The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Joe List - HoneyJoe

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Joe List! (Tuesday with Stories, Mindful Metal Jacket, Enough for Everybody) Joe Highlights the Lowlights of being an older parent. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour September 1st & 2nd: Springfield, MO September 15th & 16th: Tulsa, OK September 29th & 30th: Pheonix, AZ October 20th - 22nd: La Jolla, CA October 27th & 28th: Salt Lake City, UT November 10th & 11th: Batavia, IL December 8th & 9th: San Francisco, CA SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

The Live and Alive Tour is off and running. Springfield, Missouri, September 1st and 2nd. Tulsa, Oklahoma, September 15th and 16th. Phoenix, Arizona, September 29th and 30th. Get your tickets to all shows at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the new Nightpant Studios.

I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. I want to say thank you. Thank you so much for watching this show, sharing this show, telling people about this show. We're up in over 200,000 subscribers now on YouTube. We're up over 5,000 on Patreon. I can't thank you enough. Watching this community grow has been pretty wild, man.

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they're all on there with different stories everybody you like um and subscribe to that all right now tour dates if i'm in your town when you're around please come out and see me uh let's see september 1st and 2nd is springfield missouri september 15th and 16th is tulsa oklahoma september 29th and 30th i'm gonna be back in phoenix october 27th and 28th is salt lake city and then december 8th and 9th, I'm back in San Francisco. All tickets are available at RyanSickler.com. All right, that's the business. Now, you know what we're doing over here.

I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. And we're going to highlight the lowlights this week, y'all, with the return of Joe List. Welcome back to the Honeydew Joe List. Thank you very much. I'm so excited. Dude, thank you for being patient through that. Of course. I appreciate it.

I enjoyed it. I got to get on the goddamn Patreon. You told me some other stories off camera that I'm like, this is the most insane thing I've ever heard. 18-year-old cold case solved. We had the double lung transplant. We've had a girl with two pussies. We had a lady with, I think it was up to four assholes.

We've had a dude that survived the uh bombing uh we've had military guys we've had people who've died and come back it's in it's a wild show it's a wild show you just described my family four assholes two pussies military and surviving a bombing oh shit uh well before we get into whatever we're going to talk about today please plug and promote everything joelist yeah come on comedian joelist.com to the camera or to you what do i do wherever you like shot this is you right here if you want to go wide hit them right there joe hi folks um i'm going to switch back and forth really do some work for you producer do your live switch yeah uh yeahianJoeList.com for dates.

And I have a new special. It's out right now on YouTube called Enough for Everybody. And there's another one. There's three. One's called I Hate Myself. One's called This Year's Material. And one's called Enough for Everybody, which just came out. So go watch it.

Like, subscribe, all those things. How are you? When's the last special you put up uh how long in between it's been three in like three years three and a half years one came out i can't remember the dates one came out in 2020 i guess summer of 2020 and then one came out last year february of 2022 i think of april of 2022 I think. April of 2022. And then now August of 2023. Where'd you shoot this one?

They're all shot at the Village Underground. I just keep doing the same thing. I'm like let's just set me up again with that one. And for a while I was like maybe I'll do a trilogy of Village Underground specials and then I shot this one and I was like maybe I'll just keep doing it here. Because it's intimate.

It's home. And to me, a special, everyone's like, well, the background. And you can't just keep shooting in the same place. And I'm like, well, why not? Who cares? The joke's out of the special. What difference does it make if I'm in a different room? Dude, I talk about this all the time.

When people talk about production value, I was just saying, you complimented the studio. And thank you very much but going to new york like it just seems so much more lax and chill i didn't look at it as low budget or anything i was like oh this is what how podcasting started it was at tables and apartments and right some people did them in their cars or wherever and then it got elevated to these studios and things like that. But if you go back and the one example I really love is Chappelle's show. When you go back to the Rick James sketch, they didn't bother to even put something on the green screen. It's green screen. They didn't bother to just click a frame of anything.

When he's in the room and he's tearing tearing up the couch it's it's four black walls it's a wooden window crawl on a black wall it's not even a real window and there's a mirror it's like there's nothing in there but all you remember is the comedy of that whole fucking thing that's how i feel and uh but yeah i'm glad you're saying this because i do tuesdays with stories with mark norman another plug funny podcast the funniest sure. The funniest, I think. I think we have him coming on. Oh, yeah, he's the best. But we're in like an office space.

It's like four by six. And we taped glue out of like a toothpaste thing of glue and just jammed wallpaper. And it's all coming down. And everyone's like, you guys suck. Get a real studio. Not everybody, but several people. Yeah. And we're like but just listen and we're just talking who cares that's how i feel but you guys do it right i mean this looks amazing that's nice this is uh i hope i'm saying his name raise it ted munns ted munns he makes these podcast signs for so many podcasts out there uh bad friends hey babe he's just they're everywhere this dude's work is sick yeah it looks awesome it's sick go check him out on instagram

um let's talk about you so before uh we sat down you told me that you and your wife are expecting this is your first child yeah first child and uh it's scary because we're very old. My wife is 68 years old. Oh, I'm not a grandma when she comes out. You know what's crazy? I have my aunt. My aunt's kid is young. She's like 20, and she's about to have a kid. And my uncle's wife and my wife is having a kid,

and they're due a day apart. And my uncle's wife and my wife is having a kid and they're due a day apart and my uncle's wife is younger than my wife so she's going to become a grandmother the day after my wife becomes a mother and she's older if that makes sense it's it does yeah it's a little funky i'm rattling the math around well we wait because we're in showbiz. So wait, how old are you, first of all? I'm 41. Okay, and how old is your wife? And she's 45. Your wife's 45?

Yeah. She's older than me. And, well, honestly, like, I was 41 when my daughter was born. I was 40 when we got, 41 when my daughter was born. That makes me feel good. Yeah. Because I feel old, and you don't seem old. Dude, I almost just died.

You're fine. Trust me. What do you mean? I had this whole ordeal with... Yeah, it's all good. I don't want to hear. But it was a month. I spent a month in the hospital of January in the hospital.

Heart trouble? I hadn't. It wasn't my fault. That's the video. It was hospital trouble. All right. I wasn't supposed to. That wasn't supposed to happen.

I'm petrified of heart health. I went for a back surgery, and then they let me lay so long that I clotted and I almost died. It was a whole ordeal. So now I spent a month there. But you're fine, dude. Terrifying. Trust me. You look like you're in great shape.

Thank you. And 45, I mean, these days, I feel like with all the advancement in medicine and everything, it's not a big deal. Well, my wife is extremely healthy, too. She eats very healthy. I don't. She works out, all that shit. And she has good genes. I mean, her dad died at 51.

All right. No, no. That's not great, Gene. You said good. No, no. I made that up. He lived a good life. But, yeah, I think she's healthy, and I'm younger than her.

And a kid only really needs parents for what 10 years then they're fine a little longer than that all right 18 20 um but they only do need love from one that's what all the therapists have told me probably lied to me to keep me coming and get my checks just in case you ever want to check out oh geez um all right well she's very cold so i'll give them all the love so 45 is your wife as concerned as you are no i don't think so i don't think so she's not as uh openly neurotic as i am she's not like telling you i'm really nervous i'm 45 and she's not putting that out there are you putting that out there to her or is this just your anxiety i keep telling her you're old as shit baby you look at you uh you look terrible do you

say that in a nicer way no no do you express concern um i'm like slightly concerned it's hard well i guess you know like when you have a kid you start doing mad i think also when you get to your 40s like because i'm like okay when i'm as old as my or my son is as old as I am now, I will be 82, which is to say dead. Most likely. In comedy, mostly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a mess. I ate McDonald's last night. So that stuff is scary. And you start to do like, my parents were so young. My parents had me really young, which is probably why I'm fucked up. But like when I was, my dad was my age.

I was like a senior in high school. Yeah. Or maybe older than that. So that stuff is on my mind all the time. But it's a lot of math when you do that stuff. Yeah. But it's also like you, I talk about it. I think about it for a few minutes and then you're like, all right, well, it is what it

is. I mean, this is, you have to accept. And this is when we had a kid. And we struggled for a long time to have a kid. We started trying a few years ago, which was still late. And yeah, they kept, you know, cropping on us. Well, that's the thing, too. I remember when my daughter's mother and I,

we were talking about having a baby. It took three tries, which is quick. Some people, we've had friends who have done that as well. Like my brother, their first child took them like a year. It could be years before you. It blows me away that there are billions of humans, and it's really not that easy to make one. That's what's wild to me. The numbers would say opposite.

I always find it fascinating because people there's all these accidental pregnancies and teen that's what i think it is if you don't want it that's when it's coming when you really want it it's like that zen shit like if you try to sink you float and if you try to float you sink we have um a friend who her parents were told they couldn't have children um they try and try and try so they adopted two and after they adopted they went and had sex had a baby i keep hearing stories like and it was all that stress and anxiety of you know you can't you can't and once they right felt fulfilled and relaxed and just let it go they had a baby so she's the only biological of the three and she's

the youngest but you know and the favorite i imagine absolutely all the money goes to her all the money yeah no it's like you have to let go this is funny because we we had trouble getting pregnant because first we thought you know we didn't do any research we're idiots we're comics so we're just dipshits so we were just like all right take out your uh iud or ied whatever it's called they rip that out we start fucking i'm like great you'll get pregnant in no time they rip that out we start fucking you'll get pregnant in no time but it doesn't work out that way and so we did it for like a year and she did get pregnant and we lost the baby which was you know devastating yeah it happened a couple times which was a bummer obviously how far along you were getting not too far fortunately beyond the

first trimester no no we didn't have any of that it was more like a few weeks it was like three four weeks or whatever like five weeks maybe but still very upsetting i mean there's some people that lose them obviously like, well into a pregnancy, which is more devastating. But yeah, it was certainly sad. And then you have to start the whole process over again. It takes time. And in our minds, we're like, our lives are ticking away.

So then we decided to go to a fertility clinic, which, side note, the fertility clinic is all comedians. There's like one in New York. They're like, you're comedians too and you look over it looks like a green room at the funny bone it's just like a row of 40 year old female comics like hey i'm like oh just a bunch of fucking uh you know comics that trying to make it so you put everything off but anyways we went and i have something i never know how to pronounce this i think it's called vericocale or varisocale.

It's varicose veins in your balls. Okay. Like the back of your ball. If you look it up, it literally says it looks like a bag of worms. My ball bag is appalling. It's really. Just the back of it. Just the back.

Yeah, the front is gorgeous. Yeah, it's beautiful. You can eat off these balls. The back, it it looks like you know your grandmother's legs or something it's just it looks like worms it literally looks like that and i read about it can you see it or is this just on the inside when they scan it or do you see no you can i could feel it the veins in there you can feel in the back of your balls yeah and i was like this is lumpy and weird and i had to show my wife and she's like oh and i would literally like because i don't know about you

but my ball back is like six feet long i can i can twist it and look at the back you know grab it and twist it around so i was like oh this is something and it can even cause some pain like people have surgery to fix it because it can cause some discomfort or whatever anyways it also can cause um sperm depletion or whatever or what's that low sperm count yeah so we went to the fertility clinic and this is how much it sucks to be a woman we're sitting there and i was like yeah i have a varicose vein and i've read that can affect your sperm and they're like no it's her they didn't even look into it or anything they're like just do their pen just quiet down it's definitely this old bitch right here they were like that would take your sperm count from 15 000 to like 11 000 that's what my doctor

said he goes just so you know a low sperm count is still like yeah whatever 11 000 yeah yeah they were like no don't even bother talking again it's it's her so we went and then there's like ivf like straight ivf i think is like hundreds of thousands tons of money and no guarantee and if it doesn't work you have to just do it all over again and uh you know i'm doing well but we're in comedy i I'm like, I don't feel comfortable gambling with $100,000. And so we were kind of just like, wow, that sucks. Because they told us the chances are like 1%

doing the math, which is correct because she's 44 at the time. It's wild. To get pregnant and take it to term. You say 100,000. Is that what the actual cost was? And is that out of pocket as well? Yeah, it's something like that.

It might be less or more because we didn't go that route. But it's up there like that? Yeah. With a 1% chance? No, no, I'm sorry. 1% if you don't do that. Got it, got it, got it. That's just us straight, we're going to have sex and see what happens.

To get pregnant and take it to term at the age of 44 is like one percent i see so that's when we also felt stupid because we were like oh we've just been trying like idiots being like here we go not knowing it's one in a hundred which is still something ivf i i forget the brings it only to like 40 or something so. So it's a huge increase, but still a good chance of not. And then we were like, oh, we can't do that. That's too much. And then egg donor was like this other option. And I was like, if you want to do that, that's up to you. I would rather have it be her genetics also. But that felt like too much money to spend. So I was like, it's your decision. And she ultimately wanted to do it. She just wanted to be a mom.

And the thing to me about egg donor is she's carrying the baby. It's in her body. So to me, it's just her baby. So they take your sperm, fertilize the egg of another person? Yeah. So you buy the eggs, which is much cheaper. It was like $20,000, which is not nothing. It's so wild to me that there's this whole setup for this at different tiers.

Right. It's like a Patreon. $5 a month, y'all. It's crazy. Well, if you got the money, you could do this or there's this but then there's this down here too you want the bronze package yeah exactly you want your bronze you get some lady you don't know yeah so that was because then we decided to go egg donor which is funny because you have to go and like choose from the people they give you the baby photos of egg donor people oh so you're not

getting the adult photo you're getting their baby photo well you do once you buy the egg you get an adult photo what is going on it's so weird this is like some kind of snapchat shit or something it's so bizarre and it feels like a dating app but it's like children it's a tinder profile over here it feels creepy you're literally like swiping on little kids and they have like pigtails and they're like in tresses. And up to how old are they showing you the original pictures? Like baby, baby, like newborn? Like four or five years old or something because I think they want to give you a sense. At least something.

I was going to say a newborn. Who the hell looks like that when they get to four or five? Right. Yeah. No, it was like maybe a five or six year old girl or so and um so you get someone that kind of looks somewhat like your wife i guess and then it has all like i'm into play soccer is going to school for this because a lot of them are going to college and they're trying to pay their way and they do extensive background checks and all

that stuff and then you do a um health background whatever um if you're i forget all the words i'm really dumb it's okay but um you know if you if you're flagged for certain diseases or whatever if you guys both match up if you have that gene and so it's kind of strange because it almost feels like cheating in a weird way i'm like literally picking on a woman for our shit to yeah but you sort of pick like this superwoman so to speak yeah and you're like well we want to have your genes athlete yeah yeah no pre uh no predis uh not predisposed to any that's any genetic uh bs yeah yeah so that was um was exciting. And then we got the woman and then we got the eggs and it ended up being one. Only one was good.

I don't know how any of this works. It should be better. This was really her story to tell. I just realized in the middle of it, I'm like, you should probably have her on. But yeah, so we got the one egg. And of course, I have to go jerk off in a cup, which is, you know, there's a million stories about it. And it's just so uncomfortable and uh do they give you any fodder in there for your little jerk session well i had to go twice because i first time we did it and then for whatever reason something had to go

something went wrong yeah well it's also hilarious we were laughing too because the doctor is like gorgeous and my wife and i both made the same joke of like you don't even have to do anything just chill just like maybe diagnose me with something look at my varicose veins yeah look at the back of my ball but yeah so you go in there and the first time i went it had like a streaming and there was porn on there which i'm not a big porn guy um so i was kind of like going through i was like oh this is great but i realized i'm just flipping through porn with like no erection whatsoever just business like like the way you look at netflix what should i watch i don't like missionary i'm like that's interesting and anyways you get it done and then time had passed they wanted a fresher sample for

whatever reason so i had to go back again and And the second time, there was no porn, but there was literally like Disney Plus and Netflix and stuff. I swear to God. Jerking off the Boba Fett. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I guess Baby Yoda's cute. The new Segura special's up there. That's funny.

Maybe I can. So I ended up just looking at my phone and shit. But yeah, it's funny. Maybe I can. So I ended up just looking at my phone and shit. But yeah, it's awkward. And then you have to put it behind a thing. And it was weird. But anyways, it all worked out. Now she's pregnant. Can I ask?

So your sperm goes into this egg. This egg goes into your wife. I get that that egg is from someone else and that genetics lie in there. But once you put it in your wife, nothing from her penetrates. Listen, again, I'm an idiot. That's how I feel. But I would feel like if we're moving this thing into this thing, some of this thing's got to get in there. Is there really no genetic link at all?

I guess not, but that's how I feel. I'm like, isn't your blood and all your... Yes, everything. All your fluids, everything that's happening in there. But diet and disposition and all that stuff. I mean, I'm a big... I think so much of human behavior is learned behavior from parents.

And obviously genetics are a big role. But I know my cousin is so much... He has a stepdad. It's not his biological dad. i don't know a father and son more similar than these two yeah and he's raised since he was two or whatever i mean like personality traits behavior sense of humor so to me i don't know and she's do it she's had some emotion with it it's not easy but i think she's fully accepted once that baby's in you it's fully your baby how could it not be yeah you're i mean you're bringing an egg to life yeah how

could it not be your baby i mean it's literally and i mean i'm like she's like six months pregnant right now i'm like having fun in the sun by the way i've been in la for two weeks i'm just living it up i'm like it was the best night ever and she's like telling all the wrong facts about it i couldn't be less more i couldn't be more removed from this child of mine so yeah i mean it's her they're together for nine full months so this is also funny by the way so you have to eventually have to tell your son that like you know you're a egg donor baby and we know we've talked to people that are egg donor babies themselves that are adults now so you go to like a counselor because they do a lot of counseling and everything to make sure you're feeling good and all that and she goes now

eventually you'll have to tell the baby now and this pissed me off so bad she presents it to us what age do you think you should bring it up to your son like this and i go i don't know 15 and she's like this no no no and i'm like well why don't you just tell me the number instead of making me look like an asshole and she's like no you want to tell them when they're like four or five when they're really young kids so it's not a shock later in life which again i'm like well just fucking tell me that you bitch you're you're a psychologist now you have the answer now i just feel like an idiot like i don't know so anyways but it was so we're supposed to i guess when kids first start asking i shouldn't have called her a bitch i appreciate her i feel bad

she's not gonna watch this but we're not gonna edit it leave it in there put in the c word plug in no but so you know they're just supposed to when the kids become interested in where babies come from i guess and that way i guess if a teenager you tell them it's a little more shocking or like what my whole life is a lie so you kind of plant the seed in their head as a kid it seems very confusing and difficult i'm having a hard time with it right now i wouldn't know i wouldn't know as a dad of an eight-year-old right now i don't she would have already known now by four uh three or four years and i'm just like i don't know if i

would drop that on somebody i guess i understand the point of not i get it waiting plant too long but yeah so i think they won't fully understand but they'll have this idea of like well we wanted you so bad and your mom was old as shit so and one day they're gonna go to school where they have a computer that we didn't and google this and look it all up and understand everything so i don't know and ultimately they need their to know their own genetics and all that stuff listen i'll tell you this you're was it a psychologist you said or yeah some kind of yeah i would say by her response to your the way she set you up like that i wouldn't listen to anything at least

i mean it was really like like it was a setup not a masculine but just like i was just like fuming i'm like so you just made me look stupid for no reason you could have been like and when he's five you're gonna want to yeah exactly because what if you would have said four or five which you said yes very good very good right dummy um but yeah so anyways long story short we're very excited and it's taken so long it feels that much more um meaningful and exciting so can i ask you this the donor do you meet the donor do you and and does the donor have rights to visit the child see the child or any how does that work and you don't have to answer any of this if you're not supposed to i'm gonna get you in

trouble i don't i'm like fully ignorant towards that. And my wife would know better. You should have her on. She's a great guest. I would have her zoom in, dude. Yeah. I don't. I don't know.

I'm really dumb. I hear you. It's okay. I think that they might. I don't know how it works. Because I'm sure she had to sign a bunch of paperwork when she donated. And I know guys, I know a couple of comics that used to donate sperm for money. And a lot less money than women get.

Because there's 75,000 sperm in each ball or whatever. That's a good point. But yeah, I've brought that up with him. I'm like, so you might have children around. He's like, yeah, I guess so. i've brought that up with him like so you might have children around he's like yeah i guess so um but i think eventually the the kid can contact i actually well i mean the kids 18 is going to be able to do whatever your child wants to do right right yeah so it's not like there's gonna be a hiding and you're also telling do you know what you're having? A boy. So you're also telling him from four or five that this is how you came to be.

Right. So he's going to naturally be curious, wouldn't you? I would. Yeah, of course. I'm like, what? Well, also, once you get the egg donor, you get an adult photo, and she's a gorgeous woman, so I wouldn't mind. So wait, once you pick a task when you get the adult?

Yeah, yeah. Then they send a tasteful nude just so you can really see what the body see what that body is works like uh no and she was it's just like a headshot thing and yeah she's gorgeous and seems very nice and you haven't met her though personally no no i don't think we meet her okay i don't think oh man i don't know i should have more Okay. I don't think. Oh, man. I don't know. I should have more information. But I'm just excited about the, once, I don't actually think about the donor thing that much. Once, it's just, I have a pregnant wife there, and I love her, and I'm excited for the baby, and it'll be.

Well, I imagine also with the trauma of losing a baby, you're stoked that this is working and happening now. Yeah. Yeah. This is the farthest we've gone and we keep going and they're like everything's healthy and it's her age is not nearly as much of a factor now because we're working with a young donor and the baby's been um tested and all the ultrasound that stuff so the baby's looking healthy so how old's the donor she at the time of donut she was 26. okay yeah all right so it's so you have a 26 year old egg in a 45 year old body yes and 40 year old come and 40 year old yeah mix it all together yeah put it together and you got a nice uh kid so yeah hopefully um it'll all be gravy very excited so

it'll all be gravy. Very excited. So let me ask you, I have a bunch of questions. Sure. If science doesn't exist and you aren't able to have a child, like, I don't know, in the 60s, would you adopt?

I don't know. We were not that into the idea, but first of all, adoption is, I think, really difficult and a long arduous process and i'm always i always joke with this i make in my podcast i've made so many pedophile jokes just like offhand where i'm like all right take care subscribe kiss your mother fuck a kid i mean like just stuff like that where i'm like if they did any research I have made 350 million

they're gonna be like this is a psychotic we can't give up a child to this human being but I think it's a really long hard process and I don't know we I guess we would have I don't know. I guess we would have thought about that if, but we did this before we got to that option, but it seems very difficult to adopt. Did you guys talk about the, even this not working and still being, you know,

completely fulfilled and that's what the way it's going to be for you? Yeah. Well, I'm pretty good about accepting all my neurosis and anxiety comes from worrying about the future. Once things are happening, I'm like, all right, well, that's where this happened. So I think we talked about that herpes last time. Once you get it, you're like, all right, well, I guess that's that. So this time too, this is our one because we only had one egg.

So we were like, let's do it. And whatever happens, happens. And to me, it's like, I'm a relative optimist. I'm like, if it doesn't work out, you know, we'll travel and keep living the life we're living. We're living a very full life as is. And, you know, I've been doing well. So I'm like, we have my, not having kids is fun too.

You can kind of, especially if you're doing well financially, I'm like, we have my, not having kids is fun too. You can kind of, especially if you're doing well financially, I'm like, we can go off to Paris or wherever. And, you know, there's still a fulfilling life to be had, but I'm definitely happy it's working out this way. What are you looking most forward to about being a dad? Boy, I've really, well, I have nieces and nephews that really it sounds like so um try it or weird but like i feel like you really feel like seen and heard as a as a a father figure an uncle with like the kids are like wow that's great and you can feel the

difference of like connection like i feel my nieces and nephews, I can feel like that I've gotten through to them, which is so difficult. And you just feel this feeling of like, wow, they really appreciate me and I love them. And there's this connection and I feel meaningful to them. It does give you meaning to be around children, even children that aren't mine, I'm not even related to to gives me the most fulfilling feeling the things i'm most proud of in my life are relationships with my nieces and nephews so i imagine i can only imagine that a kid is that much greater and then obviously when like i'm big into sports i imagine my kid will be as well and um all those things the catch and i think also making not i don't want to say

making up for being the father that i didn't have i had a father but the being in the way that i would have liked what sort of dad was your dad my dad's a he's a good dad i want to talk disparaging of my dad but very boston irish catholic stoic not a lot of um emotion not a lot of emotion not a lot of communication very little in response we talk about the socks for about 10 minutes maybe the patriots that's a rat yeah there's no um so he's still alive now yeah he's still around very funny guy comes to shows laughs funny funny guy is he still with your mom yeah yeah they're together so are you talking to him about being a dad no that's not happening do you want to yeah yeah what would happen if you just called him was like dad i got

a bunch of questions about being a father you got an hour it's hard if you just said that i keep thinking this this is like on my list of things to do this what my therapist talks about a lot he's like call him that's not my therapy impression i tried i've been in therapy for years now i tried calling my dad one time years ago i mean we've literally never talked to the phone we'll text a little bit okay zero there's not a day-to-day or even weekly communication you would say you just see him when you see him is that sort of thing? Yeah. I see them.

If I go up to, they're in Boston or Massachusetts. When I go up there, they're around. He doesn't come visit here? No. My parents do not come to New York. Or New York, excuse me. My mother is afraid of bridges. That's her excuse.

And doesn't come to New York. I've lived in New York for, I knowork i've lived in new york for i know i've lived in new york for 17 years i grew up in massachusetts so it's 200 miles they've come three times my appendix erupted i did letterman and i got married those are the three that's it visits yeah they've never been like we're coming down to new york even mom mom's not yeah her less i think my dad would more but she's just filled with anxiety how many brothers and sisters do you have one older sister one older sister okay are they more affectionate or open with her no so it's not just this guy to guy thing he's the son whatever no it's just very my my mother's my my parents' love language is more like my dad, like if I, you know, I'll drive up to Massachusetts, my dad will take the car to get an oil change while I'm still in bed.

They wake up early and he's like, got the oil changed. That's what I get. Yeah. I don't get congrats on the kid. Yeah, that's how I love you. Yeah, like my, there has been no discussion of me really. You got 3,000 more on that. Yeah, enjoy. i even put the

sticker in the thing you know or my mother buys like joe he loves di giorno we got di giorno's opens the freezer yeah not a lot of like we're so proud of you or anything like that but you know they're doing the best they can or whatever but um yeah it's on your list of things to do to calm and talk to them. Before your son's born? Yeah, I've had this thought. When is your son due? October 29th.

It's coming, man. So I called him once when I was in therapy, and I was like, hey. And he was like, what? It throws him off. And I was like, yeah. Just a call will be like, is he worried that you're about to tell him some horrible news or something? Because it's I always joke. I'm like, if I see my dad's number, I'm like, my mom died.

I'm about to get the news. I call my parents, Deb and Steve. Like they're and I have since I was a kid. No, I swear to God. So I was like 13. You call your dad, Steve and your mom. Yes, that's not even their names which is weird yeah i mean it's i don't know and we're like you ever hug you hug your we hugged i started hugging after therapy i was like hey we don't hug and they kind of put it on me because i've

always been like you know uh hugging's gay or whatever i was gonna say after he hung up with him he's probably like our son's gay yeah our son's 100 gay he wants a hug so i was just like yeah we should start hugging and saying i love you we never really do that you said this to your dad on the phone no i said it like to my mom on the phone and then she tells my dad i kind of communicate with my dad through my my mother and what is your mom's response to that um she's like okay like this is weird it's it's very um it's very strange that is interesting are you an affectionate man with your wife do you cuddle do you like yeah big time yeah i really love to snuggle and spoon and do you see yourself being an affectionate dad with your son oh yeah i think i'm gonna be cryinguggle and spoon and do you see yourself being an affectionate dad with

your son oh yeah i think i'm gonna be crying all the time dude yeah a lot of trust me a lot of kissing you will bro you're gonna get your non-stop yeah well like i said i'm like i have um i have a niece and my sister's kids who are 18 and 15 now and then my best friend's kids are 11 and 7 and there he named his kid after me, which is really touching. They call me Funkle Joe. I have like a deep relationship with them. And I'm like, my nephew, we share a name, so I feel very connected to him. But I'm like, he says stuff that I'm like, I can't believe.

I remember when you were born. This is great. I'm so blown away by him. Like, he used a sentence where he said, for example. Like, he was playing some game. He's like, what if we played a game where you pick a color? For example. And just him saying, for example.

I almost started crying. I was like, for example? Where'd you get that? My daughter is eight years old. It's a 12-minute ride to her mom's house. Last night, she freestyle rapped an entire fucking song about the solar system i couldn't get over it and it was good i was like what what yeah and i'd be like she's like give me another planet dad i'd be like pluto she's like it's not

a planet we argue about that i'm like fine neptune and she'll go on a whole rap about neptune so i'm like i'd say it all the time i'm like you used to just cry and pee and poop right it's all you would do no it's mind-blowing it's it's it's discovery in your home bro yeah and it's and you weren't even there for so long and then you were there and now you're just created a soul out of well that's what i struggle with sometimes because you know i i'm like i'm doing very well like you know i did the wilbur theater in boston my hometown and it's sold out and my family they come they do come and i think they laugh but i'm like aren't you like blown away aren't you like what the fuck that's crazy i remember you said

you wanted to do comedy when you were nine ah but they just kind of go all right di giorno take care exactly exactly how's the oil yeah exactly and um there's no real like yeah and i think if i was like are you guys proud of me they'd be like of course yeah why are you even asking what a silly question so and like the the kid there's just feels like inherent to them that of course all these things we just don't verbalize or or emotionally show you that i think so and again it's learned behavior that's what they got you know i think um my dad's was my dad played catch with me and everything and came to all my games so i think that was more than his dad right so it's like so i've already i'm already a better day yeah i'm there um but

yeah they have not really said like i've lived past 42 so i feel like i'm better than my dad you know what i mean i've already done a better job right i got eight years on them well so i i think they think you know where we're we're at the show but i'm having a kid they have not said like we're so excited you're gonna be a great dad registered can we come out to help the register they've asked about like coming my mother has been like yeah i can't the new york the bridges and it's just too much i'm like okay i guess fear of bridges greater than love of child and grandchild is there no route with gps these days to get from boston to new york without a bridge

that's what i said like you can do the tunnel you could go through yeah i guess you still have to go to the gw i guess you could go west it'd be like a 10 hour trip i don't know you could go west and down and then take the tunnel or you know just close your eyes on the bridge put an eye mask on for 10 seconds have a couple cocktails yeah um knock you out on the way and or fly i live 10 minutes from la guardia they can also fly la guardia that would be bridge free can i just say this why don't you just fucking tell them i bought you tickets they're booked here's when i want you to come yeah that's what i could do my therapist says i should make them work for the relationship and be like all right well i guess you can see the kid whenever or be like you're

coming down you fucking assholes yeah at least when when he's born i would think yeah it'd be nice to have your parents there yeah also let grandma and grandpa hold them for a couple hours while you take a nap you're gonna be wiped dude yeah yeah it's a lot going on i'm already tired i know four shows last yeah. Can't forget about it. No, you got a baby, dude. Wait till you have to start booking sitters and how much they cost and all that. I know. It's terrifying.

Let's go back. I'm just so curious about your parents. So are you going to call your dad and have this conversation? I got to try. I keep meaning to. And my dad, he's about to have a surgery on his um fate he had like a dental thing that fucked up his sinuses and shit and he has to have surgery and he did have a moment we're in maine a couple weeks ago on vacation and just kind of out of the blue he was like yeah i gotta

have a serious surgery they they put you uh out and uh i'm nervous about it i was gonna say he must have been worried about it and it's a month before my baby's born. So I think like, oh, and it throws you off. You know when someone behaves differently, you're kind of like, what? That's the weird thing about not showing emotion for so long. Because then when somebody does, you're like, oh, I'm not ready for this. And it kind of took me aback. I was like, oh, well, yeah, well, that's crazy.

Well, I think it'll be okay. And I'm actually driving up there. Because again, my mother that's crazy. Well, I think it'll be okay. And I'm actually driving up there because again, my mother, the surgery's in Boston, they live in the suburbs. And my mother's like, I can't drive into the city. She's just a terrified person. So I was like, I'll tell you what, I'll come up there and I'll drive. I love driving into the city. So that feels like service. I'll come and be there. In my mind, I'm like, before he goes under, maybe I'll be like, I love you, pop, or something. But it terrifies me. But when he wakes up, you'll be there in my mind i'm like before he goes under maybe i'll be like i love you pop or something but um when he wakes up you'll be there for him yeah exactly so you know what you could say when he's there you could say you know what you know what really is scaring me lately

having this kid can i talk to you about that right he's a hostage in that bed bro you got him he's strapped in you got him yeah he's like you know jimmy him. Yeah, he's like, you know, Jimmy Stewart in Real Window. He can't say nothing. He can't. He's laying there, dude. You got him. So I think like that. And he'll probably be more open to talking to you. I know when I was on all those pain meds, I was saying all kinds of stuff. Yeah.

I would have talked to you about anything you wanted to hear about. No, I remember when I had my appendix surgery, I was just, you know, you're in such a sensitive place. I remember like Home Alone was on and I was like sobbing. And then like rocky came on after and rocky the scene where he's like i just want to prove i'm not just another bum from the neighborhood i was like that's all i feel my wife's like what is wrong with you you fuck it it's appendicitis you dork but i mean you know you're in vulnerable spot yeah but yeah so i i

gotta i gotta uh try and that's what's hard too because i think this all the time my dad and i You're in a vulnerable spot. Yeah. But yeah, so I got to try. And that's what's hard too, because I think this all the time. My dad and I would go to Sox games as a kid, and I always wonder, I'm like, was that fun? Were you pumped? Were you dreading it? I have no concept. Because when you're a kid, everything's just normal.

It is what it is. So I was like, this is the best. And I'm sure he must have some fond memories of going to the ball games but it is mysterious he would have gone back if he didn't right right you know what i mean yeah no and that was we really connected over that and um it's interesting too it's also a great place to take someone to show them what emotions are right home runs and people are going crazy. Yeah.

You're losing or you're booing. There's a lot of stuff going on there without him having to show you any emotion whatsoever. Exactly. And that's the great thing about sports. It's a theater of emotion. Yeah, you can really connect through that. And that's the beautiful thing about sports,

bonding fathers and sons, especially baseball, because it's every day and in and out in the seasons and all that but yeah we'll see i gotta try to call and be like hey yeah i understand you're nervous i'm nervous too what were you you know wonder what he was most scared about yeah i mean he's probably had you in his 20s. Yeah, he had my sister. He was, I think, 19 and 23 when he had me. I mean, that's... My mother's two years younger. Yeah.

That's what's... Yeah. I mean, like I said, he was my age. I was already 18 years old. Right. And he must have been, I don't know, scared, shitless, and anxious. And I don't know. I don't know what he thought.

Yeah, because he doesn't tell you. Exactly. Yeah, it's all just... He's never told you. Guessing that you know obviously plays so funny because my dad's dead i wish i could ask him those questions right i wish i could be like and also i'm a twin i'd be like yeah two at the same fucking time like what was that like you know what are you thinking what was that like that kind of shit i want to know well that's the thing that makes me sad in my life is my i'll be around other parent like my wife's parent her dad's gone now but they have such enthusiasm when they were kids they were like i remember we would used to take you to camp we all and would sit in

a circle and belly laughing about like remember that that was crazy you guys were so my parents just don't tell any stories of like well i remember when you were five you used to this or that there's just not a lot of that or we would get excited about this or they just don't talk like that is your sister more emotional openly emotional as a mom with her kids than your parents were with her i think so yeah i think so so yeah so age seems to be a big worry for you with this yeah definitely i feel you on that i used to think the same thing i'm like 41 so when you graduate 51 and 8 it would be 59 yes and people are definitely gonna be like is this your grandpa right right listen little motherfucker well i i worry about here these days at least in california it's

you see so many more older parents yeah i think it's becoming more normal i worry about energy and physicality like i'm a really like uh bountiful energy guy i like jumping around and playing basketball and pickleball and tennis and hiking and i worry that like i don't want to be the dad that's like you go or i'm trying to play catch and i'm like throwing like i'm leading with the elbow because my rotator cuff is so i'm trying to stretch and all that stuff and try to be a bit healthier because it would i don't want to be just a total shadow of myself when he's the age of of and stuff. So that worries me of like he's playing baseball and I'm like, I can't have a catch with you,

but I'll hire a young man. I'll show you how to bunt. Yeah, exactly. So that stuff is, you know, I'm trying to take care of myself so I can do that. We'll see. I don't know. Here's the other thing too.

I think it's more something you're seeing more these days because, first of all, it's so much more expensive to survive on this planet these days. And if you're having a kid in your 20s when you're still either in college or paying for college or you couldn't afford to go, you're saddled with an expensive burden, I'm just being honest, in your 20s. I mean, good luck. I think the reason people waiting more now is they're able to get a job. They're able to start a career. They're able to save some money and sort of think about, you know, do I really want to do this?

Can I afford this? I mean, I'll say this. Unless you're a fucking gazillionaire, there's never enough money to, you know, you're never ready. Right. There's no number where you're going to hit and place you're a fucking gazillionaire there's never enough money to you know you're never ready right there's no number where you're gonna hit and place you're gonna be or anything go now it's exactly time for it's not a you know we're not launching a space shuttle yeah it's kind of difficult though to have but i just mean no that's that's i'm always worried about that too because like right now i'm doing well financially but you know comedy is such

all businesses now especially with fucking ai it just feels like there's no like um job security anyway but that feeling of like oh the kids get really a new baby is like not that much more expensive it's like you got diapers and hopefully they breastfeed whatever you can just bite off some of your food and here take that but. But like when they're 14, 15, playing travel, baseball or tennis, whatever, school, all that stuff. Wait till you see how much it costs now for little leagues and all the stuff they have to do and all the school stuff. Yeah. Man, it's way more than we – you're going to be like, we didn't get – my daughter goes to a summer camp at the beach. And she's like, Dad, what did you do for summer camp in the summer and i

said we went outside i didn't go to any fucking camp right it was go out ride your bike play sports find your friends you know all that stuff and then be back before dark like it was i didn't go i went to one camp my whole entire life it was a soccer camp bucknell university i kept the jersey for a while i was a i was the red color team against blue my brother was on green there was a blue and another one and we won we won the whole thing kept my little trophy and everything uh but no fucking camps yeah i did ever did you go to camp i went to baseball camp at massasoit community college but it was you know five one time or every summer i went i think like two or three summers but but it was five days and you didn't sleep there.

It was down the street. They drop you off. You play baseball at the community college and come back. But there was no like, we're going to whatever, Jason Voorhees camp or whatever. Camp Crystal Lake. Yeah, Crystal Lake. There you go. Yeah, we didn't do, yeah, we didn't do any

of that stuff. But I always talk about, I'm'm like you know it sounds so weird like back in my day but yeah i had a key in my shoe and you you biked around and then eventually your parents would yell up the street sweaty fucking dollar bills and tucked in your sock yeah biking around i used to hate that i'm like why is this money wet so it's sweat uh shin sweat all over it yeah always, always. Just wet fives. What is your wife's biggest concerns right now about having a baby? I don't know.

I don't really talk to her. You're just like your dad. I don't know. Right now, she has just been extremely excited. First of all, I keep saying this. My wife makes every pregnant woman I've ever met sound like a whiny bitch. My wife is like loving it she's just have she i mean she's in the second trimester which you know is is the the good spot i

guess but she was nauseous a bunch in the first time but never really got sick and she's been like running we played pickleball and she's she's been good and she's just really excited i think her main concern is what her career will look like with having a baby because she's a comic and it's hard because you know i've just been fortunate to be a bit more financially successful in the business so it becomes hard where it's like it's going to be harder to go on the road and we'd go on the road together a bunch she would open for me but it's harder to both on the road. And we'd go on the road together a bunch. She would open for me. But it's harder to both go on the road if you have a baby. You want to bring two incomes into that family. Yeah.

And it's hard, too, because it's like for her to go on the road, it's like I have to stay home if she's going to go on the road. But I do, at the time being right now, pretty well on the road. So I think she's worried about that. That's her main concern. It's just kind kind of like what does my career look like now which obviously both of them will have to take a step back while we try to raise it just for a second you'll figure it out i thought the same thing i thought there's no way i'm going to be a single parent that has my daughter half the time fully invested and make comedy and stuff work i freaked out about that right and you just make it work yeah you kind of have to figure it out yeah

it's you chased a dream of being a stand-up comedian look at you now you figured it out right it's just that's what you do you just figure it the fuck out well that's listen to everyone and no one right you know what i'm saying everyone's gonna give you advice well swaddle well this kid might love to be swaddled this one might hate to be fucking swaddled even your own siblings could be different like right just my only advice is figure out whatever works best for you two and or three excuse me and do that right that's it yeah you just kind of navigate it like anything else i guess it's um yeah it's funny because i'm like well comedy's such a hard

job with the kid because you go on the road you have to leave and then someone a comic that i know as a parent was like no it's the best he's like yeah you leave friday saturday but you're home all day monday tuesday wednesday like you have boundful time available tons so let's see yeah we just make it work it's yeah it's one of those things of like it's like that old thing uh how do you make god laugh you tell him your plans for the future it's like there's nothing i don't know what it will look like but we'll figure it out yeah you'll figure it out we'll see well congrats dude thanks man. This has been great. I've loved talking to you about this. Yeah, me too.

Plug and promote everything again, please. Comedianjoelist.com for dates. I have two podcasts. I have Tuesdays with Stories with Mark Norman. I have another podcast called Mindful Metal Jacket, which is similar to this. It's a lot of mindfulness and therapy stuff. And that's on YouTube. They're both on YouTube.

And then I have a brand new special called Enough for Everybody on my YouTube. And it's a follow-up to one that came out last year called This Year's Material. And there's another one from two years ago called I Hate Myself. So three specials, all on YouTube, all free. All right.

Yeah. Go watch Joe's special. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. Get your tickets for the tour at ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week.