The Headgum Podcast - 245: State of the Gum 2025

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

Oops All Girls Alert! Emma, Anya, and Marika join Geoff to recap the Oscars, discuss recent Bond news, and honour Anya, before recapping the Oscars, digging into the State of the Gum, and dusting off some classic 2017 comedy!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Anya on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/radiofreeanya/» FOLLOW Marika on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marikaelon/» FOLLOW Emma on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmarosefoley/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey folks its Casey from Headgum and I am making a movie but I need your help to make it happen. I am making this thing with many familiar faces from the headgum world. Anya Khan of Skyah is one of the producers, the doughboys are executive producers, Jeffrey James is going to be in the movie. I'm just thrilled to be making a movie with my friends. It's really, truly, honestly the only thing I've ever wanted to do in my life. And it's beautiful that it's happening, that we're making it happen.

And I hope that you will be a part of it. We are currently raising funds on Kickstarter and you can go to casey makes movies Calm to learn more. Thank you for your time and enjoy the show Previously on the headgum podcast it had to be you it's hard to be me I don't know which song is more iconic at this point in terms of like what would we refer to it as? Mm-hmm. Yeah, It would be the first, it would be the Connix and Autra joint for sure.

Yeah, but Johnny B. Goode. Oh my god. What fell there? Oh my god, so much of it. That was a pint. It was absolutely a pint. I was going to comment on it.

It was a pint glass of it. I said he took a huge swig. A pint glass of cold brew. Knocked over. Which is a lot in a glass, but when it spills, it feels like a lot more. It's actually devastating to lose that much coffee because he needed that. Awful start. Okay, we'll fix this. I was making sure my mic was right. They are. My hair position is CEO.

And we can't hear it? You can't hear it? We did. Halfway through. So what's the problem? Halfway through. We did, but you started it. You need the whole thing to start.

I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song.

I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. I'm going to start the theme song. And we can't hear it? You can't hear it? We did. So what's the problem? Halfway through. We did, but you started it. You need the whole theme song. You need the whole theme song to get ready.

The whole 10 seconds instead of seven. Well, it's like sometimes we're having a conversation and then... It's called a cold open, right? It's like, oh, what if we were just chatting and then suddenly it's like, well, actually this is the show. Yeah, but the cold open starting three seconds into the theme song is-

I'm just, I'm now out of the argument now. Let's stay in it for a while. There's something confusing about how angry you are and how many throw pillows are behind you. There's something that's not- Dissonant, dissonant. They're related. Relaxation, irritability.

Quick to anger, slow to self-regulate. Title of that girl so confusing, that's Jeff. That's funny. Quick to anger, slow to self-regulate. Title of that girl so confusing, that's Jeff. That's funny, that's funny. I don't remember what, Anya, the fucking, the Elton John bit was a fucking flop on the show. Were you not mad at that? I was pissed.

Okay, I do think you shouldn't have told people what it was. I didn't, I told, well yeah, I shouldn't have told Casey. I shouldn't have told people what it was. I didn't, I told you, well yeah, I shouldn't have told Casey. I shouldn't have told Casey and Amir. You told Marika, by the way. I actually have a bone to pick with your ass. She told me that she was learning lines. That's all she told me. And then the bone is only with Marika, by the way.

This is the same fucking, it was like three weeks of a planned bit. Marika's like... You had, no, cause you had an audience of three extra people that could have responded well. So don't put it on me. Well, you're a fucking regular, all right? I count on you. I don't count on Grace.

Business casual was on that episode. Sure. But you're also correct in that there was like, there was Grace, you, Brad, and Amir. Yeah. Or Casey or whatever. Brad, Casey, Amir, and Casey. And Amir. So four people.

But you already showed it to Amir and Casey. I'll give Amir and Casey the pass, I will. No, not Amir and Casey. You did that. I'll give them the pass for not reacting. I'm saying who should have been like, Who did that? Who did that? Who did that? I'll give them the pass for not reacting.

I'm saying who should have been like, wow, this is gold, was Marika, Brad, and Grace. Emma, have you even seen this? Explain. I liked it. Explain to me why. The internet loved it. The monkey commenters.

I mean, I liked it physically. That's fine. I can't tell, I'm not gonna tell you how I felt about it, but I liked it. Explain to me why. I don't even get to feel any type of way because you weren't on the episode. Why did you expect something from me

and what did you expect from me? Instant joy. Do a re- Delayed gratification. Do a little thing of what you wish Marika did. Ha ha ha ha! That was perfect! That sounds nothing like her.

She would never do that by anything. She's like you. That's not... she would never do that by anything. That's my read, you know, you're not gonna get a Marika ass read out of me. I am who I am. But you're an actor. Yeah, but to a certain degree people will disagree with this shit. Kierne Culkin just won the Oscar. He was just being himself. At a certain point, acting is just directors saying, you are this character, and you can get yourself the rest of the way. The disappearing into a role, I've never seen someone disappear into a role.

Everyone just is. You've never seen someone disappear into a role. Name a role that you think was an actor disappearing into a role. I'll tell you why they didn't. Timmy. Timmy. Timothy Chalamet as Bob Dylan.

Timmy. Did he win the Oscar? I don't think so. And he should have. And he should have. No, I agree. I really actually think he should have won it. Adrian Brody's speech was awful, by the way.

He didn't say anything. He's so annoying. Losership. He said nothing. What is so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, sounded like that, but it was just that he like, didn't have jobs for a while. Right, so. And he did, they just weren't good. But he did. Yeah. Yeah. Which is not our fault. They were fine.

He was in Wes Anderson movies. Yeah, exactly. A lot. Listen, he needs to go home and parent Harvey Weinstein's children and shut up. Wait, sorry. Her kids were Harvey's? That smoke show of a woman spent the better part of the last 20 years married Harvey Weinstein. Only divorced him...

2021. I've been saying this because he thinks we're out at the Golden Globes. He thinks we're at the Golden Globes and we're always cutting to Georgina Chapman, former Project Runway guest judge, but no one's ever talking about the fact that she only divorced him in 2021. That is crazy. I didn't know she had any relation to Harvey. What kind of a big one last night? Yeah, kind of a big one. That's kind of the biggest you could have. Yeah.

Because it's not as well, it might be his parents fault, but. That's a terrible family. Yeah. And it really should have been Timothée. I didn't like that he said Popsie. Yeah. Yeah, you're not their dad as much as they'd like you to be. Anyway. I mean, to spend five minutes, 40 seconds saying nothing.

Which is what we've done so far. And to be like, I've been here before, like turn the music off. Which I did think was funny. I can't tell if you're talking about the start of this episode or Adrienne's speech. Yeah. I'm talking about Adrienne's speech. You kind of give Brody vibes.

How? I have a perfect nose. Self-indulgence. My nose is great. Cut people off. You would throw your gum at Marika. His nose is great too. His nose is great. You would throw your gum at Marika.

I wish I was as svelte as Brody. Yeah, you would throw your gum at meika. I wish I was as svelte as Brody. Yeah, you would throw your gum at me. That was also super rude, and I would never throw, unless it was Mastic, which is reusable. Yeah. Guys. And broke your jaw. That's true. Well, TMJ.

The point, we shouldn't be dwelling on the lack of reaction from people on last week's episode. Anya, we should be dwelling on the lack of reaction from people on last week's episode. Anya, we should be dwelling on the fact that you gave an incredible performance. It was convincing enough that for... Sorry, Marika, I'm trying to praise Anya for the first time in a while. And you're actually interrupting. She's getting her flowers.

You didn't give her her flowers last week and you're not letting me give her her flowers now. I posted a story that said she should have gotten a draw-score. That's right. And by the way, we were at the Oscars twice. Yeah. How do you figure? That clip of Elton John was, because he was nominated for...

So this is what I wanted to talk about. Which is important. Which by the way makes the clip look so much more relevant in hindsight. I know, Which is crazy. A real 180. That never happened to me. Yeah, usually your bits mean nothing and then they disappear from the world forever

and no one talks about them. And I really assumed that that was a clip from like 20 years ago. And you know, I had no cultural context from when it took place. They did cut to Brandi Carlile a lot. I thought it was Greta Gerwig, but it was Brandi. And I was like, that's my girl. She's, I disappeared into her kind of in a way. Yeah.

That clip being at the Oscars six days after our shit came out would be the equivalent of like if they did at the Grammys, Jesse or Paul McCartney edition. And it's like, holy shit, now I look like a genius in hindsight. Monday morning quarterbacking this shit. I was proud of the response that I think was due to not only Anya's performance, but also my ideation of it online. All right? People on Instagram were loving it. A*****s, shit. Grace, cut that out.

At Jeffrey James on Instagram. YouTube people were fawning over it. They were also... Well, I do think your fans love you, and when you grovel and beg for attention, at Jeffrey James on Instagram. YouTube people were fawning over it. They were also- Well, I do think your fans love you and when you grovel and beg for attention, they give it to you. And when you say a single word like malaise

in an episode, everyone repeats that. Not repeats, I think it's sentiment that was there before. You kind of led them, you were like, no one appreciated this and so then the comments came in, which is why I don't really feel like people- I'm giving a comment to your ass and you're turning it around You were like, no one appreciated this. And so then the comments kept came in, which which is why I don't even like to your ass. And you're turning it around and being like, you, it's nice of you. But I don't take it.

It's not earnest to me. It wasn't earned because like you had to beg for it a little bit. OK, well, so we don't know how people really feel because you set them up. You led. Yeah. You don't know how I really feel. And we really didn't give me a chance to respond. If you thought the Elton John documentary clip was the only thing yesterday's Oscars validated.

That's right, that's right, that's right. Conan had a fucking Bond of the Week. Yeah. He really did. And it was really, really good, yeah. What was it? It was like the senior VP of operations at Amazon, Steven Geisler or something.

Yeah, they cut to Broccoli a lot. Yeah, which you know. They were cutting to her. I really am sad about this, cause I am a lot. Yeah, which you know. They were not cutting to her. I really am sad about this, because I am a James Bond head, and they really, they kept it going as long as they could, and I think they could have continued into the future, but instead now it's gonna be a fucking streaming movie,

which is like a direct to video equivalent, and they're gonna milk it for all it's worth, and it's gonna fucking water it down. There's not gonna be, they're gonna have a Bond movie every fucking week. They're gonna have a streaming series, which it should not be a series. And they're gonna take what's special away from it, which is that every time it drops, it's a movie, a major motion picture event. Marvel, they did this, they're gonna Marvel it.

And I'm not gonna Marvel in it. I'm actually upset about this shit. That being said, let's get to our bonds of the week. Mine this week is Gonzalvi, bitch. And that is he's the CEO of Bic. And that's his real name. Yeah, it shouldn't be his real name. Well, I just figure like imagine a double seven with a better name than Bond himself.

I mean, I he's going gonna have to be a good enough actor that he can pretend to be someone with a name that's kind of fine. Because he's so used to being Gonzoly. Slash Mr. Bitch. The name's Bitch. Mr. Bitch. Gonzoly Bitch.

What? Do you think he goes by Gonzo? Gonzo Bitch? Wow, that's really good. Mr. Bitch is what I want you guys to call me in the office. When I need to lay down the law. Yeah. Anya, what do you got? Grace, you're going to have to cut this,

but I do need Jeff to know that this name exists, so I'm going to nominate someone I'm emailing with right now as the end as the week. And I and I want to be clear. I told him this and then I followed up on it. A little commotion for please. I really wish. Yeah, maybe in a couple months, we'll reveal the name behind the paywall. Because this whole thing has to be cut. This is just a conversation. No, just bleeped. Just bleeped.

Okay. Yeah, just bleeped. My bond is going to be Margaret Qualley, I think. I didn't know they were introducing her as the new Bond girl. And that was like... Yeah, why was she in that? If it was the new Bond period, it's 2025. Why does she have to be the Bond girl, Emma? Look inwards. Look inwards.

My Bond is a gender switch, so... Just wait for it. My Bond is a gender switch. Well, who's the Bond guy then? And it's something interesting with age, so... I'd love to do a read to be Qualey's guy. Bond girl, Jeffrey James. That would work. I wouldn't even mind it. I could...

I could... I could howl myself for it. I could get ice thin for the role. I think ice isn't really even thin. And it's a cold, I guess. Fine. Thin is glass. It's kind of blockage. Yeah. I sickle thin is like a really long triangle.

Which is the ankles still still resonate there. Yeah. Icicle thin is like a really long triangle. Carrot style. The ankles still resonate there. That's true, yeah. No, I would fin myself into an ID for Kwali. Like a license? Correct. I thought you said an IV. I don't know if she wants that from you.

You don't think Margaret she wants that from you. You don't think Margaret wants me to be the consistent CEO. I don't think that's what's standing between you and Margaret. I think it's... I feel like the door is right there. I just can't make it through. Your body does not work, yeah. Yeah. The door is open. I just need to be able to slide through.

You are perfectly... You thought the substance was her sending a message to you? Absolutely, yeah. She was talking directly to Jeff. If I could just perfect the substance and not get old. Who was the guy who looked exactly like Demi Moore in the substance who accepted an award last night? Do you guys know who I'm talking about?

I didn't, I wasn't comparing them to Demi. Demi Moore, Demi Moore, can you get thin as glass? Demi Moore in the bathtub in the substance, kind of Demi Moore as the Six Flags man in the substance. There was a man in the substance. You mean Nosferatu? Oh, the fucking score. The score, the brutalist score guy, he was hot.

Yeah, he was hot. Did you say haunted or hot? Hot, hot, he was hot. He was hot. You say haunted or hot? Hot. He was hot. He was hot. He was also, he was in a indie band in the 2000s that was like Pitchfork famous, called Yuck. That's funny.

And he's hot. And he kissed Brady Krabat on the mouth. A lot of kisses on the mouth last night. Adrian Brody kissed Guy Pearce on the mouth. Yeah. They beat you with that. And it really was like up, up, up. Halle Berry kissed Adrian Brody on the mouth last night. Adrian Brody kissed Guy Pearce on the mouth. Yeah. And it really was like... Halle Berry kissed Adrian Brody on the mouth. In front of his wife, by the way.

Hasn't she been through enough? I didn't even know the Harvey piece. Just his girlfriend, I think, which is worse. That's not worse. Or maybe it is. I don't know. I think there's a bell curve of when it's like... offending to me versus fine. Like... Yeah, we've only been dating two years,

now you're gonna smooch my girl? And then it's like, we've been together for 12 fucking years, have at it, it's fine. But then it's like, that's my wife of 30 years. Get away from me. So, it's like... Yeah, this is the curve. The curve is the curve. Wait, Emma Bond of the week?

Isabella Rossellini. I thought she looked so cute last night in Blue Velvet. I'm so good. Shocked they didn't give a better tribute to Lynch. Yeah, they also didn't shout out the Nickelodeon actress. Michelle Trachtenberg. Michelle Trachtenberg. She was on the on the QR code version.

That's insane. But they gave it to like some weird sound. I bet it's that she wasn't in the Academy and they're all like, that's what I thought. But there were other actors that died that wouldn't have been in the Academy that were like in the SAG award part. Yeah. All right. Any other round of the week or can we move on?

Yeah, you're right. This bit is is dead. All right. Emma, this made me think of you. Wait, sex, hugs, holding hands, she kisses, eating. I'm a slow reader. Can you read it out loud for the audio listeners? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Sorry. So it's the Drake Hotline bling video and it's him going, it's like him doing the first few minutes.

Putting his hand up like nah to... No, and it's like sex and then the second photo like no, and it's like hugs, holding hands, cheek kisses, etc. And then it's him giving kind of like a like a closed eye like yum. That's the one that's Goldilocks. Beating yourself so much that you believe you'll never find happiness with anything or anybody nor that you deserve it.

So you never try anymore and you've come to terms with the fact that you'll be forever alone but yet it still makes you depressively lonely and more self-loathing. So what about that reminded you of me? I just saw it on my Explorer and I was like, Foley style. Okay. We'll set this one out, you guys take your time with that.

So I feel like I need more to respond. You want to keep talking about this or can we move on? I don't understand what your reaction is. You're begging to move on from two segments that you made us do. I would say neither would... This is the outline, this is the episode. You guys get mad at me when it just so happens.

Yeah, you're being Mr. Bitch right now. I feel like I can't win. I feel like... You're acting like the outline of the episode exists. This is why we need a Libra on the show. This is why we need a fucking Libra on the bitch. We need someone to balance us out and equal justice. Because I don't feel like I'm understanding

what you guys want out of my ass. Who do you think that person is ever? What do you mean, a Libra? I'm a Libra. So figure this out! Wax or segments? Because when I bring segments, Emma's like, well, you're forcing us to do this bullshit.

We don't have to do any of this. You were mad at me for asking follow-up questions. You know what, I'm not gonna, let's just- She wanted to... Let's take a second. Let's just regroup. I don't want this sour to get into the latter half. So let's just take a quick break and we'll be right back. Ooh.

All right. And we're back taking us straight into Marika's sores. Basically, how many cankers does Marika have? Zero. All right, new novel title, Jolyta. It's exactly what you think it is. ["Joleda"] You're writing it? I was thinking of writing it.

Uh, it'd be kind of... The... I feel like you can't say anything anymore you know what I mean so I feel like I write this I get canceled but then we still kind of celebrate Navikov for some reason. Well it's not a pro he's not it's kind of an antihero situation yeah um and sorry Jolie did that spelled G EE-O? G-E-O-L-I-T-A, yeah. I really went J-O-E. I did too, but then watching his face,

I realized it's from his perspective as the Joe. J-O-E. There's no way that would make any sense. Oh, I wasn't thinking that either. I probably shouldn't write the book because I read the book a different way. In a different way. Yeah. In a different way. Yuck.

Backwards. Yeah, I read it like a Buddhist text. So it was, I read right to left. Interesting. What did you think I meant? Yeah. We thought flip book style. I don't know what any of this is about.

I don't know why people are so up in arms about the content. It's not pro, just to be clear. I've never read it. I just feel like the premise is fucked up, even if it's not pro. You're right. Oscars, recap. This is where I kind of have it.

Now? Right? Kind of fucked up of the outline. Kind of fucked up of that outline that exists, kind of as the platonic ideal. Oh yeah, it's like up of the outline. Fucked up of that outline that exists kind of as the platonic ideal. Yeah, it's like a limited liability outline. As long as any of it's over. Wow.

Wow, the outline's crazy. I registered it, yeah, with an agent at Zen Business, so I don't have to have any liability towards the outline. Every week I do this, by the way. I don't know why it's never come up. No, you know, I feel like what happened there with the Oscars, Timothy didn't get his gold. I don't think Adrian should have been lauded

nor applauded for just looking concerned a bunch. He looks good. That's like the one thing that's really good about him. Yeah, but so did Timothy. By the way, Monica Bavaro is unbelievable. She should be in everything as Joan. Yes, she's great. I'm not saying she should have won this year, but let's let's keep our eye on that, Monica.

Do I know Tom Cruise is doing a good job at that hill? That mean he like not not saying that he got her roles, but like post doing Top Gun Maverick. He was really like pushing for her to get jobs, which is really nice of him. So you think that he's trying to recruit her? No, just like being a good role model in the industry sort of thing. I don't think it's sexual in this case. I didn't mean that. I meant Scientology. And I don't think it's that in this case. I didn't mean that I meant Scientology.

And I don't think it's that either. We're not touching that. You made a bad face. Yeah, that's true. Do we know that that a headgun podcast recurring guest was in Complete Unknown? Yeah. Who? Oh, yeah. I think it's you can say it's clear.

It's clear. Jeff. Well, Jeff should know. We bring that was in. I don't know. You know, it was in that movie. I don't know anyone who was in that movie. I thought you do. Gianna Gianna Kinshian was in it.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Featured extra. Oh, not that featured. Oh yeah, her scenes got cut. Welcome to State of the Gum 2025. Um, guys, where are we fucking at? As a company and as a show. I want to dive into the inner workings and air some grievances, some dirty laundry and some industry secrets of HeadGum, both the podcast and the network.

Now we just signed Wayne Brady's show. He had a wonderful live show that I didn't attend because I didn't know was happening until everyone was lined up for standby and I wasn't gonna drive to Koreatown to get denied. We're in a great place, it seems like financially and the direction is clear. The VC firms are happy, I want to say, right?

The burn rate is thinning and thinning at my expense, but I'm still happy about it because suddenly the terms are net 30 and I don't get paid for four weeks. Um... He's so mad about this. (*BOTH LAUGHING*) Yeah, wait, Jeff, should we go over how you should be invoicing? Is that what you want to do?

I've been invoicing, fine. Once a month for the previous month. I get that. I understand that. It's almost been net 30. It has never been that. I used to get paid a week later. That was just because we were very diligent about it. And now you're choosing to not be diligent. It's just the company's wrong. I'm racking up credit card debt. Well, you need to damage your idea. Yeah, we gotta figure that shit out, because I kind of am like, oh, it's just a credit card. I'll pay it off at some point and then I'm in debt all the time. No, pay it off once a month after you get paid.

Once a month. Yeah. That's true. It's not about state of my finances. It's about state of the gum. Let's start with Anya. How are we feeling about the state of head gum and the head gum podcast? Oh my god, I'm a fucking idiot respectively

Show could be canceled any minute not a lot of ads Mm-hmm Which is a bummer because I know you're putting more work into it now But it's kind of like that the trains already moving and you're putting more work into it now, but it's kind of like that the train's already moving and you're like just kind of trying to, you know what I mean? Like all the actions that you took last year are affecting us now. So all the actions that you're taking now to make the show better won't be, won't have an effect on the show until like three to six months from now, but at which point it could be already

canceled. Sure. Sorry, did you want a real answer or a joke answer? Which one was that? That was... If this show gets canceled, I'll just start the same show with a different title and have a Patreon, so fear not, audience. Plus, then we won't have to have,

it'll probably be called like the Jed Gum podcast. Okay, head to jump. Unless I get like a, no, Jed Gum. Unless I get like a brand partnership or rather a bread partnership, which I've wanted for a long time, I could get sponsored by Breadlum and then it could be the Breadlum podcast.

Yeah. Or Bread Gum. If you're listening and the bread, lamb podcast. Yeah. Or bread gum. If you're listening and you want to sponsor this podcast, definitely. I feel like it's a matter of me working harder, which I already have been for months. And it's also a matter of the ad sales team really kind of locking in the deals.

Cause you know how many brand vetting requests I get and then I approve and then they don't book a bad package. And don't tell me that's the brand's fault. That's the brand's fault. That's the brand's fault. Marika, state of the gum. State of the network and then state of the show. I don't really feel like I have any state of the network updates. I'm kind of kept out of things, so...

That's cool. There's no way you're kept out of things. So that's really how there's no way you're kept out and I just kept looped in though. Now I don't believe that that was speaking. She was speaking to the state of the podcast, which I am kept out of. Big picture stuff. Sure. What do you do? And I'm with you, which is dangerous. And I agree with everything that she said. I also, I think... one thing that we could work on

is coming up with a really good pitch of this show for people that don't know what Headgum is. And then you could go on other shows and be like, I host this show, it's blah blah blah. See, this is great. Marika's giving pitches for how to make the show better, how to grow the audience and how to get the ads. Anya just said this show could be canceled by midnight.

No, you asked me for a status update. That was good. The status update, Marika's coming up with solutions on how we fix it. Marika, I asked you like two weeks ago, do you think the show might get canceled? And you said no. You asked me? Yeah. I don't think it would get canceled.

I think that Katie would really try hard to let that not happen. That's cool. So how do we do that before Katie gets involved? Because frankly, I feel like she has the shittest touch. What the fuck? No, I'm just saying everything she touches turns to shit. Yeah, we got that.

The beauty is she doesn't listen to the show. There's no worry that she would hear that. And if she did, I was kidding. We'll be telling her, of course. I was kidding! I was kitty moose. Nice. This is that gold. You're telling her, of course. I was kidding. I was Kitty Moose. Okay. Nice. This is that gold.

You're not gonna get this with any other host. All right? This show goes away, I just start another one. This is a cancel. I have a pitch for you, Jeff. Sure. For ad sales. Okay.

So recently, I saw, I don't know if you guys saw this, and I don't know which Slack channel it happened in, but there was some sort of pitch for GLP One brands that wanna start advertising on the network. You want me to start taking We Go Vee. Unequivocally against advertising GLP Ones, but maybe this is really your angle. This is how you kind of turn to ice.

We get you something serious. So you wanna do a branded content month where for four weeks I start taking semi-glutatude or whatever the fuck. And fit myself into a non-existence. That's good. Well, that's where you have the GLP-1 attitude, which is really just the irritability

that comes with the liver issues. I'm gonna be jaundiced in ice. Oh, that's really good. That's good. There's so many side effects. You should do a whole month where you just go for brands as hard as possible. Preemptively. Yeah.

You'll just fucking see that. You've already done that. I did one episode sponsor that was like a preemptive sponsor. What was that? I don't even remember. This was like three weeks ago. Well, you did the song about Blue Chew. Right. Nobody even liked that shit.

Yeah. And then you did another one, I think. Well, let me ask. There's a song about blue chew. Right! Nobody even liked that shit. Yeah. And then you did another one, I think. Well, let me ask. So... I'm really outing myself as not a listener of the podcast. This is why we don't get ads. Even our own don't listen.

You're not even on. You're right. There's a direct line between me not listening and you not getting ads. We need to explain why people like to listen to this. I think we've shot ourselves in the foot that it's called the head gun podcast. I think it should just be called Jeffrey. That is kind of the opposite of what we were thinking

because. No, it'd be like Ellen. Well, this is a point that Anya made. We need to distance you from the brand until you were just like a fake in the distance. But we want to make sure that to sell the show, we feel like the best way to do that would be really hyping up the fact that it's had gum staff together. It's like our beloved staff podcast.

I'm not loving that we lead with your name and you're not TikTok famous yet, so that doesn't really help sales. Okay. Well, that just feels like a pitch issue. That just feels like the little blurb that's sent to them via Gumball. That's what we were saying. But you're also saying the content needs to change, and that's where I feel like I'm in.

Okay. I think you just need to get on Ozempic and that'll fix a lot of these issues. Okay, with the show or just with my general? I don't know, I think we'll see. Yeah. You might get funnier the flatter you get. Ha ha ha!

I'm worried the side effects would infiltrate the blood brain barrier and I wouldn't be able to come up with this goal. You might start looking like a bobblehead and that would be kind of visually funny. I mean, Conan kind of looked like that last night and my girlfriend did point it out and was like, he looks so funny. And I was like, yeah, I feel like if I looked like a pole with a head. He's tall AF. He's like 6'6", I think.

Sorry, finish that. If you look like a pole with a head, what? He's tall AF. He's like 6'6", I think. Sorry, finish that. If you look like a pole with a head, what? What do you mean? You would be funnier? Or you too would be as successful as Conan? Marika, you gotta help me out. I don't know. I think that's a pretty straightforward question. You just, you started that sentence.

Yeah. Do you think it would be funnier if you looked like a pole with a hat? Probably. I like to think of this show and Joel and Jeff's mind as just like a drive that is constantly being wiped. You can only look forward, there's no... I don't know what happened on last week's episode. Other than what I didn't get that I deserved.

Yeah. Yeah. I really stuck on that. Um. So basically, I need to I need to start taking invasive elective medical medicine with side effects that they say have been studied. I don't trust that they have. Yeah. Oh, I don't trust it either. If you do that, go on some podcasts and then just like pitch the show really hard as something everyone can understand. OK.

I think that's the I think that we should call this. I think that we should like frame the show as like, what if a podcast network that made award-winning podcasts made an anti-comedy podcast? You don't want to say anti-comedy people immediately tune out. It's just not, and this is real. I don't think people like that. Even if that's what it is, they don't want to be told that that's what it is.

I think. That's fair. I can't think of anything else described as anti-comedy. It's a comedy panel show hosted by the staff of the Head Gum Podcast Network. I do think if you bill it as performance art, it's easier for people to get on board with what you're doing. Yeah, I don't think we can call it a panel show.

You don't really let anyone get a word in edgewise. I don't think we can call it a panel show. You don't really let anyone get a word in. I don't think we can call it performance art. So what? And I'm hearing all this and I'm open to it. What can we call it? I think it either needs to become more my main manic, like every episode is a manic depressive. I think it's an improvised comedy podcast. It's kind of like Jiminy Glick.

Only I'm fake. A good candidate for GLP-1, yeah. Come away. In the way that it's like a character's put on, but I'm not enough of a character. I feel like it's not enough in any direction, but people love it. I'm not enough of a character. I feel like it's not enough in any direction, but people love it. I know. Well, you are a character.

You're you are playing a character. I'm trying to think of another. But when people meet me in real life, I'm always like, they're never that shocked that I'm not like this. You know, it's like Triumph, the insult comic dog. That's kind of your closest comparison. But that's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny.

The insult comic dog. I hate that thing. Okay, but that's what you do. You come on here and you berate and insult us. No, this is like between two ferns. That's what I tell people. There's like a whisper of like Norm MacDonald's show. A real quiet whisper.

I would say it's like a... You can barely audible. It's a tasteful scream. I don't know. I think it's like, you're going on Carson, but Carson's not hosting, Don Rickles is. Ha ha. I mean, Comedy Bang Bang, I think they describe

Scott Ackerman as playing a characterized version of himself, and I think that that's probably like the tier of character that you're doing. Like he's making jokes that he would make because it's him. But that is now. Been developed into a character. But obviously, the show is not comedy bang bang. It's like it's like you doing comedy bang bang with real people

that don't want to give you anything Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what to start your own network, too, and maybe sell it to serious That's a pass yeah forward I mean, I don't get enough support from head gum as it is So I feel like there wouldn't be much of a difference in terms of the production Help what support I you looking for? I text with him once a day, by the way. Text with him.

No, the production, the tangible shit is there. We have scheduling, which Anya does a great job at. Grace mixes and, you know, finishes out the assembly edits these days. She's amazing at that. And we're so lucky to have both of them. But what I'm not getting enough of is the emotional support. Right. I feel like I'm berated constantly. I feel like I'm made to feel small and like it's my fault

that we're not growing the audience when I'm doing everything I possibly can, especially recently. And then I met with... Putting in unbelievable effort, people are loving it. Perfect episodes. And then I met with, the show's gonna get canceled. How's that fair to me?

I think, to be fair to you, it's less berating, which implies that we think about this show often and, like, participate in a conversation with you about it and more of, like, absolutely ignoring the fact that it exists and that you do it. And I also... -♪ It's more... -♪ BOTH LAUGHING I'm gonna go with the blue one. It's like the outline is like a fifth character. And there's just no way to control what's happening.

Sometimes the outline's not even there. And that's a wax episode. But today. Outline says play entire theme song to family food. The outline like a ratatouille. That's true. Sorry. Maybe Jeff, you need to kind of like, you know what?

I'll say that. It's so rude. Ultimately. I'll say that. It's so rude, ultimately. I'll be the top over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Marika's got a nice voice. I mean, at this point, he's repeating it. Okay ahead and we're just going to. I'm going to just check my email. Yeah.

Oh, so many important things to reply to. Urgent, urgent. How much longer do we things to reply to. Urgent. Urgent. How much longer do we have? Oh my God. No. Welcome to the Price Alt-Right. This is a reboot of a very old segment.

Guys, this is all sort of right of center iconography items for sale and it's price is right rules. And just barely right of center I want to say. At least to the way I calibrate things. I mean where center is these days let's be clear. Yeah well you know it's obviously. No I'm sorry keep going. Grace why don't you cut that out I want to try and stay apolitical on the show. Anyway so there's a bunch of garbage here that's for sale,

and I wanted to see if you guys could kind of guess the price of this shit. Excuse me. I think that's $25. Okay. I'm going to go 40. 49.99. Fucking MAGA hat. You think it's 25? Anya thinks that. I think it's 40.

Anya thinks it's 40. 49.99. Anya thinks it's 40. I think it's 49.99. Anya's absolutely correct. That's gonna be $50 and it's out of stock. Moving on. When I bought mine, it was only 25, but that must have been because I bought wholesale. You bought it in early, 2015.

I bought it in bulk until I got a discount. All right. Did you resell or? It's on grailed. She's on Poshmark, giving it up to the girlies. Grailed is a punch up of Poshmark, but anyway, Tiki torches, four pack, what do we think? Four pack. Wait, are Tiki torches right wing?

And we should also say that she was at Charlottesville. We're learning a lot about Emma Foley. Right. She thought she was there for like a backyard hang. Where we have some nice lighting. And then sure, let's walk through the streets. She says. 34.99.

Alright. Four pack? I think 75. Do they come with... I'm gonna do the kerosene. Let's just come on. $60. Oh, incorrect! No, that's gonna be 29.68 for the four pack. Kind's just come on. $60. Oh, incorrect.

No, that's gonna be 29.68 for the four pack. Kind of a good deal. Moving on to my pillow. My pillow. 43.99. Okay. 65. Okay.

$1. Marika's correct! $49.98! Wow, two cents cheaper than a hat. Unless you have a discount coupon code, in which case it's 14 even. Just... This whole thing is feeling very...

Steep discount. How about a fucking gun? Okay. Grace, maybe blur that just in case. I'm gonna blur it, I'm gonna blur it. Or cut this whole thing either way. This is gonna be a Glock 17. It's gonna run you $1,300.

Interesting. Is that how much guns cost? That's what it says, I have no idea. I have no idea. But we should be arming the land. I was gonna say $99. I'm trying to work backwards from that stuff I said before. Marika, what are you thinking in terms of a gun?

I have no idea how much the gun costs. $99. I'm gonna say $350. All right, that's gonna give it to Anya because it's $508.99. That's a lot. Yeah, here we go. 2014 Ford Raptor lifted 27,000 miles.

This is so twisted. By the way, this is feeling very Trump first term. Yeah. Yeah. This one I think I wrote in like 2017 or something. I just found it. And we're just reusing it. Okay, cool, got it. Well, the outline does what the outline wants. I don't know what you want me to say about the outline, yeah.

Can't control them. 65K. Okay. 27k. Alright, Marika, come on. A dollar. That's gonna go to Emma Foley, cause we were looking for $42,970. Moving on to Storm the Capitol style. I don't know how much it costs.

Me either. Is this... Is this an authentic? Is this a Viking home replica? It's an authentic. It's off of Etsy, it's gonna be a cosplay item. Gotcha. It's gonna be $158. Okay. I'm letting Marika take it first.

I feel like I'll work off of her number. Guys, we don't have all the time in the world. Because you think I know about cosplay? Just feel like you know. Costumes. That sucks. You like the theater. We both hate costumes.

True. I'm gonna go $200. All right. I'll do a dollar. Anya wins that one because it's actually gonna be $120 even. Wow. I was closer if she said a dollar.

This one's right off of Marty's bumper. It's a thin blue line sticker that says, if you haven't served, you wouldn't understand. Do they mean like in a restaurant or? I was thinking of like gay guy. Yeah, if you can't turn a look, you wouldn't get it. They're talking about the cops. Got it.

Do you say served? I thought that was just for the military. I think a lot of people who think along these terms don't know what any of the law enforcement is. Did I ever tell you guys that one time I saw a bumper sticker that was the Mickey Mouse outline, but it was thin blue line. That was really- Wait, when did, I'm so sorry to interrupt, but Marika, when did we start making the episodes an hour and a half? Or are they sticking to 45 minutes?

Because I just don't think, I feel like Anya's speaking with the length. Jeff. As if we have double sessions. Let me say one thing on the girl episode. $3. $3. It's a picture. What is it?

This is a sticker. It's a sticker. I'm mad now. $25. I just managed to stick my fingernail into the- That's gonna go to Emma Foley because it's $1199. On my finger.

All right, last one. This one's my favorite and I actually did buy a pair. Here we are. This is what you wear when you go to the Thai massage place. Don't tread on me full-back granny panties. But not the flag. It's just the text, and it's really printed on the waistline. Yeah, it's so high up.

It's really high up. Yeah. That's just so that, you know, it kind of shows over the dockers. Oh, that's cool. It's like a fun, like, nails tale. Yeah. 1599. 1599? She said 15. 15.

And I said 998. All right. And I'll do 15, 16 even. Anya wins the whole thing. She got the most right. I wasn't counting, but it just feels that way to me. That was 32, 39, that's the end of the price alt right. Guys, feel free to have played along.

Feel free to have played along. Yeah, feel free to rewind and play along again. Guys, we made it to the end of what was not a wax episode, but what ended up kind of feeling like it. This one's sort of the outlines fault. But I think it was still a solid up nonetheless. The energy was brought. Thank you guys for that. 46 minutes and you've been cutting me off every chance you get. The rapper.

Yeah, no, guys, we had some good stuff in there. I think people enjoy it. And you guys brought the energy, which I appreciate. So that's all we have. Plugs. Let's make it through. Let's not forget two minutes of that was the theme song. Not every episode can be the Joscers. Not every episode can be Rice is a River.

But this is still better than most episodes. Emma and Jeff, do you have the same mug? Rice is a River. But this is still better than most episodes. Emma and Jeff, do you have the same mug? I know, it kind of been interesting seeing it happen in the two windows. Mr. Bitch. Okay. Now you're interested in my personal life? Wait, rink a cheers. You guys never ask me anything about my stuff. Rink a cheers. It's just, oh, what is it? Oh, it's a wax. Imagine if we got a Diet Coke sponsor.

I would die. I would cry. You know what's crazy is from my house you can see, when on a clear day you can see to the mountains. To my house? Well, yeah, and I have like two telescopes that I put on at once because I didn't know what binoculars were. And I just checked to see if you're looking at your email

five seconds after I send one. What could you possibly be doing that's more important than accepting my invite? No, but when I started the record, there was snow on the mountains and now there's not. You think all the snow has melted in 45 minutes? What are you talking about? Genuinely. Also, you started that sounding like you were going to quote Sarah Palin and then you switch to...

I can see Anya from my house! On a clear day you can see forever. On a clear day you can see Anya from your house. That's what you're trying to say. Russian Anya. Russian Anya from your house is what you're trying to say. Russia on Russian Anya. Follow me at Marie Gayle on Letterboxd. Based on this performance, you want them to do that? You might want to save that for like the next episode.

Oh, we have a meeting. Listen to Wayne Brady's new podcast. It's called Wayne Brady's What If with Jonathan Mangum. It launched yesterday. If Jeff puts this out this week, Thursday, March 6th. I'm trying to get Wayne Brady on this show. I'm a huge fan. It shall not happen.

But it's on YouTube. And subscribe. And it'll be funny if you like Wayne Brady. The next time he's in the office, I'm going to be dressed as Gandalf. And I'm going to be like, ye shall guest! What? Shall guest! What?

And then also Casey... Casey Makes Movies dot com. He launched a Kickstarter for a movie I'm helping. We're all helping him make. Don't say help, you're producing the fish. Yeah, I don't want to take... It's his movie and I'm producing it with him and everyone here is participating as well.

Casey Makes Movies dot com, it's a Kickstarter. There's a Kickstarter. There's cool rewards. Emma, you'll be looped in kind of when the time is right. We are, the campaign's already- When it's time to get the money out. Sorry, the campaign- That's when you come calling.

I did, that's right, roll right now, actually, yeah. Kickstarter's launched. As of this record, as of this past Monday, if you're listening to it on Friday, the Kickstarter's gotten to 10,000 out of 50. So we're... That's pretty crazy. It's been up for a couple hours. Only three hours. So it's already got some...

Last time I looked, it was six. So, sorry, in all seriousness, the Doughboys are executive producers. They came on to back like a big chunk of the project. And now we're trying to back... We're trying to raise money for like the other half. The movie's going to be really cool and weird. Do you want to say who the lead is, we should say? and now we're trying to raise money for the other half. The movie's going to be really cool and weird. And do you want to say who the lead is, we should say?

So... Do you want to say who the lead actor is? There's like no lead part for you, Jeff. I don't know how to... No, I'm not talking about... We're really excited to have you in. I'm not talking about me. ****

That was a joke for Casey and he's not even here. All right, that's it. No, Emma, let me. I hope it got saying let me. Come back after the credits for this. This is good. At MROs, follow me on Instagram, but more importantly, Headgum has a new show launching called Here to Make Friends hosted by Liz Feldman and Jesse Klein, incredible comedians, writers, show runners, et cetera.

Do not be shaving your head, Jeff. This is what the network's spending their time on and not our show. Our show gets last. Very exciting guests coming on. We have Nick Kroll, we have Bridget Everett, we have Lisa Kudrow, we have Jenny Slate. Go listen, watch.

It will launch at the end of March. Let me. At Jeffrey James, at IamJeffrey, at Jeffrey James on Instagram, at I am Jeffrey James on TikTok. We're we're making her history, himstory, himstory over there. That was a Headgum Original.