The Golden Hour - Episode 68: Noodling
Episode Date: May 9, 2020Hot Karl is back to update us on her dating life and the guys talk Theo's Utah Trip, Cocaine vs Banana Bread, Dirt Serpents, Murder Hornets, Shapel's Shirt, Walter White Of Asia, ...Ari Shaffir Dosing Bert Kreischer, Vietnamese Bicyclists, Noodling and much more!ShipStation - https://shipstation.com/ offer code: KATSPostmates - download the app and use code: KATS2020See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Discussion (0)
That shirt's dope dude
Yeah
That shirt's sick
That shirt is dope dude
It's so sick dude
She got it in Hawaii
That fucking great hitter the fuck she did get in Hawaii
You're dressed like Kobe Bryant's honeymoon over here
The fucking most ridiculous looking outfit I've ever seen
Back off my broccolini
Get your life together It is Don't touch me bro i'm not touching you dude
well who would you be if you were on bachelor you think what kind of guy would you be dude
that's what everybody wants to know i think if you were on bachelor
that's more of a theo question yeah i, think of you on Bachelor. She's like, yeah, it's like he's always messing around all the goddamn time.
And then it's like, I don't know.
Is it Jack Sparrow?
Why is he dressed like a pirate all the time?
Is he going to give the pirate gimmick up or is he just going to start being real?
What kind of pirate, man?
The gayest pirate on the last pearl dude are you dude this is i was in utah you don't know how people dress in different areas
yeah i do man you look like security for johnny depp scars
hey uh hey not the purple one today amigo
yeah back off his neck wear man just for the depth Hey, not the purple one today, amigo. Yeah.
Back off his neck wear, man.
Just for the depth.
Do it for the depth.
Do it for the depth.
How was Utah, brother?
Dude, it was nice, man.
Are you recharged?
Feel pretty good.
Went kayaking.
A little whitewater rafting.
Yep.
Saw a fox.
Got to go to a restaurant.
Ooh. Utah's, they're all about it yep did they go
can i search off some appetizers yeah oh tell me what it's like oh it's crazy man i even held the
lady's hand while i read the menu i'd start crying yeah i said well you can you can you just stand
here and read it to me is that all right she's like uh yeah god bless it dude it was nice yeah they felt normal huh oh yeah yeah dude somebody sneezed next to me i cheered
leave a frosty tip too yeah that's a big fat tip 18 fuck yeah depend how many people but five side note yeah there's seven of us dude walked in sat down wow sat next to
somebody accidentally bumped into somebody you're living the future brother you're in 2030 we're
living in 2020 corona it was crazy bro i would say only one out of 10 people in utah and uh i was in
southern utah which is really it's like more definitely a little bit more of like the i don't want to
say like the billy ray cyrus of utah but it's definitely kind of they're mormons with a bit
of a twang huh yeah they're more if they're if they're mormons they're more mountain mormons
yeah you know yeah mountain goats kind of guy like yeah a lot of mountain goats a lot of long hair
um hey free spirit crispy yeah they're pretty free spirited a lot of dream catchers but
uh pass the outlets i was telling you in st george you see that then yeah all the outlets
were closed down though oh but restaurants aren't yeah well this we actually went into springdale
which was a little bit more like by Mount Zion Park.
And they had restaurants open.
Damn.
So jealous.
It was pretty crazy.
I even ate at one restaurant that was horrible.
I was like, this place is a shithole.
We'll take it, though.
Still counts.
Yep.
Still doing better than most of us.
Still counts as a dining experience.
I'm still doing post-mades, man.
Just wearing this shirt.
So old-fashioned.
Yeah. Yeah, huh?
That night Tommy Bahama hit her, dog.
That R.I.P. Kobe shirt, huh?
Yeah.
Got some color on you today.
I know I never wear color, but I decided to today.
Usually, I think I've only seen you in black.
Yeah.
You only wear black.
Only wear black.
Why is that? I don't know. It's just you in black. Yeah. You only wear black. Only wear black. Why is that?
I don't know.
Just,
it's just like your outfit.
Yeah.
Like you look at my closet,
it's just all black.
It's like you and I exchange outfits today.
Yeah.
I'm in all black.
I never see you in black.
Yeah.
That's real.
Good shit.
But it looks like they are.
You know,
I came out. I came out
I did have a pink shirt on
I switched that shit out
I knew you were going to have some sort of
Scarf on so I came with the Johnny Depp
For your ass
The gayest guy in Black Pearl
Bro what are you talking about dude
This is fucking neckwear this is southern utah neck where you freak southern utah the utes dude i'm
saying you look like what uh you look like andre agassi's hype boy that gets the balls all excited
before you give them to him i look like andre agassi's dj He's DJ. Yeah, yeah. Bam, bam, bam, bam. Love, love, love, love.
4015, 4015.
Foul, foul, foul.
Foul.
Where do you play tennis that there's fouls in it?
Rough tennis, bro.
Dude, that's prison tennis, bro.
That's not street tennis, dude.
This guy fouled out of a doubles match.
This guy fouled out.
Looks like he's out. Two against dude. This guy fouled out of a doubles match. This guy fouled out. Looks like he's out.
Two against one.
He said foul.
What have you guys been doing?
What have you been doing, Kat?
Nothing much.
A lot of baking.
But yeah, I just don't know what to do with all of it now.
You should have a bunch of baked goods in your house.
Yeah, like I'll have a bunch of like banana nut muffins and then just walk around trying to figure out who to give it to.
My friend Chappelle eats.
Chappelle, will you eat it?
Wait, why?
Because you were like this.
No, I thought you were saying because of my weight.
No, dude, you're a thick boy.
Because I know you're on a diet right now, right?
Yeah, so I don't want to bring it to the studio and like sabotage you that way.
I appreciate it.
And are you just baking for yourself, really?
I bake when I'm bored.
Wow.
And so I just have a, my apartment is a bakery.
You know how you can't be around cocaine?
I can't be around banana bread.
Really?
Yeah.
You'll just get in there?
That's the difference between you and me.
Do you chop it up?
Yeah.
I'll sniff it, too.
Oh, yeah.
I'll sniff it, bro.
Do you ever put some in a headband and then wear it like that?
Like, oh, there's banana bread?
Oh, there's walnuts falling out of your headband, sir?
I love it, man.
Dude, I've just been dealing with a lot of them dirt serpents, dude, on the roads, on the trails.
Really?
Boy bike clubs getting real, man.
Is it a lot of them?
A lot of snakes.
Every day.
This is this morning.
Oh, wow.
That was that thick gardener snake.
People only care if it's a rattler, man.
Yeah, nobody gives a D about a gardener snake.
I didn't know what the fuck it was.
You know, I saw a big snake.
What the F?
You could eat that thing if you wanted to, man.
Yeah, people are like, pick it up.
Some people are like, dude, don't be a pussy. Pick that thing up. Like, bitch, people like pick it up so if you're like dude don't be
a pussy pick that thing up like bitch i'm not i'm not picking that goddamn snake up bernard's like
40 feet away from it he's filming this on a scope on a telescope lens like it's a drone shot like
dude that's a gardener snake oh god i'm fucking scared dude dude you look like you sell just
murder hornets on the dark web.
All right,
buddy.
All right,
buddy.
Justin Washington.
Not anymore.
Find a new home.
Seen those fucking murder Hornets.
Yeah. Pretty savage,
man.
Somebody's got to do it though,
man.
I'm telling you,
bro.
God does what he does,
man.
You think the economy is going to shut down for the murder Hornets?
He uses wild animals.
He'll use whatever.
Yeah,
you're right.
The big man upstairs said 2020, we got you yeah we got you started with kobe then corona and then the fucking murder murder hornets man that could be the end you seen the murder hornets
you're getting a straight grappling match with a fucking hornet you touch one there's
fucking sick yeah oh really yeah oh yeah they're fucking sick, dude. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're big, dude.
And when they get you,
there's nothing you can do about it.
Uh-uh.
My boy, Coyote Peterson,
got stung by one.
He said it's the most painful thing
he's ever been stung by.
Wow.
Apparently, they just hang out
of a regular honeybees hive,
and then when they come out,
they grab them in the air
and rip their heads off.
Yep.
It's like Khabib.
Yeah.
It's just like Khabib.
That looks like Khabib
right there actually
with that same time.
It's very similar.
With that arm,
leg constant movement.
The ground and pound.
Murder hornets.
Look at him going.
So they fuck up bees.
They're four inches long, dog.
They'll fuck up a badger.
They have a picture
of one choking out a badger.
What?
Yeah.
And theirs right there,
that's their dad.
It is an Asian insect.
Is it?
It is.
It's from China. Yeah yeah it's from china yeah
or no japan japan japan can't they leave winged animals alone it's like the bat
about to have that fucking what is it stop cat murder wasp i don't know
enough is enough though what's up to if you do you have your ear to the asian
realm like what are you hearing from the east i do have my ear to the asian ground but they don't let me in completely
because i'm american born and they know you're gonna talk about it on the show yeah i hang out
with too many white people now they're like you're out you're officially out yeah damn they call it
the me chong mama me chong you know what it is? Yeah that's good That means white in Vietnamese
Oh
Okay Theo
Whiteys
Dude Theo surprised you
He came over to my house
I'm the only one that doesn't speak Spanish
Theo starts dropping Spanish like a motherfucker
Well there was a single lady that speaks Spanish in your house
No
Yeah there was
The housekeeper
Yeah
It was my mother-in-law
My girl
My kids
Is the housekeeper single?
I'm sure I could hook you up if she's in the fucking...
She seems single.
She said she was.
I thought she said.
I don't know.
Maybe her Spanish is off.
I feel like she has a family.
I don't know.
Make a move.
That's true.
I'll set it up.
There's only one way to find out.
Make a move.
I show up with flowers.
She thinks I'm there to help clean.
You had a mariachi band in that bitch.
Yeah, dude.
You did?
Yeah, I forgot I hired them.
And I'm brushing my teeth at 7 a.m.
Oh, dude.
What were they there for?
It was my girl's birthday.
Oh, that's awesome.
And it was Cinco de Mayo.
Oh, double up today's her birthday?
Yeah.
Oh, that's awesome. And a Cinco de Mayo. Oh, double up today's her birthday? Yeah, dog.
Oh, that's beautiful, huh?
The Mitchers go hard in the paint, man.
They all look exactly the same.
And they're all dressed like Sebastian Maniscalco, I feel like.
During a special? Dude, that's dope. Oh, that's cool.
Oh, he's handsome, huh?
I mean, he seems like a cool guy.
Dude, you should have got her a burro, dog.
A bull? A burro. A donkey. her a burro, dog. A bull?
A burro.
A donkey.
No, like a little ball.
You pulled up and put it for a burro?
Damn.
Gosh, you got the expensive group, huh?
They played some jams, too, man.
I've seen the cheat group.
They wrestle at the end.
Ooh, I like that.
They put on masks and wear them up.
See, I would have been into that. I'd pay extra for that shit. You should have got her that burro, dog. Ooh, I like that. They put on masks and wear gloves. See, I would have been into that.
I'd pay extra for that shit.
You should have gone to that burro, dog.
Look at that burro.
Ooh, you're right.
I don't want that thing.
Can you just rent it for a day?
I don't want the thing chilling around.
How many songs did they do?
Close that down, Nick.
Probably five.
Oh, wow.
Damn.
They did a whole concert.
They did five songs?
Probably five, Hardin' the Paint.
After the third song, you're done.
After the first, I was like, all right, that's cool.
And then they kept going. I was like, all right all right man and then i've tried uh getting to talk about anybody worried about corona
you guys are pretty far apart is that what you're worried about and i i don't speak spanish heard
something about the spanish flu though oh yeah those guys look like survivors from the spanish
flu yeah they don't give a fuck built like armadillos they ain't scared beautiful little
men armadillos and tuxes, dog.
Yeah.
Kind of handsome.
Yeah, not bad.
They all look exactly the same.
That's crazy.
They're dope.
Maybe they're all manscaped.
Look, man.
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You know that shit, man.
It is.
It is changing, man.
It's changing quickly.
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Gracias,
Papa.
Dude.
Sometimes when my postmates come,
I'm in tears.
Really?
What you went through,
when you went through to deliver this freaking tiramisu is insane, dude.
Literally, tiramisu with real tears in it.
Tears.
That's the kind of stuff they'll offer, man.
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You want to try a new restaurant.
You want to support the community.
A local restaurant, do it, man.
Yes.
That's how they stay open.
Yep, you got to support them, man.
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anytime you need it postmates it post me um what do we got nick let's get into it uh so last week
we wanted to get an update from Carly.
Carlita with the Tito's.
And she obliged and sent one in.
And we haven't even addressed that Chin's not here also.
Chin passed away.
Oh, okay.
Chin has corona.
Damn.
That's why he's wearing all black. Chin got in a fight with some murder wasps.
And won.
And won, but he's pretty fucked up.
He looks like Walter White
if he were Asian.
He's in all black, huh?
Is he there? Chin's there now?
Yep, he's there.
He's walking around doing something.
Chin, can you hear us?
Oh, there he is.
What's up, dudes?
Hi, Dad.
Hey, Daddy Chin. What what's up, dudes? What's up, dude? What up, Chin? Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
Hey, Daddy Chin.
What's going on, guys?
What's going on, dude?
We're so sorry that this happened.
We all look.
We want you to know that we don't think you did it,
and this is just a case of mistaken identity, man.
This is going to pass.
I don't think you killed those cats, all right?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry about that.
Yeah, you're a good guy, man, I don't think you killed those cats. All right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah.
You're a good guy, man.
And we've already all given statements that show our support, brother.
Appreciate it, man.
This is the first time I've seen Chin without a mask.
Yeah.
I forgot what you look like.
No one's here.
I'm in the studio by myself.
Ah, so you take the mask off, huh?
Take the pants off. Mask off.
What's that song, Mask Off?
Mask Off.
Future.
Oh, man, that's the jam.
Is it really?
Percocet.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Mollet Percocet. Mask Off.
Now, Chin, we have this girl on the line here,
and you dated her at one point.
Or you...
Well, you guys dated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, she sent an update after finding out some of the stuff.
Do you want to hit play?
Yeah.
Chin, if you drink $400 worth of sake, you dated.
Yeah.
Y'all ready?
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
Hope you're doing well.
I heard you wanted a little update on my life since we last spoke.
And since we all found out that Chin had a girlfriend,
he went on a date with me, which was very surprising.
She say, honey dick?
But I hope it's still working out for you, Chin,
and I hope it works out for you.
A little advice, though.
Don't do that
but thank you for teaching me
that apparently guys can be any age
and have a girlfriend and still go on
dates with women
oh she's not happy Jen
other than that life's been
pretty much the same
everything is now working from home
or at home
so I'm getting a little bored
And I'm ready to get back into the real world
Get the sweater puppies out girl
I'm still dating
And I'm still on the market Theo
Oh
Oh
Bye
Might have to take a break from guarding those fucking scarves
From Johnny Depp and go on a date
Somebody wants to pet that pug.
So he's trying to rub them tits on the mullet, huh?
Yeah, girl.
She's trying to bounce around King and the Sting staff.
Don't work like that, hot Carl.
Dang, Carl's trying to get that queso, huh?
Trying to get that Louisiana Cajun queso, dog.
She knows she has to get through that state where it gets to the queso.
That's all, baby.
Molly Pricaset.
Molly Pricaset.
Mask off.
Mask off.
Yeah, Chen, what about it, then?
You trick this girl into going to a $400,
just you sneak away from your wife for a couple of hours.
Not my wife, just my girlfriend.
But what do you feel about her reaction?
I feel like she came, she was throwing a little bit of shade.
A little bit of shade.
I couldn't hear what she said.
What did she say, like 40-year-old?
She said it's good to know that guys at any age will lie and say they don't have a girlfriend.
Oh.
Well, I mean, like you guys already know,
it happened right after we started this segment.
Yeah, whatever.
I had to go through with it.
So I apologize to her one more time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No hard feelings, right, Chin?
No, no, no, no, no.
I feel like the hate's on her side a little bit.
It could be this whole corona thing too, you know? Like she's just taking out on Asians. hard feelings right chin no no no i feel like the hate's on her side a little bit it just it could
be this whole corona thing too you know like she's just taking out on asians it's a popular thing to
do yeah that's true this is definitely are you feeling a lot of heat right now chin being asian
and you guys being responsible for a little bit of the world's demise kind of overall be honest i
told brendan and brian too that when i went to the market, to the store, people would literally walk away from me
and not walk away from other people
that don't look like me. Yeah, they're upset.
Now I know what that's like.
They're starting to call you guys, yeah,
kind of like... Not in that shirt.
I think you're alright, Chappelle. Wear that shirt.
They're going to think you're listening to Huey Lewis.
Yeah.
Heavy on the Huey Yeah you're fine
Trust me dude
Nothing yells I like white people
Than a Tommy Bahama shirt
Especially the night edition
Hey my girl got me this shirt chill out
No that shirt's dope dude
That shirt's sick
That shirt's dope dude yeah that shirt's dope dude
that fucking grape hit her the fuck she did get in hawaii
bro that shirt that's just from downtown la homeboy that shirt came with a box of wheat
that's the whitest looking shirt i've ever seen the shirt came with a fucking box of
fucking fruit by the foot dude i mean I'm going back to wearing black.
No, you look edible, dog.
Yeah, dude.
You're dressed like Kobe Bryant's honeymoon over here.
The fucking most ridiculous looking outfit I've ever seen, man.
That shit is sick, dog, dude.
Jesus Christ.
Looks like we could ollie the fuck out of a skateboard right now, though, for reals, man.
With the vans, the shirt, dude.
Oh, my God.
I'm proud of you, Chappelle.
Well, Chan.
For stepping out of the box.
Yeah, yeah, that's true, man.
You're trying something different.
Yeah.
Why not?
You're doing good.
Well, Chan, what do you say to Carly kind of throwing shade your way?
You know?
Honestly, she has every right to be a little bit, a little bit.
She has every right to throw a little bit of shade.
You did Honey Dicker.
She wasn't going to go out with me anyways, right?
I was too old for her.
She had a delicious two-hour, was it, Korean barbecue dinner and soju.
I thought you were going to say something else.
What?
I thought you were going to say, listen, we had a two-hour fun dinner.
She has delicious tits.
I thought that's where he's going.
I thought you were going to talk about those milk barns she's building in her front yard.
There's dairy silos.
Here's what I'm telling you, Chan.
Them flesh halos.
Yeah.
If you have a wife, tell a woman first.
That's all I'm saying.
That's fair.
You know what?
And that's fair.
I feel like, hot Carl, time's gone by by it's not chin's fault you're single and now now she's shooting these
fucking tatas at theo's way huh they don't work like that girl look i mean
she seems like a nice girl dude i'll pay for the date if you want to go today really yeah i'll pay
for it but we got to be able to film it.
Film it.
Do it.
Do it.
Do it for the show.
I don't know if I'm ready to be dating right now, dude.
I just bought this outfit.
See, I feel like you are ready with that outfit.
Yeah, I feel like that screams let's date.
Johnny Depp gave the night off.
I'll pay for it.
Nah.
What about his friends?
Huh?
What about you just go out and eat some Korean barbecue with his friends?
I'm not driving somewhere to meet a friend, dude.
What do you think?
It's fucking 1800s?
You're right.
All right.
Tried my best, guys.
Sorry, team.
No, look.
I think it would be fun, but I don't know if I want to do it or not.
So President Snow, huh?
You're giving Hot Carl the kim and matumbo hey hot carl here's what he's saying where does she live at again chin where'd you leave her at
i think she lives around newport beach if i remember oh beautiful out there man is it
some of the best maybe once the kind of the uh if the virus dies down or something.
Oh, well, we're opening up on Friday.
Face to Friday.
Well, I would have to see if I can do it or not.
Making a lot of excuses.
Making a lot of excuses.
No, I'll have to see if I can do it.
Chappelle, let you borrow the shirt.
Yeah, I will.
Bruh, come on now.
Come on now.
This will get you.
This will do you good. No. Yeah. This will get you. This will do you good.
No.
Yeah.
This will do you real good.
Dude, I ain't doing nothing in that shirt, boy.
Except playing hide and go seek with everybody.
And not telling them that I'm doing it.
That's the only thing.
I ain't doing anything in that shirt.
We're going to the Lakers game.
At the NOPA Cabana, bro.
I ain't wearing that fucking thing.
Nope.
Okay.
Some Malibu rum.
If you don't have
Malibu rum,
you rock that shirt,
Chappelle.
I don't know what
the fuck you're doing, bro.
I don't drink.
I appreciate the invite
and if I,
if I want to,
if I decide to,
I'll hit you up.
Is that,
I'm not trying to be rude.
I just don't know.
She can go through me.
I'll figure out details. There you go. Yeah'm not trying to be rude. I just don't know. She can go through me.
I'll figure out details for you. There you go.
Yeah.
Brennan will be the...
Cupid.
Major D.
The middle man.
Cupid.
Dude, can you believe we missed...
I'll be your dark web.
Yeah.
He'll be the dark web.
Can you believe that Easter just went by through this thing and it was just like whatever?
No one gave a fuck.
No one gives a fuck about anything.
Easter. There's been mass shootings. shootings yeah there's been all sorts somebody
got mass-shooted dude nobody even fucking cared no the first in the mass shooting uh post the
first comment was when can we get back to restaurants yeah yeah when can people get
shot in restaurants again yeah that's what somebody asked like unbelievable dude yeah
remember in the old days when at least you would get you'd be able to eat while you got mass shot that's the postmates man yeah dude
like remember the good old days chin thank you so much for showing up and we wish you were here man
i wish i was there too have fun guys and and don't let the hot crawl get you down chin
i won't i'll be fine all All right. Be good, brother.
Bye, guys.
Stay safe.
Look, I respect how she handled it, though, man.
She came in.
She looks beautiful.
She came in hot.
She came in hot like she does.
She took a shot.
Steve cured it.
Yeah.
Well, she just said, look, I'm single.
I think she's just overall letting men know that she's available.
Nope, nope, nope, nope nope nope nope she went theo still single
i don't know if you'd be a clear fucking shot who is no one would ever do that dude that's what she
did dude in my mind yeah she just went like this theo i'm single and wink but in my mind that's was she getting stung by a murder
what did you take from what she said let's get a female she's definitely shooting her shot with you
and i also think that she isn't necessarily upset with chin having a girlfriend and not
telling her because it was the first date it's more so i think she feels stupid because it's
like yeah it's embarrassing, it's embarrassing.
Yeah, it's embarrassing. You get set up on a date,
you go out and have a good time.
We set her up on a date with a married man who's
42. Yes.
My bad. My bad.
We didn't know either, Carl. We didn't know
either. That's the thing. He hid everything
from us too. He did. He hid everything from
everyone. That's the thing about Chin, man.
You just never know who you're going to get. We have no idea.
He's basically the Walter White of Asia.
We have no idea.
Let's see what this guy has to say
right here. Thank you very much, Carly,
for sending in the video and for updating us.
Can we set
her up with guys? I just don't want something bad
happening.
We can ask her what she's comfortable with.
Get it in writing. Cover her ass. Just her what she's comfortable with get it in writing cover her ass
yeah just make sure she's okay yeah yeah we don't see her get killed yeah we just gotta
don't laugh after you say that part we just gotta set up with like non-psychos you know
we already set her up with chin what's the worst that can happen she had a good time
we did i felt like she was down too. When she got that sake in her,
and Chingo, weird, too,
is one eye was shut. He's like, I like her
tits. Next day, I'm married.
She's, ah.
She's standing outside by the traffic.
He's obviously been kicked out
of the restaurant. He's like, ah.
That's the worst blind date I've
ever seen, man. he was blind by the end
bro enough sake make chingo blind bro yeah dude he went full he went fully blind dude just couldn't
see after a while huh that's gotta be crazy if you really um must be fun though you know yeah must be fun okay
all right here's the guy's got a question let's get into it here's our first king of their sting
it hey guys what's going on this is john from los angeles podcast big fan so i got a king of
their sting it for you guys so it's been recently released that they're gonna have nicholas cage play joe
exotic in the scripted series that's coming out and i'd love to know what you guys think can uh
can nicholas cage pull this off can he portray the legendary joe exotic what do you guys think
man i'd love to know king it or sting it nicholas cage playing joe exotic in the scripted series
gang gang buzz buzz buzz buzz young man i love me some nicholas cage he really doesn't miss
until he started going broke because he's buying like castles and snakes and shit yeah they started
doing some bad movies but this was kind of he's gonna knock this out the park i was hoping to be
dax shepherd i feel like he'd been a really good joe exotic oh yeah he kind of has that like white
trash vibe you know yeah that's a good one yeah da dax would seem a little uh nicholas cage just
could actually really make it amazing that's the thing like dax i think could make it kind of good
like it'd be interesting yeah but cage could really look at that i mean he might be able to
make it amazing man yeah nicholas cage is the artiste right he's an artiste bro and that boy's
thick though i've seen him lately he's jacked not? No, not jacked thick. He's getting old.
He's put on weight?
Yeah, fat thick.
Well, maybe a little...
Not a thick with three Cs.
A thick with a K.
Okay.
Oh.
Yeah.
Damn.
And then did you see when he was getting...
The last time I saw him outside of a movie, he was going to get married, and him and his
wife or fiance started arguing in line in Vegas, and she stormed off.
Oh, that Asian girl.
Yeah.
He's had trouble in love, man. He's had trouble in love man he's had trouble in love he's in my favorite movie family man he's probably one
of the 13 or probably 15 best actors ever hands down face off damn i haven't seen face off take
your face off really i think if you and i exchange faces that's face off dude well that's all those
things that brian monarch does also. Yeah, you're right.
What was the one he was in with Dave Chappelle?
Nicolas Cage?
Yeah, the long hair.
You're not.
Oh, oh, oh.
Fuck.
Fuck, dude.
Con Air?
Con Air.
Con Air.
I haven't seen that either.
Is Chappelle in Con Air?
Mm-hmm.
I got to see that.
You guys seen Put the Bunny Back in the Box?
Uh-uh.
They beats and kills the guy.
I just told you, don't touch the bunny.
Is it a real bunny?
No, it's his daughter's stuffed toy.
Nicholas Cage is in this?
John Malkovich is so good in that.
Cyrus the Virus.
Ving Rhames, remember they touched his penis at that party. Oh, Dave Chappelle's pinball.
And he kills him.
He gets stuck in the wing.
Buscemi's in this?
See, Buscemi's great in it, too.
Danny Trejo, he's in every movie.
Well, I love it, man.
I love it.
I say King, and I think Cage is going to knock it out of the park.
I can't think of a better one.
Dax Shepard was my only go-to, but...
That was a solid one right there.
Nicolas Cage is fucking good.
Here we go right here.
Oh, here's Miles Teller.
That's cool.
Yeah.
Damn, that's good. Dude, here's Miles Teller. That's cool. Yeah. God damn. That's not as good as that.
Dude, you should have your own software.
What up, guys?
Hope you guys are surviving quarantine all right.
Grateful for the podcast while I'm at home doing nothing.
I got a King It or Sting It.
Ari dosing Bert.
I don't know if I heard you guys talk about it.
I know it's been a while, but what do we say?
King it or sting it.
Gang gang, buzz buzz, shout out.
Thick Boy Bike Club, shout out Thickies.
Damn.
Damn.
It's a movement.
Shout out Thickies, huh?
Bert's drops Friday too, dude.
Does it?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
It's a gift.
It's a shitty gift I have, but it's a gift. Is that that guy and Miles Teller? Yep. Wow. It's a a shitty gift i have but it's a gift is that that guy and miles teller yep
it's a real shitty gift i have that's a good one i'm like rain man
but i can't count in that picture yeah um it's a shitty gift i have um already dosing bert you
want to dive into this first i think thaturt likes any hype that he can get.
I think he's okay with it in the end.
I think it was a little risque in the beginning.
My problem is doing it around his family.
If it was like on the road or something, that's whatever.
Because they're so close, he did it.
That's whatever.
The problem is there's no consequence.
Like if Ari did that to me, you're going to get your ass whooped.
Especially around my kids.
There's going to be repercussions.
That's the problem.
He knows Burt's not going to do anything. You do that to Rog around my kids there's gonna be repercussions that's the problem he knows bert's not gonna do anything yeah you do that to rogan there's
gonna be repercussions yeah you do that to tom it's probably gonna be repercussions but bert's
so fun and playful that bert you know and bert does they're close though so it's like they're
like you would never do that to me right ever you would never do that to me but again i i don't know
the relationship well enough
but you and me are close you're one of my best friends if you brian or rogan dealt to me dude
i'd have to put my hands on you yeah especially in front of my kids i would do it just to get
beat i'd do it just to get beat probably oh there's easier ways to go about that bro just
to feel something you know people aren't feeling it huh sting it but again but if i you know? People aren't feeling it, huh? Sting it. But again,
but if I,
you know,
are you,
they,
they mess, they play around,
they play around like that,
right?
It's like,
I don't know the relationship.
So if that's how they play around,
who am I to say they shouldn't have done it?
Well,
he's like the Santa Claus kind of of drugs.
He like kind of shows up.
People don't know if he's real.
And then he fucking drugs you,
you know?
I know Bert was,
I,
I heard Bert was upset,
but then he seems all right with it.
But then he seems all right with it.
Yeah.
He said he had some medical problems or something.
But he's always had those, I think, since I've known him.
Oh, got it.
That's his weight, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he has like high blood pressure.
Or something about his heart.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what he's worried about.
They said they were going to replace his heart at one point.
Damn.
Oh, shit.
With like a calf's heart or something.
And then he's, but he was going, he was going on a plane too.
He had to go on a plane after that.
That'd be nuts, dude.
It sounds like these guys are a couple of fuck boys.
That's what it sounds like, dude.
They need to tighten their shit up, dude.
Ain't nobody got time for this shit.
Also, Bert's too old to be doing Molly and shit, bro.
That's the other thing.
Well, what was it?
It also depends on what type of drug it was.
It was Molly.
It was?
A shitload of Molly.
Or E.
I don't know drugs.
Is that the same shit?
I think it's fine, dude.
It's just going to end up in a big-ass family hug.
And as long as they get you out of the house after an hour, I think you're good.
You know?
It seems like no harm, no foul.
I've been pissed.
I don't play like that, dude.
I've grown with kids.
I can't play like that.
Did it happen, though?
Do you guys think...
Part of me wonders if it was strategic
to help you get hype for a special though
and to help get
Ari past the Kobe thing.
No, this was before the Kobe thing.
Oh, never mind, man.
I just think that's their relationship.
If that's what they do,
mask off.
They've got a podcast recorded that they never released.
Burt thinks it'd be irresponsible or something, but man, that would crush.
Everybody knows about this.
It's like legend now.
They need to release that.
Yeah, Burt says he doesn't want to release it, right?
Because he was really upset at him, right?
Yeah, he was worried that it would be bad influence on children about drug.
He's taking it lightly.
He doesn't know if there's legal repercussions, he said, think is not really an issue local children uh yeah local children international children
children general children i don't know man that's crazy that's a relationship children at once that's
insane and you're gonna be too upset if they're still boys yeah that's his thing he didn't put
any hands on him bro if you're upset at him fucking shoot him yeah you know what i'm saying
you're right shoot him cut him cut him shank. You know what I'm saying? You're right.
Shoot him.
Cut him.
Cut him.
Shank him.
Yeah.
What are you going to do?
Oh, you did nothing, bro?
You did nothing, bro. You ain't upset.
You ain't upset.
Because I'm high.
You probably look like banana bread to me.
I bite the shit out of you.
Yeah.
At least bite into your buddy's neck, bro.
Yeah, dog.
Teach him a lesson.
Yeah, bite into your fucking friend, dude.
You did nothing, Bert. Yeah, dog. Teach him a lesson. Yeah, bite into your fucking friend, dude. You did nothing, Bert.
Yeah, you did nothing, Bert.
Speaking of banana bread, we've got a name game.
We haven't done this in a while.
Send in more of these.
These are fun.
Another mustache.
Mustache and quarantine are hot.
What's up, guys?
This is Matt.
I live in LA.
And all bets have been off during COVID as far as diet goes.
So I got a little name game for you.
Desserts.
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.
Peace out.
I mean, sky's the limit here.
What are the rules of this game again?
Any dessert that you eat after dinner.
You can't say fruit by the foot.
You can't name candy.
Yeah, those aren't desserts.
It has to be legit desserts.
Okay.
You want me to kick legit desserts. Okay.
You want me to kick it off?
Yep.
Carrot cake.
That shit's delicious.
After a meal with some coffee, son.
That's the one I was going to say.
They hit you.
That's the one I was going to say, man.
It's a vegetable cake.
You know?
It's healthy and it's cake.
I will go with bread pudding.
Lemon meringue pie.
That's good.
Another nice one.
Yep.
Creme brulee.
I'm going to say coconut cream pie.
What?
I love pies.
Come on, man.
Blueberry pie.
Oh, man.
I feel like it was a cheap way out, but all right.
What?
Blueberry?
There's not a lot of blueberry on the menu, Doug.
Blueberry?
There's an apple pie.
What's up, Doug?
Oh, come on, bro.
You know everybody got that apple hitter. You bringing that beat-ass pie around here that everybody's had?
Dude, a good apple pie, bro?
Fuck. You gotta start living.
Bro, you need to try more desserts, bro.
Like what? If you come around here with that, dude,
then I'll tiramisu
you later.
Then don't make me hit you
with that peach cobbler.
What's up, dog?
Damn, peach cobbler
is so good.
I do, it's good.
What I really like is that tapioca, baby.
Who wants a scoop of wood, baby?
Oh, no, you didn't.
Well, I'm going to layer you up with some tiramisu.
I just did.
You know, you know what I said, tiramisu?
Just like me
Fuck
Fuck
Good game
Good game
You won
I can name desserts forever
No you can't
I said Tamasoo
No
You
Can't
How about that
Nice
Just the
I like a nice
Plain vanilla scoop
Of ice cream
Well you should have
Told us
Hey you look like
You look like Sandra Bullock.
What's that movie with her eyes?
Oh, Bird Box.
Yeah.
I look like the entire...
You look like your gay aunt in Bird Box.
Heavy on the box.
Light on the bird.
Not too many birds, but a lot of box.
Damn, Brendan.
I fucked up Satyamisu.
That's so hard, bro.
Oh, dude.
Dang.
Because I'll hit you with them churros.
You had so many beautiful, yeah.
Oh, dude, fried ice cream.
Layups.
Dude, fried ice cream.
Fried ice cream, regular ice cream, melted ice cream.
Ice cream pies.
Whipped cream.
Ice cream sandwiches.
Whipped cream, okay. Wh cream okay cream these aren't desserts
that's the most midwest thing ever here's a here's a handful of whipped cream
whipped cream sour cream if you're trying to go healthy you get some nice fucking berries
a little whipped cream on top oh yeah that's living too brother dude i can't believe you
said tiramisu god me neither you had so so me and no I could went with chocolate cake. Yeah, everyone has that chocolate cake
Oh, you could have a triple chocolate cake double chocolate devil's chocolate German chocolate German chocolate cheesecake now
And then the cheese can't that pound cake Mexican chocolate vanilla dude. I love
What they got yeah trace let's chase dog three meals, bro
I love fries.
Tres Leches is what they got, bro.
Yeah, Tres Leches, dog.
Three milks, bro.
Get that milkshake hitter.
Go to Chili's, get a full rack of ribs, and wash it down with a chocolate shake.
And they have molten lava cake there, too.
Damn.
Look at us.
Chocolate-covered bananas.
And you bailed out your covered strawberries. What's that skillet cookie?
Skillet cookie with ice cream?
We're talking about pizookie.
Oh, man. Yeah, you could have. I fucked up, dog. What's that skillet cookie? Is it skillet cookie? Oh, a pizookie. We're talking about pizookie. Oh, man.
Yeah, you could have.
I fucked up, dog.
What happened?
How did you say tiramisu again?
You know what?
Because when you were naming, I'm thinking.
So I didn't hear you really say tiramisu.
I heard your other one.
I think you said tapioca pudding.
Oh, yeah.
You can went with bread pudding, chocolate pudding, vanilla pudding.
Those little mochis.
Oh, yeah.
Chinese dessert.
It's Japanese, but that's a nice try.
It is?
Yeah, definitely Japanese.
Close enough.
It's good.
I'd eat it in China, dude.
That's how much I like it.
I would.
I really would.
Let's see what this guy has to say.
This guy seems like he's definitely high as hell.
Moving on to the debate club.
I'm shocked you lost so early on.
I have sweet teeth, dude. Yeah, I don't have enough videos. I thought we upset I lost. Moving on to the debate club. I'm shocked you lost so early on. I have sweet teeth, dude.
Yeah, I don't have enough videos.
I thought we were going to be here all day.
We should have been.
I dropped the ball, dude.
Wow.
I shot my shot, and I missed.
It's all right, man.
What's up, guys?
So I got a debate club for you.
So I'm just taking a break, watching this guy talk about how he just loves tugging on his pecker.
And I'm going to have a little string cheese.
talk about how he just loves tugging on his pecker and i'm gonna have a little string cheese the debate club is when you eat string cheese do you peel it back like a young school girl
or do you just bite into that shit like a goddamn man
debate it dude that kind of looks like you a little me Me? A little. I don't think so.
What do you think?
A younger Brendan?
I do not look like that.
Kind of looks like my buddy Vedron from Eau Claire.
We don't know Vedron.
What the fuck was his name?
If you guys knew him, you'd think I was Brendan right now.
Vedron.
Do not pull a picture of Vedron.
From Eau Claire. We already have enough pending litigation. What a great name, though. Yeah, dude. Vedron. Do not pull a picture of Vedron. From Eclair. We already have enough
pending litigation. What a great name
though. Yeah, dude. Vedron.
I think that's a real friend, dude.
Vedron? You just made that up?
From Eclair.
He's still naming desserts,
dude. That's right.
Oh, we didn't even get the donuts. God,
Brendan. What happened to you, man?
Something happened to you while I was out of town years ago you would have known years ago they
tried yeah here they go they tried to give me to your me soon is that your
buddy smuggle drugs for the cartel across the border? Dude, they look exactly the same. Now they look similar.
Now they look similar.
Dude, I eat string cheese like a goddamn civilian.
Of course, I peel it.
It's string cheese.
It's string.
It's string for a reason, man.
You did it like a goddamn educated man.
You think Elon Musk is biting that thing like a fucking caveman?
No, dude.
He's peeling it.
Like an educated soul. How do you guys do it in
the far east cat what are you guys doing uh well we're really good with dairy right asian people
are usually lactose intolerant you know that but we still eat cheese the more you know gangster
we don't really care about that but we're really good with following instructions so we always got to peel it
wow and chapelle see i didn't have string cheese until i was adopted into the white family right
oh it's a white snack yeah it's the whitest snack yeah i never had it i feel like i do a pickle
maybe in a little thing you know you see a pickle like a hot pickle hot pickle i like a hot yeah
see i prefer the black treats yeah you do black treats
oh yeah what are black treats yeah we're black treats brendan well yeah you said the hot day
i thought we were in the trust tree i thought we were in the trust tree we are until she was like
well what's up black i just like picking up i know what it is a m McNugget. I get a little comfortable when you got that nighttime Tommy Bahama shirt on, dude.
Yeah, dude.
My bad.
Yeah.
Chappelle, if you're going to be black, don't wear your white Halloween costume either, dude.
I didn't know FUBU makes fucking exotic shirts.
For Uruguay by Uruguay, dude.
I didn't know Carl Canai makes fucking outerwear.
For the beach. beach fat farm bro.
Come on.
It's fat farm.
It's fat farm.
It's Sean John
man.
Ocean edition.
The Bay Club
peel string cheese
or bite it.
Peel it 73%.
Of course dude.
What time the
fucking.
When you bite it
I noticed that
it's kind of shaped
like it's they make
it so you're supposed to peel it.
The way it's kind of tapered at the top.
The layers.
That thing's ready to be peeled.
To bypass all of that and just bite into it.
That's some terrorist shit, dude.
That's ISIS moves, bro.
It's very ISIS, man.
It's just bizarre, fella.
What's that guy's name? Vedrom? It's almost moves, bro. It's very ISIS, man. It's really, it's just bizarre, fella. What's that guy's name?
Vedrom?
It's almost upsetting, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, Vedrom, dude.
You can buy into cheddar like that.
Yeah.
Remember when we had the cheese off?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that was a good one.
Classic.
Who lost that one?
You did.
That was it?
Yeah.
And then I lost on sweets.
That's unbelievable.
Unreal.
Unreal.
Unreal.
I'm so disappointed in myself.
I thought you were going to win. That was an upset. I thought it was a layup. I'm so disappointed in myself.
I thought it was a layup.
I'd be the first seed.
I was running out of desserts.
You said blueberry pie.
I said blueberry pie.
There's not a lot of blueberry. You could have went with cherry.
Yeah.
I said coconut cream, dude.
That's so good. A banana.
Banana cream. Banana custard. Banana yogurt. That's so good. A banana. A banana cream. Banana custard.
Banana yogurt.
Rhubarb pie.
Just yogurt.
A peach cobbler.
Flavorless gelatin.
Flavorless?
Yeah, you can get some jello, I guess.
It's kind of a cheap snack, though, huh?
I mean, it's good, I think.
You can get sugar-free jello.
That's what bodybuilders eat for sweet tooth.
They do?
Apparently, Orange County county choppers is back
what's up gentlemen good morning to you ceo brennan i love what y'all doing man a lot of
podcasts got a little debate club for you so i'm originally from new orleans louisiana
right there by your theo i even went down that causeway, spent my time in that St. Slaminy.
You know how it is.
Yeah.
Is that present?
Now I'm in Salt Lake City, Utah.
So here's my debate.
A lot of people here love going hiking and seeing the mountains for what they're worth
and going out there doing their thing.
Back home, you know, it's water and Gulf Coast and seeing what you can cut up on that bayou.
So here's my debate.
What's better? Them hikings in the mountains,
or is it better just to chill in that bayou?
Y'all let me know what you think.
Figured it was a perfect debate for y'all from where y'all from.
All right, let me know.
Gang guzzle, butt muzzle.
That's a scary-looking man, I'll tell you that much.
That butt muzzle, huh?
That boy did some time.
That dude did, man. What do you think he man, I'll tell you that much. That butt muzzle, huh? That boy did some time. That dude did, man.
What do you think he did?
Broke a few necks?
Did you see his tattoo?
It said Louisville Slugger on his forearm.
Probably stole some choppers for parts.
And he's not even from Louisville yet.
That guy's done, yeah.
Look at that.
He probably definitely.
That boy's doing the Lord's work on the street.
Oh, yeah.
I'm glad he's a fan, I'll tell you that right now.
Big man.
That boy's the thickest, man.
Yeah, that dude is, huh?
You know he drives a hog.
That dude is thick lache right there.
Thick lache.
They play some O-line for the Utah Blaze.
That's that Arena League team.
Is it?
I played for them.
Did you really? I did, yeah. Bring. Is it? I played for them. Did you really?
I did, yeah.
Bring up the Utah Blaze emblem if you can.
I don't think the team's there anymore.
I think the Arena League went under, but yeah, there was a team called the Utah Blaze.
Wow.
How many games did you play?
Did you play a season?
Nope.
I was in camp, got my jersey, and then halfway through camp, I was like, wait, how much are
you paying us?
I was miserable.
They wanted me to get to 300 pounds.
Wow.
We still have the Arizona Rattlers.
Do you?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, Utah Blaze.
Boise Burn, I think, was a team, too, I think I remember.
And then I remember everyone in the locker rooms,
they paid us, I think, like 25 grand.
That was the most we got.
And everyone was like, well, you know, Kurt Warner started here.
I'm like, no, I get it.
I get it, dude.
We're not going to the NFL.
Nobody's going to the NFL here.
We're all thick as fuck.
Is that not common for people to go to the NFL?
Not at all.
Really?
I mean, it's over, dude.
Oh.
Wow.
Damn.
Shout out to Utah Blaze.
Listen, man, as president of the Thick Boy Bike Club,
I got to pick Utah because they got some of the best trails out there in the world.
And I was just on their trails.
That's the thing, man.
I mean, I still have dirt all over me from there.
Still got the scarf with sweat on it.
Yep.
This thing is 100% from Utah, man.
It's Mormon.
Oh, it's everything out there.
They got polygamy, too, out there.
And here's the thing that they'll do, I learned.
This is a polygamous housing trick.
They will have a man will get a wife okay then they will get a house for the wife but
they won't complete the house they won't finish the building of it and if it's not finished then
they don't have to pay property taxes on it so it can still be a functioning house but if it's not
completely finished and you save that money to save a little bit
of bank you know tripping the system and I think Mormons should be able to have
their own country if they want I think if they basically do yeah the president's
Tom Cruise yeah some dope land they're not big taxes
yeah that's Scientology or chill on the bay bayou. Now, the bayou, though, you can get bit easy. I'm off today. Here's the problem with the bayou.
Them gators, son.
I can't relax in the bayou.
You would be a snicker out there.
You'd be a vanilla snicker.
You're right.
Mormons don't pay taxes either, though.
Any religion is tax exempt.
So, like, they all tie.
You're right.
You're right.
I'm still off today, though.
But, yeah yeah you get
Snacked on out there
But also if you're not into super healthy lifestyle
Utah ain't the place New Orleans is
You go to that bourbon street
You go to that old bar where it's all dark
There's just candles
You wear that shirt Chappelle
You get free drinks all night
You fit in there
First of all it's LSU colors
LSU colors you get a U saxophone in one hand you get drinks all night so i get a saxophone fuck yeah oh damn
yeah get a lisa simpson tattoo on your back
or crusty the clown either way he's killing it lights out hell yeah dude i think uh i love the
bayou man i love being able to fish though that's one thing that's in the mountains you got to come down from the mountain to fish, though. That's one thing that's in the mountains.
You've got to come down from the mountain to fish because they don't have a lot of lake in the mountain.
There's some fish in, though, in Utah now.
But those fish have to climb up the mountain, and they're barely even wet when they get up there.
Yeah, you're right.
They're kind of dehydrated by the time they do get up there.
Yeah, they're a fish stick.
You might find a couple fish sticks.
A couple fish fillets.
Deep fried.
That's a tough one, man.
I mean, it's just different experiences.
They're both great.
They're both great.
But your boy being a biker, I'm picking Utah.
Yeah, respect, man.
Also, there's not a lot of gang activity.
You're not getting too much trouble in Utah.
The Bayou, you're getting some trouble, man.
Yeah, the Bayou's good.
I started getting my tits out.
You get buried down there.
People killing each other.
A lot more.
Every gangland episode is in New Orleans.
First 48 starts in New Orleans.
That swamp glass.
Doing some of that meth.
That Louisiana meth.
That swamp glass, they call it.
I think, man, I'm going to go Utah.
I'm fresh out of Utah at the moment.
You're high in Utah.
I'm high in Utah, man.
I've still got that elevation in my lungs.
Fuck yeah.
I'm going to stay in Utah, man. I've still got that elevation in my lungs. Fuck yeah. I'm going to stay in Utah, man.
Utah it'll be.
Wait.
Joe Burrow is a freaking savage, bro.
And Utah doesn't even have a professional football team, which is alarming to me.
Well, they used to have the Utah Blaze.
But they weren't.
But I'm not.
You're talking like the Harlem.
I'm not talking like the Harlem.
No.
Oh, shit. They have the Utah Blaze. Yeah, dude. But I'm not I'm not You're talking like the Harlem I'm not talking like the Harlem No Shit
They have the Utah Blaze
Yeah dude
You guys got the
New Orleans Saints
Yeah dude
Big difference
And then college football
The Utes ain't bad
Utes ain't bad
They keep saying
Oh I go to the U
Bitch
The U is
University of Miami
You guys need to quit that shit
Utah
You're not the real U
The U is
University of Miami But you go down there Dude Tell shit, Utah. You're not the real you. The you is the University of Miami.
But you go down there, dude, tell them it's not the real you,
you get fucking.
Really?
Yeah.
But Utah State, also the Cougars, I think, is their team name.
Nope, Utah State Aggies.
Oh, wow.
But they got a lot of decent schools out there.
BYU.
Yep.
Yep.
Bring them young, baby.
BYU, all Hawaiians, all white boys, and they can play some ball. Oh, Yep. Bring them young, baby. BYU.
All Hawaiians, all white boys.
And they can play some ball.
Oh, yeah.
There's a couple blacks.
Some of them.
Not many.
I said a couple.
Is it really?
Yeah.
It's like a couple.
Or pineapple blacks.
That's what they call a lot of the Hawaiians, too.
Yeah, you're right.
Utah has some ballers, though.
Like Alex Smith came from there.
He did?
Dude, you know what happened to Alex Smith?
You know what happened to him?
I didn't either.
I was watching ESPN 60.
They have that 60 show on there.
And so, right, ball for San Fran.
Then fucking homeboy came down and refused to take a knee, Kaepernick.
So they're like, oh, he's probably the future.
He went to, from there, he went to the Chiefs.
And then he got hurt.
They're like, oh, here's Patrick Mahomes.
So he's following Patrick Mahomes.
Then they're like, oh, we're all set, dude.
We got Patrick Mahomes.
He's like, well, fuck.
He goes to Washington, signs like a three-year, $100 million deal.
Sixth game of the year.
How'd that hike?
J.J. Watt tackles him.
Compound fractures his leg.
And the way he got tackled, it like broke all his shit.
You know, standard leg injury.
He goes to the hospital.
Two days later, they do surgery. He's like, man, I'm trying to get back home. They're like, all right,. Standard leg injury. He goes to the hospital. Two days later, they do surgery.
He's like, man, I'm trying to get back home.
They're like, all right, you can leave today.
He's like, I don't feel great, though.
So they take his temperature.
He has like 104 temperature.
Oh, it's hot.
Like, man, something's going on.
They look in his leg.
He got some on the field.
He has dirt down there.
He got some flesh-eating bacteria.
They show the pictures.
It's insane, dude.
He's done, done. Damn he's done done damn done really
the flesh eating bacteria tore up his leg so bad they were like man if if we don't decapitate his
leg in the next day or so he's gonna die so his wife was like well then take the leg but then
i guess some medication worked and so his legs there but it has this i mean he's fucked they took uh
muscle they took muscle from his other leg to put on this leg wow yeah it's a sad story damn boy has
money though at least oh he's not dead oh yeah 100 million for the redskins wow gosh that's so
sad the picture's rough dude that's heartbreaking yeah r. Yeah. RIP Alex Smith, man.
Still doing the damn thing, though.
Had that Dine Peace wife in the documentary, too.
Yeah.
A lot of beautiful women out there.
Dude, I'm so bored in quarantine.
I watched Don't Fuck With Cats twice now.
Did you?
Yeah.
Why?
That shit is fantastic.
Watch Sons of Anarchy.
I've been binge watching that.
Why don't you read or read a dessert book?
You're right, dude.
You're right. S. You're right.
Sons of Anarchy.
Let me go back to 2007.
Still throwing that sugar shade over here, boy.
Yeah, you are.
That's fair, though.
I know I got sweet teeth.
I fucked up.
Dude, I got it.
What's this fucking hog talking about?
This is our last debate club.
What's up, guys?
This is Bryce from Knoxville, Tennessee.
And, Brandon, I know you like to go fast and do.
I know you've got a thick ass, so.
The real thick boy bike club.
The winning junior bicycle club.
Which course day?
Flying day.
First lane.
Yeah, I wish, dog.
I wish I'd jump on a hog and feel comfortable.
They're too dangerous, though, man.
And I need a workout, son.
I feel like you've been on motorcycles, no?
Yeah, I've been on motorcycles before, man.
I've had a couple of occurrences.
I got thrown off of one on the side of like a hill one time.
Pretty dangerous.
I'm not trying to make fun of you,
but I'm assuming you're the guy in the back holding your buddy.
God.
Not too fast. I was in one of those side cars one time and somebody set it on fire when i was in
there and so that was a little bit spooky what what was his debate club just motorcycles motorcycles
or bicycles oh bicycle you're trying to get lean and mean bicycles son motorcycle doing all the
work it's like that e-bike i didn't even sweat just yeah i did on e-bike this weekend it's like that e-bike i didn't even sweat just yeah mountain i did on e-bike this weekend it's
definitely not the it's not the rough and tumble thing you want you try and get them quad teardrop
hitters you got to get on that bike and put in the work son get that blowout ass like theo you
gotta put in the work jesus christ put the work somewhere else dude it's all on my butt.
That dude looked dope on a bike, though. They do look
fun. He looked sweet
on that bike, didn't he? I could see Chappelle
being on a hog. Yeah?
She's like, see ya, fellas.
I told you, I've been binge-watching Sons of Anarchy.
Yeah, Chappelle, get out there, man.
You gotta get out there, dude.
Get in the Hells Angels. Okay.
Yeah, dude. They don't let black people in there.
Huh?
But change the norm, man.
Is that a rule?
Is that a rule?
Yeah, I think so.
No black people in Hells Angels?
Are they racist?
No.
Who's the all black one?
Not the Mongols.
Black Panthers.
Not the Black Panthers because they don't have motorcycles.
There's an all black one.
They're some bad boys, dude.
Type in all black motorcycle gang. I're some bad boys, dude. Type in all-black motorcycle gang.
I see them in Venice.
Motorcycle club.
They're not a gang.
Not a gang.
Call them a gang and get shot in the face.
Black motorcycle club.
Black rebel.
Nope.
Black rebels, that's a band.
Or maybe try African American.
Maybe just type in black motorcycle gang.
It's black motorcycle gang, dude.
Just type in gang for the sake of it.
I mean, I'm not calling them a gang.
But that's...
You got to put in...
Buffalo Soldiers, it says.
Nope, that's not who I'm thinking of, dude.
It's a big one?
Yeah, it's a big one.
Well, F you guys, man, because i'm trying to meet some hot chicks dude
dude they have hot chicks they're called they're called uh old ladies old ladies and they and they
got to wear their names on their back of their shirt like property of yeah it's sick property
of anna do they have a lot of vietnamese um bikers motorcyclists yeah that's all we do over in vietnam
everyone drives a motorcycle. Oh, shit.
I actually have a burn on my leg
from a motorcycle when I was in Vietnam.
I got burned by the exhaust pipe when I
was like six. Damn.
It's like a rite of passage almost? Kind of,
yeah. I think it's the Vandals.
Is that on there?
Look, when you and Nick are done... The Vandals is a band.
When you and Nick are done flirting with each
other, the rest of us are trying to find out about
Vietnamese bicyclists
what are we looking up about Vietnamese
just do me a favor
because I'm off today
is it the vandals
because I saw on the road it was a black guy
black men who ride gas-powered cycles.
Put that in there.
That's not a gang, bro.
I know.
Did the Vandals pop up?
It's also a biker club.
Here you go.
Vandals MC.
Yes.
Oh, Pagan's Motorcycle Club?
No, the Vandals.
That's them, dude.
Yeah.
I saw a couple on the road
they meet they meet in venice and i was scared and i looked them up
those are white people yandals those are a lot of white guys
i don't think i don't know i don't think ones exist i don't even know
i know tiramisu i'll tell you that much really i know tiramisu. I'll tell you that much. Really? I know tiramisu.
Well, Theo, I'm glad you got some rest, man.
You're the only guy I knew that needed a vacation during the quarantine.
Man, I'm exhausted, bro.
I got to take off for a few days.
Like, from what?
Oh, shit.
It is true, dude.
Dude, oh, you know what I did see?
So a lot of the businesses were closed.
They had deer just wandering around inside of just parking lots and stuff.
Things you would be like, oh, this is like a weird place for some deer.
They had like a La Quinta Inn.
And by the pool and stuff, they had deer just drinking out of it.
Pretty crazy.
Deer are getting a little too comfortable.
Yeah. Deer up getting a little too comfortable. Yeah.
Deer up in the hot tub.
Then Mormons get back to work.
Let me lighten those deer up.
Oh, yeah, man.
Choke them out.
Yeah, dude.
I would love to start a male, all male, or also some chicks can come club.
Nah, you want it all male.
Keep going.
Nah, nah.
You want all male.
Where you fight animals. Where people
fight animals one-on-one. Or hunt
one-on-one. With your hands?
With your hands, yeah. Or with a knife.
One knife.
You think people would do it?
Sounds like naked and afraid.
With just boys.
But also chicks can come at night.
I'm in.
Yeah. But do you think people would do it no
too scared to kill what were you waiting to kill with your bare hands right it's tough a couple
warthogs maybe snakes but there'd be some you really see who who could be some good hunters
you have to grapple them fucking murder hornets, dude. Or go noodling.
That's right.
Put your hand in the fucking catfish mouth.
It's catfish, right?
Yeah.
That's popular in Vietnam, isn't it?
No, that's New Orleans.
I feel like.
Oh, yeah. I know it's popular down there.
But I'm talking about I've seen it done a bunch in Louisiana, Mississippi.
Oklahoma does it big time.
Big time, Oklahoma.
What exactly is it?
Noodling where they put their hand in a pipe that has a fish in it, and they get the fish out.
Oh, shit.
Well, it's like a mud.
It's like underwater in like a lake or a fucking river, and they put their whole hand in.
Because if you don't, it has stingers.
So they go.
Ever tried noodling?
Nope.
They go knuckle deep in the fish's mouth.
You got to get in there, bro. Yeah, those boys don't want to get caught and then you eat them huh oh damn
let's get a shot of this guy
why'd they do my man like that he wasn't he wasn't. Bro, why does Santa do it?
Why'd that guy eat all the craft services?
That guy...
Whoa!
What was going on there?
I don't know. That dude's hanging out for the wrong
reason. I think his
noodling's different than the rest of the people's.
It's okay. The girls come
at night.
The girls can come later.
And that's when that old man leaves.
Oh, look at that thing.
He's like, I'm out of here.
Yeah, fuck these hoes.
I'm out of here, dog.
I'll be back in the morning.
I had a good time.
Timmy gonna be back tomorrow?
Where's my shirt and pants and everything?
I'm out of here.
I was completely... Where'd I leave my shirt and pants and everything? I'm out of here. Where did I leave my shirt and pants and boots at?
Where did I leave my shirt and pants and lip gloss?
I'm out.
Why did you do my dad?
Just a full body
fucking scan of that old fat dude.
Go back to that guy, Nick.
What are you doing out here?
Why did they do it?
He was in TV ready.
Go back to him, man.
This is how to post it up.
Trying to enjoy himself.
What's going on in this
shithole?
What's going on in this Shithole
There
Who is that guy
Bro his stomach looks
Sick
It looks like he has a bunch of illness in his body
I bet you can name a few desserts
I bet you he wouldn't fuck up tiramisu twice.
He's a two-time champ, brother.
He's just staring at them boys in the water, man.
With the cigarette.
Two sticks, bro.
Two sticks.
Look at the milk breads on that guy.
Them titties.
Look at those. Friggin' jungle fronts on that guy and titties look at those freaking jungle fronts on that boy
man this street santa's full of shit
this bayou santa over here yeah i'm definitely voting mountains This guy.
This guy gives me the creeps, dude.
This is the ghost of Christmas, Papa Doe's shrimp.
Dude.
Dude, I love Papa Doe's. I knew that.
You think people don't think that? You think people don't
think that?
Why they do my mans like that?
Why is he out here
like that? Nobody did
your mans. What about when he was
behind homeboys? Dude, he didn't sign off
on this. They're not little boys in front looking for some Dude, he didn't sign off on this.
They're not little boys looking for some noodles.
They ain't no noodles, son.
Oh, my God.
Got yourself an old man's eel.
And why'd he also put his hands on that guy's shirt?
This guy's classic.
Let's get him on the show.
Dude.
This guy is vulgar. He's trying to get a kiss.
Dude.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Who's this little Christmas?
This little Christmas bunny.
This little Christmas bunny. This little
Christmas critter, huh?
Whoa!
Oh, but he's not in the shot,
huh? You can't put the man in the shot.
There he is.
There's his son, bro.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Yeah, get on down there.
Why is that guy there?
They don't know this man.
They clearly don't know him.
He's not even the after pics or nothing.
He just showed up.
He's trying to feel on these men.
He's trying to take his shirt off and feel on them boys.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Whoa.
I'm out. I'm out.
I'm out.
What?
What are you doing?
Oh, man. What is going on, dude?
Oh, shit.
Is this America's Next Top Model, dude?
This is Joe Exotic's Farm League.
No, dude, I think it's the Catch a Predator.
Oh, yeah, this is Joe Exotic's home.
This is Catch a Predator, son.
Want to have a seat?
Oh, gosh.
Fuck, dude.
Oh, man, my face hurts.
That's crazy.
Why is that guy doing all that?
They need him.
Oh, he's holding this man under the water.
I doubt he signed off on that full body
dude what do you mean you don't show up to something looking like that if you didn't plan
on it that's his tender profile pic come on that's very tender dude that is rare this is
let him live man let him live he's living doing damn thing. And he used to probably be a train conductor, obviously.
And here he is, man.
Obviously, he lives in one of those Christmas villages that our grandparents own.
Gosh.
I thought this dude died in the Andrea Gale, dude.
This guy is fucking...
That's it, man. I need a sponsor, I am a monster About to open up with this at my concerts Flow is contagious, browser outrageous Thicker than girls that are Instagram famous
Damn, hungry like I'm fresh off keto
Seeing red like Andrew Santino
Every song I hit like the great Bambino
Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos
But everything's gonna be fine
Hate on me, I do not mind
Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times
They sliding into my DMs
A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em
Quit playing like Nintendo DS
You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz
Meaning y'all edible
Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible
Brennan's son hit me up
He said it's too loud in the club, can you pick me up?
King and the sting
King and the sting
King and the sting
We sting, rat king King and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, bee sting rat king, king and the sting, king and the sting, got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, bee sting rat king, king and the sting, king and the sting, got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string
Brendan and Theo, fighter in Creole, shout out New Orleans and shout out to CO, Colorado more specifically Boulder
Brendan came in with a chip on his shoulder, but it's still gold and yet it's still fire
If you don't like king and the sting, you're a liar
Brendan's got like a thousand different hustles, of them's at Nordstrom, racked to win tires
Black Rifle Coffee, we hear you loud and clear
Your son on the email, like, please get me out of here
It's way too loud in here, watchin' the Irishman
Eatin' pizza, drinkin' half a beer
Now on to Theo Vaughn, lookin' like the type of dude that tries to read us songs
Smokin' cigarettes with a snapback on
About to hit the crib and turn Snapchat on
It's all good, we still mess with ya
1811 Pico Boulevard, go get that hitter Derrick and Kat, y'all doin' great Outro Music King in the sting, king in the sting Bee sting rat king, king in the sting
King in the sting, got the bees in the trap
Got the cheese on a string
King in the sting, king in the sting
King in the sting, bee sting rat king
King in the sting, king in the sting.
Got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string.