The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Shapel Lacey - ShapelDew

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Shapel Lacey! (Comedy Central) Shapel Highlights the Lowlights of growing up with an abusive stepfather, being adopted into a white family, and reconnecting with his... biological father after getting out of prison. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Coors Light -Chill with Coors Light this football season. Visit https://www.CoorsLight.com?HONEYDEW  Prize Picks -Go to https://PrizePicks.com and enter promo code HONEYDEW at sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100 dollars! Blueland -Get 15% off your first order at https://www.Blueland.com/HONEYDEW 

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 The tour rolls on, y'all. Edmonton, I'll be there in a couple of weeks, September 29th through October 1st. Chicago, I will see you guys in November the 11th and the 12th. And Grand Rapids, I'll see y'all December 9th and 10th. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios.
Starting point is 00:00:42 I am Ryan Sickler, RyanSickler.com ryan sickler on all your social media um thank you again thank you every damn week thank you this community continues to grow um you guys are the best if you are watching on youtube subscribe it is a free way to help this show and uh it really works and means a lot um wherever you are listening subscribe subscribe subscribe and if you gotta have more then you gotta check out the patreon it's called the honeydew with y'all where i'm highlighting the low lights with y'all you guys have the craziest stories i've ever heard in my life and i've we have an inbox of hundreds more it's insane and it's not going anywhere all right it's5 a month. If you sign up for a
Starting point is 00:01:26 year, you get over a month free, and you get the Honeydew a day early ad free at no additional cost. If you or someone you know has a story that's got to be heard, please submit it to HoneydewPodcast at gmail.com, and hopefully we'll get to do an episode together. The Night Pants Nation Tour rolls on Edmonton. I'll be there September 29th through October 1st. Chicago, November 11th and 12th. And Grand Rapids, December 9th and 10th. All right. Now, that's all the biz right there.
Starting point is 00:01:54 You guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest on the Honeydew. First time here, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Chappelle Lacey. Welcome to the honeydew yes sir young man clap for yourself i'm all clapped out um thank you for being here it's a pleasure to have you here yeah thank you for having me man um will you please before we get into your story plug and promote everything
Starting point is 00:02:24 and anything okay would like? Oh, okay, yeah. I got some tour dates. I got to read them. Get them. That's fine. So October 13th through the 15th, I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina at Good Nights. And then October 21st through the 22nd, I'll be at the Milwaukee Improv.
Starting point is 00:02:41 And then November 17th, I'll be doing a one-nighter at Irvine Improv. All right. And what about your social media? Where can they find tickets? Social media at Chappelle Lacey everywhere. Well, actually, I only do Instagram. Instagram only? Yeah, everything else exhausts me.
Starting point is 00:02:55 You have a website? Yes, chapellelacey.com. There you go. Yep, that's where you find out all my stuff. Well, I'm really excited to sit down because I follow you. I'm a fan of yours. I've been following you on social media and stuff and i see a lot of different things i see cheerleading i see punk rock singing uh i know you were adopted yeah um but i don't know your story so um why don't we
Starting point is 00:03:17 just go back to to day one for you and let's talk about it was a cold morning january 23rd i'm just kidding is it january 23rd your birthday i don't know if it was cold because it was Arizona. But yeah, I grew up in Arizona. Like I said, I was adopted in my teens, but originally with my biological mom and a stepfather and then four other siblings. And it You know, I mean, we grew up in a poor area in Mesa, Arizona. You know, not many people know, you know, much of Arizona other than Phoenix. But shout out to Jimmy Eat World because they're from Mesa. Always got to give that shout out. Hometown heroes. But then, yeah, I, you know, I grew up in a crazy, crazy household. My stepfather was very, very abusive. And it was obviously tough for one to navigate as a child because you have so many questions, especially when you know this person isn't your dad.
Starting point is 00:04:21 But you know— So let me ask you this. You're in a house with three other siblings? Four others. Four. So it's five total kids? Five total kids, yeah. isn't your dad but you know let me ask you this you're in a house with three other siblings uh four others four so five total five total kids and you all share them you're the same mom so yeah so my i only had one full-blooded sibling but he passed away we'll get there eventually uh but my three other siblings they're my half so they're him from him yeah okay yep so yeah that's uh that was pretty much our household uh growing up and five kids under the age of what uh man i was so
Starting point is 00:04:55 i'm the second i was the second i'm the second oldest uh and my youngest the youngest was born in 92 and then the oldest was born in 85 so you got a lot of young kids and he was abusive huh oh yeah your mom as well you know he never he never physically you know touched or anything but you know verbally yell at her yeah then you know just the mental you know abuse um you know he made it feel like she needed him and she couldn't be anywhere. I don't know, very manipulative. What did he do for a living? Shit, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:33 No. Bro, he came in with different uniforms all the time. I couldn't tell you what he did for a living. He did a lot of different shit. That's my favorite question that people ask. What did he do for a living? I'm like, I don't know. He made up shit.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Oh, shit. One day he was at Burger King. Next thing you know, he was a security guard somewhere. I'm like, why he got out? New walkie talkie. Right. I'm like, for as hard as you work to lie about where you work. I mean, you could have just worked a job.
Starting point is 00:06:01 But no, I don't know where he worked. My mom was was you know that was the work ethic of the house okay you know she was a cna i think the nurse's assistant yeah she she worked at the the hospital where pretty much all of us being all my siblings were born at you know she was a cna there so she was you know at the house or the bread maker of the house she was yeah and my stepfather yeah yeah my stepfather he was just chilling yeah he wasn't good at chilling you know what i mean now what can we go back to your biological father you know i know i know we're gonna get there later but at that time did you know, like, do you always remember your stepfather being the guy in your life at that age?
Starting point is 00:06:47 Yep. You do. I didn't know I had a biological father until I was 10. So you thought up until 10 that this man was your biological father? No, I didn't even think. I knew it wasn't my dad. We look too different. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:03 But no, I didn't think of him. It's weird because I didn't even call him dad. I called him by his first name. So it wasn't like, I don't know. It was just weird. I didn't think of him as like a dad, but that was the adult in the house. I didn't think it was dad, but a parent of some sort. Was he different with you than his kids?
Starting point is 00:07:24 Yes. He was. Was he abusive to you than his kids? Yes. He was. Yeah. Was he abusive to them as well? Not too crazy. I mean, he was strong with the verbal abuse, but he never really like, you know, not the way he treated me and my brother who weren't his. You know, me and my brother, we had the same dad, but our dad was locked up. But it's crazy.
Starting point is 00:07:48 They all knew he existed, but I was the only one that didn't. Even your brother knew at the time? Yeah, my brother knew. Yeah, because my brother was two years older than me. Okay. And my brother, before my, our dad got in prison, he would see him and like he had like a little bit of a relationship with him. What was he in prison for uh attempted murder and uh drug dealing shit like that all right okay yeah yeah now that's what he's
Starting point is 00:08:15 in there for all right so what happens to for you to be adopted in your teens so it's it's wild you know i it's so much that ties to it but i was a competitive cheerleader right and this was at 15 i started cheerleading and why what got you into that i had a crush on this girl nah let's talk about it man that's what got you into cheerleading. That's what got me. Some pussy. Yeah. It'll get you every time. Yeah, it'll get you every time. Got this motherfucker shaking palm balls. And guess what? Guess what? Never happened.
Starting point is 00:08:51 You didn't get it. Never happened. You know, shout out Marissa. But I can backflip like your motherfucker. But I can backflip. Like, hey, I got that. Hey, I still got it. Still got the backflip in me. Oh, shit, I got that. Hey, I still got it. Still got the back flip in me.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Oh, yeah, dude. So the competitive cheerleading is like what you would consider like club soccer. It's not through the school. It's like outside of the thing, and you pay to do it. But the owners of the cheerleading gym that I cheered at, those are the ones that took me in. Okay. Yeah, so like I was cheering there.
Starting point is 00:09:26 And I think they knew there was something wrong with me. I was very quiet, very reserved, and didn't talk much and couldn't look people in the eyes really. And so, I mean, and they've been working with kids for years. My adopted father, he was a teacher for a while. years you know my my adopted uh father he was a teacher for a while so i mean he would see all types of you know children come in and out of his life and i i think he just knew immediately something was up and you know he didn't never add never ask detail you know but just they would just like take care of me you know they you know um was this a legal adoption or it wasn't legal you in
Starting point is 00:10:06 they just took me in okay so it wasn't paperwork or anything like that did they talk to your mom about this before no no not at all because my stepfather he had kicked he kicked me out he kicked you out yeah he kicked me out 15 you're already out um he kicked me out at like 17 he did yeah but they started taking care of me pretty much like and your mom just what wasn't going against no you know it's so weird my mom and i recently talked about that because i didn't i didn't know how she felt when she saw me get kicked out because she she my mom worked the overnight shift at the hospital right and I remember that morning very clearly. I woke up for school and my stepfather, he was always on some shit.
Starting point is 00:10:51 And then he used to do this thing where he would tough guy bump me just because, like he wanted to show dominance, right? I was like, bitch, I ain't scared of you. No, I'm just kidding. I was. Was he big? Big enough.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Big enough, yeah. For what I i for my bigger bigger than me now hell no but uh when i was younger obviously you know i didn't grow yet you know wait till i grow though i swear i wait till i grow and spring on your fucking neck right no but uh he uh he yeah so he was a tough guy, bumped me. And then one day I was just like, man, stop. Like, just quit it. Like, you know, I just, you know, said something back. You know, I was just standing up for myself.
Starting point is 00:11:36 And then I remember he didn't like, if you talk back to him, it was like a, you know, a major thing. Like, it was, you know, a big no-no. And I remember he just like shoved me and just started, you know a major thing like it was it was you know a big no-no and i remember he just like shoved me and just started you know shoved me into my my closet and just started like wailing on me and stuff but i was just like you know tucked or whatever right and then um i get out of the city i get out of it i run across the street because his mom lives across the street from us and so which i consider her my grandma. I do even to this day because she was like a lifesaver. Whenever I'd run to her house because he was terrified of her.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Nah. Yeah, he was terrified of her. Was he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there we go. So she would hide me out. There we go. I found that weak point.
Starting point is 00:12:17 I was like, yeah. This takes a generational shit out across the street. Right, right, yo. I found that kryptonite. I found that kryptonite. I found that kryptonite. I was like, yeah, look. Not behind my hair. And she was on your side, too.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Oh, big time. You know, she knew how much of a nut he was, you know. But I think just, I mean, no one knew what to do, really. I mean, that type of experience and most experiences in life, I think is first try for everybody. So I don't know, like, you know, no one knows what to do,
Starting point is 00:12:47 but also like, it's like, you know, it's cause it's like family. So it's, it's weird. Like, I don't blame any,
Starting point is 00:12:52 anyone for my childhood. Like I have no animosity towards anybody, but that's just, you know, it is what it was, you know, and I'm here now, but,
Starting point is 00:13:03 uh, you know, so yeah, she, she was like, and I think one day she was just sick of it and, you know, and I'm here now. But, uh, you know, so yeah, she, she was like, and I think one day she was just sick of it and, you know, she tried to tell him, but he was still on his tirade. And I remember I walked back to my house and my mom just got home from, from work. And, uh, my stepfather had all my, all my stuff packed, packed, uh, packed up in trash bags and had it on the stair on the on the little steps right there. And then told me to leave.
Starting point is 00:13:29 And I was so happy. You were happy, huh? Oh, my God. Bruh. Best day of my life. So you go to their home? Not immediately. I went and lived with a friend for like a hot second.
Starting point is 00:13:41 And then I just told them, I was like, I don't have anywhere to go. I was like, I like doing the cheerleading and stuff like that, but I was like, I got to figure out my life because I don't have anywhere to go. And then they just brought me in. So you got adopted by a white family. Yeah, shout out. And what was the difference like for you? Man, because they're all about love.
Starting point is 00:14:03 They're strong Christians, very into the faith. Can I ask you one more question real quick? Yeah, go ahead. During this, are you still having a relationship with your mom? Man, that was a tough one because— Does she get what's happening? Is she supportive a little? You know what?
Starting point is 00:14:22 For years, I was so 50-50 with my mom. I was like, man, I don't like this lady, but I do like this lady. But you would see her during this time and stuff. Not often. No. No. And how far away are you? Like 20 minutes.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Ain't nobody hopping this kid. A walk. Right? About an hour walk, you know? And Arizona heat's a mother bugger, you know? Yeah Arizona heats up all the money, you know? Yeah, right, right. Well, I'm like, man, I ain't going back. All right, okay.
Starting point is 00:14:50 You know, so, yeah, I was so 50-50 with her because, you know, like I was like, yeah, she, you know, she's with this dude, but my mom was never mean to me. My mom was always very sweet and kind. Did you feel like betrayed? Like, how could you pick this guy over me or your kids? Did you feel? Yeah, I did feel that, you know, 1,000%.
Starting point is 00:15:14 You know what I mean? Are they still together? No, no, no, not at all. But they still have to see each other because I have a brother with special needs. Okay. So whenever he has doctor's appointments or anything that you know so they that's when they still have to see each other and you know just to get them get them stuff but um other than that
Starting point is 00:15:37 yeah like i was i was pretty messed up about that and i wanted i wanted to love my mom, but it was very tough because, you know, she was with that dude, you know. And she, you know, stuck with him for so long, you know, even after I was kicked out, you know. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. But, like I said, with the recent conversation I had with her, I'd say almost a year or so ago, I never knew how she felt when, when she saw her son get kicked out. I didn't know what,
Starting point is 00:16:12 you know, what went through her head. I didn't know. I mean, because my family wasn't a family, a family that would talk things out. We never said, I love you in our house.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Like there was just like pretty much like just nothing, nothing of that nature. And, never said, I love you in our house. Like, there was just, like, pretty much, like, just nothing. Nothing of that nature. And, you know, she had told me, she was like, you know, the day, you know, stepdad kicked you out, that's when I was, like, she was, like, plotting her way, you know, trying to figure out how to get out of the situation. All right. So that was the beginning of her. Yeah. She was so mad. I know it's not like a major move, but she was like,
Starting point is 00:16:52 I made them sleep in the living room. We never slept in the same room. We were totally like she was checked out, but she just didn't know how to exit. Because, I mean, she'd been in that situation for years. You know what I mean? So I brought you off track. Let's go back.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Go ahead. You now move in with this family. What are the differences? Like you said, you're very Christian, very loving. Very Christian, very loving. How many kids do they have? Three daughters. Three daughters. Yeah, they have three daughters of their own.
Starting point is 00:17:17 And at the time, the youngest daughter, when I moved in, the youngest daughter, I think, was two or three. I forget their damn ages. Forgive me. But, old, I forget their damn ages. Forgive me. But yeah, I moved in with them. And it was, yeah, it was a big difference. You know, like I would see them, whenever the kids did something wrong, I'd be like, ooh, you got to get fucked up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:45 You got to get your ass whooped. You're getting it coming to you. No, and then I would see them like talk to them. So I was like, what? What is that? And that's how they were with me. They never like raised their voice, never saw any aggression. And that's all I knew.
Starting point is 00:18:04 So I was always on edge you know i was always i always had the guard up you know just ready for something to happen you know even even when my even when my adoptive father woke me up one time because so my stepdad whenever he would wake me up he would like shove me or like kick at me or something right so i remember one time my adoptive father tried to wake me up. I was like, what? Try to get you over a nice hot breakfast.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Some shit you never had. He's trying to love you, son had he was just like I got oatmeal downstairs I just wanted to wake you up we got orange juice I'm sorry it's different over here yeah it's funny you gotta get unconditioned and then learn
Starting point is 00:19:02 and get used to like a rescue dog that's literally to. Yeah. Like a rescue dog. Yeah. That's literally what I was. Exactly. I was a rescue. Did you have your own room? Had my own room, which I never had before because I shared with all my brothers,
Starting point is 00:19:16 which wasn't like – that wasn't weird to me either. I didn't think of us being poor like a weird thing. I was just like, yeah because because every i mean even kids at my school like i'm like oh they got the same shit we got like right i just didn't think of you know us not having money as a bad thing you know but yeah it was very different i had my own room i had a tv i was like damn bro a bed you know like it was just like what i like the most um damn that's a good question i've never been asked that what did i like the most i mean i don't want to give you answers but you know were you excited to be in a loving home was there freedom was the
Starting point is 00:20:02 loving home i wasn't i wasn't the loving home I wasn't, like, used to yet. Okay. So that's still weird. That's still weird. Yeah, yeah. So that's still a weird thing. I think it was just the fact that I had my own room and, like, my own space, you know? Like, I just never had that, you know? I think that was, like, the cool part. An escape, finally. Yeah, it was, like, an escape. A place to go just for you. Yeah, and it was the first time I was able to like really sit with myself in a room that was mine and decorated for me.
Starting point is 00:20:34 You know, so I was just like, wow, this is trippy. You know what I mean? And I was able to sit with my thoughts a lot. And, you know, I'm a thinker. I think all the time. I just be sitting there thinking and that's all i did on the regular and then this family's paying for yeah food food costs for whatever these athletic things are yeah they made you their son yeah pretty pretty much they did you
Starting point is 00:20:59 know what i mean they really did but it felt weird i'm'm not going to lie. Did you feel like – I'm asking you this not – I want you to know that – so I'm only saying this to everybody else. Jesus Christ, shut up. But my father died when I was 16. Yep. And my mom was already out of the family. And I remember when my dad died, people went to the store, and they bought new sweatshirts for us and new clothes.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And when they brought it over, they felt like they were doing the kindestest thing and i felt like a fucking piece of shit charity case yes did you feel that way yeah man because i mean because you got to think my siblings were still in that situation i felt so much guilt and it's weird because i knew that wasn't, like, it's almost like I wanted to go back because they were there. Right. Not because, you know, like, I didn't like him at all. Like, it wasn't like, oh, maybe it was my fault. Never thought that. I just thought, I was like, man, my siblings are still there.
Starting point is 00:22:02 And I felt so bad. And, you know, I'm living this life that life that you know they taught me how to drive you know they gave me you know a car to drive and what kind of car were you driving it was a honda elantra shouts out 99 baby um were you going to see your siblings though you know the only one i saw uh on the regular was my oldest brother okay you know because he was a little bit older, and he was old enough to, like, move out and stuff, and he had gotten his own place. But, yeah, he was the only one that I would see out of them.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Otherwise, I didn't really see my siblings ever, you know. It was tough. I mean, yeah, you just feel bad. And then I was becoming, like, spoiled, you know it was it was tough it was i mean yeah you just feel bad and then and then i i was becoming like spoiled you know because i mean these people saw that i was in a screwed up situation and these people are just being nice they're just trying to saying yeah it's hard i know they just want to be good to you and be nice like you know all these nice things i even i even ran away from my adopted folks one time.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Like, I remember. Did you begin to resent them for all that? Yeah. Yeah, because it didn't feel good. You know, and I'm like, why am I deserving of this? It didn't feel like what, authentic? It didn't feel authentic. You know, I was like, this isn't my family.
Starting point is 00:23:18 This isn't where I came from. And they were just trying to be nice. You know, I mean, they were helping out a kid. And, you know, mean they were they were helping out a kid and you know and i was i was a wreck there was a lot of things that messed me up that i you know just never dealt with you know i mean but it's tough it's like you know telling this kid in his late teens or you know mid to late teens like how crazy his life is it's you know it's a lot to process you know i didn't really have any guidance until anger management. Anger management is where I learned a lot.
Starting point is 00:23:52 I think I was able to accept a lot more because of that. But yeah, you just feel this weight on your shoulders. Even though you're out of this situation, because that situation I was in with my stepfather was a lot of weight. But then, you know, I felt like there was even more weight now that I'm not in this situation. And then look at the situation I'm in. Right. I'm looking at this house that I'm living in that has stairs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Bro, come on, man. Come on, talk to me, bro. Yeah. Bro, come on, man. Come on, talk to me, bro. Yeah. Bro, I'm like, man, I got stairs. You know, but it's like even, like, you know, some people may think that's funny, but that's really what I thought.
Starting point is 00:24:38 I was like, man, there's stairs in the house. I've only seen that on TV. That's all. I've never seen it like that. You know, so it's just, well well at least like living in it you know i you know i knew people that had stairs in the house but but living in it i'm gonna stay here now but i'm in it that that was like a weird thing to me it's simple as that is i was just like i don't that's perspective dude yeah exactly you know so it's these little things did your stepfather ever
Starting point is 00:25:05 try to bring it back he didn't give a fuck he was so glad too then yeah i yeah all right you know but also like i think it was this thing where he thought i was gonna come running back i was like bro do you know where i live you know the house i'm in right now no i ain't coming back now yeah he he thought like yeah like if i you know yeah he gonna he gonna need me that's what he thought i got you you know we're making sure you you knew he didn't yeah i got you you know i used to tell my mother all the time because she was like yeah i was like i don't need you you know because this woman's beating me talking shit to me. And I'm just like, I'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:25:47 I would love to go on my own. I'll be fine. She's like, you would never make it. I was like, man, you'll see. I've been on my own since I was 16. I'm fine. So you know exactly where that's beautiful because it's exactly that. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Yeah. I knew if I had to, I could do it. What's crazy about you saying this, the thing that set my stepfather off what made him flip out on me that that day that morning as i'm getting ready for school was when he he he goes move out get your shit and i started packing started packing my stuff and then he slapped my bag out of my hand. Right. And he was like, you ain't going nowhere with your simple ass. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:29 He said that to me. And I looked at, I was like, I got plenty of places to go. I'm all good. And that's what, you know, that's what set it off. He didn't know where I had to go. He didn't know those people. He didn't know that these people were taking care of me he didn't know saying that he didn't know that there was actually good people in my life he thought he was it he's like you know i'm all you got you know and uh it's it's so it's so crazy
Starting point is 00:26:59 you share that because it's yeah i feel that 100 man i like i the the visuals in my head of him just saying you're never gonna be nothing yeah you know you know you ain't gonna be shit yeah you know and meanwhile and i don't know if you felt this too when i when i when i thought about myself on a regular i go am i i was like i don't think i'm a bad kid no i don't think i'm all the time like i was just into skateboarding going to punk shows and you know i wasn't selling drugs i wasn't doing i've never been arrested i've been cuffed i've been cuffed i ain't never been arrested i've never been arrested i never i never you know got in trouble with the cops i gotta i i told my mother that we reconnected after like 25 years and i was like okay hell yeah did you ever get a call from the school did you ever no that's right because we were never absent enough yeah we never fucked off
Starting point is 00:27:50 enough because we played sports and if you fucked around you couldn't play sports and our whole thing was we're getting good grades and we're gonna be here every goddamn day that we can because we don't want to fuck up sports yes if i didn't play sports i probably would have it would have fucking ruined my life probably because with no parents at that age it would have ruined my life that was all we had so it resonates hard and what i i really think i looking back on it i meant and i think you too like i don't need you because what you're bringing is nothing but abuse i don't need this yeah i don't need this i can be i'll be fine without Like, if you were a good person, great. It'd be different.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Yeah, but I don't need this. Yes. Yeah, so good for you. Yeah, man. I mean, to be able to understand that, because, I mean, you know, thank the Lord for punk rock music, oddly enough, because that was the thing that got me to stand up for myself. I would read these lyrics of these dope punk songs, and it was just all about standing up for yourself and believing in who you are.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Now, granted, I was a little aggressive to a lot of people. I was aggressive. But that's where the anger management came in, took care of that. But, you know, that's where the anger management came in, you know, took care of that. But it did, you know, it did get me to, you know, be able to speak my mind and say something for myself. All right. I asked you the thing you liked the most, which was your own room. What did you actually miss the most? From my being with my original home?
Starting point is 00:29:22 Man, the thing I missed the most. my original home um man the thing i missed the most my mom my mom would always do at summertime she'd always play these dope movies from when she was younger and and we would watch them all the time or even if it wasn't movies from her era if it was just like some movie she wanted us to watch and there's just just specific movies in my life that I think of when I watch that movie, I think about just summertime and my mom, you know, being home with us kids and us watching those movies, you know. One of them is Trading Places. Hell, yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Man. It's so good. I love that movie. That still holds up. Oh, it still holds up to this day. And then the way they give them the little love and coming to America, which is crazy. Yes. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:30:08 I was like, oh, shit, there's going to be a new Trey Blasio when we saw that. Yes. And they never did anything when they got that. So she would show us a lot of like, and I fell in love with Eddie Murphy immediately. Immediately. I was like, who's that guy? I was like, that guy is the deal. You know, I just loved all his characters
Starting point is 00:30:25 and stuff like that. You know, but yeah, that's the one thing I miss is like me and my siblings gathered around and watching these movies, you know,
Starting point is 00:30:33 because that was, if there's one thing I could think of, that was like probably the most wholesome part of my time with him, you know,
Starting point is 00:30:41 and even TV shows. My mom loved I Love Lucyy she loves i love lucy mama's family with vicky lawrence like i and we would watch these shows and and i'd just be dying laughing because and i just connect with it so much and you know i that was one thing i thought about when you know i moved in with my adoptive folks i was just like man and no one's ever asked me that question either. But that was the one thing I missed. It was like a bond with my siblings and my mother.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Over laughter. Yeah, my stepfather. You know, I don't remember him. I don't have memories of him in that wholesome part. Yeah, being present. You know what I mean? So it was just such feel good. Man, that was like such feel good. That was, man,
Starting point is 00:31:27 that was like the best. The best. What were they watching at your adoptive family? Shit, man. I was like, bro. What are they on over there? Turn this full house shit on.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Just kidding. Can we please put Good Times on? Can we, where is JJ from Good Times? For real. I feel like feel like i know i said but the tv we grew up on uh i'm older than you but man good times the jeffersons uh what's happening yeah what's happening on the family all the family cheers taxi like it was great fucking comedy yes great comedy fucking comedy great comedy great comedy oh yeah i don't remember what the heck yeah because i you know i i think i would just go to my room and oh my my adoptive father he loves uh gosh so lame he loves the hallmark channel
Starting point is 00:32:18 nah because he's like he's a rise out white dude giving us a bad look and I'm like man that's some shit you would joke about and it's so funny my younger sisters and I like they Hallmark Christmas shit is coming up y'all
Starting point is 00:32:31 y'all need to calm down in that room another lady with a bad boyfriend I love these shit but it's always like because he's always like there's always a happy ending
Starting point is 00:32:44 I'm like so yeah there's that shit happy ending. I'm like, so? Yeah, there's that shit on other networks. Yeah, you know, and it's so funny because my siblings now, on my adoptive side, they're all like not about it anymore. You know, they used to be. They used to sit there with him and watch, and I'm like, man, I can't. Our weeks are filled with deadlines, responsibilities,
Starting point is 00:33:03 and just stress in general, but it's football season. And when the weekend hits, you've got to protect your chill. So this season, make time to chill out and catch the game at your favorite bar. And while you're at it, order an ice cold Coors Light, the beer that's made to chill. Coors Light's the perfect beer to sit around with your friends, crack them open, talk a little smack, watch the games. All right? So whether your team is a powerhouse with a record to keep or an underdog with a point to prove, one thing's for sure,
Starting point is 00:33:33 it's going to be a hell of a season. Stay refreshed through all the action because no matter how your team fares, after the clock runs out, well, Coors Light in your hand means you're winning every time. Protect your chill this well, Coors Light in your hand means you're winning every time. Protect your chill this season with Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash Honeydew. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado.
Starting point is 00:34:01 I've got Joe Burrow throwing for more than 263 yards this week. I think he's going to have another good game. Lamar Jackson, he's going to be throwing for more than 220. This kid's probably going to be one of the MVP frontrunners. And Mark Andrews, that's just my guy. He's going to catch more than 65 yards this week. Those are my picks. Prize picks format is simple and easy to understand.
Starting point is 00:34:20 So even if you aren't a sports fanatic, you can play. Pick two to five players and if they will score more or less than their prize picks projection. You can win up to 10 times your money on any entry. No competing against other people. It's just you versus the projections available. you watch. NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, college football, college basketball, soccer, WNBA, esports, NASCAR, tennis, MMA, boxing, disc golf, y'all, Euro basketball, cricket, and more. Entries can be made in 60 seconds or less. They're safe and fast withdrawal, and it's currently operational in over 30 states and Canada.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Download the PrizePix app or go to prizepix.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports. First-time users can receive a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with promo code HONEYDOO. If you deposit $100, PrizePix is going to give you $100. If you deposit $50, PrizePix is going to give you $100. If you deposit 50, prize picks gonna give you 50. Don't forget to enter promo code honeydew at sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the number of plastic bottles and containers you throw away? Ever thought about purchasing more eco-friendly products but didn't know where to start? Well, if you answered yes to either of these questions, meet Blueland. Blueland is on a mission to eliminate single-use plastics by reinventing
Starting point is 00:35:49 home essentials that are good for you and the planet. Blueland's innovative tablet refill solution takes up 10 times less space than a traditional bottle, and their powerful formulas keep your home clean and smelling great. The idea is simple. You grab one of the forever bottles, you fill it with warm water, you drop in the tablet, and you get cleaning. Refills start at $2, and you don't have to buy a new plastic bottle every time you run out. You can even set up a subscription so you never run out of the products you use the most. From cleaning sprays to hand soap to toilet cleaner and laundry tablets, all Blue Lamb products are made with ingredients you can feel good about. Try their Clean Essentials Kit, which is everything you need to get started. Products come in refreshing signature scents like Iris Agave, Fresh Lemon, and Eucalyptus Mint.
Starting point is 00:36:36 And for a limited time, their hand soap is getting a summer upgrade with three refreshing new scents. Strawberry Rhubarb, Citrus patchouli, and coconut palm. Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you go to blueland.com slash honeydew. That's 15% off your first order of any Blueland products at blueland.com slash honeydew. Blueland.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. dot com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Now, do your siblings and your adoptive siblings, have you all mixed families? Have you crossed, hung out? No. No. Never. Never. Never that.
Starting point is 00:37:15 So you were, what, 17, you said, roughly, when you finally went with them? Finally moved in with them, yeah. And how long were you with them? I moved, I pretty much moved because I went away to college to go cheer in texas
Starting point is 00:37:26 where uh trinity valley it's the this um you know that docu-series cheer yeah i mean i know of it yeah oh okay well the school that that's that's one of the schools that they're talking about is with the school i cheer so that's a big deal yeah yeah cheering okay so and um then i went on to university of louisville but i didn't even finish there because that's where i started stand-up but i pretty much moved out fully moved out when i was 25 okay yeah that's when i moved out from so you're there seven eight years with them and the whole time was a good experience yeah great experience A lot of learning. It did take me a while to get used to the loving. That took a little bit. And I think-
Starting point is 00:38:12 Were they a huggy? Were they a huggy family? Yeah, and they would praise, and I was like, quit doing that. Whenever I did something good, it's just the way they did it. And I was like, hey, stop that. Why do you say it like that? But that's just how they show affection and love. And that's fair, you know, but I just wasn't, I wasn't about it.
Starting point is 00:38:32 Like, I remember, I don't know, I did something right. I don't know if I got, like, a good grade on something. And he was like, oh, my God, that's amazing. Look at you. And I'm like, hey. Yeah, that doesn't feel right. I was like, don't do that you know i was like you know it really felt like those tv shows that they were watching right yeah but uh
Starting point is 00:38:52 now i mean now it's you know i get it and stuff and i'm used to it now but it that all that that took a that took a while to get used to that. And, you know, the youngest, the youngest daughter, their youngest daughter, her and I connected a lot because, you know, I would get home from school early and she, you know, she's a little baby. I call her baby. And so her and I would just be at the house all the time, you know, cause I'd be home earlier from school and I would just play with her and never really did that before either, you know? And she considers me like, yeah, I mean, not even considered. Yeah. I'm her brother. She tells everyone, all of her friends about me, you know, she, she, she's 19 now, I think. Yeah. Something like that. But she, yeah, she tells all her friends about me. I'm like her rock, which is pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:39:48 And I remember, because my voice is loud, and I didn't know. And I would talk aggressive. And I remember one time, just this little situation where I was going out to clean the backyard. And I just used to clean it. Like that was a pretty, you know, thing, thing. That was a thing that we did in our household, you know,
Starting point is 00:40:10 with my biological and stepfather. Like we, we just understood like cleaning was a thing. And I remember I was going to clean the backyard and she wanted to chill out, hang outside while, while I would clean the backyard. And I was like, no,
Starting point is 00:40:22 you ain't going outside with me. And she started crying. I was like, wait, why are you crying? I just said you can't go outside it's a hallmark but I didn't know because my voice was so aggressive but I wasn't even mad but it was just aggressive bro I've been dealing with that my whole life like I'm not mad what is it why does everybody think I'm mad right now like you're yelling I'm like I'm not yelling you haven't heard me yell yeah and and I didn't think I'm mad right now. You're yelling. I'm like, I'm not yelling. You haven't heard me yell.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Yeah. And I didn't know what to do. And I was like, oh, man, she's crying. I was like, I didn't mean to make this little baby cry. And then I remember I just, I picked her up and I was like, oh, okay, it's okay. You know? And I remember I was like, you know what? You can come outside with me.
Starting point is 00:40:59 And then she kissed me on the cheek. And I was like, what? me on the cheek and i was like what and it was it was it was such a moment to where i've never ever in my life felt that it was like this it was it was love yeah it was pure love that was pure love and i and i didn't know how to react i was just just like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll go outside. You know, and to this day, it's one of those emotional things for me because, yeah, coming where I come from, that was never a thing. I'm telling you, we didn't say, I love you. We didn't hug.
Starting point is 00:41:39 Good job. Good job. Yeah. None of that was ever said. All negative. All negative. All the time. All the time.
Starting point is 00:41:45 So to feel that, that was the first moment I ever felt something like that. You mentioned anger management. Yeah. Talk to me about how it helped you and what did you learn from it? I'm curious. You know, I learned a lot of great things in anger management. And I would say the overall take take so I've had three different anger management teachers
Starting point is 00:42:06 shout out I had one my first one was in high school the second one and the other two were in college
Starting point is 00:42:17 yeah when I was like in my 20s and no I didn't you know say hey I want to go to anger management they put me in there sure you know because everyone asked that they're like oh you put yourself I said I didn't say, hey, I want to go to anger management. They put me in there. Sure.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Because everyone asks that. They're like, oh, you put yourself in there? I say, I didn't put myself in there. But the beautiful thing about anger management is it taught me, and there's still things that I, because I haven't gone since my 20s, but there's still things to this day that I take with me. And the overall take is put it all on you. Put it all on you.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Don't make it about anyone else. You know, and I say that in a sense like when I think about my situation with my stepfather. How about I do right? How about I don't fall on those footsteps and follow that cycle? How about I just be a good person? Don't make it about being angry at him. Don't make it about that at all.
Starting point is 00:43:12 How about I just do that? And when I was able to figure that out, I grew this empathy for my stepfather. And I started to learn and ask questions about where he came from because i never knew asking him these questions no i would ask my mom okay my mom knew uh knows pretty much i mean they were together for years but once i had learned about him i was just like oh damn i was like well this guy i think he i he, and I'm not trying to make an excuse or, you know, justify what he did because what he did wasn't good. But he went through some shit and he thought he was doing right.
Starting point is 00:43:53 You know what I mean? And he would say these things all the time to my mom. Like, he was like, why does he think I was a good dad? You know, like I was, I was a good dad. And I used to, I used to get so mad at that question. And I was like, how does he think I was a good dad? You know, like I was a good dad. And I used to get so mad at that question. And I was like, how delirious is he? And then I thought about it. His dad wasn't around.
Starting point is 00:44:13 His dad didn't even come near him. Right. So the fact that he was there, he felt like he was doing right. He was going from zero to one. I'm like, well, I'm doing good. Yeah, he thought he was doing good. I'm like, bro, you suck. Yeah. It's going from zero to one. I'm like, well, I'm doing good. Yeah, he thought he was doing good. I'm like, bro, you suck.
Starting point is 00:44:29 Do you even know what channel number it is? Do you even know what channel number it is? No, but, you know, and it made me feel this way about him that I don't think I've ever felt. Because I felt so much hate towards him, and I wanted to go after this man. I wanted to attack this man i wanted i wanted him to just not exist i wanted all that but then i thought about it and you know because i started honestly through comedy in a weird way i started doing these jokes about my abusive childhood and then i noticed when i was was on stage, as you're working jokes, shit just bombs. And it was bombing. I was like, I hate the fact that it bombs.
Starting point is 00:45:11 And then I was like, well, why do people not connect with it? And then I would listen back to some of the shit and I would think about it. I go, oh, I sound angry. I sound like I'm still hurt. I sound like I'm upset'm upset i go what if i wasn't and so then it made me just dig and dig and dig and understand more and more and more about him and then even you know to this day and like even current current date he and i are cool you are yeah what was the first time you had a good conversation? I don't know if it was a good conversation as much as it was just like, I accepted the fact that I looked at everything I had right in front of me, right? I looked at everything in my life and I go,
Starting point is 00:45:57 I'm fine. I'm fine. And when I was able to do that, I i was able i think it wasn't even anything as just much as i shook his hand when i saw him and i that caught him off guard did it yes you know the fact that i shook his hand and i was just like hey how you doing and and and obviously through with that tone and that energy you know because i obviously he feels something, you know, some sort of guilt, but he didn't get what I got. He didn't get an anger management teacher. Right. He didn't get these things.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Probably didn't even exist, that shit. Yeah, back then, yeah. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? They beat his ass up. I'll teach you, motherfucker. Yeah, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Now go be a daddy. But yeah, man, it just... And I found the beauty in just going, you know what? I'm fine. I'm okay. And I know you've been through some shit. And I understand that. And I don't even take anything that happened in the past personal.
Starting point is 00:47:08 And that's taking a lot of work. That wasn't overnight. It's taking a lot of work. How'd he take it? I mean, he's still like, you know, at times he does get, he's a little quiet around me, you know, because he doesn't know what to say. But you can be in the same room and you can be in holidays together. Yeah, I can say anything.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Good. Yeah, why not? I got his number. Yeah. Yeah, I'll text you. What's up? Does he ever hit you up about your – like, man, your fucking brother's fucking up? No.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Or talk to him? Does he ever ask you to talk to them or anything? No, nothing like that. I mean, my brother – they reach out to me in general. They've kind of just looked at me as like the, you know, respectfully with no arrogance as like a North Star. You know, they kind of look up to me. Good.
Starting point is 00:47:54 And because, you know, it was our oldest brother that we all kind of, in a sense, looked up to because, I mean, he's the oldest. And, you know, he was moving in ways, you know, that just like you look at an older sibling and, you know, and so I think when he had passed, you know, I think. Yeah, tell me about that. So, you know, my brother. This is your biological. You said this is.
Starting point is 00:48:18 Biological brother. You know, my only full-blooded sibling. And, you know, that was a tough one, you know, because when I think about my brother and I, he and I went through some shit together, you know, especially in the home, you know, with our stepfather. And going through that thing together and then losing him, man, really, that was a tough one.
Starting point is 00:48:43 I felt like I lost my soul. He was the only full-blooded sibling I had. He was like my protector. You know, like, I mean, there's times I'd be, you know, getting in a fight, right? And he would roll up. And I'm getting me and this dude are squaring up. And he would always swing on this dude before I could.
Starting point is 00:49:02 And I'm like, you know, it's my fight. You know, hey, man, you know, I could throw a hand or two, you know. But he was just like that. He didn't like seeing. And I think that's just because of what we were going through because he couldn't do anything to our stepfather because he was bigger than us. So, like, when he sees someone, you know,
Starting point is 00:49:22 just squaring up with his little brother in a way to where it's like he would just snap, you know. And unfortunately, you know, he had got into pills. Oh, okay. Right? So, which is an easy thing to get into, especially where we grew up, you know, poor area. You know, that's just what it was. You know, I mean, from, from my earliest memories, I think everybody was just kind of on some shit and, you know,
Starting point is 00:49:53 my brother has some demons, you know, but he was a great fucking guy and he, he didn't get what I got either. You know, he didn't get the, the anger management or someone to necessarily talk to. I would try to share things to him whenever, whatever I learned through the anger management and stuff. How old was he when he passed? He was 28. 28. He was 28 and I was 26. Do you remember how?
Starting point is 00:50:18 Yeah. I remember exactly where I was. I was flying to Florida to go compete at a cheer comp for a world title. For a world title. Yeah. And then when I got off my flight and I was in baggage claim, I had a message on my phone. It was from a police officer. And I guess they found my brother.
Starting point is 00:50:38 He OD'd in his apartment. Man, I'm sorry. So what happened was, my brother had a struggle with pills for quite some time. He was like on and off, right? And then he had got a really good job working for Budweiser in the factory. Like, you know, he was on one of them,
Starting point is 00:50:58 what do you call them damn things they were driving around the factory? Forklifts? Yeah. He was on one of the... I was like, damn, bro, what's that thing called he did? Shit. Let me call him up. No, just kidding.
Starting point is 00:51:08 No, so he was... You know, he worked a really good job. He was so excited for this job because he fought hard to get this job. And it was a hard one to get. You know, it wasn't an easy one to get. And when he finally got it, he was going straight. You know, he was doing all the correct things. And I think, you know, based off what they expressed to me, he just had a night and he took a dose that he would normally take, but he had been off it for a while. So, so I think, so yes, so it
Starting point is 00:51:39 was toxic. Yeah. So like there wasn't any struggle as much as it just stopped his heart. So yeah, I got that call. I called, or I got the message on my phone. They were like, hey, can you give us a call when you get a chance? I call, and no one knew yet. And meanwhile, I was flying from the West Coast to Florida. So that's a six-hour flight. Right.
Starting point is 00:52:04 So no one knew. No one had any information. Because the cops called you. They called me. I see. Because I was like the guy. Right. Next of kin.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Next of kin, yes. And so. Emergency contact. Yeah, emergency. Yeah. And so. But yeah, when I got that call and they told me what happened. And obviously, I was in baggage claim and I was in shock.
Starting point is 00:52:28 And I'm like, man, what the hell? I was like, are you sure it's him? And that's like the first question anyone would ask. Sure. Naturally. It's like, what, you sure? But they were more than sure, obviously. And I remember I was like, man, I got two decisions.
Starting point is 00:52:49 You know, I'm going to compete for this world title for cheerleading, something I've been doing, I've been doing for years, and, you know, still didn't have Marissa. So I kept going. Marissa's long gone. Yeah, she's long gone. I'm still going. I'm still trying.
Starting point is 00:53:04 You know, maybe a world title will be like, oh, damn. Maybe that'll impress her. What about this? And I decided to do the competition. You did? Yes, and only for one reason. My brother was the only person in my family that ever seen me compete. He was the only one in my family that came to my competitions.
Starting point is 00:53:25 So I was just like, okay, I'll do this hell yeah yeah and uh that was that was not easy you know and i was very quiet no one knew you didn't tell anyone uh just my team knew you know but people would see me around and you know they just noticed i was very different very quiet um but yeah it was you know that was that was a tough one that was and to be able to hold hold myself together you know through that granted it was cheerleading uh but still you know and we we won the world title you did yeah we won yeah man i was gonna ask congrats yeah yeah so you're a world title you're a world uh championship cheer're a world championship cheerleader? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Is that how to – am I saying it right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah, you can say that. Yeah, I got rings. Take that step, Dad. Yeah, I got rings, dog. You know.
Starting point is 00:54:17 Wow, would Marissa ever come back? No, she's not. She didn't give a fuck. I was like, damn, I got a ring. She's like, I quit cheerleading three years ago. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. She was long gone.
Starting point is 00:54:27 She was done. Family, married kids. She was like, will you still do that? Oh, that's crazy. Oh, good for you. You made the right decision. Yeah. You know, and it felt good.
Starting point is 00:54:37 And so after that, that was when, that's when it all hit me. It all hit me. that's when it all hit me it all hit me uh it hit me pretty hard you know because i got a huge check for his uh for his death because he made me the beneficiary on his uh life insurance and i got a huge check and i i fucking hated having that money i hated it yeah it was i get that it was and so i was down i was down man i was my soul was just ripped apart because like i said my brother was you know like my protector you know what i mean and um you just don't think that's going to happen to someone and then i i was like i don't have anyone for protection. You know, I was like,
Starting point is 00:55:27 I don't have that protector anymore. You know, and when you lose that, it's like, I don't know, man. I didn't want to kill myself. I didn't want to do self-harm, but I just didn't want to exist. I didn't want to be around. I didn't want to,
Starting point is 00:55:43 like I had planned on moving to a, some random town somewhere and just living a normal, regular life, paycheck to paycheck. And, and just that, that's what I wanted to do, you know? you know and oddly enough through that money i had i just started helping people i just started giving people money not just like hey you know but like if i just noticed someone in need i just be like here you go you know hey let me get that for you let me let me let me get that for you. Let me catch that. I just did that. And then that started making me feel better. I just started organically. It wasn't like, oh, I just did something for somebody. No, it was just the fact that I could do something for someone else made me feel better.
Starting point is 00:56:42 made me feel better. And it takes you out of this, it takes you out of these individual thoughts that are just about you and you, you, you, you, you. You have to take care of you, but also I think if you have the strength and ability to do so to help someone out, even if you don't have
Starting point is 00:57:07 the money that i had i mean even someone that's just you see you see some people outside moving a couch and they're struggling with it and you go over and help them and it's just something and you're not wanting any reward from it you're not wanting any i don't like that's that was my thing i was like i don't want anything for it i just hate looking at this bank account i hate i hate opening up my bank or looking at my bank account just seeing all this money it's interesting you say that because i totally again you resonate with me because here you are living for a while with a family in a home that makes you feel uncomfortable yeah now you got money that makes you feel uncomfortable yeah yeah it's fucking it's interesting yeah because well
Starting point is 00:57:49 you know this is how i thought of it i was like you know what i could get it was 75 grand and i was like i don't want to ask oh no you i don't want to ask i'll say it i don't care uh i was like you know I was like I was like I could get 75 grand again but I can't get my brother back that's it I'd rather have my brother I'd rather have my brother
Starting point is 00:58:12 than 75 grand I think anybody well most people yeah not everybody not everybody some people got some weird siblings no I just
Starting point is 00:58:21 I just I'd rather rather that and there's just this spirit in me that all of a sudden I was, in a sense, a little bit able to feel what it was like to protect somebody for a moment of time. Even though it wasn't as much as my brother protected me, I was able to feel know just by helping a person out that was struggling with a bill or something and you know needed anything and i just like there you know just just take that you know i don't need anything i don't want anything you don't have to tell anybody
Starting point is 00:58:57 i gave you that but just just just take that and some people didn't think i was crazy you know what i mean but i'm like if you were in that situation, you. And you felt the way I feel about this. Yeah, you feel the way I feel about this, then you probably wouldn't say that. Well, also, I mean, when I say it means more to them than it does to you, it really does. You know what I mean? Like, those people need that money. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:22 And you're like, fuck this money. Yeah. It means more to them. I'm just not like that. You get joy out that money. Yeah. And you're like, fuck this money. Yeah. It means more than that. I'm just not like that. You get joy out of that. Yeah. So if you have a bunch of money and you're not getting any joy out of having a bunch of money and then giving some to people that helps them gives you joy, then there's a purpose for this money now.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Yeah. And that could make you feel good about having this money. Exactly. I got my soul back. Right. feel good about having this exactly i got my soul back right i got i was able to rebuild my soul you know in a dope way to where i felt good about myself you know i was and like i said i didn't want anything from it but someone just reaching out and saying hey that really did a lot for me when you did that. I appreciate that.
Starting point is 01:00:05 That meant a lot. Like, you didn't have to do that, you know. And just hearing that from someone, like, almost just makes you just grow into a selfless person, you know, and try to help people as best as you can. Yeah. And anyone that, like, and I don't i don't know you know everyone's different but i know when i was depressed there was something about helping
Starting point is 01:00:32 others that just helped myself in the weirdest way i don't know how to explain it i haven't gotten that far yet but when i do figure it out and able to break it down in a well that goes back to the empathy that you developed because if you didn't you would be like fuck these people this is i'm not helping anybody yeah yeah it's it's freeing yeah it's um i don't know i like to do it as much as i can anytime i can i went while i was in cleveland um we bought tickets to the fucking, I always want to say Toy Story, Christmas Story house. And then I'm standing outside, and Eva and I are out there, and I'm smoking a joint.
Starting point is 01:01:13 I'm like, I don't want to go in and tour that house. It's a movie set. It's not a real house. It's a movie set inside. I didn't know that either. People are like, yeah, it's kind of not. I was like, oh, I thought this was an authentic home we were going to walk through. I was like, I'm smoking a joint in front of the Christmas story house.
Starting point is 01:01:29 This is all I wanted to do. So I see this family with kids, and it's expensive. So I go, and the kid's getting free. So I went over, and I was like, because their kids were like, can we go? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, here, here, take my tickets. Oh, wow. Take your fucking kids in there, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Yeah. I just want to smoke weed out. And that's all you needed. That's all I wanted to do. That's all I needed. Yeah, I'm all about that. And then to kids in there, yeah. Yeah. I just want to smoke weed out. And that's all you need. Yeah. That's all I needed. And then to see them go and take their kids, I mean, that meant more to me. And they're going to remember that.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Yeah. You know? There's something about that feeling. I can't fully explain it to people, like, the exact feeling of what it is, but it's a feel-good feeling it it does something to the to the soul in a way that you know it will come back to you I mean I don't know how I I don't want I'm it always does you know but I just I just wanted to put that energy out there we have family members that stole I can't tell you how many thousands of dollars from us when people died. And over the years, eventually it came back.
Starting point is 01:02:28 You know what I mean? In a different way, but it came back. It wasn't like I'm without that money for the rest of my life. It came back. And then I was like, yeah, fuck y'all. Yeah, now what? But you spent it all. Let me ask you this.
Starting point is 01:02:42 How are you and your mom today? How's your relationship? Man, our relationship is beautiful good it is one of the coolest relationships I think I have today
Starting point is 01:02:50 because man we like I think there was just so much that wasn't talked about and my brother
Starting point is 01:03:02 my brother due to my brother's passing that's when her and I reconnected because I saw something in her that I've never seen before. I think I always saw a sadness in my mom when I think about it now with being in that house. But I saw something that was – she lost her firstborn. Yeah. A child that she created and she did the best that she could to take care of. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:03:33 And watching that look on her face, I was just like, damn. And then it made me think about everything that she went through. And all of a sudden I saw it. I was just like oh wow she was going through it too she was going through with you know with my stepfather but just not in the way that i was you know what i mean and just because she you know we weren't going through it the same way doesn't mean nothing was like her doesn't mean her world was positive and so to see and understand that i was just like
Starting point is 01:04:06 damn so i would just call her every day you know and and before whenever i would try to call her because like i said i used to be 50 50 with her and i was like i'll call her let me call my mom i was like i'm all the way out in this state you know this random. She don't know where I'm at. I was like, let me call her. And it was tough to have conversations. Yeah. It'd be like three minutes. And I'd be like, I'm done with this, you know. But now, I call her, you know, twice a week.
Starting point is 01:04:38 You know, she only lived five hours away in Arizona. But we talked for a long time. We talked for a good while you know and and i love it you know what i mean it's it's really cool and even with my my biological father reconnecting with him i want to ask you about that yeah when did that happen so that was shortly after my brother's death as well um I think I was 29. Was your dad out at that point? Yeah, he was out.
Starting point is 01:05:08 He was out. I think he had been out for 10 years. When my brother died, he already had been out for like 10 years. And so I didn't know anything about him. I knew he existed. I'd seen him a couple times and knew about him on Facebook, i never i was always quiet around him i didn't say much never had really much anything to say i kind of just was like i don't i was like i don't know what because i was like i didn't know about the guy you know so it's like weird it's like i i know he's my dad i I know that, but I don't know. I was like, I just don't know anything about him.
Starting point is 01:05:46 And I don't know what it was. There was he, because we were, I was friends with him on Facebook and he would post these like pictures from when he was younger, like pictures of like from when he was locked up or when he was, you know, you know, doing the shit that he was doing. And finally I was just like let me i was like let me just i just reached out to him i said can i interview you and he was like i would love that wow really yeah and then i remember driving to his house because he had lived like an hour and a half away from me i I was just like, okay, if it goes bad,
Starting point is 01:06:26 then you can say you tried. That's it. If it goes bad, you can say you tried. Because you think about that. You think like, I don't know how this is going to go. But when I thought about it, I was like, you know, if it goes bad, you can say you tried. It's not like he was in your life already.
Starting point is 01:06:43 So it's just like, all right, whatever. And so go over there and I just asked him anything and everything. And he answered it? He answered everything. What sticks out that you really remember the most? Man. Probably that shootout he had with some Colombian drug lord. What?
Starting point is 01:07:04 Was he really? Yeah, yeah. He had some crazy shootout with some colombian drug lord yeah some something wild i don't know if he was colombian or cuban i don't know he had some shootout and then he said they came and shot up his house after whatever he never saw the dude again but it was a guy that he had worked for worked under you know and then that was that was one that I was like, oh, damn. Okay, you real deal. So where is he now? He's in Arizona.
Starting point is 01:07:29 And do you still talk to him? Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, talk to him all the time. So you have a good relationship with your biological father. We talk all the time. You're on solid ground with stepdad. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:39 And you're in a great place with mom. Yep, and my adoptive folks. And how old are you? I'm 35. Good for you, dude. And your adoptive folks Yep. And my adoptive folks. And how old are you? I'm 35. Good for you, dude. And your adoptive folks. Yeah. My adoptive folks, too.
Starting point is 01:07:48 You tied them all together. Yeah. Like, you know, yeah, it is weird. Because, like, I do feel equally about all of them in a way to where I'm like, yeah, this is my family. And my mom doesn't get weird about my adoptive folks. My mom doesn't get weird about, youive folks. My mom doesn't get weird about my stepdad or biological father. No one gets weird about those situations. Because they all love me.
Starting point is 01:08:14 Right. And they all know that the kid that they all have a part of their life is trying his best. Did your mom and dad connect a little bit over your brother's passing a little bit not a little bit at least a little bit yeah because i mean yeah that's their child their firstborn yeah you know what i mean and yeah and to see and to see you know my biological father deal with that too because he you know, my biological father deal with that too. Cause he, you know, and he had said something. He told me when he was in prison, he goes, man, like, he goes, all I thought about, it's like, I have kids. You know, it got to a point cause he was in survival mode. You know, he, he was locked up in a very tough prison in Arizona and he was, he was just constant in survival mode.
Starting point is 01:09:04 And he was just like, man, I got, I got kids and I want to be in their lives. But he just, he's just like, but I'm here. You know, eventually he studied law because he was supposed to be serving a life sentence. So he studied law and found out the system had messed up in some way. Something with signing people off when they're like, I don't know. I don't know the details, but you can Google it. But he studied law and basically got himself out.
Starting point is 01:09:35 No way. Yeah. Really? Uh-huh. Damn. Yeah. That's impressive. He went back in.
Starting point is 01:09:42 I didn't tell you that part. He went back in. He went back in. He went back in. He went back in. He didn't tell you that far. He went back in. He went back in. He went back in. He went back in. He gave himself out that time. Not that time. They're like, we're not going to fuck up this time.
Starting point is 01:09:51 Yeah, yeah. I'm like, bro, you studied to get yourself, and you went back in. How do you do all that work to go right back? I know, man. I was like, you worked your ass off, read 20 books. That's too good. Dude, thank you for coming on and sharing your story. This has been great, man ass off, read 20 books. That's too good. Dude, thank you for coming on and sharing your story. This has been great, man.
Starting point is 01:10:08 No, this is great, man. All right. I mentioned at the beginning before we started recording, after everything we've talked about here now, what advice would you give to your 16-year-old self? What advice would I give to a 16-year-old self? Take more deep breaths. I say that because I do that now.
Starting point is 01:10:43 If I feel like I see a situation that's in front of me that's, you know, to where I'm like, it like you know tense i just go i just keep doing that and i think i wish that was something i knew as a kid because that tension was so heavy yeah all the time you know i just wish i didn't have my guard up so strongly and aggressive because there were so many great people that I think I missed out on growing up that were trying to also show love and help. And I think I would love to tell that kid, take a deep breath and see those people over there. They're good people. They're good people, too. You know, and I think I've, you know, due to my aggression and just being a rescue, I was just aggressive all the time. And there's some good people I think I missed out on.
Starting point is 01:11:41 That's great advice. Yeah. Again, thank you. uh plug everything you want yeah uh at chapelle lacy uh on instagram chapelle lacy.com for my uh website tour dates all that stuff uh i think october 13th through the 15th i'll be in raleigh north carolina at uh good nights and then october 21st and 22nd Milwaukee Improv and then November 17th at One Nighter
Starting point is 01:12:07 at Irvine Improv. Very nice. Yeah. Come here, we talk some shit. Yeah, go see him. And as always, RyanSickler.com Ryan Sickler on all social media.
Starting point is 01:12:17 We'll talk to y' you next time.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.