The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - LeeAnn Kreischer - LeeAnnDew

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

My HoneyDew this week is LeeAnn Kreischer! (Wife of the Party) LeeAnn Highlights the Lowlights of her unique childhood and her estranged relationship with her mother. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Factor -Head to https://www.FactorMeals.com/HONEYDEW50 and use code HONEYDEW50 to get 50% off The Farmer’s Dog -Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at https://www.TheFarmersDog.com/HONEYDEW PLUS free shipping! Rocket Money -Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://www.RocketMoney.com/HONEYDEW

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media. And I'm going to start this episode like I start all of them by saying thank you. Thank you very much for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting everything we do here. If you haven't subscribed, please.

It's a free, easy way to help the channel out. And if you've got to have more than I'm telling you, you've got to have the Patreon. Go watch the recent Josh Wolf episode where we highlight the lowlights of the Patreon, some of our favorite, because it's the honeydew with you all. And you all have the craziest stories I've ever heard in my life. It is nothing like it out there. I promise you. And the new podcast, The Way Back. Thank you for the support. I'm stoked for it. We have so many recorded already very excited to bring that to you guys as well uh tour dates everything is over at ryan sickler.com all

right that's the biz you guys know what we do here we highlight the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and i am very excited to have this guest on first time here on the honeydew ladies and gentlemen please welcome leah kreischer welcome to the honeydew thank you so much i'm so happy to be here it's long overdue oh well thank you well i i came to um see you guys and do your shows and stuff over there and i was like i got it i want you to come on because i'm going to tell you this i want to give your husband gave me my flowers i'm going to give you your flowers. The wife of the party. Listen, it's the best name for a podcast out there. It's so creative.

It's so smart. It's so on point. It just nails it. It fucking nails it. It's so good. Thank you. It's so good. And to be the wife of the party.

That I am. Yeah, I know. And to know the story before the wife came in and all that like holy shit so leanne kreischer welcome please plug promote everything you would like and then uh we're gonna get into your story okay well obviously wife party podcast i've had it for 300 plus episodes i love my podcast we talk about everything and nothing and it's great i just produced my first stand-up special for shane torres i'm really proud of that it's on youtube you can watch it on burt kreischer's channel or shane's channel and i think i mean i love shane but i think we did a really good job i was really proud of myself um so yeah and then obviously always

bert berber.com you know always be selling berber.com but yeah i guess that's it wife the party podcast well i i don't know a lot about your upbringing and uh but i hear i catch these things from bert from kirsten from whoever here. So I want to talk to you about your upbringing because where were you born originally? You're from the South, obviously. So here's what else is funny. People constantly tell me I have a Southern accent. Do I sound Southern to you? No. Exactly. And I say that to them, oh, you must sound to me like I sound to them for whatever reason. Right. Right? I draw my O's and my A's, and it's a draw.

It's not a Southern accent. Like, accent's a different hit. No, it's definitely not. Yeah. No, most people think I'm from Texas, but my accent's very different than Texas. But if you're not from Texas or from where I'm from, everybody thinks everybody's from Texas, I think.

So where are you from? I'm from Bowdoin, everybody thinks everybody's from Texas, I think. So where are you from? I'm from Bowdoin, Georgia. Oh, you're from Georgia. Yeah. Bowdoin has about 1,600 people. My daughter's middle school had 1,800 people. So slightly different than my upbringing. The LA school out here had 200 more people than your town? Oh, yeah. Than your whole life. The whole town. I remember being there the first day of middle school

And going yeah this is my entire Hometown in one building And my kids were like Yeah it is crazy Man that math has hurt my head In one building So this is an everyone knows everyone In their business town

Yes joke but true Sort of true joke but true And do you have an extended family or is it just brothers and sisters all in that town? I'm an only child. You're an only child. Only child. Do you have cousins and stuff that live there, though? I have cousins. I have one other cousin that left. Actually, two cousins that left. One is still in Georgia and one moved to San Francisco. Everybody else is still there.

Yeah. In that same town? Pretty much, yeah. And what is it now? Do you know the population now? About the same. No way. Yeah.

It's about the same. Nobody's moving. They're just dying off. No, I know. When I was in high school, you know, I think four or five of us went to college. I graduated with 74 people in my graduating class. So, yeah, it's kind of. Your whole senior class was 74?

Uh-huh, my whole senior class, 74. And I moved around. My parents divorced when I was seven. But everyone that I started kindergarten with in that town, I graduated with in high school because I went back there for high school. I see. And everybody knew everybody. I had like three options for a boyfriend in high school, and they were all my third cousin.

Not a joke. Or my boyfriend in high school, when I finally broke up with him, my dad was like, thank God. You know he's your cousin. And I was like, what? You could have given me a heads up. Didn't tell you that at all? No, he was like, well, I knew it wasn't going to work out.

So I was just waiting for it to fall apart. But, yeah. So what's mom do what's dad do you're an only child and then they divorce so tell me about that mom and dad were from neighboring hometowns um my mom's actually from alabama so my hometown is on the border of alabama so uh they were high school sweethearts got married three weeks out of high school after my mom graduated. And my dad is a mechanic.

He went to school to be an auto mechanic, had his own shop. My first job was working for him. I kept his books. And then when I turned 16, I drove his tow truck. You did? Nah. I swear to God. You were telling people?

I did. I swear. Were you really? Yeah. Who are you? Yep. I don't know. Who are you? Yep. I don't share the best two. Who are you pulling out of the fucking place?

Every old man in his overalls, I'd pull up and I'd go, where's your daddy? And I'd go, well, he's at the shop. Well, who's going to pull my truck in? Well, I am. And they were like, no, you ain't going to hook this up. And I'm like, I've been riding record trips with my daddy since I was eight years old. So I'd just hook it up and pull it to the shop and these old men would get-

And did they ride with you in the cab? And I'm like, well, I didn't know Jimmy's daughter did that. And I'm like, well, you know, the good thing about my daddy is I don't think he ever really saw me as a girl or a boy, just as a kid. So he never really treated me like, oh, you're not doing that.

Like girls don't do this. Boys don't do this. Yeah, good. I like that. He was just like, if we're chopping wood, you are also. Yeah. I grew up in my friend's dad's junkyard

and we had ladies like that too. Like, I'm like, you're going to drive that? And she's like, yeah, I'm going to fucking drive that. I'm like, god damn it. She would drive the shit out of it too. Yeah.

So 16, you're just getting your license and you're doing that shit. Yes, yeah. Hell yeah. Well, I've been driving, you know, because my dad's family had an 88-acre farm. So I'd been driving for a long time by the time I actually got to legally drive. But anyway, so my parents were high school sweethearts.

My dad was a mechanic. My mom worked in a factory selling men's suits to pay his way through school, mechanic school. And then when he graduated, very liberal of my dad, he said, well, what do you want to do? It's my turn to his way through school, mechanic school. And then when he graduated, very liberal of my dad, he said, well, what do you want to do? It's my turn to pay for you to go to school. And she wanted to be a model. And she's very beautiful. So he paid for her to go to Barbizon Modeling School. I remember Barbizon. Went to Barbizon. And when I was four, she went to Chicago to catalog model and just didn't come home for like a year and a half wait what yeah just kind of went goodbye just split and stayed just split

and stayed i think she came home once or twice in that year and a half but she stayed there and uh that kind of was really hard for my dad. My dad sort of unofficially had a bit of a nervous breakdown. Like I remember getting up for kindergarten and him just sitting at the table, just staring off into nothing, making myself waffles. And, you know, he's a great dad, but he was just really in love with her. And she just broke his heart. So when she came back from Chicago. But also left you.

Yeah. So he's watching his little girl without a mom, too. This dude's without a wife. You're without a mom. Is this okay? I don't know. She's up here. Without a wife, without a mom.

I stayed with her parents a lot. Her dad suffered from really severe PTSD from World War II and was probably the meanest person I've ever known. Like got in a fight, hit somebody with like a logging chain in the head. Just a real mean, nasty guy. So I was really scared of him. I didn't enjoy staying at their house. But I stayed there till my mom came back. And when my mom came back back she kind of plotted to leave my dad so um that's when the games began with my mom

so yeah my mom came back from chicago um what made her come back do Do you know? I think my dad just kind of stopped sending her money. So he was sending her money to support. He was fulfilling his end of the bargain. I'm going to support you and get you up and running. But at a certain point, he figured out that she was kind of conning him a little bit. So he just stopped sending her money. So she came home. When she got home, oh, this is just so not fun but she she had gone to atlanta found an apartment rented an apartment

fully furnished it without telling him and basically was like i'm gonna leave and he was like what's going on let's let's have like a trial period where we see if this can work here and she agreed to it while she finished amassing everything and then left him and left him with all the credit card debt and took me to Atlanta. Took you. Yeah, took me to Atlanta, which was really devastating for me because I was on this farm, right? I had a calf every summer I had to raise. I worked on the farm. You're telling people out there.

Not yet. Later though. But I had all these cousins. I was totally surrounded by family. And then she moved me to Atlanta in a community in Atlanta that was all gay men in the 70s because she thought a little girl would be really safe in the gay community. So she moved me into the gay community. And did you know you were going or did you wake up one day and mom's just driving? She told me I didn't have a lot of a heads up, but I know she told me that I had enough time to give my dad my favorite toy. And he still has that toy. It broke his heart. I gave him the toy that I slept with every day because I was, you know,

he and I had been inseparable for a year and a half. And then all of a sudden she showed up and everything changed. It was really hard. But after we moved to Atlanta, I started figuring out my mom was not right in that. And this is my opinion. My mother has not been diagnosed with anything that I know of. But I noticed at a young age that she lied quite a lot. And I would catch her in the lie. And, you know, when you're like seven or eight, you go, hey, that's not true. And then when you say, hey, mom, that's not true, I would get in trouble for that. And she would tell me it was true.

And then, you know, she started having me steal things from places. Why? Because she wanted them and she didn't want to pay for them. Like what? What are we talking about? What do you steal? She really liked sugar dispensers. Dumb shit. Dumb shit.

She liked large knives and she liked large serving spoons in restaurants. So it was always from a restaurant. What's one of her favorite spots? Where are you going? Well, I don't know. Cause we went to everybody's pizza a lot. That's what it was called. Everybody's pizza.

Everybody's pizza. And you would be stealing shit from there. Yeah. And I hated it because I was like, this is so wrong. How old are you? Eight. I can't imagine having my kid be like,

get that spatula. Get that spatula. Just stick it down your pants. Stick it down your pants. She would go, if they catch you, you won't get in trouble because you're a little girl. So just put it in your pants. And I'd be like, oh, my God. I'm just going to stick it in my pants.

Just keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. So there was that. And then she was dating this guy that we would take suitcases full of cash to the Cayman Islands on a regular basis. So some part of me was like, I don't know what this is. And her. And her. The three of us. Oh, she was seeing the guy. Yeah, she was seeing the guy.

And we were like, here's my little suitcase full of money. Full of cash. He owned arcades and junkyards. Junkyards. It's cash business. Cash. Yeah. So that was happening in Atlanta.

And then my dad's house, my dad was living with two other bachelors in a log cabin that had no heat on 20 acres of land. We had to chop wood. I lived with him every other weekend and then all three months in the summer. weekend and then all three months in the summer. So I jokingly say I'm a perfect fit for Bert because I grew up with like three, bruh, major bachelor party every weekend, women in and out. I mean, it was like a frat house. And that's where I felt really safe because my mom not only was lying, had a lot of men in and out and didn't really have a lot of friends. And I think when I was young, I just was like, something's up here. Something's not, the elevator's not going to the top floor. When I was in middle school, she moved us to a suburb. And I guess I always knew something

was really off. But when we moved to this suburb, I had a neighbor across the street whose family was like, oh, no, you need to kind of stay at our house oh really yeah they told they sort of like took you in yes and then what were they seeing just the shit that's going on a lot of yelling and screaming a lot of you at you your mom yeah a lot of um hardcore criticism of of me of i didn't really the way she worked now that now that i'm an adult and I've read a lot of books and I've been in a lot of therapy, I really think she had a borderline personality disorder called narcissism as a disorder. That's what I believe. Again, she's not been diagnosed, so I can't say that's factual. But my experience of her based on what I've, is pretty much that. So if I, if you told me, if I said, hey,

the inside of your mug is green, and she didn't think that was true, I would be punished for that. Just me going, but hold on, that's green. So why am I in trouble? She was very, she made me take like 21 vitamins every day. I had to drink niacin when I was a kid. She was very controlling of my bowel movements. Like she would monitor my bowel movements and watch me to make sure I had them. Like not normal stuff. Yeah, that's not normal at all. That is not normal.

She was naked a lot, like all the time. She was always cleaning. You said a lot, then you said like all the time. Like all the time. Like she vacuumed naked. Really? She was naked. Yeah, she was always naked. She was naked. Yeah.

She was always naked. She was a model actually, by the way, she ended up being the highest paid model Atlanta for like nine years. She was a runway model in Italy. She was like your model. Yeah. My mom,

I don't look like my mom. I look like my dad. She's like five, eight blonde, green eyes, shares body, not my body. And she would just roll around naked in front of you.

Always. Yeah. Would this be when you had company as well? Or she crazy enough to keep it together? Remember, I grew up in the gay community. There's no kids. Those guys run over there all the time. Well, there's no kids.

I had no friends. Yeah, that's a good point. There's no kids in that community. So, yeah, it was not super awesome. It was really lonely. And I was stuck super awesome. It was really lonely. And I was stuck with this lady who was always naked and so obsessive about what I was doing and what I was eating. She was also kind of macrobiotic. So I could only eat what she told me.

She's projecting all that model insecurity, mental illness bullshit on you with the bowel movements and what's going in and out of the body and it was insane man you're being regulated like that she's watching you shit yeah she watched me shit okay not to get too graphic but she would like put newspaper on the floor and go do it wait not on a toilet what do you mean that's where oh so she's humiliating you too she's not just monitoring it yeah it was bad man it was real bad and then i had my dad who was just a freaking awesome he's just taking it off the floor and be like yeah well maybe no he was just like what can we do today let's go you know take a dune buggy up the side of a mountain let's go look for rattlesnakes in

the wood you know and listen that's what that's interesting to hear you say that's where I felt safe. You're talking about rattlesnakes and dune buggies and ladies in and out. And you're like, this is where I felt safe. Oh, listen, we had to build a chimney on this log cabin to heat it, right? So we had one fireplace only and it was in the living room. So to heat the bedrooms, my dad was building this wood burning furnace that he actually ducted through the house. room. So to heat the bedrooms, my dad was building this like wood burning furnace that he actually ducted through the house. But we had to build the chimney. So there's one mountain in our hometown

called Blackjack Mountain and Blackjack Mountain is covered in rattlesnakes. So me and my dad and his roommate got in his Jeep and put a trailer on the Jeep and my dad would turn a rock over and Doug would shoot the rattlesnake that was under the rock. And then they'd hand the rock to me to put in the trailer. Fuck that chimney right now.

And then you pick the rattlesnake up and throw it. I'll shiver on that. Fuck that. That's also one rock. That's one rock. That's one rock. Yeah, you got a lot more rocks than that. We did that like four weekends in a row. That's one rock. That's one rock. You got a lot more rocks. We did that like four weekends in a row.

You get all the rocks to build this damn chimney. Yeah. One summer I had to dig a ditch because the basement was flooding. And I had to dig a ditch that was the length of the house and the width of the house. How old are you doing this shit? 12, 13? Oh, younger. 10, 11. He bought it in 1980. You're digging a trench around the house. How old are you doing this shit? 12, 13? Oh, younger. 10, 11.

He bought it in 1980. You're digging a trench around the house? Yeah, that's what we did. Bunch of beer, a little bit, something on the radio. Dig, dig, dig. Cut wood all year. And I was so happy to be there. I would have done anything not to be at my mom's house.

And you're only getting the weekends and then the summer. And the summer, yeah. But Monday to Friday is mom. Yeah. Naked mom. Naked mom. Who's house. And you're only getting the weekends and then the summer. And the summer, yeah. But Monday to Friday is mom. Yeah. Naked mom. Naked mom. Who's just torturing you. Yeah, it was pretty rough.

Man. So when I'm middle school, we moved a family across the street. They were moving and the dad called me in the kitchen. He was like, hey, I actually can't leave you here. I'm building a house.

I'd like to build a room for you. I'd like to legally adopt you if that's okay with you. And I was so embarrassed because I thought, oh my God, they found out. They know that my mom is not right. It was really embarrassing. So I was in eighth grade. And actually, when my mom got custody of me, the judge was like, at 13, she can choose wherever she wants to live. So I knew I was going to move with my dad after eighth grade. So I said, thank you, but I'm going to live with my dad. But that was probably one of the— Is that right? 13 is when you can do that?

So you decide on your own. Okay, sorry. I interrupted you. That was one of what? That was what that was when one of the hardest moments is that i someone saw me and saw um that it was rough you know you can kind of pretend like everything's okay i don't have any siblings it was just me and her and a cat so you could just kind of act like nothing's i'm good i just got gotta wait 12 days to get two days of

normalcy with my dad then i'll wait 12 more days to get two days of normalcy and that's gotta make it to memorial day and then i got three months sharing judy garland for fucking 12 here comes that here goes daddy so i got a question that just popped in my head i want to ask and i want to get back to you but um raising your girls even though we're out here and your life is so different, have you seen the little Leanne in their school? Have you seen that girl? Have you been able to identify one where you're like, I'd like to – or have you helped anybody like that? I have, yeah. I have a Girl Scout troop I've had for 13 years.

And we had a girl in that troop that all, I have two other leaders, all three of us were like, this girl needs all of us, needs everyone here, and needs the three of us adults in particular. And at some point, she stopped coming. And we tried everything we could to get her to keep coming. coming and we tried everything we could to get her to keep coming and i mean to pick her up to drop her off just whatever we could and um couldn't make it work here's the thing i was the kid like i felt like i was so after my dad died we were 16 like everyone it was right at thanksgiving so all of a sudden there's this bunch of donations, anonymous donations, Christmas presents, clothes from all the wonderful people who meant well. And all I could feel like was a fucking charity case. And I was embarrassed.

I was humiliated. I was angry. Like, fuck these sweatshirts or fuck these people in there. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't mean that. But I was just like, I don't want any of this. This isn't what i want or need and i've been able to do that too and a few times in life where i'm like oh and it's also scary i

remember being a kid like why should i trust this one this one fucking is trash oh yeah you know and then for you to have these three ladies that wanted to look out for you it's also a little bit um nerve-wracking to be like do i give my trust in these people absolutely you, it's also a little bit nerve wracking to be like, do I give my trust in these people? Absolutely. You know, it's hard to believe someone can love you when the one person that's supposed to doesn't know how. Amen. She just doesn't know how. I mean, what causes narcissism as a disorder is serious childhood trauma, which I believe she had.

I mean, her dad was a disaster. He was an absolute meanest, nastiest man I've ever seen until he got diagnosed with PTSD and got medicated. And then he was actually really great. You really saw a difference? Are you kidding? Wow. He would, oh my God, I would hear him hit the front porch

screaming and cursing at my grandmother. Where's my goddamn lunch, Mae? I mean, from the minute he walked on the porch. And when he got medicated, he just started crying. He cried and cried and cried and cried. But he was, you know, he was on Hiroshima 30 minutes after they dropped the bomb. Oof. And his job was to find survivors and take them to medic.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, come on. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. How do you come back from that? You don't.

How do you raise three children? And be kind and soft. You can't do that. He was just trying to not see Japanese bodies all the time and didn't tell anybody until I was in probably until I was eight or nine years old when he finally got diagnosed and then started getting treatment. That's who raised her. So you go, well, I understand why she's broken. And I have no hard feelings with her. I had all that when I was younger.

I really forgave her for a lot of stuff. But when you decide to choose your dad, do things get even worse with her, or is it just cut off cold? How does that go down? Well, this starts the— Because you make the choice. Yes, I do. This starts phase two of my and her relationship, really. Phase two is you're dead to me.

I don't see or talk to her for like a year and a half or so. And then I was a cheerleader in high school. She just showed up at a ball game like nothing happened. And then I'm a teenager going, well, I guess, okay. So I guess we're making up now. That's just how it was. Just poof out of nowhere. I'm a teenager going, well, I guess, okay. So I guess we're making up now, you know. That's just how it was. Just poof out of nowhere. I'm at this game.

Yep. Not I'm coming. Nope. No heads up. Nope. That is narcissistic as fuck, isn't it? Yeah. Just to show up.

Yeah, show up like that. Especially when. Was she naked? No. She may as well have been because, you know, she was this big fancy model coming back to her small hometown and this is like it was as if share came right to my ball game um so yeah then i just started in a relationship with her again because she's my mother and it went on until 23 and then

can i ask you another question this whole time that you choose to live with your dad, how far in proximity is mom? A couple miles? How far is Atlanta from that? About 50 miles. All right. So an hour. Yeah. So not three states over.

No. If one and two, could absolutely have had a relationship with her daughter. Had to drive through my dad's hometown to get to her parents' house. And did do that. Oh, I'm sure she did. So she bounced to Chicago and now she's staying in Atlanta and both of you, nah.

Bye-bye. Yeah. Yeah, so did I mention she's been divorced six times too? You forgot the six marriages. She was working on number seven, but I think he might have got wise and got out early before he got trapped.

Six. Yeah, she's six divorces. She ain't healthy, y'all. She just ain't healthy. Bless her heart. You know, I don't want anybody, I genuinely would hate to be as angry as she is and live her life every day that angry. That's just not any way to live. You know, that's really sad.

It breaks my heart for her. But yeah, I was dead to her for a while, and then she came back, and then we were sort of okay for a little bit. And then I was bopping around in college. I was miserable in college. We even talked about the redneck stuff I grew up with that I'm sure Bert's taught you about. That's the stuff I want to talk to. Kirsten's told me some things too.

So should I stop talking about this because that's way more fun? No. No. We can talk about we'll get to all of it. We're not in a hurry. Did Bert tell you that when my dad first met Bert, he was living in a convenience store? Yeah, that's what he told us. From a log cabin? I could live here. I could live here.

First of all, okay. When I first started dating Bert, I said to him, I'm a little concerned about you meeting my family because I don't, he's from pretty white collar, you know, he's from Florida, which gives it a different element. But I mean, dad's a lawyer. Mom's very educated, was an educator. Her parents were like, they're just white collar people. I am not from that big time. And I was like, oh, my dad's actually currently living in a convenience store. That was up from the cabin?

Yes, from the cabin. My dad's currently living in the convenience store. And my grandfather wears overalls every day of the week. I mean, he has a Sunday pair for church and then the regular pair. I mean, definitely is an old school Southerner, if you know what I mean. Really nice man, but very old school Southerner. And I was like, how in the world am I going to make this happen? So I kind of prepped Bert on the way to Bowdoin. I was explaining to my family, a couple people might cook meth, just saying. One or two have some missing teeth and that's why. So just buckle up and just hope for the best. And we went in that convenience store and in the middle of the convenience store is a pizza oven and burt was like there's a there's a pizza oven in here wait a minute you mean you go through the beer cooler and on the other side of the beer cooler is my dad's apartment which has no windows so it's pitch black but he had a great couch

he had a great couch the couch reclined and he also had a recliner and burt was like hold on you mean you can get up any time of the night and go in the other room and He was reclined, and he also had a recliner. And Bert was like, hold on, you mean you can get up any time of the night and go in the other room and get snacks? And then my aunt also worked there, who makes the best biscuits ever. And so as soon as you wake up in the morning, you can have like biscuits and gravy and whatever you want. He thought it was a dream. Met my grandfather, Haskell, who was the best storyteller I've ever been around. And as you know, Bert is one of the best storytellers. And my pop just told him stories all day. The first day, they were inseparable. And I was like, okay, well, that's working. My dad's working. Just

avoid the two toothless cousins in the corner and we can get out of here unscathed. But yeah, when my dad first met Bert, he was like'm gonna tell you something boy that's the best frog gigger in the county is leanne and burt was like what does that even mean what does that mean and well we used to when i was a kid we would we didn't have any money so we would camp a lot and my grandparents had this farm that had a river on it so you get in a john boat a flat bottom boat with spotlight and you just frog gig all night long you just reach in the bank grab frogs some people do it with like a pole a forked pole but we didn't do that we just grab it with our hands you just trolling along and just snag it just grab it with your hands and then what do

you do with it you put it in the well of the boat and and then you eat them. Oh, you do go home and eat them. Yeah, we eat frog legs. Yeah. Fry them up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. I've had frog legs.

They're not bad. They're not bad. They're not bad. They're fine. It was fun. I mean, as bizarre as that may sound, so was, by the way, shooting rattlesnakes out from under rocks. Yeah, to build a chimney. To build a chimney.

Not just for fun. Yes. To build a chimney. It was a purpose. It was to build a chimney. It worked. And then we finally had heat. That It was a purpose. It was to build a chimney. It worked. And then we finally had heat. That's what you had.

It was freezing in that house. I don't know anybody had to do that to get heat. Kill rattlesnakes. Oh, we did have a snake that lived in our log cabin. So we had a rat snake that lived in my dad's bathroom because what's better to take care of rats than a snake? And most people don't really understand that perspective. But my family always had snakes because they take care of rats than a snake. And most people don't really understand that perspective. But my family always had snakes because they take care of rats. We have a farm.

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Just go to farmers dog dot com slash honeydew to get 50% off. That's farmers dog dot com slash honeydew. Now,% off. That's farmersdog.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. What else I used to drag race for money in high school? Where? Hog Liver Road. Like just on the street, yeah? Yes.

There wasn't a track? There wasn't a quarter mile track? No, no, no, no. Did you just say Hog Liver Road? I did. Our intersection. Is that the straightest spot spot to do it it's kind of in a holla so yeah it's very safe i'll tell you what right now i'll see all that there's no way to say that it's real though it's real people don't believe it's real it's real my intersection of

my street where my dad's farm my grandparent's farm was called bug scuffle so you'd go to bug scuffle and take a right on the hog liver off a bug scuffle dot road is that right it's dot road yeah i love this anyway so um all right how much are you winning you just going like 50 a pop or what are you just drag racing against all dudes too i was all dudes are you the only girl like in the group of every guy 100 the only girl yeah i was only girl all the time i went everywhere with my dad and he did dad stuff he went the tractor pull we went to demolition derby um i want to go i can't find one a demolition derby irwindale speed go. I can't find one. A Demolition Derby? I've looked. Irwindale Speedway?

Every other month. Out here? It is awesome. Yes, in Irwindale. I go. I take Isla all the time. Every other month? Every other month.

I'm definitely going. I want to take my daughter so bad to that. So fun. All right. It's called the Night of Destruction. It's a different kind of redneck. It's freaking awesome. We used to go to these tracks.

It was a place called 75 and 80 because it was at the intersection of 75 and 80 and the rednecks all the fat guys would take their shirts off and then it was locals that would bring their nova in or their souped up camino or whatever and they would warm their tires up and light them up here and these guys would be like whoa and stand there and let those little pieces of gravel and rubber just all over them and they would stand there like that i'm like what the fuck are you all doing it's a different kind of mentality redneck right i remember in high school the boys used to stir up an ant bed and stick their hand in it for money whoever could leave

their hand in it got the money and you're like what i mean could you imagine some L.A. kids doing that? Fuck, no. No way. No way. Yeah, that was often done. So that's, so dad moves, at what age are you living in the convenience store? Or you never? I never did. So you grew up in that cabin? I did. My dad and I did build a house from the ground up when I was about 14.

So we moved out of that house into the house that he and I built. You literally built a house together. I did. so we moved out of that house into the house that he and i built you literally built a house i did i didn't put the roof trusses on and i didn't do the electrical wiring um but you built your shelter my dad and i did yeah my dad and i taught me dad my daddy was the real deal it sounds still is very handy yeah handy's an understatementement. Bet your mom's looks are long gone, but dad's skills still around, motherfucker. I still got these. That's the truth.

He's the best. He's the sweetest and the best. I would not be this person without my daddy, for sure. That's great to hear. Would not be this person without my daddy. No way. So, yeah. Yeah, he and I built that house.

We lived there for a little bit, and then we moved back into the log cabin because we didn't like it. We liked the cabin better. So, we moved back. And did you have your own room? You did. It was a big cabin. It actually was like a four-bedroom log cabin. And he had, like I said, he had the roommates.

So, I had a room. And those were good dudes, by the way? Awesome dudes. All of my wedding. Are you still in communication with all of them? I could be. I'm not. good dudes by the way awesome dudes you still in communication with anybody all of them i could be i'm not but i mean when i got married to burt i um as i don't have my mom i drove myself to my

wedding in a pickup truck no i did did you really did you drove yourself i did i didn't think about it you know i think the thing is when you grow up by yourself the way i grew up you just don't think about it you just do because you need to do and if you don't, nobody's coming to drive that motherfucking truck. That's not true. You know, and all this crap with my mom. My dad is such a sweet

kind of, as much as he was a party guy, he was a really fragile guy. Like emotionally really, really fragile. Kind of like Bert. Really sensitive. Some anxiety issues, which, you know, back in the 70s, you didn't know what that was. But, yeah, he remarried when I was 19. He'd been with her since I was about eight. And she left him.

And when she left him, he had a legit nervous breakdown and moved into the dorm with me in my college. No. Hold on a second. My roommate moved out? You can't just say that shit like it's... Tell me after your dad's second divorce, he moved into your college dorm. I can't imagine.

He did. Can you imagine right now? Bert had to move in with me. Bert can't imagine. He did. Can you imagine right now Bert had to move in with you? Bert would, though. He would. He would just be like, George, move over. There's no way he could make it.

It's the same person. There's no way. It's not a mystery. I married this guy who's the most fragile frat boy on the planet. That was my dad. I mean, my dad was a frat boy.

Your dad moved into your dorm? It was rough. How'd you get over it? I bet it was. I bet it was my dad. I mean, my dad was a frat boy. Your dad moved into your dorm? It was rough. How'd you get away? I bet it was. I bet it was fucking rough. It was rough. He stopped moving in for party time. No, he was not.

He was moving in and crying. How'd you get away with it? He was crying a lot. He was crying a lot. He would sit on the couch in the dorm lobby and just wait for me. I can't imagine seeing this poor man just sobbing. And you're trying to fucking live your life and be in college. You're finally out of the house.

Yeah, it was pretty bad. It was pretty bad. Oh, shit. It was pretty bad. I got away with it because I was in a school. Wait, what school did you guys go to? It was West Georgia College. It's now University of West Georgia or West Georgia University, something like that.

But yeah, so in my home, it was pretty close to my hometown. I was in a sorority and you couldn't live in a sorority house because it was considered a brothel. Okay. If a certain number of women live in a house together, it was a brothel. So we had a dorm floor. So my sorority dorm floor was all my sorority sisters. And I just explained it. I was like, listen, I don't know what to do.

My dad's in pieces. So my roommate kind of moved out and moved in with her boyfriend. And my dad moved into her bed. I don't remember how long he was there, like maybe a you have like bunk bed with your dad or like the two twin beds it's gotta be the saddest fucking thing just to be on the wall and see your look on your face and he's over there sobbing and you're trying's sobbing. You're trying to study. It was awful.

You know, I'd get out of school and he'd be waiting for me on the couch. And then you want to go like drive the streets of the city drinking Budweiser looking for his wife. And I was like, oh my God. It was bad. Bless his heart. You know?

Now, I would never do that to my kids, but I guarantee you if I did that to Bert, Bert would definitely be moving in with Georgia. 100%. So sorry, Georgia. You didn't hear it. Your dad. Oh, so funny.

So for a month, that's a long time. It was a long time. I was a sophomore. What made him finally say, all right, I'm fucking out of here. The semester ended. No. Not that deep, bud.

The semester ended. It was over. Time to go home. I was sure he met someone new. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. He didn't meet anybody new for a long time. But, you know, time heals all wounds, I guess.

He just kind of got over it, and I moved to Atlanta. I was like, I got to get out. I got to get out. That's too good. Crazy. Crazy, crazy. So now you're in Atlanta, but isn't that where mom is? I was living with my mom again because, remember, at 13,

we reestablished our relationship. I moved in with her. At that point, God, there's a lot about my life, I guess. I started drinking when I was 13. And by the time I was 20. I'm surprised it wasn't sooner. I know, right? I'm surprised it wasn't sooner.

Me too. I'm shocked I don't drink anymore. I mean, I do drink some. But yeah, by the time I was 20, I'd had a DUI. I'd gotten arrested for vandalizing people's homes. What were you doing? I was throwing rocks in windows just for fun. Just bashing them?

Just to fucking do it. I was angry. Mm-hmm. I had DUI. And then still drinking. My 21st birthday, I drank like a fifth of vodka by myself. I was drinking that much. That was like a regular thing?

Uh-huh. It was pretty regular. Wow. And then I started losing my hair and um from the drinking and i started bloating really badly and then uh moved to my mom's because uh i was in bad shape and i was getting away from the situation with my dad and my sorority had actually done an intervention on me and told me i needed to go to rehab kicked and stripped me of all my offices in the sorority. And I was like, fuck all you people. I'm moving. And moved to Atlanta to get

away from it. Your dad's like, we're out of here. We're fucking out of here. We're going to East Georgia. Exactly. So then my mom took me to the doctor. The doctor was like, this is from alcohol. Her liver is actually quite enlarged. And I was like, I don't drink. I don't know what you're talking about. Totally lying. Kept drinking, kept driving drunk massively. And then I woke up. One day I was just driving and I was like, I'm not happy. I'm massively unhappy. And I don't think it has to do with alcohol. I think there's something else wrong. Like I'm really unhappy. So I dropped out of college. My mom's fourth husband at the time was very wealthy and said, what do you want to do? I'll help you any way you want to help. I want

help. He's the nicest guy ever. And I said, I think I just want to move to New York City and just take like a year off college and just figure my shit out. I need to get out of Atlanta. I didn't make any friends in Atlanta. So I was like a boy in a girl's body in the South. Like you have to be sort of girly. And I just, you know, I was raised by three men, really. So I just couldn't find my way there. So I was like, well, I'd love to go to New York. And he said, well, I'll pay your rent for six months, just your rent.

And you take care of everything else. And then, you know, I'll sign the lease over to you or you move or whatever. And I was like, that's amazing. Thanks. Did that. And stopped drinking entirely. I was just like, I'm just going to stop cold turkey and figure out why I'm so unhappy. So I moved to New York and shortly after that and got into therapy. Shortly after that, my mom decided to reinvigorate her modeling career and move into my apartment with me. Come on. Wait, first of all, two questions. How old is she at this point when she's reinvigorating the career?

I'm 23, so she'd be 43. Okay, so it's not the end of the career, but it's going to be a different career. It's not the runway young fashion model anymore. No, but she got- Now it's JCPenney and Sears and- Yeah, it is, right? Yeah, I know. That's right. Wayne Bryant. Totally. But she got- Now it's JCPenney and Sears and shit. Yeah, it is, right? Yeah, I know. That's right. Wayne Bryant.

Totally. But you know, she's beautiful. She's blonde. She's tall. She's beautiful. Okay, but now she's coming to your place?

I had a studio apartment. And is that leverage because husband number four is paying for it? So she's like, fuck you, I'm coming and staying to your shit.

Correct. Man, you can't get a goddamn minute to yourself. You ready? It's still better. She starts fucking the neighbor across the street and says to me, you got to lie to my husband about this. And I said, I'm not doing that. I don't lie for myself.

I'm not lying for anybody. No. So we get in a fistfight in my own apartment, and she kicks me out of my own apartment. No. You got in a fist fight with your mom? Mm-hmm. I did. I hit her, actually.

I just had so much. Where? Where did you get her? I hit her first in the middle of the chest with my fist. You punched like that, huh? I just punched her, and I wanted to knock her down. That's what I was trying to do, just knock her down. And she didn't get knocked down, so I just kept shoving her and shoving her and shoving her until I got, I just had to,

I just went, hold on. I am out of control now and I need to leave. So I left and she let me be gone. So she set a bag out and I was out of my own apartment. I was about 10 days. I had nowhere to live. So I just went from like lobby to lobby to lobby and apartment buildings and just kind of went, yeah, I got a friend that lives here. I'm just gonna hang on the couch till he gets home or whatever and would not often sleep a little bit. And then I was trying to be an actor because I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do. So I was in acting class coincidentally with Miss Georgia. And my teacher was like, something's going on with you. And I don't know what it is,

but what's happening? And I told him everything that was going on. Coincidentally, my mother had also joined my acting class. Get the fuck out. Is it really coincidentally? No, it's not coincidentally. That's right. No, she joined my acting class,

which I went to my teacher and went, please no. So he put her in a different one. So we weren't actually in class together. So he knew who I was talking about because he taught her also. And went to Miss Georgia and said, can you let her sleep on your couch and help her find a place to live? And she did. Stephanie Michels.

I'll be very grateful for her forever. But I also, like you were talking about being embarrassed. But I also, like you were talking about being embarrassed, once I finally got up on my feet, I was so embarrassed that she'd help me that I was an asshole to her. And years later, I found her and apologized to her, wrote her a letter. I was like, I just don't – I didn't know how to accept help. And I was so embarrassed. But yeah, she and I are fine now. We're not friends friends but fine um but yeah i lived in uh spanish harlem for three months scared out of my mind this was in 93

so it's a little different than basically alabama yes spanish harlem yes i remember getting off at the port authority i'd never been to new york I just moved there. I just thought it's not working here. Let's just go there. And the port, you know, 42nd Street was like peep show, peep show, peep show, triple X movie, nudie nudie, prostitutes everywhere on 42nd Street when I first moved there. Dead bodies in Alphabet City everywhere. It was like, it was before they cleaned it up. So it was really pretty rough. But I ended up living there for like four years. But yeah, my mom, when she kicked me out, I was dead to her then too. So it happened at 13 and at 23. And then I got subpoenaed to testify on my stepfather's behalf because she claimed all these things that were not true.

And other things happened happen i don't feel comfortable saying here but i'll tell you later if you want to know but wait you had to go to court against your mom yes but she settled the night before i had to testify so i didn't actually have to go but there's nothing worse than walking through an airport and someone's saying are you my name's my first name's kelly are you kelly camp yep you've been served and open it up and find out you have to testify against your own mother and you're in the airport where they got you yeah i mean atlanta airport you can't do that shit anymore not anymore they were right outside the gate not anymore this was 93 or 94 yeah so that happened and so we split up for a while and

then i went on with my life i moved to la LA. I met Bert. Fell in love with Bert. And Bert and I got pregnant on the pill. Nah. Swear. I was on the pill. Got pregnant. We'd been dating for like over a year. He already bought me a ring.

I didn't even know it. But we got pregnant on the pill. So my mom wasn't talking to me then either. We had gotten back into talking in my 20s. But she was mad at me because I wouldn't do something she wanted me to do. So she wasn't responding. I kept calling her and going, you need to call me. I need to tell you something like really important. Never call me back.

Emailed her. You need to call me. I need to tell you something because I was going to get married. We like had shotgun marriage. We got married in like two months. She never called me. So finally, I sent her an email. I said, listen, you're not calling me back. So I need to tell you I'm pregnant and I'm getting married and I want you to know and I want you to come to the wedding. And the email I got back from her. Email, first of all.

An email was so bad that I printed it out and gave it to Burt's sister and she cried. that I printed it out and gave it to Burt's sister and she cried. And I went, I am keeping this email forever because I will never ever forget how sick she is. So in the email again, she said, you're dead to me. I don't wanna know you. I don't wanna know your husband. I don't wanna know your kids.

You're so disrespectful for telling me in this manner and whatever her crap was. And that's the last time i really had contact with her i saw her at her dad's funeral and uh how long had it been oh a long time and she did bust in on i always brought the girls to see her parents because i wanted them to know their great-grandparents and i had a good relationship with them i mean shit who has great-grandparents anymore right yeah i mean they just lost my mom's mom like a year ago. Wow.

So, yeah. I mean, everybody has babies young in the South, y'all. So, you know. But, yeah, she busted in on one visit with them. Literally walked in the door just like my cheerleader. Hey, y'all, I'm your nanny. And my kids were like, George was like eight. She'd never seen her before ever.

And then I saw her again at her dad's funeral and that's it. What was that like? It was, you know, we were- Did you talk at all? We were cordial to each other. She introduced me to her sixth husband there. And then coincidentally,

my dad's mom had passed away within a couple of days. So her funeral was the following day. And she showed up at my grandmother's funeral, who I was very close to and did one of these pulled me outside and, uh, with my kids, gave my kids each a gift and then proceeded to lecture me about respect in front of my children and how I have no respect. I've never had any respect. I don't know how to respect and how disrespectful it was for me to come to her dad's funeral.

And my kids were like, what? I actually talked to my kids about this not long ago. I was like, do you remember that? And Georgia said, yeah. I just thought, she's crazy. And I went, might not be. And you held it together? You don't believe, fuck you, lady? No, I just thought she's crazy. And I went, might not be. And you held it together? You don't really, fuck you, lady?

No, I just go, okay. After all these years, you're just at that point, like, all right. Okay. It's not even worth it anymore for you. Yeah. It's like, if she ever hears this, she'll be really mad. It's almost like when a homeless person is talking nonsense to you and you have sympathy and you go, oh, yeah, totally. I completely, completely yeah there are

definitely aliens in your tent 100 i agree yep you probably should look into that yep that's kind of how it is because she's just so not on this planet but how's dad like how's your relationship with it was amazing my dad comes out here every three or four months he's taught my kids how to build stuff you, how to fix their car. He built all the mic stands out of wood in our whole studio. He and I build furniture together all the time. We have a great relationship. And I take my kids back.

He has a house on the lake in Alabama. We go there every summer. Bert adores him. He adores my dad. He's just the best. He's great. He's not married, but he's been with his he's not married but he's been with his girlfriend for 23 years now they're happy he's got three sort of step

kids with her so he's good he's all good so do you like look there's no way you can tell your kids like you don't even know you know what i mean like because they they'll never get that never i mean even no offense kids who aren't in the situation your kids are in there's there's no lower middle class kids out there building their own motherfucking chimneys no it's probably not you know what i mean like that's that's way different than any so how do you like how do you balance that with your kids how do you or do you find yourself overdoing it over correcting like how do you balance that with your kids? Or do you find yourself overdoing it, overcorrecting? How do you do that as a mom? Well, I take them home every summer for two weeks since they were born.

And we float the river. We frog gig. We build stuff. We sleep on the ground, not on a cot like I did growing up. When we went camping, we didn't have a tent. What do you mean you slept on the ground, not on a cot like I did growing up. When we went camping, we didn't have a tent. What do you mean you slept on the ground? We put a sleeping bag on the ground. No, like when we go camping.

Oh, when you're camping, okay. So we do that. We take a dock bath. You know, when we're at the lake house, we soap up on the dock and jump in the lake, and that's a bath, you know. So that's what I grew up doing. So as much as I can, you know, my cousins are walking around, no shirt, pistol on their hip.

There's always snakes in the river when we're in the river. I mean, my kids have seen my cousins shoot a snake. You know, so I try to give them that, that little two week window of what that part of the world is like. Because what I feel like too is we, LA is such a bubble.

It's not really, it is a reality, but it's not the only reality. And my reality was amazing in so many ways that I couldn't possibly give them here. So like we went to Montana with another family that's born and raised in LA, originally from Boston. So super city people.

Went to Montana and there was this convenience store that had taxidermy literally on all four walls, like on top of the freezers, like everywhere. And her two kids were so flipped out and my kids didn't even really notice it. Because when you go back to my hometown, that's the way it is there too. And I had to explain to her kids, you know, hunting is not what you think it is. In my community, you actually eat what you hunt. I mean, I grew up eating deer and we grew everything we ate on the farm. We had cows and

pigs and goats and chickens. chickens oh you would eat those too oh yeah oh okay you're not just using them for dairy and no we weren't a dairy farm no yeah so they had cattle farm at 250 had a cattle but he would always put one cow up for our family and he raised pigs for the family he raised chickens and goats for the family. If a butcher takes a cow, how many people could that one cow feed? I don't know, but it filled up a big freezer. My grandmother would thaw it out a long time. Steaks and burgers and everything else, you can get the fuck out of that thing. Yeah, and the pigs.

And my pop had his own smokehouse, so he smoked everything. There was a dairy farm down the road they would trade with uh grew a whole big vegetable garden there's very little they they bought very little from the store so i feel like i have i feel like i got the opportunity to have the last little window of this listen that's the most fucking la upbringing these people want you know what i mean they all want to go they think they want that's right they all want to go farm the table and this and that and you're really fucking doing that shit back then you're like oh you're gonna kill this cow because we're gonna fucking eat this thing you know these chickens these fucking whatever yeah they don't know that's the whole fucking woke

bullshit out here they all want to be like that and not one of them's like that out here it's so hard that life is so hard. Here's what I like about what you're saying. I actually love about it because you're saying it's so hard, but you also said you loved it. Oh, I did. I loved every minute. You didn't hate it. You don't tell your kids, like, fuck seeing that part of the world because you don't.

Yeah. No. I really like that you embraced it. No. They've definitely seen us like clean fish, fillet fish, like right out of the lake. And I don't think a lot of kids get the opportunity to see that either here.

Yeah, I love the way I grew up. I would not trade. I actually wouldn't really trade my mom either because I learned a lot about human behavior from her. Knowing when someone lies, I'm pretty good at that because you read your mom differently than you read other people. And when you can see those kind of inconsistencies in your mom, it makes you feel unsafe. And that unsafe piece, you can spot in other people very quickly. So that's a good tool. I also have no ability to filter things because she filtered everything.

Everything was a con. And I just went, I will not be doing that because it's so unsafe. Because you go, well, are you asking me to do this? I was just saying this to Bert. I remember when in high school she gave me a really nice purse, and my instinct was to give it back because the purse was too expensive for me. So what she would ask me to do because she'd given me a gift was too expensive i don't want i don't want what comes with that gift exactly

so then it makes me give gifts with absolutely no attachment i don't even care if you like it me too throw it in the garbage me too i don't give a fuck take it back return i don't give it you're not to hurt my feelings. Doesn't work like that for some other people, though, you realize. No. You're like, oh, you're really upset. Oh, that's my bad. Sorry. Once for Bert.

Bert gave me, oh, my God, the worst. He gave me a gold velour tracksuit. What part of me looks or sounds like I would wear a gold velour tracksuit? He is six foot two with a belly. It looked great on him. And I opened it and I went, oh, man, I'm never going to wear this. And he has never forgotten it. So I was like, this is not, I mean, gold jewelry is one thing,

but an entire velour. What is wrong with you, dude? And he's like, oh, I just can't buy gifts for you ever. Listen, thank you for coming on here and doing this episode. Before we go, I want to ask you advice you would give to, because this is interesting. I'm curious what you're going to say. Advice you would give to 16-year-old Leanne.

I would say. Wait, what's your name again my name's leanne my first name's kelly kelly and what was your maiden name kemp so what advice would you give to kelly kemp uh i would say it's i don't know if it's advice or maybe like just it's all going to be okay. I was such a mess at 16. It's all going to be okay. Because I am so happy and balanced and fulfilled and at peace with the things. I was not that way about it at 16. I think that's what I'd say. It's going to be okay. That's great.

I agree. I think about the things I thought about at 16 and how much it meant. Now I'm like, God, if you only knew how it means nothing. Nothing. I mean nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Thank you very much.

Please plug and promote anything you'd like again. Just Wife at the Party podcast. Shane Torres' special. Yeah. It's called The Blue Eyed Mexican on YouTube. All right. Thank you very much. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, RyanSickler.com.

We'll talk to you all next week. Bye.