The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Adrienne Iapalucci - HoneyIapalucci

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Adrienne Iapalucci. Catch her comedy special, The Dark Queen, now streaming on Netflix. Adrienne joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of where being a "dark queen" comes from. We discuss the first time Adrienne saw her biological father in a Caldor, how she watched her stepfather pass away from a brain tumor, and the time she had to move back in with her mother after breaking off an engagement with her then-fiancé. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Tempe, AZ - Dec. 20th and 21st Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Rocket Money -Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://www.RocketMoney.com/HONEYDEW

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That's the biz you guys know. We do here. We highlight the low lights and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest on today. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Adrienne Appaloochee. Welcome to the Honeydew Princess. Violating our guest, girl. She's actually good though.

She loves you. You're talking about sad stuff and then she's just making you happy. Therapy dog, yeah. She's a therapy dog. Thank you for having me. Welcome to the show. Yeah, for sure. This is the way to my heart, a dog. I'm glad.

Some people you know are indifferent or allergic or whatever, but she's a lover. I think I'm allergic. I'm alert. Like I got an allergy test done and I'm very allergic to cats and somewhat allergic to dogs, but I've had them my whole life. Yeah. So what happens? You just get itchy, but are you in danger of dying?

No, no, no, no, I'm not gonna die. I'm not that lucky. I'm not gonna die. Don't look at me, Princess. I'm not gonna die. So before we jump into anything we're gonna talk about, promote everything you'd like, please. All of it.

Go watch The Dark Queen on Netflix. Follow me on Instagram, Adrienne Appalucci. Let's see, I'll go, I'm gonna be on the road. I'm gonna be touring a little bit with Ari and then I'm gonna also be doing my own dates. Ari produced the special and Louis CK directed it. So I'm gonna be going on the road with both of them a bit. Oh yeah, okay good.

Yeah, that's really it. Just like follow me. Do you have a podcast? I don't have a podcast. I used to, but we did it for years, me and Sarah Talamash. She's super funny and it just never took off. But those episodes are somewhere. They're pretty funny. So your last name, Appaloochee, what is that?

Is it Italian? That's Italian, yeah. It is, yeah. And why with an I? Why does it start with an I? I have no idea. You've never asked anybody in the family. Who am I going to ask? All my family's dead. There's no one to even ask. It is, yeah. And why with an I? Why does it start with an I? I have no idea. You've never asked anybody in the family.

Who am I gonna ask? All my family's dead. There's no one to even ask. You're like just like. There's nobody to ask. We have like one person left in there. My mom. Halfway in the grave, yeah.

It's my mom and my sister. Is this your dad's name though, Appaloochee? So I was, he adopted me when I was like one. So my biological father's name is, his last name is like a terrible last name, but it's also Italian. It is also Italian. Okay, so let's talk about that.

You're adopted at one? Is it really adoption? Like my mom was like still there. I always feel like when your biological father's not there, it's not really adoption. Cause you're, you know, you have your mom still. You feel like adoption should be no parents and then someone takes you.

Adoption is like you're in front of a firehouse and like nobody, nobody wanted you. Like I still had one person that wanted me. So it doesn't seem like I was adopted. Well, even if you're adopted, somebody wants you. You know what I mean? You could have one person that wants you and they adopt you.

Your original owners did not. They both said no. But you have one and not two. I have one, yeah. What happened to dad? The biological father? Oh, she's gone, she's had enough of me. So my biological father, I don't know,

my mom just like, they were very young when they had me. And I think- So they're not, they weren't married or anything like that? They were married, but he was a drug addict, I wanna say. He was on methadone. But that's usually like to get you off heroin. I think he was just addicted to that. Yeah, my mom said she just had it.

Like she just, I don't know, I guess he was a drug addict. They were very young. How was your mom when she had you, do you know? I think like 22. Yeah, it's young. It was pretty young. I mean, I guess he was a drug addict. They were very young. How was your mom when she had you, do you know? I think like 22. Yeah, it's young. It was pretty young. I mean, back then it's not that young. Have you ever met your biological dad?

I did. You did? I met him in 2017. For the first time? I guess when I was a kid, I met him. Do you remember, what was that store, Caldors? Oh my God, fuck yeah. I remember the fucking orange and brown brown arch, like rainbow or whatever. Yeah, it was a weird rainbow that was not rainbow probably.

Yeah, of course. That's great. So I was probably like 12 or 13, and I was there with my mom, and he happened to be in there, and she was like, oh, that's your biological father. Come on. That's how you met your dad in Kalidor? I didn't actually even go up to him. I just like saw him and she told me that. The first time you laid eyes on your biological dad? Right, I mean, when I was a baby,

he's in my life a bit, but yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like the first time I saw him. What was that like? I don't know, I was so young. You don't remember being like, what, that's my dad? So then he obviously lived local. He lived like a mile from me, my whole life. This blows me away.

That's what our mom did too. Left the family and moved like right over there. That's so crazy. And you run into him in places. I only ran into him there. That one time. But then when I was a kid, so I have a bunch of half siblings.

From him? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I guess I was going for like physical therapy or something and that girl, one of my half siblings worked there. And she knew who I was going for like physical therapy or something and that girl, one of my half siblings worked there. And she knew who I was at first and I didn't realize it till after.

And like, I was like, oh my God, I think we're related. It was such a weird thing, but she had a sister and a brother from her mom's first marriage. And then that daughter from that marriage is jealous of me. So even at like 50 years old, she's like jealous of me and she made a whole, it's like crazy how we met and he acted like he couldn't be around me. He had to like sneak around to meet me. It was like, this is creepy. Are you his only child with your mom? Yeah. You are. okay. And how many other ones does he have? Do you even know? I think he has five with his second wife, yeah.

Okay. And then he has two from her first marriage that I guess he adopted maybe. Okay, so then that's wild. He adopted two kids and he doesn't, is that crazy? Maybe, maybe. Does that ever fuck with you, like the thing of that, like this guy adopted two kids?

My mom also. Go sit with her. Come on. Go see her. I'll bring her closer. There you go, buddy. Hey, window. There you go. What was I saying? I was asking about your biological father

adopting two kids, but- I think he adopted them, I don't know, but also, I think my mom made it that he wasn't gonna be in my life. My mom, his brother is a Hell's Angel, and I think he had done something to where, because I remember he wouldn't give her the welfare check at one point, and somebody like threatened him,

and then she got the welfare check. But like, I think it was kind of like, give up the rights or whatever. So even when I met him, my mom thought it was, she was worried about what he was gonna say. Like, you know, like your mom made me do this or. Did he see you guys? Do you know if he saw you?

When in CBS? Caldor. Oh, Caldor did. No, he definitely saw us. He did. Yeah. He definitely saw us. We were like, I was here and he was like there. It wasn't that far.

I mean, I don't know what, I don't know. Everyone's different, but if I'm seeing my kid, I don't know if I could just not say anything and go home that day and be like. He was with, I think his kid, one of his kids. It was just like a standoff. So then at one, your stepdad comes in. Yeah. Is he your stepfather?

Is that what you consider him or you consider him your dad? I consider him my dad. Okay. Yeah, cause hedad comes in? Yeah. Is he your stepfather? Is that what you call it? Consider him or you consider him your dad? I consider him my dad. Yeah, because he adopted me. He was like the only person that was in my life. So yeah, I consider him my dad. And he adopted me when I was like, I think around one. Okay, so he comes in at one and he's your dad now.

And is he, does he marry your mom? And do they have kids after that? They have my sister, yeah. They do. And then my mom, I think has like one or two miscarriages, which like, I can't imagine having all those kids. We didn't have a lot of money. So it's like crazy to have had miscarriages.

What are you doing? There's like not any money. And where are you growing up in the Bronx? Yeah, we lived in the Bronx my whole life. Okay, so yeah, that is crazy. Dad stayed in the Bronx. My biological father, yeah, he was like a mile away. I am like, what's funny is I almost picked

one of those high schools that he lived right by and nobody told me like, you might run into your half sister because I didn't know about this till I was much older. Oh, so you could ended up going to high school with siblings. I could end up going to high school, yeah. He lived like two blocks from this other high school that I was considering

me be going to. That's wild. It is wild. And you do, you don't have a, like, mom doesn't say, all right, we're going to do, you go see him this, it's just like, this is dad. This is it. This is me. This is our family here.

Right. I think they thought it would be better for me and maybe it was, I don't know. And did you get along with your father? Yeah. Was he a good dude? He's a good guy. I mean, he's like a gambler, so he's like very emotionally unavailable. So those were like the guys I'm going after. What kind of gambler? Is he online or is he like Vegas tables, craps like that? OTB, betting on football games, stuff like that.

Horses? He loved the horses. I used to go, me and my sister would go with him all the time to the OTB. Oh, stuff like that. Horses. He loved the horses. I used to go, me and my sister would go with him all the time to the OTB. Oh, he would go. And that's when you would like smoke inside. So you come home as like a seven year old and you just smell like the bar.

Remember like you used to be able to smoke in clubs and stuff, so you come home and you just like smell like a lot. I will never forget when they stopped one night, all of us went home and I was like, I could wear this tomorrow. I don't stink like my hair doesn't smell like everyone else's cigarettes and shit. Remember your hair would fucking stink.

That was what I think made you hung over. It was just smelling like smoke. That's a good point, everyone thought of that. Just ingesting all that secondhand smoke. When you wake up the next day and you're like, ugh, it smells so disgusting. Like from a night out of like the bar or whatever. Um, okay. So tell me about growing up with mom and dad there.

I mean, it was, it's weird because I feel like I had like a good childhood and I didn't realize it wasn't that great until I started going to therapy. What, what did you find out? What did you learn that wasn't that great? I mean, I really did think I had a good childhood because nobody sexually abused me as a child. Like that was my bar. And then I told my therapist that he's like, you are so ignored.

And I was like, oh. No one touched me. Yeah, that was like, I guess my childhood. I got beat, I got ignored. Oh, I got beat, I got ignored. I got beat a lot. But it was just, that's the worst. The fault aspect's the worst. So if that didn't happen, I had to be pretty good.

And then he was like, no, you were like super ignored. And I was like, I started thinking back to when you're like, yeah, man, I was by myself a lot. So me and my sister, both of us. So were you guys latchkey kids? You're coming home after school, taking care of yourselves, that sort of thing? My mom didn't even work.

So it's crazy that she, like, she would just like let us get ready in the morning. And I'm sure she has a bit of a depression, but like she would just kind of sleep. I would say it was weird. We, I guess high school was a bit further. It's probably like a mile walk and in like the freezing cold weather,

just walking to school when she has a car and she's like, Nah. And she's home. Wait, she had a car and it's not working and it wouldn't drive you to school when she has a car and she's like, and she's home. Wait, she had a car and it's not working and it wouldn't drive you to school? No. You would think at least she'd be like, I'm only doing this shit in the winter,

bad weather, everything else. No, she wasn't even doing that. It's not like she was making us breakfast. She was doing nothing. So that's the things where you're like, oh yeah, I guess that's not great. That's not like a great mom. But your dad's out there working and doing his thing or?

Yeah, he's working. Yeah, he's a mailman. You got to do something though for gambling addiction. But it's weird because I have a joke about it, like how you can't be a gambler and a mailman. Like, you're just not making enough money. So that's probably why we never had any money. Did he ever hit one big?

Do you ever remember him being excited about one? And buying dinner or something? Not even that, even if he just got the money. I assume he had to win at some point, otherwise you can't keep losing. But it wasn't like enough where we got something from it, like a new car or anything. So he might've won, but I was really young

when he was doing it too. Yeah. So I don't remember. And so I know we talked before you came in, you said he had passed. How old were you when he passed? I think I was like 22. Okay.

Was that the first time you lost someone in your family or someone really close to you? I guess I lost grandparents. My grandparents all, I had all of them until like eighth grade and then they all died like one a year. Damn. Yeah, I went from having all my grandparents to like none of them in two or three years.

Oh. Yeah. I don't know, I was really only close with my mother's mother. You were? Yeah, and I think she might've died first. I don't remember now. But yeah, like when my dad died,

it was weird because we had such a small family already that his death felt bigger because there was like now 25% of, you know, it was me, my sister, my mom, and him. And that was weird too, because like they had just gotten this house, like they got a house because his parents had died. So now all of us were in this house,

my mother doesn't know how to do anything, she's not working, so like, somebody's gotta get married and like find somebody to do. Somebody's gotta do, yeah, somebody's gotta have someone fix shit in the house, and none of us know how to do anything. We couldn't even put the lawnmower on. The lawnmower on.

Oh God, I was like, somebodymower on. Oh, God. I was like, somebody's got to do something here, man. So that's what my mom did. That's nice, though. So he got you up into this house and everything, you had a little yard and all that. We had a little yard, yeah. And he didn't even get to enjoy it?

I guess he did for a couple of years, maybe four years, something like that. And now he's gone. He's gone. And the three of you were there. But my mom bounced back quick. She did? Yeah.

I was about to say, what happened? He died in July, and by Thanksgiving, some dude was bringing us baskets. I thought you were gonna say she got a job. Ah! She got another dude. Her job is getting a guy. My mother has never worked.

She's like a, she had been waitress, but she never had. He's coming around. You gotta have somebody for Christmas in the fold already. Oh, for sure. We needed stuff done in the house. And nobody knew how to do anything. Was he a good dude? Do you remember him?

I do remember him. He wasn't bad. So he was like a bad alcoholic, but he disguised it until like he moved in. That's crazy to not know you're with an alcoholic. Cause he had- It was only a few months. True, but like I've dated guys and like right away, I'm like this guy's an alcoholic.

But like, I think he drank when he went home. He didn't really drink with my mom. So I don't think she knew until they moved in together. And then she just... Where he couldn't hide it. Yeah. And he had a good job and he was a functioning alcoholic. How did your dad pass away?

Brain cancer. Oh my God. Yeah, that's tough. I had a friend whose dad passed away and I would go visit him and watch that go down. That was awful. It's awful and then like my family's so trashy that like we kind of would do it like one time we snuck a dog into the hospital because we're like this maybe will make my dad happy and like he was so out of it by then too.

Like he was like tell my uncle I said thanks but no thanks and we're like what are you talking about? He's just saying his uncle had raised dogs. So I guess that's what he equated it to. And then he, he had like, he's like a His brain is still working a little bit. It's working, but like a little bit. Yeah, it's misfiring. Right.

Like he thought the sink was a But no thanks, it's funny. It's very funny. He thought like the sink was a pizza box. So he's like, he's, you know, equating things, but like, it's funny. It's very funny. He thought like the sink was a pizza box. So he's like, he's, you know, equating things, but like it's not what it is. But we brought this dog in the hospital and he had an eight at the time

because he was like a fall risk and she went ballistic on us. Then we brought this dog in, she's like, now I have to change everything. I mean, you don't bring a puppy into the hospital. It's funny, you don't, but then the senior homes do want them. The senior homes. Maybe it's because

those people are already on their way out. Maybe they don't care. Maybe, or like they're not necessarily sick, they're just old. That's a great point too. Yeah, I don't know. I would want to be with dogs. But yeah, she was just like, she went nuts on us.

Did he, was he in care the whole time or did he ever make it home? He never came back home. He never did. No, so we... How long from the time that they told him he had it till he passed? Was it pretty quick? He went into the hospital in January and then he died, I think, like, Fourth of July weekend.

Damn. Yeah. And do you know why he went originally? So he had gotten a promotion at work and he kept forgetting stuff and we just thought he was nervous about. That's how it started. Yeah, you just start to-

Doesn't that freak you out? I forget shit a lot. Yeah, but he also, his personality changed. He was a lot more like emotionally available. Like I forget, I was having so many podcasts now where like, you know sometimes people get a brain tumor and they become a pedophile. Like he just became, he became emotionally available. Like I forget, I was having so many podcasts now where like, you know sometimes people get a brain tumor and they become a pedophile. Like he just became, he became emotionally open.

That happens? Yes. I've never. Someone will get like a tumor on their brain or something and it hits something where like that makes them. I get that it changes them as a person, but you're telling me it can do that? If it can make him emotionally.

Aw, they kill me now. If it can make him emotionally available, I'm sure it can make someone a pedophile. This is a guy that was so emotionally shut down. You're saying the brain tumor made him a better person? It made him a better person. It was a short window. It was a short-lived window, but he was.

That's crazy. Yeah, that's what we needed the whole time. Oh my God. If you could just live with that on there. It's interesting. Just the right pressure. That's it. If you could just open the brain up and go, I can just, if I could just push right there.

Whatever that is. All of a sudden you turned it on and you're magic. Yeah. Wow. It was weird. You were like, whoa, this guy's turned a corner here. It was just weird because he always wanted to gamble, so he never really wanted to do anything else. I remember one time telling him,

come out with me and my boyfriend at the time, and he's like, okay, but he would have never done that before. And then one time he picked up a prescription for me, and he paid for the copay for one, and he would never do that. So all his money was for gambling. So that's weird also.

Did he stop gambling? Yeah, cause he died. I don't know. I don't think he gambled right up till he could then. Not in the hospital, but like, yeah, I'm sure he was probably gambling. Imagine trying to have to kick that addiction too. Cold turkey. Just while you're dying, you can't even have fun and try to win some money or something.

I think your brain is just so fried. Like once he did radiation, he was like a different person. Yeah, I remember my friend's dad, he was diagnosed. And they always made fun of him because any injury he had, he was a hypochondriac with everything. So if he sliced his wrist for just- He's gonna die. His jugular, my neck, it's my jugular,

here I'm gonna die, anything. And so he started having these weird headaches and he kept saying it's a tumor, but for life- Yeah, because you're like, you're always saying something's wrong. And this time it was. That's crazy. This time it really was. And it took them quick too.

And a lot of problems too, or when they, you know, they told, the surgeon told us, you cut a person's head open more than once. It's not great. We couldn't even get it removed. It was not in a good place. Oh wow.

Yeah. And so they were able to get some out of his butt, opening his head up. He got an infection from whatever in the room. Yeah, so then they gotta open you up again and you're like, fuck. And then it just spiraled bad. Yeah, you're just, you're like such a different person.

It's weird, like from day to day, it's like such a big change. I think the radiation, like, I don't think it extended his life and I don't know that that was the right choice now, but like at that time, you don't know what you're really doing. Do you think he would have got... I mean, that's the other thing too.

He would have died eventually. I mean, what are you going to get? Two more months of misery and bills that you're going to make people pay in your family? I'm just going to check out. Maybe, yeah. And then you're also just going there every day and it's like you're hanging out with somebody that's not really all there. How'd your mom handle it?

I mean, beside moving on by November. Beside moving on, yeah. I mean, how did she really end up? Not by November, I'd say it was like two months later. November is when we got those Thanksgiving baskets. This guy comes over, he's got big baskets for us. I'm like, and me and my sister were- Is it like a turkey basket?

It was a huge basket. Two of them. One for me and me and my sister were- Is it like a turkey basket? It was a huge basket. Two of them. One for me, one for my sister. He was working hard to get on our side. And we were just so mad at him, but we needed that guy. We needed him to like pay the bills. How long was, or your dad's there from basically year one to when?

When was he- Like 22. Wow, I mean, that's hell yeah. That's a pretty long time. And your mom's, that's her husband for 22 years and boom, man, on, we gotta get somebody here. Business is business. Business is business. Yeah, I get it.

And then she marries James and they were together for about 10 years. But then they also lived together when they got divorced. Oh, they just stayed living together? Yeah, I think my mom was upstairs and maybe he was downstairs. And, they just stayed living together? Yeah, I think my mom was upstairs and maybe he was downstairs. And then they were still living together. I think my mom wanted him to work on,

my mom forces her husband to go into 12 step programs. And if you don't wanna do it, you're not gonna do it. You can't do that for somebody else, it just never works. So he was going to A meetings, but also drinking. My dad was in GA, but he's also gambling. So it's like she would force these people to do these things. And my mom, mom also, if we got into a fight, she would also force me to apologize to her when I wasn't sorry. Make you say it.

And I would say, I'm sorry, but I don't mean that. And she'd be like, okay, I had to apologize when I was not sorry for something. I just thought that was so weird. That's a power thing for sure. You're going to say these words. I don't actually mean this though. So these guys would like be in these 12 set programs and still be like in their active addiction.

So it's just interesting. It's just weird. And then when you start dating, are you finding guys similar to that as well? I mean... You said you dated alcoholics you knew right away. I don't think that... I mean, listen, when I was younger, I was also drinking too, so you don't really realize that.

But I guess the older you get, I think after my dad died, I dated a guy that... I mean, I dated a lot of people with PTSD. I think they're just drawn to dark, like dark humor. So it's like, I get a lot of people like that. You know, a 9-11 responder, a fireman, that, you know, like army veteran. So that guy was definitely an alcoholic. I mean, I've dated a couple of alcoholics.

Everyone has something. Everybody's got something. Right, and it's usually like a combination of mental illness and addiction. That's the damn truth. It sure is. Have you dated any like alcoholics? No one that was, look, yes, there's a lot of, I had a therapist one time to tell me if you're a guy who golfs every Saturday and you just drink on Saturdays, you're an alcoholic.

And I was like, well, we have a different definition of what alcohol is. Okay. I get it. You're an addiction counselor, but I get it. But, um, nobody, and I've dated someone who had a DUI before, but they weren't, I wouldn't call them a daily drinker or anything like that. So I, yes and no, I guess. For me, it's like, it's, I don't care if you're, cause I'm a daily drinker or anything like that. So I, yes and no, I guess. For me, it's like, I don't care if you're,

cause I was like talking to this guy and he was like, well, I don't see how my drinking affects us. He's like, I'm not like mean to you. And I'm like, no, you're actually like a very emotionally open when you're drinking. It's when you're not drinking that you're like the most shut down and you don't see how that's affecting your, you're just looking at how it affects you when you're drinking. It's how it affects you when you're like the most shut down and you don't see how that's affecting your you're just looking at how it affects you when you're drinking it's how it

affects you when you're not drinking so I think when I was younger too I didn't even know like what emotional availability was you know you're just like dating someone because you think they're cute and you have fun with them then when you're older you start seeing like what's every everyone's stuff what's everyone's red flags and stuff. I'm just learning about feelings. Yeah, I mean. I'm sorry, but I didn't know I had them.

Here's the thing with men though. No one has ever said to me, how are you feeling? It's always how you doing. I'm good. Right. Moving on. Do you think it's different now, like younger generations of men are being taught to talk about their feelings. Yeah, and I think even the ladies too are bringing to our attention, you fucking, you

don't express your feelings. What I'm just going day by day. And then that I find out is a trauma response, is that you don't have time for feelings, you're just getting up and getting your day done. You know what I mean? I mean, sometimes there is, if you were to actually address all your feelings, you're just getting up and getting your day done. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, sometimes there is, like if you were to actually address all your feelings, don't you feel like you maybe not, what do you, you maybe wouldn't even leave your house.

Yeah. Like if you had to sit with everyone of your feelings. My own shit every day. I do it when it's necessary. I do my therapy. I do journaling. I do all that. But if you had to sit there all day long, you would be depressed.

Everybody's got shit. Everyone has shit. Everybody's got shit. Yeah, everyone has shit. Everybody's got shit. I think it's how you deal with it. You sign up for something, you forget about it after the trial period ends, and then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. Thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions.

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slash honeydew today. That's rocketmoney.com slash honeydew. rocketmoney.com slash honeydew. Now let's get back to the do. But yeah, like emotional availability is not something I really even knew was a thing. You know what's funny? I found like I was going through like stuff my mom was like throwing out and I found a letter to her where I was like, you hurt my feelings. And I was a child and I'm like, I wonder who in my family stopped that. It was like, let's put a pin in that. How about you pick this back up when you're 30?

Cause I think kids are, well, they're pretty honest so they'll talk about how they're feeling. It's like other people who are like suffocating those feelings. I remember my sister was upset about something and my dad was like, you're not upset. And I was like, and I remember that. Cause I was like, oh, that's like, you know,

you know not to be upset in front of dad. You know not to cry. If you cry, I'll give it like, I'll give you something. Like, you know what I mean? That's kind of, you just realized like those things as a child. And like to me again, trauma is like, if you're getting beat up where you have to go to the

hospital or you're getting assault, like those are the things where I'm like, that's a bad childhood. Me too. That's exactly what I thought. You're being abused. I would hear about kids getting beat so bad. They're going here, they're a juvenile hall and all this. And I'm like, oh, I must've had a pretty good.

Yeah. Then you're like, I didn't have parents. I didn't, you know what I mean? Like what the fuck is going on? Yeah. Where's your dark sense of humor come from? Where do you get it? I mean, my family, I think my family has a dark sense.

Is everybody like that? Sort of like that dark humor. But every, so like I had a friend from grammar school that killed himself talking about dark stuff. And all of us wanted to, you know, I hadn't seen these people in 15, 20 years maybe. And then we all went out to dinner and we all had the darkest sense of humor.

I was like, oh, this is where I got it from. Yeah. I think it's just everyone. I don't know a lot of people in the Bronx, because like somebody would like describe my specials like dark. And then my friend who lives in the Bronx was like, it's not really dark to me.

That's just kind of how our sense of humor is. I don't know if it's like being a New Yorker where I grew up, but we kind of all had that same sense of humor. I don't know. I wouldn't say, look, I love your specials, great. I love your sense of humor. But we also grew up in a way where it was just ball busting.

A lot of it is just shitting on someone and now it's bullying. You're like, what are you talking about? Right. You know, this way of... But that's the thing, once you start addressing feelings and it's like, all of this stuff is wrong. This is the... And then you put this term that gets abusive. I'm like, I don't know. Is that really abusive?

Abusive? I mean... A lot of stuff is abuse these days too. There's a lot of abuse. There's a lot on the spectrum. There's a lot on the spectrum. There's a lot of all this shit out there now. And there's a lot of people out there doing pop psychology off a fucking TikTok. There's a lot of that bullshit going on out there too.

I'll like to read the TikToks and diagnose myself. And misdiagnose yourself. Sure. You read long enough, you'll get AIDS. You get everything. You're like, I think I have that. You're like, I coughed twice today, I might have AIDS, yeah. Right. I want to talk to you about something too, because before the show we talked about you

were engaged, never married. I also was as well. How long were you engaged? Tell me about this relationship and what happened. I think it was my longest relationship and it was one of my worst ones. Oh, so like he was a workaholic and he had his own trauma and we just together like, it was just not good. And like anytime I try to break up with him,

he told me he's gonna kill himself. And then I cheated on him. And then I was, you know, I remember when he called me, when he found that I was cheating on him. And I was like, I like, I didn't like, I was just like, I might get hit. Like, I don't even know what's gonna happen. I was like, but at least this is over. You're saying even if you took the hit, then-

I was like, at least this relationship's over because I couldn't get out of it because he was always gonna kill himself. And also New York City is so expensive to live, we're basically living together because neither one of us could afford to live by ourselves. I remember going to the house and he was so calm, which freaked me out even more.

After finding out you cheated? Yes. And it was more of an emotional thing. It wasn't like, I fucked some dude. But like, I remember him being so calm, which freaked me out more. And then like, he just forgave me and we stayed together and got engaged.

Wait. What? This is together and got engaged. Wait, what? This is before you got engaged. This is happening in the relationship. And then you get engaged. Then we get engaged. So things did get a little bit better for a bit. Like, you know. Why'd you say yes to that?

To what? Because you said this was more of an emotional thing than just some guy. So what made you say yes to him, your fiance? Well, he asked me in Italy and we were staying with his family. So what am I going to do? Say no and then be like, hey, are you in front of everybody? No, but we were staying with his family and like he we left to go for my friend. He also told my friend and she told me he was going to ask me to marry.

And I was like, oh, so we're in Italy and he asked me to marry him. And like, we're going back to his family's house. What am I gonna do, say no and be like, hey, you're still gonna pay for everything, right? Like, we're going back to all your family's there. It was just not a situation where I could, it's weird, because I know when people get engaged, they're like so happy and I was like, ugh.

Was there any part of you that thought we could make this work? There were moments. Or did you know 100% for sure? There were moments where things were good, but it was not enough to be in a relationship together. I mean, we fought so bad. It was a bad relationship. And how long were you engaged?

Maybe a year. And who decided this isn't gonna, who finally cut the cord? I don't know, because like, we were almost like co-dependent on each other at some point, like the relationship itself wasn't good, but like, because I had no family, he was almost like my family.

So it was like the stability of that, I think. Like when we broke up, I was so upset, but I wasn't even in love with him. Do you know what I mean? It was more like my whole stability is like collapsed now and now I'm moving back with my mom and my stepfather at this time. How old are you?

I think 38, something like that. And you moved back in with your mom? Yeah, into the house. I think I lived there for three months because my sister got pregnant by a married guy and she ended up moving back in. I mean, it was all, it's like fucking chaos. The whole thing. Could you imagine also your mom and your dad are like,

man, the girls are filing out of the house and here they both come back. So your sister, that happened the same time, so you're all back in the house together? I think I moved in in January. I think she moved in in March and then I moved out by like May 1st. I mean, me and my sister,

but my sister has no insight to any of her emotions at all. So like she's mad at everybody else, but like doesn't see her part in any of it. So she was mad that like she had a baby with this married guy, he didn't leave his wife. And now I'm also moving back in, I'm in the bigger room, so she's mad about that, because she has this baby in the small room.

And then I can come and go, is I please because I don't have a fucking baby. So she's mad about that. So she, is she pregnant or she have the baby at this point? She has a baby in March. While you're there. I think she moved, yeah. I think she moved in in April.

We lived together like a month or so. It was crazy because she resorted back to the stuff she was doing when we were kids. Like she was timing how long I was in the shower. She'd be like, why are you taking a second shower? Like my sister's like a Nazi. It's so crazy. Why are you taking a second shower?

Why do you care? I know. She'll crazy. Why are you taking a second shower? Why do you care? I know, she'll be like, you're taking a second shower. How come you're like, I was like depressed too because everything was just happening at once. So I'd be like sleeping during the day and then waking up and go doing my spots. And she's like, you just get up and leave whenever you want.

It's like, I don't have a fucking baby. That's on you. Yeah, I mean, I lived with her for like a month. It was so bad. And then where'd you head to? Your own place? Then I got my own place. Yeah. And I've just been there for like seven, seven years, eight years.

But yeah, that was a, that was a rough time. Do you want to get married? I would like a partner. I don't necessarily need to be married. Um, I do like my own space though. So I don't know. I have lived with several boyfriends. I don't know if I could do it again. Or I'd need to-

Do you want kids? No, I definitely don't want kids. I'm too old. Have you ever wanted them? I don't know. I was never like that girl that was like, I wanna get married and have kids. And then once I started doing standup,

it's like, you're kind kinda too busy to have kids, you know, cause you're like out every night. You know, there's a point where I had a full-time job and I'm doing comedy for like 13 years. So it was like, how am I having a baby? My ex fiance, he wanted a kid. And when we went to therapy, my therapist was like, have a kid with him.

I'm like, oh no. The therapist told you to. Yeah, he was like, why don't you have, because he felt like it was important to him. And I was just like, no, I don't wanna do that. Get ready for Las Vegas style action at Bet MGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips

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It's unique, something you won't find anywhere else. This is the graduate experience at the Asper School of Business, where you can master your business career. I think like me and my friend always talk about, like if we had kids, we'd be good mothers, but I don't want to make sacrifices for it. You know what I mean?

Like I just. Yeah, I have a kid. I know. I have a dog. It's hard doing. Yes, it is. It's hard getting somebody to like watch my dog and I just usually pay for it. It's like having a kid.

It's like very expensive to have somebody watch your dog. That's why I actually need a boyfriend too, to just watch my dog. Goes back to your mom's life. Yeah, I am my mom's daughter. Yeah, I'm my mom's daughter. Just take care of my dog. So when you move back in with your mom and then out, is that around pandemic time?

When is that? No, that was like 2017. So I lived by myself for a couple of years and then the pandemic happened. I was dating another guy that was like an Army veteran. He was insane. So no comics for you. It's all other people who have different trauma. I mean, I dated a comic when I first started.

We were both new comics. That was the first Army vet. And then when we broke up, he kind of just quit doing standup, which I thought was nice. How do you meet Army vets? I don't know. You said the first one.

So is that a thing for you? I think they're just drawn to me. It's not like I a thing for you? I think they're just drawn to me. It's not like I'm looking for it, it's just what is drawn to me. So Nat, when you ask and they say it, you're not even surprised anymore. No. Wow.

I'm not, like I'm, it's funny, because like doing the specialty, you get like messages from people, obviously. And somebody wrote to me and was like, oh, I thought you were attractive. And then like, I'm watching this. And he's like, oh, I'm an Army vet. This is why I like'm watching this. And he's like, oh, I'm an army vet. This is why I like this girl.

Like, it's just something about, like I think too veterans have like. A dark sense of humor. Dark sense of humor. So it's like. Cops, you get cops? Not really. I kind of. A veteran, that's interesting. It's a lot of veterans, anyone with PTSD.

I don't get a lot of cops though. That's such an interesting thing. Veterans, huh? Veterans, yeah, firemen. I think I went on a date with a cop maybe one time or something and he showed up to the Bronx and he had like three or four Long Island ICs and then drove back to Queens.

I'm like, you're wrecked right now, which is crazy. But I do think a lot of cops do during. Oh God, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I don't know what I would have to date at this point, but... Do you like those guys? I like aspects of it. Yeah.

It's like anything, like I think my therapist that I've been with for a long time, he's like, you really need somebody you can work through problems with. Because then you see how that person you can relate to one another, but that's no more than I want somebody that I could like work through problems with and not everything is like shutting down and you know fighting and arguing because I grew up with so much fighting too. So same. I mean we have I remember my cousin's wife one time.

She's like, you argue just like my husband, your cousin. I was like, yeah, that's how we grew up. It's a lot of times it starts with, hey, asshole. Most normal people are tuning out immediately. We turn around, you know what I mean? I'm like, what does this motherfucker gotta say? This is, and I still think, I was just telling my daughter this the other day,

cause I took her to see Moana and she wanted to go see Wicked. I'm like, you can go Oh yeah. And I still think, I was just telling my daughter this the other day, because I took her to see Moana and she wanted to go see Wicked. I'm like, you can go see Wicked with your mom. Right. I don't like musicals. I just, and I think it's the way I grew up, like I would seriously rather you yell at me and scream at me,

than sing the fucking information to me. And I don't care what you're saying. Right. I do not want to. Musicals are not great. I can't stand the information sung to me. And I don't care what you're saying. Right. I do not wanna hear. Musicals are not great. I can't stand the information sung to me. Just yell at me. Sure, yeah. I'm okay with it. I grew up like that. Even like with dating,

I would prefer not to date someone that has kids. You would? Yeah, the last guy I dated. I think ideally probably everybody really would, but. Yeah, the last guy I dated had kids and his kids were nice, but it's just like, I don't wanna make sacrifices to someone else's kids. And I know it kids were nice, but it's just like, I don't want to make sacrifices to someone else's kids. And I know it sounds like shitty, but it's just like,

is it shitty? I'm just being honest. Like if I was going to make these sacrifices, I would have just had my own. Right, yeah. If somebody has older kids, that's fine, but like little kids now, I don't want to deal with that. I remember like going to his house.

I think I had a show the night before and I got home super late. And then it's seven o'clock in the morning, these kids are screaming. And you're like, oh, I don't want to deal with this. That's like, they're like young, young. I think I had a show the night before and I got home super late and then it's seven o'clock in the morning, these kids are screaming. And you're like, oh, I don't wanna deal with this. That's like, they're like young, young. That's gonna be a long time.

You can't just be like, hey, I'm sleeping cause I have a dumb job where I'm getting home at 3 a.m. And that was the first time I was like, oh, I don't wanna do this. And they were nice kids. It has nothing to do with them. How old were they? They were young.

When we first started dating, they were four and six. Yeah, that's it. And that's like, also, yeah, it has nothing to do with them. How old were they? They were young, when we first started dating, they were four and six. Yeah, that's right. And that's like, also, yeah, it's very young. Very young. I guess by the time we broke up, they were five and seven. And they were sweet kids. That's still young, that's kindergarten still, for one.

It's too, if like, I think if your kid's home and I'm there and I have to make sure they don't die, I don't wanna do it. Listen, I don't blame you one bit for that. I just- I don't think that makes you selfish or anything. Yeah, I get it. I would have had my own kid if I wanted to do that.

Yeah, I would have. And it's not like I'm bad to kids. I just, I used to nanny too. You did? Yeah, and everyone's always shocked. I'm like, it's not like I'm gonna put them in a garbage disposal. Yeah.

But yeah, I prefer kids that are a bit older and like if I have to drive them somewhere, that's fine. But like, I don't know. I don't want to be the person that's like making lasting impressions on your kids. I'd rather them not have me in their head. That's an interesting thought. Just go fill that with someone else from the library.

Don't have me in there. So during the pandemic, what happened? During the pandemic- You were dating this guy. I was dating a different guy that was, and he was like insane. He was an alcoholic. And like, you ever talk to someone and their personality changes and you're like,

oh, you're insane. On alcohol? I don't know if he was drunk. He would just be like, you know, do that. Oh, you can find someone better than me. I'm no good. There was a lot of that. But then like just a different personality

where like he, he wanted to take everything from me. Like, if I was happy, he like, I think at that time I had done like the degenerates on Netflix or something and I had shown it to him. And he's like, I'm gonna leak that. I'm gonna, like, he would just be very spiteful. Like, it'd always be, you know, just say, I'm gonna go fuck someone, and I'm like, go ahead.

I don't even care. Towards the end, he loved our dog, and he was like, we got into a fight, and he took a knife, and my dog, and he goes, say goodbye to Peggy, and I go, and I go, bye, Peggy, because I knew he wasn't gonna do that, but I had had so much of it where I was like, bye, Peggy. I just like I can't you just hit a wall where you don't care anymore.

And he didn't do anything. But he was the worst. Yeah. He did nothing. He did nothing. He was a lot of talk. But like I just had reached a point where I was like, I don't care. They ever threaten you. These guys ever get physical with you or they just know. I think they know better.

I've never had anyone like put their hands on me because that wouldn't go well. Yeah, it's mostly emotional abuse. Actually physical abuse would be preferable I think. I mean, yeah. Emotional abuse is like, you're just fucking with somebody's head, which is like the mental.

It lasts a long time. Punch me in the face. Punch me in the face. My eye will fucking heal up before this memory of what you're putting in my head does, I'm with you. The mental gymnastics of the games and shit, it's brutal. Oh yeah, even now to try and date now, I'm like, me and my friend will just go on dating sites

and it's almost like a game just swiping, but you're not gonna ever talk to these guys, it's just like a game. I wonder about that too. Like, you know, Mr. Wright or Mrs. Wright could be in there, but you really would have to go through every one of these people, like a job interview.

Sure. Right. And everyone's just swiping like this, you know? So also think of how many people I might have not dated if I didn't get to know them first. You know, there's people like, so it's like you're not meeting these people, you don't know their personality. So, and everyone is just kind of

sitting their own ways now. Big, well at our age for sure. Yeah, so it's like, we're not gonna change each other. Right, it's like I'm not gonna get an alcoholic to change now. No. Just be an alcoholic. Just, just we're not together.

Like that's fine. Just be an alcoholic and do what you're doing. And we're not together. We're just not together. Like let's, let's stop like dragging this out. And you could only have the same argument with somebody so many times where you're just like, I'm out.

Over the summer, I got pantry moths, which has been probably worse than anything I've ever gone through in my whole life, I got pantry moths, which has been probably worse than anything I've ever gone through in my whole life. You say pantry moths? Yeah, it's worse than anything I've gone through in my whole fucking life. Forget my dad's, I mean, this really ruined my life for months. I've had roaches like a motherfucker,

but I've never had pantry moths. So pantry moths, I never had them either. They come in your grains. So they come in your oatmeal, rice, I guess like lentils, maybe like bird feed, dog food. So you're bringing them from the store? Yes. Oh shit, they're not getting in from outside

and attacking the stuff. No, no, no, they come in from like foods, like a food source. That ruined my whole fucking summer. What happened? Do you know what it was, what you brought in? I'm not sure, but I also had stuff in there from the pandemic, so I don't know, maybe something.

I have no idea where it came from. And do they breed like crazy, is that what it is? Yes. For three months, I was basically going from like my friend's house to a guy's house, to my mom's house, on the road. I was like this, cause I was like, I can't live here with this.

My apartment got exterminated like eight times. So what I was gonna say is like, not having my own space during that period, I was losing my mind. There were times I was going to a hotel and spending $1,300 for five days just to like not be with my mom. So that's why I'm saying like,

I understand wanting to like just go be by yourself and decompress. That was like the worst time for me. So I guess I don't realize how much I just want to also like decompress, be by myself. Especially like you're on the road, you're traveling, you're doing all this stuff. So yeah, I get it too. You're seeing all these people and you know. Do you do like meet and greets after?

Yeah. Yeah. So then you're talking more. And meeting each person and you know, having a real moment with them and stuff too. And you're doing that for two or four shows or whatever you're doing that weekend. And then when I come home, I don't want to fucking talk to anybody. And also, I just met good people. You know what I mean?

People I would want to talk to, not just some rando drunk that's coming over to pitch about whatever's going on. We've got a real connection here. You have a common interest, yeah. So that's what's really nice. It's like going to meet friends on the road and then you go and I'm done. All right, this is really fun.

Thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. I wanna ask you, I told you before, advice you would give to your 16-year-old self, and I really wanna hear it. I would say my advice to my 16-year-old self is like, this is the best it's ever gonna be. No, please. Don be. That's like so.

Don't. That's crazy. It's all downhill from here. This is the best it's ever going to be. Yeah. Why, what's happening at 16? I don't know, it was just the best time. Like it was 1994, it was like the best music.

Like you don't really have any responsibilities, you're hanging out with your friends every day. Like I guess as a kid you forget, you're not gonna hang out with your friends every single day when you get older. Like you just kind of take that for granted. And then my dad died a couple years later. So it was like, that was just like

the most carefree time of my life. I see. Yeah, it was just the most fun. I don't know. I've had other good years too, but like that was a good year. That's funny. That's good though. Is it? Yeah.

Promote whatever again, your special, all that, please. Oh guys, go watch The Dark Queen on Netflix. Go buy merch. I have, I met the Clintons and I have a joke about it. And I have a picture of me with him and it just says, I met the Clintons and love to talk about it. I hope we sell enough shirts that like they get mad. Have they said anything yet?

No, cause it's not like big enough. I'd like to get the Clintons upset. See me on the road. I have a lot of dates coming up. I'm going to be touring with Ari Shafir a bit and then probably Louis towards the end of the year, but I'm doing my own headlining dates also. So just go check me out at adrianappaloochee.com.

Thank you. Thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. A lot of fun. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, ryansickler.com. Come see me on the road. Tickets are on my website. We'll talk to you all next week. Music