The Golden Hour - I'm A Beanie Guy Now | The Golden Hour #16 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia
Episode Date: February 17, 2023The guys talk Chris' new beanie obsession and his son head butting him in the face, the Super Bowl halftime show and pregnant Rihanna's performance, their favorite mall stores, a ...new update on Terminal Tom and the guy dating a schizophrenic girl and much more! Factor - https://factormeals.com/GOLDEN50 with promo code GOLDEN50
Transcript
Discussion (0)
They didn't touch Mahomes once.
In the second half, he was like 16 for 17.
They're a second half team.
They scored every single possession in the second half.
They did.
They scored every possession.
Second half.
You're like Rachel when we watch sports.
Yeah, I am.
Because she just says things.
Sexy as shit.
We're friends that laugh.
We're friends that shout.
Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about.
But that won't stop us.
Nothing can stop us
Nothing can stop us
Cause I can show you used to love, just rebranded enough
It's stronger, better, bigger power cause it is the Golden Hour It's the golden hour. It's the golden hour.
You made $1,600 in Vegas.
Yeah.
I don't have a lot of money for you.
No, I'm just saying you came.
Well, now I can't do my joke about how that's nothing.
Yeah, I'm like Eminem.
I know exactly where you're going with that.
So you did, well, you made, wow, that's good.
That's good. I mean, that's good. That's good.
I mean, that's good free money.
I bet on the Chiefs and over because I thought if the Chiefs are going to win,
it's going to be because they're going to outscore them.
It was a great Super Bowl.
But, you know, I've been going to Vegas every year with my buddy for like 25 years.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
We go to Vegas every year for the Super Bowl.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like a thing
you have
with your friends
but um
and then like
but usually
like we've been there
we were there
when like
the sports book
sorry he's watching
my special on his phone
oh
go ahead
are we going right now
yeah yeah we are
but he's watching
we're missing Chin
uh
who's Chin
he's here
who is Chin yeah I don't know but yeah that's cool and then we've been there like you used to be able We're missing Chin. Who's Chin? He's here.
Who is Chin? Yeah, I don't know.
But, yeah, that's cool.
And then we've been there.
You used to be able to go.
You'd sit in a sports book.
It wasn't even a big deal.
You just had to get there first, and you could watch the game like that.
And we've seen over the years how it turned into a thing where they charge you.
Oh, wow.
To sit down?
Oh, bro.
We're walking.
It was really not a lot of people this year.
It was really strange.
I think it's partly because of the pandemic.
And they're also doing this thing where you can bet on your phone.
If you're in Vegas, they have all these apps now.
MGM.
Wow.
Well, you don't even have to go to the casino.
Because most people are doing that.
That's why it's less busy.
Because DraftKings, MGM.
So we walk by House of Blues.
We're staying at Mandalay Bay.
House of Blues.
And then I go, oh, can we sit at the bar?
The lady goes, yeah, it's $250 a person.
That's crazy.
For the Super Bowl.
To watch it.
I went like this.
I'd be like, yeah, bitch, I'll buy a ticket to the game for $250.
It's so ridiculous.
By the way, too, though, you could just stand behind this, like, barricade and just watch like this.
But it was just like, but anyway, it's usually really packed and it's like a lot.
But this time it was.
I wonder if it was the weather because it's all fucking stormy.
But that doesn't make sense.
I don't even.
It just was very.
I think things are.
You know, I really think that the pandemic has changed our world and we still have it.
No, no, no.
Yeah.
I don't know if we'll ever go back to what it was.
Yes, wherever it was. I think people have a good time at home instead of haven't. No, no, no. Yeah, I don't know if we'll ever go back to what it was. Yes, wherever it was.
I think people have a good time at home instead of going out. Yeah, they really.
Fuck it.
I realize I can have a good time at home through the pandemic, for real.
Like, I was like, I got to get out.
I got to go get coffee.
I got to go do that.
I didn't ever want to be at home.
Now, all I want to do is be at home because of the pandemic.
Welcome to the club.
Yeah.
I know.
It's crazy.
I love being at home.
Guys, look.
Ode.
Carhartt.
I got a Carhartt.
Oh, your official. official golden hour you're trying
to get more guy fans yeah i'm no but i'm cool man oh my god i don't know what is i'm cool man
it doesn't look great right no it does look great no you look like you look a mexican soft dick
hey dog i'm coming bro give me a little bit revved up i'm coming bro I'm coming Give me a little bit Revved up
I'm coming bro
You could've looked more like
The worst drug dealer in Venice
Hell yeah
That's what I like
That's fine
What is that?
What?
What is what?
This is how I talk now
With this hat
It's a car hat dude
It's so baggy though
Yeah
They don't get
Style
Dude
It's the way it is now
The baggy shit dude
And So it looks like A The baggy shit, dude.
So it looks like a trash bag is on your head? Nah, bro, it's cool, and you're not going to fucking take this from me.
It's cool, bro.
And I'm going to New York, and I'm going to wear it in New York, okay?
It's going to be cold.
Yeah, dude.
He uses that when he goes to Air One or Whole Foods, and they're like,
do you need a bag?
He's like, don't worry.
Dude, it's the Carhartt shit.
I got it. I reuse. But the Carhartt shit. I got it.
I reuse.
But the Carhartt shit.
I get them all in all different colors, dude.
You got all of them.
You're all in all the beanies?
Oh, yeah, dude.
And I'm going to wear them.
I got fucking crimson.
I got crimson.
I got orange.
I got berry.
This is berry.
It looks brown, but it's berry.
I got black.
I got white.
Hold on a second.
That's brown.
That's brown.
That's brown. Well, they call it berry. Who calls it berry? Carhartt. You ever heard of them? Carhart but it's berry. I got black. I got white. Hold on a second. That's brown. That's brown. That's brown.
Well, they call it berry.
Who calls it berry?
Clare Hart.
You ever heard of him?
Clare Hart calls it berry.
I think it's brown too, dude.
I mean, that is brown, dog.
What do you want from me, bro?
Unless the person who got it for me-
Or maybe it's like cherry chocolate.
You know what I mean?
Maybe.
Maybe they hit brown instead.
I told them to get me.
It was my assistant.
I said I wanted a purple one.
You have an assistant?
I have a hat getter assistant.
Oh, no.
They only get me hats.
I know.
It's a waste of money.
That's like...
It's a waste of money.
That's like rapper stuff.
All they do is get me hats.
And I've only used them.
So there's a dude with a briefcase, and it's just hats in it?
Yo, I got hats.
You're not even a hat guy, though.
A big baggy hat with another bunch of hats in it.
You put on a cowboy hat guy, though. A big baggy hat with another bunch of hats in it. You bought a cowboy hat.
Dude, I was in, I was at, we were at dinner the other night,
and just a bunch of us, like some, it was like five of us total.
David Sullivan was there, you know David.
And I'm holding Calvin, and Calvin's looking at me,
and it was just me and him.
They went to the bathroom or some shit.
And Calvin just goes like this.
And headbutts me in the face.
On purpose.
Like I'm holding him.
And he's smiling.
And I go, I mean, dude, I thought I was going to fall down.
Like it was so hard.
You have CT now?
Yes!
Dude.
And in my mouth.
He did it in my mouth.
And I go, oh, my God, buddy.
You were pissed off.
No, you know what's interesting?
That pisses me off.
But you know what's interesting That pisses me off But you know what's interesting
Cause here's the deal
I
My wife spilled
A whole bunch of coffee
In the car the other day
Like just
Not
Like I didn't even take a sip yet
In the Benz
In the
In the Audi
Okay
Just as bad
Yeah
Well
It's an RSQ8
I know
Well it's not a Urus
But you keep going
It's not a what
It's a poor man's Urus
Keep going though
No dude
The Urus is ridiculous bro I'm not No it's not for but you keep going. It's not what? It's a poor man's U.S. Keep going. The U.S. is ridiculous, bro.
I'm not.
No, it's not for you.
No, keep going.
Hold on a second.
Dude.
Am I Persian?
Dude, I'm not, right?
I'm a white guy.
Okay?
So anyway.
That's so stupid.
That's so fucking stupid.
So anyway, dude.
Do you have a mirror?
I need to see if I'm a little dark right now.
But I'm not though, right?
No, yeah.
So I have that. And she just goes, dude, the iPhone cord was under the iced coffee in the thing.
And she just pulls it out and the coffee just goes.
Right?
Okay.
Dude, and I go.
Did you hit her?
No, that's just what.
Wait, you didn't hit her.
But there was a moment where you were like oh man
i get it no i go like this i go like this i go like this i didn't even take a sip yet and we
were late so we couldn't stop bro it went thank god it went all over the map but i go like this
i go like this yeah you know how you get that mad yeah you know what i'm saying yeah and she goes
and she's it was a mistake and i was like like, yeah, I know. It's fine.
It's fine.
And I'm like, don't say anything because you can't be – because you say something, then it's going to sound bad.
So just – and she was like, I didn't mean to do it.
And I was like, I know.
And I'm not saying anything because I'm just going to chill.
And it's all good, right?
And then I realized because I talked to going to chill. And it's all good, right? And then I realized, because I talked to my therapist afterwards,
and she was like, my therapist was like,
well, just because you don't say anything doesn't mean you're not having a reaction
and you can feel the intensity.
And so I'm like, well, I can't win?
And she was like, no, you just have to figure out how to just understand
that you've got to deal with your shit when the shit hits the fan.
Did you meet the therapist?
The therapist said that, and I go like this.
She's like, like right now.
I feel attacked.
That's just going to be the thing.
Everything's, yeah, so I was at the supermarket,
and this person asked me, did you hit her?
So my point is, I said to my therapist,
and this is me figuring it out.
I was like, you know what's interesting is,
if Calvin spilled the coffee, right? Now we're talking about, because Calvin headbutted me, right? I didn like, you know what's interesting is if Calvin spilled the coffee, right?
Now we're talking about because Calvin headbutted me, right?
I didn't get mad.
I was just, if Calvin spilled the coffee, I'd be like, oh, it's okay, buddy.
Don't worry about it.
And even, I'll go further.
Because he's three.
I'll go further, though.
If Kristen spilled the coffee in front of Calvin, I would have said, oh, it's okay, buddy.
Mommy made a mistake.
And then hit her.
I get real issues is what I'm saying.
Calvin, your muffs, I muffs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the muffs. And then hit her. I get real issues is what I'm saying.
Calvin, your muffs, I muffs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the muffs.
While you're here.
So I get issues is what I'm saying.
I get anger problems too.
But you're working on it.
Oh, me too, buddy.
A lot of therapy just to suppress that monster.
It's in there.
It'll pop out from time to time.
Yeah, I know.
And I hate to say it, but-
Jekyll and Hyde.
But why don't I just understand?
Just always pretend Calvin's in the room.
I know.
I'm going to do that.
I actually already thought that.
I just think everyone in your life is three.
Yeah.
Yeah, but.
Because here's the other thing.
What did you say, though?
You couldn't let that go because he can't be doing that.
Every person that picks him up, he's going to be like.
Before I even get to that.
He's all back in black.
Like, what the fuck is happening happening if i spilled the coffee in my
car i would be so angry at myself right i would be like me out of the board you're a fucking idiot
that's fucked up too by the way right so why is that fucked up bro what are you supposed to do
be this cock where you're just like no but you're gonna die early right so well but but my but i'll hit
you but but my son goes boom and i go oh buddy i said you can't do that you can't just headbutt
somebody it hurts do you want me to be hurt and he was like i'm sorry and then i immediately felt
bad yeah don't feel bad because he was was like, he understood, I'm sorry.
What you should have done
is you should have taken
his little shirt.
You should have went like this.
If you ever.
If you ever.
Honestly, he'd laugh.
He'd laugh.
He'd laugh.
Oh, no.
I grab my son like this.
Oh, nice.
Hard there.
Ow, dude.
I'll grab him like that.
When he does,
he's headbutting me on accident.
I'm like.
It's not on accident.
He did it on purpose.
No, no. Calvin did not do it on accident. My son did it on accident. I'm like, it's not on accident. He did it on purpose.
No, no, Calvin did not do it on accident.
My son did it on accident.
I just grabbed him like,
you got to chill out, right?
Yeah.
Chill out, right?
You're lucky dad goes to therapy.
Yeah.
And I showed him my,
because it's all bloody on the inside.
Like, he hit me good.
And then he kept on saying the rest of the day,
can I see your boo-boo?
Are you bleeding?
Yeah.
And then I woke up this morning
and then the first thing
when mom got him up,
when Chrissy got him up,
he said, can I see daddy's boo-boo? I'm like, who's this guy?
Is he a collector of bruises?
Did your buddies come back and were like, what the fuck happened?
I thought it was going to be real fat.
Looks like Calvin's up 10-9.
I don't want to bring up Dahmer, but.
Oh, yeah.
Well, he would anyway, so.
Yeah, I'll do it for you.
Because you don't want him doing it to somebody else.
Just like, do you want a boo-boo?
He's like, what?
I told him, I was like, do not do that, man. Dude, you can you want a boo-boo? He's like, what? I told him.
I was like, do not do that, man.
Dude, you can't be doing that.
Well, they see things, right?
I know.
I was trying to change the-
Don't have WWF on.
I know.
We just watched that, by the way.
Yeah, shit happens.
Jeez, we're seeing it.
Exactly.
Copy that.
Yeah.
I was trying to change the mood because I was trying to change the mood and they like
YouTube music and I was dancing.
Yeah, yeah.
Tiger's dancing.
Then Boston, who just turned three, goes, yeah, shake your nuts.
I was like.
That's what he said?
Where'd you get that?
Oh, that's hilarious.
And my girl's like, from you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, from you.
It's always from you.
Yeah, let's shake our nuts.
You know?
It's not good.
Always from you.
Not good.
So I hit both of them.
Your family.
You know what's funny?
So Rachel, when I got home, you know, I think it's coming out.
It already came out, so it doesn't matter.
The Patreon one we did? Oh, right did where your girl made us the boxers?
Yeah, the girls made, yeah.
So Rachel did the things, but it was the first,
and this was all Kristen's idea.
Yeah, I understand.
You know what I mean?
But then, like, Rachel was talking about the videos,
and so the girls all sent each other the videos.
And Rachel was like, she redid her videos
after she saw your wife's video.
She like put.
Yeah, because Rachel was like, oh, we being sexy?
My girl keeps it sexy.
All the time.
Rachel was like,
that's why I know
they probably all...
And then Kristen had
the perfect excuse
because she's pregnant.
Still cute.
Rachel was like,
oh man,
what am I supposed to do?
That's funny.
She's like, goddamn.
Yeah, my girl had a pass.
Yeah, she had a pass.
No, but she was still
showing skin.
Oh, the belly? You mean the belly? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, she had a pass. No, but she was still showing skin. Oh, the belly?
You mean the belly?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, she's not going to send it.
You know, women, they're not going to do.
Well, yeah.
Am I right?
Yeah, I don't know.
Sounds like my girl set the standard.
Yeah.
Hey, dude.
Dude, don't say your girl set the standard.
The standard was set.
My girl was funny. My girl was funny.
His girl was sexy.
My girl was doing the most important job in the world.
Yes.
Fuck yeah.
I win.
And dude.
It's Portland, Chris.
How is your forehead still huge?
Still huge with the beard.
I don't understand. How is your forehead still that? Still huge with the beard. I don't understand.
How is your forehead still that huge?
Y'all are haters, dude.
I'll tell you what.
I look good.
How about that?
I do.
You look like you sell merch for Macklemore.
Is he still around?
That's probably not a bad job, honestly.
Yeah.
Dude, I follow him on Instagram.
That dude is killer.
Crushing.
Oh, wow.
I'm a fan.
That's the kind of thing where someone like that, you have to establish your base then once you have it you have it forever and then he just rides off
nobody knows that more than chris yeah but you have yeah no macklemore is killing it that's good
good for him yeah good for him for real goes macklemore and then what's his buddy's name
because they broke up and that's where it got dicey ryan lewis oh yeah ryan lewis was going
dropping all the the hits like, he was the creator.
Macklemore would rap over it.
And then I don't know what happened to him.
I know he's an addict.
Who, Macklemore?
Yeah, he went away to rehab.
He's like a serious addict.
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Let's get back to the program.
What did you guys think of pregnant Rihanna?
Oh, yeah.
I missed the halftime show.
I went to the fish store.
Are you kidding me?
No. 80% of my fish store. Are you kidding me? Where are you talking about?
80% of my fish died.
They got sick.
You're not good at this.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, what are we going to just establish?
You shouldn't have fish, man.
He's a fish killer.
Not only that, like beautiful, expensive fish.
He's just putting them in her diet.
Peter is going to be like, you know, outside your house,
get rid of the fish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Probably four grand in fish.
Some just devastated. They got the white ick and then i was like oh no it's like
transferred to another another aquarium and then what's the white ick it's like uh is that from
game of thrones it's like covid for fish but this one actually you get them get masks no i gave
booster shots it killed them it's fobid they had heart issues yeah the fish had heart issues i gave
them a booster shot they had heart issues wellovid Yeah the fish had heart issues I gave them the hoochers shot
They had heart issues
We're sitting in Vegas watching
They got that
We were actually at a sushi restaurant
Fuck you
Don't cry
Yeah don't cry
I'm a
We were at a sushi restaurant
And so they didn't have the sound on
But I saw
We were looking at the halftime show
You know
And I was like
She's not doing anything
I know
It was just weird
She was lip singing
She was like How Like how Aretha Franklin I know But like That's, she's not doing anything. I know. It was just weird how she was lip singing. She was like how Aretha Franklin.
I know.
That's how she's going to be when she's 75.
I know, I know.
She's still going to be singing.
But still, here's the thing about Rihanna.
You're right.
Here's the thing about Rihanna.
She just stinks of coolness.
It doesn't matter what she's doing.
She's just like, I don't give a fuck.
She don't got to do this anymore.
She's a fashion icon.
But what I'm saying is,
then it came out,
she was like,
because think about this.
She booked a job.
They say, hey, you want to do halftime?
She was like, all right.
They don't pay.
You know that, right?
What's it matter to her anyway?
They give her a million dollars.
Who gives a shit?
I'm just telling you,
you don't get paid for halftime.
But she's not doing it for the money as well i'm saying they stop paying
because they know what it does to the people's right but anyway so they said hey you want to
do this you know she's like okay you know but then it was like she probably was like oh i'm pregnant
right right they were like what should we and they were like i don't worry about it yeah and
then she's still twerking but then like it's like three or four months later it's really affecting
her so then when it when it was time to show up to practice for the dancing, she was like, you know, okay, y'all just.
I ain't doing that shit.
I'm going to do this.
If they wanted to make that, because most of her hits were written by Kanye.
If they wanted to bring down the house, Kanye should have came out and done his verse.
Oh, that would have been.
If you want to bring down the house.
That would have been worse than Janet's titty.
That would have been absolutely fucking insane.
It would have blown the internet. Blew the internet. Yeah Janet's titty. That would have been absolutely fucking insane.
Blew the internet.
Yeah, but they wouldn't have.
I don't think they.
I mean, you can say what you want about Kanye.
He makes the slap.
But I will say this, though.
When she.
She plays his songs.
She's on.
I mean, Rimbaud.
And I said this on my podcast.
Did a whole thing about it, so I won't get too into it.
But the.
Just do it here.
Nobody wants to go watch all that.
No, no, no.
You got to watch it over there. Are you wearing the beanie in that show, too? Yeah. No, this into it but the just do it here nobody wants to go watch no no you gotta
watch it over there are you wearing the beanie in that show too yeah no this is just so definitely
do it here no the so you just ruin it here no no so what I'm saying is she did that you know how
many women were like oh now I can my wife is like I'm pregnant can you get the salt yeah and i'm just like rihanna rihanna yeah yeah
halftime show she was in the sky
just like go ahead up go ahead up yeah she was on a place i don't want to hear it yeah yeah oh
yeah thanks rihanna yeah yeah she ruined a bunch of oh wait yeah connie's first one dude that looks
dangerous no it's lit.
He went to the concert.
Insane.
You went?
My brother did.
So that's a different person than you.
I don't think they were supposed to show her harness coming off of her, though.
I think that was a mistake at the Super Bowl.
You know what I'm talking about?
They weren't supposed to show that.
I wish they would forego putting all this effort into these bullshit halftime shows and focus on the football field
so you guys aren't slipping all over the fucking place
they were slipping all over the place
true
now that harness
what does it do though
so she doesn't fall off
I know that but why was it coming from the ground
it's like she would still be hanging off of the platform
as it goes down
look at that google search I was thinking the whole time?
Look at that Google search. I was thinking the whole time.
Look at the Google search.
I thought the whole time,
what if she got sick?
Like pregnancy sick?
If she was just like, you know,
Girls like,
yes, queen. Yes.
Yeah, she could do no wrong.
That would have been great. She could shit her
pants up there and girls would be like, oh, we're shitting our pants now.
There's nothing to do.
Thumb it up, thumb it up.
Fendi poop.
All right, Nick, what do you got, dog?
What's up, Golden Hour?
I have a quick debate club for you guys.
But first, I want to give you guys a congratulations, not the podcast, on the best intro-outro music of any podcast out there.
Eric Griffin, I know you're the brains behind it, so thank you.
Brandon, pay my man.
It's the big club.
Is sports gambling causing sport outcomes to be rigged?
Did the Chiefs really beat the Eagles?
Well, yeah.
And did Islam really beat Volkanovski?
Well, no.
I don't know.
I'll leave that up to you guys.
Chris, you can take a hike.
This conversation is for people without painted nails.
So peace out.
Talk to you later.
I'm over my grunge face.
Are you over it already?
No longer grunge?
Well, you're in your beanie face.
It came out.
First of all, I just want to say I find it ridiculous to think that people think that they would be able to hide rigging the game.
Okay?
In this day and age of the internet and people running their mouth, there is no way they would be able to rig the game.
They couldn't even do it in 1920 in the World Series.
When they rigged the World Series, the shit came out and there was no internet.
And then the UFC recently,
a guy named James Krause tried doing it
and got caught, banned for life.
The fighter got fired.
There's legal coming their way.
People can't help themselves.
People are going to run their mouth.
So all you 10 fool hats,
that's what I call them.
10 fool hats. All these people
I know it is a good cocking, right?
All you idiots. They're coming
for you now, by the way.
It's no way.
How would they do that? When would they
practice?
No, they're saying
the refs rig it, right?
Here's the thing, you
10 fool hat idiots
is that one holding call,
you could call holding on every single play.
They probably shouldn't have called on that play.
That's not why the Eagles lost the game.
They lost the game on the kick return before,
earlier in the game.
Totally.
They lost it with Joe Dirk fumbling the ball.
How about their defense?
Their defense didn't stop them once.
They didn't touch Mahomes once.
In the second half, he was like 16 for 17.
They're a second-half team.
They scored every single possession in the second half.
They did.
They scored every possession.
You're like Rachel when we watch sports.
Yeah, I am.
She just says things.
Sexy as shit.
Dude, I will tell you.
I will tell you.
Mahomes gave it to Hurts, and they scored every possession on the second half
and the Chiefs are a second half team
and I'll tell you right now, that was
smash mouth football and when you come to the
green iron and you come to play and do
work, that's what
happens. Both teams played well
but God gave it to the Vets.
This is like when Calvin headbutt you.
It's because he saw it someplace.
You're doing the same thing right now like where did you see this not a bad take though it's all
confident it's all confidence really i'm a beanie guy though oh my god white bean you're not used
to it i got the white one too you're not used to it but um i'm a beanie guy and once you start
seeing me enough in a beanie you're gonna go this. The way your hair is coming out on the side, it's not good.
I'm Jewish.
And you're racist, dude.
My wife is Jewish. Go fuck yourself.
No, dude. No.
Anyways, there's no way that it's rigged.
Now, if some referee,
first of all, again,
in the day and age of this,
if there was a call,
it would be scrutinized. Everybody would be
like, why did that happen? And they would look
into that person's past.
He's got a bookie who's a...
It's no way
it was rigged.
People are saying that Super Bowl was rigged?
Just take your fucking L.
There's a whole thing on the internet about it.
It's scripted.
By the way, that was holding.
Yes.
The guy admitted it.
I'm saying in a play like that, if they didn't call it, right,
then what everybody would be talking about right now is,
why didn't they call that?
It's barely holding.
It was barely holding.
It was touching his hip a little bit.
They interviewed the guy after the game.
He was like, yeah, hell.
But they can call holding on every single play.
They don't, right?
No.
Well, how about the announcer was like, yeah, at this moment of the game,
you just kind of got to let it go.
What was that guy talking about?
It's holding or not, right?
Well, the thing is, is because we know.
Okay, it was the time of the game.
Yeah, I understand.
It was a crucial time, but not because.
They're a second-half team.
It's not because – because what it would have done,
it would have made the Chiefs kick a field goal,
and it would have given the Fiegel –
The Fiegels?
The Fiegels.
Totally different team.
That's the Lord of the Rings team.
The Fiegels.
You went to the same school as I did.
We would have seen a better game.
It was already one of the greatest games ever.
It was great.
And by the way, the third most watched television show of all time.
Really?
What were the first two?
Probably another Super Bowl.
Yeah, it's got to be a Super Bowl.
And then maybe it was Undateable.
Undateable.
Might have been Rogan.
The series finale, Undateable, the live one.
Oh.
It was up there.
I don't know.
I love that.
Top 10.
Yeah, I agree.
Of what?
I don't know.
It was like MASH, Undateable,ateable fucking super bowl and one of the other
super is mash still number one no no but that was a big this is the finale of seinfeld all
number one i know cheers number two holy shit that's back in the day the fact that magnum pi
was in there well that was they only had three stations i know it's hilarious that's what i'm
saying no one's ever gonna touch that 105. What the fuck is the Nurse Jackie one?
Go down.
Cheers.
That was just a different article.
Yeah, just a stupid show.
I hate when they do that.
That's how you go down a rabbit hole.
Yeah, I know.
You search for something like this, and then it says, like, you know, child stars, where are they now?
And then you click that one.
The next thing you know, you're on Pornhub.
That's crazy.
It looks like my dad.
Yeah, these are all old school shit.
Wait, they're getting less and less.
Oh, you're going.
I got it.
But the most watched broadcasts are all Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Yeah, it has to be, right?
Yeah.
Wow, home improvement, huh?
Wow.
Most watched fight ever is Kimbo Slice, I think.
Elite XC.
There was controversy in the UFC, too.
But it can go either way.
Nobody was robbed.
I was high off shrooms and drunk. and I was like, he got robbed,
and I never say that.
Yeah.
But nobody got robbed.
Yeah, so you had a good time with the fight companion?
Yeah, it was great.
So much fun.
So much fun.
I was high and drunk.
What's up?
Hey, guys.
Huge fan.
My name's Taylor.
I just wanted to propose.
We knew her voice was going to be just
like that right it's not bad i'm just saying i could have guessed her name gorgeous eyes on
no i'm not saying nothing about it i'm just saying you knew that that was her voice was going to be
i'm not saying that you were saying no i know i feel like you were going to say something and
you didn't know she's beautiful and we knew she was gonna have that voice yeah okay go ahead
a new segment about feel-good stories.
Love it.
Seems like all we ever hear of is the negative.
Dude, I'm so for that.
Possible World War III.
We got China sending balloons over.
Don't remind us.
Don't remind us.
We're getting started on the price of eggs.
Aliens.
Maybe people can send in stories that they've seen or that they're the main character of.
Really good idea.
For example, when I saw recently a viral TikTok going around of a kid getting picked on because
he looked like Hasbulla, and Hasbulla saw it and responded and wanted to get a hold of
the family, do something nice for them.
I think that's awesome.
Maybe you guys can workshop it, think of a name, rate them, rank them, whatever.
But yeah, I think we need some feel-good stories.
So thanks.
Love you guys.
Love everything you do.
Appreciate you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. good stories so thanks love you guys love everything you do appreciate you oh yeah yeah so i sent you guys this but hazel actually saw it after and he said can anybody get me in touch
with the family and i'm pretty sure he has now but they haven't put anything out yet but
he's gonna do something nice for this this kid my my favorite go ahead
Go ahead.
That's the leaders of the player.
Yeah.
You got to get used to that.
Yeah, we don't care about the people saying,
this is new.
I mean, that's what they were doing.
They're like, Chris Bula, what's up?
What a good attitude.
I know.
But in fairness.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like him, but fuck, man.
I mean, it's like if you look like a famous person, if that famous person is Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like him, but fuck, man. I mean, it's like
if you look like a famous person,
if that famous person is loved, hated,
if you look like that person,
I mean, that's just a thing that happens.
How do you deal with that?
It hurts my feelings when they're like,
oh, there's Tom Hardy.
I'm like,
you know how small he is?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bet it hurts.
It's like,
there's a giant Tom Hardy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's hurting.
Yeah, but what about like Mr. Potato Head? Yeah. You know what I mean? There's other times bet it hurts. There's a giant Tom Hardy. It's hurting. Yeah, but what about like Mr. Potato Head?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
There's other times where it hurts.
You brought that up on the show.
Yeah, but we never said it.
Yeah, but they said it.
Somebody said it to him.
Mr. Potato Head didn't reach out to me and my family.
That's the same.
You know what I'm saying?
Where's that reach out?
To me, they just go, they just say, Chris D'Elia?
And I'm like, yep.
And they go, and they're like, yes.
You know what I mean?
No, they headbutt you.
I'm the guy.
I'm the guy.
I'm the one.
My best feel-good story is, did you see,
these guys have no idea who I'm talking about,
but Jens Pulver, he didn't know he was going to get into the UFC Hall of Fame.
It's on UFC streams.
So he's watching because there's like a live Twitch feed with his son,
and he's just sitting there watching it, and they start playing like all feed with his son and he's just sitting there watching it and they start
playing like all his old fights and he's like
no, no, no.
And his son comes over and hugs him and gives me chills.
And he starts crying because you know
years and years at the highest level.
UFC doesn't show respect to anybody.
How old is the UFC?
Since 1930 years.
Started in 93. I guess you can have a
hall of Fame then.
Right.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
Especially if they're getting beat in the fucking face.
Kind of deserved. Watch this though.
Watch this.
This is it.
How many people are in it?
Like 11?
Not many.
So he's just chilling watching.
He thought.
Although again or.
Shut the fuck up.
Oh.
Legend.
Shut the fuck up.
Oh.
Oh, dude.
Shut up.
Are you serious? Wow. Oh, dude. Shut up. Are you serious?
Wow, let's go.
No.
The sun comes over.
That's so sweet.
That's a big car he's in.
He's got a great wig on too, right?
Oh, man.
He would look in a beanie, honestly.
No way.
No way. Oh, that's really sweet well
well deserved man really i so oh my god who's the guy his name's jens pulver he's a legend
he fought back in the day had some great fights his nickname was a little evil but
for guys like that you know like he's doing the twitch stream i'm hopefully he's doing all right
in life but when you don't get acknowledged when you acknowledged, when you've risked your life and health
and just don't get any acknowledgement, it's fucked up, dude.
So UFC's getting better at doing it, but this one was dope.
And he was talking about how after he finished fighting,
he was in a pretty dark place not knowing what to do with his future.
And now the UFC actually, he does those live streams on Twitch for UFCs,
and that gave him some purpose and then cherry on top.
Damn. They don't have a pension and then cherry on top. Damn.
I don't have a pension plan.
No,
nothing.
Yeah.
But I love the new segment idea.
Send in feel good stories.
That's great,
dude.
That's great.
Great idea.
And I have one.
Okay.
So this is actually the same person.
I sent you guys a screenshot this
morning of someone who reached out because they, Oh yeah. They just had a bunch of shitty stuff go wrong, super high bill.
They got overdrawn, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But they were just thanking us, saying they turned on our podcast.
It went away their shitty day.
And I sent you guys the screenshots.
And Brendan on the side texted me.
And he's like, what's her Venmo?
And he sent her money.
And she said she was in tears.
And then Chris didn't even know that. And he texted a group chat and he was like we should help her
out um eric was pretty silent but eric probably yeah because cut to our email now of everybody
with financial problems no it's true we don't usually share gofundmes or whatever but she
wasn't even asking no no she wasn't this is her. This is her? Yeah. Oh, that's her?
Yep.
Oh, that's sweet.
Oh, well, that's the feel-good story.
That is the feel-good story.
I sent her some money.
It was like, because she wanted, she didn't have, it was her heating bill, right?
Yeah.
And it got all crazy.
She lives in Illinois, so it was like $500.
She's like, they just took it out of my account.
I have nothing now.
I was planning to take my niece to the movies and my husband, you know, Valentine's Day.
You know, so I sent her some money. I was like, please take your niece to the movies and my husband you know valentine's day you know so i sent somebody i
was like please take your knees to the movies avatar 2 sucks though and then go get a steak
dinner oh i'm she was like what yeah that was fun that's sweet dude yeah yeah no it's good terrible
person nobody no no no no i i i but you were just doing that. You didn't honestly...
Let's have a feel-good story,
then let's also have every...
Who hates Brendan the most?
I feel like you...
Which close friends hate him the most
for being awesome.
Yeah, I feel like...
Who fucks Brendan over the most?
I feel like...
Oh, shit, what was I going to say?
Chin.
I think you were going...
I didn't tell you guys I was going to say that,
and no one would have heard about that story about you guys helping.
Oh, right, right, right, right.
Isn't that where you were going?
True.
Yeah, no, I don't know, but I was going to say that was cool of you to do that.
And I said, let's help her, and you already had, and that's very cool.
And I should get some credit. You were late, though.
But I was late.
She already had the money in her account.
Yeah, I know.
I wasn't even going to tell you guys.
I understand.
You've got to do that.
And the secret is you did it honestly, secretly, just to get into heaven.
And I know that.
And that's selfish.
And I just was doing it out of I don't even believe in heaven.
So I was just like, I'll just give her money.
So you did it to get points with God.
So that's selfish.
Fair point.
Fair point.
Reddit's like, yeah, Chris.
Yeah.
And Eric's going to hell.
That's cool, man.
Let's all go to hell.
Fuck it.
You know what I mean?
It'll be hot, but it's better than cold.
Hell's probably pretty cool with the homies.
As long as we're together, right?
You know who you get to see?
Dahmer.
Yeah.
Dude, he'll get sick of it. He's like, stop talking about me. That'll be his hell. Or Dahmer's see, Dahmer. Yeah. Dude, he'll get sick of it.
He's like, stop talking about me.
That'll be his hell.
Or Dahmer's like, fuck you.
I'm like, wait, no.
Wait, no.
He's like, what are you talking about?
Brendan just keeps touching him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, aren't I your type?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He's like, no.
All right, is the Night Stalker here?
Who's this gentleman?
He's, I don't know what's up guys this is matt
from boston i have a thomas podium for you i want you to rank your three favorite stores in the mall
uh recently i heard that bed bath and beyond is going bang so it was a little nostalgic for the
mall um and wanted to hear what what are your three favorite stores in the mall? Brendan, I know you love Tropic Thunder and stuff.
Hey, bro.
So you're late again.
Well, true.
He did say it first.
But he came up with the thing.
It's not fair.
Cheeks with Cinnabon.
But we'd love to hear from the rest of the group.
So thanks, guys.
Love the show.
Cheers.
Woo, woo, woo.
Nice.
I like that people, they take a moment yeah
Cinnabon is I can only do Cinnabon I can't eat it when I got older I gotta say this when I was younger
I'll fuck a Cinnabon
I do middles only and I would get the big one Extra icing
And I'd be like
Give me
But then
As I got older dude
Extra icing
Yeah
That's too much
Exactly
You're fat shaming
No
In 2023
You're sugar shaming
It's just too much
It's terrible
It's too much
It's already sweet enough
Not for me
Or you can't even eat candy
Not anymore
Your teeth will fall out
Yeah
Not anymore
No Mrs. Fields number one
Cinnabon, number two.
Why are they all-
Then the candy stores, they can mix and match.
You eat candy?
You mix and match.
Oh, there's everything at the mall.
Not just food, asshole.
Really?
Yeah, like candy.
Sbarro.
I love random-
Sbarro?
All food court shit.
Oh, the random-
You just count the whole food court.
The random teriyaki place?
Steak and shake.
Yes.
I mean, I don't know.
Definitely not the sneaker stores at the mall.
They fucking suck.
What do you mean?
Well, for me, I don't know.
Norsham's best store.
Yeah, the sneaker places are the worst at the mall.
By far the worst.
Sometimes they'll have like a cool hypebeast one in there, though.
No, they're always lame.
No, sometimes they do.
But you know what?
I actually really like shopping.
Like, I like Adidas.
Really?
It's more like going on the app.
And I'll just be like, I like to get, you know, Adidas jackets and things like that.
And it's just like, I don't go into the store.
It's not even the same experience.
If you go into the Adidas store, they've got the worst shit.
That's what I'm saying.
It's weird.
But then you look on the app and you're like, where's this?
Everything's online now.
Or how about this?
You go into the store.
And you go, hey, do you have blah, blah, blah? And they go, let me, just a second. And then they check the app. Right're like where's this everything's online or how about this you go into the store and you go hey do you have blah blah blah and they go let me just a second and then
they check the app right right and they're like we can we can ship it to your house i'm like i'll
just do it myself what am i doing in here but i'm like i like the apple store spencer gifts
spencer gifts dude no sharper image used to be lit bro when i would go to when i was a kid i would
go to sharper image or brookstone And nobody paid for anything. You just
fuck with their stuff. Yeah, you just sit down in the massage chair
and put on some goggles. Oh, I used to love Brookstone
too because they would have just
bullshit stuff.
It'd be like an electric arm
tea maker. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you never purchased anything. No one buys
anything. But you would be like, I need this.
It would be like some kind of...
It was so expensive.
It's like SkyMall stuff.
Spencer's was hot topics, fun to go in every now and then.
If you need a Rick and Morty tea.
I used to really like going into bookstores too.
There's no more of them.
But I used to love going into bookstores.
Barnes & Noble took over.
Here's what's interesting about Barnes & Noble.
Notice there's no toy stores anymore.
Barnes & Noble is now a book toy store.
If you go there with your kids, it's game on.
Right.
Game on. It's because they have all these toys now a book toy store. If you go there with your kids, it's game on. Right. Game on.
It's because they have all these toys.
They're toy stores.
It's Target and Barnes & Noble for toys for kids now.
Really?
There's no Toys R Us anymore.
Yeah, whatever happened to that?
That's gone, right?
There's one off of the 90 kind of like outside Marina Del Rey.
In the hood.
A little bit of the hood.
It's kind of like a cracker barrel.
How about you want them toys?
Yeah.
Cracker barrel.
They don't have them in the city anymore.
In my hometown mall, what was the Abercrombie is now an escape room.
Wow.
And you can still smell it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You can still smell the Abercrombie.
But there's still the escape room if there's the Abercrombie models are in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, you mean there's still hot bitches?
With only board shorts on.
I can't get out.
Did you guys see the documentary about that?
Yeah.
Insane.
About what?
About Amber Carmy.
Oh, no.
I heard about it.
Tell me about it.
It's so good.
Yeah.
It's just like the guy, the creator or whatever it was.
He was very, it was a very like, we just want hot white people.
Yup.
I worked there.
I gotta be honest.
I was watching.
I was like, I'm waiting for the other foot to drop.
He made a billion, whatever it was, $6 billion for booking hot white people.
Like, that's fat shaming.
Go to Abercrombie now.
Like, what are we doing?
Sales.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bro, I don't understand this whole thing.
I only want to see hot people always, wherever I am.
Whatever it is.
No matter where I am.
Well, let me step in here with some adult stuff.
Okay.
I agree with you when it comes to entertainment.
Okay?
Yeah.
When I'm watching CSI, my lab tech needs to be a hot whatever because this is a fantasy
I'm watching.
Or a nerdy dude.
If I want real life, I'll go down to the post office.
Right.
Yes.
I'll go to the DMV and just sit there and be like, oh, shit.
Let's get the big bitch.
Or go to Monster Jam.
You know what I mean?
Or go to Monster Jam.
See the warlocks at Monster Jam.
Can we just have this whole idea that we need realism on TV?
It's like, no, this is an escape.
Yeah.
And our escape is we like seeing.
And that's what Abercrombie did.
They pissed you on this dream of
you would buy board shorts and get a six-pack.
But the modeling
as well.
Victoria's Secret, you know how
they're like,
everyone's getting mad at them because they're always skinny.
Hot, attractive people.
And now they're like,
had their first trans model. And they're going out of business. They held on for and then and now they're like had their first trans model
and they're going out of business like they held on for too long and then like okay we'll cave and
now they're going out of business dude that's the real illuminati the illuminati isn't like rich
yeah ball the illuminati is this like weird twitter people yep yeah who are forcing corporations to
make changes for people 30 people yeah yeah yeah that's their. They're the most powerful people in the country right now.
Anything woke touches turns to shit.
Best quote ever by Trump, and he doesn't have many.
Yeah, that...
He was really going in on Rihanna.
Go woke, go broke, right?
Yeah.
He really went in on Rihanna.
Yeah, what did he do?
I heard a little bit about it.
He said some shit about him, so now he went in on her.
Right.
He said that was the worst performance ever or something?
It's like, dude, shut up.
Yeah, that's crazy. You know what I'm saying? Don't just say dumb shit. The worst performance ever or something. It's like, dude, shut up. Yeah, that's crazy.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't just say dumb shit.
The worst performance ever was your...
He's lost his foothold a little bit.
Like, people are like, all right, dude, we're good.
Who believes this?
Wait, what's a re-truth?
Truth, though, show it's his own.
Oh.
Someone's like, facts.
I got an account on there.
I wanted to see what's going on.
How is it?
But why does he only have that little like in the beginning?
Oh, there's no one on that app.
There's got to be a bunch of people.
No, it's not a lot of people on the app.
There's a lot of issues going on with the app, like who's running it.
But also, look at his avatar.
Is that the bad guy from Spawn?
Wow, that's funny.
The Violator. He's not on...
I thought he was on Twitter also, though. Yeah, he's back
on Twitter. Yeah, which is don't be on your competitor's
shit. But he hasn't tweeted yet, has he?
No, actually, I don't know if he has. He wants everyone just to
go to his shit. I think he did in January or something. I think he's angry.
Go to the far right one, Nick. That's him.
The Violator, dude.
That's Trump. There he is. That's his avatar.
Spot on. That's John Leguiz is. That's his avatar. Spot on.
That's John Leguizamo.
He's so good in that.
That is the worst movie.
It's a bad movie, but he's good.
I enjoy that movie.
It's really bad.
You know, they're remaking it.
They're remaking it.
It's really bad.
The Rock.
If you want to see a good version of Spawn,
watch the cartoon on HBO.
Oh, really?
That was fantastic.
HBO cartoon?
Yeah.
Really?
Oh, they have some lit cartoons. Well, it needed to be dark. Spawn's a dark character. Yes. I know. That was fantastic. HBO cartoon? Yeah. Really? Oh, they have some lit cartoons.
Well, it needed to be dark.
Spawn's a dark character.
Yes.
I know.
He's from hell, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Spawn's great.
Don't be dorky, right?
Don't be dork.
You knew the name of the bad guy.
That is true.
I get it.
I just said it looks like the bad guy.
Yeah, don't let him get away with that.
No, nice guy.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
Fact check.
I'm a dork.
Yeah.
Dork check right there.
Check this out, though, bro.
I'm a fucking B.
I can't wait to get a black one and just kind of lurk around, bro. I'm a fucking B. I can't get with it.
Wait to get a black one
and just kind of lurk around New York.
You know when someone's forcing something?
You're forcing it on us.
It really makes your face.
And you know what?
I'll be successful at it.
You were LA7.
Now you're four with the B, right?
Okay.
Good.
No, that's not true.
Yeah.
You look like you sell Kratom.
No, no, no.
Look, I got a lot going on.
And when I put this on, people still know that I got a lot
going on.
Okay?
There's no gain or loss.
It's just okay.
It is what it is.
It is what it is, dude.
All right, man.
Well, you just got to keep doing it.
I'm playing with house money, man.
With this beanie, I'm playing with house money.
It kind of looks like you're finishing up chemo.
Well, I look like that anyway.
It has a wig on.
He has to put a beanie to cover it.
I got it from Racquetball.
The bruise.
You look like a real bro.
See me down.
There we go. Bryce, dude.
Here's your nose, dude.
But that's how you wear a beanie, though.
See how it looks nice on his head?
Bro, it looks nice on his head.
Yours is too baggy in the back.
You have to turn it up more.
It's like too thin.
Turn it up, turn it up.
There you go.
Get that style.
I mean, now, you know what?
We need to meet in the middle because mine's a yarmulke.
Yours is all baggy.
Yours is a piece of shit.
I don't like yours.
That's anti-Jew.
Well, it's not a yarmulke, dude.
We're a yarmulke, dude.
That's in front of a yarmulke.
All right. who's this guy
sunglasses guy with cancer yeah or he's got some some weird disease he said he's definitely gonna
die but he keeps saving his updates well this is the not the same guy yeah it is oh can't have two
guys terminally okay but why would he what is he fucking is he so famous now from the hey he blew
up he just honestly keeps looking better and better to me. Yeah, and he got a
girlfriend and he started some
new business. That's a girl with
commitment problems, huh? And he's
got another update. Well, she's got an app.
So,
you said I should get everybody prepped?
Nope. Yeah, we told you to get everybody
prepped. Hey, Golden Hour Podcast, here's an update
for you, aka Terminal Transmission
from Terminal Tom.
So, Brendan, the last time I was on, you cursed me. So, you said I should get everybody pregnant
because I can't have kids. Well, I found out I'm having a boy. No. Doctors were wrong again.
I keep beating them. And I'm quite aware that I look like a white cholo right now with my outfit.
But these shades are for the company.
They are custom.
Slight flex.
Yeah, thanks for the curse, bro.
About to be a dad.
Congrats, brother.
That's big time, dude.
I'm happy for him and also very sad.
Yeah.
No, it's great because he gets to experience the best thing in life before he passes. Nothing better. This is a feel-good story. It's going to be a lot. You guys are making us sad. Yeah. No, it's great because he gets to experience the best thing in life before he passes.
Nothing better.
This is a good story.
It's going to be a lot.
You guys are making this sad.
No, I'm not.
This is a great story.
It is.
He just thought he, but his thing is though, he was just like.
They say he's shooting blanks.
I'm just going to bust in you, girl.
Yeah.
And you made it gross.
And you made it gross.
You made it sad.
You made it gross.
You made the most beautiful thing gross.
Hold on a second.
So gross. And then he was like, don't't worry about it i can't get anybody pregnant she was like she's on my titties are sensitive you know she's like hey got some news nothing better though the
guy he's not gonna be around long you're gonna experience at least three years with a kiddo
nothing better it's beautiful it's beautiful what was it i just hope that you know she wasn't
it's beautiful it's beautiful was it I just hope that you know she wasn't don't make this don't make I'm just saying like maybe you get a you date an NBA player you you you want to get pregnant you
know because he's gonna she's like making she's like oh you think Scott you guys made this dark
and it's a very beautiful story I didn't even say shit Yeah you kinda did
And then he really ran with it
Made it gross
Well he always makes it gross
Dark and gross
Yeah
Speaking of girls that are
This is the guy
Oh yeah I know this guy
Oh what happened
He only gave us an update
But he
Now there's a new update
He's got a good debate club
Very topical
And an update
Now is this
What
Is this episode
For a regular one or a Patreon one?
This is Patreon.
And what is the date it's coming out?
16th.
Oh, so I'll be in New York.
Yeah, I'll be in New York.
I'll be in New York Saturday, ChrisLeah.com.
This Thursday?
I'll be in New York Saturday.
I'm in Naples
tonight, Friday, Saturday.
Then one show only in Bakersfield, California.
I asked you guys about the 25th because Ice House is opening up.
And your boy's doing a shop and friends at the new Ice House on the 25th.
One show only.
We have Trevor Wallace.
We have some monsters doing that show at the Ice House.
I asked you guys to do it.
Great Falls, Montana.
One night.
Okay.
Well, I wasn't done.
Great Falls, Montana. Eric Griffin. Come check me, I wasn't done. Great Falls, Montana.
Eric Griffin.
Come check me out.
Thanks for everybody that came to New York.
Austin as well.
And Minneapolis.
What else do I got?
Has anybody been to Naples?
And Kansas City.
So I wasn't done.
I'll be at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club.
That doesn't even exist.
He's making it up now.
I'm not.
March.
Unfortunately, it's March 2nd to the 5th.
Why is that unfortunate?
Why is that unfortunate?
Because it's a Tuesday through Friday? No, no. It's having and to the 5th. Why is that unfortunate? Why is that unfortunate? Because is it Tuesday through Friday?
No, no.
It's kids having a party.
Oh, right, right, right, right.
Oh, gotcha.
Now I have to invite Brendan.
And Chin and Nick.
And the new guy.
And the new guy.
It's Calvin's party.
The new guy's coming.
I assume you guys weren't coming anyway, but also.
I'm going.
You know I got your son?
I like it.
And I like this splash of diversity we got going on over there.
Look at us.
Look at you guys.
Now we're even.
Apparently I wasn't black enough.
Three whites.
I wasn't black enough.
No, you're not black enough.
We got to get another.
We got to go black, black.
That's what you guys did, so I like it.
I like it.
I see it.
Mix it up here.
I'm with you.
What is up?
Golden Hour.
Chris, Eric, Brandon.
Love you guys, man.
I got a debate for you guys.
Maybe not too much of a debate.
More like an opinion on what's going on.
The balloon from China.
What the fuck is China thinking they could fly a balloon over the United States of America, homeboy?
It must be tripping.
Whatever the reason was, I should have known better.
It took three weeks.
You know what you guys think about that whole balloon stitch?
Broke up with a schizophrenic girl.
Of course you did.
You fucked up.
I don't want to go into detail, but it just didn't work out.
What did he say?
It just didn't work out.
But it just didn't work out. Let me ask, What'd he say? Just didn't work out. I want to go into details, but it just didn't work out.
Oh, let me ask.
Was she crazy?
Like, what are you talking about?
Right now, she's like, well, he only broke up with one of me.
Yeah.
She obviously had the best, you know.
That's what I'm saying.
I bet that.
Woo!
Getting gross with Griffin.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Well, that's right.
We forgot that we have like, you know.
If you want to send us stuff, you know, I don't know what we would do.
Oh, yeah. We don't have a P.O. box.
That's some weird shit.
We need to get a P.O. box, Brendan.
Why do I have to do everything?
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
What studio are we at?
What studio are we at? What studio are we at?
What's the name of the place?
Okay.
That's why you do everything.
So his question was just the China balloons?
Yeah, what's going on?
I talked to the Special Forces guys, and he was like, who cares?
He's like, we've been doing it with them forever.
My thing is like-
Because you guys are just finding out about it.
It's constantly up there.
My thing is like this.
Yeah.
I was like, I feel-
That's what I'm making fun of.
If you were writing a movie, we're script writers, and we're putting out ideas, and
somebody was like, all right, how about this?
They send a balloon that flies over the ocean, and then it flies across our country, and
we don't do anything about it.
You'd be like, that is the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my life, that no one would
send a balloon.
Right. Ooh. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, that is the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my life, that no one would send a balloon. Right.
Balloon?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's like, I don't know.
I just feel like I saw – I was looking at a Bill Maher show, and they had this guy, whatever that guy.
He was a military guy, 60, actually fought in Ukraine recently.
He's in the Special Arms Forces.
And he was saying it shows how behind their technology is.
Yes.
If you're sending a balloon, in 2023, you're sending a balloon?
That's funny, yeah.
The special force guy I talked to,
that's what he said.
He was like,
I mean, if they're sending balloons,
he's like,
China has bigger issues than us.
He's like,
they're going to self-implode anyway.
A balloon?
They're not effective.
Oh, that's funny.
I didn't even think about that.
Me neither.
There's not a good drone you can send?
Oh, no.
A balloon.
They have satellites.
But there was talk that-
Was Pippi Longstocking there? Because it's at 60,000 feet, the area it's in. That's a deep a balloon. They have satellites. But there was talk that Was Pippi Longstocking
today?
Because it's at 60,000 feet
the area it's in.
That's a deep cut reference.
I know it.
They're getting surveillance
where if they were to
launch a nuke
at that height
instead of blowing up
the cities
they launch at that height
it blows up all our
satellites and communications
so all telecommunications
is down.
Telemundo.
Yeah,
Telemundo definitely is down.
No Telemundo.
But telecommunications is all, everything telecommunications is definitely down. No telemundo. But telecommunications, everything's down.
It'd ruin everything.
But Elon Musk all of a sudden would be like,
hey, we'll use Skylink.
Yep.
And then some people think it's aliens,
which I think is pretty lit.
Yeah, but it's not, right?
How do you know?
I'm not saying there's not aliens.
I do think there are aliens.
If aliens could fly billions of light years,
and then they get here, and they can just get shot down,
they might be fucking with us.
If you're saying China isn't using a balloon,
definitely Mars isn't.
You know what I mean?
You're assuming the aliens are that advanced.
They might just be dumbasses.
It's a balloon from some...
It's cone heads?
Yeah.
And then they're just like, I don't know, dude.
What are they...
They need to be more clear about what they shot down because we live in a...
That's why they're not clear because there's so many idiots out here.
They're going to be like, the aliens are among us now and all this kind of stuff.
Or they've always been there now so distract us from other shit they're doing.
Maybe the aliens are actually among us
and some of us are aliens.
Maybe the new guy, he's a fucking alien.
We don't know, dude.
Maybe he's infiltrating.
Did anybody pat him down?
Did you talk to him yet?
You talked to him later.
He was like, this was a beautiful podcast.
This is how white people get away with racism.
Whoever was the newest, I would have said.
This is how they get away with it?
That's the problem.
He's probably an alien, so we got to frisk him.
You know how he said it?
I said frisk him.
I thought he had a tail.
It's just a big dick.
I don't know.
Why is the tail in the front?
Like, where do these aliens have tails in the front?
He's like, that's my dick, moron.
Oh, my bad.
Idiot.
Big juicy dick.
Oh, it's Santino.
What's up?
What up, Chris, Brennan, Eric?
I have the same forehead as Chris
It looks like this guy
Was just about to take his hair off
And then the phone rang
And he was like
Oh just a second
So guys
He sleuths like this
This motherfucker is holding off a dear life dude
It's like his hair is retreating
He would look so much better if he shaved it.
Shave that fucking hair off!
He'd be a dime piece if he shaved it.
Look at Bill Burr.
Yeah, dude.
He looks like he's going to have good-shaped hair.
He's Bill Furr.
He is holding off a dear life.
Let it go.
I think you should part it.
Look at it.
Dude, if he shaves it,
it's going to bring out those blue eyes even more, dude.
To me, he should cut characters into it
because it always looks like it's on a stage.
You know what I mean?
He should cut it where his dudes are walking up a hill.
You know what I mean?
No, with his freckles, too.
He looks like that alien.
You remember that show back in the day with the alien cop?
Remember that?
And the guy from X-Files?
No.
I don't understand balding.
You know why?
Why?
This guy's got a full head of hair.
The hair that's back here looks like it's dope.
Yeah.
It's thick.
It looks dense.
You know what I mean?
And I get why he didn't shave it.
He's like, I mean, but what about this?
I'm 17 back here.
When the people see me leaving.
16 back here.
50 up here.
What'd you say?
What'd you say?
When the people see him leaving, they're like, damn, that dude got a lot of good hair.
He turns around like, damn.
And he turns around.
Damn.
Oh, this poor guy.
We're killing this guy.
We're killing this guy.
I don't even agree with you.
I think it's fine, dude.
It's fucking far back.
He would look like Bill Burr with better eyes if he shaves his hair.
Yeah, dude. He'd be a dime. He's already a redhead. That's the devil's work. Oh, dude. It's fucking far back. You would look like Bill Burr with better eyes if he shaves his hair. Yeah, dude.
You'd be a dime.
He's already a redhead.
That's the devil's work.
Oh, yeah.
As it is.
That is bad if you're a guy and a redhead.
Yeah, dude.
Nobody trusts redheads.
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, if you are-
Twins and redheads.
If you are a redhead-
Oh, the devil's work.
If you're a redhead, you go bald, good.
You're not a redhead anymore.
Yeah.
All right.
You're a red chin.
What's he saying?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Red chin, imagine. The red chin what's he saying yeah yeah exactly the red
chin it's like a bad guy in a fucking dc movie and it's chin the red chin all right eric special
needs andrew santino here got a quick question for you one of my biggest pet peeves is when people
say words wrong for example my stepmom's from canada so she already talks like she's got a
mouthful of maple syrup okay but she'll say roof a boot, and I can't stand it when people from the Midwest say
warsh.
Yeah.
It's like, hey, if you're going to say something, say it right.
Yeah.
Does that bother you guys?
It's funny, and I agree with you.
If so, what's the worst way that you've heard somebody pronounce something?
Darnell Rawlings.
Let's go.
Buzz buzz.
Soar. Hit it. And I'm not going to fucking Rawlings. Let's go. Buzz buzz. Soar.
Hit it.
And I'm not going to fucking say it.
Oh, damn.
Dude.
That's good.
Dude.
Darnell Rawlings, he says.
Yeah.
You know what the thing is?
I still don't know his name.
I just called Rawlings.
We travel the country a lot.
So it's weird to realize that there are different dialects in the United States.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is weird. And I always know different dialects in the United States. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is weird.
And I always know
because of how they say my name.
So like in the South,
I'm Er.
Er.
Yeah.
Er different.
And then it's like East Coast,
Eric.
Yeah, Eric.
You know,
I'm just like,
you have that little bit.
I do, yeah.
You say my name fucking wrong.
Eric, yeah.
Eric.
Christ.
No, Eric is how it should be.
I'm done with you.
You're welcome.
What is it?
You say it. be. I'm done with you. You're welcome. What is it? You say it.
Eric.
Eric.
Eric.
Hey, dude.
Don L.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Eric.
Where are you going?
Eric.
Yeah, I do do that.
You're right.
Stop hitting the table.
You're hitting it too much.
I didn't hit it.
You did earlier.
You have a little bit of East Coast.
Well, you're from the East Coast.
I know I am, yeah.
Eric. And you know what i don't like you know what i you know what drives me nuts is when people think the name aaron is erin like a female
erin and then the male version that is aaron aaron paul but people say aaron paul it's aaron
they say they think it's the same name
and it's spelled different
and they know that
but they still say
oh it's the same name
Aaron
and Aaron
it's different
Chris out bronze huh
bro
hey hey hey
I got a code
I care deeply
I care deeply
I care deeply
it's one of those weird ones
um
the
what else well the English language is dumbly it's one of those weird ones the what else
well the English language
is dumb anyway
it's like
it's pretty dumb
in some respects
it's like C
and then C
yes
it's like
pick a new word
yes for sure
pick a new word
just have a new word
dude have you heard
the guy's bit
he's this big
South American comedian
I think
and he was like
he's like
I can't remember his name I should I, I think. And he was like, he's like, I can't remember his name.
I should, I should remember his name.
But he was like talking about, he's like, I don't like verbs in America.
He's like, we dance, I dance, he dances.
He's like, how much this motherfucker dancing?
He's like, we dance, he dances?
Dude, it's so funny.
I mean, I'm fucking it up, but you got to go look at it, and it's so funny.
But he's like, I dance, he dances?
Does this motherfucker think he dancing more than me?
It's really funny, man.
I don't know.
Weird. Because it really funny, man. I don't know. Weird.
Because it's true, though.
Dances seems plural.
I agree with that comedian.
Someone just sent in a picture of their daughter.
Our theme song is her favorite song.
I wonder if Calvin would like it.
Kids love this thing.
We got to change the intro of us doing added more shit.
I have that shirt on right now.
Oh,
cutie drop in the cozies.
Oh,
mental like this.
What's that?
Ben,
man.
Oh,
the guy who did this on Ben said,
Ben,
Ben, they said men, of course, men like Ben. Oh, the guy who did the song. Yeah, Ben. He said Ben, not men.
I thought he said men.
Of course men like it.
That's our demo.
That is a dope-ass song, though. Love it.
It is really cool.
And how fast he did it, the turnaround, insane.
Ben C-word, everybody.
It's actually going to be on a show that's coming out on Amazon.
C's for cunt.
The C word is...
That's the English language.
I'm usually quick.
Well played.
Well played, Nelia.
Oh, wait.
Nick wants some sort of credit.
Why?
Because he said,
Nick's being like,
I said it first.
You did?
Well, I said it the first time
we ever heard the song. What? The same joke. He said Ben Seward being like, I said it first. You did? I said it the first time we ever heard the song.
What?
The same joke.
He said Ben Seward.
Oh, really?
And I said his name is Ben Cunn.
And then I just.
And you fired Nick over that.
No, no, no, no.
You're delivery, man.
I fired him over the friend dress.
I enjoyed that.
It's all about delivery.
Yeah.
And you got fired for that, Nick.
Yeah.
And now he's back.
Well.
That's a cutie and some cozies. All right. Well, that's good, right? It is a about delivery. Yeah. And you got fired for that, Nick. Yeah. And now he's back. Well. That's a cutie and some cozies.
All right.
Well, that's good, right?
It is a great intro.
It'd be tough to beat that intro.
That's a great intro, I will say.
Oh, it's good.
And yes, I will be in New York and Austin and Minneapolis.
ChrisLid.com, I know.
Montana, Great Falls, the 25th.
One night only.
I'm jealous of you, Montana.
Hey, by the way, before we get into your dates, how is your psoriasis?
It's getting better, man.
It looks good.
Yeah, I fired some people and it's getting better.
Yeah, well, good.
There you go.
Well, good for you.
Thanks, man.
Looking good.
Less stressed.
Yeah.
Tattoo's looking good.
Thanks, bro.
When's the last time you saw me in short sleeves?
I mean, there's still some dots, you know?
True.
Some people think it's monkey pox.
It freaks them out, but it's not, yeah no i'm not gay once you get rid of nick
once i'd scare it right up your tattoos go away yeah he's gonna be like lose some lose some of
that fucking baby baby face fat right i'm just saying we all know you have it oh wow he put all
his baby face fat to his ears yeah yeah yeah no, yeah. No, you look good, bro.
You look good.
You're a handsome guy.
I'll give you that.
You're a handsome guy.
Can you do that?
You know how people take – women take fat from their ass and put it in their lips?
Can you just like take all that –
Put it in my ear?
Take the ear stuff out and just put it like, you know.
B-E-L.
Brazilian ear lift.
I'll find out.
Naples.
Let me know.
I'm in Naples this – tonight, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Come get you some.
Then Bakersfield one night.
Ice House with special guests.
Trevor Walser, he booked.
We had some other special guests.
The Ice House grand opening Saturday night.
And then look for us to do a golden hour.
Yeah, we want to do one over there, yeah.
And then March 3rd, Brea, two shows only.
March 3rd, Brea Improv.
March 4th, Cowbass Fight Companion.
Jelly Roll Rampage Special Guest
Thick Boy YouTube
Get You Some Naples Sea
This Weekend
Jimmy Kimmel
We did it
Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club
Jimmy Kimmel's opened up
In blackface for you I heard
Yeah
As Carmelo
That's a funny sketch
Just like get over yourself
Yeah
Jimmy Kimmel
Comedy Club
March 2nd through the 5th
I believe it is
And then
You know
Newberry
Oh and I'm announcing
I'm so glad you're
I'm announcing my UK tour.
Oh, cool. Tonight, UK. It's dropping.
Pre-sales come live
on Friday. It's Belfast, London,
Botswana, Manchester,
Tunisia, and Dublin. And New Guinea.
That's in June, too. New Guinea.
Thickboy.com. New Guinea? I'll go to New Guinea.
Ghana. Ghana. South America.
But no, for no for real UK tour
imagine doing a tour
of places
this would be a great show
yes
like you're going to
tour places that
no one knows
who you are
it would be hard
to find for me
but yeah dude
it's hard to find
for people
see if your jokes land
see how bad you eat
dick and film it
that would be great
called eating dick
I was going to make a joke
but I'm not going to
you guys
have to wear clothes
next time I do this.
And it's just people with spears
looking at you.
Bumblebee tuna.
Like plates and shit.
With the big fucking...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the plate like this.
The plate like this.
And the two item minimums
get served on the...
You're also into Amazon.
You know, they're all in...
You know, they're in the trees.
Sold out with the birds.
Yeah.
So anyway...
A fucking spider.
You're a jack liar.
And I was at the DMV
Did you see that
You see that thing where there were snakes in the ceiling
Yes Rogan posted it
But bro
I'm out
You just burned your house down
Or you move out
Sorry man
That's it Did they see it. Oh, you move out. I didn't see it. Okay? Sorry, man. This shit is... That's it?
Look at this shit.
Did I see it?
Now, is it more than one?
They're just in the ceiling of your house.
This could be your kid's room.
You know what I mean?
They said they were hearing strange noises upstairs.
Really?
Strange noises.
You mean hissing?
Where was this?
Boom.
See, is that more than one or is that one fucking giant snake?
It's more than one.
That's more than one because there's three ends.
Why is there hip-hop music to it?
Dude.
Now, I don't know about you.
I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking ceiling.
That's what they did.
Oh, my god, dude.
Imagine. You know how heavy that snake is to
break the wall down?
Boom. Dude.
I go like this.
Pack up.
Like they spilled all this coffee.
We gotta go.
Dude, but. Check please.
Imagine at least you. These people are here
doing this, but what if it would have just happened like that least you. These people are here doing this.
But what if it would have just happened like that?
Right.
We're just doing the podcast.
Do you know what I mean?
Like out of business.
Hopefully Joe the editor puts that in.
Yeah.
Chris is going to be like, throw the black guy at it.
Take him.
Chin, quit.
Get your ninja stars out.
Don't you have a samurai sword? Chin, stop trying to eat them.
I was just going to make that joke.
Chin, Quinn, barbecue these fucking things.
Chin, get your ninja...
Oh, he ate them already.
Why is Chin putting soy sauce all over him?
Chin, why are you burping?
Where are the steaks?
Thank you for watching.
April, see you this week. Thank you.