The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Nick Simmons - HoneySimmons

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is Nick Simmons! (Gene Simmons Family Jewels) Nick Highlights the Lowlights of growing up with two famous parents and his dad's infidelity that almost ended his parents' relationship. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Wildgrain -Get $30 off your first box PLUS free croissants at https://www.Wildgrain.com/HONEYDEW  Mindbloom -Get $100 off your first six sessions when you go to https://www.Mindbloom.com/podcast/honeydew 

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the biz you guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. Today, very excited to have this guest here. First time on the Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Nick Simmons. Welcome to the Honeydew, Nick. Thanks. Thank you for being here. Do I clap also?

You can, bro. You can. Sorry. Some people clap for themselves. I'm a big fan of people clapping themselves. I think I'm the opposite. I go, alright, alright, You can. Some people clap for themselves. I'm a big fan of people clapping themselves. I think I'm the opposite. I go, all right, all right, settle down. I did Todd Glass' podcast years ago, and he's so all over his style. But you'll do 15 or 20 minutes, and he's like, okay, now we're going to introduce you. I'm like, wait, we're doing the introduction now?

Oh, God. Yeah, so he goes, and you have two choices. I heard Diaz does that, too. You can sit here, and you can just be introduced like this, or, and he used to record where there was these stairs up here, and he had a band, a little band in there. Yeah, in the small room, like with this. And he goes, or you can be played in. Just on standby?

Yeah, just right here. He pays them just to stay. They played, yeah. And I was like, I can be played in right now? And that Tosh.0 money is really. I was like, bro, play bro play me in man i did love his terrible prank show you ever see that todd glass's terrible prank show and nobody laughs and he's like ha ha you know your baby's dead or whatever the fuck he was doing and people were like why would you do this todd glass's terrible prank show uh well before we get into your stories today please plug promote everything you want i

literally can't um but i can i'll go to i'm on social nick t simmons is my uh instagram i'm pretty much on there exclusively but i literally can't i'm uh i've been releasing stuff and doing stuff under uh a couple pseudonyms for the past like four or five years is that right and so it's out there i'm just not ready to be under me yet but uh if you follow me i'll eventually talk about it but yeah it's it's going really well and i really like that nobody knows it's me so so you have something going on it's already out and it's been happening and it's just happening and no one knows who the real but it's good it's uh you stand up batman bro stand up no i would never do stand don't worry i'm not gonna do stand up you can all relax it's not happening okay well great then fine but yeah

just follow me i'll i'll post it i'll maybe i'll call you back and see if you'll have me back on at some point if you of course like me after today all right um well first of all thank you for being here i recently met you um i had no idea you were even a fan or anything. And you'd even said you've been to my – that's crazy. Thank you. Since the top for all of you guys, all the YMH and extended families since like early microphone on the couch days. That's crazy, dude. That's wild to me. And you you're like i've been to your stand-up shows i'm like how did i miss how tall are you well i'm sitting oh yeah but still you get up i'm all i'm all leg when i sit down it's all are you six what six six eight how the fuck did i ever miss you uh you know what i heard i heard that trump's youngest kid is my height isn't the weirdest

thing really baron the kid and he has, like, a baby face. Isn't he young? He's 6'8". Already, apparently. Fuck. It's alarming. Because he's still got, like, a baby face. Yeah, a child, 6'8", child.

Yeah, very strange. Anyway. Well, it was great to meet you. And, you know, like, I don't know. I said to you before, you got to be tired of talking about your dad. But I do want to say something about your dad. But I just want to – I don't care. I do want to say something about your dad. So I got to meet him because of you.

Thank you very much. Because that is – you know, I grew up in that era. And I got to see your dad when they put the makeup back on in Madison Square Garden. And I'm like, oh, my God. I'm going to get that. Was it 99, something like that? Yeah, right around there. I think I was there.

It might have been before. Was it 99? 99, I remember there was like a Halloween show they did in makeup with Ace and Peter, I think. At Madison Square Garden. So I think that might have been part of that tour. 311 got booed off stage. It was great. It was great.

This was when I was in college. This had to be 90. What festival was this? 311? It wasn't. It was just Kiss is putting the makeup back on. And 311's opening? I think they kicked the tour off in Madison Square Garden. When they first put the makeup back on. And 311's opening? I think they kicked the tour off in Madison Square Garden when they first put the makeup back on.

And I was like, that's where we're going. I think I was really young. I don't know if I remember. Oh, Madison Square. I probably wasn't there. I probably didn't fly. So we drove up from Baltimore to watch. This isn't the time you got a concussion, right?

No, man. That was the Eagles. I should have got my ass beat. If that was my dad's fault, I was about to feel real bad. I know that story really well. It was, actually. No. was my dad's fault, I was about to feel real bad. I know that story really well. It was, actually. No. It was dad's tour bus backed over you.

This was a great fucking concert to see that. But he comes in, and he's complimenting me. And then he's asking me about my fucking writing process. Did he run street jokes by you? No street jokes. He did that to Tom. He did one. He did do one, and it was great he goes ryan was it great what he goes what is what's 10 inches in jewish

and i i go what he goes nothing all right that's one of the that's not as bad he he launched i talked to tom i talked to sagura about this like two days ago and he was like yeah, yeah, dads are always just dads, huh? He was like, he reminds me of my top dog. He reminds me of that. Right. And I was like, he didn't do street jokes. He goes, he launched immediately into like five street jokes immediately

because he thinks that's what – Tom goes, he thinks that's what I do for a living. He thinks that's the job. Could you imagine if we walked up to him and just started singing songs or some shit? He's like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Let's end it. I think they have. But that's a certain generation's idea of stand-up.

They think, hey, she's a broad. She's a dame. Knock, knock. Take my wife, please. It's nice stuff. Shit, too. And it just blew my mind because all I could say, I called my friend and I'm like, you don't even know. He's like, what?

I go, Gene Simmons comes up to me last night and he's talking to me about my process. And I'm like, are you talking to me about my creative process right now? And your dad's like, yeah. And I was like, I was you for Halloween for two years. That's all I could say. I was you for Halloween. But haven't you noticed that about musicians and comedians? I feel like musicians are all fascinated by comedians and vice versa.

They are, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like Dean Del Rey just told me about this Bon Scott tribute he does every year. and comedians, I feel like musicians are all fascinated by comedians and vice versa. Dean Del Rey just told me about this Bon Scott tribute he does every year and it's going to happen this month, I guess. It's this weird cross genre looking over the fence at each other

admiration thing that I've noticed. Every musician I know is like a massive loves Burr and all these guys. Well, I love hearing the musicians are out on the road listening. I get it. it you're tired of music so you're over here listening to comedians i'm tired of listening to comedians i'm over here listening to music you know all my friends who are in studio like my sister is a top liner she writes for herself but she also writes for other people she writes like pop songs for people because pop stars can't write for shit

and so she uh she says like you know after a long day the studio you want to listen to like maybe classical or talk like you don't want to hear like yet another curse sorry chorus verse right it's just your brain gets fried so for an afternoon and i find the same thing when i was jamming around town you get burnt a little bit and i find comedians too like they're like i don't want to watch my friend's set i just i had to go because i don't want to like poach material or i don't want to like get influenced and it gives me anxiety because i remember what bombing's like if they don't do well it's like there's a weird yeah and i know a lot of businesses are like i could never do that about comedy because it's there's no backup there's no like bassist if you fuck up

there's no bassist kind of carrying the tune. It's just you and your mouth. Yeah. Terrifying. I don't mind public speaking. I couldn't do stand-up. That's horrifying to me. Yeah?

As big of a fan as you are, you don't think you could? I'm content being a fan. Totally content. I don't want to do it. I like hearing that, to be honest with you. Everyone in LA wants to do the thing. Yeah. I could do that. No, you fucking can't. Stop. You could do yeah everyone could do it yeah all right so let's talk

about you because um you know i was thinking about this have you ever considered the amount of loads your father shot out of his dick and the billions of sperm that must have gone. I expected this from Christina, not from you. You turned into what? You turned into a human. See, I expected this. Your odds are, listen, your dad fucked way more than my dad fucked. I feel like Sigur is about to pop in and say, I've been punked.

This is clear ymh vibes what's coming out of your mouth right now i have thought about it thought about it like jesus christ the odds of you turning into life hey listen you know ours way less than a regular person you don't know that dad's just on record as talking about it every other dad could be in cabo really i mean maybe there's a couple other dudes. It still counts if they're not hot enough to brag about. If he didn't tell you the story, he still did it. You don't know.

It's a lot of loads, I got to imagine. It's a lot of loads. Yeah, keep saying that. That's cool. Keep saying it over and over again. It's fine. It's already saying it once. It's the same as saying it twice.

The odds are billions. Billions. I mean, I think each load is like trillions. I mean, man. Technically, it's quintillions. And you made it out here on this rock in outer space. How about that? Good for you, man.

I beat the Nobel Prize guy. You beat the crazy odds. Your odds are crazy. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I didn't do the swimming. It was a pretty autopilot. I know. He shot it, but still. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so you're... I didn't do the swimming. Like, it was a pretty autopilot.

I know. He shot it, but still. Still. You missed your opportunity at a love gun joke there. I'm really disappointed. I'm disappointed. What if your dad

makes us take this out? No. That would be hilarious. Well, he can't. And, yeah. I wrote an article once for Vice called My Dad's Full of Shit.

He can't... Yeah, he didn't take that down, so I think he'll be fine. He didn't? No. I'll go for it. It was a loving Father's Day article at the end called My Dad's Full of Shit. He can't – yeah, he didn't take that down, so I think he'll be fine. He didn't? No. I'll go for it. It was a loving Father's Day article at the end. It was just a funny title. All right.

You're born into this life. Your dad's Gene Simmons. Your mom's Shannon Tweed. Your sister's older or younger? Younger. Three years younger. And it's just the two of you. Yep.

What age do you realize this isn't fucking what everyone else is doing? Well, I actually, it's, um, I don't really know because I, uh, I went to public school until about ninth grade.

Is that right? Just normal. Yeah. Um, and we switched. Yeah. I went to Warner Avenue and then Emerson middle school for a little while. And then,

uh, Emerson, I didn't like it. Like I didn't really get, I was like, you know, nerdy, artistic kid. And it was like people were like, you're a jocker. You're a loser, basically. Kind of like typical American high school vibes there.

So then I went to like – I totally switched gears and went to this like super liberal, you know, kind of private school. Not like a uniform form. It was very like hippie casual. But there was like tons of other sons and daughters of people there. you know kind of private school not like a uniform form it was very like hippie casual but there was like tons of other sons and daughters of people there so you would think like oh we'd all become you know ego monsters in that place but actually it had the kind of had the opposite effect because if you bring it up needlessly you're like that kid it's like yeah we all have shut up like you're so it was kind of like this weird level playing field where like, you're not going to bring it up because Eddie Murphy's daughter is next to

you. So like, you're not going to like, did you know that my dad, blah, blah, blah. It's like,

then they'd be like, yeah, we all have that. Shut up. Like, you're not special. So nobody talked about it. We just act like my dad's John Oates,

man. Ain't nobody over here. Oh my God. And you know, when I didn't think about it at the time, like at the time, you just don't think about it. They're just your friends at school.

Yeah. But after I went to college, I was like, wait a second. So we had, I grew't think about it at the time. Like, at the time, you just don't think about it. They're just your friends at school. Yeah. But after I went to college, I was like, wait a second. So we had, I grew up with Cooper Hefner. Okay. He's still one of my best friends. Okay. And I'm, let's see. I did Georgia Ford was my classmate, Harrison Ford's daughter.

Okay. Two of Eddie Murphy's children, the Willis children, were in jazz band with me, like one of them was. And like Ashton Kutcher used to pick her up from school. So if you start talking, you're just an asshole at that point. Well, then you're just like that guy who's like, all right, settle the fuck down. Like, what do you think you're – like, you didn't do anything.

It's just – you know, know so you everyone played normal and you eventually just felt normal and uh yeah and it was a very small school like not a lot of people so i don't know like i didn't um i think i really noticed when the show started i think because then i started getting attention my parents kept me pretty normal kid vibes for most of it I went to I didn't miss school for anything like if dad's on tour that's tough shit you're not going you're going is that right yeah no we didn't skip out on town and just to do like crazy bougie stuff and he's not a very like uh object oriented person so he didn't he doesn't wear like flashy it's funny he doesn't wear flashy... It's funny. He doesn't wear flashy clothes.

It is hilarious. His alter ego. But he wears free hats. Someone will give him a hat for free and that'll be his hat for the next 10 years. Yeah, he came in very unassuming. I think it was a black hat and maybe a black jacket.

And then someone gave him that hat one day and he'll wear it until it falls apart. He's that guy. He doesn't care about stuff. He cares about money, but he cares about what money represents, which is like a wall between him and that poverty he used to experience. So that's like whenever he forgets to mention that, so he comes off like a dick bag all the time.

But when he talks about like I love money, what he's really saying is like it got me out of my shitty apartment in Harlem with my mom and now i got her a house and can afford her doctors so it's like that's the real story it's just not as cool to say for him sure but uh yeah so he's not like i didn't have much of a sparkly until the show started and then i got a certain amount of attention then i was like was like, what's happening. Okay. So show started, you said you were around 16. It must've been,

I must be getting that. But up until then, they're able to keep you pretty distant from the whole kiss phenomenon or, or do you know? I mean, I knew, I mean, it's not like,

it wasn't a secret. It wasn't deliberate. It was just, they were determined that I have a normal day to day life. So like we talked about it and he'd show me stuff that he was doing, but I didn't go to europe for four months when i was eight and i mean like was and some you know musician kids of do do that he was like no no you're going to school and you're finishing school and then when you're an

adult you whatever you want so i think i went i jumped on one leg of a tour with him when i was in my 20s i was gonna say what's the first time what's the first i went to shows no no i went to shows when i was a baby. Like one-off. Like if he played in LA, I'd go to the show. But I wouldn't like road trip with him. What's the first time you remember seeing your dad do all that shit, blow fire? No, I was too young to remember.

I have pictures of me as like a little. Oh, you're there as a baby baby. Oh, okay. Yeah, whenever he's in town, we go see him. We're all very closely knit. So, but yeah. So 16. I think they did a good job

not making me okay i didn't go to the like my mom and dad aren't very party people which is weird to think also but uh either they got out of the system when they were younger probably or they just didn't want to push the kids into that so i'm kind of grateful because i've met i've met the offspring of the people who party with their parents and they're not great yeah they're they're scary so what's it like when it first starts hitting you at 16 what are you getting are you getting a lot of female attention you get some i mean i was a nerdy kid and i've always felt like too i was tall right away so i was but it was not in like a cool athletic way in like, I don't know what to do with my arms way.

It's fucking knocking shit over. And I'm like, Oh, I guess that's how far I go now. That's cool. And then I like, and then chest hair comes and you're like, no.

And you don't know what's happening. Like, I want to look like, you know, Timberlake or whatever, whatever was the contemporary example. Um, yeah. So I, uh, felt really nerdy and awkward and like hi i used to see this is honeydew stuff so i'll tell you like the embarrassing shit so i know

i used to uh sweat out of my armpits kind of like i'm probably gonna do in this room but uh like a lot as when i first did puberty, like I used to, and it was only social anxiety. It wasn't like, I didn't sweat a lot when I ran track or whatever. I just- Oh, is that right? You would actually- No, I didn't run track, but like PE. But when you would work out or whatever, exertion. Not much. But you wouldn't- I just, I had nervous sweats. So I used to like go to the bathroom a number of times each class and like wipe and like put my shirt under the dryer

thing and it got so bad that I like went to my mom and I was like I can't stop like I can't wear other tight that's why I wear black all the time now because I got used to just doing because I couldn't wear like white they would see like a puddle because I was so nervous and I had talked to anybody and my mom brought me in and she says you know you can get botox shots in your armpits and it'll stop you from sweating and i went to the doctor he's like yeah you have like overactive glands i'm like sick sexy that's cool girls love overactive glands that sounds really hot it's great i'm gonna be super popular so i got like eight shots and it's all yeah super tall

dripping on people yeah disgusting. Disgusting. And it's like, you can see like beads on my forehead and I'm like raising my hand in class and people are like, do you run here? I'm like, no, I'm just, can't talk to people. I just don't know how to talk to. Just terrified to answer your question. There's a woman, there's a girl next to me and she looked at me once and so now I have to go to the bathroom and fucking dab.

So Botox shots and it solved it for like a number of months yeah okay it does work it does work yeah but it hurts all right well let's go back to what why are you so nervous what was it about i don't know school or i'm a nerdy kid i don't know it wasn't about girls this is about anything anybody you wouldn't raise your hand and speak in class? No, I spoke like, I think I run my mouth when I'm nervous.

I like, I wasn't super quiet. I was like, I'll try to be funny. Like, and then it didn't work and I would go, I'm going to go kill myself.

And it's, I was that guy. I think it's, I think probably a lot of comedians are like that. Like the first attempt at comedy is to be, you know,

social circle maneuvering of some kind you try to be try to be funny so that they like you can't be the cool kid i wanted to be like the jock gotta be funny about about to get your ass beat and i don't think i was funny make him laugh i wasn't funny i was just trying to be funny and failing and being awkward so yeah and i talked to some classmates of mine recently that i reconnected with and they were like no we didn't think of you that way like you're just a normal kid it's mostly in your head but uh in my head it was a huge deal and i had acne like pretty severe severe right before the show i think i wanted accutane like the year before the show offered us a show lucky timing but i had like big so i would be sweating with big and i used to dress like white

hendrix like i used to fucking i just thought like i had like i had like scarves and beads it's on the show that that white hendrix that was on the show like you'll see like a photo shot right there dude yeah don't photoshop that too much did you have, did you have fucking fringe? Oh yeah, no, no, no, I did fringe.

I did like wizard sleeves sometimes. I found, I would thrift store shop all the time because I would love, I got into 70s music hard when I went to high school. And the outfits too. Oh yeah,

I loved Jagger and I used to try to dress like Morrison. I wore the big belt and I used to dress tons of beads and Steven Tyler and all these guys. And honestly, the old man, when he was younger, when he took the makeup off, he gave me some of his old crap. I was about to ask you, did he have anything still around that you could wear? He and I had the same taste.

So he and I both liked the generation before him. So British Invasion, which is what he grew up listening to. So I started liking that too. So he was like, oh, you got to see this. You got to see to see this he started that's some of the bonding but i just used to dress insane i wish i went to a school with a uniform it would have saved me some interesting photo photos hilarious so it's on the show you'll see some outfits if they ever go back and rerun which they do occasionally do that you'll see me like full bell bottoms and like cowboy boots and then i'm like there's mr t level beads like nah that's the amount of time i would just i would just pick up whatever like if i found something i'd just put it on me and like clip it to me yeah

start getting a horn sideburns i did sideburns i thought that that was cool. Man, I can't wait. Yeah. But just growing up in front of a camera, what the fuck is that like? Not the whole time. I mean, before the show. Is it a Monday to Friday deal? How much? Weekends after school. That's when you're being shot. After school Friday and weekends, yeah.

But your parents are every day, right? It's whenever they're doing something. They're not sitting around filming you when you're idle. They're not living in your you when you're idle. We got. They're not living in your home. No. Okay. But we got pretty good at telling them when we were going to do something.

So at the beginning they try to fake the whole thing because that's cheaper for the production company. So they want to like fake the entire thing. They want to tell you what to say. And that's just like an easier way to know they'll get the content they want. And me and my mom, especially, we're just like, I don't want to fucking do that. That feels disgusting. That feels gross. I don't, I'm not an actor. Mom's like like i don't want to do that that feels disgusting that feels gross i don't i'm not an actor mom's like i don't want to act as myself so no yeah um

so i just told them like look if you're gonna fake something just don't tell me and at least my reaction will be real like they did this thing i think i talked about this on christina's like they towed my car and they said like your car got towed you parked in a red or whatever and i panicked and then they were like now we've got your car it's fine like we just moved it to get the story point you run down the street because i just got my license bell bottoms yeah oh yeah you son of a bitch no and i yeah i was like you know they're giving you six seven why are you fucking giving a 16 year old kid anxiety in white hendrix outfit right here with everyone watching about his car being towed that's just fucked up it's cool but

i told them not to tell me so they would have told me if i hadn't told them not to tell me i didn't want to act i'm not an actor i don't want to be an actor so they i didn't and i don't want to like yep this is my life and they're just like it's total bullshit so i at least wanted it to be a you know three quarters bullshit you know it was total bullshit. So I at least wanted it to be, you know, three quarters bullshit. You know, it was like. Rooted in truth, at least. At least what I'm doing is real. Like I'm reacting the way I'm reacting for real.

At least I'm not like, pretend you're scared. Oh no, my car is towed. No. So I was like, I'll take the weird moments of fear as long as I don't have to pretend that I'm living this lie. So, yeah, it was an interesting thought process for a teenager to go through considering as a teenager you're already kind of putting masks on and trying them on. Yeah. And then masks all the way down.

Also, you're growing up the child of two famous people, and now you're on TV. Yeah, it was interesting. Looking back on it, what would you say is the biggest challenge of growing up literally in front of the camera? Not – the thing is like at first as a teenager, you love the good press or you love the good reactions. This is like the beginning of social media. I think this is like MySpace days. Maybe Facebook actually, early Facebook days, I think. I graduated in 07 high school.

That's got to be like Facebook days. Anyway, they, you know, you see people, your Facebook blows up and you kind of go, oh. And then you're like, now you're a public profile. You're not just like, here's my friends and family. And then you kind of go, and I don't think there was a template for this yet. I don't think the verified badge existed yet. I didn't think this whole ecosystem really existed yet. So I was just like, oh, they love me.

And then people are calling me cute. And they – like girls are calling me cute. And older women, which was alarming. I wanted to ask about that because you're underage too at the time. But I was tall and had this super inappropriate older parent that was always on record being super inappropriate. Not with me, but in general, his vibe. So, yeah, I got some interesting. But again, it's like they say don't Google yourself, read your YouTube comments.

Because if you take the good ones seriously, then you got to take the bad ones seriously. So, the moment I got any hatred, which of course happens when you're on television or anything i was devastated just like and then i stopped googling myself entirely and haven't since then first time i saw a google page with my face on it was at christina's podcast is that right she put it on the thing i was like this is cool i'm gonna talk to my therapist but this feeling i'm having i haven't seen this page with what i'm up to in a long time oh that's the photo they chose that's cool i'm gonna jump off this fucking bridge this is cool the worst glad they oh it's always like nick simmons was a thing on this and they show you

a photo like and you're kind of like that's the one the algorithm was like that's the one here here's a question i'd like to ask you because you're perfect for this. Well, I know without even fame or anything, people have children and they just put their kids on social media. Look at my little kid here. Blah, blah, blah. It's cute. Whatever, right? Yeah. And then that kid's going to grow up one day, and that kid may want to be anonymous.

That kid may never want to have a social media profile, nor would they ever have, but you've already put them on. So a lot of people in your world sort of know who they are and know their world. For someone who's been in the, even without that TV show, you're already the son of these two people. Do you ever long for, and I can't say the goddamn word right. Anonymity. Thank you, brother. I remember this about you. You can't say anonym goddamn word right anonymity thank you brother i remember this about you you can't say anonymity i remember this you've mentioned this before this is a word you always do you long for it ever yeah or are you used to your world no no i think i have a pretty good i

mean i i uh i'm glad i only got like this much taste of quote unquote it's not fame but it's like being a known person popular i got like that much like i'm i, it's not fame, but it's like being a known person. Popular. I got like that much. Like I'm, I'm a, I'm a, you know, if you're in the vague, you know, orbit of dad and his stuff, but dad's the one who's actually famous. I'm not actually. So I, I, my life is fairly normal. I don't get harassed. I get like TMZ a couple times a year. Uh, now on the show show it was like once a week was it really because it was on the air at the time so after the show it calmed it really calmed down and especially in this town there's like bigger fish to fry so nobody really gives a fuck i mean it's i i can pretty much go about my day not being bothered most of the time i can always tell

when there's like news about one of us because they'll bother me more and i'll be like all right what did he say like oh yeah it comes was he on cnn what did he fucking what did he fucking say weighing in on topics he has no expertise in whatsoever what the fuck hi i play bass and here's what i think of the iran contra what the fuck are you talking about what do you why did they ask you this well because i'm very well spoken it's like this is the problem this is the problem this is our problem like we if a guy speaks with authority and has some attention on him yeah we'll give him microphones talking about yeah no they fucking don't i don't don't listen to me i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about how do you stay grounded how do you stay taking advice from rogan on medicine he's's a comedian. Shut the fuck. He's just talking shit.

Well, he said to do this. Don't listen to him. Yeah. You don't have to do it. He never said he wasn't just a comedian. He's always being like, I talk a lot of shit. I'm a comedian. Yeah.

And people are like, well, I thought you weighed in on this debate. He's not part of the debate. But I'm also allowed to have an opinion and be completely out of my mind with it you're allowed to say whatever the fuck you want yeah no one has to i i the responsibility is to all of us and our literacy and deciding what we want to at the end of the day your choices are yours man whatever whatever dad tells you don't like it turn it off if my dad tells you to do something and you do it and it goes badly that's you you're not even that's you he was just talking i'll be like what are his kids doing that's what i really want to do to people who live with them all that i don't i don't even understand why anyone gives a fuck about what we were i mean why the show happened because i you know i love zeppelin

i don't give a fuck what page's kids are doing tonight i don't really get it like i never watched shows like that really and i'm grateful it like allowed me to be financially independent from a young age and it opened a lot of doors for me so i'm grateful that people give a shit but i don't know why but it was on the air for how many years like seven or eight or something that's a big deal in your life you're going from like almost a decade a teenager learning how to drive and dress right yeah and dress and you're also 10th 11th grade such an awkward time for you a whole time and then all the way into early colleges while they were filming me early manhood and everything like fuck what a transition i think what a time to get you you

know i don't think i had early manhood it's different for your dad i mean i know whatever the age your mom too like they're they're 10 years. They're already established and doing it. You're growing up there like that. Yeah, no. I mean, and, you know, dad did it on purpose. I didn't know this thing was going to go for a certain. What do you mean he did it on purpose? Like, he did a band, and I was like 16, and they said, hey, you want to be in a thing?

And I said, okay. And I thought they'd film a season and get bored of us because none of us do heroin. And it was not exciting. Like, I don't know what is exciting about us, really uh it just kept going and people really liked it and i kind of didn't know what to do next i was going to move to new york and i couldn't because it got renewed i was like the show got renewed so this is an opportunity and i they didn't force me they were like hey if you don't want to do the show anymore we're gonna have to and then i was like but this is too i'm i have money now and i have doors that open for me and

honestly that's sometimes a blessing and a curse i think at a young age i think when everyone says yes to you at a young age i think you you do things that you shouldn't you're not qualified for i agree like i think you should be told no in order to get good at anything yes i think if i wanted a stand-up career they would have just get like, Oh, go to the Apollo tonight. Like they would have just like, while I was on the show,

cause they see dollar signs and they don't, they don't have that moment where you're like, Oh, he doesn't actually have the skillset to do that. Right. So I'm really glad I didn't do like an album. Cause they wanted to, they wanted to do an album.

They wanted to, I did various things that I shouldn't have done because I was like, they were like, you're great. You're awesome. You're also 16. You're awesome. You're great. It's great. Let's put it out the way you love.

And I was like, cool. Okay. And I don't know enough to say, no, I should probably get better at this before I – I should probably hone my – no, they're just like, let's do it. How do you stay grounded? How do you stay – I don't know. If I am. Well, you sound very grounded to me. You sound very reasonable. You sound very – People say that you stay – I don't know. If I am? Well, you sound very grounded to me.

You sound very reasonable. You sound very – People say that a lot. I don't know. I think I'm pretty paranoid. Of? In everything. I just go blank with everything.

Well, I mean, I used to – like, people used to be outside of – when I lived at home as a kid growing up on the show and as a teenager, there used to be like people outside the gate sometimes, like at night. Oh, just waiting. Just like fans waiting in their car. Like they knew our address somehow. And I've had a number of alarming experiences like that. What's the most scary one, most terrifying? Well, there's the most scary one that ever happened, and there's one that happened to me.

The most scary one that ever happened happened before I was born. My mom was pregnant with me and they were in a New York hotel. And I think dad's told this story. And this woman knocked on their hotel room door and then mom answered, she ran away. And then she came back and knocked again. And my dad answered and she said, do you want me to kick her in the stomach for you? Whoa.

So if she had decided to just do it, I wouldn't be here. And she just thought like, oh, he doesn't want kids. I'll take care of that for him. Like I'll take the bullet because he's my hero. I love him. He's mine. Fuck. What happened to you? Me, I had a – there was like this crazy woman, I guess.

I mean I assume she's crazy. She was just making a lot of crazy noise. And so my my old my parents old place they've moved but my parents old place had like a call box and then like you know a driveway and then like there's space behind the call box and like shrubbery and then like a gate so i i pulled up i was with a friend in the passenger seat um and i pulled up and it was raining and this woman with a plastic bag over her head just for the rain i think she had no umbrella she ran up to my as i was kind of about to roll it down to like punch in the

code she ran up the window and kind of like slammed on the window like this and then went like this and was like yeah and i was like yeah and it was raining and it was like a horror movie and my friend in this passenger seat was like, Jesus Christ. And he just. Fuck that. And she didn't go away. She was like really trying to like come out here. And I don't know if she meant me any harm, but she was clearly like the way she was yelling was a little unhinged. So either it was fan-ism or it was like mental illness.

And so she only went away. I typed 911 into my phone and showed it to her and so she was like oh no it's like didn't even occur to her that i was disturbed even though i was screaming and then she jumped back in her car and i you know i did fight or flight things i was scared and then i was angry so i floored it and like followed her car and i made my friend write down the license number and that was like his second time hanging out with me he's one of my best friends to this day and he's like that was my crash course on you and i'm like i'm amazed you're still here man damn so i've had a couple that was like the scariest one but i just had people like i'm going to school and then they're there and there's like

somebody somebody with their kids with cameras and again like we're not even that i can't imagine what like tom cruise's daily life is like because i'm this big he's his his cultural footprint and his fame is i have like a teeny tiny little corner of the media world that i was in for a second can you imagine what it's like to be like famous famous oh i don't want it that's why they have like these guys walk around with bodyguards and stuff that's just like your dad have a bodyguard no never i mean yes they're always hiding in the bushes i really shouldn't they got a kiss i really shouldn't say he does yeah he's fine go kill him no he's but he's not like as vigilant because i think uh in the day i think he did in the, I think he was surrounded by staff.

And I think you do that when it's like a lot of young people all at once just discovered you and are trying to get at you. So anyway, so I just like caught the – that was all for him. That wasn't for me. You know what I mean? The crazy people at the gate. Right. Sure. So I live a pretty normal life like I know.

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Tell me about, you said during the series, your parents almost split. Oh, yeah. And it was real. Oh, yeah. This was the part that everyone thinks we faked, ironically, which is the most real season of them all. So tell me about it. I touched on this a little with Christina, but this was the story I was saving for you. Thank you.

Because it was probably the worst year probably ever and funny to look back on which is your brand that's it right can i just pause and say that i actually like honeydew and i don't get the hate yeah you can i like fruit cups and i think it's fine what's the what is this a thing that people hate it's not everybody hates it i've explained it so So it's – I don't think it's a hate. People leave it behind? It's just – People just don't – they eat the blueberries and they leave it.

It's a better one. Yeah, strawberries, blueberries. Was this a bit that you were doing? It all came about from me sitting in a diner one night. I'm eating. I eat the fruit cup. I even eat the shitty red grape. I like green grapes, but I eat the fucking red one.

You don't like red grapes? No. I don't care for them am and i leave the honeydew just because i just don't fuck with it it's just like it's never been like yeah i like cantaloupe it doesn't even have the bite of cantaloupe i like it more than okay and as i leave i see it everywhere on the tables and i'm like it's interesting it's a it's a it's a perfectly good fruit that most people leave behind toss aside and then that's when it dawned on me that that's what i am in life i will say fair enough like they don't that's not what you are that's what i am in life people have thrown me away so many fucking times i don't think anyone who has a logo on the wall

over again what turned out is refuse brown upside down bro i leaned into that shit how do you think the rest of us do but people are like oh wrap bacon around them if you gotta wrap bacon around anything wait wait wrap bacon around honeydew yeah people tell me some southern shit this is i don't know people hit me up like if you do this with it i'm like well if you wrap bacon around anything almost wrap bacon on my hand i'll probably take a bite of it eat my finger okay sorry i didn't mean to digress all good i was like thinking about it's like this food that's the meme is. And I was like, I ate it this morning. Anyway.

It's funny. I had a whole fruit cup and no honey doing it. I had strawberries. I don't even like raspberries. They took notes. I don't like raspberries. I don't like the pee in that motherfucker. I don't like the fruit.

I saw like real. I don't like that pee in there. I saw like real. I don't like that pee in there. I saw like real rage in your eyes. It was like a real, real resentment for that, that pee and raspberries. Get the fuck out of here with that. Get the,

anybody who pronounces the P in raspberries. I saw like nom flashbacks in your eyes. You're a lunatic. Fucking raspberries. June 7th, 1991. I'll never forget. 91.

That pee and raspberries. That's right. I bet you I was days away from graduating high school. God damn it. Fucking raspberry. Anyway. I was. Stupid.

Yeah, see, that's what it'd be like if I tried stand-up. Fucking Seinfeld shit like that. So anyway, the show. What was I talking about? Your parents. Oh, yeah, the parents. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know the biggest thing that happened to me so they uh so dad had this image of like being a kind of delay you know a

degenerate kind of groupie hound but the whole time he was like on record being that dude at home he was not like that and he was on the show being super wholesome dad guy and the the part the part that nobody gets is that he really was a good dad and is like he's very attentive very affectionate very present very that even like the as much as he's on tour when he's home he's home and we would call him all the time so it was like there was this whole vibe of like my parents were perfect like i just hit the jackpot there is like most people i knew had some trouble at home of some kind because that's normal and i was just the one that didn't like every you know i had friends from every stripes every economic background and the sons

and daughters of people had the family shit and like my best friend growing up was our housekeeper's name is millie and she also like we call like house manager because she also like babysat us and like hung out. She was just like, she was the second mom. She was, she raised me basically. And her son Walter was like my best friend growing up. So I'd stay over at her house like every other night. And even he, like I saw them. She had problems with the dad.

Everyone had something. And so I was like, wow, I'm, she had problems with the dad. Everyone had something. And so I was like, wow, I'm just the rare exception to the rule. Also. My parents don't fight. They don't like nothing. It was just pleasant to them. And they're in the entertainment industry, which is a hard thing to pull off too. Yeah.

Two people in it, not just one person in it. Well, because it attracts fucking insane people. Yeah. And makes people insane. So, yeah. So I was just was just like wow what a jackpot not only is my life so nice but my parents get along my family all gets along no one calls each other names no one says you bitch you're like never like our disagreements we would talk it out and they would be rare and it's like dad was always like, what can we complain about? Another day above ground. Life's good.

It was nonstop like, okay. The biggest drama ever was like, you hit your sister when you were five and now you're grounded. It's like nothing. Nothing bad ever happened to us. And then it turns out not only was he philandering. He had been doing it since like after my sister was born up until that point. Which is what year was your sister? Oh, shit.

Math. Math on a microphone. 90s. She's 30. So that year. And I have math anxiety. A couple decades. Do you ever have watch anxiety, like math or watching?

I can do math perfectly good, but if someone's watching me do it, i turn into an eighth grader who hasn't learned his times tables yet yeah yeah exactly i have i go what time is it i go it's just kind of and then when they walk away i go i got it i got it where are you it's five minutes they're like dude it's telling time you should have been able to do that instantly i go but you were looking and I, so anyway, that's what just happened. So she's 30, I'm 33. And, uh, so for 20 years more. And only until like, as far as I know tour, it was like they were throwing themselves at him or whatever. And he was saying yes.

And how did this all come out? I think mom discovered like emails or something or like arrangements or something she you know somebody or somebody reached out to her like some woman with a bone to pick i think reached out to her i didn't go into the details because i didn't want to know like i didn't really want to know about his whole shtick and i was well into never googling us so you know i think mom took me aside and like all right so here's what's going on and she's a tough so she took me aside like that she's like all right, so listen. With that tone of voice.

And I was like, cool, we're going to go to the movies. Your dad's cheating me. And I kind of record scratch moment. And the shows just got renewed and we're about to do another season. So I was like, what do we do? And we have like, we go, oh, let's meet with a producer. And producer is a guy named Adam. He's really nice to us.

He was like a pal. He wasn't like shady Hollywood producer. We were lucky enough to like, we liked the people that produce the show. So they weren't like assholes. And he was like, yeah, if you don't want to address on the show, we don't, we won't address it. And my mom just stood up and just said like, fuck that. I want to address all of it. Let's go. She goes, if TMZ is going to get this, I want to put it out myself like I'd rather nobody get the money from my scoop like I'd rather just air my dirty laundry on my own terms and not let somebody else you know expose me I'll fucking expose me and and I was like wow we're doing this so there was a whole year of like an odyssey of various like her her staying in hotels sometimes.

Is that right? Her coming back and them working on it. Them working on like, and so what she told me after the fact, they're married now. They got married after this. Wait, they were never officially? They were not married. Dad was very on record about being against marriage, like as a principal. He was like, it's silly.

You shouldn't invite lawyers into this. Like, it's none of their business what you do. Every day should be a principal. He was like, it's silly. You shouldn't invite lawyers into this. Like that's none of their business. What you do every day should be a choice. Really. He was like trying to have one foot out the door kind of thing. It was like mostly what it was about. Probably he made some good arguments, but you know, I do think there's something to be said about like, why are you inviting lawyers into your life, into your relationships? There is something there, but you know, his real motivation was was like he was – he never pictured himself in this situation. I was definitely an accident.

I always – Is that right? Oh, definitely. Oh, for sure. We talk openly about it. Oh, I didn't know that. Easily. It's a running joke at Christmas.

I always sing I'm your favorite mistake to him. I'm your favorite mistake. And he goes, stop it. I'm your favorite mistake. How i'm your favorite mistake and he goes stop it how are you a mistake because he wasn't trying to have kids he just was irresponsible he's having fun with your mom and that's great that's cool what he said and the i could have said it way sick awesome more therapy so the cool way to cool way to do that so he was no mom mom's very uh she was like oh yeah he didn't want kids at all and then he found out you were a boy and he was like oh interesting a mini me and then he was kind of on board after that what about your sister was that she was on purpose

once she had one kid he was like yeah let's do it again yeah like he was stoked on being a dad but he didn't know he wanted that he was very like i'm a nomad i'm a rolling stone i don't really so she so he your mom forced him to own up because she had no she didn't she she did this thing where she's like look uh i'm ready i'm having a baby you can be as involved as you want i'm sorry i mean the cheating oh sorry yeah so did and he admitted it he came clean and they immediately and he you know it's funny it's like it's hard to be mad at him because for all his uh you know he's got a big personality and ego he does this thing which I think was probably a good example on me as a kid where he like when he knows he's wrong he'll say it so he'll go like he'll he'll say like I stand corrected when you prove him wrong about something

he just talked about and I go like that's fairly big of somebody to, cause nobody does that. Like nobody's like, yeah, you're right. Everyone goes like, well, it's the way you said it. Like they'll just, you know, fight. He'll immediately go like, oh, nevermind. I was wrong. So when we found out, he's like, yep, I was being an asshole. Like he just, he didn't fight really.

He talked to you about it? I think there was some heated discussions between them. But when he talked to me about it, he's like, yeah, men are idiots. I'm being an idiot. Your mom deserves better than this. And I was just like, I really wish you were meaner about this so I could yell at you. But I can't because you're saying what I want to say. So I just kind of like felt kind of impotent, kind of powerless to do anything because he was like, he knew.

And he was like, yeah, I was being an idiot. And what did that do to you? I numbed it out. I think after the fact, I did a lot of work on it. But I think at the time, I was just like, avoid, out of sight, out of mind, try not to think about it. Be there for mom as much as I can, but I don't want to hear details. I want to be numb.

I don't want to look at it. I don't want to see it. Never gave an opinion.. I don't want to look at it. I don't want to see it. Never gave an opinion. I didn't watch the show. Like I still haven't seen, I've seen maybe two or three episodes of the show to this day because I probably won't watch this because it's like, it's listening to your own voice

recorded, you know, it's like, what are the two options here? I'm going to love it and become a total narcissist, or I'm going gonna hate it and get depressed it's like there's no winning i'd rather just be blissfully ignorant so didn't watch the show from the very beginning and now i was like i'm really not watching the show now and is that also because there's more conversation about this stuff between your mom and dad to camera to each other that you're privy to oh yeah and i was there and there's a lot of like uh and this

stuff that i'm obviously they didn't get everything there's a lot of real shit behind the scenes but um yeah my mom was very adamant she's like if i'm gonna be in the press for this i want to do it and i leave you know what like write that check like if i'm gonna like go through this horrible horrible experience i'm gonna be the one to break the news to everybody and talk about it on my terms with, and I'm going to go into the edit bay and edit the way I like it. And dad was like, sure. Okay, sure. Fine. And then the real culmination of the story is my mom kind of gave him this, it's kind of like the opposite of an ultimatum.

She kind of said like, look, I still love you. We have kids together. The kids are grown, so we could separate and it would be probably be fine so she goes basically like all i want to do is like punish you for what you did i really am angry and like so marry me well he's i'm getting to that i'm getting to that so she's like uh you know she's like i i hate that you didn't tell me mostly i'm hate i hate you for the line because it wasn't like he was having other families and relationships right it was groupie behavior it was so she's like it's not that i don't get what you're getting out of this it's validation and hooking up and it's guy shit it's i just wish you

hadn't lied to me about it because that's what you wanted you should have just told me you don't think people have wanted to date me over the years like i could about say she's like i could have been out there respect and finding my situation yeah sure she's like and i still could so you're like the lie was disrespectful on another levels because she's like i could have been you're just keeping me here at home while you're having fun. I could have been having fun. I could have met somebody. And like you just wasted my time. So she said, but here's the thing. I still love you.

And that's not going away no matter how mad I am at you for this. So here's the deal. The deal is we separate. And I don't talk bad about you in the press. I'm not going to sue you. I'm not going to take half your shit. I've got my – I'm good. I have money. I'm going to be fine. And we'll go, you know, the press ask, we'll be like, no, we're friends. Everything's fine. And we'll just give them nothing to talk

about. And I'm not going to bad mouth you and your empire is secure. Or you can knuckle down and marry me and do the real, do it for this time and then i get all your passwords and uh to everything you don't email and phone and everything and i get to check whenever i feel like it and so and she was like i was like why didn't you want to like actually get your revenge and she goes if i had threatened him with anything and he stayed i would have never known why he stayed was it fear of consequences or was it because he actually loved me? Never would have known. I had to take, she had to take the consequences off the table if she really wanted to know how he felt. She goes, here's a free pass. Go be groupie guy. We'll be friends. We'll hang out. We're going to have a great relationship. It'll be fine.

No consequences to you or you can marry me. Which one do you actually want? Because I don't want you to feel trapped here. That's not fun for me. I don want to you to be here because oh if i don't she'll do this and that and the other make a real choice in a vacuum and i want to see what you actually want to do so then he proposed and he proposed on the air the producers were like way it was on the beach or something which is his least favorite fucking place his stupid hair is blown in the wind he's got like this open collar and he's wearing like cowboy boots and he's like i fucking hate this he hates wind because it like messes up his hair he's just and he gets on one and he goes like oh my god and he's just like and it's like the silliest

looking proposal ever and they were they just did like telescopic lens from shore they didn't like and they had mics on so they filmed the whole thing and he's been as far as we know pretty much great since then that was like 2011 i think october okay so over 10 years yeah how did your mom build trust back up again she's on the road with him for a little bit or she's like no if you're gonna be a person no but she's like i don't know i don't you. Fucking let me verify whenever I feel like it. And he's like, sure. Fine.

Good. Great. Did you ever see him cry? You ever see your father cry? Yeah, mostly at sad movies. When it comes to real shit, he goes inward. Even during that, you never saw tears? I think I saw him get fighting back mistiness.

I saw mom crying a number of times. Yeah. But she's like this tough she like cry she like gets the cry over with she's one of these but she goes like okay i'm good and she just like she gets it out real quick and then she just moves the fuck on and goes right to anger and she's like you know they're both like on their own from a young age so they were just like she was a child of like i think eight siblings and she just like, she was a child of like, I think eight siblings. And she just like moved to the US at like 14. From where?

She opened to Newfoundland, Canada. She was like a beauty queen in Canada for a while. She was like a Miss Ottawa. And then she moved to the States. She's like, peace, I'm out. Started a bar before she was old enough to drink. Really? Yeah, fake ID and shit.

Shannon's Bar. And then, yeah. And then Hef. And then they met on the front porch of the mansion at a party your dad that's where your dad and mom met yeah and again people always see this and they're like how did you not see this coming it's like you weren't there dude you didn't see this guy he is a really good father and like very devoted kind of guy. I didn't knock over a thing. That's okay. He's like a devoted like papa kind of guy. So when you experience him 90% of the time that way and then you see him in interviews acting a fool, you go, oh, that's the job. Like he's acting a fool and that's the game. It's a character.

And it is. But he's, you know, famous since you're 25. You believe your character after a while and you kind of like the attention and you get it. Yeah, because he's acting. He's done so many different things. My mom's not an idiot. She's like, I know what you guys get out of this.

She's like, I know what groupies does. It makes you feel like you're a god or something. How many times have groupies fucked over really powerful people? And by fucked over, I mean their decision making

fucked them over. Like Schwarzenegger and all these people. Like you feel like you're king of the world when people desire you right so it's not like she didn't get it her thing that made her not just leave I think was he didn't have another main he didn't have like another girlfriend in another house just some one with another family it was just he was getting his validation kicks and it still really hurt her i'm not trying to minimize that but i think that was the even the reason she was even open to talking that he didn't love someone else he didn't he really crushed her he truly did someone else he had no uh nothing resembling their

relationship anywhere else and i i'm sure we've all heard of these guys who have done that they have like the house down the street. Oh, yeah. I've had people come on here and tell me they had a whole other family somewhere else. I think that would have been absolutely – and she thought this was a deal-breaker. But, yeah, the ultimatum was the thing, which I've never heard of someone do before where they go, no, you're going to be fine. Either way, you'll be fine.

Now choose. So I thought it was kind of cool of her and pretty pretty more patience than I would have had probably in that situation. I was going to just about to ask you like, what, uh, curious what you, did you ever have a one-on-one with your dad about this stuff? A number of times. Yeah. I mean, he, he just, he says the same things all the time. He's like, men are children. We're idiots. Like we, you know, we chase this dream. We dream we're morons he says like men shouldn't be considered adults until they're 45 like he always says shit like that and i'm kind of going like yeah kind of a little bit a lot of us especially in hollywood i think i think i had a number of like missed development landmarks because of the show probably like i don't think i grew up really until like 29 28 probably because

i just i always felt like a kid i just never really felt fully developed and i think my judgment wasn't very good like wasn't as good as it should have been at like 25 yeah just various things i was like i definitely still felt like a teenager and i think tv shows keep you there like mentally. So yeah. And how do you feel about your parents' relationship now? They saw they're good, right? Oh, they're great. And he's like extra doting now because I think he has that,

oh, I almost lost this feeling. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to die with this person. So he's like, she's like, because she's still the same like ass kicking person she always was. She always goes like, will you stop fucking chewing? And then he'll turn to me and goes, isn't she great? Isn't she?

And she goes, sometimes I want to fucking murder you. And she goes, there's no one like her. There's nobody. And I go, she just said she wanted to kill you. And he goes, I know. Isn't that awesome? Like he's just like doting. Actually, here is a text from recently you want does this bother you not at all uh i should have put this on airplane mode but i just screenshot this stupid yesterday she was uh

they're watching like dateline nbc and they were like the whole thing was the whole thing was like someone got choked to death. And she sent me this photo of him like on the floor with like furniture knocked over. And she said, I was practicing how to choke out your father, but it didn't work. It was on Dateline. And we're like, what? And then dad goes, yeah, she was practicing how to kill me by choking me. She made me get on the ground. She climbed on top and put her legs over my arms

and put her hands on my neck but i tipped her over and i was like what guys this is not a good idea she goes we saw it on dateline how old are they and the cop said it's one way you wouldn't be able to tell if she was if you smothered somebody so we were trying to test it i go are you fucking this is jackass shit this is like you're gonna die that's what they're doing at home so i said why she said so i said why when she didn't she wrap her legs around his head and pull them back and just tip them over your dad thought because he was much heavier so he tried it and dad can get out of it so don't worry he got out of it she and he called he i went over there and he's like no she really

joked me like a lot like she i was pressed on my windpipe and I was like, cool, great. Good for you guys. Sick, man. That's good though. That's good. I mean, man, a Hollywood fucking marriage that lasts that long. It's because they don't act like, they're not really a Hollywood marriage at home. They're not.

They're like, they're big dorks in footie pajamas. It's just the, you know, he's addicted to he hasn't won addiction he never did drugs or anything he has one addiction that's like attention i think and uh you know that feeling he gets on whatever and think about it if you were 22 and then that happened to you how fucking crazy would you be i'd be insane i would have fucked my dick off i had a i'd have had aids five six times yeah i'd be the king of AIDS. Oh, God, yeah. That's what they call me.

And AIDS squared. But like, no, it's – Oh, God, yeah. Think about the state of mind to 22. Remember the – Can't even. If you got attention in school, now multiply that by 10 million. And I'm a little crazy from the amount that I experienced at 16. Can't even imagine how – all these guys are eccentric.

I was talking to – Tom has this bit about how like McConaughey and all these guys are really weird people. Like whenever they make social – Johnny Depp made an Instagram and he like – they're weird. They don't talk normal. They speak with this weird affectation and they second Garth Brooks, the whole thing. Garth is dead. Like that's – he's weird because how could you not be? You don't have a real conversation with anyone ever for like 40 years you know everyone knows your name and it's like this weird second guessing and seeing yourself through their eyes you go insane you

become an eccentric weirdo i think yeah humans were not meant to handle that level of attention but also for him to avoid alcohol drugs in a rock and in one of them i think it was like a point of pride for him though but i mean one of the biggest rock and roll bands in the world through the 60s 70s 80s i mean jesus christ the drugs that it wasn't it wasn't tempting he didn't he he was disgusted by it right from the top yeah so it wasn't like he resisted temptation he was like like he never liked it he never liked the look he liked being articulate he doesn't like feeling like he's not going to say the cleverest thing right uh which he rarely does but 10 inches of jewish is good bro that's the one he shared with me street jokes immediately across the room to be right that's the first thing he said Ryan what's 10 inches in Jewish

yeah oh he'll do that in like a restaurant yeah you know have you heard Segura's bit where he's like his dad at like a restaurant and he goes the waiter is Asian

and he goes how weird are you about to be with him like what are you about to say and he goes like you Chinese and he goes what does that have to do with anything and he goes like no i'm green he goes oh i was in vietnam again what the fuck he's like what i'm just making conversation it's like there's a certain generation and then you add fame to that and you get real weird he was like what everyone's so sensitive i go no you're fucking weird bro you're weird that's why they're

looking at you weird because you're strange but i love him he's great everybody's good everybody's on solid footing i see him all the time we we hang out yeah you guys came to the comedy show together oh yeah which also i wanted to say thank you for that because thanks for letting us in pulling all the ego and and names and titles and what everybody does out of this i love when dads and sons come to my shows together man oh that's nice and fucking i was gonna say you thanking me for coming to your show is kind of weird when i when i do the meet and greets and they come up and it's like that's my dad i brought i'm like oh i wish i could go to a show with my dad so it was really nice to see your relationship together he's dead i mean what the... You just never got a chance?

He died when I was 16, so I didn't really get to do... I did get to go with him, though. I will say this. I got to go see the Beastie Boys and Run DMC on the Together Forever tour when I was like 14, because he took us to that. Nice. So I got that one. That memory. But then that's it. But, I mean, you... It's just nice to see.

You're talking to me about the trauma of being on a show when I was 16 you went through more shit right there I mean that's yeah but I didn't have to if I would have had a camera

in front of my fucking face you were financially no not any of that people were paying people were mean to me on Twitter who the fuck come on

what am I complaining about I have nothing to complain about I have a great life yeah well you I hear you it's all relative, man. You're right about that. My point of view is I'm paranoid about things, but there's people at our gate. It's kind of

reasonable to be a little paranoid. So I have no complaints. My life's great. I have a really good life. And mostly my problem is feeling kind of guilty for having such a good life because I didn't earn it. I was born into it. And even if i make my own strides i still had a huge leg up from day one so me and christina was talking about like the liberal guilt of all that the kind of like feeling like shit for being lucky and you know my therapist always just goes like yeah but that's kind of selfish too to feel like shit it's like you're you're it's still a narcissistic spiral it's just a negative one well i also feel like wondering about your own you know that exists on both ends of the spectrum you can feel like shit for being lucky you also feel like shit for being unlucky yeah and it's like also like where is that it's selfish to like feel like shit for being lucky

and not enjoy being lucky because like god many people the other guy would right give it to me then like don't why are you wasting it with this navel gazing nonsense like so i just try to just don't be an asshole and you know don't be a like a silly silver spoon shithead rocking around thinking i'm thinking i've also seen enough examples of that too. That's definitely true. My nightmare is like, I've met a couple of these people and I won't name names, but like some sons and daughters of really think that they're fucking hot shit

because of nothing they did. Right. And that's a nightmare. And I, so I think I actively try to avoid being that dude. I hope I'm successful at avoiding being that dude because that dude sucks. And there's at avoiding being that dude because uh that dude sucks and and there's a lot there's a lot of them all right this is uh your first time here and i

told you before we started at the end i was going to ask you advice you give to your 16 year old self so i'm sorry i ramble i feel like i ramble too much you didn't ramble this is what you're supposed to do it's your episode can you imagine if i just talked the whole time what the fucking kind of episode well you're a professional talker probably more more cohesive i am a professional talker no one's ever said that that's what you do for a living i feel like it'd probably be a better episode that's gonna be my new credit there was some baritone kid on sickler's pocket just rambling about his fucking non-problems couldn't even get a fucking didn't seem like a professional talker to me i couldn't even come in with a bit

he just like this kid just kept non-stop kid I'm 33 advice to my 16 year old self yeah

don't google yourself even sooner like don't listen stop right there for a moment please that's great advice

not one person has come on and talked about the use of technology you don't don't talk about it you has come on and talked about the use of technology. Yeah, talk about it. You're a younger generation. Think about the type of person. I mean, do you know anyone that leaves negative YouTube comments for fun?

No. I don't know a single person. Like, who are these people, right? So I think if you can't read that shit because it's like this is not life. Like, this is somebody's quick trigger finger response you can't and that sits with you if you read it literally don't what's that old uh i think it's an andy warhol quote don't read what they write about you just measure it in inches and uh just like don't don't read about yourself and don't navel gaze about yourself

don't everyone else is doing the same thing about themselves just go about your day don't navel gaze about yourself. Don't, everyone else is doing the same thing about themselves. Just go about your day. Don't read, yeah, don't like seek out your, how you appear in other people's eyes, I think. That's great. Yeah. Dude, thank you very much for coming on. Hey, thanks for having me, man. I'm a big fan.

Will you please promote whatever you can again? I'm on Instagram most of the time. really i barely fuck with twitter if i start to launch a thing under my own name i'll i'll tweet it so both platforms it's nick t simmons um that's pretty much all i do i don't read twitter i i just i post on instagram now and then so go there there. I'll launch something at some point. But I've been enjoying the privacy, so I think I'm going to keep that going for a minute. The anonymity? But if you want to see what I'm kind of – yeah, anonymity. You did it.

I think I got it. Nailed it. I think I got it. But, yeah, I enjoy my kind of quiet life, and I've been doing this secret thing that's been really fulfilling. So I'm going to keep that going for a little while. But if I decide to release it, it'll be on there. Great. Or I'll try to come back here if you'll have me. Please. I will for sure. Yeah. Thank you, dude. Thank you for coming. And thank you all as always, uh, Ryan

Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week. Thank you.