The Headgum Podcast - 249: Vitamin G

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Geoff welcomes Amir, Marika, and Allie to the Geoprah Winfrey Show! They discuss their health, Geoprah’s favourite things, and Geoprah’s book club. Plus, Geoff reveals how many unread texts he has!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Marika on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marikaelon/» FOLLOW Allie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alliekahan/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Previously on the Head Gum Podcast. Ostensibly the the content house of New York City, your mom's house, is experiencing factionism. Okay. I'm microdosing LSD today. Yeah, it's clear now. Who's in that one? Anybody we know?

Hmm? Your mom's house. Who's in there? I guess we could get a quick numbers crunch on that. Me? Is Keo Sir living there? We were a big Keo Sir fan. In this house we stan Sir.

Do you think we know any of the people? Like if you listed the people that live there, do you think we would any of the people like if you listed the people that live there we would know them do you think keel has ever been the big sir wise I'm trying to go to fuck are you talking about? I'm like, I have to do something else, and I start putting together my new vacuum. That Friday feeling, I feel like when we record the moment before the weekend, there's a certain energy. Everybody's sort of joyful to me instead of antagonizing.

And we have a lot to get to today. It really all hinges on your guys' joy and participation. Or should I say joyful participation, right? It's not a wax episode. We have a lot of segments. But each segment is less a game and more of a conversation as if this was a daytime talk show. Does that make sense? We'll get to that later. But are we all buying in? I need the buy in from you guys immediately. Last week we had Billy and Finn on. They were unbelievable, right? Because they

were trying to promote their film. So they had something at stake. Right now, I can tell you guys glazed over, right? Kettle cooked because you guys don't have anything at stake. So I wonder also if we put some money on the ship. Do you think? Yeah, I'm in this kettle. Could I mirror? I can't lose the bet, though, because I was going to say a thousand dollar buy in. Can we if we're kettle cooked, does that mean we're like we have a sugar coating? No, it's like you're sort of fried, you're sort of washed.

Got it. It's like, oh, this is fun and interesting in 2020. Now it's like 2025. It's almost it's been half a decade. We've been doing this dumbass show and I feel like people are getting tired of you. Whoa. Who? Whoa. Or ha ha ha ha ha. We'll go with the second one. Yeah, just ha ha ha ha ha.

Amir, you haven't been on the show in a minute. Are you trying to avoid the shit or are you kind of interested? Well, the last time you recorded was on a Saturday. That's true. When my brother's entire family came down for his birthday. Yeah, but you could have come. Yeah, and then the time before that, I was in Las Vegas. Did you win?

No. I've been to a casino twice in my life. The first time was on the Head Gum Company retreat three years ago. I lost $200 of my own money in 15 minutes and they threatened to break my legs because I had rescinded something based on some rule I didn't know about and they're like you really can't do that. I was like, it's fine like kick me out

I guess but you can't arrest me for that. I'm lost also. So I get upset. Yeah, and then I in Vegas I won five dollars Pretty good My first trip to a casino was also on a head gum trip, so maybe we should look into that for HR reasons. Interesting. And then, Allie, have you ever been up? I've never been up, I've never been down.

I've never bet, I've really never bet. Have you bet big, though? And only in my head. Stop dancing. I'm pretty sure that's... Bond of the week! Let's start with Amir. BAND OF THE WEEK BAND OF THE WEEK! Let's start with Amir. Amir, can you do the like staircase thing? Yeah.

That's a good one. My BAND OF THE WEEK is Jon Farny. Right? Now he's a canoe. Sorry, this is for the audio listener. I thought he was on a gondola, whatever, driver in Venice. It's an Italia. He's a Venetian gondola. That was an escalator.

Bond of the Week, let's start with Amir. Luka Doncic. And that is who? Marika. Basketball? Marika. He's the Lakers' new star player. Zach Cherry. Marika? Zach Cherry. Why is that to Zach Cherry? Why Zach Cherry? Why?

Why the fucking star basketball player? Who gives a shit? Allie? My mom. And I'm going to go with John Farny, CEO of State Farm, because it's time for a claims bond. His last name is Farny. Yeah, basically Farny is James. In his first movie, we could have like a hot Ivy League grad bum rushing him and shooting him dead.

Sorry, I'm just imagining a shirt... that says, Farnie is James. Even the first half of that sentence was bad. Sorry, I'm just laughing because I'm imagining a shirt. All right, powering through, guys, word of the day, darylicht. Okay. But it's not I-C-T, it's I-C-K-E-D, all right? So this is a word that describes something that is no longer licked by anyone, right?

No. Use it in a sentence. No? No. Use it in a sentence? No. No. Use it in a sentence. Ever since popcorn ceilings were found to contain asbestos, they became derelict. No, I've seen Zoolander, and I know that they say that you can derelict my balls. So doesn't that-

Ow. We're all shocked. Ow. We're all shocked. So you're saying someone already coined this. I'm just saying, are you referencing Zoolander? It wasn't intentionally. This is in the past tense. So it isn't D. It's D-E-R-E-L-I-C-K-E-D.

So another example would be Jeff's glands are derelict. Because it's describing something that is no longer licked by anyone. Right. Okay, yeah, because Moogatu's campaign was called derelict. And you should know that because he dressed up as him for Halloween. Yeah, two years ago. Yeah, but I'm not like a huge Zoolander head to the point where I know. Yeah, I don't know. Seems like it. Your costume was so good.

It was really good. Ali, this I mean, I don't know how familiar you are with this segment, but basically I've been trying to be a better friend, you know, trying to like show up to people's birthdays more. And instead of being like, I'm tired, trying to make sure that I come through for my friends. And I'm also trying to be like, oh, out in the world, out and about, being like, I saw this and it made me think of you.

Because I feel like that really makes me feel warm when people say that to me. I saw this on my Instagram explore page and it made me think of you. Spilled her husband's ashes on her hand and decided to lick them off. And even though they tasted like rotten eggs, she felt closer to her husband while eating them.

Soon she was carrying the ashes everywhere and snacking on them several times a day. And she ended up eating a pound of the remains. But corpses are treated with eight different chemicals before they're cremated. And if eaten, they can cause hallucinations and even death. She spilled her husband's ashes on- Just ends there. Yeah, that's a bad way. Time for it to end. Why? Cause I love Six Feet Under?

No. No. That's what I was thinking about too. No. When they got to the chemicals, I was like, oh my god. Six Feet Under. It's not that you're a fan of that show. What about Yellow Jackets?

And it's not Yellow Jackets either. It's that that, to me, was a total con move. To eat my husband's ashes and then hallucinate? And die? And I would even say you don't hallucinate or that it's someone you know. Just to eat remains. You know what?

Would you eat chicken's ashes? No. But I do want us to be cremated together and shaken together in a little cocktail shaker. Like we're gonna combine and we're gonna be in the same place because we're obviously dying on the same day. I was gonna kind of clarify that. Yeah.

Cause that's gonna be, yeah. She's living forever, I'm living shorter. Either one's fine with me. She's living six more years or I'm only forever or I'm living shorter. Either one's fine with me. Ha ha ha ha! She's living six years or years. Or I'm only living nine. So you're fine if she lives past you. No, no, no, no, we're going out at the same time.

It's just, it's I'm going with her, she going with me. Okay, but let's. Don't go with Louise style. Yeah, exactly. Following Marika's, sorry, Amir, just one second. Following Amir's, sorry, now you gotta be safe. You really kinda hijacked the whole show. Oh, wait, oh, sorry, I forgot you have all these things.

I did have something that just came to my mind. So I crocheted my first ever blanket. No way, let's see it. Yeah, and she keeps sleeping in it. Hold on, one second, one second. It's gonna be in the shape of a jockstrap when she brings it back. Every time she's like, it's a quilt,

and I'm like, that's a watch. Okay. Okay. It's a swatch. I'm back. Okay, so she's loving it. It's a cat. Ah! Yes.

But look, it's a circle. Oh, wow. It's really big. The middle's a little loose. And that's a rug, you said, or that's a, what did you say? It is a blanket. That's big. How long did that take?

It took me like three days. I did it while I was home for the weekend. That's impressive that it only took three days. Wait, really? Yeah. It's really big. Well, because I know that you guys tell the truth. No, this one's really good.

I like that the center's like a doily and then it gets... That's what I was going for. It's good. I was going for a big doily. I was going for it to look like a doily. So do you feel like a mug of tea on that? I feel so cozy and chic, I can't even tell you. I feel like I unlocked maybe something new inside of me.

Like all of a sudden something switched and I became good at it. Because look, hold on. I don't want to frame it that way, but it does, it's a tale of two alleys, right? Because the first one I felt like you were in a dark place. I was in a dark place, and this is the first scarf that I worked on. Oh, God!

And it's like, and I cut, yeah. That's a roll of reusable toilet paper. No, you were right, you were right. This is like, this is not the one that I showed you, but this is a different one. But now. It's Rainbow Road. It looks a little bit like Rainbow Road. It looks like if Rainbow Road was like

siphoned through cremation. And then my current project, a square blanket. So basically I can do circles and I can do squares now. That's all. Those are big. I will say just because the crochet items have improved, I wonder if your current projects should just kind of remain you.

That's dea... Because you can knit as many sweaters or quilts as you want, your problems will follow. And I know that from personal experience. I keep kind of bouncing between New York and LA, thinking that each city's gonna solve me. We... Yeah. And my demons follow. I do feel the same way.

There's some lyrics in there. Yeah. Wherever you go, there you are. I wonder if there's a third city you can give a college... Try? Yeah. You know what is funny is I've been trying to convince people to do a semester in San Francisco with me. A semester?

You hate San Francisco, I thought. I've changed my tune. Like classes? Are you going back to school? No, just like four months. Got it. Guys. Right. This is bringing us into our first segment, Amir's Kefir. Amir, how much kefir do you think you've consumed

in your entire life? And let's just use gallons as the measure. Not a lot, much kefir do you think you've consumed in your entire life? And let's just use gallons as the measurement. Not a lot, but it's funny you bring that up because my friend just started making his own and was sort of waxing its merits to me. He's gonna get bird flu. Related to the kefir or you're just gonna. I'm wishing it on him.

I'm a it on him. I wish I had some milk or... No. I hope he does. He does have his own chickens. What's his name? We'll bleep it, but what's his name? I can't tell you. I really wanted it to be like Henry, so it could be H1 Henry. Yeah, it's not.

New novel title. I'm obviously trying to write the perfect book. Just need the perfect title. The Fine Patsy. So it's set during the Great Depression in central New Jersey. The Fine Patsy depicts the narrator's interaction with a man named Gay Patsy, who mysteriously has not that much cash, and who displays an intense indifference towards a woman with whom he thought of sharing a kiss one time, but ultimately decided against the idea. It kind of...

Kind of just went like, like I didn't absorb what the plot was. Yeah, that's actually a lot. What was the inspiration? Well, it's basically like if you took the Great Gatsby and stripped it of anything interesting. Oh, I get it. Do you want me to read it back again, knowing that? No.

All right. Well, guys, for any other MLB heads out there, I thought Casey was going to be on this episode. All right. Well, guys, for any other MLB heads out there, I thought Casey is going to be on this episode. MLB TV was down for almost all of opening day yesterday, and I barely got to see my Mets lose. However, isn't it fine? They barely did anything. So you save like three hours of watching a pretty boring baseball game.

Yeah, they had a couple hits. Hits. They had one run and a $500 million payroll. And they barely had that, yeah. Juan Soto was one for four. Of course. I saw his first hit though. Swinging at the end of the game.

I did see though. Chased a breaking ball. I want to say two feet out of the game. I did see the face a breaking ball. I want to say two feet out of the zone. I mean, not a good look. I mean, there's honored. What is it? Sixty one more games to figure it all out. Yeah. But that's sort of the one thing he does.

Well, it's hitting. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of played discipline in a way. Right. He didn't strike out. He did. I was going to say. Yeah. I couldn't see because MLB. Of course. He was down.

Yeah. They did, however, during the time that I was able to watch, play this 15 second commercial that really made me laugh. It might be the worst commercial I've ever seen. For more than a decade, Farsega has been trusted again and again and again. Farsega, Farsega, Farsega, Farsega. Ask your doctor about Farsega.

What? Ask your doctor about Farsega. ["Farsega Theme"] Oh! What? Ha ha ha! So, we don't know what the medicine is for, we don't know where to find it,

all we know is that there's a half-empty stadium chanting its brand name. Farsega! Farsega, Farsega. It's also maybe a player's name because he's stepping up to the plate. That's why would a stadium chant to medicine. Yeah. Is it injectable? Is it a pill? What is this? Ask your doctor. So what are you all going to do? I'm going to go to my PCP for a checkup and just be like, hey, by the way, what is farseer?

And he's gonna be like, I don't know either Farseer also, I guess like context clues wise. The only other thing was an opening shot like track chair people's crotches Yeah, I don't think that's related. I think it was just to show stadium seating I don't think that's related. I think it was just to show stadium seating. Should we look up what it is? I don't want to know. I want it to live in my brain as just this awesome thing. So we could play a guessing game. Ali, don't let the fact that Marika just interrupted you twice in a row stop you from asking. Stop me? Oh, I was just gonna say did you guys see that people were giving Lady Gaga boxes of Ner-Tek to sign?

They did. Wait, what's Ner-Tek? It's like a migraine medication that she's the spokesperson for. That's really funny. I thought it was Zer-Tek for nerds. Nice. Amir. Amir, yeah.

Really nice. Let's just take a break. Yeah. Really nice. Let's just take a break. Yeah. Okay. Welcome back to the Jopra Winfrey Show! That's G-E-O-P-R-A-H. Guys, we have a lot to get to today. Do you ever watch Oprah in it's heyday? Do you ever see this daytime talk show?

Yes. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Guys, we have a lot to get to today. Do you ever watch Oprah in its heyday? You ever see this daytime talk show? Yes. Not really. I have her box set.

Why is there like a whip sound in the back of this? I don't know, but Quincy Jones wrote this theme song to the original, the OG Oprah theme song. RIP. Amir keeps leaving frame and even when he's in frame, he's not giving us any energy. I feel like... Sorry, I'm blowing my nose, but like, I don't want to like it for it to be part of the show.

So I'm trying to do it like silently so that people listening at home can't necessarily hear. Oprah talked a lot about losing a ton of weight. Yeah. I don't know if you guys remember this part of Oprah. Of course. A lot of it had to do with like, how much can you lose in a week? Mm-hmm.

Which is not ideal. Now she's on Ozempic. So. Is she? Pretty sure. If they had had... Pretty sure? Because you said it as a matter of fact.

Kind of a big deal. Is she on Ozempic or not? Marika, can we get a numbers crunch on whether or not Oprah winfrees on Ozempic? If Ozempic came out in 1984, the show would have gotten canceled immediately. Because a lot of people tuned in to see if they could maybe eat a carb less and lose a pound. Marika.

Or she's talked about being on a weight loss drug. Right. So let's say even if it's Wegovi, it's still fucking whatever the same medicine, right? Even if it's far sega Guys how do y'all what's your relationship to weight loss and health? That's such a crazy question You don't have to answer it in earnest or in kind, but this is the type of shit that Oprah was asking and this is me as Jopra, all right? Well, I don't feel healthy now.

Why not? I think I just have a cold. Why not? You have a cold? Yeah, I think I got sick in Vegas. So why'd you show up to the Zoom? I figured I would gut it out, Michael Jordan flu game style.

Besides just mostly congestion. That's not what's happening, your performance has been subpar. It's not like. And the comments are gonna fucking confirm that is true. I don't have a headache or anything like that. A lot of people are siding with me recently, by the way, that you guys aren't bringing the energy.

I would say Marika's doing fine. I would say Ali's bringing the heat. Oh. Amir, you're bringing the cold. Yeah, I guess. You could have had tea instead of whatever that is. Elementi. Yeah, it's like a vitamin C powder. C powder, I was gonna say.

Flavor. Guys, we have to talk about the ins and outs of our fluctuating. Wait. Wait. Weight? Weight? This was supposed to take 10 minutes. Okay. Talking about our weight? Yes. And our own personal journeys with our bodies?

Let's err on the side of caution away from the weight loss part of it, because weight loss doesn't have to coincide with health. Let's just talk about our general health, right? General health at your service. What are your guys' biggest medical ailments? Um, I mean, where to begin? Should I play the voice note you sent me? Do you still have it?

I really hope I do. I doubt it. I don't believe it. You don't. I sent Jeff a voice note recently explaining a diagnosis. No, I have it. I have it. Oh my God.

Yeah, let's see what it is. You can bleep it. A major vein in my head that drains blood from my brain is narrowed, which means that it's also bulging. The bulge part has eroded part of my skull behind my ear. And so now my skull is really thin behind my ear. And I have to get a stent in my vein so that it widens and I don't have turbulent blood flow and then also that'll stop me from having intracranial hypertension, which they can tell I have because my pituitary gland looks like a cup instead

of a peanut. I don't know what's happening anymore. So like, they sort of sent that. My brain is fine though. Nothing's wrong with my brain. I'm sorry, it's still out there, but your pituitary gland looks like a cup instead of a peanut. I don't know what's happening anymore.

So like, they sort of sent that. My brain is fine though. Nothing's wrong with my brain. I'm sure he's still out there, but... Your pituitary gland looks like a cup instead of a nut. The doctor specifically said Georgia peanut. That's so funny. Relevant to me.

So you did an MRI to find the imaging of this thing? Yeah, I got three different MRIs, looking at my vein, my ear canal and my arteries, because I have pulsatile tinnitus. So for the past three years, I've just heard my pulse in my ear and been like, all right, guess we're doing this now. I mean, you and I kind of connected on that in terms of the tinnitus of it all. Yeah. And then Marika texted me that voice note. It was basically like, they will solve my tinnitus if I figure this out.

So I was like, wow, that all sucks. They have to get a stent. But at least your tinnitus will go away. Yeah, it should go away completely. And then, like, I have to go to the hospital to get photos inside my vein. So they, like, send a camera up there. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Whoa. But apparently... So like an endoscopy, like an intravascular endoscopy? I guess, yeah, basically. But it's, like, done through an IV. He was like, the camera's the size of a hair. They're going to lose it. Better not.

Probably like a wire they send up there. Like, we'll see what happens. It's apparently like an RC car, Like that episode of Magic School Bus. Oh my God. I wish Miss Frizzle was doing the operation. That's one of my favorite, shout out Danny Sellers. One of my favorite Danny Sellers jokes is he's like, everyone on the East Side of LA is either something or Miss Frizzle.

I saw Danny yesterday. He was in the office. That's awesome. But yeah. There's good salesmen and then there's good sellers. Nice. Really? No, that's what's up with me. Without sort of erring on the side of a HIPAA violation, what's your biggest, most private medical ailment? Can't ask that.

Well, I guess you can't, But you can't really expect an answer. That's where I'm at with it. You do not have to answer. But in terms of. The thing that you might be embarrassed to talk about. You know, I think that some things are better to remain a mystery. That's really interesting. That's kind of how I just what that's how gay

Patsy lives his life in the book. I wanted to write. Who's gay Patsy? He's the fine Patsy. Basically, he's like he mysteriously is middle class and no one knows how he made her gay. Yeah, I. Gay Patsy.

Correct. The first in a high school play, I played a Gay. Gay Patsy? Correct. The first... In a high school play, I played a character named Gay Wellington. And on my costume rack, they had like little scotch tape that labeled everything and it just said, -"Allie Gay." -"Gay." Was that the moment you knew? Should have been.

That's what Jeff orders at every steakhouse. You mean beef Wellington? Uh, no. Sure. Whee! Um, alright, well is that enough talk about health? Because health is wealth, by the way. I really aired out all of my current issues. Well, I told you guys that I have a benign cyst on my.

Yeah, we know. Yeah. Yeah. Not in a way. Concussions getting better, though. OK, I feel back almost pretty much back to normal in terms of my head and my cognition, which is great. Lion's mane, lion's mane extract in the morning. My dad just went off about mushrooms to me over the phone this weekend. So I don't know what you guys are doing.

But oh, he and I are in constant contact. Yeah. I didn't go off on you about the lion's mane. It was in a side. All right. You've the lion's mane. It was in a side. All right? You've heard of a side? This was in a side bowl. Um... Anyway, my dad's gotten really into taking mushrooms in the morning also, but he's taking a seven-type blend.

All right, guys, this has taken us into Jopra's favorite things. You guys remember Oprah's favorite things. It would be like a list of like 100 things that she would want people to buy around the holidays. This is not near the holidays, so I'll give you an abridged list. Most of this stuff can be bought for

less than twenty dollars and some of these things money cannot buy, right? This is an earnest list. We've had a couple banger episodes of this like detached ironic detachment from the format of the show, etc. This is not quite a wax episode, but it is up to us to bring the heat in terms of laughs per minute, because this is just shit I actually like. Let's get earnest for a second, let's get real. Okay. Kicking us off with Ninja Creamy. You like the Ninja Creamy.

You have one of these again. It is unbelievable. That one you cannot buy for $20, it's like 200 bucks. But what I do is I mix chocolate milk with a protein powder, freeze that shit in one of the containers, What I do is I mix chocolate milk with a protein powder, freeze that shit in one of the containers, and then I put it in the Ninja Creamy and I put it on light ice cream. In four minutes, I have basically a Wendy's Frosty

with 50 grams of protein in the shit, 380 calories. That's lunch. It's 380 a lot or a little? It's a little. For a meal. That's giving you 50 grams? Kidding me! Fill you up at all?

Or you just- I'm good for five hours! Is there fiber? Are there vegetable nutrients? If you want, you can add fucking psyllium husk to the shit but I'm fine without. What's psyllium husk?

It's a soluble fiber powder. I don't think you have to worry about it. Yeah, that's what you want to add to your ice cream, a husk? Sounds horrifying. I don't! I'm just saying, Marika's grilling me, raking me over the coals saying, oh you're not getting enough fiber. Sorry I'll have vegetables with dinner. Oh now I'm just worried about your health because you're not getting enough fiber. Sorry, I'll have vegetables with dinner.

Because you're having ice cream for lunch. It isn't ice cream. It is. It's a protein shake with the consistency of soft serve. There's a massive difference. That's why the creamy is worth the cash. Are you eating it with a spoon or a straw? A spoon.

Good question. And are you having breakfast or that's literally the only thing you eat until dinner? A spoon! Good question. And are you having breakfast or that's literally the only thing you eat until dinner? I'll have a banana. I'll have a banana before my coffee so I don't get the fucking jitters, right? I need the potassium, by the way. Yeah.

I don't know, I kind of feel like you're yelling. Pfft. But what about the food though? What about the ninja? I mean, I do, I really do want to get into making ice cream, but I think I would just get an ice cream maker and try and work out how I can make it a little healthier. Because I've been following a guy on TikTok and Instagram that's like, that makes weird ice cream flavors and I'm really inspired by him.

And also, die. Yeah. I've probably said this before, but there's a real lack of ice cream in New York and somebody needs to do something about it. Yeah, you and I were walking on the Upper West Side last fall. Salt and Straub opened their first location in New York there. Yeah, people were lined up around the block, and I was like, Salt and Straw is fine.

Yeah. LA has too many ice cream places, though. There's way too many of these artisanal shits. I just want, like, yeah, I'm tired of Van Luen. There's Van Luen everywhere, and then there's kind of nothing else. But it's mostly a grocery store problem. Grocery stores don't have ice cream.

Some of them have started boycotting Ben & Jerry's. Well, Ben & Jerry's has a grocery store problem. Grocery stores don't have ice cream. Some of them have started boycotting Ben and Jerry's. Well, Ben and Jerry's has a lot. I mean, the fact that they're like employee owned is really cool, but they don't. They have a lot of like gums and emulsifiers that are not good for you to have ice cream so easily can have no chemicals in it. And all you need is protein powder and psyllium husk. Husk. You think there's no chemicals in your protein powder?

It reads like a fucking shampoo bottle, man. All you're eating is chemicals. And like a pea protein, maybe. It's disgusting. Oh. I guess I'll just keep going with my favorite thing. Can't hear you. Sorry, I just that really made me feel like shit.

He's gone. Is it? He's gone meek. Can't hear what he's saying. You know, Mekki Leaper? Yeah. Yeah. This is leaping meeker. Yeah. Sleeper.

That's cool. It's a I feel like Jury Duder was a leaper hit. Jury Duder. Got him. I spoke too soon. His girlfriend. With my concussion is over. I feel like Jury, I feel like Jury Duty was a Leaper hit. Nice.

You guys didn't let me get that out as a really great joke. Now that you did, how does it feel? Not any better. Guys, next up on my Jopra's favorite things list is the Casio LA11WB-1 Black Resin Watch. For $16, you can get the only watch that you'll ever need in a smaller bite size, size,

that to me reads as higher fashion than the F 91 W. I know what you're talking about. I don't think you do, because Emma Chamberlain has the shit, actually. And why wouldn't I know that? All right. All right. Murdick has got some of her spunk. Sorry, I just like read the strategist. So I'm kind of up to date on what celebrities are buying.

I do love that column. Allie, I'd love to get you into an L.A. 11 WB dash one. Oh, OK. Thanks. I think it would be a good vibe for your vibe. Like, I think you'd turn it into a style piece. Marika just started... Just decided recently to start saying the word vibe.

["Vibes"] Up next on Jopra's Favorite Things. Guys, I got a vintage Sony Walkman EX633. And I have to say, sorry, I've been collecting Grateful Dead tapes for years with no way for me to play them because I was like I'll get a tape player at some point but then I'm like I'm overwhelmed by how many there are. They're not very cheap. The Walkman, though, you can get for a hundred to a hundred and fifty, also not cheap, but I've been using it while I've

been gardening. And I feel like I live in the 1980s, listening to this shit. I love that. The sound of a tape going into a Walkman, the tactile feel of pressing play, deciding whether to use Dolby noise reduction or not. I mean, it's an out of body experience,

a full body high. You know we used that in the head gum stinger, right? Used what? That sound of the tsk, mm? Yeah. And at the end of every episode too. (*clapping*) (*upbeat music*) Up next on Jopra's favorite thing list is a sharp digital clock that I've been using

for my alarm so I can keep this cancer stick outside of the bedroom. Jeff is holding a cigar for those of you. See, that energy could have carried us through the whole first tap of the episode, but only now have you decided to turn it on. And what happens next will shock you. Guys, nobody uses a digital alarm clock anymore, and I wonder if that would make us all happier to not be doom scrolling late at night and first thing in the morning. I do need my phone with me at all times, but I literally just watched a clip of

an if I were you where Charlie Barde was talking about getting a digital alarm clock. See? And then he made a great joke about it. Really? Yeah, because all I did was bring it up. I then he made a great joke about it. Really? Yeah, because all I did was bring it up. I didn't make a good joke about it. Yeah, it's fine. We would basic piece of advice to stop using your phone is like not have it in your bedroom.

Can I ask a question about the tape player? Sure. All your advice is to use technology from 1995. I'm trying to take what's in this, spread it out into older technology so that at some point I could get a light phone. I'd love to do that. Well, they don't have Spotify. That's the only thing I can't part with. And the second they get Spotify, I'll do it so that all my group chats turn to green and my friends hate me.

Although, my friends text me too much. I'm kind of like, leave me alone anyways. You already, yeah, you don't text people enough. Group chat or individuals? I feel like I don't text any one person enough. But because I have like too many friends, which I don't mean as a brag, I mean as it's like a flaw of mine, is that I love...

I'm like, you know, jack of all friends, best friend to none. I don't text anyone back enough. And the comments are going to be like, I know people like that. He's an asshole. But it's really just that I get overwhelmed. How many red texts do you have? Uh, 56. Oh my God. I want to ask a question about the tape deck.

Then tape the space, dude. You don't have to wait for me to be handed to you on a silver platter. Did you get one that can record over tapes? No, but was it you telling me that I should get it? No, it was Anya, I think, that a funny... I am going to buy one, like a TASCAM that I should get it? No, it was Anya, I think, that a funny... I am gonna buy one, like a TASCAM, that I can just record ideas into,

and then I'm gonna play the ideas on this show, of like, just so you know, this was an idea I had for the show. Amir just texted the chat, change the segment now with the most exclamation points I've ever seen in a text. You're losing the audience. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Merrill Moab 3 hiking shoes. Oh my god. One to stock, one to rock. I'm loving the shoes. I'm wearing them everywhere. They're comfortable as shit. And I can go on a hike midday

if I have time to kill in the city Right. I'm just like taking vitamin C and you're overriding it You think I'm making you sicker? I think so. It's like vitamin G. You're a poison If I come in G is is a cyanide to you guys up next on my favorite things list is Odools non-alcoholic beer. Sometimes you want a beer that doesn't make you dizzy as hell, right? And O'Doul's tastes like my favorite normal beer,

Miller Lite. Less calories, less, and this is a mere living out his fantasy of killing me with a hammer. Moving on. I tried Tom Holland's beer, non-alcoholic beer. He did a good job. Oh, okay. Sunglass straps.

No conversation about the items. You just wanna power through this really boring ass list. Imagine taking your sunglasses out, off, and you, they're still around your neck like an accessory while you're indoors. Ew. Those could, oh. and you they're still around your neck like an accessory while you're indoors. Yeah, those could be. Oh. The amazing.

The chain one or. Are you giving any of this away like Oprah? Are you just telling us? Uh, there's not really a way to physically do it. If we were in studio, I would have said everyone look under your seats and there would have been croquis. Um, the amazing Mets, the New York Mets opening day was yesterday. Guys, come along this ride of this wacky season with me, Casey and Billy Skafuri

to join the wrecking crew of the Amazons. Juan Soto is so dramatic. We have probably the best one through four in the MLB and I think our ceiling is as high as the NL Championship. Because we're not going to beat the Dodgers, but it'll be a fun ride nonetheless. Mr. Coffee Drip Brew Coffee Maker. I used to be a cold brew man and ever since I started shoving this hot black sludge down my glands, I've been saving a ton of money and having a warm body and spirit and mind in the process. Come on over for

a cup. If you thought the Mr. Coffee Drip Brew coffee maker was Jopra's favorite thing on its own, guess again. You pair that drip brewed sludge, that diner icky mud, with a side of a maple glazed old fashioned donut on a Sunday morning when it's raining outside? You kidding me? It's, it doesn't get better than that. That's actually a summit.

There's no way to get higher than that. What if the weather- You're making coffee, but still going out to get a donut in the rain. And bringing it into Jopra's last favorite thing, wearing a smile like an old pair of blue jeans. Nice. What the fuck are you talking about? Bringing it into another segment of the Jopra Wind Free show that she would talk about a

lot. Relationships and marriage. Guys, our version of that is dating in LA, which we have not done for a while. Ali, where are the spots? Where are the date locations and times? LAUGHS Where can people crash dates of yours? Dates of mine?

No, just like, where are you taking your lovers on dates these days? That's so funny. Such a good question. I'm in, right now I'm into the day date. That's interesting. I'm having a day date moment. I like to hang out during the daytime.

Nighttime I want to be home on the couch. Okay. I have the most energy 11 to 3 p.m. and I feel like that's really my best window to socially shine. Okay. And so lately I've been going to Griffith Park and like the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and other free outdoor places in LA that are pretty and hanging there and doing like a picnic. I don't even mind that. I don't even mind that. Amir, you're married. How do you keep the spark alive compared to young lovers like me, Marika, and Allie? Next question.

Okay, the next question was gonna be like a rephrase of that, basically, how do you keep the joy and spark alive in your marriage? That's the same question. I acknowledged that. You gotta never stop dating your wife. Dating your wife. Yes.

So where are the spots for you and Ash? For Valentine's we went to a Color Me Mine, like creating your own ceramic slash designing it so we could add something to this home improvement project we just finished, which was a gallery wall. No longer is the bridge behind me, but wallpaper that we put up with art. It looks really good. Thank you. Including that, that Avi Tal painted.

It looks like a maximalist explosion. Exactly. In an otherwise minimalist home. Yeah. You put all your creative energy into one wall. Actually, too. Can we see the others? See, that's cool. I love that. It looks really good. That's what it used to look like. Are you like the coroner?

Like you're at the border of two states. Accidentally, Wes Anderson. Marika, I know you don't live in L.A., but you're about the border of two states. Accidentally, Wes Anderson. Um, Marika, I know you don't live in LA, but you're about to visit LA. What are the dating spots in Los Angeles? Um... When are you coming to LA? For our off-site.

Oh, my God. I see. More Palm Springs, unless you're coming early. No, but I'm staying. Staying late. Yeah. I mean, I guess probably like a restaurant somewhere. And which one would that be? Come on. Well, famously, my favorite. Because it's going slow and I just feel like her heart's not in it. Yeah, you're always upset because it's going slow. Sorry I don't talk fast like you.

You asked Marika what restaurants are hot to date in LA. And she hasn't been to LA in over a year. And my favorite restaurant in LA was We Have Noodles, and it closed, and it's now needle of a needle. Can we actually might just power through because I think that what you just said kind of demonstrated a lack of taste to me. Although needles now barbecue plus rice, which is pretty good. Yeah, I've been to the hottest. date restaurant is BBQ and rice.

My answer? I didn't even say it. Order at the counter and eat to go place. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Anyone curious about my answer? What is that? Well, now I'm on the spot. The Shade Store. Do you have a bow in your hair?

Do you have a bow in your yang? Nice. Really? No, the Shade Store. Yeah, No. The shade store. Yeah. Where you throw shade at people. Oh, I thought you were talking about like blinds are us. No, I'd have to think about it. I wasn't expecting this. I mean, my answer is I've been going on walks in my neighborhood with my partner,

but I don't want to say where we live. What do you mean? Just like that sucks to hear. Why? Why? I thought it was kind of fun to do like going on a walk in your neighborhood. You live busy lives, especially recently. So it's kind of interesting. Fucking 92.

Yeah. Months. Go somewhere. You're going to play bridge next? Do some. Hell. Assholes. You're old.

Play checkers in front of your house. I mean, I also go out. It's just not on dates. What do you mean? Why walk a date? Oh, my God. Interesting. Fucking a walk just means you're alive. I guess.

It's like breathing is a date. Doing a lot of it. Yeah. Going out in settings, which is more the younger. Can't hear you. Yeah. It's so funny because I keep wondering if it's a prank. Oh, you're back. What do you mean? Okay.

No, when I'm going out as like a young person, it's not a date. I'm in a group. And this is dating in LA. So I'm like having... Why don't you go out as a young person with your significant other. Just together. Last night, we went to a sushi place where on the menu, it said scorched rice. And mountain yam. And mountain yams, yeah.

So that's a date. What do you want? You want me to tell you the hippest place I go sometimes? Tower Bar. It's a too expensive steakhouse on the Sunset Strip. It doesn't get much younger or hungrier than that. You get a Caesar salad, you get a steak grits. It is a really hip place.

I shouldn't even go there. All right. All right. Well, you know, you guys really really you took what could have been a fun Segment and you kind of made it jaundiced of joy People are gonna hate this episode and I really don't think it's because of me or Allie This is a filler episode

Because I just spent all week having to edit and re-edit the fucking Finn and Billy episode and I'm burnt out. Alright, well, I also had to give notes on the Finn and Billy episode for you to re-edit it. Welcome to Jopra's Book Club. Another segment. Wow. About books. Definitely felt it was the end.

Guys, I know it might be a basic pick, but my book recommendation for this edition of Jopra's Book Club was written by a man who needs no introduction. All right. He's big in the religion and spirituality genre, and I will always struggle to see him as anything other than a white man. I am of course talking about Yeshua of Nazareth, Jesus Christ, the man who wrote the book we all live by, the Bible. Jesus did not write the Bible.

Are you just flirting that for the first time? I thought that he, that was what he came down to do is pen the thing. That was Moses. Yeah, and that was like 10 commandments. When Jesus was my age, he was yelling at people about how he wants to write a book. He just needs the perfect title.

And then once he finally- Someone gave him the Bible. Submitted the manuscript. Caesar couldn't handle it because Caesar wanted to publish a book the same weekend and he was worried that they would kind of. What was Caesar going to publish? It'd be a recipe book of salads. Yeah.

And if you guys don't like that one, Jesus also wrote a children's version called Everybody Poops slash Praise. And if you don't like that, he also, it was right after the, it was as, he dictated it when he was in the T position. He also wrote a YA memoir called The Hunger Games, Horsin' Around During My Lenten Journey. And you're blasphemous. Congratulations, you're going to hell. Come on. Why horsin' around?

It was a goof. Games! It might be a goof, but you're still using the Lord's name in vain. I think if Yeshu was not here, he'd be cracking up. There's just no way that's, you know, he would love everybody praise. Statistically, how likely is it that Jesus is in the zoom right now? Well, I sort of made a deal with his rival. So I only had a couple more months. So.

Satan, I met. That was a better guess, Ali, for sure. Do you guys think if I died, young people would revere me as like if I if you died young or if you died, would young people revere me as like a... Oh, I think if I... If you died young or if you died, would young people revere you? Not that second one. Do you think I'd be like a Heath Ledger story where it's like he had so much ahead of him

and, you know, we lost him way too early? Yeah, so just don't... Yeah. Yeah. Jeff? I'm not gonna kill myself, I just meant... Like if I got in a car accident, do you think people would be like, it'd be like a Paul Walker style.

Do you think I'd be remembered amongst the greats? Yeah. But with your Rolodex of friends in your phone, for sure. I think you'd see a Christmas Carol situation. That's a different thing. Pugs, guys, what do we have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? What do you, let's start with Ally.

You can follow me at AllyCon anywhere and yeah, follow my collage account account gluing shit on paper. That's a great handle. And that's it. Amir? The greatest Jake and Amir episode tournament is over and half the episodes are on our YouTube channel. You can watch as we whittle away down 64 classic JNA EPS down to one champion. Which one takes home the gold slash glory?

Find out for yourself folks at youtube.com slash Jake and Amir. But also patreon.com slash JAA. Cut that. What? You sell out. It's the whole reason you did the tournament was because you were hemorrhaging subscribers and you needed people to support because you're about to foreclose.

I have a head cold. You have a head gum. And a sinus infection. And an acai and a syringe infection. I had too much blueberries and it got stuck in my nasal cavity. Do you ever do the thing where it like opens your nose, Amir, when you sleep so you don't snore? Yeah.

Does it work? Do you get better sleep? No. Guys! This was also in a... that same discussion was also in one of the Jake and Mary clips I just watched, or the F.R.U. clips, slash segments clips. Was the thing that opens your nose? Amir saying that, or Amir being shocked

that people don't breathe out of their mouths all the time. And. When they sleep, yeah. Or when they're at the movies, you're really like. Yeah, like wow, your mouth is open while you're at the movies. Your mouth is closed for two hours straight. But you sleep perfectly, is what you said.

I sleep hard, but I snore. Yeah, you do. I've I do know that. How do you know that? Yeah, my god, guys, filler episode. It's not because of the segments. It's because of the sides. Room that's fucking. By Southwest.

And you were snoring the whole time. I would love to do a headgum podcast pop up experience. Meaning? What do you mean meaning? All the Airbnbs that we had to stay at. Yeah, exactly. In Austin. It's that one weird party that I went to in Austin that looked like it was taking place at a French chateau

that I went to with only Marty and I blacked out. Those are in my drink. That's not a coincidence. Follow me at Marie Gaylon on everything. Listen to What If, here to make friends. Guys, I did a horror movie called Marshmello. It's in select theaters next Friday, April 11th. Better guys.

Wait! Oh! Oh! ["The New York Times Show Theme Song"] That was a Hedgum Original. on the HeadGum Podcast Network. And on What If, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of TV, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, LeVar Burton, and Adam Conover.

We ask them the big, ridiculous questions like, what if you heard a monkey's feelings? What if your grandma was a secret agent? What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout? I'm not. And then we turn the conversation into spontaneous scenes, songs, well, because that's what we do. Subscribe to What If on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, wherever you get your podcasts, and watch episodes on YouTube.

No script, no net, just What If.