The Golden Hour - Too Much Hot Credit | The Golden Hour #38 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia
Episode Date: July 21, 2023Chris urges Brendan to cut his hair, the guys debate levels of hotness in comedy, and talk the etymology of "booty", Storage Wars, public restroom etiquette, Chris' crazy restroom stories, Adam22 and ...Jason Luv drama, pranksters pretending to work for Mr. Beast, all new Sink My Inks, Netflix's "Don't Pick Up The Phone" and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://Patreon.com/TheGoldenHourPodcast Draftkings - Promo Code: Golden
Transcript
Discussion (0)
We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout
Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about
But that won't stop us
Nothing can stop us
It's like a show you used to love
Just rebranded enough
It's stronger, better, bigger power
Cause it is the Golden Hour
It's the Golden Hour
It's me with a little bit of tan.
Next to you guys I look...
You've got a sunburn, bud.
No, I don't have a sunburn.
You know what you're saying?
It's equivalent to me being like,
you know I did 10 push-ups today.
Feeling good.
This is me fit.
And if you did 10 push-ups today, I would be proud of you, dude.
I could do 10 push-ups right now.
Fuck you.
No, I know.
I'm just saying.
I don't think you can't do it.
I'm just saying.
You should be positive.
You should be like, good job, dude.
You're usually a little bit more alabaster.
But I'm not going gonna be bragging about like
what's he bragging about
my workout regimen
he's like this
he went like this
yeah
no no look at me
I'm tanned today
I'm more tanned than normal
you're in the sun?
I've been in the sun
I've been in the pool with my
with both kids actually
even the little one?
just put them on a thing
you know
it's funny
cut your hair huh?
nah never man cut it man nah I'm more walled right? I'm more walled no you know what you are? a little one? Just put him on a thing. It's funny. Cut your hair, huh? Nah, never, man.
Cut it, man. I'm Morgan Wallen.
I'm Morgan Wallen. No, you know who you are?
He's Bobby Morgan Wallen. Darren Dalton. You're like a
90s baseball
player. You can't think of one. Wally Backman.
Darren Dalton. Darren Dalton?
John Kruk. How about that? John Kruk. There you go.
More like Kenny Powers.
He's thinking to himself, like, how did I pull
that one?
Dalton's a good one
Yeah
Where did I remember that one from
Ken Kim and Eddie
Dalton's a great one
Wally Backman
Darren Dalton's a great one
Sad story with that guy
Oh boy
Oh bro
Who are you my mom
My mom would
Bad story
Darren Dalton really
Oh yeah
What's the story
I think he was working on a car wash
Like sucking dick and stuff
Wait
The sucking dick
I might have exaggerated
But he was working on a car wash.
But he had a car wash.
Did he Dalton's or something like that?
Yeah, but he was like, you know, he was like working.
He was broke.
He went on Colin Coward.
That's the part you're exaggerating?
You have to tell us that part?
The sucking dick part, guys, I'm not sure.
Nick, do some research.
Wake up, Dan Dalton.
He wrote a book.
He gets pretty dicey.
He was like addicted to painkillers.
Rough. I could name a lot of 90s basketball players
And why a car wash?
Why would
Why would that be
That so seems like the thing
That a baseball player
That's retired would do
Like
Invest in a car wash?
Yeah
Car wash
Used car sales
Yeah I know
It's just
Because you could kind of
Use your name
Money laundering?
Because you could kind of
Use your name
To draw business
You know
And it's not Like I'm sure It's like I'm sure i would think it's way easier than like a restaurant
way easier like restaurants gotta be the hardest thing right so when you say like that doesn't
that business fail the most right right right yeah so you could do car wash you just be like i just
get the stuff you know what the car wash the money's in the in the the self-spray ones where
they just put the tokens in that's where because the overhead ain't shit
people just keep
putting money in there
yeah the one on Sunset
turned
I used to go all the time
and it turned into
one of those
you know it was
a regular one
self car wash
yeah and then it turned
into one of those
I haven't been
but I saw the guy
who owned it
I was like
oh you sold the thing
because I used to
you know I know him
and he was like
oh yeah it's time
you know
and then
so now it's just one
I guess he sold
he must have sold it
for a grip
I don't know
there's money in those there's money in storage like you know those like
self storages there's a ton of money in that one because people forget our storage people forget
store your bodies people forget that they have a store it's like it's one of those things that's
like where you have like a like a you know you have like a account that it's just take it's just
taking you don't even care,
but it's like having one of those accounts.
I think that's a scratch.
You're like $4 every month.
Yeah.
You're like,
when did I do this?
I have,
I have,
I have like two things,
storage things.
I think really,
yeah.
I have so much furniture in one of it.
Really?
Yep.
Well,
that's that show.
What's that show where they like open them up?
Oh man.
The guy be like,
yep.
On mine so much.
Cause there's so much good shit in there, but you don't have anything like dope. Oh, man. Storage wars. The guy would be like, yep, on mine so much because there's so much good shit in there.
But you don't have anything like dope.
Oh, yeah.
Just couch.
Real great couch.
No, they're finding like old paintings and shit.
Oh, I mean, bro.
Yeah, I have old paintings.
They're finding like pirate treasure and shit.
Yeah, I got booty.
I got pirates booty.
Yeah, dude.
That's what I want to see.
Get into it, dude.
When did they stop calling the stuff booty?
I don't know.
Why would they?
We need to bring that back.
Why would they stop?
But why would they start?
Why would they start it?
I want somebody to come in and be like, you got a nice booty.
You know why?
Because booty wasn't that back then.
And then it changes.
Like, this is the real booty.
When did booty become booty?
Once black guys got it, they were like, wait, this is the real booty. You know what I black guys got they were like wait this is a real booty you know i mean oh you know i mean or did they come to
america you're fucking my shit up baby like looking at the real booty you got some boot
pirate shit
but also you're the plague bitch what what is this get that booty on this plate oh you know you know power bitch ain't that
right that's what it what is this jamal sparrow is that who this is it's kind of completely
different movie bitch squawks walk bitch with the parrot. Get to cracking, bitch.
I wonder when booty stopped being booty.
It must have been.
It has something to do with this.
We know if you read history on pirates, you know a lot of them were gay.
Hell yeah.
Like, look at the way they dressed, the mascara.
They'd have earrings and shit.
Of course. They were on a boat for nine months.
And you got to get a little bit.
Yeah, the booty's looking good.
That's when it became booty. that's what I'm thinking they were on the ship you know somebody was like I need some booty you know yeah yeah I got that real
booty yeah my quarters are you said you had gold and said no I said I had to
booty our check this out and then it goes goes, they go, arr. And then he goes, arr.
But you got to think,
you're on a pirate ship
for like seven, nine months.
There's no shower.
Yeah, your friend Kevin
starts to look pretty good.
You know, there's no shower.
What do you do?
That's disgusting.
Are you in sodomy
and pirate tradition?
Okay, so B.R. Berg
argued in sodomy
and the pirate tradition.
Oh, that's a book.
Sodomy and the pirate tradition.
We got to have a book.
I got to get my wife
in her book club to read that.
And the girls knew
when they were on the sea
doing pirate shit
that they had their side pieces
on the boat.
In the book club?
In the book club?
Oh my God.
It'd be so funny
because you'd be like
you have to cross their legs.
So chapter two of...
You know what I mean?
So B.R. Berg
argued in
Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition
in the male dominated
world of piracy
homosexuality was common
so a union
such as
metallodge
what is that
metallotage
may have acted
as a manner
of validating relationships
that would otherwise
have been
considered against
contemporary societal norms
you know
I was looking at
that's super boring
oh yeah talk about butt stuff oh yeah dude like this should be know, I was looking at... That's super boring, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Talk about butt stuff.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Like, this should be exciting.
These pirates sucked each other out.
Yep.
Probably not.
Oh, yeah.
No, it would smell too bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You think pirates give a fuck about the way they smell?
Maybe not.
Yeah.
Well, they don't care about how they smell.
Okay, maybe they're used to it now.
You're like, oh, it doesn't smell.
Yeah.
But when that cock gets close to your nose and mouth, you're like, ooh.
You know what I mean?
Yep.
This is the point where you stop right here is where you're like, no, I don't think I'm.
Not for me.
For me, it's a few feet away.
Yeah.
But the.
Oh, yeah, no, it's hard to keep on the ref.
So.
Let's criss around.
Oh, there he is.
So. No, but I was watching
a document
I didn't watch it but I saw on Max
it's Max now right
it's just ridiculous
they had a documentary on Rock Hudson
about how he
I guess these guys were probably not gay
when they were in town and then they were like
fuck it on the ship.
We're going to be gay as shit.
What did Rock Hudson do?
So Rock Hudson was like the biggest movie star.
You know about Rock Hudson at all?
So he was like the biggest movie star in, well, I don't know, the 50s, 60s?
Well, he got older and then in the 70s.
But he died of HIV and he was gay.
Oh, yeah.
I like his picture.
I mean, really handsome dude.
Huge.
The biggest movie star back then.
And he the studio was like hiding it because back then it would have absolutely ruined his career, you know, which is crazy to think that like now.
Imagine this motherfucker being live today.
He'd be like, just, oh, you could be that, you know, you could be gay as shit.
And just it helps.
You know what I mean?
He wouldn't be the biggest movie star
No it would be different
Right now
But he was
Yeah
Cause he got that shit in the closet
But that
Oh you're saying
You still think
That it needs to be a heterosexual man
Yeah
Yeah maybe
I have no issue
I don't think the biggest movie star
In the world could be
Like if The Rock was like
Hey
I don't think his popularity goes up
Yeah you're probably right.
Bud Light's like, we'll sign him.
We're not there yet, yeah.
I think that all movie stars should be not just gay, flamboyantly super gay.
I'm with that.
Yeah.
Mix it up a little bit, man.
And when they act, only be flamboyantly gay.
Even in like Liam Neeson shit.
Well, that's a style.
Yeah.
With The Rock, you got my daughter, bitch.
I have a certain set of skills.
I have certain special skills.
Don't make me mention them.
It's killing and sowing.
Let's take a little break, guys, because it's now time to watch some baseball.
Maybe want to bet on some UFC.
You can do it with our friends at DraftKings Sportsbook.
You could win big with money lines, props, parlays, and so much more.
Right now, new customers can score $150 in bonus bets instantly.
Yeah, all I've got to do is bet $5.
$5 on anything.
And you can score $150 in bonus bets instantly.
You can bet on MLB if Otani ends up going to the Texas Rangers.
That could be big.
Maybe Philly.
You can bet on a lot of different things.
What's coming up on UFC?
I don't even know about that.
UFC got London.
UFC coming up.
You got the big UFC pay-per-view next Saturday.
Justin Gaethje, Dustin Poirier is going down.
Use the code at DraftKingsGolden.
That's code GOLDEN only at DraftKings Sportsbook.
And download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now.
Gambling problem?
Call 1-800-GAMBLER.
In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467369.
In West Virginia, visit www.1800gambler.net.
In partnership with Hollywood Casino at Charlestown Races All Games, regulated by the West Virginia Lottery.
Please play responsibly.
In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling.
Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org.
On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort Kansas, 21 plus in most eligible states, but age varies by jurisdiction.
See DraftKings.com sportsbook for details and state specific responsible gambling resources.
Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance, eligibility and deposit restrictions apply.
Terms at Sportsbook.DraftKings.com slash baseball terms.
That would be it. That's a movie genre.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They tried.
They had that movie come out.
You know, what was it?
The gay love story movie.
Bros?
Sewing.
Bros.
I should have picked something better.
Brokeback Mountain?
No, no.
Actually, Brokeback Mountain was just a better movie.
Than what?
Yeah, it was just a good movie.
That was a good movie.
I always watch it when it's on.
No homo.
It was a good movie, but the one that just came out, homo and it was all that was a good movie but every time that's the one that just came out it was like it's supposed to
be a romantic comedy and it was bro you're talking about bros oh it's called bros yeah the one with
the guy on that's like famous on twitter well i don't know billy right yeah yeah it just it just
wasn't is he a comic i don't i don't think he does stay a british comic no he's american
wow man he's a good actor oh does he be british isn't he? I don't know. Wow, man, he's a good actor.
Oh, does he be British in it and stuff?
I don't know.
Oh, wow, this guy's just saying shit, huh?
Oh, he's an American history, I'm sorry, American horror story.
He is? He's a gay dude in American horror story.
Oh, okay.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe he's good.
I don't know.
He's good in that.
That movie just sucked.
They were like, it's because America's homophobic.
It's like, no, I love Brokeback Mountain.
That movie just sucked.
Oh, yeah. It's like Bridesmaids for men. I'm like, no, it's not.'s homophobic. It's like, no, I love Brokeback Mountain. That movie just sucked. Oh, yeah.
It's like Bridesmaids for men.
I'm like, no, it's not.
Yeah, Bridesmaids is hilarious.
I don't relate to it any faster.
That movie's fantastic.
Yeah, hilarious.
That movie just sucked.
And it was gay.
I think I've even said this before.
He's just not cute enough.
Really?
He's a good looking dude.
No, not gay.
Not gay hot.
He's not gay hot.
Okay, but he's not gay hot to be with.
Pull up the guy, the star, his love interest. There's no gay people he's not gay hot to be with pull up the guy the superstar
his love interest
there's no gay people
out there that's like
oh yeah he could get him
you know what I mean
you gotta have a dime
he's not gay hot
so what's gay hot
but so is George Clooney
gay hot
no
he's not gay enough
he's not
is George Clooney gay hot
yeah they don't believe
so you're saying
the guy on the left
is gay hot
yeah
yeah yeah gotcha
yeah you see him
they go okay yeah but he's definitely on the guy on the left is gay hot? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. You see him, they go, okay, yeah.
But he's definitely on the right.
They're like, is that his professor?
Billy, what's his name, is definitely handsome.
No.
Oh, come on, bro.
That's a good looking dude, no?
Yeah.
What's his name?
Ruggedly handsome, that kind of thing.
That doesn't do.
Gay hot's a different level.
Yeah, dude.
What are we talking about?
Is it Eisner?
Gay hot.
Eichner.
Eichner.
No, but hold on. Like, who's the hottest gay guy? Eichner. Eichner. No, but hold on.
Like, who's the hottest gay guy?
Gay hot is...
Oh, like, no, like, what's the, like, what's his name?
Martin.
Martin Lawrence?
No, no, Martin.
No, Martin Lawrence.
I don't think he's hot.
He's gay hot.
Who's the Mexican dude?
The Latina.
Martin.
Ricky Martin.
Ricky Martin.
He's gay hot.
You just made me think of, like, if Bad Boys was, if they were both gay in that, it's a completely different movie. Bad Boys for Life. Ricky Martin is gay hot. Yeah, for sure. Ricky Martin Ricky Martin is gay hot you just made me think like if Bad Boys if they were both gay in that
it's a completely different movie
Bad Boys for Life
Ricky Martin is gay hot
yeah for sure
Ricky Martin fine
but hold on
so
but gay hot
means
kind of
name of the show
obviously
kind of a little bit
gay hot
today's episode
might get flagged
kind of a little bit
feminized
Ricky Martin's not feminized
he's just
first of all you you have body.
Body for damn.
I'm saying that, right.
If you meet gay hot,
you body for damn.
Okay, no, no.
If you have like,
you don't have to have
the archetypes, whatever, okay?
But what I'm saying is like
if you're having the person
that is like, you know,
that's just a stereotype
to like the flamboyantly
whatever person.
No, I know, yeah.
But if they're doing that,
if they're trying to mimic that
in a movie like this,
who would be the, neither one of them, right?
No.
So then the other guy is supposed to be like the,
and he's the star, so he's like the one that's like,
oh, I need a boyfriend and this kind of thing.
He, we just, it's not anymore.
As a society, it doesn't make enough sense.
Yeah, we're like, no.
No one will believe y'all would be together.
But they could be
i'm sure there's plenty of ugly gay couples out there it's fine but this is a movie what i'm
saying no but chris chris not handsome it's a yes he is it's a movie it's a movie yeah we're
talking about movie yeah you gotta you have movie hot i i understand gay hot is even hotter
well gay hot is honestly too hot for movies.
Why?
It's weird.
It's weird.
You know what I mean?
And in a way, it's not hot, kind of, because it's just too much.
Yeah.
I get it.
I get what you're saying.
You see a movie and you go, wow, this is like...
I get it.
You watch The Witcher.
You guess you don't watch The Witcher.
Oh, dude, I just started watching it.
I'm on episode four.
Oh, you started watching the first season?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With a girl in that?
Which one?
The one that she's like, she starts like this.
Yeah, yeah, and then she just got hot.
She hot.
Yeah, she's real hot.
You know what I mean?
That chick is hot.
Yeah.
So what I'm saying is like, that's like nobody, that's not normal society shit.
Yeah, but you can be in The Witcher and be that hot.
You can't be in a fucking romantic comedy.
It's weird as shit if you're that hot in like, it's just distracting.
You've got to be in a Marvel thing.
I totally agree with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, it's like, this is why like sitcoms, like in comedy.
Yeah, it makes no sense.
Like in comedy, it doesn't work.
It makes no sense.
It doesn't work like, because no one's at home believing that these two hot people have regular issues.
No, no, no.
King and Queens.
King and Queens.
The Queen was bad as fuck.
Who?
King and Queens.
Back then.
What's the name of the show?
King and Queens.
Are you talking about King of Queens?
Yes.
Completely different show.
King and Queens.
Are you talking about?
That's the gay edition.
Yeah.
She was bad back then.
You're like an old man, dude.
She's like an old man.
Who was bad?
She was hot.
Leah Remini.
Made to the fat guy.
That's fine.
She was pretty, but you're talking about.
Back then?
No, no, no.
Sitcom?
Bro, we're talking about.
And he's a comic.
Bro.
I know, but what I'm saying is it's not like it's.
It's not the Witcher.
It's not like it's her and the dude that plays Superman.
That's not going to be a funny comedy.
The only time this has ever worked, and they tried to copy it a lot, was Friends.
Because Jennifer Aniston was hot.
Jennifer Hannity.
What's her name?
Courtney Cox.
Courtney Cox to me was the hottest.
What I'm saying is, but the thing is, there was a lot of them, and the guys, the goofiness
of the guys sort of like off-plated, but they tried that so many times after.
They said, let's get like six hot people together.
We're at home like, you're not supposed to be funny.
You don't have issues and problems like we have.
I understand, but-
Comedy's supposed to look like this.
Look, they're hot.
All three of them are hot.
However, dude.
No, they're hella hot.
Dude, they're not.
You're giving away too much hot credit today.
I don't like it, man.
Who?
The ugly guy.
All three are hot.
Hot credit.
Phoebe.
Phoebe's hot, too.
All right, take it down a notch.
Phoebe's attractive.
Come on.
Look right there.
Compared to Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Collins.
You want to rank them?
Okay.
We're talking about rank them.
You want to rank them.
But you don't want to rank them. She's that. But about rank them. You want to rank them. But, you know, I'll rank them.
She's last.
But what I'm saying is.
Everyone's hot.
Everyone's fair.
It's all about the eye of the beauty beholder.
Hold on a second.
There's a difference between.
Too woke for me, dude.
The three women in Friends who are hot.
All right.
At least two of them are hot.
Two of them are smoking.
I think Courtney Cox.
Courtney Cox.
Can get it.
In her peak, whatever it was. Forget it. Jennifer Aniston, are hot. Two of them are smoking. I think Courtney Cox can get it. In her peak, whatever it was, forget it.
Jennifer Addison, obviously hot.
But hold on.
The Witcher woman is different.
Dude, she has like crazy tits.
You can't put her in Friends.
Let me see the Witcher.
I got problems.
Tits all shaken.
Lips all plush.
I can't find a man.
Yeah, dude.
It's like, get out of here.
No, you can't.
The woman in the Witcher is, it's a different thing.
It's like, it would be like, well, what's her name?
Fucking, who's the idiot with the fucking, oh, I fucking don't know.
I don't know.
The music video that blew her up and she was on Naked Tits All Out
fucking 15 years ago in it.
What the fuck's her name?
Naked Video Tits All Out.
Why are you so angry about it?
Amada Richowski.
Emily Redding.
Would have fucking heard that idiot.
She's so hot.
Oh, now she's an idiot?
Amada Richowski?
She's like, I'm not...
Dude, she was going to have a baby.
She's like, I'm not going to let it... I'm not going to assume it's gender until it tells me.
And then when it was born, she had a beautiful baby girl or whatever.
And everyone's like, what happened to the fucking bullshit?
She's like, no.
Wasn't she dating Pete Davidson for a little bit?
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't she dating, yeah.
But that's what I'm saying.
Like, yeah, she can't be our friend.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. Yeah, she can't be your friend. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
But that's what I mean.
So what I'm saying is you take like, you know, there's still a level, though.
There's a level you have to have.
It can't be a 10.
When does comedy come into play where it's not weird?
But the problem is when you add gay on top of that, it gets all skewed.
Yes. I think that if you could – I don't think it has to do with when does comedy come into play.
I think that you can be – I think you can be a 10 and be funny.
I just think it's super rare because women who are so fucking attractive, they don't have to develop that.
They don't have to be funny.
They don't need those skills.
They don't have to be funny. They don't have to be funny. They don't need those skills. They don't have to be funny.
They don't have to.
So why would, it's like so much easier to chill.
It's so much easier to chill and be like, you do the talking, bring me stuff.
But who's the hottest person?
We got to be funny.
Well, Matt Rife.
I got to be funny.
Okay.
Okay.
You argue Matt Rife, but Matt Rife.
He's a dime.
But he's been who he is
In his head
His whole life
Yeah
When he was 16
He was
Yeah
Yeah he had weird teeth
Nobody was
Wanting that shit
No
And he grew into his shit
So he built up his shit
He's funny
Like a caterpillar
Yeah
You know
But so
And it's like
Yeah sure I got these shoulders But you know what I mean it's like, yeah, sure, I got these shoulders, but you know what I mean?
It's like.
You're ugly enough, though.
I had to come out.
Nah, we're still waiting.
Something about me, bro.
Listen, if I was.
Something crazy about me, man.
If I was as funny as some of the attractive comics, I would be working at UPS.
Yeah, okay.
I understand that, bro.
You mean the funny?
Not me, though, dude.
Something about me.
I'm just saying. I know, I know. You know. Also, there's like understand that, bro. You mean the honey? Not me, though, dude. Something about me. I'm just saying.
I know, I know.
Also, there's like four attractive comedians.
Yeah, but like what I'm saying.
I'm one of them, you know what I mean?
Man, I don't know, dude.
I don't know, man.
If girls are saying after your show, if you say, how was the show?
And if the girl immediately says, oh, he's so hot.
Oh, well, yeah.
Then I'm out.
I'm out on this person.
Yeah.
Well, hold on.
I'm never going to get that.
It's always going to be, oh, that guy was funny.
Yeah.
And that's all I want.
They're coming to different.
Oh, dude, let's look at this list.
What is this?
Number one.
Wow.
Well, yeah, of course he's number one.
John Mulaney.
But then it goes to, it's like off already.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Seth, there's some monsters in there already on the screen.
Like, are you kidding me?
Trevor Noah's handsome.
I'll give him that.
Bo Burnham?
Yeah, Trevor Holland.
Bo's a big, gigantic man.
Chris Hardwick?
Come on.
Anthony Justine?
He's a looker.
Who's doing this stuff?
Yeah.
Who's putting this on?
I vote Chris DiStefano, no homo.
He's all right.
Yeah, Chris is up there. Steve No homo. He's alright. Chris is up there.
Steve Martin, dude. He's
150. Well, we age
well, man.
Kumail. I mean, alright.
Look at this.
Yeah, dude. That's crazy.
Who was number three?
It was like...
First of all,
Andy Samberg. It's like, alright. all, Andy Samberg.
It's like, all right, two?
Done.
Colin Jost is attractive.
Yeah, sure.
But three?
Andy Samberg, no way.
Mulaney neither, though. Mulaney, come on.
Seth Meyers, fuck you.
Well, it's just like.
Chris Harwick, come on.
No, all of these are.
Juslin should be two on that list.
Right? For that, you don't think Juslin should be two on that list. Right?
You don't think Juslin is better looking than Hardwick?
Whitehall?
Matt Rife is actually unfair.
He shouldn't be on the list.
He's too hot.
That motherfucker is beautiful.
The comparison is crazy.
He's too attractive.
Who's Russell Howard?
You're 29.
I should be higher. I's too attractive. Who's Russell Howard? Oh, you're 29. I should be higher.
You're 29.
I should be higher.
I think, yeah.
Bro.
No, you're 29?
Fuck off.
I should be higher.
I think not.
Go, see who's above me.
See all the people who are above me.
I think it's offensive that Russell Brand's below you.
I think Russell Brand.
Yeah, Russell.
Well, no.
He's good.
Here's the thing about Russell Brand.
Let's go.
Eddie Murphy.
There's something about him.
Hotter. Okay, let's go. Eddie Murphy. There's something about him. Hotter.
Okay, let's go.
Eddie Murphy's not fine.
Stephen Lynch.
Hotter than you.
Who's Stephen Lynch?
Colbert.
He's older and more distinguished than you.
This is crazy, bro.
Chris Rock.
Now you're trolling.
Look at Chris Rock's smile.
Way better than yours.
You're trolling, bro.
Colbert's not better.
All right, the guitar guy, yeah.
Why'd you get rid of the list?
We're trying to like, I'm just.
We're going through it.
To find out what number I am for real, bro, this is bullshit.
Kumail, hotter than you.
No, get out, bro.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I don't know.
Get out.
We're talking body, bro.
I got shit going on here.
Yeah, okay, so we all agree he's hotter.
Mark Norman, way hotter than you.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's got a cuter face than you. Mark Norman's cute. Yeah, he's hotter. Mark Norman, way hotter than you. Oh, yeah. Now you're telling me.
Now you're telling me.
He's got a cuter face than you.
Mark Norman's cute.
Yeah, he's cute.
This is crazy, bro.
Kevin Hart.
Oh, he's adorable.
Oh, he's doing adorable.
I'm not adorable, bro.
Okay, Russell Howard, you're cuter than him. Yeah.
Who is Russell Howard?
I don't even know who that is.
Russell Howard should not be above you.
Asshole.
But you shouldn't be higher, but he should be lower.
Well, he's good looking.
Come on.
Okay, then he's hotter than you.
Nah, bro.
Okay, you said it.
I don't like how easy it is to sway you that someone's hotter than me,
but not hotter than me.
I can't sway you.
He's a good looking dude.
Yeah, he's not bad at all.
No, but bro.
Hey, hey.
Dane.
Oh.
Who's James Acastle?
Jon Stewart.
I mean, at a certain point, I think you should age out of this list.
Yeah, okay, sure.
What is it?
45.
45.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Hold on a second.
If you're 55 and very attractive.
Name one.
But the things you're attracted to is different.
Yeah. You know, I think that while you, why are you attracted to is different. I think that
why are you attracted to Matt Rife?
Jon Stewart does not have anything
that could compete with that
about Matt Rife.
Not never.
But if you're saying like
but I know many
there are women who are like
oh Jon Stewart.
Rather be with Jon Stewart.
Yeah, of course.
So I think that
we're just talking aesthetic beauty.
Look at what
Oh my God. Chris Hardwick's hotter. Yeah, but you can find that about everyone. You can find pics like that Of course. So I think that we're just talking aesthetic beauty. Look at what.
Oh, my God.
Chris Hardwick's hotter.
Yeah, but you can find that about everyone.
You can find pics like that on everyone.
That was before he got sober.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Then you're hotter than him.
Yeah.
Stupid.
They got him as top 10, though.
Jack Whitehall, you and him, it's probably even, maybe.
I like his hair better than yours.
Seth Meyers.
Okay, maybe.
Trevor Noah's got you.
Yeah, 100%. John Mulaney?
I mean...
It's a toss-up?
He's quintessentially...
You know what? John Mulaney is a nice-looking
man.
What's this guy want, Nick?
What is up, Golden Hour?
Got a little, I don't know, maybe debate club, maybe just a question or something like that.
But you got to go take a piss in a public restroom.
All the urinals are full.
You got to use that stall.
You shutting that stall door behind you
me personally i uh i don't like this i don't like to lock it you know i kind of sits there a little
halfway open i feel like if i lock it you know that's it's like that's like pooping protocol
you know so i don't know i i leave it kind of halfway open i feel like the same as pissing
at a urinal but let me know what you guys think. What are you guys doing in that situation?
Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, soar, and woo, woo, woo.
The problem is if you leave it open, people go, they think it's open.
I only leave it open when I take a shit.
And I hold it open like this.
What's up?
With your foot, you know, if it's too far, you have your foot open.
And then when they look at me, I go like this.
It's taken.
But when I piss, I lock it up because I don't want to get butt fucked.
You know what I mean?
That's a good point.
Well, first of all, are you pissing like an eight-year-old
where you're pulling your pants falling out of your ankles?
That's how you piss?
Yep.
Yep.
Unless somebody wants to do P-Wars with me, I don't let them in.
P-Wars?
Yeah.
That's a fun game.
Swords? Yeah, swords. Yeah, no. It's like Star Wars. And unless somebody wants to do Pee Wars with me, I don't let them in. Pee Wars? Yeah. That's a fun game. Swords?
Yeah, swords.
Yeah, no.
It's like Star Wars.
I always lock it.
I mean, I don't lock it when I pee.
Because who cares?
You can see me.
And I leave the door.
The door always swings open a little bit.
Yeah, that's like a weird thing to think about.
Yeah, yeah.
I lock it when I shit, of course.
Yeah, yeah.
You have to, right?
And I bring in a...
I always take one of those hotel things that says, do not come in.
This is what I hate.
I'm traveling.
Do not disturb.
I'm traveling.
You're going through an airport, Denver, Chicago, whatever.
You got to shit.
What I hate is when the crack between-
Right cheek and left cheek.
No, no, no.
The door.
You know when the door is like-
Yes.
It doesn't close properly.
Yeah, I don't like that.
So there's like a little bit of like-
It brings you to you.
You know, people walk by and you're like, you looked. i'll look out that shit and i don't mind just sitting there
somebody looks it's just like when you're wiping your ass yep that's a private thing that's the
private part what's like even dogs don't like when you look at them when you're when they're
shitting they're so insecure they're so insecure they're naked too that's a whole thing that's a
mess only a collar king King K. But yeah.
So I don't like that little.
The slither.
The little slither of eye contact.
It's just awkward.
I don't care.
I stare out of it and I wait for people to look at me.
I'm ready.
I'll start a conversation.
I don't care.
I'll do a podcast.
What's up, man?
Oh, wow.
You bring the microphone in. King it bro taking shits and dia
ah i'm shitting like this no he just has this like it's attached so you can just
swing it around like you're right like predator yeah yeah
welcome to what's this cat want nick uh can't find my glasses can you help me out
you ever peek through the crack when try and make accidentally make eye contact oh dude Welcome to. What's this cat want, Nick? Can't find my glasses. Can you help me out?
You ever peek through the crack and accidentally make eye contact with somebody?
One time I had to go so bad.
It was one of those things where it's coming out.
And so I went to, I was in, now it's a veggie grill, but it was the counter.
I remember, I love counters.
Yeah, you remember it right on Sunset there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I ran in there, and the men's room was all locked up.
Somebody was in there, I guess, I don't know.
So I was like, I knocked on the women's door, because I was going to go,
and nobody was in there.
And I go, and I say, all right, I'm going to go in there,
and I'm going to use it say alright I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna
use it
but you couldn't
lock it
so it was like
the men's
toilet shitter
was locked
but not the thing
the guy was in there
so I used the woman's
toilet
the shitter
and
it was shitting
and so I
so I locked
the thing
so I hear someone
come in
while I'm taking a shit
and I'm like
fuck it's a
woman
right
and I'm in here
as a man
so I don't want that's assault woman right and I'm in here as a man so
well right I don't want to
so
so she comes in
so she comes
in and she says
did a guy come in here
and I'm already shitting thank
God because I would have shit my pants
and what did you say
and I'm just like this right Thank God. Because I would have shit my pants. And what did you say?
No.
And I'm just like this.
Right?
Did you put your legs up?
Did you?
Yeah, I would have hid.
I would have put my legs up like a gargoyle.
And then I look up.
And she's looking at me in the crack.
See?
Okay.
So I'm like, oh.
Okay.
And then she repeats herself and says, is an iPhone in here?
I thought she said, did a guy come in here?
And she said, is an iPhone in here?
Oh, wow. And I looked at her while I was shitting and I just said
no.
She left.
Thank you. Thanks for checking.
Dude, it was so funny.
I misheard her because it was like a movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a Three's Company episode.
It was super weird, yeah. You feel like you're robbing a bank
when you go to that women's bathroom.
It smells different. It's cleaner. It was super weird, yeah. You feel like you're robbing a bank when you go to that women's bathroom. I mean, it was either that or shit by pants.
It's cleaner.
Actually, it is not cleaner.
There's nothing dirtier than a women's bathroom.
And then there was one time.
They're disgusting.
There was one time where I was at a coffee bean.
You know how I like to do it.
And I was in a coffee bean, and I had to go take a shit.
By the way, I take shit places.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't wait to get home.
I think that's bitch shit.
You don't have to defend yourself for your fucking disgusting ass public habits.
Okay?
Like you got all mad about it.
Like we were going to challenge you.
You were like, I don't give a fuck.
I shit anywhere.
Because people, there's a thing where it's like, yeah, you wait to get home.
Dude, nah.
My son's that way.
Yeah, you got to change him.
He refuses to go anywhere but home.
I get it.
Change your son.
I don't get it.
Hey, son.
I'm trying.
Change.
I'm trying.
He's like, you're the one that brought me. I'm home. Good luck. He's going to take him to a Starbucks and be like, stay there. I get it. Change your son. I don't get it. Hey, son, change. I'm trying. He's like, you know when that brought me? I'm home. Good luck.
He's going to take him to a Starbucks
and be like, stay there. Yeah, yeah. Shake him out.
Tell him to poop. Shit.
So I'm in the
coffee bean. The latch
breaks. The latch is broken.
But it kind of works, right?
The most annoying shit, by the way, is when
you're... Anybody
ever knocks at—
Bro, you think I want to be in here any longer than I need to be?
Yeah.
This place sucks.
Well, sometimes you're on your phone, though.
I'll come out as quickly as possible because I'm in a public toilet room.
You're not reading a paper yeah with your legs
i'm out as soon as i can so so one time i was i was shitting and one okay but then
that guy had to go dude i say hey what do you want from me i'm working on it you know
yeah i i open the door it's a lady and i say and say to her, you think I want to be in there longer than I have to be?
And she says, well, it seemed like it.
All right.
Like you never had some problems?
So I'm in there.
She's having a problem.
That's why she's not.
I go to fucking.
It was next door to the counter, actually.
So go to the counter.
So I'm in there.
I'm going to the bathroom.
I've told the story on my podcast
before but i'm in the bathroom and the latch kind of works i latch it i'm sit there the latch works
enough for one jiggle and you realize okay it's locked so i'm like all right any more than that
it's on them dude you open the door while i'm shitting that's not me that's you yeah okay so i can't
wait kind of in a way right if it happens he's just over there yep uh-huh yeah dude while it's
coming out because i'm petty right so i'm shitting and i go and in my head i go that's their one
right and I say
the latch is broken it's gonna open
and I'm in here
and I go
are you shitting me
as it opens I go
I legit go in my head I go
fuck yeah
ready eye contact ready I go, I legit go in my head. I go, fuck yeah.
Ready.
Eye contact.
Ready.
Oh shit.
I got to take my eyes lower.
She's like 10.
So now I'm like, oh God.
Scarred for life.
Oh yeah.
Scarred for life.
You had a lot of shitting issues.
I was like, that makes sense.
She was 10.
She didn't understand.
But like, where's her mom?
Yeah.
She came out.
Mommy, there's a grown man shitting in the kid's bathroom.
Kid's bathroom.
You come out and it says kids only.
You're like, fuck.
What was I doing?
No, it's a line of just.
And that's why the lock is broken so parents can get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In case their kid is drowning.
My mom should have came in.
Where's my mom?
Where's my mommy?
She's 70.
Hey, guys.
Andy here from Jersey.
Checking in with a debate club for you.
Everybody's aware of the lean of the plug and Adam 22 situation.
How would you guys feel being in his shoes?
Would you look at it as a business deal or would you completely fold?
Personally, I think that I would probably fold first week after a couple of jokes and pain.
Maybe some money.
I'll be all right.
Love you guys.
Can't get enough of all your podcasts.
Check out the meme I made since Kermit and Selena are breaking the Internet.
Buzz buzz, Silver.
Woo, woo, woo.
Energy's through the roof.
But with Adam22, my thing is, and he was on Bradley Martin's podcast yesterday.
I ran into Bradley at Air One.
And I was like, kind of hold his feet to the fire a little bit.
Just be like, was it worth it?
Like, how much did you make off of it?
I forget how much it is but you'd
have to sell so many to make it even make a million bucks it's just a dark thing to do yeah
but hold on and they have a baby girl it's well that's where it is a little bit questionable but
hold on a second though she does porn right just the for but since they got since they got together she only hooked up with
other lesbians she still does porn and they fuck women together right but never dudes yeah okay
so what though yeah i'm with you on this so what i they're already doing this is like guys that like
get with strippers and then six months later they're like she's always at the strip club bro
yeah you met her at the strip club.
But it's not even that.
I understand what you're saying.
And I do.
You know, I understand.
But this is they're already doing the thing.
They're already doing it.
No, they weren't, though.
It's a dude.
Yeah.
But you don't think.
So what's the problem, I guess?
Tell me the problem.
I don't have any problem.
I like Adam.
If that's what you want to do to make money, do your thing.
Of course.
From my standpoint, it's like, I guess, and who knows, he might be like, yeah.
I'd ask, was it worth it?
Like all the shit you're getting on the internet going, you're a cuck, you have a child.
But he's not a cuck.
I don't think he's a cuck.
The internet is saying that.
I don't get it.
I like Adam.
All I'm saying is the narrative is,'re a cock. This giant black dude.
Fuck your girl.
My thing would be like, was it worth it?
Would you do it again?
And because now shame, who knows?
Because your wife's getting fucking plopped by this giant black dick.
So now, but with him, it's that's the definition of being a cock.
He is a cock, but he doesn't care about being.
That's what he's saying.
I don't care.
I made so much money.
He's a guy who watches it and gets off on it that's not what he's doing he's making it's a
business and he's making money i think it's both i think that's a cuck answer i think it's both i
think that's what a cuck would say right but uh i think it's both i think it's a part of it yeah a
bit of cucky there but you're a cuck who's getting paid. All I would say is do your thing.
I celebrate whatever you want to do.
It's not a cuck.
It's a definition of a cuck.
But was it worth it, dude?
Yeah, I get that.
I understand. Like the blowback he's getting now.
Maybe it's not.
Like how much money did you make?
Obviously, he's trending all over for that, though.
It's so dark to me.
And that's the world he's in, right?
They fuck porno stars stars they have the plug talk
so the business is popping he bought his wife a lambo my question would be for was it worth it
dude would you do it again because now he's going bad on the on the on the porn star well because
the guy is also he's who's going bad on the porn guy you can see in the back the porn guy is like
he's like getting his 15 minutes of fame.
Yeah.
That's how this goes.
Adam's going bad on the guy?
Yeah.
How so?
Because the guy was like, just came out.
He's like doing his own.
Like he's been doing interviews.
They were like, oh, did you fuck her better than Adam?
He's like, guess what?
I'm a pro.
Of course I did.
He nutted in her and all this stuff.
So the guy's like telling him more than he should. Well, then the guy went bad on Adam.
Yeah.
And Adam's like, hold up, dude.
Like this wasn't part of the deal.
You're never going to fuck my wife again.
And you don't want me to.
Yeah, you're like, okay.
But then Adam's like, you don't want me to, you know,
let the people know what I know.
I think they're just doing, like, pro wrestling,
and they're doing a great job.
Like, it's been trending, like, every single day for some new shit.
This is, like, honestly really funny.
I think he's making up the beef,
but this made me laugh.
I guess we're doing this today.
Hey,
Jason Love,
I trusted you
to pork my wife.
It seems like that clout
is getting to your head.
You're talking real,
real spicy
and I ain't really feeling it.
Number one,
the angle of the dangle
is more important
than the cubic
of the pubic.
That's number one.
Number two, my D game,
when I'm serving it, man, it's just like your mom's home cooking because there's a special
ingredient. It's called love. You ever heard of it? Number three, don't make me expose you.
And you know what I'm talking about. It could get real, real messy out here. Number four,
you don't want problems moving around in these L.A. streets
because I can make that happen.
I'm very, very well connected.
And number five, you are officially blacklisted from smashing my wife again.
Dude, come on.
He knows what he's doing.
He's just capitalizing.
That's funny.
He doesn't give a fuck.
He's got the right attitude.
I think that this is more about
blacklisted for fuck's sake.
I think this is more about you're just thinking about
like you're putting yourself in this situation. Yeah, yeah.
That's what you're doing. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, okay.
We're saying... My question to Adam was...
You would never do this. Well, of course not.
But my question for... But if you
go back to two weeks ago, like Adam, was it
worth it? Yeah. Like yeah, it's all
this talk. That would be an interesting question. Like is it worth it like and how much did you make off of it i think he made
well how the fuck do i know but what what what's where how's the money coming in like is it
you have to pay for it on their only fans or however they do have to pay for it it's probably
their biggest seller ever oh definitely yeah they probably have people that signed up for it who are
now gonna stay on to stay on.
I mean, that's how it works.
I just think that they're in that world.
I think it's a whole different mentality.
Yeah, that's what I think. I don't judge either.
No, I know you're not judging.
I know you like Adam, and I know that's not what you're saying.
What I'm saying is there's two different things.
Putting me in it, you just don't put me in it because I would never do it, right?
So you've got to look at it
coming from where he comes from.
Where he comes from,
I think he knew
what he was getting into.
I think this whole thing
is for show.
He might feel a certain type
of way about it.
And if he does,
was it worth it?
Was it worth it?
And then also,
but he was crushing before
that plug talks, massive.
Right, I know.
Like when's enough?
When is enough?
Like is there a number before this giant 13-inch dick lays the pipe on your wife?
Like, you're already crushing it, dude.
You need another Lambo?
Like, another house?
Like, what's worth it?
See, again.
What's the number?
Again, I think you're putting your own value system on it.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
You got to remove yourself from it.
That is nothing to them. Yeah, business is pop. It's nothing to them. You got to remove yourself from it. That is nothing to them.
Yeah, business is pop. It's nothing to them.
And even about the business,
you're still, again, trying to justify why
they're doing it. They're in that
world. It's similar
to people who are, say, swingers.
And they
have a relationship where they're like, oh yeah, me and my wife
do this and that. Because that's their mentality.
Now you might be like, I would never do that.
And I get that. But what I'm saying
is it doesn't have to be about how much money
or whatever. That's the world they're already in.
So they know, they're just like,
okay, yeah, we're in a porn world.
I don't believe that she was just
having lesbian...
No, that's their world.
Not everything in their life
is filmed.
So they probably have been doing all kinds of crazy stuff.
Somebody probably said to him, you know, you should put this on your thing.
Yeah, maybe another guy hid it anyway.
Yeah.
Maybe he is a true cuck.
He looks and jerks off and comes.
I don't know.
But I'm just saying he's not a cuck for this.
He's not a cuck for this.
No, no, no.
The real question of what we're saying is, is being a cuck bad? Right. Well, no. The real question of what we're saying is is being a cuck bad? Right.
Well, no. Who cares? If you want to be a cuck
and you like it, who gives
a fuck? And I'm saying there are
people who are like, that's what they're into. We're talking
about fetish. Yeah. We're talking about
like, you know, people's sexual
proclivities. Like, what are you into?
And it's like, so if you're, well, the thing is
what we shouldn't do, because this is what we do in society
for a lot of things, because I don't like it, it means it's like so if you're the thing is what we shouldn't do because this is what we do in society for a lot of things because i don't like it it means it's wrong yeah i don't think it's
wrong what he's doing okay so what i'm saying is like it's okay for you to also be like
i would never do this and this is weird to me but hey more power to you for doing that so
that's where i'm at on it but here's the other but the other thing the other the other thing
my question was it worth it though like monetary like the is, was it worth it though? Like monetary, like the money, like was it worth it?
Yeah.
But, yeah.
And I'm saying there might not have needed to be any money.
They still got –
Yeah.
And I'm saying on Adam's, money was the motivation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
100%.
Well, for sure.
The fact that his life is already like broadcasted in a porn way anyway,
it's not just about money for them.
There's lots of ways to make money.
So it's like here's this thing you love to do, and if you can make money at it,
well, that's a double whammy.
I think that he wouldn't be working a corporate job.
No, never.
Nor does he need to even before this.
I know, but what I'm saying is –
He was making enough money.
That's my whole point.
That's what I mean.
So then imagine this thing you like to do, this little secret lifestyle he had, and he's
like, well, let's just put it on the internet and see what we can do.
It's like, I just think we shouldn't judge at all based off our own, you know, that's
all.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think we're judging.
I think that, what's that?
Just another video. Oh, fuck. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't think we're judging. I think that, what's that? Just another video.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
What is this shit?
It's a frog.
Hey, Golden Hour.
This is Jim Bard from the south side of Chicago with Sink My Ink.
My mom was in the hospital with cancer.
No, we can't sink the ink.
She was four, and she always loved frogs.
So my son made a couple different drawings in a notebook.
Oh, adorable.
And she picked this one out.
Okay, well, we can't roast this now.
And I got it made into a tattoo.
But that's adorable.
But fuck that.
I wanted you guys to see this.
You guys were talking about Thundercats last week.
This was done by my buddy Johnny Renteria at Studio Evolve in Virginia Beach.
Yes, that's Lionel.
It is?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, it is Lionel, huh?
Yeah.
Which one are we supposed to roast?
That or the Frog with Downs?
No, I like them both.
He wanted to show this one.
Show it to us right side up.
That thing is lit, though.
Yeah, it's really good.
Yeah, he wanted to show us that.
Oh, no, he could move it around.
It kind of looks like the Native American.
Oh, yeah, that's Lionel.
That's cool.
Yeah, I like that.
Thundercats.
Thundercats.
Ho!
I just don't.
I'm just not a tattoo person.
Nah, me neither.
This reminds me of how you feel about like, this is me, but you be the cuck shit.
Is this worth it?
Is it worth it to have Lion-O on your arm?
Like, why would you do this?
I'd say no.
Yeah.
I have so many regrets.
Can I tell you this?
The worst tattoo I've ever seen.
I was at the Long Beach Laugh Factory, and it was like one of the waitresses. She is super fan of –
Oh, boy.
No, what's the –
What's Will Ferrell's character, the –
Oh, no.
Ron Burgundy.
No.
She's not a fan of Will Ferrell.
Yeah.
She's a fan of Ron Burgundy.
Yeah.
What's that shit movie?
Anchorman.
Anchorman.
What's there?
Great movie.
Like right here.
What?
It was either right here on her, like just Ron Burgundy.
Between her tits?
Sorry, her face?
His face.
His face.
Yeah.
Wait, how do you not know if it was on her chest or her legs?
Because I think she was like, you know, she had like a low cut.
Yeah.
She had something here too.
Oh.
I think that Ron Burgundy.
Oh, she had here and here.
Yeah, it was like weird.
But I was like, wow.
You know, it's like that's a lifestyle.
That's like when you are – this is how you want to –
She still worked there?
I don't remember.
I haven't been there in a while.
But I was like, wow, you're really a fan of Ron Burgundy.
She was like, yeah, I love – you know.
And so it's like, you know, that's the kind of thing where you just go, why would you –
Lion-O is better than Ron Burgundy, bro.
Is it?
Ron Burgundy is pretty lit, man.
Is it?
Bro, you haven't...
Well, at least...
How is it...
Tell me, how do you rank them in terms of one's better than the other?
Well, this is a realistic version of a superhero.
Ron Burgundy is...
It's a realistic version of a...
Will Ferrell's face.
As Ron Burgundy.
And not even for Will Ferrell.
He's a dumb guy.
It's a dumb guy.
It's funny, though.
Hey. It is funny. One's funny though hey it is funny
one's funny
one's so serious
but get a saying
that he says
or something
on your
on a piece of paper
it's really hard
for me to take you serious
with a neck tattoo
dude my shit's banging
yeah that's what she thinks
yeah
everyone thinks
I don't know
if she thinks it's banging
she probably thinks like
haha
I'm fancy and carefree
no I don't
until a few years goes by.
You don't get a fucking Ron Burgundy tattoo and you're like, I'm badass.
No, she didn't do it for that reason.
I don't think anyone gets a tattoo and thinks they're badass, though.
Dude, every tattoo I get, I go like this.
Man, I'm fucking so hardcore and I'm badass.
And I go like this.
I better never get on a fucking bike
because if I do
if I get on a motorcycle
it's over
you're going to be the leader
yeah
all sorts of gangs
all the gangs will join
we'll all be friends now
I'll be like guys
we need to make a truce
and then we'll just ride off
into the sunset
of course the helmet won't fit
it'll just be like
on you like a yarmulke
like this
but why would I have the helmet when I got hair like this dude? Just fucking
just yeah biker gangs don't wear helmets. They don't? No. What's the law though? They get pulled
over? That's true. Yeah bro but that's why I'm hard for them. They're worried about getting pulled
over. They pull me over. I go like this. When the camera's around they're like, helmet's on!
Now activate! There's like a camera watcher guy.
He's like, guys, we got helmets.
We got cameras, cameras, helmets off.
Dude, they go like this.
Pull over.
And I pull over and I go like this.
Officer.
And they go like this.
We're sorry.
And they go back in the car.
And they leave.
And I go, come on, all the gangs.
Remember Pittsburgh?
Like, I think in Philadelphia Philadelphia you don't have to.
In Pennsylvania, I don't think you have to wear a helmet.
Yeah, there's a few.
It's weird.
Remember Ben Roethlisberger?
Yeah, crashed.
Back in the day.
But he had no helmet on.
Yeah.
I made it illegal to ride motorcycles in the NFL now.
Well, I think that's already in those clauses.
You used to be able to do that on the field?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah be able to do that on the field? Yeah.
That would be a really dangerously fun watching game.
But, no, they have a lot of things in there.
Scuba diving?
Yeah, they can't ski. You can scuba dive on the field?
Yeah, dude.
It was like a halftime show.
They have like the...
Only the white guys were good at it.
Imagine if water polo was as famous as
football and they would have to do that.
Have like a pool that was like
just a big glass pool. That'd be sick.
You know?
Cut this part out. We're going to make millions.
Dude.
Billions.
What was I going to say?
Shit.
Oh, I got my-
They can't jump out of planes and shit.
Yeah, there's a lot of things they can do.
It's investment.
You get it.
You can't be doing that bullshit.
I'm not going to pay you $100 million for five years.
Yeah, but then they don't have to pay you when you die.
Fucking win-win.
They want to win games, dude.
Win-win.
Dude, they got mad at-
Apparently, they got mad.
I don't know how true it is,
but apparently they got mad at Apparently they got mad I don't know how true it is But apparently they got mad at Russell Crowe
For playing soccer on the weekends
When he was filming Gladiator
And he was like
Man, you got me in fucking pits
With like tigers and shit
I'm gonna fucking do it
And they're like
We don't want anything to happen to you
He's like
I'm fighting tigers
Like those are fake tigers
Well, somebody died on the film
In the film of that movie though
So I can understand they were worried
How'd they die?
No, no, the guy just died.
The guy that his gladiator coach, that guy, who was like, what do you want, girl, boy, that guy?
Yeah, yeah.
He died in the making of that movie.
The whole movie was supposed to be different in the end.
That guy was supposed to be out on the – yeah, and they had to keep going.
What do you do in a $200 million production and one of your main actors dies?
Well, now you can CGI it.
But back then, they were using real tigers.
You think?
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
They definitely did.
They might have also not, but they definitely did.
That guy died just doing a stunner, like fell off.
No, no, no, no.
I think he had a heart attack.
Who was that?
Who was that?
I forgot the guy's name.
I don't even know who he's talking about.
He's kind of a bigger dude.
The guy who sold all the fighters, the slaves.
It was the one who bought him at first.
He gave him the whole speech about
fighting. That's such a great movie. How do you not remember it?
That's just one of those guy movies.
I saw it once in the theater. It was such a good movie.
I watched it again. You've only seen Gladiator once
in your life? I watched movies like that once.
See, that's why you have to compensate with those tattoos.
I get it now. He has to compensate
for getting tattoos.
Here's the movies you watch a lot.
You're supposed to watch Braveheart.
Shawshank.
Shawshank.
Gladiator.
And 300.
You have to watch those.
Brokeback Mountain.
Toss Brokeback Mountain.
And Bros.
I've seen Bros eight times.
They are using real animals on Gladiator 2, too, even.
That's weird.
Pete is saying something? Animals like Clint Hayden on us's weird. PETA's saying something?
Animals like Ridley Scott? He's hating on us, man.
Ridley Scott, right?
Did you see that?
Speaking of PETA, did you hear that Pete Davidson voicemail?
Because PETA got on him.
It's funny.
And then he calls.
It's crazy.
It's good.
And they doubled down too.
Hold on.
Wait, hold on.
What was I going to say?
The Napoleon movie.
He just directed
The Napoleon movie
Coming out right
Oh wow
With Joaquin Phoenix
Yeah
You know about that
No
That's gonna be crazy
Is Joaquin Phoenix
Playing Napoleon
Yeah bro
He's too tall
Well then you know
They'll figure it out
Knowing him
He probably cut off
His fucking legs
For the role
Yeah
Yeah
Real actor shit
We'll watch the trailer
Yeah
Patreon
We'll watch the trailer
On Patreon
But hold on
There was the
Oh Speaking of Oh wow Yeah Crazy right We'll watch the trailer on Patreon. But hold on. There was the...
Oh, wow.
Crazy, right?
Wasn't Napoleon...
Yeah, he was short.
No, no, but what I'm saying is
people aren't mad at this.
Is he French?
No, he's going to speak regular.
But aren't short people mad?
Because the movie's for America.
But aren't short people like, how the fuck are you America, you know. But aren't short people like,
how the fuck are you going to hire a tall guy
to play a short guy?
Yeah.
Where's the small people at?
Here's the weird thing.
The woke army should be out on this.
Napoleon was an awful human being, right?
Like an awful, awful human being.
And they're making a movie about him
and everyone's like, fuck, yeah.
How much time has to pass to where? Go ahead. You know a certain amount of time does have to pass like they can't
make a charles manson i know that yeah certain no they already have there's so many pass a while
ago i know but what i'm saying is like this is what we do like i'm really like oh i'm so glad
you brought this up because james cameron was like he put out a thing that he because people
are getting on him because there was a rumor he was going to make the Titanic submarine movie.
Yeah.
Okay.
Exactly.
And then he was like, I'm offended by this.
And I'm thinking to myself, why are you offended?
Yeah.
This is what we do.
Hey, motherfucker.
Yeah.
You made a movie about the death of.
Fuck off.
You made a love story.
2,000 people.
Out of all the people that died on the Titanic.
Yeah.
Don't act like you care about this shit now.
Fuck off, dude.
No, what I'm saying is this is what we do.
Yeah.
This is what we do. There's like 9-11 is in dumb movies about this shit now. Fuck off, dude. What I'm saying is this is what we do. Yeah. This is what we do.
Like 9-11 is in dumb movies all the time now.
Yeah.
Dumb movies.
Yeah.
Where it'll be like a plot point.
Yeah.
You know, they made a Bin Laden, killing Bin Laden.
They've got all the serial killer movies.
The serial killer movies.
Charles Manson.
People are still alive that suffered from Dahmer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure.
The families are still alive, and we made that.
So it's like I- And I watch all of it. I families are still alive, and we made that. So it's like I –
And I watch all of it.
I'm tired of hearing – this is like some – this is some –
Yeah, like –
This one's just too soon, though.
This is some virtue signaling bullshit.
I'm telling you this.
But this one's just too soon.
It's not too soon because this is what we do.
Yeah, I know.
It's not too soon.
Well, in 10 years, that'll be a movie, and he'll direct it.
They made a Boston Marathon movie already.
Right away.
They made – it's like the movies come out, man.
This is a testament
to our fortitude
as Americans.
We celebrate
our victories
and we mourn
our sad shit
that happened to us.
And make movies about them.
We make movies.
That's how we do it.
That's how we fight back.
And you know what it is?
It's a fuck you
to the people
who did it to us.
So we have a 9-11 movie,
right? Imagine you're the terrorist and you're like,. So we have a 9-11 movie, right?
Imagine you're the terrorist and you're like, oh, we're going to get them.
And then now we're making a movie about it.
Is that a fuck you or is the Taliban like, yeah, we're in the movies, bro?
I bet.
They're probably mad. Dude, they got Mark Wahlberg to play.
They didn't get the rights.
They're like, they made a movie.
We didn't even get any money from this.
You know what it should be?
Honestly, they should make the movies
And they should have the Taliban
Everyone played by white people
This way they're like
What the fuck
We didn't even get representation
Gay whites
Gay
Gay whites
Make a Taliban
With Billy Eichner in it
Almost seen it
We're gonna get you America
A la Akbar
Yeah
But just
I just don't
I find this to be
That would be fucking hilarious
I find it to be like disingenuous
Just to be like
It is disingenuous I would just to be like I would never
do this.
It's like,
yes you would.
You did.
You did it.
And you're going to.
You have the third
movie that's made
the most money ever
off a tragedy.
Off a tragedy.
Let's not act like
this is out of pocket
for you, James Cameron.
I know.
It's not out of pocket.
Fuck that shit.
It's not out of pocket.
But also the survivors
of Titanic, some of them were still alive.
They were pissed.
Not everyone is.
Guys, tomorrow, go to Zaney's in Rosemont, Chicago.
EricGriffin.com.
And then the week after that, I'm doing one show Friday, July 28th.
Two shows at Irvine Improv.
Eric Griffin, one night Friday.
If you really want to be popping off at the Irvine Improv,
you come to my shows at the Irvine Improv coming up and Brea.
Okay?
And I'll be in Orange County, so that's great.
When is that?
The OC's popping.
Well, you need to tell people also come to my show first on the 28th.
I think mine's before that, actually.
Is it?
Yeah, mine's on the 28th.
So at your show, you tell people, come back to see Eric on the 28th.
Mine's on the Monday, whatever it is.
I'll tell you what, if you're in Phoenix, August 11th, James Cameron's going to open for me.
Whoa, really?
He's talking about submarines.
Whoa.
Stand-up live, two shows, Friday, August 11th, Stand-up live, Phoenix.
Oh, it's awesome.
I love it there.
Yeah, I love that place.
That's a great place.
JT's Wings?
That's the chicken wings you'll ever have in your life.
Don't ever say that.
Irvine Improv, July 28th.
Well, no, you don't like wings because you're at tomorrow.
It might be true.
It might not be true. I don't want you to say it. In Chicago. you don't like wings because you're a moron. It might be true. It might not be true.
I don't want you to say it.
In Chicago.
You don't like wings
because you're a cock, right?
No, tomorrow.
It's fine.
Hey, hey, hey.
Cuck you, boy.
Four shows.
Friday, Saturday.
21st and 22nd.
Rosemont.
Zanies.
I'm going to be in Charlotte.
I'm going to be in Little Rock, Arkansas.
I'm going to be in Montreal, Edmonton.
Dude, what the fuck?
I'm going to be so many different places, man.
Cursely.com.
Or is the family coming with you at all, any of those?
Vegas.
You're taking your...
Oh, hell yeah.
Hot-ass Vegas?
Hell yeah.
Dude, I'm taking a fucking...
William's coming.
Lil' Billy's coming.
Taking the M&M factory?
Oh, taking the haunted house.
Zach Baggins' haunted house.
We're never going to leave the... Kristen's never leaving the hotel. Well, yeah, but it's 117 degrees anyway. We're not leaving the hotel. Oh, take him to Haunted House. Zach Baggins. They're never going to leave.
Kristen's never leaving the hotel.
Well, yeah, but it's 117 degrees anyway.
We're not scared.
I'm taking Zach Baggins.
He's three months old.
I don't really scare.
What's the haunted house thing?
Zach Baggins from Ghost Adventures.
Is it?
Oh, well, it's so haunted.
Okay.
It is creepy.
Dude, they have Sharon Tate's dress.
It's so annoying.
Well, that's not haunted.
That's just haunted, though. It's so annoying. Well, that's not haunted. That's just scary.
That's haunted, though.
It's so annoying when movies...
This is a TV show.
...said that when movies do the thing about how, like, based on a real story...
I never want to hear that.
I'm sold.
I never want to hear that.
I'm in.
Anytime they say, I'm in.
No, no.
Based off a true story is a sign that this is bullshit.
Yeah.
It means fiction.
The Bible should say that. You guys are means fiction. The Bible should say that.
The Bible should have a thing on the cover that says based off true events.
I know.
And then we'll know.
We'll be like, oh, okay.
Well, they just made it up.
It's also all the time they say it about horror movies.
It's like it wasn't based on a true story.
There's ghouls in it.
Yeah.
Thank you.
This didn't happen.
It didn't happen, man.
Hey, dude.
You believe in ghouls?
Yeah.
No, I believe in ghosts. Is Santa coming too? Yes, Santa. There you go. Based on a real man. Hey, dude. You believe in ghouls? Yeah. No, I believe in ghosts.
Is Santa coming too?
You have Santa?
There you go.
Based on a real story.
Tooth fairy.
Go to Zach Bagans haunted house and tell me you don't believe in ghosts.
What is it?
Walk through that.
Survive that and tell me you don't believe in ghosts.
Survive it.
What's it called?
Zach Bagans.
Do you go to a county fair haunted house too and think that, you know?
That's fake, dude.
Yeah, dude.
It's no different.
If you have to pay money to go into a place. It's some real shit.
It's not real. It's some real shit.
People are allowing it.
They make 10%
talk to my accountant.
Their families. If I was
a ghost and you were making money off my thing
I'm possessing you. Yeah my family
should be making. I wouldn't allow.
Why are they allowing it?
I'm getting sucked off by dudes in your body yeah just to prove them right oh no i'm possessed oh no i love that in your fantasy the ghost is the ghost is letting you
get sucked off yeah well wait hold on if my fantasy is ghost you can possess somebody no no no in my
fantasy i am the ghost i if a guy's making money, no, no, no, no. In my fantasy, I am the ghost.
If a guy's making money off me, I am possessing him and making him do gay shit.
Okay.
Are you the ghost sucking him off?
No, I'm not sucking anyone off.
I'm getting sucked off by a guy.
See?
That's gay.
That's what I'm saying.
Right there.
The whole thing's gay. Even in your dream, you're like, well, I mean, the ghost wouldn't make me do it.
Oh, I see. Well, yeah, because you't make me do it yeah oh i see well yeah
because you still gotta do it yeah oh you oh this is so terrible i'm getting stuck next time i'm
gonna suck someone off so stupid you would just be like oh this is terrible stop stop i'll tell
that other guy to come here come here i just don't know why i don't know why i don't know why a ghost
would allow a business to flourish you gotta see for yourself man that's all i can say it's scary
dude legit scary give me temper give me my 10 oh oh give me you won't give my 10%. Ooh. Ooh. You won't give me my 10%. Black guy, come here.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Adam 22 is there just laughing.
Watching it.
Ooh.
Why would he be alive?
Just because he's coming.
Oh, God.
That's how I bust.
All right.
Last thing.
I wanted to see what you guys thought about this story.
These YouTube
pranksters tricked a
little kid.
It started out as a typical
trip to Target Saturday for 8-year-old
Gabe Lyles and his dad TJ
until three men walked up
and said they were working with the YouTuber
MrBeast.
They wanted to do a fill-the-cart challenge
where we would be blindfolded. Within 30 seconds, whatever we could put in the car.
They'll pay for it.
Mr. Beast is one of Gabe's favorite YouTubers.
He often makes videos about challenges where he gives away free stuff.
So TJ and Gabe believed that the men were working with Mr. Beast.
They both put on a blindfold and started filling their car.
And then TJ heard the men running away.
My heart sank 100%.
The very last thing in this world I want to do is hurt him.
It broke my heart because I thought my dreams were coming true.
The shot in the car challenge was just a mean prank.
The men were not affiliated with Mr. Beast.
And it was one comment in particular that upset TJ.
My son leaned in and said that he couldn't hear them because he had to wear hearing aids and they said that's why we're choosing you for this challenge because
of the hearing loss so we took to facebook writing this post and the community quickly responded the
southington town commission for persons withabilities gave TJ a $200 gift card
and Target matched it.
On Sunday, Gabe's dreams of a shopping spree came true.
I pick out Nerf guns, water balloons, and Nerf guns and water guns.
But the lesson here isn't about how quickly you can fill your cart.
It made me feel heartwarming and happy.
I think the lesson's about happy. The lesson is how quickly
you're making shit. Dude, my favorite part
is when they said they're hearing
anything and Nick goes, I think he made that part up.
No, no, no.
He's definitely...
Nick's always a kid full of shit he can hear.
Nick doesn't believe shit.
He's our biggest skeptic.
Nick's all fake news, dude. The kid can fucking hear.
It wasn't an iceberg on a Titanic.
It was a... He looked at me happily and said, dude, I think he's making that part up.
It was so funny.
He didn't even acknowledge it.
I went, god damn it, Nick.
I immediately didn't trust it.
Those criminals, though, pretty smart.
So wait.
Let's get this kid to steal for us.
I don't really understand.
So what did they do?
I know they said they were from Mr. Beast. I know who Mr. Beast is. So they blindfolded him. Because he always does giveaways. He's like, hey, we work for Mr. I don't really understand. So what did they do? I know they said they were for Mr. Beast. I know who Mr. Beast is.
So they blindfolded them. Because he always does giveaways.
He's like, hey, we're for Mr. Beast. We're
choosing you. You go and fill up
the cart. Right. And then you can keep everything.
And so they fill up the cart. They go outside.
And they just took all the shit. Oh.
What I'm saying is it doesn't matter.
It's the fact that like
you know, the fact that they
because Mr. Beast would tell people to do anything
and then once you know
but it's like
there was no cameras
there was no like
Mr. Beast wasn't there
yeah
he's not there
for some of the stuff though
and maybe they
maybe they had fake cameras
or maybe they had
their cell phones out
like Mr. Beast
we're talking to him right now
he's fucking
seven
yeah right right
well it's not about the
wait first of all
I'm not mad at the kid at all.
No, no, no.
He's saying, of course, you could put one over on him.
Yeah.
And the dad.
No, but it's the dad.
I'm like, what are you doing?
Oh, right, right, right.
It's like when you're at Disneyland or whatever and you're your kid.
You know, it's like, you know, that's not Mickey Mouse.
That's some sad fuck in a hot ass...
The dad's like, what?
But you have to be like this.
But you're going to be like this.
You're not going to let that Mickey be like, hey, boo-boo.
You're going to, at a certain point, you're going to be like, eh.
Right.
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
Turn down much.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't tell my kid that.
Don't tell his kid.
Because you know what the deal is.
Yeah.
So it's like this dad was like, he was into getting free shit.
But the dad probably didn't know either.
He's like, Mr. B's hooking us up.
He's like, this is dope.
Maybe the dad knew.
I tell you guys, this reminds me of this documentary
on netflix called it was like i think it's called don't answer the phone or i told you about this
one it's about the you know the people calling the the fast food restaurants no they're calling
the fast food restaurants convincing the manager of the fast food restaurant that one of their
employees is stealing and they and the guy's a psychological master. So like three hours later,
the employee's naked
and all kinds of stuff is going on.
Yeah.
And it happened over 300 times.
It's crazy.
Watch this documentary, right?
It's just a proof that like
people can be fooled.
Oh, fuck.
Don't pick up the phone.
Yes, so don't pick it up.
Don't pick up the phone.
There's no documentary.
And it's some crazy stuff that happened.
And so like some really crazy stuff.
And what I love about this documentary, by the way,
is that like you use the two cops involved in trying to catch this guy.
So the first half you're like, all right,
you know how documentaries can be very biased.
And then they hit you with the guy's lawyer,
and the guy's like, there's no way my guy did this.
And then you're like, whoa.
And then you're getting the whole thing.
But it's like crazy psychological shit.
So what I'm saying is people are out there taking advantage of people.
Oh, yeah, scammers.
And it's so easy.
And that's what unfortunately happened in this situation.
It happens to old people all the time.
Oh, my God.
And now with AI and shit?
Oh, my God.
I'm not even here.
I know.
I'm a hologram.
All right, cool. Well, that's crazy. That's it. Phoenix, August 11th. Holl here. I know. I'm a hologram. All right, cool.
Well, that's crazy.
That's it.
Phoenix, August 11th.
Holla.
This weekend.
Go to Chicago and Zany's tomorrow, you Chicagoites.
Let's do it.
Chrisley.com.
I'm everywhere, dude.
Go.
Phoenix, Omaha, Ohio, Kansas City.
I'm all over in August.
Come get some, kids.
Ice House, July 28th.
Shopping Friends, 8 p.m.
Love you guys.
We're out Thank you.