The Greatest Generation - The Meryl Streep of Ferns (VOY S5E5)

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

When an ion storm buries the Delta Flyer under 30 kilotons of poisonous rock, Samantha Wildman is seriously injured and no one remembered to bring emergency supplies. But with Neelix playing babysitter back on Voyager, his own familial trauma keeps him from being honest with Naomi. Why doesn’t fantasy look good inside of science fiction? Where did Naomi Wildman learn how to hate? When did the grassy self eulogy fall out of favor? It’s the episode that pulls out all the horticultural stops! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.Friends of DeSoto for Democracy.Friends of DeSoto for Justice. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Caretaker!Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFollow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen!The Greatest Generation is on Twitch.Facebook group | Subreddit | Discord | WikiSign up for our mailing list!

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdecisoto for labor.com. That's friendsofdisoto for labor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. Engage! Watch your back shot. Hello. I'm Captain Captain Bringengwe. The U.S. is Boardhead Captain Captain Captain Bringing weather the U.S. is Boardhead

U.S. Captain Captain Welcome to the greatest generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys. Just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast. I'm Adam Pranika. I'm Ben Harrison. I did it, Adam.

I got internet lights from my studio. Oh, yeah, you did, didn't you? Yeah. I got internet lights from my studio. Oh yeah, you did, didn't you? Yeah. Oh, that's like one of those sticks that faces the corner. That's what kind of internet light you have. That's the kind I got. About that.

I didn't set it to purple and blue though. I liked it more on a kind of like a beachy temperature. I have an internet light too, you see it? You have an internet light? Yeah. Does it go blue? Look, I'll go turn it on. That's just a regular ass light. You know what? Any light on the internet is an internet light. That's what I think. I guess so. Hey, if you're watching right now, slide into the interactive chat feature and tell Adam whether you think that's a legitimate Internet light or not. Yeah, we're running a live poll right now. God, seeing my light next to your light really makes me feel like a piece of shit.

How you got to do is get some Internet light bulbs and put them in that non-internet light stand. And then they could be whatever color you want them to be. I'm semi-familiar with the economics of smart light bulbs. And it would seem to me that buying an entire light setup like the way you have would be less expensive than buying three web light bulbs, right? I don't know. I didn't price everything out. I totally impulse purchase that.

Damn. Well, it looks good. But you have a very deep studio. We have opposite studios. Yours is deep and minus tall. Yeah, and it's a weird like trapezoid shape. And I have a very acute angle in one of the corners. So it's really good for nothing but an internet light. I really like how it shaped because I always

really like the house situated on its lot that is not at a right angle. Yeah. You ever drive by a house that's like sort of a skew in its lot? I love those houses. Those are great. There was a house like that in my parents' neighborhood that was semi-abandoned and we always wondered about it. And I was like, you guys should buy this house. This house is too cool not to get. And like, sell yours. You know, this one's going to be cheaper because it's all fucked up and abandoned. Put the difference into fixing it up. And it's going to be cheaper because it's all fucked up and abandoned, put the difference into fixing it up. It's going to be the coolest house in the world. Fucked up in abandoned is tremendous value, you guys.

Usually, right? It's like, by the worst house on the best block. Well, I mean, you tell us in the Friends of Disoda, how's that going over there? They didn't do it. They never took my financial advice. I was talking about where you are right now. my financial advice. I was talking about where you are right now. Wow, absolutely savage. The brutal thing at him is that I bought like the third nicest house on the worst block. That rules. Yeah, yeah. Just found out that my neighborhood is getting a Mendocino farms though.

So the... Oh shit, take it for a ride! The gentrification nails are going into the coffin, as we speak. Wow. Really, really felt pangs of guilt when I saw that. Hope you got a fixed rate mortgage, buddy. That shit's about to go off. Yeah, yeah.

You recently moved. You know all your neighbors now. I'm still moving. Yeah, you're never not kind of moving after a move, right? Yeah, just got to keep it going. Can't get comfortable in one spot. You told me you had a shady situation arise with one of your neighbors.

Yeah. Oh God, I can't believe you've pimped me into telling this story. I heard the broadest stroke outline of what you're about to tell the friends of DeSoto the other day. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I do not want to have this conversation with you now. Save this for the show.

I rarely do food delivery. And it's not because I like to enjoy the occasional pizza left on my porch, sent by someone else. It's because I like any excuse to leave the house. But I've been on my own all week. My wife's been on a business trip to the East Coast, which means I'm homebound with a puppy. And I ordered food delivery for dinner a couple nights ago.

Yeah. Ordered from popular Chinese restaurant in the neighborhood. I like it when my wife's gone. It means I can order exactly the things that I like. Right, no compromises. Exactly. Yeah. So I was very excited for this meal to arrive.

And I followed the dot on the line that says it's getting close. Oh, it's getting close. But I'm on the exercise bike, Ben. And I had set it ahead. I'd set a delivery time of seven P. And I was like, cool, it's six. I'm gonna hop on the bike and crank one out. I find that those like set it for a specific time things

fail at an extremely high rate. And I always get the food earlier that I wanted it when I'm trying to like target a time. Well, do you just want to tell the story then? Because that's exactly what happened, Ben. So I'm like 10 minutes away from finishing my ride and the door dash person sends the text and they're like, all right, about to show up.

And I was like, cool, here's where you should drop it. Like, I don't want you to just leave it out by the street, like drop it inside the fence, get the notification. Food has been delivered. I'm like, great, finish up my ride, walk out to the front. Nothing there. There's nothing there. And I'm like, I thought I was pretty specific

about where this thing should get dropped. Look to my left, look to my right, nothing. There's nothing around. There's nothing on the sidewalk, there's nothing in the street. Go back inside, look at the app, look at the delivery address. It is not my address that I address. It is a next door neighbor's address. That's interesting.

So the delivery person had to put in the address they dropped it to, and it didn't match the one that they were told to drop it. Wrong, Ben. I entered the wrong address, or the application knew my location. Oh, interesting. Using its location. Oh, interesting. Using its magic.

Right, right. And automatically entered the address information as my neighbor. And I had just met these neighbors not that long ago. They know my name. Yeah. And not only do they know my name, they know they didn't order Chinese food

from popular Chinese restaurant. And the feeling that washed over me. Was that of a petard and me being winched up and over it and then slowly lowered onto the top of it as if I were trying to climb over a fence and I got stuck. Now this petard was it specifically yours or was it just a general retard that was out there? I think you and I and all of the good friends of DeSoto can tell the difference between this story

and the pizza story. The pizza story did not have a name or address or anything associated with it. And it also had a good faith effort by me to find who it should go to or like I contacted the restaurant, I did many things to try to solve the problem. They were roadblocked every one of them. Did you go knock on the door or like make an attempt to recover the delivery? Did you like look in the window of their house from the street and see them eating your shrimp or whatever? I window of their house from the street and see them eating your

shrimp or whatever? I can see their porch from the sidewalk in front of my house. Okay. And there was nothing there. Which means I think the delivery driver knocked and gave. Wow. And I feel like once it breaches the threshold, it doesn't come back from that. And because there was a time between when I got off the bike, went to the front, went inside, checked the address, figured all these things out. Yeah. A good five minutes had passed.

And I just didn't believe a neighbor wouldn't have opened and dug into that good, good food in the amount of time that it transpired. I can't imagine eating food that got misdelivered to my house like in that way. Like delivery driver handing me food. This is insane. These people are nuts.

You wanna hear a particularly Adam Denumat to the story? Yeah. I'm like upset, but I also don't want my mistake, which is clearly my mistake to make trouble for other people. You know this about me. I fucking hate this. Yeah.

I contact food delivery company, and I'm like, hey, this order number, I fucked it up. It's my fault. And if the restaurant has been contacted by this neighbor, or the neighbor has contacted you to ask what's up, what I'm trying to say is, it's my fault. It's not your fault or the restaurant's fault. So try to impress upon the neighbor that it's not your deal. It's not your screw up to solve. And the person at Food Delivery Company was like,

we have never gotten a message like this before. Let me tell you what my life is like. A complaint every five minutes for my entire shift. And I was like, that's what I'm trying to tell you, man. Like, this is one that's done me. I just need you to know that. And you know what happened, Ben? I didn't do this whole thing for this reason, but I was delighted by the consequence of this action.

This person was so inspired by what I had done. $50 credit. $50! Oh, I'm so excited. inspired by what I had done 50 dollar credit 50 dollars 50 dollar credit dude to my to my food delivery account they were like you're a gentleman and a man and look there's nothing we can do about this and I can tell you for a fact no one has contacted us with any sort of problem related to this delivery but I just feel like you're special. Man, so amazing. Here's a 50 on us. What do you think about that?

Hey, internet, how am I a bad person now for stealing pizzas? I'm going to put this into some context here, Adam. My wife and I ordered burritos the other night and the delivery came and there was a burrito in the bag. And it was her burrito and not mine. She called food delivery company. You want to know what she got? $25.

So when there's actually a problem and it's not your fault, you get $25. Look, we both know that your wife is a professional lawyer. Did I, in my case case outlaw your your wife? I don't know. I think you might have. I think Ben, I rest my case.

Philip Alouwau would be stupendously impressed with you. Right. Yeah. God damn. I was rewarded for being an idiot. That's my life right there. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of this show too Do you want to get into the episode? Yeah, let's talk about an episode about fantasy not the reality of our Marin the gritty reality Yeah, that is food delivery in Los Angeles

Yeah Yeah, that is food delivery in Los Angeles. Yeah, let's paint in pastel colors as we discuss. Star Trek Voyager Season 5 episode 5, once upon a time. Reaver course. Unless you've got something a little bigger in your torpedo tubes, I'm not dreaming about art. Ben, I'm looking through my binoculars. Naomi Wildman episode. Roger. Yeah. We start in media Sears Garden Center. And this is a deep broad set. This is, they really pulled out the

stops for this Sears Garden Center setup. Naomi Wildman got so much more jungle than the Echo Papa 607 people ever got. Think about that Echo Papa setup specific to the foliage. Yeah. And I know you remember this same detail. There were no mossy vines on the Ecopapa planet because mossy vines very expensive. And as soon as you see the vines covered in moss in this setup, I was like, all right. They really pulled out all the horticultural stops here. It looked good. I'm kidding. I mean, a lot of the same ferns reprise their roles in this episode. Sure. But the mossy vines, those are all new cast members. The Meryl Streep of Furns is on camera quite a bit this episode.

Naomi Wildman approaches a grotto and starts throwing rocks at the water. There's a character that is the water or is it in the water or something? Yeah, I would make a lady in the water reference here, but I haven't seen it and no one I know has ever seen it. So yeah, lady in the water. What is that an M Night Shyamalan movie? Sure is. Wasn't there like a children's picture book that came along with it or something? I have no idea, Ben. As I said, I did not see the movie. I know nothing about it. This episode was directed by Guillermo del Toro

and it's actually Doug Jones in the role of Flotter, the water creature. It's hard not to think that this might be a descent into type episode and be a descent into type episode. And specifically a descent into the mud bath walks on a Troy episode from TNG. Yeah, the harder, the better, yes, et cetera, the faster, the stronger, the higher, the fewer. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't remember how it goes. Oh, damn, if we know, we're just here for some fun and a mud bath. But yeah, they were talking about this tree monster and whether Flutter shares Naomi Wildman's fear of it. But they got to find it on this mission. It's a mission. It is.

And I wasn't particularly wrapped at this point. The guy that plays Flutter is a real that guy, like an actor that still works. How tell me more? What is his name? I had it and then I lost it. I got Wallace Langham. Yeah, look at Wallace Langham.

You recognize Wallace Langham. He's in tons of stuff. Let's just pull up his IMDB. Oh, look at Wallace Langham, you recognize Wallace Langham, he's in tons of stuff. Let's just pull up his IMDB. Oh, look at him. He's in Perry Mason. He was on Larry Sanders' show, man. Larry Sanders' is where I recognize him. He was Phil.

Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. I feel like Flutter is the kind of character where if you were doing like a prestige drama on HBO about somebody like getting started in the acting business, this would be like an embarrassing part that they took early in their career, that they think back on and cringe.

Like I feel like Barry would make a joke about having to do a role like this, you know? Yeah, I don't come down to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth while you're trying to work. Hey, it's work. It's paid work, you know. This is what we moved here for, man. You have to scroll so many times.

To go down Wallace Langeham's IMDB credits. Yeah. Like, holy moly. Wallace Langeham is a busy, busy actor and it is pretty funny that early in his career, he took this one. He went from Larry Sanders to Star Trek Voyager. What did that feel like? I mean, you go from being in a prestige comedy to wearing something indistinguishable from what Jake Cisco would wear. Because for some reason, Jake Cisco and also a blue latex body suit.

But look at this, that was 1998. In 1997, Veronica's closet starts and he played Josh Blair on that in 67 episodes. What a run. This dude works. What a run. Playing Flutter did not end his career. No. If anything, it helped.

It's pretty cool to play a character and know that there's merch for your character like within the episode That's got to feel good. You know, it's amazing is he he did the ultimate comedy bridge He went from Larry Sanders to curb yeah He did just a couple of years man. What a career What a career. I'm just going down a total Wallace Lange, I'm rabbit hole. And I need to start talking about the episode Adam. All right, bring it back. They meet Trevis so quickly.

Like the fear of Trevis is, is a laid almost immediately. Trevis turns out to be really cool and a total homie and not a person to be scared of at all. In a way that is very condescending to Naomi Wildman, I think, and her relative intelligence, like the story did not expect her to put in a bunch of effort here. And that lack of effort is rewarded with a tree-viss appearance immediately. It's clearly an educational video game, you know. It's not about being fun or challenging. It's about Naomi Wildman making the case

that trees and water help each other. She's got a point. The girls are thinker. Treevis is a grute, and you see his face, you see flutter. And you see his face, you see flotter. Why does fantasy just not look good inside science fiction? You think? Because we're looking at crazy stuff all the time in science fiction,

but there's something clashy. This is like polka dots and stripes. It's kind of cartoony, I guess, which, you know, like that design, I guess, makes sense to me as a like, this clearly becomes like everybody's got fond memories of hanging out with Flotter in Holodex as a kid. Uh-huh. As we like move through this episode, there's a lot of nostalgia for these

characters among crew members. And I feel like they may have kind of straight a little too close to realism ironically. Like I feel like they should be more cartoony is what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, but then Wallace Langham doesn't have a job. Right. Right. Samantha Wildman has some disappointing news. We cut over to where she is inside the Delta Flyer. Yeah, she's a it's bedtime so Naomi has to stop playing the game and Neil accepts her up with a FaceTime with her mom and her mom is like on the

scrambled porn channel of FaceTime. I'm afraid the array mission may take a few more days, sweetheart. Days? Broadcasting from the Delta flyer. She's on an away mission, but don't worry. Bring in Crystal's home. Crystal's. So you're going to love it. I got a very fun kind of TV watching whiplash from the scene,

because when we see Samantha Wildman on the screen and the bangers are dropping around her, I'm like, oh, is this death of Samantha Wildman episode? I was excited to be here, but then when we cut over to the Delta flyer and see the two Valken Pariser there too, I'm like, ah, she's gonna be fine. No chance of any problems. And then the Whiplash-backed Horde, like Samantha Wildman is gonna die again. Yeah. It was a great ride of an episode.

It really is. Like, when they choose to check in with the O' way team in this episode is very interesting because they do a great job of planting and then like taking away your hope for these characters over and over again in this way. So on the Delta Flyer, another ion storm is coming in and they choose to turn away from the shock wave here.

Interesting strategy. Yeah, and that's a like a banger and lights out to theme music. Of course, it's a lot more than what. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

Use bangers are unusual because they're bright and strong, like a blue bottle coffee. Hmm, I don't drink that stuff. Hmm. They've been bought out by the Nestle Corporation, which is not a good company. Yeah, everyone likes when we stop the show to say something like that. Why did you bring up a brand that's owned by a bad company? After the theme, Janeway plays the last message

from the Delta Flyer in a McLaughlin group. Is your one? This is a dramatic flourish that back when I was going to five meetings a week about some bullshit, you just crave something like this in a meeting, right? Mm, yeah. This is nice. We have a recording of, we'll play that now.

I've never been to that kind of meeting. Yeah, where were they when the distress call came in, We'll play that now. I've never been to that kind of meeting. Yeah. Where were they when the distress call came in? Where was the crew? Because it seems like they're all hearing this for the first time. I think it's important that no one asks the tough questions at this point. The important thing is we focus on the recovery. Yeah. The important thing is we focus on the recovery. Yeah, we're talking about a level five ion storm.

L5 is what they're gonna have to go through. That's the finger of God level, right? From Twister. You know, I can't compete with this. Yeah, and that's what they're gonna have to go through to get to the part of space that the Delta Fire was in when they sent this distress signal. They're gonna batten down the hatches, beef up the shields, and head in. We're not going to let a little bad weather stand in our way.

They're like, okay, good meeting everybody. And Nielix is like, hey, the daughter of one of the people on that ship is like in the holodeck right now. What do we tell her? And the rest of the senior staff is like, who? This isn't the moment in the episode where I wish they drew a bright line around Naomi Wildman's relative importance. Like I wish she was the only child on the crew.

I wish we knew something that made her unique in such a way that would make her memorable to anyone else. Everyone acts as if they know her or know who she is and I understand that on a crew complement this small that might be true. Well, she was born in the previous season. So like, I think she is significant to

them in that way, but it would have been nice to, yeah, like have somebody give voice to that. Like they all feel a special responsibility toward her or something. That was what I was going for. Like not that this is just a child of a croopers and but a special child of the crew people. Yeah. Neelix is arguing for, let's just not tell her anything. Let's not scare her. Let's not say, hey, we don't know where your mom is. She may be in danger because it's a very sensitive child we're dealing with here. Right.

There's coffee in your mission to keep her occupied. We see just how sensitive she is to other alien races in the mess hall when she sits down to a snack with Nelix. Naomi has some pretty retro gait thoughts about seven of nine that make you wonder if Samantha Wildman taught her how to hate. I don't want to be in a collective. I don't get too much danger of that. Yeah, it's like who's raising this kid? Cause, you know, if Seventh has misgivings

about going back to the A Quad and living as an XB in human society, I wonder where she got those worries, you know? If she can't pass the Naomi Wildman test, what makes her think that she's gonna make its on earth with anyone else? Yeah, terrifying to see a child this young with prejudices this day. Nielix and Naomi are like sitting at a table and Harry Kim comes into like,

pulled Nielix away to ask how Naomi is doing, but that exposes her to Borg attack. Yeah. In the form of seven of nine, asking if she can sit down at that table, she pulls a full like forest gump bus routine. Is this chair occupied? It's like, it's like... I really love how you know how some adults are just uncomfortable talking to kids. How that is a order of magnitude more true for seven

in this interaction. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. The doc should volunteer her for babysitting or something. Like this seems like a socialization that seven could use. Yeah, I could use it. I would love that episode.

I don't know how to talk to kids. Don't tell mom the babysitters of Borgs. So back in the Delta Flyer, they're zooming around trying to dodge this ion storm, this big bright ion storm, and they're trying to find a workable planet to land on at the same time. And this landing is rough. So rough that when they look at the window, it's just rocks. They're underground. This was like a vintage TNG era shuttle crash landing.

Yeah. We're coming in too fast. Hang on. Be light. Everybody just like shake in your chair and then we'll turn off the lights and then when we turn them back on, there'll be like rocks outside the window.

The flyer has landed. It's big fun. And after they land, if you even want to call it a landing, we see Tuvac is with Samantha Wildman and she is hurt pretty bad. She's the only one that really took it hard. Yeah, well, Tuvac and Paris had their seat belts on, and she didn't. Yeah, always listen to the flight attendant, Samantha.

Oh, the flight attendant is an alien race, you don't like? Huh. Wow. Well, that's what you get. Is Samantha your real first name, or is it actually Karen? Paris does this thing. We forget Paris is a medical professional, or at least has been enlisted as one. is it actually Karen? Paris does this thing.

We forget Paris is a medical professional, or at least has been enlisted as one. And when he goes to work on Samantha Wildman, he kind of covers up the truth. Like he kind of lies about her condition for her benefit, but she sees right through that. Hair-great nurse, but you're a lousy liar. Sort of a similar situation to what's going on with Naomi back on the ship.

Like, nobody wants to tell the wild men's the harsh truth. Yeah. Do the wild men's have like a reputation for meltdowns? Like, do they use their like temper to control the way people talk to them? Is that what's going on here? That just makes me really sad. Give the wild ones a wide birth. I don't want to be the person to break bad

Newt de Semanta. Hey Ben, you know who else was a wide and sharp birth? Naomi Wildman. Well played, sir. Well played. This scene made me think that they should get an EMH for the Delta flyer. If it's going to be as independent a ship as it is, put an EMH on that thing. Well, I had a related question like the one medical kit that they have on the giant shuttle that they've got, can't fix internal bleeding, internal bleeding somehow beyond their abilities. Yeah. On a long-range shuttle, which they should be treating like a starship in terms of how to pack it with emergency gear. That should have more emergency gear.

Yeah. Look, I don't want to judge Samantha based on her anti-aliens sentiments, but it feels like she may be embellishing her story in order to get at those sweet, sweet pain medicines. Because that's all Paris can do. Like, there's no fixing what's going on inside her. All he can do is prescribe pain killers. It's interesting that Samantha Wildman has a different species of partner, right?

Yeah. Is she like one of these alt-right people that has like, that's like in an interracial marriage, but is somehow more racist than anyone? I don't want to do the Samantha Wildman is racist thing anymore. It's not being fun to me. Yeah, I guess racism isn't fun. Wish I felt the same. I'm giving you an order.

I'm giving you an order of that undersprit. I'm giving you an order. I'm giving you an if you have just crossed the line. Too Vactel's Paris that they can't leave the shuttle because, and then he gestures at the window. It's all rock out there. So that's why it would be a logical to think that you can move through all that rock.

I love the hat on a rock hat here when two of us is like, and also there's a lot of poison gas in here too. So like rocks, a major problem, but at least the rocks are also emitting a poison gas. You know what beats rock and rock paper scissors? Poison gas. Do they not have EVA suits on the Delta Fire? Another huge omission.

But scissors beat poison gas, and that's weird. Yeah. Why? I don't know. Do they pop the balloonist sand or something? I don't know. Voyager enters orbit above this planet and Kim picks up the probable coordinates of the Delta flyer. Voyager going through an L5 ion storm.

Not a big deal. Yeah, there's like a flying cow. I love the blue, we got cows! We don't even see it. We don't see the event. We don't see the event. We don't need to see the exciting parts. Yeah. They arrive and the planet is a dump. Yeah. Just wait till you see the pool.

There's so much crud on the planet surface that the sensors can't penetrate it. You fall in this and crud or something? I love it. There he comes. Like like, in an episode where people are pulling every punch they can, Harry Kim is just like, either they vaporized on the, on impact or they're buried beneath the surface. Yeah. He's like as Frank as two-vac in this episode.

So what do they get to do? They get a good end like manually. Yeah. Come the surface. We ain't found shit. in this episode. So what do they get to do? They get to go down manually, comb the surface. We ain't found shit. I was surprised that this was an M-class planet. Like all the poison gas made me imagine that this wasn't, but I guess they said that when they were choosing it

for their crash landing. So they're like, yeah, like let's get some teams together and they'll go down there and not die of the poison gas because it's a fine, the planet's fine, otherwise. The doctor has a little science class that he teaches now, me, Wildman. Today, we're learning about mitochondrial symbiosis. I like this part.

I learned something. Oh, did you? Yeah. The one that looks like a little bitty potato. This never would have distracted me from an awful truth. Like, why are you trying to teach me this? Where's my mom? My mom is missing.

Yeah. Neelix interrupts class ready to take her to the Holodeck field trip and another chapter in the Flutter story. Yeah, cause she's starting to like press the doctor for information. Guess you could say he starting to like press the doctor for information. I guess you could say he's really saved by the bell end when Nielix shows up. Indeed. That's one for the listeners in the UK. Do they have like canned laughter studio audience sitcoms in the UK? sitcoms in the UK. Yeah, they can't do it because people just say jolly good every time.

Oh, you were a delight. Yeah, so they head back to the holodeck, which we learn from the commands given in the turbo lift is on Dex6, section 9. Nice. I thought it was interesting. Like there's like a scene where they're like picking which flotter story they're going to play this time. And the controls are like high up enough that Nelix is really reaching for it.

Like Naomi can't even see the controls. This is not inclusive design, first of all. But second of all, like, if they're hard for Nelix to reach, like, who is supposed to be using them? Not Nelix. I mean, this was a ship not built for Tlaxians. Yes, so. But isn't that like particularly short?

No. Maybe they don't want everyone to be able to use the halodeck. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's the dark secret. The one that they do features a fire ogre and it starts with trevice on fire. He's like, he's done that thing where you dip your finger in like male polish remover and light it on fire.

And it's like, ha ha, it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt. I never did that. You never did that. I don't recommend any friends of DeSoto do that. a famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous like that then. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Are we gonna have to start like having the jackass disclaimer at the beginning of every episode? Yeah, yeah, I think so. The greatest generation is recorded by professionals. Don't do anything you're about to see at home. And then we're just stapling our nuts to a two by four while we were gale at each other about Star Trek.

Yeah, that really heightens the sensation, doesn't it? Sounds a little scary. What do you make of how long it takes Flodder to put out Groot when he's on fire? Kind of waits a while, I thought. Yeah, I don't think they have a great relationship. There's some suffering there that's prolonging. Yeah. I mean, like they, much like mitochondria and our own cells have a symbiotic relationship,

but it's not without its resentments, you know? I love how profile is, how you do a practical effect like this, like the SNL, barf tube, style, finger hose that Flodder uses here is so great. Like, the Flodder can't change the hand position or how his body is configured because he's covering up the hose shooting that water. It's big fun. They meet the the fire ogre which is a real like negilum face situation. Yeah sure is a damn ugly nothing. There's not a lot of story to this. Like the fire ogre makes a bunch of fire, flotter evaporates and the enchanted forest gets burned to the ground.

And it, you know, it's basically the most horrifying flotter story we've seen yet, which is why Nielik says it's time for bed. Yeah, he doesn't want any resolution to this story so that Naomi Wildman can go to sleep knowing that all was well in the end. Yeah. He's got to get out of there. Neelix is more scared than she is. It's a scary scene. I mean, it is a scary scene. I, again, was wondering. He doesn't want to get as whiskers cooked. Like, what does a Naomi Wildman melt down look like? What does a Samantha Wildman melt down look like?

What specifically is Neelix afraid of? Yeah. And who do the Wildman meltdown look like, what does a Samantha Wildman meltdown look like? What specifically is Neelix afraid of? Yeah. And who do the Wildman's hate? Those are all the questions on my mind. Yeah. Neelix later meets up with Harry Kim in the engineering section. This is a scene where they're talking about, you know, oh yeah, I grew up with flotter stories.

Harry Kim did. Loved playing flotter games when he was a kid. He is helping Neelix design a flotter toy. And, uh, do not hire Harry Kim to design toys in the future. Neelix. Yeah. Like, it's weird how much attention Harry gives to the copy on the box art molded after the real flutter. And a very sensual looking pose for flutter on the box itself. Yeah. And it's way more fleshy than flutter has been

in any of the hollow programs that we've seen. And why is this Flutter dishwasher safe? Like they make a big deal about that. Yeah. That was a strange feature to include. You'll feel like Flutter is sucking you. It's made out of those toys that are like the tube that perpetually rolls. What is that called?

Oh, that's like the water weeny. Yeah, water weeny. I looked this up, this, this doll, the Flutter T water doll sold at auction on Christie's for $1,560 in 2006. God, if this were a better episode, I might have really wanted something like that. Somebody's got this thing on their shelf. That's amazing.

Yeah. If a friend of DeSoto has this on their shelf, I would like to see that. Yeah, that would be cool. It's just totally fucked his friends. It's been fucked and dumped like 10 years ago. Oh, yeah, I'm actually seeing the purchaser here is listed as Garrett Long.

Oh, God. He's a friend of the show, man. You're somehow suggesting that Garrett won an auction for a prop on the show that he starred on and then fucked that prop to death. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot how ugly this guy was. Sad.

Sad would happen. I guess he used to be a friend of the show. I don't think we can count on that anymore. Is that what his podcast is about? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Evaporation. Yeah, this is the lesson of the of the ogre episode. You learn about the different states of matter. I thought it was strange that Naomi Wildman had unfettered computer access. Until we see later that she also has unfettered bridge access. Like you can draw a line between those two points pretty easily. Like you can draw a line between those two points pretty easily. Yeah, she's pretty worried about her mom and the fact that she hasn't called.

There's been some talk of her becoming a captain's assistant and she's now citing chapter and verse Starfleet regulations to Neelix about how away teams are supposed to check in. And he doesn't really have a retort for this. Like, he really doesn't want to get into this with her. So he just like puts her to bed. Something bad happened to them. I'm sure everything's fine. And then has an out loud conversation

with a photo of a dead relative. Yeah. I was thinking- Like, he couldn't wait to get back to his own quarters. Like, yeah, first of all, don't do this in this, in within earshot. I got a blast out my grief here. Yeah.

I can't wait and feel like at home. He's like easily within earshot of Naomi, but he's also got his back turned to her. Yeah, which is like, man, you are fucking, you are playing with fire ogre right there, my friend. From her perspective, she's seeing the back of Nelix hearing what he's saying and also seeing for some reason kind of a single shoulder roll.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, where did my flutter toy go? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I've got to get that, Lucknam gets that old bit of large man cheer. I've got to get that, Lucknam would not be selling a heist. God. A greatest-gen live show is something you don't want to miss.

Why? Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre- and post post show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour. Let's do it! The Share Your Embarrassment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates

in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level.

We got stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweards. Pat Noswald. Could I get a Balrog burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Kumail Nanjiani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are already open.

Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jesse Goatry. Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Oh, Russ. Hey, instead. Oh, rats. Hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in mine. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line.

And boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short nacks. But I'm hearing we need to get on this. I've got to get on the art. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah?

Yeah, I know we look like humans. We're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out.

We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think? Ono Ross and Carrie, available on maximumfund.org. Nielix has a nightmare this eve. Yeah. His nightmare is a combination of the enchanted flotter forest and him and some talaxian red shirts running from the Metrian cascade, which I totally forgot about the Metrian cascade. Yeah, there was a whole episode about this.

Yeah. on cascade. Yeah, there was a whole episode about this. Yeah, and so it becomes clear that this fire over thing was just like an image that was too similar to his war trauma and is re-traumatizing him. Like, hey man, maybe be careful about the games you load in the in the holodeck. Like, that doesn't mean the same thing to Naomi that it does to you. Yeah, I mean, if a horse kicked your parents to death, you wouldn't enjoy Jazz Horse the game, right? Yeah, and you probably wouldn't enjoy the last of us part two either because there's a good amount of horse riding in that game. Oh, I haven't played a minute of that yet. God damn it! Oh, I told you to play a fucking game at him!

You've had a fucking week! An entire week! Look at your wife out of town! You're depressed, you're on button on your PlayStation! You're all fucking playin'! Oh! It took me two days to load it onto my PlayStation 5. I got the PlayStation 5 with the disc drive.

And my friends sent me the disc. They were like, Hey, Hey, pal, looks like you could use a video game. Make sure you give this time. Give it like half a day. That's how long it takes to load this game. So I did it once and my PlayStation's like, Nope. Nope. This disc is fucked. And I look at the disc, the disc is clean. The disc is clean. There's nothing wrong with

it. So I read it again on another day. Same thing error message. Jesus. So I spent two days getting this thing loaded and it hasn't loaded. Adam. So I got to download the digital version, obviously. I'm giving you formal permission to use the company card to download the digital version. All right. All right. Just do it. I have one more night left without my wife.

I should get some video game time. All right. We're recording two episodes of our shows today. In between this one and the next one, go and get the downloads started. Good call. Then it'll be ready. Yeah. Yeah, then the dishes will be done.

Preorder some food, you know, like set a time, set the correct address. Make sure you get the address right. Yeah. This night is gonna be perfect. How many more times could I deliver food to that neighbor? Could I turn this into a bit? A very expensive bit. Or I just do this again.

And again, how many times do you think it would take before I finally heard from them? That's an interesting man. I would be... Because that kind of flips it around, doesn't it? Like that makes it an aggressive thing. Yeah, yeah. After the first time, why did you keep accepting the food?

So you used your free $50 credit to buy another meal to go to your neighbors. Is this across the street neighbor? Brother of famous singer neighbor. No, no, this is next door neighbor. Is this across the street neighbor friend of person that wanted to vote for Rick Caruso neighbor? Yes Wow, okay. Well a lot has been explained by the answer to that question. Yeah. So the captain at this point wants Nielix to spill the beans about what's going on.

Your mission was to keep her occupied. Not to lie to her. He's checked in with 7 of 9 about like, you know, how's the scanning of below the surface of this planet going? Not great. And I like the bridge scene because it's like, you never see the bridge just as like the beehive of activity that it is when an operation that isn't really controllable from the bridge is being run. It's much more NASA control center

than it is cockpit of a vehicle in this way. At this moment, there's no news from the crash site yet, right? They're still kind of working all the angles. Yeah, and I feel like brings coffee to the bridge, not because anybody particularly wants coffee, but because he wants the tea. No debris, no life signs. Too far nothing.

This is a great Ethan Phillips couple of scenes here. It really is, because the captain is like, hey, so you gotta tell Naomi about the situation at a certain point, and he's like, nah, I'm not gonna do that. And she's like, all right, let's take this to my office. I mean, Ben, his no, not gonna do that, And she's like, all right, let's take this to my office. I mean, Ben, his no not gonna do that is like screaming in her face though.

You don't have the right. Yeah, but to her credit, she gets him in private before he has this meltdown. Yeah. This is like if you tried to do the first duty of every Starfleet officer seen and Wesley like came back twice as hard in the opposite direction.

Yeah, I think we'd think a lot differently about Wesley Crusher if he had. She gets very telephone customer service with him. She's like, I can see why this situation is very frustrating to you. This is low key a great moment for Janeway because she takes two outbursts to her face and remains completely poised.

And like she's not putting up with his outburst, but she like completely gets where he's coming from. And his sympathetic and kind of kendo's his energy into something positive. Like he is, he is freaking out. He's terrified about what it's going to do to this girl. He doesn't want to be the bearer of bad news. And she's like, well, you like, it's got to be done. And, and so, you know, when she gets up,

that's job number one. I don't think I have what it takes to be a starship captain because just reflexively getting screamed at is going to elicit a, not a scream back, but a, what the fuck are you doing? Kind of response, you know? Like I can't not do that if I'm being screamed at. Yeah, yeah. And look at Janeway here.

She's the best. She rules. Yeah, a great Janeway scene, a great Ethan Phillips scene, a pretty ugly moment for Nelix. Yeah. You know, not maintaining. You don't get the scene later where like when there's an outburst in the office and then you see that person

in the office later, there's an energy to it. Oh, shit. But there's no follow up energy examination to what Nelix has done. Everyone witnessed it. Yeah. Yeah, we saw what you did. Yeah. Freak. Yeah. Instead we cut away to the Delta flyer where Samantha Wildman is in a bad way. And the Delta flyer is in no better shape. They're trying to repolarize the hull, which would enable the ship to detect them, I guess. That's what they're trying to do. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, what's clear is like the Voyager can't find them on their own, like without a corresponding beacon or boi Signal, or something. Right. And DuVac, who has been Mr. Bad Bedside Man or this entire time, is being very frank with how low their odds are. You weren't reassured by what he said. I really liked his deal here. No, I mean, like initially, like it's really panicking, Samantha, and then he gets up and like meals in front of her

and it's like, yeah, if you never get to see her, you are already a great mom, basically. And like, we all have to take that kind of comfort. And like, I'm going through the same thing you are because I have a whole bunch of kids back on Vulcan. And I know that they're going to vote correctly when they turn 18, you know. Yeah. It's funny how similar to VAC and 7 comport to situations where they're uncomfortable, right? Like this isn't two VAC's best skill, but his straight shooting here is kind of welcome in a way that seven straight shooting just kind of flops. But they're both valid because they're both true to their

natures, but it's kind of nice that the show can get two takes. Right. Like that. Yeah, it's the rare show that has like two datas or two Mr. Spock's on it at this point. Yeah, it's the rare show that has like two data's or two Mr. Spock's on it at this point. Yeah, yeah, and that's what we got here. So Naomi wakes up in the middle of the night and starts sneaking around the ship. She sneaks into the transport room and sees like a crew of engineers led by BLT beaming down with phaser drills. And body bags. Yeah.

You think the spotty bags in a fit Samantha Wildman? I don't know, she's in pieces anyway. We could just kinda scrape her in there. Like just the worst conversation. Do you think we'll need something absorbent? I mean, yeah, half of her is basically pudding. Yeah, we should like, we should see if we can replicate like a really big diaper or something.

We got Neelix's pigs. Yeah, I went down to the pig ponex bay and got Neelix's pigs. So they should be able to clean out the rest of the mess. Naomi sneaks onto a turbo lift after this and wanders onto the bridge. And she sees everything. Yeah. She sees the big board. Yeah. She sure does.

I was shocked that the computer just let her ask the turbo lift to go to the bridge and the computer's like, sure, would you like anything on the way there? Yeah, yeah. This is like that time when I was a kid and I got on the turbo lift and it let me go into the living room or when my parents were watching an R-rated film. Ooh.

I heard the F word and the S word. Farts and? Sharts. Sharts. Damn. Yep. Yep. And yet you turned out the way you did. Yeah. And yet. I don't want to do it. Coffee, black, make it yourself. I'm trying to help you see this as an opportunity to grow. Make it yourself. So Naomi runs back into the turbo lift and escapes. And Nielix gives chase. Yeah, he fucked up big time. And when you fuck up big time,

you got to chase the girl out of the restaurant. Nielix had one job. Yeah. At least he didn't like wake her up to tell her her mom is probably dead. Like, he assumed that she was going to learn this over corn flakes in the morning. Naomi totally westerly crushers the computer because when Neelix asks the computer where Naomi is, computers computers like oh yeah She's in recorders and when Nelix gets in there he finds

Naomi's combat Crammed into a very life like orifice In the flotter the ECU on the flotter doll really lays bare with a terrifying nightmare doll this on the flotter doll really lays bare with a terrifying nightmare doll. This is... And you know what that means, Ben? When you put your comb badge down, that means she quit. So Naomi quit the crew. She's murdering a Klingon on another ship right now.

Yeah. You know where she really is. She's in that ogre of fire episode on the holiday. Yeah. Down in the cave, you know, Seventh and Chico Teh are thinking that they may be getting close because they've found some debris. And then we cut to inside the Delta flyer where Tom is recording a

farewell message to BLT. A message that is just a list of all the ways her life is going to improve now that she is not in a relationship with him. We're on the bright side. No more day old pizza laying around. And you'll never have to watch another chapter of Captain Proton again.

What did we miss here? Do you think? Because we come in during, but like, it is just bit. And then that's it. And then he turns it off so long No, no bits on final message it like I was thinking about the Tasha Yarr Farewell video. Yeah, are these all meant to play on a grassy hill in the holodeck? Has he turned to every other member of the crew and said his thing to them and then this is what he says says last and it's to be L.T. It's such a great point.

Like at what point in history did the grassy self-eulogy fall out of favor? Was it Tasha Yare? Was that it? I mean, Tuvac doesn't want to go out like, yeah, he's writing his down on an iPad. I like that. Samantha didn't write anything, so she kind of raw dogs a message to Naomi Wildman. Ben, how hard of a time would you have doing this while other people were listening? I think that's low key why Tuvac is writing his. I would be cringed up so hard that I would never be able to record

something with other people listening. I would have to write it down or just not do it. It would be cool if they would go into the other part of the Delta flyer. You know, we've heard there's a cargo bay. Go there, guys. I would want privacy for this. You've got a moment. She's talking to her fucking daughter. You know, if she wants to record in private, she can fucking get up and walk back there. She gets up and walks back there into the Delta Flyer's holodeck and she's like, there's a holodeck on this fucking thing, but there's one little lunchpale full of fucking medical equipment. Really? She like manages to crawl back there, pulls herself up into a chair, turns on the video recorder and she's like,

Naomi. I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? Let me tell you why the Borgs run everything. Don't you think it's a little weird? Yeah, she's got the info wars logo in the lower right hand corner of those screen for some reason. Yeah. Back on the holodeck, Nelix has found Naomi, but he is confronted by Groot and the Blue Man first who are very upset with Nelix for upsetting Naomi, who is like behind them on a log.

They hate him now. I wonder if this liar can swim. We can always hang him from one of my branches. This is a real, the cover up is worse than the crime kind of situation. Like, obviously, like nobody gives that much of a shit if Samantha's dead, but the fact that you lied about it is such a big problem. This is semi-humiliating because Neelix really has to gravel for a child here. Like, can I pretty please talk to you about adult stuff? And she finally, like, consents to this conversation. And she has grown up a lot in the time it took for her to get from the bridge, the holodeck, right? Like she made some assumptions about what she saw and she heard, but Nielix is all about the sort of damage control that's like, look, nothing is certain yet until we scrape the bones and hair into a bag and have the dock identify the remains like we don't know. We don't know yet. We don't know shit. And also I went through a parent losing thing

that was very traumatic. And I hope you'll understand that by not telling you about the probable death of your mom, I was just trying to spare you from the pain that I went through. Yeah, this was me trying to do you a solid. And I hope you can see it that way. Like the next five minutes is Nelix describing in great detail how his parents died in front of him. Put a bullet in my mother's head, splattered her brains all over my face and cake. And it really makes Naomi feel better. Yeah, I mean, at least she's not alone

in this kind of gruesome outcome, right? Right. They get a banger on the holiday, which is always fun. And Janeway on the one MC is like, no time for holiday games. Get to where you go when the banger's drop. This is a recorded message. It's a level eight ion storm is coming in. Get to where you go when the bangers drop. This is a recorded message.

It's a level eight, Ion Storm is coming in. They don't even talk about those in Twister. I think it's just one to five, right? Yeah, what's three bigger than the finger of God? The slap of God. Oh! Yeah, God's dong. BOOM!

Fully erect. Keep my Ion Storm's name out your mother fucking mouth! That's still funny, right? That's still a reference? Yeah, people know what that is. So this iron star bearing down on them and they're like, all right, it's coming down to the wire. We got to drill through this wall as fast as we possibly can

to get to the Delta flyer where we're not even picking up life signs. It's the last second thing. They're going to do a beam out directly to cargo bay and then hit the warp and get out from in front of this ion storm. On this episode, we've set up a couple of phaser drills with water irrigators. The water a couple of phaser drills with water irrigators. The water falls over the phaser beams so that the geology around them does not combust on fire. This works.

Yeah. I wanted more about these phaser drills is what I'm trying to say, Ben. Yeah. They're cool. You get to see them. Yeah. They're kind of big like boxes

that they set up on tripods. Mm-hmm. But you don't see what they're cool, you get to see them. They're like, they're kind of big like boxes that they set up on tripods. But you don't see what they're shooting at. They're kind of shooting toward camera. Yeah. You don't wanna be downrange with a phaser drill. The beams seem really narrow. I was kind of hoping they'd be like, you know, big, you know, wide beam.

Yeah. Yeah, the idea is they can't beam up the crew. They gotta beam up the whole ship and they do. Yeah, there's like this brief moment where Tom and Tufak are like, well, I guess this is it, we're dying. And then like up on the bridge, it's like they're in the shuttle bay.

Beaming this shuttle into the shuttle bay should be like standard practice if that's possible. Yeah, that the same thing. Bream the whole fucking thing. Sounds great. Why ever open a door ever? They don't get very far down this conversation, but Paris looks at two back and is like,

you know, this probably not gonna be another chance to ask, but can I see it? I've just always wanted to see it. I mean, I don't need to touch it or anything, but what's that like? And two foxes allow me to freshen you up. That's right. I wonder if two fox could have used any of his freshening powers. Yeah. He doesn't have super fresh powers,

but he has like limited telepathic abilities. Why couldn't he have used them here? It's the rocks and the gas problem, right? It would have been cool. Yeah. It would have been cool. So Voyager beams up the ship, warps out of there in the nick of time,

and in six bay, we know Samantha Wildman's going to be all right because she doesn't have blood on her face anymore, which is good because when she gives Naomi a hug, none of the blood goes on her. Yeah, it's been cleaned up. Clean transfer, no stick on blood. Naomi is like, you didn't have any interactions with any borax, did you? Yeah. Well, they're doing that thing where they're hugging. And so Samantha is facing Nelix and Naomi's facing away. And Samantha's like, you didn't like why to her over a long period of time or do anything that would traumatize her while I was gone.

Did you, and he's like, no, she's good. She's super good. Wink. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Our denu moa occurs on the holiday, Ben. Yeah. With both wildbent.

Flutter remembers Samantha from when she was a kid and played this game. Yeah, Samantha kind of grew up with Flutter. Yeah. Kind of became an adult. He's like, Vah-Vah-Vum! Samantha's all grown up! I missed you. You're my cause.

She's like, that's so fucking weird. You're supposed to be like a water man. Who would fuck a water man? Not in a Guillermo del Toro context. Flodder will get you wet, Ben. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. She's really torn between whether she wants to go with the flotter or go with the wood.

really torn between whether she wants to go with the flutter or go with the wood. Neelix is there also for some reason and kind of lets them go off on their adventure together. And when he turns around, he sees that Janeway is there. She makes a case that if Naomi is with it enough to, you know, go through the scary holodeck programs, maybe she can be a captain's assistant after all. She's with it enough to, you know, go through the scary holiday programs, maybe she can be a captains assistant after all. She's with it enough to do the hard things. And she's like, when I asked you to tell Naomi Wildman about the danger her mother was in,

you went and did that, right? And he's like, yeah, she's like, good. You're a good man, Nelix. And by the way, I also became an adult thanks to Flutter. Everyone on this crew can trace their traumatic childhood experiences to this holodeck program. Can you trace a positive Star Trek Voyager experience to this episode, Ben. Did you like it? You know, probably easy to get along with, most of the time, but I don't like bollocks,

I don't like friends, and I don't like you. I really like this too. I kind of do like this episode. Like I think that this really does feel like it could be a mud bath episode. Yeah. And I think that the character design and the set design of the flotter simulations doesn't do it any favors, but I think it's a pretty well-done

story that, you know, like telling it from the perspective of a child who's being like sort of managed and that being a way of telling a story really about Nielix as much as anything. I think it's really interesting, and I thought it was well executed at the end of the day with notable exceptions from the costume and set design area. Right, I think I'm with you, Ben.

I think part of the reason I like this episode as much as I do is because I reflexively kind of recoiled from it in the beginning. Uh oh, my expectations are so low up top that I really did come around on it. And I think part of it is, like when you put an episode onto a child actor's shoulders, you really take whatever they can give you. And I thought the actor who played Naomi Wildman was great in this episode. And not annoying like so many performances by child actors can be. I really did feel for her situation. I really did feel the fun when she was having fun. And I really did feel the fear of a possibly dead parent through her experience.

I thought she did great. She really did. I mean, it was almost as strong of a performance as Ethan Phillips in this app who really affected me with his two big scenes with Janeway. I thought those two performances together added up to an episode better than it may have looked on paper like dodging the mud bath Dangerous of a Star Trek episode seems pretty difficult, but this episode pulled it off. I agree. I think it's a pretty solid one Yeah, well, what do you say Adam? Do you want to uh get the priority one inbox? What's going on in there?

I say I'm already there Ben. Well holy shit. Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Need a supplement on top? A supplement on top? A supplement. A supplement. Yes, extra.

The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship. Ben we've got a promotional priority one message here. No kidding. And it is from critfail.com, K-R-I-T-F-A-Y-L-E-D.com. And the message goes like this. Travel into the depths of space with alien, star trek and star wars. Experience the wonder of fantasy with Seventh Sea and Dragon Bane. Explore a dystopian cyberpunk future with Shadowrun. Listen to great tales of horror,

adventure, mystery, danger, and true love. Played out in some of the best tabletop role-playing games. Share the journey with us or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast or on YouTube. Share the journey with us wherever you listen to your favorite podcast or on YouTube Crit fail has a story for you You can find us at crit fail.com. That's crit fail K R IT F A Y L E dot com I remember playing shadow run as a role playing game. Oh you did you remember playing riffs I remember playing riffs. I remember playing Shadowrun as a roleplaying game. Oh, you did? You remember playing Rifts? I remember playing Rifts. I remember playing TMMT, the roleplaying game.

Oh. You're a lot of like niche RPGs out at the time I was playing them. I'm just getting started in a D&D lifestyle. So I'm a total new, but it sounds like a crit fail is where you go if you're starting to get weird with it starting to get into all of the stuff Yeah Yeah, good entry point for that kind of fun. Yeah crit fail.com Getting the greatest gin bump. Yeah

Go check it out if you're into that stuff. I mean lose not into Star Trek adventures, right? Come on, you're here, aren't you? Yeah, here, you're with us, you should be with Crit Fail. Add up our next priority one message is of a personal nature. It's from Zook Shoot Riot, Madison H3, and it's to the horse came first, prick or bush, scabby balls, Peter Pants. Those are some great names.

Goes like this. Hey you wankers, are you? Don't be a JFL and find this message by viewing all episodes everywhere. I'll hair this FOD trail for y'all debaturist degenerates. Calling all H3 FODs for a TGG slash TGT trail. No matter if you're JFL slash TFL slash FRB as long as you're an FOD raker hasht and we all know it. Anon!

That was real double black diamond stuff right there. Ben our final priority when message is from fellow comrade. And it is two ICFODs. Message goes like this greetings to all fellow FODs in the IC. Whether you're DIA, NGA, or even NRO, we can all agree Dicken Fire jokes can make every workday a better one. Thank you for all you do each day, unless you're at DISA. Remember, you can't spell disaster or disappointment without DISA. Can I get one ping, Vasilie?

One ping only, please. Oh, and there's a pronunciation key here. That I did not read. But you did good. NRO pronounced NRO. Okay, all right. NGA. Dissa?

I guess I didn't say it Dissa. That's the only one I blew. Oh yeah, I didn't notice Dissa in there. All right. What's Dissa? I pretty much got it almost all the way right. So there you have it. That message from fellow Comrade.

Is this the defense information systems agency? Wow, what if it is? Part of the US military? I think I know why this message is so unscrupulous. Yeah, I can't screw it one bit. Now, hard for me to know whether Zook shoot Riot, Dash, Madison H3, and fellow Comrad are like working together to transmit some complex code well if you'd like us to

kick off your attempts at Some sort of a global takeover via the reading of a code that we just barely get right or any other message you might have take it on over to maximum fund I'd orcs last jumbo tron Where your priority when messages go a long way in helping us pay for this production. Do it! Hey Adam. Zapin.

Did you find yourself a drunk Shmota? It's gonna be hard for me not to split this one between Travis and Flotter. I just think you get a couple of serious actors. Yeah, yeah. Serious actors with long IMDB credits and you put them in the bark suit, you put them in the water suit and you just have them clown. There's some clowning happening here. Yeah.

You can't get any more Shimoda than that. So that's gonna be my vote for this one, a split Shimoda. I like it. What about you? Boy, yeah, I think I'm giving it to Harry Kim for his design. I mean, he talks a lot of shit

when they're designing the flotter doll. You know, he's like like I'm taking artistic license here You took bad artistic license Yeah, you did bad Harry Kim So that's my opinion on the matter Wow Pretty withering stop trying to fuck the toy.

Yeah, maybe you don't need to go into that much detail, Harry. Yeah, yeah. I think that's the upshot here. Well, Adam, why don't we fire up the game of Buttholes, the Will of the Caretaker, and talk about next week's episode. Yeah, gotta do that. This will be season five episode six, Time Less. Voyager uses new quantum slipstream technology in an attempt to get home.

A miscalculation causes the ship to crash into an ice planet. Time Less is my favorite Klingon hero warrior. That's my guy. You can have K-Lus. I'm going with Timeless. Timeless hangs out on that ice planet with the time crystals, right? Right, yeah. I am also Timeless. I'm not going to justify that remark. I'm just going to move on.

Our runabout is in the basement, we've circumnavigated the whole thing. We're back on the first row. We're on square seven, a couple squares ahead. We've got a that caretaker episode. And that would just randomize the role that happens next that would be Weird and then a couple squares after that coconut. You're required to learn as you play Roll I mean so many fun opportunities out ahead of us So many fun opportunities to ruin what we've already recorded here we go opportunities to ruin what we've already recorded. Here we go. Ha ha ha.

Ben, I rolled a one. Whoa. Chula! Did I win? Harvey. So I kicked this over to square eight, it's a regular old episode, just like today's episode. Wow, Adam, what an absolute stunner

that you would roll a one. We've never seen this before. I doubt we'll ever see it again. Yeah. But next week's episode will be a regular old episode, that you would roll a one. We've never seen this before. I doubt we'll ever see it again. But next week's episode will be a regular old episode, which is reassuring because due to some technical, back end difficulties, we already recorded that episode.

Yeah. So that was a great roll by me. Yeah. Good job, by me. Saw it. Well, I can't wait to see what we talk about on that episode that we already recorded. That'll be next week. In the meantime, we should thank all of the people that help us make

this program possible, Adam. Why don't we start with the staff of the expert Shimoda Corporation? Of course, Wendy pretty, the full-time producer of our shows. One of the greats, without whom none of this would be possible. What a great first year we've had with Winnie. This is the, I think, Winnie started right at the beginning of last year, and this kind of rounds out year one for Winnie. Yeah. Thank you, Winnie. Thanks for a great year.

Getting close to review time here for Winnie, I'm not gonna tip my hand at all. But let's think about, I think. I'm gonna tip my hand. I think you're doing great and that's not just my inability to confront uncomfortable conversation speaking. I'm being sincere. Yeah, I'm gonna hold off on my notes

until the actual meeting, Ben. No, seriously, Adam, this is so stressing me out. Please just say nice things. Hey, if you're a friend of DeSoto that happens to think that this last year of production has been notably good, why don't you say something nice to our great producer, so that I can save my comments for the meeting we're about to have. Also on the payroll, Ben, our social media manager Bill Tilly, you know, and we're about to have. Also on the payroll ban, our social media manager built silly, you know, and we're able to pay both of our expert-smotor employees thanks to the generosity and the thoughtfulness

of the friends of Disoto out there. It can be among them by going to Maximumfund.org, slash join. Be a job creative. Yeah. We got to thank Adam Ragusia, who made our original theme music based on, of course, the Picard song by Dark Materia. Adam Ragusia now, a brilliant food YouTuber, slash podcaster,

and a good friend. We're going to be on his show again soon. So subscribe to the Adam Ragusia podcast now. Yeah, so you'll have that episode as soon as it drops. Oh, yes. Oh, we got to thank Nick Dittmore, artist slash designer of so much of the original artwork that you see both on our shows and in the pod shop at the pod shop.biz for a, you know, if you're trying to get that new year started right, how about have some pod shop stuff to look forward to?

Yeah, if you feel like you're gonna be muting against 2023, the time to prepare is now. Yeah, get that mutiny shirt. Pod shop's got you covered. Well with that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek Voyager and episode of the greatest generation Voyager that's as cold as my fucking offices today.

It's fucking freezing in here. Yeah, 40 degrees in L.A. It is no joke. Yeah, but it's like negative 40 anywhere else. Make it sound. I'm glad, man. Like, some like geopolitical disaster may have been averted by our misreading our own spreadsheet. That's good. Another accident in our favor.

Yeah, yeah. Unorced error for good. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.