The Golden Hour - Episode 93: Gorgeous Horses: The Halloween Special
Episode Date: October 30, 2020The guys all dress up in Halloween costumes, play Halloween Candy Draft and talk Suicidal Magicians, Horse Dongs, Seal Team 69, Nick and Chin's Flat Asses, KATS fan Costume Submis...sions, Jay Schaub's Penguin Fight and much more!BetterHelp - https://betterhelp.com/katsBlue Nile - https://bluenile.com/ use code: KINGSTINGLiquid IV - https://liquidiv.com/ use code: KATSButcher Box - https://butcherbox.com/katsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I hung out by the bar.
It was like you could just have any drinks you want.
So I'd go to the bar and get whiskey.
And there was like a crowd there from a group from Alabama,
like real, real Southern boys.
And one has a Trump shirt on.
I'm there with my father-in-law at the bar.
And he comes over and goes, I hear you're from Hollywood.
I go, no, I'm not from Hollywood.
I live in LA.
But he goes, yeah, you're Mr. Hollywood.
I went, not Hollywood.
No one would say I'm Hollywood. Were I live in LA but he goes yeah you Mr. Hollywood not Hollywood no one say I'm Hollywood
were you wearing that?
no
back off my broccolini
get your life together
it is
don't touch me bro
I'm not touching you dude
that mustache
what's up dog he's eager huh that thing looks eager yeah things That mustache.
What's up, dog?
He's eager, huh?
That thing looks eager.
Yeah, that thing's a little lightning ball up there.
Dude, you'd be good out in the wild, I feel like, with that.
It's me, Wario.
Is that how he talks?
It's me, Wario.
Mario says, it's me, Mario.
Wario just kind of says his name.
It's me, Mario.
Wario.
Oh, that's right. He's more like me, Wario. It's me, Wario just kind of says his name. It's me, Mario. Wario. Oh, that's right.
He's more like me, Wario.
It's me, Wario.
What do some of the other ones make?
Are we going to guess some of people's outfits?
Because it's a little tough, I think, for the fans.
So I'm Wario from Mario series.
You'd be Tranny Annie.
I'll take it.
I'll take it.'ll take it Tranny Andy
Chappelle looks homeless
Chappelle is an urban
haunted house employee
no
Corey Taylor from Slipknot
nah fam
yeah no
that's who I am
you're the last guy
in every haunted house
no
you're a go for me
character for Halloween 7
yeah
yeah no I sing for Slipknot You're a GoFundMe character for Halloween 7.
No, I sing for Slipknot.
I'm not too familiar with the Slip.
Are you a Slipknot guy?
Slipknot?
No, it's like an Eagle Scout kind of thing.
No, it's a band, a metal band out of Des Moines, Iowa.
Shout out to Des Moines, Iowa.
Your costume is crazy.
Yeah.
Dude, you look like broke.
What's up, motherfuckers?
Nah, man.
Oh, no.
Go to Slipknot 99.
That's my area. It's Halloween every day for Slipknot.
You look like a custodian that's like, you know what?
I'm tired of pushing this mop.
I'm going to mate with it.
And then you're the son of that.
That's my metal band right there.
We get that part, man.
There's nine of us. Yeah's my metal band right there. We get that part, man. There's nine of us.
Yeah, sure there is, dude.
But what we want to say is you look like a custodian that's like,
you look like your origin story is a custodian mated with his mom.
No.
And had a child.
No.
And now you're just full face first on the floor.
The fans are called maggots.
Oh.
Wow.
Maggots. I said maggots with an M. Do they come out and be like, what's up called maggots oh well maggots i said maggots with an m do they come
out and be like what's up maggots yeah like maggots like make america great again
i bet there's some strong crossover like the bone yeah bro you're the last guy in a uh
you're the final you're the final frontier in a haunted house.
Yeah, that's not me.
With a fake chainsaw?
I'm right there.
Yeah, we understand, man.
You keep pointing over there, but...
Shout out to Des Moines, Iowa.
You look like a haunted house mechanic.
You look like a mop cannon. Shout out to fixes mops yeah you look like the final character
in a compton haunted house i'll take compton i'll take compton you look like broser who's that
like when you get to the end you gotta fight the the last dragon. Bowser. Bowser. Not broser. But you're broser.
No, you're broser, dog.
Why am I broser?
For sure, man.
You're different, man.
Y'all just mad because my costume is dope, man.
Shout out to Heavy Metal Music, man.
Shout out to Heavy Metal.
Shout out to Custodians Worldwide.
Bro, damn.
Shout out to the Late Night Cleaning Crew.
Yeah, your secret power is wind.
Listen to Surfacing.
That's the national anthem.
You guys are haters.
Bro, will you get back in the closet?
Look at you.
Talking about Tranny Andy?
I'm good, man.
This shit is dope, Doug.
Came with socks, too.
You just seen the front cover of what your costume came in.
I mean, this thing screamed pedophile.
You should have seen it.
On the cover?
Screams.
Champion pedophile, dude.
Oh, yeah.
First team all pedophile.
Not no rookie like the rest of you guys, dude.
I'm the freaking Jim McMahon of pedophiles, dog.
Hell, yeah, dog.
I'll throw it right at your son.
Jim McMahon of pedophiles, dog.
Hell yeah, dog.
You should throw it right at your son.
Y'all better back up, dog. Damn.
Trenny Handy got two this morning, dog.
Trenny Handy going hard.
Bro, you look like a fluffer for Thomas the Train, dog.
Yes, we can
oh man damn wait who's cat huh can you guess yes uh oh chin Oh, chin. No. What are you talking about, dude?
Gold chain, black.
Yep.
Look at that.
Look at the pose.
Look at the fanny pack.
Joe Rogan.
The light denim jeans.
Oh, good guess.
Good guess.
Because I see the fanny pack.
Let me keep guessing.
Rogan wouldn't wear a black turtleneck, though.
That's true.
Let me see.
Chin?
No.
You want me to give you some hints?
Uh-uh.
He tussles with men.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yes, he does.
Oh, I know who it is.
Chin.
Also chin.
These can all be chin.
We're in the area.
Oh, wait.
I know who it is.
It's a...
Let me think.
I don't know who it is.
That's a good try.
Anyone else? It's a man or woman. It's a good try. Anyone else?
It's a man or woman?
It's a man.
Okay.
Very famous man.
Is the hair to scale to?
No, but it's curly like his.
Oh, but his isn't as long.
In that, yeah.
Same skin tone though, but not Asian.
Very similar skin tone.
Oh, I know who it is.
Is it that guy who sings the lead singer of Creed?
No, dude. Okay. Would of... Slipknot? Creed? No, dude.
Okay?
Yo, would you drop Slipknot, huh?
Bro, you look like Slopknot, dude.
Okay?
Bro, there's a freaking clean-up on aisle four, dog.
Yeah.
The scariest thing about you is your keys in your pocket, man.
How do you know what keys are in my pocket?
That's that janitorial, dog.
Yeah, dude.
What's Slipknot's number one song?
That you would know?
Have you heard Wait and Bleed?
No.
Have you heard Psychosocial?
No.
Have you heard Surfacing?
Sick?
Uh-uh.
No?
Left Behind?
No, dude.
Okay.
And Don't Name Anymore.
I am hated.
Okay, I won't name anymore.
They all sound like freaking sad letters.
They all sound like sad letters of dudes.
To a bunch of lonely men.
That's what it is.
Hey, I discovered that when I was a kid.
99.
You were a maggot since you were a kid?
Yeah, since 99.
Make America great again, dog.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
The Rock.
It's pretty good, dude.
Dwayne Johnson.
That's why she keeps going like this. That's why she keeps going like this.
That's why I keep going like this.
When Brendan walked into the studio, I did the same thing.
I was like, can you guess?
It's so funny.
She's the pebble.
I'm the pebble.
Rocking the little pebble.
Yeah, I thought maybe something happened to you or something.
Like something happened to your arms, you know?
Which is understandable.
And then Nick is the green man from Always Sunny.
Green man on just a little bit of acid right now.
Green man.
Oh, you're on acid?
Just a little bit.
Keep it interesting.
You got to do something.
You're on acid right now?
No, no.
Oh.
God damn.
Wow.
The producer of Adam Carolla's show, he was The Rock one time,
and he tweeted at him.
And The Rock saw it, and he replied, damn right, buddy.
Oh, right. Candy corn and condoms
in that fanny pack. Candy corn and
condoms? Wow.
That's what The Rock said? Yeah, and Chris Laxamana,
producer of The Adam Carolla Show,
responded, as of this morning, only
candy corn. Funny.
That's hilarious.
Dwayne came in hot. Now Chin
decided not to dress up
I dressed up
This is lazy Chin
You guys can't tell
This is lazy
It was last minute
And I had to figure out something
So I made something
I never dress up like
Oh you're a model
No not a model
Really cause the dude gave him a card
He's Chin in an alternate reality
He went the modeling route
You want me to give you hints
I know what it is
Hold on let me guess man Don't give you hints? I know what it is.
Hold on.
Let me guess, man.
Don't give any hints, dude. Yeah, give us a chance, dude.
What do you mean?
You always like hints, dude.
Don't lie.
I do like a hint.
Go for it.
I am.
Oh, okay.
It just takes some time.
All right.
Are you Justin Bieber in Asian face?
In Asian face?
That's very close.
Ooh.
Bruno Mars.
Oh, you're BTS.
Nope.
Ooh, good. BTK. That would have No BTK Not BTK
Okay
Blind Torture Korean
Not BTK
Chris Brown
No
Not even
Different ethnicity altogether
You're Asian?
Yes
Asian
I know who it is
Mario
Mario Lopez
Yes
No
No What's the guy She bangs William Hong She bangs She bangs I know who it is. Mario Lopez. No.
What's the guy?
She Bangs.
William Hung?
She Bangs.
She Bangs.
I don't think William Hung dresses like this.
Oh, man.
Is that Asian?
Bobby Lee.
Bam.
Do you see it?
I was going to give you that hint.
I was like,
when I was nine years old,
I was brutally molested
by someone with Down syndrome.
Too much.
I was going to do that.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
When I was young,
I was molested by a retarded guy.
Look at Bobby.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Look at him.
Is there a specific picture?
Bobby's never looked that good, dude.
Bobby looks like something that got stuck in your vacuum.
I should have let you borrow my yellow glasses.
I know.
I was looking for glasses.
Bobby looks like the last stuffed animal in an abandoned skill crane.
There's no way.
Yo, that clip you posted of him, Nick, where the dude asked if he could be Mr. Miyagi.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, gosh.
I was dying laughing.
And he just stares at the camera for 10 seconds.
Because I'm wearing a beanie. Well, the crazy part is that he looks exactly like Mr. Miyagi, and he just refuses to admit it.
Mr. Miyagi has gray hair, though.
Yeah.
He's a younger Mr. Miyagi.
Yeah, dude.
Come on, bro.
Use your imagination, dog.
Oh, okay.
God, dude.
I know how time works.
What's anybody doing for Halloween, man?
I don't know, man.
I think we're going to have trick-or-treaters for the first time
this year i mean like i thought it was canceled is that is that true what a bummer technically
well no communities are still doing it but they're like throwing the candy as you go by
which to me sounds fun yeah yeah that's a parade it's trunk or treat right now i think everybody's
doing trunk or treat apparently where they're going yeah like people are parking their cars
yeah and you go up to the car. It's a real bummer.
It's very, I mean, when I was young, you were spot,
it was like some guy in a car with candy was like the not thing.
Yeah, that wasn't the move.
Yeah, it was like, that was a sneaky man.
Although you put a set of Cadbury eggs in that van,
I'm going to go and jump in and take my chances.
Yeah.
Brennan tried to raise a cadbury egg.
I nurtured the cadbury egg. Bro for like two months.
He's like, huh?
Sitting on it.
And then he just ate it one night. Yeah, I just ate that.
He was sleep eating one night and he just ate it you know
sleepwalking but it's just with your face man forget y'all i'm having a halloween party at
the crib for the kids you are yeah we got a bouncy castle we got haunted shit coming up
i think we rented a dracula which is always dicey especially during covid rented a dracula that
means a grown man who thought he was going to come here
and be fucking Vin Diesel
didn't work out
so now he's doing these gigs.
Is it going to be the same guy
who did the Spider-Man for you?
No, no.
That guy is on the no-call list.
Damn.
That fat Spider-Man
that showed at my son's birthday party
was not fun.
Magicians a lot of times
will be pedophiles.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, really?
Why is that?
Yeah, that's facts.
Tell them.
Why?
Well, first of all, it happens a lot.
First of all, I don't want to say it, but it happens a lot in the Vietnamese community also.
Oh, wow.
And sometimes, because they do magic, people get up close by them.
It's easy.
There's an element of surprise, so you already can trick a kid.
Like, oh, I got an eagle in my truck or something. something oh it's a card in your pants yeah yeah there's a
bunny in your uh in my dad's basement there's a bunny in my butt yeah yeah yeah one of the
kids goes lazy yeah that's dark magic now yeah but a lot of times uh magicians will do also pedophile.
Yeah.
So will the balloon workers.
That's also.
Oh, yeah.
They seem sauce.
Oh, yeah.
You ever seen a cool looking balloon maker?
No.
Never.
It's science.
It's a suicide balloon maker.
Suicide.
Or suicide and magician.
Yeah.
Also, clowns aren't really a thing anymore, right?
Like it's been so documented where clowns are scary as shit that they've kind of evolved away from the clown.
Like it, that show American Horror Story.
Like you don't see clowns anymore, man.
What's scary anymore?
I guess just like.
Ghosts?
Terrorists?
Yeah.
iPhone updates? Yeah. iPhone updates?
Yeah.
You really want to scare people?
Show up as an ISIS member with a bomb on your back?
Like a fake bomb?
That would scare the shit out of people.
Yeah, that'd be good.
Or screenshots of DMs.
Ooh.
Or seats.
Or seats.
Damn, that's scary.
Larry Gray and Theodore Anaman are the two most notable magicians to have offed themselves.
Only two of them, huh?
Yep, Teddy and Larry, bro.
Magicians don't seem like they have a suicidal imagination, you know what I'm saying?
That is interesting.
You know, a lot of...
I could have used a magician in Montana, man.
I was fucking freezing, dude.
But you went there, though.
They didn't expect it. We didn't expect it. It was negative 14 at freezing, dude. Were you, but you went there though. I, we, they didn't expect
it. We didn't expect it. It was negative 14 at night, dude. You've been in negative 14. Yeah.
You can't do much. It was freezing. Good time though. Good time. I hung out by the bar. There's
like, it was like, you could just have any drinks you want. So I'd go to the bar and get whiskey.
And there was a, like a crowd there from like a
group from alabama like real real southern boys and one day one has a one has a trump shirt on
i'm there with my father-in-law at the bar and he comes over he goes i hear you're from hollywood
i go no i'm not from hollywood i live in la but he goes yeah you mr hollywood not hollywood no
one say were you wearing that no i thought about it that would
make sense if i was in character and he has a trump shirt on and he goes i bet you don't like
my shirt and i was like excuse me because i bet you don't like my shirt i'm like i don't care
about your shirt i don't i don't care man he goes yeah ula boys you don't like like i think he was
looking for a fight and he's drunk he's like ula boys you don't like trump like i don't like Trump. I think he was looking for a fight and he was drunk. He's like, you LA boys, you don't like Trump.
I'm like, I don't like either of them, but I don't care about your shirt, man.
He gets in my face.
I see him.
He gets in my face.
My father-in-law goes a step between us.
He goes, you know your boy.
He goes, your boy, Joseph Biden, going to raise taxes on people like me.
And I was like, okay.
And I go, people like you.
He goes, yeah, I'm rich.
And walks away.
I'm like, what the fuck?
The redneck guy said
that yeah he was on bridge walked away i'm like all right dude totally redneck i know
joseph biden he goes yo boy yo boy yo boy yo boy smelled like fucking vodka i'm your boy
gonna raise taxes on people like me bro you fucking you look like a guy that changes the
spark plugs on a fucking gay cruise
awesome
you look awesome bro you look like will last person you look like the last person picked at an orgy
what's trendy andy come on. He showed up for this.
Come on, guys. Come on, guys.
He has a positive attitude.
I know he looks rough around the edges.
Well, you're looking at two dudes who could use some help.
By help, I mean some better help.
Oh, yeah, man.
I've been getting help, but has it been better?
Jury's out.
You think you dress like Wario and don't need better help?
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Oh, how'd your softball game go, dude?
We are, right now, we are one and two. bad team what do you think not bad no chemistry no we didn't have enough players somebody got sick
on our team one of the restaurants where some of the players work got sick like half the staff got
sick so you played with only half the team it was like a faux faux yum or something what's it called
faux yum so yeah they had a faux yum something something. What's it called? Faux yum. Faux yum. So, yeah, they had a faux yum.
Something happened.
You're missing some important people.
We missed two people.
We only have, I think, eight.
So we're already.
You only field seven.
So you guys are still good, though.
Not good.
Who beat your ass?
One and two.
This seafood outfit.
Clark's. Clark's put it on you yeah do they have a 20 20 uh run rule if you get down by 20 we just call the game like it was the third inning yeah we
haven't had i haven't had any of that experience um not a lot of points are they close games
uh let me see one of them no one of them was i think 13 to 2 that's an ass whooping one of them we won
probably maybe 13 to 10 close game and then the last one we lost and somebody there was like a
car accident right by the field too so it was hard to there was like you guys were distracted yeah
there was fire truck and how are you doing personally? Ambulance. Are you MVP?
No, no, no. There's a little Asian striking you out, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm more like DM, whatever the, yeah.
DMV?
DMV, yeah.
DMV.
You're striking out.
Yeah.
Trying my best, but there's a lot of diversity going on.
You know?
But it's good, man.
They got a lot of people out there.
You know, you meet a lot of people.
Who else did we lose to?
You mean any cool people
you make any new friends we lost a wholesale seafood that's what we lost to clark's wholesale
seafood yeah clark seems to be pretty buttoned up and then uh there's another group that we lost to
that was a um it was uh it was a local bar like just a bar someplace. Like Shotgun Willie's? Paddy's or something,
some Irish bar.
You know,
Oh Snarker.
And how's the team's morale?
You guys still pretty upbeat
when you get your ass put?
Oh Paddy's?
No.
There's Asian people.
You have no idea
what their morale is.
Yeah,
they never change.
There's no bad get.
They could be literally
going to their own funeral
or going to their wedding.
Have no idea.
No clue.
Going to war. And that's not all Asian people.
I know the more tropical
it gets, you get more smiles
and kind of high fives.
The closer to the equator, the happier people tend to be.
Yeah, yeah.
You never know what's going on with Chin, man.
Bad day, good day. He's good.
Oh, he's a mystery box.
He's a mystery box. You've got to really peel back
his eyelids to know what's going on
you're like oh here we go good day what's going on oh you like sad dude
i literally just caught with you and i don't mean that in an offensive way or anything. Oh, sure. My teammates are Asian, man.
I got heavy brows myself.
Yeah.
And we all bow
at the beginning of the game,
which is kind of
a cool team thing.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
They're in handshakes
these days, I guess.
Did you go trick-or-treating
when you guys were kids,
Kat, Culture Corner?
I used to go trick-or-treating
a lot,
but I didn't always dress up.
I feel like
I used to just kind of walk around with my younger cousins.
And since I took them, they were obligated to give me candy.
Even when you were a kid?
When I was a kid, the only thing I remember dressing up as was the devil one year.
And I don't remember anything else.
Okay, this got dark.
Really? Just the devil?
This got darker than Chappelle, dude.
That's dark.
You know what I mean? Damn, Kev, just the devil and then got darker than chapelle dude that's dark you know what i mean damn cat
just the devil and then one one and done huh i feel like i don't remember many halloweens i don't
know what it is yeah i loved halloween but i don't remember anything from there chapelle hell no you
didn't dress up last time i dressed up was elementary school really yeah chapelle probably
wanted it i always had i had uh you
know kind of kind of darker friends a little bit when i was young who wanted to be sometimes they
would want to wear like dark clothes on halloween and you'd have to be like nah man it's dangerous
it's dangerous yeah you can't well they're like i'm gonna wear a black shirt and pants and like
dude you're gonna get hit by a car you need to be like a ufo something with some
lights some light a lot of bright lights yes no i didn't i did not that's not me there we go that's
me on the bottom left oh that's steel i was like what the hell i was like why you pulled him up
they used to call me sugar arms baby that's don galatis on the top right 38 years old
it looks like it holy shit shit. What grade is that?
I don't know. Junior high. I was in
ninth grade. Get the fuck...
That dude's supposed to be a freshman?
And the number 14 looks identical
to LeBron James.
Oh, number 14 was like 6'9".
Were you guys good?
We had some behavior issues.
I bet you guys would beat the shit out of your
fucking softball team right now.
Yeah, we didn't have a...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We'd beat those kids.
You know?
Our team is bad.
So no Halloween grown-ups, Chappelle.
Hell no.
Not important to you.
What are you talking about, Chappelle?
I think the last time I dressed up, it literally was elementary school.
I was one of them damn blue things.
Blue man group?
No.
Oh, a smurf.
A smurf.
Yeah, I was a smurf.
That was the last time I dressed up.
So you went in blue face? Yeah, I went? Smurf. Yeah, I was a Smurf. That was the last time I dressed up. So you went in blue face?
Yeah, I went in blue face.
Well, yeah.
Nick, what about you?
Wisconsin?
Yeah, it was more chill.
Oh, yeah.
Halloween was our shit.
Yeah, right?
Somebody freezes to death every year.
Literally, in the morning.
And did you use, for your case, a pillowcase to carry the candy?
What a coincidence.
That's actually the- Like a goddamn gentleman?
That's actually our
first submission. Oh, here we go right here.
Mr. Blue Eyes.
Yo, yo, yo.
Brandon Schlaubs and Theo Thongs. What's up, man?
My name is...
Got a little Halloween debate club
for you gentlemen. When y'all were
younger, going trick-or-treating, getting
them sweet hitters with your boys,
did you keep the pillowcase or
that bullshit ass little bucket that your boys
had to go home and dump it and
come back? Let me know what you
guys think. I love everything that y'all do.
Gang gang, buzz buzz,
spooky season.
Spooky season, son.
Mr. Blue, Mr. Steal Your Eyes.
That dude's trying to haunt your crotch,
cat.
I bet that dude is looking to get...
I bet you show him your feet.
He's got eyeliner on.
I feel like this man has eyeliner.
Quit looking at his eyes that much, dog.
You're in love much?
You got eyeliner?
You seem green or gay.
Is that a banana in your suit that suit come with a cucumber in the front huh you're like does this guy die his tongue
it's like who knows if he dies that guy skins made out of porcelain am i right fellas
uh no i don't know is this guy wearing a filter? Is this Rio de Janeiro?
What is going on?
It's Jakarta.
Look, man.
Damn, dude. Jakarta ready, Nick.
Over there, now. Chappelle looks like the lead
singer of Parliament Funkadelic
right now, dude. Can you bring up George
Clinton?
George Clinton?
Atomic
doll.
Hey, come on now.
I'll take that.
Motel.
Motel.
Holiday Inn.
Was that George Clinton?
No.
That's figures.
But I know that song.
Damn, bro.
Yeah, I'll take that.
You look like George Clinton if we opened up his fucking casket right now.
Oh, my God.
That's a favorable statement.
You too.
Bro, you look like Dedrick Douglas.
Why can't I just be Corey Taylor from Slipknot?
Oh, my God.
Nah, it's too weak, man.
Yeah, they don't have that.
All right, I'm expecting it.
You got to be a UFO.
Yeah, I'm walking outside with this.
You grave Clinton, bro.
Grave Clinton.
Damn, bro.
George Clinton is a legend.
He's from Virginia.
Wow.
He's a legend, bro.
North Carolina, Kannapolis.
What were you saying About that gentleman Nick
Before you fell in love
Well personally
We used the pillowcase
Because
There was Halloween
But then there was
The weekend before Halloween
Where we went to
Nursing homes
And they were all like
There was like
Three of them in a row
And you just went up
And down the hallways
It was way more efficient
You'd fill up an entire
Pillowcase
And them old timers
Get full candy bars now
And you can go around twice. Some don't even know.
Hell yeah.
Damn.
Wow.
Yeah, pillowcase all day.
That little fucking mop bucket.
Get the hell out of here, man.
I'd fill that pillowcase up out of two of them bitches.
We had that mop bucket sometimes.
Really? Yeah, dude.
The problem with the mop bucket, that handle broke,
and then you had to carry the bucket just with your arms yeah like a kettlebell yeah that thing was heavy man what
else do we have oh we got that the old school one with just the whatever this was when you were like
a little kid it was a pumpkin you know like a little tiny one some kid at our school got his
head hidden stuck in a pumpkin and uh and yeah he was in the little parking area at the school, and somebody slammed the fucking pumpkin.
It was like a series of events.
Into a fucking, closed a car door on it.
And it saved him because the pumpkin was on his head.
Jesus.
Shit.
But he put his head fully into a pumpkin real tight.
I'll tell you what.
Yeah, that's what we had right there.
That shit's weak.
I'll tell you what. He said that's what we had right there. That shit's weak. I'll tell you what's up.
He said that's what we had.
Not like pillowcases, dog, because you fill that bitch up to the brim and they don't break.
They cared about their pillow.
Brendan would hook a handle onto his cheeks and just open his mouth.
Yeah.
Insert.
Insert only, dog.
So what's did beautiful man
want to know
pillowcase
I don't know
if we did
pillowcase
I don't know
anyone that did
anything else
because you could
fit so much
more candy in there
and then them
dumb asses
who would leave
a giant thing
of candy out
with a sign
because they're
like take one
itch
I'm seven
don't steal
I'm seven
yeah I'm taking all your king i'm taking one for the
team bro yeah by team i mean ear buddy yeah and then you break their window too well the n-word
in there oh wow damn okay that's that new orleans halloween all right yeah more trick more trick
more tricking you know i remember some dumb bitch at the end of my street would give us uh pennies
oh yeah throw them bitches trying to get the street would give us uh pennies oh yeah
throw them bitches trying to get the shit on your doorstep pennies did you used to do the
you're treating for unicef that's what that was for dude you just have a thing of change i'm like
oh here you go or they'd give you full like apples come on man did y'all ever egg houses
or anything like that not for high school we did no school we did. No, you didn't. That was like a Halloween tradition.
Not for Halloween.
You would do it just for as fun.
We did it as fun, but not for Halloween.
I don't remember.
What kind of asshole does that on a holiday?
You get the apple, you give him an egg.
It's tit for tat.
I think, yeah, we used to, I remember one year we got up on the roof and this fellow
named Pug, we had a fellow in our neighborhood named Pug, you know, named after the animal.
Because he was real.
Sounds like a handsome fellow.
He had like a very
flat face he had that plateau face yeah what that snout uh had that pushback snout he was a little
bit yeah was he asian you and him could have met in the middle you think oh yeah yeah we could have
we had a child who would have a perfect nose so he had you know, when it came to noses.
And we'd get on the roof and shoot pellet guns at him.
We'd invite him over on Halloween.
And he'd come across the street and we'd just lay into him.
Poor pug.
Pop off six or eight into him.
Bro, he had skin that was perfect for taking pellets, though.
Oh, okay. Some people had burns.
He had that big skin.
Oh, he had that Cajun skin on him, man.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Then it's fine.
How about I ask my mom?
I said, because Nick asked us, hey, can you get that French robot costume again for the
show?
I was like, oh, let me hit up my mom.
So I text my mom and say, hey, mama, can you make me that French robot costume?
She said, no.
Just straight up no.
I was like, okay.
Not even a negotiation or anything? I haven't talked to her since. Well, dude dude she'd have to get a lot of fabric you
know what i'm saying bro you could do it you know what i'm saying yeah chin you would halloween big
around your neighborhood in san antonio in texas uh i can't remember too much about halloween i
remember doing stuff walking around the neighborhood and stuff but i don't know why is everybody why
is everybody got ct in this motherfucker? Walking around the neighborhood with your fucking
hitchhiker, dude?
You remember Halloween?
There's Brennan right there, dude.
Dog in there, me and Jay
as a fucking, one's a tiger,
one's a fucking ninja.
Bro, you look like your son
right there.
You really do.
He's my twin.
There's Tiger's Buzz Lightyear last year.
And that's the same costume that fit me last year.
You guys do look a lot alike.
Yeah.
Tiger's insane, though, man.
Tiger's on what?
He's on uppers or something.
Yeah, he's on something besides juice boxes.
I'll tell you that right now.
That boy, that Novitski needs to test that young man.
He's on test 700 or something, man. I've been over there to play with him. It is, man, he'll burn you that right now. That boy, that Novitski needs to test that young man. He's on test 700 or something, man.
I've been over there to play with him.
It is.
Man, he'll burn you out.
Dog, I'll tell you.
Dude, in Montana, because we were trapped in the house because it's negative 9,000 degrees,
but we went horseback riding.
My horse's name was Fridge.
Kind of hurt my feelings.
Because they lined up the horses.
They lined up my girl's normal horse.
My son's smaller horse.
And then here comes big old hefty Fridge. Just blow. Got up the horses. My girl's normal horse. My son's smaller horse. And then here comes big old hefty fridge.
Just got out the side.
I'm like, what the fuck?
They're like, that's your horse.
Drinking a beer.
Drinking.
Who's riding me today?
Brushing his hair.
Dude, drinking gravy.
This thing was fat.
They're like, that's yours.
His name's Fridge.
I'm like, man, that hurts my feelings. Did you touch his nose? Oh, man.
I was all up on his nose. Really?
He loves horse noses. I don't know why.
It's all I care about on horses.
Can you see a video of someone touching
a horse's nose?
Dude, but how about this? We get done riding the horse.
We're all hanging about, talking about
our ride and stuff like that. Fridge,
big old black peepee comes
and log huh seeing what's sad is that makes your wife then you got to do something with the wife
later yeah oh yeah that's what i that's what i was all up on fridge's nose that'll get you hard
as hell hell yeah doug they like that oh i like it i don't know if he does. For real, that horse's pee-pee was about this big, Doug.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Mr. Hands, this thing was big.
Oh, when they said at Mardi Gras when a horse would get erect,
people throw nickels at their dick.
And you can't miss, son.
That thing is thick and ashy.
Dude, you could have no arms and throw a nickel,
and you'd hit the horse's dick, bro.
Damn.
Kind of ruined the evening though
like i found it funny but nobody else did oh i said i said fridge just gonna get his big dick
out like that for us in negative 14 degrees your kid's over there petting his dick you know he's
like blind bird whatever that thing is pretty bird pretty too much. I think it spit at you now. Oh, man.
Too much.
That's your kid.
No, no.
It was someone else's kid, man.
Well, there's other kids there.
That's not my kid.
That's why I said it's someone else's kid.
Damn, bro.
I ain't doing no pedophiling.
Yeah, you look like you would.
Yeah, but that's all right, dog.
You feel me, man?
Your costume begs a difference, son.
Bro, I look like a Navy SEAL at a fucking, at a bathhouse.
I look like a West Hollywood Navy SEAL, bro.
SEAL Team 6 is side piece.
SEAL Team 69, daddy.
You feel me, huh?
Who wants to pet Petey?
You feel me, huh?
Who wants to pet Petey?
Dude, I'll tell you this, man.
Pete wants a cracker.
You know, they have gay horses, too.
Will you bring it up, Nick?
Yeah, bring that shit up, Nick. And it's becoming more popular than it was.
Wait, they really do?
Yep.
Do they have a lot of horses in Vietnam, Kat?
They have water buffaloes more.
This story about gay horses is honestly heartbreaking.
Will you take us there, Nick?
So it said this may be one of the most heartbreaking love stories
since Romeo and Juliet.
What is it?
Two gays.
Here we go.
Do not disturb our dinner.
Simone's in Triolo. Features a story disturb our dinner. Simonsi and Triolo.
Features a story about two male horses, Simonsi and Triolo.
The strange bond they develop.
That's called homosexuality.
Two horses.
They scroll them.
What is it?
They call it a strange bond.
Do you know that?
Nowadays, they just call it a bond.
Yeah.
Bond.
Strange bond.
How we don't think gay?
How they making love?
Double O sucking, bro. Bond. Strange bond. Do you feel me? How many times do gay? How they making love? Double O, sucking, bro.
Bond.
Strange Bond.
Do you feel me?
How many times do I have to say this joke?
I heard you the first time, man.
Well, hold on.
You'll say it in a second.
I don't get it.
How we know these horses are gay?
Now, look at that horse over there.
Oh, that horse.
Hey.
Check out that pony,
dog. The one with the fresh
mullet. No. Come on, Nick.
Jesus Christ. Click on the
fuck any of the right ones.
There's nine right ones. There you
go. His name is
Yahoo Login, dude.
That looks like your trainer.
Oh, that looks like my trainer.
Look at that bitch is fine.
Zoom in.
What do you feel? Let us see you.
Don't be scared.
Look at this fucking butt, though.
It looks just like Barbara Streisand.
Yeah.
His nose looks like some nuts, though.
They look soft.
And zoom in on that butt, dude.
Barbara's thighs came, dude.
That thing is fine.
Oh, yeah.
That's a thoroughbred, doggy. Bro, I'll milk that thing, dude. Barbara's thighs can, dude. That thing is fine. Oh, yeah. That's a thoroughbred, doggy.
Bro, I'll milk that thing.
Meg the Stallion.
You feel me?
Yeah, that's that little thought I was talking about.
Dude, I'll shoot that bitch in the foot.
You feel me?
Hell yeah, doggy.
Yep, I see what you did there.
Hell yeah, doggy.
Chappelle, you're scaring me, doggy.
Why would I scare you?
I ain't even doing nothing to you.
Your costume's scary, Chappelle.
Well, y'all mad y'all your costumes
that's a ariana grande horse i'll ride that thing all night long daddy
very on a grande bro i'm in huh damn that thing is fine shorty wyland huh
damn that bitch is fine. Shorty Wylan, huh? Damn, that bitch is from Atlanta.
You know what I'm saying?
Tory Lanez will shoot that thing in the foot.
That thing's fine, bro.
Both feet, dog.
Pull up another one, Nick.
Damn.
Get that brown one.
Go up two.
Oh, get that cat.
Ooh.
Damn. Damn, look at that. cat oh that's a little dog oh now we're in the snacks again that's the problem with pinterest dude it starts off with whatever and it always ends with
muffins the further you scroll down you just get to cookies oh dog i saw a fucking moose i think it's fun i saw a moose in
montana dog you've seen a moose in person oh them bitches are big i don't know if i had big can you
could you touch it oh no way can't get near him aggressive as fuck you could have gotten near him
dude how much i don't think so no uh thousand pounds 10 foot tall? Bryce Mitchell put that thing in a fucking twister.
He killed a deer with his nuts.
With his nuts?
Oh, Chappelle in person?
Oh, that thing will beat a Honda Civic.
My son was like, is that a dinosaur?
I went, don't be stupid.
I said, don't be stupid, man.
Don't be fucking stupid. He also probably looked at some of your old schoolwork,
which is where he got that.
Where he got those facts from.
Look how big they are, man.
Damn, look at you, though, dog.
Standing there, no clothes on.
Only two fingers on each hand.
What are you doing?
Is that an alien in the middle?
What man looks like that?
It's a Lego person.
But now, be honest with me.
Be honest with me people in here
because do you think, if you see
obviously a horse is
people make love to certain animals
in certain areas, you know? And some people
let the animals make love to them. Yep.
You ever seen Mr. Hand? I haven't seen it.
You've never seen Mr. Hand? You don't want to see it.
You don't want to see it. No, no, no.
Bro, I'm Baptist. I'm part Presbyterian.
Leave him alone with that thing. It's probably illegal. You've never seen Mr. Haze? You don't want to see it. You don't want to see it. No, no, no, no. Bro, I'm Baptist. I'm part Presbyterian. Yeah, yeah.
Leave him alone with that thing. It's probably illegal.
Thank you.
It's probably illegal.
It's probably illegal.
Gang, baby.
We're fucking out here.
Don't make you.
I was sending my dog in to mop you up.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying, bro?
Yeah, I got the mop.
A bucket and a mop?
Yeah, I got the mop.
You got the fucking mop, baby.
Slip mop.
Yeah, slip mop.
I'll get that mop fucking.
Slip mop.
Slip mop, bro. Yeah, dog. Yeah, I got Theo's back, man. I got your front,op. Yeah, Slip Mop. I'll get that mop fucking. Slip Mop. Slip Mop, bro.
Yeah, dog.
Yeah, I got Theo's back, man.
I got your front, daddy.
Yeah, hell yeah.
See that game?
Damn, front, back, front, back.
Y'all gay.
Hell yeah.
You French, bro.
Yeah, you look like a little maggot.
Your mom put you in a little French suit, bro.
All right, man.
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Dog, I look at you and I say, that man needs more meat in his mouth.
Oh, yeah.
But not just any kind of meat.
You need real proper meat.
You feel me?
Oh, I want that front loin, baby.
You feel me?
Yeah, you want that foot long.
Oh, I want that front loin baby you feel me yeah you want that foot long oh
i want that squirt strip baby this thanksgiving butcher box is giving you something extra to be
grateful for dude and thanksgiving's coming up man butcher box is giving you guys something to do
every month butcher box ships a curated selection of high-quality meats right to your crib.
All the meat is free of antibodies and added hormones.
I'm blind.
I like the little roids in my meat.
You feel me?
I'm blind.
Why are you blind, dog?
Because I haven't been eating enough meat, baby.
It's the best meat shipped right to your door.
Cures blindness.
Oh, wow, dog.
Okay?
100% grass-fed finished beef.
Some of them you get unfinished beef.
I put them free-range organic chicken. Some of them you get unfinished beef. How about them free-range organic chicken?
Some of them you got a burger, got a damn antler hanging out of it.
Hell yeah.
Nothing like that.
Wild caught Alaskan salmon.
Not them bitch salmon that be caught up all the time.
This is free wild salmon.
Yeah, not them little water thoughts.
This is nitrate-free bacon.
It's the way that meat should be.
Dude, how about ButcherBox?
You get the highest quality meat around $6 a meal.
Also, even have free shipping nationwide except Alaskaaska hawaii you gotta pay for that and right
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take care of thanksgiving Take care of the holidays.
Get it done now.
Gobble, gobble.
Get that free bird, fam.
What's all this candy, Doug?
That was kind of the main event for this evening, a candy draft.
We go up a three-round candy draft.
I randomized the order up at the top of the board to make our picks.
Theo would be first and select a candy and put it on the board.
If I don't get them good and plenty, I'm about to piss on y'all, Doug.
Y'all got any Boston Big Beans?
Someone in the first three picks take those good and plenties.
You can't be giving away your picks like that.
It's a draft.
We're in the war room right now.
I don't know how it works.
Like an NFL draft.
Theo's going to be first pick.
He'll go up.
Out of all those candies, he gets to pick what's available.
Go up now?
Yeah.
I get the fourth pick in the first round?
It was a randomized draft order before the show.
Randomized draft, dude.
It's just like Vietnam.
I don't know if I believe that.
You cried about four.
Look, I'm fifth.
Bro, it's just like Vietnam, you idiot.
You know damn well if you made Theo fourth pick in the first round,
he would hit Chad for the show.
We come back tomorrow if Nick has a black eye.
What happened?
I fell.
I should have put him first.
I should have put him first.
I like that.
Yeah, I fell.
I was third
until we found out
that Nick had another
podcast network
working here all weekend.
Nick's like,
no, I don't know
what you're talking about.
Logos all over the screen.
Hey, you guys mind
doing a quick read
for me real quick?
Oh, look at that gang, homie.
Hell yeah.
Y'all gang.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, snip mock.
Dwayne, baby.
I'm going hard in the fucking...
Damn, that caboose.
Still at the back, dog.
Talking about that horse.
Saddle up, partner.
I put them bratchets, number one, baby.
If you want to add a thumbtack, because it'll probably come back.
I got them bratchets candy corn.
Hey, so we pick and then we eat them?
At the end, yeah.
You get your draft.
That's how you make it.
Wait.
Wait.
It's me, Mario.
Come on, baby.
Come on, dog.
Cat, you're up.
We'll see the teams at the end.
Each person will have three items.
God, how about Chin's picture? I know. How about my picture? teams at the end. Each person will have three items. God, how about Chin's picture?
I know.
How about my picture?
Look at those glasses.
We took that last week, Doug.
I know.
I shouldn't have been masturbating yesterday either.
I respect it.
Nothing to do with candy, but.
You're up, Chin.
You jacking off in candy.
I was jacking off. What do you want me to do, man? I was jacking off in candy what are they gonna do both jacking
off what do you want me to do man i was jacking off both sins huh both sins for you i couldn't
handle myself oh here comes bobby lee says nobody ever here comes a six seven bobby
yeah dude unbelievable bobby tree over. Ain't nobody buying that, dog.
That's a lazy costume, Chin.
That is a lazy costume, dog.
What are you talking about?
Nope.
You look like a librarian at a fucking motorcycle outlet.
I can't believe Snickers went all the way to three.
Me either.
Ugh.
Yeah, first of all, who would... Yeah, Chin, bad outfit, bad pick.
I think it's a great pick.
I would have number one overall coming in.
Really?
It's like picking Greg Jennings right now.
This is tough for me because I love...
These are my favorite candy.
I love Milk Dutch.
Bro, pick one.
You're that lame kid who gets back and he's like,
well, okay, let me count them all out.
One Jolly Rancher.
Do you guys like to trade candy?
Huh? At the end, yeah.
I'm saying when you got all your
bags, you shuffle them all out.
You trade candy. Start wheeling and dealing.
Dude, I would have...
And we used to get the suppositories
too, dude.
Chappelle, you're up.
There's a hammer.
I can't even see.
I used to get up. Yeah, I am? There's a hammer. I can't even see. Dude, I used to get up.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
Dang.
Chappelle, man.
He's got some scary, huh?
Where'd you find a hammer?
It's on the ground.
I don't have a hammer.
I think it's from Chappelle's outfit.
Wario, is it yours?
No.
Wario don't have no hammer?
Since it's Halloween, you need a Luigi board.
Yeah.
That's a great idea.
I always want to do some freaky shit.
You're up, Nick.
And I get the wraparound, so I get two picks in a row.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
Another podcast network guy.
Damn, get your dick out of our face hey with a few squats you get
with feels trainers mr. burns a got that math doing ass.
Somebody got that math doing ass, bro.
Looks like you take a shit laying down, Nick.
Like two sheets of loose-leaf paper back there, bro.
Nick got two sheets of loose-leaf paper back there, bro.
You better call Theo's trainer ASAP, son.
ASAP, bro. ASAP, bro.
You want half a cheek, dog?
You got those suckers?
I love those caramel apple suckers.
You can get those at the bank, dude.
The analytics team said it was a great pick.
God, Nick's dick's all over the place.
Nick got a dick on him, y'all.
That green suit proves it man
What are you talking about
I do alright
Why are you looking at somebody's dick
How can you avoid it man
He's in a fucking green spandex
He comes over and puts the candy in my face
You ate that horse's wiener
You took him on Nick's wiener
Dude you don't launch a new podcast network and not have a dick on you.
That's okay.
He got that man-tenna, bro.
That's the thing I worry about with Chappelle, dude.
Chappelle's so white, bro, you worry about the size of his penis.
Dude, I've thought about it a lot. I'm glad you said that. Chappelle's so white bro you worry about the size of his penis you listen to my slipknot starts to shrink damn Chappelle just picks the obvious candy Doug I and Reese's? I mean, obviously you sold those to support some basketball team growing up.
Those are the most hilarious.
Come on, dude.
Hey, mister.
Hey, man.
We're trying to get
New Jersey's, man.
You're trying to get
New Jersey's.
Hey, mister.
It's only a dollar.
We're trying to go on the road.
You mind? Hey, mister. Me and my a dollar. We're trying to go on the road.
Hey, mister, me and my friends are saving up to go on the Beck cruise.
Can you help us raise some money, sir?
You like Beck, Chappelle?
Huh?
I like Beck?
He will.
Yeah, Beck's great.
I sat across, I almost lied, from Beck on an airplane once.
Did you say anything?
I did get a phone number of someone who worked in his band, a woman.
And I never called her though.
But I should have.
But yeah, it's over now.
How long ago was that?
This was probably, I'm not sure
how long ago.
It was at some point.
You guys know the tape does work right
It seems pretty strong but just in case
What's that Jin? Gummy worms?
Gummy worms
I got all the good ones
Cat looking fly in that pic huh
Thanks
Yeah I took that off her Instagram
I took out the rest of it
Oh you took the milk duds
Oh you cut the breast out
You got it Get rid of the sweater puppies Oh, you took the milk duds. Oh, you cut the breast out. I see that.
You got up the breast.
Get rid of the sweater puppies.
That's for Patreon. You put the sweater puppies back on
for the Patreon.
Vernon's on
Gatreon.
That was good.
That was a cheap joke.
Well, well, well.
What do we want to do here?
Hmm.
What was that?
Nerds.
Just that little pack of nerds, dog.
The original classic.
The classic.
Yeah, don't let the sizes throw you off either.
If it's a baby one, we're just saying the type of candy.
Just because it's a baby Mounds, don't be like,
oh, I'm going to take the baby Mounds over the full-size Snickers.
We're seeing who has the best lineup.
Oh, Theo, you got the wraparound.
You got one more pick.
Oh, yeah.
The reach-around dog, that's all you, Tranny Andy.
Honestly, I like Chin's lineup so far the best.
You got Snickers and gummy worms.
It's a nice variety.
Chocolate.
Yep.
Gummy.
Chocolate's not too big.
The gummies are a bunch.
Wait, what's wrong with mine?
Mine's dope.
Ooh, I love Butterfinger.
Like you said, it's a little classic.
Butterfinger's so good.
I like Cat's lineup.
And you went peanut butter on both treats.
What?
That's not peanut butter?
Peanut.
Oh, peanut.
Y'all slacking, man. Well, I'm not Peanut. Oh, peanut. Y'all slacking, man.
Well, I'm not a big sour batch kid.
Y'all a couple slacking.
I panicked, honestly.
You guys were talking about my ass.
I didn't know.
He's just freaking out.
I wanted to get out of the room.
Oh, like two pages in a book.
You got that.
You're like that kid's novel back there.
Not very thick
That is the weakest costume, dog
It's almost
It's disappointing
It's offensive
It's fucking offensive
It's offensive that you would
You gotta be
Yeah, you need a stain on your shirt
You need urine on you somewhere Yeah, you usually wear like an Iggy Pop shirt Yeah, you need a stain on your shirt you need urine on you somewhere
yeah you usually wear
like an Iggy Pop shirt
or something like that
yeah you need a couple
of body fluids on you
a vintage worn out
shirt that's stretched
out a little too much
yeah you need a
beautiful girlfriend
that's gonna probably
end up with me
if something ever
happens to him
Brendan you're up
you have no
I just expected
more out of you
Chen honestly I'm sorry more out of you Chen honestly
I'm sorry
But
Didn't you expect more out of him Kat?
Considering I didn't know
That he even dressed up
Yes
I told him we should have been Jackie Chan and I should have been Su Young
Oh no
You should have done Rush Hour
You go blackface and you go
Chappelle could sign off on it Oh no you got Chappelle you guys should have done rush hour which is blackface and you go chapelle could sign off on it oh no you got
should have done it we're going to do it but what happened we didn't have enough outfits
i have you have no outfits i would do white i would do uh
can a black person do white face if they want yeah um nick cannon and uh snoop dogg did i don't know if it's okay
jimmy kimball did it oh yeah white chicks oh yeah that's a great movie
look at that ass
damn bro you and chin should have an ass off
yeah dude and both of them already are Damn, bro You and Chin should have an ass off Yeah, dude
And both of them already are
We both lose
You guys both need to hit up fucking Theo's trainer, man
That ass is absent, dude
Alright, so who won?
Skittles
I don't know how you decide
Yeah, how do you
We'll put it out to the people
Chappelle's looking pretty tasty
though that's what i'm talking about i love mike and i chappelle's does look good
feels definitely the worst no nicks is l nation is it yeah it's totally
very uncomfortable
mine's a you have a specific palette for mine you feel me yeah yeah dude you have candy corn
and they're still that got voted worst candy in the world they're good no when you post it on
your instagram that candy is horrible what is it he posted something oh yeah that one it's like um
i don't remember what kind it's it doesn't even have like a name on it.
It's just like wrapped up.
The black or, it's black or orange.
Yeah.
What is it?
Taffy.
What is the real story?
Oh, I love, like a Laffy Taffy?
A saltwater taffy?
What are we talking about?
You'll see.
You'll know exactly what we're talking about.
Yeah, calm down, frickin' taffy, man.
Like a beach taffy?
Like a cinnamon taffy?
Like a what?
Yeah. Oh, those. Oh, God. That candy. like a like a beach taffy like a cinnamon taffy like that yeah oh those oh god that candy sometimes you got the the freaking one on the bottom right that was like the nougat
time of that new bro watch your watch your words in here dude brennan you gotta chill dude no it's
a new year bro no you you quit saying it Okay. Like, thank you for having my back, Theo. I appreciate it. Anytime, bro.
Great boss. This shit fucking pisses me off.
Great boss.
Anyways.
This shit pisses me off.
But yeah, those candies are disgusting.
Yeah.
What do these little TikTokers want?
What's up?
Theo and Brandon.
Got a king in her stinger for you guys.
Me and my girlfriend trying to decide on a couple's costume idea for Halloween
coming up. So if you guys can help us out,
that'd be awesome, man. Gang gang.
Buzz buzz.
Okay.
Beautiful little mixed couple right there.
Yeah, keep licking them lips, papi.
Beautiful couple
right there. Beautiful.
You know?
I'm thinking of a good,
well,
what do you guys think,
Culture Corner?
What do y'all think for a good couple's costume?
You could do like
Ike and Tina Turner.
Oh.
I mean,
that might be a bit aggressive.
It's also old.
They're young, dude.
They're young,
so they could be
Meg Thee Stallion
and Tory Lanez.
That's what I was thinking.
That's the modern day one.
She's around.
Yep.
Nope,
that's another old reference. Chris Brown and Rihanna? Chris Brown and Rihanna. That's what I was thinking. That's the modern day one. She's around. Yep. Nope, that's another old
reference. Chris Brown and Rihanna?
That was 10 years ago. But they know it.
But they know it, man.
Yeah, they could be...
Those are too obvious.
What about Cardi B and her man?
Offset? Yeah.
My girlfriend and I are going to be Earthquake and Typhoon
90s wrestlers
is your girl
a bigger woman?
no she's been here before
oh that's right well maybe she put on
some LB's
she's beautiful as ever
which one are you going to be Nick?
I think she called earthquake
so I'm going to be typhoon
that's awesome that's going to be dope what are you guys doing be, Nick? And does it even matter? I think she called Earthquake, so I'm going to be Typhoon. They both look like Earthquake.
That's going to be dope.
What are you guys doing?
Just hanging around the house?
I don't know what the plan is.
Just Royal Rumble.
There you go.
Beat up the neighbors, huh?
Royal Rumble in your pants.
You feel me?
Yeah, dude.
If you still like fucking somebody that you're seeing.
That's aggressive, dude.
It's just old-fashioned, man.
That's what they do on holidays, though, bro.
Dude, if I'm seeing somebody.
Meanwhile, you'll be dressed as Tranny Andy jacking off.
Yeah, maybe I'll dress up like Chin, huh?
You can do that.
Chin came in normal outfit saying,
Oh, I'm Bobby Lee.
That ain't Bobby Lee, dog.
I love how you're just lying to us
so straight-faced about it, dog.
That ain't Bobby.
You put no effort into it, Chin.
He forgot it was Bobby.
Look at all the effort Chappelle went through.
Oh, no, you see what I'm a mop.
They called me a custodian the whole time.
Finally, bro.
Finally.
My bad.
My bad.
I'm going to be a metal singer, and they're just like, oh, you're a custodian.
Bro, you're a bustodian, though, dude.
A bustodian.
Dude, you bust, and then Brendan sneaks over into it.
Yeah.
Brendan looks like somebody that would ice skate on some frozen bus.
Oh. Ooh, it's Bruce Jenner. Who is that? like somebody that would ice skate on some frozen bus oh these are yeah these are actually King in the sting fan submission videos of some of their
costumes some real fast rip my dreads like Kenny Garcia's girlfriend that's a
great one man oh there's Bobby Lee.
That's a lot more Bobby Lee right there.
Yeah, way more.
Oh, King of the Sting.
Oh, that's dope.
Aw.
A little monster.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Oh!
Legend, bro.
That is legendary.
That's the best one.
Oh, damn.
Oh!
She got some thigh thighs.
Bro, what are you talking about? That's a mother.
Yeah, so?
Moms count too, dog.
Damn, Wario.
Lay off the shrooms, bro.
Ooh, a little gang.
Gang.
Gang in the stink.
Oh, there you go.
Aaron Hernandez.
That's a little trap queen.
That's some little thot. Oh, yeah. Hacksaw Hernandez. That's some little trap queen. That's some little thot.
Oh, yeah, Hacksaw Jim.
That's a great one.
With a singlet.
These are really good.
Gang, bro.
This is Hulk Hogan with his sex tape.
He's got a sex tape?
He does.
Hulk Hogan?
Yeah, it's like security footage from his home somebody stole.
I had an entire bit on it.
I know he has sex tape.
Oh, there's a little guy.
Oh, there's the terrorist.
That's going to scare people.
Lieutenant Dan.
Terrorist is dope
costume, bro. That's hilarious.
Look at that ISIS costume.
That is fantastic.
Oh, Undertaker.
Oh, that guy was on our podcast last week.
That's Frank Johns.
The mortician, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's frowned upon.
What did he say?
Huh?
Bro, everything.
Really?
Learned all about it.
You can get buried 12 feet if you want.
Instead of six?
Mm-hmm.
What is the difference?
Should we see a nice little montage of him?
Yeah, let's watch it real quick.
Yeah, let me see that, dude.
All right, I got to take this.
Now I just have to look because I cannot see.
There you go.
It's Chappelle.
When I came in to have the mask on, I went, oh, you're Dave Chappelle.
Because he always rocks the onesie.
It's a good costume, man.
A little bit of blood.
Put it on the plants or anything like that.
You ever know anybody did anything like that?
No.
Now, can you eat near the bodies or not?
It's frowned upon. I bet he's eating by the bodies
though huh? Damn bro you going to hell bro. He's at 4,000 embalms. Do a lot of people die holding
their penis I feel like? No. How fast can you get me in the ground if I die? You guys do any like
eight hour packages or anything? I'll get you in the ground pretty quick depending upon the cemetery.
Amen. And how deep can you get me?
Can I go 12 feet or it's only six?
You can go deeper.
Have they ever caught anybody in your industry doing something vile?
Yes.
You know, stealing blood or copping femurs or something out of deceased or anything?
And have you ever accidentally had the wrong body in a clothes casket?
No.
And now is it hard for you personally?
Do you have trouble?
Is it tough to meet women or something like that if you're working in the death trade you know i would not say that it's a chick
magnet that was good what were you drinking there said liquid death yeah it's like a fancy water
yeah oh really yeah it's a fancy water company i thought you're back drinking again i'm gonna say
i found a drinking partner yeah if i come out man out, man, I'll come out and drink.
Yeah, no, not if you come out of the closet.
I'm still waiting for that day.
Bro, if I come out of the closet, who would I spend time with out of this room?
I'll put that up on the candy board.
And it would probably still be Kat.
Thanks, Theo.
Ooh, that one's dope.
Oh, that's dope.
That's good.
Is that Sam Tripoli on the right?
I was going to be the Rat King, too, hence why the back room is so a mess.
I can't find the costume.
Oh, I have it at home.
Oh, man.
See, I told you.
He likes to keep it close to him.
He can bust out any time.
Sometimes if there's trouble outside in the yard, I'll put it on.
Oh, yeah, scare the kids.
Oh, bro, scare everybody.
Oh, yeah. He nailed it. Oh, bro, scare everybody. Oh, yeah.
He nailed it.
Oh, he did great.
That was great.
Oh, there's Kat.
Ooh.
Kat Tina there, baby.
Yeah, huh?
There's Brendan.
Oh, is that Simple Jack?
No, it's Sling Blade.
Oh, Sling Blade, dog.
It could have been Simple Jack, though.
Simple Jack, same vibe.
Oh. That's a good one. It could have been Simple Jack, though. Simple Jack, same vibe. Oh.
That's a good one.
That's a great one.
Love that.
Stone Cold, Rock.
Damn, it looks just like Mankind.
Mankind.
Lots of wrestling.
That's a good piece.
There's Miley Cyrus and her dad.
Oh, that's, no, that's Beth and Rip Wheeler from Yellowstone.
Is it?
Yeah.
That's a deep pull.
If you're a Yellowstone fan, you know exactly what's going on.
I think that's Miley Cyrus there.
No, I'm telling you, that's Yellowstone, Doug.
That's Miley Cyrus and Matt West, I think, or Matt...
Matt West.
Matt West from...
PBR.
PBR.
Nope.
Whatever.
And Megan, his lovely fiancee, Megan.
And Megan's lovely fiancee.
That does it for our King of the Sting.
Damn, those were great.
Fan submissions.
They were great.
They were great.
So what did those kids ask us?
Couple costumes.
Oh, couple costumes.
We've got more videos.
Those are just all the costumes.
What would y'all do?
Chappelle, what do you think is a good couple costume for that pair?
For them, since they're so young.
Ooh, go as Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox.
I said Chappelle.
I know, that just hit me, though.
Yeah.
If I were them, I'd probably Slipknot.
Add another person to the mix.
Like, hey, sweetheart, let's be Slipknot.
Who are some other Slipknot characters they could be?
They could be Mick.
They could be Joey Johnson.
Are there any females in the group?
There's no females in Slipknot.
Not shocked.
Yeah, not shocked. Yeah, not shocked.
Not shocked.
Let me guess.
Their concert's real cockfest.
Hey, is your girl dressing up?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I didn't ask her.
Halloween's on Saturday.
Yeah, she just realized it too.
Is she going to dress in her regular clothes and say she's Bobby Lee?
Fuck, man. It's tight. That shit is weak, dude. I like how he keeps trying to explain shit. It's weak. clothes and say she's Bobby Lee.
That shit is weak, Jen.
I like how he keeps trying to explain.
He's like, look at the hood.
Unbelievable, Jen. Let me see this video,
Nick.
The big club. Store-bought costumes are homemade.
Say goodbye.
Bye.
Gang gang bud buzz. She said store-bought costumes are homemade that's a good question that's me also um i would say oh homemade's the best man homemade by far
listen if you buy it at the store one time me and my brother went to halloween party in denver
it's freezing out my brother decided to buy a costume of a penguin.
We showed up to the party.
There were 17 other fucking penguins.
My brother got all drunk, fought the other penguins.
Yeah, fuck these other penguins up, man.
Yeah, they do that.
It was a real penguin war.
Exactly what I'm talking about.
Yeah, every winter they fight each other to see who can keep the eggs.
Yeah, Jay Shop.
And the man will go away for months.
Jay Shop fought these other penguins. They steal eggs too, right? Yeah. Yeah, J-Shop. And the man will go away for months. J-Shop fought these other penguins. They steal
eggs too, right? Yeah. Yeah. Penguins
assholes, man. Yeah.
They're just doing their best. They go hard. Yeah,
they do go hard. That's a good point. J-Shop got drunk
and went hard in the paint in his costume.
Did he steal somebody's egg?
He really went out and pushed another
penguin over a couch. Oh, damn.
Okay, J-Shop. But it's also very easy
for a penguin to fall over a couch i
feel like yeah you know you have no yeah they waddle when they walk yeah they got no knees
point is homemade's way better because then it's more original but homemade also is risque man i
remember having to make my own homemade growing up and so i was like i remember doing um a archer one time like a peter pan archer and you mean robin hood yeah robin hood
so i did so much like monofilament line trying to keep it all together though it looked like
like a busty a you know in the front of that oh i had tits in the front end tits in the low tits
in the back dude yeah it's disgusting it's disgusting. I was a child.
I was a child.
But yeah, so sometimes, man, it's unbelievable.
It was like a 200-pound test line, dude, so I couldn't get out of that shit, bro.
My whole body started to,
my arms started turning blue
from blocking off the blood.
But that shit's dope.
Nobody else had it.
Like my French robot,
you ain't never seen that on the streets.
You mean you haven't?
What's up?
That's the only picture I've seen of it.
Homemade all day, man.
Yeah.
And what else, dude?
What were you when you were a kid, Chen?
You don't remember, you said?
I don't remember my Halloween costumes.
What are you?
Come on.
You know how many Wario's you got on Saturday?
You know how many years you were alive when you were a kid, Chen?
I know my Halloween costumes when I was an adult.
Okay.
Yeah.
You want to hear those
yeah sure i dressed up as bobby lee no again you know you go there's like clubs you can go to for
halloween your adults it's called a party the party so i would get those fake gold chains and
silver chains and with pendants i'll make fake tattoos appropriation fake tattoos and i bought
a big woman's fur coat and then i would do magic tricks Because I was reading that book The Game
I was picking up girls doing magic tricks
And it worked
Did it? Yes
I'll tell you this story
I got dicey
I put on a bunch of jewelry and a fur coat
The trick women with magic
Thanks for taking us through that shitty
John Grisham novel
Jesus bro
were you David Blaine
we're gonna buy
that story
at the airport
it was horrible
here's what I'll tell you
dude
is
one time I did
Jesus Christ bro
Jesus Christ
okay
and my girlfriend
was the devil
and I made a real cross
out of wood
and brought it to a party
carried it the whole night
you did
yeah it was like a 45-pound cross, too.
What a terrible idea.
No homo, bro.
What a terrible idea, though.
Were you exhausted?
Oh, but I did not give up, dude.
I made her carry it once when I went to the bathroom.
Oh, I bet that looked weird.
Yeah.
Yeah, I bet that did look weird.
Oh, was she a spicy Satan, though?
Yeah.
Yeah, she was.
Some big horns out the front?
Yeah, tits.
Yeah! A tail out the back? Some milk horns? Yeah. Yeah, she was. Some big horns out the front. Yeah, tits. Yeah!
A tail out the back.
Some milk horns, yeah.
Yeah, dog.
And then what else, dude?
One time, oh, I was pedophile a lot when I was in college.
Makes sense.
Pedophile was great because here's what you could do.
You could...
You could...
Hit on young girls?
No, you could...
Oh, you just had to be real quiet.
Get a mustache. Like a shirt that has like some leather on the.
Oh, like the patches.
Yeah.
Put some markers in your pocket.
The glasses.
Get the glasses.
Mustache.
Stand over off in the distance.
Get you a little beer, maybe a little Coke.
Oh, you would need wine coolers.
Oh, yeah, buddy.
I don't know if I had any of that.
Mike's hard.
Oh, that too. Oh, dude. need wine coolers. Oh, yeah, buddy. I don't know if I had any of that. Mike's hard. Oh, that too.
Oh, dude, Mike was hard.
Pretty lame joke, really.
I wouldn't have laughed at that.
Your delivery was great, though.
Thank you.
I appreciate that, dude.
Thank you, mop.
Jesus Christ.
It's hard when you have the only support in here
is coming from a mop, bro.
I'll get you.
I'm particular, bro. I'll get you. I'm particular, bro.
I'll get you.
I'll get you.
I love it, dude.
That's that new Broadway musical mop.
I'll get you.
That dirty mop.
I'll get you.
It's only a day away.
What else did I dress up as, man?
I was pedophile a couple years.
I was Where's Waldo one year before everybody else was Where's Waldo.
I was Where's Waldo before anybody had done it.
Where's Waldo was super popular.
I was before that.
My friend Todd drank some gasoline, and he had to go to the hospital. I bet he got lit.
He's never been the same.
He wasn't the same before it, though.
He wasn't much before it.
But what else did I do?
Me and my brother in college dressed up as two nerds.
But now I look back and we look like two pedophiles.
Because that outfit you just described is exactly how we dressed.
That nerd nation.
Oh, one time I was on this cruise ship and we were limited costumes.
And this one fellow sold his pubic hair to be used as a mustache. time i was on this cruise ship and they had uh we were limited costumes and people were you know
this one fellow sold his pubic hair to be used as mustache oh yeah it's dicey and i bought a little
not much yeah not a lot i wasn't going heavy dog dog in college me and my roommates dressed up as
you know we didn't have any costume ideas i'm not wearing i'm not wearing a lot of another man's
pubic hair around my fucking mouth dude like. Like some freak. Only a little, huh?
Just something young, yeah.
That 13-year-old mustache.
In college, nobody had any outfits, and we were throwing the Halloween party at our house in college.
So I went, don't worry, I got this.
So I went to fucking Ralph's and got Depends, the big diapers.
And I was like, well, I'll be big babies.
So we all put these diapers on and had nothing else on.
We got real wasted.
And then these hot chicks walked in.
I hear him go,
Oh,
this is disgusting.
And it hurt our feelings.
Yeah.
You got your feelings hurt.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Well,
that's what you deserve.
I'll cheer you the fuck up.
Yeah.
You that you,
the cool mom,
you would have had me there.
I would have cheered you up on.
Oh yeah.
He'll shine your floors.
Yeah.
Oh,
Hey. Oh yeah. I'm gonna get you up on that. Hell yeah. He'll shine your floors, man. Clean up on aisle seven. He's that champ. Oh, hey.
Hell yeah, dude.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'll clean it up.
I'll clean it up.
He does look like a mom.
Nah, I'll leave it.
I got this.
Nah, you guys are good.
I'll clean it up.
Here's Frank Castillo has a question right here, man.
Shout out to Frank.
Great shirt.
And he borrowed my nose to ask it this is Daniel coming at you from the
beautiful island of Guam my country but I got a quick king and a stinger for you you guys like that shirt talking about those horror tattoos his are sick
we got that jason damn that's good work that's so gary now you're only cool in october but that's
all right one of my favorite ones is pennywise oh my god that's the thing can you sting it
Oh my God, that's dope. Can you sting it?
Gang gang buzz buzz.
Dude, king it.
Especially in October, you're a real hit.
The rest of the holidays get a little dicey.
And then sting it if you have kids.
That probably scares the shit out of kids.
Really?
I feel like you would get used to it when you grow up seeing it all the time.
I don't know.
That it tattoo scares me at 37 years old.
That could be scary for a child, man.
Yeah.
You can't hug a child with that kind of arm.
That shit is...
But maybe in Guam, they're different.
Yeah.
They're not little pussies.
That It tattoo is so good.
That artwork is insane.
In Guam, they're probably different, man.
Look up something scary in Guam.
Anybody ever been to a hurricane?
No, that's Mexico. I'm saying, do they have something like that in Guam? Oh ever been to Chupacabra? No, that's Mexico.
I'm saying, do they have something like that in Guam?
Oh, yeah. I'm sure.
Anybody ever been to Guam here?
I might have been there.
I don't know where I've been these days.
Something scary from Guam.
Something like Tall Tale they got, you know?
Oh, they got haunted houses.
Dude, are haunted houses still popping during COVID or can we not do that?
They have like drive-through ones where it's like a haunted drive.
Yeah.
I'm out.
In Arizona, they're doing them back home.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, damn.
We're there next week.
I'm not going to a haunted house.
Really?
What else did they say?
You look like you just got off.
He's like, I don't want to go back to work.
In Guam, you can go back in time.
So if you did something you regret, go back in time and fix it.
That's what they do for people in Guam?
You can do it a little.
You can go back about 40 minutes.
It's at a local residence.
Dude, maybe we should do a podcast trip there.
Go to Guam, dog.
Hey, so I do remember now.
It came back to me. Uh-oh, there we go.
When I was a kid. No, I'm serious.
That's a fake story. No. Remember Greatest American
Hero? Nope. He had a red
suit on and he had an afro, but it was a white guy.
He flew, but he could never land.
Was he one of the American Gladiators? No. He could never land,
though. He would fall and start tumbling.
No. So my mom would perm my hair
and she made my outfit. Oh, you're older than us.
What does he look like?
Greatest American hero.
Oh, never.
It's not Hulk Hogan?
Believe it or not, I'm walking on air.
That was the theme song.
That's what I was when I was a kid.
You guys don't remember this.
That was your outfit?
Yes.
That man gay.
Thank you.
That man gay is, I mean, come on now.
He was a superhero, but he couldn't
land.
That chick is fine, though.
Yeah, the girl is really hot.
That's the OG Captain America.
The greatest American hero.
There you go.
Have you ever seen the movie Sinister?
That's the sign that Sinister leaves on all the...
What?
It is?
Yeah.
I've never seen that movie.
With Ethan Hawke, right?
That's scary.
Yeah.
That's scary.
You know, I got voted scariest movie.
What did?
Over the Exorcist?
Hell yeah.
No way.
Have you seen Sinister?
Sinister's not that scary, I don't think.
Ooh, I was scared.
Part 2's good, too.
I've never seen it.
You've never seen it?
No.
You just said it's not scary.
I know.
Oh, it's similar.
Sinister's a great movie.
I was guessing.
I like the new It's too.
I was watching It last night.
The girl fell asleep.
I was scared.
Yeah?
The worst movie was the new Michael Myers, the latest one, the Halloween from last year.
That's what you get.
Is that what Jamie Lee Curtis?
That's what you get for watching it, dude.
So bad.
Terrible.
So bad.
It wasn't even scary.
I've seen the new it's though
oh they're good goddamn they're good i don't know it's good to still holds up over time
damn bad acting but whatever i don't know man i gotta freaking do four years in the persian
gulf coming up i'm in the navy oh yeah i respect it thanks man appreciate my service
appreciate my service
what's this Nick
this looks like another promotion for Nick's
new podcast
is that Jess Lockwood right there
that's actually kind of cool
that's awesome
she's got a video to go along with it yeah I love pitbulls
running on and she's a him Brandon and Theo what's going on what's up brother you from
Toronto Ontario Canada yes I love Toronto and with Halloween around the corner I got a king
at her stinging for you dogeen costumes oh that thing's bucking
like he's a horse gang gang buzz buzz i love it man i think if you got a dog you dress him up and
that's what he gets yep that's what he gets for living at somebody else's house eating out of a
small bowl not paying rent yeah freeloader dress his little ass up i put him in a little thong too
hell yeah a little thong at the back.
Put a little thong on that asshole.
Nuts at the side. Hell yeah.
Amen. Welcome to West Hollywood, dude.
Welcome to Hollywood, period.
Hell yeah. Welcome to the Abbey, little bitch.
Yeah, dog.
Or also, you could dress him in something
real Mexican, you know? Something Fools Gone Wild
shit.
A lot of dogs, or perros they call them,
can be can dress up like Fools Gone Wild shit. A lot of dogs or peros they call them can be can dress up like
Fools Gone Wild.
Fools Gone Wild.
You could also dress your dog
you could dress your dog
as Dogface.
Put him on a skateboard.
Put a little feather on.
A lot of people
are going to be Dogface.
I bet Dogface is one of the
number one costumes this year.
Oh yeah it has to be.
Oh you just carry around
cranberry juice
on a skateboard?
Because it's nice
if you have something to drink, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Get you a little Mexican drink or something.
And something good happened to Dogface, too.
He got some new thing.
I think he just bought a house.
Somebody gave him a house.
Ocean Spray gave him a damn house.
They gave him a damn house?
Yeah.
He's balling.
Shout out to Ocean Spray.
They built him a little house made out of,
it looks like an Ocean Spray bottle.
Yeah. The only way to get in and out of the house is through the top. You out to Ocean Spray. They built him a little house made out of, it looks like an Ocean Spray bottle. Yeah.
The only way to get in and out of the house
is through the top.
You have to twist the door open.
But no, he's living it up.
Every day he's got something new going on.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's crushing it.
He's big vibes, man.
He's just coasting, bro.
Yeah.
He's enjoying it, man.
He's doing what we should all be doing.
Yeah.
Loving life.
Loving life. Amen, man. Amen. Happy Halloween, huh? bro yeah he's enjoying it man he's doing what we should all be doing yeah loving life loving life
amen man amen happy halloween uh happy halloween everybody be safe out there kids
last year we were uh buzz lightyear and woody you know budget cuts
pandemic man it's pandemic yeah it's tough times times homes i would say best costume of the day
goes to the mop over there hey i would agree guys i appreciate that the happy mop off bravo
i'm gonna get you that's the name of my that's the name of the play yeah we'll get you single
i'm gonna get you dang it's scary though he's scary yeah you are scary but now that we keep
calling you a mob you look friendly it's getting better it's getting better though. He's scary. Yeah, you are scary. But now that we keep calling you a mob, you look friendly.
It's getting better.
It's getting better?
I'm growing on y'all?
Now, what about Kat, though?
Kat is the most creative.
Chins was the weakest.
Let's be real.
Let's call it what it is.
Also, Nick, you could have put a little more effort in.
You got your dick in our face.
You got your flat ass out the back.
That's a lot of effort, dog.
I came here today expecting to be the Rat King.
I was practicing my lines.
Nick, you
were very brave today. Would have been nice.
They had a couple Rat Kings last year. We saw
a couple. Nick, you should have dressed up as
Iggy Azalea. Oh my god,
yes. Iggy, Iggy, pussy, pussy.
Iggy, Iggy, pussy, pussy, pop it, pop it.
Remember that? Yeah, he remembers it.
She's a single mom now.
Very hard to forget.
Is she really?
I saw that coming.
Oh, man.
Who isn't?
Who isn't a single mom?
When are you going to have one, Kat?
I don't know.
I would like to have one end of my 20s, early 30s.
So in the like, no, I'm 25 now.
So like, if there's
anybody who wants to have a kid
in 3 years, let me know. Be careful now,
Kat. You're going to be
a lot of donors.
I just want to keep
my options open right now.
Flip through a book. Yep, they're open.
Why don't you have one, Theo?
I'm thinking about having one you're 47 years old
dude
F you bro
you look like a
freaking valet
at somebody's colon
alright
touched a nerve
I
I bet
yeah
sorry dude
but fuck you bro
damn right in the ass
I didn't know that was the one that would get ya all the years of jokes But fuck you, bro Damn, Reggie D.M.
I didn't know that was the one that would get you All the years of jokes
That's the one that got you
I said have a kid and fucking
Fuck you, bro
I'm fucking trying
I'm fucking trying, man
Dude, I masturbated yesterday, you fool
Yeah, you're in preparation
Well, that ain't helping anybody
Yeah, dog
It's training them I'm gonna move to East LA and have a fool't helping anybody. Yeah, dog.
I'm going to move to East LA and have a fool's gone wild, baby dog.
Get with just a real freaking...
They get verified yet?
Oh, dude. They haven't been verified yet.
They need to.
When are you going to have a kid?
I don't know.
I don't know.
After getting married, I'm not going not gonna have one out of wedlock
yeah ideally ideally are you trying like 28 uh 32 same thing are you thinking about marriage uh
yeah uh for sure one day um wow yeah it hasn't even been a year with my girlfriend but uh yeah
sorry love is tight i told her I love her. Love is tight.
Whoa, whoa.
It's the Halloween episode, you fucks.
What are you saying?
You guys love your girlfriends? Y'all are gay. Yeah, this ain't love line, gays.
You asked me about a kid.
First comes love.
Then comes marriage.
But Chevelle's going too hard on the love.
Dude, you can't dress like that and tell us about love is tight.
Chin, you and your girl?
We don't want kids.
Never?
Oh my God, Chin.
How many L's?
How many L's you want to take?
Came in with a costume.
Hard L.
We don't want kids.
I'm Bobby Lee.
We don't want kids.
I'm having a great time.
Look.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Chappelle, you want kids?
I shouldn't say that.
I love you.
Yeah.
Chappelle needs to have some kids, dude.
Yeah, he'd be a good dad.
I want to see what some of those angry kids he has.
I worked in a daycare.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Chappelle's worked everywhere, dude.
Yeah.
Everything you say to Chappelle's done it.
Uh-huh. High school, daycare. He was a governor, he said somewhere. Yeah, Iappelle's worked everywhere, dude. Yeah. Everything you say to Chappelle's done it. Uh-huh.
High school, daycare.
He was a governor, he said somewhere.
Yeah, I was a governor at one point.
College.
Yeah.
College.
Yeah, college.
NASA, he told me the other day.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
We were talking about it.
I told Theo.
I was like, yeah, I worked for NASA.
He's like, whoa.
He said he had a space shuttle with a V6 in it.
Uh-huh.
I was like, I don't know, man.
I think it was great.
Yeah.
Well, happy Halloween, y'all happy halloween y'all i'm in phoenix next week stand up live thursday friday saturday phoenix and i'm in nashville dog yeah that's right i'm
in nashville uh boise idaho one show theater show. December 5th. I love Boise, Idaho. Almost sold out.
About to add a second show, you little maggots.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm trying to get some shows, man.
I don't have anything on the docket right now.
You're getting up in Nashville, though.
I thought about maybe getting up November 4th.
Do you think it's weird to get up the day after the election or not?
No, I'll do it.
Nah, people need to get out.
They need it.
You think?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe November 4th I'll get out.
There you go.
So maybe keep your eyes out for that.
Maybe you'll come by Zaney's in Asheville.
I might.
Yeah, we'll see.
We'll see what I'm doing.
A man might be busy.
Oh, I'll be at Tempe Improv.
Oh, let me look at your schedule.
Oh, okay, Brendan, thanks.
Wide open.
Look it.
I'm just going to come y'all.
Oh, sorry.
Go ahead.
Are you going to be at Zaney's too?
Are you coming?
No.
Yeah, he'll be at Zaney's.
I'll be at Zaney's with him.
Oh, damn. Okay. But November 27th through the 29any. I'll be a Zany Stewart. Oh, damn.
Okay.
But November 27th through the 29th, I'll be at Tempe Improv, my hometown.
Come say what's up.
Those tickets are online.
You're going to dress like that?
No, I won't.
You should.
Yeah, I'll be regular me.
I'll go back to me.
Happy Halloween, y'all.
Happy Halloween, y'all.
Happy Halloween, guys.
Happy Halloween, guys.
Chappelle is starting to look like he gave up.
If you're struggling, I can spot you for the Dollar Shave Club
Keanu Reeves wants his beard back, enough is enough
Elise Thiel's hairstyle is consistent
Looking like Danny Boone from a distance
Wouldn't want to scare you cause your hair just might jump off
Hey Brendan, will you share your energy drink?
You should change your name from Streaks to Kink and the Stink
I know you're used to fighting in the rain
Are you the king?
Are you the king? Are you the state?
What do you think?
Gotta get deals from boys that won't quit
Getting owned up by the loser, pay pigs
Do you accept PayPal or transfer wise? They won't quit getting blown up by the loser pay pigs
Do you accept PayPal or Transferwise?
Chilling at home sending out the drunk text
Burner account into the VX
Do you know a slurper who feels is actually considered polite?
Why?
You're coming with the corrections click
Wrapping all that, it gave me a fucking slick
Me, your own Brendan under the desk
Touching each other's knees
You came like me
Steed like a bee
Actuality
The big head of baby
King in the sting
Oh, the king and the sting