The Golden Hour - Episode 66: Lunch Bunch

Episode Date: April 24, 2020

The guys play All New Race My Cases and talk Boy George's Sidepiece, Dark Web Penguin Salesmen, 90 Day Fiance', No Neck Ed, Meth-A-Matics, A Scale From 1 to Thix, Think Rolls, Mar...shmallow Guns, Michael Rapaport vs Trump, Deep Fryer Tuck, Sumo Wrestlers, Easter vs Halloween and much more!Manscaped - https://manscaped.com/ code: KINGSTINGMyBookie - https://mybookie.ag promo code: KATSHims - https://forhims.com/kats5See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Or maybe no one's watching as a state you can just sell jokes out of whatever Cause he's in prison I see a ton of people making Tiger King shirts and shit Yeah, and by that we mean Tom Segura My broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. You guys are a couple of freaks. What the fuck you wearing? I know.
Starting point is 00:00:32 What's that for? Isn't that the AirPods? The AirPods? Yeah. What? Why you got one earpod in? Oh, yeah. You got both of them in?
Starting point is 00:00:39 For what? Yeah, it's called two, dude. For what? It's crazy how Brendan doesn't know that many numbers, dude. I'm a dumb one. You got lunch lady gloves on. These are freaking disease gloves. You look like the mascot for each one.
Starting point is 00:00:55 What are you talking about, man? You guys don't know how to take care of yourselves, son. Y'all all going to die, bro. I don't think so, dude. I think you already died, bro. I beat your funeral taking your wallet as you head into the ground, dog. I don't think so, man. Them gloves ain't going to stop anything but when you bite your nails.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Don't ever touch me, bro. See? Oh, then it's a good idea to stop biting my nails. Yeah, they said I had to have a master on the a master so you put that wrinkly shirt in this isn't a shirt this used to be a shirt now this is a mask that's your mask dog you got so creative with it bro yeah man you guys don't know shit man what do you guys been doing living Living and not getting Corona? You look like you're trying to keep Corona in. What? You look like Larry Corona, dude.
Starting point is 00:01:49 You look like the guy that started it somewhere over there outside of New Jersey. Dude, you look like Boy George's Mina side piece. What are you talking about, man? You look like shit, dude. What are you talking about, man? What do you look like shit, dude? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:02:07 It's a mask. It's a glove. Those are the worst Sloppy Joe gloves I've ever seen. What are you... Hey, you look like you just sell penguins
Starting point is 00:02:16 on the dark web. Hey. Hey. What's a mean penguin? That's his profile picture right there. It's him with a penguin in the mask. Hey, be careful. It's cold.
Starting point is 00:02:29 It's cold. Make sure you got ice. You look like freaking Larry Corona's fucking shady cousin, dude. You look like you'd be on Real Thought Husbands of Corona County, dude. That's what you look like. Dude, you look like the worst scarecrow right now. Like, you're only trying to scare girls away. I'm scared.
Starting point is 00:02:47 But welcoming the gay guys. Bro, no guys allowed. I'm going to get that painted on this side of it. No, dude. Yeah. Chicks only over here. What have you been up to, dude? I'm chilling.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Alive, man. Taking care of myself. I guess I can take it off now that I'm in here. Yeah, you're good. No one has it here. Yeah, you're good. You're good. Wear one has it here. Yeah, you're good. You're good. Wear it like a scarf.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Well, I don't want to just cover up my cool jersey that I have. Yeah, shout out to the Houston cheating Astros. Them motherfuckers are just cheating. Did they?
Starting point is 00:03:16 Oh my God. He said, did they? The fans didn't though, dog. That's who I rep, son. Yeah, there you go. I rep the city. So, yeah, the worst thing is it's hard to use your phone
Starting point is 00:03:24 with these Corona mitts on. those aren't chronomates those are uh lunch lady i don't think it's gonna protect me i like how he keeps thinking they do the job well you want an extra scoop of breakfast i got you you want an extra scoop of virus don't have it so see how safe i am dude did you Did you get tested? Nuh-uh. A friend of mine got tested, though, and they're fine. You good. I'm not good, but it definitely takes the edge off a little bit, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:53 If a close buddy got tested, you know? I had a buddy who had it. I love how Vernon's like, hey, man, why do you have two? I only saw this one because your fucking Patrick Swayze wig was blocking the other one, dude. Dude, I love how Vernon's like, hey, why do you have two ones? Why do you have one? Hey, you got that? Your mom right now is like, fuck, we worked on this.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Vernon's like, why do you have one ear pod and then one ear pod in? I'm like, two, Brendan. Okay. It's the big adventure after the number one. He doesn't know what two is. No, bro. Chappelle just got that. It's a limited. It's like we're playing telephone with Chappelle.
Starting point is 00:04:36 You tell a joke and I hear it three minutes later. Ah! No, you did it! No, you did it! Damn, dog. What kind of telephone are you working with, Chabelle? You guys are disgusting, man. Not you guys, but some of y'all.
Starting point is 00:04:50 Chin stays on it. Chin ain't going to get it. Yeah, chin, huh? It's for me not to pass it on to anyone else. But you don't have it. But just in case. You never know. I never got a test.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Just being safe for everyone else. Nick, what jersey is that? Chopper? Donald Driver. All-time leader in receptions. Donald Driver? Yeah. The guy that fucking killed Dante Stallworth crossing that interstate in Miami? Was that who that is?
Starting point is 00:05:14 No. I think that was a different Donald, but he was a driver. Yeah. Damn. Donald Driver won Dancing with the Stars. That's right. Usually the football players do well. Did Jerry Rice win it too?
Starting point is 00:05:25 I think he did. I saw your tweet. You got into a 90-day fiance. Oh, yeah. It just got in last night. Did you get to the guy with no neck? Oh, yeah. With the little, I think, is she a Philippine or Taiwan?
Starting point is 00:05:35 Big Ed, his spine hasn't sprouted. That's what happened if you look at him. Yeah, his head just, just everything hasn't sprouted, you know? He's like that little spud. Yeah. He's like that little spud. I bet if you tickle him hard enough, dude. Where I grew up, they had a lot of people that would tickle you really fucking hard, dog.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Make you grow a couple inches? Oh, bruh. Make you fucking, make your head want to pop off your body. What's his name? Huh? Big Ed. Is that Big Ed? That's that little guy.
Starting point is 00:05:57 Yeah. Yeah, it was good, man. I'm at the part right now where, dude, there's so much going on. Isn't it great? Oh. The white girl with the rapper uh soldier boy oh yeah it's like soldier boys yeah in africa yeah and he does a music video he's he's not that bad no he's not that well he's the best guy in south africa yeah
Starting point is 00:06:17 and then or the congo i think nigeria yeah that's right yeah so oh gosh you okay well we just don't want him saying it not well we got two you want him saying it's dicey don't pronounce it with a short eye but have you got to him where he has the music video and he has a he has a thought in it and his girl gets pissed yeah i'm gonna watch this right now it's called before the 90 day fiance yeah i love that so i haven't seen any of it until now now it's called before the 90 day fiance yeah i love that so i haven't seen any of it until now and it's just alarming man it makes you gives you hope huh i don't know if they can do it you can do it yeah that's your ad with no neck found a girl in the philippines theo can do it dude yeah there he is right there god he's handsome dude
Starting point is 00:07:03 hell yeah hey how about so she doesn't shave her legs and they have sex for the first time, and he's like, listen, you gotta shave your legs for me to keep doing this. And she gets all pissed. She's like, I'll do it if you shave your beard. She has that boy shave his beard. Just when you didn't think, Ed, could you get any uglier? Really? This boy. I think he's handsome,
Starting point is 00:07:20 dude. Where I'm from, he's handsome. He's at least a frickin' six. That makes sense. He's a solid one from Aurora. There he is he's a straight fix bro looks like he's gonna sell you some fake diamonds dude on a scale of one to ten he's a we should get him on this past weekend if nick Nick would fucking do his job, we'd have him on there. Yeah, get him on there, dude. Nick's too busy finding decent players from fucking the state of Wisconsin to represent on the show.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Who's next, A.J. Hawk? I got a Clay Matthews jersey that I regret. See, it's starting to get white. That's where you know it's getting bad, dude, when you start to get white players. Aaron Rodgers. I know you got an Aaron Rodgers. You got a Reggie White?
Starting point is 00:08:07 Those are all I have for jerseys. I got a Melvin Gordon Wisconsin native t-shirt jersey or whatever. But yeah, I didn't have
Starting point is 00:08:15 a lot of money. You should get that Mitchell and no longer edition. They got Reggie White. Who else? They got Reggie White. They got,
Starting point is 00:08:20 who else? Where's the RIP jerseys, man? They got that. You can get a Jerome Brown from that Mitchell and Ness-ness. Really? That Mitchell and Ness-le. Jerome Brown died, remember?
Starting point is 00:08:31 Yeah, he did die. So did Reggie White. That boy was thick, too. Well, support for King and the Sting. You know what? It comes from official electric razor of UFC. What? Yep, manscaped.
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Starting point is 00:11:48 cats five see website for full details and safety information this could cost hundreds if you went to a doctor in person we don't need that man remember that's forhims.com slash k-a-t-s five let's go back to big ed yeah hey bring up bring up the white girl who's married to the black or marrying the black guy. The black guy is definitely married. Just get that green card. You mean Lisa? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Yeah. Good job, dude. And the fiance, Lisa. Dude, you should do a 90-day fiance. I thought about it, dude. There's that little thought. I would do a nine-day fiance. I could decide on nine days, I feel like.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Me too. Wait, what the hell is he doing with her? I don't need 90-day, dude. What's wrong with her? I need a two- What do you? I don't need 90 days. What's wrong with her? What do you mean, what's wrong with her? What's wrong with her? Look at him. Man, that nice, good-looking gentleman, he gonna roll with that? What, bro? Dude, you gotta crawl through some
Starting point is 00:12:33 shit to get to America. Bro, you gotta also decide your sexuality before you start judging the picture, dude. Obviously, the lady is way a dime compared to him because he's a man. Okay? So if you're interested in women, then you're going to be more interested in her than you are the guy. Right?
Starting point is 00:12:56 Unless it's drug-induced. That's true. If it's drug-induced, then you're in. If you get a little math rolling around, then it is going to be nine-day fiancés with Theo. If you're doing mathematics, bro, it all adds up. It's going to be Theo and Ed. Wait, we can't overlook
Starting point is 00:13:12 that he said mathematics. He's on mathematics, bro. One plus one equals fucking soldier boy. Oh, and then there's that one older dude who's going after the Russian and she's gone MIA like seven times on him, and he keeps going to Russia searching for her.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Oh, yeah. That's where I'm at right now, and he's just going over there. Poor guy. She never shows up. Fuck, dude. Give it up. What? Oh, why do you tell me, man?
Starting point is 00:13:36 Dude, it's 90 Day Fiance. Yeah, but I can't get out. No, it's chaos. Yeah, it was going to be chaos. Now it's not. What do you think she's going to do? Show up on the eighth time? Well, I think you give somebody four or five chances, dude. International chances.
Starting point is 00:13:51 What's the exchange rate on chances? You give somebody some international chances, Brendan. You're an idiot. That's fair. Four or five chances. Well, if he traveled, if you hadn't canceled all your European dates like you did. Well, I have to because of Corona. Yeah, if you're fucking not all your European dates like you did. Well, I have to because of Corona. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:05 If you are fucking not a legend, you have to. Says the guy who canceled the shows in Brea. Because he had a cold. I'm sorry. You want to do this? I've never missed a show, son. Traffic was horrible. Yep, I've been there.
Starting point is 00:14:23 I've been there. Did a full weekend. The worst traffic I've ever seen. Yeah, dude've been there. I've been there to a full weekend. The worst draft I've ever seen. Yeah, dude. Bro, I'm not even joking. You're starting to look like... Theo had a sore knee
Starting point is 00:14:32 and canceled his sold-out shows in Brea. Bro, I've been doing comedy for 17 years. Finally sold out Brea had a kink in his neck and canceled the shows.
Starting point is 00:14:43 I had a sore brain and I was supposed to have an aneurysm, you asshole. Because I was too busy. How did, I want to apologize. I was too busy
Starting point is 00:14:50 organizing this fucking show. I want to apologize to the brain improv on behalf of Kitten and Steve. I would too like to apologize to you guys.
Starting point is 00:14:57 But I would like to say this, that Brendan, if you'll pull him up, Nick, if you didn't just quit your job. Nick quit. If you'd pull up up Brendan he looks like
Starting point is 00:15:07 long head if you have big head and long head and you put them right next to each other did you know you already do that you know you already do that you know you should get with is the girls from a thousand pound sisters really that's it have you seen that show dude you gotta from uh thousand pound sisters really that's it have you seen that show oh dude you gotta start living thousand pound sisters dude let's go to our urban connoisseur right here okay have you ever been in chubby chicks uh no really can't say that because the one she's she's so thick she's well she's the thickest person we've ever seen she has fat on her forehead oh wow yeah it's like growing out of here.
Starting point is 00:15:46 What? That think roll, baby. Nick, you're not into fat chicks either? No one's into chubby chicks? She's got that think roll PJ right up above her eyebrows. I can't say I've never been. I knew it. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:15:59 I was fishing. I was fishing. I knew I'd catch a big old grouper. You're fishing in the shallow end, bro. If you don't think Nick has been into a thick chick before. He looked like that thick hunter over there. Yeah, he does, bro. He looks like the kind of guy who will take a gun and put a little marshmallow in it.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Shoot it. Pow! And just shoot it on the ground near a woman. Yeah. See if she bites. Brandon, I'm telling you, you look like Long Ed, bro. I'm telling you, bro. If you tickled Little Ed or Big Ed hard enough, dude,
Starting point is 00:16:32 it would be you, bro. The hairstyles, bro. Yeah, dude, think about that. They look similar. But yeah, it's kind of cool. Dude, I will say this about Big Ed, man. He's extremely charming. I do notice this, though.
Starting point is 00:16:45 It seems like he's very chatty. Chatty and sweats a lot. It's a dangerous combo. You can tell the chick's not into him. Have you got to where he goes? You know I haven't gotten far. I don't know where you're at, dude. The show's been going on for months.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Has it? Yeah. I just got into it last night. I saw Michael Rapaport up at 2 a.m. screaming about Donald Trump on Twitter. Hey, Rap, switch it up, bro. Switch it up. Dude, it's crazy, right? I got a commercial dropping with Rap, and it's him yelling at me.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Oh, Jesus, dude. Also, Rap, get off of Trump, dude. Switch up your material for God's sake. Dude, I'll tell you this, Michael Rapaport, just because I'm going to vote for Donald Trump now because you led me to it. Yep. This is your doing, Rapaport. It has nothing to do with him, dude. It's all because of you, bro.
Starting point is 00:17:34 It's all because of you. What? I don't know that song. Yeah. It's a Nico song. Hey, bring up them two sick whales on Thousand Pound Sister for me. Wait, have you been with a big dude? No. Wow. Well, she was been with a big dude? No.
Starting point is 00:17:45 Wow. Well, she was with Homeboy since like eighth grade. You guys are similar size. She was raised in a village, bro. She was obviously, they arranged, it was your relationship arranged? Oh. No. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:57 Arranged in high school. Look at that. They're funny too, man. Are they? Yeah, I'm thinking about having them open up for me and Brea. Of course they were. Well, dude, I bet if it gets late enough and you've had enough liquor, you'll have them open up for you.
Starting point is 00:18:08 All you gotta do is leave a little meth around and say, it's gonna be a party. Oh, I love these kids. Oh, they're funny, man. I'm Amy. And I'm Terry. And we're the Slade sisters. You're supposed to do it with me. Shut up. Oh, that's a hater.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Between the two of us, me and Terry would probably weigh at least 1,000 pounds. They're like you and me plus 400 pounds. One's real mean and one's real cool. Oh, you're the mean one. You're the mean one. There's my hair that lady had. I don't think so. I think he's kicking out.
Starting point is 00:18:41 And the real thick one, the one. So they can't get weighed in on regular scales. They have to go to a junkyard to use the scales. No way. Because they're so heavy. That's an aluminum yard. They're funny, though. They have a YouTube channel.
Starting point is 00:18:55 That's how they got TLC found them. They have a funny YouTube channel. But the big one gets a boyfriend, this black dude. He comes over and she's like really and then we find out married black dude they're married he was married oh he was you dude dude if that's a side don't do it oh yeah don't do with a side piece on Betty in a side piece bro that is a side that's a side piece on TLC, bro. That ain't a side piece, bro. That is a side full. That's a side dish.
Starting point is 00:19:27 There's a difference between us. There he is. Oh, there he is. Hey, there's Frozo, man. Bring it out, Nick. That's a spot on fucking comparison. Frozo, man. Frozo, man.
Starting point is 00:19:38 From Incredibles. Let's see him. Oh, shit. He killed it. Spot on. Spot on. Spot on. Look at that shit. He killed it. Spot on. Spot on. Spot on. Look at that shit.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Holy crap. Damn, dude. How does he know this shit? That's hilarious. Oh, my God. Apparently, he's into bottled-nosed dolphins. Oh, damn, bro. Bro, that's a good woman.
Starting point is 00:20:05 Look at her, bro. You think you could beat her in a fight or not? I'd be tough, man, because the patting to the face absorbs it. Where would you attack her? Would it be more? I'd go straight to that body, son. You would? Yeah, straight to that. That liver can't be
Starting point is 00:20:21 doing well. Hey, goose! right to the body. You feel me? And how many rounds would you got? What do you think you'd take her in the first round? No, it's going to be a drawn out. She's going at least 24 minutes. Damn.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Nick brought up the, is that from Wolverine? Yeah, the X-Men cartoon. You couldn't punch that guy because your fist would just go right in his belly and absorb it. Exactly what you're talking about. That's right. You couldn't punch that guy because your fist would just go right in his belly and absorb it. Exactly what you're talking about. That's right.
Starting point is 00:20:54 I wonder if when you get so much weight away from your actual organs and bones, can you feel it as much? You know what I'm saying? I think it absorbs it a little more, you know? Because if one of us gets hit, we're going to feel it in our bones and shit. Yeah. But if you get hit and it's just a bunch of weight, I wonder what that feels like. Yeah, because there's a whole layer of fat. Yeah. It's almost awesome.
Starting point is 00:21:08 It's almost like a super flour. But the sister, their whole goal is to get that bypass stomach surgery, you know? And the one skinnier sister got it. And then the thick, thick one didn't qualify because she couldn't stop eating. Really? They tossed bacon lasagna. Bacon lasagna? The thick, thick one didn't qualify because you couldn't stop eating. Really? They tossed bacon lasagna. Bacon lasagna?
Starting point is 00:21:30 These hoes do. They're making lasagna. She goes, you know what would be really good? She's like, what? She goes, if we added bacon. Hey! But here's the thing, man. If big is your thing, you got to sell. I feel like you go as big as you can.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Yeah, look at Lizzo. She owns it dude Yeah Does she? Owns it Yeah her ass was out At a Lakers game Or something like that Correct
Starting point is 00:21:52 What do you guys think? Cat and Chappelle Of what? Anything What's the biggest Chappelle what's the biggest You've ever been? I've been around cheerleaders
Starting point is 00:22:04 So Well I'm saying What's the biggest You've ever been though? the biggest you've ever been? I've been around cheerleaders. Well, I'm saying what's the biggest you've ever been, though? Oh, biggest I've ever been? Have you been fat before? No, I don't think I've ever been fat. I mean, I've always been thick, but I've never been fat. That ain't how I roll.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Have you been fat, Nick? You know, Chin was almost 300 pounds. Almost 300 pounds almost 300 pounds wait really shorter too yeah are you serious yeah picture there's pictures you should see his problems picture it looks like he's a uh oh there he is i'm gonna find out dunham it's a sadie hawkins dance and he has he has a girl and he his hands through her neck it looks like i'm a ventriloquist i'm not even kidding are you serious i'm serious bring that shit up i need to see this asap yeah jim was 300 old pictures is that crazy i've worked long and hard do you been fat i've never been fat man i weighed when i was a child i was like in the 700 percentile for weight though i was born i think i was like yeah i was like 13 pound baby oh shit
Starting point is 00:23:01 you want to be thick as a baby i won like biggest baby in like our county or whatever for first for when i was born damn i won the biggest baby in our county for when i was born thanks yeah it's cool man thanks dude they already it's in my baby book and everything but that's cool um oh my god what yeah see? I'm like a ventriloquist. It doesn't even look real, right? Look at Chin's haircut, bro. What's up with that haircut? Who takes a picture like that?
Starting point is 00:23:34 Hey, and how scared is that little girl? Oh, shit. Yeah, dude. First of all, that girl looks edible. Especially to Chin. And second of all, how is your name the only thing you can't even find on there? Why are you wearing
Starting point is 00:23:49 a vest like that? Those are in, dude. Bro, he's a maitre d', obviously. Bro, when you are, if you are 100% Asian, which I'm assuming Jin is, you have to,
Starting point is 00:24:00 maitre d' is like one of the, it's like a popular attire. What's up with your pants? Those are Jankos. Remember Jankos? Oh, those are Jankos. That's what Jankos.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Jankos, dog. Jankos. I couldn't tell what it was. Yeah. Yeah, she looks scared. Dude, Brandon fucking looks like a guy who fixes video game machines. But claims he has another job, too, the whole time. How great is that picture of Chin, though?
Starting point is 00:24:27 Chin, how'd you lose the weight? I tried everything. Even high school, I tried Slim Fast. You remember Slim Fast? Slow, huh? I used to drink it. And it was so embarrassing, so I had to get foil to cover it because I didn't want people to see I was drinking Slim Fast.
Starting point is 00:24:41 You were drinking those shakes? Yeah. But I tried everything, and finally, after just not eating that much, it seemed to work. Yeah, you drinking slim fast. But that tried everything and finally after just not eating that much it seemed to work. Yeah, you tried just fast. Yeah, you tried just not to eat as much. And don't eat as many carbs. That's the goal, right? Just don't eat as much. Wow, dude. And how did you lose
Starting point is 00:24:56 the... Here's what I want to know. How did you lose the... How did you lose the friar tuck wedding attire? It went out of style after a while. It was popping back then. Oh, dude, it went out of style after Robin Hood happened in the 1500s, dude. Is this in Texas?
Starting point is 00:25:20 No, this is here in Orange County. Bro, you look like deep friar tuck, dude. You look like... Oh, my is your orange. Bro. You look like deep fryer tuck Girl that an Asian dad is trying to fucking get into a wedding It's so true. I did look like a girl like a lesbian but a beautiful lady though thank you you shouldn't think down about yourself beautiful lady appreciate it
Starting point is 00:25:47 yeah you didn't own that shit but definitely you got that straight up F-Tuck vibe son you know oh god that Friar Teasy dog you ever think about sumo
Starting point is 00:25:59 like to actually do it yeah no back in the day you could've went that way yeah what if you and Brendan would've ended up fighting each other in some international competition is sumo still going on still popping they still do
Starting point is 00:26:11 it all yeah I don't know if it's still going on right now well I doubt it's still it's still still popping who's the yokozuna right now look it up brother married yokozuna in WWF his name was yokozuna really he Really? He's a giant Asian dude. Big dude. Who's the current Yokozuna? Only two active Yokozuna
Starting point is 00:26:32 now remain in professional sumo wrestling. All they do is eat white rice and nap. And then train. And they're legends
Starting point is 00:26:41 bro. And they die at a young age man. Yeah. Wow. That's a big that's a, that's a big heart. Yeah. So who's going to die, man?
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Starting point is 00:28:37 We haven't done this for a while, some race my case. Let's do it. So in this one, a mother was walking with her 10-month-old baby in a mall to meet her husband and son in an arcade, and a woman ran up from behind and punched her 10-month-old baby for no reason. She took off. There was swelling bruising around the eye, and after posting the security footage on social media, they apprehended the suspect. That's a crazy white girl probably on meth. Yeah, it sounds like a schizophrenia thing. So I'm going to take it out of – I don't see a lot of Asian schizophrenics.
Starting point is 00:29:12 So I'm going to take it out of the Asian realm. I'm going to – I'm kind of in black or white. What other races are there? It's definitely black. Mexicans aren't going to do that. I don't know. That's black or white all day. Mexicans could be angry.
Starting point is 00:29:23 What if the baby was of a different – she cheated and the baby was with a different man? And he punched the baby? Like a novella? Fuck the baby, dog. You know what I'm saying? A lot of these babies. Ten years ago? It's harsh.
Starting point is 00:29:35 Yeah, I agree. It's harsh. I'll say that, dude. You know who I represent today? Houston, bro. We do whatever it takes to fucking win. I didn't mean it's necessary. It is, look, bro.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Now we have to take those medals from you. We have to take those championships from you. Dude, that baby could be stealing signals. You know what I'm saying? Dude, don't make me scoop some fucking yams into your fucking coffee. I'm going white. I'm going white.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Some white girl on drugs thought the baby was a demon, punched her in the face. Same. White, white. I'm not looking. I imagined Asian for some reason because Asian people, they do hit young people. Same. White. I imagined Asian for some reason. Asian people, they do hit
Starting point is 00:30:07 young people. Good for them, A. Is that true though? Asian parents will hit their kids? I'm sure cats have been hit. I've been hit. I used to get my ass beat. Wow, really? I think all ethnicities hit their kids. What's hitting other kids is the question.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Asians will hit other people's kids. They'll spank your other kids. Like 15 years ago, it got really weird to spank your kid. Remember when Adrian Peterson spanked his kid and everybody got mad? Well, he used a switch. He used a branch to beat the shit out of his kid. I'd way rather that he hit me with a switch than he hit me with Adrian Peterson's hand. That's a legit point trouble for that that would
Starting point is 00:31:00 do that fucking chain remember that's why he had to leave minnesota They fucked him, bro. He fucked that kid up, though. He didn't fuck that kid up, dude. That kid had a couple of licks on his legs. I'm not saying that. I feel like you're anti-kid today, which is kind of weird, but it's also when quarantine times, that's whatever. Bro, it's the gloves. The lunch lady gloves. That's why.
Starting point is 00:31:18 I think it's the Houston Astros rubbing off on you. I don't know what it is, dude. Maybe you're right, man. Maybe it's the 90 Day Fcé just ruining my hope in relationships. That should give you hope, dude. If those scumbags can figure it out. They're not scumbags, dude. What about the dad from Tennessee that's always acting like he's a mime, I feel like.
Starting point is 00:31:40 I feel like he always is making things with his eyes. Like he's stuck in a box but doesn't want to tell anybody. All right, what were we talking about? I vote Adrian Peterson, dude. No, I say white. The woman who punched the baby was Asian. Oh, shit. Well, that's not good.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I shouldn't clap to it. Who guessed Asian? Anyone? I did, man. I thought both of you. Jin started clapping like a motherfucker. Do we want to watch it? Yeah. Oh, man. The victim was 10 you. She started clapping like a motherfucker. Do we want to watch it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Oh, man. The victim was 10-month-old Alexia Esser. Although Alexia was all smiles today, remnants of yesterday's bruising and soreness were I was an Asian girl and a white baby. For no reason. I've never seen the woman before. We hadn't talked to anyone. We have no idea why she would hit our daughter.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Was she hitting the girl or the daughter? It looked like she swung for the mom. Now did she think the little girl was a bat? What's going on here? The little girl looks like Boris Johnson. I will say that a little bit. Looks like Boris Johnson from the England.
Starting point is 00:32:40 The place you failed to go, Brendan, because of some issue you had. Yeah, for sure. You're talking about Corona. Hey, remember the time you canceled on Brea because you had a sore foot? Remember that? Remember when you had sold out shows and three days before because you had a runny nose you canceled on Brea? I was having an exorcism, you nutcase.
Starting point is 00:33:03 I was about to take my own life. What's next? You're going to punch a baby? That baby looks just like a young boy. Or the lady from Thousand Pound Sisters. Yeah, she's the last pound. Isn't that crazy? The last pound.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Number two. So Chin's in the lead. Bullshit. Chin cheating using his own race. That's insider trading, bro. That's Houston, dog. Yeah, you get to wear the jersey now. A woman was found guilty of firing into a McDonald's restaurant at 28th street and madison uh in february because she was upset that the restaurant
Starting point is 00:33:46 apparently left the bacon off her cheeseburger for the second time that is frustrating that's a black girl though i was bringing on that i was going black on that one i was like that's black that is frustrating though, man. But where does she have that peace from though? I don't feel like you see a lot of black women with guns. I feel like you see a lot of black men with guns. I don't see a lot of black women with guns.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Really? And it was a woman that said, Nick? Yeah. You don't see a lot of black people with guns? Black women. I'm going black. Okay. I'm sticking with black.
Starting point is 00:34:23 I'll go black, man. Don't let me convince you. Huh? 28th and Madison. It sounds like an area where there might be some black people. It does. It does, bro. I'm going black, man. I'll go black.
Starting point is 00:34:35 Black. Who else? What do you guys got? I said black. I said black. Wow. I wrote the game and I say black, but yeah, she's cute. She's cute. that was a layup
Starting point is 00:34:47 oh yeah she's got a gun okay but hold on it was black woman with extremely short hair you didn't say that if you just said extremely short hair or black woman with semi fade I would have been like yeah possible pistol
Starting point is 00:35:04 the amber rose right there yeah dude she's cute she shouldn't have been so upset that's a bummer all right last one i can imagine shit gets heated at some of those joints yeah i mean sometimes my postmates when i wear sushi they forget my eel sauce oh that sucks when they forget something you You have to make fake eel sauce. It makes the meal. Yeah. You fucked me.
Starting point is 00:35:28 You have to make fake eel sauce at home. You got to find an eel. Yeah. You got to get a goldfish out of the tank. Now you got goldfish sauce? Yeah, dude. And convince that bastard to give up some sauce. You got to hold a small plastic gun to his head.
Starting point is 00:35:45 You're like pissing this cup, boy. Now. Yeah. What do you got there? A 35-year-old man faces multiple charges. He blamed on driving while having intercourse. The arrest stemmed from an off-duty deputy witnessing a forerunner fishtailing all over the road and tearing up a county highway.
Starting point is 00:36:06 The deputy could smell a strong odor of alcoholic beverage and once they stopped the man, he said he was having sex with his girlfriend. Yeah, Doug. Also just pull over though, you know. He's white. Yeah, forerunner. Fishtailing, listening to that kind of music. White. Drunk.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Highway. Highway. Come on now. These are easy today, Nick. now today what is it he's white guy he was oh damn that piece of shit i'd like to see the girl that was up to have sex in the four runner yeah i'm a highway he looks like looks like Boris Johnson a little as well. Oh, damn. I think this is the first day we kind of got all of them right except for that first one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:53 It was better than most. Better than most. Should we move on to some King or Sting it? Here's a beautiful young lady or man. I don't know what you call people today. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brendan? What's up, Kat, Nick, Chen, Chappelle? I hope I'm not forgetting anybody. But I have a King or Sting it. people today. I can't understand the shotgun. As you can already see, I've done it
Starting point is 00:37:25 several times, and I keep fucking up. But in my opinion, there's only one thing to do to beat Corona, and that's to change it up. Fuck these sunglasses. Yeah. Want to get your guys' opinion on shotgunning?
Starting point is 00:37:44 I probably fucked up because I haven't been using a beer like a pussy. Because it's just a shotgun with a beer, as everybody knows. So, here we go. Oh, man. Grungy green sweats. Going hard, huh? He's in shape, huh? But I'll say this, dude.
Starting point is 00:38:04 This guy looks like fucking... He almost looks like Elvis' son a little bit. A little bit with the shades on. Elvis' shades is interesting. I didn't see that coming. Did you? I didn't see it. And he has a jerry curl. I'm telling you, man.
Starting point is 00:38:20 This guy's got to – he could be the next Elvis, man. I can't remember the last time I shotgunned a bear. Do you see fucking – what's his name? The starting quarterback for – Aaron Rodgers. No. Baker Mayfield. Do you see him when he was at the game?
Starting point is 00:38:34 I think it was Cleveland Indians. They shotgunned the fuck out of that bear. Got the crowd crunk as shit. Before a game? Yeah, here he is. And finally tonight, Baker Mayfield at a Cleveland Indians game. He was put on the big screen. He says, no, I'm not going to chug it. I'm going to shotgun it.
Starting point is 00:38:49 On the big screen. Shotgunning the beer and just living his best life. You love that? Those were the days. Remember when we had a bunch of friends we could hang out? Remember when you made all those commercials and then he bombed that season for Cleveland? And then they kept having to play the commercials during the games?
Starting point is 00:39:06 They thought he was going to be the man. I'm a fan of him. He's had a tough go. He's an underdog. I hope they do well. They've surrounded him with everything. But they've surrounded him with a lot of ego up there, too. OBJ seems like a fucking nightmare to me.
Starting point is 00:39:17 There's just no chemistry on that team. And then the coach, Kitchens, was a fucking moron. But he's gone. They should be better this year. The draft's Thursday night. Think about it. Biggest night of your life, and you got to FaceTime from the fucking Denver Broncos. We select you with our ninth pick, dude.
Starting point is 00:39:34 You're dressed up like an asshole. Can I only have ten people in your house dressed in suits? Yeah, that's going to be awkward, huh? Dang. Yeah, I wonder. Joe Burrow will go first, don't you think? No doubt. No doubt. But then it gets dicey after that because Tua Taiavasa or whatever the fuck, awkward huh dang yeah i wonder joe burrow will go first don't you think no doubt no doubt but then it gets dicey after that because uh to a top tie of us or whatever the fuck the alabama
Starting point is 00:39:50 quarterback they think he's gonna drop the six to the la chargers which i hope happens chargers dropped their new unis today they did and they are so we really they're dope well they had those new helmets they dropped that people didn't like yeah people were people were hating on the logo, saying it looked like a dick. There they are. There they are. They just dropped this morning. Oh. Pretty filthy.
Starting point is 00:40:14 Where's the cheer uniforms? Yeah, I wonder what their cheer uniforms are. LA was the first. I have a friend that's a cheerleader on their team. The guy? A woman. He says the guy. Because LA Rams are the first ones to have a male cheerleader.
Starting point is 00:40:28 They have two male cheerleaders. Do they? Have you seen them, Chappelle? No, I haven't seen them. Dude, you think you were cheerleading? Oh, wait till you see these boys. You think you're a cheerleader? I'm a fucking world champ over here. What does that thing go? You think you're a cheerleader? What is that movie? Star Wars?
Starting point is 00:40:43 Yeah. You think you're a cheerleader. Oh, no, that's an Indian accent. You think you're a cheerleader. You think you're a cheerleader. Yeah. You think you're a cheerleader. Is that Jar Jar Binks? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:40:56 I'm asking you guys. Yeah, these are the boys. Good luck, Chappelle. How bad do you want? You want to be in the NFL or no? Apple bottom, huh? They dance. They're dancers. Yeah, they dancers, dog. They can bad do you want? You want to be in the NFL or no? Apple bottom, huh? They dance. They're dancers. Yeah, they dancers, dog. They can't do
Starting point is 00:41:08 what I do. I don't think you can do what they do. Look at that boy. He's got a high kick. Oh, yeah. You better start meeting men if you want to be able to dance that good. Because that guy's drug-induced. Nuts, bro. That dude is nuts. Look at the boys hit that. Both made the team. of course they're good
Starting point is 00:41:27 hey now do you feel a disadvantage was there was there was there also gay man that were cheerleading when you were cheerleading dude fucking cheerleading is like 90 percent gay but okay more than that, though, you know? 90%? You mean 99%? You don't think 90% isn't enough gay men for you? No, I don't.
Starting point is 00:41:53 I feel like he's being modest there. You're the only straight cheerleader I've ever met. Wow. No. There's a lot of us. I got a cousin-in-law, dude. This guy, Jamie. And he... Bro, he might be...
Starting point is 00:42:04 That was straight as Topanga Canyon? He might be straight as to paint your canyon he might be a damn sex offender as well he was a male cheerleader for alabama dude and was he straight uh yeah he's straight but he's oh depending on the night if it's if it got if ozark went to a fifth season he would be gay in it like it just depends but i'll say this man my friend cheyenne was a cheerleader for the chargers uh but do you think that there was an unfair advantage for gay men with cheerleading what do you mean unfair like were they they had a little more sugar in the tank yeah if they got more sugar in the tank, were they better at it? That's a good question. I mean, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:42:48 That's a tough question. Have you seen the Netflix documentary, Cheer? Yeah, yeah. I cheered at the rival school I used to compete against. Oh, really? Yeah. I've known Monica since, like, 2007. All right, take it easy.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Bro, you don't know my cheer career. I'm a world champ motherfucker are you a world champ yes he is a world champ at a juco school at a juco school no like competitive cheer
Starting point is 00:43:10 like world champion they have world championships for just competitive not for school your whole squad was the world champions or just you the whole squad
Starting point is 00:43:18 bro we gotta do it together we're all in this together dude he's the John Henry of fucking cheerleading dude yeah they used to say I was LeBron James bro come on man LeBron James All in this together. Dude, he's the John Henry of fucking cheerleading, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:25 They used to say I was LeBron James, bro. Come on, man. LeBron James? Yeah. No, not LeBron. I'd say, eh. They used to say he was the Gary Payton of cheerleading. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Sorry. Gary Payton's good. Gary Payton's a baller. Sorry, sorry. He's a baller. Okay, my bad. They used to say he was the Latrell Sprewell. Yeah. A cheerleading dude. But they do totally different than what I did.
Starting point is 00:43:47 Like, I was, like, lifting the girl down. But that's what they did on the show Cheer, too, though. Yeah. You were, like, more like them. Yeah. There's not a straight boy on that team, by the way. On that team? Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:58 They just didn't interview him. But what about, here's what I'm asking you, though, man. Y'all are evading the question I did what what's the question do gay men have an advantage
Starting point is 00:44:10 yes when it comes to cheerleading because there's no more sugar in the tank yeah like if you saw a gay man come on do you think
Starting point is 00:44:16 oh man I've seen gay dudes that suck at cheer at cheer at cheer at cheer I've also seen
Starting point is 00:44:23 gay dudes that suck at cheer at cheer at cheer I ain't never seen At cheer. At cheer. I've also seen gays that suck. Yeah. At cheer. At cheer. At cheer. I ain't never seen that. I don't do meth. Oh, dude. You can go to the comedy store later enough and see some dudes blowing each other that
Starting point is 00:44:34 are dead that work there as well. But yeah, they just, yeah, they're, I mean. Wait, what was this question? But here's the thing though. Is a gay man a better cheerleader than a straight man? That's what I'm asking. I'm thinking if I'm a straight man and I'm a cheerleader, which I am one and not the other.
Starting point is 00:44:52 I was pretty damn good. Are you the best? I was pretty damn good. The best, though? Could you still compete at a high level? Yeah, 100%. Fuck yeah, dude. And last time I competed was 2013, bro.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Come on now. That's not that long ago. Let's go. Seven years from now. He got both of his knees replaced. Yeah, come on now. He'll do it. You don't watch my videos.
Starting point is 00:45:15 You don't see my shit, bro. No, I've seen you do backflips and shit. I'm just saying, I see guys who continue to do it, and they're getting paid. What? Who? They're not getting paid.
Starting point is 00:45:23 The boys we just saw. The boys we just saw for the LA Rams are getting paid. They're not making a lot of money for that fucking team. They're getting $50 a game. Thank you. Right there. That's $50 more than Chappelle made. Okay. Really? Yeah, dude. Really? Doing comedy? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:38 That's a good idea. Brendan, let's fight. It's probably the same. Alright, man. He's gonna choke him like the trail. Yeah, dude. I'll be stan van gundy pj carlissimo oh is that what it was good call nick um what's this guy's problem he's drinking at home this guy he's lonely sharing a beer with your buddy on Zoom. What's the deal? There's no buddy. He's had four beers now. I'll say this, bro. I say hit a 12-step, man. There's Zoom meetings.
Starting point is 00:46:13 But yeah, if you can – I was never good at it. They used to have the tube. The beer bong. Yeah. I was like, what is that damn thing? The beer bong. The beer bong was more of a team sport.
Starting point is 00:46:24 You had to have somebody pour the beer in, somebody hold it up. You had to have two people hold your legs up, which were just no reason for that. That's a keg stand. That's a keg stand. But there was no reason for that. I can also just drink like this. Yeah, that was very strange. That was very strange.
Starting point is 00:46:36 Like the beer goes straight to your head. That makes sense. I don't know if it does. It goes to my stomach. Yeah. Yeah, that was the dumbest thing ever and then the cops would jump and they would just drop that dude peg stands make zero sense but we used to have the uh the plumbing what was that thing beer bong the beer bong beer bong and somebody put a little oil in
Starting point is 00:46:59 there or something we were drinking and throw some additives yeah throw something extra in there now mike stud did a whole thing where he had celebrities compete in a bear pong challenge. And he created a new little device where you put it at the top so you can chug the bear faster. Whoa. Have you seen it? Yeah, it's nuts. So you put the hole in it and then it's like a whole device that shoots it even faster. I was never good at chugging beer.
Starting point is 00:47:21 That's not my thing. No. Yeah. Some guys were good at it. Well, some guys, I guess they just wouldn't swallow. I was never good at chugging beer. That's not my thing. No. Yeah. Some guys were good at it. Well, some guys, I guess, they just wouldn't swallow. They would literally just hold their whole esophagus open and just pour beer straight into themselves. Like a pelican. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:33 And here's a guy spitting up beer. And that's Nick. That's me. Oh, shit. Everything you're naming is just my entire blacked out college years. Yeah, I did a lot of that bullshit. With the backpack on. And actually a Will Ferrell cheerleading
Starting point is 00:47:46 Halloween costume on in that picture. That's pretty cool. You know what's a bummer? You have one comment. It's Facebook, though, to be fair. It's Facebook 2008. It's Facebook. In the height of Facebook.
Starting point is 00:48:04 And one guy goes, sweet. Yeah, and it's a guy comment too. You had notifications on him to change your profile picture. I didn't have a bond. Whatever, bro. Well, I say let this guy go, man. I say do you, man. I say he probably didn't do it
Starting point is 00:48:26 let him out gang bro this young Lisa Simpson on the saxophone oh that's a guy start him over please no hey guys I'm Ted from Texas you've been in the show just wanted to ask dudes with saxophones, can you get her singing? Thanks a bunch. You better be careful playing that thing in Texas, bro. Damn. Matt, what do you think? Let's get a female perspective, dude, because this show is obviously so damn homo-closeted. It's bizarre. I would king it if you had better taste in music.
Starting point is 00:49:02 Because if you're just playing saxophone, that doesn't impress me. But if you can play saxophone to really cool music, then it's great. Like if you play saxophone to like a Like a Kenny G? Nothing more like hip hop songs. I don't know if you, do they play saxophone in hip hop songs?
Starting point is 00:49:20 You can. There's also ska music. What's that? It's a very, it's a like strip mall type of music that was popular in like the late 90s. Very, a real strip. You never heard of Less Than Jake, Goldfinger? No. Dominic Fish?
Starting point is 00:49:37 And hold on, before you name any of the other ones, no. Absolutely not. It's basically, yeah, it was music that was elevator music no it was like the kind of stuff like elevator maybe during like a fight like like an elevator during 9-11 you know like it's a little more a beat it's like people that like it's like one of the bands usually plays in like a pizza shop late at night after they're closed and people fight kind of and it's a lot of people smoking cigarettes and i've never heard of And it's a lot of people smoking cigarettes. I've never heard of it. It's lonely.
Starting point is 00:50:07 It's very lonely before and after the music. You know the best saxophone thing is, what's that song? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da. If I could walk on wood, I know someone who has. Yeah, that's ska music. Oh, I love that song.
Starting point is 00:50:24 That's ska. has. Yeah, that's ska music. Oh, I love that song. That's ska. Never had to walk on wood, but I know someone who has. That's a song about HIV, isn't it? It's a song about someone who survived HIV.
Starting point is 00:50:35 What's that song about, man? Never had to knock on wood. Never had to knock on wood. Oh, this song hits. This song slaps the impression that I get. Wikipedia. There we go. Can you play it for me? Never had a knock on wood AIDS as well.
Starting point is 00:50:58 Oh, this reminds me of at the water park as a kid. Waterworld. Waterworld with Kevin Costner? Nah, man. And I had a funnel cake. Aqua socks on. Yeah, and you weren't even at the water park. You were just at home, probably.
Starting point is 00:51:13 Maybe with a slip and slide. So you know the song. There you go. Everybody does, dude. Everyone know the song. There you go. Everybody does, dude. Everyone does. It's horrible. Never had to knock on wood. Someone who has.
Starting point is 00:51:37 I wonder if I could. I love this song. I wonder if I never had to knock on wood. Oh, it's an age reference. You're right. It's about age, bro. Oh, it's an age reference. You're right. It's about age, bro. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, so tighten up, dude.
Starting point is 00:51:51 R.I.P., man. I'm not a coward. Millions of gay men died to this song. Oh, look, I'm not a coward. I've just never been tested. I like to think that if I was, I would pass. Look at the... I can't read.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Brandon said he can't read. Did y'all hear that? You're a cheerleader. Good call. He might be right. Shout out AIDS, bro. And R.I.P. AIDS. You can't even get AIDS anymore.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Dude, where was the lockdown when the AIDS pandemic was going on? Everybody worried about that butt sex. Then it shut shit on? It's like, oh. Everybody worried about that butt sex. Then it shut shit down. It's like, oh, everybody's fine, man. You guys have fun out there. Isn't that crazy?
Starting point is 00:52:31 Yeah. People dropping like flies in New York. They didn't do shit. Yeah. Speaking of AIDS, we got a relationship advice.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Oh, wait. We never answered the guy about the phone. Musician. Oh, the saxophone? The Lisa Simpson special? I'm going to go ahead and sting the saxophone. Especially in Texas, man.
Starting point is 00:52:53 That's a tough gig. Tex-Sax, bro. I like it, dude. I think if you find a nice street light or under an overpass or something. Dude, take your ass to New Orleans. Go to Bourbon Street and hit that sax and get some beads and some tits in your face. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:53:09 Down there, it's definitely more regular. But I think if you're like the only guy doing it in a certain area, you could really shine a little bit. Take your ass to Third Street. Play that sax. Yeah. Dude, the crazy thing is yesterday I saw a musician playing somewhere and nobody's around. I'm like, dude, there's still a guy dressed as uh incredible hulk out on hollywood boulevard you know what that is that's for the love of the game dude yeah that's true hey did you go to bourbon street a lot
Starting point is 00:53:34 growing up yeah yeah we went a lot man yeah it was like a place you would drive over to go over there and get all wasted you know man you go you go a block to the right or a block to the left, it gets dicey. Oh, it's dicey. All of a sudden, you're in first 48. Yeah, yeah. It gets dicey. It gets way dicey.
Starting point is 00:53:51 You can easily get murdered a little bit and then it gets also super gay. So you don't know if a guy is like trying to shoot you or fucking have sex, you know? Pick your poison, man. Yeah. I'll be like, oh, sex.
Starting point is 00:54:01 All right, I'll put it in my mouth. What? What? And then it's a gun though and you're like, oh. Oh, no right, I'll put it in my mouth. What? What? And then it's a gun, though, and you're like, oh. Oh, no. Yeah, put it in my butt, then. Oh, shit. It was just a gun.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Shoot one of my ass cheeks off, bro. I had some good times on Bourbon Street, man. It's dirty, though, yeah? Oh, it's dirty, man. I went to a bar there. It's the oldest bar in New Orleans. It's like that little black. Oh, yeah, the Absinthe House.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Yeah. That place is old. It's dope, man. They don't have any electricity in it. They run it just by candle a bar there. It's the oldest bar in New Orleans. It's like that little black. Oh, yeah, the Absinthe House. Yeah. That place is old. That place is dope, man. They don't have any electricity in it. They run it just by candlelight in there. It's really good. It's all candlelight. It's dark.
Starting point is 00:54:32 It's so dark, bro. It's you. Oh, dude. That would be. It'd be tough. It'd be a tough go. Try to scare the shit out of people. You would definitely be
Starting point is 00:54:45 considered special ops if you were in there let's just say that bro someone would definitely think you're a ghost of some sort I'm like man those shadows are talking
Starting point is 00:54:55 over there in the back he keeps talking about cheerleading hey man that gay ghost over there keeps talking about cheerleading boo
Starting point is 00:55:03 boo that's true that's a little hacky joke gay ghost over the team talking about cheerleading. That's a little hacky joke. Gay ghosts. What do gay ghosts say? Hey, boo. Hey, boo-boo. Yeah. They start playing the saxophone.
Starting point is 00:55:19 Yeah. What's this little thirst trap want though? No, the other guy. I say king the saxophone, man. I say sting it, bro. Get out there and do it. Take care of yourself. Take care of your family, bro.
Starting point is 00:55:30 It's tough times, man. Here we go. This kid's awfully hot. Oh, it's Nicky Rod. This guy sent in other videos, didn't he? No, but Nicky Rod last week, he was actually an ADCC jiu-jitsu champ. Is that familiar? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:44 Yeah. The guy who makes the crazy videos champ. Is that familiar? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The guy who makes the crazy videos? No, that's J-Rod. Nicky Rod was the guy who had the puppy. Oh, no, that guy's a fucking stud. He trains with Gordon. He's a super stud. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:54 Well, yeah, he's in a couple videos. J-Rod is the guy with the panty on his head. See, I thought we were talking about J-Rod was a world champion jiu-jitsu guy. J-Rod is? Wow. J-Rod was a world champion in jiu-jitsu. God, like, J-Rod is? Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:10 J-Rod is a semi-local second-place runner-up peeping Tom. No, J-Rod's an escaped convict. He's on the run right now. Nicky Rod. Pull up a picture of Nicky Rod, man. Let's give him some credit for sure. No, Nicky Rod's as legit as they get. He's seen it in a couple videos. Last week, one of our videos.
Starting point is 00:56:22 One of the videos. I remember last week. There he is. So if you go to the second picture, Nick, that's like the best jiu-jitsu player in the world. Which one? Gordon on the left. Wow. Now, are them boys going to pass the drug test?
Starting point is 00:56:37 I don't know. 50-50, bro. Them boys bodied up, though. Dude, that's like a lot of gay men who, if you're cheering, but you also are high on. Math. No. What could a gay man be high on? Dick. Poppers.
Starting point is 00:56:56 A byproduct of penis. Oh, come. Semen. Okay. Say semen, bro. We're talking about science. Imagine that. If a dude shows up and he's had a half ounce of semen or something that week,
Starting point is 00:57:11 I mean, that's pure grade. Fuel. Fuel, bro. You know what I'm saying, bro? That's rocket fuel for a lot of games. Yeah, dude. That is straight rocket fuel, bro. That's like when Sonic the Hedgehog gets that little magic thing, you know?
Starting point is 00:57:25 How do you cheer against that, dude? You don't. Yeah. That's like when Sonic the Hedgehog gets that little magic thing. How do you cheer against that, dude? You don't. Yeah, that's the toughest thing. So that's the only thing where I feel like they could have some of these men are having enhanced PEDs? Yeah, performance enhancing drugs. But shout out
Starting point is 00:57:39 Nicky Rod. Let's hear it. And here he is. This is Nicky Rod from prison here, I guess. What a tough week. What's up theo i'm brendan gang gang buzz buzz love you guys as shit needs some relationship advice there's this girl i've been really into is this jlo as a kid girl i've been really into who got a boyfriend and so once i found out she had a boyfriend my dumb ass just told her that I was gay. She believed it. We hit things off. We talk all the time.
Starting point is 00:58:10 She thinks I'm gay and I know that there's a spark there. Maybe she's fishing some gay. Either way, she just broke up with her boyfriend and I need to know how to slide into those DMs. Help a boy out. Thank you. Love you guys. Love you, man man get some rest i look like a young jay leno he looks like a very young jay leno yeah he looks like a street
Starting point is 00:58:36 jay leno beautiful young man hell yeah good for you dude bodied up too dude you gotta you gotta go the religious route say you start going to church, you're not gay anymore, you don't want to go to hell. I like that. You like chicks. I like that. That's a great idea. Yeah, I was gay, but I'm not. I found Jesus. He told me I'm not gay. I'm into tits now.
Starting point is 00:58:58 Yeah. Start sucking on her tits. And film it for her. No, no, no. That's gonna be a legal issue all right I'll never recover from this funny this guy first of all lay off the quaaludes brother you got a drop off alludes man boys I'm Pluto right now we submit this video yeah do you might not even be in a relationship you might have never been in a relationship you might be playing a
Starting point is 00:59:28 video game dude you got to you might be playing the sims that are just way you might win on a sims k-hole bro you gotta tighten up though you've been watching too much tv bro yeah so but i think you gotta move here okay you got an opportunity you're friends with her you could always say look i lied and said i was gay because i didn't know what else to do you know cat what do you think you could say i was confused i thought i was into dudes but since i met you now i like chicks yeah you you make me like chicks yeah fuck all these dudes and then rip up a picture of some dudes yeah right in front of her yeah i'm sick of these dudes yeah like terrible people's magazine.
Starting point is 01:00:07 And because she's also sick of dudes right now because she just broke up with that guy. She's upset. You can meet her there. Meet her halfway. Meet her halfway, brother. What do you think, Kat? Is this good advice or? Well, it's hilarious.
Starting point is 01:00:22 I would say go with what Theo said because it's nice to. What did I say? Yeah, what did exactly Theo say? To tell her that you lied. I think girls love it when guys are vulnerable. Wow. Plus it shows that
Starting point is 01:00:32 he cared enough about how she felt about him that he would lie about being gay. Yeah, you could even get a friend to say you guys hooked up. I want to go that far.
Starting point is 01:00:41 And he was saying your name the whole time. You're talking about a male friend? Yeah. That's not a bad idea but then she's like, well, you're clearly gay. Oh, yeah. I want to go that far And he was saying your name the whole time You're talking about a male friend? Yeah That's not a bad idea But then she's like Well you're clearly gay
Starting point is 01:00:48 Oh yeah Yeah that's stupid dude Just say there were tigers involved It's fine What'd you say? Yeah Just say there were tigers involved I went down to this tiger ranch
Starting point is 01:00:57 Next thing you know I was sucking dick Turns out it's just the tigers I'm into chicks But yeah man I think We've given them two solid ideas Turns out it's just the Tigers. I'm into chicks. But yeah, man, I think. So we've given them two solid ideas. Just tell her you're not gay, and since you met her, you're into chicks, and she's the one that converted you.
Starting point is 01:01:17 Or you went to church, and because of Jesus in your heart, you don't want to go to hell, and you like chicks now. Amen. You got two solid choices there, dude. Amen, brother. Hopefully that helps. Yeah. Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus, PJ Dung.
Starting point is 01:01:26 All right, let's move on to a debate club. What's good, Brendan? What's good, Theo? Jeremy Willett. I mean, Easter Bunny here from Reading, PA, and I got a debate club. Okay. Easter or Halloween, both are candy-oriented. Which one's better?
Starting point is 01:01:43 Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, hop, hop. Oriented. Let's go to Chen. What do you think, Chen? Take us to the Far East, bro, and give this guy the answer that he wants. Orient. Easter? What did he say?
Starting point is 01:01:59 Easter or Halloween. Easter or Halloween? Yeah. That's a tough one. I prefer Halloween, though. Is that what he said? Damn, it sounds like the toughest decision for Chin of all time. I don't know, man.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Dude. It is a difficult decision. Not at all. Halloween fucking trumps the shit out of Easter. Easter sucks. You talking about the fucking fake zombie Jesus day? Is anybody buying that shit? Oh, damn.
Starting point is 01:02:31 Only billions of people, though. I know, it's a shame. Bro, here's what I'm saying is that Easter, I think, is just Halloween for people that are afraid to fucking die, bro. You know, afraid to fucking kill each other. Well, Easter's Halloween but in the day, isn't it? Yeah. Dress up like bunnies. Yeah, Easter's Halloween, but in the day, isn't it? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:45 Dress up like bunnies. Yeah, Easter's is kind of a daytime Halloween. It's more for children, and it's more for Jesus Christ, dude. It's more for... Our Lord and Savior. Yeah, the Lord and Savior, bro. He came back, you got to celebrate it. It's more of like a family holiday.
Starting point is 01:03:00 Halloween is like... Yeah, Halloween, if you kill somebody, you can blame it on Halloween. If you steal something, you know, if you want to leave your family. Also, Halloween's way better because girls, it gives them a reason to dress up like sluts. Ain't no girl getting her tits out on Easter. I don't know. It's the Lord's Day, man. Dude, you go to the right church, bro.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Yeah? Yeah, because church girls are wild, man. Church girls are wild. Yeah, but they can't get them fucking sweater puppies out in the church but they wrap them up dog and that's even hotter i think you're right little mystery oh you see a sweater yeah they start sweating picture of a big cross on her neck dude all right you're right then white thighs hanging out bro or black or black white or black thighs hanging out or even i feel like black church is way more fun than white church it's very upbeat yeah and i'm seeing
Starting point is 01:03:53 somebody dies every time at black church too i feel like they'll just suddenly let us be carrying somebody through and they're like ernie's dead oh yeah they'll bring him right back yeah and they're clearly acting. Dude, yeah, black church is definitely way more exciting. But I think it's just the same. It goes across the board for like, I think black people just in general have more, they just have more excitement.
Starting point is 01:04:17 There's just more of like an energy that's... Funner? Yeah, just more of a... They're not so uptight. There's more wild energy. There's more freelance energy. More fun's not more there's more wild energy you know there's more of a free there's more freelance energy more fun yeah there's more fun energy you go to black church you black funeral shit it's fun dude you want to die at a black funeral you're like damn this shit is hype there's a dj yeah it's just popping wing stop yeah it's popping wing stop yeah dude damn at a nice one yeah that a good one yeah
Starting point is 01:04:47 yeah dude that's true bro and here's your family right here i'm brendan that's my stepmom yeah that's young jay shab there damn which one on the left or right on the right that's uh long neck jay shab on the right wow look at that fucking reach piece on him huh oh my god he probably get to see whatever he wants my dad looks like the ruler of iraq your dad does look very iranian huh he does huh he used to get it all the time what is he white oh really you guys are so tan i am i'm the only tan one dude you definitely have a little bit of that fucking debt you got a little more beige in you bro no i feel you i'm the darkest of my family are you yeah you are yeah i mean yeah you do your dad very much has a very deserty type of he does you know uh
Starting point is 01:05:44 i'm trying to think of who you remind oh he reminds me a little bit also of machete tom selling but also machete who is that guy machete oh uh daniel or trejo is it trejo yeah it's kind of offensive because that's an ugly man but yeah all right any trejo dude he's small too bro he did crime he started a taco shop. It sounds like... Taco and donut shop. Oh, my bad. Okay. Sorry. My dad does not look like that, bro. It would be a lot cooler if he did, though.
Starting point is 01:06:12 Yeah, that would be sick. That dude is fucking dope, bro. That dude is dope. He's been in 7,000 movies. Yeah. Damn, bro. And he's got that church girl cross on, too. He was great in Dust Till Dawn.
Starting point is 01:06:25 Yeah. I'm going to go Easter or Halloween. Halloween all goddamn day. This is an easy one. Halloween's fun. Easter's a bummer. Let's take it to the culture corner. All right, let's take it to the culture corner.
Starting point is 01:06:42 What do you think, Kat? Oh, Halloween all day. I love Halloween. Me, too. Love Halloween it to the Culture Corner. What do you think, Kat? Oh, Halloween all day. Yes. I love Halloween. Me too. Love Halloween. Nightmare Before Christmas, Halloween movies. You dress up like an asshole. For Halloween?
Starting point is 01:06:53 Oh, yeah. Yeah. But Halloween, you also can like... Ain't nobody getting drunk on Easter unless you got a fucked up family, you know? Yeah, that's true. People aren't getting that drunk on Easter. But... Horror movies? Halloween, you can be left out of Halloween, I feel like. yeah that's true people aren't getting that drunk on Easter but horror movies
Starting point is 01:07:05 Halloween you can be left out of Halloween I feel like like if you don't plan ahead you don't get a costume and somebody doesn't invite you out to the shit
Starting point is 01:07:12 then you're just at home fucking looking at like a thing a little can of face paint or something and you're fucking lonely and shitless you can make up
Starting point is 01:07:18 whatever costume you want yeah but then you don't have anywhere to go you're just wandering the streets you know dressed up like Raggedy Andy
Starting point is 01:07:24 what are you gonna do on Easter but on Easter you don't have anywhere to go. You just wander in the streets, you know, dressed up like Raggedy Andy. What are you going to do on Easter? But on Easter, you don't have your family. It's a family day, really. That's true. That's true. That's a good point. You'd be left out if you don't have your family.
Starting point is 01:07:35 I just feel like there's more stuff to get invited to. I don't know, man. It's a tough one. What do you got? It's down to you, Chappelle. Easter has campaign. I don't fuck with holidays. No holidays?
Starting point is 01:07:44 What about Christmas? Okay. It's fucking, eh. I don't fuck with holidays. No holidays? What about Christmas? Okay. It's fucking... You don't like Christmas? No. Well, that sounds like an exciting existence. All the sad shit you was just talking about. Talking about sitting lonely with face paint and shit. And I'm sad.
Starting point is 01:08:01 I'm happy. But at least I'm celebrating it, though, dude. Sounds like you had a better time than me. At least I'm sad. I'm happy. But at least I'm celebrating it, though, dude. Oh, true. Sounds like you had a better time than you. At least I showed up. At least I'm not the one looking out his window being like, man, look at that sad fucking motherfucker. Sending hate comments to happy people on the Instagram. When you could be out there with that sad motherfucker, dog.
Starting point is 01:08:20 It could be two sad motherfuckers if you come out and join me, bro. You know? All right. If you invited me, maybe. Okay. You're right. You're right. So I think it runs both ways.
Starting point is 01:08:30 I'm out on it. I have no idea. Halloween all day. Not even close. All right. Is that it, Nick? That's it. Damn.
Starting point is 01:08:37 Okay. Well, hopefully we helped some people, you know? Truth be told, we got locked out of the King of the Stink Gmail from downloading too much things. So we just had to cobble together the videos we had. That's why maybe the submissions weren't as strong as we thought. They weren't bad, though. Okay, okay. I didn't think they were bad.
Starting point is 01:08:58 We got a big archive. Damn, that's good. You got locked out of it? Yeah, like, I don't know. It won't let me download anything. Because of Gmail? Yeah. Weird. We were working on this more. I don't know. It won't let me download anything. Because of Gmail? Yeah. Weird.
Starting point is 01:09:06 We were working on this morning. I don't know what the fuck's going on. But we'll get back in there. It said, like, 24 hours. I think it might just be too much activity downloading. People are just making videos in quarantine. That thing's popping. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:21 So keep sending them in. Yeah. Thank you guys so much. We kind of can't do the show unless you send them in. We had so many. Yeah. It's a good problem to have. Well, find out what jersey Nick's going to wear next week.
Starting point is 01:09:36 Hey, I'm bringing my fucking world champion ring next week. Oh, dude, wear your cheer out. Yeah. I'm not going to do that. Why? Why not? What? That'd be sick. He just wants to bring the ring. Bro, get that shirt off your cheer out. Yeah. I'm not going to do that. Why? Why not? What? That'd be sick.
Starting point is 01:09:45 He just wants to bring the ring. Bro, get that shirt off your damn face. Bro, the last thing I'm going to do is listen to two fucking men. Okay. Oh, I would start listening to somebody.
Starting point is 01:09:58 The last thing I'm doing is listening to two men. Tell me to take my shirt off. Okay. I would, dude. Yeah. You guys need help, bro. shirt off. I would, dude. Yeah. You guys need help, bro. Get a fucking legit mask, dude. Not that gay little fucking
Starting point is 01:10:11 thong. Dude, you're wearing a wrinkled t-shirt that you can't even keep up, dude. This is a full body thick girl face mask. Not that little thong y'all been wearing, bro. Not that little fucking
Starting point is 01:10:20 breathe strip. Shit. Y'all tripping, bro. Y'all tripping bro y'all gay bro y'all 80 gay dog all of y'all bro that is not game shit you still got them bullshit gloves on Who's ready for lunch? You feel me, bro? I'm that scoopy, scoopy hitman, dog. I'm ready for lunch right now, dog.
Starting point is 01:10:52 You know it. Don't ask me twice, dog. The Joe Exotic Pizza, man. Oh, damn, that Joe Exotic Pizza. Dude, I wonder if Joe Exotic would let us sell Joe Exotic pizzas. And just make them and have them sold frozen to ship out, bro. He's smart. God. They have tons of meat on them.
Starting point is 01:11:12 Oh, yeah. Like extra pepperoni. Oh, yeah. Way extra. Tiger's helping a pepperoni. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. It's not a bad idea.
Starting point is 01:11:23 I bet we could reach out to him. He might let us, huh? Or maybe no one's watching his estate and you can just sell jokes out or whatever. Because he's in prison. Yeah. I see a ton of people making Tiger King shirts and shit. Yeah, and by that we mean Tom Segura.
Starting point is 01:11:40 That's exactly what I meant! Who? You sounded like Rogan right there. Who? Tom Segura? Whatever you factor in, Bert, you do immediately have tons of people. We're out. And go hard in the paint I do not think I am in flow Black rifle coffee I'm ready to go I need a sponsor
Starting point is 01:12:06 I am a monster About to open up With this at my concerts Flow is contagious Brows are outrageous Thicker than girls Let her Instagram famous Damn
Starting point is 01:12:13 Hungry like I'm fresh off keto Seeing red like Andrew Santino Every song I hit Like the great Bambino Brennan ate the queso And the quesoritos But Everything's gonna be fine
Starting point is 01:12:23 Hate on me I do not mind feel looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times they sliding into my dms a couple of you tried but couldn't beat him quit playing like nintendo ds you don't want to smoke like joey diaz meaning y'all edible just got my eyebrows threaded and i'm feeling incredible brennan's son hit me up he said it's too loud in the club. Can you pick me up? King in the sting. King in the sting. King in the sting.
Starting point is 01:12:50 Bee sting. Rat king. King in the sting. King in the sting. Got the bees in a trap. Got the cheese on a string. King in the sting. King in the sting.
Starting point is 01:13:04 King in the sting. Bee sting. Rat king. King in the sting, king in the sting King in the sting, bee sting rat king King in the sting, king in the sting Got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string Brendan and Theo, fighter in Creole Shout out New Orleans and shout out to CO Colorado, more specifically Boulder Brendan came in with a chip on his shoulder But it's still gold and yet it's still fire If you don't like kingin' and stingin' you're a liar Brendan's got like a thousand different hustles One of them's at Nordstrom racked doin' tires Black rifle coffee we hear you loud and clear Your son on the email like please get me outta here
Starting point is 01:13:36 It's way too loud in here Watchin' the Irishman eatin' pizza drinkin' half a beer Now on to Theo Vaughn Lookin' like the type of dude that tries to read us songs Smokin' cigarettes with a snapback on About to Theo Vaughn Looking like the type of dude that tries to read us songs Smoking cigarettes, put a snapback on About to hit the crib and turn Snapchat on It's all good, we still mess with you 1811 Pico Boulevard, go get that hitter Derrick and Kat, y'all doing great
Starting point is 01:13:54 Thursday upload, not a minute late Y'all wanted to rap, I had to demonstrate Brand new studio, y'all feeling great Putting Chris Delano in his place Now let's go and get you in a game King in the sting King in the sting King in the sting
Starting point is 01:14:09 B-sting, right, king King in the sting King in the sting Got the B's in the track Got the cheese on a string King in the sting King in the sting King in the sting B-sting, right, king King in the sting, king in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king, king in the sting, king in the sting, got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string. Thank you.

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