wearing? Oh, his face looks kind of
white a little bit. I'm not mad
at the B, though. The little Buzz
logo on it. You'd be
the president of the fan club if he wants.
That's your henchman, the Ethan Calhoun
fan club right there. Does he say what
city he lives in? He didn't say. Not a lot of details,
huh? He probably lives underground.
He's a bee. Yeah, you're right.
Pop rocks, though, right?
Oh, yeah, 93% with pop rocks.
Because no one knows what zots are. No one knows what Zots are.
You should have done Warheads or Pop Rocks.
Well, yeah, you should have done a candy from present day.
You know, he should have done a post-1985 sweet.
You're eating line, brother.
What do you got?
All right, up next, we got Daniel Vernon.
What up, Theo?
What up, Brennan?
Huge fan of the podcast.
Appreciate what you guys do.
You guys are fucking hilarious, man.
Appreciate it.
We don't do anything.
Matter of fact, I think we're both going to lose our job
after this.
He looks like a high school lacrosse coach who fucks
all the players.
I was laughing so hard. You guys are fucking hilarious.
Get your equipment, kids.
I got a debate club for you guys.
I recently went to storage and dug
out my old gaming systems
and I want to know when you guys were kids, were you on that Super Nintendo?
Were you on that Sega Genesis?
Were you getting those coins with Mario?
Were you that Sonic the Hedgehog getting those rings?
Yeah.
You also might recognize this little guy.
That's the Rat King, baby.
Gang, bro.
Fighting the Rat King and Ninja Turtles.
Yeah.
Let me know what you guys think.
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, culture, culture. I love this guy. Culture, huh? Culture, culture. Let me know what you guys think Gang gang
Buzz buzz
Culture culture
Culture culture
Getting a little respect out there
Might be the last week you're here
We're going to get shanked in my car
Dude that's who you get
For bringing in violent cheerleaders
I thought he was cool man Bro he's the male Lindsay Lohan over there Dude, that's who you get for bringing in violent cheerleaders, dude.
I thought he was cool, man.
Bro, he's the male Lindsay Lohan over there, bro.
He is, bro.
That Stacey Dash over there.
She just hit somebody.
Did she really?
She's a bad bitch, really.
I think I interviewed her one time.
She is bad.
Remember her in Clueless?
She never did anything after that, but still. She her and clueless she never did anything after that but still she was that clueless dimey dime she was yeah stacy dash yeah i remember clueless i think
what else did he ask what this man asked oh what's this guy want super nintendo or sega genesis
oh super nintendo i think sega genesis some weird kid always had the sega genesis to me
it was like what is it it's kind of shaped weird it's black yeah which is good and you put the
cartridges on top yeah that was oh montana football there was four games that was very
bizarre no sega genesis was dope remember they Oddworld. If you remember that, with Abe the Alien
that walked around. They also had
Crash Bandicoot. Remember that?
But that was later, though, that Crash came out.
Was it later? Don't call him Crash. He's your
friend, though. Okay. That was later that
Crash Bandicoot came out. So they originally hit with
the Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes. Then they came with
Tails, right? NBA Jams.
No, NBA Jams, Sega Genesis, I thought.
Or Super Nintendo. i thought that was
sega genesis pretty sure what's nba jams what was it on yeah i don't think you could play nba
i thought maybe nba jams are as an arcade and then went to i'm pretty sure it was saying really
wow well then that then that's the winner nba jam he's on fire! Remember that? Yeah, let's look
it up.
Bring that shit up, D. Remember how great
that was? I remember Carmelone
and Stockton. Gary Payton and Sean
Kemp. You could activate his kids
if you got the cheat code.
It was 11
on 2.
I'm not familiar with the video game world.
There it is.
Jesus Christ, bro.
What are you?
No candy, no video games, dude.
I was on both systems.
I didn't know.
Came out hot with both.
And then remember the Spurs,
you could have Tim Duncan and David Robinson.
Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
Jordan was never in it, though, huh?
Mm-mm.
What else? Boom shak David Robinson. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. Jordan was never in it, though, huh? Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
What else?
Boom shakalaka!
Yeah.
From downtown!
I think you could get a cheat code maybe and get him.
Oh, for sure.
He's on fire!
But back in the day, they had double dribble.
Remember that game?
Yes!
You could shoot...
A white guy was on the cover.
A thousand feet away and facing the other direction.
All of them shot like this.
Yep. And then you could face that way and. All of them shot like this. Yep.
And then you could face
that way and shoot
and go.
Yeah.
Jing.
Yeah.
Worse, bro.
Dude, I liked Contra.
That's Super Nintendo too.
Yeah.
Contra was good.
Contra was regular
Nintendo as well.
Left, right, left, right,
up, down, up, down,
A, B, A, B, select, start.
Wow.
You made it through that?
You've been practicing, huh?
CT my ass, baby.
That is a lot, huh?
It was my game, bro.
That was my game.
Was it?
Yeah.
Contra, NBA Jam.
What else?
Tecmo Bowl.
Did you play Tecmo?
Yeah.
Come on, bro.
Yeah.
Jeopardy.
Oh, yeah.
That was a great game, too.
Family Feud.
Family Feud.
They had some good games. Jeopardy. Oh, yeah. Those are great games, too. Family Feud. Family Feud.
They had some good games.
And if you want to go PC, if you want to go PC, we got Wuffenstein, Doom.
When you're seven playing Doom, you shit your pants. That thing was scary, dude.
And then Wuffenstein, Nazi killing.
Was it?
Oh, yeah.
Wuffenstein, bro.
You're killing Nazis.
I didn't see it. It was so intense. I? Oh, yeah. Wolfenstein, bro. They're killing Nazis. I didn't see it.
It was so intense.
I was seven, dad.
Yeah, no wonder your mom's fucking wearing a bathing suit at a comedy show.
You ain't lying, bro.
Your family's trapping, bro.
Yeah, dude.
Here's what I'm saying is super NES, dude.
Sega Genesis was for somebody that was strange, I felt like, or...
Just different, maybe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because Sonic was a bit of a beast of a game now.
Sonic was a great game, but you never knew anybody that had it.
It was always, to me, it was so foreign.
My brother always had it, man. I don't know where he got them.
He always had the new shit.
Hey, type in top Sega games, because we're missing one.
Because they, I know Sega had... i know sega maybe that was sega
what was our street fighter super nintendo streets of rage beast altered beast i remember that game
golden axe yeah they had some oh toe jam and earl bro that's you and me no it is bring up toe jam
earl i'm the big one you're the skinny one ToeJam & Earl
you never played
ToeJam & Earl
oh look at him
that's you and me bro
that's you and me
I do remember that
that was a game
oh was it
ever
that was a TV show
wasn't it
I don't know
but it was a great game
yeah maybe
dude you and me
are ToeJam & Earl
ToeJam & Earl
dude I remember that
that shit was great.
Go back to the other list.
This is a throwback memory lane here.
Disney's Aladdin.
Get out of my face.
Sonic & Knuckles.
That's what I'm saying.
The games got real weak.
Y'all had, oh, what is that one right there?
They came out hot.
Oh, Shinobi?
Shinobi?
The Revenge of Shinobi.
And there you go.
Yeah, I got a little
Keep going
Why did you say Tetris on there
Get out of my face man
Yeah see this shit gets weird
Oh Earthworm
That's a game
This shit is horrible bro
Earthworm Jim was my favorite
Earthworm Jim
That was my favorite
Dude I think you got molested
That's what that sounds like
You don't remember Earthworm Jim?
Huh?
Sounds like your gym teacher.
It sounds like somebody molested you and gave your body nicknames, dude.
You might be right.
Because I didn't have a Sega.
Sega got weird.
But we would do it all the time.
Earthworm Jim was big.
What do we got?
So I'm going to go with Super Nintendo just because of NBA Jam.
You know what?
I'll go with Sega, dude, just because I hate it and I'm trying to be different.
56% went with Sega.
Boom, you little pussy.
Oh, wow.
Sorry.
That was a little.
There you go.
I just got that text from you.
I just got that text.
Can you have your guy
texting about anger management?
My bad, dude.
I shouldn't have said that, man.
You know, I'm a fan of both, dude.
You know?
But you did call it right.
All right, boys.
Lil Punk, my uncle.
No, I shouldn't have called you a pussy.
I'm okay about the Sega gas.
No, me too.
Okay.
But the reason you called me a pussy is because I said,
Superintendent, you went Sega.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
But I like both.
But I could have just said, oh, you didn't get it.
You went, oh, I got it right, you know?
Yeah, I could have just said that, yeah.
That would have been the nice thing to do.
Yeah, sorry.
It's all right, man.
What else?
All right, boys, up first, we got Uncle Jeff.
This is Uncle Jeff.
Goddamn, what happened to Jeff's eye?
Bro, Jeff is a talented musician.
You don't have to see his eye first, okay?
Remember when you had an eye patch?
Yeah.
That shit was cool, man.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that shit was cool.
Yeah, well, now you're supportive of it.
I can't say anything about being mean.
What happened?
The guy has his eye patch on.
We're supposed to pretend he doesn't?
To me,
you could bejewel that thing up,
make it real swaggy
on the streets.
Bro, when you see someone
with an eye patch
for the first four minutes,
dude, it's eye etiquette, bro.
You ignore it?
You pretend they don't have it.
Okay.
After that,
you can talk about it.
Okay.
Let's check out this.
All right, go ahead.
He's Jewish.
He's a deadhead.
He has aphasia.
Not fully dead. One eye, dude. You guys got to shut up. I agree's a deadhead. He has aphasia. Not fully dead.
One eye, dude.
You guys got to shut up.
I agree.
A deadhead?
What is happening, man?
Damn, Derek.
The guy's still living, bro.
I think he likes a band or that.
I don't know.
Oh, you mean the Grateful Dead?
Grateful Dead.
You got to say that, man.
The Grateful Deadhead?
Yeah, you can't say a deadhead around a guy that's eyed out.
It's a dying head.
Sorry, Uncle Jeff.
He has, I hope I'm saying this right, aphasia or aphasia,
and it's the loss or ability to understand speech caused by brain damage.
Shout out to our boy.
Check.
He never wears underwear.
Check.
Is this guy me? is this the future me the only words he never forgets how to say are shit and fuck check that's what i'm talking about dude that's all that's
derek also it sounds like a little bit a little bit this guy's awesome yeah dude that's it huh
yeah that's all we know about Uncle Jeff. Uncle Jeff, man.
They don't throw in what happened to his eye, huh?
No, I think it might have to do with the aphasia, but I'm not 100%.
I hope I'm saying that right.
And aphasia also is a girl from my hometown, I believe, as well.
Also, most strippers, if you've ever been.
Aphasia, and also a Disney movie with Mickey Mouse, and he plays instruments.
I think you mean Fantasia.
That's Plantasia? No, that's about
racism.
No, you're thinking 12 Years a Slave.
You're thinking of 12 Years
of Fantasia.
There it is.
Plantasia's insane, dude.
Plantasia, I do not want to watch it.
The music's good, but I don't support that kind of shit.
Do I own the soundtrack? Yeah.
But I'm not going to watch it again.
What else we got?
Bro, how fucking crazy would that be
if there was a music called Plantasia?
I think that would be great.
It sounds like Kanye West's new CD drop.
It's Kanye's new album, bro.
Chappelle will be the leading lady.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, shit.
I want to be where the people are.
See, that'll make me happy.
Yeah, there we go, man.
Take all the aggression out. there we go, man. Take all the aggression out.
There we go, bro.
We're on a show tune.
Let's fucking turn up, dude.
You feel me?
Take this bitch to Broadway, bro.
Bro, we would have the worst Broadway show.
No, we wouldn't.
Look at Hakuna Matata, bro.
You're right, bro.
You're right, man.
Oh, shit. Chin can sing, too. You're right, man. Oh, shit.
Chin can sing, too.
Chin would be lead vocal.
We have super culture.
Yeah, dude. Let's don't throw around the C word, okay?
Yeah, you're right.
Damn, man.
Up next, we got another Uncle Jeff.
This is Uncle Jeff.
This is from Salt Lake. This is Uncle Jeff.
Well, goddamn, Jeff.
I feel like I've met this guy before.
Me and him have the same barber, apparently.
Yo, that's your cousin.
Oh, wow.
That could be my father.
That could be me.
Look at the second picture.
You see the second one?
Uh-uh.
Oh, wow.
He looks very similar.
This guy is swag-tastic. Look at his outfit. This guy is swag tastic look at his outfit he's kind of this guy's dope i wish he
was my uncle damn that guy's a straight up swag dragon huh with that baby that matches that shirt
i know this is uh what is this rip that's so punk my uncle yeah this is freaking drip daddy baby
that this uncle's not messing around
You know that ain't his kid
Yeah that's true
That's his nephew
Yeah he's an uncle
I don't like his sinister smile
Holding that kid though
I'll tell you that right now
That ain't a sinister smile
That's a swag smile bro
He's swagged out on the right
This is like trying to meet a lady That ain't a sinister smile. That's a swag smile, bro. Come on now. He's swagged out on the right. Look at him.
This is like taking a kid.
Yeah, this is like trying to meet a lady.
You take the little Bichon to the park or whatever.
Bichon?
That baby name ain't Bichon.
I'll tell you that much right now.
I know a Bichon.
Yeah, Bichon.
Yeah, that ain't him.
That ain't him.
That ain't Bichon.
That's Tanner. That ain't B-Shot. That ain't B-Shot.
That's Tanner.
That is Tanner.
Hey, what's up?
I'm just holding my nephew Tanner.
That's Chapman.
I bet this dude could dance.
I'll tell you that much.
Oh, yeah.
He looks like the one white guy in the band that does the dance with a stick.
You know what I'm talking about?
The one who gots it?
Yeah, that guy.
Wesley.
His name is Wesley.
You know he went to a black college.
Yeah, yeah.
You know he went to a black college.
He went to Grambling State Tech.
He went to Howard.
Yeah, dude.
He went to DeJuan Howard College.
Dwight Howard College?
Yeah, Dwight Howard University, bro.
That's where he went.
That's a hair salon, probably.
You don't learn that in a white neighborhood.
Dude, this is the most swaggy uncle we've had on here.
He does have some fire.
What else we got?
That's it for Punk Monk, boys.
I was going to say, give me another Jeff.
Something's up.
We got a little relationship advice, guys. Something's up. We got a little
relationship advice, guys.
Relationship advice.
We always help them,
all right?
Do we?
We always help them.
Bro, we're about to
ruin our lives.
Yeah, you're right.
This is Matt.
I'm going to keep
trying, though, you know?
Yeah, you're right, though, man.
That's true.
My attitude needs to change.
I'm going to keep trying as well.
Let's see if we can help this guy.
Matt Farrell asking for help.
Remember the one guy
that had his wife trapped in the back of the car?
And then asked us to delete the video?
Hey, man.
Dude, you submitted it.
I didn't think you guys were going to blast me out like that.
Now my wife's family knows.
I'm like, you submitted the video.
We didn't ask for it.
He had his wife sitting in a child seat in the back, dude.
And she was like this.
Yeah, she was like, I'm 26.
Shout out to that guy.
Hopefully, she's still alive.
What do you got?
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, fellas.
My name's Matt.
I'm from Waterford, Michigan.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for two years.
At first, you know, it was great.
My girlfriend, man, she is just so rude and mean sometimes.
Yep. I feel ya.
You know, I love her to death.
This is me.
When we do a lot of sex, it's good.
She's Latin.
But, man, just that attitude.
Sometimes, man, it's too much to handle.
Yep.
I'm not the type of guy, man, to degrade women or talk back to women.
Sometimes you got to shake them, all right?
I really like that.
So, you know, I try not to engage back with her, man.
But, you know, she's just rude.
Really rude and mean.
Damn.
What ethnicity, bro?
And I want to be with her
But it just doesn't seem like anything's gonna change the way that she she reacts to me and treats me
You know so need a little advice gang gang buzz buzz brothers appreciate it man
I need more details if I'm gonna solve this case brother this first 48 me and detective Theo are on it
this is an episode of Hawaii Five-0?
It might be, but I need to know what ethnicity she is.
Bruh.
You know what I'm saying?
This is the easiest thing to solve.
He need to stop being a bitch.
That was aggressive.
I'm sorry.
What's his name, Brad?
You need to go back to work.
I know, I need to go back.
You need more work.
Hey, that's what they told me in anger management.
Stop being a bitch and look at me.
That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, that's what they told me in anger management. Stop being a bitch and look at me. That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, is that what it was?
Do they say you get angry because you're what?
Is that one of the reasons why?
I grew up very violent.
But when they say, though, in anger management, they say stop being a bitch.
Is that one of the things they tell you?
No, they don't say it directly.
Right.
But is one of the reasons you were angry maybe because you were small and bigger kids were
picking on you?
So like, yeah, stick up for yourself?
The bigger kid that was picking on me was my stepfather.
Yeah, dude.
Okay, it's getting dark.
That's the big kid.
I did ask for this, though.
You're right.
I did ask for this.
I can handle the kids at school.
Yeah, dude.
This is when I got home.
I was like, damn, this is a hard fight.
Your dad could fight, huh?
Bro, yeah.
Yeah.
An eight-year-old?
Yeah, he could fight an eight-year-old.
That's all he got.
Hey, but he can't come at me now.
That's what I'm saying.
What's up now, pops?
Let's see it now.
I'll set it up.
Shout out to him.
I'll set it up.
I love him.
Where's that at?
He taught me a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love him.
Got that head work right.
He's a horrible dude, but I love him.
I feel you, man.
Horrible dude.
That guy, I mean, yeah, he just needs some confidence in himself. Yeah, in himself yeah there's confidence but also dude i'll put up with some shit if she's
fine enough i'll put up with some shit bad movies she might throw a little racist term here and
there i'm like yeah i guess but i put up with it dude if she's that fine man if that happens i'll
leave the room man but you come back huh you come back. Huh? Yeah, I come back with snacks, dude.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Come back with them Flamin' Hot Cheetos, papay.
Oh, dude.
I got to find out if this girl's Latin.
Because my girl, sometimes I'm like, damn.
Let's go to a young lady that we have here.
We have a young lady on-premises, and let's chat with her.
Because we need some help.
Because I don't know.
Well, my girl's not the friendliest.
Yeah.
They're Latin, dude.
Yeah, but don't...
I feel like Kat's mean to her, man.
I feel like you put hands on them, Kat.
Look,
everybody likes to date a girl
with an attitude problem
until they have to date a girl
with an attitude problem.
People always think it's so fun
to date a passionate girl.
It's like going to Pitbull.
He speaks from my...
Exactly.
And you don't want a Pitbull
when it comes to dealing with a Pitbull.
Like supporting Hillary, kind of. Yes. You're wearing Pitbull. Exactly. And you don't want a Pitbull when it comes to dealing with a Pitbull. Like supporting Hillary,
kind of.
Yes.
You're wearing the shirt
until it's time to vote.
And you got to put
that fucking sticker
on like an asshole.
Exactly.
You want that Pitbull
until it's time
to do some Pitbull shit
at the park.
So you throw that Frisbee
and he attacks a family.
Pitbulls are crazy, bro.
Pimples are crazy.
They're like felons.
They're like felons, dude.
You throw a frisbee, they kill a family of four.
It's like, dang.
They come back wagging tails.
Come back with a mouthful of barrettes.
You're like, damn, this shit got violent.
I'm sorry, Kat, and I think I stepped over
when you were talking, too.
What suggestion would you give us
maybe the man feels emasculated
it sounds like a little bit
but I feel like a lot of girls do that over time
because they don't respect them
yeah I think over time
over time it's easy not to respect
your significant other
yeah it is isn't it
yeah I don't know what it is
just over time slowly well
you take people you take people for granted and then you get really mean to them i was gonna land
big dude you get really mean to him you take him for granted you know you do take it for granted
it's true you do man you think you're gonna be there every day yeah you pull the fort down yeah
you forget why you were the fort down. Yeah.
You forget why you were with them or what's going on.
But what did he say?
He said that the girl's mean.
And then first he said she's rude.
Then he said she's mean.
I'd have to know.
Well.
If she's ethnic, though, listen.
Listen, bro.
When they're ethnic and they got that attitude, but they got them curves.
What about Eileen Wuornos, bro? What about Eileen Wuornos, bro?
What about Eileen Wuornos, dog?
She was curvy, dude.
Yeah, you're right.
I mean, over time she's... You can't handle the curves.
Bro, if you can't handle the fucking lizards,
get out the lot, you feel me, dog?
Eileen Wuornos is the number one lot lizard of all time,
wasn't she?
Remember her, the movie Monster?
Yes, she was the number one lot lizard
and she took
she took charge of her life yeah she was a the only female serial killer son wait y'all never
seen uh the tina turner movie with ike and tina bro oh she mean to him no she beat him the fuck
up oh well whitney houston Houston Bobby Brown I heard it was good
fights I did too Tommy Davidson told me they were good fights I heard that Rihanna Chris Brown I'll
buy that shit again I'll watch it she got that reach with the legs yeah she did heard she bit
him yeah I heard that too yeah she bit him that's why he freaked out dude I'll tell you this I'm
friends with the Shamwell guy, Vince, right?
With who?
Vince from ShamWow.
Remember him?
Oh, God.
You keep throwing that in my face.
Yeah.
All right, dude.
Well, he got accused of hitting a woman one time in Miami.
That makes sense.
But the woman had bit onto him, like one of those fish on the side of the tank.
Oh, like a sucker fish.
Yeah.
And he had no way to get her off.
So what'd he do?
He tried to get her off.
He tried to order food and stuff.
He tried to shamwower off.
And then eventually, yeah,
he used an aggressive force hitting.
And then so what happened, though?
She took a chunk out of his face?
She called the police.
Yeah, she took a chunk out of his face, though, yeah.
So there was a bite mark.
That happened to that soap opera dude
who was a dime piece.
He had a wife had a
side piece on the side something happened with the side piece she bit his lip off yep that's what you
get somebody did that to lester hole bit his fucking lip off dude look at lester hole dude
here's the number one dateline episode where's your top lip at less all right let's get a picture
of lester hold up here dude really dude. I'm going to see that.
Really?
Yeah.
This dude looking for all these mysteries and somebody right under. Stole his lip.
Right underneath his nose.
Right underneath his nose.
Hey, type in Lester Holt's lip.
Yeah.
Oh, Derek definitely one of the worst.
Between Derek and Chin, as far as the Googling skills, it ain't good.
Oh, wow. They going to ain't good. Oh, wow.
They're going to show Ray Black.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
No lip.
How a black man got small lips?
I know, dude.
Bro.
He can't even hold a mustache.
Whoa, whoa.
Hold on a second.
Bro, I don't fucking know if Lester Holt is black, dude.
Look at fucking Lester Holt.
You telling me that's not a white dude in blackface?
Look at him.
Look at the fucking picture.
I think he goes chocolate body 24-7.
Bro, that ain't a fucking black dude.
Look at him.
It's like Dave Chappelle in whiteface.
Yes.
That's black.
He black.
No, he's not.
No, he ain't.
Look at that picture with the fucking suit on.
Hey, go to his Wikipedia.
It says his parents.
Bro, that ain't a black dude.
That's not a black dude.
He's not black?
Look how long his hair is on the side.
What is it?
He's mixed. Mixed with a lot of white.
Yes.
Bro, come on, dude.
You right about that one.
That's a bit much.
That's a little aggressive. I thought I was aggressive,
but that's aggressive.
Hold up.
Is that him on the
bottom left there?
This will redeem him.
Is that Lester? That's a black man there.
On his rise to the top. He might be like a Michael
Jackson. I don't know if that...
Maybe he's Sammy Sosa.
Damn.
How are you going to Sammy Sosa?
Sammy Sosa gets the lotion, so he's white.
That's a real thing? The whitening lotion, yeah. You haven't seen Sammy Sosa? Sammy Sosa gets the lotion, so he's white. That's a real thing?
The whitening lotion, yeah.
You haven't seen Sammy Sosa lately?
It's fantastic.
He might be a white man.
I never thought it in my life.
I've seen over probably 600 episodes of Dateline.
I've never thought that until just now.
It just doesn't look like a black man to me.
Yeah, that's fair.
Wait, what's Sammy Sosa doing?
Look at that shit.
That's the whitest shit you can do right there.
Damn, that is.
That's pretty white. That's also a Hail Hitler sign. All right, L fair. Look at that shit. That's the whitest shit you can do right there. Damn, that is. That's pretty white.
That's also a Hail Hitler sign, so.
Alright, Lester.
I don't know. Unless he has a Bible
in that left hand, dude.
I'm with Theo on this case, bro.
Damn, Lester hold his white?
Damn. Case solved.
I was rooting for you, Lester. I was like,
hey, man. I was like, no, he won't hurt us.
Yeah, y'all trying to take him, but I was like, hey, no.
We're trying to claim him.
He's with me and Derek, okay?
Lester wouldn't even make our culture corner, dude.
Oh, no.
No.
Lester, way too white for the culture corner.
Maybe the Crayola corner, bro.
He got some pain on him.
Wait, what's up with Sammy Sosa?
He's all right.
Oh, bro.
You haven't seen him lately?
He's all right?
Salmon Sosa, they call him.
He's turning old.
Salmon Sosa? Yeah. Bro, He's turning old. Salmon Sosa?
Bro, his ethnicity swam upstream, bro.
It's far away from the black river that could give, bro.
But he ain't black.
Who, Sammy Sosa?
Well, he was Puerto Rican black.
Yeah, he's like...
Dominican.
Blacktino, yeah.
I get mistaken for Dominican all the time.
Do you really?
I could see that.
No.
A darker Dominican? that. No. Darker Dominican?
No.
Yeah.
Maybe if you had a baseball hat on.
Probably four times.
Like the Batman of the Dominican Republic, kind of a little bit.
The Batman of the Dominican Republic.
I could see that a little bit.
He has the best dark joke.
He's just like.
Yeah, Vernon's just racist, dude. On the'm the racist one yeah he was making fun of my
gap and shit i'm like oh no i made a reference how cool your gap is all of a sudden i'm the bad guy
meanwhile he's friends with shamu beats women and the head of the kkk duke used to spot him on the
squat rack but i'm the racist. On bench press, you asshole.
And he's a nice guy, bro.
He's different now.
Swap fucking supplements with the Duke,
and I'm racist?
Because my dad got a little flavor in the green room?
And my mom twerks?
Alright, I see how it is.
What else we got, D? Get us out of here.
Get me out of here.
We got a couple of Rip My Drips boys.
Up first, this is Dave from New new jersey oh shit dave clearly a fan of women's lingerie football
wwf or wtf dog that's what would women oh that's that wonderful he's from new jersey and they got
bored and just threw on his girls ha Halloween costume. Oh, he's playing.
I like this dude.
Respect, son.
This is for y'all.
Oh, that's dope.
Oh, damn, bro.
Nice tits.
Yeah, one of them's nice.
That other one's far from a sense of humor.
Yeah, I agree.
One of them's thick.
The other one, I can't tell.
Yeah.
Got that big gap between the tits.
Whoa, dude.
Jesus, man.
Say it again.
Yeah. Say it again. Say tits. Whoa, dude. Jesus, man. Say gap again. Yeah.
Say it again.
Say gap again.
Oh, dude.
Say gap again.
I can't say gap, man.
Say it again.
I like this guy.
Now, is that a Dominic Sioux for the...
Because he's balling this season.
That was A1.
That was good.
That was good.
Some people get it.
Dude, yeah.
That's Indomitian she, I think.
This guy, bro.
I love it, dude.
That's what I'm saying.
Put on your wife's shit and go out there and do some bad shit.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, show her who's boss, man.
Yeah, go out there and fucking break a couple car windows or something.
You know what I'm saying?
Dude, get on Tinder with that outfit.
See what's up.
Sure, what's up. Yeah, rear naked choke a fucking cocker spaniel, bro. You know what I'm saying? Dude, get on Tinder with that outfit. See what's up. Sure, what's up.
Yeah, rear naked choke a fucking cocker spaniel, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Change the neighborhood up, bro.
Slap a hound dog around.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
Live your life, boy.
I like this dude.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
What else we got?
What's this guy's name?
Walter?
Dave.
Dave.
Dave?
Hell yeah.
Dave from New Jersey.
Now, hold on.
Here's something you got to think about.
This is a girl's Halloween costume, and she fits into that?
She's thick.
She's thick.
No, I don't think so.
He didn't ruin the outfit.
He's not going to put it on and rip her shit.
She's thick, bro.
She sounds like a beautiful lady, and she sounds like.
Sounds like they both play D-Tackle for Oklahoma.
She sounds like a beautiful lady and she sounds like Sounds like they both play D-Tackle for Oklahoma
Look, Chappelle just got excited
He just fucking
He just put his cheer outfit
He's like, okay
Sidelines
Sidelines
Sidelines
Sidelines
Swerving on that Swerving on that Sidelines. Sidelines. Sidelines. Sidelines. Right in all that.
Swerving on that.
Swerving on that.
Swerving on that hash mark.
Skateboard.
Yeah.
Skateboard.
Is this a wig that he has on or not?
That's the tough part.
I think that might be his hair.
I would assume that's a wig.
I don't know.
It looks like a wig, but I'm not sure.
Actually, it might be him.
That might be his hair.
That's cool.
I don't know.
He's dope, though.
I'm a fan.
He's a bad bitch. Oh, fan. He's a bad bitch.
Oh, yeah.
Damn, bro.
Hell of a player. What else we got?
Up next, we got Robert Vitella.
This is Robert Vitella.
Brennan, this is right before your show in Houston, big dog.
Never been so close
to canceling a weekend ever in my life.
He said he's super glad you didn't cancel. He'd have been
fucking pissed, and he had a great time with us that night.
I knew it.
I figured if I had canceled, I would have lost the entire crowd.
Look what he stood in for you.
True.
However, CNN, chill the fuck out.
I got there bone dry.
Really?
There's nothing there.
Houston does that a lot.
They're like, oh, it's flooding here, and you get there, and everybody's doing fine.
Yeah, there's fine.
I drove down from Austin that morning.
I was all worried I'd have to cancel.
I got there, nothing. I drove down from Austin that morning. I was all worried I'd have to cancel. I got there.
Nothing.
Really?
Nothing.
I guess it was on the outskirts.
But CNN was like, Houston's underwater.
It showed like a Kia floating by upside down.
I was like, damn, I don't know if I should do this.
But I did it.
That's fear tactics they got.
They did the same thing with Portland.
Proud Boys.
Oh, that's right.
Well.
What is Proud Boys?
Someone want to take this one?
I got in trouble last time.
I think they're like a group of white dudes.
No? No, I'm saying, go ahead.
I think they're a group of white dudes who hate
everybody, but I don't know.
There's Antifa and there's Proud Boys.
And they don't like each other. Oh, they don't like each other.
So they're rioting out there. There's huge riots.
So everyone's like, don't come to Portland that week.
It's going to be trouble.
Chin came.
I was worried for his safety.
Were you worried?
Were you worried, Chin, or not?
Yeah, a little bit.
Do you have feelings of worry ever?
Sometimes.
It was a little weird down there.
We were all there.
Shows were great.
Yeah, I brought the whole culture corner with me during the Proud Boy rally.
Damn.
And then I looked Mexican.
But then I took a picture in front of the whole freaking SWAT
team and the Proud Boys like this.
Did you?
Yeah.
Who's your team?
Proud Boys more or Antifa?
If I had to pick.
Yeah.
If I had to pick.
If it's a game, yeah.
If it's a game, then Proud Boys are wildin', bro.
But Antifa has more players and probably more quality players.
Who's going to punch it in from the one, though?
Antifa.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they didn't seem to be affected by the tear gas.
So that goes a long ways with me.
Yeah.
They actually encouraged that.
Oh, damn.
What's his question?
No, he just wanted you to rip that drip.
That's all.
Oh, hell yeah.
That rain drip, Doug.
That rain drip.
Looks like Al Madrigal a little bit.
A little does.
Also like the kid grown up from It that gets murdered in the first minute of the movie.
He looks like a son.
He does look like a son.
He does look like a son.
It looks like he has a fake nose and glasses on.
Right?
It does look like a son.
Put on like about 40 pounds.
It looks like Hasan if he actually ate meals.
Yeah, what is Hasan still fasting for?
We don't know.
I'm confused on their culture.
I really don't know, but he's fasting 24-7.
He won't eat.
He won't eat.
Oh, that's a legit thing.
Yeah, it just says praise Allah and then just keeps fasting.
Fast, man.
Sometimes he'll turn on the oven and just get in there for like a Yeah, it just says praise Allah and then just keeps fasting. Yeah. Fast, man. I'll do Allah.
Sometimes he'll turn on the oven and just get in there for like a half hour and just kind of then he'll come back out.
Yeah, dude.
Just to smell what it's like in there.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, it's very strange, man.
It's weird.
It's weird.
Oh, God.
All right, boys.
End it with a little King and her Sting it.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Wrap it up.
God.
God.
It's the King and the Sting. God, dog. It's the king in dusting.
No one's charging this thing anymore, huh?
We got Austin Barrett.
This is Austin.
Praise God, brother.
What up, Theo?
What up, Brandon?
It's Austin from Nebraska.
I got a king in her sting it for you.
Cliff jumping.
Let me know what you think.
In jeans?
Bro!
In jeans?
Oh!
Damn, that's gangsta
Gang gang, bud, bud!
Wow!
Great video
Shout out to Nebraska
Where is he in?
Kuala Lumpur?
Where was he at?
He's in Nebraska
Oh, Nebraska
You know what?
I didn't hear that correctly
Cliff, jump in for me
It's going to be a hard pass
I did it in college
At Table Rock in Missouri And it's a place where everyone jumped off It was the middle of the summer, right? jumping for me is gonna be a hard pass i did in college at um table rock in missouri and
it's a place where everyone jumped off it was the middle of the summer right and so all my friends
are there so you take a boat there and i was like that's not that high like really you do i'm like
yeah i'll do it we hike up there it's high as shit once you get up there yeah it's so high i
didn't want to do it all my friends jump like damn i do not want to do this and then some drunk dude
i'm like getting ready to go and there's to do this. And then some drunk dude, I'm like, get ready to go.
I was trying to impress these girls, and the guys
on the boat with the girls goes, jump,
pussy! And I was like,
now I gotta do it.
I knew it.
I thought it was you,
dude. I jump, your boy,
belly flop, hit my face,
contact went everywhere, water
in my ear, awful experience.
Never do it again.
You kept your eye open when you fucking landed?
No, it forced it.
Boom.
Contact.
Boom.
You got to have stronger eye.
Yeah, you're right.
It's not for me, dude.
Your eyelashes need to be stronger.
But listen.
For your eyelids.
You got to be a special kind of.
You have weak eyelids?
I think so.
Let me see.
Close your eyes.
No, no, don't do that.
Don't squint.
Just close them.
There you go. Yeah. And close your mouth, too don't do that don't squint just close them there you go yeah
and close your mouth too when you do it that's insane that's how i sleep bro this ain't this
ain't craigslist brother just close your eyes man i thought i was on a tinder date
unbelievable i'll like close your eyes he's like
Unbelievable I'm like close your eyes
He's like
I'm like damn bro
Tighten up bucka
You've changed a lot man
I have dude
Oh dude you know what I did
Before I went home
I'm not afraid to admit this
I had to use a little bit
Of Just For Men
I thought about you
You ever use Just For Men
Just For Men
For
I'm not talking about
Your Tinder profile
Taking hair off
No it's for
Dyeing your hair
Oh yeah
It's just a little brush.
Because I had all these grays here.
I'm like, damn, I don't want to go back home.
Everyone's like, damn, you have all these gray hairs.
Stress.
So I just put a little color there, dog.
A little color there.
Can't even tell, man.
Can't even tell, right?
My mom likes it.
I'm growing my hair out.
Yeah, it looks cool, man.
And she said she'd grow it like Theo.
I said, Mom, he was born with that haircut.
Or it's a wig.
We don't know.
Shh. It's a wig we don't know it's a wig but it's
but it's dope dude one of my favorite they used to have that tv show honey boo boo and
one of my favorite things they had a store in their town called it's a wig
that was the name of the store bro what a great name dude bro austin i think that's great
man if you can be that you know if you got that kind of resiliency in your body and stuff like What a great fucking name, dude. Bro, Austin, I think that's great, man.
If you can be that, you know, if you got that kind of resiliency in your body and stuff like that,
and your body can handle hitting the water like that.
Dude, I remember doing a 60-footer when I was young.
Did you grow up doing that in New Orleans and stuff?
Some, dude.
I'll tell you what, when I stopped doing it, they had a guy named Jeff in our town who jumped off of,
this was probably 95 feet, dude, off of an overpass in an interstate
and hit a fucking boat.
He didn't see that a boat was coming by.
And fucking jumped right into that bitch, dude.
Shattered one of his legs.
No, lived.
Shattered one of his fibulas or something.
Fibulas.
And you guys stopped doing it?
And he was never the same.
Actually, he was never the same really before.
I don't think he was never.
He was never. That makes sense. But after he hit that? And he was never the same. Actually, he was never the same really before. I don't think he was never. He was never.
That makes sense.
But after he hit that boat, he was also.
That defined him.
That gave him a reason.
After he also hit that boat.
Now I'm crazy.
People were yelling, don't.
There's a boat, you know.
And he still went.
Dude, if you're going to be this Husker Tarzan and keep jumping off the fucking cliffs, do it, man.
It's not for me.
He made my cheer team.
Can you do that?
Into the water?
I gotta get in the water?
See? And you guys think I'm being mean.
I don't want to be racist. I was just going to say, can you
swim?
Oh, okay. You know what?
Listen, I can swim, okay?
I just don't like the water.
You can't be violent against the water.
A lot of black guys, when they get in the water, they get violent against it.
Yeah.
That's why they go down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like they win the first round, they win the second round.
Dude.
That's why I call it the deep water round.
Dude, a lifeguard had to come get me in Huntington Beach.
I got stuck.
Yeah.
Can you swim or no?
Yes, man. I'm just curious. Some guys can't swim. D, can you Beach. I got stuck. Can you swim or no? Yes, man.
I'm just curious. Some guys
can't swim. D, can you swim?
I can swim. Can you swim?
Come on, y'all.
You can't swim, bro. I'm telling you.
You're built like my brother. He can't swim worth shit either.
That floating shit is hard.
It's tough. That doggy paddle's no pump.
That floating shit is hard, dude.
Cat, can you swim?
Cat can swim all day. Cat, can you swim? Yeah, Cat can swim.
Cat can swim all day.
Can you swim, Chin?
Chin can swim?
Don't be like, yeah.
Wow.
Fast.
That's when I have the worst time.
I'm not the only one.
Swimming sometimes makes me nervous a little bit.
I love it, man.
I love it.
I look like a seal in the ocean.
What else we got?
Last one, boys.
This is Aaron Martin from Lexington, Kentucky.
This is Aaron.
Killer brows.
Hey, boys.
I have a question for you.
Dating somebody in law enforcement.
Oh, you a badge bunny.
King of the sting it.
That's a badge bunny, dog. That's a badge bunny. I or sting it that's a badge bunny dog that's a badge bunny
no that little cuffaluffagus boy you feel me little bullet bunny up in this bitch
well bullet bunny bullet bunny bro those are people that get murdered bro
look at these bullet bunnies over here that's what you're about to sell rabbit meat to someone
oh all right we'll call her badge bunny uh law enforcement hey's when you're about to sell rabbit meat to someone. All right, we'll call her Badge Bunny.
Law enforcement, hey, know what you're signing up for.
You're going to see some dark arts and bring it home.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, man.
What did she say?
Dating someone in law enforcement, king it or sting it.
I would date someone in law enforcement, I think.
Oh, I'll tell you this.
I made love to a girl one time in Guantanamo Bay, and she had a grenade.
What?
That grenade?
That she let me hold.
And you're not talking about her tits, are you?
No.
A real grenade?
Yeah.
She had a real grenade in the trunk of her car.
Why did she have a grenade?
You get one, dude.
If you're in the military, you fucking get a grenade, I guess.
Oh, dude, I bet.
She was in the military.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you didn't say that.
Sorry. Yeah, she was in the military working on Gu yeah. Oh, you didn't say that. Sorry.
Yeah, she was in the military working on Guantanamo Bay.
Dude, it sounds like you fucked up.
Spy, bro!
Yeah!
You know, bro, yeah!
That shit keeps touching me, dude.
Get away from me.
Yes!
Get away from me, you animal.
Yes, Badge Bunny, keep doing your thing.
We're going to press charges against you, boy.
Sorry, dude.
I mean, all of us.
Me and the Culture Corner, brother.
The whole Culture Corner.
Yep.
You're like James Bond, bro.
Aloha.
Yeah, Grenadian.
The only thing that blasted.
What else we got?
Oh, that's it, boys.
That's it for this one.
Jesus.
Man.
It's good to see you, dude. Yeah, man.
Good to see you, too, bro. Good to see you,
Culture Corner. Culture, culture.
Culture, culture.
Chappelle's first time.
Chappelle's worst cheer ever.
He went like this.
I expected a little more.
I expected, we go
culture!
Yo, Brendan had that on lock right now.
He'd make my team.
He'd make my team.
I sat on the sidelines during my college years,
so I watched a lot of cheerleading.
Not the dudes, homie.
Not the dudes.
He just gets it.
You just get it.
Yeah, bro.
That's what's up.
A lot of steroids, steroids though in the male
cheerleading community what for cheer yeah why not you know what i remember when i actually
you are right you are right like the dudes that like stunt and jacked one just lift the girls yeah
they yeah they do they they call them the annavar kids who yeah annavar it's like a type of steroid
yeah oh i was like what's that Yeah, it's a steroid.
I never heard that.
Don't act like you never took it.
But yeah, I remember.
And I'm just, I mean, a lot.
Because you don't see a real weak guy holding the lady up.
They don't let that guy do it.
Timothy don't get to do it.
A little Timmy out there cheering with the horn.
No, no, bro.
Only the clogged diesel boys tossing them bitches in the air like that.
Yeah, dude.
Where's the diversity?
I want to see the guy in the wheelchair out there, you know,
balancing, you know, who doesn't have any feeling in his arms,
balancing a chick on his head.
Yeah, like a seal.
Yeah, dude.
Let's get the guy with one eye out there, bro.
Yeah, dude.
Let's mix it up.
Yeah, bro.
Let's get it.
Yeah, dude. Let's get that guy out there.
You go to the South, the cheerleading squad's
more athletic than the football team.
They suck at football, but they'll play the shit
out them drums.
You ever seen Nick Cannon's movie?
Drum Line?
Classic. Great documentary.
There's some colleges that have their cheer teams.
They have more titles than any other
thing on the campus like other thing on the campus,
like other sports on the campus.
Yeah, it's cheerleading, though, you know?
Cheerleading's big, man.
Wait, what you trying to say is cheerleading?
I'm just saying it's cheerleading, dude.
In the South, it's different.
It's a big deal down there.
Dude, it's a big deal in the South.
I cheered in Texas, and I cheered in Louisville, Kentucky.
See, that counts.
That's the South.
Well, dude, I'll say this.
What you're doing in California, you're a gay man.
Yeah, but you have more rights as a cheerleader out here.
Yeah, you have more rights, more rights, more rights.
You can go to any bathroom you want.
More rights, more rights.
Yeah.
Dude, when we would travel for games, bro,
I couldn't get out of the van for, like, certain cities.
Really?
Yeah.
What do you mean, why?
Look at my skin.
Oh.
When was that?
Hey, were you cheerleading in 1991?
I know, right?
Were you cheerleading in Watts in 1991?
That's what my coach said.
Yeah, weren't you going to Selma High School, dude?
Bro, I think you got some bad intel, man.
Well, that's what my coach told me.
She was like, you can't get out the van.
I'm like, what?
Yeah.
That's that white.
Oh, yeah.
That's that white hill.
That's that white hill.
South.
That guy's thinking, oh, I'm going to protect him.
That guy's staying up at night watching the blind side on his phone and shit.
Pretending your name's Precious and shit.
Yeah, bro, that guy's crazy, dude.
Hey, shout out to Precious, though.
Yeah.
But, dude, you missed out.
Y'all read a Hardee's, bro.
You should have got out the van and fucking got a biscuit.
Man, I used to go to the boondocks sometimes, man.
I didn't care.
You know?
Like, I was fine.
No one fucked with me.
But they said when we were traveling to different schools.
Your coach watched too much Remember the Titans.
I know.
It was literally 2009.
I'm like, I can't get out the van.
It's 2010.
No one gave a fuck.
The sound.
I was like, let me get out.
Yeah, bro.
He had a fucking underground railroad license plate in his hand.
You're like, damn, bro.
This guy's got fucking crazy.
I sat in the back of the van, too.
It sounds like this guy was crazy, bro.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, it sounds like he was super racist, dude.
I think your coach was racist, man.
I think your coach was embarrassed of you.
When the van was...
Maybe it was just that. Yeah, man. Dude, yeah, you got you. When the van was there.
Maybe it was just that.
Yeah, man.
Dude, yeah, you got to get out the van, right?
Stick up for yourself, man.
I know.
Take a seat in the front row next time. I didn't know.
I'm from Arizona.
I didn't know.
I was like, okay, I never knew the South.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
That's hilarious.
Wow, that's fantastic.
Theo, where you at, dude? Give us some dates so we can get the fuck out of here. wow that's fantastic Theo
where you at dude
give us some dates
so we can get the fuck
out of here
I don't know man
I don't know about that
either bro
I'd like to track down
your coach
and have a conversation
where am I gonna be
dude I'm coming up
next on the 8th
I'm in Cleveland
I believe
so I'll let you know that
on the 8th
I'm in Cleveland
Ohio then on the 9th I'm in Indianapolis
and
after that
the 12th I'm in Milwaukee
those places I think still have tickets
Pittsburgh too
get some of that
I'll be in Pittsburgh this weekend actually
it's this weekend huh both of us are in Pittsburgh
I'm there Thursday Friday Saturday
are you?
I'm in Pittsburgh, bro. Yep. That's crazy. I'm there Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Are you? Yeah.
Damn.
I'm in Pittsburgh this week.
Pittsburgh Improv.
Maybe we'll link up there.
We'll see.
We'll see.
We'll see.
We'll see what's up, man.
And then following that, I think Philly is the 19th through the 21st.
I'm in Philly.
And then in November, I'm in Dallas and Salt Lake City.
But then I just launched my new tour, 50 Shades of Brown International,
all over London, Dublin, Sweden, all over.
What about the King and the Sting tour that we're supposed to take place?
Let's do it, Doug.
Well, we were just talking about Hawaii.
But then you were like, no, they don't like that out there.
No, I don't think they don't like it,
but I just think we should go there with comedy.
Together?
Well, we should go there.
Yeah, I think we should go there. There's not a lot of people that go over there yeah I think we should go over there
there's not a lot of people
that go over there
there's not
just Joe Korn
yeah
and sells like 70,000 tickets
dude people loved it man
there were so many people out there
that were super cool
loved you?
just people that were
just super friendly
asking about the show
asking about stuff
it was great bro
nothing better dude
so good out there
it's good to be back man
good to see you got a tan and Hawaiian shirt.
Dude, I feel good, bro.
Love it.
Pittsburgh this week, Philly next.
We're out.
We're out.
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