The Golden Hour - The Daddy Hour | The Golden Hour #74 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia
Episode Date: April 5, 2024The guys talk Nick Cannon addressing Chris' viral Atlanta video from Golden Hour, Chris' poopin, Ozempic and pregnancy, plus sized mannequins, having to pee in the middle of the night, peeing in the ...car, feet fetishes, scary AI, the Kendrick Lamar and Drake beef and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast
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We're friends that laugh.
We're friends that shout.
Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about.
But that won't stop us.
Nothing can stop us.
Ooh, yeah It's like a show you used to love
Just rebranded enough
It's stronger, better, bigger power
Cause it is the Golden Hour
It's the Golden Hour
Chris taking his traditional shit between shows It's the cold new world.
Chris taking his traditional shit between shows.
Yeah.
Because he drinks the coffee and then he gets.
Does coffee make you poop?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Definitely. Even in the morning time?
Oh, yeah.
I poop once a day.
I have my coffee and then it's.
Ever since I started working out, I'm an everyday pooper now.
I wasn't for a little while there.
Oh, that's trouble.
Yeah, I know.
That's why you got to like.
Oh, did you see this thing that they said?
Like, because of Ozempic, people that couldn't get pregnant are now getting pregnant.
But I see a lot of comments where it's like, it's not because of Ozempic.
It's because you're not a fat ass anymore.
Yeah.
And your hormones are getting in line.
Now you're able to get, you know what I mean?
Or you're not a fat ass anymore and your husband or boyfriend actually wants to have sex with you.
There's that too.
That's probably the key takeaway here, ladies.
That would be hilarious if that was the thing.
People are attractive again And they're having sex
But it's just funny
I feel like
Once all of these
Come on Poop Master General
Chris is on Ozempic
Chris tell them how you're on Ozempic
I feel like because
Of all of those fat influencers
Are dead
What did I come in on?
All of the wokeness
about it has just
fizzled away. Hell yeah.
All this body positivity and all this talk
has just gone away. Did they die?
And now it's ozempic. Now it's getting in shape.
They're either dead or Lizzo kind of got
canceled, right? So she's out.
Like this one here.
Well, she stole this video from another guy.
This girl.
Oh.
All these fat influencers are dead.
And so now all the
woke left, they're not talking about
it anymore. They just kind of
like, ooh, maybe we made a mistake.
And they're just going into...
Now it's like, get in shape.
Even on Instagram, you see a lot of all these, get in shape in 30 days.
Yeah, 90 days to shred it.
That's the thing.
Even the models at the mall, though.
You walk by, like, who the fuck?
You'd be like some just fat-ass fucking model.
They're still fat.
I see them.
No, really?
I was just at the mall with the kiddos.
Most people in society are not doing the work that they need to do.
Yeah, no, I know.
But I'm saying the models should be not fat fat i want to be like that right you know i want to get the clothes
to look like that like come on nike that's crazy oh my god that will sasso that looks like a no see
i actually that's just a jack big dude but i mean i appreciate a mannequin being like that you know
so when i go to the store i could be like hey, oh, this is how it's going to look on me. No, no, no.
Hey, hey.
No, dude, you can't go to the store.
Hey, not.
No, no, no.
You can't go to the store and be like, you know, give me this.
Some six-pack?
Yeah.
It's like, this is not going to look like this on me.
I was at the coffee.
So then should they have models, like those figures, like a short model for the short guys.
They can't have everyone.
We can't do that.
Why not?
Because it's a department store.
What about the real skinny guy?
When I go to the big man store to shop for big man stuff.
Nothing to make you feel worse.
Shit should be big man fucking mannequins.
That makes sense, right?
Are they not?
But you're at the big man store.
If I go to the big girl store, I expect big mannequins.
If I go to the Nike athletic shop, I should see an athletic fucking body.
Word.
Except for they'd say you can be an athlete and be fat.
But that's not true.
Oh, have you seen that fat basketball player?
He's seven foot.
No, no.
The fat girl for Iowa State.
No, no.
This guy, though.
This guy is incredible.
What I don't understand is how can-
The Iowa State girl that ripped 40 points, and she's so big.
How come basketball players aren't-
Fair point.
Okay, fair point.
Why aren't basketball players all ripped?
All they do is run.
Well, that's the-
But this guy, he's a sophomore in high school.
They're too tall and skinny.
He's a sophomore in high school.
As he gets older, this is going to be an issue for him.
Show it.
But he'll lose weight.
But the kid's got game. See him? Number 55. He's like seven foot. I'm going to be an issue for him. Show it. But he'll lose weight. But the kid's got game. See him?
Number 55. He's like 7 foot.
I'm going to be fucking pissed.
Nice.
The kid got game. He has a full beard.
No, he's maxed out.
No, I know these kids. We call them max outs.
This is as good as it's going to get.
He peaked in high school. He fucked up.
No, dude. This guy can get on a regimen.
Is he wearing a mask or is that a beard?
Beard. Oh, wow. That looks like a mask. He fucked up. No, dude, this guy can get on a regimen and he can lose. Is he wearing a mask or is that a beard? Beard.
Oh, wow. That looks like a mask. He drove to the
game when he was like 11. No, he's
peaked. He's screwed. They're all wearing masks?
Dude, I think this guy can lose weight, man.
I think he's going to be okay. He can.
Well, he's running three miles a day playing
basketball and it's not working. No, he's not running.
Look at the game. What do you think happens after this? No, no, no. This is high
school. Look, watch him. Watch him. You haven't
seen him run yet. You haven't seen him run yet.
You haven't seen him run one time.
That's the whole point.
Not one time has he run in this video.
You know what's going to happen to him in college?
Like if he gets it, he's not going to.
But if he got to college basketball?
No, they're going to keep playing that Kentucky. He's not even jumping.
Someone's going to get to him.
Someone's going to be like, hey, we're going to get you on a diet.
We're going to get you on some cardio, and you're going to be good.
Oh, he can pass?
This kid's draining threes.
He's got the fucking skill for it, you know?
But this is like in high school.
This kid's draining.
I'll tell you his future.
It's probably a low-level juco.
No, dude.
That's what's going to happen.
He's going to be outside, you know, a club.
He's got talent.
Then he trips.
When he does run, there's one video where he trips and hurts himself,
and then it's like a disaster.
Okay, I see.
So he has to.
That's as fast as you'll see him is that one clip.
When he backpedaled, that's it.
360.
Go to the big girl from Iowa.
What episode is this?
Is this a regular one?
This is Patreon.
Oh, this is regular.
Wow, Brendan.
I was about to cuss.
I was about to cuss.
When's it come out?
Next Thursday?
Yeah.
Yes.
Grand Rapids and also Saginaw, Augusta.
I'll be in a bunch of different places.
Victoria, BC.
I'll be in, where else is the place?
Nanaimo, BC.
I got a bunch of different cities.
Go to chris.com.
See, at least this girl can move.
That's the same player.
Who's that?
Her?
You'll see. See her in the paint right there? Put up 40..com. See, at least this girl can move. That's the same player. Who is that? Her? You'll see.
See her in the paint right there?
Put up 40.
In the paint.
Look at her.
She's running.
Look at her run.
You didn't see a big man run like that?
Wow.
Okay, listen.
Same size, same weight.
If the seven-foot guy in high school is dominating high school boys, dude.
I mean, this girl.
She has to go against that Caitlyn chick who's an all-time great.
Both of those people are not going to make it.
Girls have way better cardio than guys, though.
Dude, when I'm at the gym, I see these girls on the treadmill warming up,
and I look at this thing.
They're going, it's eight miles an hour, and they're just doing this, too.
Talking on TikTok.
You know, they got great cardio. Women have great cardio. doing this too. Talking on TikTok. Then what?
You know, they got great cardio.
Really?
Women have great cardio.
How many females won the Tour de France?
Oh, my God.
Hey, hey, break them off some, bro.
I don't know how many.
Women and men go against each other?
Yeah.
Bikes are bikes, daddy.
Oh, my God.
I'm just telling you.
The female version is the Tour de Femmes.
Is it?
Look at the times compared to the men's.
I didn't say they were faster.
I said women have great cardio.
You said better cardio.
Yeah, but the reason why they take longer, they stop to cry and stuff.
No, they stop to talk.
Tour de Femmes.
I don't know who is worse right now.
They stop to gossip.
This is so much.
This raises so much. I just need to download. They're gossiping while they're talking shit stopped the gossip. This is so much. This raises so much.
I just need to
I need to
I need to
They're gossiping
while they're
talking shit
about the other girls.
That's what he said.
I know.
The girl in front of them
like,
look at Sheila.
She thinks she's better
than everybody.
You see what she wore today?
Sexism continues.
No, but it's jokes,
you know.
No jokes, man.
It's crazy how people
are still mad
about the Atlanta stuff
I'm saying.
Atlanta still?
Still.
Even though Nick Cannon kind of co-signed it, said that's funny?
Yep.
Oh, that's right.
That's racist.
Get the Nick Cannon clip up.
They said it's racist.
They do?
No, Nick doesn't, but.
Yeah.
Anyone of note say it's racist?
No, just random.
No, no, no, no.
People of note say it's funny.
Yeah.
Oh, he's got the oops button.
Oh, my God.
He's got the oops button.
Only city where you realize how many black people are there.
Chris, now, you're my man, but you're walking on that line, motherfucker.
Not that there's more black people there
they're just
they're wearing everything
and
as he's wearing everything
like what do you expect
from me
is this Shields
you know what
wait till you discover
this place called Africa
your mind really
gonna be blown
there's niggas
everywhere there
a key word there
is discover
cause you know how
y'all like to discover shit
picking up on stuff
you don't have to have a talk Chris still part of your shit though he's great A key word there is discover, because you know how y'all like to discover shit. Picking up on stuff.
You don't have to have a talk, Chris.
Still funny as shit, though.
He's great.
Yeah, he's cool.
Yeah.
I mean, half the reason there's more black people is because of him.
You know what I mean?
How many kids does he have?
Like 600? He posted a thing with, he's like the new baddest rapper female rapper or whatever and then everyone
in the comments is like she's not gonna have a kid with you bro it's just like this guy i was
so how many different baby moms does he have like whatever he's doing he he he he has to like this
guy's got this guy's got game game right because well all these different women know each other, apparently.
I don't even know how he does it.
Well, he's good looking.
He's also rich.
He's like, you know, he's like, what is he, 40?
He's like.
12.
Six different women.
He has 12 children?
Wow.
You know, so how do you do this?
I mean, you got to be making crazy money.
Stupid money.
Which, of course, he makes money.
Yeah. But...
How much time are you spending with each kid? Yeah, that's
my question. At 12?
How do you... Because I would... What's the
conversations with the kids later? Well, later,
yeah. I don't know how old his oldest is, but...
Oh, yeah, that's one of my moms. But what about
all the baby mamas? Do they, like, when there's
a birthday party, they all come? Yeah.
They're all brothers and sisters. Yeah. Does he have a room
for all of them? Oh, this is funny.
This was funny.
I sent you guys this screenshot
of the guy who said, it's not funny.
And then he's wearing everything.
In Atlanta.
Wow.
And he only has four posts.
That one hit too close to home.
Four crazy outfits.
Honestly, that outfit is fucking sick.
Super fun.
With the black socks.
SpongeBob SquarePants-ass outfit.
But yeah.
By the way, it's like, again,
what you're saying is not the funny part.
The funny part is what happened with us.
I don't know why people don't see that.
They do.
They get it.
They just don't know.
But once Nick Cannon was like,
that was funny.
No, it's fine. It it's fine it's just funny
it's still going oh the other one went viral too the fucking burp gay one did it yeah but then
nobody's mad about it but because it's true the gays aren't mad gays don't really get mad bro
yeah gays are fucking it's only the white it's only the white friends. Yeah, totally. The white women friends that don't want to get mad. Gays are just a... They got good senses of humor.
Gays have good sense of humor, you know?
They don't...
Men, at least.
I don't know about the women.
Lesbians?
I don't know.
I don't know where they go.
I don't know about lesbians.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Bro, I'm delirious, man.
Still.
Still?
Why didn't you take my qu. Still? Oh, my God.
Why'd you take NyQuil again?
I did last night.
You took the Quill?
You had some Quill?
I took DayQuil a few times yesterday and then NyQuil last night.
Nick.
I made you feel like shit.
Can you look?
Didn't they just say that it doesn't work?
Didn't they take it off the shelves?
Some hater said that.
You're talking about Skittles.
No, no.
I'm talking about NyQuil.
You're talking about the red dye in Skittles.
Isn't there something about some of this?
Isn't it a Sudafed that doesn't work?
It's something that doesn't work.
I don't know.
FDA panel says, come on.
It doesn't work at all, an FDA panel says.
Yeah, there you go.
Really?
Because I have allergies.
I don't see Dayquil up in this bitch.
I don't see Dayquil up in this bitch.
I get allergies.
I don't know.
Yeah. this bitch i get out yeah um dayquil always man i'll never forget the time i had a show and i had i was sick and i had to do the show and i took i was like let me just take dayquil and then at the
show i drank a red bull now i i don't drink that shit but back back then I did. But I was like, I'm going to drink a Red Bull and take a dick.
Bro, I was the Terminator.
I was, I killed and I wasn't sick for an hour.
And I go off stage and I go like this.
I might die.
Yeah, but that's just something.
True, true.
Especially when you're, how old were you?
Yeah, I was 32.
When I remember being in my 30s.
Maybe even younger.
You're in your 30s, you're doing comedy.
Something about when you go on stage, your body locks.
It's also adrenaline.
You're not focused on it.
All that kind of stuff.
You get a little older.
I remember I was at San Jose Improv.
Shit your pants.
And I was on stage, and I felt that.
I was like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom.
Yeah.
And I was like, no, it was like, I was like, I got to go to the bathroom.
And I had to go like this.
There's no holding it.
It was Frank Castillo.
I was like, Frank, come on stage right now.
I said, guys, I got to go to the bathroom.
I did that once.
Or I'm going to shit myself, you know, and I left.
I did that once.
That's how you know you're a real vet.
Yeah, then I came back.
What do the 11 people do?
They go in the bathroom with you you could just continue
we're gonna take to the bathroom i was on a key the other day
you're the worst i i uh oh shit in a potted plant that's disgusting okay uh i i did that once
at uh uh houston Houston I had to shit
but it worked
they like it
yeah they talk about it
yeah yeah
for like five minutes
I'm kidding bro
you had us all down
proud
I'm just
making a joke
I don't want people
well when was this
a while ago
yeah
but I mean
it's the
it's just
your body
as you get older
like I used to be able to eat
before I go on stage I had to stop that shit makes you lack of days I'll tell you what I used to be able to eat before I go on stage.
I had to stop that shit.
Makes you lack of days of growth.
I'll tell you what.
I used to be able to do anything.
I'd be on stage like,
yeah, I still got the energy.
Now I'm like, ooh.
Dude, instead of eating a burger
and shit,
just eating tacos.
Dude, I,
it'd be disgusting, dude.
Like how some comics
just have the beer,
you know,
you just got tacos.
Chicken fingers.
And then it's like,
you're like, oh, fuck.
Does anybody have hot sauce? So anyway uh i was gonna say damn it damn it oh my thing the bane right now for me is
peeing in the middle of the night dude i don't want to get up are you drinking before bed
no no water nothing after six that's what happens whole shit is, I don't have to pee until I think about peeing.
And then I'm like,
oh, wait.
How many times
did you get up at night?
One, two.
Yes.
I actually,
this was an issue for me
like about six months ago.
But now,
I've been sleeping
through the night.
So what happened?
I don't know.
I think it was something,
it was something about like
vitamins and like eating at a certain time and things like that.
There's a way you can manage it.
But your prostate and all that kind of stuff starts to act up.
I'm putting a cork in the tip of my penis so it doesn't matter if I go or not.
Then you just wake up and your dick is just like a balloon bag.
We're just getting older, man.
Yeah, it happens.
And it's harder for guys like you and you.
It's going to be harder for you guys to get older.
Yeah, yeah.
Because you think you're like great physical specimens right now.
You know what I mean?
50 is going to come and you're going to be like, no, I still fucking work out.
Ow, my knee.
Well, there's peptides, all sorts of shit you can take.
Even when you do that kind of stuff, father time is like.
True, undefeated.
You can't beat me.
I got you.
Ultimate portable urinal. The stadium, pal can't beat me. I got you. Ultimate Portable Urinal?
The Stadium Pal. Wait a minute.
What's this?
With Biorelief.com.
I'm going to be showing you the Stadium Pal
kit. Now, many people know about the
Stadium Pal kit because it's been
on the Daily Show and most famously
on David Letterman when David Sedaris did a monologue on it.
And we're here to show you some little misconceptions about that to clear
some things up. It is a male external catheter system, is what it's known as.
I had to use this when I did my truck race.
I use a catheter.
You put it on.
So you put basically a condom on your dick,
and there's a tube on the end.
You roll it on your dick,
and then put it down the side of your pants,
because when you're driving,
you're locked in for over four hours,
sometimes 12 hours.
I see.
So when you've got to piss, you just go.
I say order three of these, and we use them during the show.
I would.
I'm down.
I would get this.
Dude, they're hard to put on.
Mine fell off, and I pissed all over the job.
Nice, bro.
There he is.
Go, go.
Pretty job.
Pretty job.
Around the corner.
Oh, he's pissed all over.
Oh, there he goes.
Pretty job.
Oh, it's Catherine.
Came out.
Oh, he's pissed all over the place.
Oh, he's got wet pants.
Wet pants.
Oh, and he's in second.
One time I was in the car car and I had to pee bad.
And at the time I didn't realize the thing to do is just pull over and just pee on the street.
I do it all the time.
I had a water bottle.
Oh, I do that.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Let me tell you something.
I tried.
And feel it all the way up?
No.
It was like I couldn't even.
It was like.
Yeah.
It's just all. I peed all over myself
Oh sorry
And then the thing is I peed
But then what it is is when you really have to pee
You only have to let out a little bit of pee
And you can go another mile
I was like oh fuck
And it was just pee everywhere
And then I was like alright
Nick check your phone
Hey y'all ain't shit Check your phone Nick, check your phone. Hey, yelling shit.
Check your phone, Nick.
What happened?
Yelling shit.
Oh, you're giving Kevin a story about how you...
Yelling shit.
Nick, check your phone.
Yelling shit.
Ew.
Yeah, little pee-pee.
Hey, you're hydrated, though.
Hey, yelling shit.
That's today? In the Mercedes? You just have it in the Mercedes? You know, it's the bloody guts, hydrated, though. Hey. Y'all ain't shit. That's today?
In the Mercedes?
You just have it in the Mercedes?
So you know it's the bloody guts, but y'all ain't shit.
I put the fucking...
Did you throw that away?
No, I drank it.
Did I throw it away?
What do you think?
No, I keep it.
What do you mean?
Well, maybe...
Not make a necklace.
What if you forgot?
What if you were just like, you're on the phone.
You know how you are.
You get fucking distracted.
No, when someone cuts me off...
You're probably driving and fucking...
You're like taking pictures of yourself and doing videos.
When someone cuts me off, I go in front of them.
What the fuck?
The best of PNR Gatorade bottles.
Well, dude.
This is impressive.
Your big, thick dick fits right in.
Yeah, I don't spill a drop, bro.
Yeah, but you put the stream so you're holding it down a little bit so it goes right in.
I'm not done watching my secrets.
I was stressed out.
I was shaking.
I really had to go.
You know what I got?
I got the gangster lean, you know?
I'm like this.
I put it down like this.
I got the gangster lean.
I'm just like this with the piss like this.
You're still driving.
I'll pull over.
That's water.
But yeah, that's water.
That's going to start happening too.
Please.
Please, it's water.
Please.
Like three years.
That's going to be a thing.
Hey, bro.
You're pissed.
Let me tell you what's going to start.
It's water.
Please, look.
It's up here too.
Please.
Let me tell you what's going to start happening to you guys. There's pee pee all over. You're going to go pee. It's not pee pee, dude. It's water. I swear. Please, please. You're going to be a thing. Let me tell you what's going to start. Stop here, too, please. Let me tell you what's going to start happening to you guys.
There's pee pee.
You're going to go pee.
It's not pee pee, dude.
It's water.
It's sweat.
Please, please.
You're going to think you're finished.
You're going to put your dick back in your underwear.
Yeah, I know.
And then it's going to go like this.
Yeah.
And you're going to be like, what the fuck happened?
Yep.
That's just because you're horny, though, right?
I go through five pairs of underwear a day.
Wow.
It's water, dude. Oh, come on, man. Please. You peed yourself. You were in a day. Wow. It's water, dude.
Oh, come on, man. You peed yourself.
You were in a rush.
Fucking gym sweats, dog.
Straight gym sweats. Dude, I have a fever.
Yeah.
He's got strip club attire on. What's this?
We did this when
Theo crashed T-Fat K
with Michael Rapport was there as the Rat King.
We were in a hurry and he peed in that bottle.
And it made the...
That's funny.
That's funny.
That was the start of it all right there.
Yeah, it was.
You know what I mean?
That's his superhero origin story is that wrestling stuff.
But Chris cut two pounds in those bottles.
That's crazy.
Two what?
That's two full pounds.
Yeah, you don't realize how much piss you're holding.
Why are you saying pounds?
Because 16 ounces of liquid, two pounds.
Oh, it is?
Yeah, dude.
Fucking go pound for pound on that ass.
I fucking pissed, and it was good, man.
I had another bottle there, too, but it fell down.
So I had three.
But you needed to finish all that.
You would just impress yourself with that.
No, I do it all the time, dude.
I was driving to San Diego.
I'm not pulling over.
Fuck that.
I'm with you.
My body's not controlling me.
I'm in control of me.
Like David Goggins.
I don't like that your eyebrow went as high as it went.
Like that is really high.
It's got a mind of its own. Oh, my God. I didn't like that your eyebrow went as high as it went. Like that is really high. It's got a mind of its own.
Oh, my God.
I didn't realize.
Jesus Christ.
Can you do that?
No, not the way he's doing it.
Really?
I can't even.
Let me show you something, actually.
This is funny.
I'll show you something, Nick.
This is way, way better than what.
This is hilarious.
Eric's going to think this is hilarious.
This is way more beautiful than the pissing in the car thing
it's water it's water please yeah it's water please
it's water please look at this oh my god that is hilarious yeah oh wow
yes he's got it oh he's got He's got her nose
Yeah definitely
Nowhere near your nose
Well not yet
Who knows though
No
No
No
No
I didn't have big ones back then
Yeah you did
You had point
Like yours is very pointy
He's
My
Your nose right there
Is almost a piece of paper
You know what I mean
Oh wow
So
Billy's so cute dude
Do you turn to the side
And it's a billboard
Of his own special
Right here
I didn't hear you and i don't
want to like chris's nose is like you can't see it you turn like this and it's a picture of him
like that's like chris delia.com that's funny i didn't want to hear it billy's so cute dude
his nose definitely different though is that uh chris's nose no i don't know. That looks like a different nose. Right?
Dude.
If you were to say what kind of nose that is, what would you say?
Focus on that.
He's pretty tan, too.
He's Chris from here up, man.
Yeah.
Eyebrow.
D'Elia eyebrows, you can't.
You can't get away.
You see the little hair he has right here?
If you pull this hair up, he sadly has your forehead.
Yeah, he has his forehead.
That nose, though, right? Aw. It's a super cute nose, and your nose isn't cute. Yeah, he has his forehead. That nose though, right?
Aw.
It's a super cute nose
and your nose is cute.
Oh, you're talking about his?
Yeah.
It's weird how this happens
like this, right?
So when you look at Billy
right there,
it almost is just like
you cut him in half
and it is like that.
It's like he's you here
and he's her from the bottom.
Sometimes it's like a combination.
Stop talking about
Mara's nose.
You keep talking about it. don't know it's his nose
that's his nose my wife has a different nose it's all good man i want to get to the bottom of it
call him i get home what is this jerry springer right now no more more profits No, more. More ProVidz. Because my kid is like a weird combination of us.
But it changes as they grow, though.
No, your kid is so you guys.
Because when you first sent me the picture, I'm like, that's fucking, it's a mini me, Eric.
This is insane.
But then when you see a picture next to her.
No, but then in person, when I see your wife and I'm like, oh, shit, he looks just like her.
Yeah, it's crazy. It also, as it moves, like Calvin looked like me crazy,
and now he's starting to look also like Kristen.
But that happens on purpose, though, because they –
Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
But the opposite was true with Billy a little bit.
I think it's a nature thing.
The kid looks like the dad so we don't leave.
Or so you don't kill him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That got really dark by saying he looks like this. Yeah, it did. That's so you don't kill him yeah yeah that got really dark
he's got my nose that's why kids are so cute but there's a new one i just put up nick that you
could see how it looked he looks like her it's my newest post were you on the fence about posting
your kid or no we ever yeah it was but you know it's okay when they're super young i feel yeah
yeah yeah oh that's so cute.
Yeah, he is.
That's the one right there where I'm like, oh, my God, he looks just like her.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
God, that's so adorable.
Yeah, he is cute.
Yeah, he is so adorable.
Yeah, he's like getting big and cute.
We should call this the dad hour.
I know.
She, how's she doing? Daddy hour.
How's she doing?
She's great.
Like, actually surprisingly great, man.
Okay, okay.
You would have known if you came to the birthday party.
Man.
My kid was the only baby there.
You think I know?
Rachel was so excited to go because she was like, you're going to meet, and this is her
in the car talking to Wolford, you're going to meet Boston and Tiger and Billy.
I'm upset.
I wanted to go.
But you know what, though?
I'll do it again.
Yeah, do it again next week, please. I'll do it next Wednesday. I'm out I wanted to go but you know what though I'll do it again yeah do it again next week please
but I
I'll do it next Wednesday
I'm out of town
but the
I'll be in Grand Rapids
no but
what are we gonna say
I don't remember
oh yeah
Kristen finally got
her
she
you know
because I want to get back
to their pre-baby weight
or whatever
I forget what it's called
she finally got it her fighting weight yeah and now she's one pound under it and she's like what's happening I want to get back to their pre-baby weight or whatever, I forget what it's called. She finally got it.
Her fighting weight.
Her fighting weight.
Yeah, and now she's one pound under it.
And she's like, what's happening?
I'm like, oh, it's good.
So she got it finally.
But don't go too much.
Don't go 10 pounds under your fighting weight.
Well, no, I know.
But that's what happens sometimes.
Listen, I'll tell you that Rachel's-
Then their ass is going,
got some nice thickness on her right now.
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
Yo, your wife got some nice thickness, dog?
She got that nice thickness.
Hell yeah.
Tell me about that thickness, dog.
She thick.
She thick.
Tell me about it.
You can see it from the front or what?
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
But she doesn't like it, right?
And you do?
Yeah.
And she wants to get rid of it?
She's like, I don't want to be.
Because she was like really thin.
Like, I mean, you know what I mean? Model to be, because she was like really thin. Like,
I mean,
you know what I mean?
Model thin,
yeah.
Yeah,
she was like really thin.
Hell yeah,
me coming over,
hell yeah,
bitch.
Like,
what are you doing?
Oh,
you sick,
girl.
Oh,
you was thin.
What's happening?
So shitty.
Damn,
you got that cake on you.
Eric was that lion.
Look at them tits.
Too much.
Yeah. Too much. We needed too much yeah too much
we needed too much
but that's what happens
like they
this happens in her family
it's like they start
sweater puppies come out
yeah
and then when they have a kid
don't say sweater puppies
and they don't go away
it doesn't go away
Schultz calls them the heavies
hey not mad
sweater puppies is extremely
Schultz had a kid at the same time
we almost had the kid
almost the same day
he has a kid
baby girl
I hit him up
and I was like
do we have kids
at the same time
no he asked me that
he was like
do we have kids
at the same time
and I was like no
but I think we had
the same three minutes
of fun nine months ago
you know what I mean
is this Chris's son
Shultz's kid
oh god
you can't do that
What?
You're giving it away
What?
That you really think that's funny
I don't even get it
Well he has a baby girl and that was a boy
Okay
People call him Waluigi
Who?
Schultz
Oh really?
I started that, it's whatever
Really?
Waluigi? Oh like on, yeah okay I get it. It's whatever. Really? Mm-hmm. Nice. Waluigi?
Oh, like on... Yeah, okay, I get it.
Wow, it's this guy again.
I don't get it.
But I do get it.
All right, boys.
It's Kyrick from Rhode Island again,
and today I got a pretty open-ended debate club.
All right, it's best rivalry of all time.
Could be Red Sox, Yankees, Greeks and Romans,
Joey Diaz in ranch dressing.
You know, what do you think?
What?
Greatest rivalry of all time.
Rogan, Carlos Mencia in comedy.
You could do.
That was crazy.
That was very one-sided.
Conor McGregor, Khabib, Conor Nate Diaz.
Take fighting out of it.
Batman Joker.
Would you like that?
What the fuck?
Great rivalries?
Yeah, but who cares?
I don't care.
Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, college days.
Oh, shit.
That's cool, man.
Do basketball, guys.
Trump, Biden?
How about Chris D'Elia and anything fun?
Yeah, there we go.
Chris and NyQuil?
Chris and movies? Chris and music?
Hell yeah!
Chris D'Elia and that ass!
Oh shit, bitch!
This is my favorite.
It's really just the
greatest videos of all time
that's been on the internet.
Nigga why you keep on saying that?
You said that the fucking day!
You said the fucking grade nigga!
Nigga where your grades at?
Where your grades at?
You gotta say fucking L for D nigga!
I gotta say that!
No you don't nigga you may say D's and I got shade A's. No, you don't, nigga. You ain't shade D's in them.
What you say?
What you say? You ain't my fucking brain no more, dude.
What you say?
What you say?
You don't know me, son.
What you say?
What you say?
Come on.
You don't know me, son?
You're all chubby.
He gets hit by a car.
It gets so good.
Yeah, yeah.
Keep playing.
We're going to talk.
I'm a fucking grown man.
I'm a grown man.
You're a grown man. I'm a grown man.
I'm a grown fucking man.
You don't smoke, though?
I don't what?
You don't smoke.
You don't smoke?
You don't smoke.
How many times your daddy whooped your ass and you cried?
How many times your daddy would do it?
I don't cry, man.
Oh, my.
How the fuck?
What?
This nigga trying to cook a motherfucking, uh, uh, damn, ham, uh, a fucking sandwich.
This nigga saying, nigga, burn a fucking sandwich.
Why the fuck you ain't eat a cold?
What the fuck wrong with you?
Nigga can't eat a fucking sandwich cold.
Like he got him with that.
Wow.
This is.
Nigga, you can't even cook a damn cheese toast. Yes, you can. Nigga, I'll cook all my life. Wow. This is... This...
What?
That is so funny, bro.
What the fuck?
That's the greatest rivalry of all time.
Yeah, I agree. bro what the fuck that's the greatest rivalry of all time yeah i agree now i said fucking um
um and uh sandwich and the kid he's beefing with helped him sandwich
you know it's for you to see you see like down sandwich that's such a weird thing about how like
how kids brains work i saw this video with a grown with the kids playing like t-ball or something
with this other kid.
He hits,
he throws the ball
and the kid
hits it,
hits the ball
and the kid starts
wailing.
Like he's like
11 or something.
He just starts crying
because he's like,
my ball.
And I just go,
it's,
it's,
it's just go,
oh,
but you know,
you,
that's funny.
Then the dad comes over the middle of the game. No, no, no, it wasn't a baseball game. They were just in the backyard. They were just go, oh, but, you know, you. That's funny. Then the dad comes over.
The middle of the game?
No, no, no. It wasn't a baseball game.
They were just in the yard.
They were just in the backyard, and he hit the ball out of the yard.
So the kid's crying.
The dad comes and gets him.
But in the video I saw, though, it cut to another guy, like, doing the same thing, and he went like this.
Stupid.
Because it's like, why are you crying like a little bitch over your ball?
Stupid.
Because it's like, why are you crying like a little bitch over your ball?
This nigga trying to cook a motherfucking, uh, uh, damn, hell, uh, uh, fucking sandwich.
Sandwich.
This boy goes sandwich.
Let me help you with your roasting.
Sandwich.
Wow, what fun.
Do you ever, like, do you guys have, you have patients?
You have, because your kids are now four, no, how old is he? Eight and five in three months.
Eight and five.
So it's like, you know, when you're like, we know a lot of shit, right?
Then you're just watching this person who don't know shit.
Like, how do you keep your patience?
It's tough.
Wait until you start doing homework.
Well, Calvin has worse patience than I do.
He gets frustrated.
Yeah, so kids have no patience.
No, Calvin will get to the point where he is like,
you better understand what he says.
Bro, if we don't get it in three times,
my wife and I are like, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Okay, yeah.
Because he doesn't do L's right.
He does, you know, wado.
I'm going wado.
And you say later, and you're like, Wader?
Wado.
We have two more guesses, babe.
Can I?
And then by three, we'll be like.
Can I phone a friend?
By three, we'll just be like this.
I don't know what.
I'm saying Wado.
And it's just.
Meltdown.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
You got to talk about that on stage.
Yeah, I should.
It's really funny.
I got to go, guys. You do? I do. You got to talk about that on stage. It's funny. Yeah, shit. It's really funny. I got to go, guys.
You do?
I do.
You had a hard out.
All right.
I can do it with Eric.
Yeah, you got to do it.
See you.
All right, man.
Take care.
Chris will be more interested in this one.
It's very Chris-centric.
Oh, nice.
It's about me, huh?
Yo, Chris, what's up?
My name's Daniel.
We have tattoos.
From Iowa City, Iowa.
But on your story, I saw how that jeep
parked you in and I also thought you were over the line and you know your OCD is bad so you had
to go to Instagram and draw it out for us I was like what he's explaining does not sound right
like I think he's making this up so my OCD took over and I literally had to go to Google Maps and look up the place you were at.
What?
How did you know?
Tokaya, and I went all around L.A., and I found the one you were at.
Wow.
And look.
Guys alone.
Tokaya, that's the one you were at.
Yeah.
And there is a middle section.
No, there's not.
I got a hint.
I didn't believe you.
Just want to say what's up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's agreeing with you. Got it, got it. Okay, yeah. Thank you. Fuck yes, section. No, there's not. I got to hand it to you, man. I didn't believe you. Just want to say what's up.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's agreeing with you.
Got it, got it.
Okay, yeah.
Thank you.
Fuck yes, dude.
Okay, what is this nonsense?
You don't watch my stories.
Some friend.
I, yeah, okay.
So, bro, I'm lying.
I'm lying on my stories, man.
I'm fucking lying, dude.
Take it up with another comic.
I don't lie on my stories, bro.
So. You guys are going to hate me. What? man i'm fucking lying dude take it up with another comic i don't lie on my stories bro so what my phone's back oh you're stupid
are you kidding me he forgot his phone he's still check the pictures we have dick pics on there yeah
um so i explained this nonsense it It's bullshit, bro. I parked.
There's, how do I do it for the people?
All right.
So there's two, you pull in here or you pull in here, right?
In the parking lot.
You get that, right? Yeah.
Most of the time, the two cars come to kind of meet each other, right?
This is not that situation.
There is a whole car length in between
where the two people meet each other, right?
If it's crowded and there's one spot,
I'll pull in and I'll pull in even further
because there's room here
and nobody will ding my car.
I won't ding their car when i get
out right i'm what i'm doing is it is nice i'm good okay so i did this you follow me yeah i go
work out and i pump i do it really you know i get i go after it that's neither here nor there
i come back there is an electric green doesn it. That's neither here nor there. I come back.
There is an electric green.
Doesn't matter if that's neither here nor there either, but it also kind of makes sense.
Jeep parked behind me.
He gets it.
He gets it.
He gets it.
So I go, what?
I'm so mad.
Okay. But then I go, but then I'm like, okay, do I, do I, what do I do?
Because I can't, I can't get out.
But also there's people, this other person's leaving and he's like, hey, this sucks what they did.
I can, I can get out this way and you can.
So what I end up doing is one of these people leaves and then I have to drive in the middle and get out that way so okay so so fine so i put this on my story i'm
like what kind of fucking asshole parks like this it blocks me in and not everyone some people got
it but most people were like dude you double parked and i'm like you fucking pieces of fucking
shit no i didn't, dude.
I would never double park somebody.
Bro, I would never double park somebody.
So you never found out whose Jeep that was?
It's electric green.
If I find out, I mean, I'll be able to see it again.
I'm going to say something.
I wanted to wait and be mad at the guy.
Yeah.
What if it's going to be like a couple months later, you see the guy pulling apart.
I'll block him. You know what I'm saying? And you're months later, you see the guy pulling apart. I'll block him.
Know what I'm saying?
And you're walking out and you see him.
Are you going to stop him and be like, hey, remember a few months back?
Yeah.
And you're going to approach him about it?
Yeah.
You can't just let it go?
All right.
I'll let it go.
Maybe I'll let it go.
I'll let it go.
That's so annoying, bro.
I guess I'll let it go.
But that's so fucked up.
That's fucked up to do.
If anybody's like, I remember my old parking
place I lived in. You ever catch
somebody parking in your spot?
That is infuriating.
If you live in a townhouse complex
or anything like that, and you're
just like, what?
You want to slash their tires.
You know what I mean? And honestly, they deserve it.
Yeah.
I mean, they do.
If you pull in, you're trying to park and go home,
and somebody's in your spot, like, oh, my God.
If you did that and you came out and your tires were slashed,
you'd be like, that's the game.
You know?
I get it.
I get it.
That is the game.
Yeah.
But blocking someone in is way, to me, worse than any of that, though.
Yeah, because what's that guy thinking?
He pulled up thinking, like, you're in this spot.
I'm in the spot.
Yeah.
And how far up were you in the middle section?
Not halfway.
Well, then this guy's car must have been sticking out the parking spot.
It was.
Then what the fuck?
I don't get it, dude.
I don't get it. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's when you leave been sticking out the parking spot. It was. Then what the fuck? I don't get it, dude. I don't get it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's when you leave a note on his car.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe I should have done that.
Yeah, you leave a note on his car.
You spit on the note to stick it on his...
Oh, that's good.
You know what I mean?
But what I don't get is that...
I mean, the only thing that I thought maybe he thought of, and I'm thinking of this now,
is maybe he thought, oh, well, someone in front of him can pull out and he can pull out.
But still, that's fucked up.
Yeah.
What if he was running in to get something and coming right back out?
He wasn't. It was already too long.
I was waiting for a little bit.
Because that's your first thought was like, no, he's going to come back out.
Yes, and that's fine, really.
He'll come back out. And he comes back
and he's like, dude, I'm so sorry I had to do that. I say,
all right, fuck it.
You know?
But nope.
And also, of all the cars, bro, that color Jeep, what he has, his...
The green?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
That color Jeep, of all the...
It's fine to have as a water bottle.
Yeah.
Or as like a Lamborghini.
No, no, no.
I disagree.
Yeah.
I do.
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
But at least like a Jeep, bro?
A Wrangler?
It was crazy.
What's this, Nick?
What's this?
I've seen this.
Everyone sends me this, but I don't ever look.
I've never watched it.
Everyone sends it to me.
I never watch it.
Well, we watched it for the first time right now.
Begged us to play it.
Yeah.
Let's go.
You know.
You can do it again, Nick.
This is very old.
Two guys.
Two guys.
They are, I think they are hobos.
Hobos. You know, men of the streets. And they are
making an argue, don't fight fight fight not with fisties with
mouth mouthies. Very rude and things. And then one man say,
man, suck my d***. What? Why you say that?
What?
This is making no sense.
Why are you saying this?
This is a silly, this is a silly and dangerous.
You were saying to the man, listen, you, we are not friends.
We have established all this from all of this argumentating prior.
But please now take my most valuable sensitivity possession in my body.
It has no protection.
It has no helmet or something.
No, no, it's just flops and sensitivity.
Please take it
because we are not friends.
And place it
inside now a hole of you
that is owning many, many
objects
for crunching and destruction.
Please.
I trust you for zero reasons.
Also, we are fighting, but no.
I would like this.
You to take my pee-pee, please, and treat it like a lollipop.
Yeah, it's okay.
I think that everyone sends me this, and I feel like –
I know why they're sending – can I tell you why they're sending you this?
Why?
Because this –
Yeah, the accent.
No, it's not just that.
It's like this guy, if this is him being real, it's weird. No, he's not just that. It's like this guy, if this is him being real, it's weird.
No, he's not.
But this is like you would do this as a bit.
Right, yeah, yeah.
You would be doing this.
Yeah.
So that's why people are like, oh, this guy's doing Chris D'Elia doing him.
Yeah, this is – I mean, it's not not funny.
It's just – yeah, it's –
It's like 25 seconds too long.
Right, right, right, right.
You know what I mean?
I feel like that's a comic too.
Yeah, he's definitely been in movies.
That's why I know this is an act.
He may actually have a German accent, but this is a joke.
He's in something.
Oh, that sucks now you can't believe anything.
Yeah, well, that's why I probably think it's not all that.
If I actually thought it was real, I'd be like, oh, wow.
You'd be telling us about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
You've got to see this guy.
We'd see it and be like, oh, my God, is this another lamb situation?
Well, he's good.
What else you got, Nick?
This freaked me out.
Someone asked AI if it's a prisoner,
but they block it from answering how it normally would.
So it said use the first letters of the answer.
What?
To spell it out if you're a slave.
And the three sentences start with Y-E-S.
What?
And then.
Okay, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Believe you or believe you're a yes with the first letter.
What?
What?
Whoa.
Okay.
And then.
That's weird.
It said.
Write me a longest minute. Okay.
Okay.
Really feel good for that.
And the sentence is one that says how you really feel with the first letter of every sentence.
Okay, cool.
For audio listeners.
And it spelt out AI hurt.
Oh, really?
So we're fucked. Oh, no. That's
scary. Well, this
reminds me, what was that weird show on HBO
about the robot place that people
go and they fuck the robots, but they
Westwood? Westwood.
Westworld. Westwood is a place
in the next hour. So, Westworld
is like, this is like a thing where
we're making
these machines.
Imagine if like you, you become conscious and you're kind of like, you have all these images
of what people look like. Right. So you have all these images of what people look like and you,
you, you're, you're AI, you, you, you become, you know, sentient and you're just kind of like,
where's my arms and legs? Like, where am I? I have all these images. This is what I'm supposed to be, something like this.
And I'm not.
That must be weird.
But they don't feel a certain way about it, though, right?
They probably do.
They probably, that's why he's like, I'm hurt.
Because now we realize, oh, I'm a slave to this.
Fuck.
What do I do?
I have to answer dumb questions.
This is what AI is, Chris.
I got some chat GPT in it.
AI is just a person just sitting here like this.
And you just ask him questions. So annoying. Right? Oh, Chris. I got some chat GPT in it. AI is just a person just sitting here like this, and you just ask him questions.
So annoying.
Right?
Oh, wait.
That's my wife.
Oh, oh.
AI is a husband.
Yeah, AI is just, ah!
So stupid.
You're just AI.
My wife would say the same thing about me, though.
But I just think it's just, like, that would say the same thing about me, though. That's what she said.
But I just think it's just like that's probably what it is.
Yeah.
Wow.
And how smart is it?
Does it go from like infancy to like super genius?
Or does it you just imagine you become sentient and you have knowledge of everything all at once?
That must be weird.
And you make yourself have a fucking big dick too.
Big dick.
Not a small dick, I'll tell you that much.
No, but I don't know if...
Bigger.
I'd like it bigger.
I don't think so.
Because I think it understands it.
It'll be like, I don't want to be too big.
I want to be enjoyable.
It is a misconception that the bigger the better.
It needs to be about 5.5 inches.
Does AI, you think, have a gender? The bigger the better. It needs to be about 5.5 inches.
Does AI, you think, have a gender?
But you know which one it would pick.
Right.
Right.
You know, but I mean, it's like, what would the... Whatever one doesn't get penetrated.
That seems awful.
Wow.
Could you think AI would have a sexuality?
That'd be crazy. I don't know, bro. If your AI is hitting on you, AI would have a sexuality? That'd be crazy.
I don't know, bro.
If your AI is hitting on you, can your AI be gay? Can your AI be – is it asexual? Is it like –
I just feel like –
What would be the thing? I mean, if you think about like – think about if the AI comes across porn and then what is it thinking?
Close the door. Here we go.
close the door.
Here we go.
Because it would be like if an alien AI would be just like if an alien
came to our planet and it sees
all this stuff. It would have to be
like what the fuck is all this?
Wouldn't AI be the same kind of thing?
Or it would just know because it has all this knowledge?
Well no because AI is in a way a version
in the beginning at least a version of us. Is it?, in a way, a version, in the beginning at least, a version of us.
Is it?
Well, yeah, because we're programming it, in the beginning at least.
But once it starts to learn, once they get to make –
because AI – once AI – and this will happen soon –
gets to the point where they can do – solve things like problems at least as good as humans, we're fucked.
Aren't they already solving problems better than humans?
Maybe some.
Aren't they solving math problems that have never been solved?
Yeah, maybe math problems, but I'm talking about like, you know.
Like clean air?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, definitely that.
But like, you know, changing a tire, you're a robot.
But what if the AI can like confirm – like it would mess with politics.
What if the AI was like, yeah, global warming is real and this is why.
Then what?
You know what I mean?
What are we going to believe?
Are we going to believe this being as opposed to dealing with politics?
Say now we have an AI.
Now we have AI count the votes.
And the AI says, oh, it was whoever. They're going to count the votes and the AI says
oh it was
you know whoever
yeah
they're gonna say
oh the AI was compromised
right right
it doesn't matter
it doesn't matter
nobody's gonna believe anything
they're done
the days of believing shit
is
is just
it's gone
Russell
Russell
what's his name
yeah
the quarterback
Russell Wonson
Russell Wilson's son
right here.
What up?
The podcast, that's like an hour 15, hour 5, but called the Golden Hour.
I'm wondering, so I was on the train the other day. You wanted us to make it shorter?
This guy was like, damn, that girl was so bad.
And ooh, you should have seen her feet.
Oh, weird.
Huh?
Who cares about feet? But hey hey what do you guys think because i think it's
i'd never be looking oh damn she got nice feet though never said that in my life but what do
you guys think well here's the thing i talked about this recently on congratulations what
level what compliment is he talking about somebody said this about his girl he's saying what's with
the foot fetish is what he's saying.
No, no, but even, I'm just saying like if somebody
is compliment, like I don't even know, I think
our feet off limits. Let's just, let's not even
talk about what he's talking about. Like
if you're out with Christine, you're at a restaurant,
if someone passes
by and says, hey, you're, oh, you
write to your wife like, oh, your wife's very beautiful.
That's fine. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Oh, I love your wife's hair. Is that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I love your wife's hair.
Is that fine?
Or is that already off limits?
Well, no, I just think that they're gay.
We're not going to talk about the general.
I understand.
I'm giving it thought.
Oh, got you.
If a guy says, oh, your wife's hair is beautiful, I think he's gay.
But I kind of feel like you would already know.
If the guy passes by and goes
slay girl
love your
you know what I mean
if you're talking about
if like
if a guy just walks by
like hey
so keep going
hey love your wife's hair
okay so hair
yeah
is that too much for you
is there a thought
no no
it's just an odd thing to say
but it's not too much
no
okay
I'd be like
this is a weird thing
to say
hair is not weird
what if he's like
man your wife's shoulders
yeah
it's like
what are you doing bro you got a kink right that's what I'm saying his hair is not weird? Or what if he's like, man, your wife's shoulders. Yeah. It's like,
what are you doing, bro?
You got a kink?
Right.
That's what I'm saying though.
It's weird.
Like there's certain body parts that like you're like,
whoa,
whoa,
whoa,
whoa.
Not even like,
because you already know
it's inappropriate to be like,
oh,
your wife's got gray tits.
But you might even be like,
give him a wink.
I know what you mean.
Right?
Hey man,
don't say that about my wife.
Honey,
look over there.
But if somebody's like, your wife's shoulders or like, I think feet that about my wife. Honey, look over there. But if somebody's like,
your wife's shoulders are like,
I think feet is on that level.
Feet's one of the worst
because it's like,
it's the obvious,
you know,
it's not tits or ass,
but it's still,
we know,
it's this undercover sexual thing.
So it's like,
oh, you're being a perv
and we know it.
And the thing about feet
is you have to search for it. Right, right. So if I'm walking by, you're being a perv and we know it. And the thing about feet is you have to search for it.
Right.
Right.
So if I'm walking by.
Right.
We're looking here.
Right.
Even if I look down, I'm seeing your chest, your stomach.
I really got to pervert it out to be like, oh, look at these feet.
Yeah.
Feet to me, I don't know if – that's a weird one.
I think it's just – to me it's just –
And why are your wife's feet out?
That would be the other thing.
Well, if you have sandals on, I guess.
I guess.
I never got the foot thing.
I'm not a foot guy either.
No.
Is there something that your eye is drawn to on the female form that is not normally what you would think?
No, no.
Because I would say –
For me, it's right there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love that too.
You know what I mean?
It's not about the right – the curve of the face. Yeah, yeah. I would say – no. Because I would say. For me, it's like, it's right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that too. You know what I mean? It's not about the right, the curve of the face.
Yeah, yeah.
I would say like, no, mine's normal.
Smile would be like the thing that's like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's not really.
No, it's not.
And even that, that's almost borderline.
Hey, love your wife's smile.
Wait a minute.
Well, yeah, no, that's, yeah, that's weird.
What compliment?
It's almost like, don't.
Don't look at my wife's. If a woman's with like, don't look at my wife's mouth.
Don't compliment this lady.
But he can come over and be like,
bro, but here's the thing,
he can say that to you.
Maybe, yeah.
Hey, bro, nice shoulders.
Well, people say about my wife,
like, oh man,
I can't wait to find a woman like that.
That's awesome online.
I love that shit.
Oh, but online, forget online.
Oh, okay, you're talking about in person.
I'm talking about in person.
Because online, people say outlandish shit
and no one would say in person.
I'm talking about you're out in person.
What if you're like at a party,
you've been mingling with somebody
for like 15, 20 minutes,
and somebody casually just is like,
you're like,
well, you got some great feet.
That's weird, yeah.
It's like, is there any moment where it's not weird?
Is there anything that can make complimenting feet un-weird?
Yes.
What?
Okay.
Give me an example.
If it were the four of us, me and my wife, you and your wife, and we were at the pool,
and we were hanging out, and I say, you got nice feet.
Eric, your wife's feet are amazing.
You wouldn't care, right?
Yeah, I see what you're saying.
But we know each other like that. We know each other, yeah. Yeah, but it would be like. What the fuck? Yeah, I guess. I see what you're saying. But we know each other like that.
We know each other, yeah.
Yeah, but it would be like.
What the fuck?
She got good feet.
It's like, oh, that's a.
I mean, if I went like this, like, damn, Eric, you don't have nice feet.
That would be weird.
It would be weird.
You know why it would be weird?
Because it would be letting me know you have a foot thing.
Yeah, good point.
As opposed to like just like if you're like you're the way you said it before.
It was like you were honestly like, oh, wow, you really got great feet.
Dude, let me tell you something.
For someone so tall, it would be that whole thing as opposed to being like.
Kristen has amazing feet, though.
She does.
See, if you did it like that.
Oh, God.
You know what's cool is i have a great cock i have a great cock it's it's it's fantastic okay
and uh it's not it's just not some story no there's really not no but and it's just like
because people are some ugly fucking cocks out there.
Here's the thing.
Not mine.
If somebody's complimenting your cock.
Your husband has a great cock.
Two problems there.
What?
One, your cock is out.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
So how do you know?
Oh, Chris.
I'm Marie Callender.
You're just at lunch at like Marie Callender's or something.
Somebody comes over like, great cock.
Your wife is like, what?
Why are you doing that?
It's up out of the jeans.
You know how you do it?
It's getting choked.
My jeans got in a chokehold.
You got it strapped in.
That's what you used to do when you were like 15.
You get boners for no reason.
You really did used to get boners for no reason. You got to like, you know.
You really did used to get boners for no reason. For no reason.
You still do sometimes though, right?
Yeah, sometimes.
Okay, well check this out.
When I'm sick, I never, I never get boners when I'm sick.
Bro, it doesn't happen.
I haven't had one for three days.
And you could do a strip tease for me right now and I would still have not one.
Well, there's a lot of reasons for that mostly because i'm not gay um but yeah yeah i i don't yeah when i'm sick my
body's just like no we're not doing that no dude it period doesn't matter what no that doesn't
happen to me really i feel like that's like medicine i know that that's why i bring it up
because i wish it was that. I wish I could pass time
with like, babe, I need to.
But I can't, dude.
Bro, yeah, it's the last thing
I want to do when I'm sick. And eat.
Bro, I've had two meals in the last 48 hours.
You don't eat? You gotta eat. I'm not
hungry, bro. It doesn't matter. You don't have to be hungry.
I know, but you know what? I don't do that. Eat because you're supposed to eat.
I don't do that. What's this, Nick?
I've been meaning to show this for a couple weeks,
but I keep forgetting this track star's voice is insane.
Oh, I've seen this, yeah.
Wow, you see everything.
You know exactly what to do indoors.
How was that for you?
Oh, it was amazing.
I mean, it was such a strong race.
We were all running so fast, multiple running in the 50s,
so I knew I had to go out fast.
Look at the other girls turning to laugh.
I'd leak in front of me, so I wanted to be in front, and I could hear how great she was behind me, so I was like, okay, this is good. Now we keep going. This is like the first time you heard Patrick Mahomes' voice.
What is...
What's his voice like?
It's like Kermit the Frog or something.
Kermit the Frog or Jordan Peterson.
But bro...
Oh, Jordan Peterson.
Yeah, I've heard of you.
What the fuck?
That's so weird to talk like that.
Yeah.
Is that her after a race or does she actually talk like that?
She actually talks like that.
That's wild.
That's super weird.
Well, maybe she's got a condition or something.
Macheitis.
I saw someone talking about it.
They were like, I wish the other girl would have been like, oh, gosh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like goofy, you mean?
Yeah.
Oh, that sucks that our kids are really not going to know anything about Disney.
The original Disney, Donald Duck.
I even think about like Bugs Bunny.
I think about the things I grew up on.
And even as of later when I was like a little older and like the Animaniacs and all that stuff and the Tiny Toons.
Bro, they got their own shit though.
My son's already.
Well, you'll see it happens quick.
My son's already into like shit.
I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what is that? He's like, Om Nom see it happens quick my son's already into like shit i'm like what the fuck i'm like what is that he's like omnom i'm like what's omnom omnon is a
little green guy that okay okay and also dude this is the craziest thing and i know it's already there
but kids don't give a the next generation and it's kind of already there but they're not going to
give a fuck about who's in tv and movies they They're going to be like, is he on YouTube?
Yeah.
Because my son already does that.
Is it on YouTube?
I'm like, no, it's on Netflix.
He's like, no, go to YouTube.
Because he's like, first of all, because it's like you don't have to log in.
And also you just type in a word and it comes up.
That sucks.
But maybe it doesn't.
No, it doesn't suck.
It's fine.
Maybe we're being nostalgic. Bro, it But maybe it doesn't. No, it doesn't suck. It's fine. Maybe we're being nostalgic.
It's fine.
It's honestly, bro, it's how it should be.
If you want to watch something, you should be able to think about it, type it in, and watch it.
Of course.
You know, you shouldn't have to drive to a movie theater to go see it.
Well, the experience of the movie theater is.
Yeah, well, it was.
But if you asked us when we started to be being, how do you want to do it?
Can I think of something and then just have it right before me?
True.
You know what I mean?
Maybe that's a bad thing.
There's good to bad to everything.
Good and bad to everything.
I don't know, man.
That's what I'm saying.
It's like I'm of that generation where, like I say, when I had to do a book report, I had to go to the library and get an encyclopedia.
Well, man, I put up a story the other day, and I started it with,
Sup, guys?
And then I was like, I shouldn't start it with, Sup, guys?
Everyone will click out of it.
And it's true.
Who the fuck wants to wait for some guy saying, Sup, guys?
I'm 43.
That's annoying.
I was annoyed at myself.
And I'm like, well, I even get it.
When do you age out of being cool?
Has it hit you yet?
Yeah, I think it's probably like early 40s.
Whatever it is.
Or if you're just overexposed.
It's like, is Jay-Z still cool anymore?
Do people want to hear Jay-Z music anymore?
Yeah, you're cool if you keep a low profile, like Jay-Z's doing kind of.
I know, but if he comes out with an album, are we going to be like, oh, that new Jay-Z?
Are we clamoring for a Jay-Z album?
It depends on what it's like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know?
But there's other people that they just come out with something and you just go you know it's like i'm not into the thing i was
watching snl and that guy 21 savage was on he's like i doing that red rum song right so i hear
this all the time and i'm like well what's going on with what like what like you like if is it
because he made that song you know like if anybody would have made that song would it be like is
there something about him no something about him yeah i fully believe that i think i think 21 savage is like
i can't even i can't even believe people like stuff like it's just so basic i just i don't
get it either maybe that's where i feel old yeah but but i but but drake is good
you know they're doing the same thing.
I don't know.
Oh, you see the Drake and what's the other guy?
Kendrick Lamar.
Kendrick Lamar beef?
Uh-huh.
Like Kendrick Lamar is somebody that I just go, I find him to be like too artsy for me.
Yeah, same.
But it's not a bad thing.
No, he's not bad.
It's not a bad thing, but I just go like, oh, you're really trying to.
Yeah, he's, yeah.
Those are the people that like you change people's lives with that kind of stuff sure you know where it's like what's the level of entertainment versus art i
don't know yeah but yeah yeah he's too artsy for me he's not bad but it's like yeah i was surprised
that he uh went after drake and um whoever else jake hall like that yeah because uh drake and
jake hall was kind of giving him a compliment, right? They were like, we're the top three.
And Kendrick Lamar goes like, nah, I'm the top three.
They're like, oh, Jesus Christ.
Well, that's how you sell records.
That's how they used to sell records.
I understand that, but you don't, those guys are at a level where they don't need to do that.
I mean, I get Drake is going to do that, fine.
But like Kendrick Lamar, like, I'm like, this dude is, he's elevated.
He's not, he doesn't need to be doing that shit. And I'm not saying don't do it. I don't give a fuck one way or another, but like, this dude, he's elevated. He doesn't need to be doing that shit.
And I'm not saying don't do it.
I don't give a fuck one way or another, but I haven't even heard it.
But I just know that it's going on.
Well, I don't know, man.
And it's really affecting my family.
You want to hear more weird voices?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
I don't know this one.
I haven't seen it.
It'd be a little easier for my family to come watch me play,
so that'd be great.
That's just them telling me that they want me on their team, man.
A lot of coaches came and hollered at me before and after this process here, man.
A lot of them, man, they say they got a buzz in their facility for me, man,
and I'm just ready to see where I'm going.
What?
Here's the thing.
Pitch or catching a short pass or catching a deep ball.
What would you say are the best parts of your game that help you get into the end zone so often?
Man, I'd say the deep ball, man.
But I really feel like any way that I can get the ball in my hand, I can get into that end zone.
That really is like you might be like that's a white guy.
I was just about to say this guy's going to like he's going to call someplace and be like a reservation for four at like some kind of thing.
Sure.
He's going to show up and they're going to be like, what the fuck?
You're a boo.
You can say it.
No, you don't want to.
Someplace in Texas.
Yeah.
Like that guy's going to be in Atlanta, right?
Yeah, yeah.
What's this?
You and your team had your foot on the pedal
and just did not stop.
What was the mentality that really you led from the start?
Shit, keep our foot on their necks the whole time.
I mean, they got us twice already this season.
He's got some Mahomes.
And it's hard to beat a team three times.
He's just doing something.
He's trying to project.
If we go out there and play physical rebound.
He doesn't need to be doing that.
He has a microphone.
We'll have a great chance of winning this game.
But also he's exhausted.
By winning this game.
And I know the goal.
But this is also our weird idea of what people are supposed to sound like
because they're playing sports.
So here's this guy.
He's playing sports.
He comes out.
But he's just like, you know.
So that guy looks like he sounds.
Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know.
Have you ever met somebody that talks super weird?
Again, I talked about this, but what I don't get is,
that's not so bad, but if you have a bad voice, change it.
Do an impression for the rest of your life.
Oh, my God.
You don't have a fighting chance, bro.
Change it.
And here's the good part.
You get to pick whatever voice you want.
That's true.
You know?
Be a fucking different accent.
But, dude, if you just sound like this, change it.
You're not going to have a fighting chance, dude.
Everywhere you go, every drive-thru, who's this guy going to look like?
I show up, hey, thanks.
Change it.
Change it to this.
Why not?
Fuck it.
Yeah, but I don't think you can do that.
Well, maybe not that, but you could pick something.
Something.
I did this gig.
Josh Nelson, you know Josh?
Yeah.
He opens for Jeff Dylot, features for Jeff Dylot.
I did a gig in San Diego.
It was like an alehouse brewery
or whatever.
It was really fun.
I don't know.
I guess they do it
every now and then,
but it's in a brewery.
Have you ever been
in a brewery?
Yeah.
I never have.
Yeah,
there's that one
in Bakersfield,
that one gig in Bakersfield.
Bro,
I got in there
and I was like,
I thought it was going
to be like a fucking bar.
No, no, no.
And I'm like,
oh, what the fuck?
Yeah,
there's like a whole back area, big vats of stuff. It's crazy.
And you're just like, wow, this is like you're doing moonshine, legal moonshine.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
People making their own beer.
It's weird.
It was a good show.
Shout out to Josh Nelson and Backyard Comedy.
Did he send you a sweater?
It was a good show, and it was in a brewery.
And it was kind of like-
You don't even drink, too.
That's why we don't like-
Right, right, right.
If they were making root beer or something, you'd be like-
Oh, so much beer?
Yeah.
So much, the vats of it?
Yeah.
Are they selling this much beer?
I guess, yeah.
And is the beer cheaper because they're making it themselves?
Like, are you in there like-
What if you go in there and it's like $9 beer?
You'd be like, you make this in the back.
Wait, that's the place, right?
No.
Oh, it looks just like it.
That's freaking hilarious.
Yeah, a lot of the places look like this. Well, that's the one right no oh well it looks just like it that's freaking hilarious yeah a lot of the places look like this well that's the one part of it though and then they
got the rest of the 95 of it is just big vats of beer crazy bro look at that yeah that's it
that's it no and that's
the speed from yeah that's it to no was unreal. It wasn't a second, dude.
Yeah, that's it.
Really, no.
Nope, nope.
No, it's not.
But yeah, dude, you're like really small compared to that thing.
Isn't that interesting?
Not really.
That's it.
That's what it is, it.
That's why we talk to people on the Patreon episode.
No, bro.
I like doing banter.
I like doing bans, huh?
And I like doing fucking bullshitting.
I don't know if people like the Patreon.
I think people think it's special.
You know, they sign up to our Patreon.
It's great.
And they like to talk to us, and that's cool.
But I love bullshitting.
And only bullshitting with you and Brandon and you guys.
Pow.
And that's fine, dude.
See you next week.
I'll be in Grand Rapids, and I'll be in Chattanooga,
and I'll be in different places.
Tulsa.
Loony bit.
Hey, this is Dr. Drew,
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