The Greatest Generation - His Face Is Like a Swimming Diaper (ENT S1E13)
Episode Date: August 5, 2024When the Entrepreneur hails a ship that doesn’t respond, Captain Archer decides to grab the sickly aliens aboard and bring them back for treatment. But when the cure for their genetic malaise create...s an ethical dilemma, Dr. Phlox has his first professional disagreement with Captain Archer. How do you get a Doctor into your social circle? What’s not a good reason to get into a relationship? Who was on vacation during this production? It’s the episode without any writhing, legions, or pustules.Support the production of The Greatest GenerationGet a thing at podshop.biz!Sign up for our mailing list!Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Riker - Quantum LeapThe Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde PriddySocial media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill TilleyMusic by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFriends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | JusticeDiscuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:YouTube | Facebook | X | Instagram | TikTok | Mastodon | Bluesky | ThreadsAnd check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social
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Here's to the finest crew in Starling.
When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.
This is a parody.
Paramount owns the sun.
Welcome to the Greatest Generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
I'm Adam Pranica.
I'm Ben Harrison, coming down with with another illness as is my way.
What's wrong with Ben this time? Come on, man!
You're gonna start to make me feel bad for making fun of you so much.
I told the goose about this new drop that Rob Adler put together.
Yeah.
He's like, that's called a self-fulfilling drop, man.
You don't fuck with the gods like that.
Yeah.
I mean, your future was ordained long before the drop was made, I think.
Yeah.
Ugh.
I can't catch a break, man.
I've been sick for like two months straight.
You just played in another dirty ball pit, didn't you? No, I think I got this one from my mom,
who came to help me look after the baby
while my wife was out of town.
Now you get a dirty mother, don't you?
She listens to the show, Adam.
I try to stop her, I can't do anything about that.
So weird, I just reached into my pocket
and I just pulled out a bunch of sticks. Oh.
Sticks and dirt.
Were you sitting next to a toddler recently?
That's bizarre.
I thought I pulled out a spider.
I was momentarily like, ugh.
What's that about?
Did you wear those pants to the Magic Castle?
I did not.
But you're right to ask.
Magic Castle was a couple nights ago for me. Still feeling it.
Wow.
It was a great time.
Get after it, huh? Or are you feeling it in that the magicians caused sticks and dirt to
appear in pants that you weren't even wearing there at the castle? That's how good the tricks are.
Magic Castle is such a special place. For a long time I thought it would be an impossible place to get into.
And over the years since living here, I think you and I have both had opportunities to go,
sometimes together, sometimes apart.
But I've never gone on a Tuesday.
Like I've always gone on a weekend and it's always felt very like packed and riotous.
Yeah.
And this was the chillest Tuesday at the Magic Castle you've ever seen.
It was really nice.
Man, that's great.
But, but they were very clearly the Tuesday magicians.
And I don't mean that, uh, that sounds like faint praise and I
didn't mean it that way at all.
I just mean that like, uh, they were unfamiliar to me.
Right.
Like the weekenders you sort of develop a familiarity with.
Totally.
I think that the sense that I have gotten, and I've only been there a handful of times,
is that there are the in-town magicians that are, they're pretty regularly performing,
and they're not always the same people
that you see on the weekends.
So, I mean, like, those are the people
that you can get to, like, come out
and do a birthday party or a business luncheon
or whatever, you know?
Had the weirdest interaction.
It's, like, later on in the evening,
and I'm getting my last drink of the night,
and I'm sure it's my last drink of the night and I run into a weekend magician that I recognized as being one of my favorites. I'm like,
Bob, what are you doing here? I didn't see you down in the hat and the hair bar.
And he's like, yeah, I live across the street. I'm here all the time.
This is the fantasy. He made the Magic Castle his local.
Yeah. Isn't that wild?
I love that.
Yeah.
I mean, if there was a way to perform Star Trek review comedy as regularly as there is magic, I would love for there to be a...
What would the Magic Castle of Star Trek review comedy even be? Like there's not, I mean I guess there's lots of other people in the game,
but they're probably not all based around Los Angeles.
We couldn't get like a business going out of it.
Well, I think we get the bar part, right?
Yeah, we would nail the bar. Nail that bar right down.
I mean, the magic is the feeling we give to FODs
all around the world.
Wow.
You know?
I'm just getting an email from the network.
They're saying, whatever Adam just said, tell him to stop.
You're losing subscribers precipitously.
All right, Ben.
I can take the hint.
You're sick? You want to get the record today over with?
Yeah, I want to get this.
You need a doctor is what you need.
You said it, brother. Today is season one, episode 13 of Star Trek Enterprise, Dear Doctor.
An episode that in title and in construction sure does feel a lot like Data's Day, right? Yeah.
Why not just have a Data's Day in season one?
Doctor's Day.
There's even the like, is this, do I have a hookup opportunity element of it?
Right there.
Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Flax starts his day walking into Six Bay
and feeding all the weird creatures that he keeps in there.
Lulululu, lulululu.
Because their poop, you know, creates some enzyme
that he needs to treat space illnesses.
Boy, am I glad that wasn't one of the things
he ate in the morning.
Like he goes around doing the feedings,
but there's also like a one for you, one for me
kind of vibe to a couple of them.
This is a doctor that we learned later,
like Ferengi exist in this quadrant
and they've been encountered.
But when you watch Dr. Flax go to town on this grub,
this is a grub, right?
I wrote space grub in my notes.
You know this guy's gonna be first in line
at the vending machine for, what is it, Slurm?
No, Slurm is the Futurama drink.
What's the, what's the Ferengi Cola?
Slug-o-Cola.
Slug-o-Cola.
Drink Slug-o-Cola.
The Slug-o-Cola in the galaxy.
Yeah, Slurm's McKenzie, not in this universe.
No, yeah, that's the competitor.
Yeah, you can kind of get the sense
that Denobulans well not obnoxious
in the way that Ferengis are,
could get along with Ferengis, you know?
It seems like they could get along with just about anyone.
Yeah, they're chill dudes.
So yeah, he is feeding all these critters,
and after he eats that one, like, the music swells
in a way that's like, ooh, he may not have wanted to eat that.
That might be the inciting incident of this episode.
Dr. Flax ate something bad.
Dr. Flax seems like a person who would accidentally
eat a nubbin bug that's trying to take over his birdie.
Yeah, yeah.
Ooh, looks delicious.
I'll try anything once.
I don't need to use my fingers for this. He's just going to feed himself to me.
After all, it is a superior form of life.
But no, that's just our little cold open and we come back,
Hoshi shows up with some mail for Dr. Flock's from Dr. Jeremy and thus begins our sort of epistolary
episode. All of the narration of this is Dr.
Flock's writing back to this human doctor who
is on Denobula learning pan species medicine
from the Denobulans.
There's some pattern between them that
recognizes that they're both huge dorks that
enjoy pen palpalling.
Yeah.
Dr. Jeremy being the pal of Dr. Flax has written
to let him know that it's challenging to be an exchange doctor
on Denabula during mating season especially.
Very confusing.
Makes us look single celled how complex complex Denobulan mating rituals are.
Yeah.
I know the rigors of mating season only too well.
The recording that Dr. Flax is making is woven throughout the episode and we follow the doctor
throughout his rounds for the day basically.
He starts in engineering where he smears some Vaseline on a burn victim, and then he's in
the mess hall where you hear a little bit about his inner life, an inner life we haven't
heard much about up until now.
He kind of feels like he's been an outsider for the longest time.
And not only that, like when you're a doctor, that's kind of a outsider job.
It is. People only see you most of the time when they're
hurting or, or they need you badly.
That's, they don't want to hang out socially.
Yeah.
Generally on this ship.
I've always wondered about that.
Like very few doctors in my social circles, you know, like all kinds of different friends
with all kinds of different jobs, friends with, uh, attorneys, friends with all kinds of different jobs. Friends with attorneys, friends with podcasts, no friends that are physicians, you know?
You're in the attorney social circle and I'm in the doctor social circle by virtue
of all the golfing, and we just got to blend them up a little bit.
I guess so, yeah.
I never get invited on these golf trips for some reason.
I know.
Yeah. Wonder why. Yeah, so like the upshot of this is while I may be lonely in the lunchroom, everybody winds up having to come around and see me and
the cut is heavily implying that it's the captain coming to see him, but in fact, it is the captain's
dog coming to see him because Archer's been giving Porthos cheese and he should not be doing that.
This episode establishes something very interesting about Dr. Flux, which is that he is a doctor
and he is a veterinarian and he is a dentist. He is all of these things.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Is he a jack of all trades?
I mean, I guess if you're like a, if you can
like be a doctor, like an internist for multiple
different species of humanoid, like how complex
could treating a dog even be?
This is the moment where I gained a lot of
respect for Dr. Flax and then immediately lost
it in the following scene when it is clear that
he is a movie talker.
It's movie night on the ship.
Everyone is shutting the fuck up like they
should, except for Dr. Flax.
Well, this is a thing.
Like he's, this is a bit about how he comes out from a different culture.
And there are cultures in which talking in the movies is expected of you.
I know, but, uh, his culture is not reading the room.
It seems like he might be on a, a sort of date with his companion.
Yeah. Truman Cutler is sitting next to him. He's got lots of questions. He's very curious
about the way everyone in the room is reacting emotionally to what Ingrid Bergman and Gary
Cooper up to on the screen, not limited to Trip Tucker, who has, uh, turned on the waterworks.
Yeah. I almost forgot that he had recently broken up
with his lady friend. So, uh, a scene like this has got to hit pretty hard.
Yeah. Good call. I didn't even make the connection.
Yeah.
Krew and Cutler gets a little anatomy quiz on the walk home and would like to
continue to explore that area of inquiry in her quarters, but Flax kind of misses
some of the, some of the subtleties of what she's putting down.
Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.
Yeah.
I don't think there's any question that she's into him in the conventional way.
Yeah.
Or at least likes his company enough to kiss him goodbye,
but Flax is just very, very oblivious
to even the most basic signs.
Like he didn't know that he should stop at the door
when dropping her off.
If you were in a car, the car wouldn't stop moving.
Yeah, you just push her out the car.
She has to do a barrel roll, get out and be like, all right, later.
Thanks for the ride.
Cut over to the bridge much later.
And, uh, enterprise has rolled up on a pre-warp ship that doesn't answer any
of their hails, that doesn't seem unusual at this point.
Two people on board.
And so Archer's like, well, if they're not gonna answer,
we're gonna grab them, take them inside and make them answer.
The idea of this, you could describe it in all kinds of ways.
I think most of them are threatening.
Oh, you're not gonna answer, huh?
Looks like you're a little tiny ship over there.
Yeah, Archer's the kind of guy
that doesn't take no for an answer.
Yeah.
The biosigns are faint.
That's reason for concern.
Also, when we do see the ship on the exterior,
it is doing that slow tumble, which is also, you know,
that's just Star Trek shorthand for these
guys are at the end of their rope, right? I mean, up until the moment they encounter the,
the tumble ship of the species known for that kind of transportation. Right.
That'll be season two. All the occupants inside are very smooth and shiny.
So the pilot of this ship, an alien astronaut wakes up in Sixth Bay and it takes a few passes
at Archer trying to introduce himself and this
guy asking what the fuck is going on before
the universal translator gets the hang of the language. But pretty soon he's talking to all
the people standing around his bed explaining that he's basically lost in space after leaving
quite a long time ago from his planet, looking for help from a warp capable species
because they know they need help from someone
that is more technologically advanced from them
because this illness has laid their planet to waste.
12 million people died.
The scene is awkward in a couple of ways.
One is like they're in six bay and this guy wakes up and they have a couple of ways. One is like they're in Six-Bay and this guy wakes up
and they have a hard time communicating.
And when they finally do,
T'Pol and Archer kind of take four big steps away from him
to have a conversation in a normal tone of voice
about cultural contamination.
And then finally, I just couldn't get out of my head
that this guy was a real Tim Heidecker type. And I was expecting some real Tim Heidecker shit to happen in this
episode.
Right, right. Yeah. I mean, Dr. Flax is not un-Erik Wareheimy.
Sure.
Great job.
There's a moment in this scene that I really loved that I don't think is supposed to be
comedy, which is the Heide the high decker alien is like,
has leaned forward and then he leans back when the scene is over and he's looking
right into the camera as he leans.
And then we cut right to, to Paul walking out the door, like seeing her from the
back again, keeping our numbers up.
Yeah, it's great.
Yeah.
He explains that they have had a few
warp capable species come check them out.
Uh, one of them was the Ferengi, which is a
story that I am dying to hear, but like, I
wanted at least one more line about that.
Like they turned out to be real, really
something or whatever.
How are these dopes not immediately enslaved by those ancient Ferengi and made to do their
business?
Even our slaves have slaves.
This is great for us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's like a little bit of a voiceover in his letter to his friend while we transitioned
between this scene and the next.
And he mentions a medical crisis that he dealt with
on Metallus.
That's right.
Which is a planet that we hear a lot about in Star Trek
Picard.
It's true.
Yeah, I wonder why.
Was Terry Metallus like the writer's room assistant
or something on this episode?
He's had Star Trek jobs for a long time.
I wonder if this was-
I believe in fact he was.
The first time he was name checked here.
He was even on screen.
Really?
Yeah. Wow.
He got to wear the uniform and everything.
Good for him.
He's doing so much better than we are.
He's doing fine.
So yeah, we go to the lunch room
where Flox and Hoshi are
sharing a meal and having a conversation in Denobulan.
And, uh, this, this seemed like a uniquely tricky acting challenge.
Like he is speaking as though he is a native speaker of this language.
And she is speaking as though she's learning it and like, you know,
looking for the words in her mind and trying to think of how to express thoughts.
I thought they did a really nice job performing this.
He seems like a great teacher.
And I'm sure there's a way for us to do an impression
that I haven't quite gotten my arms around,
but the way that Flock speaks,
there's a musicality to it that feels like a descending
staircase in how he forms a sentence and then arrives at the period at the very bottom.
It's very soothing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Could listen to that guy read me bedtime stories or something.
Yeah.
Write me a letter, Dr. Flax, jeez.
He needs advice about Truman Cutler and what's going on with that.
And with every indication that she likes him, I wasn't sure what kind of advice he was asking
for because he's not clear about it.
I think you could argue
that he wants advice for what to do about an awkward situation he wants to extricate
himself from.
Yeah.
Or, like, he's unclear about whether or not he wants to pursue it. And I wonder why they
aren't clear about that in this scene.
Agreed. Like, Hoshi is the one that brings it up and she's like, Hey, I've noticed the two of you together a bunch, which is interesting in the
context of him talking about his feelings of loneliness aboard the ship, right?
Like it's, it's already like made the case that like, there's a lot of people
he can't convince to hang out with him, but Hoshi and Crueman Cutler seem to
be on the other list.
What a great opportunity this would have been
for a kind of Riker teaches Wesley
how to fuck style scene in Ten Forward,
where instead it's Hoshi talking about
smashing Reed's nuts earlier in that very mess hall.
Like, yeah, you know, when guys think I'm interested in them,
here's what I do.
I get up and leave real fast.
Make them a pineapple cake to confuse the message.
I mean, yeah, like it's a, you know, is she like making excuses to touch you? Is she tucking her hair behind her ear and chewing on the corner of her lower lip?
And it seems like she is pretty encouraging
of him pursuing this.
If that's what he wants.
We don't know.
Yeah.
We pull up on the planet of the sickos
and we are down in a clinic pretty quickly
and Hoshi finds a guy that does not speak this same language that, uh, she's already convinced the universal translator to work.
And she cannot get the universal translator to wrap its mind around the language this guy speaks.
Because we find out that he is Menk and they are a different species than the Velachians.
I thought every time a Menk was on screen, it should go to black and white.
That would have been cool, right?
Yeah.
Jeepers.
I love this aside that T'Pol has with Archer. Like they meet with the administrator,
they get the what's up with what's going on there. Seems like a bad situation for all the
Velachians and T'Pol's like, look, when you're down here
among these pre-warp folks,
you really want to hold onto your wallet.
In so many words.
And that made a ton of sense.
It's not like these folks are feeling like a criminal
element, it's that if past people see future people,
they want that future tech and who wouldn't?
They're going to get thirsty for the technology.
Yeah.
We've run into this a million times as Vulcans,
the humans being a prime example of that.
So we learned that the Manc and the
Wallachians are not the same species and
physiologically incompatible. So the Manc are not are not the same species and physiologically incompatible,
so the Menk are not suffering from the same illness.
The doctor's like, God, if we tried,
we tried to figure out if we're physiologically compatible
over and over again, personally,
it's been a lifelong project.
Just can't seem to make it work.
He like, he like rams two hands into each other.
Like, I don't know.
Square peg round hole.
What are you going to do?
And Flocks is like, really?
They're square?
On and on they go.
And Archer's like, well, I had no problem with that.
A couple of planets ago. Yeah
Bad look for you guys. Yeah
so flocks is gonna is really gonna like take this to the lab and
Study all of the data that they have put a fresh set of eyes on it fresh set of warp capable eyes
See if you can't solve their problem. Uh-huh. He gets Cutler to help him in the lab, which is classic, like, come over and help me study
for the science test.
Excuse to get with the girl you like at school.
This further muddied the emotional waters for me.
Like, I guess if he was interested, he wouldn't have invited her over, but still,
seemed a little ambiguous to me.
Yeah.
I guess like he's still curious about it.
He's like...
If you're a doctor, does everything seem like an experiment?
That's kind of how it felt to me emotionally.
Yeah.
I mean, I think that that's kind of how he was feeling about like going
aboard the ship with the people who had the religious belief about a plasma
flare or whatever.
He wasn't in it for the religion of it. He was in it for the sociology of it, in a way.
Not necessarily the greatest reason to get into a romantic dalliance with another person.
Matthew 18
Maybe the most insane choice he makes is asking to Paul about itch or species relationships
and the up or downside to those. he makes is asking T'Pol about itch or species relationships. Yeah.
And the upper downside to those.
Yeah, while doing a dental surgery on her.
Say ah.
Ah!
I mean, T'Pol has given this speech many times
before people get into shuttle pods and go to different planets.
Don't fuck the aliens.
Keep it dry.
Yeah.
Real dry.
She very much discourages Phlox from smashing Cutler. T'Pol never misses an opportunity
to dunk on humans as a species.
A species she describes as ready to fuck
the newest jangly keys they tend to see.
This crewman may simply be satisfying her curiosity
at your expense.
That does not seem to be persuasive to Flax, even in this scene.
We cut over to Archer's quarters after and Archer asks Dr. Flax if he's made any progress
with the cure.
And he's sad to report that this is a genetic illness, meaning that-
He's sad to report that Sharif don't like it.
It can't be cured with medical knowledge, not even all of his medical knowledge.
And sadly, they've only got a couple of generations left.
Yeah, because this is their genome is failing them on like a population level.
For some reason, this illness is genetic and
it's been propagating and it's just kind of like
hitting a tipping point now.
So they're going to go extinct and you know,
this is the kind of thing that even if you, you
know, put a huge team on it and really made an
effort, it might not be curable.
Probably isn't curable.
Dr. Flax is like, I don't know, braces?
Can we try that?
Maybe we could feed them some pumpkin.
Yeah. Put them on a rice and ground chicken diet for a couple of weeks,
see if that straightens everything out.
This is where his many fields of study kind of don't serve the moment.
Yeah. I thought that it was interesting that it was sort of left undecided who was going to break
it to them in this scene. Yeah. Yeah. But we do get a very classic Star Trek go over to the
leaning window moment from Archer who goes and bums
out while looking down on this planet.
Just one glimmer of hope in this scene, and that is maybe the Menk genome could reveal
some strategies that they could implement for a cure.
And later on in a Menk village, Flax and Hoshi walk through and ask
to do some lab work on some folks and they are down with lab work being done to them.
Every single one of them.
Their little ren fair is remarkably accommodating of this future tech.
The Menk all have the same haircut and it is, it's a bad haircut, I would say.
Yeah, yeah, it's not flattering.
You know what I think might've happened is that the Menk
all fell for the flowbee commercial.
We suck, so you don't have to.
Yeah, a lot of straight lines on this haircut.
No layers either.
No layering of any kind. And it is hard to communicate with them because the universal
translator just can't do whatever their language is doing. So, Hoshi is doing her best to translate.
And they kind of explain like, oh yeah, the around here is, is whack. That's no good.
But the Wallachians are real, are real nice to us.
Like, while they don't let us live anywhere where you
could cultivate anything, they, they provide for us.
We have a great relationship with them. And one of
the locals starts peppering some English words into what he's saying to them.
They realize that this manc, despite being a primitive,
is a bit of a cunning linguist.
Food.
Did you say food?
This surprises everyone that someone with that haircut
could also be smart.
Blah!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha smart. Amazing.
This is the moment that establishes a kind of schism between Dr. Flax and his human counterparts,
right?
Because the humans believe that the Manc are being exploited and the Vlachians are cruel
to them in this way.
And Dr. Flax doesn't feel that way at all.
He doesn't feel sorry for
them. But he does agree that they might be underestimated.
I thought this was such an interesting perspective because he's like, yeah, like we know a lot about
a lot of humanoid species and this just doesn't happen. Like the fact that they're coexisting
peacefully is a great credit to both of them. Even though, I mean, like the terminology,
like they're less evolved than us gets tossed
around when the Wallachians are talking about
the manc, which is like, yikes, Wallachians.
I don't know, I don't know how I feel about
putting it that way, but.
But it may be true.
Yeah.
I mean, like, I don't know how you determine who is more evolved or less evolved than anyone else.
I think they would know better than you, Ben.
Well, I guess that just speaks to how evolved I am.
Uh-huh.
But yeah, like, they get some scans that they're going to put to use, and Hoshi makes a tactical retreat,
leaving Phlox and Cutler alone
in a pleasing ambience of the campfire
to talk about this situation.
And Phlox is like,
hey, I feel like I've been picking up some signals from you.
I'm Polly, just so you know.
Is that considered normal for denobulans?
Quite.
Yeah, I mean, this is a great example
of two adults having an adult conversation
about their situation,
and Phlox's Polycule does not immediately
offend Crumen Cutler's sensibility,
which is great, and a mature react from Crumen Cutler sensibility, which is great and a mature react from Krum and Cutler.
But also there's this weird tension of like the assumption Flax has is like, yeah, you
wouldn't like any of that.
That's really advanced stuff.
Krum and Cutler is like, I don't want to join your polycule.
I don't want to get married.
I just want to hang out and do fun shit with my friends.
Fun to do bad things.
Fun shit could mean a lot of things, actually.
So let's just leave the door open for fucking.
I want you to be a buddy with whom I can fuck.
Let's just see where it goes.
I like the honesty of this scene that both of them have.
I think it's a good look for both.
Yeah.
Archer goes down to the planet and visits the astronaut that they picked up at the
beginning and this guy is even further along in his disease and not doing super well.
Do you need to see sicker when you're on this planet?
I think this is one of the observations I had.
In and out of this hospital we go many times
and it's folks sitting in hospital beds.
And we're told that these people are very sick.
I know it would have changed how we feel
about the ultimate decision that gets made
at the end of this episode.
If the suffering looked like shivers or rashiness
or like something pronounced more than just kind of a malaise, which is how this disease reads every time we encounter it.
It is very common in a Star Trek episode where we are treating a society wide illness that,
that society wide illness comes with face lesions.
And this one notably doesn't.
And I-
Where are the lesions?
Yep, a lesion guy was on vacation.
Our main lesion person.
He actually joined the French foreign lesion
and he's not coming back.
I could have gone for, I don't know, some
flopping around, some restraints even, you
know?
Right.
Yeah.
Maybe some ambiguous vessels in which to
vomit or, or shit.
Right.
Or like some pustules.
Some pustules would have been good.
Love a pustule.
I think that's very astute of you that like when
the ultimate decision is made, it is not under
the specter of gross.
And-
Or pain, especially.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It just seems, it just seems tiring.
Yeah.
So this guy is begging for warp drive.
He's like, Hey, like, I don't know.
I know you guys aren't probably going to be
able to crack the code, but if we had your warp vessel, make a big difference, us, like,
looking around for somebody who could help us.
And Archer's like, dude, I've been out here for like three weeks.
It is not great.
You may not find that everyone you meet wants to help you.
This is the second time in one episode where Archer just walks away from a Valakian who
has a pretty serious thing to tell him.
If you're a Valakian and you've talked to other Valakians about Archer, I don't think
the reputation's good at this moment.
He's asked a direct question and then he just sort of doesn't give him an answer.
And then he's interrupted by this radio call from Dr. Flax.
And as far as I know, never gives him an answer.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if that's like the script equivalent of nobody ever says goodbye on
the phone in TV and movies, but it does feel super rude.
I mean, maybe he's just getting away with
it because to them he is an extraterrestrial. And so they're like, ah, that must just be
his custom. He walks away from conversations before they're complete.
Yeah, I guess so.
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I'm Jesse Thorne.
I just don't want to leave a mess.
This week on Bullseye, Dan Aykroyd talks to me about the Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters,
and his very detailed plans about how he'll spend his afterlife.
I think I'm going to roam in a few places, yes.
I'm going to manifest and roam.
All that and more on the next Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hello teachers and faculty.
This is Janet Varney.
I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is
part of the curriculum for the school year.
Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many
more is a valuable and enriching experience. One you have no choice but to embrace, because
yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on
Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the
halls! get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls.
The news from Dr. Flax is that they got all their samples. They've all been gathered and organized and they're ready to go.
So on Enterprises Bridged, Paul tells Archer that you would not believe the day
I've been having.
We've gotten spam hails all fucking day.
And it's from ships asking for help, similar to the kind that they're
giving to this one hospital
down on the surface.
And it's overwhelming.
And like the rumor has spread that the
enterprise already has the cure.
So the aliens are getting super thirsty and
T'Pol is getting a little fed up with it.
In Archer's ready room, they, they continue
this conversation in private.
They can't, they can't say what they really want.
Yeah. Out on the bridge. And, and he tells her that, look, the Wallachians want the warp drive and I know they're not ready for
that, but also do you think we should? They're not ready. Then your decision shouldn't be
difficult. The feeling here is that the longer they stay, the higher chance there is that this is just
going to be an absolute quagmire.
The Vulcans stayed and helped the humans on Earth for 90 years after first contact.
Do you really want to stay that long?
Do we have that kind of time?
Is this your idea of Star Trek Enterprise?
No one in the scene thinks it should be.
No.
And I mean, like they talk about, even if they could understand like the
principles of the technology, actually the like skills that you would have to
have to build the technology are also way, way ahead of them.
Archers like they're not even flopping around in the hospital.
Like how serious is this?
Yeah.
Heads ain't ready.
So, uh.
You know, another thing I wanted to say, not only are we not seeing anyone flop around,
we're not seeing anyone die.
Right.
Don't you think we should have seen someone die?
12 million people is like so theoretical.
Yeah.
Like the alien astronaut should die in front of him.
I want to see a hand go over a face with a bad haircut.
Those eyes get closed with some fingers.
Right.
By a different guy with the same bad haircut.
Exactly.
So we got a little wordless scene to commercial of FLOX looking at
something really sad in the microscope.
It's two manc sperms, like running into each other
on the Petri dish.
Woo hoo!
God, you watch one rerun of The Simpsons
and it's all you can think about if you're me.
You're talking about that for two days.
I know.
You're talking about that for two days. I know.
So after the commercial, Flocks and Archer have a late night hang in the canteen and
they talk about the medical ethics issue.
Flocks is like, Hey man, like the thing that is happening to these people
is a natural process and I don't think that we should get involved.
I don't think we should step in the way of that.
The Mank could take over.
It could be, this could be the thing that gives the Mank the opportunity
they've been looking for.
Great moment for Dr.
Flax because it sounds a lot like one of the great captains in Star
Fleet history when he said, let them die. He doesn't know it yet. Yeah. Do you think
Captain Archer is drinking out of a Coke float glass? Do you remember these
glasses? Oh, it was an interesting glass.
It's not like pear-shaped, pear bottom. It's like pear top.
Pear top.
Tin man.
Yeah, upside down pear shape.
I was interpreting what he was drinking as booze.
Seemed like it.
The reasoning that Dr. Flux has here has to do with not just the idea of letting nature take its course.
It's not like the dominant species on this planet will die.
What he argues is the maker ascending.
Yeah.
Look at them go.
They might have a chance here, especially after the Volackians die out.
Yeah.
The let nature make the choice argument does not sit great with Archer.
The hell with nature. You're a doctor.
It's an interesting moment because
Flax could just say, well,
ultimately I can't come up with anything to cure their illness.
So it's not even really a choice.
But instead, Flax says,
I did come up with a cure a couple of days ago and we could give it to them.
I'm just saying my understanding of the medical ethics of the issue are that we should not.
So Archer very noisily slurps the last of his Coke float down.
Yeah, I mean, like, it doesn't seem like we got the moment where they break it to these people,
like you have a genetic disease that will be the end of your people.
And now, like, it's even worse.
They've got to know, right?
Is that part of it?
I don't know, because it seems like FLOX figured that out, right?
Like, wouldn't Alien Astronaut have led with that, like, when they first picked him up?
Question.
In one of the many tensions of the how do you deal with a pre-warp
society issue is one of those things, like, is it cruel to tell them that
they're on their way out and like, they're going to die in two generations?
Or, or is that kind?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know either.
I mean, I feel like if a doctor diagnoses you with something terminal, they have to tell you.
I would hope so. Yeah.
It's clear that a cure has been found. And in Six Bay Later, Archer tells Dr. Flax that he's
going to go down to that Vlachian hospital,
not to give them the cure for the disease.
And that's gonna be against his every instinct.
Maybe one day there will be a document
that has rules about this kind of situation,
but they don't have such a document today.
And so Archer's gonna have to go with his gut.
And by that, I mean going against his gut
because that's what he's chosen to do. Did you get this contradiction of this scene? What are you saying, Archer?
Is this why no one likes talking to you? Yeah. Can you imagine him breaking up with a person?
Like, you know, this really isn't working out, but I do believe we have a future,
but not right now, but down the road it could be.
Our love is eternal, and yet we must stop.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, no thanks.
Yeah.
Is it the cure that said the thing
about Sharif not liking it?
Or is it the clash?
Can I fuck that up?
It is the clash.
God damn it.
Yeah, you're not going to want that in the episode.
It's too late now.
One of the things about this episode is that it really shows you the differences between
Dr. Flax and Archer in terms of being direct and not.
And it's a terrible Archer episode for that reason.
Yeah. Because in so many ways, Dr. Flax is direct.
I mean, and Archer is just like, I wish there was a rule so that this didn't have to be a
decision I had to make.
Yeah. Tell me how to act here is what he wants. But I guess Dr. Flax has a little bit of that
too because he's asked around about how to treat Truman Cutler.
Yeah. So they drop off some medicine that will help these people
not suffer so much for about a decade. And who knows, maybe that will buy them the time they need
to figure something out long-term, but no conclusion to that story. The head Wallachian guy asks him
once more about, can we get your warp
drive off of you? And they're like, hey, sorry about that. We really just can't share that
one. And Flax kind of sums up the story about what a weird day it was and getting some newfound
respect for Archer for making the right choice, even though flocks trusted him with more information than
he was positive he could.
And he puts his, his letter to Dr.
Jeremy in the mail.
Dr.
Jeremy's reply is TLDR.
How many words is this letter?
It's like 30,000 words.
And a little, a little bit insulting bit insulting at times, you know.
Yeah.
Hoshi notices that Dr. Flax is bumming and suggests maybe getting out of the workplace
for a bit.
Why don't you take a break?
Want my advice?
Get out of Sixay.
Here, let me show you how to text an eggplant emoji to someone.
Yeah, Dr. Flax blows in a call to Crueman Cutler
and asks her out to a meal in the mess hall,
an invitation she accepts.
I was trying to think of if we've ever seen
such a direct booty call in Star Trek.
I don't think this is a booty call.
You don't think this is a booty call?
You don't eat before a booty call.
Sometimes booty is what you eat.
With that tongue, come on.
It was a rough day for the doctor, but this episode ends on a high note.
He's got something to look forward to.
And I think that is a lesson that we all could learn a little bit,
you know? That's how you turn your struggles into chances to emerge, right? He had a rough one,
but he's got a good hang set up for later. And that's the end of the episode, Ben.
Pete Did you like this episode felt weird to me.
So I did a little bit of research and the network noted this ending and wanted it
changed.
Really?
Cause I guess initially they were a little more hardcore about the not giving of the medicine that would save an alien species
and it made archer seem cruel in a way that they wanted to avoid. And so they kind of
sanded down the harder edges off of the end of this thing, I think the result is still a really thought-provoking episode,
mostly because it's an idea that I think about a lot. And I think if you're a compassionate person
in this society, you can't help but think, like, if you can't help them all, what do you do? How much can you help and live with yourself? And that was a very interesting
question when you look at it from a pre-warp society to an enterprise ship full of technology
and medicine perspective. It gave me a lot to think about. It's a tough decision to make. And it definitely feels uncomfortable for everyone involved to walk away from this one
when they had a chance to do something else. But it's like that, it's like the fucking bucket of
crabs metaphor, you know? Like, do you really want to stay in parking orbit for 80 years dealing with this?
Or is it better to allow a species to figure it out on their own?
On their own, because it's not impossible.
It's not super far-fetched that they don't figure this out.
Right.
What's interesting about this to me is Archer doesn't seem to have considered that this
type of dilemma will be the kind of thing he deals with when he goes out into space. And that's something that sets him apart so much from other Star Trek captains
who have like the history of Starfleet to draw on and are kind of expecting these types of dilemmas.
Yeah. He was hired for one job and then on the job he has discovered that it is something very different. Yeah.
And he doesn't get it yet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I thought it was actually like a pretty good Archer episode, because I feel like
he does a good job of like digesting counsel from flocks that really goes
against his instincts and he comes out on the other side, like I think making the right choice.
He also does a good job in seeking the counsel of people, uh, privately, instead
of, uh, airing his questions out in the open, thus making him look indecisive
and, and wishy washy and bad.
Like, I think he, he's buttoned up here in a way that is better
than in previous episodes.
Yeah.
More captain-y.
I also really liked the friendship between Flox and Hoshi that we got to see in this.
Like I, you know, the Cutler thing is, is perfectly interesting, but the Hoshi
like platonic friendship is cool.
And I like them as a duo and I'm curious to see how that develops going forward.
I wonder if, if Cutler and Phlolax is going to be a thing going forward.
It with what we know about Dr.
Flax, it feels like she could pull his face on like a pair of pants.
What's that like?
His face is like a swimming diaper.
You want to see if we have anything that's like a swimming diaper in the priority one
inbox?
Oh yeah, very, very buoyant are our priority one messages today, Ben.
Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secure Channel.
Need a supplemental income.
Supplemental.
Supplemental. Yeah need a supplemental income. Supplemental income? Supplemental.
Supplemental.
Yeah, it's extra.
By the interest alone, could be enough to buy this ship.
Beginning with a promotional message that goes like this.
Did you buy a website with popular hosting company, but still haven't gotten around to
feeling that hole?
Or where your logo should be?
Or maybe you already have a logo but you feel
I feel
It needs a little freshening up.
I'm a graphic designer, an actual living human who listens and responds to your needs
to help you share your passion project with the world.
And I've been creating durable, thoughtful design since Archer was in the captain's chair.
I love that adjective, durable, in this context.
So the call to action here is visit sciencemilk.design
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That portfolio is also on Instagram, at sciencemilk,
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different stuff. Hell yeah. Gorgeous stuff over here on ScienceMilk.Design. Yeah. Thanks for getting a P1.
I hope that helps a lot.
Yeah, get that bump.
Bump, bump, bump.
Science Milk.
And our next P1 is from Kevin Uxbridge.
And it is to Dr. Flax and Captain Archer.
And it goes like this. I guess you could admire the choice that they made.
The thing about me is I could clap forever without getting tired or sure palms of hands.
It's actually sure palms of hands is what got me into this rubber doll manufacturing
business in the beginning.
Interesting approach to do genocide by inaction.
I of course took the other approach. Ben, our final priority one message here is from Ira W. Guch.
And it is to you and me and the team.
Here's their message. By admitting this, I feel I've unlocked a new level of embarrassment.
Enterprise is my favorite Star Trek.
Wow.
This is my favorite Star Trek. Wow.
And I can't wait for you guys to watch the submarine movie
that is Enterprise.
Cheaper to watch, folk-a-booey.
How about that?
The gooch coming in strong
with a pro Star Trek Enterprise feeling.
Heard that quite a bit actually.
Coming out of the woodwork are the FODs to claim Enterprise as their Star Trek.
Starting to take shape as one of the preferred Star Treks of the FOD community in a surprising
way.
Yeah.
I'm here for it.
So far so good.
Well, if you would prefer we keep doing this show, supporting it is a great way to do it.
One of those ways of support
is getting a priority one message.
You can do that at maximumphone.org slash Jombotron.
Hey Adam.
What's up Ben?
Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda?
Incredible.
Drunk Shimoda.
If Dr. Flux had discovered the cure and not told Archer,
that would be a dark Shimoda, right?
That would be a dark one.
It seems like he comes so close to that.
Yeah.
Even the idea that that decision is difficult,
kind of put him on target for me.
I know Shimoda's aren't usually this ethically ambiguous, but
yeah, that was a moment that maybe earned one for me. What about you?
I'm going to give it to a high decker spaceman for spiking the lens while laying himself
back down on that bed. Funny moment.
Unmistakable. I know Bill Tilley is going to notice that.
Well, let's learn a little bit about what we will be talking about next week while you
head to gach.biz slash game.
Can do that.
The next episode is season one, episode 14, and it is called Sleeping Dogs.
While investigating a gas giant, Enterprise comes across a damaged vessel hovering in
the atmosphere and the Paul, Hoshi and Malcolm
board the vessel to investigate.
However, once aboard they are ambushed by a hostile female Klingon who hijacks their
shuttle pod and strands them on the Klingon ship which threatens to implode under the pressure
of the planet's atmosphere.
Please give us a boop window. Love this idea.
Yeah, I do too.
That's tremendous.
Boob window, not one of the special squares on the game of buttholes.
The will of the Riker quantum leap.
But there are many other options, ways in which we can watch this episode.
It's up for a hundred side a die to determine that Ben we're currently on square 15.
And with this role, we could go anywhere. You're required to learn as you play.
Roll. Ready? Yeah, let's do it.
Ready? Yeah, let's do it.
Ben, our runabout is now on square 89. Tula! Did I win?
Just so close from hitting a temporal Cold War square. Your least liked square on the entire board.
So far, the one that I'm the most scared of.
entire board. So far the one that I'm the most scared of.
Yeah.
A veto, not used, a regular old episode ahead.
Pretty good for us.
That's great.
I am looking forward to that very much and really keeping the fingers crossed that the
window on the boobage will be there for us.
Like a bay window. Oh yeah. Bay window got me like. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Like that a lot. Hey, we got a plethora of thanks to give out here at the end of the episode.
Thanks to the friends of DeSoto who support us at maximumfun.org slash join. Sign up for our mailing list.
We are always putting out new issues of the mailing list
and there's one every month
and we're putting a lot of work into it.
I think it's really turning into something cool.
I think we should put a new discount code in there
for podshop.biz.
Yeah, I'd say every time there's a
mailing list that gets you a little discount on Podshop.biz. That's a good
reason, right, to sign up for the list. Also, I read your column in this month's
edition, Ben. Yeah. A really interesting little piece about the merger between
Skydance and Paramount.
Yeah. And I think FODs out there are gonna really enjoy reading it. Yeah, some
other some other news about things that will have happened by now. I guess is
today the day of Prannica Cabana? The day this episode comes out? Yeah, today is Prana Cabana. So if you are in Vegas for STLV, make
your way out to the pool deck now and look for the... Bree Belke said she was
getting us like a sign or something. Bree Belke promised multiple flags
to set our cabana apart from the rest. Here's what's gonna set our cabana apart from the rest.
Here's what's going to set our cabana apart from the rest are the dozens of folks who
are going to be out there.
We're going to have a great time.
Come join us.
Yeah.
We look forward to STLV every year.
Got to thank Wendy Pretty for producing and editing this show.
Got to thank Adam Ragusea for our original parody theme music that he
based on Diane Warren's original smash hit Enterprise song and Dark Materia for use of
the card song. Hey, follow all of our social medias at Greatest Trek everywhere. Those
accounts run by Bill Tilly and Rob Adler, and we really appreciate all of their effort.
And with that, we'll be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise,
and an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise that, you know, when one boob door closes,
we find that a boob window often opens
Well put
That's the price of make, make, make, make, make it so. Make it so.
Make, make, make, make it so.
Joe Piccata,
Piccata,
Piccata,
Piccata.
Maximum Fun,
a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.