The Golden Hour - Episode 50: Chinder Date REVEALED!
Episode Date: December 20, 2019The guys interview the mystery date for Chinder and talk Kumail Nanjiani's new jacked body, Bloodsport, Steroids, Ethnic Sports Teams, Zoo Owners, Cigarette Boat Titties, All New ...Rap Battle Submissions & Competition, Denzel Washington vs Samuel L. Jackson, A Brutus The Barber Beefcake Marriage Request, True Crime Shows and much more!1. Manscaped - https://manscaped.com/ use code: KATS2. ButcherBox - https://butcherbox.com/kats use code: KATS3. Audible - https://audible.com/kats or text kats to 500-5004. FIGS - https://wearfigs.com/ use code: KATSSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
back off my broccolini get your life together don't touch me bro i'm not touching you dude
isn't there a thing like inside his workout or something are we starting are we starting yet
we're up we're up well shit didn't know didn't know we're admiring that man's body it's impressive a lot of hard work
i love the comments people like oh if i was on all that stuff i'd look like that no you wouldn't
no you wouldn't though no you wouldn't have you ever done uh steroids before no i want to really
yeah i wish i would have never did them do you think people were doing them
hell yeah really yeah matter of fact guys i fought tested positive afterwards You never did them? Do you think people were doing them? Hell yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Matter of fact, guys I fought tested positive afterwards.
Dude, well, what?
Bro, you got to do them then because... I should have.
Now, not so much.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess not now.
You did them, right?
Yeah, I did them, bro.
Were you jacked?
Yeah, I was pretty jacked.
Were you really?
Yeah, dude.
What do you think I was...
Well, don't say yeah like you don't have whoopie goldberg's genetics
don't be like yeah like you're not built like fucking whoopie goldberg you're built like
fucking whoopie cushion though you look like a guy hey don't be like yeah like you don't have Meg Ryan's frame. I may have her shirt on, but look at that, dude.
Gang, bro, welcome to that Jack nation, son.
Welcome to the decade.
You are pretty.
And look at that other picture by the water.
Click on that.
That ain't you, bro.
That's me, dude.
That boy is Jack.
That boy is Jack Ryan right there, dude.
That's Jill's brother, Jack, baby.
You feel me?
Hey, were you just putting needles in your ass?
Huh?
Or were you taking pills?
Look at me right there, dude.
That's my friend.
He used to be a trainer, too.
That haircut's sick.
Thanks, dude.
You were just doing the damn thing, huh?
Huh?
Do you feel like...
I feel like you'd be real aggressive and just a loose cannon.
Bro, I remember... i remember cut off tank and then just be like fucking in the bar just fucking ready to go
with that mullet i remember eating a shot glass one time at the bar
down the shot bro if i can couldn't find a place to set the shot glass down you just ate it dude
yeah man i just i can't believe you didn't do it.
Here's the thing.
If other people were doing it, you didn't stand a chance against those people, bro.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Well, the one guy who did test positive for it, I beat him.
You did?
Yeah.
Wow.
He was jacked.
Because, yeah, you can just do things.
Like, you can just pick up stuff so much easier.
Really?
But were you roid raging?
Like, were you pissed off?
No.
I remember I was kind of like, I couldn't build like a card house because I was kind of fucking high strung.
I was shaking on that fucking clan and Anavar.
Yeah, no, I wasn't on, I was on some bootleg stuff.
I think, I think I was on something that had been made locally at one point.
Makes it like.
Something I was on had like a cinnamon base to it i remember because my dude my hands smelled like pancakes the whole time i was on it dude that's a good problem to
have oh it's good they still do a little sometimes it'll flare up if I go for a jog.
My shit smells like hummus.
Do they?
You got hummus?
Yeah.
Bro, you got to move to a different neighborhood, man.
This is valley life, bro.
Dude, I can't believe you didn't do any, bro.
I couldn't afford it.
What, bro? It's $100.
You're thinking of the Gold's Gymroids.
But in the UFC, because they still had testing, you had to have them high-end designer steroids.
I couldn't afford it.
Oh, really?
Other guys could.
I just couldn't.
Oh, wow.
How much is that high-end stuff on one?
I don't know.
But if you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Yeah, that's true.
Chin, you ever done steroids?
No, I haven't. Chin, you ever done steroids? You look like Chung Li on fucking Bloodsport if you do, dude.
I could see you, dude, doing something.
Brick, don't hit back.
Zara Man.
Yeah, you look like a mannequin at Zara Man, dude.
You look like a mannequin that fucking went rogue.
That's what I feel like, dude.
a man do you look like a mannequin that fucking went rogue you look like a mannequin in the in the chinese female lesbian section of burlington cove factory who's like you know
what i'm gonna fucking i'm changing things up i'm gonna start a fucking business dude you look like
a billionaire but we have no idea how you made your money just super secretive chin yeah you look like a secret billionaire you look like you own all the pf
changs yeah you look like uh paul franklin chang bro you look like General Tao. Yeah, and his general so.
Thanks, bro.
Wow.
Oh, there's me right there.
Look.
Dude, Chin, that could be you, bro.
Look at the tits on Chong Li there.
And who is that man?
Was that Chong Li?
His name is Bolo Young, I think.
Beautiful man, huh?
Yeah.
Wow, look at his pectoral.
I saw him at Gold's gym one time when
we were young right i grew up in venice in the summers and we my brother saw him and we that
was our favorite movie saw blood sport 1000 times and we saw him and my brother's like oh shit there's
jung lee and he's like in sweats like working out my brother goes hey man we're big fans and i don't
know if you just didn't speak english or what but didn't even acknowledge just kept walking and my brother goes man i'm glad van damme whooped your ass that's what jay
was like nine damn that was pretty gangster also very rude because i don't think he understands
english van damme man van damme that's crazy i can't believe you guys said that to him at a gold
gym what were two nine-year-olds doing at a Gold's Gym if they weren't selling their bodies?
Pumping iron, bro.
Pumping iron.
Trying to be like Arnold.
There's nothing lower than an 80-pound dumbbell in there.
What were y'all doing?
Just hanging out, bro.
You guys probably had hardly enough energy to push the button on the water fountain.
It is tough.
Our dad would take us in there during the summer, man.
Really?
Shit was sweaty. In Venice? Just a bunch of dudes venice dudes yeah yeah we grew up there in the summers do you know jp lois when he's probably around the same age he grew up in venice he's from venice is he from venice yeah
i'm sure we ran similar crowds you feel me um i thought he was from your neck of the woods
he played too lame oh that's right too late yeah but you're lsu
birds bro what's up that's crazy man i think people are excited dude you know i'm happy to
see obviously everybody's kind of fired up to see a white guy get a prize you know it's been a tough
couple years it's been a tough couple years but i think he seemed like a stand-up guy you know
yeah he does man but i think we need more Viettes out there.
We need more Mexicans.
In football?
Or just getting awards?
Or just getting awards?
Yeah, maybe.
But I think we need more.
I want that Mexican basketball guy.
That's just not for them.
That's not for them.
Hector.
Shoot a six-pointer, Hector.
Alley-oop, Holmes.
But that's what we need, hector just lobbing six pointers
wearing dickies tamale city oh yeah fuck your lob city bro we got tamale saying bro get on my
shoulders get my shoulders on yeah but that's what i'm saying bro we need that kind of element i think
would add just to mix it up yeah Yeah, man. I love basketball.
It's great, but it's also gotten a little bit like everybody is the same.
Everybody's a 6'11 guy, you know?
You mean black guy?
Semi-urban.
Semi-urban.
Unless you're a European, if you're a white kid in the United States trying to get to the NBA, it ain't happening, homeboy.
Yeah, you're going to be an assistant coach.
Yeah, it ain't happening, dude.
You play that D3, be the good white boy who shoots threes in the corner,
and that's about it.
Yeah, you'll be playing for Radford, bro.
Yeah, dude.
But, yeah, I would just love to see.
I think because Mexicans have such a good, they love basketball.
They're such basketball fans.
Are they?
I think so.
A lot of the Lakers fans are Latino.
I thought it was more, well, I thought it was more baseball and boxing for the Mexicans.
From my research.
I don't know.
Do you know, Kat?
What do you know?
Not football.
They don't really fucks with football.
Really?
Maybe it's because-
They love the Raiders.
Yeah, because I'm from the Bay Area.
Every single Mexican I grew up with loved the Raiders.
I'm talking like real Mexican, like from Guadalajara.
Oh, that's a little different.
You're like, hey, what do you think of Derek Carr?
Oh, yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
You're talking about zoo owners.
That's who I'm talking about, though.
You know what I'm talking about?
Those guys that got me
that whole zoo ponzi scheme you tried dragging me into it dude and i was into it for a second
chin low dude you fucking look insane
oh my god just looking fucking sweet dude
yeah you look like a straight up, like a bro.
You look like you're in the witness protection program, dude.
You look like a hidden character in Mortal Kombat.
Bro, you look like somebody whose main job on Earth is to keep a secret.
Trying to keep the lights on well it's time of year to do something about it
it is that time of year talking about trimming that bush well whatever man i mean i don't know
who they're electing right now but trim your tree yeah trim your bush dude trim your trunk bro trim
that baby shrub you know yeah i know a guy guy who tried to smoke his penis one time at the park.
He pulled his whole body up over his, and then tried to put his wiener in his mouth
and light his nuts.
Like a bong.
Yeah, like a-
A dong.
Yeah, like a bong bong.
How did it work out?
They caught him.
Somebody caught him.
Thank God, dude.
God, that could have ended bad.
Don't be that guy, though.
Don't be that guy though don't be that guy
trim your balls trim your balls all right with no nicks or cuts he used manscape lawnmower 2.0
to groom those hairy nuts order now and get it shipped for free on santa's sleigh santa just this
is me i'm santa he doesn't want to see any freaking bushes he's just dropping these manscape 2.0
packages to all the houses yep santa my grandma
got one for her chin really yeah oh yeah a lot of women need that neck touch up yeah or get them
get them hairy tits out of my face too what
yeah don't use the same tremors on your face as you on your balls that's just nasty oh that's a
psychopath you know i used to have this roommate, who would trim his junk over by the television, you know, when they had marathon TV programs going.
I can't do that, man.
And Manscaped Perfect Package 2.0 includes a crop preserver, all right?
And then also, they give you a pair of Manscaped boxer briefs so your junk's feeling fresh all day.
Tis the season to Manscaped.
So get yourself yourself your dad
your brother your grandma your hairy sister the manscape perfect package 2.0 yeah get your thick
cousin something dude wrap wrap that clown up yeah don't leave them out get 20 off and free
shipping with code cats k-a-t-s at manscaped.com. Your balls will thank you. Get 20% off and free shipping with the code KATSatmanscaped.com.
That's K-A-T-Satmanscaped.com.
That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com.
Use KATS.
Clean up your nuts.
Make Santa proud this year.
Ho, ho, little hoes.
Clean up your cousin nuts.
Yeah.
Oh, look, I'll tell you straight up, man.
If I go to my refrigerator and I open the freezer, no joke,
probably about 16 pounds
of meat comes falling out of that bastard you know why you get that meat that meat fridge yeah
well because one of my shelves is unlevel in there and i loaded it up with the meat bro and that meat
is from butcher box and that's high quality beef bison bro you open up my freezer, it sounds like a whole zoo is falling out at you. It's a meat slip and slide.
Get you some meat in your mouth every month.
ButcherBuck ships a curated selection of high-quality meat right to your home.
All the meat is free of antibiotics and hormones.
None of that, man.
Each box, ready for this?
9 to 11 pounds of meat for your
mouth bro get that pounded meat baby get that pounded meat pack that meat in your mouth a lot
of calm down no i'm crunk about butcher box dude yeah you're right no brainer bro it is a no brainer
meat shut your brain down yeah do whatever you gotta do take your brain out of your head and
fill your head with straight up meat it's the best meat shipped right to your door a lot of people don't know where meat is well here's where
it is right there bro box of meat for your ass box of meat with butcher box you get the highest
quality meat around for just six dollars a meal that's what it comes out to and they even have
free shipping nationwide alaska hawaii not so much right now
you can get two pounds of ground beef and two packs of bacon ready full free plus 20 off your
first box just go to butcherbox.com slash k-a-t-s use promo code cats at checkout and that's grass
fed beef daddy i and that's finished beef a lot of time you see somebody they got that unfinished
beef you know that uncircumcised
cattle, bro. Not up in here. We ain't doing that.
We talking about this is finished beef.
Free range, organic chicken.
Heritage pork, bro. This is third,
fourth generation pork. Prize winning pig,
baby. Meat for your mouth. That's
butcherbox.com slash cats.
Throw some fucking meat in your mouth and your cousin's mouth,
bro. Gang shit.
It's going down i'm young
did we get any offers we got some offers oh yeah we got some tender tinder damn we got a bunch
well we just got all these hoes we got one and she's not we got hold on bad looking we got one
she's a cutie left or right right oh sna. Oh, snappity-dackity.
Her name is Carly, nickname Carlito with the Tito's.
Oh.
Because of her knockers.
That's her thing.
Long Beach, California, single and ready to chingle.
Oh.
Up in the LBC.
Well, she likes a little low mane.
You feel me, Chin?
What's up, bro?
Yeah.
You guys want to FaceTime her?
Huh? Should we get Chin in here? Is she, Chin? What's up, bro? Yeah. You guys want to FaceTime her? What?
Should we get Chin in here?
Is she into it?
She's into it.
I wonder if me and Theo should do it separate first.
And then maybe.
No, I want Chin and what's her name?
Tito Knockers?
Her name is Carlito.
Carly.
Carlito with the Tito's is the name.
We'll call her Hot Carl.
So I want Chin and Carl to meet in person, dude.
We don't want them meeting video.
You don't want that shit.
Let us be your guide, Chin.
Let us take you to Pleasure Town.
What?
I thought we were just going to call her.
You ready?
Yeah.
I'm about to FaceTime.
Huh?
Oh, I'm nervous.
You guys ready?
I'm nervous.
I'm about to do it.
Dude, act like you've been there before.
Hold on.
When you're ready, boys.
Okay. Hold on. Hold on to my face. Fat. Okay. That's cool. Okay. I'm nervous about to do it so what did act like you've been there before Okay
Look like you just got home from work and I look I got us made a pie or something go on
Let me ask like I'm busy. All right
Taxes this year dude is gonna be a thick summer
How's it going?
I'm at home.
You are?
Yeah, I was working from home this morning.
Oh, and what?
Go ahead.
Real quick, do your friends call you Carl?
No.
What's your nickname?
I probably have like 10 nicknames.
I'm not even kidding.
What's your fave? But one like 10 nicknames. I'm not even kidding. What's your fave?
But one of them is Carl.
I love Carl.
And have you ever, do you, are you happy that it's winter?
I don't know.
Wow.
Sorry.
Hey, how about the smooth operator over here?
Jesus Christ.
I'll take her from here.
What?
Bro, you look like a letterman at a funeral parlor, dude.
You look horrible, bro.
You look like a French toast buster, dude.
You fucking are dressed like shit.
Dude, you look like you jumped out of Mario Kart.
How about you take a back seat for a second?
What are you talking about, dude?
This shirt is from the fucking Meg Ryan collection.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about my friend.
Yeah, forget about the winner question.
Carly, thank you for your time today.
We understand that you responded to Chender
because we have a young male here
that we are looking to find love for.
You're kind of breaking up,
so it's like hard to hear you.
Oh, man.
This is off to a bad start.
Are we still breaking up
or is it just Theo's voice?
It's kind of just Theo.
Yeah, I figured.
It's just his speech.
Not a big deal.
Homeschool.
So anyway, so what made you reach out to maybe go on a potential date with our friend Chin here?
Well, I didn't.
I got submitted.
Oh, so you're single ready to mingle yes yeah can you use a term that's not
from 1970 brendan hey real quick ask her about the weather again dorkus malorcus i said winter
delinquent let me talk for a second yeah go ahead good afternoon um do you um have you ever
spent time around a someone like chin before he means asian
um my roommate's asian oh this is off the good start what's your usual
that counts you know um what's your usual type like what type do you go for
um i guess it's like kind of like a variety but it's like probably mostly white guys
yeah what about off white
sure that works okay and do you what do you how god dog how have how has your experience been
on the dating scene has it been a bit of a nightmare or i mean you're you're a pretty girl
thank you um well i'm still single so i mean but that's not your fault
i hope not but you also enjoy do you like being
single i mean it's kind of fun right uh i think you go through like periods of it but um yeah i
think it's fun i mean you only have to worry about yourself what what was the last date you went on
uh like last week or a week and a half ago i think are you are you a serial dater
do you date a lot no no i mean i like go on dates but i'm not like the type that always has a
boyfriend and where do you usually meet these men uh it depends uh like sometimes on the stupid
dating apps oh like which one? Like gym.
Are we talking like Tinder?
Are we talking farmers only?
Are you on farmers only?
Oh, for sure.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Good for you, girl.
The problem is a lot of people infiltrated it.
I think I've seen you.
I think I've seen you on there.
It's not only farmers.
That's the problem.
Other people are getting on there.
Do you like to go to the gym?
You said, what else do you enjoy doing, ma'am?
Young lady. Yes. Ma'am, yes sorry yeah sorry she's young lady besides the gym I mean well I work go to the gym I hang out with friends
go to concerts and you're headed to work now?
I'm going to be shortly, yeah.
And where are you working these days?
I work at an advertising agency.
Gotcha.
Sounds professional.
And that last date you went on, what did you guys do?
Give us an idea of the date you went on.
We went ice skating and I got pho.
Then you got what?
Pho.
Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
The line cut out and I I was like, oh damn, you're wild.
You're wild, boys.
Alright, well.
Have you ever made love to a
kind of a troubled kind of Asian guy?
Have I ever made love to a troubled Asian guy? Have I ever made love to a troubled guy?
To an Asian gentleman, decent guy?
I've never gone out with an Asian guy, no.
This must be your first one.
Chin likes this.
Chin likes this.
Do you think that a lot of Asian guys hit on you usually, or do you feel invisible to them, or what do you think that you have, do you think that a lot of Asian guys hit on you usually?
Or do you feel invisible to them?
Or what do you feel like?
I don't know.
You probably don't encounter a lot of Asians.
I'm just going to go on a limb here.
Yeah, I don't know.
But you got some flavor with that.
I approach a lot of Asians.
Yeah, I could see that.
But you got some flavor with that nose piercing so i'm assuming you
get all sorts of comers what sorry my friend is uh not very wise um look let's be honest with each
other how far do you think you see you and chin's future going can they just go on a date first dude and then take
it from there i mean i don't even know him yeah you're right i've known him for two years and i
don't fucking know him no one knows him we have no idea yeah he's like a missing person that's a
lie you're like the guy that's like you're on your first date and they're like okay so when
are we getting married yes that's exact sorry friend's had his own issues with dating.
Yeah, I think you guys need to go on a date and feel it.
Have you ever seen Chin?
Do you know what he looks like?
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
I mean, I'd like look at his Instagram.
I watched a couple of y'all's episodes.
And your friend submitted you for this?
Yeah.
And does your friend friend what did she say
you're going to love this guy or this guy seems like a real
kind of a sort of a hero like a middle
aged hero or what did she
say
he was my old roommate
in college and
he was just saying that
we submitted you to this
go on a date with Jennifer.
I love this guy.
I had to leave my desk to die laughing.
And what college did you go to?
I went to Long Beach State.
Oh, nice.
Oh, hell yeah.
LBC, girl.
L-B-S-T, actually.
She's in the LBC, though.
And then I just was like, all right, I'm up for it.
So I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into.
That's awesome.
You're brave.
I like your attitude.
Yeah, I like your attitude, too.
What would be a perfect date for you?
I mean, I love red wine.
Okay.
So if there's wine involved.
Jen, write this down.
Okay, keep going
a winery
I see Napa
in your future
okay
Jen can't hear
while he just wrote down
red vines
so
if you get a bunch
of movie candy
you'll know
what's going on
let her finish
her date though
so Jen has more
so red wine what else sorry um i mean i'm a
pretty social talkative person yeah something that like not like a movie where you're just
sitting there and quiet yeah that makes no sense i prefer like activities like fun things
okay be competitive okay um i don't know i'm kind of like i'm one of those
people that's kind of just open for whatever easy going yep easy going you ever been to cockfights
before no and look i'm not saying it's legal everywhere but i'm not saying it's also not
awesome to watch it is danger yeah it is a lot of them are asking for it. Yeah, and you can get pho after that as well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Could be a nice night.
Well, look, we would love to treat you guys to a nice night out, wherever that is, and
do something special for you guys.
And we don't know what that's going to be exactly yet, but we have a nice budget for
it, and we want you to do something fun if you're willing to take our friend out, who
also is willing to take you out.
Well, I mean, he has to ask me himself oh i like your style girl is your voice always like this
or do you have a cult i like it um it ranges i had a holiday party over the weekend yeah
hell yeah girl were y'all doing blow or anything like that or what were you guys up to uh it was just a late night of
a lot of it was for my company party drugs too or just alcohol just a lot of alcohol
all right do you fancy drugs at all do you partake in any drugs uh like here and there
but i don't really care if someone else does them i'm kind of one of those people like teach their own i like your attitude wow yeah you seem like a great lady seem fantastic
i mean if things don't work out can you and chin i i got a friend who looks like meg ryan that might
be interested yeah leave me alone brendan i'm throwing you alley oops here dude and you slept
no you seem like a great woman awesome well i think maybe you send us some date you're available we'll get
with chin schedule hon let me check yeah he's available so then we'll take it
from there and let me oh yeah where you going Going to Hawaii Damn family trip
I'm going to my best friend to visit her cousins
Hell yeah what island girl
What was that
What island
Maui
Maui's good
You get back from Hawaii sometime in January
Does that work
Yeah you know
Thanks for being such a good sport about this.
Yeah. Of course.
Carly, thank you so much for calling. You seem like a
lovely person. Merry Christmas to you.
Yeah, I'm a fan, Carl. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, y'all. You have a good one.
Take care. Bye.
Jen, she's cute.
She's a baddie, Jen.
Good attitude. You guys see any of that, Jen?
Yeah, she's... We don't want you to see her we want you to be a unique man yeah i'm telling you she's she's an attractive
lady chin attractive great personality too fantastic the nose piercing sexy reminding me of
uh wonderful people in the world man i think you got a chance chan if you fucking
take care of yourself you idiot i don't know if he has a chance but what sorry i don't mean that
bro i'm just thinking about myself i think you have a chance like rudy had a chance you know
what i'm saying like you're really gonna have to the perfect situation what yeah bro you have no
confidence in this fucking dude this guy looks like. Now, I hear you.
I hear you.
I know what you're talking about.
I hear you.
I hear you, man.
Bro, this guy looks like something a woodpecker would attack.
That's what you look like right now, Chin.
Chin has a chance like Vince Papali had a chance.
You know what I'm saying?
It's going to take a lot of work and some tough breaks, but we can get there.
Cat, what do you think?
Let's venture out into the Far East here and get a quote from Kat.
What do you think about Chin and the potential lady there, Carly?
Oh, Carly is a, she seems like such a nice girl.
Genuinely really nice.
I think it would be a good fit for Chin.
You do?
Yeah, if Chin puts himself out there properly.
She's pretty hot, too.
Very pretty.
Let's be real here.
Very pretty.
Attractive, nice head, it looked like.
I mean, all we could see was her head and arms,
kind of, and a little bit of her torso.
True.
But definitely.
Nice neck.
Nice body, nice neck.
Well, we don't know the body, but yeah.
Yeah, but I'm sure her body's great.
She's also from the LBC.
I kind of like that for Chin as well.
Yeah, she'd probably defend herself.
Chin, did you hear she likes,
all we know is she likes red wine.
She's down if you're going to do a bunch of drugs to each its own.
And that's about all we know out of her.
She likes activities.
Yeah, Chin.
Pretty broad.
So what kind of date do we send them on, dude, is what I'm wondering.
I think a hike.
A nice hike.
Chin, hey.
Chin doesn't want a hike, right?
No, dude.
Goddamn, you're off on this. A hike? hike chin in shorts have you ever seen chin in shorts
no one has ever ever chin they put on some fucking low-cut shorts going on a hike with
this broad we ain't doing that i feel like maybe some sort of concert, intimate concert. You guys go. She's drinking red wine.
Chin knows music.
You know what I'm saying?
She's like,
oh girl,
that's that G note.
What's this?
Boom.
You're disgusting.
What's this?
Boom.
Dinner.
I don't know where you're going with this.
Why did dinner come out like that?
Because it's an egg roll, dude.
God,
your mind is crazy.
What's the egg from? An ostr What? God, your mind is crazy, dude. What's the egg from?
An ostrich?
That was a large egg in that roll.
Dude, hear me out.
I'm just spitballing ideas here.
You guys go to a nice Korean barbecue.
That's Chin's expertise.
He knows all the barbecue spots.
You take your adult place downtown, Chin, right?
Probably don't dress exactly like that, but I'll figure that out.
You don't have any ideas dude so we go to cream barbecue then we go to nice intimate kind of
concert and then after that that's on you dog but she said she's down for pho that's all i know
whatever that means i don't speak that language it's a snack it's a regional treat you delinquent
man all i know is for our first shot, he's in, dude.
Dude, I'm sorry.
Are we Patty from Million Dollar Matchmaker?
Is that what's happening now?
Bring up Patty Stanger
if we can.
What happened to that lady?
I saw her once. She tried to set me up with somebody.
Really? Yeah, said leave me alone.
Bro, you do look like P. Stanger, bro. Dude, me and bro you do look like peace stanger bro
dude me and her kind of look similar shut up big ang remember she died big ang yeah big ang who's
big ang from mob wives oh oh yeah with them long tits yeah i remember of course she died dude let
me guess skin cancer she had the Staten Islands
On her chest bro
She had some long titties dude
Coney Island tits bro
She had them fucking
L trains on her
Yeah dude
Support the podcast
Look man
It's that time of year brother
Bells will be ringing
Jingle bell
Jingle bell
Dude you know
what you should do
you should give
I've been meaning
to tell you
hey we want
some booze
wow alright
remake
I didn't have that
on my Christmas track
I want a hula hoop
alright man
cause I want it all or nothing at all dude who did this mix dude dude i don't
know yeah maybe chin did but dude i've been thinking about what you should give yourself
this year for christmas i think you need to step your brain game up i think you should give
yourself the gift of audible my brain hurts dude my brain sometimes feels like it's just somebody just is trying to hide my brain inside of just a just inside of my own body or my
own butt yeah sometimes i feel like somebody's playing freeze tag in my brain but there's no
one else to play with so it's just frozen so i like definitely dude so i like to get audible
when you're thinking about something i see like that spinning circle that I see on my Mac top just going on.
Oh, like it's downloading?
Yeah, I hear you.
It's cool, man.
It's really, chicks dig it.
Chicks do dig it, man.
Audible is the best time right now.
You get 53% off your first three months.
Dang, man.
You can choose three titles every month, one audio book and two exclusive Audible originals that you can't hear anywhere else.
These are books you can't get anywhere else, and these are sound books for your ears.
Yeah, listen, on any device, anytime, anywhere with the Audible app.
It's great when you're flying, you're traveling, around the holidays, whatever you want, Audible got you covered.
And right now, for a limited time, you get three months of Audible for just $6.95 a month.
That's more than half off the regular price.
Give yourself the gift of listening and just knowing stuff, man.
For more, go to audible.com slash K-A-T-S.
Yeah, be that proper pigeon and get out there and get what you need for yourself, you know?
A lot of times, if you can't read, bro, who cares, dude?
That's on you, bro.
Reading is for your eyes, bro. Listening is for your ears. What do you think Floyd read, bro, who cares, dude? That's on you, bro. Reading is for your eyes, bro.
Listening is for your ears.
What do you think Floyd Mayweather does?
Yeah, dude.
Audible.
Undoubtedly.
So go there right now.
Get the limited time deal.
Three months of Audible.
$6.95 a month.
More than half off the regular price.
Audible.com slash cats or text K-a-t-s to 500-500 hey dude i did you know i just
had a baby yeah how about this is not i'm not just making this up for this read how about they go
oh papa you need some scrubs i went all right well give me some scrubs they went we don't have any
of that fit so they had to kind of makeshift this Frankenstein scrub.
I'm like, damn, you guys need to look more stylish, man.
And then some little fine honey nurse came by and went, figs.
Really?
I went, I'm hungry.
You have figs?
She went, no, figs.
I went, well, what's figs?
Tell them what it is, Theo.
Oh, I'll tell you what figs is, bro.
Figs is a small fruit.
It used to be.
Now it's something beautiful and real, kind of like a drapery, that full body health drape, dude.
If you know somebody and you're shopping for the holidays for them and they are a nurse, doctor, dentist, somebody who likes to dress up like a nurse or doctor or dentist for Halloween, somebody who likes to look like they are a nurse even though they don't have a job or licensed
physician you can do this now licensed magician card carrier bro you got that word fucking
magician at a fucking halfway house hell yeah who cares figs is for all the medical professional
and non-medical professional yeah figs is an amazing company that is making scrubs stylish and functional for people who deserve it most dude figs af bro look man you gotta look nice while
you're taking care of somebody's baby or a zygote or whatever why do they look so weird they don't
have to anymore you can like fly as a nurse a doctor and figs also gives back and you can too
every time you shop at figs they give scr scrubs to healthcare providers and needs around the world.
Gang shit, bro.
My sister works over there at the urgent care over there by Gonzales, dude.
And she's getting these things, bro.
Yeah, she slid in my DMs like, check out my Figs.
I was like, those look cool.
I don't know why you DM me that pic, though.
Yeah, she wild, bro.
But she got the husband, though.
But she got the husband.
And she's over there in Prairieville, actually. But anyway, she's getting the F wild, bro. Yeah, tight moves. But she got the husband, though, but she got the husband. Yeah. And she's over there in Prairieville, actually.
But anyway, she's getting the figs, dude.
Everybody, if you're in medical, non-medical, you getting figs, bro.
Everybody getting figs.
Secrets out.
Listen, and you get 50% off your first purchase by using the code CATS.
Get ready to love your scrubs.
Head to wearfigs.com.
That's W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S.com.
Enter the code K-A-T-S at checkout.
Let's do this, man.
You guys want some more raps?
Huh?
Hell yeah.
Some more raps?
White boy rappers?
Hell yeah.
I got this shirt from the Andy Dufresne collection as well.
You do look like the boys.
Oh, the three sisters.
I'm trying to clean this roof up.
And these boys trying to fuck. Andy Dufresne collection, bro. Yep. Oh, I'll trying to clean this roof up. And these boys trying to fuck me.
Andy Dufresne collection, bro.
Yep.
Oh, I'll listen to this music.
Close the door.
They didn't have bad outfits, did they?
No, they looked good.
All denim?
Blue denim?
Hell yeah.
Tall glass of water.
Can't hear you knocking.
Music's too loud.
He paid for that, though, didn't he?
Huh?
He paid for that shit.
He did what he did, man.
You gotta pay a price, though. You feel me? Huh? He paid for that shit. He did what he did, man. You gotta pay a price though,
you feel me? Yeah. What do you got, D?
Well, we got Little Browse.
Remember him? The champ? Oh, yeah.
So we got some... He's the champ.
We got some contenders. We got two more guys who are gonna come
for that spot. Because Little Browse
is number one. Do you want to hear him again or do you remember it?
No, I remember him loud and clear. Do you need
to hear him again? I think let's go with the new ones first
and then we'll go Browse. Let's go with the new ones first, and then we'll go brows.
And then play him a little brows at the end?
Yeah.
Let's go with the new ones first.
Good call, no brows.
All right.
Up first, the contender, Mr. Josh Duncan.
J-Dunk.
The king in the street.
Dunkaroos.
The elder rock king, Warren and Brendan, Nick Brown, Sean.
No video, though?
No video.
Oh.
He's the king in the street, king in the stink, gang, gang.
King in the stink, king in the stink, buzz, buzz.
King in the stink, king in the stink, gang, gang, king.
Oh, shit, man.
King in the stink, buzz, buzz, gang, gang.
With that buzz, buzz.
And you got a lamp.
They don't buzz, buzz.
Oh, wow, bro.
That's Josh Duncan, 28.
I end up every diss using copulist. Sex on the trampoline or in the tub. Oh, wow, bro. That's Josh Duncan, 28.
Oh, they're filming a certain earthquake, man.
What's up? Dumbass just by talking too fast Yeah, they the beast, just chant, gotta feel the steel So keep it real, soak all your thighs Yeah, you know the deal
It's the king in the sting, king in the sting
King in the sting, king in the sting
King in the sting, king in the sting
King in the sting, king in the sting
King in the sting, king in the sting J.D.
Can you sing TRL, baby?
Come on.
Come on.
TRL.
Litty like a titty, bro.
Uh-huh.
Carson Bailey over here.
Okay, Josh Duncan.
Wow.
I feel like you'd buy some X-E from that man as well.
You don't have a hand tat like that and not slang them drugs.
Oh, yeah. You feel me?
Good effort, though, bro.
Yeah, man.
He really went in there.
I felt like he had a nice beat,
a nice back beat.
Where was he, though?
Don't know.
Miami, bro.
That's what I thought for a second.
That's Miami, dude.
Yeah, you're right.
On a cloudy day.
Real sunny day, possibly Fort Myers,
but I think it was Miami.
That's fair.
It might be Fort Lauderdale.
What else you got?
We got up next, the other contender,
Black McBride.
Ooh.
A white guy named Black McBride?
Oh yeah.
Dark Irish, brother.
Let's do it.
It's Blazic.
It's Blazic. Mic check, one, two, yeah, yeah Okay Theo, you are here, rockin' Molens like you know us
Whippin' LA in a Taurus, you and Brendan never bore us
Both of you, I love you, Theo lookin' like a farmer
Brendan lookin' like he in the TV show Arthur
Darren, what it do, I just saw you in my town, bruh
Kansas City loves you, lookin' like a thimper, Albert
Jazz, you my girl, I just haven't told you yet
I've been waitin' for the perfect time, as perfect as it gets.
Damn.
That was us just waiting for a chin to get a date.
King in the sting, little thick and rabies.
Coming to your town just to spread some skate bees.
Gang, bro.
I'm running out of Colorado.
Was a brawler, now a talker.
King is singing in the bomber.
Buzz buzz to the kings with the crown.
Sam Adams toast to the boys that hold it down
Oh, yeah
Come on
It's Blazic
Blazic
Blazic
And he left the studio, bro
Yeah, I like that, too
God damn
It's Blazic, bro
It's 8 Mile up in here
We got a real battle rap thing going
Now, let me see the number one champ right now That's Blazic, bro. It's eight mile up in here. We got a real battle rap thing going. Now, let me see the number one champ right now.
That's Blazic, man.
Blazic went in, bro.
And I like the font he had, the video font, the black and white tone.
Hit me with a little browse here for a second, though.
Get them brows.
Culture, culture, to the corner from my foreign.
Get them brows.
Yeah. or Brendan came in with a chip on his shoulder but it's still gold and yet it's still fire if you don't like him in this thing you're a liar Brendan's got like a thousand different hustles
one of them's that Nordstrom Rack doing tires
Black Rifle Coffee, we hear you loud and clear
your son on the email like please get me out of here
it's way too loud in here
watch them the Irishman eat me, kids who drinking half a beer
now on to Theo Vaughn
looking like the type of dude that tries to read a song
smoking cigarettes with a snapback on
about to hit the crib and turn Snapchat on.
Is this all good?
We still mess with shit.
1800, pick up a little bird.
Go get that hitter.
Derrick and Kat, y'all doing great.
Thursday, upload.
Not a minute late.
Y'all wanted it.
Rafa had to demonstrate.
Brand new studio, y'all feeling great.
Putting Chris Delano in his place.
Now let's go and get you in a date.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Hey! Hey!
Dude, that's the champ.
Should we let the fans vote? It's probably between him and the last dude. They're both
really good. I think we let the fans vote.
It's going to be tough to beat. I like the dude selling
acid on the building, though. Him too, bro.
Let the fans vote for all three.
And then if the homeboy just stays,
you know, he stays. Josh Duncan, 26,
I think. We should put that up and have the fans vote for the three.
I love it.
Their top.
Yeah, I think, man.
Both the boys hit hard.
Yeah, yeah, they all went hard, man.
I think some of the guy on the building made me nervous a little, but I like him.
I like anybody who's willing to throw some fucking Percocets off a 70-story fucking building, bro.
Yeah, he went in.
There's something beautiful about that.
That's a junkie's fucking snowfall.
Mr. Found Blue over there, baby.
Shout out to 305.
Yeah, so I love that.
I wasn't mad at him, but I think we should let the fans vote.
It's going to be tough to beat that champ, though.
He goes so hard.
Blazic stayed in it.
How are we going to post them up?
We can put it up on Twitter.
Okay.
Put it up as a poll.
Put the poll on Twitter?
Mm-hmm. We can put it up on Twitter. Okay. Put it up as a poll. Put the poll on Twitter?
Mm-hmm.
And then you know what we could do, too, is we could create a little sizzle reel of all three and post it to IG and then tell them to go vote on Twitter.
Yeah.
Or you guys are nice people but also have bad ideas right now. But what I'm saying is, you guys, why don't we put each one up on IG
and then make a poll on IG where they can go vote for their favorite.
Is it out of two or three?
It's out of two for IG polls, though.
Okay.
That's the issue.
So let's pick two then to go in.
I would say the current champ and then the black and white white boy.
Blazik is
blazing that blaze it all right that's it then blazik verse browsers but now i'm not mad at the
fucking earthquake 305 boy either but uh the two at the lyric lyrically those were the strongest
yeah i think let me go let's hear all blazik one more time, these boys really showed up. King in the sting,
what up?
Yeah.
He's blazing.
I like his attitude,
too, man.
Lovely painting behind him.
Okay, Theo,
you are here
rocking molars
like you know us.
Whipping LA in a Taurus.
You and Brendan
never bore us.
Both of you,
I love you, Theo,
looking like a farmer.
Brendan looking like
he in the TV show,
Arthur.
Darren, what it do? I just saw you in my town, bro. Kansas City loves you looking like a farmer. Brendan looking like he in the TV show Arthur. Derrick, what it do?
I just saw you in my town, bruh.
Kansas City loves you looking like a thimpa, Albert.
Cat, you my girl.
I just haven't told you yet.
I've been waiting for the perfect time, as perfect as it gets.
That was us just waiting for a chin to get a date.
King in the stain, little thick and rabies.
Coming to your town just to spread some scabies.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
That's good, man.
Take a seat.
Blazing is bad, man.
Gang, bro.
Let the fans know.
Molest yourself, bro.
That shit's beautiful.
Touch yourself to the beat.
Continue.
Take care of yourself and look for the Lord, baby.
I love it.
Little brows and blazing all up in your face.
Yep.
So we'll go two to two.
We'll post each one of them up on IG in their own spots on the wall.
You can listen to them and then put the poll on to the story.
That's it.
Is that the show?
No, we got a little bit more.
Oh, let's go.
We got a debate club, boys.
Dude, it's almost Christmas, man.
Almost.
Don't forget the white elephant gifts either.
I got you, Doug.
Everybody bring something they barely want.
And don't be showing
up in no regular outfit like ellen bring bring some christmas shit bro dude this is a nice
texas walker banger dude let's get real here dress some christmas shit let's go you look like you
fucking you look like you have silk pajamas for a ghost buster dude you bring sick-ass Derek I know he's coming in here like
this bro yeah what's your carry on bro em That's how sick he is. I knew I liked him.
All right, let's do this.
But he is losing color, man. Yeah, he is.
You've got to get healthy, bro.
Yeah, he's not looking healthy at all.
Yeah, you need some bacon or a couple milkshakes or something.
You've got to get healthy, bro.
What do you got?
Up next, Austin Gilbert.
This is our boy, Austin.
What's up, fellas?
Coming to you straight out of Virginia.
Got a debate club for you.
That American gangster hitter, my man, Denzel Washington, or that Pulp Fiction bad motherfucker,
Samuel Jackson.
Gang, gang.
Those dudes have boats and doors.
Boats and hoes.
Boats and hoeses shout out to these boys
damn that's a good one denzel washington samuel l jackson samuel jackson these days bothers me
because he just does every it's okay to say no sometimes samuel you work for capital one now
he's at the bank he's getting older but he's has to say yes to everything but dude he's like the
rock of black guys if you made that if you made that much money, you're going to end up at the bank. It all makes sense to me.
Yeah, you're right.
Deposit and checks.
But Denzel Washington doesn't make a bad movie.
I didn't like, what was the one where he was like a badass shooting everybody?
They made two of them.
Equalizer.
Equalizer.
Dude, Equalizer 2.
Get the fuck out of my face.
No, he's 90.
Like, pfft, pfft, pfft.
Book of Eli.
Wasn't he in Book of Eli?
Oh, yeah.
Hell, yeah.
Book of Eli was good.
Dude, all his movies, though?
Malcolm X?
Come on.
Come on, bro.
Was he that good in it, though?
Dude, Training Day?
That's what I'm doing.
Ask me where the office is at.
Ask me.
What are you doing?
Where's the office?
You're in the office.
Ethan Hawke, Denzel.
Oh.
Help me.
Help me.
What does Ethan Hawke say, dude?
I look like Ethan Endangered Species, dude.
For me, this is easy.
Denzel Washington all goddamn day.
Although Samuel L. Jackson almost saves him Pulp Fiction.
Do you mind if I take a bite of your kahuna burger?
Yeah, but let's go back through some of Sammy J's works, man.
What's some other beautiful stuff that he's done?
Goodfellas.
Jurassic Park. Goodfellas. Jurassic Park.
Goodfellas.
Jurassic Park.
All the stuff in Star Wars.
He was in Goodfellas?
Avengers.
Yes.
Small role and died.
Died real quick.
Oh, he played, what's that superhero he played in Avengers?
Oh, Mr. Freeze.
Yeah.
No.
Frozo, yeah.
No, he's Frozo.
But he played somebody else, too.
In Avengers, yeah, he's Nick Fury.
Nick Fury.
Yeah.
I like Nick Fury, man.
Yeah, i'm going
denzel man jango he kills it oh yeah now jango he really came through with it man yeah that
bitch is bad and jango i forgot about that pulp fiction hateful eight oh man he's got some
let me see but he made some real layups too though dude Denzel Flubber Flubber you know
whatever that
other movie
wasn't he
I think he was
in Black Annie
too
what else
oh no you
think of
Jamie Foxx
but
keep going
down
oh no
he did
Shaft
oh that was
great too
that shit was
some bullshit
the new one
no no
he did the new
one
the old one's
dope
the new one's
some bullshit
he did
Snakes on a
Plane
I'm going Snakes on the Plane. I'm going...
Ooh, Snakes on the Plane.
I'm going Denzel, man.
I'm going Denzel all goddamn day.
Yeah.
Dude, Kong Skull Island, I'm not mad at that.
It's Denzel, too.
There's not two L's, is it?
No, it's just one L.
Yeah, Denzel.
Or Denzel.
57%.
Denzel.
Yeah.
Gang, bro.
Play the same guy in every movie, too.
Yep. That's how good he is. Is it? Yeah, he's just looking like. Gang, bro. Play the same guy in every movie, too. Yep.
That's how good he is.
Is it?
Yeah, he's just looking like, oh, shit.
You ever seen Out of Time?
Uh-uh.
Name something else that he was in.
What's that one movie?
The Man on Fire?
Haven't seen it.
Man on Fire.
Not talking about Chris D'Elia's special.
No.
Not talking about Denzel Washington's movie.
Chris stole that name for his special?
Man on Fire.
Wow.
Because he referenced it. He talked about him that name for his special Man on Fire wow cause he referenced it
he talked about him
he's a man on fire
dents all over
that shit
probably owes
Denzel money
so dented bro
Denzel
that's what I'm
calling Chris now
fucking
Denzel
Denzel Washington
everyone picked
Denzel though
yeah 57%
it was pretty close
come on bro
he had flight that was a good movie yeah dude yeah uh shit looks like a coat rack everyone picked Denzel though yeah 57% it was pretty close come on bro he was slight
that was a good movie
yeah dude
yeah
uh
Chin looks like a coat rack
in uh
Fantasia
that fucking strikes back
oh that's right
sorry Chin
I keep making fun of Brendan
but he won't make fun of me today
so I'm fucking just
making fun of you
dude
oh god dude
up next we got
James Sullivan boys that's our boy James Jay Soul let. Up next, we got James Sullivan, boys.
That's our boy James.
Jay Soul, let's go, boy.
The third, also.
James Sullivan, the third.
Oh, good thing you put that in there, bro.
What's up, Theo?
What's up, Brendan?
Hey, bro.
Just talked to my brother.
He just met Brendan in Philly.
Said he was a cool dude.
Wow, Brendan.
My barber's hanging out with Theo this weekend in Louisiana.
That's weird.
And I'm sitting here on the road with a flat tire.
Got a debate question for you.
Fix it yourself or wait for roadside?
Gang, gang, bus rubbers.
Oh, yeah.
Bus rubbers.
That's your nickname, Derek.
Oh, yeah.
It's day one, bro.
Shout out.
I think what car that is with the red interior it has to be
something it looks nice maserati maybe anyway like you fuck tards no dude it's a car you don't know
fucking you don't know cars bro dude i was fucking born almost in a honda civic
si or standard huh si or cx it was kind of you don't know it was mid-grade you don't yeah whatever dude hatchback
huh no not a hatchback dude i wouldn't be born in a fucking hatchback yeah you would
it would have been nice a little more room fixed tire call car service dude first of all when you
call for service it takes seven hours to get there just fix that shit yourself dude do it yourself
in and out.
Yeah, but if you call car service, you can relax.
You can talk to somebody.
You can do work on your computer.
I think it depends on what you have left going on throughout the day.
That's fair.
But also, if you're on the highway, that shit's dangerous as shit, too.
I like being on the highway.
Dude, one time my car broke down in New Orleans at a stoplight, and it was a busy day, right?
And the Saints game was on on the radio, and it was coming down to it it was like the second half of the fourth quarter
and i was like i can't call help now they're gonna come i have to deal with all that shit so i just
sat there listening to the radio it's a real fan right there hundreds of people honking did they
win calling me names people calling me the n-word yeah i was like jesus bro makes sense i can just go around makes sense but uh
but man so i think there's time and place to stay there and stay stranded yeah you gotta be careful
but if you don't know how to fix a tire what are you even doing how many dudes can actually fix a
tire these days chin can you fix a tire yeah you can without anything you better be able to yeah you can fix a tire dude he can build a railroad he's fucking the longest chinese person ever travel is his middle name sure
you gotta print a 3d gun look at this fucking dude yeah yeah you look like Carmen San Luis Obispo.
Chin, you look like you got to get out of here to go collect at the Asian parlors after this.
Definitely.
Just set your gun on the table.
Hell yeah.
But look, man, I'll see you in... I'm going to see this guy this weekend.
He said his barber knows you.
He said you and his barber are hanging out or some shit?
It might have been.
Where was I this weekend?
I don't remember.
Were you in Louisiana?
I was at home.
I remember there were no new date lines on.
What the fuck, bro?
Can somebody die so we can get some new episodes?
I'm telling you, dude.
Jesus, they're just remaking the old dead people.
Come on, bro.
Chin, get out there and do some work bro
you get more obvious chin yeah dude um no he said he's gonna see theo right yeah yeah he says
barbara's gonna see you in louisiana in louisiana okay well we'll see i'll be there this weekend
yeah maybe i maybe i will be there this weekend yeah but just i'm going home for the holiday yeah
that's what he's saying apparently they know your schedule who to barber them i don't
know remember brutus the barber beefcake hell yeah god dude remember we wrote him a letter asking him
to marry our mom when i was young and they didn't they never got married man dang can you look up
that picture brutus the barber do you respond back and put beefcake at the end sometimes another guy comes up yeah you don't yeah you gotta be careful too when you google beefcake
oh man he was beefy dude beautiful too was your mom into him when he had long hair yeah she would
honest we would notice when watching wrestling she's the only guy that he would stop him she
would stop she would only pay attention yeah yeah And sometimes big boss man, but he was really.
That's how my mom was with Elton John for whatever reason.
Wow, look at him.
Look at him now.
Semi-retired, dude.
That basically describes my erection most of the time.
Semi-retired.
Dude, look at that pink coat.
Check out his pink coat.
I have something very similar to that.
Yeah, you do, dude.
You look like you're at a fucking pajama party for the Chicago Cubs, bro.
I look like I'm at a pajama party at Brutus' Beefcake's house, dude.
You look like Brutus?
Dude.
The bathroom butt cake.
That's what you look like, right?
You look like one of the Bash Brothers that caught AIDS.
Oh, dude.
You mean Skinny Bash?
Skinny Bash?
Bashette? You mean Thirsty thirsty bash you look like the third
bash brother yeah bash on a little puppy all right look man uh thank you for being good and
thanks for sending in the video what are we supposed to say let's go to king and sting
76 went with fix that shit yourself fix that shit dude and also that man shit a lot of
men now instead of if you don't want to take your wife or something to another country to
to try and murder them they have the wife fix the tire and then kick the jack over while they're
down there that makes sense here's the other thing i think about fellas you gotta step your game up
because a lot of lesbians know how to change tires too so it's competitive dude get down there get
dirty otherwise fucking julie over there gonna
steal your girl yeah you know me otherwise with that same haircut as theo take your fucking girl
bro strong julie beautiful cut and if you notice when i'm outdoors a lot of birds will kind of look
over at me i'm not mad it looks pretty nice there would you use a nice conditioner maybe water and
air uh cat what do you guys do in your what do What do a lot of Vietnamese people do when they have auto issues?
We bring it to one of our uncles.
Everyone has an uncle that's a mechanic.
Everyone.
Hell yeah.
You hear that, Derek?
Yeah.
It's impressive.
Asians are impressed.
What else you got?
A little King and her Stingit.
We'll wrap it up.
Yeah, dog.
All right, boys.
Up first, this is Sean Rothwell.
That's my boy, Sean.
S-Row, bro.
Get it.
What up, Tito?
What up, Brandon?
Culture Corner, what's up?
Gang.
Got a King of the Sting for you guys.
True crime shows.
What do you think?
He's watching that for 48 right now.
Gang, gang.
Blood, blood.
Yeah.
Ooh, I like that.
Blood, dog.
One blood. Yeah. Ooh, I like that. Blood dog. One blood.
Dude, first 48 is my shit.
Is it?
But I always figure it out before everybody else.
It's pretty easy.
You know what I'm saying?
Also, they never finish that shit in 48 hours, do they?
It's always like day seven.
I'm like, what's my clock?
48.
No one ever figured out 48, ever.
They never figure it out.
And then it's like six months later. Like, ever figured out 48. Ever. They never figured it out.
And then it's like six months later.
Well, fuck, dude.
Kind of ruined the show.
And then they tell you you can't solve a crime after two days, after 48 hours.
So they ain't solving shit.
Also, you realize how much snitches help.
They can't do shit without people snitching.
They just go around looking for snitches.
And everybody always has the craziest nicknames in there. They're like oh we found squibble out here uh chris delia has one of my
favorite jokes ever he goes have you seen the first 48 it's a show where they have uh 48 hours
to find the killer but really they have as much time as they want that's hilarious that's he that's exactly what it is
man because they're back eight months later you're like all right well fuck dude it's the best joke
man that's hilarious one of my other favorites i had this guy larry reeb whenever i was first
starting doing comedy and he was out on the circuit and he is this old polish guy and he'd
be like they tell me never to answer the phone during sex
oh he goes my wife tells me
never to answer the phone during sex
and he goes
but what if it's you calling
that's what he said
Nick gets it
it was for Nick anyway
yeah I thought I had something to do
a bunch of fucking future hate crime victims
probably
with the way your attitude is first 48 need to admit first 48 need to mix it up too get
out of the south bro every time it's the same detectives i'm like oh gary's gonna be stressed
like oh i remember when he's i saw one guy
he had a stain on his shirt and i remember in episode three seasons early when he fucking
drip part of a food on his shirt in the episode i'm like no crazy man that guy uh what is this
guy's issue oh true crime all day man right now i'm on the pikestown murders man or pikeston
i didn't read the title that much but i just clicked on it did you ever watch cold case
yeah bro i've seen every cold case dude i've seen every missing person i've seen every disappeared
i've seen disappeared deleted scenes you know what used to scare me still disappeared i've
seen disappeared repackaged as the missing i've seen i've seen what happens with the case of
madeline mccann they got the baby i've seen uh what else dude where's
little gregory brother french they fucking up dude they fucking stole that boy and then somebody's
lying what else have i seen bro elizabeth smart unsmart i've seen everybody i've seen the girl
who goes to a dane cook show her sister went to a dane cook show went missing after what
and disappeared forever is that a documentary he has a bit about it he has a whole joke a whole chunk about it yeah it's pretty crazy
uh i've seen it all she's just going on vacation she was dead yeah she didn't go on vacation dude
with a murderer that's what you call it but yeah i love it man dark man it gets dark yeah i'm sorry
i brought it dark man i don't want a pain in my neck today. I think I have shingles, bro.
I think because my grandmother gave me this shirt.
Thank God you can feel your neck, though.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, that's true.
It's nice.
What else you got?
We got our last one, boys.
This is Tyler from Illinois.
I think it's pretty evident, though.
We're some true crime fans.
I love that.
You didn't name any, Brendan.
Oh, dude.
First 48.
Cold case files. True detective. 48 cold case files true detective true detective not true detective i like all of them dude nope but true crime though
you need law and order suck my dick i'm sorry derek do i look over 50 yeah no ask chin about
law and order i like real shit bro yeah i want to smell the blood yeah i want some real shit
i want to see fucking gary Yeah, I want some real shit.
I want to see fucking Gary snitch on his best friend,
and they're in the fucking room, and they're both getting life.
Yeah.
I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to, man.
Yeah, dude.
Some of the people out there that I just can't believe people just are
murdering each other, dude.
Just go home and chill out.
Yeah, sometimes over some random shit, too.
Yeah.
Some of the, I like the seasonal ones right now. I'm holiday homicide right now oh i like that one too it's good but
some of the actors are just like just bad if like if you can't act like you're getting murdered or
whatever then don't do it do you like did you watch cops growing up oh yeah cops is crazy i
think it's the longest runningrunning TV show of all time.
Cops is still good.
People still watch that shit.
It's still pretty good.
Although it's a little weird when it's a white cop chasing a black guy,
and then the camera cuts out, and they're like,
He's cool, man.
We got him in the truck, and he's pretty beat up.
It's very strange.
That's some of the earlier work.
Is it?
Yeah.
The more recent work, it's a lot more yeah everybody's
like no he's actually pretty cool man we just talked to him and then he i guess he fell and
hit his face on the uh on the hood the car yeah the first couple seasons it's just like a goal
it's just a german shepherd chasing a black guy i feel like it was a little bit much i felt like
you know it seemed like just a little like they definitely have some more white criminals, you know?
Yeah, but they weren't focused on them, were they?
No, but I'd love to see them let the fucking, let one of those German shepherds loose on the stock exchange floor and get some of those motherfuckers.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, that'd be nice.
Yeah, just taking people down.
Oh, yeah, that'd be sick.
Shout out to cops.
Oh, yeah.
I like whenever they're going to snitch on each other, they ask for a cigarette.
Every time they're about to snitch on the other one, they're like, bro, let to snitch on the other but they're always in handcuffs here can I get cigarettes no and they're always
like this oh yeah for real though
that shit was ronnie bro ronnie usually has done a crime bro if you know a guy named ronnie and that goes that's all ethnicities too ronnie is also an asian name isn't it
it is i like when they break down though when they get busted for like the seventh time i'll
i was doing fucking good man i didn't end this i wasn't even involved in this.
Dude, we literally saw you shoot that guy in the face.
Like, fuck, bro.
Nothing better.
And then their life's over.
It's like Donnie got 90 years in prison.
And he's pretty crunk about it.
Just be on TV.
I love it when they get caught.
They're like, oh, shit, I'm a cop.
Whoop, whoop.
What's up, Little Rawlings?
What's up, Dante?
Shout out.
Mama, what's happening?
It's like, bro, you're going to jail for 70 years.
He's like, you fucking right I am.
That's right.
Is that the most so far?
Is this going to be the most played episode?
That's gangster, though.
Yeah, it is.
Shout out to them.
Now, let's see this.
This guy looks like he's in the air.
What is this video coming in?
This is from Tyler from Illinois.
It's that new Top Gun.
Hey, Theo.
Hey, Brendan.
I got a senior statement for you.
It's scary, dude.
Heights.
You like to kiss that sky?
You like to pound that ground?
Gang, gang.
Buzz, buzz.
He's on a windmill.
You know how tall those fucking things are?
Yeah, exactly how.
Can you Google it, Derek?
It's scary, dude.
Whenever I see them, I get nervous.
I don't do well with heights.
But they got wind up there, dude.
That's the scary part, too.
You got to go all the way up there.
Guess what's up there?
Wind.
That's so scary, bro.
280 feet.
280 feet.
You could make it if you came off of that.
Nah.
I've done 60 feet.
You ever done like
You ever jump out of a cliff
Out of one
Out of a cave
What are you talking about
You need to match
Your athletic movement
Up with your land feature
Brent is like
You ever tumble roll
Out of a
Glacier hey brendan's like you ever tumble roll out of a uh uh uh glacier
i have done a clip the highest i've done is 60 there's a dude in our town it was 75 feet he went
up on this bridge he was talking all this shit he's like watch this you little fags right and
no offense if anybody might be gay or their name is fag that's just what he's that's what he said
i would never say that we don't support that yeah he goes watch this you little gay people you know and then he jumped off
and hit a boat that was going by did he die no dude he lived bro we were like boom dude damn bro
do you got up though yeah oh yeah but not the same. Yeah, sunk a boat. Oh, yeah.
Probably not the same.
That's like a real cannonball.
Oh, yeah.
It's a human cannonball.
Cannonball.
No, for real.
It's cannonball.
Wow, man.
This is awesome.
So this guy's one of those wind workers, man.
This guy's doing God's work up there.
I don't do well with heights.
Not for me.
I'd love to get up there and put on one of those things where you like those little squirrel suits and just scoot off that thing.
Yeah.
Take a date out.
Chan, maybe you could take...
Whoa, you know what?
Bungee jumping in Mexico.
Let's see who comes back.
No, skydiving in Oceanside.
Oh, my bad.
I didn't know where you were going with that.
But, Nathio, you wouldn't go cheaper.
All right.
Yeah, way cheaper.
$7, Chan.
Bungee jumping. It's two for one cheaper. $7, Jen. Bungee jumping.
It's two for one.
Two for one, oh.
Dude, bungee jumping in Mexico, they tie a rope to you, and you just run south of the border.
Man, that's wild.
What was his question?
Hey, bungee jumping in Mexico, also known as Mexican roulette.
It's problems, bro.
Is that something you're interested in, Chen?
Just jumping out of anything.
Dude, I have a skydive at Oceanside.
Some friends of mine that work down there.
Great guys, and it's an amazing experience.
It's so easy to just buzz down there.
I'm buzzing nowhere. I ain't jumping on planes bro yeah the date i'm talking big let's send them on the date you down to do that chin why not because you you look like you'll be
real scared but you can trust these people man these people a lot of them are former military
a lot of them have served abroad no never happening i got too much living to do man if i didn't have kids i'd do it but
your kids don't want you to die doing something what die what around the house fucking driving
to the post office fuck that it can't be like hey dad died because he wanted to make sure chin got
his dick sucked and we jump out of this plane. That's not what we're doing.
That's what he said.
We're going to go to be supportive.
I'm not doing anything with his wiener, dude.
I'm not either, but that's the end goal here.
No, it isn't.
I'm hoping he has a happy life.
He's looking for love, dude.
Yeah, he's not looking for...
Anybody could just jerk off near somebody's face.
He's looking for love.
You're looking for a connection, huh, Chin?
Yes, he's 46, man's looking for love you you're looking for a connection huh jen yes he's 46 man yeah you're right maybe just maybe just bungee jump in mexico dude if you
can make it through that jen he's four you make it through anything bro bro he's 46 and he's
dressed like willie loman on keto okay trust bro trust okay trust bro yeah he looks like fucking or he looked like fucking
george michael's little side piece in here
yes brother uh i say no one heights man honestly i've had some height instances where
when i used to do the um road rules show we used have to do height stuff really I don't do well with it
I get very scared
one time we had to walk
between two hot air balloons
on a plank
oh
and it was crazy
for what
for ratings
no for
I think $1500
Jesus
so
came a long way bro
yup
that's a good point, man.
It was crazy, too.
I remember my legs, I couldn't even feel them.
I was so scared.
So I just kept moving them from the hip and just went forward. Dude, I'm getting sweaty talking about it.
I can't do it.
But those heights scare me.
I've always wanted to do wing walking, though,
which is where you're on a plane wing and you can walk out there
because as long as you're just on the wing,
you don't fly off because you're with the plane.
No, never.
Not for me.
I'll start crying if I think too much when I'm on an airplane.
Really?
Yeah, I hate it.
Damn.
So no heights for me.
Good for you, though, for getting through it.
Yeah, but it's scary sometimes.
I think it's hit or miss, you know.
What are you most scared of? Heights if you can do that like i fit i probably physically couldn't do that the heights
sometimes it is it's like but you overcame it they'd be tough for me to overcome that
yeah i'm scared of looking for something in the dark when um if there's like a bunch of sharp
glass on the ground.
Yeah, like I still turn off my lights in my house and run up the stairs.
Every time.
I remember that being young.
My girl goes, why are you so out of breath?
I'm like, no, what?
I remember that being young.
I would get as close as I could to the light switch
before I flipped it,
and then it was one, two steps into bed, you know?
There was no lag time.
Yeah, I remember that. Last night.
Brennan's son is putting him to sleep.
Brennan's
kid's emailing me like, my dad's got my bottle.
Is that it, bro?
That's it, boys.
That's episode 50.
That's 50, bro.
Dude, next week when we do the Christmas episode, that will
officially be one year.
Will it really? One year of shenanigans.
Who knew we would start there and end
here? It's true. One year
later. Come a long
way. We got a long way to go, bro.
Amen, brother. Show's getting good,
man. I like it here brother i
appreciate all the work you've been putting in too man i think a lot of people know the work you put
in behind scenes man well nick's been doing a ton too man and everybody's attitude has been great
so thank you bro but uh kudos to nick chin cat derrick you um yeah we're doing our best you know
doing the damn thing shout out to all the fans i'm in
the videos we have a bunch of new stuff coming in the new year we'll talk about the next episode
next week yeah we got a lot of new stuff coming in the new year but we also have um we yeah we
got the christmas episode coming up so dude don't come don't come dress like fucking chuck norris
now next week come come correct bro it's christmas. What? We got any Jews in the house?
I think Chin, huh?
That makes sense.
Do they have Chinese Jewish people?
I think they do.
I know Jewish people tend to love Asian women.
So I think there's some Asian Jews out there.
What is that, I wonder?
I don't know.
I really don't know.
But, I mean, Asian women love white men.
Shout out to that.
Shout out to it, man.
You're going home this weekend?
Beige Power, yep, I'll be heading home.
Yep, I'll be heading home for the holidays.
I'll be down there with Dustin Poirier.
We're doing that show at the Lafayette at the Heyman Center.
And it's going to be pretty cool.
Have fun at home, man. Thanks, man. You too. What are's going to be pretty cool. Have fun at home, man.
Thanks, man. You too. What are you going to do?
I'm in La Jolla at the Comedy Store Thursday,
Friday, Saturday. Oh, that's fine. Hopefully
Derek gets back to his normal color so we have
a good show. I'll be at La Jolla Thursday,
Friday, Saturday.
My favorite club, man. We just need Derek
to get healthy. Get healthy, dude.
Also, Sunday, I'll be headlining. His shows are
going to sell out. Come to mine Sunday. Oh, it's a good time. Yeah, it's holiday season. That's right. First healthy, dude. Also, Sunday, I'll be headlining. His shows are going to sell out.
Come to mine Sunday.
Oh, it's a good time.
Yeah, it's holiday season.
That's right.
First headline,
especially there.
That's where I started,
so it's a big deal.
Come on out, man.
Gang, bro. All right, brother.
Appreciate you guys, man.
Buzz, buzz, gang, gang.
Gang, gang.
Gang, gang. Uh, it's Blazick Mic check, one, two, yeah, yeah, uh
Okay, Theo, you are here, rockin' Molens like you know us
Whippin' L.A. in a Taurus, you and Brendan never bore us
Both of you, I love you, Theo lookin' like a farmer
Brendan lookin' like he in the TV show, Arthur
Darren, what it do, I just saw you in my town, bruh
Kansas City loves you lookin' like a Thimpa Albert
Cat, you my girl, I just haven't told you yet I've been waitin' for the perfect time, as perfect as it gets Outro Music