The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Thomas Araujo - Dope as Yola
Episode Date: August 24, 2020My HoneyDew this week is Thomas Araujo AKA Dope as YOLA! Thomas Highlights his Lowlights about learning gangs in the 2nd grade, his Mom who’ll fist fight you, his stepdad who was in and out of priso...n, and getting shot in the back of the head in a drive-by! Subscribe today! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel & watch full episodes of The Dew there every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story?? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew Sponsors: See why Upstart has a 4.9 out of 5 rating on Trustpilot and hurry to Upstart.com/honeydew to find out HOW LOW your Upstart rate can be. Checking your rate only takes a few minutes! Go to​https://hellotushy.com/HONEYDEW get 10% off your order and FREE shipping Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with code HONEYDEW at Manscaped.com​. That’s 20% off with free shipping at ​manscaped.com, code HONEYDEW​ If you’re ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to Keeps.com/honeydew to receive your first month of treatment for free. That’s keeps.com/honeydew
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This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Tushy, Upstart, Manscaped, and Keeps.
More on that later. Let's get into the do.
The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.
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I mean, you guys are the fucking best. I'm sitting here thinking
of night pants. You guys are like, hey, why don't we cut the
legs off of them? And I'm like, yeah.
Why don't we cut the fucking legs? Let's cut the night pants
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thank you, thank you, thank you.
And as always, I record here at Santa Monica Music you. Thank you. Thank you. Um, and as always, I record
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for a package all right now you all know what we do over here we highlight the low lights and as i
always say these are the stories behind the storytellers i am very excited to have uh this
storyteller on today for the first time here on the honeydew y'all let's welcome thomas arajo
everybody welcome to the honeydew brother thank you did i say it
right you did they're pretty good for white just like i said um well welcome to the show this is
thank you to uh marty actually for for connecting us marty o'neill the shit thank you marty um i
like the crossover here and uh what i didn't know is i didn't know this was your first
guest on i didn't know that so i't know this was your first guest on.
I didn't know that.
So I was very flattered and excited because I know you're stoked to be here.
Yeah, dude.
Thank you.
Yes, thank you.
So before we get into your stories, because you have quite a bit to tell, please promote everything and anything you want.
Go to dopazola.com, pushtrees.com.
That's my clothing company.
go to dopasyola.com pushtrees.com that's my clothing company
dopasyola on youtube
and yola youtube
on instagram if it's still there
like I told you
they fucking deleted it
I didn't know that at all
yeah it's a
what the fuck
yeah that's all
well I want to talk to you
I think the easiest way i you know
i ask everybody to send me stuff i'm pointing over to the the monitor with your stuff on there
and yours is uh a hell of a chronological story as as some people's are and some aren't so why
don't you uh start from the beginning for us please okay um i'm from merced california you
said you do know where that's from. It's a shithole.
But I love it.
It's where I'm from.
It's just full of meth and gangs.
It runs on meth and like EBT cards and shit.
That's the whole town.
I don't know.
I grew up there.
I don't speak Spanish, but I'm brown as shit.
So it was very hard for me to not get like,
every time someone speaks Spanish,
I go, I don't fucking know what you're saying.
Looking down on you. Oh, when i went to cancun recently holy shit everywhere i walk huh do they walk up to you and speak to you in spanish yeah and i go i'm what the fuck what's
that feel like inside they have to tell them it's the worst man at customs at, the lady looked at me and go, Mexican? Yeah.
Like that.
Out loud.
Couldn't even throw a C out right there.
I mean, come on, man.
And then there's a white guy behind you like.
Dude, I'm telling you, I don't fit the description.
I know that shit, but it's okay.
That's happened a lot, though.
Did you just feel it inside?
How many times would you have to say you think in your life i don't speak spanish thousands
no i grew up i grew up in a town a mexican town yeah it's a field it's a field worker town and
there's me yeah but uh merced's good i i guess it's where you that's where you grow up i'm sure it's home
yeah it's home for you i love going back it's fucking awesome but other than that it's it's
not a lot of opportunity but that's why i left that's why i live in la so but what was it like
for you growing up there because things were you were exposed to shit very young yes um
like i said gangs and drugs so gangs was the first thing I...
No, drugs.
Sorry.
Take it back.
So my best friend Preston, I'm sorry.
His dad Preston.
Big Preston.
He's a fucking giant dude.
I was playing at his house.
I was about four.
And you know when you're a kid, it's like, fuck that water hose.
There's 12 people on that shit.
I'm going inside to get some water.
I walked in and I just saw this Mexican dude on the table just like this.
It's a
little ass brown fat me just walks in and this guy has this big pile of white i don't know what
the fuck i'm looking at and he just does this and i stop and then i just see preston puts his
puts his hand over my face starts walking me out and my mom's real mean i forgot to mention that
he's like my mom he's like your mom's real mean i forgot to mention that he's
like my mom he's like your mom's gonna fucking kill me and he just threw me outside by my face
oh big preston big press scared of your mom six oh yeah no no for sure big yeah not little not
my best friend his dad he's a giant man and he said your mom's gonna fucking kill me and threw
me out um i think it was the first place they ever saw weed and zigzags.
So, I mean, it's not a big deal, but the coke fucking.
I just knew that's the shit on Scarface.
I've seen Scarface before.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, my mom.
My mom did not.
I grew up on movies like The Cable Guy.
It's exactly like that.
Like, hey, watch this.
I'm like, fuck, all right.
That's Born Killers.
Here we go. Oh, shit. I'm just getting fucking brainwashed. But Like, hey, watch this. I'm like, fuck, all right. That's Bond Killers. Here we go.
Oh, shit.
I'm just getting fucking brainwashed.
But yeah, dude.
Drugs.
Drugs runs that town, but I mean, I ended up doing it.
And you were exposed that young.
Yeah, but it's not like it fucked me up.
I knew drugs were bad.
I still didn't smoke weed until I was way older.
I knew it was bad, so I knew, just get the fuck away from this guy.
Because my mom will beat my ass that's all I know
my mom will fucking kill me do anything wrong
she's going to stab me she's going to break my legs
she said that shit to me all the time
I'll break your legs she always said that shit I'll break your fucking legs
which brings me to the next thing
the gangs this is when it first happened
you get jumped in in the house
my mom will wake me up with a fucking
belt it's happened many times
I was playing with a match and she found out she woke me up with a fucking belt. It's happened many times. I was playing with a match, and she found out.
She woke me up with a fucking studded belt on my back.
A studded belt?
She's a fool, man.
She is a 90s mom.
You know what I'm saying?
She was 18, though, so I understand.
Your mom was 18 when she had me?
Yeah.
But 16 with my sister.
So they were kids.
I understand.
Yeah, she is a kid.
They were kids in a drug town the fuck do
you expect you know what i'm trying to keep their kids trying off the drugs yeah no my mom oh i
she's the reason i don't have 10 kids i'm not the gang i'm not in jail because she fucking punched
me in the face all day punched me in the face if i did some crazy shit so i knew to stay away what's
the hardest your mom's ever hit you for real?
Okay.
That's a good one.
When she kicked me the fuck out one time when I was 16.
Because of my life.
I'm afraid of her.
Like an older brother.
I'm bigger, but you fuck me up.
But my mom's scary.
She's loud and she's scary.
And she punched me in the fucking face because I didn't mow the lawn.
Because it didn't fucking work.
And I'm telling her,
it doesn't work.
What do you want me to do?
She just cracked me in the fucking face, dude.
And it did nothing.
And that's the day I stopped being afraid of my mom.
I was 16 years old.
That was it.
I told her, too.
You took her best shot.
I fucking hulked out on her.
I didn't hit my mom.
No, yeah.
You're like, that's it. It's the last mom no yeah you're like that's it it's the last
one oh shit that's it it's over you don't care anymore because i even told her that's fucking it
and then i grabbed my shoes you'll see motherfucker my ride ain't over dude she's crazy she's back
then oh my my little brother now is 16 he got the the cool, nice version of her, which is dope. You know, it's fucking awesome seeing that shit.
But, yeah, my mom was, she was an asshole.
Yeah, I tell her to her face, like, you're a fucking dickhead.
All the time, man.
But, like I said, we have a relationship that's like, stop fucking doing that.
There's the outcome.
What the fuck do you expect?
So it was kind of like a brother-sister thing.
But, yeah, like I said, the first time she told me, I'll break your fucking legs.
She used to say that often, but she said it for the first time for real.
And she grabbed me by my fucking shirt.
It was when I was leaving school, second grade,
and this fucking kid in a red shirt.
I was in the second fucking grade.
And this kid comes up to me and goes, what are you banging?
And I go, what the fuck does that mean?
What are you talking about?
I'm just with my backpack full of Power Rangers shit. What are you talking
about? You know, I'm fucking in second grade.
And he goes, what are you banging?
And I said, what the, what are you talking about?
I had a bad mouth. I said, what the fuck are you talking about?
And he goes, I claim red.
I go, alright. And I fucking
kept walking. And I got
home. I told my mom. She straight fucking
put me, like, grabbed me by the shirt.
I'll break your fucking legs if you join me.
We'd grip all over here every day.
I ever hear that blood
shit, I will break your fucking...
Thank you for that. That was such a
fucking better way of looking at it, man.
Because it just scared the shit out of me.
Yo, she was... Like I said, she she's a fucking it's a gang town and she's trying to keep and my dad my dad was dumb when he was young he tried to do gang stuff but my dad's like me he's very nice
so were your parents together no they broke up when i was like three or four because
sorry my dad and my mom used to fight like crazy and uh you said they broke up but i mean it sounds
funny she was 18 but she was 18 that is a breakup they fucked each other up they your mom would
fight with your dad too really yeah a lot i've never even talked about this shit wow my bad my
dad's good now he's like a fucking straight edge it's great but no i see my dad beat the fuck
out of my mom and i see my mom fuck my dad up my mom knocked my dad out unconscious many times
many bro my mom is fucking she's fucking she's like a little rosie perez but she'll fucking
beat the shit out of you and that's how i grew up like be polite hold the fucking door how do you
knock him out what do you
punch him in the face punch him in the face and she tried to run over the they were wild kids
you know but me growing up i just go oh they're fighting she's full x-men fucking play fucking
sega your dad's got a glass jaw oh fuck get out of here no no my dad beat the shit out of her too
jesus yeah uh the last time I remember when they broke up.
So they were never married?
No, they broke up.
My dad was 23.
My mom was 21, probably.
They were fucking kids.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
But I walked in, and my dad was beating the shit out of my mom with his belt.
And they were both naked.
I was like, what the fuck is happening?
I was a little kid.
I was a kid.
That might have been the one time he wasn't beating the shit out of you.
That might have been the one time your mom was actually asking for it.
I walked in on some fucking extracurricular shit they were doing.
No, no, no.
That's not what it was.
Jesus Christ, man.
Jesus Christ, man.
No, no.
Then he started punching her in the face, right?
And then I jumped on her.
I was like, hey, knock it off.
And my dad started crying.
Wait, you jumped in the middle of your... Well, yeah.
My dad was beating the fuck out of her.
But they're naked.
Oh, man.
You know how awkward I was?
You know how awkward I was? I can't imagine.
I said to my mom, I didn't look at her.
And I stared at my dad.
Put the dick away, dad.
And I was like, stop it.
And he just started like cheering.
And they broke up that day.
That was it.
That was it.
That was it.
Because he threw my little sister, my older sister.
When I stopped and stopped him, he threw my fucking sister across the room all twacked out.
So was it substance abuse?
Oh, yeah.
No, they used to do meth.
My dad used to crank a lot.
And so, but your mom never called for help, huh?
She fought back.
She fucked him up.
That's what I'm saying.
She beat the shit out of my dad.
Yeah, she wasn't like, it's a help.
She beat the fuck out of my dad, man.
I've seen my mom hulk up on a few people.
Hulk up on them.
No.
One day you'll see. I'll just show you a picture for later. Oh, I can see it. She's scary, a few people. Hulk up on them. No. One day you'll see.
I'll just show you a picture of her later.
Oh, I can see it.
She's scary, man.
She's like fucking Roseanne.
She's just scary.
But that was the first time she told me,
I'll break your fucking legs.
The circle back.
It was the gangs.
So you went home and said something about this?
I asked her.
I go, what does that mean, Da Bang?
She just fucking grabbed me and told me,
I'll break your fucking legs.
And then, well, when she taught me not to hit girls too,
because my dad used to beat my mom, she told me,
you want to hear, all right, here's a technique.
She said, I'm four.
This is right when they broke up.
Your mom's time.
Right when they broke up.
We used to live in Fresno for a year.
So they broke up after that fight,
and my mom was lecturing me on not to hit girls.
That's why I don't hit girls, because she fucking she's scary she told me she'll fucking kill me
she'll i will stab you i will kill you i'll send you to jail you hit your girlfriend to understand
how strong women especially are she raised me my whole life but think about like how strong
women are to fucking have to be beaten to be beaten and then still look at your kid and go don't do that yes you
know what i mean to literally take a beating and still have to be the the parent and go hey
what you see happening to me is fucked up yes do not do this to women like good god the burden
exactly no wonder she wanted to whip people's ass.
She's scary, man.
What's your mom's name?
Emily.
Emily.
I got the nicest little.
Emily Ann.
That's the nicest, sweetest little name.
I know.
I know.
But she's the reason why it came out not shitty.
For real.
It only takes one, y'all.
It only takes one parent
say one good one good one no my dad one good one that's great my dad's great them together
is fucking explosive other than that my dad is the nicest but he never fucking does that again
them together was just all bad you know they're just not right for each other born five days
apart they're just too much alike oh really yeah they're just too much like they're like brother and sister yeah yeah um so that's that's really uh
how i started seeing my mom just teach me shit but the way like i said the way she told me not
to hit girls she said girls are fucking stupid they'll hit themselves to make it look like you
hit them you go to jail and i'm sitting there'm sitting there, no they wouldn't. F4.
And my mom, yes, F.
I remember looking up at her, fucking X-Men on Sega,
to the right of me.
There's windows behind us.
We're in fucking Clovis.
She's telling me this and she's crying as she does it.
And I'm sitting there, what the fuck is happening?
What the fuck did you do?
What did I do?
You know, but now I get it that she's fucking tripping.
She's having to explain this to me right
and she tells me what you do is they'll hit themselves right she says you sit on their chest
you push your head your hand on their head so they don't slam it into the ground you put your
knees on their shoulders you call the cops and that's it so don't hit them because they're you're
gonna go to jail but they will hurt themselves and i'm sitting there like bullshit no girl would just hurt themselves to make somebody get in trouble
you know i'm trying to process the fuck i'm trying to process this shit trying to process like my dad
is not here you know but the next day i'm just playing like catching my dad so i didn't think
of it all their fight me and my sister fight too you know what i'm saying so it didn't really bug
me didn't bother me it was nor unfortunately it was normal yeah it didn't yeah and i didn't
see it all the time right you know and it wasn't like they were beating each other all the time
but when we weren't around they were fucking each other up so that's how i learned the don't hit
girls don't join gangs shit from my mom yeah but because you could have gone the other way i mean dude people my
whole life asking right now you could be naked in some bedroom beating somebody right now i could
be doing the kid running your son running in oh man i'll never forget that shit that was
that is yeah that is a lot of layers if they were fully clothed normally that's a fucked up situation
so when i jumped on i couldn't fucking get to her
i swear to god it was a water yeah stop i was sick i'm getting sick
i'm getting sea queens you got oh that is terrible that's terrible it's funny it's thank god you see it that way
no matter what i mean if i told you i saw this guy beating this fucking naked like what happened
it's funny kid came in was bouncing around on a waterbed and saved the day. It's funny, man. It's funny.
Alright, so you're obviously introduced
to drugs and
violence, domestic violence.
Yeah, but very early.
They broke up after that.
But then, my mom's
not nice. When I was a kid, she was very mean.
So, it was
just now my mom, but
my dad was the fun one.
But he's not there.
So yeah,
it went,
and then we moved to LA for a year and a half.
My mom met,
my mom met some guy.
I saw the guy walk into a room.
They introduced him.
They stared at each other.
It was like a movie.
Like good fellow started.
And then there he was.
And then it just starts.
That's what happened.
And they stared at each other.
And my mom moved to LA.
We lived in Merced.
They looked at each other once,
said hi. You remember that? I remember it looking at, why is my mom moved to la we lived in merced they looked at each other once said hi you remember that i remember looking at why my mom like this is a brand new person because i didn't know who he was i'm looking at this tim curry looking fucking dude
and i look at my mom and then we moved to la with the guy fucking with him well we moved into so
where did you meet him in merced that's where they met first. It was my mom's friend's boyfriend's friend.
That's it.
But I remember they walked in the door.
I was like, get the fuck out of here.
Are you guys serious?
But I'm a kid.
I'm just looking at it like, why are my mom...
My mom doesn't look at anybody like that.
And then we moved to LA.
And then that's when, like...
That's when shit got rough, man.
It was...
My mom's...
I mean...
It got bad.
Because it's been so easy so far no no it got rough
physically it got rough to the all right look at my mom smoking meth i didn't know that at the time
right so like food wasn't like hey did the kids fucking eat today but as a kid i just know you're
hungry and shit you know what i mean at school i get to eat fucking hamburgers at lunch i come home
i just wait to go to fucking school.
But not all the time.
They're fucking weird.
He was a weird motherfucker, man.
I didn't like the guy.
Robert, he's a dick.
I one time peed on the fucking floor in my room and blamed it on his cat.
So he'd have to clean it up.
And I pissed up the wall a little.
And my mom straight believed that it was his cat and said,
my son wouldn't fucking do that. And then I'm watching this this man clean my piss and then that's how i got back at him
he's a piece of shit i fucking hated the guy smells not like gatorade i'm not gonna lie no
he said my cat's a fucking girl why would i piss on the wall but like in the corner
you know what i'm saying i was fucking six i thought it'd be fucking
i thought it'd be funny you know i thought it'd be funny it is funny especially watching him
fucking do it looking at me no way that it was me but my mom will beat the shit out of him if he's
that's right yeah he tries to spank me or anything my mom's gonna fuck you up so he knew better and
the cat it was great yeah it was great but, he put a fucking chain on the refrigerator so we couldn't open it unless he opened it.
It was weird, man.
It was very, like looking back, I see pictures, like a stick figure kid, but I didn't know.
That's why I'm fat as shit.
I think because I got home, my grandma's like, what do you want?
Fucking Sunny Delight and McDonald's.
What the fuck do you think I want?
You know what I mean?
I want Sandlot all day and eat this shit.
So when my mom broke up with him, we came back to Merced.
My mom was straight. She was good.
She was working to stop doing drugs completely.
That's good. Yeah, but she was still fucking
mean. Like the punching.
Emily Ann? She's nice
now. She's very nice now, but when we were kids
she was not.
That's Merced and how I started growing up.
Remember I told you she hates gangs, uh that's merced and how i started growing up and remember i told you she hates gangs
all that shit so then she meets her husband her soon-to-be husband and i try to tell you like
i'm i'm fucking brown you can see that i'm brown i'm a brown kid my mom looks like a white lady
because my whole other side's jewish and then my other side's mexican okay jewish so white well
i'm saying jewish but they're like Polish and something.
They're all...
I'm not doing the seven days of Hanukkah. I try to do it with my grandma.
She's sitting to see another fucking language
and I made fun of it once and then she
never did it again.
And we had a regular Christmas for the rest of my life, man.
So my mom looks like a white lady
for somewhat.
So she marries this guy. I'm just gonna
call him my stepdad because i don't want to
you'll you'll see why sure he's a fucking prison bird you could see it right i'm playing hacky
sack i'm like eight playing hacky sack in the fucking yard just trying to do tricks and this
guy walks in with my mom fucking axel rose walks in basically he had long hair long fucking hair
white dude blue eyes and i looked at him like why the fuck are you standing with hair like that long fucking hair white dude blue eyes and I looked at him
like why the fuck are you standing with him like that
like oh shit it's her boyfriend
you know what I mean like this is it
this is introductions my mom had a hell of a different boyfriend
is that Greg Allman
oh fuck
no dude he was he had overalls on
overalls and a shirt under
you remember huh you really do have a good memory
and uh
he's doing hacky sack over his head showing me i fell in love with the guy instantly
he goes oh this is your boyfriend fuck yeah he just showed me how to do all the tricks watch
this trick right here learn this in the art right now and i didn't know what else you're gonna do
in prison so she dates him for two three months and then he goes to jail right but i just know do you know how they met my mom was dating some guy and he started getting really weird
and he that was his cousin my mom was a dumbass at the time and he beat the shit out of the guy
because he wouldn't leave her alone and that became her new boyfriend like what the fuck are
you doing to me my dad was always so mad like why the fuck are you with my kids around these people? I just thought it was
like my coolest stepdad.
He's tight. Now I get it.
I'd be pissed.
He went to jail.
And that's when I realized that he was not just some
white, random white dude.
Because he was covered in tats. I didn't know what they meant.
But now when I get older, it's like some
American history ex-fuck.
Just bolts and bolts, lightning bolts.
White is right.
White supremacist?
Dude, 100%.
But your mom's Jewish.
You think I don't fucking know this?
My grandma's Jewish.
You know how fucking mad she was?
Oh, just devastated.
Devastated.
How?
Out of prison, 100% straight edge trying to go to college.
Race doesn't mean anything
he explained this to me later
when he's in jail
he's like
when jail
it's different
you have to
or you're on your own
he explained this to me
he's like
now did I need to get
this profile
Hitler on my back
or you know
I did
he straight up
it was bad
he's like
white is right
real big
white is right
because I asked him what does
that mean and that's when he started explaining to me like well when you're in jail what the fuck
you talking about man what are you talking about i'm fucking nine eight i don't get it i didn't
understand that people will fucking murk you if you're a different color i think i knew what
racism was obviously but yeah my prison's got its own country.
World planet.
I didn't know what it was about.
I just knew my stepdad was
this white dude. When we go into town,
we always get stared at. Everywhere we go,
we get stared at.
Of course.
Did you ever ask your mom,
what the fuck were you thinking with that guy?
I did a... I sat down with mom, like, what the fuck were you thinking with that guy? I did a.
What was it?
I sat down with her last year.
And she said.
Okay, good.
He's kind of mainly to piss my mom off.
That's what the fucking asshole said to me.
My grandma, they didn't have a good relationship.
She's like, you know what?
My fucking boyfriend turned into her fucking husband.
The coolest guy in the world.
I fucking love that guy.
He was the shit.
No, and that's, let me explain to you why. Like, you like this white supremacist the shit no and that's let me explain to you why
like you like this white supremacist you piece of shit let me explain to you when i met him i didn't
know what the fuck was going on we go to visit him in prison because it's be writing him letters i
know my mom's boy went to jail your mom's taking you to prison to see him corcoran and my dad is
every fucking chance he gets is screaming at my mom and i'm just like he's cool dad leave him alone but little do i know like why are you taking my kids to the
fucking prison visiting center so when i first prison family visits got some bomb ass sandwiches
let me just say that right now i went a few times just to get the fucking sandwiches
and i'm not kidding at all, bro.
I wake up at 530. He's been to Cino Farms over here, man.
That tri-tip.
Fuck yeah, I'm going to see him today.
I swear to God, it was...
Anyway, first time I went to see him,
I'm excited.
He's my stepdad, basically.
I go to see him.
He looks different.
He walks in different like he's walking like
slow and i'm looking like what the fuck is going on this guy's walking in not like the guy i know
all happy and fun because he's a fun motherfucker he's a genius he's smart as shit he can draw
anything in the world he does tattoo he's great cool guy goes to jail and then it was just
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Now let's get back to the dude.
He walked in, and when he walked in,
like everyone looks, I saw like two dudes look down.
I went, what the fuck is going on?
And he walked in, hugged us, and then a black dude
and a Mexican dude looked over at us.
And I remember he looks at him,
and they both just looked straight down.
I went, what the fuck is happening?
So there's like a busy fuck is happening so there's
like a yard there's like a busy family room and there's a concrete slab brick room where you can
walk around and do laps with who you're visiting it's pretty big it's like 30 yards and we go out
as soon as we go out all the fucking three or four prisoner dudes get up take their wives go
straight in that into the visiting room so it's just us out there. So me, I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
Nobody wants to be around us? Is this
sick? What do I do?
We're walking with you. And then
when you pass the guards, I see the guards
look at him and look away.
And I'm just trying to figure it out.
I don't get it. And I ask my mom.
Is his head shaved at this point? Because he had long
hair. Still long hair.
All the way down to his knees. Far. had fucking the longest hair and then he i'll get to that um i asked my mom like why is
everybody sitting down why does everybody leave when we go around they look straight at the floor
when we walk by and why are we you know what i mean when i walked in everybody's staring at me
who the fuck are you here to see my sister's dark i'm not yeah brown my sister's darker than i am you are not listen ain't no way
fucking the white wall the king of the white walkers is coming over here to hug the brown
at all man and i i have seen the pictures now like little little fat little kid with him
smiling like what the fuck is going on so i asked my mom and she just says
nothing she didn't tell me shit so he gets out two three years later i'm older i'm like 12
my mom and him get married or a year or two later they get married um they end up having a babe but
the baby didn't make it like eight or eight months ish um but it's my stepdad he's going to all these
places trying to get a teaching degree in engineering
because he's got all these degrees from being in prison.
I didn't know this.
19 years of his life.
He's 35.
Holy shit.
Your mom's having a baby.
He's going to prison.
16.
Wild, right?
What was he in for?
Okay, so the first things he tells me he gets,
he was doing like robberies with his friends and he went to jail on his 18th
birthday and got transferred right to the big,
the big house.
He basically said,
I went to the,
I went,
I had to be around growing me into my 18th birthday.
And he,
he's told me some crazy things,
but that's why I don't say his name because he's back in jail,
but they're not together.
They haven't been together for 12, 15 years. No jail but they're not together they haven't been together for 12 15 years no almost 20 fucking years they haven't been together and um he's
told me some crazy shit man like being a kid like pretty blue-eyed kid at 18 not hard at all yet not
scary he's told me some when they were starting divorce i started going with him on the weekend
like it was like my dad.
My dad was never fucking around.
So your dad would just get mad that you guys were around guys like this,
but he would never show up?
Once or twice, maybe every two, three fucking months.
Fuck you doing, bringing my kids around these little- Always working.
I ain't coming, but get some new guys in here, God damn.
Exactly.
Nah, nah, just get somebody else.
As a kid, I'm just happy.
He showed the fuck up.
I'm hyped.
We'd do anything and it'd be fun.
You know?
But he was always working.
My dad's a nonstop truck driver.
Never not worked.
Goes to school.
All that shit.
He's just on one.
And if he doesn't want to be around us all fucking on, he just doesn't show up.
But he did it a lot.
So it pissed me the fuck off.
So this is my stepdad.
I was like my dad.
I lifted weights with him.
He showed me stuff. You, I lifted weights with him. He showed me stuff like,
you know,
we live with them.
So I'm about 12 or 13.
They're getting a divorce.
They're not,
it's not going.
Cause he started doing meth.
This fucking guy started doing meth and shit.
I didn't care or no,
I just knew they were getting divorced.
So I go out in the country that it was mom's way out in the fucking boonies.
The lady,
you know,
those older white ladies that survive on cigs and Pepsipsi only diet pepsi you know what i mean they don't planters
peanuts anything yeah my mom's mom was like that i'm like well do you eat grandma nothing i just
survive on sugar cigarettes diet coke and fucking planters peanut you know exactly what i'm saying
that was the meal yeah every now and then and then, like a tasty, like a.
Like a fucking hostess of some kind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
A coffee cake.
Yeah, exactly.
A snowball.
Yeah, that was about once a year.
Yeah.
So we went out to his mom's.
That's that lady.
And she comes out like super hick out of a trailer.
All right, sick.
We're staying here the weekends.
Ugh.
And I go in.
They're nice, great.
So me and him camp out in the country for two days
he's just telling me all this shit because he's like you know what in case we don't i'm still
your dad you know because i've known him for six seven years and um that's when he starts telling
me about all the prison shit and why everybody wouldn't look around and um so basically he said
18th birthday he knew he had to do
some shit 18th birthday he walks into
fucking prison and he's like nah
dude I'm small he's not a big guy but when
my mom met him he's a fucking
like the most shredded person on the planet
like just a beast
fucking American history acts
I think my mom just like my mom loves Edward Norton
she's obsessed with him like do you just have a crush
on fucking white people cause you don't have to get the Nazi fucks.
You don't have to do that.
The fuck's wrong?
I talk shit to her every day.
Every time I see her, it's just...
I don't hold a grudge, but I'm going to talk shit to you every time I talk about it.
I love it.
She's going to get so fucking pissed about this.
But it's great.
He's just a shredded motherfucker.
But not as a kid.
So he told me, he's like, I'm a skinny a skinny fucking kid i was doing robbery i wasn't fighting people and he tells me that like the best thing
you can do when you get to jail if you're not if you'd want to be down but you're scared go stab a
rapist or go get a pedophile just fuck them up so i'll do whatever you can in front of somebody
and you're okay you're gonna get talked
to some somebody's gonna get talked to after you come out of a hole and he said straight up he
walked up to the guy with his little plastic fork and just started stabbing the guy in the neck
but he said he was a he saw it was a chester so i didn't give a shit what the fuck does that mean
he explained that chester's like a molester yeah fuck and i tell him that's fucking sad that's mean
why would you stab somebody over that like
you know as a kid i'm super nice i don't like to fight i'll fuck you up i just don't want to
i don't want to do that you know what i mean you don't ever want to hurt people ever talk it out
but when he told me that i'm looking at him in a whole different light like what the fuck you
talking about you just stab the man in the throat because yeah i just till it try to open up and
they pull me off.
But as I, he said, as I'm leaving, all these Mexican fools are, like,
looking at me like, fuck, yeah.
Because he spoke fluent Spanish, and this makes sense why.
Do you see the connection now of why he's with my mom?
It's okay.
A white supremacist who speaks fluent Spanish.
Fluent, fluent, fluent Spanishanish man
it's almost just like a cartoon right uh and you know you got the skin color and everything
see oh come on you had a white supremacist trying to teach you spanish
i didn't think about it like that
to Spanish.
I didn't think about it like that.
That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard.
You gotta roll your R's, man.
Come on, man. That's what you call
an anier right there, okay?
You hear that?
You're dying over here.
Oh, fuck.
Hold on.
Yo, saying this shit out loud is so much different than just thinking about it
it's different listen living it it's all different when you start talking about it man
yeah so yeah i guess yeah he did try to teach me spanish
okay so wait he goes in oh he's going in to set a precedent. Like, look, I'm going to go after the piece of shit
we all don't like anyway.
Let y'all know I'm not a bitch. I'm down. I'm here.
Well, that's what he's explaining to me.
And I'm telling him, are you fucking kidding me?
Because I'm so nice.
Y'all don't got to worry about me. I ain't going to say shit.
I'm going to do my time off the top.
He always used to tell me, don't ever go to jail.
He always was like, you're too fucking nice. Please don't ever go to jail.
That's all he used to tell me.
Scared the shit out of me.
Going to see him for years in prison.
Why are they scared of him?
Or is it just a respect thing?
This is what I'm building up to.
He told me, when you get older, I'll tell you the rest.
Because I was only 12 or 13.
He said, when you get older, I'll tell you the rest.
But by the time I was 14, he was gone.
Back in prison?
Just meth and running around town 14, he was gone. Back in prison?
Just meth and just running around town.
Then now he's back.
But he told me, when you get older, I'll tell you the rest of it.
But he told me he's stabbing that fucking man in the neck,
and it grossed me the fuck out.
He showed me how to throw knives.
He's telling me the story as he's showing me how to practice to throw knives.
I'm really good at throwing knives.
From that weekend, I'm really good at it.
Randomly, like how to balance it.
He showed me how to balance it here.
What the fuck would you learn this shit at, man? Teaching me prison moves.
Fucking 12 years old, but
we're in the country. He's like, let me show you how to
make homemade flour tortillas.
No, he did.
He did shit like that.
He did shit like that. He did shit like that.
He made weird foods with random spray, like jellies and shit.
Yeah, because he's a prisoner. Yeah, he would make jellies and toast and weird shit on it.
Give me some toothpaste and some shoelaces.
I'll make some waffles right here in a minute.
Those prisoners could do anything, man.
He could draw us right now.
I mean, Tony, he's a talented motherfucker, man.
When you have nothing to do, I guess you figure out some shit.
All right, so go ahead.
I'm sorry.
No, you're fine.
You're fine.
So he was, what did he build himself up to be?
Oh, so he's telling me basically.
The ranks.
I know what he was trying to tell me without telling me because I'm a kid,
and I know what he's fucking saying.
I've seen movies.
Well, I'm not stupid.
He's telling me basically, I write out plans in these books this book right here tells you how to do this this this so he basically told me i used to plan things and
when people need to get stabbed or people in the talking about within the yeah he draws like
basically draws man he's an engineer he's like i'll draw get the blueprint this is where you're
gonna have him here this is notice this and then he's telling me he's like i'll draw get the blueprint this is where you're gonna have him here this is notice this and then you tell him he's like i basically planned i planned people getting hurt
and that's how he said i planned people getting hurt but in the end so you're stabbed motherfuckers
this is why what you're trying to tell me you're killing people in jail motherfucker
that he didn't tell me but i knew what the fuck he was he's get literally sketched out the hits
that's what he said he used to it's like basically draw it out to where you don't know where it's at. He doesn't know where the
weapon's at and it's over.
A lot of people get killed in jail that aren't even on the
news. You know that?
A lot of fucking people get marked in jail
and you don't even hear about it on the news.
The shit he's told me is
unreal in jail.
What stands out?
This is the one that got me.
I don't know if it's real
but he always had this like little diamond earring and he always had it and he always said yeah i
found this in jail he always used to say that i found this in jail and that trip we were camping
he told me what happened he said this black dude had life and he was real young and he said he
wasn't down he's getting beat up and the fucking guy jumped in front of one of the trucks that
come to get the trash and he said i saw this guy's head just pop oh he killed himself because he wasn't gonna yeah well he's got life as a little he's
like 19 years old and he's like this he said people do it all the time people kill themselves
all the fucking time because they can't handle it in there i understand oh yeah it's fucking sad
but i'm 12 and i'm trying to figure out you take me to the movies man what the fuck you talking
about you
kill him he didn't say it though he never said he killed anybody except he knows better than that to
tell a kid yeah i murdered people he never said that he always said i planned people getting hurt
or he said i stabbed him in the neck he didn't die that's what he told me so he saw this this
kid jump he said he saw it and then he said when he went over there he had two little diamonds in
his teeth and he's like i picked up his tooth put it in i put it in my pocket in his ass he put in his fucking ass and then he said here it is
and i go that's not true i'm telling you that's not true can't be fucking true this is disgusting
you rock around gross motherfucker so um yeah that that was him he was a wild man dude so many
so many instances with him around town.
I live in a small town.
So you're saying in prison, white supremacists, outside of prison, not.
My best friend was black growing up.
His name is Justin.
His dad is the head detective of our town.
I mean, do you watch UFC?
Yeah.
Do you remember Marvin Beastman Eastman?
I don't.
Oh, he's a small.
Well, Beastman Eastman, his older brother is who I'm talking about.
He's from Merced.
And he's 6'4", monster.
He gets out of jail.
We get a house right next to my best friend.
And I'm fucking hyped.
Like, it's my best friend.
He's down the street two blocks away.
I go over there with him, with my stepdad.
And his dad's outside.
And it's just stare down.
They just start looking at each other.
He's like, I just don't like Jews.
I just don't like Jews.
You all are fine.
My wife's Jewish, but other than that, I don't like any of them.
No, no, no.
This is the thing. He explained it to me.
Hablas Español?
No, everybody speaks Spanish, man.
Yeah, except for you.
Even the white supremacist.
Everybody fucking speaks Spanish. I need to learn.
That's literally, when everybody uses the term everyone speaks
that is the
if he is speaking Spanish
you don't have an excuse
flea markets no problem
talking them down
white dude fucking blue eye
my mom don't speak Spanish
so we don't know what the fuck he's saying to anybody
oh shit oh fuck oh yeah so walk he's they stare at each other staring at each other
and they go talk to each other by the by my friend's dad's car i mean my friend justin
just with the footballs what What the fuck is happening here?
Two minutes later, they walk away, and they're smiling.
Everything's fine because they know each other.
My stepdad is a fucking criminal.
They know each other.
He's a detective, but he wasn't always.
He was a police officer.
They know exactly who each other are.
So when we go home, we go, hey, what happened?
He says, we haven't been in a few fights.
We know each other.
Everything's fine.
I'm like, damn.
That motherfucker?
You fought him?
Because I've heard stories about my stepdad beating the fuck out of people.
And my family has seen him just randomly.
So I don't doubt that he's kicking people in the face.
Listen, he ain't a big fan of Hanukkah.
You know what I'm saying?
No, not at all.
Not at all.
But he's, I mean.
Come more weeks.
We'll be great.
It's very, it's, he always told me come more weeks we'll be great it's very it's
he always told me
race doesn't matter out here
he's like
your best friend's black right
I love him
he's like my son
doesn't matter
in jail
hold up a fucking story
and that's why he said
when people look down
it's because
they know not to fucking look at me
with my brown ass kids
that's what it was
like don't fucking say anything
I can only imagine
what happened
after
you know after the
fucking visiting hours are over because i can see him down the hall through the glass door getting
uncuffed and he didn't have the same face he has when he walks into the room you know he looks like
a scary motherfucker walks out and said what's up because my mom and she i go get sandwiches and
you know i'm saying that was it um he's just It was a weird time because he raised me with my mom.
My dad was there periodically, but he was always pissed about it.
You turned out so nice.
You did.
You turned out so kind.
It's because I don't want to hurt people.
That's not fun.
I've been in very few fights, and all of them were not my fault.
I didn't start that shit ever.
But he showed me how to box and barely retained any of that shit.
I don't remember any of it.
But he's a scary-ass dude, but a very cool dude.
What about, is it your uncle that you accidentally had this smoke session with?
So you're, I just want to reset for a second.
You're introduced to quite a bit
at a very early age from
drugs to
split family to
domestic violence to prison
to white supremacy. Clearly
not introduced to Spanish-speaking people.
My whole family speaks Spanish, but me.
You didn't grow up?
My mom raised me. my mom's the jewish side so you two don't speak spanish my sister speaks spanish
she retained that shit because they were together so she was like five but i was only like three
i don't so you and your mom don't speak spanish everyone else does my whole my dad my grandma
my stepdad yeah everybody everybody dude the dog on that side but my mom's
side they're all like marcia's and ron's and chains and emily's and emily's exactly loretta's
gotcha so that's why the other ones are fucking carlos and hymie they all speak spanish
all right i'll hire me out there i'll be the fucking christmas i'll just sit there
just fuck man what are you guys talking about shit let's leave them but my cousins my age we
all just you know english first but it's like growing up like that fuck they all look at me
thomas and my cousins are talking what the fuck are you saying bro you won't play football what
do you want to do it's thanksgiving i don't want to talk to you i it's very aggravating man it's my fault i need to learn so when outside of seeing the cocaine outside of knowing what your
parents are doing with the meth and everything when does drug when do drugs enter your world
your body oh okay the day before the raiders got their asses whooped by the Bucs in the Super Bowl.
Remember that?
Yeah, I sure do.
We were scanning through 12,000 fucking interceptions.
The night before that, my sister.
How old are you?
13.
Okay.
My sister, I smoked trash weed out of a Mountain Dew can with her.
And then I watched Mad TV.
And then Saturday Night Live.
And I drank so much Tampico juice.
And that was the first time I ever smoked weed.
What's Tampico?
What is that?
It's really shitty Mexican juice. It's really bad. Like homemade? and i drank so much tampico juice and that was the first time i was tampico what is that it's
really shitty mexican juice it's really bad like homemade no it's from the store it's a dollar for
a gallon it's not good i know that i drank the whole fucking thing right um but before that was
anti-drug everything i got i've had straight a's i played football play sports math student of the
year shit but i started smoking weed and I got my first B.
And that's when it all went bad.
I never got over one point anything again.
No?
It was all bad.
Because I didn't give a fuck.
I was always in the gifted programs,
like the fucking nerd kids.
I was in all those classes.
Because I lived in the ghetto,
but I had to go to the nice part of town
to go to my classes for elementary.
I had to get on a bus.
And none of my friends were there. I had to get on a bus.
And none of my friends were there.
So drugs started with my sister.
It was just weed.
Just weed.
I started smoking weed heavy in eighth grade.
That's when it happened after the Raiders.
It just kind of just got too.
It's fun.
You smoke weed now.
I smoke weed now.
I didn't until I was.
I got a late start.
When? First ever tried it
was 18 a kid rolled a joint i took one hit the whole joint broke in my mouth he's like just
fucking eat it because he didn't have a role so i ate it so that was i didn't even i can't even say
i smoked it i didn't smoke it i ate that joint it's your first experience first ever experience
second time was a few months later to we were at a backyard party, and I went to take a hit off a bowl,
but it was already ashed.
And then again, I didn't do it until I was 21.
Wow, good for you.
That's fucking awesome.
I got in there late.
That's great.
But I think also at the right time.
I don't know if I'd have been the same person if I'd have started smoking weed
at 13, 14, or whatever.
No, no, I know what you mean.
But my mom, like I said,
nobody ever knew I smoked weed
because she would fucking stab me.
You know what I'm saying?
She would fuck me up.
So I smoked weed with my sister.
Ninth grade comes,
I'm still playing football.
And then 10th grade,
this is where it all changed for me.
I'm smoking bowls with my friends,
putting in $5.
We're trying to smoke bowls
before football games.
You know, smoking out of cans
and bullshit.
And I'll never forget it, man.
I bought a 10-sack of weed from this guy at school, 10th grade, like the first week of school.
And I had a 10-sack of weed.
I'm like, oh, shit.
I'm going to get high as fuck today.
And this random girl I knew came up to me and asked me if I knew where to get weed.
And, like, the fucking, my brain split and said,
just fucking sell half of a tour for $10 and make your money back.
Sold half of a tour.
Another girl came up, or another dude came up to me and asked me for a 15.
I just, yeah, it's already weighed out.
I made $25 off $10.
And I stared at it.
I looked around for my friend, my best friend Joe at the time.
That's who I always smoked weed with.
And I told him the situation.
He didn't believe me.
Look at the money.
I only had $10.
We bought an ounce after school that day.
Bagged it up.
Where?
Where are you getting an ounce back?
This guy named Sam.
He's an older guy who plays football.
He had really trash.
I thought it was great.
He had really bad weed.
He sold us an ounce for $250.
Back then we got played.
It was like $ 150 at the time
anyway we got the sack and me and joe looked at each other like we don't have a scale we can't
ask anybody to buy us a scale we're gonna eyeball this shit so we got plastic wrap and made our own
little bags like yeah that's about 10 bucks like that's about 20 and then i'm super cautious because
my mom will fuck me up so i'm not gonna get to get caught with weed at all, ever, nothing.
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to the do so it made me become like a little fucking little piece of shit honestly because
on sunday i went to school and stashed it all over school my whole ounce
like i put some in the wood shop what yeah because i'm not going to carry it right but this is where
you're putting it you're keeping it this is what i did drain pipes because at the bottom they have
that little piece of metal inside so i just put it in the drain pipe underneath i put in drain
how many bags do you think 30 scattered bags around all school first day first lunch sold every fucking bag
me and Joe sold every bag
he's super pretty
in middle school
10th grade
first week of 10th grade
it was the most fun I ever had
he wanted to carry it on him
but my mom will fucking kill me
if she finds out I have weed
and I'm selling weed
it's over like I said she'll knock me unconscious this before she punched me in the
face and i realized she ain't shit because that's when i realized like you don't hurt but i was still
scared so we stashed it all over school metal uh wood shop has all the wood pallets outside
so i stashed it like okay three steps put your arm in steps, put your arm in. Three steps, put your arm in. Yeah.
So that's how we did it every day, man.
Every day.
For how long?
Like six months until Sam couldn't get weed anymore.
And then we're just like, all right.
So you did it because you couldn't get weed anymore.
And now I smoke for free.
And I stopped because I couldn't get the good weed anymore.
And then it got to, well, I spent all that rehab money on drugs and alcohol.
Okay, so get a 10 sec.
And then we found a connection and we started selling weed again.
That's really what happened. In the school?
Yeah, fuck.
I would go up to every group.
You need weed limit.
I'd walk away.
You need weed limit.
But look at me.
I don't look like I have weed.
I look so nice and just polite.
And you didn't know these kids?
I fucking knew everybody.
Just full town.
Okay.
And if I got in trouble, I'd know who the fuck did it.
Right.
I went to all those groups.
I want to go see who's looking at me weird, and that's you.
But no, I would never have weed on me.
I always had money on me.
Because they'd like, I mean, 15, go and get it from the drain pipe, and that's it.
It was really, really good, man.
It worked a lot.
It worked well.
But, um.
Oh, you would send them to go get it themselves?
No, I'd go get it.
I don't want them to know my spots are out. Yeah, okay. Because when you say go get it from the drain pipe, are you telling them? No, I'd go get it no i don't want them in my spots yeah okay because
when you say go get it from the drain are you telling them okay no fuck no just go get it not
pay me hell no um and then i one thing that scared the shit out of us we stopped selling at school
the drug dogs always came they always came to our schools fucking merced they search the lockers and
walk around our school touch all the backpacks with the dogs. While we're learning and shit, it's fucked up.
But, I mean, I wasn't paying attention, but you know what I mean.
Somebody told me the drug dog was there.
I was at Metal Shop.
And I'm in fucking Metal Shop.
Where am I going to hide this weed?
I have an ounce of weed in a bag in sacks.
And I ran to the Metal Shop bathroom.
I just fucking taped it to hide in the toilet.
And I just sat there.
Drug dogs came. I just sat there scared, just petrified, man. God. I never taped it to behind the toilet and i just sat there drug dogs came
i just sat there scared just petrified man god never brought it to school again i was too scared
did they find it fuck no they didn't so they probably weren't even weed dogs they're probably
looking for a harder shit i think if anybody did walk the dogs any kid that did this they were
gonna search that's really what it was they came a lot our school sucks man our school fucking sucks
um but that's when i started selling weed it was fun fun times so yeah let's talk about selling
weed because you didn't you sold a lot of weed when i got older when i got older i started selling
a lot of fucking weed like to where how i was nervous um i was breaking down pounds so i was probably getting rid of like
five or six pounds every two days probably days yeah but like in sacks like oh you want an ounce
oh you want an ounce oh you want an ounce i had a dispensary basically at my house my cousin my
older cousin came to my house to visit me for the first time he's 15 years older than me so
he sees me as a little kid oh you smoke weed smoke weed? Let me come to your house. I had 15 fucking people in a line in my house waiting for,
like a dispensary before we had dispensaries.
And nobody was robbing, home invasion.
How many people I know?
Oh, and the guy below, I moved to this apartment with my friend Jeebus.
The man below me sold meth.
I could tell right off the fucking bat because he was twacked out.
Four people came to his house and left.
Oh, so you sell meth.
I know what meth is. My family does meth. So I knew exactly right off the fucking bat because he was twacked out four people came to his house and left oh so you're so mad i know what meth is my family does bet so i knew exactly right off the bat he's the groundskeeper i know he ain't gonna tell on me i don't tell on your stupid ass you're
selling meth motherfucker so he lived below me so everybody that came into the little hallway
looks like they're going to his house but they're just coming to get weed for me and leave and
they're all my friends and no one's allowed to bring anybody over.
That was my thing.
They're all my friends.
Small town.
Later on, it got to where I moved because motherfuckers were going to try to rob me.
That's when I realized, like, fuck, man.
These are no longer just my friends.
Now people know.
But I was on the internet, and that's why they knew.
So I started.
I stopped selling weed when my page got, started getting bigger and stuff.
Because you were advertising on the internet, weren't to sell because i'm a jerk i'm not gonna like hey cops take that into court me selling weed on the
fucking internet but no it's been over seven years that's why i talk about the shit freely
i thought you said you had the picture you got taken down that was a long time ago that was
seven but you did that on the internet right yeah but i wasn't selling the weed anymore oh it was god i see all my friends are
they're massive grows legal grows god grows so hey i'll do this picture today do you have 100
pounds of weed and now i do 100 pounds but when i was 19 ish i was i was selling pounds of weed
like that but it was more i would never post on the internet.
I didn't start doing the internet till I was 22 or three.
So before that is when all this shit was going on.
I didn't have a fucking smartphone.
I was a drug.
I don't want the smartphone.
I had a little fucking cricket phone.
I paid $20 a month.
I threw it away every so often,
you know?
Um,
but in a small town,
there's not a lot of fire weed.
So everybody kind of knows where the fire weed's coming from.
And that's when it got to be like, okay, shit.
Now you guys know what's going on.
I used to deliver pizza.
I always had a job because I'm not dumb.
I don't want to get my door kicked in.
So I used to sell weed out of my pizza car because I used to deliver pizza.
So people would text me.
I'd put my scale, my weed in my pizza bag. I'd walk up to their door walk in sell a weed leave everybody thinks i'm selling pizza
there's no fucking pizza in the bag it was the best time i ever had i made more money at work
doing pizza than any time in my whole life the customers just come to you my whole life man
um and i get paid for the gas they pay me for my time and gas.
I would just roll around in my pizza car, smoke bowls,
and right when I get to the real pizza delivery,
I'd open the pizza box and do that, and it smelled like pizza everywhere.
I'd walk up, no weed.
I'd open the box to them.
I never got in trouble for smoking, nothing.
But I smoked 30 bowls a fucking day, you know,
riding around selling weed and pizza.
It was the best thing
it was better than the school thing like that was easy
this is easy I get paid to ride around
nobody pulls over the pizza guy
no
I keep my sign on after work all the time and sell
sex every day I would just
keep it on all the time
I got pulled over once
one time because my taillight was out in four years
and no problem with that either.
And my manager, his mom smokes weed.
I'd sell her weed.
So he's not going to tell on me.
You know?
I would just get high.
And I did my job.
So it was the most fun I've ever had.
And then I was leaving a delivery.
And I hear these.
This is fucking Merced.
I know gangbangers.
I know if you're affiliated.
I know if you're a northerner.
I could see it on you.
I know where you're at. I know if you're a northerner. I can see it on you. I know where you're at.
I hear these fools as I'm pulling away.
That's that fool that sells pizza,
wheat out of his car.
And I heard it.
You heard that.
Fuck.
All right, you fools know about this.
This is not good anymore.
And I quit like three weeks later,
but it wasn't because of that.
But I remember hearing that
made me like reevaluate everything.
Because I've almost gotten robbed many times.
I'm sure.
No, just for
pizza oh for the yeah and the only we got all my weed in my car that would have been the worst to
take all my weed this apartment we lived in in baltimore we we didn't know it till we moved in
but we ordered a pizza from papa john's and they're like where you live we give the address
like oh no man we don't deliver there after dark we're like what oh in baltimore after dark oh
they're getting robbed left and right.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what happened to me.
The people were getting robbed a lot.
I was on a pizza delivery.
My manager that week told us the whole thing.
Two pizza people in Merced, small town,
that got robbed at gunpoint already.
One got his ass whooped
because he didn't give up his fucking money bag.
There's only $20 in that fucking money bag, man.
Yeah.
What's wrong with you?
He had his ass whooped.
Another lady just got robbed at gunpoint.
So I go to, I go to Loftboro.
It's a bad street in my town.
Go to Loftboro.
I pull into the house and there are four to four or five dudes and all just, you could
tell, all of them in the prison.
All of them just got the fuck out because they're still rocked out.
You know?
There's a couple of skinny meth head looking dudes with them too,
but two or three of the guys were fucking big.
I'm not.
I can't.
I'll try, but I'm not going to be able to win.
Nothing weird.
They just looked at me when I pulled up at my pizza.
Pulled up.
It's an apartment, like a condo.
So there's one door, two door, three door, all flat.
One big block.
So there's one next to me.
I walk up to the one next to them.
Hello.
You know, me in the pizza bag just trying to be nice, high as shit.
Knock on the door.
Just waiting.
Nothing happens.
I knock on the fucking door.
I look at these guys, and they're all just staring at me like this.
They're all looking at me like, fuck, I know that look.
Shit.
Please open the door.
Like, come on.
And I knock on the door, and as I knock on the door door I'm looking and the one of the blinds is kind of open
There's nothing in the fucking apartment. It's completely empty
Nobody in there and I click like these fools called the pizza fuck
I wanted to just like just run away, but my car's right there with the key, you know
I'm not getting the wind. It's a cul-de-sac by the way cold. I'm not getting away. There's a creek on the other side
It's I'm not getting away there's a creek on the other side I'm done as soon as I
realize like fuck I don't look over
and I can already like hear them walking
they walk onto the lawn
two guys start walking behind me and I turn around
hey what's up
and I was ready to go
here take it
fuck that car you want the car that car sucks take it
I am not getting jumped by all you guys today
I got shit to do.
I don't want to do this.
Fuck this job.
They all, two guys get next to me right here.
Three dudes here.
I was like, fuck.
I go, what's up?
Two dudes, the skinniest dudes walk toward me.
The littlest guys walk toward me.
And as they do, I'm ready to go, here.
I'm just waiting for them to say something.
Nope, I don't want it.
Take my money.
Fuck you.
It's not my money.
And as I do, as I'm about to take my
bag off my shoulder,
my fucking friend from
City League Football, he's a
gangbanging ass fool. He went a
different route. I'm nice. He went to the
stab you route.
He comes out of the fucking apartment
they're in and I just,
oh my god, thank god. I don't know if he's going to jump me
too, but at least I know who you are and we're good friends i haven't seen you in years because you're fucking gang
he's older than me i'm not i don't chill with you i'm good he walks out and as he sees me you see
his face go oh and he walks and splits the guys goes hey thomas what's up with his arm on my
shoulder goes what's up what's going on jerry we start walking he's like hey man
how you doing you should probably go i go all right yeah you get out of here we get out of
here man right now i'm like all right man good to see you i knew what he was saying i knew exactly
what he was doing thanks man good to see you yeah they're not he goes those fools are crazy man
they're never even here that's what he said all those they always do that shit he said it like
yeah the pizza thing i can see him doing this i know what he's doing he's like
yo don't stab my friend please like i could see it on his face like yo get my car later man i'm
trying to play nice later dude i turn around as i turn around he's talking to all of them
like fucking jerry thank you so much i was ready to oh i got anxiety here and i was so fucking
scared because i'm gonna i'm not gonna let you just punch me in the face i'm gonna start swinging
then i'm going down swinging let me get jumped you you just punch me in the face. I'm going to start swinging, then I'm going to get jumped.
Then I'm going to get jumped. Then I'm going to get my ass
whooped. I'm going out fighting. I ain't going out
like a man. I'm going to give you my stuff.
If I'm going to go out, why would I not
get a couple in? You can have
my stuff, but if you start hitting me, then I have to swing.
But fucking Jerry, man.
I saw him four years later.
I was in Merced. I was at a
stoplight. I wasn wasn't working the pizza spot
and this cadillac rolls up and no one's driving the shit and i look and this fucking gangster ass
pulls up he's laying all the way back in his car like a fucking straight stereotype gangster
hey what's up man what's up jerry just tatted everywhere like just gang shit all over his face
but that's my friend as a face. But that's my friend
as a kid, you know? That's my friend as a kid
with my stepdad that time, with Justin.
We were all good friends, played football together.
So seeing him and then
seeing, he had three kids with him,
they all looked happy as fuck, like you're a gang
banging ass fool, but you're still awesome.
And just seeing him completely tatted on his face
and then thinking about him as a kid, it was just
what a change up.
You hung out with those guys,
I hung out with those guys,
that's all it took.
What the fuck?
Isn't that crazy?
Wow.
I gotta,
but he saved my life.
I really thought they were gonna fucking just kill me.
They all survived.
And I'm not small.
You're gonna punch me in the face
and try to beat the shit out of me.
It was, it was,
it was scary. I'm scary as fuck. I told my boss he didn't believe me fucking asshole didn't even
fucking believe he's like yeah it's great we got two pepperonis that need to get out now man
tell me the story about the first time you smoked crack.
Drugs?
Yeah.
So my first dabble into drugs was accidental.
Right.
Okay.
No, another one.
So when you're 14, 15, you're drinking, smoking weed.
You're not really doing coke yet.
Well, maybe you were, but I hit the coke heavy around 16.
That's so early.
Yeah, 14, 15. But it's more sour bored yeah nothing to have kids
no i'll just do drugs you know that's all we do there and i'm at my friend nate's house we go
there every his mom's a paramedic so she wears night shifts so that's nate saturday sunday we
have to be out by 6 a.m we can coma around 5 in the afternoon and we get fucked up all night
clean up and leave every weekend for two years straight.
So this weekend, we go over there, and there's fucking girls outside smoking out of a weed pipe with this guy Ryan I know.
I know this girl since sixth grade.
We're 14.
You expect weed.
I have weed in my pocket.
I'm like, yo, I'll pack them all.
It's packed.
And I get it.
And she goes, it's a cabbie.
I don't know what the fuck that means. See that, Faith? I had never heard that one. But I'm lighting it, it's a cabbie. I don't know what the fuck that means.
See that face?
I never heard that one.
I'm lighting it.
It's a cabbie.
Cabbage basket?
I don't know what the fuck she's talking about.
I hit it.
I start smoking it.
As I start hitting it, I feel it deep in my chest.
I let it out.
Nothing's coming out.
Nothing's coming out.
Then a cloud out of nowhere go nothing's coming out nothing's coming out and then a cloud
out of nowhere like that's not weed smoke you ever seen people smoke meth in person not meth
no meth in person it's like a cloud that's it it's like a heavy cloud it doesn't dissipate it like
and then it goes away so when i let it out i just felt my head just go so your first drug experience was meth
is this bitch i go what the fuck is in that she goes it's a cabbie fool i told you what does that
mean there's chris on it and i just wanted to punch her in the fucking head so it's weed with
meth on it chris on it like a bunch of crystal it was packed but when i'm smoking it i don't know
that right who was high school you never rose the whole bowl you hit corners corners corners so it's really kind of black i'm like i
don't hit that shit but when she tried to warn me tell me the fucking name of the drug you bitch
i'm not a tweaker why do i know your slang terms right right um that's daffodil exactly what's
that oh what's what we call heroin. It's a flower.
I started puking because I was real drunk off
tangerine and
clear Kool-Aid.
It was nasty.
What happened was I started feeling like
my skin was itchy everywhere.
I started feeling like
I was rolling grass all hot.
That's how I felt.
I felt like uh i
couldn't control every thought i had i wasn't really high but it made me a little like wired
enough to start throwing up and i just started just puking every puke my guts out first time
i ever did hard drugs and that was an accident fuck that girl she pissed me off fuck her anyway
uh the incident you're talking about me and my uncle john this this is a my uncle john's about
12 years older than me right he's my aunt's husband so he's not really me my blood i met
him at 10 he was 20 21 so when i get 14 15 i didn't know he gets high and then he finds out
i could tell you smoke weed together now thinking back like why are you smoking with a 14 year old
kid man for real what's wrong with you this is my uncle man that's my fucking uncle i love that guy
and he always used to say i'm never putting the powder up my nose because i started doing coke
and he he was so mad he because we smoke weed and get drunk together drink high lives and shit
and he was so fucking mad you're 15 stop doing coke he was so mad about it. While he's smoking weed with me.
Smoke weed, man. This is what we do.
Why are you doing fucking lines?
He said, stop doing lines. He said, say that to me.
You would love it if you tried it.
I told him, it's amazing.
What are you talking about?
He said, I've never put something up my nose
until one fucking day
we were drinking. I finally got him
to do a line.
You did.
I got him down.
He found out.
I had it and he's hard.
I'm gonna try that shit.
He went,
Ooh.
And then he went,
Ooh.
And then I got,
I chopped him one up and I've created a monster that day.
He loved Coke so fucking much.
It got to where I'd come over.
If I got a sack, why do you have a sack?
Oh, I got a brand's number.
Why do you have my fucking Coke dealer's number, guy?
Like, you gave it to me that night.
Oh, fuck, I was drunk.
But when I gave him the dealer's number, he lived three blocks away.
And he's an adult.
He has a job.
He can afford it.
I was a kid.
I was getting Coke every four days with my friends.
So he's
getting a bunch of coke months months months we're doing lines it was fucking awesome um and he
started putting coke on his weed bowls and smoking it why this fast i told him i'm not gonna do that
so i'm drinking highlights with him it's nighttime by his cocoa but we used to call it cocoa puffs
really i never i never tried this girl it's always the chicks that would introduce me to the new, yeah, she's like,
we used to put Coke on our weed.
I'm like, why?
It's stupid.
It doesn't get you nothing.
It doesn't do nothing.
It fucks your head.
I feel like you just burn it up.
It stinks.
Crack on weed now.
It stinks.
Yeah, so we're standing outside by his washing and dryer where we always do fucking lines
at, and I watch with my hand.
Chop some.
And then I go go all right cool
we had a basketball court we would pretend to play basketball so as he's chopping pretend to
play basketball horse there's what play basketball means you want to do lines in the shed that's what
it meant like you want to do lines in the shed and we had a candlelight because there was no light
so we're fucking addicts. Just fucking those shit. They can't do it. I'm fucking 15, 16.
Having a great time, though.
This is sad and romantic, to be honest with you.
It was fun, man.
It was fun.
But this is how the crack thing happened.
He got a sack.
And he starts putting it on a bowl.
I tell him, no, I don't want to do it.
I don't want to do it.
He just got a Coke sack.
That's all I know.
It's in the dark.
We didn't have a fucking light.
And I go, all right, fuck.
So I start roasting it.
I remember where I was standing. I start roasting it. I remember where I was standing.
I start roasting it.
I'm looking at it.
Like, ugh.
And as I smoke it, you know when people burn plastic to make, that's what it smells like.
It smells like burning plastic, but it was in my nose.
Like in my brain, I could taste the smell.
I let it out, and I just got like a searing headache in both sides of my temples like it was shoving
and I looked at him what the
fuck did you just give me
and I looked at his sack
15 minutes later we're doing a line
and it's all yellow rocks
crushed up he got a fucking crack
didn't check the bag sprinkled
it all over the bowl and I just started
going in on him like no
come on motherfucker
you're talking shit you know i mean to give him the lecture like you didn't check your fucking
sack there was a little bit of white but whoever from never doing coke or anything before and
smoking bowls by a candle in six months
it was it was amazing it was amazing man it was a fun time we used to ride around and pretend to
look for jobs because he lost his job of course 18 no he was he always had he always had a good job
he just did drugs with me yeah he just did drugs i mean it was great and uh we should ride around
and pretend to look for jobs all day for a whole summer. Jesus Christ. He was,
he was your,
um,
I,
we got to get you out of here soon,
but I want to,
I want you to share the story of,
uh,
the drive by.
Oh,
okay.
Merced.
Like I tell you,
I,
everyone knows me.
I'm nice.
So we,
it's Thomas.
Not many people named Thomas that are Brown. You know what I saying like not a lot um you mean tomas no no it's thomas that's my grandpa
it's tomas i'm thomas and i know a lot of people i know all the gang i know gang man i know
everybody man i'm from this town we all grew up and he's a gangbanger well he's a fucking goth
kid he's a skater like we all grew up together and i'm gangbanger. Well, he's a fucking goth kid. He's a skater. We all grew up together. And I'm standing at this place called H&W.
It's a hamburger stand.
I'm just standing waiting for my food.
Right.
Here's the it's like the old school from the 50s diners.
You know, come out and bring it to your window and shit.
What time of day?
It's two in the afternoon.
My girlfriend's at the house.
I tell her, thank God.
I fucking told her stay home.
So no, just chill.
I'm gonna get the food real quick.
I ordered it.
Oh, no. I was going to go sit there and smoke a
bowl while I waited for my food. I had it planned out. I'm going to go get the food. Standing there,
about to order my food. It's a flat window. The main street is five steps behind us. One of those.
I'm sure if you're from Baltimore, when you hear a whistle, you don't know. You don't fucking turn
around. You hear someone yell, you don't turn around.
I don't know who the fuck you are.
You're going to shoot.
Something's going to happen.
So there's gang whistles.
I know what fucking gang whistle is from where.
I'm from there.
I hear somebody.
I just hear a car going slow.
And you don't go slow on this.
It's a main road.
You hear a car going slow.
And I hear someone whistle.
I'm like, nope.
I'm not fucking turning around.
And I hear someone go, hey, fuck you. I ain't
turning around. And then I just feel, I hear it. And I feel I'm remember I am looking at
the fucking lady ordering my food. I'm just ordering my food and I can hear this going
on. Don't turn around. Don't, you know better than that. And I feel like someone popped
me in the back of my fucking head
as hard as they could.
I've never been hit like that.
I remember I got hit
and some of my nose,
like my snot came out of my nose a little.
Damn.
I felt like,
you know when you sneeze hard?
That's how I felt.
And I remember sitting there thinking,
somebody punched me in the fucking head.
I got furious.
I'm super nice,
but someone,
someone now,
I thought maybe someone hit me with a bat. It hurt and i felt dank but when it happened a bunch of shit hit the front of the
building like a bunch of like i heard like a bunch of scatters but i'm not paying attention to that
there's a girl next to me hits the ground starts holding her leg oh my god did i just get fucking
shot i hold my head like this and I turn around.
But I turn around like, oh my God, I'm fucking, I'm shot.
Damn it.
I touch my head and I just feel like a ball.
Oh my God, I got shot, fucking shot.
Are you kidding me?
But when I turn around, I'm expecting,
I was still expecting somebody that just cracked me with a fucking bat
and maybe hit that girl.
I don't see it.
I turn around and as I turn around,
this fucking like El Dorado Cadillac is about 15 feet
past. There's a 12, 13 year old fucking little boy hanging out the window. Same haircut as me
hanging out the fucking window with a little hoodie, like half on hanging out the fucking
window, looking at me, pulling in this little shotgun thing, pulling it in. And I remember like,
oh my fucking God, I'm shy. I almost fucking started crying. Like, oh my God, this is it.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I was expecting like blood to start pumping through my fingers.
I'm holding it.
I go like that.
And there's a little bit of blood,
but not a lot,
but there is a ball on the back of my head,
right?
Like a fucking fist size ball.
And I look at the ground and there's like train track BB,
uh,
bearings,
those big metal bearings.
Yeah.
Fucking shoved it it pumped it out
and tried to shoot me in the face i have a shotgun i know that the homemade uh potato guns yeah we
used to have those yeah the fucking kid but he hit me directly in the fucking head damn you right
here when i turned around i'll be dead you would be dead but i knew better like don't turn around
who's whistling at you in the fuck nope everybody. Everybody knows you, bro. They'll say Thomas. Don't fucking turn around.
And then my first reaction, oddly enough, was I probably saw your brother's weed, motherfucker.
I'm going to find out who you are.
I'm going to find out who you are.
I guess this street goes all the way down to the end of my town.
I can see these guys stop at a stoplight.
They don't give a fuck.
They just stopped waiting to go on the green.
And I'm sitting there.
I'm like, all right okay and i
say fuck it i get in my car wait at this point the girl's on the ground going oh my fucking god
and i pick one up and it's a steely a metal steely and i realized like okay i'm not dizzy
i'm gonna get in my car and chase these fucks but the lady's serving food the lady's like that
she's all right she starts looking and i that's why I'm still holding my head.
And I can see her looking at the girl.
And that's when I started thinking, like, fuck, dude, I just got shot in the head.
Are you fucking kidding me?
But if I got shot for real, I think I'd be on the ground, right?
But I thought at first someone punched me.
It didn't even knock you down or anything?
No, no.
It made me step forward.
But I tried not to, like, scream because I wanted whoever the fuck punched me to be scared when I just, oh, damn it.
You know what
i mean because i was i was mad more than i was hurt but as soon as i realized what happened i
like oh my god i'm shot fuck and i'm nice as shit man i'm fucking nice as fuck i don't want to hurt
nobody man so i'll sell you fucking weed and i was still selling like a lot of wheat and my dealer
at the time was he had it in with these northerner fools they were
shooting at each other all the time and i was thinking fuck do they think i'm down with this
guy they try to shoot me chase these guys i called the fuck i don't have a gun i'm like yo
these people are driving around shooting people in the head you should probably go get them this
is the car and they the lady in the dispatch got so mad at me for not following them through their
house because i got behind him and as soon as they hit 12th Street, I go, oh, hell no, I ain't going following 12th Street.
I'm going to get shot.
It's a bad neighborhood.
I'm like, this is where you guys are at?
I'm going to let this one go.
And I literally turned around and said, if you don't follow them, how am I going to help you?
Like, no, bitch, I gave you the description of the car.
Because if I follow them through the house, what if it's a drug house and some of my homies are in there with hella weight and guns?
I just snitched on all my fucking friends.
Or people that are going to come kill me for showing up at the house with cops.
I just let it go.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to let that one go.
And as I'm turning around, I remember all my pride just breaking, knowing this little boy trying to kill me.
And I did nothing about it.
That's the most embarrassing moment of my life, was not anything about it because i wanted to ram their car they had two grown men
driving like fat giant mexican dudes tatted 30 40 years old there's a little boy in the back yeah
shooting fucking people because that that year like six people got shot with guns just and people
driving by at the store bam just shoot him real quick the fuck some guy got shot in his driveway in the nice side of town and that's when i realized
like oh it wasn't meant for me it was for anybody right you know yeah but thank god man i almost
got fucking shot yeah for real and that was the thing i just remember thinking i'm gonna cut off
her older brother with weed whoever the fuck it is like i saw him think like what did you ever find out who was never no nobody man dude you gotta you've lived a hell of a life so far now i ask everybody
that's new when you come on here i gave you a heads up before advice to your 16 year old self
and now looking back and hearing what you and it's always interesting to me because just may
peluso said the same thing, like looking.
I've never put my shit together in a laundry list and looking at it.
You're like, yeah, damn, that's mine.
Yeah.
So advice you would give to your 16 year old self.
Mine may be different, but almost none because I fucking love the way it turned out.
So the advice will be that my advice would be like get a contract work out you fat piece of shit that's really it
because i used to be kind of fucking in shape when i was younger and start selling weed and
stop caring that'd be my only advice like hey stay in shape you fuck and sign contracts before you do
deals with people that's the only deal only thing i there's no other advice man because everything led up to me being fucking stoked you know nothing else all those packs and
100 miles of drive like driving with pounds and pounds is fucking right i mean hearing about it
gets me nervous scary man it's you're just going up and down the freeways and shit with oh yeah
just going to like sack to la la to sack dropping off packs
on the way it's i mean it's drug dealership it's it's you make money but in the end man
i got lucky i never got fucking sent to jail i've worked 50 60 pound
because i've had friends get almost shot to death over a pound a week, $2,000. Are you kidding me? So that's my advice is almost really that,
like not much, man,
because I love everything the way it turned out.
I think if I changed it, I'm just lucky.
I have the coolest job ever.
I really do.
It's the funnest.
I just get paid to get high and make stuff,
make content.
If you want to make clothes, do it.
Good for you, dude.
This is fun.
Yeah, this is fun.
This has been a lot of fun.
One more time, please.
Promote everything you'd like.
Dopazola.com.
Pushtrees.com.
That's my clothing website.
YouTube is Dopazola.
Thank you to everybody that follows us on there.
We're about to hit 900.
I'm very excited.
Wow, that's great.
The fans are unreal, man.
I don't have tattoos.
We have like 60 tattoos.
People have blasted.
I love all those people.
That's really what it is.
That's what I want to plug.
Thank you guys for watching so much.
Thank you for supporting everything and letting me be able to get up and get as high as I can.
Well, work was fucking awesome today.
Thank you so much. You got it, brother.
Thank you. Appreciate you being here.
As always, Ryan
Sickler on all social media.
RyanSickler.com. Make sure you
subscribe to the YouTube.
Talk to you all next week.