The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Mike Vecchione - VecchioneDew

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Mike Vecchione! (Mike Vecchione Investigates, The Attractives) Mike Highlights the Lowlights of his estranged relationship with his father, his father’s death, and teaching special education. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Mindbloom -Get $100 off your first six sessions when you go to https://www.Mindbloom.com/podcast/honeydew

Hey, everybody, I have a special announcement to make. You may have heard me say this on my YMH episode, but I am starting a new podcast. It's going to be right here on this YouTube channel. It's called The Way Back. It drops Thursday, January 4th, and it will be a weekly pod every Thursday moving forward after that. All right. It's a nostalgia podcast. It's a short one, too.

It's a quick hitter. No more than 30 minute episodes with some of your favorite guests in comedy and podcasting. We already have a ton of them recorded. I'm very excited to do this. If you're a big fan of the crab feast, if you're a big fan of the honeydew, I know you're going to be a big fan of this show. It's just something I've always thought about, you know, and the set is the backseat of that old school station wagon facing traffic looking that way. All right. It's the way back because we're sitting in the way back and we're looking back on things. And here's a fun teaser just to get you excited about the idea. Check this out. It's The Way Back with Ryan Sickler right here on my YouTube channel

every Thursday beginning January 4th. What would you say were like your favorite parts of growing up? We did a lot of playing with fire. We were feral kids. We'd throw rocks at cars, whip them by. My brother grew some of the best pot in Northern California. We played another drinking game called Drinking and Driving. It left a freighter.

It was danger all the time. And that's when I started popping up. Obviously, there's some level of autism here. I was like, I'm just going to put the artillery shells in the backseat. Wait, no! Oh, that's a nice little throwback. Good times. that's a nice little throwback good times the honeydew with ryan sickler

welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. I'm Ryan Sickler on all your social media. I'm kicking this episode off the same way I kick off every episode by saying thank you. Thank you for supporting this show. Thank you for watching. I don't care if you're new here or if you've been here.

Thank you for the support. Please subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. It's a free way to help the show. And if you've got to have more than trust me, check out the Patreon. It's called the Honeydew with y'all. And it's this show with y'all. It's five bucks. You're getting a honeydew a day early. You're getting it ad free. No extra cost. You get audio. You get video to the entire back catalog of the wildest stories you've ever heard in your life. It's worth a cup of coffee to try one time. Trust me on this. All right. If you're looking for a new podcast to listen to, go check out my old podcast,

The Crab Feast. I love it. Look, man, it's been done for almost five years and it still has a cult following and the library is going to do over a million downloads this year that's what i'm talking about so it's got everybody you love in comedy on it check it out all right now you guys know what we're doing over here we're highlighting the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and i'm very excited to have today's guest on here for the first time ladies and gentlemen please welcome mike vecchio welcome thanks for having me right thank you buddy it's good to have you here bro it's long overdue actually no i appreciate it i appreciate being on um well it's great to have you here and before we get into any of the stuff we're going to talk about plug promote everything and anything mike

vecchione please first of all i'm at'm at Comic Mike V on all social media platforms, at Comic Mike V. MikeVecchione.com for dates. I have a podcast called Mike Vecchione Investigates on Gas Digital. You can get it on Apple, iTunes. And my special is called The Attractives. It's on YouTube right now. It's a great special.

Thank you, buddy. Over a million views. Go check that one out. Is that everything? Yeah, that's everything. MikeVecchione.com for dates. Oh, that's what I was going to say. Where can I get tickets?

All right, MikeVecchione.com. It's good to have you here. I really got to sit and talk with you during your Epic special. And I remember some of the things we talked about but not everything obviously and again you showed up and i was like you know i thought you were you look bronx to me and you're like nah i'm young and i'm like huh you do that people get confused they go are there in new york they go there's italians in ohio And then I get defensive. I go, who do you think built this country?

Who do you think built it? And they go, all right, calm down. No, you calm down. No, you calm down. I like to go right. It's pretty. That's why I like you, dude. My whole family's Italian.

The only one that wasn't was my dad's dad, who's Sickler. Everyone else is DeMemo, the memo devito and everything is that everything's i love zero to a hundred yes i love zero what do you mean by talking about instantly you're like what's going on you want a couple what do you mean what do you mean dude i love that my younger brother's wedding my i have a twin brother we're fraternal twins we're fucking just finally had had enough enough of each each other, enough of the bullshit. Like this wedding was in Jamaica and he said, I'm going to put my credit card down. And so good.

I'm going to put my credit card down. You can pay me back. And I was like, yeah, no problem. So I don't know what happened, but their car got declined. And his wife came up to him and started to tell him. He didn't let her finish the whole story. Started to say, Hey,

we put our charges and your brother's charges on our card and our car got declined. So he's like, what? He comes. Listen, it's a hill. He comes marching up this hillside of jamaica it's beautiful it's

called round hill like they're like paul mccartney stays here and you know we have no business being here you know what i mean with our bullshit he's fucking trucking up the hill and it's it's guys we are still close with from middle school and their wives the wives are new to us the guys from middle school they this you know right he comes up he's like listen motherfucker and then the whole hillside can hear this and i'm looking at it i was just as surprised as everybody else listen motherfucker you put your goddamn shit on our car now you fucked everything up and his wife's going derrick now he's thinking she's trying to get him to calm down he said no and he's just going on and he's like this is the last fucking time we ever vacation together and i and i'm just i'm being calm at first and i'm just like this is the first time we've ever vacationed

and the last and he's going nuts and he's like you stupid mother fucker and he's screaming at a level because it's but it's like you're a fucking dick you know what i mean and but these women are like oh my god they're about to rip each other's throats out and their husbands are like this it's fine it's fine you know they're scared it's fine and he's huffing and puffing because he's come he had come up that hill so fast you fucking you piece of shit and right he's going off and his wife's going derrick dang he's like no and she finally goes derrick they put everything on his card we owe him money oh my god and he's like what she goes we i'm trying to tell you we owe your brother money i go what oh y'all look me right now oh man

this motherfucker took off down the hill. He didn't say shit. Everyone up there is like, oh, my fucking God. I'm like, that's just totally, that's typical. So then he knows. He knows he's got to come back up and eat fucking crow. And you see him about 30 minutes later, just slow ass walking up that mountain. And he gets to the top.

And he's got to make the most humbling, embarrassing apology. I would do it during a toast. That's why you're a comedian. I like to raise my glass, but before we get to the bride and groom, I just want to say. This motherfucker is trying to apologize, not to me only,

but to everyone for the seed he's caused. It's so great. But he's so out of breath and he's got cotton mouth he's like i just i just want to say like it is a hill like this and and he's like can i get a drink and i go no anyone gets up and gets him a fucking drink is gonna have to deal with me he doesn't get a fucking drink finish saying what you're gonna say and he is just like just want to say i'm sorry like he had to apologize like that so great i think everybody should have lined up and just gone gut her head and then take a shot at him just gut her head let's go like that non-stop just everything i remember my cousin's wife going you

are you just like your cousin i go what do you mean she's like well right away it's like listen asshole you know anybody else's normal is like yeah man what i'm not listening to you like what what's the matter with that dude tell me about um growing up because i do know i've had tony hinchcliffe on who i believe is also young italian mafia style youngstown ohio little youngstown was a big mob town like in the 50s and 60s there's nothing there now i don't think but uh was it a an original mob town or was it like that's where a lot of guys relocated once shit got? No, I think it was an original mob town. I think it was just because the steel industry and unions, and it just was wild back then. You watched documentaries about it.

They used to blow each other up, which is not something they did in New York too much. It's more of like a Sicilian thing, car bombs. But in Youngstown they would do it all the time fighting over mostly gambling operations i think loan sharking but it's all gone now but um and what did your parents do growing up what do they work in my father was a mushroom farmer and canning operation my my grandfather lived on the they lived on the east side of youngstown when my father was growing up. We're talking about regular mushrooms though, right?

Yeah, regular mushrooms. Yeah, yeah. Mushroom and what else? Mushroom growing and canning operation. So he had a convenience store. He had a convenience store in Youngstown, my grandfather growing up. Frankie's Prepared Foods.

Shit's prepared, man.'s prepared yeah frankie's market ready for whatever yeah so he has this this this and then he wanted to get into canning spaghetti sauce but uh that's when ragu came in like ragu came in and took over the market so he had to pivot. So instead of spaghetti sauce, he started canning mushrooms. And then it became successful. And he's like, why am I buying all these mushrooms? I have land out here.

I'll buy the land. I'll build a growing operation and then grow and can the mushrooms. So that's when I came up. That's what we were doing. And mushrooms grow indoors. So you know a little bit about growing mushrooms? I know very little about it. But you were around this growing up as a kid? No shit.

All right. Have you ever met anyone else that's ever even done that? There's Italians in Pennsylvania who also have a mushroom farm. I think their name is Shiraki. I'm not sure. But it's like Kennett Square area. Those are like the competing mushroom farms. But I think there's still mushroom farms in Kennett Square,

but most of the market is Chinese mushroom, like Asian. So that was passed on to your father? No. What happened was my grandfather and my father and my aunt and my uncle were all in the business together. And my father and grandfather couldn't get along. My grandfather was a tough guy to deal with. He was old school Italian, you know, from he was born here, but they had come over whole story his father was a musician he died at an early age it was him and the mother and his mother didn't speak any English so he had

three brothers and sisters and had to like just drop out of eighth grade and get a job eighth grade yeah so he had to figure it out and you, you know, bipolar disorder that my great grandmother had bipolar disorder. And as a result, my grandfather had it. So he's dealing with that. And then there's no safety net at that time. So if like you don't work and you don't make money, then just everybody starves. was uh i'm sure a wild time just from the stories that i've heard it was it was absolutely wild so he had that like kind of chip on his shoulder like build it from the ground up type you know there was no free lunch for me there shouldn't be a free lunch for anyone type uh thing so and he was hard he was a hard guy and my father just wanted love and approval and never got it from him, you know, until the very, very end. So, yeah. So as a result, they were trying to work in the business together and it blew up. And in 1981, we moved to Boca Raton, Florida.

That's very Italian as well, bro. It's Boca. My father was basically like, I just don't want to be here anymore. It's cold. We had no ties to Florida. It was just like, I'm out't want to be here anymore. It's cold. We had no ties to Florida. It was just like, I'm out. I'm going to the most beautiful place. And my father hated the cold weather.

He hated icy roads. He hated everything about it. You know how your emotions, it just gets morphed into one thing. He hated the relationship and working for his father and the way he was treated. And he morphed all of that somehow into the weather. And he was like, I'm just going to the most beautiful place and I just want to be out of here. Pick this up.

And we moved to Boca Raton, Florida. And how old were you at that point? I was nine. Okay, so you definitely remember that. Yeah, I remember that move. Because in Ohio, we had a little bit of money because we were in a family business. We lived in a big house.

And then when we moved, I could see the drop. Even though we moved, Boca Raton is known as a wealthy place. We went back to like, we don't have anything. Yeah, yeah. We lived on the Delray Beach border. And I remember being like, oh, we don't have money. We couldn't turn the air conditioning on. We couldn't pay the air conditioning bill.

And it was, you know, we're from Ohio, and it's Florida. It's a Florida summer. So I remember the ceiling fans, and I remember going into the bathroom and splashing cold water on my face and then keeping the ceiling fan on in order to go to sleep at night. So it's like you would think Boca Raton money, but we went the opposite way. You know? How'd you get to Florida? Drive? We drove.

What'd you drive? I don't remember the car. We had a, we had, I remember we, we had a bunch of cars because they kept breaking down. We were buying American car.

They were breaking down. That's like early 80s at the time. And so we bought a Toyota van. Oh yeah? And everybody just shit on us for buying a Toyota. They're like, you're buying a Japanese car. This is America. And it's like, hey, dude, we can't have the car.

We don't have any money. Like, the car can't be in the shop every two weeks. And I remember that Toyota van. We put like 150,000 miles on it. It was unbelievable. Do whatever the fuck you want with those. It was so good. So we drove down in that.

Sometimes we didn't, like, I remember we didn't have the money to stay in hotels sometimes. So we'd pull over to rest stop and just sleep, you know? And I remember just like being in the past. I remember sleeping in the driver's side, like sleeping and being mad that we didn't get to go to a hotel and having to sleep in the car. And I remember being mad. And then my father said, you were mad, and then just passed out like on him. He was in the passenger side. But it was all good.

It was all good. And how long do you stay in Boca? I stayed there until I was 13 13 so four years yeah and then we moved i i did a third fourth fifth sixth seventh great so you made some friends down there for sure yeah third through seventh you playing sports and all that like really getting in the community and stuff yeah well i played uh uh football uh contact football and that's why people are like, you can't have kids play contact football. And I go, I get it, man.

I get the science and I get it. But I have to say, there's something about playing a contact sport that is at a young age, that's different than playing a non-contact sport. It builds like tenacity and grit. And there's something mentally that you have to prepare for when you go into a

contact sport at a young age you have to mentally prepare yourself there's so much going on because if it's just a skills game you don't have to mentally prepare the way that you do when you go even i remember let's play checkers while we punch each other in the face yeah there's something about because that's different you have to mentally prepare for that contact for that impact and i remember at nine years old like going to, not wanting to go to practice and having to suck it up and go to practice because we never were able to quit anything mid-year. So going to practice and having to mentally save energy during the day and mentally prepare myself for what was going to happen at practice.

And it's like drills, the Oklahoma drills, like that kind of stuff. It's like, you know, and now I went back to my high school years ago and they don't practice in pads during the week. Is that right? Yeah, because they were like, it's too many injuries and I understand it. But I was like, this would have changed my whole high school experience,

not playing in pads during the week. We hit during the week. We hit during the week. And like I said said like in high school whatever you that you go to school and be like i got practice tonight so i i gotta i can't expend too much energy because i have to mentally prepare myself for my ass the contact that's coming you know and i wrestled all so late that was later on and see that was the sport for me too like i played everything i played soccer football baseball basketball lacrosse all my

high school i didn't play football i played soccer they wouldn't let me double up but uh baseball but um wrestling was the one where like of anything in my life i've been able to exert my anger my frustration right um and it's the one sport where like that's the one where if you cheat you're you're only cheating yourself that's that's the one yeah there's the one sport where, like, that's the one where if you cheat, you're only cheating yourself. That's the one. Yeah. There's no one behind you. Oh, that ball got tipped.

I caught it. You missed that ground ball. I got it. Yeah. I love the camaraderie of football, but wrestling is really who you find out who you are. You find out who you are. That's right. So I love that.

Not you as a teammate. No. You as an individual. Right. And what your strengths are, what who you are. That's right. So I love that. Not you as a teammate. No. You as an individual. Right. And what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are. And I was not the best athlete. I was not the best athlete. Were you a good wrestler?

You got a wrestler's body. Yeah, I was good for my area or whatever, but there was guys I wrestled with throughout the year who were, I mean, just crazy talented. And those guys, like especially in college, I went to Penn State. I wrestled for a year at Penn State. Did you you're good then well no i was good for my area and i i went to penn state and um look you don't get to a d1 school and not and play a sport and not be good well the thing is is enduring that that year i mean it was the training because florida wasn't known as a good wrestling state.

Ohio, Pennsylvania, those guys coming from those states. Still a big jump to go to that program, that Penn State program, which is phenomenal now. But even when I, we were like third in the country with the year I wrestled. So it was very tough. All Americans all up and down the lineup. But yeah, you could be good for your,

I was good in my my i placed in states in florida i placed i went to the finals and placed second and then um when i went to penn state it was just such a shock such a culture shock it's like i mean every i i prided myself on working hard in high school but in when you go to college like everybody works hard everybody works everybody puts in a massive like everybody does 10 times what you did in high school. And these are guys who are super talented. And a lot of the super talented guys, I think about this sometimes, like I had my own experience with wrestling with the physical capabilities that I had, but some of the guys who were super talented, they had a different experience. I think not that they didn't work hard, but I think things just came easier to those guys.

And that's a good thing for them in that moment, but it's a different thing in terms of like looking back and learning life lessons from it. Like, you know, I had a lot of adversity when I wrestled. Like losing, I would get pinned. I was wrestling varsity as a sophomore and i would get pinned in florida i would get pinned and being pinned in an auditorium full of people is uh crazy you know what i mean it's like humiliating so just you out there yeah when

in high school we had a really good wrestling culture. They would put us in the main gym where basketball played. This is Colorado? This is Maryland. Oh, Maryland. Just high school, too. Okay. And it was mats that covered the whole fucking gym. Yeah.

And one circle in the middle, just like Vision Quest. And we had the bell that would come down. They would turn all the lights off in the gym, you you would get humiliated under the fucking spotlight while the gym is packed that's great i'll do you one better we had that spotlight and they would have in florida i would have in school matches so they would let they would do like an assembly where they let all the kids into the match seventh period and you would wrestle in front of the entire school while school was in session so you get pinned in one of those it's like you're just hearing about it math class even your teachers

are like hey what's going on why was that all about that yeah that's great but i also imagine that sport i know what it did i know what my backstory is and i know what wrestling did for me as a person it also helped me be able to be like okay i can take a fucking headbutt to the face i can get punched i can get you know banged up i can but i also can hang out here somebody my weight class i'm all right you know i can handle myself but i imagine bouncing from because you said you went from youngstown to florida right then you went back to youngstown then you went back to Youngstown. Then you went back to Florida? Back to Florida.

Your dad and grandfather make it up and break it up? Well, yes. Basically, that's what it was. Yeah. That's what it was. So we go to Florida. And then my father has a couple businesses that fail. And then so he just is without a job.

And so my grandfather comes down. His business is not doing well because my father was good at the business and really put his heart and soul into it, wanting to get that approval from his father. So my grandfather comes down, humbles himself, comes down, asks my father to come back. My father goes, well, I need a contract. I need it in writing. Like I can't, this emotional rollercoaster, because my grandpa was dealing with his own mental health issues, which were not known about back then. So he signs a contract and we move back.

And when we moved back, we moved to a town where my mother is from, which is a small town. It's such a small town, my mother's family is the first Italians in the town. No way. Yeah, it's great. Really? That's awesome. It's really classic. Yeah, hell yeah.

First Italians in the town. And I went, I got to like walk to school in Florida. I couldn't walk to school. town no way yeah it's great it's really classic yeah first italians in the town and uh and i went i got to like walk to school in florida i couldn't walk to school i walked to school i could you know i really loved being there and it was for two years and that's where i learned to wrestle eighth and ninth grade and the programs were really good in ohio and then we moved and then you know things went sideways again my grandfather like screamed at my, threw a cup of coffee in his face. And my father's like, we're out of here. We're out of here.

Back to Boca, baby. Back to Boca. So we went back to Boca. But you're also now going back to a community where you know people, right? I know people, but I went to different schools. I went to a different middle school. So I was going to a different high school. I went to a middle school in another town. And then I went to high different middle school, so I was going to a different high school. I went to a high school in another,

a middle school in another town, and then I went to high school in Boca. I went to Boca Raton Community High School. And I gotta say, both places were unbelievable. I have friends to this day from both places. You do, from both. Yeah, I really, I mean, Ohio was great friends and a great group of people, andida was the same so i loved uh

i loved them both yeah and uh but wrestling is is it really for me it taught me bouncing around and just being able to know you can handle yourself out there and well the thing is now when i look back at the wrestling because of the business we're in you know it's like you're up you're down this could be an opportunity maybe Maybe not. There's money coming here. There's no money for a while. It's like tumultuous, whatever. So that's always in the back of my mind to be like, oh, I cut weight. I cut a lot of weight. And, and that does something mentally to you too. It's like, if I can do that, I can be in a gutter and figure it out. that i can be in a gutter and figure it out like i can be in a gutter and and be able to figure it out because of the experiences that i had during wrestling

so that's what it gives you it gives you the self-discipline is unbelievable and also i learned stuff um you know the mental toughness that it takes you know to even get through a practice forget a matches and competing and all that stuff but like the practices were brutal i thought the first uh couple times wrestling going to a wrestling practice i thought we were being punished i thought the whole practice was a punishment i was like what did we do wrong does this guy hate because we came from football it's like this does this coach hate football players like no no this is what it is so it was on another level of difficulty yeah which i i actually grew to like you know that not everybody could do it and i don't know if it's happening now or happened where you came from but there was a real rivalry between basketball

and wrestling and because all of the blue chip, the glory sport was basketball. So during the winter, all the kids who would go out for basketball and then they would get cut. And then the wrestling coaches would be like, why don't you guys, we don't cut anybody. Come over here, come over here.

And we would get some guys who ended up being very successful at wrestling because they got cut from basketball. And there was always that rivalry like um even in college i remember uh when i was at penn state we would go through a um you'd have to schedule a training session in the weight room it's half hour and they do is they they take you through stations it's a half hour course. And what you do is you get on like the lat pull down and you do them to exhaustion. And then when you can't do it, he helps you with two and then they pull the pin and they go two or three lighter. And then you do as many as you

can from there. And they let you do two or three to exhaustion and then they pull the pin again. And then you do a couple more till you can't get any, and then that's one exercise, and then you move to the next one. And that, by the time you got through it, at the beginning of it, you would be throwing up on the second or third exercise. But by the time you would get used to it and get through it, and that's another thing, you have to mentally prepare yourself to go through that,

because you know you're gonna suffer. The whole point is to suffer. Suffer through it and to mentally callous your mind in order to get through it so uh just going there and do it i remember going with the trainer and uh after like the second exercise he goes do you want water i go dude let's just go let's go and he goes you guys are so much because they would do it with the basketball team too he goes you guys are so much more mentally tough than the basketball players he's like they're he goes you guys are so much more mentally tough than the basketball players he's like there he goes you guys because i could tell like i said something that everybody else all the other wrestlers said like let's just go come on let's go let's go and he goes oh my god you guys are

the best they loved us you know what i mean but um yeah it was a different it was basketball was the glory sport wrestling was the sport that was gritty we were gritty it was your dad supportive of all that he was supportive of it he didn't know anything much about the sport but I loved it because he was so involved in football and uh like that wrestling was my thing that he didn't really understand and I learned on my own so it was like my own little personal thing yeah so I love that um yeah me too that's great you say it that way because i'm thinking about it now yeah but the life lessons i mean i can't stress enough like the life lessons from wrestling it's just it's it it pays off monumentally in your life so when you're especially

in your life when you're going through adversity and tough times and girls break up with you and you're you have no money it's like you still have that thing in the back of your mind where it's like oh i endured this level of suffering before there's no reason i can't endure this and figure it out and come out on top it's really really huge one thing i wanted to ask you about because i remember this from your special and um we just talked about your dad but your dad passed not too long ago right yeah um and what happened well we would we had a tumultuous relationship because you did you and your dad yeah we did we did it we he was always very loving so he was very emotional with me and very loving because i think it was because his father he wanted this approval from

his father and never got this approval from his father and never got it. So he made a conscious decision to be like, I'm not going to be that way with my kids. I'm going to be openly loving to the point of like, he was like super emotional with us. So he was that way. And he was very involved in all of our activities and supportive. He would coach teams and do all that stuff. And, but he was, he was tumultuous. He had his own issues. So he was tumultuous, but I knew I was loved and everything. And then I think what happened when I was 18, when I was in college,

my grandfather passed and they made peace on my grandfather's deathbed. Did they? They made peace. Yeah. Were you there to see that? I wasn't there to see it. It was in Ohio. I was in Florida. Did you ever talk to your dad about it yeah he said he he he basically

said that they made peace yeah he my grandfather was sick and my father ended up taking care of him and in that taking care like taking him in the shower washing him all that stuff it's like it it really um they they made peace and uh can i ask you this yeah did their fractured relationship ever affect your relationship with your grandfather yeah it actually did because when we were leaving the second to come back for the second time i was 13 so I knew what was happening. And my grandfather pulled me aside, which is very unlike him, and tried to explain to me that it wasn't his fault, that my father had a hard head and he doesn't listen. And I just was, I didn't have the skillset

or the emotional intelligence to call him out and be like, "'Hey, what you're doing is,' like if it was now or something, or when I was an adult, I would be like, "'Hey, you have to show him love. He like, hey, what you're doing is, like, if it was now or something, or when I was an adult, I would be like, hey, you have to show him love. He's obviously starving for affection here. You just want your approval. There's no cost involved in you putting your arms around him. Well, I'm not built that way.

It's like, you figure it out. Like, he's looking for that. This all could be avoided. This whole thing could be avoided if you would just give him approval and just put your arms around him. I mean, him you love him it's it's crazy how this is that crazy how that's something that simple could solve so many things yeah just a hug just a hug but he it wasn't he was just so like it's not in my wheelhouse to do this right but i didn't have the emotional intelligence at the time or the um wasn't articulate enough to say that, or frankly, didn't have the

balls because I was intimidated. He was an intimidating guy to do that. And I was just like, okay. Because I was upset about having to leave all my friends and leave all the programs I was involved with in Ohio and family to go back to Florida, which I didn't really want to go back. Did you know that traditional antidepressants only work for about 40 to 60% of people? They can also come with heavy side effects, make you feel numb, and they might require taking a daily pill for the rest of your life. We need more and better alternatives. There's no quick fix for anxiety and depression,

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In a study of over 1,200 Mindbloom clients, 89% reported improvements in their anxiety and depression after only four sessions. Right now, Mindbloom is offering my listeners $100 off your first six-session program when you sign up at mindbloom.com slash honeydew and use promo code honeydew. Take the first step and break free from your anxiety and depression with MindBloom. Mindbloom.com slash honeydew and use promo code honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. So what happened with you and your dad? So when my grandfather died, a weird shift happened where my father kind of quickly So what happened with you and your dad? kind of like doing the things to some extent that my grandfather did.

Being hard on issues where he was never hard before and not being as understanding as he was when I was growing up because it was right in his face. He hated it so much from his father. So we had problems because I would go home to visit and it would start very loving. It would always be, it would be a pattern. It would start very loving for a couple of days. I miss you. I love you, blah, blah, blah. And then after about two days, things, I feel the tension start to build and then something would happen and he would just explode and we'd be in a huge fight and that would happen. And then that took place for a couple of days.

And then right before I left, we would make up and everything would be fine again. And that pattern kind of happened every time I went home to the point where my sister was like, stop coming home. Like, stop coming home. It's like triggering something in him and it's never pleasant. And it almost was like, you're pulled in different directions

because I was like, I love my father and respect with Italians, I'm sure you know, is like a big thing. It's like, and anytime anything would get tumultuous, he'd be like, I'm your father, you respect me, I'm your father. It's like, yeah, it works both ways. You can't just, I'm not a punching bag either.

You can't just explode on me and say anything to me. Yeah, that's not the way you treat someone you love. I know all this now, but back then, I just knew I didn't like what was happening. And also, I was like, why does it have to be this way? Why? We're making it hard for no reason. To one point, we got into a fight, and he was like, we were making up. I go,. To one point we got into a fight and he was like, we were making up. I go, I have to come here and stay in a hotel. Like I can't stay here.

He goes, Mike, that would break my heart. I go, break your heart. It's going to, it's driving me crazy. It's literally driving me crazy. What, what, what we're doing here. None of this is necessary. None of it. I don't know what we're doing. And he'd be like, Mike, we got to go through this. I'm like, we don't have to go through this at all. This is all crazy. You know, he didn't, he was just in this mind, you know, we live out our patterns, you know, our mind patterns, the way he was raised, what he thought was love.

That's what he thought was love. And he just goes, instead of like pulling back from it and go, oh, this doesn't have to be this way. The presence of mind, like he just goes instead of like pulling back from it and go oh this this doesn't have to be this way the presence of mind like he just kept running on that pattern and after a while i just had to be like there was no way to deal with it other than just let him abuse let him let him abuse me or fight back and then it was going to be on so i chose the second thing i chose i was like let's just let it just be on then you know so how long was that that was a good period of uh i would say 18 19 years old till i was 40 oh shit yeah that would have to talk about a couple decades yeah oh man but but in between it's like I love, you know, love. But then when it would go south, it would just, you know, it was tumultuous.

See, in every relationship, I think that there's like somebody who's tumultuous and then somebody who's like an anchor. My mother was like an anchor. School teacher, 40 plus years, just kept the family together, solid, logical. My father was emotional, tumultuous. Great. I mean, people loved him. Personality, had sales jobs.

People loved, he would sell great because of his personality and people loved him. But he was just, he was tumultuous at times, you know? But the good thing about my child, I always knew I was loved. I always knew I was loved and supported. We went through it, you know, obviously, but I always knew that I was, and my father made no bones about showing love and affection and emotion

and kissing us, telling us he loved us. There was never any of those issues. So I'm grateful for that. Everybody gets it different, you know what I mean, I think. So I was really fortunate to have that so that 20 years goes by yeah and what happens what makes you finally um reconcile we get into a huge a really big fight and i how old are you how old are you i'm 40 at this point i'm 40 god damn fucking man and and we get into a really, really big fight. I can't go into what it's over, but it's a really big one.

And I felt really angry that he came at me in a certain kind of way over this issue. And I just said, I'm not talking to you again. I don't deserve this. This is crazy. I had it. I'm not talking to you again. And I told my mother because my mother was supporting were they still together yeah so supporting his position i said i'm not talking to either of you so eight months i didn't talk to them which is

crazy in my family is that yeah eight months eight months i was like not talking about them not talking to you would they call and stuff? Yeah, my mom would call. My mom would call. My mom would call. My mom was like, I don't care what you say. I'm still calling you. I go, I'm not talking to either of you. What you did was wrong.

And have the presence of mind to know that you're wrong and apologize. And if you apologize, I'll forgive you. That's all I care about, too. A thoughtful, meaningful apology just sucks all my thunder and light yeah right out of me i'm like all right all right yeah apologize for i mean i there's no secret i love you i'm sorry i love you you know what i mean it's just like i i don't understand like you he couldn't i'm i was like i misjudged i thought you were a different guy like back in the days growing up he would have done i think he would have done that but after my grandfather died i think he just became harder and was like now you're you're the

son now you're the son now now you eat it i'm the father now it's like yeah let's stop all this this is this is a crate you didn't like it you hated it and now you're becoming that like what are we doing right but i i guess he felt like now I'm the father and you're the son. Now you eat it and you. So what after the eight months happens where you, I'm assuming you took your mom's call probably? No. No.

We're back in Youngstown. We go back in Youngstown. I'm still not talking to him. We get together as a family event, which is awkward because we're not talking. And this is the first time for anything like this. Right, first time like seeing them. So we go to the bar. We're at the event.

We go to the bar. We start talking. And he goes, if you want to start talking again, we can. And I go, I want an apology. He would not apologize, but he did say something that softened me. He goes, look, if you had my life, if you had my life, you would be dead or in jail right now.

If you would have the life I had, you know, with my parents, the way that I came up, you would be dead or in jail. And I didn't look at that as a slight. I kind of understood that he's already playing over his head. He's doing the best he can. He's playing way over. Basically, that's what he was saying. I'm playing way over my head already. You expect me to be at this level where I can see things and be the father you want me to be. I'm already doing more than I possibly ever thought I could be doing. the father you want me to be. I'm already doing more than

I possibly ever thought I could be doing. So that softened me to the point where it's like, he's just doing the best that he can. So I let up a little bit and then we started talking again. And then he said afterward, he didn't apologize, but he said, the fight that happened, that'll never happen again. I guarantee it'll never happen again. So that's a thing where it's like he took responsibilities like he knew he was wrong it'll never yeah it'll never happen again and it didn't listen i'm gonna start using that too that thing that happened yeah it'll never happen again so when he did that it's so it did it's softened me and and and i tell people that sometimes when

they go how does he know they take it like oh he was trying to it wasened me. And I tell people that sometimes and they go, how does he know? They take it like, oh, he was trying to – it was a slight. I didn't think it was a slight. I thought it was him basically saying, I'm doing the best that I possibly can. Dude, I feel your dad so hard on that, man. I feel like I come from no parents at 16 on and I just feel like I'm a fucking twin because of birth or um fertility pills i just feel like i'm on house money wow you know what i mean were you born first or was your brother he was i'm the second one i'm the smallest of my mom's six foot bro he was your opener he was my

opener headliner goes second you know how it goes you know how it goes you go ahead out there first i'm gonna chill in here for four minutes warm them up then i'll make my appearance that's great but yeah i just i feel the same way like i know there's a lot of things people want from me sometimes and i'm like i i just don't compute like i under i want you to know that i understand that you're presenting this math word problem to me. Right. I don't know how to fucking do that. Right. I don't even mean to be a dick about it. Right.

I just want you to know my skill set doesn't involve what you're asking of me. And I feel that same way. Like, I can't believe how far I've come going to EMDR therapies and talk therapies and journaling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what? Yeah. therapies and talk therapies and journaling yeah yeah yeah i mean what yeah i'm doing a lot and i'm doing so much that i'm like i i don't know if i have the capacity for more i don't want to be an ignorant person or or hurt anyone but there's only so much i have right you know and and we're better than our parents oh my god you know and the hope is that your kids are you

know boom and a boom and a boom, smarter, better, faster, stronger, quicker, you know, but the therapy and all that stuff,

like I went through a bad breakup when I was in my late twenties. And looking back on it, I was like, oh, I should have went to therapy then, but therapy wasn't, I didn't think of therapy the same way. Your dad never went to therapy.

Never went to therapy, but he sure. Never went to therapy. But he went to a, he did go to a therapist, because my sister is a therapist, and she got him to go to a therapist after our fight, and the therapist told him he was wrong. Whoa. And he didn't want to hear it. It's like, fuck. Yeah, he didn't want to hear it. Is that right?

Yeah. He fired the therapist on the spot. No, but it's like, in families, if you scratch the surface on anybody's no but it's like in families like if you scratch the surface on anybody's family it's like there's all of this there's all of this involved and i i gotta say of all of that i got a great deal i got a great deal because i was loved and supported and my whole like childhood and i knew it and there's something this is i don't maybe an italian thing i have friends who are italian whose fathers don't tell them they love them, they don't hug them. And I had a friend, I got into his car

and I was talking to my father and I said, okay, I love you, bye. He's like, who was that? He goes, I go, that's my father. He goes, you say you love, I love you to your father? I go, yeah. And he goes, I would never do that with my father. And I go, you gotta do it.

You got, life's too short, man. Life's too short, you gotta do it. You got life's too short, man. Life's too short. You gotta do it. And there's some people who don't, I'm like, just do it. I don't care if it's uncomfortable. I don't care if it's uncomfortable. You gotta do it. But I, fortunately I always had that. Was it more difficult not to talk to your mom or your dad during that period? I was really mad. I was real mad at both of them. But it was harder on my mom because my mom was like a casualty kind of of it. She was still at fault, but I look at it, I'm like, casualty? But it's like, no, my mom's a real stand-by-your-man type.

And I respected her for that. But at the same time, it's like- The mafia wife. Yeah. Tell him he's wrong. Tell him he's talking to't know we don't know what you're talking about but i apply pressure i apply pressure is like talk to your guy you want to talk to me talk to your guy talk to your guy you guy did was wrong what he did was wrong talk to him so then what happens to your dad you say then after that he starts to get sick

what what happened what kind of he had a respiratory illness before covet was he a smoker or anything he's smoking the cigars cigarettes back in the day but he quit once you know he's in his 40s i think he quit and then and then cigar he had an obsessive personality like if he bought a dog he would have to buy two dogs and a parrot. I remember we went on a vacation one time. My mother leaves. We all come back and there's two dogs and a parrot. My mother's like, ah, shouldn't have left this guy alone.

You know? He had an obsessive. And he got obsessive with cigars. He started smoking like four or five a day. And it's like, how do you think this is gonna, it's not gonna end well, you know? So- How old was he?

75. But at 75, like the doctor is a family friend of ours and the doctor pulled my mother aside. And when he didn't have that long, he was telling her, he's like, be realistic, he only has a couple months here. And my mother's like, all right, just tell your family so that everybody knows. And so-

Your mom broke that news to you? My mom broke it to me, yeah, yeah. That he didn't have that long. So, but the doctor did say to my mother, you kept him alive this long. My mother kept him alive. My mom on top of everything, medication. Like my mom was on top of everything.

So in taking care of him, she goes, and he was a family friend, the doctor. So he knew, he's like, he doesn't last this long if it's not for you. So my mother kept him alive for, I would say a couple of years of just like- Damn. Being a doctor's appointment. My father would have never, left to his own devices. mother kept them alive for i would say a couple years of just like damn being doctors appointment

my father would have never left to his own devices it would have been yeah the doctors i deal with now they tell me like i'm on blood thinners now and it's twice a day and they're like look we could give you the one a day but it's not a great medication and also we give the one a day to the people who forget their fucking socks yeah yeah you know i was like yeah i forget them the type of people these doctors see where people are just like i don't know yeah yeah yeah you're dead yeah yeah so it was that it was so did you get to talk and yeah you know i spent time with them i got to go home and i would book gigs in the in florida and i would go home i would do the gig and then i would come back and i and you know i would just like hang out with them and and boxing is something that we bonded over i never boxed i don't know but he was into it he was really into box so i started getting into boxing

and that's something we would watch the fights and um when i was in new york at the garden like i got tickets to a big fight and brought him up and we went to a big fight. And it's something we bonded over. Was it the best you'd ever gotten along? It was good. Was he still good? He was in pain, but it was nothing but love. And the whole childhood, we had spots where everything was good and we got along,

but then it was tumultuous here, tumultuous there, it would change. But yeah, in the end, I would lay with them in bed and I would, it was, I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I went down there and spent that time because at his funeral and when he passed, I was like, I have no regrets. And there was nothing left to say and there was nothing left to say there was nothing you know there was nothing left to say he said everything to me i said everything to him it

was it was beautiful was there anything he said that just still sticks with you during that time i asked him if he would have done anything differently and he said and this really shocked me because he never talked this way before he goes goes, if I had to do it over again, I would have never given my father that much power over me. Wow. Yeah. And he never ever said that before. That's the beginning of the trauma right there. Yeah, yeah.

He's like, instead of realizing like today, you realize, oh, this is a flawed man. This guy is flawed. So I can only do so much here. I could love him even from a distance, but I can only do, but to give your mind and heart and soul over to somebody like that, it's like, oh, he's not a bad guy.

He's just a flawed guy. So I can't give my mental stability and my everything. Oh, I got my own family. I got my own life. Like I can't give that over to this much of a flawed guy. He's just a man. He's flawed.

But my father didn't look at it like that. He's like, this guy's like a god. Like, he looked at him like, this is my idol. And he couldn't get that approval, you know, for so long. And he spent his life trying to get it. And when he couldn't get it, he would spend time, like, smoking cigars and ruminating over it. I learned that it's like, oh, don't ever do that. Don't ever do that.

Like deal with it in the moment when you can and make any changes that you need to make, but don't sit and ruminate over the past because you're wasting your life. And he did that a lot. A lot. And he wasted a lot of like time just ruminating, like what could he have done different?

He would have vivid dreams about working for his father and all this stuff. It's like, yeah, that's not good because you're losing the present moment. How was your mom after your dad passed? Did she get closer to you? Did she move near you? No, she lives in Boynton Beach, Florida.

And my mom's real self-sufficient. She's really like- She's still healthy and takes care, Florida. And my mom's real self-sufficient. Like, she's really, like. She's still healthy and takes care of herself. She's really healthy. She walks an hour every day. She drives. She's good intellectually. Like, her mind is real sharp.

My sister is really down there and really keeps an eye on her. But, man, she's self-sufficient and really, like, I'm really proud of her. Like, I'm really proud of her. She's unbelievable. She taught for 40 years. Like we'll go into a grocery store and it'll be somebody from behind the counter who she taught, who's in elementary school,

who recognizes her. She's like a small celebrity in Publix. In Publix, yeah. She's a Publix celebrity. But she's like steady and, and, and just like, you know, goes to church, goes for walks, goes to the casino with her girlfriend. Like just has her life like in order and mentally like really she's doing well and she does well. Another thing I wanted to talk to you about, cause I remember again, talking to you before, but you were a special ed teacher. Yes.

What made you want to do that? It was kind of a process because I went to Penn State and I got a criminal justice degree. And at that time, I was like, oh, I want to be a lawyer. Because as, you know, with Italians, I think, and with a lot of like ethnic type families it's like you're going to be somebody we didn't have college you know my mom went to college to be a teacher but my father never went to college never got the opportunity so the whole narrative is you're going to get educated and you're going to be somebody and and to them being somebody was a doctor or a lawyer those are the two things that meant wealth and a professional person that everybody looked up to doctors and lawyers so i wasn't too good in the sciences so they were like you're

gonna you know think about being a lawyer i think you would be a good lawyer so i got a criminal justice degree and then i um paid to argue instead of just arguing what the yeah so i i applied to a couple law schools i studied for the lsat and my lsat scores weren't that high and uh my sats were low too but my lsats weren't that high even though i prepared for it and i didn't get into the places that i wanted to go and then i started thinking if this measures how you're supposed to think as a lawyer do Do I really know what it is to be a lawyer? I know what it is to be called a lawyer, but it's like guys in standup years ago, they would be with three arts

and I would be like, how's three arts? They go, the best part of being with three arts is saying that I'm with three arts. Because they were like lower tier guys. I'm not crapping on three arts, but they were like lower tier guys. So they would crapping on three arts, but they were like lower tier guys. So they would be like, that's the best part of it. And that's the same thing with like being a lawyer,

which like saying that you're a lawyer, it's like, yeah, but what is that really? It's like, is it Tom Cruise? Are you arguing in open court and cross-examining? It's like, that's not really what, maybe if you're a trial lawyer, there's some of that, but most of it is like research and books and figuring it out. So I thought, oh, maybe this is a sign that I'm not supposed to be doing this.

Maybe I'm supposed to be doing something else. So I took it as a sign. I went to a summer program. I remember it was Widener University in Delaware. And I go, you know, if I pass the summer program, then they'll admit you to law school. But if you don't pass, then you're out. You're on the bubble. So I did the program and I missed it by like two points.

Damn. And I didn't get in. And I go, oh, there's my answer. So I got a job working at a school called Glen Mills, which is for adjudicated boys. And I started working there as a counselor. And I left there and then I went to another behavioral school for twojudicated boys. And I started working there as a counselor. And I left there and then I went to another behavioral school for two or three years. And then I went back at night to get my master's

and certification in special education. So I said, if I'm going to do this, I might as well teach. You know, you can make decent money teaching. And I was good at what I was doing, I felt like. So I went back at night. When you say special ed, are we talking about disciplinary? What kind of special ed kids? Emotional and learning problems.

But the behavioral school was a wild place to work because it was kids who lived on campus and were thrown out of Philadelphia schools. And so they lived on campus and they were either unmanageable by their parents or their parents abandoned them. So they were waiting for foster care, whatever. And I worked in the school and the school was wild because I was behavioral staff. Before I got my certification, I would sit in the hallway and if a teacher came out, I'm like, this guy's, this kid's got to go. Then you would go in and there was a whole drama. It's like, teacher said, you got to go, go you gotta go and then i'm not going nowhere like you know here comes this fucking signal leg i mean i would just approach it like this i hear you

because they would be like fuck you i ain't going nowhere i go hey i i hear what you're saying but he says you gotta go you gotta i didn't even do anything. I'm like, I hear you. I hear you. But he says, you got to go. You got to go. He's like, look, you put your hands on me. I'm going to fuck you up. I go, look, I, how old are these kids?

Cause you're 20 something, right? Now they're, they're 14 to 18. And you're in your twenties, early twenties college. Yeah. I'm in my twenties, mid twenties. And I go, were there anyone that you think could have took you? Yeah. Yeah. Kids were yeah kids were kids were

i mean it there would have been a problem there would have been a problem with some of these kids because it's like people don't understand about restraining they kind of don't get it it's not a fight you're not having a fight what you need to do as yeah tell us what restraint is restraint it's like you need to overpower the person you need to overpower them because that's safe it looks like you're jumping a person but if you're restraining a person it's like you have to overpower them to the ground and secure limbs because if you don't do that then it becomes a fight and then it's dangerous to everybody them you everybody's in danger so it's like when people are being restrained in that video of it, I know what it looks like. It looks like you're jumping somebody.

But a proper restraint, you have to overpower them to take them to the ground. And it has to be in unison with other people. Unless it's like a smaller person, then you can restrain them yourself. But if it's like a bigger person who's strong, it's like you have to come with a lot of force and you have to take them to the ground. And then you ease up according to how much they're struggling. See, that's the thing. That's the thing that's hard to judge. That's what the police are having a hard time.

Right, that's the police. But I will say that you need overwhelming force to bring them down. You can't come half, like halfway. You're also getting 150% of that person. You know what I mean? They're bringing everything they got. like halfway you're also getting 150 of that person you know what i mean they're bringing everything yes you're playing by rules they're playing by no rules no rules no rules and at all their strength right yes so what's the wildest shit you ever saw on there i would get bit yeah spit on spit on that was did you wear the mask or no no i would just like you just be like this out there you'd be on the ground you'd be one person was up top and back then it was a basket hold i don't think that's

legal anymore but you don't have any vest for stabbing now because it's because it's um it happens kind of on the spot where it's like okay this kid needs to leave he's like i'm not going anywhere and then the kid might try to walk off it's like it might have to be done on the spot you can't let them just like go. You have to contain it. And how many of you are there in this school? There's another person. And then there's other staff there who will help.

But as far as taking the lead, which is the toughest thing, it's you and another person, another guy. Do you ever have to deal with multiple kids at the same time? Well, that's the thing. It's like when you go in in the classroom and then the kids know what's happening so if if they're like don't touch him don't touch it's like all right you got it you got to step back you got to step back now it's like let's clear the space and because they know what's coming self today i'll bet you everybody's got cell phones doing

that i know i'm i'm sure i mean i i don't know how it would work because you're taking you're taking a kid down you have to take them down you have to isolate so but the argument before always kind of went the same fuck you i ain't going nowhere it's like you i wouldn't get into a battle with them like take it personal after after i figured out what was going on i'll go and then i hear you but i have a job to do i gotta do my job you want to help me do my job fuck you fuck your job i'll fuck you up it's like look i'm being paid to do a job i try to explain it to him like in a very non-emotional way it's like i'm being paid to do a job here i gotta do a job i don't get paid i get fired and and and it's like sometimes that would resonate and sometimes it wouldn't and then i would watch other staff deal with it.

Some staff would just come at them real hard, like, do what you're told. And then some staff would pander to them and be like, come on, come on, dog. You know, it's like, I don't know. My way was to just come at it in a very non-emotional, like, we got to go. We got to go. And then if we got to go to the ground, we go to the ground. So we'd go to, but the threats were pretty uh how often do you get into the ground oh we do every day every day every day because changing classes and all kinds of like the person right there

yeah yeah the whole point is like you got to go to you got to go to back then it was time out i don't know what they do now but it was you got to go to, you got to go to, back then it was timeout. I don't know what they do now, but it was you got to go to timeout room to supposedly calm down, reflect on what you did, which it just turned into a nightmare in there. Trash the room. But at least it wasn't like you could keep the classes. It's isolated. Yeah, you could keep the classes moving. And so that was it. But the restraints were like, yeah, they were rough because you i was making like no money

to do it like very low money also it's a physical job if you're having to literally go out there and tackle yeah and a gret not a football again football tackle you're hitting a guy man plays over everybody's getting up wall back this is the best of this motherfucker who doesn't want to go i almost had an eye taken out because a girl didn't uh a girl it was a friend by a girl by a girl because somebody didn't secure a limb so it's like you gotta be on the same page or something or she's trying to gouge it out just just across my face just quick across my face and it cut my it cut my face but it missed my eye thank god but um yeah it's a yeah, it's gritty.

And then there'll be therapists on staff. So they get a timeout and then they would curse a therapist out. And the worst is like, they would have home passes on the weekends. And sometimes the parents would flake and just be like, I'm not picking the kid up, you know? And then the therapist would have to go in and tell them.

It's like five o'clock on a Friday. Therapist, I'm getting ready to get out of there get ready for my weekend the therapist comes by and goes look i gotta tell so and so that that their home pass is pulled i'm like come on dude they go i'll do it but but could you just be in there with me i'm like all right so i would go in there and and they would be like your mom's not picking you up and then they would leave and then they'd get like, and then I would sit there until seven. But it was, I mean, it was a wild, it was a wild experience dealing with those kinds of kids. But, you know, after a while I went, it was, I went back at night and got my master's. And then once I started teaching in a public school,

I would go back to that program during the summers and I started instituting my own program. Like what are these kids interested in? They're interested in the criminal justice system because many of them have relatives and some of them have been through the justice system. So I started doing like what I learned in college, like a criminal justice class, because that's kind of interesting.

You're dealing with gangs, you're talking about the legal system, you're talking about first degree crimes, what's a felony, what's a misdemeanoranor and you can teach english and teach the other subjects through that because they're interested they're interested in that so i started doing that and then ended up working really well and i would have a reward system like we that was during like the stone cold steve austin i would like tape wrestling on a vhs and if they were good, if we had a good week and everybody got their points, then we would watch wrestling together.

Would they love that? They loved wrestling. Stone cold, man. The thing, the glass would break and they would be like, that's stone cold. And so we would do that. We would, and then when I was teaching in a public school too, I would do a reward system.

And if everybody who qualified for it, I'd buy them pizza. And there was a, I lived above this Italian deli and I would just buy a bunch of food and then we'd eat like Kings on Friday if everybody did the right thing. What would you say you took away from that? Mostly what impacted you most um what was it was it was it was from my perspective it was like a a different it was like wow we're all i don't know these kids had a lot of

uh because the therapist would come in and read their background and their backgrounds would make you cry it's like kids locked up in a basement fed dog food it's just terrible terrible things you know so um you were dealing with the manifestation of those behavior you those behaviors of how these kids were they didn't come into the world i don't know if you're like this but have you ever see a person who's like on the street and they're like going through withdrawal or whatever? It's like that person was a baby at one time. So imagine the things they had to go through to get to that point. Right, yeah.

So I look at it from, in a sense of compassion from that perspective. Now, that being said, I think that the way that compassionate people deal with it is mostly from what I've seen wrong. It's like those people having those experiences, they need even more structure and they need even more of a tight program and discipline

so that they have a chance to live like a good life. So, I mean, compassion comes after like discipline and all of this other stuff in play. That's the most compassionate thing you can do is have a good organized program and giving them the best chance to succeed. Just giving them what they want and letting them off the hook.

And because you feel bad for them is it's instinctively the thing you wanna do, but it's the wrong thing to do that's what i've learned it's like it's like show love and compassion through the discipline it's the most important very well said yeah um dude this has been a great episode i told you before we recorded that i was going to ask you advice and i'm curious what you're going to say because i'm you're bouncing around quite a bit what you said you were going to call me a dago what you're going to say because i'm you're bouncing around quite a bit what you said you were going to call me a dago on the air and you still haven't done it yet i appreciate you waiting

to the end to say that you said you promised me ethnic slurs i did yeah um advice you would give to your 16 year old self um everything we talked about you're going bouncing back and forth, your dad, your grandfather, what would you tell a 16 year old? I would say, uh, stay focused and be resilient. Cause I was a very sensitive kid and I would get hurt, you know, whether it's losing and getting pinned in wrestling or, and, and, and, and I would have a hard time recovering from that, but it's like, it's okay. A little compassionate self-talk and stay the course.

Like stay the course and, you know, be resilient. Don't let that sensitivity overtake you. Because I think a lot of kids are like that. They're sensitive kids. It's like, it's good to be that way. It really is. I think it's why we're stand-up comics. It's why we're in this field.

But don't let that throw you. And I have to remind myself of that today. So my 16-year-old self, I definitely would have been like, stay the course, be resilient, positive self-talk. That's great. That's great, dude. Thank you, man. Please plug, promote everything again. At Comic Mike V on all social media platforms. Please follow me at Comic Mike V because I'm touring and I have a really good hour. It's called The Attractives on YouTube. Please watch it. MikeVecchione.com for dates. At Comic Mike V on all social media platforms. And please watch my podcast.

It's Mike Vecchione Investigates. It's available on iTunes. So I can't thank you enough for having me on i appreciate it i called you and i i mean i texted you you you you when you were in new york you were like hey when you come out let me know and i texted you and sure enough you gave me a date immediately so i i really appreciate that so thank you so much look man i love comedians uh you're a great dude so thanks for doing it. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. Go watch my special Lefty's Son.

Get your tickets at ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Thank you.