The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Tom Segura - HoneyDunk
Episode Date: May 17, 2021My HoneyDew this week is Tom Segura! Tom Highlights the Lowlights of his contest with Bert and his failed dunk attempt. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https:...//www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! ALSO, you now get audio and video of The HoneyDew on Mondees, ad-free at no additional cost!? It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: COORS PURE Coors Pure is the perfect beer to celebrate the wins of everyday life. So when you want to enjoy a beer without the guilt, reach for Coors Pure. It’s organic, but chill about it. Go to COORSPURE.COM to see where you can find Coors Pure! Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Albany, Georgia RITUAL Get key nutrients-without the B. S. Rituals offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit RITUAL.COM/HONEYDEW to start your Ritual today. LIQUID I.V. Get your Liquid I.V.’s Hydration Multiplier PLUS Immune Support In bulk at Costco or order online and get 25% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.COM and use code HONEYDEW at checkout. UPSTART Find out how upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to UPSTART.COM/HONEYDEW. That’s UPSTART.COM/HONEYDEW. Don’t forget to use my URL to let them know I sent you.
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This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Coors Pure, Upstart, Ritual, and Liquid IV.
More on that later. Let's get into the do.
The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.
Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios.
I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media.
Look, I do want to thank you guys.
We've been growing this show for a year now, and I don't know when this will air,
but we're right at about 100,000 subscribers.
I think, I don't know.
I'm going to say it.
I don't know if that's good progress or not, but I feel like it is.
So fuck everybody else.
We're just keeping our head down, doing our thing over here.
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Don't just watch.
Subscribe.
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We're doing an episode a week, and we're not just doing 30 minutes.
We're doing at least an hour with everybody.
And we're hearing some wild shit.
I mean, wild shit.
And that show is not going anywhere anytime soon.
So it's five bucks a month.
You now will get the Honeydew video a day early ad free at no additional charge.
So five bucks a month for the rest of the year.
And if you sign up for your year,
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So,
uh,
that community continues to grow and blow me away.
If you or someone,
you know,
has a story that has to be heard,
submit it to honeydewpodcastatgmail.com.
And hopefully we have to do an episode with you.
Nightpants nation is another thing that continues to grow.
I love seeing y'all out there in your night pants,
taking those pictures,
snatching them up. The joggers are available now. Everything is restocked. Get over
there, get yourself some merch. And you know, I record here at the Santa Monica Music Center every
week. We are working with some kids, at-risk youth, and the Santa Monica Police Department
on this podcast that I've been telling you about. And when it comes out, I'm going to promote it.
I'm proud of it. These kids are doing some really cool things opening up dialogue with the police um and it's outreach through the arts ada we call
it here at the santa monica music center now if you're new here we highlight the low lights over
here it's a beautiful shit show uh if you're not new here you know these are the stories behind
the storytellers ladies and gentlemen it is a pleasure to have back here on the Honeydew,
the man to help me start it all, your favorite mommy, y'all,
Teddy Lunes, Top Segura, y'all.
I like the soft woods.
Soft woods, yeah.
Just putting them up there.
Just little layups.
Dude, thank you for being here.
Of course, man.
Thanks for having me.
Of course, Pure.
All this has started with you.
The last time you were in this studio.
Yeah.
The day after I call you and we're getting looted and in the middle of the fucking riots.
And your crazy ass tells me, I drove back just to see what was up.
I was like, why?
Well, I had the gun pulled on me.
Yeah, and then they tapped on the window.
Nobody tapped on any goddamn windows.
I had a guy come up and show me the gun.
But what I found out.
Didn't he say something to you?
Yeah, I got hate-crimed.
He called me a faggot.
I got hate-crimed in the Black Lives Matter movie.
God damn it.
What did he say?
Were you looking at?
No, he said, get the fuck out of here, faggot.
Did he say something back?
I was stunned.
I was stunned.
At his words?
Listen, the gun was the first thing.
That trumps everything.
I don't care what you say about me or anybody.
I'm like, my daughter is a bitch.
If you have a gun. If you have a gun if you have a gun yeah
but i pulled around the corner he's he just ran over with it like this he goes get the fuck out
of here faggot i was like whoa bro i left i came back because louis lana's husband was still on
the corner he didn't see it i'm like you they got guns dude get out it's time to go and then
the police later reviewing the video told lana they showed her they said look what your friend
also doesn't know is there's a guy behind his car with a gun so i never even knew that person was police later reviewing the video told lana they showed her they said look what your friend also
doesn't know is there's a guy behind his car with a gun so i never even knew that person was there
saw that person or anything so i remember i had people at my house and you could see you could
see all this shit from my house you can see the smoke coming up and you you told you called me
and i told my friend i was like my, my friend's. You see that smoke?
Yeah, my friend just drove back.
They go, tell me to get the fuck out of there.
And I was like, that's what I said.
We stayed till the end.
I mean, we stayed till they picked up the shit and threw it through the window.
And I was like, all right, we're done to roll.
It's time to go.
Yeah.
But we made it.
Yeah, you made it.
Studio got honey, dude.
I got honey, dude.
I did pull around back.
I'm like, is it the hair, bro? I'm trying to grow my hair out, man.
You make me feel insecure.
I haven't really grown my hair out.
Thanks for sharing.
It's real salt and pepper.
I like it.
For 63.
You look great for 63.
I got a great head of hair for 63.
You really do.
I feel good about it.
Yeah.
We're all gray now.
Look at my beard, man.
We're grayed out.
We could miss a minute.
I know.
It's crazy to even think about.
I know.
Just promote anything you want to promote right now.
Do you have anything that's going on that's timely so we can put this up?
I mean, I'm doing the road, and I'm announcing dates.
Like, every week new stuff gets announced, and I'll have a tour announced pretty soon.
But it's all at TomSaguro.com.
And then YMHstudios.com has a bunch of, you know, we do these live shows, and then there are rentals, and then
we have a whole bunch coming up.
It's insane.
Rentals?
What do you mean rentals?
So, like, we live stream the show, but then, like, after the live event, you can just rent
it.
Oh, that's considered a rental?
It's called a rental, yeah.
Okay.
But you leave it up in perpetuity?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's not this exclusive thing?
Like, if you don't rent it, it gets pulled down?
No, you can rent it anytime. You can rent it anytime. And down no you can rent it anytime you can run it anytime and the rental i think it lasts a week
okay i see yeah and then you own it the no like the rental expires it's just like renting a movie
on itunes or something you can rent it and just you know watch right i see yeah um all right
there's a lot to talk about you guys are are fucking leaving, which is very upsetting to me. I know.
And I'm surprised.
We're really excited.
I know you are.
You should be.
Yeah.
It's time.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, I'm thinking about a whole bunch of stuff, you know, and it's like I'm just not that excited about L.A. anymore.
And I think the year let me know that, like, I can do what I do from anywhere.
All of us can.
Yeah.
And then I go, like, you know, I've always liked going to anywhere. All of us can. Yeah. And then I go like,
you know,
I've always liked going to Austin and I've gone a lot lately.
Every time I go,
I really,
really enjoy it.
I mean,
it has,
it's like the perfect scene,
you know,
but you're also a Florida guy too.
So like,
I know people that are like,
I don't want to camp and fish. And I'm like,
yeah,
I'll definitely go fucking fish.
I got six rods strung up right now to go to Big Bear this weekend.
I love that Lake Life is there.
My predominant thing is touring.
Touring from the middle of the country versus from here is going to be a game changer.
Cut out the six-hour flight.
I get it.
And then I think it would be really cool to raise my boys there, man,
to have that be where they really grow up.
Yeah.
It's exciting.
I lived for
almost a year in texas when i was a kid you did yeah my dad got transferred from um uh national
ronald reagan now to to houston and we lived down there for about a year and i learned i think i
told christina i learned to swim in texas i learned to climb trees like i felt like i got like some
boy shit in texas oh yeah stayed with me christ Christina took Ellis there, and there's videos of him just throwing rocks.
And she's like, not at houses.
Or cars.
We used to throw him a car.
Dude, he fucking breaks everything.
He breaks everything.
Seriously, he's like a little Tasmanian devil.
And he'll also just lay next to me and kick me.
I'm like, what are you doing?
He's like, sorry.
I'm like, yeah, but you kicked me.
Why are you kicking me?
He's like, I'm sorry.
But what made you want to kick me? I don't know. I don't know. like, sorry. I'm like, yeah, but you kicked me. Why are you kicking me? He's like, I'm sorry. But what made you want to kick me?
I don't know.
I don't know.
You're there.
Sorry.
I'm getting a lot of that attitude.
So I'm like,
what?
All right.
So let's talk about the story behind the dunk champ.
Yes.
I really want to know everything that was going on.
It's a lot,
man.
First,
why did you decide to have a dunk competition you're gonna
laugh specifically you're gonna laugh at this specifically specifically i don't think i've
actually said this i so i played burton tennis and dude i don't know if you know this but you
told me this but say it because i couldn't get over it so i was i was playing at one point i
think we played tennis.
I forget when we played.
But I ended up – I played a lot as a kid for a couple years.
I was never exceptional, but I was decent, you know, could play.
And when we talked to him, you know, sports like tennis, if I go,
do you play tennis?
And you go, I played as a kid.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know if you – you know, like were you a competition level person?
So we played tennis, and as I'm getting closer to the match,
I'm playing three times a week.
And is this just for exercise at the time?
Well, no, once we decide we're going to play tennis, I just start.
Is this a bet too, or is this you two are just going to play?
No, we're challenging each other.
We're going to shoot it for content and put it on one of our live shows.
And we always talk shit to each other.
I bet I can beat you at this.
And, you know, so as we're getting closer to it, my, you know, my coach is like, you
know, your fucking ground game is like pretty legit right now.
Like your forehand is, is really, really, really good.
And he's like, you know, as long as you can serve and receive his serve, like you're going
to fuck him up unless, unless he's like really good.
So we go that day to play.
Look, I hear you on that body does not scream lateral movement.
No, man.
And when I see him, when I see him hitting the forehand and back, I was like, oh, I I'm going to kill him.
You know, we we go we rally a little bit like to warm up.
And then he starts serving and I'm like, kill him. We rally a little bit to warm up. And then he starts serving.
And I'm like, what is happening?
Like, what?
Burt McEnroe.
Dude, he is serving.
And he has different serves.
Kickback serves, putting spin on the serve.
So that's his whole game is to serve.
So if you can return it, you got him.
But if you can't, you're fucked.
And by the way, when we're training for it, like when it's really getting close to it,
I go, you know, I was working on serve returns.
He's like, my coach, who was a big-time D1 tennis player, he starts, he goes, he's not
going to serve like this, dude.
Like, he's not going to serve like me.
You know, I go, yeah, of course not.
Well, he served.
I look at him one time during the match, and he's like.
What did he say?
It's a what?
Well, after it, like, Burt just absolutely kicked the shit out of me.
Just aced it.
That's the way you score.
You don't get one of them returned?
I mean, maybe one out of, like, 30.
Out of 30.
Oh, yeah.
Just, and I'm demoralized.
I mean, I'm like.
Is he just talking shit and everything else, too?
No.
No, he's not. But i just can't believe and i
win the first two games so it's i'm up to oh to start i'm like oh that's all right how'd you win
those he he he's not i'm serving poorly so the few times that i'm serving okay he's i don't even
think he's returning them anytime we can start a rally i'm basically winning but he starts serving and i'm like and
i'm just the thing is it's one of those things where it like snowballs like i start to just get
down i'm like oh fuck it's over when it's over you just kill he wins like six two six one just
kills me and i'm just like so depressed about it and i i walk over the the coach. He goes, I got to tell you something. And I go, what? He goes, that's a legit D1 college serve.
And I go, what?
What?
A legit D1.
Yeah.
D1, not D2.
Division one.
And I go, what the fuck, Bert?
What was that?
And he goes, I told you I used to play.
I go, what the fuck did you play, man?
Did you play international games?
And then the funny thing is my coach goes i've never seen
such a disparity between between someone serving their ground game
it's like he just worked on one thing but one thing i've learned over time about burke because
burke will always tell you what a great athlete he is he'll tell you like i'm one of the is that
you know there's different types of athleticism right Like I'm used to when someone says they're an athlete for like what I grew up doing and playing.
Athlete means run the fastest, jump the highest, like football player.
Bo Jackson.
Like combine shit.
Yeah.
Like that's the great athlete.
So I was like, what are you talking about?
But what he does legitimately have, legitimately, is incredible hand-eye coordination.
Like, it's definitely above average.
Hitting a baseball, hitting a golf ball, tennis serve, bow and arrow, all that shit, like, it's impressive.
He did that bow and arrow thing on the Go Big Show, bullseye, and they were all like, what?
Like, he really is good at that.
And if you, I've seen him hit a golf ball. I'm like impressive, really good at it.
So he beat the fuck out of me at that.
And he goes, what are we going to do next?
So I go, I know like without a doubt that I'll fuck him up in basketball.
Like not by dunking, just one-on-one.
I played so much basketball.
Even though I haven't played in a while, I'm like I know he didn't play basketball.
So I'm like I just want to pick something that i'll definitely beat him in this is even better
yeah because it's all ego driven so i go we'll do basketball he ends up reaching out to tristan
jass who's like this youtube kid really talented really good guy too and so he's he's like you know
let's do this thing with tristan agrees
so the whole idea is we're going to play two on one versus tristan then we're going to play one
on one versus each other then we're going to do the dunk contest it was just to have something
else to do who came up with the dunk competition i don't remember if i suggested it or not i just
knew that like when we talked about it, it was like,
oh yeah, that makes sense. We'll lower it and then whoever can do it higher. I mean, never thinking
that anything would go wrong. Yeah. So we played two on one and Tristan beats us. He's one versus
two in basketball. His points count as one. Ours count as two. How bad did he beat you? By one.
ball his points count as one ours count as two how bad did he beat you by one and burt missed an open layup to win the game that's that ground game man yeah i told him i can shoot three i go i'm
gonna hate you for a whole day for fucking that up he's like let's not talk about it i go okay
so when he when we finish two on one i think i go let's just play one-on-one now
but then lindsey who works with us goes why don't we
go to the other end they've lured the hoop already we can do that then we'll play one-on-one after
and I was like well you know what our legs will be fresher like to do the jump now yeah so okay
that makes sense so we go down there and the hoop is lowered to seven and a half feet I mean it's
you know you basically just reach up put it in and we just start doing it that way seven and a half eight eight and a half nine
he couldn't do nine i've seen your nine foot i did nine and it's and then they're like it's over
like you beat i was like great so that's like one let one part of our competition
now let's go play one-on-one i mean i've said it on podcasts already but then i forget
who it was goes i think you can do a little bit higher and i was like so it wasn't enough for you
to win you wanted to well it's it wasn't even that i i wasn't like i think i could do higher
somebody else said it and i was like and i remember being like i remember feeling the uh
the adrenaline surge of them saying of someone, I think you can do this.
And I was like, can I?
I don't know.
And there was that guy, Roy, if you watch the video on our YouTube channel.
He's a basketball coach, and he coaches people privately and works.
And he pulled me aside.
He was like, you have to dig deep on this one, man.
Yeah. And I was like. Roy deep on this one, man. Yeah.
And I was like.
Boy, trying to pep it.
Yeah.
He was like.
Because he knew it was like the nine was close to the limit.
But also nine and a half is that much closer to 10.
It is.
You know what I mean?
They put it to nine three.
Nine three.
Okay.
So they raised it three inches, which I was like, okay.
And I remember thinking, I was like, man, I might be able to.
Like, I knew I could grab the.
Could you dunk back in the day?
No, I could touch the rim.
I could like, like kind of like hook it.
Okay.
But I could never dunk a basketball in it.
I could.
Yeah?
No.
Jesus.
A 5'10".
I'd be just split away.
I told you what happened to.
Didn't I tell you about that kid in my college uh dorm hall my freshman year i don't
know the goofiest fucking guy i've ever met he had he had hair parted down the middle that like split
here yeah he was like hey tom he had a goofy ass carolina accent he came in my room and he was like
i got a big dick and i was like i was about to I'm like, this kid's got a nine-inch dick.
Yeah, he would come in, open his towel, and helicopter his dick around.
And just show people?
Yeah, dude.
We were freshmen.
Everyone's half a jackass on the freshman hall.
And one day, we're just talking.
Listen, I talk about this all the time.
We're so different. Like, why can't you and I, as just two heterosexual male friends, lay in bed together and watch a movie like girls do?
You know what I mean?
What are you doing right now?
It's just Tom and I over here laying in bed together watching a movie.
We're just holding each other.
It's not sexual.
We're just watching a movie.
Girls do that shit all the time.
All the time.
What chick is coming in showing you her pussy?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Look at this pussy, lady. Look at this pussy. Well, there's a there are a few of those there's always some there are there's a
few there you don't want to date them but they're fun to have around you pay those girls yeah so
yeah this dude uh what's his name yeah his name was justin he was just goofy man and he goes um
i forget how the company says I can
does his dick big yeah just helicoptering it around yeah yeah and he
had a lean slight build but average average built he will like it's those
swimmers bodies guys yeah skinny like Pete Davidson guy yeah just he's got a
hammer on him yeah for sure so he's kind of like that he's got a hammer on him. Yeah, for sure. So he's kind of like that. He's maybe like six feet.
I don't know if he was 6'1".
I think he's like six feet tall at the time.
I remember.
And then he goes, he said he could dunk, and I go, get the fuck out of here.
He goes, no, for real.
And I go, hold my dick.
So I'm like, dude, okay.
And I say something to him, like, let's go right now.
He's like, okay.
So we walk from the freshman dorm over to the gym we're at the indoor gym foot rim this is the gym that the college team plays on this is a regulation
like gymnasium you know and i go you can dunk he walks up and does a 360 dunk yeah did he even
play on the team no no he's just like playground
guy and he was like i told you i mean a fucking full double two hit pow and i was like no
he was like yeah i was like why did you get that gift you goofy fuck like he was uh so unworthy of
it but but yeah he just did it you know in front of me like that. So anyway, back to the day.
Like, I remember that dude said that to me.
And I do remember.
This your last rendezvous.
This your last rendezvous.
You need to come to the party, man.
Tell me to come to the party.
You're getting the fucking Big Daddy
living large.
You need to come to the party, man.
You need to come to the party.
This your last rendezvous. Everybody This is your last rendezvous.
Everybody, this is your last rendezvous.
You got that speech.
Yeah.
He told me that the rim was taking my remote control and trying to change the TV in my fucking house.
He says, fuck you.
I played that for an NFL player yesterday.
Cassius March.
Plays for the Steelers.
He was like, what is this?
So I told him, once I played that Coach Ice speech for Finesse Mitchell, who played at
Miami.
We played for the Canes.
Finesse played for them?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Finesse said, he goes, I played in that speech.
He goes, you know what I didn't hear in this video?
I go, what?
He goes, anything about football.
Yeah.
Anything about football.
So Roy tells me like – and I remember like – you know when you go like – you can feel that you're too hyped up.
I felt like – I felt it.
Like my heart rate was up, like dried out in the throat.
But I was like, well, like use this energy to go, you know.
I just line up and, you know, seen the video a hundred times.
But like.
You're the new NBA logo, bro.
What I remember is that I push off on my left foot, right?
Because there's two foot jumpers and there's like the one, I guess I'm a one foot jumper.
So I push off and I don't know what happens.
Like in your mind, you're just like – it's fast.
I felt like – I didn't feel pain.
I just knew that like something happened.
So it's not slow-mo right here.
It's just instant like up, down.
Fat.
I mean so fat.
I mean I felt like I got shot.
I was like, what the fuck?
Like it just – it was so fast.
And then I don't know. I mean, so fat. I mean, I felt like I got shot. I was like, what the fuck? Like, it just, it was so fast.
And then, I don't know.
The thing is, I don't know if I'm two inches off the ground or 20.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, when you push off and you feel something goes wrong, it isn't an incident.
So, on the push off, you feel pain?
I don't feel pain.
Nothing.
You just feel yourself sort of losing control.
Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, it's like the engine died you know i'm like and i just remember being like like kind of surprised what's
happening in the moment and instinctively instinctively like i don't think put your arm
behind you it just goes behind me listen yeah when you first told me, I said, did you put your head?
You're like, no, my arm went behind me.
I watch football every Sunday.
I see that.
That thing happens a hundred times a game.
And I'm just like, that fucking crushed Tom's arm.
These 20-year-old studs and having bodies fall off and shit, too.
And I've fallen a hundred
times i mean but it was just i think it was like your arm so your left foot you're up in the air
and then your left arm just falls behind this no no not even like that okay it's like it's like
tucks back it's like tucks back like it's an instinctive thing that you're doing to basically
protect your back and head yeah you know i mean like you're like oh like you're you're not consciously thinking i should put my arm behind
me it just happens and i landed on it it just fucking snapped your body weight fucking snapped
it i mean you sent me the picture of that thing snapped inside your skin it is fucking it looks
like a cartoon i'm doing a podcast with the surgeon uh next week Because he was like, this is a major trauma.
Yeah, that's what I want to talk about.
So that thing, now you hit the ground.
Yeah.
And what pain are you feeling?
The arm?
Just the arm.
Just the arm.
I don't even think something's wrong with my leg.
And is it immediate?
It's immediate and intense.
Intense.
It's intense pain.
Do you feel like you're going to pass out?
No, I just feel like I basically this face.
I'm like, you know, like I can't like be alert.
I'm just like you're just – you're so, so feeling the intensity of that pain.
That like –
That's all you can feel.
In that video, if you see that immediately, I go call 911.
Yeah.
Right?
Because they're all in shock.
They don't know like it also happened
that fast to them
so they're all like
uh
you know you can hear
one of the kids
one of Tristan's
shooters go
his arm
his arm
I swear I heard Roy
going quit fucking around
come on man
dig deep
like yeah
yeah
do you know what
did I tell you
that I
I think it's in the
I think he can get 10
did I tell you that he he pulled me in the. I think he can get 10.
Did I tell you that he pulled me aside and he was like, you got that Larry Johnson.
Right?
Because when I was dunking on like eight and a half.
Larry Johnson.
I had the two-handed thing.
And I go to my bag. You should have just gold toothed it and called it a motherfucker.
Bro, in my bag I had a Larry Johnson jersey.
Nuh-uh.
Yes.
What are the odds of that?
I brought it for that day.
I just didn't put it on.
Never got to wear it.
You still got it then, I guess.
I still have it.
So, dude.
That was a college kid playing with a gold tooth.
That team was fucking sick.
They were something else.
These kids now don't.
If you want to look up some shit, you want to see some shit, go look at that UNLV squad.
That was like
what 91 92 it was in an early 90s and they fucked people up they did yeah larry johnson who looks
like a defensive end grandma nfl but i mean we're talking 6 7 255 and like massive big fucking guy
man and him stacy augman and those guys just that's what i mean i remember being a kid being
like i'm gonna be on this fucking team.
These guys are the shit.
Yeah.
And then Tark chewing those towels and telling those kids, you don't have to go to class.
It's not about class.
Don't worry about that.
It's about basketball.
It's about winning fucking games.
Yeah.
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liquidiv.com now let's get back to the Dew.
But they were the shit.
Anyway, I just remember, I think I told you those paramedics came.
Well, Bert takes your arm and readjusts it.
Yeah, because it's stuck behind me.
It's stuck.
And he pulls it.
And that's not a good thing to do either, though, is it?
There's a strong case that that's not a good thing to do.
They usually don't touch people that are broken.
He has snapped in half.
Leave that shit.
But he just dropped.
I was like, ugh.
When he did it, did it hurt when he moved it?
I don't remember.
Everything hurt.
It hurt so intensely.
But at this point, you have no idea still.
I know my arm is broken.
But I'm talking about your leg.
You didn't even know that because this pain is so intense.
Don't feel a thing.
Fuck anything else. I don't feel a thing in my left wow which they told me
later is very common when you have like that double whammy that your brain will process one
of the pains so much that you won't feel pain like i didn't feel pain in my leg till like five
six days later damn that long okay so paramedics come, this fucking guy.
He goes, what are you doing playing with kids, man?
Kids?
Kids.
I was like, what?
I'm on the ground.
Wait, oh, he's, you know.
I was like, what are you, what?
He's like, you're on the ground.
He's probably seen this shit enough to be like, hey, you're up there, man.
You don't need to be fucking around with these kids anymore.
And then they're like, you know, asking me questions. I'm like, yep, you're up there, man. You don't need to be fucking around with these kids anymore. And then they're like, you know, asking me questions.
I'm like, yep, this arm.
Yep, this leg.
And then the guy's like radioing. He's like, yeah, we're gonna
transport, blah, blah, blah. And the same guy...
The ball hog in the back.
He did.
The same guy kept going,
he's playing with kids. He kept saying it.
He kept saying it. We get in the back of the...
How old do you think he was?
Fucking 10 years older than me. And he was like, you know it we get in the back of that how old do you think he was fucking 10 years older than me and he was like he you know we get in the back of the
ambulance he's like i don't know why you're out there playing with kids man i go just shut the
fuck up like we get to the emergency room and the doctor's like uh-oh he's like yeah he's out there
playing with kids i'm like he couldn't let it go couldn't let it go couldn't let it go whole time talking about kids i'm like
shut up you know what i remember too i uh like two and a half months before this i remember
exactly where i was i was in oklahoma city i just got to the hotel i'd started like doing stand-up
at the places that had that were saying we'll do like half
capacity I was doing like one a month so this is like the second one I've done since the pandemic
started and I have uh Josh Potter with me and we're leaving the hotel I go we get we check in
I go it's like I don't know let's say it's like early afternoon you want to get coffee he's like
yep and they they tell us there's a good coffee place around the corner so we're walking up that
street and I go did I tell you what we're doing for the next challenge, Bert and I?
And he goes, what?
I said, we're going to do basketball, and then we're going to do this dunk contest.
And Josh goes, I got to tell you, man, that's how guys your age get fucked up.
I told you to stop.
I go, what?
And he goes, I don't know if you really want to do that.
And I go, why?
He goes, guys in their 40s play basketball.
They tear their ACLs.
They tear their Achilles.
I mean, I've seen it a bunch.
And I was like, eh, I don't know.
I'm not worried about it.
Kept walking.
I remember it so vividly, him being like, could go wrong.
And I was like, I mean, I guess it could, but I'm not really concerned.
So I'm in this hospital that I don't like to name because I don't want to.
But immediately I know that this is not a great hospital.
I know it's close to where we played basketball.
I don't know it by name.
I'm saying when we pull up, I'm like, fuck this place.
So they put me in the – and you have, by the way, you have intense memories when you have like a traumatic thing.
What do you mean?
Like your father
passed away i'm sure you remember the details of that day vividly right it's a traumatic event
i remember so much so vividly i see of that day of that and especially of like from the injury on
for that month it's like i remember people's names so'm in this – I get in this emergency room and they had done – like then they're like, we got to wrap your arm.
So it's fresh broken.
And they started giving me like fentanyl in the ambulance.
I don't feel any – like I don't feel the effects of that.
They're like, how's your pain?
I'm like, it's fucking 15.
Like what are you talking about?
Then there's a fucking lunatic next to me, Scott.
They're like, stop it, Scott. Scott. Because he's like yelling and shit. fucking 15 like what are you talking about then there's a fucking lunatic next to me scott they're
like stop it scott god because he's like like yelling and shit and then he starts snoring
right away yep and then he'd wake up he's like i'm in pain and they're like shut up scott
yeah i'm like oh god and i'm like i gotta get the fuck out of here so they start coming in and it's
always a new person are you in pain i go yeah i'm in a lot of pain and they start coming in, and it's always a new person. Are you in pain? I go, yeah, I'm in a lot of pain.
And they start just giving me drugs, pills, and I'm like, look, man, whatever you're – just so you know, I'm not feeling it at all.
Like I don't feel what you're giving me.
And they're like, oh, okay.
So they just up it, you know, start giving me higher doses.
Finally they go, now we we're gonna wrap your arm
i'm like oh fuck so it's fresh broken oh and they wrap it and it's like it is it killing you yeah
they do x-rays and they x-ray the leg they put a straight brace on the leg they're like well we
know this thing's fucked and then that's the first time you're even finding out about the leg right
there when they're like this thing's fucked too oh yeah yeah i don't really know how did they know did they do full body like yeah well they they they realize
that like the injury happened i go something happened with my i don't know what happened
with my knee but also my patella moved oh so they're like your patella's over here yeah well
then that's i go yeah yeah we should probably check that out so god dude these people come in
x-ray tech then um they. Then they give me the drugs.
And then after a while, they're like, so you're going to need surgery.
And I was like, tonight?
And they're like, well, if you could, but I don't think there's someone available right now.
So do you have someone you want to reach out to?
And I go, fuck yeah.
So I called my physician, who I've had for almost 15 years or something.
He's like, hey, bud.
Like, you know, like all casual.
Like, what's up, man?
I go, I'm in the hospital and blah, blah.
He's like, what are you doing?
Like, super casual.
Playing with those kids, huh?
I'm like, man, here's what happened.
He starts talking to the, I go, talk to the emergency room guy.
And they start talking about this and that.
And I go, hey, who should, because he's always giving me great referrals.
If you go like, this is going on, go see this guy.
I go, who should I have do this surgery?
He's like, you know, like the two best people I know are out of town right now.
And I'm like, okay, so do you have like another suggestion?
He's like, I can't really think of one.
I'm like, for real?
Like, yeah. yeah i go all right
man so then i'm talking to this doctor he goes well we have somebody who usually is here let me
reach out to her and you know he goes away comes back she'll see you tomorrow and then we could
have surgery like later tomorrow or the next day and i was was like, okay. And in my head I'm like, I know I got to get out of here.
Like I just don't trust it, you know.
So they sit me up and I don't realize that for like the last two hours
they've been giving me just opiates.
And when I sit up, I just open into a full sweat.
Like I wasn't sweating and then I sit up and it's like you opened a valve
and I'm like, I didn't realize that's what it took me to feel fucked up.
And then I go, I just got a, man.
And they put me in a wheelchair and I go, I want to go pee.
So they start to wheel me to a bathroom.
And the guy looks at me, he goes, are you all right, man?
Like you look really fucked up.
And I was like, I'm fine.
Because I didn't want them to be able to keep me there.
So the guy, one of the doctors goes, wait, do you want to leave?
And I go, yes.
And he goes, you want to leave the hospital?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, all right, I just, you know, I got to sign some things.
And he's like, where are you going to go?
I was like, I don't know, home.
And he was like, okay. You're going to go? I was like, I don't know. Home. And he was like, okay.
You're going to go home with a – what I didn't realize – so I didn't realize that when they discharged me, everybody goes – that was a good decision to leave that place.
But you should go to another hospital.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, I just go home.
Where nothing is going gonna get fixed at all
yeah so lindsey picks me up we go to the the drugstore broken arm and what are you wrapped in
it's just a fucking band with like and like cardboard it's like the shittiest wrap you
could possibly do yeah cardboard yeah and then and. And the legs in a straight brace.
And I'm like, dude, I'm so fucked up.
It's like the nurse's T-shirt wrapped around you and shit.
And then when I get home, he backs into my garage.
Bert and Leanne had, like, come over and set things up in our basement.
So who's told Christina first?
Well, I think I told her first.
When did you call her?
In the back of the ambulance.
You did.
And what is her reaction?
Do you remember all that?
Yeah.
She was like, I go, I'm okay.
Like, you know, I go, I'm hurt, but I'm okay.
And I'm going to, you know, I'm on my way to the hospital and I'll let you know what happens, blah, blah, blah.
And then I ended up texting her, like, I'm on my way to the hospital and I'll let you know what happens, blah, blah, blah. And then I ended up texting her like I'm coming home.
Dude, when I get home, I mean, it starts to hit me as like they're trying to get me in the house.
I can't do anything.
Like they carry me over the like the step to go into the house.
And like they carry me down the stairs.
And then they carry me and place me on this couch in our basement.
And I'm like – and then Bert had gone to the store and he put snacks on it like Doritos.
And I'm like, what is this?
He's like, in case you get hungry.
I'm like, I'm going to eat Cheetos right now?
And then you know what he put right on the stand right next to my head?
Calcium.
He's like, I figured you could use it.
You're a weak ass.
Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck, man?
So then Bert always jokes about how Leanne is so direct.
Like she never bites her tongue.
She goes, it's going to be a problem.
You're going to be in trouble for a while.
And I'm like, thanks.
And he goes, shut the fuck up she goes no i mean it's gonna be a real problem tom you're probably
gonna gain a lot of weight too and i was like great thanks for stopping by but they helped so
much because christina was just overwhelmed you know she got the kids and she's like, what's happening? So I try to go to, I can't sleep.
I mean, I'm in excruciating pain.
And I go, all I tell him is like the next day,
we had talked to a doctor friend who goes,
you need to go see this orthopedic guy the next day,
like at his office.
And she arranges for the appointment for me.
I'm like, okay.
And I tell Bert, you come back here
and take me to that appointment so bert
arranges i go arrange for like one of those wheelchair services like you see them around
paratransits yeah they they help like old people go to appointments not assholes doing a dunk
competition yeah but you know he finds the guy for 50 bucks. What? Where? Home Depot? Well, the guy shows up.
He's got hair down to his waist, which is fine.
But, you know, it's a little like, oh, you work in this field?
He smells like cigarettes.
Okay.
He's got a 35-year-old wheelchair.
What?
The legs don't even move in it.
It's rusty.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
Why is he budgeting for this?
I don't know.
I'm like, Bert. He's like, it's all. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why is he budgeting for this? I don't know. I'm like,
Bert,
he's like,
it's all I could find.
So this guy puts me in the chair and then I hold on to Bert.
I go,
don't you fucking leave me with this guy?
Cause normally I would be like,
leave me alone.
I was like,
don't leave me with this guy.
Puts me in the chair a couple of times.
I think he's going to drop me off my driveway,
which is a subterranean driveway.
I was like holding,
I was like holding onto Bert with everything. everything i was like fucking do not leave my
side right now so we get in there and uh the guy locks me into the shittiest van that i've ever
like it's just a it's a shit box and a shit chair the whole thing sucks and i'm sitting there and
the guy's like what do you do burt we're comedians and the guy's like, what do you do? Bert, we're comedians. And the guy's like, no shit.
And like starts turning around, talking to us.
He's like, yeah, you have Netflix?
And the guy's like, what's Netflix?
I'm like, God damn it, dude.
What's Netflix?
You guys totally checked out, okay?
We have to give him such explicit directions.
I'm like, have you ever driven anyone in this thing before?
Like he doesn't know where anything is.
So we pull up
to this in in beverly hills there's like that whole medical district you know caesars in that
area in that area we pull up to this building and i go and i wheel in they wheel me in to this office
and when i walk when i plan it the doctor walks in he goes what are you doing here
and i go i thought we had an appointment and he goes, what are you doing here?
And I go, I thought we had an appointment.
He goes, no, no, no.
Why are you not at a hospital?
And I go, I left that hospital.
He goes, I know.
Why aren't you at another hospital?
You shouldn't be out.
And I go, oh, yeah, I went home.
He's like, you went home?
I can't believe you went home.
And I'm like, yeah.
He goes, all right.
First of all, you're super lucky.
And I'm like, what? And he goes, all right. First of all, you're super lucky. And I'm like, what?
And he goes, oh, yeah.
Like he goes, this shit sucks, but it's all fixable.
He's like, you could have hit your head and you'd be talking with a slur for the rest of your life.
He just says that like straight to me.
And I was like, do you know Leanne?
I'm like, yeah.
So right away I'm like, okay.
And he goes, he points to my arm.
He's like, this is not going to be, this would be easy fix.
He's like, uh, this knee.
He's like, that's the, that's the real work like of the surgery.
And I go, okay.
And he's going to do both.
No, he goes, he goes, I could do this.
He goes, but like the best trauma surgeon in this area is Dr. Little.
And I go, can we get him? He goes, well, I can reach out to him. I don't know if he's available. I don't know if he's, I haven't talked to him today.
I was like, oh, please reach out to him. So he's like, all right, I'm texting him right now.
And he goes, uh, get in that van and go to Cedars right now, like right now, man. And he goes,
it's going to suck in the waiting room. You know, you're going to be frustrated, but that's where you need to be.
You really need to be there like immediately.
And I go, okay, okay.
So they put me back in the van.
And is there any risk of permanent damage if you don't get this done right away?
Yeah, of course.
I mean, within days, like is there blood clots?
All that is a concern.
I mean, blood clots.
The thing is that these are considered major trauma surgeries, right?
Like the major trauma injuries, and they require like a pretty sophisticated orthopedic style.
Did you ever show the fans the snapped, clean, snapped bones?
Yeah.
I mean, it's been on the podcast.
It's on my Instagram, yeah.
That's not on my Instagram, yeah.
So when we get in the van, the same guy with the fucking hair, I'm like, all right, man, just go to Cedars.
And he goes, what's that?
And I go, fucking Cedars-Sinai, the biggest hospital in Los Angeles?
He goes, where is it?
I go, it's fucking around the corner.
It's that building.
It says Cedars-Sinai. Yeah.
And he's like, oh, okay, how do I get there?
I'm like, oh, my God.
I'm like, what do i get there i'm like oh my god i'm like what do you
normally do bro so we get we get closer he i have to tell him not to turn down he's like
let's go over here i'm like no emergency room's here that's where i want you to take me
doesn't know where to go whatever we finally get there consider it a relief that we actually pull up and I can get out.
And then we get through the check-in process luckily so fast.
And then we're in that fast track.
And it's like this holding area before you get a room.
And it's for like orthopedic injuries and like – But you still don't know if this guy can take you, this surgeon is going to do this.
I still don't know.
But you still don't know if this guy can take you, this surgeon is going to do this. I still don't know.
So even though he may or may not be able to, they're like, still, you need to get the fuck to the hospital.
You need to go to the hospital.
You don't get care.
Yeah, you need care right now.
And then he's like, you need surgery within the next day or so.
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Now, let's get back to the do. So I'm like, all right, man. So I get in, I get in, and now I'm
in a bed. I'm not in my room, but I'm in like this kind of, they call it the fast track. So it's like,
at least you're getting processed your, you know, your name and everything. And they know that
they'll kind of evaluate you
and send you somewhere from there. So I get into that and I have, you know, Bert sitting here with
me. He is also, this is like, so not his thing. Like he's, he's totally like COVID paranoid. Like
he's wanted somebody that was like that the whole time. Yeah. And I could see it in his eyes,
you know, but he's like staying with me to make sure I'm OK.
So then I end up feeling like just it's weird, but I end up feeling like tremendous gratitude, which is like before anything happens, like before any surgery or anything.
I'm like, I'm so lucky to have this.
But also you're you got this fucking covid, you know, nightmare going on in our city at that time.
Oh, yeah.
And now you're having to go into a
hospital where covid people are dude when we're going through the emergency room to get like
checked in this guy comes in no mask he's like and he starts telling he's like i have fever
having trouble breathing and they're like put a mask on like and bert you see burt burts i don't
know why he's totally freaked out mask. He's totally freaked out.
So,
when they finally start going,
they send,
oh,
they send in this orthopedic team comes in.
Not the main guy,
but like the team.
And they're like,
ah,
we looked at the x-rays.
They're like,
yeah,
this is pretty bad
and,
you know,
we're going to fix you.
Like,
don't,
you know,
don't worry.
It's okay.
Like,
we'll take care of you.
And I'm like,
okay,
okay.
I just start,
I'm like,
how's your pain?
I'm like,
it's fucking through the roof.
And he's like, I got to tell you something.
I go, what?
He goes, we got to rewrap this arm.
This is the worst wrap I've ever seen a guy do.
And I was like, cool.
Arm force.
And then I tell him, I tell this first guy, I go, yeah, I got, he's like, who did this?
I tell him this hospital.
And he goes, wait, why are you here?
I go, because I left that hospital.
He goes, that's one of the smartest things you've ever done.
And I don't even know you.
Wow. Really? Yeah. And I go. because I left that hospital. He goes, that's one of the smartest things you've ever done. And I don't even know you. Wow, really?
Yeah.
And I go.
I think I know the one you were in.
I go, yeah, man.
So he unwraps the arm.
Now it's just, it's broken.
Oh, God.
And I'm in full pain.
And they got to reset it and rewrap it.
They had to set it again?
And then he's like, hey, Bert, give me a hand.
Nah, Bert already gave you a hand.
Yeah, so Bert's like helping him wrap it.
Hold his arm here.
I'm like.
So they rewrap it.
Bert gave me his earbuds.
I remember that.
That was really nice.
That was nice.
Yeah, I remember that moment.
He's like, you can have it.
He's like, do you want my charger?
I was like, fuck yeah, I want your charger.
Gave me his charger.
And then eventually he leaves.
Like I tell him, like, I'm good now, man.
I'm settled here.
I feel safe.
But wait, have they told you specifically what is wrong with your knee yet?
No, I don't know.
I don't know exactly what's wrong with it yet.
I just know that you're going to have operations.
You're going to have at least two operations.
And I go, okay.
So then these nurses come in
and they go like you know every time they're like
how's your pain I'm like it's fucking so
it's so intense
and they give me pills they give me this and they're like
alright we're gonna go this is the max
the max that we can give you is dilaudid
and this doesn't happen for like
a couple hours I'm still like every time
I you know if I go like this
you feel just excruci couple hours. I'm still like, every time I, you know, if I go like this,
you feel just excruciating pain. So I'm like, okay. So I remember the guy comes in, he goes,
now this, a lot of people say that you'll feel a warm rush through your chest. So I'm just letting you know. And I go, he goes, that's normal. And that, you know, this is the most we can do here.
Like there's nothing else after this. And I go, okay.
My bad.
Bert's still there.
Because I remember he was still there.
Because they give it to me.
And it was like a clock.
It was like 5, 4.
Because I don't feel anything.
And all of a sudden, like a warm.
And I was like, you can go now, Bert.
I was like, you can leave. I Bert. I was like, you can leave.
I've watched a lot of it hit two people and instantly just watch them go.
Yeah.
It was such, and here's the thing, the arms still hurt,
but it was the first time where I was like, well,
at least I think I can rest now.
Because I don't think I'd slept in, I don't know,
a day and a half now or something, right?
I'm like, ugh.
So then they're like, people are coming in like different person
every time nurse shift changes different doctors orthopedic team and when is surgery the next
morning no so then they're like you need to get x-rays so they would wheel me out go get x-rays
wheel me back to that room hour goes by you need more x-rays wheel me out get x-rays
go back okay we need to do mris wheel me down get the mri wheel you back the whole time they're like
hey you're your room's almost ready like upstairs like where you'll have your own proper room
okay that's like let's say four in the afternoon, five, six, seven, eight. I'm like,
what's up with the room? They're like, yeah, yeah, it's getting ready. I'm like, you said
like five hours ago, man. It just keeps going. Finally, after all the x-rays, all the things,
your room's ready. All right. They wheel me up. They put me in a gown and then they go tomorrow
morning, the orthopedic team will come in.
Because now it's like 10, 11 at night or something.
Orthopedic team will come in, give you the full evaluation, let you know what's happening, what you're going to do.
I go, okay.
So the next morning, that doctor, Dr. Little, shows up.
And I'm like, you're the fucking guy.
I was like, so excited.
I was like, you're the guy.
And he was like, yeah, man.
He looks like he's like 30. I was like, I thought he'd be like an old man. He was like, you're the guy. And he was like, yeah, man. He looks like he's like 30.
I was like, I thought he'd be like an old man.
He's like, no.
And he's like, here's what happened.
He's like, this is pretty bad.
This is on your, tells me you tore your patellar tendon.
So I'm going to reattach that.
And then I'm going to put, he told me, he goes, you had an option.
And then I'm going to put, he told me, he goes, you had an option.
We can cast you up and just let the arm break kind of heal that way.
Like the way you kind of remember kids, you know, when you were a kid having the broken arm.
He goes, but I would do the plates.
Like that's a much more surefire way of it working.
Because the cast could be like eight weeks down the line.
We're like, oh, it didn't heal right.
And then we do surgery.
So he's like, you know, it's up to you. I was like, fucking cut me open, man.
Do it.
So that's, I have that surgery on a Friday.
And I remember coming out of it and being like, oh, my God.
And seeing this crazy scar.
And then that's like the next day is when my leg started to hurt.
I was like, oh, fuck.
My leg really hurts. And they're like, yeah, you tore your patellar tendon. And started to hurt. I was like, oh, fuck, my leg really hurts.
And they're like, yeah, you tore your patellar tendon,
and then we operated on it.
Like, oh, yeah, sorry.
So you told me that thing was clean off.
Clean off. And he, the doctor, goes, first when he, the first thing he told me,
he goes, you know, it takes a tremendous amount of force to do this.
I was like, yeah, I was dunking.
He was like yeah i was dunking he was like what
just to look at your height yeah everything about you is not screaming a guy that should
be out there he's like you were dunking i was like yeah bro i've won the contest
you should have asked him listen i do you think with the force that I pushed off, I could have dunked on 9-3?
You know what I told him?
I go, I have it on video.
And he goes, I would love to see that.
He goes, I would love to see it to show my orthopedic team.
Yeah, because he goes, it's rare that we have an injury like this and actually be able to see like the results of
how it happened and i go okay so like a day later i have lindsey i go send me the footage you have
right he sends it to me i show it to this guy in my hospital he goes
he goes i don't want to see that again i go i thought you wanted it he goes no not anymore
i go are you serious? He goes, that
was horrible.
You operate on me. You
cut people open. He goes, that was gruesome. That's like a
homicide detective going, oh,
I don't want to work that case.
No, no. He's like, that's nasty.
That's disgusting. I was like, okay, man.
So,
that's a Friday.
On a Monday, I go, they put me in another ambulance and they take me to a recovery center.
Because basically they go, you know, if you go home right now, you have fresh, two fresh operations.
You're literally incapable of doing anything.
I mean, you're left-handed.
Your left arm is shot.
And your left leg is shot.
You can't stand.
You can't take care of yourself. You can't stand. You can't take care of yourself.
You can't eat.
You can't go to the bathroom by yourself.
Like, you are incapacitated.
Like, it's really this thing where you're like, oh, my God, I'm, like, disabled right now.
And they're like, yeah, you are.
Right now, you are.
Did they give you a handicap, Blackard?
No.
You could probably file for one.
I probably could.
Don't do that shit.
I'll give you a jinx you anyway.
Oh, my man.
They give me options of like
you can go to recover at this place that place and then they're like and then we'll start with uh
pt and ot at the recovery center to start basically rehabbing you all this like is hitting
you you're like what the like because he just feels like all that kind of time frame for this
stuff like how long you're going to be in the recovery center that they're like at at least a few weeks. And then they go, yeah. And then they start talking about
like, what does it take? I go, what does it take to like come back from these things?
They're like, well, you're going to be in a straight brace on your leg for six weeks. So
your leg's not going to bend for six weeks. And then you'll start kind of working it back with
the muscle, definitely atrophy. And you'll have to rehab that. And then this arm, they're like the muscle definitely atrophy and and you'll have to rehab that and then this arm they're like don't worry about the break the break will just heal but you also bruise
your radial nerve so like that controls extenders and everything and i'm like how long does that
take and he's like i've seen it as little as four months and as long as like 18 months i'm like
how's it now i mean i can't like it's much better but it's much better than it was
yeah like every month it's better but it i mean when i first was there like i had wrist drop
which means like you can't even pull your wrist up you know you couldn't even do it no not at all
i couldn't i couldn't do this are you freaking out mentally when you're laying there at night
and nobody's around it if any of this shit's not are you gonna have a permanent limp are you gonna fucking have a hook i didn't really have my
grandfather they called him hook he broke his arm and then whatever didn't set right or whatever
he's always had a he could never straighten it all the way it was always like this i i they made
me feel like don't you know this stuff you'll all rehab and i believed them i was like okay really
and they're like yeah you know like the thing they emphasize to you is it takes time, though.
It's not like a week, man.
It's going to take a while, but you will be fine.
You've got two young kids at home.
You've got a lot going on.
So then the next day, well, I get to the recovery center, and they had stopped on the day before at the hospital doing dilaudid
they moved just to oxys the pills i get to that recovery center i get in bed like they you know
they the paramedics put you in a new bed i'm kind of getting my bearings and then the uh
nurse comes in with a needle and she goes all right right, I'm going to give you some Dilaudid.
I go, oh, no.
They stopped giving it to me yesterday.
And she goes, well, you're getting it tonight.
I just put it in my arm and I was like, I just passed out.
I don't remember.
Just went to bed.
Next morning I wake up and then I'm like, it starts to hit me like, oh, man.
I didn't realize how little I was capable of doing at the time.
I can't do – I still remember I was always either one degree or two too hot or too cold.
But I couldn't control it.
So I have to call someone.
Could you raise it a degree?
And they're like, sure.
And they're like, yeah. And then like 10 minutes later, you're like, could you lower it a degree? And they're like, sure. And they're like, yeah.
And then like 10 minutes later, you're like, could you lower it one degree?
You have to call them in to do it.
It starts to like fuck with your head that you're like, oh, I have to have someone do that.
Like that water bottle is out of reach.
Call someone in.
Could you pass me the thing that's fucking eight inches away?
You know, that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
the thing that's fucking eight inches away you know that kind of stuff yeah and then you know so at first this whole thing i felt was like emotionally i felt like this overwhelming
gratitude just that like i was taken care of that i was able to get this amazing surgeon i was like
oh man like you know i was told that this was the guy and i actually got him and i was i kept going
like i'm so lucky like in my head, I was just thinking this.
I'm so lucky I have the friends I have, the family I have. I'm so lucky that I'm here and they're taking care of me. I feel really lucky. And then I would feel like just depressed to be sitting in
that room alone. And I said before, you don't have true isolation, but you kind of have partial
isolation. You start going like, oh man, what's it like for people in real isolation?
Because I'm not having that much contact.
I mean, Christina's out.
She's got to take care of the kids, and she's got to keep things going.
And you're not allowed to come for that long anyway to these places.
So I'm just sitting there like, man, just kind of bummed out,
but like not,
not super fucked up about it,
but you know,
kind of thinking about things.
Oh man,
my life and all this.
And then,
then the PT comes and she's like,
man,
she told me later,
she was like that first day she goes,
I didn't know what the fuck to do with you.
Why?
She hadn't seen anything like that.
She was just like,
they were such major injuries and you were just like
laying there. I didn't think you were
capable of doing anything. She was worried about
blood clots and infections and all this stuff.
So she was like having me do
ankle pumps just in bed.
She was like, just do that. Move your feet like this.
I was like, okay.
After a couple days, she goes,
hey, have you felt like...
She's coming like three days a week to start.
She goes, have you felt like really down, like real bluesy, cried or something?
And I'm like, no, because I hadn't experienced that.
And she goes, don't worry.
It's coming.
And I go, what?
And she goes, it's coming.
And I figure it's like the blanket thing that somebody says to everybody and it applies to a percentage.
Sort of like someone saying,
don't play basketball in your 40s, you'll get fucked up.
Exactly like that.
So it's Friday.
That's when she says it to me.
It's on a Friday.
The weekend comes, Saturday, Sunday.
Monday she comes for the next session.
She goes, so how you feeling?
I go, I'm all right.
She goes, do you feel real sad yet?
I go, no.
She goes, you haven't like broken down or anything?
I go, no.
She goes, it's coming.
She said it's coming.
I'm like, okay.
I go, I really haven't.
Like, I felt the gratitude and stuff.
Dude, she left at like 2 o'clock.
I think like 6 o'clock that night.
I was like, like bawling, bawling.
What started it?
They switched my nurse on me.
I didn't realize it.
I cried like crazy.
And then I cried.
So the next morning I was like,
I want them to switch my staff to where it was.
And I figured what I'll do is I'll talk to the person in charge,
but like in a very professional manner.
And be like, you know, like going to like my,
like almost corporate speech.
Like, I appreciate that you have a way of doing things here.
I just want you to know,
like this is like I'm rehearsing in my head. I want you to know that I think the whole staff's great, but I really like the staff that I worked with last week. So if you don't mind,
I would like, if it's possible, just wait. She gets on the phone. She's like, you want to talk?
I go, it's my nurse. Sorry, crying. Like crying. She's like, it's okay. I was like,
Like crying.
She's like, it's okay.
I was like.
Balling.
I want my nurse back. Yeah.
I want my nurse back.
Crying.
Into Kleenex.
Like.
That emotional.
Super emotional.
Crying.
So then she's like, okay.
We'll switch everything back.
So they switched the whole staff house.
That's better.
Thanks.
And then that would happen randomly.
When did that lady come in and finally ask you if you had it broke?
Oh, yeah.
Well, she came in on Wednesday.
She's like, how you doing?
I go, yeah, I've been crying a lot.
She's like, I told you.
Yeah.
She's like, I told you.
Did you tell him you requested her back?
Well, she's my PT.
She's my PT.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, so that's Dr. Karen Joubert.
She's fantastic.
So she knew that shit was coming, huh?
And you know what's funny?
Do you know Chris DiStefano?
Yeah.
So Chris used to be a PT.
So he reached out to me when I first got in, and I didn't see him for a while.
When I saw him next, and he doesn't know any of this stuff, he goes, he was like, yeah,
did you get real emotional at one point?
I was like, yeah.
He goes, did you feel really connected to people that were caretaking for you?
I was like, yeah.
He's like, did you feel like parts of your personality almost like shifted and stuff?
I go, yeah.
He goes, yeah.
That's what we see.
Like all the PTs see it.
The doctors and nurses don't really prepare you for that part of it.
But the PTs all know.
Why do they know you're going to cry?
What is it that hits you?
They, they, according to like.
Like overwhelming gratitude or.
They, according to that, like Chris explained it in a really interesting way to me.
Trauma bonding, like.
Yes.
Part of it is that.
So the way that he explained it is that when you get a big injury, like I had a severe injury, your brain is like, this is super traumatic.
But we have to deal with the physical part of this. Like the fact that
things are broken and you, you need to get into recovery. So you kind of compartmentalize the,
the trauma emotions and you, you kind of store them for a minute. And then as you are coming
out of like, now, like they repair you, like you're coming out of surgery then your brain goes well we don't have to like we can relieve some of this expression because you're somewhat put together
so then it just starts to come out he goes we saw it like almost every time we worked with somebody
that had like he said that like people he would see like real personality shifts in people like
some people like they're completely different afterward and stay that way yeah he's like it's like they come out of their shell totally
different i i mean i don't feel like that degree of change but i do feel different emotionally you
do and personality wise yeah yeah i mean i've said it like on other podcasts where like i go i'm
i'm way more social like in the last few months, meaning just like reaching out to people more,
checking on people,
meeting new people and being like,
yeah,
like,
like things I would never have done a few months ago,
like hanging out with people that like,
I feel like I operated like on a,
a bandwidth of like,
this is my,
these are my,
this is my family.
These are my friends,
everybody else.
I'm cordial.
I'm polite too,
but I don't look
to take it any you know i mean any further than that and now i feel like i'm seeking like more
connections and stuff i mean it actually it's in my head all the time that's your next album right
there bro seeking connections seeking connections or like just don't play ball anymore champ yeah
yeah dunk champ but it it was like it was like an emotional experience
that I did not expect to happen. Well, so much came because I wanted to come visit you and you're
like, well, you got to get a Corona test. I'm like, I just had one a few days ago. You're like,
no, you got to get one within like 48 hours. They had rules. And then I got COVID. Well,
that's the only reason I found out I had COVID. I had just got tested. I would have never in under normal circumstances gotten another test a few days later if I just tested negative,
but I had to, to come see you. And then I get the results over the weekend. I'm like,
there's no way this shit's positive. And then everybody on my side got it. And I'm like,
here we fuck. I was so sick in there, but you didn't have it when I had it, right? I called you and you got it right after I told you I had it, right?
So my second week in that recovery place on a Tuesday.
On a Tuesday.
They came and I did back-to-back PT and OT.
Back-to-back, like an hour of each.
And these are people coming in from the outside.
Yes.
And they come in.
I do it.
And as the lady's leaving, the PT's leaving, I put my head back and I sleep for like three and a half hours.
I wake up.
I'm like, man, I'm so tired.
So tired.
Not thinking anything like related to a sickness.
I'm just like, oh, this is like fatigue because I'm weak and I'm doing like this physical therapy.
The rest of that day, I'm like, man, I'm beat.
Go to bed.
Next day I wake up.
I'm like, fuck, I'm so tired.
I remember my neck and my shoulders just ached like crazy.
And I ate like a regular breakfast.
I had like horrible diarrhea.
And then I was supposed to do another like PT session.
She was like, just rest.
But everyone thinks you're just tired from the work you're doing.
I must have taken like a five-hour nap that day or something.
It was like I was so wiped out.
And I keep going to the bathroom and I'm like, fuck, I'm so beat up.
And then the next day, it's like a little bit better. You know, I still don't feel
great. And then Friday I'm like, Oh, I'm starting to feel better. Well, by like when Wednesday,
Thursday, they see me, they're like, you, they're like, we think you have a bug. No one says COVID.
They go, we think you have a bug. So just no more visitors. So they cut off visitors for me.
I'm like, okay. On Friday they go, do you want to get a COVID test just to rule it out?
I'm like, all right. I get a test. And then whoever, it was an outside source that tested us.
They didn't turn in the sample in time. So you leave. So I leave. I finally go home on a Saturday.
I get home. I go to sit on our couch to watch a movie and i get oh by the way
i get all emotional seeing my kids like i came back from war or something i was like hey my son
like yeah he's kicking me he's like where you been man i'm like i'm fucking
oh my god i had to protect myself so much around them. So much around them. I was terrified of them.
Because they're two and five.
I mean, they don't give a fuck, man.
They throw shit at me.
Yeah.
Like fucking metal cars.
Sorry.
Sorry.
And you're like, ow.
Like, they fuck you up.
So Christina had hired a part-time nurse to come in.
And she's like, I got to take care of the kids i can't
be taking care of you and the kids so the nurse will be here for you for this like first week
while you get adjusted for like the some daytime hours all right cool like we finished the movie
and as the movie ends i just open my phone i see email blah blah click the link corona test
positive i'm like nah and
then they follow up with a call they're like hey we just uh following i go it says positive like
i said i like are you sure about that and they're like yeah yeah you have it i'm like oh my god
i'm feeling better like much better so i'm like oh i think i it's actually good to find out
afterwards because if you had told me during, I might've been like nervous about it.
Right.
So I'm like, I actually feel fine now.
I have to tell everyone.
So I tell Christina, I tell.
You got to tell the recovery center, all those people in there that have been around.
Oh yeah.
They all been around me.
So I do.
I, um, I tell Christina first.
She tells the nurse that it was coming to take care of me.
That nurse was like, I got to go.
I'm out.
I'm out. So I was like, all right to go. I'm out. I'm out.
So I was like, all right.
So she leaves and Christina's like, fuck.
Now I got to take care of you too.
I'm like, sorry.
So then I call that recovery place and I tell them
and that lady's like, oh shit.
She's so like, oh no.
I'm like, yeah, I mean, that's just what happened, you know?
And then I spend, God, like a full week in the basement, you know, just, and I get tested again.
I think I test positive one more time and I have another someone come and test me and I finally test negative.
Then Christina tests positive.
She has like that cockroach DNA though though where like nothing happened i mean she was
like kinda not feeling great for like two days none of the symptoms i had so yeah then i finally
i think i go upstairs for the first time december 20 you climb the stairs yourself
yeah put like with like a peg leg because it's still in the straight brace.
Dude, my doctor gave me clearance to drive.
I couldn't believe when you were driving.
January 6th with the straight brace.
So like your leg, your left leg is completely straight out.
But it made me feel normal to drive.
Yeah.
So yeah, I mean I spent Christmas upstairs and around and then –
Well, when I came over, I saw your little old man stool that you had to sit on in the shower that thing by the way the most terrifying thing
the whole time was showering when i was in recovery did you sit you just sat and slid in
bro recovery they go there i'm like in the hospital they do sponge bath recovery they do
sponge bath by the second week they go do you want to shower and i was like no just keep doing the because that was actually like a fear of like you start
looking at i just talked to joey diaz because he had knee replacement the way you look at floors
after something happened to your knee you're just like the thing you look for the most is like a
slippery spot you look for a water spot wet tile and shit or i started uh pounds i used when i get
home i always take my shoes
off and i walk around in socks in my house but i have hardwood floors all you need is like a little
slip and dude the adrenaline that you feel of like oh my god something's gonna happen to my
leg so now i take socks off i have hardwood floors but i wear my flops. I wear my Adidas slides. I just was like in a full panic about that.
But, oh, so when I get home,
so I haven't had a proper shower now in like weeks.
Weeks.
So I sit in this thing,
but you have to sit in the chair first,
take off the brace, take off the wrap,
then shower seated. And like, it's not the most stable take off the wrap, then shower seated.
And like, it's not the most stable chair to begin with, right?
You're like, oh my God, clean yourself, turn the water off, dry off seated, rewrap, rebrace.
That to me was like one of the most stressful periods to be in of just like, I just wanted
to get out of this and feel
safe and what is it like when you're seeing your scars um they don't really bother there's things
that like just you go i mean the knee one is that the first time it's not the first time you saw the
scar though right no you would see it when they'd wrap it and you see when they wrap it and like
it didn't really bother me the the arm one's dramatic but like you know everyone at first is like are you gonna get a huge tattoo to cover it i was like
yeah and then they're like what are you gonna i'm like no i'm not actually doing that tattoo yeah i
don't you know i just you know it's just a scar i don't know it doesn't bother me i mean but i dude
the the showering was full fucking panic and being able to shower without help was like such a
victory like when i finally could be like i don't need you to dry me off would you say it all through
this yeah most vulnerable what was was it when you broke down about your staff being replaced
or was it feeling like taking a shower what about wiping your ass i bought you that wiping the ass
thing i didn't we didn't talk about that.
Did you even try it?
I remember.
Listen, there's no way that thing works.
I kept looking at this thing.
I didn't try it.
It's a gripper, and you're supposed to put it up underneath you so you can wipe your
ass like this, but all it does is it looks like it smears the shit just everywhere.
There's no way.
Dude, my shits.
There's some toilet paper in there.
My shits were.
Well, you're probably not shitting much from all the
pain meds they were giving you for a little while first first time was five days yeah so on day five
they go have you gone and i go no and they go you could do a suppository today or we can wait
but you know if you end up building it more it could be a problem and i as soon as i heard that
like could get bad i was like
do it today let's do it today yeah five days a long time yeah they do it they do it in the hospital
yeah like on the fifth day and um i'm concerned because i've had surgery and i go i can't wipe
like i can't you can't lean you can't turn you can't lean. You can't turn. You can't reach. It's fresh scars, you know, like fresh operation.
And I don't – I've really thought about it.
Like I wipe with my dominant hand.
I don't know if I could get myself completely clean with my –
But I've always wiped with my right hand.
I'll have you?
Yeah.
All right.
I do a number of things.
I do my phone.
Everything's left-handed, but that's about it.
I write with my left hand.
I eat like with a fork with my left hand.
I brush my teeth with my left hand, but I wipe my about it. I write with my left hand. I eat with a fork with my left hand.
I brush my teeth with my left hand.
But I wipe my ass, and I jerk off with my right hand.
Do you really jerk with your right?
Yeah. I don't think I can do that.
Yeah.
And I throw a ball.
I throw a ball with my right hand.
No, I couldn't do that either.
So I remember I was like, I think I'm going to shit.
And the doctor was like, that's good, because you haven't.
I go, yeah, but I can't wipe.
He's like, oh, one of the nurses will do it. And doctor was like that's good because you haven't you know i go yeah but i can't wipe he's like oh one of the nurses will do it and i was like oh and a nurse came in and
handed me wipes i go what are these for he goes because you're gonna go to the bathroom i go yeah
but you're gonna do it and he was like oh shit like yeah he like he didn't hide it at all he
was like man god. God damn.
And he left.
Like, what are you doing?
He goes, I'll come back.
And then he, you know, he came back.
He did a horrible job.
Wiping your ass?
Yeah, he did.
What do you mean? He was just like.
Just patting on it.
Yeah, he was like, God.
Dabbing it.
There's so much.
I was like, yep.
And then there was so much. I was like, yep. And then there was another late.
So he did a bad job.
He did a bad,
he didn't want to do it.
He didn't want to think
we all do a bad job
and they won't ask me
to do it again.
One of those.
Like when you're a kid
and they're like,
do the dishes
and you're like,
oh,
everything's fucking dirty.
So you're like,
I tried.
Yeah,
I did the best I could.
So he did a horrible job.
And then the, the next nurse was really compassionate.
But she would comment the whole time.
She was like, gosh, you got so much back here.
Hold on.
Oh, there's some in this crack here.
How many cracks?
I was like, what?
Oh, there's a crevice here.
Oh, I didn't realize it
got spread around hold on and she was like like that might have been some leftover shit from the
first dude i'm holding on to a walker it just while somebody's wiping my ass i'm like this is
the fucking best and then i finally i remember that uh a nurse came in who I was like, I got it.
That was the first, it was like day, I had, I couldn't, shouldn't recover either because I'm still on drugs.
So I had to keep doing suppositories.
And then that would just unleash.
And then a nurse came in to, to wipe my ass and I was like, I got it.
She was like, really?
I got it.
Yeah, I got it.
She was like, I think that's a compliment.
Thanks. And walked away. And I was like i got it she was like really i got it yeah i got it she was like i think that's a compliment thanks and walked away and i was like all right and that was like and it was like
pain but i was like oh i can do it i can do it shitting was absolutely terrible though terrible
just to like not be able to like you're like how many days you start counting the days i haven't
shit in four days just trying to get those oxys out of your system so that you go normally again it was terrible so what's the
first thing that made you feel normal um when you healed up i bet your driving probably driving
really helped but what's the first what's the first thing you did that you couldn't do before
like pick up the kids you know i mean because you couldn't pick them up right obviously no
no definitely not you couldn't even if You couldn't put weight on that knee.
Oh, no.
I mean, I, like, at first was like, I had, like, strict, like, do not, don't let them run in here.
I was scared to be asleep on the bed and have, because they'll just jump on you, you know?
And there's two of them.
So, like, you know, you got to watch out, like, when you're distracted by one.
The other one is like, ah, bah!
Ducking behind on one show.
And they're always like jumping on my head and shit, you know.
So, yeah, I was – I would say like the driving, the time that I – when I realized I could shower unassisted, oh, my God.
That felt so amazing.
When I got the straight brace off, it was terrifying.
And I see the muscle
it's completely like
skinny
like that tennis arm
you see this big right quad
you can see it
you see the muscle in it
and it's like thick
and then you see this left leg
and there's
it's just like
it's just skin
and you see like the shape
of a leg
but there's no muscle definition
or anything and the thing you don't think but there's no muscle definition or anything.
And the thing you don't think about is like, you know, when you like bump into something,
like I didn't realize that this, the muscle in your leg, like keeps you from like feeling
that basically, you know, you bump like the chair, but on this leg, it's like you feel
it in the bone.
Oh, that's creepy.
Like a skeleton leg.
Yeah.
It's like, and then they go it's gonna take when i finally
started doing real pt they're like it's gonna take a year for for an orthopedic injury to fully
so like a year from now your left leg should look like your right leg and i was like damn a year
yeah i didn't know it was that long i remember i had a dumb injury i went out after a monday
night ravens game with a friend out here.
We went to the park, started throwing the football around,
and I step in a hole, and I just wreck.
I mean, I turn.
The top of my foot touches the ground.
And then I get up, and I'm like, oh, but that's not enough.
It hurt.
So I keep going.
Well, then I roll the other one.
So I go home.
I just go to bed. I prop my foot foot up and i wake up in the morning and this fucking ankle is like this i was like oh shit and i go
to the specialist and he's dry like he's like yeah you tore everything and he puts me in a cast
that holds my leg together i think it was three months and it came up to my knee and it just
basically he's like you just need
to fucking leave this shit sit and it'll it'll grow back yeah but he's like you're it's what he
said to me you're gonna get fat and soft I'll never forget him saying it that way fat and soft
and then when I took that stunk and he took that old because of old school yeah fucking cast and
my I already have skinny legs as it is.
That calf was like nothing.
Nothing, man.
It was like nothing.
That's another thing that people would message me.
They're like, you're going to get so fat.
Like everybody was messaging me that.
You didn't get fat.
I've lost 30 pounds.
Yeah.
But I mean, it really bothered me that people were like, you're going to really turn into a piece of shit now.
And I was like, what?
Because you know who said the opposite?
The PT. Really? Yeah, who's like been right about everything. She was like, oh, you know who said the opposite the pt really yeah
who's like been right about everything she was like oh no you'll end up in the best shape of
your life so i believed her yeah i was and i remember saying it and and seeing people they're
like what the fuck are you talking about man and i was like wait who am i supposed to listen to
the person who's there right about everything they're right about everything and i was like
the yeah the the person that like deals with this or like some fucking douchebag, you know, on Instagram.
I was like, what?
But I remember I remember reading that and being like, why would that happen?
They're like, because you're just going to be a mess now.
Like I was like, OK.
But no, she's been right about everything.
Everything.
She actually said she goes.
She goes, when you're like a year, like when you're at a full year, she goes, I guarantee you'll probably be in the best shape or close to the best shape of your life.
And she was like, and you'll probably be stronger than you were before you got injured.
That's great.
Yeah.
Well, you're already out there lifting and everything else.
Yeah.
I'm lifting.
I'm doing a lot of cardio.
Yeah.
Eating right.
That's the only thing I was not doing at all before.
But I was working out a lot that time.
That's the thing that also people get wrong.
They're like, well, you shouldn't just go from doing nothing to that.
I'm like, yeah, but I wasn't.
I was working out like five days a week.
I wasn't eating great, but I was active.
Yeah.
I was lifting.
I was playing tennis. Still, even after we competed, but I was active. I was lifting. I was playing tennis.
Still, even after we competed, I still kept playing, kept training.
It's just fucking – it's a freak injury, man.
It is a freak fucking injury.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad you were able to capitalize on that motherfucker.
I got paid so much money to get injured.
Let me ask you this. you keep your business to yourself
with the money you've made off the shows and everything yeah if you knew going into it if
you break this and this you'll make this would you go do it no no definitely not i mean i i look at
it now as like you know you can't you don't want this injury or these injuries now i'm comfortable
that they happened and i feel like i feel like it has put me in a better on a better path like
i said with exercise with diet with like men so like i i see the positive that comes from it i
would never go like hey man if i give you this check will you take these injuries like fuck no
these injuries are terrible.
There's a lot of people out there who would take those checks.
Well, it's so much money.
I made so much money.
Like, it's alarming.
But it still is not worth getting injured.
That's alarming.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, thank you for coming on here and doing this, dude.
Yeah, man.
I love you.
I wanted to have a beer here on our last episode before you officially move away.
But you guys are going to be coming back for a while, won't you?
This will make you laugh, I think.
So I have this.
We move out of the house soon.
And then we're in a hotel for a minute.
We visit family.
We move into our house in Austin May 10th.
And I am back in L.A. May 12th.
Nah.
Are you really?
Yeah.
To record stuff?
Do shows and record.
And then I come back again like three weeks later.
And then again three weeks.
And each time is for like five days.
So, I mean, I'll be here all the time then.
All right.
But I love you.
I love you.
You're absolutely the best.
I think back on like, you know, it's kind of a new chapter to like be moving, obviously, and like start a life in Austin. But you're definitely one of the brightest like memories that you and living, basically living.
I invited myself to your apartment and I just stayed there.
And it's the best memories I have.
It's great.
So we had a lot of good times, man.
I'm getting emotional.
I love you, dude.
No, I love you too.
And, you know, we'll be doing. Well, I'm coming to Austin.
As soon as you all get settled, I'm coming down to check it out.
I want to come down for a minute and check it out.
And hopefully all this bullshit gets lifted and we'll be we'll be doing gigs again too yeah i
can't wait for that i'm vaccinated i'm ready to go god damn it let's roll man i love you one more
time promote whatever you want uh just you know a bunch of dates are coming thompsagr.com and of
course we have the the podcasts so they're all on the Your Mom's House podcast
YouTube channel and I actually have
ones that I started on my own channel
the Tom Segura channel
Tom Talks which is so fun
I saw you picked up the Spanish one again
Spanish one helps me because I'm touring in Spanish
so I do that
to like keep speaking Spanish
because that's the one thing I realized that
if you don't
speak all the time it really starts to fade on you yeah yeah all right bro i love you uh ryan
sickler.com make sure you subscribe to the youtube channel uh ryan sickler and also social media
talk to y'all next week.