The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Jackie Fabulous - HoneyFabulous

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Jackie Fabulous! (America's Got Talent, Menoplause) Jackie Highlights the Lowlights of her divorce, ex-husband's death, her father's death, and rethinking her career when she turned 50. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https:/youtube.com/@rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Prize Picks -Go to https://PrizePicks.com and enter promo code HONEYDEW at sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100 dollars! Liquid I.V. -Get 15% off when you go to https://www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW for 20% off your first order Mindbloom -Get $100 off your first six sessions when you go to https://www.Mindbloom.com/podcast/honeydew 

Chicago, I'll be there November 11th and 12th. Grand Rapids, Michigan, December 9th and 10th. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pass Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I want to say thank you.

Thank you to everybody who watches this show. Thank you to everyone who messages me. thank you for all of your support if you are watching on youtube please hit the subscribe button it means everything to us we had a big jump you guys are listening and it helps out big time so thank you for doing that and if you gotta have more then you gotta check out the patreon the honeydew with y'all where I'm highlighting the lowlights with y'all. And I say it every week. Y'all got the wildest fucking stories I've ever heard in my life. It is $5 a month.

If you sign up for a year, you get over a month free and you get the Honeydew a day early. You get it ad free at no additional cost. All right. If you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. Hopefully, we get to do an episode together. All right. The Night Pants Nation tour continues. Thank you to everyone out there who's bought a ticket, who's come out, who's seen me live.

Chicago, I will be there November 11th and the 12th. Grand Rapids, December 9th and the 10th. All right. That's the biz right there, y'all. Now, you know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and i'm very excited to have this guest on today first time here on the honeydew ladies and gentlemen please welcome jackie fabulous welcome to the honeydew jackie oh you startled me when you began you should have told me you were gonna skip you at me. I get excited for my job.

Oh, shit. We're over here. I saw you jump, but I couldn't stop laughing about it. Well, welcome. Welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. As soon as this podcast started to be what it is now, I'm like, I hope I can do that one day. Then I thought to myself, this is all confidence i'm like ryan i'll probably say yes because i we i've always gotten

the vibe from you i'm like he cool i don't know what it is yeah it is vibe with someone yeah you see them three times and i'm like we've never spent more than three and a half minutes together but we good every time every time all. I don't know what it is. Well, thank you for that. Thank you. And thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I love your shirt.

Thank you. I love it. And your nails. Everything's looking good. Hey, this is merch that I'm too lazy to bring to any show. Well, plug it. Plug everything you want right now. Is at Jackie Fabulous your Instagram and everything?

Yeah. All my social media is at Jackie Fabulous. Website, JackieFabulous.com. You can buy all my crap, learn who I am, come to my shows, all that stuff. Your dates are there. My dates are there. I haven't updated. I'm at DC Comedy Law, September 1st through the 3rd. Okay.

My comedy album just came out. It's on everywhere you can buy an album. And my comedy special of the same name, Menopause. I like that. Came out. I'll tell you what. All right. I'm going to of the same name, Menopause, came out. I'll tell you what. I'm going through the change. Life, you know, we're all going to die. Me probably before you.

Do you mind telling us how young you are? I'm 50. I'll be 51 August 12th. Holler at your girl, Cash App. You look good. Is Jack Zablish a Cash App too? Yeah, yeah. All of it.

You'll find me just looking up. Don't be lazy. And I sweat sometimes and go through the change or hot flashes while I'm performing. And I didn't know that would happen because it all happened during the lockdown. That lights and stuff made me just burst into flames. Okay. So I was in Rhode Island. I forget.

Comedy Connection, Rhode Island, is that where that is? I was doing a weekend there. I told the audience, just so you know, I sweat. I'm going through the cause. And this man started applauding in the back. So I was like, what are you applauding for? Menopause. And he said, I'm giving you menopause.

That's great. So I said, first of all, I'm taking that. I'm not giving you a goddamn dime. Not a penny. So that's why. I'm like, it's catchy. It's catchy. That's my title of my album and special men applause on Amazon

Apple TV all the other ones all the ones except you know you know who yeah the one

the one the one actually one of the ones that's right I've let go of that being the Holy Grail I want to be there

of course but if not as long as I'm working well listen the Holy Grail is just putting it out there I'm working on mine now too and honestly like you know if you look at back in the day, we all wanted to kill one another to get on this one network called Comedy Central.

Yes. Because there was only one motherfucking network that said, this is what we think is funny. And listen, here's the thing. They weren't wrong. Everybody put on there was funny. But there's more than 20 people there's more than 20 motherfucking comedians out there i've had so many meetings with them too right over the years and it's always no thanks no thank they like who they like and that's fine yeah and

after a while it's like we're gonna send them over the wall but you aren't gonna get over the wall and the whole time we're over here like man i know i'm good too yeah again not saying better than anybody else but i know I'm just as good. I was always told with them is that I wasn't part of the demographic of who watches the show. You know, woman, black, full figure, over 40. And then I'm like, well, how about you have like Lottie Love on there? But it really is not. If you look at who watches, it's white guys between this, that, yays and that age.

Yeah, probably college frat guys. Yeah, and that's who they made their shows for. That was when Daniel Tosh was the height of the show. Workaholics. Amy Schumer had a joint on there. So I got it. I still wanted to get a special, a half hour, 20 minutes. And I would apply, and they would just say, no, no, no.

And I know they liked me. It's my thing. In the business, they all know who we are. Of course. Our names will never come across the table. They're like, who? They all know us. but you have to wait until it's your turn that's basically my whole career just work hard and wait your turn create your own opportunity and while you wait and that's what we all do create your own shit so then here comes a company like netflix

says well we think this is funny and then here comes amazon here comes hulu and here's youtube where we all just go, well, if none of y'all are going to fuck with me, I'm just going to put my shit over here and people are having

wild success. Yeah, Sam Carlin, New York, Mark Norman, all of them. For all of them. And I remember

during the quarantine lockdown in the bedroom, I'm in my childhood bedroom when I grew up and don't have my own place yet. When we were all in our bedrooms

kind of wondering about our lives and is this going to be it? Am I going to die? I watched my comedian co-workers put up their specials and now they're on the road, calendar days out, they're assholes. They're doing their third

special now. And I watched them post it and I'm like, okay, let's see how this works out. Instead of like, why don't you just pace his body with a camera and go on rooftop and post your own goddamn jokes and it didn't occur to me but laziness you know no confidence i'm assuming i'm like white guy he probably got the funds to do this all kind of doubting myself all i had to have was somebody with a camera and time so you just said something about being in your childhood bedroom yes so all right we're gonna up to that. Let's go back to the beginning.

Yes. Where are you from originally? Where is this childhood home? Bronx, New York, boogie down. All right. Childhood home, it's in the Bronx. I lived in New York up until age 29, and I moved to L.A. in 2000 when I turned 30, and I moved to L.A. to go to law school.

Really? Yes, because no law school, my LSAT and test taking skills are horrible. So I had a really low score. So I'm like any school that will let me in the building, I will go. So I applied to random schools all over the country, just saying, please somebody say yes. Cause they all said no. And one small school in LA said, yes, you can come out here contingent upon passing this test, blah, blah, blah. I failed the test, transferred to another school, a Christian law school in California called Trinity Law School. They let me stay, finished in four years, got the

degree, and eloped and got married while I was out there also. I left my boyfriend in New York, moved to LA to go to law school, and he followed me because he didn't believe me. I was leaving until I packed my shit and left. And then he me a dramatic soap opera we eloped i divorced him less than a year later but finished law school and uh then i just day jobs and working and that led to you know where i am now but i in the bronx i'm living with my retired jamaican mom just me and her in the house that i grew up in dad died five years ago and sorry oh thank you and i'm engaged so i'm in that place where i'm like do i get a place now that way till we get married do i get a job where i can even afford to live in new york so i'm in that very delicate area of i don't know what the fuck gonna happen tomorrow

i have no idea what i'm doing but i'm doing it anyway yeah that's my life right that's it every day you get up and you just go yep there's nothing else you can do there's not i have no when i tell you every morning i'm like no fucking idea who's gonna call me email me will i get a job will they say we we thought we were gonna do that but we're gonna we had changed the plan every day is an emotional i have no fucking clue so all i can do is just get my nails done and keep my eyelashes nice and long and just hope for the best well it's working's working. Thank you. All right. So how many are you, your mom and dad are from where originally? Jamaica.

Everybody's Jamaican. Mom and dad. Yes, whole family. I think I'm first generation Americans. I was born in the Bronx. So they came here from Jamaica. Is that where they met in Jamaica? Yeah.

My dad was a cop in Kingston, Jamaica. My mom, I don't know what she did. They're very vague about their lives when they were younger. But they dated and I think he moved to America first and he was like a porter in a hospital. You know, get any job, you can't immigrant. And then when he got settled, I think he sent for her and she moved here and was a nanny in Cleveland. Their love story sounds very complicated. It was just a matter of we broke, we immigrants, we just came here. There's no big romance besides that and then then they

got married and i was born in 71 they bought a house i've always had a working class upbringing hard-working people everybody had a job are you an only child i have a sister she's 11 years younger than me just turned 40 and just got her master's in social work from hunter college so all right shout out to jessica champagny my and same parents yeah mommy daddy why yeah are you an oops baby i don't know i remember before she was born bugging them because i was lonely and they were they kept saying no by the time they were like sure i was like 11 and i was like i don't want nobody now but you know now yeah yo that window i was starting to get titties i got my period when i was 11. I'm like, why are you on the side to do this now? I was starting to get titties.

My period came when I was 11. I'm like, and a baby? You selfish motherfuckers. Exactly how it went. Then I became the babysitter. Of course you did. And probably bitter. Of course you did. And probably bitter. Of course you did.

And probably why I low-key always have a problem with my sister, because I'm like, you fucked my life up. But I would die for you now. That's all that matters. Oh, man. That's too much. Okay. And did your parents stay together? Were they together the whole time?

Yes. They were married 50 years before my dad passed away. Wow. They made it to 5-0. And what's your relationship like with your mom? I would die for her, and I do love her intensely, but living with her

is a horrible idea, and it's bad for my mental health. And why? Because I haven't lived there for 20 years. I moved back in October 2020 pre-COVID, so I moved back with a full touring schedule schedule plenty of money just working person so i'm like i'm gonna move back but i'll get a place in a month or two the rents weren't what they are now and then covid hit and then i just and covid hit and i reunited with

my boyfriend who lived in new york so my mental and emotional health was just completely bombarded with i'm surviving and I have a new boyfriend. And you're back in your childhood. And I'm back in my bedroom that I grew up in with new clothes and, you know, new income, but no room for any of this new shit. Keith's sweatpants are still there. Okay. And a brand new Gucci bag.

Because I'm a failure, but I, you know, I'm working on my life. Talk to me about this for a minute. Because, all right, I know you went back with the idea to get a place. Yes. And listen, New York, here, San Francisco, they're three of the most expensive cities in the fucking world. Yeah, but I was blessed because you know what an intermediate touring comic makes. So I could afford a decent rent in New York, but all that has changed. To this day, they have like five grand for a decent place in New York and I'm like what yeah it was 2,500 a couple of months ago yeah

so that's why I'm like could I afford it I probably could but do I want to live like that right strapped to this damn apartment yeah exactly I don't own it no I don't own it I probably could have bought a place if I had done it like right when the pandemic started for you exactly so i'm in that place now i'm like all this transition and so after 20 years you go back and now you're in your childhood bedroom and is it just you and your mom in the house yeah yeah in this big old house and she won't let me make it comfortable that's part of why i'm uncomfortable there she won't let me throw things away and there's a spare bedroom that could be my closet slash office she won't't let me touch anything. What's in it? A full-size bed and clothes.

My clothes. A lot of storage of my bookcase that I had with all of my fucking Judy Blume shit books and all that. Still there. And my father's stuff everywhere. Khakis. 80s heavy pairs of pleated front khakis. Everywhere. It's like a memorial on every railing.

Of his pants. His shorts. She has a hanging over every railing of his pants his his shorts it's just a fucking memorial of my father trucker hats baseball hats cricket you pay cricket or he was an umpire so she won't allow me to make the house mean her. So, you know, so I'm, while I'm very blessed to have a wonderful, clean, safe, big ass house to live in, I'm still very uncomfortable. So I'm working in right now and getting a full time job in entertainment so that I could get the fuck out of the house. Does it trip you out to be back in your childhood room? It did in the beginning. Now it's just, i'm always aggravated like i'm trying to lead with appreciation and gratitude when all that comes out of my mouth

the fuck am i still doing here so i lead with gratitude the gratitude will get you out of there but it's gratitude with slats i'm a fucking failure so but i know that i'm not you know you are definitely not but i need to move and i'm really really in love and i want i want us to have our own place to walk to be to be naked in our houses like he when we can afford to he'll travel with me on road gig that long ones and we'll be in the hotel room like my god why can't we live together this is we are old how old he he's 51 yeah so i'm like shouldn't we be in our own crib and he's like yeah but you know he he's on a fixed income so i'm the one that would have to like help us move someplace nice and then we contribute together but i can't move right now i just can't afford it

and are you watching this is something people have talked to me about to aging parents and stuff so are you sort of caretaking as well or is your mom in good health right now? I'm not caretaking the way I should, to be honest. She's – I think she's going to be 80 or 79 years old. She doesn't tell me what's going on. I don't know whether they think I don't care. But when she has a new ailment or issue or needs a new prescription, it's all a secret. has a new ailment or issue or needs a new prescription it's all a secret like for example i was i went i was at the getting my hair done last week i was under the dryer deep conditioning

and my phone rang and my aunt said hey your mom will not be there to pick up the amazon grocery delivery she's going under anesthesia and i'm like i'm going under anesthesia for what yeah and she's like she's having her procedures she's having some shots in her hip because she has her sciatica and her back all kind of issue with walking so i'm like why you why am i finding out now that she's going under anesthesia and she's like well you know i just want to let you know i won't be there and i'm like so this is happening on a regular basis because my mother is lucky. She has my aunt, her sister, who lives in the apartment downstairs. So them two are codependent. So I don't get told much because they're a little cohorts together.

Right. So I'm like, well. You're the outside. I'm the outside. And my sister is also with them. So all I say now is, look, if somebody dies, at least let me know. That's all I can do at this point. I tried to have my name put on the deed to make the house mine because they're old as fuck and they're like you thought you would have thought

i was asking them to murder them permission to i'm like no no i'm just trying to move us along because you are not immortal even though i might die tomorrow let's let's be real y'all gonna go first let's get this taken care of but that's what I'm dealing with every day. And I'm not taking care of them the way I should because mentally I can't. As long as those two can handle it, just let me know when you need money and need a ride. I got a reliable new car. I make enough money that if you need whatever for this, I can hopefully take care of it. Beyond that, I have to take care of my own mental health. That's too much going on.

As long as everyone's okay. Right. Everybody is okay. Outside we were talking and you said something about your attitude toward death. Why don't you tell me a little more about that? My father died five years ago. And I guess part of it is he's always been there, like every day of my life until I moved out. But he's been there in terms of paying the bills. He didn't take me anywhere.

He didn't confide in me or teach me much because I've learned everything pretty much by trial and error but I'm like on the on the front side I'm like well you're grown you know walk it off the daddy issues you fix it on the other side I'm like well that's partially why I'm also like if you if you are not in my life in a productive daily or monthly or weekly way when you pass how sad am i supposed to be you know so he i know would die for me and he always will be there for me when he was alive when he passed away i'm kind of like well he was also depressed i could tell because he was financially strained his whole marriage and slash with his two kids didn't have any money but he kind of fronted like he did lives on credit i didn't know that until I started to see the paperwork when he passed.

Like, oh, you guys maintain all this. We're just maintaining very good credit for decades. You know, the nice cars, the house. I was always cute in my private school. But it's all based on credit and them maintaining a job. So they had to work. They could never not work. So learning all that and knowing why he was probably a depressed guy didn't really involve himself in my life too much.

Because he saw that I was okay. Despite me not having any real parental guidance, I turned out fantastic. So when he died, I'm like, he did his job. I'm cool. He loved my mom the best he could. I turned out. Me and my sister, no problems, no drugs, no kids everywhere. We were really a success.

So when he died, I'm like, well, he did his job. He had an assignment. So I was sad because I'm like, oh my God, my mother's husband. I'm more like that. I got more sad about that. Like her man, her man gone. That's when I took it out of Jackie, your daddy died. But was he your daddy or was he your father?

But I'm like, oh, but her dude is gone. Her partner, her best friend, her confidant. That's what made me sad. Not losing him it's her you know but once again I'm also like he was also in pain I could tell he had a disease that wasn't curable and it was making him weak because I could tell in his eyes he wanted to go like he gave me one of his rings that I wear in pictures every now and then a beautiful gold ring and when I, I'm like, he'll probably be mad and be like, put it back. He was like, no, no. You can wear it.

And something, when that moment, I'm like, he probably felt that he was on his way. And he took my mother to teach her how to do this with a car and change the oil. Give her all these lessons. Weeks before. And I'm like, that's all in my mind of god saying get the paperwork together it's about to go down so i feel like he he was um ready in some weird way so i look at death kind of like when people go no matter how they go you know it's uh oh i'm gonna cry with this one this happened last night oh i don't have to give tissue i know i'm gonna cry let's get some tissues oh i know i'm gonna cry for this one

this happened last night uh this is why i don't do podcasts here come the tissues here come the tissues i um shout out to uh thank you thank you kirsten shout out to uh oh so it's not on the camera in front of the camera last night i did flappers uh eight o'clock uh tony baker and friends i did his show and i know knew it's gonna be sold out because it's tony so i made sure i look extra cute you know and i'm like okay i'm mentally ready to perform because i get nervous because I know it's his crowd. But I also know that I have not seen his face or talked to him live since his son passed. So I'm also like, but Jackie, you and Tone

are cool, but y'all ain't tight. You're very cool. Very, very cool, but you're not the best of friends. You live in two different coasts. You don't see each other anymore on the road and the circuit. We're two different career paths. Same job, but different career paths. So when I saw him, I walked in the green room as little flappers he was sitting there and it just kind of hit me that I had not seen him then and then behind him his shoulder moved I saw the

face his other son and I'm like oh your son hi and I just felt like oh my god I did not grieve or I didn't I didn't send him flowers I didn't call I didn't I have no idea what I didn't do so when um I watched the show he did his set every car was second to last he introduced me I got on stage and when I got on stage and looked out I just felt I couldn't remember what I wanted to say I couldn't get joke out oh it was a horrible set, by my standards, his son was in the front row, and I don't know, you know, why I was so sad, I barely knew his son, but I realized I didn't do anything when he passed, besides, you know, fellow, you know, commenting on Instagram, whatever, so, I just felt sad, and then I had to wash off the sad, to do the set, I'm like, okay,

this is your, in your own head. Tony will be fine. He got a family of his own. So I did the set outside of my body. I didn't feel like I was there. I wasn't in my groove. So when I was done, the show ended. I hugged him goodbye and I left.

But I've been sad ever since. I don't know why. The way his son passed. That's terrible. Yeah. Anyway, that's what death, that kind of thing bothered me. I get regret when I don't console people who didn't wait. The child.

Yeah, the child. And the way he passed. And how I can sense when somebody has sadness in them. And even though Tony is very good at being Tony, I can still, you know, his son, I can tell. And his friends, King and I was in the green room. And I can just kind of feel the heavy. But that don't happen forever now.

Forever. So that was that. But when it comes to death, it happens naturally. I have a very, I think, a healthy attitude. I'm like, if it's age or, God forbid, disease, I'm like, well, you know, hopefully I die in a way that comes gradually. I want to be a sassy old lady with the gray hair. I want to be bedazzled. I want to have that glass of scotch on the porch of my house.

I want to grow old, but I want to have that glass of scotch on the porch of my house. I want to grow old, but I want to be healthy. But if God takes me just because I've lived it out, then I think that's healthy. But when you die in the way that he died, then I'm like, oh, God. I just feel consumed with heaviness. And I'm not part of their lives. I don't know what happened. I was part of our community. Yes.

Yes. And one of our brotherhood's sons gone. I mean, that's trash. And the senseless way that poor boy. You know what? All those children, they all died in that car. Oh, yeah. Everyone in the car.

The girl. It was terrible. All of them. All of that. Thursday night, I've got Lamar throwing for more than 200 yards. Mahomes is rushing for more than 35 yards. And I got Aaron Rodgers throwing for more than 300 yards. Prize picks format, it's simple.

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I was sad about that because he, we weren't together. We were divorced for years when he passed. But we were casual, cordial. So we would text

and talk on the phone. Probably shouldn't have, but we still did. This is the one you eloped with? Yeah, I eloped with him in Vegas in 2000, divorced him less than a year later. So you were still friendly after?

We were still friendly. And by friendly, I think I wouldn't let go because I kind of felt like I fucked up. Like, oh, I probably should try to work it out with this dude. So I would stay. I would be like, hey, happy birthday, you know, that kind of thing. So I called him just to kick it, and a woman answered the phone. It was either his present girlfriend or his past fiance. I forget whatever.

And she told me that James was playing basketball, but he had heart pains, heart, chest pains, and he didn't make it. So that was like, and I was- That's how you found out. That's how I found out. And he and I were together for like nine years. So that, I was sad about that because I'm like, I feel like if he knew that he was about to die, he probably was so sad and scared. Because he was such a, he was 6'4", lineback linebacker size and athlete jump shot to kick an ass so i was really sad but i'm like he he was a pillar of the community he was a dean at a

geometry school just passed the bar he was a lawyer this man was you know new new love life so when he passed that made me sad but going to his funeral and seeing him seeing him in open casket in he was a very materialistic dude. Jeet out, suit, whatever. And that made me sad. I'm like, I've never seen my big, strong, athletic man like that. And his family, they weren't fond of me because I'm the one who left him. I'm the one who was this.

And they were like, it was a packed ass wake. This man was famous in his hood. And I was the one who gave him a lot of heartache because he really was not happy. I wanted to divorce him. He tried to off himself, all that kind of stuff. It was dramatic. So I'm the last person he wanted to see. But when it was time to say anything in front of the cast, I'm like, no, I want to say something.

I don't care. You know what I'm supposed to do? The whole room. Did you really? Because my thing is they had they these people i'd say i'm gonna get out the people in this room he only saw at the family reunion if that i'm like i'm with this nigga every day so i didn't give a damn about his family not liking me i'm like you guys love the judge but guess what when he this whatever every day of our that

was me and him so I also have like a chip when it comes to family I'm like you got got a lot to say but I'm looking at this dude and he looking at me

like how are we gonna figure this out and family is not around so yeah I forgot where I was going all this God thank you

for the cry that felt good no you're welcome cause I've been holding that in since last night like ooh God he'll see this

or they'll he'll go around the community like oh God that kid was fucked. I'm more mad that I had a bad set. I was ready to rock that bitch. And I did not.

You just shook it, Jackie. You got shook in that room. And I told Tony that I wanted to cry. He goes, you weak. He said, you got weak. And I was like, yeah, I wasn't ready to see you and perform. I don't know him well enough. I would love to have him come on and talk about it.

I just don't know if I, I don't know if that is offensive to reach out to someone and say something like that. I can text him and say, is it okay if Ryan hits you up? I mean, something like that. It's all via text. Yeah.

Yeah. He'll text you. He'll let you know whether or not he's comfortable with that. Right. Yes. I've seen him talk about it a little bit on like the Breakfast Club. I think he was on talking about it. Yes,

he was. He was. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. Well, what you talked about was any other significant deaths and you said your ex. Yes. You were sad when he passed away, genuinely. Yes.

What about your dad? Did you say he was sick? Did you get to have any time with him at the end? Did you get to have any conversations, anything that you wish you always wanted to say or i think it i think him getting sick he got it sped up because he of course probably didn't tell anybody of the symptoms and by the time they diagnosed him i was i really couldn't be in new york much i was living in la trying to work and stuff so i couldn't come out here much i didn't have the money to buy plane tickets the way i would throw them out now to go wherever i want because you have to i would be like i really have to have to to come back so i didn't see him i didn't um i forgot

where i was going ryan i was asking you if you had any sort of closure conversations no dad any any when he died i wasn't there that's one of the regrets i remember my mom my aunt called me like three in the morning and anybody in your family calls you that late you know it's always yeah it's gonna be some shit and my aunt told me he didn't make it all i remember is my aunt called me at like 3 in the morning and anybody in your family calls you that late it's always going to be some shit and my aunt told me he didn't make it all I remember is my aunt passing my mom the phone and my mom's first words were oh Jackie I don't know

he passed already and now that took me because that's when I thought her man died before I thought daddy died so her saying that was me hearing her saying what the fuck am I going to do now? So no. I didn't see him before.

No closure. I remember I kissed him on his bald head. Like the previous visit. During the holidays. So I did get to give him affection. Was he at home or was he in the hospital? He was when he died. No in the hospital.

He had blood clot issues. That they were able to clear up. But you have to get him to the hospital fast. And he got him in his leg I think. And that caused the hospital. He had blood clot issues that they were able to clear up, but you have to get him to the hospital fast. And he got him in his leg, I think, and that caused the death. But he was deteriorating slowly with different ailments, and I feel like he was ready to go. It's just my mom that I feel bad for because she's someone who gave it all to the husband. He handled everything. she's someone who gave it all to the husband you know he handled everything you know he paid most of the bills and that was causing i think most of his depression because he had a lot of the weight

on him and because i my mom said to me i remember one time this made me also realize that i i'm not we're different she i was sitting on the floor during the quarantine watching tv something some some and i remember she said to me don't you want to find a man to pay your bills and when she said that i'm like i first thought was judgment like what like fuck i'm trying to be the man to pay my own bills right but she comes from a generation of find a man and a husband and stop all this yeah you know all this nonsense and i'm like she don't get it that i'm like i'm not happy with the hustle the hustle makes me happy because it's not the job that everyone wants me to have i've had every job i got a four or five page resume of bullshit this is the only thing i'm good i'm not the only it's one is what i'm good at that i want to pursue you know that's

what i'm best at it's what i'm best at and i've tried a lot of shit me too and i've been bad in a lot of mediocre and bad is it bad or is it because you didn't like it so you wouldn't apply yourself okay so that's what i wanted to say to you it's very interesting you say that going back to career stuff like you said uh that script i never wrote or whatever and i think about the same thing too and i'm like my heart wasn't in it i want to do comedy but just because i want to do comedy doesn't mean i gotta write the script for a sitcom I got to write a feature I got to have a this and this some things you just need to go some of them are like that's not for me like I'm never gonna bring juggling into my fucking act you know what I mean I'm not gonna

bring music into my act yeah some shit's just not for me in comedy so the things that I feel like resonate with me that's where I start leaning in hard. And writing a script, actually, like the concept of a sitcom, I'll give you a fucking one sheet all day long. Sitting down and writing the story arcs. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. And it's good to be able to say that because you kind of come up in this business thinking, I need to know how to do everything. And the older you get,

the more you're like, I like to perform. And if I get a fat ass job as a writer, I'm going to be bitter. I'm going to do the job. I'll be like, but I want to be

in front of the camera. And you have to be secure enough to be like, I'm sorry if I sound arrogant, but I belong in front of the camera. And I'm okay with saying that. You know,

I'd be like, I'd be like years ago saying, well, I should know how to do it all, but I don't want to do it all. I want to be a star and be in the writer's room but i want to be in front of the camera i don't want to be the writer in the corner quiet so what is it about your fiance now that has you so in love what is it about the qualities in this man that because you also mentioned outside we talked about yeah the type of man your dad was and that sort of sets the table

for you know in a if it's a if it's a good father yes sort of sets the table for things you'd like to look for or would like in a man yourself my father was a pretty boy like he was an attractive man and i think that also made me kind of have a i I'm very, I'm looks driven. I mean, who's not? I'm self-aware. Most people are. Initially, it's what attracts all of us are looks. But if you would line up all of my exes, whatever they are, none of them look alike.

I got short. I got very fat. I got dad bod. I got oh my God bod. I have everything. Because I really do vibe. I'll be pulled in, you know, nice eyes. I will vibe in the face, good smile. But, you know, the personality is what makes me want to see them again.

But my fiancé currently, I met him in college in 1989. Oh, okay. Community college. I couldn't get into a better school. Same. So I met him in business administration class. And first of all, I was fresh. The prom just ended

my first September 89. My braces just got off. I was just brand new to the world of being a woman. I went to private school uniform. This whole new world of being a really cute girl in regular clothes and fresh out of high school, so ready to go. Business class is six foot four inch uh very dark skin jock walks in i remember he had on a red champion hoodie red nike 1989 he walked in late as fuck there's nowhere else to sit because he so he had to sit in the front and that was the day i saw him and i'm like i'm in love with this guy long story short he was in a he had a girlfriend i was too young i didn't know what I was doing. I was figuring out college. Nothing happened. He made his friends.

Never dated or anything? Nothing ever happened. Just classmates. Then everybody, his girl graduated, transferred. He left. I stayed there. So I stayed college-focused to get the degree. I don't know where he went. He went to different schools for basketball, military, blah, blah, blah. Lost contact. Met a guy in college. that's the guy they did for nine years and then i married him but the fiance's qualities that so wait can i stop you for one second i wanted to ask you that the guy that you eloped with and ended it after one year you had been with for nine years yes we were a couple so 10 total yeah let's make it 10 yes so it wasn't

like you'd met this dude and within a year got married and divorced. You were with this man for a decade. Yes. That's why we got divorced because it was already over and I still married him. Okay. I married him because I was kind of like, fuck it. We've been doing all this. But then after we did it, I was kind of like, oops. Okay.

Yeah. All right. That was it. So this guy looks, you know why? He was my first exposure to an actual like real man after high school all i had were my guys from four years that you see in school every day and what do you mean by that he was the biggest dude i ever seen in my life because i all i had we had one tall guy in high school named patrick black black guy he went from like five seven to six four in one summer

he was the biggest black guy i've seen in my life all i would see i would go from high school to home i didn't hang out strict family so when i graduated and went to college he was the first like i'm like oh this is what the black guy looked like when they're grown i'm gonna i like this world so i got a crush on him from that point on and then i got to know him through being a classmate but it was just physical why he came contact with me i came contact with him when i was in L.A. I would come home during the holidays and go say hi, if you know what I mean, say what's up. When was the first time you said hi?

Oh, my God. I moved to L.A. in 2000, probably once a year for 17, 18 years. The guy that you're with now? Yes. Wow, okay. Thanksgiving, Christmas. What made it first happen? Because you said you were just friends for so long.

That first time, what made it happen? We both left the college that we met in, and we lost contact for a while. I transferred to another school, but he knew that I had a part-time job at Bloomingdale's after school. He came to Bloomingdale's. I worked at the belt counter and accessories.

He came there during my shift to get my number so he could i guess find me he found me because you remember i worked there and he knew that i was the kind of person who kept the job because i had the job for years while i was in college and he came to find me and get my number and stay in contact wouldn't commit or ask me out or ask for anything beyond just can we hang out so because he wasn't ready to be a boyfriend back then he was the hot guy jock who enjoyed his freedom but i was so whipped at 18 years old with this beautiful man 19 whatever it was so i just kind of let him lead me and you know by the earring because he was so hot and that was an experience and i learned what i he wasn't my first sexual

experience but he was my first good one. So I had like one or two beforehand teenagers and it was like beyond horrible. Didn't feel nothing. I don't even know what happened. But he was the one who, he fucked me. And I'm like, oh, this is, this is what the big deal is. That's what hooked me in. And then over the years of doing it in this you know the scandal is oh

i'm coming home but then when i moved back home i didn't call him because i knew that once i called him it'd be on okay but when i called him i called him with the intention of picking up the the sex buddy thing but he was like i want to try to be a couple so i'm so it was his uh it was his like idea first you ain't going back to la so why don't we give it a go? So I'm like, well, I enjoy hanging out with him. Let's see if the joy turns into can I be his girlfriend. And that's how it began around about three, almost three years ago now. Okay.

Yeah. And when did you get engaged? In Hawaii last summer. I had a gig at the Blue Note in Hawaii, and I brought him, and we were there for like, I extended the stay there, you know, really expensive to this for like I extended the stay there you know really expensive to this day I extended the stay there beyond the booking because it was Hawaii all I remember is a drunken night of amazing sex and the next morning he's like so I guess we're engaged but he's always been he's always been I've been the one that's been the coward about America I did it before but you you say he's not afraid now are you not afraid anymore no I'm still scared

today you have a nice bit in my set where I'm like, I have cold feet. Women are never allowed to have it, but I'm scared to death. When you're divorced, you do go into, male or female, whatever gender, you do go into it like, oh, shit. Can I do this again? Do you feel like, are you worried is a better way to ask this, that you're going to bounce after a year again? Ryan, if I'm going to keep it real, because you'll probably never hear this. I thought I'd be one of those chicks that have four or five husbands. I thought I was down for that.

I'm like, Elizabeth Taylor caught some heat. Why? Why was everybody hating on Liz? All she did was keep it moving when she wasn't J-Lo keep it moving. So I believe it probably goes to, I probably have a theme over my head of just running. But that's just, I don't a theme over my head of just running. But that's just, I don't believe you should stay somewhere if you're not happy. I left New York when it got whack.

I left here when it got whack. I'll leave a man when it gets whack. Yeah, but 20 years in just running after six months of being here. You put in time here. True, but I. You did a prison term out here. You did life. I was also hiding. I was also hiding.

And I knew that in New York. From what? New York. In what? New York is a lot of responsibility. I was living out here. I had my little Camry, my little two-bedroom, two-bath. I wanted more, but I thought I'd buy a house in the valley. I was going down that path. But then when I realized, when I got home was when I realized, oh, shit, everybody's old.

Everyone's health is questionable, including mine. I'm in good health, but I'm also older. Do I want to be – I don't have another 20 to give to another state. I got to be like, okay, you want to put down some roots. And I'm doing that now for the first time at 50 years old, putting roots down now. I don't have any kids, but I'll have a stepdaughter when I marry him because he has a daughter. She's 15. I met her.

Love her. So I'm like – somebody told me, Jackie, you're having a really good second act. It's stressful as fuck, but it's a second act. Also, I look at it too, Jackie. You put the time in up front, and now it's paying dividends. You know what I mean? It pays out differently for everybody. It does.

Yeah. And when also. Yeah. But when you put that time and investment in at the top it's paying off for you now you got love how you how you um feel about being a stepmom i love it because i i honestly don't know why i'm not a mom with i don't know why i didn't let one of these just stay in there i don't know why i just didn't just try it you know what i mean because i would be a great mom and some people are like i'm surprised you're not because your personality is nurturing and

maternal do you regret it no i don't regret it i don't believe in regret i'm like god had a path we don't know what it is and meeting my new teenage stepdaughter i'm like there's plenty of time to you know cover her and dazzle her in pink and glitter or not whatever she wants you know what i mean let her be her and are you do you know her mom i met her mom for the dazzle and her in pink and glitter. Or not. Whatever she wants. You know what I mean? Let her be her. And are you, do you know her mom? I met her mom for the first time and her the same day. How's that? Her mom was great.

Her mom was a hardworking entrepreneur. And cool with you being the female, another female influence in her daughter's life? Because that's a big deal for a woman. She seemed cool. But I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to. It came out of her. You know what I mean?

I'm not going to dim my flame. I'm fantastic. So she would want to have me. You're fabulous, girl. She'd want to lie. I'm not going to. It came out of her. You know what I mean? I'm not going to dim my flame. I'm fantastic. So she would want to have me. You're fabulous, girl. She'd want to have me in her daughter's life. I tell him all the time. I'm like, because I did have beef. I didn't meet her for a minute.

I just met her. How long was a minute? Oh, three years then. Yeah. Well, almost three years. We're dating. Never during this time of seeing each other. I remember sitting in my Toyota Corolla in front of my girlfriend's house in Bellflower,

California, late at night before the LA got so scary. of Sandy Joy. I remember sitting in my Toyota Corolla in front of my girlfriend's house in Bellflower, California late at night before the LA got so scary and talking to him on the phone when he was in New York and he had something to tell me

and he told me he was going to have a baby. I remember this. You do. 15 years ago and I wasn't, I was new. I was still like

bringer shows and I was sitting in that car bawling, crying because I'm like, he got somebody pregnant? As many times as he's bust off in me raw. I'm not going to lie, Ryan.

That's low key. That is low key some of the resentment. I'm like the amount of swimmers that this man has released in me. And not one of them hatched into nothing? Hatched into nothing. I'm still bitter about that to this day. I love his daughter. And she belongs where she is because things happen the way they're supposed to.

But even now, because when we first started dating, got back together, I was what, 48? So we were getting an end. And I was still on schedule with everything. I'm like, I'm probably going to get not. And I had, my period was gone for like so long. I was ready to look for preschools. That's how long my period was. That's how late my period was.

I was like, I might as well get a school. And it wasn't that. It was just menopause and changing. And I was like, God damn it. I can't believe I missed it with this dude. Was he cool with having one if you could have one? Oh, yes. Yeah, together?

Whenever I had a scary late period, he was excited. And I was low-key like, hey, I'm the only one I got that can afford to have a baby. I'm paying for this. Okay. So, no. But, yeah, part of my sadness is that, oh, I could have been my daughter because she's really a great person. It's too nice out to be too damn high. Just because we've aged out a summer break doesn't mean we don't need to chill out.

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Go to mindbloom.com slash honeydew, promo code honeydew for $100 off your first six-session program today. That's mindbloom.com slash honey do promo code honey do now let's get back to the do so but i'm also open to um what you call adopting are you i'm very healthy there's no reason why i can't give this as a baby or if you want to look i was gonna ask you if you're gonna adopt you want baby or i would love a baby i would i kind of have a soft spot for teenage girls because i remember i had i was a part of two programs in la where i mentored teenage girl i remember i had one black

girl and one uh mexican girl jessica jessica and jasmine jessica yeah j-a-s-i-c-a and jasmine and i was mentoring them a few months we'd go to the movies and stuff and i loved them i'm like together or separately together i would go pick them up and stuff. And I loved them. Together or separately? Together. I would go pick them up at both of their cribs. And I remember Jessica had issues at her house. And she would ask me, like, Miss Jackie, can I live with you? But because I had a one-bedroom apartment, I couldn't.

To foster, you have to have a two-bed. So I was like, oh, man. I thought about it hard. Like, I could take her right now if I had somewhere for her to come back to. So if I were to do it, teenage girls kind of made me feel like they could use my guidance. What do you think that's all about, your connection to them? Because my teenage life was just so full of angst. Why?

I didn't feel. In high school, I've always been the funny girl. Not the clown, but personality and quick wit. So that would always make me feel like, oh, boy, I'm not getting boys asking me out, but they want to be around me because I'm funny. And I always felt like all my girlfriends were prettier than me and cuter than me. Although I look back now at pictures, I'm like, I was adorable. But in the moment, I use humor as a way to keep my friends around me. And I had fun.

But I wasn't fucking. You weren't dating at all or anything can you curse on this you shouldn't we've been cursed okay that's not the first two hours in yeah it's all right yeah i wasn't i didn't have i wasn't getting busy when i was in high school busting nuts all up in me can you cuss on that i wasn't getting any action in high school. I remember my girlfriend in elementary school and high school, they would come back from overnight going home.

They had hickeys and shit, and nobody was touching me. I don't know what it was. No homecomings, no none of that stuff? No, my prom date was gay. My prom date was a queen. Did you know it, though? No, I didn't know. I didn't know.

I didn't know homosexuality when i was then because it was a secret in the closet and it was in the 80s so it was like in and out and i don't know who was what didn't care i was i joined my friends nobody was fucking you were young whether you're gay or not you weren't having sex you were too young so my uh my prom day i remember his name was roy and he just he loved me so much but it wasn't a sexual love and i loved him but it wasn't attraction so i remember and i knew it was gay because after the prom all of my friends that i was close to in high school they went to the hotel and he wanted to go dancing so we went to a club i think and we went dancing i had a great time but i was also horny

as fuck like why am i not and then i realized he was never, he liked kissing me, but it wasn't long tongue. It was all pecking. So I'm like, he attracted to me, but he's not, he doesn't want to like be the man in my life. And down the line, years later, I saw him. He had a, I remember he had a high top fade and he dyed it blonde. He had hazel contacts. I was like, oh, that's why we weren't fucking but it took years to see him again because i didn't because again i was working in retail so

i learned about a little of the gay world i'm like oh and my friends are like girl you ain't see it i was like no i didn't see any of that i just liked him but my friends were fucking they went to there was a hotel called the capri hotel in new york that was a spot after the prom that everybody went there or yeah senior prom we got a dirty wednesday that was a hotel wednesday but nobody was fucking jackie i was home in that same goddamn room okay all, so you're back in your childhood room at 50. You're engaged. Yeah. And you mentioned in the email you sent over that at 50,

now you started thinking about a career change. I don't want to be a road comic. I really don't. I love performing. I love that my title in my career, on my tombstone, better say comedian first, whatever else I do. You did America's Got Talent, right? I did. I did.

You did really well on America's Got Talent. Semi-finals. I hear that's okay. That's damn good. Yes. But if you don't want to be a rogue comic, then what do you want to do as far as, how do you want to do that? I want to act more. Okay.

So you want to be in front of the camera. Yes. Okay. And have want to be in front of the camera. Yes. Okay. And have that drive my comedy. I'm getting too stressed out with my road dates being like, I'll get a good, I've had many a good like turnout on the weekend. But I want a consistent turnout. And me being on TV in spotty places is not enough. I want to be a draw.

And to be a draw, I realize that I'm going to have to be a television personality in some capacity so i have put it out in the universe i that i really really really want to act more produce and write but i wanted to be in the world of television whether that's streaming or channel four and that's the goal now because stand-up was really like when i after agt ended i was touring i mean like the way you guys do i was like oh this is what it is real touring means you are home tuesday and wednesday if that and that's it until you can learn the right to be like hey no more thursday i'm coming on friday no more sunday and then you're gonna see me on sunday and now and i'll take the l too now they're like no we gotta have you on wednesday i'm like i don't want to come there me too i'm not having my mail forwarded, bitch. I don't need to be there so long.

Yeah. You do not need to move to a city anymore for a weekend to build an audience there. Ain't nobody going to be here on Thursday. You don't need to do it. That's all for them. Yes. It's all for them. They want the company.

If you're selling 1,000 tickets a weekend and you're going to make me do five shows, well, that's not for me. Yeah. We could have sold two 500 shows on a friday night and we all could have been the fuck out of here then i'm there on sunday i come out there and the audience got 25 why are we here y'all could have for chicken fingers and beer that's why we're here for them that's why i'm sitting on the stool on sunday because you don't deserve the full show yes i don't mean that i'm joking but still i mean that part but i mean yeah that is the truth you don't those sunday people could pack into the Saturday or the Friday.

Why couldn't you come last night? You'd do nothing today. Maybe they couldn't because it was sold out. We should just be putting them all in here. Exactly. And I'll be honest. The blessing, the blessing, the blessing is that I can have my fiance with me with road gigs. Because road gigs for a woman, they're not easy.

They're not hard, but they're not always safe. I don't always feel comfortable. I don't blame you. I don't always feel safe. No. My opener in Kansas City had a gun on them. See? A gun on them.

I feel safe and scared at the same time. But think about how many gigs you've had where you go somewhere, you land in Iowa, you're going to get a ride from the airport. It's not a town car it's some dude named Eric who used to be on meth and the car ain't got no air you know it's not always gonna be the luxury it might be the sound guy who you could tell is high so that's what every now and then you might get that and I don't want that so I like having gigs where I'm there on the weekend where I can have my guy with me or maybe and if it's gonna be a long gig please have you know i'm i want that because being on the road alone it's

lonely it's sad and i don't want to do it primarily as my number one job i have to perform you get better on the road i've learned that you learn to rock a room when you're when you just rock 76 hours or whatever it is you know so i the road is necessary but i don't want it to be my life i don't blame you for that yeah well it can't be just your life i mean i watch tom and these guys go out and i'm like man i don't think they're home more than a stretch of three to five days ever whenever i see them post the calendar i'm like i know i'm low-key jealous i'm also like no why all of this there was a time i remember dl hugely there was a cycle he was on where this this dude was just not home and my first thought was does he like his wife

yeah how y'all keep the marriage together unless you like tony roberts and bring your wife with you or she's part of your team but other than that i'm like i would so i me and my fiance facetiming i'm like you have to because being gone like this you will lose interest i will i will forget i'm talking for myself i will be like i'm always gone i might as well find now i get how men some men on the road like do find girlfriends because they're like i'm always gone i gotta get laid you know i don't want to get into them i'm always gone i get lonely i'm content performing every now and then and having the seller as a blessing to compensate money when i'm not on the road so i'm just

gig the gig until i can get on tv because i'm just trying to get on tv what do you think your biggest uh has been your biggest challenge in your career not doing more of my own stuff content wise because whenever i do put stuff up i get a lot of why you do this all the time speaking of tony baker in the beginning this is a happier thing uh he's he would always be like why are you putting on content and i'm like so how often he's every goddamn day and that's him i'm like i can't do what you do i can't i don't want to keep it real i can do i can do everything he does i don't i don't want to keep it real i can do it i can do everything he does i don't want to i want to be a star i want to have cantaloupe all day and i want to have a nice

green honeydew girl yeah i love honeydew and i want to have i want to hire my own listen that's what's so funny like honeydews here at the bottom cantaloupes right here you didn't say strawberries nothing you said cantaloupe you're not too hard to please no i'm low maintenance in a high maintenance way it's very weird so i'm just the older you get you will be able to point out what job you want and don't want and that's where i am now i want to be a star i'm funny enough why why not me that's here's it one look can you see i have a tattoo what's it say oh i am enough yeah is that america's got talent on your arm yes i got that i was in the middle of competing i was in iowa

and i'm like is that where it was iowa no i was when i did agt i still kept my road gigs around you were going back and forth yeah because agt what i did i made it a part of my itinerary i didn't make it my life i'm like i'm at the improv one tuesday 82 on wednesday and that's how i had fun i didn't make it everything i made it part of my schedule which is great though because you're staying you but you're staying tuned up the whole time you have to yeah you're not fine you're not having to find these stage time running around town all these sets and shit and i truly and i would not i would actually get gigs also in town to run thing but i truly believe that Simon and Howie, I had Gabrielle Union and Julianne Hough,

they were the judges, but I really, really, really, really believe that Howie and Simon can sense when you are a working entertainer versus you just built it up for the AGT contest. They can tell when you have it and they can tell when you are, this is what you do.

They can tell. So I kept performing because I'm like, I know these guys can pinpoint you are this is what you do they can tell so I kept performing because I'm like I know these guys can pinpoint someone who this is their life versus I want to win this contest so that was my attitude towards the whole thing well thank you for coming on

I'm exhausted Ryan I hope you feel a little better we're not done quite yet I'm in a great mood I'm not tired or sick at all. You exhausted me. Well, before we get out of here, I told you at the beginning before we recorded that after everything we talk about, I would love to know advice that you would give to 16-year-old Jackie Fabulous.

I would tell 16-year-old Jackie Fab fabulous. Leave these men alone. I, the woman who wrote eat, pray, love, I forgot your name. Oprah, one of Oprah's girls back in the book club days,

she's being interviewed. And she says, I think an interview that I had stuck with me. She said, if I had given the amount of time that I have given to trying to get men to like me, I could have learned four or five languages. Yeah. That's the damn truth and when

she said that i was like oh my god i'm like i look at it now the amount of energy and effort i have given to just trying to crushes on boys who didn't crush back fuck buddies who didn't want to be more than that men that i knew i didn't want to be with but i would be with because i was tired of being lonely like i would tell 16 year old jackie forget about news and just be amazing get your degrees get your jobs make a lot of money earlier and the men will come as you know that's a great advice and it's making me ask want to ask you another question do you feel that you've given the best years of your life to whatever these empty relationships or do you believe right now and moving forward is the best you're about to have getting married because you did say yeah you're you're you're

scared i'm nervous because i don't want it to fail again like i love him so much and but i also know i know of the flaws that we both have that could end it all another time around so i'm also i'm worried that the things that are probably irreparable in terms of his life may interfere or be a challenge in the marriage but i have to i'm trying to understand that i love him so much and i'm willing to work on it i didn't work on the first guy first i'm like first i was like i'm out i could have worked at it this guy i want to work at it good Good. So I went to a 16-year-old. You just got to stop worrying so much about dudes. Because I'm boy crazy.

I remember high school. I was girl crazy. Kindergarten. Just since then. Me too. Once you a cute boy, I'm just like, oh, my God. Where's so-and-so? I want to see him.

And I'm still that way now. But now I just keep it nice and bottled in because I have one guy good you know I just reached a place where if you would've checked my phone

my text messages they're finally all appropriate there's no more like hey I saw you so and so that was funny there's no more

I mean it's there but you gotta scroll you gotta get there. So I'm finally like, my girlfriend told me on the way here, she goes, you have grown up. You have a mature relationship now. I am happy for you. Good for you.

Yes, I'm grown up in terms of that. Well, thank you for coming on. Thank you, Ryan. You're welcome. And please promote, plug all of it again one more time. DC Comedy Loft, September 1st to the 3rd, I believe it is. But go to JackieFabulous.com by the time it comes out. Your calendar will be up to date.

And my comedy album, Menopause. My special Menopause on Amazon, Google TV, Apple TV, and everywhere you listen to podcasts. Oh, I have a podcast, Relatable with Jackie Fabulous. I have over podcast, Relatable with Jackie Fabulous. I have over 30 episodes. Most recent one, I talked to women who are female comics who are married. My gay friends. Before that was Kenan Thompson from SNL, Sherri Shepard.

So they're great. And it's everywhere you listen to podcasts. So, yeah, I'm trying to be like you, Ryan, and be consistent. That's it. That's all you got it i'm good at all this shit but i'm not yeah you are i'm not consistent pay somebody to be consistent for you you gotta but you gotta do the job first earn the money so you can pay the person to help you be consistent that is part of it i really don't want to work you want you want to keep it

on keep it real i'm tired of working i hear you i'm fucking exhausted i'm tired too girl i ain't made the money yet, and I'm ready to quit. 20-some years just to get started. Okay, and you and I are in the same age group. And we're like, we are just beginning. I'm like, I'm just, it's a compliment. It's more work now? It's more work now.

Every time I hear it, Jackie, you just getting started. I'm like, bitch, I'm tired. I've been started. Well, no, you just found out about it. That's the thing. This car's been warming up for 22 motherfucking years. I think we're ready to put it in drive. God damn it, got carbon and whatever poisoning inside this vehicle has been running so long.

Well, thank you again. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week.