The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Andrea Jin - HoneyJin

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Andrea Jin! (Grandma’s Girl) Andrea Highlights the Lowlights of her mom leaving her to be raised by her grandparents in China, reconnecting with her mom later in life, and finding out who her biological father was only three years ago. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour October 20th - 22nd: La Jolla, CA October 27th & 28th: Salt Lake City, UT November 10th & 11th: Batavia, IL December 8th & 9th: San Francisco, CA SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Betterhelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW

Guys, we got the dates for 2023 locked. Maybe a couple more added. La Jolla, I'll be back October 20th through the 22nd. Salt Lake City, finally coming back October 27th and the 28th. Hoping to see you all out there. Batavia, Illinois, my first time going there. Very excited, coming on November 10th and November 11th. And San Francisco to close out the year

at Cobbs. Cannot wait to get back to one of my favorite cities in the country. December 8th and 9th. All tickets are available on my website at ryansickler.com Guys, the audio for my special Lefty Son is out. I've released it as an album.

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All right, that's everything there. You know what we're doing over here. We're highlighting the lowlights. And I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I'm very excited to have this guest on. First time here on The Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Andrea Jin. Welcome to The Honeydew.

Hi, thank you for having me. Thank you for being here i'm excited to be here well i've never met you before and you came in right away with the energy and you passed the princess litmus test out there she loves me now loves you yeah crossed over me three times yeah you're on the good list um well before we get into what we're going to talk about today please plug promote everything and anything you'd like. Yeah, I'm on tour right now. I'm doing a Texas run, San Antonio, Addison, Houston, Austin. I'm doing Bloomington and Philly, Springfield, Ohio.

I'm doing Raleigh. You're all over. I'm doing everything. Kansas City, both Springfields and Virginia Beach. And then some others. Utah i'm doing utah as well and vegas and where can they get tickets oh yeah right i'm like just think about it just think about going just have an intention um they can get tickets at andreajin.com all right yeah and your social media your instagram yeah at andreajin and you

actually got it so you're i did i got my yeah you're lucky yeah you know i got in there early mine for all of them really what is yours there's other ryan sicklers out there that beat me to the punch on social media names yeah what's your handle then most of them are ryan sickler but i've got to have like an official i think on facebook and dumb stuff like that official uh yeah thank you for coaching me through that plug i i really was lost podcast or anything you'd like to promote okay so dates for sure go check out andreagen.com and follow you on social media on social media at andreagen at andreagen1 on tiktok see that's the kind of shit i'm talking that's the kind of shit I'm talking about. That's the kind of shit I'm talking about. I'm pissed. You can tell

which social media you had first and what you got most recent by the additional ones and shit like that too. I got Andrea Jen first. Came to TikTok last. Did I? Alright. We were talking earlier and I know Martine

researched you and did some looking into your background. So I really want to talk to you because you were born in China, right? Yes. You come here at 10. Yes. So can we talk about life in China first and what you do remember of it? Oh, my God. You have to remember at least four or five years so much.

So much. I remember so much. Like China is such such it's so in my blood and my dna like in my upbringing my programming really uh that's where were we born we're already getting flagged for this episode there goes the monetization right there. We're done so fast. We're in one minute. One minute.

I'm like, the Chinese government. The Chinese government. Oh, my God. Okay, wait. So where in China were you born? I was born in Shanghai. Okay. Yeah.

But my whole family were from uh northeast china yeah it's like near north korea okay uh but jesus just i know all the buzzwords you're gonna be the most dangerous rated episode we've ever had the nicest person you're like that is a dangerous episode the title's like don't watch this don't watch this episode yeah no so uh yeah shanghai shanghai was great i when i was born my mom just suddenly i don't think she liked being a mother so why do you say that because she left right away she it's a damn good indicator that's a damn good indicator it's hard to argue with the stats oh shit oh okay

alright so wait let me ask a question then yes are you an only child yes alright I was born under

the one child policy it's an actual policy when you were born what year were you born 96 so just as recent as 96 is that still in the thing no now they lifted it because they realized uh if they keep going chinese the chinese population

would dip too much like we would become non-existent or something so if every person only had one child eventually over time it would just dip way too much to a point where we're not comfortable where you can't be a superpower a military there's enough i gotta hit all the points okay so really there's a policy it's it's one child only yeah back then and how do they know i mean i guess you got to register and everything yeah yeah yeah there's definitely a legal like people have them on the and hide their kids out in the farm you can have more than one but you have to pay like heavy taxes for it for for the extra kids so only rich people can afford uh extra children so your mom leaves right away and you're

raised by your dad my dad also no nobody liked me oh Oh my God. Don't say that. My parents got divorced. They both went. Okay, so it's actually very complicated because my mom married my dad and then she didn't have me with him. She had me out of marriage. Okay. So your biological father wasn't your mother's husband. Yes.

My birth father is someone else. Your mom had a side dude. Yes. Yeah. She's a city girl. All right. But so this guy. Little Shang Lo.

You know what I'm saying? Little Shang Ai. Your mom down there is like, i'm saying that's her and she uh but they both went to vancouver i see yeah they wanted to immigrate so then they both went to vancouver after having me so my grandparents raised me all right so did they divorce at what how old were you when they finally split i was maybe i was like a baby okay yeah it was a baby so where is your biological father does he stay in china was he even in china he was he was in northeast china okay so does he stay there when your mom goes to vancouver he well he's always lived there he's always lived in northeast china and he

continues to be there and my mom wait what do you mean i mean your biological father is not your mother's husband was yes so those two went to vancouver your husband and wife went to vancouver yes the husband and wife went to vancouver dad stays in china the biological dad has a marriage of his own oh shit he's got a whole family yeah oh he's not just a single dude no got it okay all right i'm thinking in my mind he's just a one night stand or both cheating okay two two cheaters okay that's what yeah and both sides of you come out of this i come out of the i'm but you're also going to vancouver i'm i went when i was 10 so they went first the the husband and wife went first got it and then by your grandparents i'm raised by my grandparents in china okay and let's talk about that before we get to 10 what is what was that like because i also live with my

grandmother for a while. Really? Yeah. I mean, we're Italian-American. Extended family is kind of a big deal. Also, when you're a broken fucking family, extended family is necessary. Exactly. You know what?

I relate to Italians a lot, actually. Yeah. I grew up watching all the Italian movies, like Godfather and Goodfellas and everything. I related to the family dynamics everybody yelling at each other you know the closeness dysfunction it's so dysfunctional but i i always loved yeah i i felt related to italian culture but uh yeah so it was like school there was very strict. You know, we learned a lot in the beginning. Like I was learning like times tables when I was in preschool and like kindergarten. Yeah.

That's how we got ahead. Yeah. No shit. You guys are dusting us. Everyone is, by the way. No offense. Everybody's kicking our ass. It is true.

Yeah. is it is true yeah but but um yeah i remember just like you know saluting the flag every day uh every morning for school our uniforms and like um doing math and my grandpa my grandpa like sitting in the back of his bike while we like you know go to school and stuff. It was really nice. It felt like a farm or something, even though I was in Shanghai. It was like a major city. So it was really nice. And what were your grandparents like? And whose parents are these? Mom or dad?

They're my mom's parents. And they wanted her to get rid of me because I wasn't made in the marriage. But she wanted to have me and so we yeah so it was weird like knowing that can i just say this is kind of wild as you're saying this i'm thinking of this like your mom wanted to have you but didn't want to keep you yeah your grandparents didn't want to have you but kept you yeah it's fucking wild isn't that weird like just what happened did you ever i mean have you do you still are they still alive your grandparents yeah yeah have you ever had to talk with them about like what made you guys flip and take me and were they good did they love you did

they nurture you and take it they were good people they loved me so much the the way that my mom loves me is kind of fucked up so i shouldn't learn from that but the love that my grandparents taught me that's real you know that's like unconditional so uh yeah they really did they really yeah what are some of your fondest memories and being with your grandparents? Yeah, we had like so many animals for some reason. Like what? Because they, like Northeast China, there's a lot of farms and stuff.

Like my grandparents, they both grew up in like rural backgrounds. And so my grandma always loved having chickens. So we would have like chicks in the backyard i played with chicks we had bunnies yeah we had yeah right well she has chickens now really yeah yeah in vancouver there's chickens and they lay she just loves the eggs she loves having her own eggs and uh we had a snake at one point you know and we just there were just a lot of animals around. I remember hating math.

I always hated school. My grandpa would do my homework. Nah, he would. He did. Was he good at it? He sucked. I got so mad at him. I was.

We're failing math, grandpa. No, the thing is, no no this motherfucker is a show-off okay so he the here's the thing he was so smart growing up like he taught himself like he went to university like nobody else did in my family and he became an electrical engineer and he's like very proud of that you know so he's like out here doing like very complicated math for this like kindergartner like grade one person like he's doing like he's just putting a flare on my homework and then my teacher was like she knew right away she's like you didn't do this and then she walked into i remember this so well because it was so scary it was like a core memory she walked into my english

less or yeah english class because we were learning english in china and um my math teacher i remember she was pregnant too she was so angry she was like and like well she didn't call me andrea but my chinese name she was like did i need to talk to you i was like okay she's like did someone do your homework can Can you say that in Chinese? Does that sound scarier than English? I forgot exactly what she said. I just remember the anger, you know? Loud too.

Did she pull you out of class or she embarrassed you in front of that class? In front of everyone. Oh, shit. This pregnant bitch. She was so pregnant. I'm like, go home. Go have your baby. Your one baby one baby yeah go have your one baby

stop being angry at work you know let me not let me not find out that your second baby let me not find out that your second baby i'll report you you report me to the class i'll report you so just embarrassed you in front of the class for what cheating what was it yeah it was like oh someone someone did your homework who did your homework your your like your cousin like who did it and then i was like no i did my own i'm crying in class i'm crying and then uh eventually i was like my grandpa did it and then she uh yeah i was in a lot of trouble but that was my grandpa's fault why did he have to do my homework uh all fucking show offy and shit anyway um they babied me a lot they babied me a lot like i was such yeah everything they just like because they felt bad for me they say that to me now they said we just gave you whatever you wanted because we felt bad your mom wasn't there you

know uh i remember just like i loved getting under the table and like during dinner time and just being a brat and not eating dinner my my grandma would like chase me around and like feed me um but yeah school was you had to like sit up straight occupy one third of the chair put your like hand what's that mean like not be too comfortable i think like just so you gotta like slide your ass like more toward the edge of the seat oh really like for some reason space back there yeah and they would monitor that if you did if like if you were slouching they would come by and tell you get nah really yeah yeah yeah got to sit straight like this and have good posture. And we would do like breaks from studying with eye massage exercises.

We would do them as a school. The whole school did it together. What, get rid of these bags under my eyes? To make sure that you to exercise your eyes so that you can study longer it's to utilize yeah it's to keep the machine going longer yeah we would do these breaks like like twice a day and it would just like be on the announcement so like all right time for you know eye massage and then we would just do it together yeah the whole school gently massage your eyes yeah it was i still remember it was like um it's like this and then this and then this so like it was a routine we all knew it it would

just be maybe like two minutes or something yeah yeah and then it's back to the back to studying yeah back to you know yeah so it was very intense i really hated it i really like there was a also um a system where you have like class captains and stuff uh like the best students in in class they we had rankings so you did like this is there an indicator on your clothes yeah yeah there's like we would wear a badge and shit or something no it was like three strikes like uh like three the like military kind of yeah it was very military the way like school was run um it would be a badge one person had a badge with three strikes on it she's like the leader i remember ours she was this girl she's very athletic and she was perfect i could never do the three i only had the highest

i went was two yeah so there's two two strike people and then there's like a couple one yeah and but those are like the class leaders yeah okay yeah i want to ask you this 10 years that's a very formidable uh time in in your young life do you find today since your grandparents are still alive that you have picked up anything from your grandfather or grandmother like i'm a certain way because of this or that and and if so what oh my god yeah because you're inspired by an older generation which is always interesting to me like i still if i see an old lady anywhere i'll chat them up like my grandmother and her sisters were just they you know what i mean like i just still feel like i tried i say i try to do things

in my mind where i'm like oh my will my grandmother be mad if I did that? You know what I mean? I'm 50 and I still think like that. That's great. I talk to old people all the time. I love them because of my grandparents, for sure. I just feel something for them. If I see an old person alone, it breaks my heart.

I just want to take them somewhere. So in what ways are you like your grandparents? Yeah. So my grandpa is, they're both, my grandpa is such an act of service and gift giving love language guy because he will never say anything sentimental. He would never show or touch like, you like affectionately you know um so every time i would struggle with something like he would see i'm upset he would go buy a fish for for me to have for dinner you know yeah not even give it to me give it to my grandma it's like oh cook it and

then my grandma will be like your grandpa got you fish so because you were crying earlier and and then i would just be like oh my god like my grandpa loves me you know uh but i got that from him probably just like acts of service and showing love through acts of service and like gift giving but not being being uncomfortable being a little uncomfortable with like too much words of affection or like you know with with certain people yeah so i get nervous about that and my grandma she's someone that has like so much anxiety she just like will think herself to oblivion and i've always i i think i picked it up for a period of time. And then eventually I worked through it because I don't do that anymore.

But for a while, I had her anxiety. And she transfers it onto other people too. She'll tell me things that I shouldn't really need to know as a teenager like what what do you remember your grandmom dropping on you were like what the fuck she she would tell me like my mom was doing drugs oh you know oh she'll be like yeah like when i was in china you know don't know where my mom is like missing her and then she'll show me pictures of my mom's like partying or whatever and she'll be like yeah your mom's doing drugs like you know just things that i shouldn't really have to know um because she's so anxious she it spills out you know and and then

it it affects me a lot and it would every time even to this day when my grandma calls me with a problem uh i i think about it for like two days or something yeah so so what happens at 10 that makes you decide or who decides for you to now to go to vancouver yeah it was my mom's decision i think it was at 10 i think she was like oh she's probably not annoying anymore i don't have to like do deal with like diapers and whatnot did she get clean at that point or it was just more like you could sort of handle yourself and i don't have to babysit yeah literally right like me yeah because she wants to go out and do her thing so at 10 you're a little older now like

you said no diapers yeah i don't have to worry about putting you to bed you can go to you know you can take care of yourself yeah you know and she exactly and she just thought i need i should get to know my daughter like i want i don't want a decade i know exactly maybe it's time exactly maybe i should get to know this person that came out of my body you know exactly exactly and so she thought it was the person i wanted she i thought i wanted and she thought it was time and so i'm uh she flew me over there she took me away from my grandparents and my school i remember like just so upset friends there you had real love there yeah i had a life there and my school i remember like just so upset friends there you had real love there yeah i had a life there and my yeah and leaving my grandparents was really hard and i'm assuming it was hard for them

too because this is their daughter who's having all this trouble and as a parent you know you got to take that one yeah and then here goes your granddaughter now to go be with the person that that's yeah yeah did you ever talk to now to go be with the person that that's yeah yeah did you ever talk to your grandparents about what it was like to have a daughter who rejected or yeah a daughter who rejected her own daughter it's against mother nature i say i can i only say because my mom did the same my mom bounced really yeah and that just goes way against but you know what's interesting they did that to my mom they did yeah so i think that connected so much for me i see because my grandma she had three daughters and then my mom was the middle one and it was too overwhelming for her she had the baby and then the bigger you know and so she sent my mom away

to her sister so her auntie yeah yeah so she so her aunt like raised my mom and then uh just when it was time to come back to my grandma she didn't want to. She was like, that's not my mom. My aunt is my mom. She was like, so this happened to her too. So that's interesting. Yeah, so I feel like my grandparents have this probably guilt towards my mom for sending her away. And then so them raising me was like something. Yeah, to do with that. All all right so now you're going to america you know english though i'm assuming because you've been taking it all those years

right but it's not great okay yeah i i had like an accent i'm pretty sure i didn't know i wasn't fluent yeah i certainly wasn't comfortable speaking it and so we um i got to vancouver and it was crazy because my mom was on another marriage she was on her second marriage and this guy i've never met and suddenly i had a stepfather and then he they have kids they didn't have kids but he had his own kids before this marriage so i had a that he also brought into um he flew her from somewhere to i think like china also so i suddenly had a stepsister and a stepfather and then all under the same roof yeah yeah instantly and then my mom who i like never really right you don't know anybody in this house you don't know anyone in this fucking house i know how old's the stepsister

she was a year older than me yeah yeah so we shared a room was she from no she was like i think she was esl too yeah i remember yeah she i think she came from also a part of china so and you're sharing a room we're sharing a room we're sharing a bed no we're sharing a bed no yeah yeah yeah how big is the bed it's a queen and we're tiny it don't matter it ain't a kick you went from having your own room yeah well no i was sharing a bed with my grandparents all right well you went from just living with your grandparents to a new house where you three new people you don't know and one of them is literally laying next to you i know that's fucking that's fucked up and you know what's funny i wet the bed till i i was still wetting the bed when i left china so we were very nervous about this i would have been like listen i'll definitely get

my own bed yeah i will i would have been standing up peeing on her in the middle of the night just to get my own bed i don't know it got so bad i sleep pee i'm sorry i was wetting the bed in china and i would wake up slapping i I would, like, I have violent dreams. Your grandma's shaking you for breakfast and just smacking the shit out of her? No, my grandma got so mad at me that she was like, I'm not doing this again. And she made my grandpa switch with her. So, I would just wake up just slapping my grandpa. My grandpa's like...

And wet, too too from the pee so which is like how long did you wet the bed till i moved to vancouver i think it was a psychological thing i think i was like always come 10 yeah so i was that's old oh fuck that's old no i had my brothers were bedwetters too past 10. What is that? A lot of people come on here and talk about it. It's called trauma. Okay. Yeah. You had it. Okay. Because I was like, what is that?

It's called abandonment. I see. Because I didn't have a mom or dad. A dad. And now you're about to move to a place where you don't know a fucking soul. I'd be peeing everywhere. Wow.

My body is just like, stop. Yeah. There's a lot going on yeah so anyway i did that until i it was psychological because the second i started sleeping near next to a stranger who was now my stepsister i stopped so because i didn't want to i guess be embarrassed and so and i was just highly uncomfortable isn't funny? Like my daughter's a picky eater and we, and we, the doctors talk about like, look, and her brother was too. And they're like, it's going to take care of itself.

The minute she gets to high school and starts hanging out with her friends and they're going to be like, you don't eat this or this, and that's all you put on. You only put ketchup on. What the fuck? You know what I mean? Like it shames you into eating and stuff. Yeah, exactly. It makes you realize everything is psychological. Everything's just in your head. you know what i mean like it shames you into eating it's not yeah exactly it's yeah it makes

you realize everything is psychological everything's just in your head so she wasn't a bedwetter was she how hilarious would that be i don't know i just started this is traumatic for me give it to her you passed it all this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you ever feel like your brain is getting in its own way? Like you know what you should do, what's good for you, but you just can't do it? Well, therapy helps you figure out what's holding you back. So you can work for yourself instead of against yourself.

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Make your brain your friend with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash honeydew today to get 10% off of your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash honeydew. One more time. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash honeydew. Now, that's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash honeydew now let's get back to the do so wait this is such a weird situation do you get along with her like do you guys develop a bond or we bonded in some ways but i had so much anger and trauma in me. I did not treat her well.

I felt, I feel to this day, like really bad about. Do you still talk? No. Okay. I, I don't know what she's doing.

And, and same with my stepdad. I haven't talked to them since my mom split with him. And it, I, I just like, yeah, you just don't know when it's happening like as a kid why all this anger with the hormones and the trauma from you know anxiety you don't know anything yeah just mad and confused and yeah hurt i would fight with her all the time it was like so

much fighting and i just hated we We had bonding moments for sure. And I think at the end of the day, it was fine. Did she like your mom? I don't think she loved. I don't think any of us loved each other. You know, it was very put together like forcefully because of this marriage. And how long did the marriage last? I think about, they had a whole thing before we came, but then once we got there, two or three years, and then they got divorced because he cheated on her.

Yeah. A lot of that going around. But she, yeah, that's true. a lot of that going around but she yeah that's true a lot of cheaters in here so you're what about a freshman then maybe going into high school when it's just you and your mom at that point yeah yeah and my grandparents thankfully came oh they did they came over all right good this story takes a good turn all right good thank god it's been a rocky ass 10 years so far saved my life yeah it's been a rough 14 actually years so far. Saved my life. Yeah. It's been a rough 14 actually. Oh my God.

Saved my life. Okay. So they come to Vancouver and they live and they're in your day to day. They're not like two hours away or anything. They're in the home. Yeah. Oh, in the home. Yes.

Okay. So it's now. We're all living together. Now all four of you live together. Yes. And what's it like? God, that probably had to be a very big help to also get to know your mom slowly too. Yeah.

Yeah. So how did it all go was it did it start to turn around there or it what turned turns around like did things start to get better were you real like your mom my mom has always struggled with addiction like with gambling that's her biggest one oh it's gambling it's gambling and the drugs is part of just partying when she wins or whatever what's the game or anything uh it's i forgot the name but she plays blackjack sometimes too yeah is she doing like online stuff with credit cards no that almost i don't even know what would be better but she goes to the casino she She does. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just, it's her whole life.

Her whole life has been like this. It's the biggest problem in our whole family. She's got a blackjack addiction. Yeah. Yeah. And losing so much. How much? Do you even know?

Millions. No. Yes. I was not expecting to hear that andrea jinn millions of dollars she's lost yes has she ever hit big and that's why she's got some no piss away never what no no i thought maybe she hit a butt and then had enough to piss away no where is she getting this money what does she do you know what she's she's very beautiful and she's uh she's gorgeous and and it's always just been men yeah it's been men will take her and pay for the yeah pay for everything give me a couple hundred dollars i'm gonna go play black not even they give her they give her millions of dollars

like basically yeah like basically no okay not that much but you know this is her whole philosophy in life is like if if they don't give you money then they don't love you everything is so transactional for her she but i love her very much. It breaks my heart. But for her, it's... This man one time that she was dating wouldn't buy her an apartment in Shanghai. And then she left him and she was like, I'll go find someone that would. And then she found someone that did.

So that's like a good example. It's just... She's just she's just kind of looking for provider nice right so um even when i call her to ask her how are you and stuff she's always like andrea yeah come on we ain't stopping on 17 let's go how you doing girl no she'll literally be be confused why i'm calling because she she'll think wait what do you need something because it's not normal just to call and talk and say hey yeah thinking about you exactly it's got to come with transactional yeah like whenever she only calls me when she needs something got it never to check in no never does she know about your comedy does she follow

your career yeah yeah anything has she seen you live yes yeah she said i uh was very tall okay all right she's like you're the tallest one on the show i was like thank you that was after the not walking in that was after the show yes that's good she's just you know she's like you need to project more you know like a lot of critiques but um but yeah every time she calls is always transactional it's always like she needs something and she gets confused if i call her and and i'm like hey are you good And she's like, oh, that's weird. So, yeah. So that's.

What's your mom's relationship like now with her parents? Or at least at that point when they came into the home, did it get better or was it more of the same? I think she's always resented them for sending her away. And but she's a good daughter. Like she takes care of her, my grandparents very well. Like she's always thinking of like, take, yeah. She's always, I mean, they still live together now in Vancouver. And yeah, but I can tell there's like anger there and undealt with trauma of being sent away as a girl.

How old's your mom now? She's 46, 47 maybe. It's interesting. I'm older than her. I'm trying to think about that. I'd be fucking pissed if I got sent away too, but I still wouldn't leave my kid. Yeah. There's a lot of layers in there.

But again, she was taught that. I think she just thought it was okay because it happened to her. So she was like, well, it's fine. I'm fine. Even though she's not like, she just never dealt with her shit. Yeah. So she thinks, oh, that's an okay way to do things. So she did it to me.

Is she with, does she have another husband or a partner or boyfriend or anything now or she's kind of single no she's single and but she's thinking of she's been talking to my birth father i think that's the love of her life is my tell me about that yeah they met when he was um uh when she was his wife that's true and but also she was Jean on his wife that's true but also she was like a teenager she was like 17 I see

and then they just like were they just connected very deeply they were just kids yeah at the time and they just

really loved each other and but do you know if they've kept in touch all this time or is this a new no way they did

and I've met him a lot of times before she told me that he's my birth father so he was always around but he's always married and uh when my mom was gonna get married to her husband uh he said to her he was like don't marry him i'll leave my wife for you don't marry another man and she was like no, no, I'm not going to wreck your, I'm not going to be a homewrecker. I'm not going to break up your family.

So she married. But they've kept in touch like forever. But when she taught, she never cries. He's the only person that, he's the only topic that makes her like really ball. So. So tell me, what's the first time you met your birth father how old were you or at least how old were you in the first time you remember meeting i'm sure he

saw you before i remember this is a very actually bad memory to have of my birth father but i i remember the first memory of him is him being in bed with my mom because they met up at a hotel or something but and I was so tiny I was like a baby or something I was like a toddler I remember just them being in bed and I'm in the other room with like an auntie like not a real auntie but just like a friend of my mom's that she brought along to take care of me while they um were together and I remember just being like why is my mom in that she brought along to take care of me while they um were together and i remember just being like why is my mom in bed with like some guy but yeah that that that might have been the first but we would go out together and like eat and i just thought it was some man that

my mom liked yeah i didn't know when did you find out who he was like during the pandemic no yes get the fuck out of here oh my god i'm thinking you're gonna say like 10 years old no no she she neglected to tell me so you obviously knew that the husband you never thought her husband at the time was your dad you always knew it was another person no i knew i she made me just never met him no no she made me think that was my dad oh she did yeah her husband you've yes up until three years ago yes yeah and i never understood until three years ago the whole time you thought this man was your father yeah but i mean he wasn't around either so so you weren't like having interactions with him not really and and i would visit him and stuff like in china and he never told you he didn't know what he didn't know the no one ever

got tests or anything he i don't think he wanted to believe it i think he knew deep down but i think he wanted to think that that i was his daughter so what how and why do you find out in the pandemic my mom because everybody thought i knew already uh-uh yeah and my mom realized she didn't tell me she fucking forgot this bitch forgot what are you talking about this bitch forgot to tell me andrew you know what i forgot to tell you who your dad is 23 years old i mean it's honestly so uh it's so her though to to forget to tell me it's like i can't even like but how's it come up what happened that popped it off where my she was she facetimed my birth father. They talk regularly. And I think at one point, I think I was still calling, addressing him like an uncle or something.

And then he brought it up to her. Out loud when you heard it or no? No, no, no. Privately. Because my birth father is actually a sensitive person, which I've always... You mean somebody in this whole story cares? I know. All right, good.

I mean, he's not been around. He's been married to someone else. So I don't know how much he cares. So he's got some compassion and empathy in there. But he's someone that cries a lot, and I am too. So I always was like, where did I get that from? Nobody else in my family has emotions. Where did I get this sensitive nobody else in my family like has emotions where did i get this

like sensitive like just soft side from and it's my dad do you look more like your mom or your dad i look like a mix of both yeah but i think more my mom yeah but so he brought it up to her and was like, why is she still calling me like, you know, cause his role is like godfather kind of like, why is he, she's still addressing me as that. And then she was like, oh, she doesn't know, I guess. And then my dad. Was he shocked? Yeah.

My birth father was like, I thought you fucking told her. Like it's been so long. There's no reason for her not to know at this point and he she was like you're right and so she told me because it was just so late tell you i was like what's on brand for i want to hear how your mom it is on brand for her i her face was all weird i remember i knew i when i saw her face was all weird. I remember I knew when I saw her face. Were you driving somewhere? Was she in her house? I was delivering puppies from my dog. My dog was having puppies.

Such a stressful time. You know what? I'm going to hit her. When the puppies start coming out. I know. I was like, bitch. Hey, speaking of birth, ever tell you who your dad is? Yeah. You know how I did this

no i my dog was like like having contractions and shit and i was like trying to focus i'm stressed out my dog you know and uh and she's like i have to tell you something i'm like really what and her face was all stressed out i knew knew she had something. I knew like right away. Did you have any idea what it was? No, I was just scared. I was just like, what are you about to tell me right now? And when she told me, I was shocked. You were.

I really had no idea, even though I did look like this guy. That's what I asked earlier, because I think it would be a trip if you haven't met this man ever and then all of a sudden whatever years later you look at this person like jesus christ that looks like me you know i think that would be a bit of a mind fuck i don't know why i didn't make that connection like now that i see it you can see it now i can't unsee it but before it just just how'd she say what'd she say just that he's your dad he's your biological father she said in such a stupid way she was just like your dad is not your dad you know greg's your dad right like what no your dad's not your dad that's how she started yeah yeah she said it's so

stupid i remember i wanted to smack her i like, what the fuck do you mean? Like, she's like, your dad is not your dad. And I was like, stop with the riddles. Like, can you tell me what? What? What do you mean? And she's like, yeah, your dad. Like, she said his name, too.

She's like, Aaron is not your dad. And then I was like, huh? Well, then who? What do do you mean i don't understand and she was like yeah he didn't he's not your dad and say okay well who's my dad and he's like she said um yeah she said she said my birth father's name and then um i remember just being like, what? And it took me a second and I cried a lot. And she was like, why are you crying? Are you serious? Yeah.

She's like, why are you crying? Like she started kind of being like, why are you having such a reaction? You know? And I was like, I don't know. Okay. Like, because I was trying to justify, like i don't know okay like like because i was trying to justify i actually don't know i mean it is an emotional moment i just there's a lot going on there's a lot going on also like this person betrays your trust and you know you're just like jesus christ you give a fuck about me at all lady yeah and but i was just trying to justify this emotions to her. And then I was like, who else?

It's the puppies. It's the puppies. I know. I was like, I'm just worried about Pingua, my dog. But my dog's fine. Like, but she, I was crying and I was like, who else knows? And she's like, everyone. That's the worst. I know'm like everyone you were the last

to find out who your dad was yeah that's crazy yes i was pissed and i was like i was like grandma and grandpa no and they're like yeah yeah yeah i was like oh and and and then she told me right away she's like they wanted me to get rid of you. It was almost a jab. I think she did it. That's when you found that part out too? I think she couldn't wait to tell me. I think it was a jab because I think she's like, I think she's always been jealous

of how close my grandparents are with me because they didn't give her that love. And then for me, I love my grandparents more than my mom. Yeah. Or like, at least we're closer. I love them all equally, really, but we are closer. So I think she wanted a little dig and she was like, yeah, they didn't want me to keep you. I got to knock them down a couple pegs.

Exactly. So you know. Yeah. And so, and I was like, oh, and that hit me too. Now I'm crying. Oh my God, damn mom. So, no, she's cold. She's cold blooded.

That is cold. She's cold blooded. But yeah, and. Listen, your dad ain't your dad. I got to get back to the casino. Yeah, yeah. She's like, hurry. I got to, I got to.

That's a lot. But yeah, and I was just like crying and crying and then uh it took a while for me to get through that just the shock of it and then i facetimed with my birth father for the first time yeah tell me about this not a word like not a word we just both start crying. And then that's, and I was like, that's my dad. Cause he's showing emotion. He's not asking why you're crying. He's crying with you. Exactly. And so.

What was that like? It was memorable. I remember like I, it was, it stuck with me. Just like this person that was so moved in the same way as me because i never saw myself in the rest of my family everybody else like things got to me a lot deeper i was way more sensitive than everybody else or at least like for them if things got to them they suppressed they repressed it down and it came out in anger but i had sadness in me and so um and anger but uh but i saw i remember just being like oh that's me you know i remember seeing

myself in a family member for the like one of the first times basically so um did you yeah did you feel seen did you feel heard i i was i think it was the first thing you said to him say hi dad yeah did you no i said i i know i i didn't because i don't think i was ready but i said i think i just made some noise i was like oh like you know i just some sounds managed to make it out words did not because i was just like crying yeah so yeah it was very emotional and then my my mom was like witnessing all of this and because she was holding the phone and and i remember what the fuck are you two crying about no that's exactly what she did yeah she like you're listen if anything your mom's consistent she's consistent i'll give her that i'll give her that can we get on this bullshit guys come on man

they're waiting for me down at the table no i'll never forget her face too looking over at her watching us cry she's confused she really was she was like are you guys like so emotional and i was like mom can you just get out of here like i can't and um yeah so so that that was the face time but i haven't seen him in person yet uh ever no no no like since finding out really yeah why do you not want to visit do you not have the desire you're not like i'm too busy here yeah like because i started stand-up already when she told me and things were picking up and then i moved after the pandemic to la so it just i just can't you were here when you found everything out well i was in uh vancouver during the pandemic when i found out and then i moved right when i could because i just wanted to uh i felt behind because of the

pandemic and being canadian and so excuse me and so we went so i just had no time i really just had no time to go visit and he can't come because he's working in china so yeah he's in china yeah that's why if he was in if he was in in the north america i would definitely have is he watching any of your clips and stuff does he know what you do no he has no access to it but he knows that i do stand up he's like proud of me but he's always been like you don't have to do anything okay like if you don't want to just be happy just be happy like he's uh he's supportive of like whatever. Yeah. And I think about him and it's like he says all these things and he's supportive, but he was never here.

So I feel like it's like easy to say all those things. And I could only give him so much credit, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So. So tell me about, let's see, have you battled addiction or anything like that yourself no but i think i have it in me i have like a dna wise like i definitely have an addictive personality i probably would like i've had those like stupid app games and i played game i used to game a little bit i would just like get really into it

and spend money on it and i i see the demons in me like peep out and i shut that down right away so i don't do anything i don't drink i don't do drugs i don't smoke weed i don't do anything do you worry about that i worry about it yeah what's your vice then i vaped for like four months and then i stopped that's not yeah you're good yeah yeah i think we're okay but i what do you shop do you i used to have a shopping thing i used to spend way too much money but i also i'm good at self-control like once i decide to stop it's it's finished yeah i wish i was that way maybe like eating late night i don't know like just yeah but our job is weird yeah i know kirsten goes with me all the time and i'm like let's fucking figure out what we want between these next shows because

if we don't we're gonna beat these goddamn mozzarella sticks and fucking pretzel bites so hard to not eat late at night after the show you're starving you just worked all night we're not eating during the show so yeah yeah i can't go up with a full stomach no gross i'll fall asleep yeah exactly yeah so i don't really i guess like relationships i i might have been addicted to like chasing love or something but it never took over my life i for a while when i was younger and i didn't know i didn't love myself enough i was maybe chasing the approval of people that didn't deserve it but probably modeled after how my mom and my relationship was um so how do you deal with the all of this like i'm this is such not a normal fucking story

obviously yeah you wouldn't be here if you had one and how do you deal with the mental health struggles of all of this do you go to therapy no because i don't enjoy it it makes me feel like i'm enjoy it it makes me feel like i'm validating the problems too much that's an interesting you know what i mean like i did for a while and but then i remember being like you're giving it too much it makes it too real yeah yeah because if i it's not like i'm suppressing it's not like i'm pushing the problems down it's more so i'm i'm not allowing it to be a problem because if i if you think about anything too much it can become a problem 100 you start future tripping on it and everything exactly so i felt like therapy was doing that so instead of dwelling on problems and talking about it, I would, I started just to learn to like work on myself and love myself,

like take care of my body, eat well, be around people I love and love talking to and make me feel like high energy afterwards. And just like protecting myself from people that hurt me and and being more present in the moment that helped me more than therapy ever has yeah yeah um and not to get into your personal life but when you have relationships or if you're in one now and stuff do you how long do you wait to tell your partner about your past and how you like has have any of your significant others ever met your mom or your grandparents yeah

it's horrible i have i learned now that unless it's very serious they're not gonna meet my family and why what is it because my mom is a like what is how she my mom is my mom will judge them right away but the worst parts of them and say it in front of me and the person no but like in mandarin so that they don't understand but it's still like you're still insulting the person i'm stating um i would also just being an insecure person, I would assume that if you're not saying it in a language I understand, it's not positive. You know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

I would just filter and be like, oh, that's like. So it's rude right away. It's just rude. And so that makes me upset. And then. Excuse me. And her always, her first thing is like does do they have money you know so she still has that mindset yeah he she told me she's like if you're dating someone

and they're not paying for for you or whatever for everything or or he's not giving you money then you're a stupid girl you would you're just a stupid stupid girl you know how do you feel about that now like if you go on the polar opposite like i'm gonna be fucking into like does it drive you to be different what is how does that mindset affect you yeah it made me like devalue it made me like want to put money last you know and i still need it and pursue it but like in another person i don't that's not like right one of the first things i look for so i did go the other way and uh do you genuinely don't care if the person you date is uh you know i don't want you know does isn't a millionaire isn't saying here here's fucking a thousand dollars go shopping

with your friends oh for sure i don't care i really don't care and to speak to that i dated a comedian for five years so i really don't care yeah your mom would have been like i'm ashamed oh my god no my mom was pissed she was pissed i dated him for five years. Like, yeah, it was. Yeah. No, but let me ask you this. Your mom's mindset. I'm just curious. If slash when you marry, does your mom expect that husband to not only take care of you, but to also kick her some? Or is yes, she does.

Oh, I feel like an addict. And I get like, well, what is he doing for me, too? It's not just you i was just gonna say that is something that's why i don't introduce whoever i'm dating to my mom anymore because she'll immediately be like can they help me with something like not not money but just like can they work right like can they work at my shop can they drive this to another city can they somehow help me in any way and i'm like i started seeing this person maybe for a month can we please they're not about to be your work like i got mad at her i like fought with her about it i was like don't have

these expectations of someone we're just getting to know each other you know so she's always thinking who can benefit her you know and it bleeds into the people i'm dating too so yeah now i learned to not definitely not introduce um to her all right so again a very personal question you don't have to answer if you don't want to but if again slash when you have kids are you gonna let them meet mom yeah here's the thing i think with in asian culture we're very family oriented i will always like love and take care of my mom i will always want her near maybe not too near but like behind your kids are gonna your kids are to be at the casino one on her front one on her back cigarette like let's go double down fuck that insurance oh no i no but i i've

always like fantasized about like you know become becoming very successful and then buying her home a few streets down yeah yeah yeah and then she'll she can walk over when she wants to you know um but just a little bit of distance but i love her still and i will i tell her all the time i'm like i'm gonna take care of you like don't worry stop whatever overthinking here this and that because she's always been insecure about it she always thinks i don't love her and she she starts fights a lot when she feels threatened by my like questioning if i love her or not and she starts like yeah it comes out in anger her her her insecurity about my love for her and i remember just like crying a lot and being like no i love you like i do i really love you and i think

you love me too but i don't think you like me i said that to her um and she like ignored it but yeah she's like i don't like what you're saying yeah yeah yeah so i don't like this conversation um saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't like this conversation. This has been a great episode. It's a very different story. And especially I want to ask you this now because I'm trying to do the timeline in my head. But I told you about 16 year old me and you said your mom left the husband around 14. So your grandparents.

So this is probably close to around the time your grandparents come to america when you're around 16 isn't it like pretty close yeah yeah yeah so what advice would you give to 16 year old andrea oh 16 i was watching a lot of high school musical and and reading twilight oh yeah i was so into twilight oh my god i think i was in there i bought okay my advice would be to start stand-up as soon as you can that was like that saved my life i think stand-up saved my life like because my family was crazy and i hated how much uh i had how different my life was from everybody else's i just wanted a normal life i just wanted to eat mac and cheese or whatever yeah you know whatever the kids are doing i just want that's all i wanted but now with stand-up i'm thankful for my

experiences that i lived through them and became the person I am. And I'm thankful for my unique life now so that I could talk about it and I could write about it, you know, and I could create projects and or whatnot like stand up about it. So I would tell her to look into doing stand-up and don't be afraid yeah good for you thank you for doing this I really appreciate you coming on

thank you for having me this was great plug and promote everything again yeah let's try this one more time I'm doing I'm going on tour

I am doing a Texas run I'm doing a lot of East Coast, Utah. I'm doing Ohio, a bunch of dates, Springfield, Missouri, Bloomington. All, you can find it all on andreajin.com. And follow me on social media at andreajin on Instagram, at andreajin1 on TikTok. There it is. All right.

Thank you very much. Thank you. And as always, thank you guys. Come out, see me on tour. All tickets are available at ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Thank you.