The Golden Hour - King Bach Vibin' with The Boys | The Golden Hour #58 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia
Episode Date: December 8, 2023Viral comedian King Bach joins the show and the guys debate on how he actually ended up in the episode, Bach opening up for Jo Koy and how long he's been doing standup, Chris' Eddie Bravo stories, Eri...k's story of first meeting Brendan, food delivery app issues, an all new presidents Name Game and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast Raycon - https://buyraycon.com/goldenhour for 15% OFF
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We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout
Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about
But that won't stop us
Nothing can stop us
It's like a show you used to love
Just rebranded enough
It's stronger, better, bigger power
Cause it is the Golden Hour
It's the Golden Hour
We started and we're with King Bach.
Woo!
King!
One of the coolest dudes.
And it's great to have him here on Golden Hour.
We love him.
Yeah, we do love him.
I was told.
Okay, so I thought we probably were the closest out of all of us.
You might be close.
Are you close with Eric?
I've known Eric probably the longest.
But then someone told me that you were going to be on.
I was like, oh, cool.
Whose idea was this?
Mine.
No. no one's
taking credit this was my idea it was no it's my idea no this is my idea let's hear how they all
go down let's hear it let's hear your story uh bullshit enrique who we all know he was like
yeah i was like yeah it's just booking guests is an issue. And he's like, oh, man, you should always hit me up.
This is three months ago at the Laugh Factory.
And he was like, anybody I know, let me know, man.
I was like, well, we love King.
And like King's close with all of us.
He's like, done.
So then a month later, I follow him.
I'm like, yo, what's up with King?
Because I don't like reaching out.
You met King Charles.
Yeah, I don't like reaching out myself.
I hate booking people because we're all busy.
So then last week, he hit me up.
He's like, yo, King is down.
I was like, all right, cool.
And that's how this went down.
All right, that's his story.
Ready for my story?
Yeah.
How did it really happen?
This is what happened.
I'm over there chilling.
And then.
At the house?
No, I was on the street somewhere.
Okay.
I was walking.
Really chilling.
And I was like, I hit up Trevor Wallace.
And I was like, yo, I seen the pod.
Let me hop on the pod.
And then he was like, yeah, whenever.
Come through.
And then I was like, I ain't never did Chris's pod yet either.
So I hit up Enrique.
And I'm like, yo, what's up with me hopping on Chris's pod?
And he said, that's Brendan's pod.
Well, yeah, this one is yours. Yeah. yeah yeah so that's what happened obviously not anymore so then enrique is it ours so then enrique um enrique texts you right then and there last week and he's like oh
just go next tuesday i was like that was was quick. I've been waiting. Well, you never said nothing.
I don't want to deal with it myself.
It's always awkward.
It's like one of those,
hey,
how's it going?
It's the same with Trevor.
I'm like,
I'm boys with Trevor.
I know.
I was like,
motherfucker,
ask me.
I know,
I know.
Yeah,
you say that,
but it's so hard to get,
you know.
Is it really?
Yeah,
it can be.
Sometimes when you're worrying about guests all the time, it just becomes a thing.
That's why I don't have any guests on my show.
I've actually pulled back myself.
I just stopped doing certain shows.
It's too stressful.
It'll hurt your feelings.
Really?
Like you should have a booker because you don't want to keep reaching out.
Like imagine if I constantly every Monday was like, yo, King, what's up, dog?
You trying to make it today?
Like I'm busy, dog.
Like you're cool, but it's a lot.
You're talking about being a guest on people's podcasts or having guests?
Both.
Yeah.
Both.
But I think it's different for you guys because you guys have a podcast.
Like, for me, I don't have a podcast.
Oh, right, right, right.
I don't do anything.
I shoot skits and I do stand-up.
That's it.
So my life is pretty much stress-free.
So I can see on your guys' end where it's like, oh, shit, yeah, we got to hit this person
up every week.
So, yeah, I see that side.
But for me, I'm just like, yo, I'm down.
I'll do it whenever.
The whole reason why I started my podcast
originally Congratulations and did it solo
is because I was like, I never wanna have to rely
on anyone having to come over and do this with me.
You also don't like people.
No, I like people.
He doesn't like anybody else being funny near him.
No, that's not true.
He's got to trump us.
Yeah, right, right.
I don't, you like, even on his podcast, he's trying to trump himself.
Wait a minute.
I'm better than you.
I'm better than you.
That actually is what I do.
But what you guys don't know is you guys do the jokes here,
and then I go on my podcast, and I do my versions of all your jokes.
It would be great if you had hand puppets, too.
But, yeah, you do do skits, and you also are on tour, or what?
What's going on with your stand-up?
He's also in movies.
No, I know.
Everyone knows that.
But, yeah, but no, you're in the new Walking Dead, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Which is not.
I love that show.
I was like, damn, dude.
When Rick was off the show, I stopped watching it.
Oh, he's back, baby.
Come back.
He's back.
Oh, okay, good.
Come in.
Because I just was like.
They're never really gone, bro
It's like you know what there was a certain level. We're like this one drama to zombie
Ratio wasn't high enough right too many zombies or so. No, no not enough
Oh, I get it. There was one season remember the one season where you do what have you watched the show from the beginning?
Am I allowed you go?
There's a million episodes.
He hasn't seen every episode.
No, no, but there's too many branches.
But do you remember the season when they were on the farm?
Yeah, the second one.
I thought it was the third.
Oh, yeah, I've seen that.
Okay, but it's like the whole season they're looking for this little girl.
Crazy good.
Just like.
So good.
I didn't like any of it until that little girl walked out of that barn as a zombie.
That was crazy.
I was in my house like this.
No!
But it was just too.
It was wild.
It was wild.
How many seasons are there?
So many.
There's like 10 and then there's a spin-off.
And then there's also spin-offs.
And then there's another new spin-off.
You know what?
I actually like that new spin-off.
I heard it's good.
Yeah, it's the one with the, what's his name?
Norman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reedus, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I like that guy.
But he's in like Europe.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
But that's the thing.
It's kind of hard to keep a show going that long and keep it fresh.
You can't.
Yeah.
You can't.
Well, you know what's great though?
Walking Dead has a rich universe.
And all of its.
Come on, man.
Zombie apocalypse is going on.
So you're like, well, this is what the zombie apocalypse was going on in this part of the world what was going on here you know what i mean yeah it's it's good it's i
mean it's i like it i like walking dead i i i don't watch tv but i really got into that shit
what about the last of us have y'all seen that it's okay it's okay don't listen to him on it
it's okay i loved it here's the thing dude're going to come out with a zombie show again.
It has to be so good, and it's just fine.
Why is it so good?
Last of Us was so good.
But say why.
Because you care about the characters, the little girl.
I don't like that show.
It's fine.
It's a fine show.
The video game was kind of cool.
I played it for two days. But the show is... Why is it good? It's a fine show. The video game was kind of cool. I played it for two days.
But the show is...
Why is it good? It's kind of boring.
They're just walking around. Certain episodes are a little bit...
Well, here we go. Zombie things
are all... This is what I'm done with all of them.
Because this is what happens. The zombies aren't
the monsters. It's the human beings
that are monsters. That's the whole theme.
That's the art. But that's how it always is.
That's every single zombie thing. It's not the zombies fault. The monsters are really inside Of course. That's the whole theme. That's the art. But that's how it always is. That's every single zombie thing.
It's not the zombies fault.
The monsters are really inside of us.
It's not the zombies fault.
Yeah, I know.
They want to eat your brains.
It's always the people who take advantage.
That's scary, though.
Yeah.
I don't...
I'm kind of done.
I'm surprised zombie shows are still fucking big.
I'm kind of done.
Yeah.
I think that Last of Us is the biggest show on HBO since Game of Thrones.
Am I to beat Game of Thrones? Episode 1?
No. It's up. How could it be?
There's no way.
There's no way.
Game of Thrones? I know. They spent a billion
of episodes. Oh, I remember this black boy.
He got turned into the zombie.
That was sad. His brother had to kill him?
Would you have killed your brother if he turned into a zombie?
Nope.
That's a good question.
You know what the thing about the predictable about Last of Us?
After the first episode, I was like, oh, so you can't fall in love with anybody on this show because they are going to die.
Yeah.
But that's what happened.
Of course.
At a certain point, though, that's every single person they run into.
Last of Us is officially bigger than House of Dragons.
It's bigger than House of Dragons.
House of Dragons.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't even see House of Dragons
you know what else
is really big
look at the numbers
though Nick
do you know what else
is really big
is on ChrisLeah.com
you can go see
Grow or Die
it's my special
and it's doing really well
so you go to
ChrisLeah.com
get my special
and that's also really big
are there zombies in it
kind of yeah
kind of yeah
I actually saw it
I actually saw it
I enjoyed it
thank you very much
can I get it out
oh okay
man
I thought you were
talking about the
zombie show
and I was
making a joke
that you were
talking about
my special
but you are
I am talking about
your fucking
special
you piece of shit
yeah yeah
thank you
all right
okay go ahead
compliment me
compliment me
Chris is very
vulnerable in this
he addresses things
that you want him
to address and he does it.
Thanks, man.
And it's something like you should actually check it out, guys.
Oh, thanks.
I thought of it more like even like a one-man show.
Yeah, a little bit more like that.
And he talks about a lot of interesting things and very emotional.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Anyway, why is it
uncomfortable
when people compliment
yeah yeah yeah
just for you
I think because
because I watched it too
and I loved it too
and it's such like
it's so different
from your other special
because this is so
personal to you
this is like your life
and you're letting
everybody in
on your life
and you know
the recent things
that have been happening
so I think it's dope
and they haven't seen you
in a while
so you actually grew the fuck up you're not doing the bird stuff you have been happening. I think it's dope. They haven't seen you in a while. You actually grew the fuck up.
You're doing the bird stuff.
You have tattoos all over it.
Whatever.
Yeah, true.
I have to be crazy somehow.
Still got to get that out, but you grew up.
Yeah, true.
I wrote all of it.
No, but that's why...
Imagine.
It comes out and I wrote all of it.
Brendinger Ghost Rider? comes out I wrote all of it Brendan's your ghost writer
but yeah that's why
it is making me uncomfortable
when you compliment it
but yeah
you're right
if you take compliments well
you're sociopath
well dude
okay keep them coming
that's actually an interesting
thing because
like I guess there is a level
where you are comfortable
enough with yourself
where when somebody says hey you did a great job about something that you care
about that you did you would be like thank you like i've received that that makes me feel good
i appreciate it impossible that's tough dude do you know anybody i feel like you can do it yeah
you just go thank you yeah i move on is it You're doing like this. You're like a girl going like this. Stop.
Shut up.
Stop it.
That's exactly. Oh my God.
No.
Which part?
Which part?
Which part did you love?
When I was talking about my kids.
Which part?
Oh my God.
I am.
You know what?
You're right.
Is it because you've already moved on and you're thinking about your next special?
No, I don't think so.
I think it's because I really did put so much into
it. I mean, it was the hardest thing I've ever done
artistically, for sure, that when
I put myself out there.
So then when you say you recognize that, it makes
me feel seen. And I've
lived my life, do you know
what I mean? Not being seen.
With a clown mask. Yeah, 100%.
Metaphorical clown mask.
I totally get it. Yeah, it's interesting.
You start talking about certain things.
It's like, yeah.
But I mean, I think if you're a person that just knows about you even like maybe they're a fan of you or they heard things about you or they don't know anything about you.
I mean, I think it's a great piece of art for learning about you and how you've moved on from whatever.
Just growing up, just being
a well-rounded
person. Thanks, dude.
I don't know anyone who takes compliments
like great.
Especially comics.
If somebody says,
hey, that's a cool outfit,
you'd be like, oh, thanks. That's not
a big deal. Just move on.
But taking that compliment is easy, I would think.
I'm even bad at that.
Really?
Everybody.
Everybody's like, man, you're losing weight.
You look good.
I go, yeah, stress.
Like I throw it back like I had stress.
Like a negative.
So what's a compliment that you would get where you'd be like, all right, cool, yeah.
Big dick?
That I know.
So that one I'm like, no shit.
I don't know. You have a fucking medium to small dick you know what it is when you take insults and compliments
the same way yeah that's when you're a sociopath I don't know because if it's just like
you're like water off
a duck's back
like none of it gets to you
can I tell you why I'm this way
wait which way are you though
it's because of compliments
I can take compliments
go thank you
move on
it's because like
people
you often have to like
wonder about
someone's intentions
even if they're giving you compliments
and like comics are this way
you get you know
we all did
let's say we all did
club we did sets somebody comes up yoris good set man yeah yeah like because i want you to
tell me i have a good set oh they're doing it for their own you know what i mean and i just don't
do that somebody's like good set i go thank you or they could be dick riding because of your
right success yeah correct that's what you just go you just go thank you good set huh yeah
i'm gonna do that from now yeah You just go, thank you. Good set, huh?
That's great.
I'm going to do that from now on.
That's hilarious.
Good special, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, dude, you did great.
But definitely, to me, that's what it is.
God, I hate when you come off.
It's actually, bombing sometimes is,
at least you know you did bad.
But when you're like, when you get up there and you're like, I don't know if that was good or not.
I get off stage and I'm like, I fucking hope somebody says I did well.
God, that's so fucking bitch.
I'd really do that.
Yeah.
But it's the nature of the craziness of being a comic.
I know.
Like this guy, you're in front of 2,000 people.
And there's like a couple in the fifth row who's just going like this.
It's all you focus on.
Yeah.
They might be like, oh, my God.
Yeah.
And you're just like, ha, ha.
I know.
He's doing the set.
He's like, yeah.
I have a new bit.
They're like that.
But Pablo Francisco said he would take – when there was somebody with a straight face,
he would take the microphone stand and just put it right in front of their face.
Because literally you're wired that way to focus on that yeah there's nothing you know how
long you've been doing stand-up since 2010 okay and you and you have you been doing it straight
since i stopped 2013 to do the social media got it yeah and then i started opening for joe coy 2015
so it took a two-year break so and you when you did that you cause you strike me
as somebody who
just fucking goes all in
you work so fucking
I mean dude
you work so fucking hard
right
and it's like
so when you decided
to do the social media shit
you were like
alright this is just
how I'm gonna do it
yeah yeah yeah
cause pretty much
cause back in
back in the day
remember it was
you do stand up
you get discovered
doing stand up
you get your sitcom
and then you do movies
so that's
that's the that's the road map that was trying to follow uh but around you know 2012 2013 youtube
started to become a thing uh even earlier than that but yeah um and i saw that uh donald glover
childish gambino he started doing youtube skits oh really yeah and he started a thing called
derrick comedy from derrick comedy he went went to New York to write on 30 Rock.
And then after writing on 30 Rock, he moved out to LA to be on the show Community.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I saw that.
Oh, really?
And I was like, oh, shit, let me start doing YouTube.
That was a conscious thing?
Yeah.
See, that's smart, bro.
Especially because you were young, too.
But this guy's like Tupac.
People saw Tupac and all the things, but he actually went to Juilliard.
No, I know, I know.
You know what I mean?
I know, I know.
You actually studied to be an athlete.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got my MFA.
Yeah, so this guy.
But a lot of people don't realize that.
So you open for Joe now.
Yeah, still.
But you're doing your own dates, too?
And are you coupling them with? I think we were talking about this.
You go to like –
Yeah, so right now I do my own dates and it's getting kind of hard because the cities are so far apart and the travel is too much.
So now what I'm going to do is I'm going to just do like a Wednesday show in the same city that he's doing his show.
Yeah, that's the fucking best.
I think that's the move for real because then you get there
and these are your dates here?
Yeah.
All right, cool.
Yeah, that's...
Oh, you got a bunch.
Literally everyone has a better website than me.
Well, you...
With that attitude, bro.
Brian has the worst website.
Okay, good.
Calum's website is so bad.
You know what Brian's website is, right?
ChrisLeah.com.
You have to get through it there.
Brian's is so bad.
There's a link on the bottom.
We'll bring out Brian.
Well, he got a little better.
That's good.
But usually we'll bring out Brian.
He's like, I'm not at off the hook.
Oh, that's my favorite.
Yeah, he's like, oh, it says 2018.
Brian doesn't know.
Brian doesn't know how to manage his time, though.
He legitimately, my wife put together like some sort of, I don't know,
one of her things that we were, so did Evite out to.
Callan replied yes.
And then I looked.
Oh, Callan's coming?
I go like this.
Wait a minute.
I look at his website.
He's going to be in Chicago.
Oh.
I know him better than he knows me.
This is Callen.
He was watching the game, the Eagles and Niners game.
He's watching the Eagles-Niners, but he was on YouTube and just Googled Niners versus Eagles.
And he's old as shit.
He was watching an old Madden game for like 20 minutes.
Come on. He'll come in here and
tell you what year this was Sunday yeah but what was like the new Madden he was
like I didn't realize the graphics were so good did he think wait wait wait
wait hold on she was watching no no I don't believe that this is from here
it's a company because I see I seen an old lady watching GTA 6 and she thought that it was a dude
I thought it was real
Time I'll post it as the TRX like flying off. Yeah, dude. I was like, yo, that's crazy
I posted that
No, I put you said this is Brendan's TRX. I thought it looks real i posted that no i put you said this is brendan's trx i thought it was
real i post them all the time and i go this is absolutely 100 real all my dams like hey
dumb ass this is a video game that's why i post it oh i didn't know but wait the new gta 6 trailer
came out but it's not coming out in 2025 yeah but how about no, but they put it on the Rockstar YouTube channel,
and in five hours, it got 32 million views. No.
It's got like 80 now.
Are you kidding?
Wait, but guys, you have to understand something.
That game...
No, I know.
That game...
Well, I'm just saying, DJ5 is like 10 years old.
Still.
No, I know.
Yeah.
No, no, no, but I'm just saying, that's incredible.
It's incredible that that game is still being played.
Well, I haven't seen the trailer.
Can we see this? Yeah, I haven't seen the trailer. Can we see this?
Yeah, but we can't play the music.
Show it for us though, Nick.
Damn, she fine.
Yeah, they make fine characters now.
Damn.
They're not just blocks and shit, you know?
Yeah.
Five hours.
$34 million.
Damn, that looks real.
I know.
Look at this shit.
Is that Miami?
Yeah, it's got to be Miami.
That's Miami for sure.
That's 11.
Brian thought he was watching The Wire. Yeah.
Oh my god.
Did you not see this yet, Eric?
No.
That is the craziest one.
Look at this.
That's not real. That got me horny, huh?
Who wrote this?
I'm a little confused on the game.
It's still the thing you run around the city cause mayhem, like stealing cars and shit.
But now a big thing is GTA role-playing, where it's basically like a metaverse, and you just
go in there, and you can have your own gang and shit.
Yes.
I've seen people do that.
You can be a shot caller.
Towards the end of the game, I used to just have my own game.
It would be I would go to the Air Force base to steal a jet and then just fly around.
Oh, yeah, that's fun.
But that's not even the game.
Y'all think crime is going to go up when this game drops?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I know.
I feel it.
You don't think so?
Yeah.
Yeah, it will, though.
Yeah.
It has to.
More people inside.
They won't be going out.
I think it's people inspiration.
There's a new flu coming
so we might be inside.
There's always a new flu coming, bro.
They said that a few months ago about this.
They said it was going to be here before December.
Yeah, they would have done it by now.
The flu would have done it by now.
Are we vibing right now?
Kind of vibing. Vibing is when he starts to go off on conspiracy theories. by now. It would have supposed to hit the flu would have done it by now. What kind
of vibe
it is when
conspiracy when
he starts to go
off on conspiracy
theories.
It's a vibe.
Yeah.
Check out our
Patreon episode.
Well, Sam
Tripoli.
Oh, we're gonna
be really vibing
on that one.
That's a
Tripoli over here.
We have to put
on Patreon because
he's the most
shadow band man
on YouTube.
Damn. You got some crazy conspiracies. Oh, I don't
Well, you have some no, yeah, you're pretty level-headed pretty cool
Yeah, don't if you get too close to conspirators, don't they like try and kill you?
Yeah, if you go to yeah. Yeah, let's start like that. Yeah. I can't
Yeah, Sam should been shot long time ago yeah he's too outspoken
he'll die but he's not big enough that's the thing once he starts getting a little too big
he'll die yeah um how's alex jones still alive i don't i don't know they just think his blood
pressure is gonna get him yeah they're like we thought he'd have a heart attack by now
i don't know yeah i'm not like sam or like eddie no i'm pretty eddie's even more than sam no
maybe not maybe not both out there man maybe not i was in the comedy store once this is years ago
and i was and eddie was there and he was and he was by the way how the fuck did did comedy and
ufc become such a fucking thing together?
Rogan.
Joe Rogan.
Joe Rogan?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's crazy how much.
Isn't it weird?
All right.
Well, I know.
I get it.
But I'm just saying.
I remember the first time I saw him.
Mm-hmm.
It was an improv.
Improv.
Yeah.
You were mean to me.
Yeah.
I go back to him and I was like.
He was like this.
Oh, yeah.
I was like, I guess I'm going to start fighting now.
He did not say that. Like a little bitch. He went on Rogan like, whooping yeah, I was like, I guess I'm going to start fighting now. He did not say that.
Like a little bitch.
He went on Rogan like, whooping was chugging about me.
And then I beat Eric up.
There you go.
It was just like, you know, he was like, what's going on?
But that, you weren't mean.
That's not mean.
No, that wasn't mean.
Yeah, I was just giving him a little, didn't Rogan tell you?
Ask for comics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I heard?
I was on this crazy dude's radio station.
He was telling me about it.
That's when I first heard about it.
Who?
About that?
Yeah.
That I said something?
Yeah, yeah.
It was one of these weird sort of radios out in St. Louis or something like that.
And the guy was like, hey, you're sitting here with Eric Griffin.
What's going on?
Ahuga.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like that.
Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
KKK7.
I heard you were clowning Shaw.
Morning driving.
There's always a hot girl there too.
What am I doing here?
Yeah, those radio shows, they like beef.
They love beef.
I just saw on YouTube that Howard Stern has beef with Joe Rogan.
They had beef because Joe Rogan used to be on Howard Stern.
Oh, really?
Of course they do. It was crazy. That guyan used to be on Howard Stern. Oh, really? Of course they do.
It was crazy.
That guy's changed so much.
Howard Stern
is crazy
how much he's changed.
I don't know.
What happened?
You know what?
This is why
I like Adam Carolla
more and more
as years go on
because this motherfucker
never changed.
Yeah.
You know?
Kimmel,
who's, wouldn't you have just said?
Stern, Howard Stern.
He just, they just, it's almost like they had to toe it.
They had to do that. They get in line.
They have to.
Otherwise, they were going to be like fucking whatever, Me Too'd or whatever the fuck it is.
Like the left one up to Jimmy Kimmel was like, you remember when you did Blackface to Karl Malone?
He's like, yeah.
Yeah.
And the man show.
They're like, we're going to bring it up unless you play game and the man unless you play ball but see now this is a bit vibing
because i don't think they actually went up to him i don't think so i don't think so
is that vibing it's like two guys like men in black yeah yeah yeah they're like liberal and
they go like this we have uh howard stern's a weird one because he has some shit out there like the most racist things
you've ever seen and he just skates by like it's Howard yeah yeah the thing is like it was a
different time yeah I mean I guess yeah I gotta tell you guys something my funniest interaction
with this guy is we're texting I can't find the text I wish I had it but it was like it was
something like I said hey you're doing good, I said, hey, you doing good?
He says to me, hey, you doing good, man?
I was like, I don't have your following.
You know, he says.
Deflected that compliment.
Yeah, but he goes, but he says, yeah, if I woke up with your following, I would kill myself.
That's great.
Just like that.
Yeah, cool, man.
You know what I mean? I was like, that's fair. That's great. Just like that. Oh, cool, man. You know what I mean?
I was like, that's fair.
That's hilarious.
It's like, I hate when somebody gives you a compliment that's like, be quiet.
You know what I mean?
Him?
Anybody.
It's like if you don't have a foot, I don't have a foot, you don't have to be like, oh, man, you're moving good.
You know what I mean, I don't have a foot. You don't have to be like, oh, man, you're moving good, man. You know what I mean?
Come on, dude.
You're getting fast out there, man.
You're getting fast out there, dog.
You don't got to do that.
This guy got 25 million followers.
A little 60,000, he's going to be like, you're doing good, man.
You're doing well, man.
I don't know.
I would have liked that text. You're killing it, man. I don't know. I would have liked that text.
You're killing it, dog.
That would have been nice.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
That's when you're just kind of like, all right, I don't need this.
I like it, yeah.
Yeah, well, you're not honestly doing good.
Oh, my God.
That's better.
I'd rather that.
That you're you can appreciate.
Oh, man.
All right, let's see what's up with this dude, huh?
This guy on Smallville or something?
He looks like the Rams receiver.
Oh, he does.
The Hawaiian cat.
Oh, yeah.
I have no idea who that is.
Yeah, he's a baller.
Puka Nukua?
Yeah.
Puka Nukua?
He was sitting right next to his girlfriend when he caught, you know, he.
Is that when he gave you the ball?
Don't sleep.
Don't sleep.
Yeah.
All right. Hey, guys. Yeah. All right.
Hey, guys.
Joel from Jacksonville back.
Oh, this is Joel.
I have another ridiculous question.
It's about how you organize the apps on your phone.
Calm down.
I saw my friend's phone, and it was all color-coded, and it looks good, but it doesn't really make sense to me.
Yeah.
Because you'll have Twitter or Facebook next to a food app or a scooter app.
That's not good. They kind of don't do the same thing, so why are they next to a food app or a scooter app. That's no good.
They kind of don't do the same thing, so why are they next to each other?
Kind of.
Nick showed me his phone, and it was all super organized by topic, and that makes sense.
Well, that makes sense.
But I also put it in location on the phone next to your thumb.
So whatever you use most goes closest to your thumb.
Whatever you don't use a lot goes high to the top.
How do you guys do it?
Let me know.
Okay, let me start.
I don't think about it.
Send me a screenshot.
My shit is mad organized.
Nerd alert.
I don't have anything organized.
Nothing.
Yeah, nothing.
However Apple does it.
Yeah.
When I download it, that's where it is.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
Does anyone organize it besides Eric?
Yours is what?
Organize and shit?
Color code is organized.
I memorize where it's at.
Like, I know if I need Uber, I scroll three times.
How about this?
When you get rid of an app or two that you don't use ever.
Shuffles up.
You're like, I guess I'm lost now.
I'll never get another Uber again.
Because I live here.
Wherever I am, I live here now.
I'll never get an Uber again. I live here. Wherever I am, I live here now. I'll never get an Uber again.
You organize yours?
Yes.
Nick is going to pull it up right now.
Oh.
Does anybody else organize theirs in here?
Nick is going to pull it up.
I did it for Korea when I went to visit Korea.
Why?
There's a different taxi service in Korea and different places like Yelp, but a Korean version.
So I had to do that for her.
You guys are acting like
you organize your phone, and if this was the 80s,
you'd be like, gay.
No, it's not.
It's just, I guess...
Well, okay.
Damn, that's clean.
That's crazy.
Look at all that space at the bottom.
So that's you?
That's me.
No, that's Nick.
I was going to say, you don't have that dog.
I don't either. What the's you? That's me. No, that's Nick. Okay, I was going to say, you don't have that dog. I don't either.
What the hell?
We started to talk.
Here it goes.
Bro, that's crazy.
Up top, that's car apps.
So that's like Uber, Lyft at the top there, all those kinds of things.
Google Maps, music, entertainment.
So that's all my, like when I'm on the road, it'd be like YouTube TV, Apple TV, all that
kind of stuff.
Yeah.
All the Google apps in one place.
That shit says medical.
Sports apps.
Yeah.
I have medical apps.
I'm 51.
You have medical apps.
I got my shopping apps.
You know what I mean?
Life alert.
Podcast apps.
I got my EV car apps.
Vegas is my favorite.
I got Vegas apps.
So let me ask you a question though. Money. Social networking apps. I got my EV car app. Vegas is my favorite. I got Vegas app. So let me ask you a question though.
Money.
Social networking app.
I got the money app.
147,000.
What is that?
What is that?
Those are the emails.
Get back to people.
That doesn't give you anxiety?
I can't stand it, but at a certain point.
Well, what can you do?
I just figured out how to get rid of it.
No, no, but I have more than one email address.
So hold on.
So hold on. This gives me anxiety. Let me no, but I have more than one email address. So hold on. So hold on.
This gives me anxiety.
Let me tell you what I don't like about doing this.
First of all, you can't put the camera in a thing, right?
No, I can't.
I moved the camera because of my Lucid app.
Okay.
All right.
So go up, Nick.
So the Google one, right?
Now, there's that, but there's also you got google maps over on that's the car stuff right
i don't like that that's what bothers me because technically that's a google thing too
it bothers me and that would bother me and that is that is yeah but that's the reason why i got ways
that is the reason why i that's the reason why i don't like to do that. Because sometimes an app falls on both to me.
You get this at ChrisLee.com.
It's all about what it does.
I understand for you.
I understand.
I understand.
As long as I understand, we're fine.
I get that.
Should I send you page two?
Wait, you have more?
So wait, your workout one is in Apple tools
See that doesn't make sense to me
Yeah well no no
That one I have to
That's the one
You don't use that one much
That's what I'm saying
You don't use that one much
It says workout one app
Food 17
Brendan
I'll put the workout one in the food one
So that's how I do that
That's crazy
I have to have it organized
I got my game
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What's your go-to delivery food delivery app?
Postmates.
Grubhub.
Uber Eats.
Uber Eats. Wait, what's the DoorDash one where they do the skit where how DoorDash fucking delivers
the food and they just fucking, it just keeps showing the shit.
Can I tell you guys something that really ticks me off about these delivery apps?
So if my wife, you guys should try this.
Like if Rachel has, she has it, she uses it.
Yeah.
More often than not, whoever's delivering will be like, yeah, you got to come outside.
Really?
Because it's a woman.
Yes.
Really?
Or do you think it's because
of where you live?
No, dude.
Because that shit
never happens to me.
It's never happened to you?
Really?
It's always like they come.
Really?
I'll be like, yeah, boom.
But so often,
she's having issues.
And I realize,
I was like,
these guys are,
because these guys see it
and they'll be like,
nah, I'm not doing that.
Boom, boom, boom.
You know what I told her? I said, these guys are, these guys see it and they'd be like, nah, I'm not doing that. Boom, boom, boom. I told, you know what I told her?
I said, you tell them, keep the food.
It's your, it's your food now.
What if she's really hungry?
Because I'm calling and they go, wait.
I don't care.
Because that shit is like.
So you're saying they should be dropping it off at the door or whatever the.
That's.
Yeah.
No, no, I get it.
That's what he's paying for.
There's line items on the receipt that suggests get the fuck out of your car.
Whoa. Okay?
That shit pisses me off.
I get upset about it because it's like, that's what we're paying for.
Why don't I just drive all the way down to fucking Chipotle then?
That's what I'm saying.
If I wanted to go outside, I would go to the restaurant.
This is the thing we're paying for.
Come in.
Come in my living room.
Put the food down.
Chill for a bit.
Feed me.
Let me suck your dick
Come on
You're not going to feed me?
If there's an option
Come in
Oh wow feed me
This is great
Someone should make
Bro
Is that Uber Eats you're using?
No
Uber Eats is the one
That does it the most
So go to Postmates
Drive me
All of it drives me nuts
I live in a place where
the internet or the cell service cuts out when they're on their way to my place
well it's like when that happens they might as well go like this
and throw their brain away because bro, bro, they just go...
Because they're just like this.
They're like this.
And then they go, oh, I guess I'm not going to know where it is now.
Dude, they don't.
They stop.
They don't get it.
I have to fucking go out, dude.
And I have to look.
I'm like, hey, bro.
Dude, one guy came up and he goes like this.
He brings the food and he says, hey, dude, sorry.
But you know what happened?
I said, what?
And he said, your numbers on your street, they go up and then they go back down again and then they go back up.
So I got confused.
Bro, where in the world does that happen?
It's always in sequential order.
I had to look at this guy and say, oh, yeah.
Like, we want to argue with him?
Like, no, they don't.
You know they don't.
I know they don't.
Have you ever had the Uber guy, when he dropped your food off, ask you for a picture?
No.
Never?
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
Uber?
Or the Uber Eats.
I use Uber Eats.
Oh, okay.
You've never had him ask? I don't recognize you?
Ever? I don't ever go.
They drop it off at the door.
I think that's super unprofessional.
It is. It doesn't stop people.
Uber drivers would do it.
Uber drivers would do it, yeah.
I try not to even go to the door.
I put the hoodie on like this.
Give me that shit.
Because if they know where you live, then it's a problem.
I know.
It's weird that the Uber thinks that the guy that owns the house is going to rob it.
No, but I always pretend that it's not my house.
They'd be like, oh, you live over there?
I was like, no, I'm visiting my boy.
I would do that, too.
That's what I always do.
Just in case.
I would do that, too, because you don't want people to be like, yo, Bash lives in the fucking,
you know.
Here's another thing that happened.
So, like, because whatever happened with the food.
So we, I always call it again, take the tip away.
Cause I tip good.
Yeah, yeah, same.
No tip.
You'll say that to their face?
No, no, no.
We go on the app.
I get a tip tonight.
I'm calling and be like, yo, you know.
Eric is a lady.
Oh yeah, I will Karen the thug out.
His white side comes out.
You not doing your job? Yeah, the white side comes out. You're not doing your job.
Yeah, the white side comes out. You don't care about it.
Yes.
And the guy, the next time, so somebody delivered again,
and then the guy wouldn't come to the door because he said,
hey, yeah, you don't tip, right?
So now you know.
I don't think I got on the phone.
I was so mad.
You ain't getting your nacho bel grande then.
Yeah, I was like so mad.
I was just like. This is why you know. You ain't getting your Nacho Bel Grande then. Yeah, I was like so mad. I was just like.
But this is why you know.
You know.
So you know though if he says no, you don't tip.
You know that he fucked up before.
Yes.
So now you got him.
You're like, oh, I got you, bud.
Exactly.
Yeah, I'm into that.
Got him.
I'm into that.
So then I just called and be like, I thought I said don't ever send this guy to my place again.
Remember?
Remember how that was an option?
You can do that?
Oh, yeah.
He is a lady, bro.
Yeah, remember?
But all this.
Remember I told you guys a story about when I'm in the lift and the lady, the guy, the lady goes like, oh, yeah, you look like Mr. Potato Head, you know?
Yep.
Roast.
Roast.
I'm actually, you know, tweeting with Lyft right now.
Ah, you're so funny.
You're so funny.
And they would say, yeah, we'll make sure that person.
There you go.
Eric is like, I was insulted.
Someone said that to you?
I remember that.
You got so mad.
You put on your nose and mouth and you called.
I can't stand you.
Damn, they pull that up quick.
It's always ready to go.
Yeah, it's crazy.
You know, these people.
But you're not getting a lot of food, it sounds like.
You're complaining all the time that you don't get your meals.
No, I get mine.
I'm just saying I realize I think that they do this thing.
They see a woman and they think they can say whatever they want.
I think you're right on that.
We have a thing in our family now where if we want, you can order postmates the best thing about postmates that
you get whatever you want whenever you want it right and kristen will be like where do you want
to order from and i say ah sushi and she'll be like i don't really feel like sushi and i'll say
okay well i'm gonna get sushi and you postmates whatever you want and she says we gotta get the
same thing and i i lose my mind i'm with her on that, though. The double delivery fee. Oh, bro.
We're rich!
Double delivery fee?
You're worried about $7.99, bro?
You don't even know it's $7.99.
It could be $40.
We're rich!
Oh, my bad.
My wife would be like,
nah, it's the double delivery charge.
And I'm like,
look at all the fucking pillows you just bought at Target.
Yeah, with seven Christmas trees.
I know, dude.
She has seven Christmas trees.
Rachel's watching.
And she has a YouTube video.
Dude, that was so funny when you sent that pic.
Kristen's got a YouTube video up about how to do Christmas trees.
It should be called, When You're Rich, This Is How You Do Christmas.
So, like, all the poor people at home, like, oh, there's a third tree.
Dude, hey, man, let's do one tree.
One tree.
Dude, imagine starting a video, like, let's see how she gets ready as it goes on.
Are you fucking serious?
Anyway, check out your house.
Seven trees.
Out there, apartments.
Like, I really have space for one tree.
I can touch both sides of my apartment.
It is so sweet.
It's a really sweet video.
Yeah, it's a good video.
It's just...
By the way...
If you're rich.
Why don't...
What's up with these rich neighborhoods
that can't get cell service?
Like, what's that about?
I don't know.
Like, that's fucking ridiculous.
The Hills is tough.
But it's 2023.
Figure it out.
It's crazy, bro.
Dude.
It's like my whole...
Yeah, no.
Here we go.
You're about to go into 5G?
Yeah, it's like when you go to a hotel.
When the hotel internet isn't good.
Oh, a lot of the time.
I lose my mind.
Dude, you're at the Ritz.
And it's like, well, I'm at the Ritz.
But you're at like a Marriott in Cincinnati.
And my thing is, you mean to tell me Elon can get fucking internet into Gaza?
He's out there in a convertible in space.
And I can't get a fucking signal. I can't get service in a Marriott 60 out there in a convertible in a convertible in a space and I can't get a fucking
I can't get service
in a Marriott
605
oh Jesus Christ
y'all some Karens huh
yup
that's when I call Eric
I say will you call
the fucking hotel
I take my payment
I'm not even staying there
I'm like hi I'm calling
for a
I'm not even staying there
I'm not even staying there
this is for my buddy
this is for my buddy
Eric can you call I would love to you get the fucking manager on the phone I'm not even staying there. This is for my buddy. This is for my buddy.
Eric, can you call?
I would love to.
You get the fucking manager on the phone.
Rachel, that's what she always says to me.
She goes, I couldn't return this thing.
Can you call and do that thing you do?
I was like, oh.
Yeah.
Oh, yes, I can.
The bad signal is up.
Kristen hates that shit.
She hates when I make people feel like that.
And I'm like, but every now and then she's like, you got, hey, Chris, it's time to do the thing.
Go to vengeance.
You know, like how Batman is like, I am vengeance.
But like, dude, the fucking, what was the thing?
I don't deal with it.
Let's just go somewhere else.
Really?
I'm out.
Somebody was trying to tell me.
I don't want conflict.
Really?
What are they going to fix? A fucking internet right there?
No, I know.
But what about shit like one time, this isn't with Kristen, this is with my ex, but like
she was like, I can't cancel.
And this is, of course, a joke now that everyone knows about, but like, I can't cancel my gym
membership.
They're telling me to go in.
And you know about this, right?
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
If you call to cancel your gym membership
sorry I can't do anything
you have to come in
and I'm just like
no if I wanted to
fucking come to the gym
I'd be working out but I don't want
to go right so
she's like they won't do it
and I was like oh yes they will
and I called and bro they were like sorry she's going to have to come in.
And I was just like, I'm not coming in.
She's not coming.
I mean, the conversation was like, she's not coming in.
I'm not coming in.
No one's coming in.
It's my money, okay?
I want it to not be charged next month.
I'm done.
And they were like, well, let me see what I can do.
And it's like, no, you can just do it.
I called the manager.
I called the manager.
I missed her 24-hour fitness on the phone.
It was insane, bro.
Did it work?
Finally, yeah.
What were they worried about?
Like someone, it was someone else calling?
They don't want you to cancel this thing.
They want to make it harder.
That's their cancel.
Look at this here.
Someone already did.
What is it?
Someone used ChatGPT to give a letter to cancel their gym membership.
Yeah, because it's not legal, right?
No.
They can't legally keep taking your money if you're like...
Yeah, what if you can't walk?
Oh, that's the thing that someone was saying.
They were like, I just say my foot's fucked up or something.
Who the fuck was saying this?
I forget.
This is crazy. My eyesight's so bad. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, I just say my foot's fucked up or something. Who the fuck was saying this? I forget. This is crazy.
I can't.
My eyesight's so bad.
I don't know what's going on.
Yeah, I can't see nothing.
That's tough, man.
You don't have glasses?
But the thing about this, this is all about, like, just be a little assertive.
Get what you want.
It's not about being mean.
Yeah.
It's just about.
No, I know.
Sometimes people just like, look, I was directing this dude special, Martin Amini.
You know, and so they're setting up, DP's setting up.
We wanted to have the cameras in the back.
You have cameras in the back?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, two cameras.
Okay, so they had this like sound area.
And we were told, oh, yeah, we can put our cameras here.
When I come in, when I get there, the two cameras are on the side.
The guy says, yeah, they said we couldn't put the cameras.
Oh.
I was like.
There it's up.
There it's up. Eric's up Who said
Who said we couldn't do that
Let me go talk to them right now
You know what I mean
Oh that laughing face
I just was like
And then it was like
The guy
And then you know
You just
Hey man
Gotta have the cameras here
Yeah yeah yeah
It's like you know
We paid for this
It's self produced
This is where we go
We gotta have the cameras
So let's work it out
But you also have to realize
A lot of people Don't have that mindset a lot of people are like working for a boss
and they if i don't do this right i'm going to get fired yeah you're like i need to make this project
as good as it needs to be even that's true man i just feel like get what you my thing is like i
have a whole thing about you should be able to get what you pay for. Get what you pay for, and it's okay to have an expectation of service.
And not be mean about it.
Yeah.
If I go someplace, I have an expectation of service.
And if I'm not getting that service, it's okay for me to be like,
yo, what's up with the thing you said you were going to do for me?
Well, of course.
You know, it's like if they say we'll have it on Monday,
and they're like, ah, it's going to be in two weeks.
Okay. No, I'm okay to be like,. You know, it's like if they say, we'll have it on Monday, and they're like, ah, it's going to be in two weeks. Okay.
No, I'm okay to be like, yo, well, what's going on?
I need Eric to get on some car parts.
I need to.
No, but that's not people.
People just are like, they're not on their shit, man.
Or, and I have jokes about this.
I can't stand when, like, you get put in an uncomfortable situation because of who
they hire.
Oh, yeah.
You know?
Yeah. It's like, you know, don't have, like, you know put in an uncomfortable situation because of who they hire. Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah.
It's like, you know, don't have like, you know.
Some dumbass.
Or no matter what it is.
Or if it's some kind of thing where it's like, you know, you're at a store or you go in and it's a dwarf and everything's on the top shelf.
I'm like.
Well, that just makes me think of customer service when you call up and you get an Indian guy and you're like, oh, fuck.
I'm not going to know what he's saying.
I hang up. I'm like, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Whatever. I'll wear a size 10.
Be Indian. Go be Indian.
Be Indian. Love it. Love your culture.
I don't understand
what you're saying, though.
Here's the thing. I'm the asshole?
Yeah. Like, if you're on a
time crunch or something, you come and you're like,
oh, this dude can't get to stuff
You know the dwarf. Oh, you can't get to stuff
There's so many times like are you get like it's just and then it's like now we get into this world of like we're like
Wokeness is always present
You know, they're trying to is that still a thing though? Yeah anywhere you go man if you allow it. Oh my god
Like that like yeah, I don't care
Oh, I was I was in Chicago and there was like a transgender person working at this coffee place, you know
Mm-hmm. And it's the kind of thing where you're just like, you know, you get a
You might be like, yeah, dude. Can I get right? Well, dude, I'll call my wife
you might be like,
yeah, dude, can I get it? Yeah, right.
Well, dude, I'll call my wife.
Yeah, exactly.
You know what I'm saying?
Excuse me.
I go,
let's not do this, please, man.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Or anybody that gets upset about it,
like, hey, guys,
we don't send it anymore.
But my thing is like,
if this building was on fire,
it's on fire,
and I go,
guys, we got to get out of here.
And someone's like,
I don't identify.
Burn to death, bitch. Bro. God identify burn to death bro burn to fucking death yeah
at a certain point common sense has to prevail right nah bro they gonna die for their cause
i'll be outside like this yeah she died in there yeah yeah yeah yeah she did
wait what so annoying i've never been in that situation ever where i've had someone say like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She did. She did. Wait, what?
So annoying.
I've never been in that situation ever where I've had someone say, like, you should have said this about me.
Have you?
Never.
I've seen it online.
I've seen it online.
I've never had it myself. I did it in Seattle.
I was, like, in a rush going to a show.
I was just getting a coffee.
And it was transgender, but also try harder.
It looked like me with a wig.
That's hilarious.
Full mustache.
That's hilarious. And I was just like, oh, hey, bro, can I get a looked like me with a wig, full mustache.
And I was just like, oh, hey bro, can I get a straw?
And he's like, bro.
And I was like, just give me the fucking straw, dude.
I said bra.
Call me ma'am again.
Remember that guy?
Oh yeah.
Say ma'am one more time.
I've never been in that situation. I'm surprised.
It's very rare it's not
like it's also easy but also i don't get if they're like hey i'm a she i'm like my bad yeah
yeah you wouldn't even know you're coming in like thanks dude yeah yeah no one's doing it with a
mal intent no one's doing it to be vicious no so it's cool yeah because it's like this is like Chris is insulting transgender people like this thanks guy you know person's crying
thanks a man
I don't know
the thing is like this
it's like
you know
you want to be sensitive
you know
you want to be sensitive
and it's like
but at the same time
you want to be respectful
you want to be respectful
but at the same time
it's like
hey let's not act like
don't act like
this isn't you don't understand what's happening you don't want to hurt respectful. You want to be respectful, but at the same time, it's like, hey, let's not act like this is – you don't understand what's happening.
You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Right.
But also, it's like it's not up to me to know that you changed your mind.
No, it's not.
So not fucked up.
Be cool.
Right.
Yes.
Just whatever you put out, I'm going to get back.
Yes.
Right.
And you're still a dude.
Okay.
Well, now we're vibing.
Now we're vibing.
My bad.
No vibes.
No, no. Can I give you a better example?
This is like Chris comes in and goes, my name is Bob now.
Yeah.
We're doing a podcast.
So Chris, I'm like, Bob.
Of course, right.
For like six months, I'm going to still call you Chris.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And secretly, I know I'm Chris.
He's out.
He's out.
Bye.
Bye. Bye. Bye. The vibes came back.
I like this.
You know, I was in San Diego, and I was doing this thing about this,
because I would say, like, you know,
because you always see these things online, what's a woman?
You know, they always have these things, right?
And I say, but it's really weird, because you can say that about anything. Because if you go, what's a cake? You know, and I was asking the audience, like, what's a cake? Tell know, they always have these things, right? And I say, but it's really weird because you can say that about anything.
Because if you go,
what's a cake?
You know,
and I was asking the audience,
like,
what's a cake?
Tell me what a cake is.
And one person would be like,
well,
it's a,
you know,
it's a sweet bread.
You know,
I said,
okay,
so I can't have a meat cake?
Yeah,
yeah, yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
You know,
they're like,
oh,
no,
that's a loaf.
I said,
well,
what's the difference
between a loaf and a cake?
Yeah.
So,
so I asked,
like,
what's the cake?
Is it the ingredients?
Or what it looks like? What makes it a it a cake you know because it can't be the
ingredients because i mean everybody going deep out here this is his crowd work it's
i realized my next question i'm gonna do like my own self-produced crowd work special
so you film like six shows.
You get the best and put it together. Well, you're also really good at crowd work.
Yeah, that would be good.
It's just so frustrating.
If I had known that like 10 years ago, I would have like, you know.
Yeah, but who knows?
It's just.
No, we're just filming that shit.
Just do it better than everybody.
I already do.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, but he's saying film it.
I know.
I didn't know.
It's okay.
What else do you guys have?
You guys can't read this, but whatic just described is plato's theory of form
it's like right oh how did you pull that up so quick uh i just googled philosophy of
we don't know this but nick is a genius that's crazy no but it's like
not to be like whatever but when you think think about, like, if a transgender person could not, they don't believe a cake.
They can't believe a cake is the ingredients.
Right.
They just can't.
They can't say, well, a cake is a cake because of the ingredients because then is what makes a woman a woman because of the ingredients?
Because that would be DNA biology and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, too dark, right?
You know what I mean?
No, no, no.
I'm just saying.
I'm with you.
I like cake.
I like all cakes.
No, no, but there's like.
All cakes matter.
There's this test that you can get.
Well, you can't say that.
As parents.
Fuck.
You know that test when you want to find out the gender?
It's like you could get a self-home test, right?
On the box it says keep away from male DNA.
Yeah. It's on the box. On which box? Because Keep away from male DNA Yeah It's on the box
On which box?
Because it'll contaminate
Keep away from male contamination
Because dudes will come over
And just like come and drool
Whatever they do
It messes with them
Where's the thing?
They fart and cum at the same time?
It's gonna be a boy
So I always question like
So if you're a transgender woman And you're trying, can you touch, what would they say?
Say, hey, can you hold this?
They don't use those tabs.
It says this.
Yeah, but I mean, what would you say?
It's like, this is science.
Like, what are you going to do?
So when you have those kind of things going on, you're just kind of like, you're fucking blowing my mind right now.
I don't believe in science, though.
I believe in our Holy Father.
Preach.
I believe in our Holy Father. Preach. I believe in our Holy Father and I believe in
feelings.
And I think sometimes
you know how they say facts don't
hurt your feelings. What is that? Facts don't have feelings?
I think facts have feelings. No, it's facts over feelings.
My boy Marcellus
Wiley says that all the time.
Facts over feelings.
But whatever. Let's talk about something else.
Talk about something else you know I
like I like it I like what we're talking about that you know just a guy from
Breaking Bad you know well that actor ends yeah what's up boys I got a name
game submission for you so is this CGI that's all his eyebrows are gone how
many presidents oh it is a filter right I can't think of that many.
So I want to see how many you guys can name.
Just go back and forth until one of you guys runs out of presidents.
And by the way, Chris, the mountain tattoo is fire.
Oh, thanks, bro.
Those are the guys that like your tattoos.
And I'm fine with that.
Yeah.
That's fine.
The guys that send filtered videos.
Is that a filter? Or is he just a good-looking Yeah. That's fine. The guys that send filtered videos.
Is that a filter?
Or is he just a good-looking human being?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think it's just he's got a fucking list. That's really Nick.
Maybe a bad phone or something.
I don't know.
But he wants to-
Do you want to show the tattoo?
No.
I want to show it as healed.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I want to show it as healed.
So he wants us to name president?
He has some big stupid reveal on congratulations.
No, that's not it.
He's going to be like, he's going to have little sparklers on the desk.
He's just.
That is a good idea.
I was kind of digging it.
So, okay, we can do this, but I mean like.
Don't worry about the year.
Just name presidents.
Go one by one.
All right, James Polk.
George Washington.
Well, James Polk's the most famous one.
Is he?
Lincoln.
Damn, I was going to use that for the black people.
Obama.
I'll do Obama.
Okay, who's he?
That's a better for the black people.
That was a better one.
Okay, Trump, Biden.
For the slaves.
No, no, no.
You got to wait.
It's one at a time until we run out.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought we were just having fun.
Wait, it's your turn.
Isn't it his turn?
Okay, well, I just did two.
So go ahead.
We're the same guy, though.
Bill Clinton.
How dumb we are.
I guess I'm done, huh?
I don't know.
Andrew Jackson wasn't the president?
There you go.
We used to do this song.
Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison.
I don't know the first names, though.
Oh, you don't?
You got it.
You don't need the first names.
My turn.
Jimmy Carter.
Oh, good one.
Nixon.
Reagan.
This is fun.
Monroe.
This is way more fun than I thought it would have.
Is it my turn?
Yeah.
Shit.
I'd love to implement more Sporkle quizzes.
Grover Cleveland.
Oh, that's a show-off one. John F. Kennedy. Cleveland. That's a show off.
John F. Kennedy. Damn!
That's good. I am not a crook.
Nixon.
I already said Nixon.
He lost, but keep going.
I say we eliminate someone.
Okay, then never mind.
Is this song called Van Bruin or something?
Yes. Damn!
That song came in handy. I'm Canadian, too.
Hold on.
Let me think here.
No, it's me, right?
Is it?
Hoover.
Oh, no.
Someone took mine.
I was going to go with.
What number was it?
Oh, yeah.
29.
Wait, you put my two that I said in the song.
I didn't confirm those.
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't say two at the end.
Damn.
Okay.
It's all right.
How many is that?
I guess we're done, huh?
Honestly, we got a lot, I think.
That's a lot.
That's enough.
That's enough.
No, no, no.
I want to keep it.
Okay, then the game's out the window.
Keep going.
Come on.
Try to fucking.
I don't know.
Well, hold on one second.
Who was after fucking Bill Clinton?
Oh, Bush.
George W. Bush and George Bush.
Yeah.
So the Bushes count for two.
Oh, right, right, right, right.
We got Clinton, right?
Did you put Clinton?
I said Clinton already.
Oh, shit.
Oh, Hillary never won.
I don't know.
Wait.
Oh, there was someone between Nixon and Carter, huh?
Then you got Trump and Biden, right?
Yeah, Biden.
I'm just making sure they're on here, motherfucker.
Look at the fucking gaps, bro.
Wow.
Damn, those years.
Hold on, we got it.
What happened those years? We got it, we got it. Who knows? Oh, I can't believe I can't remember the guy who took over JFK. Look at the fucking gaps, bro. Wow. Damn, those years. Hold on, we got it. What happened in those years?
We got it, we got it.
Who knows?
I can't believe I can't remember the guy who took over JFK when he was assassinated.
Who was before Carter?
Martin Van Buren is a fucking, he sounds like a DJ.
Bam, bam, bam.
We the people.
We got Adams, yep.
Come on, come on.
1940s. You guys know the fat guy that got stuck in Come on. 1940.
You guys know the fat guy that got stuck in the tub?
Oh, Roosevelt.
Eric?
You had to?
I had to.
Eric just hit two Roosevelt's.
Oh, wait, there's two?
Oh, smarty.
Don't try to. I'm really bummed I can't think of who went after Nixon.
Is this boring?
No, because I've met people at home who are like...
Wait, Lyndon?
Oh, yeah.
Lyndon Johnson.
Good, good, good.
There's no Harrison, right?
I'm just saying names.
Is there a Harrison?
Someone got to have a last name Harrison.
That's actually a good guess.
Whoa!
Whoa!
It's like family feud in this bitch.
I know.
This is like the worst thing.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Where's the other one?
Where's the other one?
Oh, Benjamin?
Wow.
I don't even know Benjamin Harrison.
Wow.
How about I got Grover Cleveland, though?
That's pretty good.
I mean, we're way beyond what I thought would be.
We're only missing a couple.
Our fans are driving up the road right now.
Are those lines, are those like really important?
We have 17 left.
Didn't finish their turn.
Oh.
John F. Kennedy was killed.
Interesting.
Who died in 1981?
What is that?
Or they got removed.
1881.
Who got shot?
Yeah.
Somebody got shot that I don't know. See, those are the got shot? Yeah. Yeah. Somebody got shot that I can't.
See, those are the ones that were kind of like.
Somebody got shot that I can't.
Yeah.
Should we give up?
No.
Polk?
Did you do Polk?
We did Polk.
We don't get Polk.
I don't know.
Polk you only remember because of his name, huh?
Yeah.
That's funny.
James K. Polk Theater.
That's Tennessee.
Is it?
No.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, you're doing it. Just think of it? No Oh wait yeah you're doing it
Just think of some grammar schools
You're doing it
Yeah in Nashville
Nashville yeah
Think of some high schools
That you've you know
Oh yeah
Alright well yeah
I guess I don't know anymore
Yeah
I mean I probably will remember
Damn it says give up
You have to click that
Yeah
Gerald Ford
Zachary Taylor
Garfield
Gerald Ford
Garfield
Ulysses S. Grant
We should have got Ulysses S. Grant we should have got
Ulysses S. Grant
was the president
I thought he was just
a general or something
Coolidge we should have got
Taft
I've never heard of
Franklin Pierce in my life
Woodrow Wilson
who's the guy that made
peanut butter
George Washington Carver
no
no
Woodrow Wilson
that's dumb
Lyndon B. Johnson
we didn't get a lot of
you should remember
the ones in your lifetime
the Fillmore Theater
those are the hard ones
all these presidents got theaters.
Yep, they do.
They certainly do.
Like Callan would have known from 1901 to...
Callan would have been like, John Tyler.
I remember him.
We did better than I thought.
Some of those ones.
Lead singers and presidents, same thing for him.
We did pretty good.
Jon Bon Jovi.
He did something.
We did pretty good. I think we did pretty good. Jon Bon Jovi. He did something. We did pretty good.
I think we did pretty good.
I'm proud of us.
There were people at home that were in the car screaming people.
Nailing them.
Yeah.
Just mad at us.
How stupid.
Cool edge.
Look at this guy leaning.
He's chill.
Diplo vibes.
You learned that President song in Canada?
No, I learned that in Florida.
And we had bad education In Florida?
Yeah, so worse
No, he had to learn that to be able to be here
And the president song is with your fucking stuff
How did you learn it?
The teacher was like, cool?
They did it and it was like
Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison
So what tune is that? Oh yeah Old MacDonald had a farm? No, Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison. So what tune is that?
Oh, yeah.
Old MacDonald had a farm?
No, no, no.
That's what they call it.
A bunch of idiots.
Yeah, a bunch of morons.
Florida Public Schools.
It's the one with the Indians in it.
One little, two little, three little Indians.
Oh, yeah.
Five little, six little Indians.
Seven little, eight little Indians.
We are racist as fuck.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Definitely. We are racist as fuck.
Now, Daisy.
Eagle and our love you guys.
Andrew here from Vancouver.
So I'll just sit here with my boy.
And I got a quick question.
What?
Oh, his boy son.
Super cute.
What was the favorite moment for you guys in your kid's childhood,
like age-wise, development-wise?
He's about eight months now.
That's funny.
He can't move.
But, I mean, he's making noises, and he's pretty damn cute.
That's hilarious.
That's a cute baby.
That's right where Billy is right now. He looks like a he looks like a president so just wondering what you guys thought uh is that kid on the five dollar bill
kids childhood growing up thank you i i i'll say i wow look at him there you go so cute i have a
thing in my act where i start talking about i say this actually i think my favorite time
right now i up until now was dude potty training is so funny and fun.
Because it is the, they don't, it's like a thing that you have to keep reminding them to do.
And it's so cute because they're so proud of themselves for doing such a thing.
It's a super ball.
When they take a shit, you're like, the whole house celebrates.
It's so funny, man.
It is so cute. Celebrating. Bam, bam, shit, you're like the whole house celebrating. Dude, it's so funny, man. It is so cute.
Celebrating.
Bam, bam, bam, bam.
What a man I am.
I think probably potty training.
But also, I do think that any –
The potty training was like a thing for you?
I'm not even trying to flex.
My kids were like, we want to use the toilet.
Well, so here's the thing
you it was yesterday though i talk about it no i talk about in my act but you could just wait like
you don't have to like people do it too soon wait right yeah um uh it's way easier to do it when
when you wait but like but because they're smarter yeah yeah and they're embarrassed
my son is almost four and he was in the car today
and I was taking him to school
and like this shit,
I was talking to you about,
but he was like,
we were talking about Barbie
and we were talking about Ken
and Calvin said,
Bobby has a car
that doesn't have any roof on it.
And I was like,
that's a convertible.
And he said,
convertible?
And I'm like,
convertible?
And he's like,
convertible? And I said, sure, yeah, convertible. And he said, convertible? And I'm like, convertible. And he's like, convertible.
And I said,
sure, yeah,
convertible.
Yeah, exactly.
And then,
and then like a minute later,
he said,
convertible?
And I'm like,
oh, wow,
this is hilarious.
Like,
and I just let it go
because I don't want him to know yet
because it's so cute and fun.
Yeah.
You have to pull over
and make him do pushups.
That's another thing.
That's another thing. Like, when, because he can't, I gotta, get it right! I pull over make him do push-ups that's another thing that's another
thing he like when does he can't i gotta tell him to do push-ups now because he can't he can do it
but he doesn't know he can do it like i say do a push-up and he just like you know what i mean on
his knees yeah but i know he can do it but you probably did that with your sons right yep yeah
you got him going yeah they've been training with military guys they came out with the umbilical cord like yeah the best thing it's tough because all of them are dope like right
now tiger's seven and he's like in competitive baseball is the best thing i've ever done like
my saturday sundays from 7 a.m to 4 is him playing baseball and it's dope because he's super
competitive and he if you can't suck at sports probably a different experience. Right, right.
Don't look at me.
But I know.
Talent.
But so he's good.
He's good.
So he loves it.
So it's dope to watch.
My least favorite time,
the better part of this answer,
the least favorite time
is when they're newborns.
They need their mom.
It's tough.
It's just like this side piece
making sure everyone has everything.
Don't girls love that stage?
Some do.
That's her favorite because it's all cute and they need them all the time but as a dad, just like, all piece, making sure everyone has everything. Don't girls love that stage? Some do. That's her favorite.
Because it's all cute and they need them all the time.
But as a dad, just like, all right, better just make sure he doesn't die.
Just like hanging out.
It's a weird thing because you're like.
Can't offer much.
Yeah.
And even if like you do have times where like you're going to wake up in the middle of the night with them,
it's like the mom still kind of needs to get up and do the fucking.
Even the baby's like, what are you doing?
Like, where's mom at, dude?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My favorite moment was the first kick, I felt.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's all I got so far.
You keep feeling that in new ways.
It's awesome.
Newborn's the worst.
It's just tough.
One to two is one of the cues.
I don't know, man.
It depends on how the vocab is a big thing, though.
It depends on how they develop with vocabulary.
Because the shit they say is the cutest shit.
But sports, once your kids get involved in sports, it's game over.
It's so dope.
It's so dope.
Whenever they want to get involved in, I feel like.
Not mine. Be supportive. I'm want to get involved in, I feel like. Not mine.
He's supportive.
I'm going to make him do martial arts.
He's going to be a black belt in Kenpo karate.
Kenpo?
Kenpo?
You have to think of Kenpo.
Dude, I was at the Rams game, and I'm looking at the sideline,
and the Rams got these, like, male cheerleaders.
Oh, they do twins?
No, no, I don't know if they're twins.
They did have those twins
There's all the sugar in the tank
But I'm just saying
I thought I was like
You know
If
I would still
Yeah
I'd be like
Oh fuck yeah
Oh if that was your kid
Oh fuck yeah
That's my kid
Nah bro
He'd be the
I'd be the
Every game I'd be there
He'd be like
The receiver
No no no no
The other receiver
Um Yeah They're the first ones
These are the male cheerleaders?
Yeah
But they are out there
Living their best life
Nah
You know
I thought about it
I was like
You know
I'm coming from an old era
But I thought
I didn't have a dad
So my thing is all about
Being present
No matter what
Bro as long as you're
You know
Bro happiness man
As long as your fucking kid
Is happy
Bro Yeah but To your point Whatever they want to do I didn't play baseball You know? Bro, happiness, man. As long as your fucking kid is happy, bro.
Yeah, but to your point, whatever they want to do.
I didn't play baseball.
I'd rather them do something.
Baseball is not my background.
But he's into it.
I'm Mr. Baseball now.
I mean, I guess whatever they want to do.
Playing baseball is like being gay for his kid.
That's how.
Dude, no fucking football or fighting.
It's a conversation.
It's for the dancers.
But that was like you if it was different.
What? Let me see again. Let me see how accurate. Pause it right there. Pause it back on the But that was like you if it was different. What?
Let me see again.
Let me see how accurate.
Pause it right there.
Pause it back on him.
Oh, there, there, there.
There's Batch.
The one on the right is Batch.
Oh, I thought you were talking about the other one.
Oh, you're talking about the one on the right.
Yeah, the one on the right would be.
Hell no.
That's Batch.
Fabulous Batch.
No, that ain't me.
We be like, hey, Batch.
I'm on the left.
I'm on the left.
Look at my jaw.
You look sad
bro his pants are
so tight
okay let's see
okay let's see
I'm him
I'm him
that's yeah no I agree
so I just thought you know you have your moments where you're like you know it's weird being I'm him. I'm him. That's, yeah. No, I agree.
So I just thought, you know, you have your moments where you're like, you know.
It's weird being older and coming like, being like, living in different eras of life.
Like no internet.
I remember when there was no internet.
And now I have everything is. When Polk was present.
How things were, yeah.
You know what I mean?
So now I look at it and I go, oh, yeah, this is going to be different.
Because like, I was thinking about, I was asking Rachel about this.
I was like, like, when, if a kid is, like is, like back in the day, you knew your kid was gay, right?
Like are people just like.
I think it depends on age.
I don't know.
Bro, you ever.
There's no way.
What we know now, there's no way if your son was coming around being like,
you know, oh, I'm going to be like.
Were they just in denial?
Let me just say,
have you ever been watching
someone do stand-up?
They're doing the act
that they've been doing
for five years,
six years.
All right.
And then they come off stage
and then they say something like,
did you like that?
That was all new shit.
Are you talking about
Brian Callen?
It's happened to,
I know,
yeah,
I'm just kidding.
I know you're making a joke,
but that legitimately happens.
The comments say they're doing the same thing.
You're like, this guy's been doing this for fucking eight years.
We've all seen it.
We've all seen it.
They're at the store.
We've seen it 10 times.
Dude, all my new stuff.
And they say that to you.
They're wired that way.
And you think, what?
Yeah.
Do they believe that?
Or maybe they threw in one new joke.
Yeah.
A new tag.
Still, they're delusional.
Right, yeah.
That's what it is?
Yeah.
I get it.
Yeah.
I just feel like I know I would be like, you know, if your kid is 13 and they're acting a certain way.
13 is different, though.
No, no, no.
You don't know yet, yeah.
Whatever it is.
Whatever that age is where you know, oh, this is different.
I just don't see myself trying to act like you don't know.
Yeah.
As a parent?
Yeah, as a parent.
But there's some parents are so delusional.
Even at four years old, seven years old, there's kids in this other league we're in.
This kid, he's kind of emo.
I was one of the refs one time. He's just not into it. At practice know he's kind of emo and i i was uh one of the refs one time and i he just
not into it at practice he's hiding he's like playing hango see with himself and shit yeah
you can tell he's he's he's art he's like creative like and and he was left field i said hey man you
like playing left field he goes nah man i wish i was at sec uh i wish i was at center field i'm
like oh you like center i'll talk to him he's no, I like Center because you don't have to do anything.
And I was like, oh, word.
You don't like playing baseball?
He's like, no.
I'm like, tell your dad, bro.
He's like, you tell him.
I'm like, all right, I'll fucking talk to your dad.
He's like, all right, I'll write a song and sing it to him.
Yeah.
Hey, Dad.
I only like Center because there's no action.
Dude, what if that'd be so crazy if your kid was like,
I got to tell you something.
He pulls out a guitar, you'd be like, oh.
Oh, shit.
Here we go.
Puts his hair over his eye.
Oh, fuck.
No, but these parents are delusional.
It's like, I'll let your kid do what he wants to do, man.
I just bought a little one of those things that has a basketball hoop
and a soccer thing.
Yep, yep, yep.
It was cheap. Eric's been having fun with it. For your and a soccer thing yeah it was like
you having fun for your wife or no yes I was like get Rachel get in there and
kick the ball yeah I know it fell flat so we all fucked that up I'm just
watching yeah we should have like voiceovers of him like, it went wrong.
This moment.
Here's where it went wrong.
Nick's Googling how to fix a joke on chat.
I just feel like it's like you just, you know, be in a bunch of things.
Like I played basketball when I was in high school.
And I know my mom worked so hard that she never went to my games.
Yeah.
Because she couldn't.
No.
And it was like a break for her, too.
Like, fine, I can just be.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Right?
But I just know for me, I was like, oh, man, just be present.
Yeah, yeah.
Even though I would love my kid to play basketball.
Whatever it is, though.
But whatever it is.
Whatever it is.
I don't fucking want to be a ballerina.
I don't fucking want to be playing basketball.
I don't even have.
I'm going to be like, you know what I mean, at the ballerina thing.
But don't you want your child to eventually be able to support you financially?
Hell yeah.
That's what I put my son in baseball because baseball, there's no salary cap.
And I don't even like baseball.
We're the same guy.
Oh, you don't like baseball?
No.
Oh, shit.
I like baseball.
I mean, it's cool.
It's out of all the sports.
I like baseball because there's so much time where you can just chill.
No one likes baseball.
No, no, no. I love it.
I'm Dominican, bro.
It's the most boring sport. You're Dominican?
I'm Dominican. My wife is Mexican.
Mbappe got offered 1.3 billion. Billion. And said no.
Soccer's too much because there's no downtime.
Bro, baseball's awesome because you get a whole
fucking half of an inning off sometimes.
You're just chilling and you're like, oh, I guess
I'm not batting. I'll just wait until I go.
You know what the problem with baseball is?
Take me out to the ball game.
The problem with baseball is they play, there's no downtime.
It's like they play, it's in the summer, the spring ball.
Yeah, the downtime is the game.
That's why I love it.
But you constantly have to be in it.
Like they're always doing something.
It's boring to watch.
It is super weird.
When you're at the stadium, it's really like, you know,
this is how you watch a baseball game at the stadium.
You're just like chilling with your friends.
Yeah.
Not if you're into baseball.
And then occasionally you go, what's the score?
Yeah.
Not if you're into baseball.
One, one.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
We've been here seven hours and it's one, one.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's the worst.
I love it.
Then they sing to like remind you, oh, we're at a game.
But basketball, it's just like too many points.
Too many.
It's too many points.
Thrilling game to watch.
I like less points better because it's more exciting when a point happens.
It does happen.
You appreciate it.
And then, yeah.
And then in basketball,
it's like the fact
that it could be
120 to 121.
Too many points.
That sucks
for the team that got 120.
Yeah, Chris is on something.
Especially if you're sports betting.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's the worst.
Anyway, I'll be in Oxnard, California.
Come see me in Oxnard, California
and Sacramento, California
and Brea, California
and Phoenix.
I got a lot of California days.
Phoenix, El Paso, and Albuquerque.
Go to chrislea.com and get the special.
And, you know, just have a good time on chrislea.com, really.
Yeah, do your thing.
I'm in Chicago this Friday, Saturday.
Almost sold out.
Chicago this Friday, Saturday.
Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.
Them bitches will be sold out, so get your tickets right now.
Thickboy.com. I'm going to be at the last thing.
It's 29th and 30th at the Quesada Club and Cantina.
That's the one with the quesadillas.
Yeah, and New Mexico.
That's my last show.
I don't know when I'm going to perform again because about to have a baby.
Oh, congrats.
Hell yeah.
I'm in Ontario January 25th
In Oxnard
Liberty Life
February 1st
There we go
KingBatch.com
Go see Batch on tour
Go see all of us on tour
And that's it
Appreciate you guys