The Golden Hour - Episode 43: Halloween Special

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

Theo is Buzz Light Month and Brendan's a Giant Woody. The guys rip Halloween costume submissions, wonder if ghosts are real, and talk Trick Or Treating Stories, Pedo Scares, Best ...Halloween Outfits, The Dark Hearts, Urban Pickle Life and much more!1. MyBookie - https://mybookie.ag/ promo code: KATS2. ShipStation - https://shipstation.com/ offer code: KATS3. HelloFresh - https://hellofresh.com/kats80 promo code: KATS804. Policy Genius - https://policygenius.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 it's hairspray get your life together it is don't touch me i'm not touching you Like what? Dude, you sound like a fat ambulance that didn't make the fucking sports team at school. Yeah, dude. Howdy, partner. You sound like an ambulance that has like nine tires on it.
Starting point is 00:00:50 And all of them are kind of flat. I mean fat. Dude, it's spooky in here, dude. It's pretty scary, man. I could barely even see you. I can't see you. Thank God you have those. Oh, yeah, my wings are lit up.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Well, I guess they're wings. Those wings need hims apparently. It suits a little. Yeah, dude. My wings are losing hair. Are you a DJ at a fucking... We look
Starting point is 00:01:21 so ridiculous. You look like a DJ at a rave right now. You look like fucking Wyatt Slurp, bro. You look like a DJ at a rave right now. Dude, you look like fucking Wyatt Slurp, bro. You look like a cop at a freaking bathhouse, dude. You look like a DJ at a rave. Fucking dip slow. Bro, you look like a dip slow. Dude, I'm so used to you not telling good jokes.
Starting point is 00:01:43 I almost didn't even listen to that. Bro, you look like a sheriff at a fucking transgender lemonade stand. Dude, apparently I'm a gay cowboy. Hi. There's a snake in my butt. Oh, my God. Bro, you're like Steve Irwin, but the gay one. Dude, you look like the first NASA astronaut who's transgender going to space.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Oh, dude. It's a big leap. One leap for mankind. I'm going straight into somebody's wiener, bro. That's where I'm going. What am I cat? Cat got us these beautiful outfits today. You are Buzz Lightyear and Brendan is Woody.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Buzz Lightyear from what, UFC? Was he you? Not a UFC fighter, was he? No, Toy Story, bro. Toy Story. Apparently, Derek is a green Mike and Ike. That's cool. Well, no matter what he is, he was late again, so it just goes to show you, bro.
Starting point is 00:02:53 You can't trust pickles, bro. The city's on fire. Dude, what I'm saying is these pickles, bro, you know what I'm saying? They're always a few minutes late to work, bro. They don't make them like they used to. Tell you that, man. Yeah, dude. Damn, bro. I like my pickles crunchy, not late, Derek. They don't make them like they used to. I'll tell you that, man. Yeah, dude. Damn, bro.
Starting point is 00:03:05 I like my pickles crunchy, not late, Derek. Derek, yeah. Bro, Derek, you look like iced tea if he was a fucking cucumber. That's what you look like. Derek looks like Morgan Freeman if he's a Teletubby. Great Teletubby. He just gives way too many speeches. Yeah, they said it would take a Teletubby.
Starting point is 00:03:25 He just gives way to many speeches. Yeah. They said it would take a Teletubby 600 years to get out of this here prison. But Derek Poston did it in less than seven. I'm sweating this thing out, dude. This thing does not breathe well. Bro, you sweat in anything, dude. Dude, especially this thing, though.
Starting point is 00:03:42 That hat, what is that made out of? It looks like a fucking, like somebody just Plastic. It's made out of plastic. It looks like it's caramel. I wish it was. I'd take a bite out of it. Hey, this is the best you've dressed on the show. I'm proud of you, man. Finally dressed up, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Bro, I look like the... You look like you're gonna take a rocket ship to somebody's dick. I just said that a minute ago. Did he? Did I take your joke a minute ago, Brendan. Did he? Did I take your joke again? Dude, keep touching me. What? Don't touch me and don't freaking get any of your inability on my beautiful suit.
Starting point is 00:04:14 What I'm saying is, Brendan, okay? Dude, call me Woody, you fuck. Oh, dude, if you're Woody, it's Ply, bro. That is for sure, dude. You're a teak, bro. You ain't no mahogany dog., it's Ply, bro. That is for sure, dude. You're a teak, bro. You ain't no mahogany dog. That's for damn sure, bro. You're something.
Starting point is 00:04:29 You're that Ikea wood, dude. I kind of shipped that fucking brain. You look like an actor who got cut from Star Trek right now. Just didn't make the vibe, huh? Star Trek. They're like, I want you to audition for the movie. And I'm like, okay. Star Trek.
Starting point is 00:04:45 I want to be audition for the movie and I'm like, okay I wanna be yo Star Trek That's good less gay Okay Did if you pulled me over dude I Would put the cuffs on you, bro. That's for sure. I would tase you. Dude, cuff me up. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Cuff me up, bro. Howdy, partner. What are you doing up here in the air in space, boy? What's cat? Cat's just a skeleton? Dead on the inside. Ooh. God. All right the inside. Ooh. Good lord.
Starting point is 00:05:26 Okay. Yeah. Well. At least she's into witchcraft. Yeah. Yeah. You look nice today, actually, Cat. Yeah, she looked nice as a skeleton, I think.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Derek, why don't you say something nice once in a while? I think Cat looks like a dope skeleton. Okay. Dope skeleton. And I hope she feels better on the inside one day. She doesn't have an inside, Derek. Be respectful. Cat has a black heart. Yep. Dark heart, dude She feels better on the inside. She doesn't have an inside, Derek. Be respectful. Kat has a black heart.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Yep. Dark heart, dude. The dark hearts. Dark hearts. The dark hearts tour. I love my suit because it has these footies in it that are real soft. Those are nice. Whoa, don't touch these.
Starting point is 00:06:01 What's up, bro? Don't squeeze my feet, bro. I'm an adult. Yeah, mine came with some cool footies, too. Oh, some't touch these. What's up, bro? Don't squeeze my feet, bro. I'm an adult. Yeah, mine came with some cool footies, too. Oh, some offline Nikes. Damn, that's cool, Woody. Damn, bro. Woody's a fucking hype boy.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Oh, my God. We're going to pick up a unique male audience this time. Yeah, we are. We look like the worst fucking furries I've ever seen, man. Bro, you look like some guy that tries to freaking ride giraffes at a rodeo. That's crazy, man. We look so
Starting point is 00:06:42 ridiculous. He's wearing the gayest costumes ever. You put Derek in the middle of that big old It was really, like, so ridiculous. Yeah, right. He gave us costumes. You put Derek in the middle of that big old green pickle. I guess we'll call that a pickle. Which we thought. I don't know what that is. Yeah, bro. Why does it have warts all over it?
Starting point is 00:06:57 Bro, he's thugging, dude. He looks like, yeah, dude. Derek's actually active, bro. This pickle's got bumps all over it. Yeah, the pickle does, man. Why does the pickle have herpes all over it? Yeah, that pickle looked like it'd been through a tough salad, man. That pickle's gone bad, bro.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Yeah, that pickle's been to prison, bro. That pickle's done a stint. Probably snitched on somebody. Damn, that pickle's got tats, bro. That pickle gots a lot of opinions. Nobody's late. Dude. Wait, wait, what?
Starting point is 00:07:30 Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait a minute. That's just me. Dude, I'm talking about the pickle, bro. Man, these pickles, dude. I got a plastic hat, bro. What am I talking about? Bro, they say orange is the new pickle, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:42 You know what I'm saying, bro? It's getting wild out here. Derek, where'd you get that, man? I don't know. From Kat. Oh, Kat. I like that. Kat's like our new designer, kind of.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Yeah, she is. What Nazi put these fucking candy corns on the table? That is some terrible candy, bro. Well, Brennan thought they were suppositories. That's why he thinks they're so bad. He's had about 19 of them. They're like, man, what about the... There's some corn in my ass!
Starting point is 00:08:10 Brennan's like, man, I can't even... I can't really... I can't ride another one of these little butt shuttles. I'm like, that's a candy corn, bro. He put 200 of them in the microwave. He's like, man, they won't pop. Like, they're never going to, dude.
Starting point is 00:08:27 You're crazy. They're not terrible. Brennan's the kind of guy that just eats the white top off of a candy corn. Hell yeah, bro. And says, I've had too much. I think I've had my share. Yeah, dude. Wow.
Starting point is 00:08:44 Dude, that's crazy how you look, man. Dude, you need a mayor, bro. Huh? A mayor of what? A mayor of a town? Yeah, man. Why? You'll see. What is a fucking mayor gonna do for me, dude?
Starting point is 00:09:00 I don't know, man. Raise the taxes? Dude, you're out of your mind, man. Vernon's like, oh, you look like shit. You should raise the taxes. know, man. Raise the taxes? Dude, you're out of your mind, man. Vernon's like, oh, you look like shit. You should raise the taxes. Unbelievable, man. Halloween episode. This is it. Happy Halloween, man.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Happy Halloween, dude. You got big plans? You trick-or-treating? Took my son last night to some weird pumpkin patch thing. I forget what they call it. They probably call it closed because Halloween's tonight. No, no, no. You don't go on Halloween.
Starting point is 00:09:26 I mean, you could, but you went the night before. You'll see thousands of families if you go out on Halloween. You go out the night before, you're a burglar. No, no, no. We're in the night before. You get all the good candy. People are like, what are you doing here? I'm like, trick or treat, just so I can get us the candy.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Just give me that bedroom set. Somebody gave me their remote control one time. My dad took us on the wrong day. Hell yeah. And remote controls had just come out, man. People were fired up. It's a pretty cool gift when you think about it. It was nice.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Dude, I remember as a kid, we used to use pillowcases. We'd get so much candy, we used pillowcases. Oh, that's beautiful. You don't see kids with that today. You know it's an urban myth. You remember how my... Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. Let's don't fucking... You don't see kids with that today. You know it's an urban myth. You remember how my... Whoa, dude. Let's don't fucking...
Starting point is 00:10:08 You didn't like the urban part? Well, just don't say... Don't call Derek an urban myth, dude. No, but it is an urban myth. I believe in you, Derek. Thank you, brother. I'll be on time next time. It's an urban myth.
Starting point is 00:10:18 No, you're always on time in our hearts, man. You know what I mean, Nat? But don't call him an urban myth. No, this is an urban myth, dude. You know how parents used to Nat? But don't call him an urban myth. No, this is an urban myth, dude. You know how parents used to check for razor blades and candy? You know, it was all make... No one put razor blades in candy. It was all make-believe.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Really? Yeah, it put, like, scare in everybody, but that actually never happened. Dude, my little nephew... Should this happen eventually? My nephew found a razor scooter in his Almond Joy. Fuck yeah, dude. So he fucking, yeah, he bit into it, dude, and fucking almost broke his jaw on one of the handles. Probably the only joy you're going to get out of those things.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Bro, you got to really get in there to find an almond. You almost have to use your tongue, really. Where do they get these baby almonds, man? Give me some fat almonds, dude. Yeah, give me that fucking middle school almond, boy. Yeah. I like an almond that's, you know, spent a couple of days in the clink, you know? Yeah, I like that almond that's a little jacked up from doing some fucking stint about seven years.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Yeah, that post an almond. You should come out with a series of almonds, Derek. Yeah, or they're just all fucking steroid. Derek's beautiful almonds, yeah. I'd have a pack of Derek's beautiful almonds. Thank you, brother. Derek's almonds, Derek's nuts. Derek's nuts. Derek's beautiful almonds. Thank you, brother. Derek's almonds? Derek's nuts?
Starting point is 00:11:26 Derek's nuts. Derek's nuts. Nope, not having them. You can dip slow. Oh, my God, dude. Dude, this hat is just wild. Dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:39 You know what would happen if you rolled into the Abbey tonight dressed like that? Oh, yeah, I know. Oh, it makes me scared. I feel like a piece of gym equipment. Those good boys would be on me like a damn. They'd be a chew toy, bro. Like in a dog park. The only chew toy.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Some big guy. Front and back. And they gots, whoa. Yeah, dogs get front and back. These people are eating out of both ends of the trough, man. Yeah, bro. Yeah, and it's like dry. People are eating out of both ends of the trough, man. Yeah, right. Yeah, it looks like you're dry. No silverware.
Starting point is 00:12:08 No silverware. No bibs. Yeah, no bibs. Dude. Brendan has a lot of bibs, I bet. He seems that kind of guy. Dude, if he's going to drive and it's raining out, he puts a bib on. I can't believe you're a cowboy, dude.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Super cowboy. What city, bro? Key West, Florida? Hey, you look like the sheriff of fucking Thottingham, bro. You look like you look like you were in a
Starting point is 00:12:40 trap house fucking haunted house, dude. It's going down. What kind of Buzz Lightyear is this, man? Meet me at the mall. It's going down, bro. Unbelievable. What prison system are you working in, bro? Hey, why are your wings even depressed?
Starting point is 00:13:01 Hey, man. Hey, I need a new Buzz Lightyear. This one's super sad. Yeah. I'm a new Buzz Lightyear. This one's super sad. Yeah. I'm more like Buzz Lightmonth. To infinity and... All right. Yeah, let's just walk across the street and get something to eat.
Starting point is 00:13:15 To infinity. Oh, I don't feel like it. I'm like Buzz Lightmonth, bro. Buzz Lightlife, dude. Happy Halloween, guys. Yeah. Thank you guys for sticking with us this long on this show, bro. Buzz light life, dude. Happy Halloween, guys. Yeah. Thank you guys for sticking with us this long on this show, man. I don't even know what this show's about, but.
Starting point is 00:13:31 I don't either. But I'll tell you, we catch a case right now. I stand up in this Woody suit. Apparently there's a, that ain't fucking Mr. Potato Head in my pants, bro. That ain't that slinky machine. You know what I'm saying? What kind of? Woody got a dick on him in this suit, bro.
Starting point is 00:13:44 And when I walked through the office, it was alarming. Really? Yeah, man. So one kid's mouth started watering. Well, first of all. I went like this. Howdy, partner. You see something you like, speak up now, you hear? Fucking kept on
Starting point is 00:13:59 keeping on, bro. Why is there a kid in the office? Did I say kid? Is what I wanted to know. Did I say kid? Yeah. I meant man, David. I meant man. You meant small man. He was smaller.
Starting point is 00:14:14 Dude, Brennan went to reach for his gun and just got an erection. Like, damn, bro. Dude, your lasso... Put your hands up, bro. Bro, your lasso just peeked out of your buttocks, bro You gotta tighten up, man I do gotta tighten up, bro Man, Dan
Starting point is 00:14:32 Cold wind hits, this thing's gonna rip right off This thing is paper thin Damn, Buzz Lightyear been smoking those Marlboros Damn, Buzz got the black lung, Bob. Been a heavy year for Buzz. This Buzz is super depressing, bro. Oh, my God. Just give me the space, brother.
Starting point is 00:14:59 Oh, Jesus Christ. Looks like Buzz didn't fucking make season four, huh? Just sad. I said, damn it, get me to space, guy. You look like NASA, bro. Heavy on the ass. You're taking me to space, dude. We're going to end up in Uranus, dude.
Starting point is 00:15:20 A couple of space cowboys, bro. Brendan's the kind of guy who fucking goes to space just to sit on one of Saturn's rings dude hey I'm hanging my legs off the ring guys
Starting point is 00:15:32 taking selfies yeah yeah jeepers man man well good to see you man you too brother keep touching me
Starting point is 00:15:44 keep touching me especially with with a skeleton hand. Still no plan for Halloween? I don't know, man. The kid dressed up as a pirate just randomly. Yeah. Oh, I saw that on Instagram, man. Beautiful kid. Is that real facial hair or is that not?
Starting point is 00:15:57 He grew that out. I told him Halloween's coming and pirates only have beards. He emailed me and asked me if you're legally allowed to go door to door in those neighborhoods. I said, yes. I said, yes, you are. I looked up on stranger danger. You're not on there.
Starting point is 00:16:10 I'm not on there. Have you ever looked that up? Oh yeah. You won't want to live anywhere. Dude, when I was growing up, pedophiles had to go door to door and say, Hey buddy, you know, I live in the neighborhood, you know, I'm just letting you know, I live in the neighborhood. That was a state law. And all our parents were single parents, so, like, my mom would be at work.
Starting point is 00:16:29 We'd have these dudes come to the door and be like, hey, I'm Jonathan, you know. Just letting you know I moved into the neighborhood and I'm a pedophile, you know. He'd be like, well, our mom ain't home, you know, but. Come back later. Yeah. Come back later, Jonathan. She makes a mean apple pie. Yeah, come play Sega with us. Yeah. You know what? Why don't you just come in right now? Now I think of it. What Come back later, Jonathan. She makes a mean apple pie. Yeah, come play Sega with us.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Yeah. You know what? Why don't you just come in right now? Now I think of it. What are you doing, Jonathan? So you know you got a stepdad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's had a shady history, but seems to be doing better.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Yeah. I don't know, man. We used to play kickball with pedophiles, though, when I was growing up. They're fucking good at kickball, man. Well, some of them are. But once you know they're a pedophile the game's over you know it's like roll that ball ronnie you ain't getting this ass bro you know roll that ball dude here's the thing with pedophiles did you play crazy kickball where you could kick it and run either that way or that way first or third oh my god crazy pedophile
Starting point is 00:17:21 kickball yeah that's what we played in den, bro, and those pedophiles were good. They were good. They were? They always brought the little orange slices. Ooh. Halftime was lit. Damn, dude. You definitely, you look like an eclair that Romeo Cronell had for breakfast.
Starting point is 00:17:42 You look like you've been through some things. Buddy, you doing okay? I'm fantastic, man. Who are you doing okay? I'm fantastic. Who are you again? What costume is it? Dude, I'm Woody and you're Buzz Lightyear. Never heard of either one of them, okay? So I don't know what you are, dude, but it is extremely alarming, dude.
Starting point is 00:17:57 And you just think you're an astronaut? Dude, you look like Dallas Returners Club, dude. Like somebody got a refund. You look like you're going through some stuff, bro. I don't have a mirror. I can't see my outfit, dude. It feels warm.
Starting point is 00:18:12 You look sweet, dude. The wings are kind of heavy, though. Yeah, they're super depressed wings. Yeah, no, I mean, they're just like heavy on my back, man. I just don't want to. I may need to have like a Jamba Juice or something to get through the episode. So, whoa, dude. I'm trying to get them lit oh they're not lit up well no they are but i was trying to well this is like uh i think those lights make it heavier i feel like one of chin's parents is probably what they probably wear i feel like how do you get a chin, man? They just can't get back to where they were going.
Starting point is 00:18:46 Yeah. Stranded. Stranded here at King and the Sting. Let's rock, dude. And what is this? First of all, things are going downhill if there's a roach trap on the desk. So that's alarming. Someone has them explained to do.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Anyone want a Mr. Pickle? Cat? I don't know. Yeah, female girl. Dark heart. Yeah, cat. You're low on calcium, it looks like, huh? With that little sternum game.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Cat's got that sternum, huh? A little x-ray game over there, bro. Jesus, look at the femurs on that kitten. Dude, I went to an ultrasound for my son that's going to be born in about four weeks. This is 2019. He looked like he was in the next fucking Conjuring. Dude, I went to an ultrasound for my son that's going to be born in about four weeks. This is 2019. He looked like he was in the next fucking Conjuring. It's only black and white, and you just see eyes. You see these dark eyes and just like almost a ghost figure.
Starting point is 00:19:35 Really? Yeah, man. Scary shit. And what, it's a boy, you said? It's a young man? Yeah. Wow. Because I'll tell you the one thing we did not mistakenly see.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Kid got the dick on him. piece huh yep i don't look at kids dicks even if it's inside of my wife's body and i don't have a wife dude you couldn't miss it you couldn't miss this i went oh is that a tail am i giving birth to a lizard is that a fucking t-rex the doctor went that's a dick sir jesus i know dude and it's not a dick until they're like 15 or something, Brendan. It's just a wiener. Nope. That's fair. Here's the thing. See, you don't have kids.
Starting point is 00:20:09 You don't know this. You can't call it a wiener. You can't? Nope. Because when you call it wiener, like cute names, that's what pedophiles call it. That's how they get the kids. You always keep it penis. You keep it penis?
Starting point is 00:20:20 You have to. I think somebody made that up and told you that. What did you guys do? Were there a lot of pedophiles in you guys' neighborhoods in the different environments? I didn't look that up until I was probably in high school, and I realized I grew up with a lot of pedophiles. I just didn't know it. Wow. Did you guys ever have the scare around your neighborhood?
Starting point is 00:20:42 There was always a pedophile. Halloween, non-Halloween, didn't matter. Always had a van. We'd always have to warn us about what color van. Don't pay attention to the van. Don't stop at the van. Now, did I go in there because he had Cadbury eggs? Maybe.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Maybe tried it out. Over easy, huh? I called a good deal. Yeah. Brennan had them over easy. Brennan's the only person that's ever made a Cadbury egg omelet. Some kids thought it was abuse. I thought it was a good trade.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Are you the full pack? Wish I hadn't told that egg joke. No, you're all right, man. I don't know if I am. Derek, now in the urban community, is there a lot of pedophiles or what is that? A little bit, yeah. My mom worked at a nursing home. She's like a nursing home administrator.
Starting point is 00:21:25 So a lot of those guys were pedophiles. Really? They would try to lure me to their rooms a lot of times.iles or what is that? Yeah. My mom worked at a nursing home. She's like a nursing home administrator. So a lot of those guys were pedophiles. Really? They were trying to lure me to their rooms a lot of times. Really? Yeah. Old men. Hold on. Are they pedophiles or just old dudes looking for a friend?
Starting point is 00:21:33 Yeah. You know, I never let it get far enough to find out. They just want to talk sports with you, but you thought they were trying to freaking touch your wee-wee. True. I was six. Interesting to talk sports with a six-year-old, but you have a point. You know your sports. I do a point. You know your sports.
Starting point is 00:21:45 I do like sports. You know your sports. I do like sports, man. You think little cucumber Derek knows about freaking Mark McGuire's, bro? No. Six years old? He don't know about all that ass. Dude, I was all about that steroid era.
Starting point is 00:21:57 Now, do you think that these men were actual pedophiles, or do you think that they- I remember my mom one time- They were just like, they would touch anybody if they were a man or a woman. They were just wanting somebody around that was kind of- Just wanted a warm body to talk to. I don't know. Not to talk to, though. I think for sexual.
Starting point is 00:22:10 It felt sexual. I remember one time a guy was like, come here, come in the room. I got something to show you. He was really old. And I was like, all right. And then my mom came and yelled at him. Hey, you're not going to keep doing this, Daniel. You know?
Starting point is 00:22:22 But also your mom quit bringing the little guy around. Everybody's trying to fuck him every day. Quit bringing him them around they're not trying to fuck him brendan these are senior citizen men yeah okay they're doing the best they can a lot of more in different wars you yeah maybe they're trying to share their applesauce with you yeah share some vietnam stories or touch you yeah but not trying to fuck him it could be just touch him pet him touch his body that was a cute little black kid. Yeah. Beautiful kid, too, I can imagine.
Starting point is 00:22:47 I'd have to see the pictures. But the thing is, again, to your mom, quit bringing D to work, you know? Quit bringing your kid to school, dude. You'd have to see the pictures, dude. I gotta see the pictures. You can't just say a kid's cute. I've seen some ugly kids. Bro, look at you now.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Look at you. You're an officer of the law, bro. That's right, bro. I worked hard for it. Worked fucking hard for it, Theo. Bro, look at you now. Look at you. You're an officer of the law, bro? That's right, bro. Worked hard for it. Worked fucking hard for it, Theo. Look at you. You're supposed to go to Mars and tell if there's life there?
Starting point is 00:23:16 Bro, I bet you're just going to go up there and be happy there's nobody around and just stay. No, no one's here. I'll just stay. I bet your mace, whenever you press it, it's just some guy just whispering to another guy. Hey, Ernie. Hey, Ernie, I love the ferns. You're out of your mind. I bet your cuffs are made out of fucking cheese whiz. You just spray cheese whiz around each one of their wrists.
Starting point is 00:23:39 You don't know what's going on. You don't know what the fuck's happening. You never worked a day in your life, you shit cop. You're looking for your life, you shit cop. Now, I can't believe. You're looking for your freedom, Buzz Lightyear. In the Chinese community, Kat, if you're Chinese, I'm not sure. A little bit. But thank you.
Starting point is 00:23:54 You do have some Chinese in you, Kat? Yes, she does, Brendan. A lot of pedophiles in China. Are there, though? I don't think there are. I don't think it's as much of an Asian thing. I know it's a white thing, and I know it happens sometimes in the black community, you know. People get a little handsy.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Yeah, a lot of white guys growing up would pull up in the vans to try to kidnap Asian kids, but as we got older, they didn't want us as much. I wonder why. Asian babies are cute, but as you get older, it's a toss-up. Yeah. You guys go one or two ways, man. You either get real cute
Starting point is 00:24:24 or you age like fruit exactly Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, buddy. Mine had a stem sprout out of his back when he's about 11 years old needs from the Shanghai province Okay, so definitely that was good a lot of fruit aging Okay, well, let's kick this off Once again, we've ruined people's lives Happy Halloween guys Nothing scarier than listening to this
Starting point is 00:24:49 But we're grateful You guys are here with us today Be safe out there on the streets man Trick or treating door to door It's real hustle Like you're gonna help dude Me and my kid will be out there Now I'm gonna be dressed as the boogeyman
Starting point is 00:25:02 From Nightmare Before Christmas Boogeyman can move now So you touch my kid I'm going to be dressed as the Boogeyman from Nightmare Before Christmas. Boogeyman can move now. So he touched my kid, I'm fucking its own. Bro, the only person touching your kid is you, dude. You got to go look at that outfit, man. You got to get a mirror. Dude, you got to look at yours, dude. Bro, you need to get a mirror.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Okay? You need to get... Go to the mirror of your town and ask them what you look like. Because you can't be living like this. What do we got, Pickle? We got a little debate club, boys. Up first, we have Ashley from Columbus. What's up, guys? Hope you're having a great day. I'm coming to you from Columbus, Ohio, with a debate club question for you.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Really quick, I just want to say that I met Brendan and Derek at the Pittsburgh Improv the other day. It was really nice meeting you both. You guys both killed it. And you're both really sweet and nice. So I just want to say thanks for making my weekend so great. Yeah, no problem. I already told Derek this, but if you guys decide to need a white girl for Culture Corner, which I think you do, let me know.
Starting point is 00:25:54 We had enough white opinions on him. Theo, I missed you in Cleveland the other day, and I was really upset about it. I ended up having an exam that following day, so I couldn't be there. Oh, it's okay. Probably a mammary exam. I'd love to meet you. So back to the debate club question.
Starting point is 00:26:07 It's October. It's quote-unquote spooky season. So here's your question. Are ghosts real or are they not real? Personally, I don't know, and I don't know if I want to know the answer. Let me know what you guys think. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, culture, culture.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Thank you, young lady. I'm sorry that you couldn't make it to my show. Is Ghost real? But she doesn't know. She wants to know the answer. So I don't know if I want to tell her. I don't know if I want to tell her either. I don't know if she can handle it.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Dude, one time my friend died. And then that night I thought that he was there and i never felt like somebody was there like in your bed no outside on the porch he was just chilling outside on the porch he was trying to get in but he didn't have any hands now do you think it was a postmates and you forgot about it no no this was before postmates about three years before postmates in a rural area where if postmates went out there, somebody's going to probably gun them down. That's fair. So, you know. The brave Postmates, dude.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Huh? How about those Postmates that go into the hood? Oh. Like SEAL Team 6. Yeah, dude. Taking slugs for a fucking batch of taquitos, dude. I'm out. Deliver a hot pizza and dodge some bullets.
Starting point is 00:27:24 Real American. Oh, dude. And by the time you get there, the pizza's just warm because of all theitos, dude. I'm out. To deliver a hot pizza and dodge some bullets. Real American. Oh, dude. And by the time you get there, the pizza's just warm because of all the bullets in it. Cheese a little shuffled up because he's running so far.
Starting point is 00:27:35 All right, Ghost Reel. Listen, I'll say this, and this is well documented. I was on a ghost adventure show with Zach Baggins. Now, I'm not positive we found a ghost. Pretty sure we found a ghost.
Starting point is 00:27:45 I was scared shitless. Shitless. I was so scared. And ever since then, I believe in ghosts. Well, I think ghosts have to be real because I think there's something, you know, a lot of times I feel a spirit inside of me that is separate from my body.
Starting point is 00:28:00 It's like my body is just kind of like a bus and the spirit is like riding around in this bus so i think if you die then the spirit gets loose and then it can sometimes it can be around and sometimes it can't i think some of that's dependent upon weather and some of that's dependent upon you know like uh rent control all that kind of shit so uh you probably i'm not going So You probably I'm not going to tell you anymore Because I know you can't handle it Yeah, I don't think
Starting point is 00:28:30 Do you believe in ghosts, D? Not at all Do you believe in an afterlife? Yeah Yeah, you better believe in a damn afterlife But you don't believe in ghosts? I don't think that people die and then they hang out on Earth Cutting light switches on
Starting point is 00:28:43 Why not? Because why would they do that? Maybe they work for Clico. Maybe they work for the power company. This is my only thing, too. If they're ghosts, why do they fucking turn on lights and pushing over certain, like, bumping into shit? It's all they can do. What if those were your only tricks, dude?
Starting point is 00:28:55 What if you were a shitty David Blaine? That's all a ghost is. It's all they got, isn't it? A ghost is a shitty David Blaine. I'm going to wiggle this chain over here. I'm going to do these lights. I'm going to fucking touch, you know, Samuel's fucking neck that's it bro that's all i got i'm gonna whisper in brendan's ear at night like that's it what are we doing man bro that is you believe in
Starting point is 00:29:15 an afterlife but not ghost yeah but not like something's gotta happen what do you mean you don't think the lights just shut off wow derrick losing all of our black audience by not believing in heaven right there. I know. Thanks, Derek. And aren't you a fan of the Kanye West album? You don't think there's ghosts? He plays my soul yesterday.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Sunday service, man. That's what I'm saying. If y'all don't think Kanye's going to heaven, dude, he's the fucking black Tesla, bro. Okay? Kanye's going to heaven. People out here milling around and shit. I don't know if he is. But at least he's brave, bro.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Kanye's brave and crazy. He's like bravey. Brazy. Kat, what do you think? You guys have ghosts in your community or something? What's going on? Oh, yeah. Asians have tons of ghosts. I can see that. Because Asians never truly die. That's the thing. Wow. You guys are kind of the ones that started the whole ghost rumors. No, they didn't.
Starting point is 00:30:00 It's not a rumor. Yeah, they did. You believe in ghosts, Kat? Yep, but I don't know if all races become ghosts. I wish this camera was a ghost so I could fucking see you. I don't think all races become ghosts, though. That's the thing. I think only some races then become ghosts. Some of them just kind of go to heaven or hell or maybe somewhere else, like Cleveland.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Hitler also believed that. I think all races go, you know? Yeah, I could see like a little Asian ghost. I think it would be kind of cute, you know? Hey, boo-boo. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. That's a Latino ghost.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Hey, I'm from Ecuador. I'm boo-boo. Boo-boo. Boo. What's on your lap? I'm hiding. I'm hiding, papi. Hey, I'm hiding over here.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Oh, apparently your ghost is super gay. He's not gay, man. This is how he sounds. Oh, I have a is super gay. He's not gay, man. This is how he sounds. Oh, I have a wife. You heard him say that? Just playing. Just playing homeboy. I got a live in Turin.
Starting point is 00:30:55 We are all ghosts. Hey, homes, get over here. What? There's a chili in my ass. What, bro? I have a wife in Keys, man. Didn't you hear about my shit ass. What, bro? I have a wiping keys, man. Didn't you hear about my shit a second ago, bro? I can get some help, bro.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Yeah, bro. I heard you, bro. This is a different ghost. I'm gay. I can't be more obvious, Holmes. Stuff my jalapeno chelera. You're not even gay, bro. You're just a fucking sad guy, bro, in a tight suit, man. Yeah, you might be right, bro. You're not even gay bro You're just a fucking sad guy bro In like a tight suit man
Starting point is 00:31:26 You might be right bro You're not even a cop bro You're in a fucking van right now What? Well and that's why Brennan and I don't do improv That's why we can't You'd be surprised brother There's gay ghosts
Starting point is 00:31:44 So we got one out of two Believe in ghosts You'd be surprised, brother. There's gay ghosts. So we got one out of two believe in ghosts. Well, ghost hair. I'm shocked. Me, cat, believe in ghosts. Derek doesn't, but he believes in Kanye West as an afterlife thought. And you're kind of. I believe in ghosts, man. And I hope I'll be a ghost.
Starting point is 00:31:58 Yeah, I grew up in a lot of haunting. A lot of people haunted. Dude, they had a guy who impersonated a ghost in our town, and he haunted a Ramada. And the police busted him driving a Ford Ranger. Fuck yeah, dude. Dodge Ram. Now, there's a lot of witchcraft in New Orleans, huh? There's some fucking bitches that aren't fucking keeping it together.
Starting point is 00:32:17 I'll admit that. There's also just some bitches that have dreadlocks, but just vibe with the witches. That's DeAndre Hopkins that you're talking about, dude. Oh, you might be right. Did you see that he got his arm caught in his hair, dude? Did he? Yeah, bro. He tried to call pass interference.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Like, what, bro? His hair is nine feet long. I'm all about everybody having long hair, dude. I got it. But at a certain point, man. Well, you kind of got it. You can't, dude. He got his hair caught in the second down marker the other day. Kept on keeping on, man. Well, you kind of got it. Yeah, dude. He got his hair caught in the second down marker
Starting point is 00:32:45 the other day. Kept on keeping on, bro. Bro, he had an assistant coach. He thought a guy had been kidnapped in his hair. A nutritionist, bro. They found him in one of his sideburns. I'm just saying it's getting intense, DeAndre. But good luck with Ghost, girl. Hopefully it works out between you two. What else you got?
Starting point is 00:33:03 We got 57% went with Ghost Surreal. Yep. That's fair. Have you ever seen any ghost activity at the comedy store, Theo? Have you ever seen anything weird go down? There's some vibes there, right? There's some dark vibes there. I've seen a lot of people run the light, bro.
Starting point is 00:33:17 I've seen a lot of bad fucking comedy, including some of my own that wasn't good. So I've seen a lot of us. I'll tell you this. You get haunted by some bad sets. I'll say that. You have a bad set up there. That shit will haunt you. That shit will haunt you, man.
Starting point is 00:33:31 Let's get into something else. Do we have any other Halloween-y stuff? Oh, yeah. Up next, we got Mr. Austin from Owensboro, Kentucky. Ooh, Owensboro. Big Austin. He's really dressed up as... What up, Brendan?
Starting point is 00:33:43 He dressed up like that Al-Qaeda ISIS guy that got killed. Who do you think would die first in a whole movie? But in whiteface. Bobby Lee or Chris D'Elia? Let me know. Fang, fang, blood, blood. Fang, fang, blood, blood, bro. Who's the big guy with the red beard that does the fuck gets delicious?
Starting point is 00:34:01 That was a good one. Seth Rogen. Action Bronson. That's a great Halloween outfit, sir. I like that Action Bronson. Yeah, yeah, man. You got to make a soup. Good dude.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Bobby Lee or Chris Dittus is easy. Every Asian dies first in horror movies. But they come back, man. If it's black or Asian, they die first. But they come back. But a lot of black guys are making it to the end of movies now. Yeah. They have to with the end of movies now. Yeah. They have to with the whole society's change.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Wait, wait, wait. Society's change. Yeah, look, and I think a lot of black guys, I think, would be at the end of movies now. You see a lot more black guys with sword fighting skills, a lot more diverse type of skills. That's why I like White Man Can't Jump. Remember that? Oh, yeah.ody harrelson the white guy trying to fit in he's the one who got broke at the end you know it's kind of role
Starting point is 00:34:50 reversal i love that movie dude i like um what movie do i like have you seen incredibles one great movie incredible two is very boring yeah you. You ever seen Tango and Cash? No. We look like Tango and Bash. What else we got? Yeah, I'm Tango, dude. Yeah, and I'll bash. You look like somebody.
Starting point is 00:35:11 I'll bash these nuts in your mouth. There's a snake in my boot. This cowboy's crazy, bro. You mispronounce butt, dude. And second of all, dude, you look like a fucking, you look like a piñata, bro. You look like something that nine kids would beat the shit out of with a stick to get a fucking sugar out of.
Starting point is 00:35:31 That's what you look like, dude. Can we keep this episode moving on, man? Theo, you gotta answer who dies first in a horror movie, Bobby Lee or Chris? White guy ain't dying first. I think Bobby Lee's gonna die first, but I think he'll find a way back, and that's how he defeats Chris. Chris is the guy that you think is going to win, and then he doesn't.
Starting point is 00:35:50 He has that hero vibe, but I think Bobby's that tricky little fucking scallop that comes back in the end. You don't think he's hanging off the side of your boat, and he is. He's that bar knuckle. I'd like to see him in that movie like Saul, like the new Saul. I think Chris Rock is directing it. Is he? Yeah. Wow. If Bobby were new Saul. I think Chris Rock is directing it. Is he? Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:36:07 If Bobby were in Saul. I might have made that up. I can't see Bobby. I could see Bobby in Saul, but he's going to die early. He doesn't even like to do that much stuff. So if he has to even be on set more than an hour and a half, he's going to leave. Too much work for a whole motion picture. So it's like die or leave.
Starting point is 00:36:21 What else you got? We got 70% went with Mr. Bobby Lee as well. That's just science. Gang, bro. This is David from New Zealand. Ooh. G'day, Kiwi. What's up, lads?
Starting point is 00:36:31 It's your boy, David, gang-ganging it down here in New Zealand. Gang, bro. I got a special Halloween debate club for you gentlemen. What was better? Hitting that trick-or-treat madness when you were a young chap? Getting them sugary snacks, causing some mischief? Or heading into them adult Halloween parties, causing some mischief or heading into them at all. Halloween parties,
Starting point is 00:36:46 trying to find them different sort of snacks. I'm talking eating that ass, that slutty nurse in the corner. You know what I'm saying? No, we got it. Looking forward to hearing back from you guys. Appreciate the work.
Starting point is 00:36:55 Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Are we doing actually? That's the questionable.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Appreciate the work. Thank you, David. Could be the devil's work sometimes. Yeah. Thank you, David. Could be the devil's work sometimes. Yeah, thank you, David. Dude, Trick or Treat as a kid was so fun. Halloween parties bum me out a little bit. I mean, yeah, we were
Starting point is 00:37:13 sucking and a fucking because there's a reason to do it. Also, were you the sexy costume guy or were you the more serious costume guy? You know what I'm saying? Some guys took it too serious. I got a friend who every year he'd plan it months out, the full makeup. You know, I went as a big baby for multiple years in college, and, man, that diaper didn't stay on long.
Starting point is 00:37:35 I'll tell you that much. Damn. A couple of brewskis, diaper gets loose. Who's Brewski? He sounds like a nice guy. A couple of brewskis, dude. Oh, Brandon fucking serving that butt up to Polish gentlemen, huh? Here's what I'm saying, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:50 I think. I don't even know what I'm about to say. Me neither, man. I don't remember college. What was this question? This guy wants to know Halloween parties. Parties are great. Or trick-or-treating.
Starting point is 00:37:58 In Charleston, South Carolina, one time I made out with four ladybugs in a night, dude, which is pretty cool. Did they shave at least? A buddy of mine named Barry one time dressed up like an airplane and put real jet fuel on the back of his legs and burned fucking holes into his skin. Hell yeah. So he had to go to the emergency room, dude, for emergencies. That's going all out for it. You can go to any other room and it's just like, hey, I'm probably going to be okay. And then they have an emergency room.
Starting point is 00:38:22 And if you go there, it's like last hurrah. Yeah. So he went there right there um yeah but train as a kid did you go a lot i used to love that man i went i was just amazed now at the amount of candy that kids can eat like now if i have like three four pieces of candy or if i have like you know, four ice cream sandwiches at night or something, the third and fourth one, I can't even taste that much because so much sugar is already logged into me. Yeah, my tongue just goes numb to it.
Starting point is 00:38:51 But when you were a kid, you could do, dude, I would open up Reese's cups and put sweet tarts in them, lace them with fucking sweet tarts, and then eat those bitches and make my sister fucking eat them, dude, or she wasn't going to bed, that little bitch. And then eat those bitches and make my sister fucking eat them, dude, or she wasn't going to bed, that little bitch. So keep touching me, bro. Fuck yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Keep lacing kids candy, bro. Hey, man. Razor scooter and my nephew's fucking Cinnabon. He sits all positive, you know? Crazy times, dude. But what do you guys think over there? Let's hit this culture corner, man. I'm tired of just being so white over here. Trick or treating as a kid was the shit, man.
Starting point is 00:39:28 And did you guys, was it scary in some of your neighborhoods, Derek? I lived in a good neighborhood, man. I went to like private school. Okay, we got to get. Wow, you need a real black guy. I'm late this morning and I'm the most lit nigga ever. And now I'm like, I went to private school and I'm a white dude. Yeah, you're sending mixed signals, Derek.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Okay. We got to make it simple, you're sending mixed signals, Derek. Okay? We gotta make it simple, man. This is Hollywood, Derek. You gotta keep it easy for these people. But you did go trick-or-treating in the nice neighborhood? Loved it, loved it.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Yeah, we did too. We would go over to a nicer, that was always, you gotta trick-or-treat up. Yes. You go to the nicer neighborhood. I don't know where you're at. We used to always go
Starting point is 00:40:03 to nicer neighborhoods. I used to have some dope costumes. Oh, dude. One time I went as WD-40, dude, and had my whole fucking face and everything sprayed with WD-40. And it smells good. Remember how good that stuff smells? I do enjoy that smell. God, it's fucking good, boy.
Starting point is 00:40:16 I went as a French robot one year. My mom made me a robot costume, and then I grabbed our croissants from Costco and gave them out to the kids. My mom was pissed. Yeah. 10 kids got that hot croissant, though. Ooh, that hot sauce. I even had a little mustache, French robot. Best costume I ever had.
Starting point is 00:40:34 My brother's a ninja. We used to have some great... My mom used to make all our costumes, dude. Really? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:40:41 That's beautiful. That's beautiful, bro. My mom would just throw a black sheet over me every year. Well, that's... The black sheet of the family, huh? Yeah, I guess so. She'd just show a black sheet and what were you supposed to be? Just a black ghost.
Starting point is 00:40:51 Well, there are no black ghosts, you know? They're always white. Some of them are black. You know, you don't see them as much because you live in a different community. Yeah, I don't see color. Kat, what was your best Halloween outfit? I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:41:08 I used to re-wear my older cousin's hand-me-downs. So it's whatever she wore the year before, I would then get. Traditional garb, Brendan. Yeah, I would go as a Chinese lady every single year. Different version. I love that. Have a lantern or something?
Starting point is 00:41:23 Like a geisha? Nope, just a random Chinese woman. It's like a clothes that my aunt or my grandma bought from Vietnam. And then we just go around. I'd carry chopsticks or some shit. Would you really? Wow. I feel like that's a tad racist. But nobody called me out for any of it.
Starting point is 00:41:40 They're just like, oh, adorable little Asian girl. I bet you were cute as shit as a kid, Kat. I cannot have to see pictures. When I was young, if somebody came to our door and they were a different adorable, like little Asian girl. I bet you were cute as shit as a kid, Kat. Again, I'd have to see pictures. When I was young, if somebody came to our door and they were a different ethnicity, that was a costume. It was like, you know, because it was just so rare. It was like, oh, damn, bro. Yeah, yeah, my dad.
Starting point is 00:41:53 Dad, there's a Mexican! Yeah. Eduardo. Eduardo is here. My dad come down with a great costume, Eduardo. Yeah, it was the summer, though. Yeah. Well, what do they want to know? I say vote yes. They want us at the summer, though. Yeah. Well.
Starting point is 00:42:07 What do they want to know? I say they want us at their party. They want us at their party? Nope, nope. They just want to know if you like Trigger Train as a kid all motherfucking day. Listen, grown adults dressing up, taking shit too serious, just not for me, man. Halloween parties. Yeah, and you can't keep up with that, man. I've been involved in some things that I probably wish I hadn't been involved in.
Starting point is 00:42:25 And Halloween, you got to really, you got to plan ahead if you want to look nice. But you also want a costume that's kind of feasible. You know, you can like navigate in. Dude, we used to do, make that pubic hair mustache and cut your pubic hair off and make a mustache with a little bit of honey up above your lip. That's really disturbing. You know? It's really disturbing. You know? It's very disturbing. Really?
Starting point is 00:42:48 Yeah, man. Make that fucking baby curtain up there. I get it. That is very disturbing. I don't think so. A guy who puts vegetables in his butt? I don't know, man. Mr. McGregor.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Let's keep this thing moving, man. We got 56% went with trick-or-treating. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Up next, this is Rocky Kendall. This is Big Rocky. No one's going to dress up and submit these? Nice chops.
Starting point is 00:43:16 Oh, he's Sabretooth. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brendan? I got a debate club for you guys with Halloween coming up. I've been watching a lot of classic horror movies. And in my mind, the most iconic movie serial killers would be Jason, Freddy Krueger, Mike Myers, and Leatherface. And my question for you guys is if those guys decide to just have an all-out brawl in a cage, who do you think is coming out on top? Now, that being said,
Starting point is 00:43:46 this is just a straight-up fight, so Freddy Krueger can't kill anybody in their dreams. So, this is just Freddy Krueger throwing hands with that glove. So, just let me know what you guys think, and who would win. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, gang, man. Is this from the Dharma Initiative? Where is this guy sending this video
Starting point is 00:44:02 from? What's going on in the background? There is a whale at this guy's door, dude. You can hear sonar. He might be on a boat. Yeah. He might be on a vessel that's about to go down. So this could be a ghost. This guy could be a ghost.
Starting point is 00:44:17 He could. He'd be sending this from the Titanic. I'll say this. Whose leather face? You mean Ron White? Who are you talking about? That's what I'm unsure what's going on here. That's Leatherface
Starting point is 00:44:28 from Texas Chainsaw. Oh, I don't remember him. And then you got, of course, Big Mike. Well, Texas Chainsaw, that dude was just it's a Royal Rumble. I'll tell you right now, Freddie getting his ass whipped. Freddie's just a malnourished, older dude who got burned in a fire.
Starting point is 00:44:43 If you can't kill him in his dreams, he's just some dude off 3rd Street. He ain't shit. Yeah. People are going to think he's a pepperoni salesman. People get him confused as well these days. People don't even remember Freddy Krueger. They just think it's a guy trying to sell a pizza because he kind of looks like one. Sell string cheese.
Starting point is 00:44:57 People are going to. I think if you go Michael Myers, that dude's got that haunty sort of thing. Michael Myers was kind of just like, kind of like a little bit of like a gay Jason, I think, in a lot of ways. Because Jason came with the hockey, he came with the machete, and then you got Mike showing up with this fucking little silverware
Starting point is 00:45:16 piece. And the one piece. Yeah. And the one piece like I rocked. And that fucking hot girl summer, yeah. That hot girl's fucking hot summer outfit. He does look swaggy. Yeah, he looks swaggy, but he looks like he's going to fucking be really angry while he changes your oil. Whereas Jason Veehe's, bro, that big daddy, that dirt dog, that dude, bro, that dude's going to remodel your skeleton. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:45:41 Yeah, I ain't fucking with Jason. Jason all day. Royal Rumble? And fuck Leatherface. Yeah, somebody make a purse out of that little Muppet. Yeah, I ain't fucking with Jason. Jason all day. Royal Rumble? And fuck Leatherface. Yeah, somebody make a purse out of that little Muppet. Yeah, dude. Dude, here's what I'm saying is, they got, if anybody that plays hockey with a machete is probably going to win.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Yeah. You know? But for style, for Steam All GQ, I'm going Mike Myers. Is that me? We have the same hair. I have a onesie like that. Mike Myers, yeah. Yeah, you do look similar.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Mike Myers looks like a sashimi chef at like Ed DeBevics or something or one of those restaurants where they're real angry at you. I'm going Jason all fucking day. I'm going Jason all day. Look at that guy. Listen, I don't know who's going to win. I think Jason and Mike Myers might have a real struggle city there. But I'll tell you one thing I do know.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Freddie ain't winning shit. And Leatherface, I'm going to make a wallet out of that little fucking pouch. Leatherface fucking. Yeah, dude. You know what I'm saying? Fendi face, bro. Get out of here with leather. Get a pair of nuts.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Yeah. Where's your nuts at, boy? Yeah, fuck that. That is my favorite scary movie, though. Yeah. Takes Chainsaw. I don't watch all that. Oh, you don't like that stuff?
Starting point is 00:46:46 Scares you? No, it doesn't scare me. I just, I don't like the use. Makes you feel weird? It's just like appropriation of chainsaws, appropriation of. Texans, really. Texas Chainsaw. A lot of it.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Yeah, it's really. You want good chainsaw, then go up to, go to Michigan, you know? Go to West Virginia. Yeah. Go to Alaska, dude. Yeah. Texas, they're not doing that much with chainsaws. No. So it's just
Starting point is 00:47:07 appropriation of power. Taking Jason for the win, by the way. Jason for the win. 32% Freddy Krueger. 31% Jason. They make sense. Coming in third was Mike, and then coming in last was old Leatherface. Yeah, Leatherface. Just a fucking idiot. Leatherface?
Starting point is 00:47:23 Damn near killed him, dude. I'm out. What else we got? We're gonna go to a little Clown My Hound, boys. Okay, and are these some seasonal hounds? Because I want to see some Halloween hounds. Oh, we're gonna see some Halloween hounds, baby. Some fucking horns on a hound or something, dude? Yeah, I want to see Haunt My Aunt, dude.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Me too, man. I want to see a clown in blackface. Let's go here. Man, Buzz needs to lay off the cigars, bro. It's the black lung. Lay off the Cubans, papay. First, this is Remy. Oh, my God. Remy's a furry if I've ever seen one.
Starting point is 00:47:58 Remy's been at, apparently, EDC all weekend. Yeah. Still licking his face. Yeah, Remy just did a stint in fucking Vegas. Yeah. Bloodshot eyes. Remy looks like an Iditarod dog if Carrot Top was the driver of the sled. Remy's been through some stuff, huh?
Starting point is 00:48:19 Yeah, Remy. He's like one of Jeremy Piven's fucking buddies. Or a girl's. Yeah, yeah. Probably going to fire a claim. Yeah, Remy, the bloodshot. Remy needs sleep, bro. Yeah, bro.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Remy needs a nap and take the fucking wig off. Yeah, Remy looks like he was in an oil spill and kind of liked it. You know, he looks like the kind of dog that'll take a couple tabs of X and jump in an oil spill. Yeah, Remy seems like he's coming down off the X and he's super depressed. Yeah, Remy's been at Coachella all weekend. Yeah. And first of all, dressed up like a unicorn, dude, that means a lot of horses are coming at you with them big wieners, bro.
Starting point is 00:48:58 Dude. Don't touch me. Don't touch me, especially when you're talking horse, Wee Wee. Don't touch me. All I know is Remy needs a break. Yeah, what else do we know about Remy? Anything? We don't know anything much about Remy. Other than he's a unicorn and
Starting point is 00:49:12 the owners came to your show and you told the lady that you had a mullet above your dick. I did? That's what you said. Well. Wow. That's what she said. I mean, she was also gang gang boss boss. And they what she said. I mean, she was also gang, gang, buzz, buzz. And they sent a picture.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Right. But if she's also peddling these types of animals, you know. What kind of animals mate to make this little Remy? I don't know what kind of dogs. That's a good point. They didn't say. Yeah, this looks like a mouse you would find in avicii's house you know this thing looks like it's been through some stuff yeah it's fucking the unicorn yeah this
Starting point is 00:49:56 looks like a uh oven mitted diplos you know this looks like it's like a stuffed toy of Steve Aoki's house. Yeah, dude. This thing looks like it's been a sex slave somewhere. Maybe on Saturn or something. This looks like... If Brennan's the sheriff, this looks like his little frickin' deputy right here. That's my hound. That's my canine. Oh, dude.
Starting point is 00:50:22 Get it, Remy? Go and sniff that X out. Sniff that X out. Thank you for sending this dog in. It looks like a beautiful animal. I think you definitely have to get it some vitamin B injectables, though. It needs some B12 fast. Yeah, it needs an IV.
Starting point is 00:50:39 Up next, we got Paisley and Arrow. This is Paisley and Arrow. Oh, man. Repping that king in the sting life, son. Little gang, gang, buzz, buzz. That is me and Arrow. This is Paisley and Arrow. Oh, man. Repping that King and the Sting life, son. Little gang gang buzz buzz. That is me and Theo. That's me on the right, and Theo's set as fuck on the left. Is that or is that two bees, though?
Starting point is 00:50:53 Now, I love these costumes. Now, this is a beautiful animal. Hell, yeah. This beautiful animal. The one on the left looks like he's seen some shit, though. This beautiful animal-age right here. But the one on the left is, well, one of them is definitely a bee. It has the wings. But one of them is definitely a bee. It has the wings.
Starting point is 00:51:05 But one of them got just the stripes. One just has a turtleneck on. It's two bees. Oh, it's two bees? Oh, he's a little bee. Oh, buzz, buzz. Double buzz. Oh, that one looks like it'll definitely catch a frisbee,
Starting point is 00:51:17 you know, or catch a couple steak medallions or something. Yeah, the one on the left looks like you ate all his honey. Well, yeah, the one on the left, he's sad because he's blind in one eye after being attacked by a 90-pound dog. Oh, that's me. That's what I'm saying. That's me. That dog's been some shit. Damn, the dog took his
Starting point is 00:51:36 eye out? And the other one... I just messed it up. He's just blind in it now. What does it say about the other one here? Oh, it says the other one struggled in school and also makes a lot of poor dietary choices? Oh, it says the other one struggled in school and also makes a lot of poor dietary choices. Oh, that's Brendan. That's the Brendan one. That's us, dude.
Starting point is 00:51:52 That's us, man. Good to see you. Buzz, buzz, dude. Nice to know we'll be reincarnated in some happy home. Looks like a beautiful area. It does look like a nice little home. Thank you for sending in Paisley and Arrow. Paisley and Arrow. Paisley and Arrow. Them dogs right there, dude. Up next, we got, this one's awesome.
Starting point is 00:52:10 This is Miss Tootie Pinch. Goddamn. Seems like she's going to yell at me to get a pumpkin spice latte. Look at the pumpkin spice body on that thing, huh? Damn, that hound is bodied up. Look at those fucking little thought feel that thing, huh? Damn, that hound is bodied up. Look at those fucking little thought feelers, those little arms, dude. That thing looks like when you get a cheap chicken wing and that, you know, if you get a buffalo wild wing.
Starting point is 00:52:38 Yeah, if you get that fucking rainbow rub. That's what this thing looks like. Look at those little legs, those little fucking bracelets for legs, man. What is this? Is this a chihuahua? It's a six-year-old chihuahua mix, full of sass, and he bites a lot. Yeah, I know. The mom is a dog groomer, and he's at the shop every day, and all the products on the animal are plant-based and chemical-free.
Starting point is 00:52:59 From what plant, dude? Yeah, whatever. That's what Nike tells us. I know a plant, a chemical plant. Yeah. This dog looks like something Elton John, they pulled out of Elton John's stomach. This thing, what? How did they get that much stuff on it? Yeah, how the fuck did they diet so many times?
Starting point is 00:53:20 This thing looks like if it bit you, then male pornhub would just open up on your phone. I feel this thing very erotic or exotic, Brendan. This thing knows its art, I'll tell you that much. And you sure it's a dog? I think it looks like it's almost bred too small. Sometimes you get those dogs that are so small that it's freezing the whole time and they're scared. Yeah, they're constantly shaking. Yeah, and they're putting lipstick on on they don't know what to do they're not even really dogs
Starting point is 00:53:50 they're just kind of in that in between addicts they're in the upside down yeah they're just addicted they want more you know body and and legs and arms but they don't have they didn't give them no more they can't get it because they don't have genetics oh i thought that was the leash on the far right but that's his hair they spiked up like that? Oh yeah, they gave him that alfalfa, it looks like. Now I do, well at the end he does look pretty like he should be, like he's gonna move to
Starting point is 00:54:13 you know, maybe San Francisco or something. A little San Francisco treat. On the right, there's a lot of kids and rappers that dress like that these days. Oh yeah, he does look like little, whatever his name is, little Diazepam or something. Yeah. Or whatever that guy's name is, little Tylenol.
Starting point is 00:54:30 Little Onion. Yeah. I can't remember what that guy's... I don't know any of them, dude. We're old. Little Zyrtec or something. That dude died. That dude took like 2,000, you know, little...
Starting point is 00:54:42 I can't remember what his name was. Little Claritin. Little Claritin, yeah. That dude fucking sneezed and his whole body blew up. So a lot of these boys on pills, man. There's dogs on pills, bro. Dude, look, here's what I say. If a Frisbee will kill it, it's not a dog.
Starting point is 00:54:56 So I'm not even accepting this thing as a damn animal. If I throw a Frisbee and it fucking ends this thing's life, son, then that ain't an animal of the Lord. No, that's a fancy rat. Get out of my face, bro. Yeah, this thing is, this is one of Satan's life, son, then that ain't an animal of the Lord. No, that's a fancy rat. Get out of my face, bro. Yeah, this thing is, this is state, this is one of Satan's little side pieces, man. And you can put this thing back in a biscuit maker,
Starting point is 00:55:11 brother. You can paint it whatever color you want. That thing's Satan's work. What else you got? Yeah, man. Alright, boy. Game, bro. We gotta stand up for these animals, dude. We do, bro. People submitting rats trying to pass one over by us. We too smart for that. Yeah, dude. I know we look dressed like assholes, but don't. We do, bro. People submitting rats trying to pass one over by us. We too smart for that. Yeah, dude. I know I look dressed like assholes, but don't get
Starting point is 00:55:27 it twisted, bro. I look nice, I think. Yeah, I think you're the best you've ever looked. Are my wings still glowing or not? Uh, nope. Oh. It's okay. We have a special Halloween edition of Rip My Drip. These are all sent in just for you guys, Halloween style, guys. Up first, this is Ashley McDonald.
Starting point is 00:55:43 Oh, yeah. She's you, Theo. She's you, Theo. Dang, she that guinea pig. Oh, that's Halloween, dude. Ashley. Haunt my aunt, bro. This is haunt my aunt. She looks great, Ashley.
Starting point is 00:55:57 You look beautiful. Yeah, she looks dope, dude. Wow, very much. And I've often worn tights like that. I love that big G-Pig shirt, man. That thing is beautiful. Hell yeah, a little fresh snout. The eyes right on the tits.
Starting point is 00:56:10 Dude, that's awesome. Look at the goatee, man. I get to be a Halloween costume. I love you, Ashley. I mean, you look like Theo, but you also look like Goat Boy from Saturday Night Live, so it's kind of confusing. Bro, you're just jealous. Hey, hey, hey. Bro, you're just jealous.
Starting point is 00:56:29 What, dude? You sound like somebody ordering a pizza who never learned that at all. No, I sound like somebody ordering a pizza with dial-up internet. I said extra. I love you, Ashley. That's beautiful. That's a nice outfit. Oh, yeah, a little thick. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz, Ashley. That's beautiful. That's a nice outfit.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Oh, yeah. A little thick. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz, girl. Brennan's having another candy corn because he's getting nervous. This is Katie and JJ from Delaware. Well, this is a porno. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:57:02 Is he Thug Michael Jackson? What is that? Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Black Wolf That's a porno I've seen many of times I'm black, this is very common This doesn't end well for a lot of these girls
Starting point is 00:57:18 It doesn't end really well when it gets down to this It ends well for him though Trust that bro Trust that daddy It ends well for him, though. Trust that, bro. Trust that, daddy. That shit ends well every time. And I wait for it. I fucking wait for it, bro.
Starting point is 00:57:34 There's nothing better. And now here's the thing. Here's the thing about black, bro. Yeah, you got to pay for the subscription. You want to see that icing. You feel me? Because they'll get right to it. Commercial. Like feel me? Because they'll get right to it. And commercial. Like, what?
Starting point is 00:57:46 Dude, I put my credit card $3.99 to see that fucking icing, icing, icing. It's Halloween season, baby. What? What are you talking about? I know what he's talking about. I know exactly what he's talking about. You guys are paying. My boys know what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:58:03 You know what I'm talking about, bro. It ain't for you. that life ain't free come on So you say it's free, but you ain't getting all the parts brother. Yeah, she ain't seen behind the scenes You guys are paying extra for black semen on the internet on the internet? That's what they charge. Oh, it ain't black. Damn, dude. Both of y'all,
Starting point is 00:58:28 I'm disappointed in y'all. Really? You should celebrate. I ain't celebrating with you, bro. Dude, because I don't know what Little Red Riding Hood is about to do here, bro. But again,
Starting point is 00:58:38 I've seen how this ends many of times. I pay hard, cold cash for that. About $3.99. $3.99, bro. Wow, this is very... Gang gang black stuff, bro. This looks like an episode of Dateline, dude.
Starting point is 00:58:54 This has got to tighten up, man. I can't believe that people are... I mean, I think this is great, actually. And everybody looks like they're doing pretty well in it. Little red riding tits. I just don't want to see, you know, I can't believe you guys are paying extra for the semen.
Starting point is 00:59:13 Dude, it's like watching Game of Thrones and you miss the last, you know, the catch-up. You miss the thrill. It just leaves you hanging. I gots to know how it ends. I know there's semen at the end, man. I don't have to. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 00:59:24 I know exactly how I picture it going down. Then they always throw a curveball at you. Wow, a lot more than I thought. And that's what I'm paying for. No, dude. I don't think that. It's like you buy a six pack and then you actually buy it and there's eight there. It's a real plus.
Starting point is 00:59:42 I don't want to see all that. I think I'm trying not to see that. Yeah, that's fine. It ain't for everybody. And that's why they offer that. It ain't for me, man. But I think it's good. It's, you know, I'm glad it's going.
Starting point is 00:59:53 I'm glad everybody's having fun. But there's no, how do you not know? You know what happens, though. There's no curveball, bro. Listen, I know in every movie, the good guy's going to get away. The bad guy's going to die. But I like to stick around and see what happens. Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Okay. Well, I'm glad you guys are enjoying it. I'm not watching pornography, so I'm trying not to stay out. I'm staying out of that. That's the dark arts, brother. Yeah, and I'm fully submerged. So any questions that you know, yeah. Well, up next, I've got one for you, Theo.
Starting point is 01:00:19 This is Vinny and his lady. This is Vinny and his girl, and they're both Hulk Hogan. Ooh, I like that. Double brothers. Double brothers. Imagine also at the end of the night you can just have sex, and it's just like, hey, nobody's gay here. You know?
Starting point is 01:00:37 They both rip their shirts off. Yeah, they both rip. Yeah. They both go, ugh. Let me hear that wiener. They come shots like this. He was so hard of hearing. That was the crazy thing about Hogan.
Starting point is 01:00:50 They didn't know it. No, that's why he really wanted to know what's next. Can't hear you. This is a nice couple. They seem like a great couple. And where are they from? Michigan? They are.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Oh, they didn't say where they were from. They didn't say. New world from. They didn't say. New World Order, he's got Old Hulk, New Hulk. I always like when one goes as Hulk Hogan, the other goes as Macho Man. That's always a great combo. I like that Slim Jim, that Slim Jim snapper, because I'll tell you this, the hardest food to get into a damn Slim Jim, dude, if you don't have a cutter piece or something or a box opener.
Starting point is 01:01:21 It's like a talent job getting that fucking thing. Trying to break into a goddamn bank vault. I had to take one over to Pep Boys, get them to crack into it for me once. Some guys are better at it than others. Oh. So I think that there's definitely something remarkable about having that mannequin snap right into the Slim Jim. God. That beefy, juicy taste.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Oh, yeah. Yeah. I thought you were having a heart attack. Oh, was that your macho man? Macho man. Bro, that's somebody falling off of a cliff. I know that's what you just did. That's an alternate ending.
Starting point is 01:01:55 I went, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, it sounds like you're doing it. Oh, yeah. What else you got? This is Cody and his gang. Cody and the gang from Cleveland. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Games of Bones, baby. And there's a black guy in the back with that big sword and that medal on. Booyah! Oh, wow. Let's see here. Wow. This is cool, man. Drago Shred City. And look at the tits on that one, huh? You talking about the dragon thing?
Starting point is 01:02:32 God, dude. That's like the chocolate body. I thought that was a woman. That's an Indian man, I think. That's Khal Drago. Damn, he's bodied up. It is, man. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:02:43 Who's the fairy in the far left? Second one in? Right here? Yeah. No, no, no, no, up. It is, man. I'm sorry, who's the fairy in the far left? Second one in? Right here? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I know that fairy. I'm talking about the guy. Oh, this one?
Starting point is 01:02:51 Yeah. That's Jay West? Yeah, he dressed up as Elton John in the group. The guy who went as Jared Leto this Halloween. Jared Let me. What character is he supposed to be? He's supposed to be, see the gold hand? Right here? Oh, I know who he is. right i feel you bro favorite character i love that that booyah that's that halloween
Starting point is 01:03:11 festival style these people are festive they got festival garb on they got all looking at john snow got together as a team bro kalisi they got what's her name little uh red riding whatever devil lady that lady with the fucking fire. They got Khaleesi. They got the Mother of the Dragons. With them smoky ovaries, bro. I'm out. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:33 Jon Snow, Mr. Steal Your Fucking Ponytail. Yeah, Mr. Steal Your Fucking Weather, bro. Hell yeah, bro. Yeah, beautiful group. Shout out. Enjoy your Halloween. Happy Halloween to you guys. Up next, this one might be my favorite. This out. Enjoy your Halloween. Happy Halloween to you guys. Up next.
Starting point is 01:03:45 This is, this one might be my favorite. This is Derek and his lady. Okay. They're Colonel Sanders and she's a chicken. Ooh, cluck, cluck girl.
Starting point is 01:03:57 Get that fucking, she's that thick drumstick. Oh yeah. That's my favorite type, bro. That's thick. Let's share it in right there, bro. She looks like she likes dark meat. I like this,
Starting point is 01:04:08 man. Thicc. And look at him. He definitely looks almost like he might have a little bit of junk in the trunk. Look at the front of his pants have a lot of dick area. Boy, that boy back in that fucking... It looks like he's wearing a diaper backwards, dude. And he wet it.
Starting point is 01:04:23 Dude, it looks like he's back in a chicken tender in the front pocket there, bro. That chicken is not tender, dude. That thing is jacked. Looks like his dick goes to the gym, bro. Apparently smuggling drumsticks in the front of his pockets, dude. Wow, this guy
Starting point is 01:04:39 seemed like a nice guy. Hey, Colonel Sanders tad racist, yeah? I don't think so. It's a white guy that has a business. What's racist about that, Brendan? I don't think so. It's a white guy that has a business. What's racist about that, Brendan? I don't know. I just get a weird vibe from him. I don't trust him. I only hope that it's a really black P. Diddy party. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:04:55 Like all black people there. I wonder if he'd get away with it. Oh, like a white party, you mean? Yeah. Well, black people, but they're all wearing white. I think he's just a nice old man that does the chicken, man. I don't think he did anything. If you look at the commercials, there's never any slaves or anything in the back, you know? Well, not now.
Starting point is 01:05:13 But I guess you could read up on the history of the business. I'm not sure where the business was located. He does have that delicious seasoning on his chicken. Are you a KFC or Popeye's guy? Ooh, Popeye's. I'm a Popeye's, too. Popeye's. Yeah, me too. Anyone tried the Popeye's chicken sandwich? It tastes like Popeye's guy? Ooh, Popeye's. I'm a Popeye's fan. Popeye's. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 01:05:25 Anyone tried the Popeye's chicken sandwich? It tastes like Popeye's, dude. It tastes good. I haven't got it. Better than Chick-fil-A, though? I haven't got it yet. I haven't had it, but I know how it tastes. It tastes exactly like Popeye's.
Starting point is 01:05:35 People are saying, well, I guess it's the bun. Everything at Popeye's tastes like Popeye's, dude. It all tastes the same, doesn't it? It tastes like fucking salt. Popeye's good, bro. Yeah, it is. When I die, bury me inside that fucking Popeye's good, bro. Yeah, it is. When I die, bury me inside that fucking Popeye's, dude. And there's one people always kill each other at it during Mardi Gras on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans.
Starting point is 01:05:54 Fighting over the chicken? I don't know. You just got to go there early if you want to get food without the murder. What else we got? Still good early. Great costume, though. I like that big old chick. We'll end it on some King It or Sting It, boys. Halloween, yeah. What else we got? Still good early. Great costume, though. I like that big old chick. We'll end it on some King it or Sting it, boys.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Halloween. Halloween style. This is it, guys. Thank you guys for coming in on Halloween and doing this, too. Oh, man. Thanks for having us. This is Chris. Somebody farted in my suit, I think.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Or it was from somewhere, bro. Nothing's brand new, dude. I don't think it is. That's just the smell of that cheap plastic. Damn, this suit just farted, bro. Very shocking. This is Chris, boys. What's up, Theo and Brendan?
Starting point is 01:06:38 Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. King it or sting it. What's wrong with people? Adult trick-or-treaters Oh my god Bro what did we just see man I have no clue. Is that Jay Shaw? Be honest with me, dude.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Is that him? I don't think so, man. I don't think so, dude. What just happened, man? I have no idea. I was scared from the get-go, though. Can you play that again, Derek? Oh, absolutely.
Starting point is 01:07:26 Oh, my God. This is the scariest thing I've seen a lot of you know, Brendan gang-gang buzz buzz. Oh, that's a thing in a stinger Adult trick-or-treaters, that's a that's what he looks like read this That's what he looks like. Right, this? That's what he looks like. Is that Danny DeVito? No. What's the mask? Is that Danny DeVito mask?
Starting point is 01:07:53 Yeah, I'm not sure who that old guy's supposed to be. That guy has some tits on his mouth. Yeah, he does. He's got some hitters. Adult trick or treat. Them old damn hitters, bro. Shake them, bro. Fucking shake them. Those heaty fucking...
Starting point is 01:08:05 Fucking shake them. Those sternum nuggets. Boy, them heaty pieces. You got them heaty pieces. You know a lot of your body warm ties and your tits and your nuts. You got that two piece on his chest, bro. So you should wear four hats
Starting point is 01:08:17 if you want to stay warm, really, and you're in an avalanche, wear four hats. But I'm gonna... This guy... This guy's not healthy. This guy seems like a librarian Right outside of hell dude
Starting point is 01:08:27 This is very alarming Do you see the guy He doesn't He has that His suit has electricity in it Yeah And then he takes that mask off And has just a white
Starting point is 01:08:39 It's just like an old man face But then he doesn't have old man hair Cause look at his hair at the top I'm going Asian This guy's Asian to me Look at no chest hair old man face. But then he doesn't have old man hair, because look at his hair at the top. I'm going Asian. This guy's Asian to me. Look at no chest hair. Ooh, that's a great point. Let me just see his body. Hmm?
Starting point is 01:08:55 Is there a shot of his nipples? Let's see. Oh, there you go. Ooh, that could be, that's an Asian belly. Mm-hmm. Got that C cut. Like that rare, like very northern Asian, what is that called, cat? Where they're real white cat. Where they're real white? The Albaysians,
Starting point is 01:09:12 yeah. Albaysians, there we go. Is it? But what is it, who's the whitest Asian? Um, I want to say Koreans. Wow. Because they live in the snow. That's a Korean mask. Oh my god, they do? Mm-hmm. Oh, I didn't even know it. That makes me feel sad.
Starting point is 01:09:27 That might be Chin. Oh. Oh. I could see that being Chin a little, but he has hair. True. Very true. Oh, shit. That could be a wig, though.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Jackie Chan, maybe? No. If I could see his nipples, I'd know what we're dealing with here. No, you wouldn't. Every time. The nips give it away, dude. You're better than that. I promise. What do you think here, Derek? What do people say? 50%?
Starting point is 01:09:52 Wait, you guys gotta answer his question first. What's his question? Adult trick-or-treaters. I say let them rip. A lot of people don't get to live the childhood they want to live, so they don't really get that freedom to dress up. Dude, you come to my door and you're over 30,'m kicking in the dick over 30 well you got a pretty good uh you know you got some leeway bro 30 up you can't come to the crib i respect that actually cid bro my son
Starting point is 01:10:18 you check your id 30 and up 29 years old you roll in 29 you get a nice fucking butterfinger for your stupid face open up that hot sack dude and we used to have a you get a nice fucking butterfinger for your stupid face open up that hot sack dude and we used to have a neighbor he would do actual butterfinger he'd put his finger
Starting point is 01:10:29 in butter and just let you touch it just let you suck his finger yeah if you wanted I just touched it
Starting point is 01:10:34 yeah but yeah you can touch it with the inside of your mouth if you want you didn't care what touched it
Starting point is 01:10:40 that's your old trick back that ass up bro I'm gonna say fucking sting. Grown up fucking. I say king it, man. I like these guys and I like people still enjoying the youth, man. You got to live forever, bro.
Starting point is 01:10:54 Grow up, bitch. Last one, boys. This is Jacob from Indiana. It's Big Jacob. What's up, jabronis? I got a king it the sting it for you. What's up, Brendan? Pumpkin carving.
Starting point is 01:11:06 You slicing that orange hitter? Or is that not your thing? And if you are cutting into one, are you cutting off the top or the bottom? Personally, with me, I cut off the bottom because it lives longer. But let me know what you all think. That's fucking chaos. And I got a little Halloween joke for you. How do you know that a vampire has a cold?
Starting point is 01:11:23 Because there's a coffin. Anyways, take care. Gang, gang. Boo, boo. Gang, bro. Boo, bro. It was better than I thought it was going to be. Me too.
Starting point is 01:11:35 Dude, definitely cut the bottom of the pumpkin. What are you, an ISIS? Dude, you cut the top of your goddamn American and you dig out the guts, bro. Yeah, yeah. The bottom? I haven't even heard that shit. What? Get the fuck out of here. Are you cutting out the guts, bro. The bottom? I haven't even heard that shit. Get the fuck out of here. You cut out the bottoms of the pumpkins?
Starting point is 01:11:50 Yeah, you cut out the bottom, man. You cut out the fucking top, the stem. The stem, dude. We're Americans. That's ISIS. No, that's Russian in the back. It is? Yes.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Russian in the back. American in the front. ISIS in the middle. Dude, no. Yeah, what are you, that ISIS guy, dude, that they just caught, man? Or the artist, as they call him in the Washington Post. Just pumpkins in jail and pumpkin carving? It's a real beast, man.
Starting point is 01:12:18 It is a real commitment. I love pumpkin carving, you know? And that is not an urban. Some people think that's an urban person's name, pumpkin carving. But it's not. That is a sport around Halloween. Do you see that one guy, his name, I think he made LSU, his name's like the best to ever do it.
Starting point is 01:12:37 The ice coldest, yeah. Real name. The best ice coldest. No joke. Real name. Commit to LSU. Look, Derek, instead of looking up the guy's name, ice coldest. No joke. Real name. Commit to LSU. Look, Derek, instead of looking up the guy's name, wondering what his name could be. Unbelievable.
Starting point is 01:12:51 I love Derek sends a wonder. He's like, man, that's crazy. Really? We'll never know. Wish there was someplace we could go to search that. Wish there was a magic portal. What's his name? No, just go.
Starting point is 01:13:06 Dakotas. Dakotas. Dakotas. The best. There it is. Dakotas to ever do it, Crawford. Gang, bro. You can't say his name without sounding a little urban.
Starting point is 01:13:21 Dakotas to ever do it, Crawford. Try saying that in white. It's tough. You can't. Dakotas to ever do it, Crawford. Try saying that white. It's tough. You can't. Dakotas to ever do it. I don't know. Dakotas to ever do it, Crawford. That's a name I want.
Starting point is 01:13:33 I want a dope-ass name, bro. Change your name, bro. Pumpkin Carving. That's a good name. Pumpkin Carver III? Yeah, bro. Yeah, that sounds pretty elegant. Pumpkin Carver III, bro.
Starting point is 01:13:46 He must be fucking good if he went to LSU. I hope he's the coldest to ever do it, otherwise he'd end up working at a fucking ice cream shop. The coldest to ever do it, making my fucking six-inch sub. No, dude, actually, it's kind of interesting, because he could then open up
Starting point is 01:14:02 an ice cream place, and it would probably do great. Called? The coldest. The coldest. Well, it's kind of interesting because he could then open up an ice cream place, and it would probably do great. Called? The Coldest. The Coldest. Well, he's a superstar, it says. Wow. The Coldest. The Coldest. I'd like to see his mom and dad.
Starting point is 01:14:14 Oh, bruh. The Coldest. They're the coldest to ever make. The realest. They're the coldest to ever do sex. They gotta be. Okay, this gentleman, we say in the car. King Pumpkins, man. King Pumpkins. It's once gentleman, we say in the carving... King pumpkins, man. King pumpkins.
Starting point is 01:14:26 It's once a year. Just have fun with it. Nothing's more annoying than when you fuck up and you put the eyes and the nose too close together and then one fucking falls through. It's the worst. Yeah, you gotta... Pumpkin carving is something that you learn over time, too. The first couple times you mess it up, you cut the mouth out
Starting point is 01:14:41 and you do the teeth wrong and then you gotta push them out with the knife and you screw it all up. Here's a little tip, you delinquents. I used to take a marker, draw it first, and then cut, bro. Yeah. It's a tip. It's easy. If you like to be that channeler, you like to be the Bear Grylls, you just get in there with a knife.
Starting point is 01:14:58 Do you get in there with a spoon? Let's see what happens. Dude, we used to cut it with my... We had a neighbor that would cut it with a blowtorch. He did welding, bro, and he just weld that bitch. Make pumpkin pie after? Just like make a, he couldn't, it was hard to do like a face, but he would really get in there. It's pretty articulate. I bet he's good with the eyes.
Starting point is 01:15:14 He did some unique things. Yeah, I bet. King pumpkins. Yeah, king pumpkins, man. Yeah, hell yeah, bro. Pumpkin carving, yeah, I think it should be a national sport. I would love to see people really get into it. I could see people watching that on like a food network or something.
Starting point is 01:15:30 Tell you this thing I went to last night. These pumpkins, I posted a picture of it. Some of these pumpkins are straight up artwork, man. There were dinosaurs. They had Kanye West pumpkin, Adam Sandler pumpkin. Nuts. And Brian Johnson's studio, you can find him on Instagram. He did our pumpkin right here. Oh, did Brian do this? Yep. That's my boy. And he did some studio, you can find him on Instagram. He did our pumpkin right here.
Starting point is 01:15:46 Oh, did Brian do this? Yep. That's my boy. He dropped it off yesterday. Oh, wow. And he did some as well. He did a really dope Rat King one, bro. I'll have to show it to you.
Starting point is 01:15:56 That's cool, man. Yeah, it was pretty, pretty cool. So thank you, Brian. Thanks, Brian. Shout out to Brian. Happy Halloween, everybody. Happy Halloween, everybody. Be safe out there.
Starting point is 01:16:05 Yeah, be safe. Love yourself. Derek, you got any message for the people that are trick-or. Happy Halloween, everybody. Be safe out there. Yeah, be safe. Love yourself. Derek, you got any message for the people that are trick-or-treating? Oh, be safe out there. Keep it black and white. Keep it whatever color you want to keep it, dog. You know what I mean? Yeah, but keep it a little black.
Starting point is 01:16:14 But mostly black hair. Yeah. A little black's never bad. Yeah, that's true. The coldest. The coldest. The coldest. Have a do it.
Starting point is 01:16:22 I'm being Dallas and Salt Lake City in November. Get your tickets. Yeah, I'm going to be in. I'll be at the Wiltern Los Angeles on 12-10, December 10th, and Lafayette, Louisiana. It's almost sold out, actually, and that's going to be in December 26th. And we're going to be raising some money. Some of the proceeds.
Starting point is 01:16:40 For Dustin Poirier's charity down there, the Good Fight Foundation. So happy to be down there. It's going to be fun. Buzz, buzz, gang, gang. Gang, gang, cat. You want to say happy Halloween to people? Cat's here. Happy Halloween, everyone. There you go. From a black heart herself.
Starting point is 01:16:57 Yep. Sugar comb it, everybody. Gang, gang. Sugar high.

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