The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Matt Braunger - HoneyBraunger

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Matt Braunger! (Doug) Matt Highlights the Lowlights of driving a newborn across the country and back. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW for 20% off your first order ExpressVPN -Go to https://www.ExpressVPN.com/HoneyDew today and get an extra three months free on a one-year package

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a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at CUDO. Conditions apply. L.A., huge announcement. I am shooting my special Wednesday, December 14th, here in Los Angeles at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater.

Go to ryansickler.com for tickets. Use code SICKLER. You're going to get half off tickets. All right. Please come out. I want the place packed. We're doing two shows. And I want all the diehards there.

All right. Screw the industry. This is for the fans. Go to ryansickler.com. Get your tickets today. Grand Rapids. I'll see you all December 9th and 10th. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at RyanSickler.com.

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We are over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I just want to say, as I say every week, thank you. Thank you very much for however you support this show, however you support me. It does not go unnoticed. I genuinely appreciate it. If you want to make a difference, an easy, free one, then hit subscribe on that YouTube channel.

You know what I'm saying? You're watching. Just hit it. It makes a big difference in our world. And if you've got to have more honeydew, then you've got to check out the Patreon. It's the wildest show on Patreon. It's called The Honeydew With Y'all. And I'm highlighting the lowlights with y'all. And y'all have stories that I still have nightmares about. All right. So it is $5 a month.

If you sign up for a year, you get over a month free. You're getting The Honeydew a day earlier, getting it ad free, and it's no additional cost. It's not all these layers and whatever. It's five bucks. Okay. Tears, whatever whatever and if i am in your town when you're around come out and see me on tour um i'll be in chicago november 11th and 12th and grand rapids december 9th and the 10th that's the biz now you guys know we do over here we highlight the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers i am very excited to have this storyteller back on the honeydew, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Matt Bronger.

Welcome back to The Honeydew, man. Thank you, Ryan. Thanks, dude. Appreciate it. Thank you for being here, young man. You look good, by the way. Thanks, dude. You too. You too.

We're aging well. Look at us. I mean, I look at pictures of me when I was younger with a goatee, and I'm like, I didn't have one fucking friend to tell me to shave that off my fucking face. Start making you think about shit. Yeah, we all did it. We all did it. Start making you really think about how your friends were in life.

Yeah. We really all thought we were friends with Cypress Hill or House of Pain. We thought we could go stand with them. I had one for so long. I have no chin. So I had one for so long. It was like my savior. I see.

So it was strategy for you. Oh, yeah. I just was like, I wonder what this would look like and then i left it for 10 years yeah yeah well and also just just hanging out with uh black puerto rican guys from new york when i was in college you know it was just like this is the look i should choose you polish your beard up and stuff bring it up way high no you bring it up real like up here i went i used to go to uh this barber in the city and he – Sorry.

I used to go to this barber in the city and he would clean me up and he just – he faded it right in, right into just weird stubble I had once. But it was almost too clean. Like it was like George Michael doing faith. Yeah, yeah. Where I was just like, oh. I was like george michael doing faith yeah where i was just like oh it's like just now exactly you put that you put that on a on a black gentleman you put that on on a latin gentleman excellent on me no but george michael looked good too he did he made it work yeah he did yeah looked like chrome um all well, before we get into anything, speaking of work, let's talk about you have a new special coming out. Let's talk about your work.

Okay. It's called Doug. It's named after a horrible guy I met on vacation. I think all of us dudes need. We need bad examples. We need like we've had good ones, and we need those two even more. But I think at least once in your life, you've got to meet someone that you're like, fuck that. I cannot be you, man.

I just can't. Can I ask you, first of all, as a comedian, as a performer, obviously, whatever you're choosing, it made an impact on you. Yes. So this guy made such a negative impact on you that you're like i'm gonna name this fucking special after this piece of shit yeah what happened it's just it's the story that i close on and it's got this big reveal where i bring someone out of the audience uh i won't give away the twist but it was just the whole special encompasses me having a kid during the pandemic and bartending and talk about,

yes. Uh, bartending in Chicago during the pan and during my twenties, the pandemic of my life. Uh, I don't know. I said in Chicago, the pandemic,

and then, uh, you know, just getting through the, that the, the story I'm going to get with you a little bit and then culminating in this trip where, you know, my wife and I were, it was just like, we weren't married yet. But I was like, this is going to be it. This is going to be it.

And I'm looking forward to the future, maybe having a kid. And I met Doug and his wife who, this isn't giving any jokes, but every time I saw Doug, he was wet and drunk. We were in Anguilla. Wet. In the Caribbean. Like he woke up in the froth of the surf with just a half bottle of Jack. That's such a great description. And he was, they were clearly-

You never go to wet. No. And somebody just says, imagine what this person looks like. Wet never enters the fucking equation. But I don't know why. Like, where did you come from? Wet. I don't remember if this made it in the special,

but at one point he followed a large black gentleman down the beach insisting that the guy was in the NFL, but he couldn't remember his name. And the guy's like, you know, thick patois, like, I'm not an NFL man. Hey. You know, like, he's just like, please, please leave me alone. And I'm like, just so drunk, the racism is magnified. And what it come down to is him and his wife, both, they were on vacation without their kids.

And they weren't like, you go on vacation with your kids. You're like, yes. Right. You're like, oh, but you're also like, I miss them. You know, I know I'm one on the road and I'm away from Rose. I'm just like, this is good to have this freedom, but I miss – that's the – we feel lucky. They were angry at the fact that they had kids, furious, as if someone else – Like complaining about it when they're not even there. No. Only part I'll do from the bit is Doug's wife sucked too. So bad I don't remember her name.

As I'm sitting here thinking, I'm a single man, and Doug's tied down? You know what I'm saying? You know, I understand that maybe the quality of the person's not that great, but Doug went and did it, man. Doug found his. It bugs me that he has a – I think that's a cool name. Every Doug I've met is chill.

Like they sell you weed at a good price. At a good price. You know, have some with you. No one showed up to your party yet? Doug doesn't care he's like they're gonna come man chill and you chill out smoke some of this you know doug's make lives better generally this guy suck so doug's wife uh my wife was like she have kids she's like yeah and she's like are they here my wife goes are they here and d Doug's wife goes, no, no. Fuck that. Fuck no.

Fuck them. Fuck them. Okay. All right, Mrs. Doug. And we're both childless. We're free as can be. But just having that moment of like, I'm never going to ever. Sure, when my kid gets into teen years and know and yours as well i'm sure you both of

us at certain points would be like i can't kill him you know like because there'll be those moments that crash the car whatever but like the hatred the hatred was real they they talked about their kids the way some people talk about like their landlords, you know, like so angry. I hate this son of a bitch. You know what he tried? Okay. Yeah. So anyway, but yeah. But they bonded over their love comes from probably the hatred of their children.

I don't even think they liked each other. No? No. Oh, man. I'm trying to find something here for Doug. And like there were moments where Doug seemed fun, but he would just – he would just get way too drunk, way too fast. You know, like he would – I would see him. It was a small resort.

He would be passed out. Every day you're seeing him. Dude, there's this outdoor bar called Elvis's Bar, and there's this giant dude, Caribbean man, pouring drinks. And he had this big – he had this jar of this shot that he made that was like – it just burned like gas you know like oh you know but it was great like you have to do one of elvis's shots and it was in a boat on the sand the whole bar had like seats built into the side of the bar that you sit on the boat it was great and i'd get there at like nine and doug's asleep across two of the chairs and people are like taking pictures with him and shit. And I'm just like, Doug again? Doug.

And his wife is just like, look, these pictures were taken with him. You can't avoid Doug, man. You need help. You need help. All right. So where can we find the special? Okay. I had to ask about Doug.

Yeah, yeah. So the special is going exclusively to Moment House, which is a thing. September 15th, it'll go up for pre-sale, be five bucks. And then September 16th, it'll be, you know, the regular price, which it's somewhere between five and 10. I forget what it is. But anyway, it's just, it's a special. I had the hour ready to go at the beginning of 2020. We all know what happened. All the penis joke emporiums shut down across the country. So it was like, there's no shooting specials. People didn't feel comfortable. I wasn't going to pack a house and be like, you love me though, right? Let's get sick. Let's get sick.

Yeah. So I was like, okay, let's shelve it. And I had to wait a year. And by then I'd had a kid and, you know, did this trip I'm going to talk about with you. And then like, I just, I, half that material I just threw out and like wrote from there. So it's this, and it's got this big twist ending that, I mean, I took it, I let some networks look at it and got some offers, but I was just like, I don't, I want this to be more of an event. Like I want this thing to be, because it's got this reveal at the end that I did on the road and people would film it and put it up on Instagram. And I have to be like, and I'd be like, please take this down. And they would. And thankfully it was no one who

had a massive following that blew this thing for me. But, you know, I, from then on the months leading up to the special, I was like, do not film this, you know, or, or don't tell people how this goes kind of thing. Cause it's almost like a magic trick. So I'm trying to make this thing, you know, it's up for two weeks. You can watch it anytime during those two weeks and download it. And I just, I want it to be like a thing where people are going to watch it with friends. Almost like, you remember when you were a kid and someone would get like, my dad's getting the Tyson fight.

Yeah. You're like, let's go. And there was nowhere to sit. Everyone's coming over. Like, everyone's just asses and elbows. Like, I want to give that kind of feel where it's kind of like it's up for a limited time. Let's do that. It's one of those things I'm just trying because I think the special market is beyond glutted.

You know what I mean? Like, it has been forever. And that's fine. That just means there's variety. You know what I mean? Like it has been forever. And that's fine. That just means there's variety.

I don't, I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm going to get the kind of reaction to my special that, because Andrew Schultz did the same thing, you know, and made like a million dollars. Shameless. A million dollars and then took it down and then put it back up and did a video that was like, I just love money. Sorry. And I'm just like, good for you dude you know but i'm like all right i'll i'll follow that i'll try i'll try to i'll try to do that same kind of thing

because i mean that guy knows what he's doing yeah fuck yeah you know what i mean so i'm just like it's kind of nice to not have to dance the dance you know like i i remember talking to i thanked him at the comedy store i was like like, I appreciate you. Guys like him and Segura and these guys all paving the way for everybody, putting it out there, showing you that it works. It's a tried and true method that you don't have to fucking fail with. These motherfuckers got all the money. Let them fucking tell us what works. You know what I mean?

That didn't work. No, don't waste that $20,000. Okay, thank you. Dude, I had a podcast that was doing like whatever numbers, and I just stopped because I'm just like, this is stalled. I put everything into this for two years. Cool. Let me focus on my social media.

You know, my social media since then has doubled, which is great. But it's like, here's in a nutshell. I remember someone, it was David Angelo in New York. He, I think he had like a razor blade company that he started or something. And he said, someone else was saying to him like, oh, I'm going to see if I can get an ad on Tim Dillon's podcast. And David Angelo's like, you're going to have to pay. And he gave him a figure for like a red ad that I was like, I was like, good for Tim. You fucking kidding me?

I was like, good for Tim. Are you fucking kidding me? You know, like, that's another example of a guy who, like, went from, you know, three years ago. People are like, oh, I've seen him. He's funny. To just like, oh, yeah, he's playing. Juggernaut. You know.

Juggernaut. He's doing five nights at the Aloha Arena or, you know, whatever. You know, where it's just like same thing with Tom. Where they just built their own thing. They built their own stadium. Well, that's the beautiful thing is that no longer is it just Netflix or just HBO. It's your own YouTube. It's Amazon.

It's Showtime. It's all these places. So the good news is if you have fans and they like you, there's no channel loyalty. is if you have fans and they like you there's no uh channel loyalty right you know what i mean they're gonna they're gonna put your name in a search engine and fucking find you and they're like they don't give a fuck if it's pluto tv exactly what i mean they don't give a fuck if they love you yeah and i'm just trying to get more people to know who would like me to know who i am that's that's all'm kind of doing right now, which is, you know, it's fun.

It's fun to feel a little more free. I remember Canaan, what, last year, the last Just for Laughs before the lockdown, I was like, hey, how was, you know, and I've done it probably nine times and stuff, and I'm sure you've done it a bunch of times. No. Really? This was my first year. Seriously?

Yeah. That makes no sense to me. Yeah, me either. You're one of the funniest guys I know. All right, well, anyway. But I was like, how was it this year? And Kyle was like, dancing for the empire has become tiresome. And it is, right?

Because that's how they make you feel. Of course. And that festival has been good to me. You know what I mean? But it is that thing where it always, you just feel like all eyes are on you and they're not, you know? But you feel all kind of, you tense up. And I feel like those guys and gals being pioneers, you know, doing their own thing, making these podcasts massive and stuff and blowing up on social. Anyway.

Brave new world. Pretty cool. All right. So let's get into your story. Okay. So 2020, you know, we're all, we're locked down. My wife and I had a kid and we, she was born in August. And so we're, you know, gearing up and, and we did the hospital thing. She had our daughter with a mask on. I had a mask on. It was a wild, wild time. The whole thing broke my brain at one point, I guess. Yeah, because at one point, you guys, I know I say we were, your wife was pregnant when there wasn't COVID.

That's right. And then all the sudden the last it seems like maybe the first half of the pregnancy was no covid exist and then march on it's holy fuck yeah i never forget uh sitting with her on the porch and her realizing where everyone had just done and everyone like they we can't fly in for the baby shower and she's like i'm not gonna have a baby shower and like just started crying and i just it just broke me in half because it was like and but that was extrapolation of everyone everyone had something And she's like, I'm not going to have a baby shower. And like just started crying. And I just, it just broke me in half. Because it was like, but that was extrapolation of everyone.

Everyone had something that they were going to, looking forward, nope. You know, I can't even. First thing, my producer was going to get married and it ruined them. I mean, ruined what they had planned to do. They still went and did it. So glad it didn't go that bad. Ruined the marriage. Their original plan. He turned gay.

What? I don't know if he can blame that. I don't know if he can blame that on purpose. He can't blame that. Yeah, I mean, it was, at one point I went to get coffee when we were there for the hospital for three days because you had to show up on your due date, even if you were having a kid or not. We had to go and get induced. Oh, is that right? Yeah.

There was no, oh, well, it's coming when it's coming. Yeah, they were like, nah, bullshit. We got your spot. Yeah, yeah. You don't want your spot. It was like a restaurant reservation. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you don't show up by 8.

We're going to give that table away. It was like that. And so I went to get coffee like the second day, and I came back and went in the wrong room. And there was a dude and his lady, and they were feeding the baby. She has no shirt on. Titties out. And I just walked in. Coffees.

I was like, oh, my God. I'm so sorry. And they laughed so hard. Oh, they did. So it's one of those things. They're like, always remember when that dingbat dad just walked in. Remember when that asshole came in and my titties were all out and shit. This shit won't TV right now.

She didn't give a shit. He's on Moment House, for God's sake. You know him. He's the guy that got Mad TV canceled. Wasn't that him? I think I saw him pushing daisies. But, like, yeah, so it was bananas time. So we go home, and it was just, you just live at home.

And it was perfect because, you know, I have this kid. I'm just taking care of this kid. She doesn't have to work at this point. And we were like, got this wild idea of why don't we, because my parents drove down in an RV that they rented for one weekend and came in the house, tested and all that jazz. And then it was like, cool. But like, then we were like, well, let's go up there.

And Oregon caught fire. And then. So where's up there? Portland, Oregon. So you're trying to drive up to Portland. Yeah. Portland catches on fire. I mean, all of Oregon along the route.

With wildfires and stuff. Like Ashland, everything. Yeah, yeah. It was back. The air quality was worse than industrialized areas of India where they don't have environmental regulations to the degree we have. And it's just like, it's like being, it's like smoking all day. Yeah. And so we're like, we can't take this kid up there.

I don't want to go up there. It's brutal. And so, as I put it, California then got jealous, and it caught fire too. And you remember that. Yeah. And so the wildfires were real close, especially on the east side of greater Los Angeles. And we were just like, what if we just drove to your house, your parents' house in Mansfield, Massachusetts, about 3,300 miles. So original plan, Portland.

Yeah. And then back to California and none of that. So let's just go all the fucking way the other way. Just get the fuck out of Dodge and just take this small- Brand new baby. Yeah, six weeks. And load this car up like the end of a Tetris game. Like, so just all this shit and just drove there, lived there for a month.

All right, wait, how long did it take you? Oh, God, a week, probably about a week. And you have a new baby. What was the scariest thing you encountered driving with a new baby across the country? You know what? Because it was that time of rampant COVID where, you know, I've had COVID at least. I've had it once definitely. I feel like I might have had it twice.

I've had it twice. Yeah. I'm not walking around like I'm immune, you know. But at the same time, I don't get that feeling walking into a crowded room. I used to. Where I'd be like, no,, you know, but at the same time, I don't get that feeling walking into a crowded room I used to, where I'd be like, no, no, no, no. I really felt like, you know, because we just got takeout everywhere, but I remember waiting for takeout in a packed cracker barrel and being like, you got to take this baby outside.

Put this baby in the car right now. I'll take the hit. I would do that on a normal time. You know what I'm saying? Like, nah. No. They'll call us. It was like being in another world where, like, you know,

people from, you know, New York or California or Oregon, sometimes they'll go down south and they'll be like, everyone's acting like there's no COVID here and stuff. Yeah, sure, that's everywhere. And we're comedians. We've always kind of been in these and they'll be like, everyone's acting like there's no COVID here and stuff. Yeah, sure, that's everywhere. And we're comedians. We've always kind of been in these areas that just like, the rules don't apply to us. And I'm just like, I can dig libertarian lifestyles.

For everyone I've been touring, I've been like, what are the rules here? Like, mask or no mask. Some of them go out of their way to tell you not to wear the fucking thing. Of course. Can't even get in here. Can't even get in here. Don't wear that.

Don't wear that Biden mask. Of course. Some places you can't even get in here. Nope. Can't even get in here. Don't wear that. All right. Yeah. Don't wear that Biden mask. Yeah. There's nothing on here. There's nothing on my face. It's a medical mask. Yeah. But like, I mean, that Cracker Barrel, they were, the vibe, like the staff was so happy and shit.

And they were just, it was just, they were that whole thing of like, it'll get here when he gets here. Yeah. I don't know. I think they made it. I don't know. Let me go check. And you're just like, I didn't get the fuck. Like I was scared. I was like, I need to get out of here. I have a child, please. You know? And we were in a motel that was just down the road. And it was like, like, I don't know if that was actually, you know what? No. I remember the scariest was when, cause we drove through the deep South on the way back, all right? The week

of the election. Yeah. The week of the election. And we were in, we're in Mississippi. Yeah. That's right. That is the south.

That's the south. Yeah. And people hear my accent, they're like, you from the south? I'm like, no, Maryland is not the south. No's the South. Yeah. People hear my accent. They're like, are you from the South? I'm like, no. Maryland is not the South. No, it is not. It is below the Mason-Dixon line, but it ain't the fucking South. There's only a couple of states that are the South. It's kind of honorary North.

Let's be honest. If you're like, that's Southern City, Baltimore. You're like, no. Not in your mind. Mississippi. Yeah. Yeah. And I, no. Not in your mind? Mississippi. Yeah. Yeah. And I will say-

What are you driving? A Tesla, black Tesla. Okay. California plates. Great. Yeah. Target. Definitely truck supporters.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like some of the charging stations, I'm just like, there's going to be a guy- Your car's got a mask on the front of it. There's just going to be a guy with an AR just waiting, no shirt on. Like, I got one. Just a turkey shoot. Especially, do you remember the tension during that week?

Oh, fuck yeah. That tension when they're like, stop the count. Because all the vote by mails hadn't come in and they're like rampaging, going to the election counters and screaming and banging on the windows and stuff. Like I didn't see any of that. All, all I will say all that wildness,

you know, I don't want to be that guy who was just like, it's the media, but like, here's the thing. It's social media. It's all clicks. And it always has been even before we had social media.

So before the news. It bleeds, it leads. 100%. 100%. Yeah. So it's like when there was the riots in Portland, which was just people would march. And then late at night, a couple people would set shit on fire. And that's, I'm not, that's fucked.

But if you were there and I had friends there, they were just like yeah there was there was tear gas and stuff like that but it's like it's a it's not constant rioting this is just not to be like a few bad apples but you know it's like but if you watch the news especially like fox news like i had i had friends that live in in florida they were you know uh texas that were just like how parents, man? Her whole city's on fire. And you're like, it's a four block radius. Yeah, right. Everything else, no. Like, no, don't believe the hype kind of thing.

So I met more people that were just content to be like, hey, how you doing? You know what I mean? Because the South is also polite. That's the thing people forget, you know, when they stereotype it just like anywhere else. But people – like I had one time where I was at the – I'm charging my car and this – Where? Where do you do it in a place like Mississippi? Dude, I – man, they have them everywhere. Oh, is that right?

I mean everywhere. Wow. I've been in the most rural area. Oh, is that right? I mean, everywhere. Wow. I've been in the most rural area and I'm like, and they just, there's one out by, you know, cause I think they made a deal with like Walmart and Target. So they'll have them in their parking lots, you know? And yeah, I think it was a Target parking lot and it had all these other restaurants and things. I think a Cracker Barrel, let's have this episode be sponsored by Cracker Barrel.

If you're listening, Cracker Barrel. Reach out. Love your chicken fried steak. And this dude, like in a pickup, like rolls up and he gets out and he had no shirt on, like none. And just, he had the kind of, if you told somebody what Bert Kreischer looked like, He had the kind of, if you told somebody what Burt Kreischer looked like, and they were kind of like, oh, he's sad. And you're also like, this is how much he drank this week.

It's typical week. That would, you know, you draw him. Because like, Burt's in decent shape. He's got a belly. He is. But it's one of those hard bellies. You know what I mean? It's like a tough belly.

This guy had a real soft belly. Like one of those bellies where where I remember I went to Arthur Bryant's barbecue in Kansas City once. And there was a guy who's probably like barely 30, but was so fat and so pink. He looked like an actual pig. And I was afraid for him as he's just inhaling ribs. And I'm like, please, please slow down, sir. Please. You know? Like, did you ever smoke cigarettes? No. Thank God, no. Well, I. I mean, I've tried them, but I never smoked. I used to smoke when I. My brothers did, you know. Okay.

I used to smoke when I drank. And it was like, I was going to say, you ever have someone try to bum one of your smokes off you that you're like, I don't think I can, man. You look terrible. Listen, these are terrible. Your skin looks awful. And your frame is not built for all that weight. So this guy gets out and it's just like he has these jeans that look like a denim tent that someone took deep into the woods for a long time.

I think he had one flip flop on. One flip flop. Yeah. Just huge gut. And he gets out and he's just kind of – he's just like looking at me, but he's almost looking through me. And I can't tell if he's drunk or what. This is an alien to him right now. Yeah. And I've just gotten in my car and I probably look like I'm alone, you know? So he's just like, what's up with you, man? But then I go around the side of the car and I take out

Rose. Now Rose has a giant head of curly hair. She looks like Darla from Little Rascals, I'll be honest. And she was just starting it, but she has these eyes that look like sapphires. Nobody in my family has blue eyes. So I pull out this black Irish baby, dark curls, bright blue eyes, just pull her out. And he goes from, I'm going to murder you with my hands to, like, I just saw, I saw his musculature relax. And he just said, to this day, I don't know if he was talking to me or God, but he just went, look at that baby. That was it. Look at that baby. And he said it again, like under his breath. It was almost like a song, you know, like a Southern guy.

It's like a little tone that flows oh look at that baby that changed that man yeah change like Elvis sound like a kind of like an Elvis riff and then I think I was was was Leonard or something Leonard yeah oh no no yeah let's just say it was, he's like, Leonard. He goes, look at this baby. Like he yelled it and his friend got out of the car. Oh, somebody in there? Yeah, and the guy got out and looked and they were both just standing there and we just started talking. And he's like, and again, and they were just like, the guy's like, what's that, a spaceship?

Tulsa? Is that a Tulsa? Yeah, yeah. It's a Tulsa. It's Alabama. Or Oklahoma. And it just went, all tension gone. I mean, I kind of

feel like we would diffuse so many situations if we just brought our kids. Just bring your kid along to any kind of mixed group, you know, viewpoint-wise. It's just kind of like, look, we all want the same thing deep down. Like, come on, you know, like, let's just get there. And so I ran into, like, we were in, we were in, in New Orleans

when they called it for Biden, called it. And it was like, it was like, kind of like being in like a, I almost want to say like a blue Alamo where like you get through, like you got through the gates just as the cavalry was about to murder you, the other army, you know. But at the same time, I think it was just, this was before Trump was doing his whole, they stole it from me. Right, right. It was just every network's calling it. And we're not hearing from either one of these guys. And so you saw people either bumming or losing their mind with joy, you know, or just smiling, you know. Like nobody – that's one of those things I would think about the manipulation that we're subject to as human beings and us specifically as Americans is like, there was no one losing

their shit. You know, it's like, it's like there are people partying in bars and stuff, but like they weren't, no one, I saw cars with Trump stickers go by. And, you know, I think maybe once I was, someone was just like, like, ha ha, or something like that. But like, that was, I saw it once and I was in the South. I saw a lot of those trucks and I didn't see any, anyone, you know, fucking with those guys. I mean, in fact, we got, we parked and we got, I opened the trunk and I'm, we had this like baby station back there,

specifically marked off for diaper change. And so I put her down and this dude walks by and just looks like he came out of a shack and he's got a red wagon with like three kids in it. And he has a T-shirt on that's like shredded. But he took he took he had a paintbrush and he painted by Don like across the whole front. And he's dragging and he walks by. He's like, you're going to grow up in a better world. That's all he said to me. He walked by

but it was like it was cool to be in that town where it was just like you're from are you from Baltimore? so you like a nice cultural mix I'd imagine yeah I mean I'm a fan of black girls

if that's what you're asking that's exactly what I meant sure we're diverse over here you like black chicks right? I'm a big fan of black girls, if that's what you're asking. That's exactly what I meant. Of course. Sure. Yeah. We're diverse over here. We're diverse over here. You like black chicks, right? Look at them. Give the gift of daggrass this holiday season.

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Use my link, expressvpn.com slash honeydew today and get an extra three months free on a one-year package that's expressvpn.com slash honeydew visit expressvpn.com slash honeydew to learn more now let's get back to the dude okay so wait you let's go back to the story because you drove across and you stay there. Yeah. Your in-laws, your wife's parents? Yes. Or you get your own place? No, no, no. We stayed in their house.

You all stay in their house. Yes. And then what? How long are you there? A month. Just one month. Lived like townies. And then you're driving back?

Yes. Right after that. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. So we were there from, we left. And what'd you do? Go down like the East Coast and then across?

Or did you just sort of diagonal down? Kind of diagonal down. Okay. So yeah, the night before we were, the night of the election, we were in, oh, goddammit. What's that really awesome town? Is it outside or in the Ozarks? Goddammit. The thing that sticks out out my mind is like steve martin lives there all these people live there that it's it's like a lot of bands have come out of there fuck butchering someone's screaming at me right now listen to this podcast

and they know exactly what but it was like one of those like really mixed towns like new orleans it's not branson missouri no okay no it's i keep wanting to say uh raleigh but it's not wasn't raleigh okay um god damn it uh uh yeah it'll it'll i'm gonna we'll have to edit this in or something in the middle of fucking night tonight exactly of course it will of course well but my point is there were, you know, it was the night of the election and I just went and got takeout and I got to-go cocktails for me and the wife and was like, all right, like, let's, let's, and I'm watching, you know, the returns come in. And down below us, there are people coming in from the rural areas with like Trump flags and honking at people.

And like, and it was, that was when I saw people screaming at each other kind of thing. These guys were just kind of like rabble rousing and doing that. Like just kind of like riling up the hippies. We're just like, dude, what are you, why? You know, but it was such a fucking crazy time to not be in my house, you know? was such a fucking crazy time to not be in my house you know because like in la when they called it people were partying at gas stations and shit i'm just like i wouldn't i wanted to be around that vibe man that'd be cool you know but it was like we were just we were just out there we didn't really think about where we would be along the process it was more you know when you focus on

the more important things like your family, you're kind of just like, well, look, we're going to get there when we get there. And this is the best, you know, way possible. Like the only time we ever really pushed it in terms of the trip was when we tried to, we drove from Erie, Pennsylvania to Buffalo. And that was like, and that was the last leg and it was already nightfall. And that was like one of the only – there were a couple times Rose freaked out, but we got her that right time.

We could never do that right now. She's two now. No. No. She would never stand for that. Those long rides, no way. Baby would go to sleep. They sleep so much.

And she realized as we were driving to Buffalo, like, it hit her. Like, I should be in a bed. This is horse shit. And she just started crying, like, so fucking loud. It was just that thing where I'm just, like, pedal to the metal. Please, cops, don't stop me. You know? But driving into, it's one of those things I don't regret at all.

Because just the sanity it gave us as parents and as people who do like to travel and see other people and not really see other people. I'm trying to get my wife to agree to that. Good one. Right. No, just like it was the best thing for me. No, just like it was the best thing for me. You know, that's one of those things that looks like when your producer told me like, oh, you know, you could bring in like your kind of darker, low points in your life kind of thing. I already brought mine in that last one I did with you where I talked about, you know, going, you know, to my drunk as fuck to my current wife's first wedding, you know?

Yeah, I remember. Right? And it was like, in that era, in that year of my life where I was just like, what have I done with myself? What the fuck am I? Kind of thing where it's like, this is like a high that had moments of holy fucking shit. Like, what's going on? You know, what's going on in the country? What am I doing? But it was also like,

I use this quote a lot, but you know, it's, I do think Helen Keller nailed it. She's like, safety is basically an illusion. Life is either a great adventure or nothing. Like you really,

you have to go for it. I remember I was talking to Joe. That's the truth. I was talking to Joe Coy about that, about like how. I'm just thinking, poor Helen Keller just got to go reach for the iron and she well she she's like fucking we're talking about our dreams like she's just like i just want to fucking well you know you know she

said that to a guy after he was like why'd you grab my dick like that's what that's how that's you didn't know that story no helen helen helen went for it man and helen wheels i heard helen helen she would she would say to do'd be like, you sure cocking? I can't tell. And just grab them. Just get a piece of that kielbasa right away and yank it. That's a good quote, though. That's a real quote, though.

It's a real quote. It's a real quote about how people are like, how did you make it through this? How did you, what about your journey? And she's like, you kind of have to say, fuck it. And it's like, you know, there were several times on this trip.'m like we could die i don't know what's gonna happen what were you what was the most scary for you because you also have a newborn you have a newborn yeah well yeah exactly it wasn't so much we could but you know it it comes down to this is this is the only thing that matters to me is this kid you know what i mean I have to keep this kid alive or I will die.

I will die. I can't go on without this kid. So there were times where, you know, not worried for the kid's safety, but just like, you know, shit goes wrong. Crazy stuff happens on the open road. We live in LA where people just shoot each other from cars because they cut each other off and stuff.

And like, you know, I didn't know. Like I thought like you, you were like, did you have a charging station? Everywhere. There's ones like in the jungle, the desert. Like they're all over the place. Yeah, I didn't know that. I didn't know how they built that infrastructure. It was before that whole bill they just passed.

And, you know, I worry. You see stuff on the news about guys, you know, parking their giant pickups in front of them. Oh, is that right? It's like you're charging here. Blocking them. Fuck you know, parking their giant pickups in front of them. Oh, is that right? It's like, you're in charge in here. Blocking them. Fuck you. Yeah, totally.

Saw none of that. Everybody was, you know, there were a lot more stalls open in Mississippi. I'll say that, you know? Yeah, I bet. But like I met a dude in Alabama with a F-150, most popular vehicle in America. And he had a Tesla too, and he was charging his Tesla. And he pulled up in his F-150, most popular vehicle in America. And he had a Tesla, too, and he was charging his Tesla. And he pulled up in his F-150, and his wife got out of the Tesla, and they switched cars.

And he was like, he's like, I'm not doing anything. I'll stay here while it charges. And we just started talking about parenthood. And he said, because your daughter's how old? She'll be eight. Eight, right on. And he told me, he's like, having a daughter's the best. He's like, you know, they love your guts until they're 13.

Then they hate the shit out of you until they're 30. And I'm like, wow. 30's a long time. It's a long time. No, no. I'm hoping for 25. Right? Yeah, yeah.

Post-college. 30. I'm hoping for five. I don't know if I'll be alive. I had her late. It's a long time. Me too. It's a long time. Me too. I don't want to I'd be alive. I had her late. It's a long time. Me too. It's a long time.

Me too. I don't want to be my deathbed. And she's like, you're okay now. Yeah, you know what I mean. You know what? You're all right. Yeah, I don't get anything other than that. No.

But yeah, it was this journey of just experiencing different environments uh environments that were oddly very similar in their own way do you know what i mean yeah i agree i think most people want the same shit i think yeah i think really when it comes down to uh gun laws most people either side want the same fucking thing common sense less people getting shot yeah less children in school yes i mean of course i don't care who you vote for. Most people want that. Most people want the same thing when it comes to I'd say money and all that

shit. It's when the teams start riling each other up that everybody gets this. And also, you could take 12 videos and put them out online and be like, look at all these people blocking the chargers. And it's 12 people. Oh, yeah.

Out of billions. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's not a real representation. When you do the math, it's not a real representation of anything. Can you imagine if we did that about more shit, where it's just like,

gentlemen are taking out their dicks in Walmarts, and fucking Halloween decorations, right in the aisle. And they found one guy doing it. And it's a thing people are doing. And of course, since we have 24-hour news, one guy. People are pulling their penis out in Walmart. They're going nuts. But if you do hashtag it.

Please, send a pic. Blur out the stuff. You're going to hang up your Halloween decorations and your kid's like, oh, I love Halloween. And your neighbor's like, take that down. Someone's going to fuck that.

Someone's going to take down that fake witch. Oh, man. So let me ask you this. What is something you learned about your wife on this trip that you didn't know already about her this is a lot of time in close quarters with a brand new human yes that you both have to keep alive who just came out of her body ps you still feel the same yeah i'm you know you're fucking pussy's fine. Yeah, man. Your pussy's fine, bro. It's tight and right.

It's tight and right, bro. So what is something you – it may be the same thing. What is something you guys learned about one another that you didn't already know? Well, I had – well, we had a snoo. You know what a snoo is? It is basically a crib that kind of rocks the child. You strap them in. It is basically a crib that kind of rocks the child. You strap them in.

It's like full on like a baby straight jacket. And it makes a sound that simulates the womb. It's like a white noise. So it's dope if you're in the room with it too. It makes you go to sleep. And this fucking thing weighs as much as you. And I had to put it in a different hotel room. Every night.

Every night for at least a week each way. And I mentioned Tetris-ing the whole back. So like put something to snoop with that in and all this jazz. And so I had to, you know, in different hotels are like luggage cart. You don't have that. Yeah, right. And so I'd like, I get a a laundry barrel whatever you call them and put that fucker in there and stuff so i wasn't she was always in charge of just

putting the kid in and and doing that i was like the mule i always carried all the heavy stuff um so that wasn't surprising to either one of us but uh i i was I'm always surprised at how she can just be kind of, she can just be in like cool, like if some clerk's being a dick or whatever, where, you know, I think someone, someone like snapped at her and she's like holding a child and we'd just been driving for like eight hours and she was just like, okay, I understand that kind of thing where I'm just like, I would be so mad if someone did that. I think I would take my child and hit them with my, like, take her head. Take her feet.

Take her feet in the face. Yeah. But it was like, she could just do that. But I will say, I mentioned this on the special that like, I'm one of those people who I liked the fact that supposedly they don't start absorbing words and things until, you know, well, you know, maybe like, I don't know, I'm not gonna say exactly what it was, but it was like months in and she was only weeks. But my wife was very like, and I'd be just driving and be just like, you know, fuck you, God damn it, go to hell, you know, all that stuff. You cut me off. I'm just

like, look at that son of a bitch, you know, just angry, cursing asshole. And like, you know all that stuff you cut me off i'm just like look at that son of a bitch you know just angry this is a cursing asshole and like you know i look back and i see rose like like the taking it in like this is good i'm drinking this in and my wife um was always like you you have to please stop cursing in the car and i was like you're right i need to but then i flashed back on the amount of times on the trip where we slept in the same room as her every single night, every single night. So that's every single night in those hotel rooms. I got to piss. It's just, it's a jewel heist every time. Just going slow, like, fuck, don't hit the lasers, you know, and don't step on anything creaky or a toy and scream, you know?

And so she's in the same room as us. And like my, my daughter would wake up like at like five sometimes, you know, she would usually wake up middle of the night, get fed, put her back. And then, but you know, we'd hope she'd sleep until six or something. She'd wake up like in number one, one time she woke up at like four thirty in the morning and my wife loud as i'm about to say it now just goes this bitch like how could she not hear that yeah she's clearly not asleep you know but she also like at one point uh i was i had no shirt on and i was picking her up and she was going for my nipple. And I was like, no, no, no, wrong parent.

No milk comes out of this one. And my wife is brushing her teeth and she steps in the room and goes, just jizz. Oh, yeah. Like what if that sinks in? You know, what if that comes out? Man, you can't watch everything you say. No, no, absolutely not. I had a guy one time.

I was, you know, when I was moved in with my daughter, she was one. So I'm a new dad, new single dad. I don't know anything. I'm using DoorDash because it's called DoorDash. They're going to bring it to my door. That's right. Okay? Not to the door of my building.

They're going to bring it to my door. Right. This one guy. It's only been one, and I've used it a ton. This Russian dude, all pissed off. He calls me. He's like, there's no parking. I'm like, yeah, there is.

Just pull up out front, throw your hazards on, and just run it up real good. No, you come and bring me the food. I'm like, I would, but I can't. I'm up here with a one-year-old, and I got too much going on. I'm not grabbing her to bring her down. Right. I'm paying you and tipped you well to bring this to my door. You come down and get it.

You don't tell me what I said. Listen, motherfucker. And I went, I did. I went zoned in. And I was like, it's called DoorDash. It's in the fucking name. You bring it to my door. You hear me?

You bring it to my door. He goes, I'll cancel you. I said, then throw the fucking order away. I don't care. And I hung up my phone and I turned around. I was like, oh, yeah, my daughter's's here and she's sitting on the couch and she goes and i didn't know if it was good or bad that's so good she was like yeah you give it to him i was like oh don't don't don't do that that's not a good

thing and then he brought it up holy shit shit. And he fucking brought it up. That was the other thing. I threw it away, though. I threw it away. I was like, he brought this nuts all over me. No, no, he did something. He did something. Yeah.

I threw that shit away. It was just enough for him to just work up a good jack sesh. It was a few minutes. I was like, nah. He was up the stairs masturbating. I finish, I finish, I finish. This motherfucker, no. Brings it.

No way. Yeah, and my daughter thinks nothing is funnier than when I yell in anger or if, like, not when I'm really, she can divide, but it's like, it's a joke where she'll go behind a door and like, shut it. I'm like, Rose! Yeah. Rose! Rose!

Rose! And she's just cackling. they sticks it's the funniest or if i i'll pretend to fall on the couch and go ah like i'll do a blood curdling scream and just fall and she's just like slapping her knee cracking up so it's like if i ever actually scream at her like in actual rage which i've never done yeah never mean, when she's a teen probably. Or fall down and actually scream in pain or hurt myself. Like she's going to be laughing. Yeah.

It's going to be like on a cellular level. But it is funny. It is funny. And seeing someone trip up steps. Yeah. And try to catch themselves and like, ah. And then they hit you like, oh. Yeah.

Dude. I had a bit about when i i when i was a waiter uh or a food runner i this this guy this smaller guy was who's real assholes like the head food runner you know we we loaded up this tray with way too many things and he was just and he comes back he's like who's that and we're like no we didn't want to say don't do it you know he's like it's mine it's mine we're like and he lifted you could see in his eyes like i fucked up and he got it above his head he's like goes out and it's a whole story where it goes that he trips and the shit goes everywhere but uh a plate hit a dude in the face and he made a noise like oh

and it was like i I felt so bad, but that's the weird scream you make when you're not, you know, because men, we all have this way we go, like a manly way of hurting, but he did this yell that like, I compare it to like, when I look back,

like that slip people, like when people slip in ice so bad, they go into the air and go, and then it's still got the, and they hit on the way. Yeah. And all they think about is that womanly scream. They go into the air yeah and go oh and then it still got the on the way yeah and all they think about is that womanly scream they let out the air like it's so embarrassing but it's so funny to hear it you know i mean i think that's one reason will ferrell said has such a massive career because he was a giant guy who would scream in pain and fear hilariously not that any giant

guy can just do it but it's like yeah that was the key that was what made us all dig that guy because it just makes everyone if you scream in a man voice it's comedy gold it just uh it just is like i feel like your mom's house was was built on clips of dudes horribly injuring themselves and tom just laughing laughing his ass on that show a couple times i'm just like i can't look at this, man. Yeah, there's shit he shows me. I'm still traumatized by it. I'm not even kidding you.

I've watched egg yolks go up people's ass hole. I'm like, why aren't you giving me a disclaimer, bro? Like, what? And then it comes out and they eat it. I'm like, stop. Stop. Stop. I can't take that.

And it's all him. He loves it. he's just over there dying just crying fucking sick I remember a friend in a friend in Chicago

he he had this one like pillow that he would like watch football laying on and just rub on his nuts and like

it just you know like on his couch and just sweat through it and stuff. And like people were over in this. It might have been my then girlfriend. It's my friend, my friend Henry. He's like, he's like, oh my God, this smells just like cinnamon.

She goes, it does? No. Nothing smells worse than balls. And it was just nasty shit right there. It's like a Yankee candle that just is called balls. So how are you doing with being a parent? How has it affected your marriage? Well.

I'm laughing because of the way you are. Like a dog. I'm fully dug now i mean are you guys closer now than ever are you working good as a team yeah we tell me what that feels like because i don't know i'm sorry yeah okay tell me no i would it's it's good because we're like old parents you know she? She's 41, I'm 48. Okay. And like, for me, this is one of those things I never thought would happen. What, being a dad or married or what do you mean? Kind of both. Yeah? Married, I could see more, but like- How long have you been married?

Since 25 years. Okay. And so it's one of those things I just didn't, I thought that door had closed. To be a dad? Yeah. I was just like, I don't see this. One of those things where if it ever occurred to me, I was like, well, that's not happening kind of thing. So you were always if it happens, it happens?

You were never – I want to be a dad and never opposed to being a dad. That's exactly right. I was always like, if I'm with someone that I love enough and they really want one, then we'll have one. And that's what happened. And it's been the best thing possible for me where I'm healthier. I have way better perspective. You know, when you recognize really what matters and how, you know, this business is so fucking stupid, the way it's built. It's nonsense. And yeah, it's, there's, it's full of people who are like, here's what you got to know. And they don't know anything. Nothing.

Because no one does. Because the rules are always changing. And the only, you know, like Philip Seymour Hoffman in Almost Famous, the only real currency in this world is when you're uncool. And that includes just being fucking totally honest and supportive and all that shit. And that's a rarity in the, in this business. Like I think about the movie grizzly man sometimes I never saw it. I know the guy gets live with lives with bears and gets eaten by bears.

Right. But the, the one thing I watched a, a, a, a mini doc about it or something. They talked about it 60 minutes or something. And he supposedly it was down,

he was an actor and it was down to him and Woody Harrelson for the role of Woody on Cheers. No, is that right? Yeah.

And remember when they, when Woody came out, like, Cheers was hot. Cheers was already. It was already a big deal. Already big. The coach had to be replaced.

Yep. Yeah. That's right. And that launched Woody. He died. Yeah. And it was just, it was sliced bread.

It was the biggest fucking show. Still is. Still one of those shows you can just watch any episode. It's just. The writing's fantastic. Just home run, home run. Like every line, so good. You hear that theme song if you're a certain age and you're like, oh man.

Yeah. So it's down to him and Woody Harrelson. Of course, we all know what happened. Woody Harrelson got it and is still a bankable star To this day To this day To this day This guy's gonna work

Till he's dead This dude You know we've all been there It's down to you And someone else This dude was just like I'm just gonna live With bears

Yeah That's how bad This business is Like I'm gonna go live With an apex Fucking predator I'm gonna live With this thing

That nothing hunts No animals hunt this animal because for millennia of evolution, this fucker has held his belt. Like I'm going to go live there with those guys like bananas. So it'll fuck you up. And it definitely just business did fuck me up. I definitely had the whole, as my buddy in Chicago, Monty, would put it, compare and despair, man. Compare and despair where you just go, well, why am I not here? Why is this person here and I'm here? Why am I not?

What did I do wrong? Who do they know? It's just, it's horse shit. It makes you spin out. And I'm funny. You're funny. Nothing's going to change that. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

JFL, my first time this year, it didn't matter. Yeah. It didn't matter. No, of course not. You know, you couldn't tell me that 15, 20 fucking years ago. 100,000%. But it didn't matter. Then you've got two years of no comedy clubs. It didn't fucking matter. If you put yourself%. But it didn't matter. Then you've got two years of no comedy clubs.

It didn't fucking matter if you put yourself online. It didn't matter. That's right. There's still an audience there. Yeah. Didn't matter. Yeah. And you've built this empire of yours.

That's nice of you to call it an empire. You know, I'm using the term loosely. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. We got a couple fucking timelines in the back. No, you got some shit, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. We got a couple fucking timelines in the back.

No, you got some shit, man. You've made some shit and have a good and honorable and hilarious name that means funny. You know what I mean? Thank you. I'm saying it's one of those things where we've already defined ourselves. We've already done that and proved ourselves. Well, I know if I'd have pitched this show to anyone, they'd have said no. Yeah, why?

Right. Who are you? No one wants to hear that. No one wants to hear people's worst times. It's all about the highlights. Do you own some IP? Anything from Marvel? Do you know?

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. And it's just, anyway, long story long, having Rose made me go, okay, this is something I'm focused on. I mean, and now I'm like, I'm that dad, you know? I fucking. Fuck yeah, bro. I'm like. I got that dad, you know, I fucking. Fuck yeah, bro. I got a rose on mine.

You do? I do. Oh, fuck yeah, let's kiss. See that? You find out it's fake and I'm gay?

It's a temporary touch. I'm like, this son of a bitch. And then, mine almost made me pass out. Your producer, your producer, what's her name again?

Kirsten. Kirsten is like, she's telling the story a month from now and Bronger just fucking grabs him. He won't let him go. He's kissing him. I had to call again? Kirsten. Kirsten is like, she's telling the story a month from now and Bronger just fucking grabs him. He won't let him go. He's kissing him. I had to call the cops. The cops. It's fucking horrible. It was horrible.

No, but yeah, it's just it's made everything run smoothly because it's just you can't be selfish and you feel so much better not being selfish. We're just like, I'm gonna I spent all morning trying to cheer her up you know because she wasn't feeling that great before i took her to daycare and got her in the car and she's kind of crying a little bit about something and i do

this routine that where i come out of the house like a dinosaur that's lost and i'm just like tripping over branches and shit and in bushes out in front of my house and like she is cracking up in the car. And it's one of those things where I'm just like that to me. What's better than that? Nothing. Nothing. That'd be like, it'd be like selling out seven nights at the Chicago theater or something.

What's better than that? And crushing every night. Nothing. It's just. Nothing. I'm always going to have that. So fuck this business. Yes.

And do what's best for you and your family. Let's get married and start a farm. You and me, Ryan. All the way. Farm to table. I've been saying this for years. When's Bronger going to come around, bro? Farm to table.

I would be the worst farmer ever. You're the gatherer. I'll be a hunt and gatherer. You can be home with the kids. Oh, that's cool. All right. Great. Yeah.

I'll work it out. I'll go live with the grizzlies. I'll be your little missy. It is the best choice. It's the best thing to do. It's fuck all these jobs. I don't care what your occupation is anymore. Your family's first.

Yeah. You know, what we all just went through. And I don't know if it'll be 10, 15, 20 years, but there'll probably be another weird lockdown in our lifetime at some point. Sure. At some point. We should be ready for that. Yeah. And you know what I think is you and I, I mean, you had your first child when you were-

Well, I'm 49. That's a 41 too, right? So you'd lived. Yeah. And I'm not saying everybody have a kid in your 40s, but sure as hell worked for me. You know, I had tried everything. I mean, these knees in his back are not in full agreement with a child in my 40s. That's true. But everything else has been all in.

Yeah. But like, it just, it's that thing where I really think, not to throw it back to Doug, but the reason why Doug was such a bitter asshole who worked in finance or whatever bullshit he did, who was drunk all the time and hated his wife and kids and and really what is worth anything in life if that's where you're at you know i don't care how much money you have you're miserable right you're miserable you're miserable so you know i think it's because he was just like this is what you do you get a house in the suburbs you get a wife you have three fucking kids i don't want them i don't want these kids you know it's like

i don't want this time share you only get one life yeah if you don't want kids, I don't want them. I don't want these kids. You know? It's like, Doug. I don't want this timeshare. You only get one life. Yeah, that's it. If you don't want kids, you got to lay down the law. You have to. And I would have. I would have been like, I don't want to have a kid.

I have friends who got vasectomies before they got married and were like, they don't want one. You know? And it's like, cool. But I really feel like if Doug would have just – if you take any message from this special, besides don't wear a tank top to a bar where they pour 151 on it and light it on fire, if you have a hairy back, don't wear a tank top. That's a good fucking – It's a real story.

It's a Chicago story. Dude caught fire. Did he really? Yeah. He caught on fire yeah we put him out with a shitload of coats but the main thing is like is like just be honest with yourself but what you do and don't want and don't you know it's like don't be that bitter fuck who has kids you hate man like yes listen to your gut your gut is never fucking wrong. My heart has been in the way.

My head has been the way. My dick has been in the way. My fucking preconceived notions have been in the way. Your gut is never fucking wrong. It's the hardest thing to listen to. It's always right. And everything I've gained that is worth a damn, I was always like, I don't know how this is going to go. I can't take back this decision.

Let's try it. I'm all in. I tried it with moving in with my wife. I tried it with getting married to my wife. Both of those I'd never done. I'd never lived with a woman I dated. Oh yeah? Yeah. Never. Oh wow. I'd never been married. Just fucking try it. The big one, once you have a kid, you really can't take it back. You can move out. You can divorce somebody. This one was the big one, and that was the best decision I've ever made. Go for you, dude. I'm just saying. Well, thank you for coming on. Thanks, man.

Plug everything again, because I want people to know about Doug. The special is called Doug. It's named after a terrible man, but it's a blast. I think you'll really enjoy it. I want people to watch this with a group, so it's a blast. I think you'll really enjoy it. I want people to watch this with a group. So it's going to be on

Moment House, October 6th. Tickets go on sale at half price September 15th, then full price September 16th. Like I said, it's going to be up October 6th for two weeks

and then it's gone. I don't know what's going to happen with it next, but that's the move. All right. Congrats and thank you for being here. Thank with it next, but that's the move. All right. Congrats, and thank you for being here. Thank you, man. And thank you guys every week as well.

I really appreciate everything you guys do. RyanSickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you you next time.