The Headgum Podcast - 106: Stranger Thongs
Episode Date: June 10, 2022Headgum's newest account manager, Brad, joins Marika, Grayson, and Geoff to discuss Geoff's foster cat, strange g-strings, and the Balldo®! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm... Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Original.
Previously on the HeadGum Podcast.
I have a degenerative eye condition.
Yummy.
Well, two degenerative eye conditions.
I have pinguecula on all four sides of my eyes,
which are like pink growths.
Well, they're just actually growths.
What is it called?
Pinguecula?
Pink growthulas.
And you wonder why you weren't led on raya
dude this is why they don't let fucking pink lecula motherfuckers on i was denied before the
growths occurred they look at your profile they see it sounds like the production company that
made futurama pingekulon that's literally what that sounds like dude this is bullshit i mean
you guys are rose costing my eyes.
And then what's the other one?
Does it have a better name or not?
The other one is my Bowman gland dysfunction.
Right.
Yeah. Monday morning, quarterbacking.
What did you guys realize in hindsight you could have done better this past weekend?
Let's start with Marika.
How is this a good intro for a podcast?
What's that?
Monday morning quarterbacking.
It's our first segment.
What does that mean?
What do you mean, what does that mean?
It's like Friday Night Lights, obviously.
So, you know, the game went a certain way.
The jocks didn't rock it.
They lost.
Can you introduce
the guests on the podcast
fine returning to the show
after a months long hiatus
Grayson K
Wise
and then
there's Brad
hey
so rude
making his HeadGum podcast debut is Brad Hilde then there's Brad. Hey, so rude.
Please welcome,
his HeadGum podcast debut is Brad Hilde.
Namaste,
Brad,
do you want to tell everybody what you do at the company or not?
Yes,
namaste.
Or not,
or not.
I am an account manager on the sales team.
But what does that mean?
Like a lot of people don't work in business.
I procure ad campaign renewals and molly for this show and molly for going i'm the plug yeah at the end plug me um
that's cool what's your what's like an ad
that you booked
recently that you're
excited about
or not
I mean diet
and diet smoke
is what I'm working on
my foster cat
just got on my lap
oh my god
this is the cat
that you're not keeping
though
I cannot
why not
responsibility no it's she's 12 and rickety This is the cat that you're not keeping, though. I cannot. Why not? Responsibility?
No, she's 12 and rickety.
I can't get attached to her.
You're going to kick an old cat out?
My therapist joked that I was running a cat hospice.
So what do you think about that?
I want to see it lift up the cat.
I want to see it lift up the cat oh
hate the chest hair in the background
yeah
the open kimono
aww
so many animals
fur
Venus in or otherwise
Brad I know what you're talking about man
I mean you know what I'm talking about
the play
Leopold von
what's his name Masak
yeah Masak
because that's where masochism comes from
anyway I haven't tracked
anything that's been going on
since this started
you lost me at quarterbacking.
Yeah.
That was the first thing.
No, like, was there anything
you could have done better this weekend
that you're realizing now, in hindsight,
it's 2020?
I started
doing my hair too late on the weekend
I would have started earlier
somebody french braided my hair
a week ago to the day
what's that?
I said mmhmm
would love to get your
thoughts
here it is
great photo
wow
it looks like a good french braid
I can't see what it looks like
when you're facing forward obviously
so
I have a photo of that
alright
frontal that would be great
they're a 360 video it's good I have a photo of that. Yeah, can we see the frontal? That would be great.
They're a 360 video.
It's good.
I like it.
Good hat.
Yeah, the hat makes it.
Grayson, anything you could have done better this weekend?
I asked a girl out on a date and she said no.
Why?
You know what?
Let's get her on.
Can I send her the link?
How could anybody say no to you?
Listen, you and I are on the same page.
Just shocking.
So that happened.
I could have done, I guess I could have done that better.
Well, yeah.
How did you do it? Because now I'm starting to worry.
With a carrier pigeon how
else would i do it yes no you don't send an animal you never send a bird you say of course you send
a bird ellie i would i would never send a mammal but a bird um can you focus i'm trying she loves
to be on my lap and i can't do it not today brad right i thought she was rickety she's pretty athletic actually
no here she comes yeah there she is all right come on this is not good for audio
she doesn't understand like the ins and outs of fucking oral i can't hear her so it's fine
brad did you did you ask your wife out on a date and she said yes or no?
I mean, no, but I did bury my turtle in my front yard.
I've been fostering a turtle.
There's no way.
And I could have done that better.
You've been fostering a turtle.
Don't foster reptiles, I would say.
He, let's see, a month ago,
wandered into the yard
and I was feeding him lettuce, strawberries.
Lettuce or Shreddus?
I'm sorry to even ask.
Shreddus and lettuce.
And he died on Friday.
And it was a shallow grave,
so I could have done that better, I guess.
Actually, genuinely incredible timing on that.
Yeah.
You could have dug a deeper grave for a turtle.
Is he like sticking out of the top?
Are you kidding me, man?
Don't you get what's happening?
Clearly something is happening.
She doesn't care.
She doesn't like turtles.
Oh my God.
The keyboard is like the most important thing, dude.
That was easy.
Please explain.
Was that you or the cat?
That was not me or the cat, Brad.
I found my own
soundboard here.
These are all knockoffs of the same sound.
How far in advance
did you plan this?
Disgusting voice.
This morning.
The singer.
I knew
Mariko would hate that.
We have to keep moving on.
Are you kidding me?
All right.
Jesus.
I'm thrown by this.
Let's keep it going with everybody's Bond of the Week.
Grayson, I'm not sure if you know,
but basically every week until the next James Bond is cast,
we're going to be lobbing up our picks for the next 007.
Yeah, I've done this before, and I'm prepared.
He edits the video podcast.
Every week.
Every week. Every week.
This week, my pick is Shawn Michaels.
Imagine James doing sweet chin music on a fool.
Who is Shawn Michaels?
He's like a former WWF wrestler.
Wrestler, really.
Okay, okay.
I feel like a Godfather villain right now.
Silk robe, black cat. I i mean one of those things is you
could have avoided which was the robe obviously and was the cash yeah i don't know if you could
have avoided the cat if she could just sit on my lap and relax i could fucking get on with this at
least now i have an excuse for why this episode is going to be horseshit.
That's a good attitude.
I'm going to go Lewis Hamilton
Formula One driver.
That would be really fun.
Take a steep
career change.
Does James Bond do a lot of car chases
in the movies?
Yeah. Okay.
So he would certainly be ready for that.
100%.
And he's also, James is usually running from someone.
And so is Lewis.
He has a lot of demons.
No, he's just always in front and like just, you know.
Well, not anymore.
Not this season.
That's for damn sure.
Brad, Bond to the week.
Kermit the Frog.
I would love that.
Yes.
Muppet Christmas Carol style adaptation style.
Michael Caine as...
He's not in James Bond.
Scrooge.
Scrooge, but so it's not just...
It's just a Christmas Carol.
Yeah, about with James Bond. Letrooge. Scrooge, but so it's not just, it's just a Christmas Carol. Yeah, about with James Bond.
Let's hear your best, the name is James, James Bond in a Kermit voice.
James Bond.
You fucked it up, even with the voice being fine.
The voice was perfect, but the line was hard.
Yeah.
I've never seen a James Bond movie.
Major key alert, never bite off more than you can chew.
Have the foresight to know what to do.
Well, you did ask him on the spot, so.
Well, I mean, he knows that it's Bond of the Week, all right?
It's sort of a cultural touchstone in our company.
Totally.
Union Square Ventures did a-
You don't make cultural touchstone.
Yeah. You don't make cultural touchstone.
No, just kidding.
I was going to be nice and say you kind of do, but never mind. Union Square Ventures made a present.
This is going to make no sense to the audio listeners jeff's foster cat is fully the only thing in the frame it's just fur
oh no a little scamp cheek I admire her
okay
Jesus Christ
uh
Grayson bond of the week
um covalent
who nice
covalent bonds
I'll give you that one that was next segment yeah um brad let's talk about dating in portland
oh my god okay been married for six years but all right what are like the spots like where do you
take bay stump town coffee for like the morning a little breakfast sandwich
more of a heart coffee
type of guy
really
what about
what's that
Pips
is that a coffee shop or a restaurant
it's a donut place
on Fremont
chai where on Fremont hmm chai
where on Fremont
near the
one of the Starbucks
I know that usually this show
isn't good but this is really bad
alright I guess that's dating in Portland
let's have a moment of silence let's have a moment of silence
let's have a moment of silence for Terry Melcher
who?
Terry Melcher
don't just say it louder
he was a producer he created the California
sound
and?
okay he died in 2004
and nobody's fucking talking about it
oh my god he died in 2004 and nobody's fucking talking about it so are we taking a moment of silence moment of silence man
you never interrupt
that's not your time to shine by the way wise
how long is it
Marika
kidding me I just wanted to know how long the moment of silence How long is it? Marika!
Kidding me?
I just wanted to know how long the moment of silence needs to be. We feel it out!
Like a couple beats.
If it's long, I'll get up and maybe get some water or something.
You know, Marika, a moment of silence is not your time to shine, by the way.
It's not me shining.
That's just me multitasking.
I thought you were shining.
Thank you. A moment of were shiny. Thank you.
A moment of silence for Terry Melcher.
That was easy.
Full steam ahead, obviously.
I saw a New york times headline today that said um my marriage my marriage has a third wheel our child
let's talk about it um do you guys want to have kids and if so how many would you have
and if you have one how do you make sure that that kid isn't like a fucking drag?
A third wheel.
Well.
Is anyone on the pod right now an only child?
Kind of.
I have like half siblings that I didn't really grow up with.
Okay.
So do you consider yourself an only child?
And she is looking at me to get back on my knee.
Uh, do you consider yourself an only child?
Um, I think yes, just given like, I was the only one living in the house with my parents.
So for that reason, kind of.
Did you feel like a third wheel at times?
I guess so.
I feel like if, I don't know, I remember,
I specifically remember I never watched the Lord of the Rings movies
because my parents wouldn't let me.
And they watched them by themselves.
And I remember not being allowed to. Wow. watched the Lord of the Rings movies because my parents wouldn't let me. And they watched them by themselves.
And I remember not being allowed to.
Wow.
And you were like 16 at that point, right?
This was last month.
No, I don't think I ever felt like a third wheel.
Okay.
Because this is what Sylvie's parents said.
Here's a typical weeknight scenario in our household.
My husband, Tom, our nine-year-old daughter, Sylvie, and I feel like ordering in.
And after a lengthy debate, we decide on pizza.
Later, while the three of us are eating pepperoni slices and playing Bananagrams,
Sylvie reminds Tom that our wedding anniversary is coming up and offhandedly mentions that my favorite flowers are peonies.
After a few rounds of the game, we consider a movie.
Sylvie proposes Escape from New York, a film that has piqued her curiosity after hearing her father repeatedly imitate Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken.
I'll look it up on Common Sense Media to see if it's appropriate, she volunteers, opening my computer.
Unfortunately, she reports gravely, it's for ages 16 and up.
Except for a severed head, Sylvie reads aloud, there's little explicit gore.
An atmosphere of cynicism and darkness pervades, including a negative depiction of a U.S. president.
So, like, in that scenario, brad what would you do with your
your boo like is 16 and up can she handle it do you know if we if we had a nine-year-old who
wanted to watch gangs of new york specifically but learned that it wasn't age appropriate
yes i can't tell what your reaction is there's a cat
in your face
this is not where you should be
the question that he asked was basically
can your wife watch
age or age escape from New York
that's how he phrased the question
we've never seen it
and we don't want kids
wow
so you sort of made a mockery of this entire prompt, huh?
Yeah.
I guess it's the Hild show today.
Yeah.
Let's hear another one of your sounds.
Hold on.
I guess also don't ask me because I don't want kids.
That's what she said.
Grayson, do you want, for lack of a better term, rugrats?
I would love rugrats, but only if they were specifically the actual rugrats.
So you want animated characters as your kin?
Yeah, absolutely.
Tommy Pickles.
That's not a Rugrat.
The other ones.
It is a Rugrat.
Tommy Pickles is the main one.
I know.
But what if...
We do have to take a quick break, mostly because of ads.
take a quick break mostly because of ads. I think all turtles just carry salmonella.
Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed
around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take
on the day like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that
AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing
process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density,
all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands.
I like to drink it first thing in the morning.
I'll have a glass of water.
I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee.
And it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered
and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health.
And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects.
If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health,
it's AG1.
That's why we partnered with them for so long.
So if you want to take ownership of your health,
start with AG1.
Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2
and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that?
Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that?
Check it out.
I've learned a lot about turtles recently.
And we're back.
Brad, what were you saying?
You were saying all turtles carry salmonella?
Yeah, I learned that recently. And that's what you want to bring to the show we weren't i didn't think we were on the show
marika was asking me how i was dealing with the loss of ichigo which was his name the turtle
ichiro Turzuki what's the next segment man
oh
fuck me No.
Be monetized.
Peckham loses out on one Stranger Things podcast
and gets another.
We booked a brand new show.
Don't talk about this.
Don't talk about this $100,000 don't talk about this at all
and the Duffer Brothers weren't wise to it at all
Grace and her other was
and so what I thought we could do
I cannot speak to this
was do our own Stranger
Things pod
this one being for copyright purposes
Stranger Thongs
oh this is worse This one being, for copyright purposes, Stranger Thongs.
Oh, this is worse.
This is Stranger Thongs.
So basically, we're going to look at some thongs and decide which is the strangest.
Here we go.
This is sort of a head-to-head matchup.
Okay, first one.
My shaved box under here versus
Harvard Law, just kidding, it's Yale.
My shaved box under here. my shaved
box under here
Harvard Law is stranger
slash better
alright
Harvard Law
just kidding it's Yale
versus same
penis forever
I mean that's
there's so many things you can insinuate
from seeing that
who's penis
is this a bachelorette party thing
that would be a good bachelorette party
I think Harvard Law is still
the strangest
you think that's still the strangest thong
yeah
oh my god
there's no easier I i tried four different ways
how to do this here we go straight harvard law just getting to yell versus i like bush
which is vaguely political which one resident yeah that's the thing it's open to interpretation
i feel like i would be most jarred if i saw this i'm'm like, oh, do you... Is that like a grooming thing?
You pull the thong back,
cleanly shaved, so I don't know what to think.
I still don't think
anything is weirder than
Harvard Law at the moment.
Yeah, I think I disagree, actually.
Really?
I disagree. I think if this is Bush
41, then I think it is weirder
than Harvard Law, but if it's Bush 43, then I think it is weirder than Harvard Law.
But if it's Bush 43, then I do think that Harvard Law is still weirder.
You can't tell based on the font.
Is the Harvard Law one officially licensed?
I don't know if you're trying to catch them in some kind of copyright infringement, trademark infringement, but I think maybe don't worry about it.
Noted.
That was one of the rudest sentences I've ever said on this show.
All right, what's the consensus?
Three votes.
I'm voting for I like Bush,
and I hate that sentence coming out of my mouth.
Brown?
I'm still Harvard Law.
I think that's...
Yeah, same.
Wow.
Sorry.
Harvard Law, just kidding, it's Yale,
versus don't play with your food.
And by the way, this isn't like a low res photo.
This is like 1080p by 1080p.
It's just blurry.
The song is blurry.
Yeah.
I just feel like all of the other ones have some sort of insinuation.
Innuendo.
Yeah.
But the Harvard Law one
is like,
what does this have to do with anything?
Just kidding, it's Yale.
What's Yale?
Your vagina?
What are we even talking about?
You didn't catch me.
Thoughts?
Hilled? Wise?
I think Marika's right
yeah
alright
Harvard Law
just kidding
it's Yale
versus
coffee
because I can count
the number of hours
I slept last night
on one hand
yeah this one's weirder
we finally did it
silver rose why is the font so small
there's only a certain printable area on clothing
also I feel isn't like coffee a diuretic which just feels like a weird
white underwear too
extra dehydrated
alright so we
that one's weirder
this one's weirder
alright coffee because I can count the number of hours I slept last night on one hand
versus
I have a headache
did you make this one?
This is one of my personal collection.
I still think that's...
I choose this one.
I still think this one is too sexual.
I feel like it's very not sexual.
Well, I think there's like the...
It's not just saying, stop, stop, I have a headache.
Yeah, exactly.
Right, right.
That's, yeah, but it's still like a,
I feel like that's like a...
It makes sense.
Yeah.
Okay.
Does it help that it's written in Comic Sans?
Yes.
Like a little bit, yeah.
I feel like this, I mean, this could be sexual innuendo.
It could be like, I'm aching for head.
I feel like this, I mean, this could be sexual innuendo.
It could be like, I'm aching for head.
Nice.
The next one.
So what do we decide?
I personally am sticking with coffee.
Coffee.
All right, coffee because I can count the number of hours I slept last night on one hand versus the thing-thong, foot slash swimwear.
I have one of those there's no way
oh foot okay I was really
thrown off by what foot slash
swimwear means but footwear
slash swimwear obviously
this one's weirder that's what they said
in the funding meeting
I think it's important to disclose your business ties on the internet this one's weirder. That's what they said in the funding meeting. I see.
I think it's important to disclose your business ties on the internet.
I do have a 30%
stake in ThinkThonk.
Brad, Grayson,
Marika, if you guys want any free
product, just let me know.
I told you I already have one.
That's what
I like to hear.
My one complaint complaint and this is something that like
I feel like a lot of people with penises
talk about
not enough support
you know what I mean
not enough support
is that
sorry is that a complaint about the thing thong
or is that a thing the thing thong
penises in general solves Sorry, is that a complaint about the thing thong or is that a thing thong?
Penises in general.
Solves.
It's a penis problem or?
It's a complaint I have about the thing thong.
What kind of flip flop is it on the other side? Is it the thong style on the other side or is it the slide style?
Glad you asked. There's two styles slide and other meaning the other one is sort of like yeah like i guess like
a thong okay so thong yeah it's a thong yeah so you can basically sort of are you guys familiar with the baldo what oh my god
we gotta talk about the baldo here we go
um
sorry I should have brought this up at the beginning
so embarrassed
Brad
um
okay first of all
this is weirder
shout out to the think thong this is weirder this one's weirder yeah
shout out to the
shout out to the
think thong
um
but now it's time
to talk about the
baldo
oh my god
with three years
of development and testing
and over 100 prototypes
being made,
the ball dough is now
refined to deliver
maximum pleasure.
So sex will never be
the same again.
Let's watch this quick
instructional video.
No.
So it's the world's first ball dildo.
Tip no wider than most penises,
which for them is a selling point.
I feel like if you're going to have ball sex,
you should probably have it be bigger.
So loud, right?
Sorry.
I can't affect that.
You definitely can.
There's a volume
control.
Marika, basically
what you do is you slide your sack
in between the two
divots.
And yeah, so they're trying to make
2021 the year of ball sex.
So that's the ball dough.
Did they succeed?
So you gotta, first of all, you have to trim your ball hair
and then lube up.
And then you stretch the ball dough over your balls,
stretch the spacer rings,
and then insert into your partner.
So, why did I bring this up?
Nobody asked, you do. I could have said I was busy today. so why did I bring this up nobody asked you to
I could have said I was busy today
we have more to get to
another headline from today
Elon Musk threatens to pull out of the Twitter deal
unless he gets more information about fake accounts
and how Twitter monitors that, cracks down on it.
And basically this letter that was sent to the, I believe the SEC,
said that Mr. Musk had repeatedly requested more information
about how...
Sorry.
About how, you know, Twitter measures spam and fake accounts.
And he issued an ultimatum, basically,
saying if he doesn't get this information, he's out.
Which I personally would love.
So I thought we could, here right now,
come up with a couple fake accounts
to
sabotage the deal
sabotage this deal
because he's kind of getting this for
pennies on the dollar
in terms of what I think Twitter is worth
I thought that he had already
backed out
did he back in again
this I mean Baldo style Already backed out. Did he back in again?
This, I mean... Baldo style?
I don't even know if that makes sense.
What do you mean back out?
Like thrusting?
They said insert, penetrate.
Brad, how do you fuck?
You don't have to answer that.
The baldo music starts playing.
Hold on, let me shave my balls.
On an anniversary night.
Six years, huh?
What's the fucking secret, man?
You're what, 31?
30.
30.
What's the secret to happy wife, happy life?
Don't get divorced.
Okay.
Don't hate each other.
Oh.
We got those going do you guys like make time to
still like date
that's good
yeah
yeah
um
sad no I'm not sad I'm just like thinking about shit
you got kind of choked up reading the
Elon Musk thing too
is everything alright
or
I was hoping
I was hoping
if I yeah I'm hot and
baldered
what about baldo
dash so it's like pandemonium with baldos really
good you guys mr. musk is still part of the deal Marika I don't know where you
get your news but he might pull out if they don't provide more if they don't
provide more information.
And I think the more fake accounts, the higher the chance he pulls out.
Baldo
style.
That's what she said.
That's what she said.
Why are there two versions?
Ellie, you're 12.
You were born in 2010.
Okay, buddy.
You gotta go.
She can't take the hint because I've done that.
And she almost ended the meeting.
That's why this is unacceptable.
Fake accounts.
It's taking three minutes to get into this
what is a fake account i don't know like what something run by a bot or not
so like what if brad you well i guess grayson you have more like tech wise
wisdom what if you created no dude no what if you created an account that sort of
uh multiplied in terms of spam tweets that aren't good to read
that sentence was pointless
I mean with that
clearly the first one should be
a Jeff quote
spam bot
potentially just a dictionary
that's created of anything
Jeff has ever said and then
sentences are pieced
together and half of them will
just read as any sentence
he says usually does
which is bad
if we do that and it works
and Musk pulls out
I'm gonna call every past
lover STI style
and say
and you said I wasn't powerful
like the show scrotal recall
there's a show called scrotal recall it was i changed it to lovesick but the first season
was called scrotal recall and i refused to call it otherwise it's a great name yeah um
brad do you have any ideas for fake accounts that could get okay now she's pawing at my dick i don't know how else to put it she i just looked down and there was like these are my thighs and
you just see well i feel like most bots are like click here for like sexy photos click here to
see my online what if it's cats pawing it?
I'm sorry to even say, but cocks.
Dicks.
Click here to see my.
Pussy.
Pussy.
Marika, you've been at the company the longest of the four of us, I'm pretty sure.
And I know that there's been a lot of new hires recently, and a lot of that has included group meetings, like Zo Zooms where everybody kind of gives them the A-OK.
Yes, we want to work with this person.
Brad, did you do one of these?
Yeah, I am the new hire.
I'm the newest one up.
I want to know who was on that call because...
Marika was there.
Okay, Marika, do you have any regrets?
Let's Monday morning quarterback Brad's employment. After him saying pussy, any regrets? After the sentence that he just said.
After him saying pussy, the most unsure I've ever heard anyone
say that.
No, I don't
think so.
That's good. That's got to be a vote of confidence.
Jeff,
do you mind if I ask Brad a question?
Yeah, of course.
Brad, after joining this Zoom call, do you have if I ask Brad a question? Yeah, of course. Just for a second. Great. Brad, after joining this Zoom call,
do you have any regrets?
You definitely need to ask about HR stuff.
There isn't one.
Yeah.
I guess it's good that I said pussy then.
Not good.
Maybe not good, but fine.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Any more fake accounts?
Because that's all I had today, guys.
I gave you gold.
You can just wax.
Grayson, what else is up in your love life you said that you asked
a woman out on a date she said no
yeah how is like
how's your cock how's your heart
yeah definitely I'll think of
more fake accounts
can I ask can I ask a question
about the date did you have one planned like did you say it
with like this is what it would be or no oh it's I mean it's so much more complicated than that
Jeff knows how these things go um why right Jeff I don't know if you're referencing something real in my life or if you're just...
I don't think asking someone out is complicated.
I just didn't want to be...
I didn't like to be sort of singled out in that moment
and I felt like I needed a friend to say,
I understand what you're going through.
And you just absolutely didn't react to that.
I just needed some amount of support.
No, I don't get it at all.
Let's hear it.
Okay.
What if there was a Twitter account that took things that were said on this podcast out of context?
You know?
And sort of posted those.
You said that so like it was an original idea.
I'm actually impressed.
Thanks. I just actually impressed. Thanks.
I just thought of it.
So.
Either you're a good actor or you don't know about it.
You're either a good actor or very stupid.
That was easy.
What's new in your life, Jeff?
Aside from this cat.
I don't know if anybody cares to hear about that.
She just asked.
Hmm?
Oh.
Well, I'm going on vacation,
so that's exciting for me.
Where are you going?
To France and to Montreal.
The two most French places in the world.
How long am I gone?
Yeah.
Until the 20th.
So, catch y'all later.
Do you think HeadGum will still be afloat
by the time you come back?
I hope so.
Because if not, that would be terrible.
You take one two-week vacation
and then come down. that would be terrible. You take one two-week vacation and the company
I made
an extensive out-of-office
document.
Grayson will be posting the podcast
in my absence.
I think we'll be okay.
Not this one.
Absolutely not this one.
No, you'll have to, unfortunately.
I haven't missed a week in like a month
i'd like that to go on record but yes what do you mean oh oh yeah yeah no i but you don't post
the video i post the video so i post the video you definitely don't he has a separate youtube account
i don't know where it goes, but I definitely post it.
Brad, Grayson, you guys are both handsome.
Brad, you're not single.
But are you looking to thringle?
Portland.
How did we get back here?
Out of some freaks.
I gave us a perfect opportunity to talk about something else,
a.k.a. me.
What are you looking forward to on your trip you're going to the
montreal grand prix going to yeah canadian grand prix and the 24 hours of le mans uh
also going to disneyland paris which will be fun
you're going to paris france and you're going to disneyland did you see that that video that
went viral recently of the couple the guy is proposing to his girlfriend at Disneyland Paris,
and then one of the employees comes in and stops the proposal?
He takes the ring from him?
I did.
I didn't watch the video, but I did see that pop up on my feed.
It's the Frenchest thing I've ever heard.
Why?
Yeah.
Do you know why?
Because, I don't know,
maybe you have to pay extra
to get engaged in Paris?
I'd believe it.
I, fortunately,
won't have to deal with that.
So, just going to go to the park,
go on that crush's coaster,
have a grand old time.
And also do some other
Paris things.
Jeff is upset now, so we don't have to talk
about me anymore.
I'm just listening. I'm trying to take a back seat.
He fully disconnected from the conversation.
You're really good at it.
Yeah.
Are you going to go to Francesca's?
The hot chocolate haunt? paris did you just google
that isn't no i thought i thought i know there's one that's like angelique's or something i don't
know that's what i meant yeah um no there's one in new york so i'm probably won't i was in new
york for four months why don't you tell me you never go to manhattan
like rarely i went to manhattan yeah twice yeah uh no it's up by bryant park
i was there what uh oh god buddy you're what else what? What do you mean?
What if you take a French lover?
Right?
Let's talk about that.
Okay.
Marika, how's your...
Pussy.
...brad saying pussy?
That I feel uncomfortable saying.
Plugs.
Don't make me say it.
That's why I didn't say it.
You said it.
Oh my God.
This is a meeting. this is an entire meeting
yeah Marika's gonna have to zoom in from
fucking
I'll be in my tent at Le Mans
you have an IWC and a Richard
Mill one on both wrists
plugs
fucking follow me on twitter and instagram
and letterboxd at marie
calon listen to
keeping it rel
with young wayne new podcast
hosted by
little rel howery which is really exciting
super funny
also a new to the
network but not new podcast
Too Scary Didn't Watch
podcast where
people talk about scary movies
and if you don't like them
like I don't like them
you can just listen to other people talk about them
which is good.
That's all I got.
Wise.
You can follow me on Instagram or Twitter at,
at gray K wise.
And it's too late,
but just don't watch this podcast.
Don't turn,
turn this off.
Yeah.
Turn it off right before Brad's plug.
Hilled.
Instagram, I guess just in general you're plugging the social media instagram yeah it's like the one thing everyone has they needed that me specifically uh is brad
the human yeah and uh take care of your turtles because you never know what could happen
that actually made me kind of emotional take care of your turtles because you never know what could happen.
That actually made me kind of emotional.
Brad has a Vespa.
My plug is that I want to get a Vespa.
But I have to take motorcycle.
What's that?
You can come buy mine.
Yeah, but I. Oh, really?
Yeah.
To you.
Right.
But I have to get my motorcycle license in California.
I don't have one.
Yeah.
California is like the only state where you need a motorcycle license to have a moped.
You need one in Oregon, too.
You're going to get a moped.
Q downtown by.
I forgot about that Grayson will never
forget because he had to
work a full extra day to
shoot the intro to the live
show that we did in New
York no I found this
vintage fucking Vespa
Grand Piaggio Piaggio okay should just save your money i think i'm not good at that
i'm fully convinced i'm gonna come into like i'm like i buy a windfall yeah yeah and it'll
you know what you might like you know what you might like a retirement account.
Is that a Roth IRA?
It would be a Roth IRA.
Yeah.
You have that?
No.
How do you do that?
Well, you know how you were buying and selling stocks and stuff?
Yeah.
Like in those same places.
That's where you do that.
What is it called?
Steamboat?
Not Steamboat.
Robinhood?
No, I don't think robin hood does it all
right we'll do a whole finance episode next yeah but you know don't ask me but i at least know that
much well you'll be gone yeah so you don't have to sit through that but namaste to you three and
to all the listeners as well um at jeffrey james on instagram at jeff boyardee on twitter almost
at 10 000 followers so please tell your friends uh because I really need a win we'll see you guys again next week
you need a win
holy shit
I'm just saying
the out of
context Twitter has more followers
than I do
fine then my plug is to follow Marika
at Marika Aylan
and if she happens
to be followed by somebody named Jeff,
I'll also follow, because there's no limit.
Let's end this shit.
That's Daz,
folks. We'll see you guys again next week.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching.
Shout out.
Jill.
Fire Island, actually.
I was trying to think of the most random...
Did this end?
Yeah.
That was a Hidgum Original.