The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Fortune Feimster - HoneyFeimster

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Fortune Feimster! Catch her newest special, Crushing It, now streaming on Netflix. Fortune joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of finding a work-life balance, how she almost lost her father, and the funny moments that came with discovering her sexuality later in life. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

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Ontario guys we have a new tier on our patreon and it includes exclusive bonus content listen up right now for just $5 you get the Honeydew a day early, you get it ad free, and you get a full bonus episode of the Honeydew with y'all where listeners highlight their lowlights and it's gonna stay that way. Five bucks. And for just $3 more, you're also gonna get the way back a day early and ad free, but that's not all. You'll get exclusive bonus content with the guests, some fun segments, maybe some games, and we'd love to get you guys involved.

And that's all for only $3 more. And there's no censorship on any of the Patreon episodes. Subscribe now. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Thank you.

Thank you for watching this show. Thank you for supporting this show. I'm Ryan Sickler. I'm a fan of the show. I'm a fan of the show. I'm Ryan Sickler. Thank you. Thank you for watching this show. Thank you for supporting this show.

I genuinely appreciate the love and the support for this show. It's, what are we going on? Six years old now, I think. Holy crap. I forget that we had a two year like hiatus of a pandemic in the middle of all that stuff. And if you gotta have more of this, then you got to check out our

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And on that tier, you get bonus content. You're not getting anywhere else. All right? Go check it out. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. I love to say these are the stories

behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Fortune Femes. Welcome back to the honeydew. I'm so honored to be here. Listen, I'm so honored that you even still give us the time of day after your first episode with our old producer. We did an old episode where I cried my grandma.

I cried about your grandma. I had to call you and tell you. I go, you're going to make me try and cry again? Oh, man. Those were some good tears too. No, that's why Kirsten's out here now, and he's not anymore, but thank you. That's hilarious.

Thank you for doing this. Of course. Welcome back, and please promote everything you'd like. All right, oh right now. Yeah, do it right there. Hi guys, we'll have a new Netflix special out called Crushing It. I'm really proud of it. Came out about a month ago.

So check that out. I have two other hours on there, Sweet and Salty and Good Fortune. They're all chronological, so make a whole weekend of it. And I'm going on tour. I have a big tour coming. I'm doing some working it out dates

at Ontario, California, Oxnard, Irvine, and Huntsville, Alabama, where you can kind of come see like me work on new jokes and do interactive stuff and crowd work is very intimate. And then a big tour starting April 1st. That's all on my website. All right. Yeah. I'm very excited for you to be here. First of all, thank you for coming here.

We sit here and talk. I want to say, I'm going to send heartfelt condolences and, and love out to everybody suffering in these fires right now. I mean, they're literally right over here outside our door. I took a picture of the crazy smoke. It's insane. Yeah. This is like the evacuation line.

If it gets any more down here, we're gonna be in a little bit of trouble. Yeah. So we ain't gonna stay long here today. That's not gonna be the last episode of all of us, girl. Yeah, it sucks. Well, thank you for being here. I wanted to talk about, I asked you out there

and I'm not gonna make you say it here, but how old you are now? Are you comfortable saying it? You don't have to. Sure, I mean, I'm 44. So how long have you been in you are now? Are you comfortable saying it? You don't have to. Sure, I mean I'm 44. So how long have you been in this business now? Of comedy, whatever it was. I'm not stand up, but just in this world of entertainment.

So I've been in LA 21 years, and I started out here doing entertainment journalism. So I was in the world, just on a different side of it. And then in 2005, so that would have been 19 of those years, I started improv at the groundlings. You did groundlings as well, all right. So I was there for about six years, and then 2007 started standup at the store.

And so standup now I'm going on 17 years and here I am. So yeah, sketch and improv kind of took precedent for a long time. And then standup I was doing simultaneously, but kind of just says like, oh, this is fun. I wasn't taking it super serious. Once I got Chelsea lately, they were all in the standup. So I started being like, okay, I'll get more into that. And then it just quickly became the thing I love.

And then I really amped it up in the last, the last three years have been two tours. Each were a hundred cities, 150 shows each. And five, three hour specials in five years. So here's the thing I wanted to talk about with you, because I've had this urge lately to reconnect with, like my good friends from back home, the people I left, who are dads now or whatever they are now.

And you know, I'm 51. And after all the health shit I dealt with, I really started to shift my focus on what mattered and who mattered. And the circle is not anywhere near as big as it used to be. So this summer, I was like, we're doing a dad's weekend. Oh, yeah, I'm paying. I'm renting a place. We're all going to Palm Springs. It was me and my daughter, one of my best friends

from ninth grade, his daughter, another one from seventh grade, his daughter, and then another one from ninth grade. But his daughter now is actually, he had kids young. So his daughter's a mom now. He's a grandpa. Oh wow, yeah. So just the four of us dads went and we had this dad's daughter's weekend.

And I mean, we had so much fun. So much fun. Yeah. And then, you know, I'm like, man, when are we going to do this again? Yeah. When? Mm hmm. You know, and if you're fortunate enough to have a career and work to do. Yeah. You got to pick and you pick work. Yeah. And then you don't get to see these people. Yeah. That's where I'm at.

I mean, you have to be. You're on the road for, what'd you say, the last three years? 100 cities, 150 shows in a year and a half each, but back to back. There's 52 weeks in a year just to do the math. Yeah. Yeah, that's where I'm at.

And life is, I'm very lucky to have success and people are wanting to come see shows. That was always like a priority for me and I made it a priority. And now I have that and you get to that point and you go, okay, well now the balance is off. You don't want to neglect things in your life like friends, certainly not my wife, my home, my family, my parents are getting older. And so you have these little moments where I know I'm still

going to work, I'm still going to be busy. I have this new tour starting in April, but I'm really trying to like reconnect with some friends, encouraging my wife to reconnect with her friends and just, you know, have coffees with people and make time for dinners and go visit my folks and spend a couple of days doing, just going to a movie. And I've been doing that lately just because I kind of looked around and I was like, God, I haven't talked to my friends in a while. And, you know, they're they're kind of living their new lives now. And you don't check in on the regular basis we used to because I get they were just used to me being gone and where are you from?

North Carolina. Do you have friends from middle school, high school that you're still close with there? I mean, close in that, like, if we texted, like, we could pick right back up. But not that you go visit? Yeah. Or vice versa? My friend Brian lives in Boston, and we've been friends since we were basically born. So, every time I'm in Boston, we have dinner.

He hasn't been in LA in a while, but he came, like, to, we had, like, a wedding party he came to. So, we'll see each other probably once a year. I have a couple of good friends from college that I see every time I go home. If I'm in their city, I don't always go to each city in North Carolina. Another good friend from college,

she just moved to Boston, used to live in New York. I used to see her all the time when she was in New York. And then just a couple from high school, a couple from college. But I've been in LA 21 years now. Most of my friends are LA people. Really good friend who I lived with for seven years out here. He is in Atlanta now.

Everybody just kind of, it's a- What hit this? What popped us off for you? What started happening where you were like, man, I just, I miss my close people. Yeah, I think my wife kind of brought up that like we needed to, we hadn't really been social in a while and she wanted balance, you know,

not having everything be so career focused. And that made sense to me. Um, but then I, but then that made me go like, oh, wait, what are my friends doing? Where are they? Some have moved away, you know, some are still here. The pandemic kind of made everyone scatter. Um, so it just changed a lot of things for a lot of people. And yeah, so just trying to take some time to like call people and talk, what are you up to?

I'm sure I'll be bad about it again when I go on tour, but I really want to have these normal life things, you know? Who wants to like be successful and just be chilling by yourself? It's lonely at the top. That's what they say. What's the point of doing all that? And then you look around and you're like, I always think about those people that buy that million dollar home or multimillion dollar home right by the beach.

Yeah. And it's like, that's great. But if you're true, if you're not a trust fund baby or a lotto winner, you've got to go work to afford that thing. And you're not ever there. Yeah. you're not a trust fund baby or a lotto winner, you gotta go work to afford that thing and you're not ever there. You're not there. You know what I mean? You got the place, you got the thing,

but you can't enjoy it. So I think about that a lot. Yeah, and it's good to have balance. You need to, friends bring levity into your life and they know you, especially if someone's known you well. They can tell if you need a little extra support or you're down or they laugh with you. You can be goofy with each other. It's definitely not something you want to neglect. And it's funny because I remember when my parents divorced, I was 12, it was a long time ago,

but she went right into dating. And I noticed even as a kid, whenever she would get into a significant relationship, she would really drop her friends. And it always bothered me because I was like, when she was single, her friends were like such an anchor and such a part of her life, and they were hanging out all the time, and she seemed happy, and then she'd meet these guys and just drop that,

and I would always be like, why are you doing that? You need to talk to your friends. I'm like 14 telling her this. So it's funny to have seen the importance of that. You remember that. Yeah, it seared in my brain. And now to be an adult and I'm like, I am married so probably things fall off naturally

when you get into a serious relationship. So I'm kind of guilty of it now too, that like everything is like either work or my wife. And I don't always take that time. And I was like, here I am doing the same thing. Kind of interesting. Does it scare you? Do you feel like you're gonna be alone?

Is that what you're worried about? I don't think so. I don't know, I haven't thought about. Or do you just feel like you've been a bad friend or whatever, or you could be better at it? Probably just more, I don't know. I haven't thought about. Or do you just feel like you've been a bad friend or whatever, or, or you could be better at it. Probably just more. I don't even, I'm not even like, um, or you just long for it.

I don't even think I was thinking about it, you know, until I came off the road and took a big break, uh, and I, I took two weeks over the holidays, which I've never done to like, where I literally had not one thing, and the holidays, which I've never done to like, where I literally had not one thing. And I don't think I've had that since the early pandemic. No. No, I swear. This is the longest break.

It's only two weeks. Oh my God. Gorgeous. I mean, good for you, but also, holy shit. Yeah, so I was just- And you're gone, what, Thursday to Sunday? Yeah. And then the week And you're gone, what, Thursday to Sunday? Yeah.

And then the week's filled with a bunch of stuff. So sitting there for two weeks, it made me just do a lot of reflecting. I was like, oh, wow, okay. Yeah. And a friend from college, her mom just passed. I hadn't seen her mom in a really long time. You know, once you move away, you just are away from college. You just don't see people or their families as much.

And I really loved her mom. She was so wonderful to me when I was in college. And my friend had sent a thing saying her mom had brain cancer and it was a thread. So sometimes all those messages come and I just kind of get overwhelmed and I don't know that I clocked what it said or I didn't something happen where I didn't process it. So I didn't see the part where her mom had brain cancer. Um, I, uh, and then, and then her mom died. And basically she was saying that to, if you wanted to send cards to her mom. And I was like, that was a wake up call where I was like, even though I haven't

seen her mom in 15 years, I wish I would have been paying attention and send her mom a card, or called her or something. Have you called or anything? Well, I've gotten in touch with my friend once I found out what happened, but I was- Was she okay? Was she cool with you?

She wasn't upset with you, was she? No, I mean, it's, again, it's another friend that I've barely seen either. It's more of a nostalgia thing than a friend that's in a daily part of my life, someone I really care about, but you know, you do, she lives in another state and has for many years, same, we've lost a lot of, we've lost touch. Like we're not, I think we talk maybe once every year and a half.

So I don't think it was expected. Like I wasn't part of the routine friendships, checking on her. It was more of like, I just, for her mom's sake, cause she was such a lovely woman, wish that I had gotten to, you know, just give one last like, you're amazing. And I'm glad I know you, you know, that kind of thing. I just had a nice moment actually at the Tempe Improv, great club, Tempe Improv,

awesome club, awesome staff. And it was my last show for the year. And my middle school friend, a different one, his mom lives there. Yeah. He's like, hey, my mom would like to come with her boyfriend and see you. Can you put her on your list? And I was like, I would love to. I haven't seen Barbara Schieler since the last time.

She came with her son to see me in Baltimore. She happened to be there and we all went to a Ravens game the next day. Yeah. And that's like two times I've seen her and I can't tell you. Yeah. And the weird thing is his father, which is her husband, died, I want to say six or seven years later on the anniversary of my dad's death, which is weird to have a best friend and then it's like our dads share the same death day.

It's weird. So I was like, yeah, send her out. And so I intentionally told a story about like when I used to spend a night at her house. Yeah, her son had a fucking hamster. I would sleep on the floor and I would wake up in the morning, fortunately I would be covered in shitty, pissy hamster chips.

This thing would dig in the wheel all night. I would wake up in the morning covered. And she's like, oh my God. And I'm like, this lady right here. So I get a little of those moments sometimes. And when I do, oh my God. And I'm like, this lady right here. So I get a little of those moments sometimes. And when I do, for the same reason, I'm loving it. I'm like, oh my God. Cause no offense to her or anything.

It's like, I'm not going to see you again unless our paths cross. And it's so nice that it is. I'm going to make sure we have a good time. Of course. Yeah. Cause you know, it's- And thank you for the $50 Texas Roadhouse gift card. Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah, it's hard as you get older, you lose touch with people, you know, but you have this like past experience with them. So you don't really know who each other is as this version of ourselves. Like I don't really know my friend well as an adult, but I have such fond memories of us in college being really close and being around each other's families.

So you have that like, it's more of just like, it's so nice to have a reconnection, you know, but you don't really, I don't know when I'll see, like you said, I don't know when I'll see you again. This might be the last time I just saw his mom ever again. It may very well may, who knows. But I always, even if it's not a friend that like goes way back, I always really enjoy those

connections that you have with people. Like I've found that there's been some fans over the years who become sort of part of the routine as far as like, I know I'm gonna see them every tour. I started touring in 2010 and I've basically done it every year, every year since. And so I started in the clubs and worked my way up to theaters. And so there were these couple of different fans who I knew whenever I went to Bloomington, Indiana, that I was going to see this, this really amazing woman.

And she would always bring me checksx Mix, like a homemade Chex Mix. And I think I met her about three different times, three different tours, and then the last time I heard from, was someone who knew her that, you know, said she had gotten cancer or whatever, and I got to send her a video, and these people are a part of your life. And I knew whenever I was in the South, I was gonna see this other amazing woman, Gina,

who would show up at these different shows and bring me a cake, and they become a part of like, oh, it's you, how are you? Even though I don't know a thing about their lives, there is something so special that they care. They're making these efforts for me. They always showed up. And so for a big chunk of my touring career,

I was like, you know, these people are part of that and they both passed away. And it, you know, it really hit me. Like, man, that, it made me so sad. And when I went back to those, the cities that I would see them in, you think about them. And I had a really neat, not neat, it's not the right word. I got to say goodbye to this lovely woman who brought the cakes that I mentioned. She was dying of cancer. It was at the beginning of the pandemic and they sent me a message on Facebook

and I don't really check messages. It's just too overwhelming. I was bored because we're in the pandemic. I happened to be going through them and they told me she was dying and I saw it like a week later and I was like, oh my God, what if she's dead? They basically just said, is there any way you could send her a message?

She always loved coming to your shows and it meant so- Check me out on Cameo. Yeah. What are you doing man? Oh my God, I would go to hell. And I was just like, God, I just, you know, I want to be able to say thank you. You know, like you, you made such a difference to me. You were so kind to me and I don't, it would suck to, for you to leave this earth. And I didn't just get to say like, you mattered to me, you were so kind to me, and I don't, it would suck to, for you to leave this earth

and I didn't just get to say like, you mattered to me. Damn right. And, and I was like, I was so paranoid that, not, I get, my words are all over the place. I was like worried that I got it too late, so I sent a video anyway, and she got it like two days before she died and, and they said she smiled. And you know, those moments just mean, they mean something because you're just like, if I'm not making the time for these connections in my real life, I'm grateful I'm having these cool connections on the road. But also we're regular people, and we had idols and fans,

we were fans of people growing up and stuff. And imagine whoever that was for you in your life that they took the time out to say thank you to you. I mean, what a thing. Yeah. Of course. What a gift you gave that person.

It's very nice. Good for you. But I need to be better about that in my real life as well. I understand what people you really know. It's what made me think of that. Yeah. I get it, yes. Just trying to have those real human connections

and not only with these awesome people, but the people in your life as well. Definitely those, especially in those moments you remember. I'll put you on the spot then. How do you start implementing that in your life? What do you plan to start doing? Are you starting with phone calls to people? Or do you have a sort of a plan?

Like maybe when you're on the road on Saturday during the day, do you take a walk and talk and that way you're, I try to do shit like that where I'm like, okay, I wanna do something good for my body and my mind. And that would be good for your heart. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've been trying to prioritize health in general.

I'm down 45 pounds right now. Good for you. I got so ginormous on the road. So yeah, I've been trying to find balance and I've been treading water in the pool, like four or five times a week and building muscles. So that's been really nice. Just getting to a better place, healthy wise, where I feel like I have more energy to do things.

Listen, I think about it all the time. If you just put a backpack on with 45 pounds and just carried it through your day, you'd be like, I want to take this shit off. Just what you're doing for your body alone. And also, cause you're on the road, you're sitting in planes, you're sitting in cars, you're sitting a lot before you get up

and go do stand up for an hour, and you're barely moving doing that. Yeah, yeah, when you're on the road, you're eating junk, and I think that wasn't helping me. Like I just was being lethargic. I was, when I wasn't working, I was just like a potato on the couch, like even zoned out mentally. I want to be more present for me, for my wife, for the people in my life.

So I think just feeling better has already made me more present. And and yeah, I've just been texting more and calling a bit more. When I had a break from filming, I flew to see my folks. I was gonna ask you about that. Yeah. Where are they? Are they still? North Carolina, right outside of Charlotte.

And are they still together? Uh-uh, they've been divorced for a long time, but they're friends, so I'll hang out with both of them when I'm there, but. They'll sit under the same roof with you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do it, okay. For sure.

So, at the 4th of July, I went home unexpected. I surprised my mom. I went home for three days, and that was really fun. Just kind of just bumming around with my parents and taking them places and watching fireworks. Just having like these simple moments. And then I went back a few days before Thanksgiving for four days and same thing, just going to a movie, hanging out, just not having an agenda while I'm home,

just like let's just spend time. Do you get recognized a lot when you're with your parents? Yeah, yeah. How do they like that? Oh, they love it, because they're proud and I just have a very distinct look. I don't blend in very well. So yeah, there's a lot of people that come up and say hi, and everyone's usually pretty lovely.

That's the other thing. Like, it's been nice and I want to thank my fans too, man. It's been nice to go back to the beginning of this and have cultivated really good people that come out. I mean, I have so many fans myself that bring me gifts and homemade things I put up here in the studio and stuff. It's just nice that they care and consider it. It's amazing. Yeah.

It means you're putting out positivity. You're putting out love. It comes back to you. It comes back. I try to... And then they thank you. Yeah. Thanks for coming to my city. What are you talking about? I know. You And then they thank you. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming to my city. Like, what are you talking about?

I know, you're like, thank you, you're right. Yeah. I find that there's a personal connection, I think, with comedians because I started my career four years on Chelsea lately, so I was like, in people's homes as they were going to bed. You know, it's a very intimate thing, and not the way it sounds,

but then they're watching our stand-up specials and you forget, like when you put these out, that like people are using these for levity, and that's what you want, you wanna make people laugh, but sometimes you forget the conditions in which people are living in. Yeah, they're not just sitting on a couch laughing with everything going great in the world.

Yeah, sometimes their life's falling apart. Sometimes they're losing someone they love. And sometimes, you know, I've had the stories people have shared with me about the intimate moments they've had watching my special in the hospital with a loved one dying and whatever the case is, you know, going through a divorce or their kids, like you're with these people in really hard times sometimes and you don't know this because, you know, you just, I just want to make people laugh. And then when they come up and tell you this really personal, amazing story, you go, man, thank you for telling me that. And you feel like you're doing something right when you're like, okay, I was able to make that person

feel better in a really dark time, even if it was for 55 minutes. It means something to me. So I appreciate it when people say that. How old are your parents? What are they now? 70, my mom's about to turn 79. So they're getting up there. And are they now? 70. My mom's about to turn 79. So they're getting up there.

And are they healthy? Ish. Yeah. You know, we're big stock, we're big folks. So we all have that struggle. My dad came close to passing. What happened? He had open heart surgery a year and a half ago, and he got put on a ventilator for three days and just wasn't coming.

Recovering from the surgery? Yeah, he wasn't recovering from the surgery. I went to visit him and the nurses said it was really bad. One of them was like, I started praying for him. She goes, just the vitals were plummeting and not showing signs of coming back. And so, you know, you go, man, I don't, my dad and I are close, but we've never been like

the type of relationship where we dig deep, you know? It's like, I know he loves me and he knows that I love him. We talk once a week for like three minutes. Okay. How you doing good, how you doing good? Exactly. But it was that moment where you go, God, I really, I know I love my dad,

but you go, I love my dad, you know? I don't want him to die. And that was a wake up call. Like I gotta spend some time with my folks. My mom's in fairly decent health. She just had a knee surgery, but all went well. So, they're trucking along, but you can, you know, I think there are times in my life right now where I go, you know, remember this moment where you have both your parents, because that one day you won't, and you have your dog that you really love and you won't always do that.

You have a wife that you love and, you know, hopefully that's always there. You just don't know where life is going to unfold. Death, obviously, is inevitable. So I am just trying to be more in the moment of like, God, what a great time. This is now because if I'm, I can pick up and call either parent and that's such a luxury that I know a lot of people don't have. I never did. And it makes me laugh. We have the Patreon show, the Honeydew with you all. We had a young girl come on and her mom was horrific and her dad was everything. And she said something that still makes me laugh to this day.

She's like, I don't even know how y'all have time for two parents. That shit made me laugh so hard. I'm like, what a luxury. Yeah. I didn't even juggle the other one, you son of a bitch. Two parents. That's somebody who's, you know, seen the silver lining of it, right? So, are you scared of dying? Does that worry you?

I don't think about it. I know, again, that it's inevitable, but there's so much other things to worry about, and it's so not in our hands to so many, I mean, you see fit 40 year olds running around the track for fitness and they kill over of a heart attack. Someone at a corner in their car minding their business, it's just so out of our hands. Obviously we can do things to try to be healthier and to take care of ourselves, but I don't

think about it because I just can't control it. Are you an only child? No, I have two older brothers. Are they back in Carolina as well? So as your parents get older, someone's there to help them take care of them? Yeah, they're closer than I am. One's 30 minutes away and the other one's six hours away. So I, you know, I can't, if something happened, it would take me a day to, you

know, half a day to get there where they're a lot more accessible. Um, but yeah, I moved away 21 years ago. So I'm, I'm. It's half your life now. I know it's wild. Isn't it? It's wild. I think about that too. Like, wow, I now. I know, it's wild. Isn't it? It's wild. I think about that too, like wow, I lived here longer than I lived in Maryland.

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. You brought up a good point too, because there's all these people that know you as this, and then when you come out here and you're here for 20 years, there's all these people that know you from the beginning of that to that. But you've got this whole other life before you. And I remember it was Brody Stevens' funeral, well, excuse me, the memorial at the comedy store, not the funeral.

And I didn't meet Brody till, I don't know, probably in his, probably 30s maybe, I'm guessing. And there's 30 years of Brody Stevens before that. And these guys, they did, they came up, they were guys that played baseball with him because he was a good ball player, and they all called him Steven, because his name was Steven Brody Stevens.

And they're telling stories of Steven, the same guy we know. And we know none of this about this guy. And then it begins, all right, well now here's when he came to the comedy store and this is the Brody we all know, and they don't know that. But it all makes sense when you hear it, like of course that guy would do that.

It's interesting. I mean, you don't meet anyone here at birth. It's all in your 20s, 30s, and then if you're here 20 years, you know that version of them. Yeah, and I definitely feel like there is a different version of me that existed before I moved here. Very much so because I wasn't even out, you know,

I didn't know who I was. You hadn't come out before you moved to LA. I moved to LA when I was 23 and I came out at 25. And so, you know, there's this whole life that I've lived that had nothing to do with the life I had before. And there are obviously traits of mine that go between both worlds and were prevalent in both worlds,

but I feel like a whole different human than I was. Do you feel like a better human? I would hope so. But do you feel that way? I think I was a decent person back then, but you're young and you don't, you know, you're young, you don't know who you are. I mean, look, I was a good person then too,

but I would definitely go back and punch 17 year old me right in the fucking face. Oh, for sure. I mean, I would have whispered in my ear, like you're gay. That would have fucking face. Oh, for sure. I mean, I would have whispered in my ear, like you're gay. Uh, that would have been, that would have been helpful. Hey, you gay, uh, enjoy. Have fun.

Um, that would have been very helpful to know. I, I missed out on some fun years for sure. Yeah. Psst, you gay. Well, looking back, can I ask you about that? Looking back now, was there even, I know you didn't come out, but was there a community? Were there friends? Was there anyone you really could that you, yeah, right. No, it was a different time, pre-, pre YouTube, pre really internet, everything.

Were there gay bars? I'm sure, but I wouldn't know anything about them. I didn't know a single gay person, anyone that- You didn't even know anyone. I didn't know one, not one, not one out. You know, there were people I was like- No one in your family? Uh-

At least before you had come out. No, no one in my family. So who At least before you had come out? No, no one in my family. So who the hell are you talking to about this? I didn't know I was gay. That's what I'm saying. I had no clue. It did not even start to bubble up for me. Can I ask about this?

Yeah. So even when you were younger, you weren't just, you didn't find women attractive? I did, but I kind of like had a fantasy of like, I was somebody else. If I don't know how to describe it, it wasn't thinking of me with them. I thought of like it in terms of like a movie. And so I wasn't putting me in those shoes.

It was like because I didn't know what gay was. I didn't think it applied to me. I was intense towards my friends. Like I would get like so worked up if they were going on a date. I was just very into some of these friends and I just had no clue what that meant. I see. There was no show I could see myself mirrored in.

I guess so, yeah. It's not like you go on YouTube now and here's my favorite gay podcast there. Like it was not a thing. It's a whole gay show. Yeah, yeah. Everyone, the few people that I now know were gay were in the closet or married.

It just, no one talked about it. Married, went that far. Yeah, yeah. No one talked about it. It just was not part of our vernacular or culture or world. I'm sure it wasn't like a New York City or an LA. This is teeny tiny. San Francisco.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Teeny tiny, but also, you know, redneck North Carolina. And so did you, did you date boys or did you just not at all? Not at all. Really? So you were a bit of a like recluse? I was a friend with her. No, I was everyone's friend. Just a buddy.

Yeah. I was the one everybody, I went to the different groups and hung out with all the people. I found my worth in overachieving, school and grades and sports, and that's where I found my place. And it affects you when you're young

and you don't know why the boys don't like you. They don't look at you like they do the other girls. They don't talk to you like they do the other girls. You think something's wrong with you. I really did not know what it was. I thought something was, I just wasn't the object of anyone's affection. And I didn't know why. So it chips away at your self-esteem.

I'm sure. It makes you feel like something's wrong with you. So when I moved to- Can I ask you this? Yeah, yeah. What was the aha moment for you then? Where were you like, oh my God. Well, I was in LA,

so I started to finally see some gay people. I didn't have any gay friends, but I was like, oh, you know, it was starting to be like, oh, people are just holding hands, okay. Know that sounds so naive now, but I didn't, I did not see gay people in person hold hands till I was like 24 years old.

And I don't think, listen, I don't think I did. Yeah. I didn't see any of that in Baltimore. Yeah. We didn't, I mean, I'm sure again, there were gay bars or whatever, but I wasn't think I did. I didn't see any of that in Baltimore. I'm sure again, there were gay bars, whatever, but I wasn't in that world and I wouldn't see it. And it wasn't safe for a lot of people for a long time. First time I saw two men make out in public was Los Angeles.

Yeah. So yeah, once I moved here, it just started to be more, there was a more openness, a more acceptedness of not having to be one thing. And, you know, the L word came out. That was a big influence that showed representation. You started to see more Will and Grace, there's Seymour gay people. And you're like, oh, you know, this is interesting.

And I ended up just starting to let those feelings kind of bubble up of like, oh, what is that? Why am I, you know? But instead of being like before, I was like, well, what does that mean? And it blew my mind, like watching the L Word scene, two women kiss. I was like, whoa, you know? And then I watched him, I joke about it in my sweet and salty Netflix special, but I watched a Lifetime movie and the girl was gay

and at the end of the movie I was like, oh my God, I'm gay. And that was the first time I said it out loud. Is it really? So I joke that a Lifetime movie made me gay. But I gotta ask you, man, you got a pension for hooters. You were never in hooters being fired up. Never once, you were never like.

Because I always joke I'm fat first. So I was more focused on the wings than the breast. So yeah. I mean that's the spot the guys go to for that stuff, but you're like that, those wings. I wasn't looking at the boobs. They keep that elbow on the wing at Hooters,

they keep that elbow on the wings. Yeah, but once I put the puzzle piece together, it changed, that's why I say it changed my life. I'm not the same because I- It's a good point, yeah, I was literally a different person. A different person, yeah. It opened up my whole life.

The levity that came in was, I felt light as a feather for the first time in my life. I knew who I was. That's such a powerful thing to know who you are. And when you don't know who you are, it's so, you just feel held back by something and you don't know what it is. So I was free for the first time in my life.

And I started comedy at the same year I came out. And I don't think that's a coincidence that me becoming free and knowing who I am. Were you out when you were on Chelsea? Yeah. By then you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I came out when I was like 25.

I got Chelsea when I was 30. Oh, okay. Yeah. Who did you trust enough to come out to first? My roommate at the time, I told her first, just like to test the water and she was like, great. And I was like, oh, cool. It was just very like not a big deal.

When did you get to mom and dad? About six months into it. Oh! I needed time, I needed time. I'm bad, time. You know, you're just like, you don't want to jump off the deep end first. And you want to make sure like I'm, I'm pretty, when I came out, I had not ever even kissed a woman. Oh, so you said this before you had any sort of physical experience. Yeah. So I needed to have some experiences and make sure just that I wasn't, you know, that I, it's a journey.

It really takes a minute. Even when you come to the realization, you have to live in it, sit in it, experience it, to just really come to terms with all of it. And then I told my folks, and they were great. They were awesome. But there is a lot of fear in telling your parents because not everyone's so lucky. They are disowned, not everyone, but it is more common still than people would think.

And usually church is the catalyst of that or religion. And so it's a scary thing for a gay person to sit their family down and tell them this because is that how you did it? Yeah, you didn't call your mom. No, I went back to the Trip for it told my mom at the Chinese restaurant Just in case it went south Yeah, what was her response like no big deal or was she she just was more like listening and just worried for me.

Like, you know, she knew even more so. I was gonna say, was there anyone that said- No, she never said- She never said, I know. When I say she knew, she actually did not know, which I find crazy. I go, what? How do you, and my brother, she said my brother-

You love tutors. She said my brothers had said stuff to her over the years, but no one said anything to me. But she was so out to lunch with it. She was like, I didn't think you were gay. I'm like, oh my God. Like, but I think she's also living in a world of wanting me to be girly and wanting me to get,

she had this, every parent has their vision of what they think your life should be. So she just had to readjust the vision and that takes a minute. For a while she was like, are you sure? And she doesn't want life to be harder for me because you know, even if you're not familiar

with gay people, you know that it's not always accepted. And sometimes people just hate you. They don't know you, but they hate you, just because you're gay. And she just said, I don't want life to be harder for you. And this might make it harder. And my answer is that, you know, it would be harder for me to live my life pretending and not being who I am.

That to me is, that would destroy me. If some strangers hate me, whatever, whatever, I want to be happy. This is my life. I cannot control if someone hates me for no reason. And that's not my journey. That's theirs. So I've been so much happier just being who I am. How was your dad with it?

Who was better? They were both at funny moments. Like she just was listening, but because- Where would you tell him again? The park? The park. It was like, we never go to the park. Were you walking or did you sit down?

We sat down and- If my daughter never go to the park. Were you walking or did you sit down? We sat down. If my daughter took me to a park, I'd be like, I don't know what's about to come. And my mom followed us there, which is funny. Cause I'm like, why are you here? She showed up. She was there too, but like sitting kind of over. That's weird.

And I, you know, I told you, I told you my dad and I don't dig deep, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So for, I'm like suddenly about to have the first serious conversation I've had with my dad in 25 years. And I just- I mean, this is as serious as it gets. Yeah, and I just was like, dad, I want to tell you something. I'm gay. And he just goes, all right, okay, all right, all right, okay, and he was so nervous,

because he's like, oh my, like this is, like his brain, I can feel his brain just melting and bloating and like, not that he's a, he just doesn't know what to say. Yeah, right, like I don't know. He's a simple southern guy, you know? So he just, so his brain's kind of processed, and he's like, all right, okay, okay, and he kept going, you're my daughter, you're my daughter, I love you, you know? So he just, so his brain's kind of processing. He's like, all right, okay, okay.

He kept going, you're my daughter. You're my daughter, I love you, you're my daughter. Which, you know, it's his best way of accepting me. It's like, I couldn't ask for a more accepting answer, but he couldn't stop saying it. He just kept going, you're my daughter, I love you, you're my daughter, you're my daughter, I love you. And I'm like, oh, okay, okay. And my freaking mom goes, Mike, she knows she's my daughter. I love you. You're my daughter. You're my daughter. I love you. And I'm like, Oh, okay. Okay.

And my freaking mom goes, Mike, she knows she's your daughter. Telling you she's gay. I'm like, would you stop it? She's yelling it for everyone in the park to hear him. He's, he's doing his best to like show emotion. She's annoyed at him for like not saying it how she would say it. Ask her if she's sure. Ask her if she's sure.

So it ended up being in hindsight a pretty comedic moment. But at the end of the day. I mean, that's better than the alternative. So much better, yeah. I will take your my daughter. I love you any day. What about your brothers? You had said, your mom said they already, so they were just like, yeah.

They were like, yeah, we know. And are they good? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was funny when I told them, it was, we were standing outside on my mom's deck and I told them and they were like, yeah, I mean, yeah, we're looking at you, we know. And, um. Brothers. And they go, you'll never guess what is behind you

right now and I turn around and there's a giant rainbow in the sky. No. I swear to God. When you came out to your brothers? Like I had ordered a VIP package of coming out, like, come on. It was...

What are the odds? And then, you know, my family has a good sense of humor. One brother, a couple months later for Christmas, bought me some book with about a beaver. I'm like, okay. So now we're already have beaver jokes. But yeah, I'm very lucky they're all awesome about it. And I don't mean, you can tell me to shut up

from getting too personal, but I heard you say your mom had to switch. Was she planning to be a grandmom and all this stuff? Yeah. Yeah. She, you know, my brothers at that point, um. Do they have kids? Yeah, they have kids. One was already married and one I think, I can't remember the timeline exactly.

I think he was maybe engaged. So you know, she already had the two kids going down that path of getting married and they were going to have kids. And you know, I think because I told you she was so into wanting me to, you know, have this certain life that was safe and, you know, just like the husband and the kids, that's kind of what you envision because that's the status quo, you know?

And she wanted so much for me to be a girly girl my whole life. And I think it's just, oh wait, that's not part of the plan. Girly girls don't, are gay. And I'm like, well, I'm not a girly girl, you know? So yeah, she just had to readjust her, what my life looked like.

And that it wouldn't be a status quo. It wouldn't be, I don't even know what it's going to look like. I can't guess. I didn't grow up thinking of what that looked like or being aware or exposed to just everyday gay people living their life. So I had a lot of questions myself. But also, I mean, I'm sitting here really thinking about what you said and you came out when again? just everyday gay people living their life. So I had a lot of questions myself. But also, I mean, I'm sitting here really thinking

about what you said and you came out, when again, 25? I mean, it's almost half your life lived as this other person. And not just only in fear, but also confusion. And I'm not really sure I'm this. I mean, man, you gotta feel so much better about that. Oh yeah, and now that I've been out for God, it's almost 20 years.

Yeah. I reiterate, this isn't a choice. I definitely was born this way. And people disagree on that all the time. Is that right? You get challenged on that? I don't personally, but like there are many people who are against gay people that believe it's a choice.

Um, I know based on just, I can look back my entire life and be like, yep, yep, yep, yep. I mean, it was so part of me from early on. But I say now, even if it was a choice, I would choose it. I would choose it 1,000% over being straight any day. Well, you're not, or lying about being something else. Like, fuck that. I enjoy it.

I like my life. I like my wife. I don't want an alternative, you know? I, when I first moved here, I had this manager of a hotel I worked at, Jim McPartland. Give him a shout out. He's a gay dude who really talks. Actually, he's the guy that got me in the groundlings. Oh, nice. Yeah. He took it. So I didn't realize when you do like the 101 level, it's not just comedian wannabes or actors. There are people who have fear of speaking in public.

And I had a few of them in my class. They're like, I'm just here to try to get these nerves out of me. I gotta speak in front of crowds for work. And he went and did that. So he told me, he's like, you would fucking, this is right up your alley. You love your standup, you should go.

So anyway, he was gay and he really would take me to lunch all the time. And he educated me because I was just this, you're stand up, you should go. So anyway, he was gay, and he really would take me to lunch all the time, and he educated me, because I was just this ignorant kid from Maryland who didn't know anything about, I didn't even know a gay person. And I asked him, I said, you know, people, I hear people say it's a choice, and I know what I believe, but what do you believe?

And he said to me, do you think I would choose to get my ass kicked every fucking day in high school? And I said, you know what, how simply said is that? And yeah, I'm not just choosing this path that's harder for me. This is who I am. And he said, when did you know you liked girls? And I was like, oh my God, first grade. First grade, I got caught kissing a girl named Brandy under a blanket by my mom. And I would do the, I don't like you, I love you.

And he's like, that's when I knew I liked boys. That's when I was attracted to boys. And I was like, I get it. And then he explained something else to me that honestly made me wish I was gay, fortunately. He goes, you know how you take a lady out in your quarter and there's a little bit of a, if it's not a wham bam, thank you, ma'am. There's some courting and some getting to know one another before they're safe and feel comfortable to have sex with you. And then he looked at me and he goes,

now imagine, I go, Oh my God, if this met this, he goes, he blew my mind. That's the first time someone said that. I go, imagine your testosterone. I go, meaning that testosterone? He goes, yeah. Imagine that. Well then imagine the girls in this situation. It's the whole other opposite.

More courting, more of this, more of that. Talking more, all of it. And it all fucking made sense. I'm like, I get it. Yeah, but here I am, you know, happy and just living my truth. And that's very powerful, not only, you know, for yourself, for your mental health and just being happy. And now it's just finding the balance.

That's where we're at. Yeah, that work-life balance. Good for you, Fortune. Thanks for doing this. I love you. Oh yeah, I love you bud. You're really sweet. I love you. You got a good heart, lady.

Always nice talking to you. Please promote your special one more time, all of it. Crushing it on Netflix, doing shows around California, then a bunch starting in April, fortunefeebster.com, all that good stuff. Ryan, thank you for having me. Thank you. It's always great seeing you.

Always, always. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media will talk to you all next week. You