The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Ari Shaffir - HoneyJew

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Ari Shaffir! Ari Highlights the Lowlights of his experiences backpacking through international countries! Being stuck in a restricted area of Myanmar, hiking through South East Asia with no connections, and getting paired with an unfortunate partner along the way! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: - Visit https://ritual.com/HONEYDEW to get 10% off during your first 3 months. -Get 15% off your Raycon order at https://BUYRAYCON.com/honeydew. - Go to https://JoinCrowdHealth.com/99 and enter code HoneyDew at sign up to get your first six months for just $99 per month. - If you’re thinking about buying a home next month, next year, or in five years, listen to the "How to Buy a Home Podcast" today!

Hey guys, the Night Pants Nation tour continues. October 23rd, Baltimore, Maryland, one night only. There's already a low ticket count. Gonna have to add a show, so get on those tickets now. October 28th, Brea, California. November 12th and 13th, Arlington, Virginia. Get your tickets now at ryansickler.com. I'm comedian Ryan Sickler,

and this is my stepson, Derek Crawford. While we were on quarantine, class might've been out, but school was still in session. Alright, let's go. It's a very serious business. You have lives, especially this one, in your literal hands and feet. It was like an old country road, and it had an awesome hill to jump. Jumping in the cars? Yeah, dude, we jumped the shit out of them. Oh, no, hold on a minute. Look at it. Look at it. Aloha. Woo the virus y'all.

You're just heavy on the brakes. I mean Jesus Christ. Stay in your lane. You're herky-jerky with turns. You look like Patrick Mahomes' sister Patricia. This hair is beautiful. You look like Patty Mahomes, bro. Patty! You about to run a red light. It's gonna be red. And there it is. There it goes.

Whoop, whoop! Hey, Jeff! Jeff Obama! The cops come in, they're pepper spraying everybody, like, come on, we can't get arrested. The F building is either used for fighting. If you're blinking on it, yeah. Or for smoking. The F building is either used for fighting or for smoking. Smoking what?

Vape. What a different world. Hey, thank you for taking me out and driving, man. It means a lot. You got lucky, bro. You could have had a real piece of shit. Instead, you got a pretty decent piece of shit. Go all the way down to Lincoln and up Ocean Park.

Watch where you're going. He just blew right through a crosswalk. Are we getting pulled over? Jeez, but that was good. This does not go for my anxiety. This is Learner's Permit. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all.

We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. Make sure you go to my website, get your tickets to the Night Pants Nation tour. Make sure you go to my website, get your tickets to the Night Pants Nation tour. Make sure you subscribe to the YouTube and the Patreon. If you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com,

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I promise you we've got an email list full of stuff we're going through right now. And it's such a good show. And I can't thank you enough for your support. All right? Honeydew podcast.com is the website. And there it is. You know what we do over here? We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers.

I'm very excited to have this storyteller on here today. First time here on the Honeydew. Some Maryland love, ladies and gentlemen. Ari Shafir. Welcome to the Honeydew. Thank you. Thank you very much. You look good, dude.

You reminded me about Maryland just real quick. I was wearing some Maryland shorts. You always do. Yeah. I know. No one. You reminded me about Maryland just real quick. I was wearing some Maryland shorts. You always do. Yeah. I know. No one reps the flag like our state reps our flag. You know what's funny about that? What?

When you live there, you don't think about it. I didn't until I got out. And then I stepped away and someone said, people in Maryland rep their flag harder than people in Texas. And I was like. There are two. We do. Yeah. Easily the more. And then I thought, that is a weird thing that we're so flag proud.

But we do have a kick-ass flag. But also, we go entire outfits. I realized it's a fire flag like five, six years ago. And it was in Delaware. And then the Maryland full. It's not just a little patch on it. It's all of it. The whole shirt.

It's on the team's city's logos, everything. The crab bumper sticker shaped like a crab with the that magnet on my fridge yeah and on a pint glass yeah they've made one of those with like a darwin mashup right probably it's like no legs or something yeah um yeah we rep it fucking hard hard anyway some guy wrote it's like hey if you're in from maryland you can't wear that shit like coming at. And I was like, first of all, I am. And second of all, so I am. So I know that's not a rule. What are you talking about, dude?

Because I'm from there. And he was allowed to wear it. What are you talking? It's not a frat, bro. No. Well, I'm stoked to have you here, dude. Yeah, it's good to be here. It's good to have you.

Sweet ass studio. Thank you, man. Please plug everything, all of it right now alright well I'm on tour dates out the gates dates out the gates I'm on tour right now

I'll be in Boston December 9th Cleveland and Phoenix and Denver are coming up in February and Vancouver as well yeah I'm fucking touring

and loving it loving stand up got taken away for too long now it's back my podcast ari shafir skeptic tank have you not been on there no remember we did um we did promote my album and we did a half of one outside at the store and that's all we could do i guarantee you i have that if we want i mean you did you put it up i did put that put it up. I did put it up. That part put up. Yeah. And you put it preceding another episode. It was like a sort of like a one-two episode.

Yeah. Yeah, we got to finish it off, though. I would love to. Got to listen to it again. We got to like the most tragic part. Yeah, right there. And that's a wrap. You had a fucking stupid kid.

It ruins up the whole podcast. Yeah, my dumb kid. Yeah, I know. That's the whole scenario. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, we got to finish that. That was great. Ari Shaffir's Kevin Tank.

It's on YouTube, and then I do other stuff on YouTube. YouTube.com slash Ari Shaffir. I have yoga classes on there. We're doing one after this. You'll be on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to teach me yoga? I mean, I've done yoga, but you're yoga?

I'm a yogi, yeah. All right. You're my yogi is this for real yeah oh so this is real well you said when you said stupid you just were calling it stupid no i mean i yeah yeah no it's legitimately yeah okay you're about to give me some real yoga after this no no it will try our best but it won't be good i'm i'm accessible all right have you ever done it yoga yeah a couple times I have I have a mat in my car right now

I could go get I'm where you were if I did it like 20 more times okay so like I just like I know those

okay cool I know what to teach you yeah I know a little bit of shit I might not be able to show you all the moves but I'll be like I'll get you to where your imagination can fill in

what it should look like okay yoga with Ari and friends I've seen your videos. And you wore the Maryland shorts in it. Every day. I took them to quarantine.

That's where I did the first one. Yeah, it was great. Nate Bargatze said he was like, so were you just teaching legitimate yoga? I don't understand. I'm like, oh, then I saw one. And one of the moves you were like saying that Hitler gets the job done

or something like that. And then it hit me like, oh, you're joking. I'm like, yeah, Nate. I mean, they're moves, but I'm not going to teach it seriously, seriously. He was like, I apologize for you. All of a sudden, Ari's a fucking real yogi, yeah. Dude, we did him in Ecuador. We found a place with just a beautiful backdrop.

And I do there in the mornings, and I shave my head. I did a whole series. All right, let's talk about this. Because your traveling over the years has been insane. I love a whole series. All right, let's talk about this because your traveling has been, over the years, has been insane. I love that you do this. Thank you. Especially as a divorcee.

You are a divorcee, technically. Do you remember when I fucking called you that in San Francisco? I'm going, oh my God, you're a divorcee? You're like, I am a divorcee. Wow, yeah, it hit me again just now. Yeah, you're technically a divorcee. I will fill it out every once in a while

in a forum and it's there. I'm like, you know what? Yeah, I guess so. So you can travel. You can pick up at tonight. You could be like, fuck it, I'm going to Ecuador. You could. And you do. You do things like that. So talk to me

about some of this travel. You've had some pretty scary stories too. Sometimes. That one in Ecuador, I remember getting that spot and the people next to us, I just went forward to look like a stupid, like a legit yogi. So how do you even find it? How are you finding these spots? Airbnb is everywhere.

Plus it's crooked as shit in Ecuador. So if you stay for a week and you like it, you're like, can we just do this, forget all those fees? And they're like, absolutely, cash me. So it's great. Okay. It works out really well. It's cheap.

So we found a great one, just an overlook of like a city and a lake wait. So I was just doing yoga and then shaved my head, got like a white outfit from this market town. And then the people renting to us, they left. They're like, so what do you guys teach yoga in America? And I was like, no, like the shaved head. And I had to look up how to say bromaire, how to say joke. And they're like, what's the joke? I'm like, I'm just bad at this. I don't know. The joke is I don't do this. And they're like, I don't get it joke i'm like i'm just bad at this i don't know the

joke is i don't do this and they're like i don't get it like anyway it's online yeah but i like going places i went to i went to china did one that run in china are you doing stand-up on these yeah you are yeah it's not just traveling this last one ecuador was just travel okay Okay. Southeast Asia was just travel. I finished a special, and I was like, I already had it in my head. Like, I'll edit that thing, and then I have no responsibility. Let me get lost. And where is the scariest place you've been?

It's always the first places. You step off the plane in another place, all the fucking, the fear of other shit kicks in, and you're just like, they must be trying to rob me. Myanmar was like, it's the most Buddhist-friendly country, and you're immediately like, fuck it, everybody's going to rob me. Like, always worried, and it's just not real at all, like at all. One guy was like, we were trying to like hike to a fucking long, long, like we got out of the bus station, everybody's right there. We're like, our cabs, our cabs. It's just overwhelming.

I don't know. I'm an introvert, so that shit's like, no, no, no. And I'll fuck myself over, and I'll just walk away. And then I think about it, but then I'm like, our cabs, our cabs. It's just overwhelming. I don't know. I'm an introvert. So that shit's like, no, no, no. And I'll fuck myself over and I'll just walk away. And then like think about it. But then I'm like, I for sure should have gotten a cab. Would have been like $3. When maybe it should have been two. Like I'm not, you know what I mean?

Yeah. My line adjusts to what I'm supposed to spend as like a backpacker. But then I'm just like walking. Some guy pulls up and he's like a little bit of English. And he was like, where are you going? And we're like, to this thing. He's like, I can take you if you if you want or like i can give you directions and um and we're like no what like what do you want what's like your goal and he's like all right

you got i am trying to practice my english and you're like all right it was just really nice and they drove us one by one like two miles down the road and come back i was crazy one by one yeah we all just went why one by one motorcycle oh he's on the back i see okay yeah yeah so this group we started going like we're in like um somewhere in the south and then myanmar is like um they just got freedom back from the military military took over put their leader under house arrests and just like couldn't do there and then just opened up to tourism like 15, 20 years ago, something like that. So it's all real new.

Yeah. But there's areas where they're still – they haven't gotten done like ethnically cleansing. They're still taking care of it. So they don't let foreigners into those areas. No. Yeah. For real. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. They're like slowly like taking those people down. Where we're killing these people. you're not allowed in there. Pretty much. They'll say like, no, it's not, whatever. But they're not happy. That's like the parents' bedroom. You can go wherever you want in the house, just don't go in there.

Yeah, they won't let foreigners in there. They won't let foreigners rent motorized vehicles at all. So they work around it and bug on it. Like really nice places, like really old places, they'll get you like electric scooters. So you can like see stuff because it's not like really old places. They'll like get you like electric scooters. So you can like see stuff because it's not like with the motor. But anyway, there's whole swaths where you can't go into.

So where's the camp like that? So like if this is Myanmar, you can go here and then you can go here and then none of this top part and none of this side. Shah State, Shan State,

something like that. But anyway, we had a bus from here, this awesome lake here. The bus goes, we just saw the route. It goes like this. And we didn't know.

We're like, why? It's like we did the GPS, the Google map. We can get there in 13 hours. And this was like a day and a half. So the three of us were just like, let's just go for it. So we didn't read the rules, but foreigners aren't allowed to sleep there. You can just drive through. So we get out the first day, somewhere in the middle, and then we go to a hotel, and they all just stare at us. What do you mean? Like we get out the first day somewhere in the middle and then we go to hotel and they all just stare at us what do you mean like we get there how many people three guys playing poker

over there um and then nobody behind the counter right here so we go in and we look at them and they're looking at us they don't say a word don't say a word they're just staring see that that shit creeps me out it wasn't dangerous like. Like stare, like, like, it was just like, what the fuck? Okay. So hold on. So anywhere in Asia, if you're white, you are a fucking landmark. People want to take pictures with you. That's what I want to ask you.

But okay. So that's interesting because I have friends that have Canadian and US and they'll travel with the Canadian because people fucking hate us everywhere else. Totally not true. People love us. We have money and we fucking tip in places where there is no tips. People love us. The traveler ones, people love.

They don't love our policies or some shit. Sure, sure. They love us. What a terrible – that was fucking when we were kids, people were saying that. No way. Okay. Uh-uh. Here's who they hate.

In terms of backpackers, Australians, they get drunk and throw up too much. They're fun, but they go too hard. And Chinese tourists are the worst tourists in the world. They'll say no. There'll be straight races to those. Like, you can't be here. And Russians always fight. But Americans, Irish, Canadians, they'll love all of us.

Okay. We're just bringing money. Third world countries, it's like, yeah, we don't know prices. So you're saying you're like a celebrity in Asia. Oh, yeah, but also like blonde girls, they line up, literally line up to take pictures with them. We saw one girl in Myanmar somewhere else, in Bagan. Yeah, in Bagan.

And then one girl got back in line. She changed her shirt and got back in line. Yeah, because they're blondes. These blonde girls from Canada who are on Gap Year. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah they line up to take pictures I had somebody

ask me to hold their baby once so I could take a picture just because you have white skin it's so they're like what the fuck

especially from a small town if you're from like Beijing or like one of the big you've seen them but half of Beijing are tourists from the fucking

I love that we're saying you've seen them about white people yeah yeah yeah you've seen them it's nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've seen them. It's nuts, dude. You feel like a straight celebrity.

Just straight up like Tom Cruise. No, I didn't know that. I had no idea. We walked in that market, in that town. Well, I'll tell you that later. But like anywhere you go, it's nuts. They're just like, they've never seen it. They've never seen anything like it. My dad told me they used to do that in like Germany

when like American GIs would go down the road like in the suburbs and stuff they would all stop and just come out of their their houses like post like 60s and 70s just like they just never seen one can you imagine never having seen a race person yeah well yeah you're right well i haven't sure i haven't seen some races out there probably some island v people. Like Vijay Singh? I don't think I've seen that color. Whoever that is. It wasn't black or brown or gray. It was like his own color. I've never seen one of those in person.

It's like an ash that's still on the log or something. What is that? Where is he from, Vijay Singh? It's not India. that's still on the log or something. What is that? Where is he from, Petra? It's not India. It's different from India. I don't know. It's a region. I don't know.

Oh, shit. Yeah, but that's how they feel about us. So it was that look of like, what? Because we also are in that place where it's like, but we didn't know that. We didn't know that we didn't know you weren't allowed to go there we were just like why don't we go there people like don't like why they're like that's not where you go you go around we were just like you're an idiot wrong i need to have second guessed any other culture they handed out barf bags in east timor going up

to these roads they hand up and you're like why i've been taking the buses but i'm like why do you give them to locals i can see why you give them to me you thought i couldn't handle it but why and then i'm like oh they're trash give them to locals? I can see why you give them to me. You thought I couldn't handle it. But why? And then I'm like, oh, they're trash bags to throw your trash out. But then halfway up the road, everyone just throws their trash right out the window with impunity. They don't care at all. And so I'm like, oh, their own

country, dude. And then you see it just line all the train tracks and all the roads. Just trash. Oh, so much trash. And then you're like, why do they have... And then they just start barfing at them. Even the locals are. The locals, yeah. They've been on a bus less than me. Just winding up those. Oh, so much trash in Myanmar. And then you're like, why do they have... And then they just start barfing at them. Even the locals are. The locals, yeah. They've been on a bus less than me.

Just winding up those. Oh, fuck. Yeah. What does that smell like? Not great. Oh, God. Not great. It's okay until the AC moves, and then it's like, well, there it is.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, it's not great, because it's the entire thing. And how hot is it? No. It's tremendously hot outside. 95 with like 98 humidity inside maybe 35 degrees now they crank the ac they give you a blanket when you get in so it's that hot at fucking 11 p.m when i got on my first bus and they were like with shorts they're like no you can't

wear that in here i'm like what are you talking about why and they're like nah and they made me put pants on which i didn't get until the fucking started blasting and then for four hours it's like you can see your breath legitimately you can see it's like 45 50 degrees yeah and then like they stop for a rest and you fucking run out and warm up a little it's i don't know why they do it why did none of them complain they just go there's levels just like anyway so get there. They're just staring at us. And we're like, all right, this is like, but like, I guess we must have learned the word for like sleep. And then one guy gets up, goes behind the counter, and was like just looking at us from there. Oh, we're two, two rooms.

There's three dudes. And we're like, you know, cot, cot. there's three dudes and we're like, we, you know, caught, caught. And, um,

and he goes, uh, and he was like, no, like, what do you mean? Two rooms. And we're like the rooms,

you know, we just kept pointing us to like, it's the room. We want to sleep here. Us sleep here. He was just staring. And then he like left and went, talked to those other two guys.

And then he, he made a phone call. He got on his phone and he was just like talking for a while and then um and then some other guy comes in from outside damn i haven't thought about this in a long time some other guy comes from outside with broken broken english and he goes you can't you cannot stay here and we're like what do you mean it's a hotel right and he goes yeah it's but no you can't stay here like why what are you mean? It's a hotel, right? And he goes, yeah, but no, you can't stay here. And we're like, why? What are you talking about? None of this makes sense.

Is there another hotel? And they're like, you can't stay. And he just kept saying, you can't stay here. And then at some point, they must have made more phone calls and talked. The hotel phone rang. And it was somebody from Yangon, from the capital. And she was like, you're not allowed to stay there. There's no foreigners allowed to stay there.

And we're like, well, we got off the bus. And she goes, you have to turn around. Where'd you come from? The there. And we're like, well, we got off the bus and she goes, you have to turn around. Where'd you come from? The South. She goes, turn around, go South. We just came from the South. We're going North. No, the next bus North isn't coming today

and you can't stay there. And so then we did a three-day hike. Do you know why you can't stay there? No, I don't. I didn't know about the fucking Rohingya until way after I got home. And I was telling people how much fun I had in Myanmar

and this culture. It wasn't as bad as it is now. But they're like, oh, I bet you had fun while they were wiping out mothers and children. And you're like, no, I didn't see any of that. They wouldn't let us. I just saw a lot of weird football. But like, yeah. So yeah, they wouldn't even let us.

What do you mean? They hide it. So they had a capital. They had all the protests in the capital, years, years, decades before. And they got sick of all the fucking protests. So they just moved the capital, the middle of the country, to the middle of nowhere. And so then people, they didn't want to go all the way there to protest.

Right, yeah. They changed their name. It was Burma. And then the military was like, we got a bad name. We're just, it's now Myanmar. That was like 20 years ago. It's the same country. Yeah.

They just took over. So how do you get out of there then? Okay. So I was like, what about a monastery? We can sleep at a monastery, which they're supposed to take you in. We slept in one. We were hiking. One day you stayed at like a village.

Another day you stayed at a monastery. And cold, but like everyone bundles up. So I was like, I know I can just go there, and they'll let me sleep on the floor. And she just started laughing. She was like, no way. You have to turn around. What are you talking about? And I was like, I know I'm allowed to sleep in the monastery.

I thought I just started crying on the phone. It wasn't a real cry, but I let myself get there. I was like, in that moment, all the acting classes in L.A. kicked in. I was like, we can't. Meanwhile, I could have just hired a cab for like $250 to take us all the way back there. But you got to live like a backpacker. You got to live like everybody else. What's your budget daily budget?

Whoever's in our group, whoever their budget is, that's my budget. So if I'm like, I like staying in hostels because it's more social. I don't have to, but it's so much more social. You find out stuff to do. You make friends there's other like real travelers nobody makes friends

at hotels they're not robbing you left and right no you might you might get your stuff stolen yeah but again

I got a parachute of I'm not trying to travel for a year on 10 grand you know yeah I could you know that song

Common People by Pulp I can always call my dad you know the cockroach is on the wall. That was me, man. But you don't want to make me feel bad, so you don't want to be like, we're all going to steak dinner and get weird. But if I was in a place for one day, I'm going to wait somewhere else, like I had to get on a plane, I'm staying in a nice hotel. I'm not going to meet anybody.

I want a real shower. Where does this come from? Is anyone in your family like this the need to get away and want to see different things because you don't just go but you don't go to italy and you don't go you know you really yeah you you take the great wall i was telling you about before i remember your it opened it up for me it was the most foreign place i've ever been the first place that was the first one 2014 that. Was that the Great Wall? That was on that trip. Yeah. Yeah, Des Bishop was like a Chinese comedian then.

And he was like, I'll set you up with a trip there. Not much. And then you just go up there forever. But all of Beijing and Shanghai was just like, it's just so different. They don't take the bones out of their Chinese food. They just chop it up. So you're eating it. You're looking at it. And you're like, what the fuck?

There's bones in the thing. It's supposed to, it's pieces. They just chop it with a mallet and then fucking cook it and serve it. And you're like, what? And I'm looking at it. And this lady comes by. She brings me a fork because I was in Shanghai. I was a tourist.

I'm like, no, I know how to do it. I'm staring at your food, not the ability to pick it up. Yeah, it was nuts. You would walk by. So if you leave like the center area in shanghai that was the first first place dude i walked with andy uh with um with turner sparks he picked me up from the airport in shanghai i've never been i've been to europe a little bit israel but like it's all little americas you know it's all pretty much the same i get what you're saying

slight difference you go to australia the birds beaks are different but yeah so we're going down an alley. We get out of the airport. The airport looks the same as anywhere. We get out. We're going down an alley to see all the people. He's talking about the Chinese bikini, which is just you go like this, and you walk around just like that.

And it's just like that's what dudes do all the time. So we're walking, and we see some guy, some beggar. And he goes, don't look at that. Don't look at that, by the way. And zero chance I'm not going look at that yeah at that point right there was a chance i wouldn't have looked at it but no way when you tell me not to look at there's no way no so i looked at it so this dude was on the ground his leg um yellowish spot this wide right sorry then inside that purple there and then inside that exposed bone.

Oh, fuck. And it's just sitting out on the street like that? He's just out there. Begging for nickels or whatever. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Straight bone. Bone.

Yeah. It was out. He was, yeah. He's done. You got to assume he didn't. Yeah. That was 2014. That guy didn't survive COVID.

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Give them the equivalent of like 60 cents and they give you like two kebabs and you're just like, if you don't like it, just fucking chuck it. You know, it's just so fun. It was just so fucking weird there. Old men sweeping with like palm leaf brooms, just like hired by the government like everyone is, I guess. Oh, really?

I guess so. They have capital. I don't really know about their system, but they have capitalism, but also like, I don't know. Everybody works. I don't know how it works. You've never been robbed or? Oh, so they told me it was the safest city you'll ever go to. They said women can pass out drunk on the street and no one will touch it's and once they told me that that's what unleashed it they told me that

and i was like wait what and it was the americans and whatever canadians who live there telling me that and i was like oh well then i have nothing to worry so then it's like get out there if you're telling me no there's no so you were you were a little hesitant at first and then once you hear that you're in yeah and then they were like you're the first one we brought out here that was like no no i'm good today let's go i'll you know i'll just get out there he said schubert was always like come on you need to help me and i'm like i'll just point to a fucking menu item and whatever they bring it's fine yeah it costs nothing out there nothing costs anything out there it's all uh like 12 cents to 30 cents so if you don't like something just fucking chuck it man you're not committed to anything yeah yeah i learned the word for beef um uh rio i think something like that i

doubt that's still it that many years ago but like um neo maybe something like that but anyway and then it'd be like ask for beef and then which one i like which one i'm like i don't know number three it's just fun i don't know it's great. It's just fun. I don't know. It's great. It's so much fun out there, especially when nothing's going to hurt you. Yeah, I mean, where do you hear that? Yeah.

Where do you hear that? Music festivals, that's it. Yeah. Well, not the Woodstock ones and shit we're hearing about. Uh-huh, not the Now ones. You see that, them bathing and shit? Yeah. So have you been robbed during that?

No, never. But if I did, I'd just be like, it won't cost that much. You got to go buy new underwear and new socks. But where are you going to get stuff like that? Stores. Just stores. It's not jungles. Oh, you're not going out to remote places?

No. So I was in Cambodia once in my my flip-flops whatever and they just don't have an 11 and a half so those my flip-flops were done oh the size yeah and they were like no they're like try to fit into a 10 um and you're like no what do you mean it's my feet are way over the edge and they're like it'll stretch i'm like not the under the top part stretches not like the flip-flops never stretch but you just can't find an 11 and a half and then when i finally found one it was like a knockoff version of like a i don't know some surf brand but immediately the thing started like break so you just got to staple it like you got to make

shit work it's fun to like have things to overcome you know like little like problems i just had to find glue and glue up my my flip-ops. Anyway, so we're in this fucking place. They're all staring at us. She was like, I don't know what to tell you. You can't stay there. I'm like, well, we're not going south. She goes, well, hold on. Let me figure it out. Don't go anywhere, but also you can't stay here. We go to the market. As we

go around the market, my buddy from Seattle, he's stopping the market. It's just like cart after cart after cart after cart, rows of market. It's just like, like card after card after card after card, you know, rows of that. And they,

it's like the wave in baseball. They just stop everything as soon as this white guy comes. You can just see them all look up and like, what the, until he's about gone and then back to their fucking

selling whatever it is. And he just shut it down and then a line formed to take pictures. Pictures? Yeah. I got a hat there that I still have,

a sweet ass hat that i didn't know what it meant in burmese it says chill out fucking perfect there you go yeah um anyway we go back and uh and this lady's like all right there's a man who's in another hotel she gets back on the phone and he's willing to take you in at his hotel we're like okay yeah but like what do you mean take us in it's not like it's a hotel dude We're like, okay, yeah, but like, what do you mean take us in? It's not like, it's a hotel dude. You're on the underground railroad right now.

Yeah. And she goes, but he's doing it out of the goodness of his heart. Like he's not supposed to. And we're like, all right. He goes, so do you understand that,

that the guy's doing you a favor? And we're like, should we pay him more? He goes, no, but that's like, this is our culture to help people. It is.

That's what they always said. Like it's part of their culture to help people. So he's helping you. I'm like, should we pay him more? He goes, no, but that's like, this is our culture to help people. It is. That's what they always said. Like it's part of their culture to help people. So he's helping you. I'm like, okay. So we go there. He takes us in. We get two rooms, two reds in one, one better than another. And then we go out.

We're like, hey, there's a, on the map, there's a, there's a thing called statue. So let's go see it. It's right near an army base. So we're looking at the statue of just like an old army guy after like 20 30 minutes we're taking some pictures about four one guy in front four guys behind them with machine guns come out and then just come right and we're like interesting they just walked right out of the army barracks and then right up to us and like what are you guys doing here and we're like they're speaking english fine yeah the fuck yeah yeah absolutely what are you doing here and i was like well we're just like we're on our way to

to up north stopped in for the night he was like why are you taking pictures of any of this and we're like i don't know it's just a statue we just thought of it like let me see your phone delete delete delete immediately not his phone it's a camera um he was not allowed to take pictures of any of this. Like, okay, we're sorry. Wear your passports. And they're back in the room. It's like, let's go get him.

And so it was about a mile walk through the city with these four machine gun guys. To your backs? Yeah. Fuck. Are people looking at you extra now that you're white and you got machine guns to your back? You would think. But no. They were not looking.

They mind their fucking business. Yeah. That's that don't look, don't look, don't look. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. They don't look. You want to look so bad. Because they're white, but also it's the army. It's the controlling army.

It's like, fuck, come on. It's entrapment almost. You're going to parade a white out here? A white. And ask me not to look? You're testing my loyalties. Oh, shit. They're taking you back to the dude that's doing you the favor to get your passport.

So all this later, I understand. Foreigners are not allowed to stay there. The army has control of everything. There are rebel groups that are fighting back against the army. And then there's different factions who are siding with different rebel groups. One rebel group said, if you give us some level of freedom army, we'll side with you and we'll try to get these other rebel groups to stop fighting you. So like go between groups. Anyway, bottom line is they don't want us there at all and each rebel group is like really good at protecting their own area so anyway showing the passport takes off don't come back to the statue which i'm didn't we didn't we were like okay i guess we learned our lesson uh everybody's having fun now at this point it's all cool again we're playing like fucking uh they have this weird uh volleyball kick volleyball game. They just like kick this ball up, wicker. Yeah, it's sick to see.

But like. They're constantly like doing bicycle kicks and shit. And they get their leg up. And they're so good. And they get down on it. And it's not a full-size net. You've seen it? Yeah, I've seen it online.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. My buddy took this picture that I got to blow up. It's fucking a perfect one of it. Damn. But yeah, so perfect one of it. Damn. But yeah, so we played that for a while. Everybody loved playing with the whites. They thought it was so fucking funny.

Come on, oh my God. Look, they're trying it. Yeah, my buddy was from Newcastle. Yeah, my buddy was a big Newcastle fan. So he was like, he was good. The rest of us were like, you get one up and they run after it. They know how to do it where it goes behind them and they're catching it on the flat of their foot.

It's nutty. I saw a guy do a one-on-three in Yangon. He fought three other guys and beat them. And they were good. This guy was a straight monkey, dude. He was small. He had just a diaper on and that's it.

Like a cloth diaper. A diaper. I'll show you a picture. i have a picture of it um i mean it was just like tied cloth like you know whatever anyway we're having fun go eat um uh do you know what so if they're not allowed to keep us there that's why i'm thinking right now she's, that guy is putting himself in danger by having you there. I thought anyway. Yeah. Fucking Harriet Tubman over there.

Yeah. He might have got in serious trouble. I was bringing the army over to him. Yeah. He might have been like, what? The last thing I want. I'm on the other side of town. You brought the army here.

You brought the army. I told him I was on the other side of town. You brought the army here. You brought the army. I told them I was disobeying your rules. You could not have done a worse job. It's like when someone trusts you with a secret and you tell the person. Oh, that's the one you told me not to tell. That's the only one. Damn. Well, that guy's been killed. For sure. Sorry, dude's widow. i apologize for oh damn hopefully

he's still the hotel fuck i got terrible food poisoning that night too had to barf shit combo on a on a no toilet toilet where you just put your feet down there's a hole in the middle so you gotta put your legs your projectile vomiting forward and shitting at the same yeah you gotta like yeah you gotta lean and then be like guess guess which one, guess which one, and then put your knees on that fucking shit floor, piss floor. You have these pills you gotta take, but you gotta keep it

down. So it's like, when am I gonna start barfing? That was a terrible one. Anyway, we stayed there. Got better. Whatever that drug is you're supposed to take. Not doxycyclone. Azithromycin.

Never go to these places without a Z-Pak, which is three pills of azithromycin. Take one, calms you down. The next day, take another one. And as you start bubbling up again, food poisoning is, you're going to get it if you're out there. But just try to minimize it. And dry you out. Yeah. But just like try to minimize it. And dry you out. Yeah. You get,

yeah. Like Nick Mullings used to have a joke about how diarrhea used to kill you. So people used to be like, it's not funny. People are dying of this.

But like, yeah, and then the next one. So then we left and I fucking, that guy, that he had a key, I fucking took it with me

by accident. No. Yeah. I found it on the train. I got No. I found it on the train. I found it on the train in the next city and I'm like, ah, fuck. I mean, he really helped us out. Again, I'm sorry, widow of that guy.

Right, outside the house, the army's showing up. Yeah. I don't know, it's just fun. It's just fun being free and trying to just figure shit out. What about hiking in South America? Those are fun what do you like you but don't you purposely use in general what no phone didn't you go no phone and everything in southeast asia that's what it was i called uber then i threw it when as soon as

it was like yeah we got you threw my phone in the drawer and then went out with my shit and just like i locked myself out of my uh email my um on purpose yeah on purpose facebook and everything else instagram i just gave it to a friend. I just went like this. I remember Abrams was answering for you and stuff like that, wasn't he? Some of the stuff, yeah. I was like, contact him if you need it about this.

What was that like? How long were you without that kind of... Three and a half months, maybe. Months? It was that long. What was that like? That's like back living in the 80s again. It was the most freeing thing I've ever done.

There was no connection. There was nothing clogging your brain. There was just nothing other than what am I going to do today. Some loose plans, but nobody's bothering with gossip. It's just so free. You're just floating. You're like, I'm going to go to that. So I got to this city in me. I mean, I say me because my first like crazy place I went to was Myanmar after China. That was the first like hosteling I did. And that was the first, I was like just out there with like no connection. So landed, went to Yangon for a while. And then I

was going to go to like a temple city or this other city up north. And the temple city bus had already left, so I'm like, I'll go to the city up north. Get there, and I say, I want to catch this old train that everybody wants to take, one of the tourist things to do. Get a ticket on this old train that takes you all over this massive aqueduct, supposed to be really cool. Can I get there? Like, sold out tomorrow. I was like, fuck. So I didn't even sleep.

I took a nap at the hostel, and I just went south to the Temple City. But the freedom of being able to go, like, then I'll just switch my plans. It doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're just constantly zero responsibility. I mean, you're a dad. So you have way more than I do right now. That's what I'm saying saying you're doing it right like if i could pack up and just bust out i'd go yeah i'd go so gore one time when i was moving to new york he was like uh he goes i wish i could move to new york and i was like why don't you buddy like he was doing possibly worse than me then if that's possible that might have been he was already headlining

nah he had to be I had to be there but it was close anyway we're on the same level and um and he was like yeah I wish I could uh and I'm like you can't what do you mean you're a comic just you can you can just go because now I'm fucking married before you had kids for sure he's like I'm married I don't know I gotta move two people and i was like fuck and then i put in my head i'm like i gotta start making people like tom sagor jealous you know i gotta i'm not gonna play xbox all day and just do nothing i'm like oh look at the fucking single guy so like you know live for that and so with that mindset it's like oh just try shit it's so fun out there so you get out there and you're like there's nothing to do i can go any direction i could leave but are you also going into like

these hikes without any real experience or anything not in myanmar after some country somebody's like i heard after that temple city someone's like i heard there's a three-day hike you can go on it's guided yeah they have they get a guide in that town and they'll take you and it's it's three days with the same eight people eight tourists and this guy who led us and it's it's just like i've never done anything like that you'd hike with your on you and just go and then where do you sleep you put first night in a in a in a no some place took us in so it's like a big a big thatch wood room and then connected to another big thatch roof and the roof went over both there's a fire in the other one and the

smoke heats up everything and makes you not able to breathe all night long i was going to say yeah it's all carbon dioxide or whatever yeah but that's what your heat is and um went out to go take a piss before the sun rose and that was by even zion that was the best stars i've ever seen up in the mountains in myanmar and then the moon came and washed it all away it was it was just like bright. You get out and you're just like, what? You've never seen anything like that. Yeah. Then hiked all day the next day.

Put some water, whatever. Go through a village or two or town. There's some soccer game in the mountains. It's just so weird. I don't know. Out there. Bought these cigars they sell you. And I was like, I just want two.ought these, like, cigars they sell you. And I was like, I just want, like, two.

And they were like, no, here's, like, 200. It's, like, a pack of them. And I'm like, no, no, I just want to, like, try one. Like, it's 20 cents for the 200. You're like, yeah, I'll just give them out. God. Yeah, but this hike was so cool. We ended up doing that same group, met in the Alps.

And we're like, let's go hiking again. So then there was one in Ecuador. Same thing, like a four-day hike from one place to another to another you're coming home and then going back to the separate or the whole time you're doing you're staying over there and going from staying in the asia to ecuador oh no no those are all separate trips asia's one trip went to went to um my friend in austria those guys again like another trip that was just went to munich went started in austria then you take a ski lift up the mountain and you just stay up there for five six days just like you hike from hostile hut to heist a hostile hut you have like a backpack on you all your shit are you ever running into any kind

of wildlife or anything some gophers that scream yeah there's nothing up there it's dead it's out it's so high up there and some birds but yeah it's fun and freeing and just like out in nature and stuff so we did the same one in we were already there we heard about one crypto's big crater lake so it's like day after day there's hiker hostels up there separate rooms or whatever but they give you wood and a fire metal fireplace some nice some really dank but like there's a route that people have taken. So it's me, my partner, and this other guy that I met once who was like from there, a white dude, but he like spent time there and he was there and he was like, and we were like, all right, we're bored. It's quarantine. So it was just the two of us and our dog, you know?

So we're like, yeah, come along, you know? So we start hiking. We buy enough equipment to go. It's cold and shit, but it's also hot during the day and it's the mountains. So I'd say late first day, six to eight hours hiking every day, probably six hours into the first day. That's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. The first day I think was only five. So it was like four hours in.

I realized I hated that other guy. The new dude? Yeah. He was annoying. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, he talked about himself a lot. He was annoying. But I didn't want to say anything.

I didn't want to ruin it. I didn't tell my partner that I didn't want to just like suck it up because we're not going anywhere the car's back there we're going to get a ride when we get to where we're going this crater lake

back you know that'll take a few hours but this is taking through the mountains and it's day so I'm like I can't there's nothing I can do I can't say shut the fuck up right

quit talking bragging with every fucking breath. But I don't want to say anything. So. And do you tell on these walks and talks, are you telling them what you do? Yeah, he knows me. He does. Yeah.

He knows who you are. We've met. Yeah. You know, we've met. He knows you're a comic and all that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But. So it's like, we've met. Because you're a comic and all that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But. So it's like, there's nothing I can do. We're doing this. I've known by. It's like, we're not walking off. So you got to make the best of it. You know, that's a rule for sure. Make the best of it.

If you fucking miss the plane or the bus, just like take a minute. You can mourn. You can beat yourself up for a second. Don't just like, who cares? Like, let yourself care. But then like, now what? Yeah. All right. So I'm in some town. This can mourn. You can beat yourself up for a second. Don't just be like, who cares? Like let yourself care. But then like, now what? Yeah. All right.

So I'm in some town. This will be cool. Stay here for an extra day. Let's see if there's a barbecue. You know, something. So I'm not going to tell my partner. I'm not going to soil this for anybody else. So day two is acid day.

We're like, let's drop some acid and walk, which I was like, okay. And walk. Yeah. Okay. How much acid do you take? A gel tab, which I was like, okay. And walk. Yeah. Okay. How much acid do you take? A gel tab, which I've never taken a gel tab before. Yeah, I've never even heard of that one. Yeah.

Good idea, though. My dog's loving it up there, by the way. Just run. I mean, if we hiked for a six-hour day, he was doing double everything. Run it off. Anytime he sees like a deer or a fucking frog, just run. He's loving it. God damn. I mean, he's loving it. God damn.

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I can handle my shit. So I expect everyone else to handle their shit as well and if you can't fucking say something yeah just fucking hey i need help here whatever but remember when we went to that theme park yeah did you od or did you not feel it didn't feel it at all didn't feel it yeah edibles don't work for me yeah we just got fucked up on that banana bread. Yeah. Ah, he did. I've told the story about it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you were fine. Yeah, edibles don't fucking work on me. Diaz gave me one one time. He gave me the Star of Death, and I would eat it. And then he's like, you didn't eat that fucking. I'm like, I ate it. You got cameras.

Go back and look. I ate it right on camera. And then I come the next time, and it was two stars of death. So I ate two stars of death and nothing. He didn't believe you. So then he comes to remember when we had ATC was at that Raleigh Studios. Remember that? So he came there, and he's like, eat this in front of me again.

And I just sit there. I chew it. He's like, show me a tongue. And I swallow it. He does not believe you. And at the end it he like it was like he was upset he's like it really sucks i'll still do something to you i go yeah i don't know i'll probably have to do like three of them and then i'll get so fucking far out i don't want him you know what i mean like that's not the point so i go back one more time this shit i don't know what the fuck he gave me this shit looked like

black tar heroin i was like yeah let me use the bathroom real quick. I threw that motherfucker in the toilet. I was like, nah. He took it as a personal challenge? Yeah. He might have switched drugs on you. Yeah, he might have been like, oh, this is a good do it. I'll smoke with you, but that motherfucker is out of here, man.

It doesn't even stuck to my finger. I was like, I'm good on this thing. I don't know what it is. You should not trust Diaz when he gets like, I'm going to challenge you on this. They don't work. I give them to everybody. That's crazy. I met one other person like you.

I believe you. Seguro will do his 10 milligram shit or whatever. He'll give me the 20. And I forget I even took it. I forget I even took it. You might be an X-Man. I don't know about that. What if that was your X-Man power?

I'd be badass. Immune to, immune to. I just want to be, I just want to be one. I don't want to swim underwater. I get to be at the academy and shit. Like, that's all you get. That's all you get.

Give him all your fucking weed, man. Nothing. He won't get buried. Flame's like, that's amazing. Wow. Hold your edibles. Anyway. So, so kicking in having a great time in nature i mean the ass is perfect um midway through that day my partner's like scrumbles about something and i was like we just looked at each other and i looked at him he looked

at me and it was just like we made that connection that you can make with a loved one. And it's just like, I'm not talking about it, but it's just a- It finally got there. Uh-huh. What you'd been feeling. And it's like, whenever it like come, it would come like an hour later, which,

so then in the hotel, not the hotel, the hot car hostel, that one, top of whatever, it was like, hey, he's annoying, right? He's annoying. And it was like, okay, we can't. We're still on this for two more days. We can't. Save it all and we'll deal with it later. But it's going to be horrible for us.

If we say anything or if we really start to hate him and we talk too much shit, then we're not going to even enjoy anything he does. So it's like, sure, he's braggadocious, like we can still enjoy moments and that evaporated completely the next day i mean it was just what was it do you remember anything like the sticks in your head a line from him yeah okay yeah so we go to an overlook right so it's like you're in the mountain so sometimes it's beautiful view sometimes not there's a beautiful view and we go down there and like you look and you're like wow and it's like you sit there for a while like this is just amazing you know and it's just it's just like when you get a bluff it's just like it takes your breath away man it's awesome we're looking we're like that's cool just walk back and then he goes out

there and then we're like walking and talk sitting down smoking a j probably or or getting water whatever he comes back he's dude did you guys see that overlook? Like, yeah, we both just did. Yeah, for sure. Whatever you're about to say,

we also saw it. Cause you're like, I found the best, like we were just there. Like we came around from the other way. So it was like, I would describe that feeling

as orgasmic. And we're like, come on. I would, I'd shove this motherfucker off the side. You would have dude. You would have, dude. You would not have held your tongue on this guy.

You'd be like, no one's going to suspect. I'd be like, you know what, guys? I'm going to apologize in advance right now. Listen, motherfucker. God damn, it was annoying. We're in nature. I've never been in nature. Usually, you're like, I would welcome a talk at the end of the day because we we've been quiet enjoying the birds and the bees and the insects and the noise and the babbling

but just i'm like oh and so that what i do is when i get anyone i don't know how you are if there's like maybe a young comic or a fan who's like wants it too bad so this helps me not to bother anybody famous you know i just walk away if i'm not gonna talk to them i don't want to like annoy anybody so i'm just walking away anybody i like really respect i'm like and then i just go if they want a conversation and it's like maybe you just got off stage and you're like i want to talk right now but you can't say i don't want to talk right now so you just kind of get quiet and you hope you're quiet will make them like match fucking you know emotions with you and it does sometimes and then sometimes they want to fill in that silence so they just talk more and more and more and that makes me sh they just talk more and more and more. And that makes me shrivel up

more and more and more. So that's what I'm doing. I'm just shriveling up because I can't talk back because I don't fucking care. He's such a fuck. So Ben was playing with like a,

he saw a frog and he was going over there. He's a vegan and shit like that. So he's like looking at this frog and we're like, hey Ben, look at the frog.

And he goes, no, he's going to kill it. We're like, dude, first of all, that's goddamn nature. Second of all, Ben is not. He's hey Bennett, look at the frog. And he goes, no, he's going to kill it. I'm like, dude, first of all, that's goddamn nature. Second of all,

Bennett's not. He's going to play with this fucking frog. Relax. Also, one fucking frog down. Calm down if it happens. One down.

What are you on, depracting on a baby for the first weird thing he's seen? Let him see the frog. If he comes back with a frog in his mouth, that's just a new trick.

Anyway, so the acid was the hardest part If he comes back with a frog in his mouth, that's just a new trick. Anyway. So the acid was the hardest part because, okay. I'm sorry. I got it wrong. Acid was the last day. Okay. Acid was the last day. Does it make it worse?

No. Because we were even thinking like maybe we shouldn't take this acid this last day. And we were like, yeah, for sure, let's do that. Because then the next day we'd be hiking around the crater. So last day is getting to the top. Second day is like a long, long down and up, whatever. We'd already decided the ass is going to help us. We talk about set and setting, you know, where like maybe this isn't it.

We're like, let's just laugh about it emotionally. We can fucking communicate through the fucking heavens and we'll like deal with it together. Bandit doesn't know. Bandit loves everybody. So the last day he decides to take his shoes off um it gets him really wet it was raining a lot of it so we had like ponchos but it was raining for a lot of it which makes it miserable it's just not fun try to find shelter for a while but like at some point like you gotta get going because you're in nature you're nothing in nothing. So you got to get to that hiker hostel. Meanwhile, every once in a while, like once per day, a fucking old Ecuadorian couple with just fucking 70 groceries on their head would just fucking lap us.

For real? Yeah. Like, hello. We'd talk for a minute. Yeah. Tony would be like, say something to him in Spanish. And then she's like, anyway, see you. And then she'd go like, how the fuck? Because they would tell tell how long it was supposed to take and we're like we're doing

double this they're talking about ecuadorians they don't even rest ever they'll go to rest stops anyway ron acid takes his shoes off and he goes it's really great the fate the feel of the fucking soil you know on your feet which i get I've been to festivals where people have done that. They'd be like, these shoes, I don't need them anymore. Great, whatever. You guys should do it.

Nah, but you go for it. I like my fucking waterproof Merrells. You know? They're dry on the inside. I've hiked a long time. They're dry. My feet are dry.

And he's like, I get it. You try to hike with sneakers. That was your mistake. He just keeps pushing it. God, it feels so good. Take your shoes off. Like, I don't know, man, it's not going to happen. You should do it. It's like, okay. You keep saying that, but I don't want to in any way. Eventually he's like, Hey, I'm not, I'm not taking my shoes off. So there's no way there's literally no way you should stop saying,

well, I'm just enjoying it. I was like, fine. An hour later, he's like, dude, I can't feel my toes. It's cold. And I've been walking on rocks for far too long. I can't feel my toes. I'm like, put your fucking shoes back on. That's the number one reason you can't feel your toes. I can't tell you if you're looking for reasons. It's cold and rainy and rocky.

And I get it. It was sandy back there three hours ago. Why are you sticking to this? Right. And I get it. It was Sandy back there three hours ago. Why are you sticking to this? The trails are hard to read. They're not well marked, especially after COVID. They probably stopped maintaining them. We get a bit lost.

We don't really know where we are. We're on some other trail to who knows where. We have a map from the last hustle hand-drawn map so it's like dude if we don't get to then then we're just sleeping in like 45 degree rain outside so we gotta get somewhere there's very few farms even out there the ones that are speak like maybe spanish maybe quichua so like even the fucking guy who knows how to speak spanish might not be able to communicate with them and not many of those and how are we going to be like can i sleep in your fucking barn you know so we're getting lost this guy it's like he's never done fucking acid before because he is just gone going like you have to feel the fucking nah yeah it's just he took his shoes back off already they're back off all right

and he goes you gotta feel and i'm like hey we gotta follow this map we gotta figure out this map we've been gone for maybe an hour off the road. I don't know where we are. And we're both like, hey. And he's like, come play with me. And we're like, dude. It was just like, hey. We were giving him the look like, ignore that guy.

We need, we are at least an hour out of the way. And it's getting dark at some point soon. So he's like, no, let's just try. Let's just go. That's what he said. Let's just go, man. I forgot about all this. Let's just walk. I'm like, no, that's not going it. Let's just go. That's what he said. Let's just go, man. I forgot about all this.

Let's just walk. I'm like, no, that's not going to work, dude. We can't just walk. We're going to die. So like,

so we're like, all right, I think it's back there. I think we may be, if we miss that turn, if that's what it was, these random marks, like a big set of rocks turn left and you're like,

okay. But then you're like, there's lots of those. So if that was where we missed it, then we got like an hour to go back. We already two hours behind schedule now it's like so like what do you think we should do because if we go back and it's not the right way then we fucked ourselves even more that's just fucking wood nymphs danerson around us so we're like let's go back so we go back and then like talk to some fucking farm guy and he's like i think it's there ends broken spanish but like it's like no way how long he goes sometime they don't have even like

i don't think they gotta watch it's just like you know the sun will go up there and come down and then your day so you just start walking these windy things fogs rolling in it's getting dark and you just walk up windy windy windy windy and you just it just never stops you just keep going up and you're like all right we've got probably an hour before it's like the sun's gone you know we've got an hour maybe or it's going away before it's like completely dark and then we're i don't i just like i don't know i don't know how far it is and then you finally fucking you get to the top and then it's just like it flattens out and you walk a few more steps and it's just these giant crater like remember um have you ever gone

to um deep creek lake oh yeah yeah oh yeah i mean it's that big but a circle so imagine all deep people with all those channels just put together in one giant circle. It's just gorgeous. This is beautiful, yeah. Just gorgeous. And this guy's ruining it for you. Ruin. Ruining. I mean, you had to have a moment. Yeah.

We would do this game. Oh, my God. Just like, it should have been amazing. It should have been instantly you go up there and everyone just gets quiet. And he's trying to write his fucking book on it in the moment. This is moments like these. You're like, dude, save it for your fucking journal. Are you serious?

Oh, my God. He was trying to be really poetic and shit in the moment. And just like, dude, go into the tank and just write about it later. Have your fucking feelings for a while. This is my problem with everyone on their fucking taking pictures of their phone it's like you're commemorating the moment you're not done doing it yet you know yeah take a picture on your way out of the music festival just with a sign and be like that'll bring back the memories not every second oh man so like uh god damn there was this game we

tried to play we learned in the amazon it's called a sound bath or nature bath i forget what he said amazon it's ecuador is the amazon the mountains and then the beaches so um and then the island beaches but like they uh so you walk like 20 20 yards ahead of the next guy 200 yards ahead of this guy so you can't hear him anymore and then you both and then you let him get way ahead just walk very slowly and just listen to the fucking sound of nature. And just kind of let it wash over you. You're not worried about talking to anybody. So you get just like really chill.

All of a sudden you notice all the insect noises and all the fucking birds and maybe some other birds far away. You notice that maybe a chainsaw way, way. You just notice when you're not concentrating on what someone else is saying. So I was like, I noticed a bird. It was sunset. I noticed a bird. That's when they come. So I was like, I noticed a bird. It was sunset. I noticed a bird. That's when they come out.

I was like, let's play. I was like, hey, don't. Let's play the fucking sound bath game. And this fucking, whoa, whoa, what's that? Local culture? What is it? We're like, you just be quiet. And you let like the sound wash over you.

You do that. That's what you're saying game you do with your kids. It's like the quiet game. Yeah, the quiet game. So you can be quiet the longest. And then they're like, I'm going to win this. And you're like, you fucking idiots. You stupid idiots.

Here's why it's better on kids. Kids are not annoying at their core. Adults like to brag all the time. So we're able to do it for a little bit. take we take like moments too where it's like we'd walk separately me and my partner way up ahead way behind so it's like sophie's choice bother one of us you can't bother but it was almost like a look of like whoever he goes to the other enjoy your freedom for a little bit enjoy your nature you're quiet have fun with bandit try to not to lose track of us but like then so we go up 20 yards walk how many hours would you say you spent with this person over

a full day oh okay so at this point like 5 to 11 also at night at the hiker's house we're having dinner we can't be like we're having dinner alone today. He's with you. Yeah. He's luggage. Oh, yeah. It's three days of nonstop. There's no one else. There's no one else with us. God forbid,

three whole days. Of just no one else. Three of us, the only English speakers. And it doesn't stop. It's morning, noon, and night. God. As you're doing the nature hike, he starts making up the ground and then starts talking.

And it's like, oh, no, no. You got to be quiet. You got to be quiet. And he goes, oh, okay. Walk ahead. Then he starts catching up again. And you're like, no, no. Okay.

You go walk ahead then. He walks ahead. Then he'll stop. I'm like, hey, dude. So we got to separate. That's how you get the nature thing. It was an hour of peace when he finally got it but then that was it an hour an hour and then it was like all right sundown we had to walk the last part of the way around the crate at least we knew the crater was there so the way around pitch black um god damn we had we had a

there were some kids that were like hey hey, which way is it to go? And they were like, that way. Tony's like, hey, here, take a, take a candy. I got a candy. It's like sweet. Fucking yeah. He's like, hey, you don't give kids the local, you don't give candy to locals because it makes them, incentivizes them to not go to school. They'll just beg.

And I'm like, dude, yeah, we're not in like a touristy area. You know what I mean? They're not waiting outside, waiting for a fucking hiker to come by all day. They'll just beg. And I'm like, dude, we're not in a touristy area. You know what I mean? They're not waiting outside waiting for a fucking hiker to come by all day for one piece of candy. It's not beggars in Bangkok. This is different.

He's like, you shouldn't do it. He's like, all right, don't do it. Fine. He's like, well, and he starts talking down to you about it. He's like, all right. The kid's fine. He's getting a piece of candy.

My guy's like, hey, well, guess what? In Scotland, they say if a kid gives you directions, give him candy so that's a culture too calm down we're starting to lose a little bit so like uh earlier past another kid which way is the right way she just looks at her dad why is that wearing my man wearing no shoes yeah just looking at Hey, which way is the, you know, the, the lake, the crater lake.

And she's daddy. Why is he wearing her shoes? We're poor. And we wear shoes. We're fucking mountain farmers. And we wear shoes. Yeah. Right.

Why is this white? Not wearing shoes in the fucking cold outdoors. So, uh, yeah, I mean, it was it but whatever you make the best of it i mean i got mocked later so we're on the way home and by who my partner oh it was like you said you said it'd be cool i'm like yeah i was wrong i mean i'll take some blame on that. I thought I'd be okay. I don't know. I just thought it's another guy. I thought, you know. Yeah, all right. Clearly, I was wrong. You're right.

I'm sorry. You're right. Yeah, that's like the worst case scenario in any of these things. Just matching up with somebody you don't. That was the worst case because you couldn't get out of it. You couldn't be like, actually, you know what? I'm done in this town. I'm going to go. Like, we're just bailing on you.

Fuck you. There was never a thought to get up in the middle of the night and just break out? Yeah, for sure. We thought about it. How can we? But they'll find me. Yeah.

And if he sees this, it's like, dude, nothing personal. I was about to ask. It just wasn't a match. It just wasn't a match. It wasn't a match. It's just't a match. It wasn't a match. It's just like, you know, everybody's got their favorites and just like, it just, yeah. All right. All right.

We'll stop it there. But before we do, I told you before we recorded, advice you'd give to your 16-year-old self. Yeah, you did. So I'm curious what you would say to your 16-year-old self. Yeah, you did. So I'm curious what you would say to your 16-year-old self. So when I was 16, I was an Orthodox Jew. So there'd probably be a few things. I don't know if what I'd understand, because that's got to go into it. What are you going to understand as a 16-year-old?

You can't be like, invest in Bitcoin. They're like, I'm not holding onto that information. What is that? You can be like, here's who's going to win a championship game in two years. Bet everything. If I told him like, hey, girls want to fuck too, don't be scared. That 16-year-old boy would be like, but I mean, no way. I barely.

I've never fucked. I'm not going to fuck for almost a decade from now. There's no way I'm even thinking in terms of that. It might be that though. Chicks also want it. So you're not doing them a disservice by like asking a girl out, you know, or hitting on somebody.

Like if you feel it, fucking go for it. That's perfect advice. If you feel it, go for it. Yeah. Yeah. Be nice about it.

You want to hang out sometime. But like, yeah, I, that took too long to what do you realize like you could just be like yeah you're getting vibes from someone's like yeah let's go the way waste time that or no I'd be that I mean I could tell him I dropped this religion shit but he wouldn't do it. Not then. Not then. He would have done it when it was time. Maybe that's...

I mean, that's good advice, too, though. Look, at 27... You can get out. Don't worry about it. Everybody's going to come around. They'll be mad now, but they'll come around. At some point, believe it or not, your dad is going to say you can get a cheeseburger if you want out here.

Promote whatever you want again, please. Yoga with Ari and friends is coming in a month i can stick a little bit with my friends doing a month-long challenge in january do yoga with me and my friends every day for january if you want to until now get ready there's a yoga with ari playlist on uh on youtube and my podcast ari shafir skept, is out there right now. I'll be in Boston on December 9th and Denver coming up and San Francisco. And I don't know, big cities coming next year. AriShafir.com is where everything else.

My podcast, Ari Shafir Skeptic Tank, is on YouTube and Spotify and all those things. I love it, dude. Thank you for coming on. For real. It was great to have you. Could you do that? Yeah, I can do that. I can do that. It's not bad. I can't do it on my left, but I can do it on my right. Thank you for coming on. For real. It was great to have you. Could you do that? Yeah, I can do that. I can't do it on my left, but I can do it on my right.

That's that old dip. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody used to do that dip shit. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. Ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Thank you.