The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Mike Feeney - FeenyDew

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Mike Feeney! Mike Highlights the Lowlights of major childhood surgeries, divorce, and his Harley riding mom. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour September 1st & 2nd: Springfield, MO September 15th & 16th: Tulsa, OK September 29th & 30th: Pheonix, AZ October 20th - 22nd: La Jolla, CA October 27th & 28th: Salt Lake City, UT November 10th & 11th: Batavia, IL December 8th & 9th: San Francisco, CA SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off when you go to https://www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW Nutrafol -For a limited time, US listeners can get ten dollars off your first scalp care order when you go to https://www.nutrafol.com/SCALP and ends promo code HONEYDEW

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Listen, go watch the special. Go to my YouTube, subscribe there, go watch the special. Go to my YouTube. Subscribe there.

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Now, that's the biz. You know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and i am very excited to have this guest on here today ladies and gentlemen please welcome mike feeney welcome wow he startled me the way you said gotta fire it up bro we gotta fire you up man you know what i mean yeah it's like that moment after lunch on a set and everybody's got that lull. You got to kick them in the ass a little bit. Yeah.

Just a quick. You just sit there and listen to that intro. It lulls you a little bit. It did. I wanted to fire you up. Yeah. You have a very silky, maple syrupy voice. I like that.

It's very, it's like I could just kind of sink into a bath of it. You know? All right. Well, let's get into a bath of that, bro. Will you please, before we begin, plug, promote everything. Sure. MikeFiniComedy.com for tour dates. I'm going to be at the Algonquin Theater in Manasquan, New Jersey, doing a stand-up and live podcast.

My podcast here is a scenario with Mike Cannon and Brennan Zagalo. We each do stand-up, then we do a live pod at the end. Very fun. I'm also headlining the den theater on october 7th in chicago so if you're around please come to that um i have a youtube special out called raging against the routine um mike youtube.com slash mike feeney comedy and i just recorded and i directed and i'm editing my, my second comedy special that should be coming out in the next month or two. So we have to, I haven't picked an exact date for that yet. But again, YouTube.com says Mike Feeney and at I am Mike Feeney across every social media.

All right. You got them all? That's it. I just, I just, at one point I was going Mike Feeney here. I am Mike Feeney here. And then I just went blanket, you know? Yeah. No one's taken I am Mike Feeney here, I am Mike Feeney here, and then I just went blanket, you know? Yeah. No one's taken I am Mike Feeney, you know?

No. There is an at Feeney I really wanted to get on Twitter for a while. And then some, I spent, it was an inactive account. I spent years like, and did like public, you know, outcry things just as a bit to get people to like report

the inactive account so they would delete it. Then they finally deleted it. I mean, I must've posted hundreds of tweets about this thing as a bit over the years they finally deleted it and then within 24 hours uh somebody from like a bank like a prudential bank got it and then i was like listen i reached out it was like some woman like you know like listen mrs feeney yeah i was like she's like christian feeney come see me at the bank for a loan. And I was like, listen,

I don't know if you know the groundswell of work that I've done to get this released and back. So I was like, if you could just, and then she was like, I personally don't care.

Let me send you to the corporate thing. And then I reached out to them and they're like, yeah, we're just not gonna, we're not gonna let that go. After all that? After all that. Even though she was willing to?

She was willing to, but she's almost like a 50-year-old woman that just, she didn't know what Twitter was, you know what I mean? But regardless, so at I am Mike Feeney. Keep it simple. So let me learn a little bit about you. We hung out before at the store, not long. So where are you from? Tell us a little bit about your background first.

From Long Island, New York. Lived in New York City ever since I graduated college, so 2008. And that's when I started doing comedy. And I've been doing it ever since. Live in Queens, got a wife and an eight-month-old kid. Oh, congrats. Thank you. All right. Yeah. So that's been a life adjustment. Yeah, congrats. Thank you. All right. Yeah. So that's been a life adjustment. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

But it's great. But yeah, so it's, but yeah, growing up in Long Island, it's like a very, you know, suburbs, but there's the beaches and there's access to New York City. So it feels like a very, we always, you always joke the thing in Long Island, people always go, oh, I can go to Manhattan anytime I want because it's, you know, an hour on the train. No one ever goes. You know what I mean? They just talk about going and then since then Long Island has gotten more

and more like you know its own world you know what I mean like the their politics have very much changed people are like hardcore you know identity politics with everything that was crazy but they're like hardcore like all my friends you know we used to listen to like hardcore music and punk music and we go to concerts now. Everyone drives a Ford F-150 and has chewing tobacco and listens to country music. It's like you guys live in the suburb. In Long Island? In Long Island.

Oh, I wouldn't have guessed that. Yeah. In parts of Long Island, it gets very like they're big country music people now. They think that they like can identify with like cattle ranch culture and stuff like that. In Long Island. Yeah, yeah. You know, like Bruce Springsteen kind of has yeah yeah you know like bruce springsteen yeah kind of has this thing of being like i'm a i'm just like a working class like you know

i'm a blue collar i till the earth with my hands remember that commercially come out for like i think it was for like wrangler or like some or ford maybe it was during the super bowl a couple years ago where he's like installing like fences on a ranch with his hands and you're like dude you have been one of the most famous people on the planet for 95% of your life like you were a blue collar guy for like 16 years

yeah ever since then you've been yeah you've been this elite rich but now he's just like I'm just one of you you know you've been one of us since you had now he's just like, I'm just one of you, you know? No, you're not. You're even one of us that you had your motherfucking driver's license, Springsteen. Okay.

And that's why, I don't know why, but I think it's Jersey, New York, but there's this Billy Joel versus Bruce Springsteen thing. They're not even like really comparable in terms of their music, but it's a very contentious, like you either have to love one or the other. They should tour together then. They really, I mean, they would sell out arenas. But I mean, but Billy Joel to me, again, I have a Long Island bias here,

but he is just like, talk about like a salt of the earth. You know what I mean? There's no, no bobbin circumstance. The dude, he just drinks, he drives his car into a tree, walks home. Like he's, there's no ego there. You know, he's just, I'm a guy.

Now he just takes his helicopter from his house, right to Madison Square Garden, does his, you know? He's just, I'm a guy. Now he just takes his helicopter from his house right to Madison Square Garden, does his, you know, nine million sold out show and then takes it right back home. Still pops in. On the hits. Yeah. On the hits.

He hasn't put out anything since the 90s. On the hits, bro. It's crazy. I have a joke in my first special about how saying like, my wife and I's sex life at this point being together so long, it's like going to a Billy Joel concert because we're just playing the hits. No shit everybody's happy you know that's it you know you're never gonna go to a billy joel concert he's gonna be like he's doing it earlier

than he did it last night that's the only difference not i played this sixth last night oh the stranger is so early i mean you, you got to love Billy Joel, too. In our line of work, what's the line? Closed the shop, sold the house, bought a ticket to the West Coast. Now he gives him a stand-up routine in L.A. Come on. Yeah. That's fucking Billy Joel, bro.

He's just. He knew what's up. And he also, like, he pops into local, like, Long Island music venues and just will either, like, be there. Or sometimes he'll, like, sit. Like, there's sometimes a Billy Joel cover band will play in Long Island or sometimes he'll like sit and like there's sometimes a billy joel cover band will play in long island and he'll just go hang out and then he'll like jump on stage with them for a couple songs so like people that are seeing a ten dollar show just happen to see billy joel in a 200 seat it's crazy yeah he's just he's a good dude i don't know i have no idea if he's a good dude i want him to be a good dude i hear you yeah yeah i hear you

um so tell me about growing up you. So tell me about growing up. You have siblings. Tell me about your parents. Only child. Product of divorce. Parents got divorced. What age? Right in like the I hate everything phase of life.

You know, like probably 12, 13. Adolescent, just like. When it's hitting you naturally, even if your parents love each other. Just raging against the machine and system of a down and just being like angry about everything. Why did your parents split? I assume the constant awful fighting that happened. It was never like anything like physical, but just like screaming.

I think they were a little bit like, you know, my dad, my mom is a very like, she's a firecracker. You know what I mean? She's just kind of, I think even after she had the kid, she's a firecracker you know what i mean she's just kind of i think even after she had the kids she's like i still want to go out i still want to like party and be the life of this they have kids young um i don't know they were like they were like about i think my mom was 28 and my dad was like 31 or something like it wasn't you know it was for sure teenagers yeah no no no but they were my mom was just kind of like, I like going out. And my dad became a lot more of like a, you know, he was, my dad's like comes

from an Irish Catholic family of, you know, of a bunch of siblings where it's like you work and, you know, he's working 80 hour weeks while trying to get a graduate degree while also, you know, raising a kid. So he just was very much like, stay, you know, let's stay home, let's raise the kid. And my mom was like, when I was in elementary school, my mom would take me out to bars with her. Really? Yeah, when I was like, yeah, dude, I was like a kid. What year is that?

I mean, so I was born in 87. So I guess this was like that. Yeah, that's later than me. I can't believe you could still do that in the early 90s. Yeah, I mean, I don't know that you could. But we did. There was this Irish bar that we would go to a ton in Long Island, down in Port Jeff.

And we would, you know, it was literally a biker bar. Like, it was just an Irish biker bar, that place where it's, like, it's dark at 12, and there's people hanging out in the bar. This is how young I was. You know those little pop shot basketball? They had one of those. I was young enough where they put me inside the cage on the other side of where the balls go down.

I would just be free throwing from two feet out. That was your playpen while your mom was drinking. That was your fucking playpen dude and to this day you have a pack and play i'm telling you that's your pack and play you got an eight month old i'm telling you it's my slumdog millionaire i never lose a pop shot to this day dude it's like a muscle memory i know the touch best babysitter ever yeah and so and like yeah dude it was just a biker bar and i would uh you know there was some like there was some rough crowds in there and stuff but i remember uh apparent my mom tells the story of one time i went up to like apparently the you know the most standoffish don't fuck with

this biker guy because he's always in a bad mood. Just let him sit at the corner of the bar and drink. And he had like the leather, you know, vest on and all that stuff. And I went up to him and I look at like a kid, you know, I'm a child. And I was like, oh, sir, I was like, you have some,

I couldn't even say spaghetti. I said, you have some skeddy on your shirt. And then he looked down and I flicked his nose, justicked his nose it was like the record scratched everyone everyone was on the edge of their seat you know and then he laughed about it i was like oh all right he's killed seven people yeah he's just stomping that yeah but all right so wait hold on why is mom hanging out in a biker bar is she that type of she came from she spent she spent college in florida she used to ride harley's so she kind of your mom yeah my dude you do not look like you come from a harley mom i know i know she's got two bikes

again she didn't have what's her name is it like sharon debbie yeah yeah yeah yeah so she was she was very much like yeah no's up, Debbie? Yeah. No tattoos either, which is crazy. Wow. I thought she for sure would have got some. A lot of denim and leather and stuff. Yeah, a lot of denim. So, hey, this is great, dude. So, Debbie comes from a Harley background, like sort of like was her dad or your grandfather,

uncles, anything? Or is that just her thing? like sort of like was her dad or your grandfather, uncles, anything, or is that just her thing? My, she had a, she has an older brother, my uncle, who's I think like 12 years older, and he had a bike at one point, but he's more just like, he's a musician. But my grandfather was like World War II vet,

like police officer. Sidecar. Yeah, police officer. He was like NYPD for like 37 years. years like he was but he was also weirdly enough like the most loving like you know for a guy who was in world war ii for a guy who did all that shit he was the most he's the most like he always said i love you he's very affectionate he was crazy it was like the opposite you would give him every excuse he was born in 1920 it's like you give him every excuse to be like you know a racist or like a or like a hardened not emotional guy and he was uh to his credit he was he was the best that's great yeah all right so mom's hanging out

in biker bars not because that's where she can get away with taking her kid but she also is of that those are her people she was that ilk yeah and was your dad also in that world no okay no they just they grew up a block they grew up two blocks away from one another. And my dad's best friend introduced them. And weirdly enough, my dad lived on Deb Street, which is a very strange. It turned out to be a dead end street. Yeah. So they were like, you know, they were they were I guess they would party, I guess. And, you know, before they had me or something

but then i think it was again just that different ideas of like once we had the kid like let's be you know a more you know traditional household and you know and my and my dad would try to be like let's take him to church and everything but then like the second i i was i was catholic the second we got taking him to the church or harley davidson yeah my mom did not go to church with us she would like she would stay back and like make breakfast so that when we came back and everything but like just you and your dad would go yeah i think my mom went the first few times and then was like i'm not making it uh but do you remember because kids are smart do you remember at early age like maybe it was wrong or whether it was wrong or not like was hang out with mom more fun and hang out with dad for sure because yeah because dad was like more of a disciplinary and like he wasn't he like

he didn't even i don't even think my dad believes in god i think he just was kind of like this is what you're supposed to do you know especially coming from an irish catholic family you got to go to church and the second i like got my confirmation we literally never went ever again that was like the last day we ever went you get that documentation exactly so it was just graduated never coming back so i think there was like constant fighting about like you know like that kind of a situation we would come home it would be probably like i don't know it would be way past a bedtime for a child on a school night with your mom yeah yeah we'd like come back and my mom would have to be like you know the prepping in the car of like we don't have to like say where we were you know like that kind of a little bit but isn't she always at the same spot essentially yeah yeah yeah so which

again it just became kind of like a contentious thing and then they would always fight about it which you know looking back on it you're like i think my dad had pretty pretty good uh claims you know for being angry and stuff like that so it was like that was for sure a uh a constant source of fighting for them because then my mom felt like she was being like she was being like turned into just like a house mom kind of a thing and i don't know all this other stuff but she's a horrible she also had jobs too she also she worked in like nail salon she had bought a nail and hair salon like six months before she got pregnant with me. Oh, really?

And then that was like, well, I can't do this. And then she just worked in nail salons my whole life, which was great. I always got free haircuts, you know, and stuff like that. You got some good salad up there, bro. Thanks, man. Yeah, you do. Thanks, dude. Good head of lettuce.

And I would just, I would like sweep up hair and like, you know, I would also make terrible prank phone calls using that thing when I got older and stuff. It was- So just entertaining yourself while this is going on. Yeah, the only child thing, man. It's like all my neighbors had like five kids. So I was always like that kid who was, I would hang out with them.

Then they would go back home and continue playing and I would be like, ah, shit. So I'd do my own, that's where you get an imagination, I guess, if you're an only child. But one time I was at my mom's uh hair salon again i was young i don't remember how old but definitely like 10 or under and i like i there's a phone in the back like old rotary phone and i just was like here's a fun prank and i'll just

call 9-1-1 and then i called 9-1-1 and then they answered and i hung up and then i was like that was kind of fun and then i picked up the phone and i called 9-1-1 again and and I hung up. And then I was like, that was kind of fun. And then I picked up the phone and I called 911 again. And then I hung up. And I was like, that was a fun bit for just me. And then I just kept going about my business. And then, you know, 20 minutes later, two police cars come up. Because they think like a hostage situation has happened. You know what I mean?

There's like multiple calls with a click. You know what I mean? I don't even think of that. So they're like, something terrible is happening you know what i mean there's like multiple calls with a click so they're like something terrible is happening so they they send police and the cops come in and they're like what's going on and now the whole you know it's like a busy hair salon there's like plenty and everyone's like what who called 9-1-1 who called 9-1-1 and i'm having that moment of like oh i'm gonna be in so much trouble i'm gonna have to admit it to me. And then there was a mother there with like her like kids

that were a little bit younger than me and they were kind of being like a terror and she was like, it was probably my kids. I'm so sorry. And like these kids got in so much trouble. We're never coming here again. Yeah, I'm like,

it wouldn't be the kids sweeping hair. That kid's the most innocent of boys, you know? And I got away with that. But like, it wouldn't be the kid sweeping hair. That kid's the most innocent of boys, you know? And I got away with that. But yeah, it was. So when your parents split, do they stay close in proximity? Are you bouncing back and forth? Are you primarily with mom or dad? How does that work?

I was with mom. My great uncle had just died and he lived probably like a half hour away. So my dad moved there so i was doing that for a couple years and then my dad eventually moved to new york city so then i was just taking the train into new york city every week and how old how old you start uh probably like 14 i guess maybe or something like that and then up and through you know up until you know he lived there for 20 years in the east side of Manhattan. So that was cool, though. I felt cool to like take the train into the city and all that other stuff.

Like it was a very like exciting, you know, exciting time to be like a Long Island could be like, I'm going into the city every week, you know. And did your mom remarry or? They both got, my dad's remarried. My mom got re-engaged. Everyone's always like, when's the wedding why why don't you have a date and she's like i'm never getting married again and they go why and her exact line is i already have the rock where is he going we are like all right where is he going yeah where would he go you know where does he got to go let him find something better and you're like okay which works for me because then if if she dies the money comes to me and not to, you know, poor Jeff.

But it's interesting. Yeah. It is. I think about it all the time. It's just this. It's so funny. I had an Uber driver bring it up to me, marriage. And it's just this archaic contract.

Like if anyone outside of marriage, if this was a business contract where you go look man if this thing goes great this is going to be amazing right but if you fuck up or even if they fuck up you could lose this and this and this and this you would fucking say if it was a business proposal most people i feel like would go i'm not it's too much risk it's too much way too much it's a 60 percent uh chance of failure, that's the other thing. You start throwing stats on top of it, too. Yeah. Dude, I mean, I was never the guy for like...

Goldie and Kurt did it right, man. Yeah. They did. Dude, I'm not... They did it right. Just be, yeah, just be like partners and, you know, share a life. They have everything that everyone else does except for paperwork. Right.

Even if they are legally whatever now, I know common law, whatever. But still, there's no state involvement. There's certain things. The government doesn't need to be involved in your wedding. Yeah, but there's other things where you're like access to health insurance and like power of attorney if I'm a vegetable. You know what I mean? There are those things where you're like, it'd be nice to have somebody.

I never saw myself getting married, especially coming from divorce. I was like, I'm a vegetable. You know what I mean? There are those things where you're like, it'd be nice to have somebody. I was never gonna, I never saw myself getting married, especially coming from divorce. I was like, I would never be like the, and then I just, you know, you meet the right person and whatever, and I met her early, you know, in college. Like in my freshman year of college, I ended up meeting her and we're still together now and it's great. But I think my grandparents are like,

my grandfather was a police officer and my grandmother, they were married 67 years. It's like, those are the, that's like the people that I look to to be like, that's the- 67 years. Yeah, their story is like, I have to like write a movie about it at some point.

Tell us a little bit about it. They're just kind of like this, the notebook-esque sort of thing where they were- This is the same grandfather who fought World War II. There was a police, yeah, yeah. So he was born in 1920. She was a little bit younger than that. And they met and they would hang out in the neighborhood. My grandmother was like obsessed with him. He was like a little bit older. So and then, you know, they would hang out in Flushing and College Point, Queens. And, you know, just so poor. They were both so like depression that they had nothing, you know and then uh my grandfather's brother world war ii starts my grandfather's

brother gets uh drafted into the war my grandfather didn't get drafted but he's like i'm gonna go sign up so he wanted to go to the uh the navy i think he wanted so he went into new york city took the police test that way he's like i did not get drafted he hadn't got drafted yet i mean maybe he was going and just said i'm gonna go where i want to go instead of being placed yeah yeah he was just like i want to i gotta do my duty my brother's going i'm going so he went into new york city to take the police test so he'd have a job when he comes back and like one of the physical tests was like the hurdles and on like the first hurdle he like clipped his foot and then like landed directly on his knee and then had to do the rest of the test so his knee was like blowing up so he got done with the test he's in manhattan he gets out he's like limping around and he says to

like a person walking the street he's like where is the navy recruitment center and they were like oh it's like 15 blocks straight this way and then you make a left and he was like okay he's like and where is the army recruitment center and they were like like, oh, it's like across the street. And then he went there. And so he just, so he just signed up for the army. He's like, we're an army. Yeah, we're going to the army. So he did like, he did like 52 missions across.

He was flying. Yeah, he was like this giant, like, you know, those giant bomber planes and stuff like that. He did. And even when they came back, you know, they were so,

he was so poor and like they were so poor, which when they came back, you know, they were so, he was so poor and like, they were so poor, which now becomes like a beautiful thing, but they were so poor that my grandmother's wedding dress was made out of my grandfather's parachute from the war.

No. Like his silk parachute. And then she actually still fit in it for their 65th wedding anniversary. No way. It was crazy. Yeah. That is nuts.

Yeah. And then he like, and then he worked. Where's that dress right now? It's probably at my mom's house down in Florida. Debbie's got that? Yeah, Debbie's got it. wedding anniversary it was crazy yeah that is nuts yeah and then he like and then he wears that dress right now it's probably at my mom's house down in florida yeah he's got that yeah debbie's got they're not out there fucking tying it on her back and going wheelies and shit with a cape on watch this yeah look at grandma's dress in the wind yeah it was crazy dude but um you know and then he worked like i said 37 years nypd two kids you know light and then he worked, like I said, 37 years, NYPD, two kids, you know, and they just were like, they're the cutest couple you've ever seen in your life.

They just were always, you know, very fun and laughing a lot together. So they were a good beacon of like, love can be a thing, you know. So, yeah, I don't know. Liquid IV, the number one powered hydration brand in America, is now available in sugar-free. Years in the making, hydration multiplier sugar-free uses a proprietary zero sugar hydration solution with no artificial sweeteners. They've got tons of great flavors and even some new ones like white peach and seaberry. The travel packs make it easy to use daily, even when I'm on the road.

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Now, let's get back to the deal. Another thing we were talking about before we recorded um you mentioned you had some surgeries and stuff and i wanted to talk to you about that because you said you've had quite a bit yeah yeah go back to the beginning and tell us what happened what are you born with well first issues first yeah i mean the first thing the thing that i was born with um was i had like uh it's called pectus excavatum, which is basically like a concave chest.

Like my chest almost looked like a dented in ping pong ball. I knew a kid in high school that had that. Yeah, yeah. It's so funny

because my best friend in elementary school. I didn't know it had a name. Yeah, my best friend in elementary school. We just called him weirdo. What the fuck's up with your chest?

Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Well, it's so weird because my best friend as a kid also had it so i thought like it was way more he lived in my he lived a block from me so i was like i thought like most kids like two and a million and you two happen to live exactly dude so like you know obviously the same clinic yeah so obviously like as a kid like that was a pretty big source of like uh you know self-consciousness and being like you know in public i was oh i like my family would tell me we'd be at the pool or at the beach or something i'd always kind of be like you know i think i would be like pretending i was cold to kind of like cover my chest and stuff like that and then um there was a surgery they used to be they used to do back when i was a kid

where they would literally like cut you from like your the top of your chest all the way to your belly button like almost like butterfly you open break your ribs and like reconstruct it was like this barbaric crazy thing so my family thank god never got that for me when i was young and then when i became like is it something they knew when you were born or did it just over time when you started growing they could see it was growing different they knew i had it when i was born and then it was getting like it was starting to get like worse when i was because i would get headaches like every day this is what i want to ask you so is this a surgery that you absolutely have will it will it end up pushing

in on lungs yeah they said it could eventually like uh go like push onto my heart like at some point in my life so it was like you know so when i was like 15 they came out with this other like brand new revolutionary surgery in norfolk virginia where basically this guy like he created this like stainless steel bar that he just you do a slide you do a slice on the side of your rib and they basically put this bar in and then they just kind of turn it so it just pops the chest out and then you keep the stainless steel bar in your chest both sides yeah well i mean they have it it's like yeah it's just like a straight across and they keep it they keep it in your chest for three years you had this

i had this so i i got it when i was 16 and 16 and I went and got this surgery and then you get this stainless steel bar and it just, it pops the chest out and then. Look normal from here. Yeah, it's good now. It's a good time. You know, like I feel like I forget that. I honestly forget that that was ever like a whole part of my life. You know what I mean?

You ever just like dump milk down and just let it just splash. Dude, when I had a, when I had like a hole, like a thing down here, dude, I'd put like popcorn in there when I was a kid. It was like a little bowl, you know? M&M. Yeah, 100%, man. It was for sure. It's like a straw.

So I got this surgery. I got this surgery at 16. I had to keep this bar in my chest for three years until you stopped growing. So you're like after 18 and how does that affect your life can you play sports no that's where it affects my life is first off you have a bar in your chest that you feel uh and it's like i like laying on my side felt it just felt weird i mean like probably not but it felt like it feels like it was yeah dude oh for sure

like if you would hit it it was like Waking up from that surgery was like pretty, in terms of like pain level, it was like one of the worst. Like some guys though get it so bad that they like, they have to get two bars because they're like taller and stuff, which is even brutal. But I got this one because I was getting headaches every day of my life, every day. And they said it was because I had a lack of oxygen from being able to like

get full lung capacity from the chest. So I get this surgery and because of that, they're like, you can't do football. I mean, this was always my frame anyway, but like you can't do football. You can't do like hard contact, like sports or anything like that. No MMA, no boxing.

Yeah, no MMA, none of that stuff. So I did like track and field and like crew was like rowing and stuff like that. So I did those things, but like I never really enjoyed that. You know, I always wanted to do like baseball baseball it's like fucking braces for your ribs yeah inside it's so straight you know and it's like so that was obviously like a whole story and then after my freshman year of college in between freshman year and sophomore year i had to go get the bar

removed which is like how's that work uh it just again all they do it's like you wouldn't even know did i have like two little scars? They just literally like, yeah, they just, they just pull it. Isn't it, isn't bone around it though?

You'd think so. It came out that easy? Were you awake? No. God, no. I was going to scream. Ah!

Just screaming. Yeah, no, no. Looking to sort. Yeah, like taking the biggest splinter out of the inside of your body.

No, yeah. So I had that done. So that was like, that was obviously the most serious of the surgeries that I had because that was like a major, you know, reconstructive surgery. And then when I was like, whatever year, however old, when I was like 2001 or something, I think around that time, I had appendicitis, which was like a crazy night because I was like, my dad had,

I was with my dad that weekend. He had taken me, this was when he was still living in Long Island, so it was before he moved to the city, but we went into the city to go see a concert. We actually, we went to BB King's, the venue, and we saw John Entwistle of The Who, and this was actually his last concert before he died. And he was completely deaf at that point.

Is that right? From all of the years of the, you know, and all the play. So he was completely deaf. And it was the loud, to this day, the loudest concert I've ever, because he has no idea how loud. It was the loudest concert I've ever been to in my life.

And then we were coming back. It was just like this whole crazy day where like, I'm like, I'm like starting to be in pain. We're driving back to long Island. There's so much traffic. So then my dad, like every, like it's literally bumper to bumper.

So my dad's like, I'm going to go off the on-ramp just to like, get out of this. And like a bunch of cars were doing it. And then like a hundred cars must've taken that on-ramp, that on-ramp off. And then like the police came and gave like my dad a ticket and then gave like the next five cars tickets. So we got tickets. So that slowed us down police came and gave like my dad a ticket and then gave like

the next five cars tickets so we got tickets so that slowed us down even more so then my dad's pissed we stopped at a gas station and my dad like moved he like went to reverse his car and he backed his car into a like ninja motorcycle and and these people yeah well she's more the harley but this is like these people you know and he he knocked the guy's bike over and then it got like caught under his car so my dad went to like move forward and was just dragging this dude's bike and this guy who like he dressed he there did he see it yeah yeah dude this guy was like a like a probably 20 something like just like black robocop like the way he was dressed and like the whole thing, dude.

And he went up to my dad's window and like just fucking was bashing the back of my dad's car where like all of the, you know, it's spider web, the whole back window. We had this old like Toyota Celica, so it was like almost that hatchback kind of thing.

Bash that, and then him and my dad are like screaming at each other. I think my dad's gonna get killed. I'm like freaking, I'm like crying. I'm screaming. I don't know what's going on. So then we have to fill out the police report with all that.

So it's like now it's like one or two in the morning. It's like the longest night ever. And I'm like, again, my stomach is killing me this whole time. We like go over the bump to get out of the, to get out of the gas station. And like the second we hit, like the whole back windshield falls into the car. Eight million pieces of glass. My's pissed you know just the worst day ever and his son won't stop fucking complaining about his stomach for some reason yeah yeah and then i woke and then like an hour later i was like i my dad was just like this we got to go to the hospital and immediately they're like you got to get you know surgery and stuff so then i had the appendicitis which was fine you know it's

whatever i mean all compared to other surgeries i've had it was fine and then uh since then i've also had three different shoulder surgeries why what's going on well i had i tore a labrum uh and i was i tore like i think playing basketball or bent crescent and i had it torn for four years so it was just constantly i couldn't lift my arm like over this for years and i just figured that was just my way of life got the labrum surgery that fix it then like a year later the labrum started fraying again but then they realized because i did an mri is this all result of what happened in your chest originally is this like no but this part is actually kind of a weird oddity thing as well is that they found out the reason i've been having shoulder problems because inside the ball of my shoulder like in the like solid bone where it's supposed to be solid

was completely hollow there was like a cyst inside the bone so my shoulder's been like weak my whole life which has caused all of the other compensating and issues for it and stuff like that so they had to they did two surgeries at once where they went in drilled into the bone took out the the you know the cyst replaced it with donor bone so it would make it a solid bone and then while that surgeon was done the other surgeon tagged in fixed up the labrum shaved down the collarbone all that other stuff and then did that and that was like the last one i had was during it was during covid it was like 2021 or something where it was like i was alone in the hospital all that other shit how long were you in there i was just there for the day but like what's crazy is you weren't allowed to have family or friends in there with you and i was you

know they make you not eat for so long beforehand and i was i'm pretty i don't love needles but i'm like okay with them but this woman came over and she was like uh the nurse and i go i gave her my hand to put the iv in i'm fucking i know this game by now you know and she was like the nurse. And I go, I gave her my hand to put the IV in. I'm like, I know this game by now, you know? And she was like, I'm actually going to put the IV in your wrist. And I was like, the wrist? Why? It's always that one that wants to experiment. Yeah.

And I'm like, look how veiny my hand. I'm like, they're right here. It's cool. There's no reason. And she's like, I mean, just like stabbing my wrist, just not finding a vein. It's just over and over again. And then she finally got it in and i was like okay and then she's like you know what it's not bend your wrist

yeah and she's like it's not dripping up enough she's like i'm gonna take it out i'm just gonna put it in your hand and i was like and for some reason when she was taken out of my wrist dude that i just was like apparently what i said out loud was like nope don't like that and then i just passed out i just fully swooned i was like, nope, don't like that. And then I just passed out. I just fully swooned. I was like, everything got black. And then, dude, and then I wake up and I think like, I don't know what's happening. You know when you,

I don't know if you've ever passed out. I haven't. I've collapsed and blacked out. Okay, yeah. And you wake up, you don't know how long you've been out. It could be 10 seconds or 10 hours. I thought the surgery was over.

That's how confused I was. And the worst part is, I wake up from the blacking out. And it's like, you know, nurses around me. They got like ice chips on my neck. And I was like, oh, wow, that was like a crazy surgery. And I looked down and they were like, we had to wait for you to wake back up before putting the IV. They didn't even put, I still had to go through the whole process of putting the IV in again after that. Where they're like, now that you're awake, let's put it back in I was like you guys are monsters absolute monsters so um but yeah the

surgeries went well now it's like I'm the strongest my shoulders are strongest it's ever been in my life because apparently when you're a kid you can get some cysts but they're supposed to go away but mine of course did not so yeah dude it's been it's been a nightmare but you've also had a lot of injuries that aren't just from that too why would it what did you i don't know were you a daredevil kid i wasn't yeah i was a daredevil kid i told you like i basically had like jackass was like such a giant influence in all my whole life that was right at the perfect age what's interesting to me about that though is jackass is a group effort you're a solo kid.

Well, all of my boys, we all, yeah, I was a group effort. You weren't just around the house by yourself. No, no, no. Okay, all right. But I was always smart in that I was obsessed with cameras. I always had a camera. Ever since I was a kid, I would be the one filming things. And I was very good at talking my friends into doing jackass stuff.

And they'd be like, why don't you fucking do it? I'm like, yeah, but I'm filming it, dude. It's gonna be great. And so I always got to like, all of the ones that were like violent or like things where it was like, you know, we're gonna just, you know, roll out of a moving car or like, you know,

do the, all those, I would just convince them that I'm gonna get the best footage of this and convince them to do it. And it was really, it was really quite odd. But also we did dumb shit in my car. It's just a, we did a lot of like reckless, all that stuff when they would post that thing on jackass in the beginning where they're like warning don't try this at home we won't look at some mission tapes don't even try this we would see that and we'd be like i know what they mean you know they just

want to see a good one and that's what they want i get it legally they gotta say it but like they're interested you know what were some of the wildest ones you guys did? I mean, we would just drive. A lot of it was like car related stuff, man, which wasn't, you know, which wasn't great. But like we would drive recklessly. We would also like get into fights with motorists. You know what I mean? Like start fights.

You know what I'm saying? Like we would go to like McDonald's and get like food. And then we'd be out of like a red light with a car. And then like the second the light would turn green, we'd just like throw the tomato like onto there. Like, you know what I mean? Like throw a milkshake, just being like piece of shit kids and stuff like that.

And then like most times people in Long Island, like they will chase you. They will chase you until you get away. And my buddy was like a getaway driver. He just, he had no, he would just directly blow through red lights, just cutting across lanes. The worst one was we did a fake kidnapping.

Yeah, so we drove, we were down in Port Jeff outside of a bar that had like a line outside of it. And we drove up, we had our friend in the trunk and he was banging on the on the roof and we opened it we were like shut the fuck up you know like pretended to hit him and then got back in the car and people were like what the fuck what was that you know they're all horrified and then uh this other car i guess like a samaritan like person that saw it started like

kind of like chasing us so then my buddy goes into his evasive maneuvers, blowing red lights, cutting across double yellow lines, just illegally driving like crazy. And then like after like five minutes of chasing us, they fucking put a light on, because it was undercover cops. Oh, shit. So they pull us over, draw the guns on us.

Guns are out? Guns are drawn. Oh, man, are you shitting yourself? Dude, in their mind, they saw a kidnapping and now this guy is illegally driving. You're lucky they're not shooting and asking later. Yes, yes, yes. So they

pull the guns on us. They go get the fuck out of the car and they do that thing and we're just trying to explain to them but they're not listening. We're like 17. We don't know. Because this is also what every person does when they get pulled over. Yes. Telling them their first, no, no, you don't understand. No, we're boys.'re like 17 we don't know because this is also what every person does when they get pulled over telling them their first no no you don't understand no we're boys that's and they literally do the thing where they go what's in the trunk and we have to be like all right so like it's a guy but like we're boys and he'll tell you we're boys when you open it

you'll see you'll see and we open it and my buddy who's been getting like thrown around you know what i mean in the trunk they open it he's they're like are you okay and. And we open it. And my buddy who's been getting like thrown around, you know what I mean? In the trunk. They open it. He's like, they're like, are you okay? And he's like, no, no, they're my friends. And they don't believe him. They think he's like got the like, you know, like because we're behind him, like tell him, you know?

So he's like, we had to like show IDs. We had to show pictures of us, like from like being friends. Like he just, we had to call his parents. You had to show, nuh-uh. being friend like he just we had to call the the his parents so i had to call his parents to be like is this we got is this a real kidnapping is this kid just lying and stuff like that and then they i mean somehow almost credit to the cops for doing that at least they could have just been like yeah and you guys really could have been fucking that kid up yeah like the dommer situation when i just let that little boy back into the thing um but yeah we we somehow, impossibly, as far as I can remember,

got away. Like, there was no guns. All our parents were called. That was like the worst of it, but they didn't do it. They didn't give my friend any tickets for all the speeding that he did and all that other shit. So yeah, man, I mean just jackasses. We were idiots. Just terrible.

Did anybody ever really get hurt? My friend had like, yeah, he got like his knees fucked up and stuff like that. Just from like, you know, literally shopping carts, you know, going in those metal great shopping carts, pushing them as hard as you can into a curb and just seeing what happens. That kind of a thing. We had this. Go ahead. Sorry. Also, this is just a real.

My buddy would we would go to this, there was this one street in our block that, or in our neighborhood that was like obnoxiously wide for some reason, it was way wider than all of the other streets. And it was like a kind of a in-between street. And we would just do donuts in that. And my buddies and I uh but mainly my buddies because it was my car

would go on the roof of the car no and no straps not just hold on to the roof lay or like squat hold are you spider-man or are you like no they're like they're like laying they're laying down um but we're doing donuts and they're just holding on to it and like one of us you know we probably like we're grabbing his ankle from inside the car or something but like just almost in an effort to like let's see if we can throw him from the top of this car onto the concrete um and shockingly nobody like it was one of those things was like the only time someone fell was like right as we were stopping and they kind of just rolled off. But I mean, easily could have been killed. Dead. Any of us.

Dead. Dead. Dead. I don't know how anybody makes it past 16. We were reckless. We used to have this bridge. It was on the 32, Route 32. And it was 100 feet from the top.

So there were rafters under it. There were about 50. Yeah. And then the top was 100. We took a tape measure, measured it. And when you're swimming under it you look up it doesn't look that bad yeah yeah yeah i'm there but when you get up there and you look over and the first thing you will see are like leaves or something floating on the

water tops it gives you a perspective right holy fuck so people started to want to jump off of it and it became this like after school thing people go down to watch people do it other people would swear they're going to do it and um we had known of an arrival school it's called south carol for us we were liberty there south carol one of the kids there i think they were doing night swimming and he jumped and apparently there's a cable or something way down there and i guess his foot got stuck he never came up so we would only do it during the day yeah he died oh we would only do this during the day and we would only do it if we would have six or seven people swimming out in the

water so if you came down they would dive down right away to be there at least to try to help you there were people that would wait up in the rafters and jump in if you needed more help um because that wasn't that high 50 feet's not that bad you know it's bad yeah it's tough but 100 is stupid 100 is uh insane and so we had this one we're still friends this day as one kid chris sheila was always like uh you know i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do me you ain't gonna fucking do it i'm gonna do it every day every day he's gonna do and he never does it so one day i go you know what if you do it i to do it. I'm going to do me. You ain't going to fucking do it. I'm going to do it every day. Every day he's going to do it. And he never does it. So one day I go, you know what? If you do it, I'll do it.

And he's like, are you serious? I go, yes, because you're not going to fucking do it. Right. So we walk up, we get on, and a guy comes up with us to make sure that if he goes, I go. And I said, you don't need to make sure if he goes, I'm going, but he's not going. Right. And we're up there for 20 fucking minutes and cars. They're riding by. Sure.

And I'm like, you're not doing it. So I turn around and I just hear this noise. I just hear. And I turn back around. He is fucking gone. And I look over and this motherfucker's screaming. My God. 100 feet, dude. He did it.

And he went in and he came up screaming like yeah yeah i'm like no pain i didn't get hurt no well some people certainly did so um i'll tell you what happened so i had to do it and it took me a while i got out over the edge and i held back and i kept letting go you know like i just kept waiting for the miss and i I wasn't missing. Yeah. I was not missing. And then I let go, and I pin dropped in. And, man, the water, maybe the first eight feet is warm. It's sunbeam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, you go down deep.

It's pitch black. It's fucking cold down there. So I panic. I panic, swim back up, and I'm all stoked that I did it. And I get out. And the next day in school, my ass. Yeah. And the bottoms of my fucking feet.

From slapping that hard. Man, fucking hurt so bad. I couldn't sit in my chair comfortably or whatever. A girl went up and did it. Didn't close her legs. She got her vagina torn and had to go had to go to the er because she got a tear torn bro it's 100 feet up yeah you can't be going down reckless my brother he's an idiot so he he decided that jumping wasn't enough anymore.

Now somebody's got to jackass it, you know. And they were trying to flip off. And my brother made the mistake of he got scared. But instead of flipping straight out, he sort of went off to that flip where you go this way. You know, that I'm not fully committed to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The panic flip. And he went wildly coming down.

He slapped on his ribs he came up we have it on video somebody still has that somewhere oh my god and he was spitting up blood for like a day did he go to the hospital no sick that's what i'm saying he's that he's that idiot he's like just classic if it lasts more than a day i'll do it and he didn't dude i the only thing i've i jumped off 62-foot cliff in Hawaii once, and I was watching, it's just a jutted out into the ocean kind of a thing, and it was like a long swim, it would be like a long swim back. And it was pretty strong, it was in Kauai, it was like a very strong current.

You have to be a really strong swimmer. That's the thing we didn't have. This was just lake dead water, you know? Yeah, this was like strong current. So I was, that's the, that's the thing we didn't have. This was just Lake dead water. You know, this was like, like strong current. So I'm like pretty nervous about it. I'm like worried about, is it even deep enough?

Are there rocks here? And I saw like local, like Hawaiian dudes, like literally like not even break stride from climbing up this thing. And then just do three front flips and land and then just swim and go. And I, yeah, dude,

I was up there for probably 30 to 35 minutes by myself just being like i'm gonna and people are like hiking past me being like are you jumping they've circled around you're still here literally someone did someone went i can't believe you're still here and they go it was this old couple that finally gave me the courage because i was like an old guy well the other thing too because i'm like one of the times i was i'm not making this up dude one of the times i was about to jump i had like the the like the my legs were bent i looked down and where i was planning on jumping was a fucking sea turtle like at the top and i'm like if i landed on this it just shattered everything you know so i i told

this old couple who had that dinosaur ain't even gonna budge what fly just hit me yeah i'm just melted and so i tell those the older couple that saw me go by and i was like just can you like I saw I ain't even gonna budge. Yeah. What fly just hit me? Yeah, I just melted. And so I told the older couple that saw me go by, and I was like, just can you, like, if I just, you know, make sure that I come up, you know, and if not, go tell somebody. Because my wife was, like, at the pool. You know what I mean? She was like, no, it was there. Yeah, right.

So I finally jumped off, and dude, I did, like, the running, kind of like running bicycle thing. And the other thing, dude, I'm sure you experienced too. You just never, you're falling for so long. I can't even imagine a hundred feet, 62 feet. I was falling and then you're like gaining speed as it's going. And you're well aware of how fast you're hauling ass.

It's getting faster and faster. And you're like, why haven't I hit the water yet? And then when I hit i was like i think i was like in between running because i do i landed on like my ass and thigh and like you said dude i for the rest of that trip i had my whole back of my leg was completely bruised it felt like a slap i couldn't sit down it was none of that so i i totally uh relate to what you're saying but i can't imagine that a hundred feet and then i found out that same cliff i found this out afterwards that same cliff justin bieber had jumped off of and h it blew out his eardrum

so he had to like cancel his entire tour it was like a notorious like don't do this cliff oh no shit yeah so i ended up i again had i known that i probably wouldn't i've told this story before and and i a long time ago probably on the crab feast and people call but i i called my younger brother after i told and i go people don't believe that story so off to the side of that bridge you got the bridge about 100 and then there's a cliff off to the side to the left and what we used to do is take we take our swimming masks and stuff and we'd all swim the bottom make sure there were no rocks under there because it's obviously not clear water or anything and everybody be like this is a good spot to go and then there was just a place we called the rock and it was just a little you know 10 foot jump off and just hang out people are drinking smoking whatever but this was just

off so some people were jumping off the bridge here and then you just come down here for the people that were not as stupid right and wanted to do something a little less dumb and we always would play fucking dumb like oh you know jaws something's pulling you under somebody go out and we'd always yell snake snake or whatever and one time my fucking brother jumps in and he's out there swimming and we look out and there's a fucking water moccasin that's hauling ass right coming right at him yeah in the water a snake and we're screaming snake snake but we've yelled snake so many fucking times cried wolf exactly he doesn't even he said whatever we're like we're all now

we're all doing it we're throwing rocks he's like stop he turns around this motherfucker's like yeah he's like oh my god yeah he starts swimming i'm like i don't think he's gonna fucking make it my friend's true story jeff wagner he was like this is like late neighborhood legend shit he was the guy the you know best player in baseball he went to university of maryland he was really fucking good this kid takes one of those flat like shale rocks and he fucking throws it and i promise you mike fucking feeney it cut that goddamn snake no way i'm telling you to say like if you had said he just hit it i'd be like that cut it in half and it broke like this and then it slowly floated like this and we were

like get the fuck we're going nuts we're going nuts i called my brother after i told that story because people like you're full of shit i'm like todd they don't fucking believe he's like wagner threw that rock cut the snake in half. I go, Todd, in half. It cut in half. He goes, it cut it in half. I was like, wow. Oh, my God. You actually weirdly just reminded me of a near-death experience that I had

that I've forgotten about to tell you about that I might have blacked out on purpose. So this was in between one of my years of college. It's probably after my freshman year of college when my mom moved to Florida at that point. So I would work at a surf shop during the day right on the beach, and I would go surfing all the time. So one of the first times I went,

literally the first time it was like New Smyrna Beach, which is kind of like a great surfing beach on the east coast of Florida. Also the shark bite capital of the world. It is? Yeah. It's the east coast? Yeah. It's shark bite capital of the world. It is? Yeah. It's the East Coast? Yeah. It's like six foot, not deaths, like bites.

Just bites. Sand sharks and shit. All these six foot, yeah, whatever, sharks that come in. So people get bit, then they go to like get stitched up, go right back out surfing. So that's like the notion I'm having going into this. So I'm starting to paddle out. I'm kind of near the jetties, you know,

where like the surf point is. I'm starting to paddle out. I'm kind of near the jetties, you know, where like the surf point is. I'm starting to paddle out. And then suddenly I see as I'm paddling, I'm getting closer, like the current taking me closer to the jetties. So I was like, oh, that's not good. So I turned my board to paddle away from the jetties and the current, I mean, within, it felt like seconds, took me out past the jetties and on the other side of it which was oh you went around just open ocean there's like no beach there's no nothing it's just i'm gone and like i want to say not to interrupt you but there's a place in ocean city maryland they call it the inlet and it's where the bay side meets the ocean where they literally touch at the end of that right and it's it's okay over here.

And if you go over there, it's madness. You're by yourself. Yeah. So I'm like, and like the beach is packed and seemingly nobody is seeing me drift away. And I'm starting to do that thing of like, I was a lifeguard. So I'm like, I'm a great swimmer. So I'm kind of swimming. I'm panicking a little bit, but I'm like, it's okay.

And everyone's just getting further and further away. I'm kind of like waving to people. No one's doing anything. I get onto that other side of the jetties. Now I'm just an open ocean. No one can even see me anymore. So I'm freaking out. So I go, I'm losing ground on this, uh, on this board. So I'm going to jump off and I'll swim. So I jump off and I start trying to swim and I'm like really swimming hard and I'm not gaining or losing ground. Like I'm just in place essentially and I'm getting starting to get tired and now I'm like really starting to freak out. How long do you think you're out there at this point? I must have been out there like alone probably like at least like 15 minutes.

Like of just being like alone alone. Are you trying to signal for anything at that point? The only people that I could still see where there were like some older Asian fishermen that were on like the jetties of the rocks. They're not even facing my direction though. They're just kind of like, you know, real and stuff. And so I'm like panicking, dude. And again, keeping in mind Sharkbite Capital, all alone, looking like a seal, you know what I mean?

Like just not good so then i realized uh i remembered from being a lifeguard like that you know being doing like the backstroke is a lot less effort than doing the front stroke so i start doing the backstroke and i'm actually like gaining a little bit of ground but i'm still like working my ass off so i i do it i backstroke for at least another five to 10 minutes. And I finally got towards the other side of the jetties. And one of those Asian fishermen like saw me and like scaled down the thing into there and like brought me back up as I'm getting like I'm getting like crashed into the rocks. Dude, my board is all like in pieces thing. And it's all sharp rock.

So I'm like i'm bleeding which again now the blood with the sharks i'm like i'm getting like every day he's like trying to reach me and then the current would smash me into the rocks and i'm got my my elbows cut everything's cut like i'm just getting uh annihilated by these waves and this one guy and then my of course the board leash is stuck to the thing and my board board was all broken anyway. And the guy was like yelling at me. He's like, just leave the fucking board. So I was like, all right. So I like left the board out.

And then I, you know, he got me back up. I'm all bloody and stuff. And I go over to my family and like friends that are at the beach with me. And I'm like, hey, what the fuck? What the fuck, guys? Like, they're all like, what's up? And I'm like, look at me. Where's my board? Like, you didn't see me? I was out there. And they're all like, what's up? And I'm like, look at me. Where's my board?

Like, you didn't see me? I was out there. And they're like, we thought that was you. And to be fair, like, it was every white guy. Like, with the surfboard. They're like, we thought that guy was you. That guy is you. And then, like, friends are just, like, drinking a beer on the beach as I'm just about to.

I mean, it's just, it was terrifying, dude. To be in that ocean, like, that side of it, I had that, like, okay, okay. It's a long time. Yeah, it was so long and um yeah man it was it was a very terrifying experience dude i've had a couple of those in my life where it's like you can't communicate when you're going through that panic and you just need somebody to pay attention like this is completely unrelated to that but it is a similar thing where i didn't like learn how to ride a bike

until I was way too old. You know, like I was way too old. I asked my, I asked my dad before I came to do this. I was like, what's the age on it? We ballparked it somewhere between 10 or 12, but closer to like 12. But it's too old. it's embarrassingly old because the first time I went to ride a bike my dad put steering wheel training wheels on and as I was riding around the block with my neighborhood the training wheel flew off and I

went into the street almost got hit by a car so it freaked me out so I wouldn't go for years so what I was doing was I was on like the big wheelie you remember that it's like the tricycle with like plastic tires and I would try to like keep up with my friends are riding bikes at this point I'm on like the big wheelie. You remember that? It's like the tricycle with like plastic tires and all that stuff. And I would try to like keep up with my, my friends were riding bikes at this point.

I'm on like on a scooter, you know, I'm like trying to like keep up with them and stuff. And my next door neighbor, Stephanie, she was awesome. She was like five years older than me or maybe a little bit less, but she was older than me and she was deaf. And she would ride, she'd be on a mountain bike. I was still on this big wheelie, these plastic tricycle things. Yeah, with the power brake back in the end.

Yeah, yeah, dude. You just, you know, yeah. So I came up with this great idea, because I can never keep up with her, because she was on a mountain bike. And I was like, here's what we'll do. Let's tie my big wheelie to your mountain bike. And then you just kind of take off,

and I'll like be going as fast as it'll be sick, you know? And so we tie it up. And then I sit down in the big wheelie. And before I can grab this, because we tied it to the middle of the steering column. The second before I could grab the steering column, she just takes off. And it turned the steering column sideways

into my chest, like locking me in place. And we know about that chest. And we know about that. It was right in the hole. It's holding it in there. It's probably, yeah. No way. Yeah.

But the tire was turned sideways. Right, yeah. So it could only. You're just pushing like this. So it was like that. And she was like, like grinding it. And so it just flipped me over. Oh, no.

With only my elbows and knees being dragged on the concrete on a sidewalk so now i'm like just i'm losing it and there's the point where as a kid you're like that was a fucking dumb idea but not a problem we'll just yell out to stephanie god damn it she's deaf she can't hear anything and dude she she pedaled for like a full two houses before turning around standing up i'm doing yeah she's like you know and she is hauling it and i'm just like dread elbows and knees i don't know if you can see like i have scars on my elbows like just being dragged on my elbows and knees by a deaf girl. And she turned around like

being like, uh-huh. Blood. Blood. Just blood. And a child screaming for his life, dude. Oh, it hurts. I love it. Yeah. Well, it hurt my elbow's and knee oh my fiend this has been a fun really fun fucking episode

thanks for having me yeah dude thank you for coming in and uh i told you before we were recording your first time here so after everything we've talked about tell me advice you would give to 16 year old mike fiend uh man i, man, I mean, at this point, you know, the, the, the bad part is, is like with the,

with the business part of comedy, I'd be like, start a YouTube page immediately and get, you know, and get, because when I was always shooting like, you know, dumb little sketches,

jacket type things, I was like, man, if I was putting those online when I was 16, I mean, sure, I would have, it would have been pretty bad at this point,

but at least like that thing. But in terms of just like personal advice, it's like that kind of like the don't freak out about the future, like things are going to work out, like don't stress about, you know, that kind of that dumb, like everything happens for a reason or wherever you're at. You're always at where you're supposed to be at kind of a thing. Because there's so many times I've like, you know, I do that. What was the thing you said outside of future what? Tri tripping future tripping i do that a lot so there's always that like well if i do this like especially before we had the kid we're like yeah but then if i do

this then it's like i'm already so busy with stand-up so then how am i going to add this kid and then i'd say and then what does that mean now we can't fit in this apartment so now we got to move to no you know you just you go down that whole thing and you're like you figure it out you know what i mean like you just can't you can't plan for all the variables that are gonna come so it's just like you'll fucking figure it out man it'll be fine or it won't but freaking out about it now is not gonna is not gonna change anything that's great advice dude yeah um please plug and promote everything again mikefini comedy.com uh for tour dates and all that and uh link to my first uh comedy special rage against the routine which is on my youtube channel youtube.com slash mike feeney comedy at

i am mike feeney across all social media come see me in chicago at the den theater on october 7th and algonquin theater uh september 15th check out my podcast here's a scenario uh with mike cannon and brennan sagalow it's a fun time and uh yeah thanks for having me hell yeah man thank you this is a lot of fun dude um as always ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all your social media go to youtube watch the special and get your tickets come out and see me on the road we'll talk to y'all next week Thank you.