The Golden Hour - Episode 72: Ham Soup
Episode Date: June 5, 2020Hannah Barron joins the show again and the guys take a Deep Dive into her Creepy DM's, and talk Boosie Badazz, the White Guy from Run The Jewels, Chris D'Elia's Solidarity Text to... Shapel, The Sting's trip to Houston, Nick's Tragic Tooth Story, Talking Politics At The Dinner Table, The Old Lion King vs The New Lion King, Home Made Pie vs Store Bought Goods, Fake Oreo News and much more!Postmates - download the app and use KATS2020See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I see like probably 20 cop cars come flying by.
I'm like, damn, somebody robbed a bank, my dumb ass.
And then I see a military, like, Hummer come by.
I'm like, oh, shit.
And I walk down.
I see a cop.
I go, what's going on?
He goes, I'll get out of here if I were you.
The protest is about to start, man.
He's like, we're going to shut this area down.
You won't be able to get in or out for a few hours.
And you're like, well, they have funnel cake.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Gang, gang.
Boom, boom. Back off my broccolini
Get your life together
It is
Don't touch me bro
I'm not touching you dude
This is a hitter though
Remember this one?
And we all got some ratchet in it
And my ratchet hose.
You got to get ratchet, bro.
I'm all about ratchet.
You got to get ratchet.
Are you?
You got to take one of your arms off, bro.
Don't be a little bitch.
We need to shoot one of your arms off.
I'll rip one of your arms off and put them on my fucking mouth.
Get ratchet up in there.
It ain't gay if the arm's ripped off.
Dog, I'll take your eyes out and put them in my nut sack.
Okay.
All right, buddy.
Is that how they do that?
I'll take the titties off your ass.
Whoa.
Okay.
We got to shut the music off, man.
How ratchet are you trying to get, dog?
Not that ratchet, man.
All right, then.
That's why I don't test my ratchetness.
That's big ratchet.
Don't test my ratchet.
Dang, bro.
First team all ratchet right here, dog.
Dude, that is first team all ratchet.
You're going to take somebody's ass off.
With what, a sword?
Nah, man.
My hands.
Oh, damn.
First team all ratchet. Damn, bro. Ain't nothing ratchy damn bro yeah i might get a brassiere
tattooed on my ass bro just get a little nipple popping out the top that's not a bad idea at all
yeah man boosie was in here man bellows yeah Yeah, it was wild, bro. Is he tall?
I would say he's tall in spirit, you know.
Okay.
But on the outside, he's not that tall.
About 5'6"? Yeah, he's probably 30 feet long if you cracked him open.
What's he look like?
What's he look like?
He's never heard since college parties, really.
He looks like he's from Louisiana.
Yeah, he's wild, man. He's one of from Louisiana. Yeah. He's wild, man.
He's one of a kind.
That's him right there.
Oh, he's short.
Oh, he's real short.
The legend, bruh.
Oh, yeah.
Somebody put this Boosie and Kaboosie.
Boosie and the Kaboosie, baby.
Kaboosie and the Boosie.
That made me laugh.
That's funny.
Kaboosie. It was wild, made me laugh. That's funny. Caboosey.
It was wild, though, man.
He was cool.
Yeah.
Dude, he's my favorite.
He's the number one guest that I ever wanted to have since I used to think about in my kitchen.
Are you going to stop doing it now?
Because you're there.
That's your ultimate guest.
I don't know, man.
I mean, I don't know who else we get.
You know Nostradamus?
Killer Mike? Wow. Yeah, Killer Mike, bud. That's Rog I don't know who else we get. You know Nostradamus?
Killer Mike?
Wow.
Yeah, Killer Mike, but.
That's Rogan's guy, though, isn't it?
Does he run the jewels?
Does he run the jewels?
Get the white boy.
No one talks to the white boy ever.
Who run the jewels? Yeah.
Jewels or somebody's run.
Run the jewels.
Who's run?
I think he's run at the big.
Well, I don't know who's what.
Yeah, what were we talking about?
Were we talking about Boosie right before we started?
What were we talking about?
Boosie?
Chris Dewey's text?
Oh, my God.
Chris Dewey's text is so funny to Chappelle.
Because he was checking on me.
Read that shit out loud, Chappelle.
He goes, bro, this shit is crazy for white guys like you and me.
You good?
You good?
Damn, bro, this shit is crazy for white guys like you and me. You good? Damn, bro.
And then he called Brendan 100% Mexican.
Dude, obviously he's been listening to the podcast, bro.
Right?
Yeah, he must be, right?
Damn, I didn't know he was such a fan.
Yeah, he's a big fan.
We should mail him a shirt or something.
Yeah, we'll get him something.
Something nice for him. Yeah, get him something nice something nice shirts are hard to get because i don't have
one you know just theo does and this one is uh snuggie it's not snuggie it's um what is it called
when something has like uh baggy no no boxy no bro because you look boxy i do yeah you look boxy oh thanks bro no that's not like i could
work at fedex man oh put it in there you know we'll mail it yeah oh put it in that one man
looks uniform like yeah there we got a shirt right there yeah oh there's a shirt i've ever seen
chris dahlia bro second place you'll make that at home that's the most ratchet shirt ever did bootsie bellow
drop that off and we all got some ratchet in us man that shirt was so ratchet hey bro that's
someone looted the fucking studio they'd leave that i think we have been i think we have been
looted here a couple times let me show you what we had to give boosty right there that would that
needed to be on the table man that's the only way to get him
do the podcast he just asked man he said hey man what kind of refreshments do y'all have
he said sprite and he was like nah i'm talking about real shit he's talking i want that lung
sprite make sure it ain't diet either bro i want that code red up in my hair ways, baby.
That was it, man.
That was two pounds.
That was a pound, and Nick secured it for us, too.
Damn.
We had to send Nick down to the-
Damn, Nick.
I made it happen.
Damn, George Jung.
And Nick got it from where?
Koreatown?
My girlfriend's Vietnamese.
I'm saying too much.
Don't worry about where it is.
Bro, don't be a snitch.
Don't give away your shorts.
Kat already knows
where I got it from.
That's all I had to say.
Hopefully it was good
or he's not going to be back.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Hopefully that was good.
My people know
what they're doing.
What's up?
My people know
what they're doing.
Bro, they had,
I think their car
ran on weed, bro.
When Boozy left, dude,
I swear to God,
they emptied one of the bags right into the gas tank. Like back to the future that ran on garbage? and boozy left dude i swear to god they emptied one of the one of the bags
right into the gas tank like back to the future that ran on garbage and you saw the car even the
tires got a little lower by the whole car just got high and a little bit slower
dude i came out to your boy in houston this weekend you did uh little brows uh no no no no uh wow no paul wall you did
yeah i'm the people shout did people like it that's a lot of white people so
oh they weren't into it no they were into it it's houston yeah they're like oh we don't get it paul
drywall bro drywall who is that is that a rapper i think they had a fake guy for a little one named
paul drywall or that could be constructed I think that was actually a construction group over there off Highway 190.
Maybe it's Paul's Drywall.
Yeah, Paul's Drywall.
And that's in Covington, Louisiana.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, shit.
That's a real place.
Paul's Drywall, baby.
Where are they out of?
I've seen them before.
Marion, Texas?
Yeah, Marion, Texas.
It makes sense.
So shout out Paul's D-Wall, bro.
Drive slow, baby. If you're tired of having them wet walls in your house. Yeah, Marion, Texas. That makes sense. So shout out Paul's D-Wall, bro. Drive slow, baby.
If you're tired of having them wet walls in your house.
Yeah, dog.
You're tired of hanging up a painting and it just slips off, bro, because the wall can't handle it.
Hit up your boy, Pauly.
Yeah, Paul got the driest walls, bro.
The driest walls.
Them things dry.
You see cactus grow out of your walls.
Them ashy walls.
Yeah, them walls.
Dude, you might have to get up in the morning and put down condition on your walls, man.
Dude, I ate at a restaurant. Houston's morning and put down condition on your walls, man.
Dude, I ate at a restaurant.
Houston's living in, dude, I'm 40, dog.
Really?
Damn.
Some waitress came up and said, can I start you off with some refreshments or maybe some appetizers?
I went, say it again.
God, it was nice.
Give me them apps, baby. Oh, I said bring them all.
Yeah.
Bring them all.
Just throw a tater tot from the kitchen.
I'll catch it on that mountain. Dude, damn, queso right in my fucking trap. Right in my face-o, bro. Yeah. Bring him off. Just throw a tater tot from the kitchen. I'll catch it in that mouth.
Dude, damn.
Queso right in my fucking trap.
Right in my face-o, bro.
Dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, I deep-throated them ribs just.
Shit.
Ooh, look at that thing.
What is that?
That's that tomahawk hitter, bro.
Dude, is that a damn arm?
Is that a shoulder?
That looks like a human shoulder, bro.
You know what?
And I wouldn't give a fuck.
That shit was tasty and long.
That's that Viet, baby. That was nice, man. You know what? I want to give a fuck. That shit was tasty and long. That's that Viet, baby.
It was nice, man. No offense.
I deep-throated that whole bone,
dog. Did you? Bumped fingers looking good.
Open up the airways.
Man, it was nice.
Damn, you ratchet, bro. I get ratchet
in Houston, dog. Took it as a dome.
Damn, bro.
Brian about to get his lids done no fucking
baskin robbins whatever your co-host name is that guy's got 75 years worth of flavors bro
he's starting to look like the drummer from that movie with what's his name with teller
the old drummer what's that called oh no no he's starting to look like the the coach yeah yeah
he was also in spider-man the old the older gentleman yeah the older gentleman he was the
coach and uh uh what's that movie called great movie what you just said it whiplash whiplash
yeah oh uh jk r tolkien jr simmons jk simmons wait didn't he write har Potter too? No, that's J.K. Rowling. That's J.K. Rowling.
J.K. Rowling.
Yeah, Brian looks a little bit like him, but Brian's going to get his lids done.
Brian's getting his legs done?
His lids.
What, his eyelids?
Yeah.
Ooh, they do look similar, but Brian's hair's a little more.
Dude, his eyelids ain't going to do shit.
Yeah, he's going to look like Chuck E. Cheese.
He looks like Chuck E. Cheese. He'll look like Chuck E. Cheese.
Why are his eyes a problem?
I don't know.
Apparently, they're starting to droop, he says.
I said, player, you're going under the knife.
Go and get that nose done, dog.
See if you can go two for one because Theo wants in as well.
Damn, bro.
I felt that one coming.
I felt that coming.
I was like, you're going to say something.
Damn, bro. You freaking ratchet, dog're going to say something. Damn, bro.
You freaking ratchet, dog.
You ratchet, dog.
Ratchet hoes.
Dude, Boosie, one of the best things Boosie had was,
what was the video he talked about Dwayne Wade's son, remember?
When they wanted the son to be a woman, this 12-year-old son.
Uh-huh.
And he was like come on man
dwayne wade man come on man he's at a planet fitness bro and he's like hey that's depressing
that's boosie bro plan fits eight dollars a month bro he had a planet fitness
yeah i don't know if they have the video on there. He's like, come on, man. They don't even know where they next meet.
You're going too far, dog.
That is a male.
A 12-year-old.
At 12, they don't even know what they next meal going to be.
They don't have shit figured out yet.
He might meet a woman, anything, at 16 and fall in love with her.
Yeah.
But his dick be gone.
I don't like brothers
you're going too far though don't cut his dick off bro he and that's facts man because they was
trying to take facts but i don't think they were even talking about cutting his dick off what did
wait but man would they not though eventually they will yeah but some people will they will think okay let's they're in the
hollywood circle let's do it you know there was what's a penis amongst a family you know what's
a penis amongst the family you know what i'm saying though you'll be nice one less dick around
here i'm just saying man people start to you know i just think it's fucked up a kid is 12 years old
you don't know if he's man come on man
come on hey listen you don't know at 12 i was balls deep in transformers that's like me asking
my dad to fucking put robot arms on me and him doing it then when i'm 21 i'm like what the fuck
you have fucking robot arms like you asked for it yeah like i'm 12 dude i was 12 i just watched a
weird movie yeah man i was really into fucking Bumblebee, you know?
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
He don't even know where his next meal coming from, man.
Swing way, man.
Damn, I don't know if he's drunk when he's doing it, bro.
Why you doing like that?
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Whatever, man.
You don't know shit, bro.
He's like, weekend at Bernie's. Come on, man. Bernie doesn't talk, bro. You don't know shit, bro. He's like, weekend at Bernie's.
Come on.
Bernie doesn't talk, homie.
You don't know shit, bro.
If I was shit, bro, if I was shit, you wouldn't even know me, dog.
You're right, dog.
Okay?
Because you ain't shit.
Because you don't know shit, bro.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
He 12 years old, man.
You can't.
Come on, Dwayne Wade. You can't be cutting his dick off, man. He 12 years old, man. You can't, come on, Dwayne Wade.
You can't be cutting his dick
off, man. That was a hot second ago,
right? I think that was a while back.
Because Dwayne Wade came out and said that, and then
We didn't talk about it on the
pod, but. See, look at that little
baby. There's the one in the red bow. They're
trying to cut his dick off.
No, why you doing like that, man?
Why you doing like that, dog? That's too much, man.
Don't do that, dawg, man.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
I'm gonna stick up for Dwayne Wade right now, man.
I have to be around that dude sometimes.
Be cool, man.
Bro, you ain't being around Dwayne Wade.
Yeah, I do.
Get the fuck out of here, dawg.
Yeah, be cool, man.
Come on, man.
Every time we say any celebrity, Brendan about to be around him, bro.
He ain't being around him.
Meanwhile, you reaching out to MC Hammer and fucking
Bootsy Bello for a show.
God damn, dog. Alright, we get
him, bro. Bootsy will
kill you, bro. Get Fred Durst on
here. Bootsy don't kill me, man.
All we're saying is he's 12
years old, man.
He ain't lying, but I don't think he's
talking about cutting the dick off, though.
Well... I think Bootsy took it another level.
Yeah, Bootsy might have took it another level.
Yeah, they said that the son, though, they named the gender.
They don't even know.
God don't make mistakes.
Hitler says, hold my beer.
You know what I'm saying?
I guess.
There they are.
But anyway, look.
That's a touchy subject. Yeah. That's a touchy subject.
Yeah, it's a touchy subject.
But that was Boosie's reaction.
But anyway, yeah, it was awesome having him in.
Are y'all from the same area?
I thought.
No, he's from Baton Rouge.
I'm from Covington.
So about an hour.
But my brother lives kind of where he grew up.
But now he lives in Atlanta.
Is New Orleans still locked down?
I mean...
Dude, Houston, they were roasting people if you had a mask on.
Really?
Oh, I was wearing mine through the airport.
People were pointing, making fun of me and shit.
Uh-uh, really?
I was like, damn, all right.
Well, howdy, y'all.
Took my shit off.
But what about the rest of the city?
So you find a barbecue joint, but that doesn't mean the whole place is...
I went to bars.
What about...
The mall was open.
Rollerskating or anything like that. Yeah, you can everywhere the mall the the the comedy place was you know 75 full
people eating drinking how was the vibe there dope was it yeah they're so appreciative that
someone came out there you couldn't do meet and greets huh i was down to do it the club
for insurance purposes i wanted to do it yeah but we would go out the back and meet people yeah that's more weird about brian
than me he's older you know oh yeah yeah i know it gets late to that second show brian brian's
eyes get a little heavy yeah and then i'm like i see what you're talking about like dang that one
eye oh i'll give them a quarter inch of nutskin
to patch on to them bastards, though.
Because that's what they do, you know it?
Really?
They take part of your scrotum or scrotum or whatever
and put it on your face.
Put it on your eyelid.
Put it on your eyes.
I'll give you half a batch, too, man.
I need less.
I need less.
I need less.
I need less. I need to take some need less. Maybe you should get Brian some.
My eyes are thin, man.
Look at my eyes.
When I smile, though, you barely see my, like, chins.
Yeah.
When I smile, it's tough to see.
We all got kind of, you have probably the roundest eyes in yours, Cat, actually, I feel like.
You have the most open eyes.
Like, I feel like you can see the best.
What about me?
Huh?
Man.
All right. I'm not mad at that shirt at all, see the best. What do I mean? Huh? Man. All right.
I'm not mad at that shirt at all, Chappelle.
Oh, Big Worm?
Big Worm.
Big Worm.
Oh, yeah.
I have my money.
I'm killing you and your friend.
Yep.
And he passed away, didn't he?
He did not.
He did not.
Damn.
Big Perm's still killing it, man.
He's still killing it.
Big Perm.
Yeah.
Smokey!
Bro, he choked out a valet person.
Did he? Oh, hell yeah, bro. You know who I saw driving here was D.L. Hughley. Oh, you did? big perm big perm Smokey bro he choked out a valet a valet person did he
oh hell yeah bro
you know who I saw
driving here
was D.L. Hughley
I see him probably
twice a week
there he is right there
big homie
big worm
big homie man
my homie Das Bootleg
made this shit bro
oh that's beautiful
Das Bootleg
that's his name
Das Bootleg
he makes a lot of
a lot of bootleg shit
is he from Germany
is he German
no he's not German
oh y'all talking about
these old ass movies
what movie y'all gonna
talk about next
on this old shit y'all bring it up I know but next Land Before Time bro oh y'all talking about these old ass movies what movie y'all gonna talk about next time this old shit y'all bring it up huh i know but land before time bro
which y'all that's the movie triceratops little foot what's up which y'all gonna bring up next
man huh grease bro you know barbershop one what else y'all gonna bring up i don't like the
barbershop are we there yet with ice are we there yet are we there yet what else y'all going to bring up? I don't like the barbershop. Are we there yet with Ice Cube?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
What else y'all going to bring up?
I watched Robocop the other night.
My son's really into Robocop.
Really?
Yeah, he's really into Robocop because Mortal Kombat can download Robocop now.
That shit is fine.
You got the new Mortal Kombat, huh?
Yeah, dog download the bonus characters, the Joker, Robocop.
Wow.
Bro, I'm coming over.
I'm telling you, come over, man. I know, I always say that. You never come over. You never come over. We had Taco 2. Isop. Oh, wow. Bro, I'm coming over. I'm telling you, come over, man.
I know, I always say that.
You never come over.
You never come over.
We had Taco Tuesday.
Is it?
Oh, shit, maybe Taco Tuesday night.
Okay.
All right, you don't seem to get too into it.
But it's because of curfew, so I mean, I might just spend the night.
Man, y'all ain't shit, bro.
I'll tell y'all that.
I'll tell you this right now.
You're about to get shot with a rubber bullet.
You're roaming around West Hollywood.
Your ass especially.
Come at me, dude.
I got the new King of the Sting hitter, bro.
Turn around for the people.
That shirt is fire, son.
Damn, you ain't going to break the chair, though.
You got your arm back?
No, you ain't got it back.
Holla!
Yeah, bro.
Put your chair together before you talk.
Damn, dude.
Budget cuts around here.
That chair.
Looters came in here and went, nah, they good.
Damn, it's only pissed on the walls.
Who pissed on the walls, man?
They already got this place.
I like that.
I like that show.
Who pissed on the walls, man?
Who booked the fucking chair, man?
We all got some ratchet in us, man.
What else is going on, dude?
What's up with you, Chin?
I heard Chin's been looting.
Really?
No, man, but my area is super crazy downtown.
Wow.
Like, really, really crazy.
And what's the vibe been?
Like, did you go out?
Have you met anybody out?
Are you doing?
No, man.
When I see them walking, so there's huge crowds in the streets,
so I feel like if I walk down there, something's going to happen.
And then there's just tons and tons of cops around. Like, I posted them walking. So there's huge crowds in the streets. So I feel like if I walk down there, something's going to happen. And then there's just tons and tons of cops around.
Like, I posted a video.
It's like, what, 30 cops in a row constantly just driving around.
I feel like if I'm walking out there, they're going to arrest me.
That's how I feel.
Wow.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Because why?
Because your ethnicity or because just the arrest?
Because you're a giant Korean?
Just because I'm outside.
Just because I'm outside.
Wow.
Dude, in Houston, man, I saw the riots going on in Minneapolis,
stuff like that, and I didn't know Homeboy, who was murdered,
was from Houston.
Oh, yeah.
And when they started protesting, because we were staying downtown,
and I was outside, and we were getting ready to go to the club
to do the shows, and I see, like, probably 20 cop cars come flying by.
I'm like, damn, somebody robbed a bank, my dumb ass.
And then I see a military, like, Hummer come by.
I'm like, oh, shit. And I walk down, i walked down i see a cop we go what's going on he goes i'll get out of here
if i were you the protest about to start man he's like we're gonna shut this area down he won't be
able to get in or out for a few hours and you're like will they have funnel cake but can i still
get a gyro off the corner up there he's like get the fuck out of here didn't you have to wake up
brian from his nap yeah brian was was sleeping. Yeah, Brian was sleeping.
I was like, dude, we got to get the fuck out of here.
He's like, what?
He's like, what?
He's like, what?
It's God.
It's my time.
Do they have horses?
Bro, let me tell you something, man.
It's scary to go out your house right now.
Yeah, it's scary out there, man.
You know who's not scared?
Who?
Postmates.
Postmalone?
Postmates, dog.
Oh, really? Yeah, take an assistant at your beacon call bro oh wow man i want that beacon call man i want that beacon
cheeseburger you feel me they'll do it they will yeah whatever you want you want a slice of pie
for your fat mouth yeah do it doug oh dude i want that teriyaki hitter oh bro i want them to tie a
damn pork chop to a baseball bat and just beat me right in the damn throat with that sucker, bro.
Dude, they will drop it off.
Postmates picks it up.
Whatever you want.
You order your takeout from your local favorite restaurants.
You guys need to be supporting your neighborhood spots right now more than ever.
Wipe me down, baby.
Just download the Postmates app on iOS or Android.
Find your favorites and get anything you want delivered within the hour. Dang, bro.
Postmates is giving you guys $100
of free delivery credit for your first
seven days. So start your free deliveries.
Download the app. Use the code
K-A-T-S 2020. Yep, that's
code K-A-T-S
2020 for
$100 of free
delivery credit, man, for your
first seven days when you download the Postmates
app. Dang, anything you need
anytime you need it, Postmates it.
I'll tell you this, man.
Yeah, Paul Wall, they're having
a walk for George Floyd today
at 3 p.m. I saw Paul Wall posted.
In Houston? Yeah.
Damn, they did it early this
morning in Venice.
Yeah, Brian sent me across the street.
30 cops out front of Abbot Kenney.
Trying to protect Abbot Kenney at all costs.
What's Abbot Kenney?
How dare you?
It's a street.
A street in Venice.
It's the most expensive street in California.
Is it really?
Okay.
Yeah.
You think I'm going to hang out on an expensive-ass street?
No, it's dope.
No, it's dope.
They have everything.
It's a white area.
I ain't got that kind of money.
I ain't got expensive street money.
Come on now. Yeah, but they have everything down there area, bro. I ain't got that kind of money. I ain't got expensive street money. Come on now.
Yeah, but they have everything down there, dog.
Like what?
They got an Adidas store.
They got Jelena takeaway.
They got ice cream.
Adidas, I wear Vans.
It's a lot of Jews, a lot of whites, too, bro.
It is right there.
It's a lot of whites and sand whites.
I mean, I'm not going to give where Brian lives,
but if you turn that camera around
but yeah they're having a big walk paul walls dude they're having a big walk today
okay oh yeah he posted it he follows me he does yeah i'm excited the people's challenge yeah he heard he heard me
spit that verse and then he hit yeah he's like follow oh yeah that shit was hard i know i need
a grill now now i need a grill let me see sideways yeah i need a grill amen i want one with a gap too
you know i can't have i don't want that's what i that's what i was saying yeah i can't do two
or get one for the left side one for the right exactly I need the gap because the gap is like my thing.
You're like Michael Strahan of comedy.
What'd you call me?
Strahan.
Strahan?
Bro, his gap way bigger than mine.
You think?
Look at that shit.
Bring up Michael Strahan.
His gap is bigger.
Yeah.
Look up Strahan.
Look up my gap.
It's called an occipital, bro.
I don't know if I have any pictures of me smiling, but.
It's called an occipital.
Well, we could just look at your hair.
Is that what it's called?
Occipital?
Yeah.
You think yours is the same as Strahan's?
Watch how big that motherfucking gap is.
Let me see yours.
Yeah, you got that.
Yeah, yours is a little slimmer.
Yeah, it's got that children's gap.
Children's gap.
You got those slim jean gaps, dog.
I noticed if you have one, Nick.
Strahan got that 7'10 split, man.
You know?
You need an extra frame to pick that thing up, man.
He got that hip. Strahan got those hippo teeth. That's the hippo teeth. Oh, he messed up for that, man. You need an extra frame to pick that thing up, man. He got that hip.
That's the hippo teeth.
He messed up for that, dude. He got that cab
catcher, bro. He got that big whistler.
He got that whistler.
Oh, Chappelle.
Look at that.
Chappelle got that fresh cut.
Almost a billion views, son.
Oh, I am? Are you really?
Oh, shit. Damn. Too bad they went out of business, man.
The only thing on that thing is still in business is you.
Oh, well, bro.
Dude, I was fatter there.
Look at me now.
I've been jump roping.
Yeah, but you also, you wore that.
That shirt's got you.
You wore a really cagey shirt.
You matched the back blue on blue.
Hey, they didn't tell me.
Damn, that's the only rule, bro.
Don't mess with that
the only rule you gotta do in comedy otherwise it can't you know it's tough i literally saw
the stage when they said you're up next no way really yes damn they didn't show me it pre-hand
they were like all right you up damn and then i walk out to like 800 people and i was like what
the fuck is up with y'all they were like you know they just started listening and shit so it was cool shouts out all those people for liking my where was that at chapelle that was in san fran at the
comedy central uh what what the hell is that fest cluster fest is that cluster fest at the
cobs or no they do it no it's they do it at the bill graham uh our auditorium is in the side room
right yeah yeah i remember i did a set in there too oh yeah you was there too same time uh well probably not same clusterfest is every year isn't it yeah that was i don't know that
was 2019 that was when that was 2019 oh word yeah i used to have a space in my teeth man
it's facing the teeth they say what what is a what is it what is the the term for it yeah
what do they say about it chin i think the think so. The history of it. Yeah, I think the history is called fucked up teeth.
Damn, y'all ice cold, man.
My mom and dad got gaps, bro.
They did?
Yeah.
Praise God, bro.
My mom never smiled in the pictures.
I'm like, you don't make no gap?
Really?
Yeah.
I think now they're cool.
I think the gap's cool.
I wouldn't get it fixed.
Dude, would you rather have a gap or fucking have to wear stuff from the gap?
Ooh, I'd rather have a gap.
I'd rather have a gap. I'd rather have a gap.
That shit's popping. Gap's hot right now.
No, it ain't, bro.
Gap's hot right there. Look at that split I had up.
That's you, Theo?
Look at that split with them wet-ass lips, too, boy.
I was. I was only about
9 or 11.
You're about 8 years old there, bro.
Biggest 8-year-old you've ever seen.
That was my nickname, bro, 9-11, bro.
Bro, that haircut is fucking...
That's classy, bro.
Yeah, that's classy.
That looks like a looter right there, bro.
I've never seen one, man.
I was looting shampoo, bro.
Look at all that fucking beautiful hair, dude.
People mistake me for a whore.
Sometimes people just come and get on my back for no reason, man.
Let me see your gap now, Doug.
Oh, you got money. You got veneers? I got two veneers, my back for no reason, man. Let me see your gap now, Doug. Oh, you got money.
You got veneers.
I got two veneers, yeah.
Two fake teeth, man.
You got nice teeth now.
You got the whitest teeth.
Yeah, Chappelle's teeth are pretty white.
Let me see your teeth, Cat.
Cat's teeth are pretty white, though.
My shirt looks like barbecue corn nuts.
It's called diastema, by the way.
Diastema.
Diastema?
Diastema.
That's what it's called.
That's what it's called?
I just looked it up.
You just cut out like that?
Yeah, just a gap.
How's your bottom row, though, Doug? That's the real hitter. That's what it's called. I just looked it up like that. Yeah. Just a guy. Bottom row, though, dog.
That's the real hitter.
Yeah.
I got that big sashimi right here.
I can barely get to my bottom row, man.
You get that upper lip.
It was like, you know what?
We're just going to lay back for a little bit.
Oh, I'll put a dip of toothpaste in my mouth and just leave it in there, bro, because it's
hard to get all of these suckers, bro.
I didn't know for the first couple of years of my life you even had teeth at the bottom.
I thought it was tops only, man.
Tops?
And one day my brother took that toothbrush and put it right here and pulled my lip down he said look here you idiot
you got a lot of bottom lip huh i got a lot of bottom lip and i got a lot of bottom teeth too
in my mouth i probably have 14 teeth you have your wisdom teeth in i don't know man that means
yeah i got i got rid of mine yeah you pervert bro what are you asking people all of this gay shit now y'all gay how many teeth you have in your mouth dude that's the gayest thing you can ask somebody man what that mouth do play
boy i saw your picture as a young man let me see that enamel let me see that enamel boy you nasty
man you got rid of the gap huh yeah you shouldn't approve that shit chapelle he got rid of it
i know i'm out gap so to handle burrs but i saved my trays but he got jumped he did yeah it was prove that shit, Chappelle. He got rid of it. I know. So did Hannibal Buress.
I saved my trays. But he got jumped.
He did? Yeah, it was something.
He got jumped or something and he had to get his teeth fixed.
He still could have got them fixed the old way if he wanted to.
You got gapped too, you said, Nick?
A little bit, yeah. Oh, I see it.
What's up, bro? I've had a lot of
teeth trauma. One time I was
dunking off a skateboard ramp onto a nine-foot hoop.
You say jumping off?
Yeah, yeah.
We were running and dunking off onto a nine-foot hoop, and it ripped my entire tooth out, the whole root and everything.
Would you catch it in the net or something?
Yeah.
That's the whitest shit I've ever heard.
God damn.
You did a trampoline to dunk?
Skateboard ramp.
But either way, I needed the boost, and it was only nine feet still.
Wow, did it hurt?
Honestly, it didn't.
It was like shock, and then I'm like, are all my teeth still there?
Are all my teeth still there?
And they're like, no.
But then I was at a-
How many months ago was this?
I was in seventh grade.
My friend, I was actually at a friend's house whose mom was a dentist,
and he was like, Mom, put it in milk.
I read it in your waiting room because it keeps it alive,
the calcium in the milk, and then they actually put it back in.
I had it for years.
Damn tight move.
Yeah, yeah.
Mom, put it in milk.
She didn't know, and he did.
Shout out Tom Durant.
You still talk to that kid?
He's my roommate.
Right now? Yeah. Oh's my roommate. Right now?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
This is like a damn 30 for 30.
God damn, you ride or die.
You saved your tooth, now you just carry him along.
Yeah, he moved out here a couple years before me,
and I've been living in the same budget-ass apartment for the whole time.
Damn, Theo, pay the man more.
No, I'm just stacking it.
They're actually trying to knock it down but they
can't because of covid right now but like six months i'm gonna have to move but i'm ready
aren't you living with your girl too uh basically i'm at her place way more than i am my place do
they have to pay you to move out of your place though if they try and take it over no because
you don't own it yeah the the landlord is gonna get compensated somehow uh and they they're like
they can do whatever they want in that place.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I think if the land-
As soon as the lease is up, they can do whatever the fuck they want.
I had friends that lived at places, and somebody was taking over the building, and they were
going to remodel it, or they were selling it, and they had to give them a payment to
move out.
Yeah, I just know the renter laws in California protect the renter.
I don't know.
I feel like I could squat there for years
I'd stay bro
I'm ready to move
I think it's time to grow up
yeah
young girl
you can't be living
with all your roommates
and shit
this ain't friends
friends is all cute
until you realize
they're all 35
living with roommates
and shit
and no one can
also that show
is full of shit
you know how expensive
that place would be
in Manhattan, New York
I never speak those fucking apartments were I never saw one episode of friends See neither once in a few but right away I smelled bullshit really yeah
They'm always making fun of Phoebe and Joey no damn. Well they had CT
Well I think we're just looking for other people
Joey had it bro. Yeah, well, don't call him out, dude.
Y'all supposed to be secretive about this shit.
CTE recognizes CTE, dude.
But nobody believes that, dude.
Nobody believes that somebody with CTE
is going to recognize somebody else with CTE, though.
You'd be surprised, man.
I can smell it a mile away.
It's a certain scent.
Bro, that's coming off your own dome, I think, man.
Yeah, dog. you got that heavy
dose bro i smell it every time i come in here brother the lord double dipped you bro
like a dairy queen cone you got that double dip bro you know uh dairy are you a dairy queen fan
i used to like their cones i like what they do sometimes with some of their had a blizzard
i like hold on man i like something like what they do fuck bro some of their- You ever had a blizzard? I like, hold on, man. I like some of their-
You like what they do?
Fuck, bro.
You ever had a fucking blizzard in your fucking stupid fat head?
You ever had a fucking blizzard, son?
Yeah, bro.
You said blizzard three times.
That's delicious, man.
I don't like how you haven't had one.
I've had one, man.
You're not even letting me talk.
I said it.
I don't like a lot of their entrees, but I like some of the, yeah, some of the sweets
they have, some of the desserts.
You don't go there for a chili dog, bro.
What?
No one eats lunch at Dairy Queen, you fucking delinquent.
Yeah, they do.
No, they don't.
Oh, sorry.
It's Dairy Queen, not Hot Dog King.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, Taco Tuesday guy. Guy who has different types of food at his house bro
you rich motherfucker i'm sorry we eat food you for my bad dog and we invite you all the fucking
time forgetting about us regular ass people down here bro you know yeah i'll put some fucking salt
on this shirt and eat this bitch dog i'll I'll grill up a fucking tank top, bitch.
Hot eats cool treats.
They're trying to push that shit on everybody.
Ain't no one eating chili dogs and their wrinkly ass fries there.
Dude, I'll put some aioli on a fucking brassiere and grill that bitch up, dog.
Anybody fuck with banana splits in here?
Yeah.
I hate that shit.
What?
I hate bananas.
That's a random thing to hate.
I don't like it.
You like it, Ken? Yeah. Oof. What? I hate bananas. That's a random thing to hate. I don't like it. You like it, Ken?
Yeah.
Oof.
Wow.
Blizzard all day.
I mean, I do like, I never get a banana split.
I always get the blizzard.
I don't think I've ever seen anybody order a banana split under the age of 50.
That is an adult treat, bro.
Hell yeah, dog.
Because people like to reminisce about their childhood.
Once they get over 50, they like to have reminiscent treats, bro.
You like to have something that reminds you of back in the day
yeah I'll get me a sugar scoop or I'll get me
a banana split
so y'all
don't know shit bro that shit's magical
there you go there's your banana
split right there Brendan
that's a different kind of banana split bro
Captain America looks different
that's Captain America?
That's Chris Evans.
Oh, yeah, it is.
Not another team movie.
Not another team movie.
I have no idea who Chris Evans is.
Captain America?
Chris Evans, dude, is also a stripper, I think.
Will you look up Chris Evans stripper?
You don't have to do that.
Good call.
I can't do it.
The porn blocker's on my computer.
Chris Evans stripper, New Orleans.
Oh, New Orleans.
Oh, bottom right.
That looks more of a Thunder Down Under dude.
No, that's that fucking... Joey.
Joey, yeah, from Blossom.
Yeah, he danced for a while.
What about Chris Evans, New Orleans?
What if you look up Chris Evans, New Orleans?
Dude, when times get tough and you got a body on you,
it's a good way to make money though, huh?
Yeah, but the problem is it really, if you don't have a body on you,
they don't really, you're not welcome in there.
Yeah, well, that makes sense.
Huh.
Homeboy, the dude from.
French Quarter Stripper.
Where's that go?
Get on a little bit.
French Quarter Stripper right there.
They say Chris Evans.
The most famous stripper is your boy, who you like, Kat.
The dude from 21 Jump Street. Yeah, I might have the wrong place. Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum was like a famous stripper is your boy, who you like, Cat. The dude from
21 Jump Street. Yeah, I might have the wrong place.
Chan Tan was like a legit stripper.
Was he? Yeah. You know who Adam
Hunter was a stripper? Comedian.
He was a stripper.
Couldn't have made much money.
I wanted to do it.
He started wrestling with people.
He's shooting double legs?
Dude, that'd be hilarious. The stripper that starts wrestling with people.
I want my money back, man.
He's like, he put you in a fucking...
Dude, wasn't he the worst stripper of all time, bro?
Nah, Adam was good, bro.
He's exotic, man.
He's a funny guy, man.
And he also, he'll put you in that rear naked choke heavy on the naked, bro.
Dude, I want my money back.
Where's he dancing at, bro?
He can't be a small stripper, bro.
He doesn't dance now.
He danced years ago.
Years ago, bro.
Yeah, years ago, bro.
Years ago.
Let's start this shit.
Shout out Adam Hunter, man.
Yeah, let's get into this fucking show, dog.
This piece of shit
so off the heels
of the success
of our new segment
last week
Kat's DMs
we wanted to do it again
but I just assumed
it'd be all guys
just trying to get on the show
DMing Kat
I'm sure you got some
weird ones this week
I got some for Chappelle too
oh you got some for Chappelle
yeah she did
I sent you one
I want that dark dolphin
yeah
people say yeah
I want to train that dark dolphin I want that dark dolphin I want that dark dolphin. People say, yeah, I want to train that dark dolphin.
I want that dark dolphin.
I want that chocolate dolphin, bro.
Dude, I got people come up on the streets.
I'm like, let me slip your ass and laugh.
I'm like, bro, save that shit for cash.
You guys are disgusting, man.
You guys are disgusting.
So we brought in a special guest to do it.
I bet her DMs are filled.
Look, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you look great.
Your face. You can't do nothing about your face good afternoon young lady and can you turn the camera
again yeah what's up girl i had it turned but the little lock thing can we turn it up a little
um what's going on hannah we have actually been fixing my grandparents' roof today.
Oh, that's sweet of you.
Yeah, that's nice of you.
It's leaking.
I mean, I don't know anything about that stuff, but my dad does.
Oh, nice.
That Raptor.
We are just still sitting here.
We're in the same place you left us in.
We've just been waiting for you to call.
He's been patiently waiting. Yeah, he's a little nervous. We're good to see. We're in the same place you left us in. He's been waiting for you to call. He's been patiently waiting.
Yeah, he's a little nervous.
We're happy.
We're good to see you today.
Is it crazy where you're at?
Are there protests and stuff or no?
It's not too crazy here, but I live in the middle of nowhere.
So that helps.
Yeah.
I've heard about it and I've seen it all.
We went to the beach this past weekend and they wouldn't let us in some places because
they were worried that protesters were about to be there.
Oh, damn.
They got a beach in Alabama?
What beach did y'all go to?
Panama City.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had to spring right down there.
We buried a friend of mine down there and I swear to God, I don't know if we ever dug him up.
So if you find him, keep posting.
Did you go to spring break there ever?
Yeah.
I did.
We only live a few hours from there.
Yeah, it's nice.
We go down there and make day trips and stuff.
Yeah, I like the beach.
I like going to Destin, too.
Destin is beautiful.
Oh, yeah. We bow fish down there. Yeah, I like the beach though. I like going to Destin too. Destin is beautiful. Oh yeah. We both
fish down there. Oh
yeah.
Well, we had a question for you.
Nick, what are we asking? We're going to read some
of her DMs because she's on her phone.
Kat's going to read it for her. Oh yes.
Hannah, I bet you get some weird
DMs and not just from catfish.
You feel me? I get some
really weird DMs.
Did you hear from any people that watch this show or no?
I did.
I heard from a bunch.
And were they decent people?
They seemed like it.
Nice.
I was actually surprised at how many of the people that I went to school with
and personally listened to y'all's podcast.
Oh, love it.
Little rural Alabama.
Yeah, well, we had a lot of people asking us about you, too.
I think everybody I ran into was curious about the fishing,
curious about that fishing girl, you know, just wanted to really.
Yeah, you're a big fan.
They loved you.
Oh, I'm sure glad.
Yes, ma'am.
All right.
Thanks for being here in the day of noodling season.
Well, speaking of noodling, let's hear some of the messages that came in.
Kat has them right here.
So this one says, how much do I have to pay for nudes?
Because I will literally send any amount.
Wow.
I get that a lot.
I bet.
And have you ever considered uh and i mean you
know i'm not judging you i'm not judging you i've always really wanted to like i got a few that are
like really big male friends when i'm having mullet yeah i've really considered like sending
them pictures of him that'd be hilarious make sure you get the money first, though, you know? Oh, yeah.
Up front.
Money up front.
Make sure it's cash.
Yeah, money up front and penis up front if you send a nude, apparently.
This dude said he will literally send any amount of money, though, so.
Pick a number.
Yeah, would you ever consider that on any level? I mean, I think everybody, you know, even if you made it look like art or something,
like if you're, you know even if you made it look like art or something like if
you're you know what i'm talking about trying to get a tan maybe and you're just like you know
doing your thing and hold the fish up to block most of the parts yeah what if you held a fish
that blocked like all your like uh you'd be surprised i said fish fries there's like an
account where women do that And it's called fish fries
And they like hold the fish over their chest
You've just given us a gift
That is fantastic
We're going to have to check that out
Let's hear a couple more that came in
So this one starts off saying
Nice belly, are you that strong
Smiling emoji
K, want to have sex
Whoa, okay
You know he's direct though Hey, you can't blame? Whoa. Okay. You know, he's direct, though.
Yep.
Hey, you can't blame him for trying.
He just threw it all out there.
And have you ever met a man through your DMs on IG that you went on a date with or anything?
Not since my Instagram blew up.
I mean, before anybody knew who I was, and I just had like a thousand followers.
Yeah.
Smart.
Yeah, that's pretty normal.
Yeah, because now it can be a lot of transients really passing through there.
A lot of catfish, no pun intended.
Yeah.
Ain't no doubt.
A lot of weirdos too.
Yeah, a lot of real bullheads if you know what I'm saying.
Let's read another one of these that came in.
This one is an international one.
It says, hey, love, when you coming fishing in the UK,
we have some good pike and tout.
I think he means trout.
We'd love to show you around.
I want to suckle on your fishy bits.
Whoa.
Hannah, that makes me feel sick.
Fishy bits?
God, suckle?
God damn, bro.
Clean it up, John Away J.
Now, did you suckle your fishy bits?
It's at least nice that it came from abroad, though.
It's at least nice.
You know what I'm saying?
I read it in the accent in my head.
There you go.
You're worldwide, Hannah.
Worldwide.
And have you ever considered, have you ever thought of doing like a noodling expo,
you know, traveling and doing that in some sort of way or no?
Lord, I don't even know.
I mean, we've taken so many different people and done it in so many different states.
It's hard because catfishing is just like any other thing you don't
ever know how good it's going to go or how bad last weekend we had a canadian now oh god with him
this fall so he came down and caught catfish with us and clashed the accents the whole time oh yeah
what did he think about it what What did he think about it?
53-pound fish.
Really?
Damn.
And how do you set this up with them?
Obviously not through DMs.
I'm sure you have a legit site because you can't just be DMing these dudes.
Like, yeah, come on down and give them the address and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
You wouldn't do that.
Lots of background checks and stuff go into all of this.
Got it.
That's good.
That was actually through Instagram and email and all this other stuff.
How much is it
to go on a tour? Because I feel like you could probably
charge more of an exclusive rate
than somebody like
one of us.
Or that shirtless guy we saw a couple episodes ago.
Yeah, that shirtless guy, that older man.
Oh, man.
That was probably my dad.
Does he have a beard?
Yeah.
Maybe it was.
It could have been.
Is your dad out of shape?
No, no.
My dad's, like, ripped.
Oh, this ain't him.
Your dad could probably charge a lot more money, though.
Yeah, this dude was fully together, not ripped at all.
How much is a noodling experience how much is that experience
because i feel like you could charge a premium we probably could but we've never done any of that
i'm not really sure what kind of license you have to have i think it's better to have like a charter
license because you'd be taking people in your boat we just hadn't been through all the legalities
of it yeah wow i bet people would pay a pretty penny for that experience, especially some of these guys
because this next text right here said,
what did it say?
It says,
I'll pay you $40 for a pick of your poop.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
And that's bait in some countries.
That's why Theo didn't catch any fish.
Oh, tell her how you didn't catch any fish.
Oh, yeah.
If Theo could use some tips,
he went fishing.
He caught nothing.
I didn't even get a dang bite.
I mean, heck, I didn't even.
It happens.
I used cat food for a little while, and we used worms and cat food, seafood.
See, y'all just need to come noodling with us.
See?
And what do you hide?
A little bait in your arm or something?
Do you put a little?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
You just stick your hand in the hole and they attack you.
Oh, my God.
That's like just believing in the Lord.
You just got to go in there.
And pray.
Yeah, pray.
All right, let's read...
Let's read this next one that came in.
This one says,
I see you're pretty good at noodling,
but can you handle a noodle?
Legit question.
How many do you get that use noodle in that respect?
It's like an easy leap, I feel like.
A lot.
It's hacked.
A lot.
And do you open them all up these days?
There's probably more that she's going to read that say something like that.
Do you open them all up these days?
Do you respond to them?
Do you respond to some every once in a while?
I respond to decent ones.
But any of them like this, I just screenshot and add them to my album
with all the other weird and creepy details.
Wow.
Yeah.
Noodling through these perverts.
It's so entertaining, though. I bet it is. Let's hear another one perverts. It's so entertaining.
I bet it is.
Let's hear another one.
This next one ain't entertaining.
This one says, putting your hands on those fish, you'll like putting them on something else.
Smirky emoji.
Just kidding.
I was talking about fishing the whole time.
Please don't block me.
I jerk off to you with my two-inch pecker that, if you want, could be inside of you. Sorry, that was my friend. That wasn't block me. I jerk off to you with my two-inch pepper that if you want could be inside of you
Sorry, that was my friend. That wasn't your friend
This is sad. I'm sorry this happens to you. Oh my god. This is kind of vulgar too. That one was a little
I just like the sorry it was my friend, but yeah, I didn't read through all of it. That guy's a bad liar. Yeah, I'm sorry
Yeah, I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I'm sorry
I think most attractive girls deal with this though. Yeah through all of it. I'm sorry this is happening to you and I'm sorry.
I think most attractive girls deal with this though.
Yeah.
It's good to bring awareness to it.
We're doing the Lord's work really.
I don't know what we're doing.
What's that Hannah?
I said I just want to know if it ever works.
Yeah.
Yeah they're shooting their shot.
They're putting their hands in the dark, murky water.
It's helping you bite.
Yeah, I think that's...
Yeah.
And here's one more.
This one is kind of cute, actually.
This one says, if your standards are as low as your squats, holler at your boy.
That one's actually kind of good.
That one's fun. That's pretty cute.
You know, Amy Schumer, she met, not her
husband, but the guy she dated for years,
she met him on Instagram.
On DMs. He's a chef, right?
This is before that guy. This man
made tables. Table man.
Beautiful man, too.
I met him. I think his name was Chris.
No, that's her current husband.
But anyway, but yeah, people meet people, you know.
Well, I think it's like 80% of people meet online,
whether it's DMs or a dating app.
Is there a fishing dating app?
Like Groupers R Us or something?
Yeah.
Groupers R Us?
No idea.
If you're looking for business ideas.
Dude, you could.
Yeah, if you wanted to start a fishing dating app,
I think that would be a...
Go fish.
Yeah, that'd be a good idea.
They already have a fishing dating app.
Is there a product or something that you do sell?
Is there something that you sell?
Is there some hand of merch that we could get?
I'm actually working on that right now,
to be honest with you.
My best friend through college,
and I'm a bridesmaid her
wedding i think on the last podcast oh yeah we talked about that oh that's right she got her
dress fitted but she's a graphic designer so i'm getting her to come up two designs for us
to put on some shirts and stuff well we'll rock it here yeah if you send us some we'll
rock them whenever you get them we need an l and a double XL. That would be awesome, but you can only rock them if you'll come catfishing with us.
Oh, no, we're down.
Oh, I'm so down.
Yeah, I think COVID's over.
Yeah, COVID's over.
As long as he goes first, I'll stand behind Brendan and hold on to his back.
Yeah, I promise.
I'm down to do it.
Yeah.
If you don't mind two men and one riding piggyback with the fish, we'll do it.
I don't know if that scares the fish away, but we'll try it.
I'll be the net.
I'll be the guy with that net, boy.
There you go.
Just in case he's caught.
100% I'll do it.
In case Brendan faints, too, I'll go in there, you know, on that backup.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, Hannah, you got to let us know when you got some merch.
We'd love to sport it, and we're sorry that we're sending a lot of these perverts your way i think the creeps were there before though it just seemed a little worse
yeah the creeps were there before i hadn't really got any creeps from y'all do you ever get any
haters who would hate on you do you ever get oh my goodness really so many haters oh yeah especially
since i hunt and all too really and they're're like, oh, the only reason you catch those fish is because you got a nice body.
You know, the excuses.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I get death threats and all kinds of stuff.
Really?
Death threats?
Death threats.
I'll send y'all some of those DMs.
Damn.
That's the one I want to see.
Damn, the hate is real.
Oh, bitch, you're going to kill these fish?
We're going to kill your ass.
I'd like to put my hand down your throat.
Is it women or men?
I've got to have a board.
Wow.
I know.
I know how these hands work.
Is it women or men that send you the death threats usually that have the angry stuff?
Both.
Damn.
Do you get the only reason you're casting these fish is because you're pretty?
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
All the time.
It's from some salty men who fish their whole lives.
And suck at fish.
It's called talent, Hannah.
I'd bite.
Look, if you reached into my hole, I'd bite.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, I'd bite twice, girl.
I'd bite twice.
I love it.
But that's because he bites twice because he eats a lot.
That's why.
Yeah, I go for seconds.
That's what I'm saying.
You feel me, Doug?
There you go.
Well, Hannah, obviously we're turning into some of those perverts.
Apparently, I think Phil sent a few of those, so I apologize.
We're going to shut it down now.
But let us know when you get those shirts.
We want to wear some of them.
I sure will, and I do appreciate it.
Yeah, thank you so much for brightening
up our day. Yeah, you're the best. Good luck
with the fish. Thank y'all.
Y'all come fishing with me. We're down.
We're down.
Bye. See ya.
Bye, y'all. Bye-bye.
He's gonna turn off.
Oh, you got this girl.
There we go.
I was trying to look handsome at the end. Yeah, I saw that. gonna turn off I can't oh you got this girl there we woof that's a morocco woof
I was trying to look
handsome at the end
yeah I saw that
I got
am I still handsome
you got real
and I noticed
one of my eyes
started getting lazy
I'm like
we gotta get out of here
that's why I kicked you
under the table man
yeah thanks dude
like get that fucking eye up
yeah it's a
it's a bad trait
when I get turned on
one eye gets a little lazy
you gotta break out
my chin breaks out
yeah here we got tom segura something to freaking say dude
this walmart body cuck right here not this guy i'm talking about tom segura man
hey theo hey brennan I got a debate club for you My girlfriend is a liberal
And I am a conservative
Do you think
It will work
Or do you think we should just give up
We get in arguments
All the time over politics
And
I love her
And we get along great most of the time,
but I don't know.
I'm just wondering your thoughts on it.
Yeah, so.
Yeah, thanks, Nick.
That guy was sucking my energy out.
He was about to say fire Nick at the end.
So we'll give that guy a monster energy.
I don't think the fucking...
Bro, he's had to listen to a liberal for years, he said, dude.
I'm sure he's burnt some.
That'd be tough.
Let's forget I did that.
No, it's okay.
It's a good question.
We're just joking, man.
That'd be tough, man.
Because my dad's so scared of this COVID stuff and this Trump stuff.
I mean, we can't even talk politics.
It would be, it's World War III.
So I try to just stay away from it.
I can't even mention it.
I mean, him go to war, man, war.
He kicks your ass?
Well, I just keep dropping facts on his ass.
Yeah, and I think it's hard to deal with anybody that's extreme.
I find it's hard to deal with anybody that's extreme one way or the other.
For me, I find it hard to deal with. My problem extreme. I find it's hard to deal with anybody that's extreme one way or the other. For me, I find it
hard to deal with.
My prime, it's not my prime, but
let's say Theo was super whatever
against someone I believed. You don't have to
not like the person. Who gives a fuck?
It's Theo. I don't care
what he believes in politics. That's fine.
You don't have to hate someone because of their political views.
Some people won't like
somebody because of their political views. I don't get that part. I don't have to hate someone because of their political views. Yeah, some people won't like somebody because of their political views.
Like, I don't get that part.
I don't care.
Yeah.
I have bigger, I just have, you know, bigger fish to fight.
I just have more things that are more important.
Bigger issues, yeah.
But politics have always been one of those things that say you don't talk about it.
You know, you don't talk about it.
Which is weird to me because it's like, if you vote for, like, I asked my dad when Hillary
and Trump were voting, I went, who'd you vote for?
He goes, come on, that's personal. But who get, why is it so personal? Talk about who you voted for like i asked my dad when uh hillary and trump were vote i went who'd you vote for you just come on that's personal but who get why is it so personal talk about who you voted for and
why well now you're starting the conversations with you're starting the argument but we're on
board we're on board uh we're on the same page until all that stuff happened you starting the
shit bro but it's weird how fired up people get yeah when you're their own son and you try to
ruin their lives by continually starting shit with them.
Yeah, you might be right.
You know?
I wouldn't want to.
But if you're super strong-minded and politics is your thing and your girl's against it, it ain't going to work.
I think it can be tough.
You might go fight over flame-hot Cheetos, let alone politics.
You feel me?
If politics is your thing, it's not gonna work man.
Rene you always fighting over food.
Always.
And you're always asking him if he has food.
Yeah you are.
You're right.
Yeah very true dude you're always instigating it.
Come on over dog you already went to my barber.
That Goldilocks right there.
I went to your barber.
You walked in.
Da da da da da da da da da.
It was like.
You went?
Yeah I went.
I told him hit up my barber it's basically like a speakeasy, dog.
Yeah.
Coming at the back.
It was like that green wall.
Yeah.
And I told you, don't speak English.
Yeah, very little.
You just go, they get it done, you go, bueno, bueno.
You show them pictures.
Hair vatos, baby.
You can only show them pictures.
They only work off pictures.
Yeah, a lot of them are older.
You try to describe it, they fuck your shit up.
Yeah, that green wall, yeah, that exists.
I saw that. I saw that green wall. Yeah, that exists. I saw that.
I saw that green wall.
What did the guy look like that did your hair?
Short, little Mexican dude.
Word.
He was a G.
Was he?
Yeah.
And what age group was he in, you think?
I'd say that dude was probably 50s.
So 50 to 60?
It's tough to tell.
It's tough to tell.
They all look very similar.
Yeah.
It's tough to tell.
Did he take a long time?
Was that my guy?
He goes, Brendan sent you?
Yeah, that's my guy.
I was like, yeah.
That's my guy.
He keeps calling me Brendan.
Yeah, I was like, I don't know Brendan.
I keep correcting him.
He don't care.
He don't care.
Because they're busy, dude.
He don't care.
He don't care.
Latinos are busy.
They don't have time to listen to your bullshit.
Yeah, you're right.
We don't talk at all.
Yeah.
What do you guys think about this?
What do you think?
Because it is interesting, man.
If you're, And God bless this fella
that sent this in. He's obviously hiding in the garage
from his spouse at the moment or she locked him in the
garage. You could tell there's only
that one window in there with him. He had to be
quiet. Yeah, very quiet.
So it looks like
he's not even allowed to do that much.
What do you think, Kat? I think this is
interesting. I never had an issue with it.
I'm pretty liberal, but my dad and my mom are both conservatives.
My dad loves Trump.
My mom hates Trump.
But they're both Republican.
I mean, I never really had an issue with it because politics don't really run our lives like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As the great Brian Callen said, get involved in politics. Otherwise, it's going to get involved with you. What? Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. As the great Brian Callen said, get involved in politics.
Otherwise, it's going to get involved with you.
What?
Yeah, dog.
He said that?
Yeah.
You better learn that shit.
They start taking away your rights and shit.
You're going to start getting involved and know who to vote for and shit.
Some of the stuff I –
You sit back and then they control your life.
Oh, I did understand your –
That came in hot.
Got it.
I didn't understand it.
I was just lost. I was like, oh, I did understand your – That came in hot. Got it. I didn't understand it. I was just lost.
I was like, oh, what did he say?
Well, some of the censorship stuff does get real scary.
Oh, YouTube takes us out of the algorithm because, you know,
we might talk, you know, Hannah's fine ass or, you know.
Profanity.
Yeah.
Profanity.
Just can't cuss the first five minutes and you're good.
Is that what they say?
Can't stamp other people's music, apparently.
Can't use other people's name in likeness.
But Twitter, you have to be liberal to use Twitter.
I mean, Twitter is only, it's really, you know, it really channels a lot more.
I don't even know if liberal.
It used to be when I was young, it was just like Republican and Democrat.
But now everything's so much more, people have so many more diverse thoughts, though, too. Extreme thoughts, too.
Their way or the highway. Yeah.
It's scary. Yeah, that is scary, man.
It's like, comment the fuck down.
Because people have to live together. That's the thing about the country.
Everybody, you know, we do all have to
live here, so it's like...
And everybody has the right to, so it's...
It's a real
traffic jam, bro. I love y'all, man.
And media covers it like team sports. Like, it's red real traffic jam bro i love y'all man and media covers it like uh team sports like it's red
versus blue my team versus your team like cnn and and espn they look exactly the same they're the
same show and it like it shouldn't be that should be issues like yeah well cnn and fox you watch
fox news is like two one will paint one patient one plate the other and they're both extreme
there's no middle yeah so you can find your confirmation whatever you're looking for yeah that's the thing too now you can get
exactly what you want so that really fortifies how you feel i'm this guy but i think uh mainstream
media is the enemy of the state man yeah i agree man that's a great movie by the way well that when
especially when the news if you listen because the news can really start to form how you how you
think too but remember the news i'm going full eddie bravo sam trippley but remember the news, if you listen, because the news can really start to form how you think, too. But remember, the news, I'm going full Eddie Bravo, Sam Tribbley, but remember, the news, all they give a flying fuck about is ratings.
Oh, yeah, they're making money.
So since this whole death of that poor dude in Minneapolis, have you heard anything about COVID?
You hear him talk about anything about COVID?
Have you heard one thing about COVID?
Where's the big ramp up?
What's this ramp up they're talking about?
And now people aren't using masks and shit. They're protesting. Where's the big ramp up? What's this ramp up they're talking about? Don't beat me up. People aren't using masks and shit.
I know.
They're protesting.
Where's the breakouts?
Where's the Republican states that opened up like Georgia and Florida, all these states?
Where's the second coming?
Where's the heat wave?
What are we talking about?
Where's it at?
I know.
It's crazy.
It disappears, man.
No one says shit now.
It's crazy to think how many places are making money off of the riots and stuff.
Making money off of the, you know, like, there's people, like, people are making money off of George Floyd's stuff making money off of the you know like there's people like
people are making money off of george floyd's death you know what i'm saying like they're
making money off of it it's crazy to think that the news gets to make money off of that um what
else you got nick yeah sorry give me five yeah it's interesting though that when people start
to talk about this kind of shit this the kind of shit this dude probably deals with every day at
his dinner imagine trying to do you know finish off polish off a churro or something with somebody or finish off a bowl of something you know a ham soup or
something why you look at me for ham soup i ain't never hated ham soup you like ham soup i'm saying
you seem like you kind of got it with slip or cut a ham into a dang into a damn uh sofa real soup
oh like you'd be angry if you found soup?
I wouldn't be mad.
I'd put a little fucking pork chop in my soup.
I ain't going to turn it down.
I ain't going to push it away.
The guy who had half of a frickin' farm on his plate at the beginning of this thing?
Well, that was for the table, dog.
That was for me and the whole thing.
And then we washed it down with a donut from Voodoo Donuts next door.
I bet your blood just sat in your body after that.
Dude, that chocolate glaze from Voodoo, that's heaven on earth, brother.
Is it good?
Oh, the best.
The best.
And what is it real?
It's just a thick chocolate.
I like a thick chocolate glaze, dog.
And it's perfect.
It's perfect, right?
You brought it uh when we know
when we were in portland yeah oh yeah portland that's where they started yeah praise god bro
we all got some ratchet in his mind so what do we tell the guy king it
i don't even should he call quits or give it a shot it's gonna be a long road brother it's gonna
be a long road yeah you can't i think you can't
control sometimes who you love man i think sometimes like there'll be people and even
though they have a ton of things that bug you and stuff you still love them i think sometimes
you can't control that kind of stuff be open-minded man would he say he is a conservative
yeah maybe a little open-minded to what the side she's coming from. Yeah. Yeah, I followed my water wrong. Oh, man.
Damn, bro.
Calm down, dude.
They're going to try to get us for a hate crime, bro.
This ain't the time to be doing that kind of shit, Chappelle.
Yeah.
What y'all put in my water?
Nothing, dog.
Bro, hands up.
You waterboarded yourself, Chappelle.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, shit.
Hands up.
Don't sip, bro.
You got to chill.
Oh, shit. God, that got me.. Don't sip, bro. You got to chill. Oh, shit.
God, that got me.
What else you got, Nick?
He's a beautiful family right here.
And are those real children?
They are.
And this is a debate club.
More wholesome.
Where's my friend Joe?
Hey, Yvonne.
Brandon Shaw.
Hey, we're just sitting here in quarantine.
Hey, Theo.
Me and my wife are the one who walked down the aisle to that Bishop Gunn hitter.
Yeah.
He played my call on this past weekend.
But we're just here with my new boy.
My new baby boy.
We were having a debate, so we wanted to debate with you.
The new or the old Lion King?
Oh, bro.
You tell us.
They've probably watched it 17 times, like me and my son.
Buzz, buzz, poopy dipes.
Damn.
PDs, baby.
They're in the thick of it, dog.
Dang, bro.
Congratulations on the nuptials.
Look at that beautiful couple right there.
This is Mark and Dakota Rice.
Greet them, will ya?
Oh, they did it, man.
Oh, that's cool, bro.
That's so cool, man.
Love is dope.
Yeah, man.
Love is tight.
That's a great song, by the way.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
I love the start of your podcast, man.
That's awesome, man.
And the rest of people weren't feeling though
um lion king the new or the old dude the new is some bullshit listen if i want it real that
national geographic i want i want my disney shit man you know what i'm saying also beyonce
fucked it up fucked it up dude yeah have you seen it the new thing yeah it's weak
beyonce go on these riffs and shit. It was weak, man.
Was it?
The old one's way better.
Elton John singing that fucking...
The circle of life.
Oh, wow.
Damn.
Jesus.
You don't like my Elton?
It sounds like Kermit the Frog, Doug.
It's a big Kermit.
It's a big...
Hold on. Is this... Is the circle of life. hold on is this
is this
no
just a little
well you don't know shit man remember
I told you that earlier you forgot
I remember
come on man you forgot bro
definitely an old Lion
King though that cartoon's well look
i think it's hard to replace things for people man if younger people they watch the old when
it looks old to them so they only know the but it's funner you know i'm saying like this new
age ship that we're doing like batman i don't need the real story of batman i don't need my
bruce wayne being in the real world i like like that old shit. Batman Returns. Mr. Freeze.
Yeah.
Everybody,
chill.
I like that, man.
That was pretty good.
I'm trying to sports naked
for you guys.
Come on, do it.
Come on, kill me.
Do it.
That didn't even sound
like him, bro.
That doesn't sound like
him?
That sounded like
an Irish dude
trapped in a bag, bro.
Hold on, let me try it.
Come on, do it.
Come on, kill me.
Come on, do it now.
Kill me.
That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
Bro, you full of shit, man.
You probably starving, bro.
Yeah, you light.
Chappelle's lightheaded.
Yeah, you lightheaded, man.
These jump ropes been getting me, bro.
Yeah, dude, you got water in your lungs.
You out of your damn mind right now, man.
You're a little out of it.
You got waterboarded.
Waterboard yourself, bro.
Yeah, I don't like the new age shit.
The Batmans, the superheroes.
I don't like that shit.
Yeah, but look, I struggle with a lot of the remake stuff, man.
I like a lot of the originals.
But I haven't seen the new Lion Kings.
Don't waste your time.
Me and my son halfway through went, Papa, I'm bored.
Really?
Yeah, because it's too real.
Yeah.
The play I saw was good. good i went did go and see
the play i would that's like on my bucket list it looks incredible the disney play it ruined
broadway but because now it's all just disney and they sell merch through oh really broadway yeah
like it uh broadway is now like movies it's only big blockbusters like by disney like wicked uh
yeah i mean that's like that's one that's kind
of stood the test of time but it's like they just keep popping out these disney ones i know a lot
they're doing beetlejuice now are they that sounds interesting but yeah still big budget
spider-man they did oh and they all go to broadway now wow they found that other outlet
yeah my friend dodd loomis used to run uh do all the, he was a director or something.
I think of all the.
Broadway stuff?
Yeah.
And so I went down and watched him sometime, man, and seeing the costumes and everything.
That was amazing.
It's crazy how talented they are.
And they don't get paid shit.
Yeah.
Really?
That's for the love of the game.
They get paid worse than UFC fighters.
Yeah.
They're working their ass off.
Eight shows a week.
That's for the love of the game right there.
That's the play?
Yeah.
That shit looks ridiculous.
And all the pieces of the costume and how they put them all together and they move it all.
It's pretty magnificent.
It's art, too.
Yeah.
So I'm going to go with that outside issue, bro, the play.
I was hoping someone would say that.
Thank you, man.
I'm glad you knew that information, man.
You have information that you know.
That's fair.
Who's this?
Here comes some part.
This might be Chin's wife right here.
Where's your wife?
Why don't you get your wife to chime in?
Yeah, why don't she send the video in?
Because you know what?
We ain't believing it, Chin.
Yeah, Chin.
I'll have her send something in.
Not my wife.
Hot bar is watching this thinking you're full of shit, man.
Yeah, we got four videos from your side piece and nothing from your lady, man.
Step up, bro.
Prove her wrong, dog.
I saw him hanging out with her and her nieces, putting wigs on them and stuff.
That was pretty fun.
It's adorable, yeah.
Where did you post that at?
Stories.
I didn't see it.
Wigging up these children, bro.
Wigging up these children. It's beautiful, dog.
It's beautiful shit.
Traditional shit.
Everybody in here should save their stories
and send them to me before the show
so we can look that stuff up.
Production, no.
That's smart.
Hey, Theo.
Hey, Brennan.
It's Allie from Ontario, Canada,
and I've got a debate for you.
Is it still about sweets?
Or that homemade hitter? I don't know. Who? for you. Stir-Fat Sweets or That Homemade Eater.
You know?
Who?
I'm thinking BuzzFast.
Damn.
Damn, girl.
Speak up.
Look at that little book worm.
You know, she's curling up.
Nothing drives me.
It's a trigger for a lot of people.
I'm just going to curl up and read a good book.
She seems like the type that says that.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm just going to curl up and read a good book. She seems like this type that says that. You know what I'm saying? I'm just going to curl up
and read a good book.
Dude, I bet she curls up,
reads a book,
and bakes that apple pie, dog.
That might be wifey for you, Theo.
A well-read little bitch?
That'd be nice for you, bro.
Bro, well, now you called her a bitch.
We just met her.
Well, we'll see, dude.
She looks like that little worm.
She looks like that little worm
that comes out the apple. You know what I'm saying? With the glasses on. Bring that shit up, Nick. She looks like that little worm that comes out the apple.
You know what I'm saying?
With the glasses on.
Bring that shit up, Nick.
Hey, don't eat me.
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know why that apple with the worm.
What do you mean?
You're raising the rent.
She's beautiful, man.
That pie.
Yeah, she is.
That pie is beautiful.
Beautiful hair, too.
And when you see a pie, you forget how good it is.
Yeah, that's that fucking.
Oh, I remember that. Yeah. You forget how good a pie is until you see a pie, you forget how good it is. Yeah, that's that fucking. Oh, I remember that.
Yeah.
You forget how good a pie is until you see a picture of a pie.
Bring up a picture of a pie, Nick.
Yeah, bring up.
Marie Calendars went out of business.
No, I don't.
Yeah, because they fake, bro.
Yeah, because all they sold was pie.
It's 2020, bro.
They're selling sugar shapes, bro.
They didn't even sell real ass pie.
Show me some real pie, bro.
That's that sugar disc there.
I'll tell you right now, I like a nice pecan pie myself.
Do you?
Oh, with a cup of coffee, a little pecan.
Nothing more unhealthy than pecan pie, though.
Oh, yeah.
The sugar you put in when you're making a pecan pie, man.
Endless bags of sugar.
You need seven, eight bags, bro.
You like cherry pie?
Huh?
You like a cherry?
I don't mind it, bro.
If it has real cherries in it, I don't like them fake ass cherries, man.
Sometimes they'll get pieces of
something else and they put cherry flavor
on it. That shit is fantastic. We don't
have pie enough, man. Dude, you probably had a lot
of pie growing up in the Midwest, huh, Nick? I bet.
I was never a big sweets
guy. Yeah, I got a lot of shit
for that, but yeah, people make that.
I got a lot of shit for that.
I feel like I like meat and potatoes most people like losing
their teeth over sweets bro nick's like nah i'm taking my shit off of a freaking basketball net
i'm trying to lose my teeth off ridiculousness
yeah rob deardick's my dentist yeah i'm pissed people didn't film everything back then.
I would have loved to have that footage.
Rob Dyrdek's my sweet tooth.
I'll tell you right now, man, I love fucking pie, though.
Homemade pie all day.
Is that what she's asking?
Homemade or store-bought treats?
Store-bought's some bullshit.
Little Debbie can suck it.
She makes a nice oatmeal pie.
I'll give her that, though.
Yeah, I will say that. They never put enough icing in them, though.
Yeah, they do.
Hey, not for me, dude. Not for that, though. Yeah, I will say that. They never put enough icing in them, though. Yeah, they do. Hey, not for me, dude.
Huh?
Not for me, bro.
I want that shit filled to the brim with icing.
It's filled to the brim, bro.
No, you can get bigger ones now.
You can get the giant patties, which it's a step in the right direction.
First of all, we never call anything from Little Debbie a patty.
That's what it's called, is a patty.
Nick knows what the fuck I'm talking about.
His ass had an oatmeal pie the other day in here.
I did, because they were out of Swiss cake rolls.
That's really my go-to Little Debbie.
I love a nice Swiss cake roll.
That little thing.
Could they put more chocolate on the Swiss cake, though?
It's so thin, bro.
Bro, you sound like a complain-jane, man.
No, I like my shit fancy. You sound like a complain-a-pot man. No, I like my shit fancy.
You sound like a complain-a-potamus, dog.
You just want another one.
Yeah.
No, I just want them thicker.
Is that another one?
Yeah, just get two, man.
Don't make them change the whole business model.
Dude, I feel like I should sue Oreo because for the longest time I was a kid, I should sue Oreo.
Nabiscous.
Yeah, but why are those things that take up space in this dude's hard drive? Oreo because for the longest time I was a kid, I should sue Oreo. Nabiscous because what I should do.
Those things that take up space in this dude's
hard drive. Lawsuits
against Oreo.
Chain bakeries, yeah.
Yeah, dog, because check this out, man.
They came out with mega stuff. When I was a kid, I used to
crack them open and then put all the icing
on the one and make a thick-ass Oreo
sandwich. Damn.
Yeah, quadruple stuff. Fuck
yeah. And then they're like, oh, mega stuff.
They took that shit from me, bro. Your idea?
Yeah. Yeah, sure, buddy.
Them thick icings, they got that mega stuff.
Don't let them fool you with the mega stuff. I thought you
wanted more stuffing in it. Now you don't want
more stuffing in it? No, because the mega stuff ain't
actually mega stuff. You gotta get the double
stuffed. The double stuffed is actually
thicker. What's in the mega? This is shit a kid with sweet teeth nose dude that mega stuff that's fake that's fake news
what's fake about it i told you dude that's fake news bro that's that michael rapaport huh yeah man
fake news fake belt that's what he told me bro fake news fake belt dude you know that right fake
news fake belt do they ever have a fucking McFlurry?
Yeah, it's a McFlurry Oreo.
Oreo, right?
Yeah, that's a good one.
F, F, F.
They put some horse barb on that thing because when you get the spoon,
that thing is, the spoon is thick.
It's like stuck in.
Because that's how they mix it.
Look, I would love to meet you.
That's it.
look i would love to meet you just trying to curl up with a warm book and a piece of warm apple pie you ever read a book
the other day man so ain't nobody believing that you mean you listen to a book brendan is a reading
denier first of all let's don't doubt that. Jim, what do you think about this lady and these goods? I know that sugar is a real combatant of a lot of Asian cultures.
I wanted to see kind of what you thought about that, brother.
Me and Nick actually have something in common.
I'm not a sweets person.
You know this, Brandon.
I'm sure you know this, Kat.
You are both fucking terrorists.
What do you mean, actually?
We got a lot in common.
I am.
Well, this is another thing we haven't covered yet.
I don't like sweet fuck.
Hey, man.
Relax.
I'm coming hot today.
I'm sorry, man.
This guy uses all FF now.
Yeah, I drink sweet stuff all the time.
No, Zevia with real Stevia instead of sugar.
There's no sugar in there.
You don't drink sweet stuff.
But that's still sweet.
Okay, and what should we tell the lady, though, do you think, Ken?
Homemade, 100%.
Homemade, all the way.
But homemade, it can go sideways, man.
She doesn't know what the fuck she's doing around that kitchen.
You know what I'm saying?
What?
You think she doesn't know how to operate a kitchen?
She filmed a video in a kitchen, Brendan.
Yeah.
I've seen that pie from Costco, though.
You know what I'm saying?
You get that big apple pie from Costco. She ain't fooling nobody i know my fucking sweets
let's go back and look at that pie for a second nick because i don't believe it i didn't like the
thing that she said uh you know manufactured sweets i don't what the fuck those chocolate
discs of death she brought to the screen there what was that look at this this is how she's from
canada or something look at that celebration cookies bro celebration cookies what brand is that that's a swedery it's a swedery bro it's
a local swedery in canada leclerc it looks like yeah she's montreal or something and bam damn
that three-hole puncher right there bro that freaking uh an apple pie when that dude got
caught fucking the pie huh you remember that an apple pie when that dude got caught in the pie
huh you remember that an apple pie in american pie oh american yeah yeah i loved all three of them you did all three of them great great series i tried to holler at tara reed one time i think
oh how'd that go i don't think it went the hot terry huh it was the hot one yeah it's too there
she was hot for a long time and then she kind of went a little crazy. She got all thick. This was after crazy, I think.
Oh, man.
Perfect time.
But she had a boyfriend or something, so I didn't do anything.
How'd you do it?
I didn't do anything.
In my mind, I tried to holler at her.
You feel me?
That brain holler.
Like, oh, she knows what could have happened.
She was in Van Wilder, too.
Hell, yeah, she was.
Shoot or shoot, bro.
Shoot or shoot.
You're on the sidelines dreaming about shooting.
Yeah, but also people are trying to – the shooting ain't that safe, man.
Look at all these people shooting at these women out here.
I did send Sharon Stone a DM one time.
You did?
How long ago was this, though?
Years ago.
Probably six months ago.
Wow, how'd it go? Huh? I didn't hear this, though? Years ago. Probably six months ago. Wow.
How'd he go?
Huh?
I didn't hear back.
Didn't hear back.
Sharon Stone.
Sharon Stone.
What's she look like?
You don't know Sharon Stone?
Sharon Stone.
Basic instinct?
She makes headstones.
No.
You know Sharon Stone.
You know Sharon Stones?
She used to be the baddie of all baddies.
Oh, I think I sent her to the wrong place.
She's in Casino.
You look up Sharon's Stones.
That's who you try to holler at?
Oh, dude, her in Casino?
Oh, she's banging?
Her in, what's that movie with her and Sylvester Stallone?
Facebook.
Rambo?
No, they're snipers.
Yeah, I sent it to the business.
Total Recall?
No, how dare you?
Oh, she's in total recall she's
in total she's the hot chicken total recall remember when he dreams about a girl it's her
in total recall the specialist that shit is fire yeah she's the white elijah duska bro
bring her up bring her up in a total recall this is who theo d is white
total recall sharon stone dude she fucks him over too but she's such a baddie see they they His ass is white. I know. Total Recall, Sharon Stone. Dude.
She fucks him over, too, but she's such a baddie.
See, they tried recreating. Total Recall's Arnold.
Total Recall was good.
Yeah, remember when he goes outside?
He's all.
Remember that?
No, bro.
When he's suffocating?
I don't think I remember that.
I remember the three breaths, bro, and I remember a couple bullets.
That's it.
You don't remember when he puts the thing up his nose and pulls it out, the tracker out of his nose?
Uh-uh.
You don't know fucking anything.
You don't know Arnold, bro.
Huh?
Arnold had True Lies.
That was a good one.
True Lies is okay.
It was about driving in Key West and how hard it is.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good one.
All right, let's see.
What else do we have, man?
That's it.
Wow.
I wish she got back to you, bro.
If Sharon Stone was your freaking lady, you know how cool that'd be right now?
We'd have her on the culture corner all the time.
I don't know if it'd be that cool, man.
She seems kind of drastic sometimes, man.
Drastic.
You know, I don't even think it would work out between us.
Did you ever slide into Madonna's DMs?
I feel like you have a shot with her.
Nope.
Sharon Stone
and then probably maybe
about 400
strangers. And that's about it.
How's your batting percentage?
Not that good. Nope.
A lot of them's from abroad.
Poland.
Use your real account or you have one
of them fake accounts. Straight up real, bro.
Respect.
It's just going in.
You need to DM Elizabeth Hurley.
Elizabeth Hurley who? The skateboarder?
Who is it?
Let me get a picture.
It's a beautiful 50-year-old.
Is she?
Oh, you know what? I think I met her actually at a dinner one time.
She might be the hottest woman alive, son. I know. I didn't meet her. No, think I met her actually at a dinner one time she might be the hottest woman
alive son I know I didn't meet her
no you never met her
beautiful lady though huh
she's 50 dog
is she on Vanderpump
she looks like
okay
she's in that Austin Powers
she's in a bunch of stuff
y'all crazy
go back one time oh she's the devil She's in Austin Powers. She's in a bunch of stuff. Y'all crazy. One movie of Brendan Fraser.
Wait, go back one time.
Back one time.
Oh, she's the devil in the Brendan Fraser movie.
What movie was that?
Bedazzled.
Yeah, that was good.
Great movie.
Was it good?
Great movie.
I watched a movie yesterday called Gone with Amanda Seyfried, and it was bad.
Sounds bad. So bad, man. Oh, shit. safe read and it was bad so bad man that shit was horrible it was actually horrible what was it about it was about somebody was missing and uh and they she believes she'd been kidnapped and
then her sister got kidnapped and so i don't know it know. It was bad, man. It was a bad movie. Yeah.
It was bad, man.
What else is going on?
I've been doing the same, watching movies.
Yeah?
I watched my favorite movie like a billion times already.
What's that?
With your boy, Val Kilmer?
No, Tombstone's not my favorite movie.
That's my second.
Angus is my first.
Never heard of it.
Angus? Never heard of Angus?
You pull up that Angus right there. The steak? Angus Blackhouse? You never heard of Angus? Angus is my first never heard of it Angus never heard of Angus you pull up that Angus
right there
Angus Blackhouse
you never heard of Angus
Angus the animal
it's like one of the earliest
like teen movies
from like the 90s
oh it sounds bad man
oh it's fucking great
yeah but it sounds
really not like that
James Van Der Beek's in it
Angus is the shit dude
that movie looks terrible
that movie is great it's got a great message well being yourself and
yep Angus I'll watch well Angus tombstone tombstone look we could watch
a trailer on Angus right here
I'm swallowing snot it doesn know? It doesn't taste that gross. From the producer of Cool Runnings
It's germinated from the right side.
comes a story about fitting in.
She's definitely a babe.
Talk to her.
Whatever, she's popular.
or not.
Let me go! Let me go!
It's a little joke, okay?
Watch my butt.
I'm watching it right now!
I get the worst pain in my stomach whenever I see her.
I think I know what ripped you with your underwear.
Your underwear is almost as big as the flag.
This year's Winter Ball Queen will be...
Melissa Lefevre.
And this year's Winter Ball King is...
Angus Bethune.
I can't dance.
I can't talk to girls.
You're Angus, right?
I just hear yourself smiling.
I know you set it up.
This is the chance you've wanted your whole life, right?
But I can smash Rick Sanford's face in.
Got a temper saver for the football field.
He's got a great message.
I'm not going.
You get to dance with Melissa Lefevre.
I'd sell body parts for a chance like that.
You don't have to know how to dance to sweep a girl off the field.
I think he came out in 95.
Yeah, it was after Kurt Cobain died.
Turn it off, man.
It's not about your body.
It's about what you have in here.
Yeah.
That's what they're saying.
It's good, man.
Y'all need to go home and watch it.
Nah, nah, nah.
We don't. I'm all set after that. We don't. I got the message man. Y'all need to go home and watch it. Nah, nah, nah.
We don't.
I'm all set after that. We don't, bro.
I got the message.
I'm going to see if they...
I fought for the American Pie, bro, if I'm going to watch high school shit.
See if they got any more Dateline on, bro.
We got the new Cat Shop.
You guys can check it out.
We got all type of merchandise on there.
That shit looks sweet.
We got to get something for everybody.
Got tanks, hats, tees, sweats.
Hoodies, some decals.
Long sleeve.
Featured product.
Oh, shit.
Oiled up, baby.
Yeah, bro.
You never know, dog.
You never know, man.
Damn, where'd that come from?
This thing got raunchy, dog.
Speaking of ratchet, man.
Is that your submission to the fucking noodle queen?
We all got some ratchet in us, bro.
Look, man, we all got some ratchet in us, man.
You know?
Got a few words for your boy Mystic Rick.
Oh, when are you dropping that?
You can't drop it today.
I think we dropped it.
We'll see.
Huh?
I think we dropped it yesterday.
Oh, you dropped it on Wednesday because this here is Thursday night.
Holla.
Holla.
Yeah, that was great.
Yeah, man.
Way to go, dude.
That's how it goes, bro.
Somebody's got to stand up to these, I don't even know what you call these men, leeches.
You know?
Great leeches.
I like that you got oiled up for it.
It's the only way Rat King lives, bro.
Coming out the gutter, bro.
They got grease in the gutter, daddy.
Your trainer still working or no?
Yep, just saw the trainer this morning.
Hell yeah.
So feeling good, man.
Praise God.
Chappelle's coming with me to Arizona, Phoenix.
When are y'all going?
Next week, stand up live.
Yeah.
What?
I think it's sold out though.
Really?
Yeah.
Dang, y'all out there, man.
Arizona, wide open.
They're one of the first to open.
Really?
Yeah.
I might have to get back out there. I still have one place to make of the first to open. Really? Yeah. I might have to get back out
there. I still have one place to make up shows
at. Yeah. Brea.
Yep.
Them poor Brea folks,
man, the way you did them, bro.
Was his brain hurt or something?
We've been over this.
Nah, it was raining, bro.
It was braining, dude.
It was raining and he wasn't
feeling good
so he cancelled
on two hours
before the show
bro I was gonna
have an aneurysm
dude
I had blood
coming out of
my nose
bro
I was not
doing well
I was not
doing well
I had Brendan's
eyes in my
nutsack
I'm not
doing well
man
but doing well now bro doing well, man.
Doing well now, though. Doing well now, bro.
So we'll get over there.
Holla. I'm ready to go. I need a sponsor. I am a monster. About to open up with this at my concerts.
Flow is contagious.
Brows are outrageous.
Thicker than girls that are Instagram famous.
Damn.
Hungry like I'm fresh off keto.
Seeing red like Andrew Santino.
Every song I hit like the great Bambino.
Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos.
But everything's gonna be fine.
Hate on me.
I do not mind.
Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times.
They sliding into my DMs.
A couple of you tried but couldn't beat him.
Quit playing like Nintendo DS.
You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz.
Meaning y'all edible.
Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible.
Brennan's son hit me up.
He said it's too loud in the club.
Can you pick me up?
King and the sting.
King and the sting.
King and the sting. Me sting. Rap king. King in the sting, king in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king, king in the sting,
king in the sting, got the bees in the trap, got the cheese on a string, king in the sting,
king in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king, king in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting, rat king King and the sting, king and the sting
Got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
Gianni here, waiting for the Rat King to join me.
You rang, baby!
Rat King, a lot of smack being thrown around by Mystic Rick saying wrestling is fake.
What are your thoughts on that?
Was it fake when I nabbed the gab out of that little Russia hunter, Mr. Michael Ravavl?
the gab out of that little Russia hunter Mr. Michael Ravavar? Was it fake when I broke the spirit of that little Norwegian smut mannequin Mr. Crystal? Was that fake, Rick? Was it fake when I put the dirty unagi on little Bobby Miyagi. Was that fake, Ricky?
The only thing not real here is you, brother.
You little diet denier, starch addict, gout candidate.
I bet you can't even skateboard.
Rick had some choice words for the fans of wrestling,
calling them losers, poor, and even lowlifes.
What are your thoughts on that, Rat King?
You think you're better than the regular folk, Rick?
You think you're better than wrestling fans?
Than the regular people who run you out your little loose meat dinners?
Well, I got news for you, Rick.
What kind of news? He is saying anyone can get it. Will you be the one, Rat King? All you need to know, Rick, is that I'm ready because I'm going to give
you the truth, baby, and I'm going to give you the trauma. Name the time and the place and the place
and the time because I got a clock and a globe and an axe to grind.
From Alaska to Nebraska,
from Maine to Fort Wayne.
It's your call, you turkey slicing boner monkey.
You won't know what happened
when the Rat King put you in the mozzarella splash.
You'll be hearing through your feet when I put you in the mozzarella splash. You'll be hearing through your feet.
When I put you in the Swiss wheelchair.
Pick your poison, you Walmart body cuck.
Because I'm the hitter with the glitter.
I'm the hammer with the glamour.
And I'm going gonna show you how real
feels.
There you have it, folks.
The Rat King.
Say hello to that little side piece of yours, too, mistake.
Uh, the female,
not the fowl.
She knows who I am.
Woo!
He means business.