The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Tom Thakkar - HoneyThakkar

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Tom Thakkar! (ThakkarNoir) Tom Highlights the Lowlights of being abandoned by his biological father and raised by an abusive, alcoholic step-dad. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour September 15th & 16th: Tulsa, OK September 29th & 30th: Pheonix, AZ October 20th - 22nd: La Jolla, CA October 27th & 28th: Salt Lake City, UT November 10th & 11th: Batavia, IL December 8th & 9th: San Francisco, CA SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Duer -Get 15% off your order at https://www.shopduer.com when you use promo code HONEYDEW

The Live and Alive Tour is off and running. Tulsa, Oklahoma, September 15th and 16th. Phoenix, Arizona, September 29th and 30th. Get your tickets to all shows at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios you know i'm ryan sickler ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all your social media and again every week thank you this community continues to grow the stories continue to get wilder um we're over 200 000 subscribers now on youtube which is awesome got a goal next steps

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You get the honey do a day early. You get it ad free. You get it at no additional cost and you get the honeydew a day early you get it ad free you get it at no additional cost and you get the entire back library audio and video of the honeydew with y'all and y'all got the wildest stories if you or anyone you know out there has a story that has to be heard please submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. And if you are looking for a new podcast to listen to, again, go listen to my old podcast, The Crab Feast. That community is still thriving online, and that library is going to do over a million downloads this year. That's a podcast that's been almost dead for five years. That's incredible. So thank you guys for your support. All right. Come out and see me on the road, y'all. The Live and Alive Tour is live and well. Tulsa, I'm coming to see you September 15th and 16th. Phoenix, Arizona, September 29th and the 30th. I'll be in Salt Lake City, October 27th

and the 28th, November 10th and 11th, Batavia, Illinois. And then we're going to close out the year in San Francisco on December 8th and 9th. Get all your tickets at RyanSickler.com. Now, that's the biz, and you guys know what we're doing over here. We're highlighting the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest on here. Ladies and gentlemen, first time on The Honeydew. Please welcome Tom Takar. Welcome to The Honeydew please welcome tom to car welcome to

the honeydew thanks for having me brother this is a dream i love the show well it's good to see you again i say because the first time we really met was when your epic special yeah i got to sit across from you and interview and it's been so long i barely barely remember anything. I know. I remember that vividly because it's the only time I think a man has made me cry as an adult, I should say. I was going to say. We're about to get into some stuff. Since I've been diddled. No, I'm just kidding. No, that's a weird way to start.

This is monetized, right? I don't know. It was. It was. It was. Yeah, I was like, we're doing the comedy special and you interviewed me and you asked some question i don't even remember what it was but i started talking about a friend of mine being a good dad and i almost started breaking out into tears and i was like

what the fuck am i what is this guy you're like white oprah i'll take it man i'll take white oprah any day well before we get into your story today please plug promote everything anything you'd like yeah i'd love uh for people to check out i just put it out an hour special it's free on youtube so you can click right over to it it's called takar noir t-h-a-k-k-a-r that's great uh noir uh like dracar noir the clone and it's an album too but uh it's it's through 800 pound gorilla on youtube and i'd love for people to check that out it's an hour of just jokes about some of the stuff we're probably going to talk about today but like i tried to make it everything just funny like there's no message there's no like lecture in it or anything it's just an hour of pure jokes and in a comedy

club that i think is really strong so i'd love for people to check that out all right where are they where are you on social media and all i'm on instagram and i a little bit on tiktok are you on tiktok i i can't do it people do i i had to pay people to help me out what's up i gotta do that i had to pay them to i can't i gotta pay somebody i was on it for hours yeah and it's just killing my day yeah you know i'd rather sit here and do this with you for sure and try to figure out what's trending on this social media app yeah and like having to figure out what hashtag do you use to make a like a 15 year old like me it's just not yeah it doesn't feel it should be illegal like all tiktok it feels like is me trying to attract children into my uh into my fan base and it

doesn't it doesn't feel right but instagram feels a little bit more like whatever so i'm on there at tom to car and then youtube and all that stuff now facebook i guess if that's still part of it facebook's a huge part yeah oh my god huge yeah i need to delve i'm trying to get better all this stuff yeah but and then i have a podcast too called uh stand by your band where we have comedians come on and defend music that people make fun of and it's uh it's a good time yeah stand by your band so let's get into your life a little bit because i want to get to refresh myself and i want everybody to get to know you a little bit where are you from originally i'm from indiana

okay yeah yeah bloomington indiana to be specific but more like the outskirts because bloomington's a college town that's hoosiers right yeah yeah but i'm not from the collegey part i like to say i'm from pat like 20 minutes past the walmart because like that's a different part of the world it's like county culture but it's like it's like the try that in a small town type you know like it's that it's that type of shit it's not like the college students with uh you know their backpacks and stuff it's like missing teeth and like uh dirt uh dirt floor type now we didn't have that but like it was that's the sort of uh part of town i grew up in yeah i don't know if you spent much time in indiana i've spent quite a bit of time in india actually yeah i like indiana indiana's all right i love indiana i should

say i i defend it now that i live in like coastal cities and when we get out here kirsten was just there with me went and saw my friends. I went and did the club there. And my friends Austin and Libby came out. What's up, y'all? And I took my shoes off. I hadn't walked in grass. I hadn't had bare feet on grass in so long.

Sure. There's space. And just seeing grass in space. And I was just like, God, I miss this. I miss this. The air is kind of nice. It's like, I have a, when people just like, God, I miss this. I miss this. The air is kind of nice. It's like – I have a – when people are like – because I lived in New York for a while. And when people would be like, people in New York are pieces of shit.

They treat you bad in the Midwest. Everybody's nice. That's not really true. But there is a nice like slowed down, chilled out vibe. chilled out vibe i like they have real dive bars in indiana where it's like you could hang out with like a hipster teen and a 70 year old like a career drinker and that doesn't exist as much in other parts of the world i think or like coastal cities i should say you know it's like real people so growing up in indiana what was did your mom and dad did you have siblings what do you i know because i know from talking to you that your dad left early i did not have a dad like from the jump i had a jump i had older brother and sister when i was born from your mom from my mom okay uh from my

dad i don't know a lot like he's an indian dude and he is your mom born she's not she's white uh she's a uh a bunch of different white shit when people ask me i'm not like a dude who's attached to my like you know like i'm i mean my family are irish and you don't fuck with us or indian either i don't i have a lot of problems with like i think because i'm mixed race i just don't give a shit about any of that stuff like i don't care about indian culture i don't care about white culture whatever that is but like irish italian i don't know it's a big mix of shit uh and so i don't care about that but like uh she's not she's not indian they met in the personal ads and went out on a few dates had me out of it we're never married or anything person out of the paper yeah the paper

the old school craigslist yeah my aunt apparently was supposed to meet this dude and she had so many dates from the personal ads she dumped him off onto my mom and then uh they got right yeah yeah they this is your biological father was dumped your aunt was like i got too much on my plate why don't you take this yeah and it turned into you turned into me yeah yeah a weird little piece of print in the newspaper a weird desperate indian man in the newspaper like please will anyone fuck that's me oh god that's so good okay so they meet and is it was it i mean i'm not trying to be disrespectful in any way but was it a one night you say he's gone was it a one night stand so this is a tough thing to get out of your mom she's not gonna say that right i don't want to look

yeah i don't think it was a one night stand from the way she described it they went on some dates it sounded like they were kind of like casually dating from what I understand. My mom famously says he was like a cheap piece of shit. He was a doctor when they met. And he took her to Wendy's with my aunt and asked them to split a baked potato as like their meal. So it might be. It's also like one of the cheapest things yeah it's truly like they're known for their burgers yeah but you guys know you haven't had this potato yet you're really

pushing the potato i'm telling you this is the best potato you're gonna have the burgers are overrated so maybe then it kind of sounds like they were dating for a little while and then your mom says hey i'm pregnant and he's like i'm fucking out of here sort of i think there's some of that i think he was i mean there's seeing multiple people definitely some of that yeah oh okay i should tell you i we're gonna get really real here uh there was like a lawsuit against him that he was hooking up with his patients and then coercing them to have abortions. So I was supposed to be an abortion. He was trying to get my mom to abort me right out of the gate. And he would do it.

But at that time, she wasn't a patient. They met because of your aunt. No, no, no. Yeah. She wasn't a patient, but there was this. But then he's doing this as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

At least there was a history of this. What kind of doctor was he? He was an OBGYN. Was he giving the abortion too? That's what was – it's hard for me to decipher all of it i found an article once in the scandal you know that uh what's that newspaper that's like uh bat boy or whatever the weekly world news or something like that it's all like hoaxes and shit okay he was in that the onion no no no it's, no. Okay. No, it's not funny.

It's real. This one's real. This one's real. I mean, it's like real, but tabloid. Right, right. But- Like the Inquirer and all that shit. Yeah, kind of like that. It's like in the 90s when they'd be like, alien footage found or whatever.

And now we're like, maybe that was real. Yeah, right, right. Anyways, he was like featured in that apparently at some point. And so I found that at one point in my 20s because I never met the guy. So I was like, oh, my God, this guy. How were you looking for him? No, I was never at least. I mean, I never looked for him.

My mom tried to find him when i right before i turned 18 because he never played he never paid child support and he was what she remembered was he was a doctor he lost his medical license and went to jail for a while because of this shit yeah for uh some of it she was like she was like i think some of this was like small town racism stuff i don't know how much of it was real i think some people like dated him and then didn't want to admit it or something but also it's it's hard to tell you never know what somebody's trying to like hide from you to protect you from the monster your father might have been you know and so i never went looking i always kind of thought yeah i don't know if this makes sense but it's like from an early age i was like if this guy doesn't want a relationship with me why would i be looking for him you know yeah you're wired differently though that's what i've

learned about in therapy too you're wired differently a lot of people go the other way like i i need this i need this closure i need this sought it out in other ways like i you know i wanted the respect of other guys in my life, like adults. Guys, I have a bit about it now, but it's like not having it. You do seek it out in ways, and now I have all these guys. I'm not going to do my bit, but it's like I find these old men on YouTube, and they teach you how to do stuff, and I find that so soothing. That is like my new dad. I definitely want – and in comedy.

Listen, I had a great dad he died when i was 16 so from there on i grew up without a dad and i mean i love my dad but i learned how to tie a double motherfucking windsor you know i'm saying i learned how to tie to kind of like a knots sure on youtube that's exactly that's exactly who needs a dad who needs a dad that's exactly what my bit is. I was like, you know, who needs a dad? Who needs a dad? That's exactly. The exact example I use is nobody taught me how to tie a tie. And then I found this guy. And now he's my dad. But he's a good dad.

He doesn't bother me too much. He built a deck last week. He's got it all out there. Because I bought a house and I got to find these guys. And they're like, here's how you get rid of a wasp nest. I think your dad's supposed to teach you. But I never thought to like – they're always angry too. Here's how you do it.

But I didn't seek it out because I was like, if this guy doesn't want a thing with me, why would I want it? But then I got older and you just get curious. And then it all came back into my life when i was like 26 or so because he died and i only found out how did he die uh that's a great question he was uh flying back to india and um and he had some sort of blood disorder of some kind i probably should know out of like medical history my wife as a guy who has that very probably same blood disorder similar with clotting and stuff i say this on this show all the time i'm gonna say it again even if you don't talk to your family if you don't man find out their history their health history because it's your no matter what that's your dna code in there and whatever they have you could very well

have and it could yeah but what if i find out i'm gay i'm just kidding uh get the abortion get the abortion no uh sorry that was dumb as hell um no that should do that because that's he died pretty young too i think he was like 62 or something like that so not young young young but like i mean yeah i hope i hope i get way past that me too brother for both of us uh my wife is like you should figure this shit out but i really should i'm scared was he flying was he on the plane when it went i think that's where it started it's hard to really gather all the details because there were so many shifty characters involved in his death story because he was a big rip-off artist he was a big rip off artist. He was a big dirt bag. He kept all of his money in his house in cash.

He lost his medical license. He opens a blinds business. And a Meineke car shop. Like the oil change places. Yeah I remember Meineke. So I found out about all this shit. Because after he died. Like three months pass.

And my mom had found him this is kind of important my mom found him right before i turned 18 to get a little bit of child support and where was he was he still in indiana georgia he's in georgia i thought he was back in india or somewhere across the country but he stayed in the state yeah he was like you know he was not far away he was in georgia uh he was in a suburb of atlanta and so uh i i just knew, he was not far away. He was in Georgia. Uh, he was in a suburb of Atlanta. And so, uh, I, I just knew that he was alive or whatever. At that time, when I was 17, he sent us like 15 grand for my entire life. And, uh, and then I used some of that to go to college and I never thought of him again. I was just like, whatever, fuck this guy. He knows that I'm alive now. He

paid child support. He did not make an effort to reach out fuck him like i just i had a great mom so i was like i don't need this guy uh cut to he dies three months after he dies i my family gets a call because he has all these lawsuits against like ex-wives uh ex-girlfriends like other business partners and the shit and they want me as the only living heir to drop the lawsuits but i don't even know this exists i don't even i don't know he was dead so i'm learning all this shit on the fly what do you mean to drop them like they think i can take over the like his estate and because he has lawsuits against these people oh i can take it over the plane yeah yeah yeah he's like suing a woman over a house like all this stuff so they're saying there's lawsuits against

him just drop all this exactly god i only find out he died because of somebody trying to do that and so my uncle looks into it he's a lawyer and he's like hey i think there's like a big estate here that it seems to have just been left behind for four months. Let's go figure this out. And so what had happened is after he died, he had an attorney and some other lady, like an accountant, who became the executors of this estate because they pretended they didn't know I was alive, even though there was documents that showed they did because they paid child support when I was 17. And so they had drained the estate dry they sold everything to themselves they he had two porsches

they sold to themselves for like a grand uh because they were just running wild and so we tried to like fight it for a little bit but it was fucked uh but for a second i was gonna move to uh to georgia and own a minor key that was the other move to Georgia and own a Meineke. That was the other thing. They were like, this Meineke is falling apart. There's nobody to take it. I was like 25. And I was like, yeah, I'll move to Atlanta with my buddies and take over this house and run a Meineke while I do stand up on the side.

I don't think they're in business anymore. I don't. I think it's all gone. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you what happened to me one time in a Meineke it's a positive and this is a good little fuck you to your dad then i went to a minor key and they're like hey if you open up a line of credit you can get x amount and i had no money at the time i was like sure i open up the credit they do the whole muffler from the converter back all that shit yeah and uh it's on my 1990 honda civic with original rims oh hell yeah and beautiful car

thank you and then they go under within like a week yeah and i don't know what happened i even called to check but i guess the paperwork never went through oh and i got a gift all of that done yeah free oh that's i called to try to be honest and pay good for you we don't have any record of it i was like that's the best you don't try and you're still like i was like look i'm trying to be honest like we don't have any record we'll notify you if we do it is funny that you had like a meineke credit card yeah that is not bro i had a money i don't know if it was really a kind of walk around it's like having a chucky cheese credit card like you do not need this if you uh good for it good for you and fuck my dad yeah fuck your dad but yeah so uh so you end up losing that to the

executors of the will and everything yep ended up with nothing uh i tried to have a now that i think about it i'm getting pissed off again but uh no not really i kind of let go of it quick because i was like that's money i never really counted on anyway you never had it yeah you never had it wasn't real yeah exactly um but he had 100 grand in cash in his house did you get that i did not i found out because his buddy who he worked with was like he told me he's like did you find the hundred grand in the house and i was like they didn't let me in the house and then uh he told the lawyer and executor about it and they didn't report it and then they were like what are you talking about and then they told him that they found it and then the next time he saw him they were like so he was like what happened

with that hundred grand they were what hundred grand and they just took it they just pocketed it uh yeah he was i mean this is the problem if i could recommend anything don't have a piece of shit dad who doesn't doesn't think of shit like that but whatever like i said it's money that i never accounted for i was like this guy's not even in my life it's a guy is a guy getting women pregnant and then giving them abortions supposedly allegedly allegedly is as quite a fucking piece of shit yeah yeah not a great guy and i'm glad i didn't get your mom to not even have you at the time she according to her she was uh really had to like play defense to stop an abortion from happening like she really

had to stop like make sure i thought i was the only one who of his kids that didn't get aborted turns out there was one other and i found this out in the same phone call i found out that he was dead because they were like hey uh you are like hey your dad's dead you got a brother named kenny and he's dead he's dead, you got a brother named Kenny. And he's dead. He's dead too? That's what they did. Yeah, that's what they did. They did exactly that. They go, it looks like, they said it so casually too, as if I learned I got a brother and then I learned he was dead. Who was it?

Do you remember who it was? It was an attorney. It was somebody who worked at the court in Georgia. And they were like, okay uh there's there's uh news here it looks like you are the only living heir oh uh there uh there is a brother uh he did die in a car accident i was like what the fuck i was like it's the second you hear you have a brother like oh shit i might meet this oh my god he my God. He's gone. I've lost him. So he's dead.

And, yeah, I never met him because I didn't meet any of these. But he's another, I think, another half Indian dude. But he did grow up with my father. So it's like it was a weird thing. Oh, he did. Yeah, he was in my father's life. So it was a different thing. yeah he was in my father's life so it was a different it was a different thing you know and so i was like man it's a real bummer this dude's dead because it would be very interesting

to get to know him and like so to your to best of your knowledge it's just two siblings out of your father yeah just me and him yeah that's there might be some sure but the way he lived his life he might have there might have been a few more. Okay. But at least I'm the only one who slipped through. And then do you have a stepdad who comes in? Your dad's gone from day one. Yeah.

So at what age does your mom remarry? Does she just date? What does she do? My mom remarries when I'm two. Is this from another dude that your aunt couldn't fucking keep on her plate? Although it is a setup. My mom worked at Red Lobster. Oh, shit. My stepdad down the street, there was a Jiffy Lube.

We're moving up. What's up with these oil changes? What's up with your mom and these oil changes, man? Something about a guy who can lay under a car. They're still in business. Yeah, they're still doing all right. That Jiffy Lube is still there, I think.

I think Jiffy Lube, if I'm wrong a lot, but I think they're the company that started the whole bullshit 3,000 miles. Oh, you might be right. I think it was their marketing campaign that yeah that made you think because it's in my head all the time but also of course if i don't need to change my oil for 7 500 but i'm doing it every three of course my car is gonna run great yeah of course it is yeah but you don't need to do that you probably don't need you don't need i mean i've learned they're like you don't need to at all yeah so you can go for 10 000 miles i'm like 10 000 miles that's three and a half jiffy lube changes and it's expensive

too i mean not in small towns but uh here it's fucking it's like a hundred bucks it's a lot for an old i gotta learn how to do this shit myself it doesn't matter didn't have your dad did have he had a vision let's just say he had a vision he had a vision. Let's just say he had a vision. He had a vision. Sometimes I dress for comfort, sometimes for style, and I found my new favorite pants that I can wear at any time, anywhere are from Dewar. My Dewar pants are the most comfortable pair of pants I own, and not only do they feel great, but they look great too. They're black pants. I wear them on stage all the time.

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memories of him because he was terrifying he was a violent alcoholic bipolar but not diagnosed until we were older uh and i remember we walk into his uh his grandma's uh place we're staying with my great grandma for the weekend on his side and i walk in and i'm like four and i'm all excited to see her she hated me and i didn't you know when an adult hates you and you don't clock it because you're like what an insane thing to hate a four-year-old and also you're confused because like am i feeling is this am i yeah before you fully have that yeah awareness of like oh people cannot like you like there are a lot of people in this world who are gonna hate you um but we walk in she's immediately shitty part of it is i'm half indian and like this is a part of it all racist these

are yeah she's 100 racist and she was uh she was and like a lot of people will be like you don't pass as indian but as a kid like in ind at that age, it doesn't matter what you... You got a good tan. It's in your blood. Yeah, you got a good tan at that age in Indiana. They don't like you. You got blood. They were on their Harry Potter shit.

So I walk in and I'm like, oh, my dad's in the car. And I'm talking about my stepdad. And she goes, what? What? Your dad is in the car? And he comes in. It's stepdad and i go see it's my dad and she was like that's not your fucking dad that's how you found out and so then my mom told me she denies this she says i'm mixed up but i remember this vividly maybe i mix it up but she told me – she pointed at the newspaper and said, this is your dad. And it was a picture of Bobby Knight, the basketball coach.

Throwing a chair. It was a picture of him. And so I went to school and told everybody Bob Knight was my real dad for like a year. And they were like, you're a – everybody thought I was like slow or something. And so I looked like a dumbass when i found out that uh that was not the truth because that i mean i'm from the town that that from bobby knight country man from bobby knight saying that sounds insane it's like it's like saying neil armstrong is my like i don't it's insane yeah uh but anyway yeah i found out pretty early he was not my real dad. And he also made you feel like he was very resentful of me growing up.

He had a lot of jealousy. He would think that I was – he thought that I thought I was better than him or something. Like I was pretty good in school and if I was good at something, he was like, you think you're fucking smarter than me? That type of shit. I don't know. I think because I wasn't his kid, he felt like a weirdness even though i was he's there since i was two so it's like kids don't have that in their brain like i fucking hate my stepdad when you're two at all you know yeah he's bringing all that energy yeah yeah so uh yeah it's not a great father figure how long is he in your

life still wow he's still in my life is he still married to your mom he is yeah do they is he gonna listen to this maybe i don't know he watches all my shit now he's actually become a big fan it's weird it's weird i mean to be fair it's like now i'm older i you know i don't hold like i try not to hold resentment about stuff but it fucked me up like it fucks you up yeah you do fucked up shit he told me he was gonna like he would kill our pets and stuff like what he's a psycho yeah what do you mean he uh would i mean not like our not like our you know dogs or whatever he was abusive to animals all the stuff that like you hear like serial killers do or whatever he was doing that shit he poisoned like cats and stuff in the neighborhood like

random cats yeah and you knew this yeah he told me it fucking scared the shit out of me he we had pet rats and he smashed one in the head one night and told i was like where did rex go that was the name of the rat i love this rat and he oh, I fucking smashed its head in last night. So I was terrified of this dude. He would get drunk. He'd drink 30 natural lights. That's why I don't drink natural light. Natty lights.

It's for animal abusers. Serious. I hope you're not trying to get sponsored by natural light. He would kill pets? He would kill pets, yeah. And tell you about it. Tell me about it to scare me. We had rabbits that I found out that he slaughtered just for the fun of it like not to eat no no he didn't have that type of skills to like

flay and fucking no no uh no he like what's he doing with him he's just being sick he was like just just thrown out or whatever he was hammered i think did you ever come across any of this did you ever see i didn't see it no but i found out years later uh now i'm like maybe i shouldn't be talking about this shit but uh what we're here we're doing it uh but no it's it scared the fucking shit out of me yeah dude and then he told me one night he was like uh because he would get drunk and as i was getting older i would be the one he would like take shit on, but he would also confide shit in me. He'd be like, if my mom was shitty to him one day, she would go to work at night, and I'd just be stuck in the house with a maniac. Literally.

Yeah, yeah. And I had a couple younger siblings in the house, three, and then older ones. The older ones got out. But I remember he threw an ice pick at my older sister and stabbed her with it. What? Yeah, yeah. And so she moved out quick. She had it rough.

But then I'm just in the house. I'll bet. Yeah, yeah. Are any of these children his biological kids? Only my two younger brothers are his biological uh kids okay yeah but uh and your mom and him are still married they are still married yeah and she knows about the ice pick and the animals all of it she's like uh connected to you know what i mean uh it's it's a tricky situation i hate to like i love her i hate to like uh you to divulge any of her shit or speculate on her stuff. But they are still married.

And it's a weird sitch because I still see him sometimes. Yeah. And like I said, now he's like, oh, I saw your YouTube. He shows my videos to his friends. The Tonight Show and Conan. He's using me to brag to his friends now. And I want to be like motherfucker like you killed trixie yeah yeah they cut a bit out of my epic special where i

had a joke about like wanting him to kill himself and then i was like and uh the producer of it was like what the fuck are you talking about that's like my favorite bit in the thing and i was like i'm scared or whatever but then it's like you get older and you're like this shit happened it happened you should have the right to talk about it if it happened not only that here's the thing man people back then never even considered that they could abuse this group of people children whatever and then those kids will grow up to sit behind microphones in front of cameras yeah and tell the story of what happened to them and now there's a certain group of these adults that are like yeah oh shit i know but it's like i wonder if they even connect to it like sometimes i dream of like calling them up and being like

what do you think about everything that happened like do you remember do you still do that does he still drink like that i don't know i got i moved out when i was 18 and like trying to get away from what i understand he seems to have mellowed out my mom is always like he's mellowed way out like he's he just like hangs out at home now and like watches like uh matlock and shit he just watches reruns of andy griff of the show and stuff he seems to be way more mellowed out I don't know if he has that streak in him anymore but I will like I'm sometimes like I should I will like I thought for a minute of like maybe I'll do a podcast where I like talk to him and then I was like this is too intense also not every fucking thing has to be content not everything needs to be content yeah podcast you're right but it's like i would make a phone call stay away i think

it was the only way i could like wrap my head around actually talking to him because i was like maybe if he thinks it's like fun or something i don't know but it's like i i it's it fucks you up like he told me he told me as a young kid like if you guys leave i will find you and kill you like that sort of shit so i lived into my 20s holy shit dude that's what he would say yeah he said i will you telling your mom this stuff as a kid he said if you if you tell your mom i will also like because that'll make her want to leave and then that then i will kill you and he had this gun in the house that like was this daunting thing all the time like a shotgun or a pistol uh pistol handgun yeah handgun and like he would i shot it once uh he was like oh it's fun i got this gun and then it very quickly

became like a threat like he was like i have that gun you know what i can do with it whatever and then once a month he would get depressed because of bipolar shit and he would go stand in the yard and like hold the gun to his head. And I was the only kid. I was the oldest kid in the house. So I would have to go out there and be like, please don't kill yourself. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah.

This was like a once a month sort of thing. Once a month? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like the rent. It's like his period. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was supposed to be transgender and this was his way of this is the problem with not letting trans people do their thing is then you have guys like this

no i'm gonna get myself canceled on this fucking show uh no it's uh but yeah i would have to convince him like hey you're we all you're a cool guy don't kill yourself and and where you're living in indiana is it far enough out that you don't have neighbors on either side yeah after they're seeing him stand out they probably could it was like anyone coming over to help you or talk to you everybody's minding their business everybody's doing their own thing we it's not a friendly neighborhood that we live in it's also and see across the street yeah he is white dude uh that sounds like white dude yeah no he was dominican and uh came out to indiana he was a baseball player no he was a classic white dude very proud of like german shit did he own the jiffy lube hold on i didn't mean to jump over that very proud of german shit i just heard too he always

like tells about german food and stuff and he was like yeah it's uh i don't not that he was like into nazi shit necessarily but like he was definitely racist yeah he was for sure racist but uh yeah he was uh yeah he was racist don't you find it fascinating that because i know some guys back in from maryland that were racist and then they marry a dominican woman or something like that i'm like yeah how do you how are you always talk about the darker skin color uh-huh and how you dislike it and then you marry this lady and then have children with her sure and then you continue that racism yeah but your kids are even weirder yeah it's like right it's like you can continue the race yeah yeah i found the one good yeah one of those one of those whatever they can't even say it whatever whatever the fuck she is i found the good one i think she might have been uh she's white in her heart or whatever.

Yeah, she's got a white heart. Yeah, it's bonkers when you see that. And you do see it. And you have a racist stepdad. Yeah. I mean, you know, he's with a white woman. And you're half Indian. Yeah, I mean, that wasn't great.

He's with a white woman, but you're not white. Yeah. So maybe part of that is why he's taking shit out on you, too. Yeah, I mean, that wasn't great. He's with a white woman, but you're not white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe part of that is why he's taking shit out on you, too. Yeah, it could be. I think it was all more self. I don't think it was ever really about me. I think it was all insecurities.

And of course, I say that now. I've just realized it's like, yeah, of course that was it. Doesn't make any sense to hate. Now when your biological father left, that was all you. That was personal. That was all you. I made the wrong face. I made the wrong face when I came out. You didn't even need to make a face. As soon as your mom said I'm pregnant, he's like, fuck that.

No, you're not. I can feel this kid's vibe. You're the reason he left. You are the reason your biological dad left. Maybe I did say something fucked up mentally. Maybe I didn't connect the right way. So what is it like? Does this guy come into your high school events? Does he show up? Are you embarrassed? Do like having – does this guy come into like your high school events?

Does he show up? Are you embarrassed? Do you bring friends to the house? There's no high school events. There's nothing? No. We're not doing any of that shit. None of that.

Because my mom worked nights. You're not going to prom or homecoming? I went to prom. That was the one thing I did. I didn't go to homecoming. You play sports? I wanted to play sports really bad. I tried and I was able to play once I turned 16 because then I could drive.

So I played soccer when I was like 17. I wanted to play basketball. I was too fat to make the team. It was ruining my life. You don't look. I was a heavier kid, and also I'm just not very tall or anything. And my high school team was very good. They won state and Indiana.

I mean, you better be fucking good if you're playing, especially in Bloomington, Indiana, or even near that area. Exactly, yeah. It's basketball town baby better be good out there um it's in uh everywhere else it's just basketball is what they say but uh i wanted to do that shit i couldn't do really after school stuff because i didn't have a ride because my stepdad would get off work and he would be hammered by you know 5 30 and he would his his excuse was always like that he had bad vision at night but it's like yeah man because you're fucking blurry eyed i don't know what it is but i'm seeing two things all the time i see double yeah he did shit face

he tried to teach me how to drive but he was drinking in the car and he was like you gotta drive faster man you're creeping everybody out you're gonna get us pulled over he taught me how to drive you're gonna get us pulled over i was going like 10 under and he's like you're you're driving like a weirdo you're driving like a drunk guy you gotta you gotta drive normal yeah but no he wasn't coming to any type of shit like i had a friend over once and he freaked the friend out. So it's like we just didn't do that ever again. Yeah, I'll bet.

Yeah. Nobody met this dude. He was like my secret, like terrifying stepdad. And so it made me a fucking weirdo at school, too, because I didn't go out to stuff. And then, you know, you're up till three in the morning trying to convince a guy not to kill himself. And you got on the school bus. Yeah. then you know you're up till three in the morning trying to convince a guy not to kill himself and you got on the school bus yeah yeah you're like shit i didn't finish my homework last night because i had to do my homework like i had to come up with excuses for a middle-aged man not

to kill himself jesus and you're not telling anyone that at school no guidance i was worried i eventually started talking about it when i was like 14 i went through i think the phase like people get into at some point or it turned from fear to anger when i was like 16 or 15 so then it's like you're kind of looking for a fight at some point you're also and you're screaming for help stronger you're 16 exactly yeah you're like lifting weights you're like i i think i could like i think 28 natties in i'm gonna fuck this dude yeah but i would do little shit like he would fuck up and then i started pouring out all of his booze and he wouldn't say shit to me because he knew like but he would the problem is he would do all this shit and he would get so drunk he would forget

right and then the next day it's like why the fuck are you in a bad mood to me and i'm like could you not remember everything you fucking did last night you psycho like just throwing beer bottles against the wall he like pointed a gun at me a couple times held the knife to my fucking throat it's like why are you pissed off i don't know man why is your mom still she's gone she was at it she was at work you know uh but you know it's scary i don't know like why does anybody stay anywhere you know uh it's not easy you probably told her the same thing you ever leave i'll fucking come kill you maybe it's also life is long maybe he's chilled maybe he just never showed her that side i don't know like different people have different

relationships and stuff but i was fucking terrified uh and it's one of those things like you you do the show obviously this is a great fucking show you're able to make humor out of this stuff this is the one thing i've had a really hard time doing on stage like i do my first the album i just put out the ticardo thing a lot of it's about my father stuff and like being had like not having an indian father around that stuff took me a minute to figure out this when i say the shit about like he killed the pets or whatever i'm like this is not people are not laughing and it's really hard for me to get over the hump you know what i mean i would uh from just experience on podcasts in general over all these years,

anytime something's mentioned about animals. Dude, it's over. I've had people come on here and talk about killing a person, and people are like, that's a great episode. You talk about an animal or something. Dude, it's disturbing. So it's like I'd almost rather say that he killed a person on stage. It might be easier. It would be more palatable than hearing he crushed a rabbit.

That's the sort of thing. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that's funny at all. Right. But it's – But it's your life. I need to say this stuff to set up. You're narrating your life.

Yeah. Because I had this bit about like, I wish my stepdad would kill himself or whatever. That's not the joke, but it's a joke. And sometimes it would murder, but sometimes people would be looking at me like, what the fuck are you talking – I love my stepdad. Why would you say that it's trying to figure out a way to explain the horror like the piece of shitness to set up all of the funny stuff that i can say after that you know what i mean i don't know hey good luck thanks man i really thought you'd have the answer

i really thought you'd have the answer i brother. I really thought you'd have the answers. I don't know about how you're dancing around murdering animals up there because he ain't hunting. You know what I'm saying? No, it's tough. By the way, I hope this isn't too intense. I know this is the show, but it's also I might be too much. You're not too much. He was too much.

It's not like you did this. That's the thing that does piss me off about like the limitations of comedy sometimes where it's like people are like man i just like comedians who talk about their family and stuff and it's like it's fucked up that just because of how the circumstances are if i do that i'm labeled a dark like this like dirty dark comic and it's like no i just i'm trying to do the same thing everybody else trying to tell you what happened in my life yeah yeah yours seemed a little different over yours seems a little different yeah what um so what what age do you leave then at 18 is that when i moved out at 18 and it's weird it's like it was a real bummer because i really

loved living with my mom my mom is very funny my mom's a cool like wonderful mom she had to work at night like just keep us afloat you know uh we didn't have what did he do he not hold a job no he just worked at he worked at jiffy lube and then uh but he was able to he's a functioning alcoholic that's what i mean he was able to stay you don't have to do a whole lot to work at those spots no offense to the people who work at those but like you can kind of ride the line and he was the type of drunk who normally i think he would be asleep by like 10 30 11 some nights it was like you could go till four and make me like listen to music with him like held me hostage and i was like dog i have fucking school tomorrow and so that was a zombie but like i did when i turned 18 i

had an opportunity to move in with a buddy right before i went to college and i went to school in bloomington so i went to iu and so uh to save like to save money and shit but my buddy was like do you want to move into this apartment and i was like not gonna do it and then he really like egged me on for it and then i did and it's the best thing i've ever done with my life because like i didn't realize how much every night worrying about whether dr jekyll or mr hyde was going to come out was affecting me and then when you're like you get to figure out who you are a little bit like in the world because i was like carrying that every day and then i was i went to college and i was like oh i can become like a normal guy now like i can just

not think about this shit at all and of course you're still thinking about it in the back of your head or every time you go home but uh yeah it was a dream uh like i went to college started doing improv figured out like oh i can be social on top of it because when all that shit's happening at home too i was not a social kid yeah like i mean i had friends and stuff but i wasn't like bell of the ball like i was like a weirdo with dark fucking raccoon eyes coming to school and uh and so yeah i got to open up and then uh started comedy got engaged super young uh i was 21 i think okay 21 or 22 and uh it was a girl i was like super into like uh it was my first real real girlfriend and i worked at the hospital with her

night shifts and we both went to iu she graduates early uh i was supposed to move to la out of college to do an internship at jimmy kimmel because i had a pipeline from iu and instead she begged me to move to ohio where she was going to med school she was like come do this and so i was like well you know i'm an indiana kid a real man i was like a romantic fucking little bitch and uh i was like okay i'll move to ohio i'll move to la once you're done with med school it's all good and then i will have our careers and then i moved there and she very quickly is like we're moving way too fast like oh we got careers and then i move there and she very quickly is like we're moving way too fast like oh we got engaged right before i moved okay and she's like we're moving

way too fast we're too young she's right by the way but at the time it's like all right well i moved to ohio you did have me move here and then eventually i'm going i'm driving two hours to open mics try to stay sane i'm working night shift at a hospital in a hotel, like alternating, trying to stay afloat while figuring out what I'm doing. And then in that time, she ends up cheating on me with this dude she goes to med school with. Oh, how do you find out? I found out it was a weird thing. I had some weird little suspicions. She was hanging out with this guy a lot.

And she originally tried to set this dude up with her friend. What's up with all these weird setups in your life i know women in these setups setups are bad yeah uh this guy working a fucking uh quick quick express or something quick he works at pet boys he's in the whole shop boy he does it all full service and he did uh no he uh he goes to med school they're they're hanging out all the time i see one night they work at buffalo wild wings together at night to like it's like a side job in med school and i i am there with her one night she's a little drunk and she kisses him on the neck and i was like that was weird i was like that's a little drunk and she kisses him on the neck. And I was like, that was weird. I was like, that was really weird that you kissed your friend on the neck.

And then we break up and I only find out that she was cheating on me because when I go back to get my shit out of the house, she's at school. And I was like, I'm not. I had to drive five hours to Indiana to my buddy's place. We're in Ohio. I have to make two trips on the trip back. I go while she's at school. Like I'm like, I'm just going to get in and out. I tell her, I'm like, Hey, I'm just going to be there for 30 minutes. She's like, you're not going to fucking see me. Are you serious? Like you're being a child. And I was like, well, this is the window

that I'm going to be there. And she goes, Oh, well, I was going to go to the gym then. And I was like, okay, fuck you. Like this is over. So so i i'm i'm packing my shit up and i see this camera that i had bought her it was the first selfie camera it was fucking expensive i was a broke college kid but i bought her this camera and i had a half a thought of like maybe i'll take that camera back which i didn't end up doing it but i look through some of the pictures and it's them like making out and stuff like on the selfie camera after we had i it was like two days after and i was like oh this has been a thing the whole fucking time so she was doing that the whole time going to ohio made you move anyway i don't think i think it started after i moved to iowa i think she was like this guy's a fucking loser he drives

to columbus three nights a week to do stand-up open mics uh what the fuck am i doing i'm gonna be a doctor like uh and so i mean now they're married i think oh for real yeah yeah so she probably did the right thing but it fucked my life up for a little bit because it was like i based my whole life on that for a little bit and then it was nice because i had a buddy who was like now just do stand-up he's like stand stand up is your thing now because i went on stage and just talked about it and it went all right and he was like that's the most interesting thing you've ever said and so just do that from now on uh and that changed my life like that made me a comedian because i was doing stand-up but i wasn't doing comedy because when you're just talking about like, so I read the newspaper today and this happened.

There are funny people who can do that. It's not something I ever seek out. And I also don't think all your comedy has to be trauma or something. I think it should be either very absurd or very real. You know what I mean? I mean, there's room for all of it but my favorite comedy is the stuff that's like really incisive and comes from a very like real thing you know what i mean and so for me that was that i was like oh now i have real shit to talk about and then it opened up the world of like oh now i can talk about my dad and my whatever you know uh if that makes any

sense i feel like i just threw a lot of shit at you well going back to your biological dad you say you can talk about your dad does anyone in his family ever reached out or anything like no i don't know if anybody's alive i don't know if they knew about me okay that's another thing yeah i don't know uh i've the only person from his past life to reach out to me is an ex of his who like i said she wanted me to drop this lawsuit and every once so i'm like maybe i should like look it up the last name is pretty uncommon apparently so it's like i could look into it i do kind of want to go out there and just see and i will say to indian people's credit every time i talk about this shit on stage should i make fun of indian people because of it because i'm like this is what indian people do and i will say to indian people's credit every time i talk about this shit on stage and i make

fun of indian people because of it because i'm like this is what indian people do and i just use my dad as the example but then i'll go uh i'll say i'll say that on stage and make fun of them and after the show they almost always if there's indian people in the crowd someone will come up to me be like hey man i will take you to india dog like let's go really yeah yeah they're like this is fucked up like and also like indian people if you're indian and you say i'm indian indian people want to claim you they're like you are one of us and so because i didn't have in my my life i would go on stage and feel like kind of fraudulent as like well i'm not indian enough i'm not white and i'm not anything that's interesting and then they would be like what the fuck are you talking about

you're indian like if you are half indian you are indian come to india and i'll show you the world like they're proud of they want you to like india you know uh are you gonna go i do want to go at some point and what do you think you'll see there the taj mahal i don't fucking know i mean anything family from your father's or there anything over there? I don't know, man. Do you know if there's property or anything still over there? That's a great question. You know? I never even thought of that.

Really? Yeah, there's probably like a house out there or something. Got a something. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, somebody stole it from you, no doubt. But there was something. I mean, it's not mine. That wouldn't be mine.

But like, if I... I never thought about that. I would like to like see where... You close with your mom? Oh, yeah. Very close. What about taking a close with your mom? Oh, yeah, very close. What about taking a trip with your mom? I don't know if she would be interested in that. She could see India also.

Yeah, I don't think she likes. She barely likes to travel to L.A. I don't know. Yeah, she met your dad in the ads and your stepdad worked down the street. She don't have to travel too far for you. Tell me about your mom, though. She sounds like a strong lady. She is.

I mean, you go through all that. Dude, every therapist I've ever had has been like, if it wasn't for your mom, you would be a fucking psychopath. Because it's like, my wife said that, too. She was like, I told her this stuff not immediately. It didn't come out of the gate. Yeah, you got to ease in. You got to ease in on this shit. You got to ease in. You cannot come out of the gate. It can't gotta ease in you gotta ease into this you cannot come out of the it can't be your bubble profile and stuff you know what i mean let's ease into man i really hope i didn't upset people with that

stuff i now i'm like in my head but it's you didn't your stepdad did i know i didn't but it's like i could see people i had to turn it off after he fucking said this thing but it's it's just the real reality of it see here's the thing that for the people watching and listening is they get to turn it off you didn't get to turn that off you had to live that life yeah yeah that's it's your life it's true yeah I just don't want to fuck up your show I don't know uh for a week or whatever but um yeah my mom is awesome like she's very strong she had kids when she was 15 damn um my older uh my older brother and then my older sister two years later so she had to figure shit out early and there is not money where i come from like that we didn't come from anything and so she had to work her way up she was working full-time at red lobster when i

was born and then she worked her way through nursing school. And then she became a nurse when I was like maybe nine or something like that. I don't remember the exact years. But like then she worked fucking 80 hours a week. That's the thing. She was trying to like figure shit out. So she was working a lot, which is why I was like kind of stuck with this psycho all the time. And so I had to like

Jiffy Lube's closed at night man I wish they had night shift Jiffy Lube man that would have fixed a lot of my life Jiffy Lube would have just been 24-7 why can't there be a graveyard shift at Jiffy Lube yeah

that would have been good but no so uh now she's worked her way into like she's a nurse practitioner she's like doing great she's uh i'm very proud of her and like it's funny i would like help her with her homework while i was doing my homework she was like you know working full-time and going to school full-time um yeah she's fucking awesome she's great um she's like raising another baby now what do you mean grand babies yeah uh so she's like i've never i've never met anybody with as much like drive as she has and like she does not relax like i mean she'll watch like a tv show sometimes but like she like works her fucking ass off and so it always put a thing under me i don't know if like if you feel like work ethically or it's it feels like it never ends because i'm just like if i take a second off i'm like what the fuck

am i doing like i know i i'm terrible at relaxing i'm horrible at vacations because as soon as i'm on vacation, I'm like, what are we doing? I should, I can be doing more. Yeah. I should be doing more. Yeah. And the truth is,

you're right where you should be. You should be doing less. I know. It's tough, man. It's tough not to focus on like, well, I could be, I could have this many more followers if I posted this today.

And then it's like, I hate that shit. I don't know. But it's, we pick jobs where there's no boss to tell you hey man you're done for the day and so i think i got that from her a little bit we talk about that a lot where i'm like i don't understand how people don't feel like this all the time you know uh and she's like yeah me neither man but you should and then she'll always tell me to chill but she does how often you get to see her uh like twice a year maybe three times because i go back

to indiana a lot to do i'll do the comedy attic when i'm back sometimes i'll do the holidays she's gonna come to here for uh to see my new house uh in a couple weeks which is exciting because she doesn't i think like she came out for my wedding last year in new york but it's hard to get my family to travel part of it she's busy all the time too so it's hard to get a day off you know my bad i shouldn't drink the same time yeah it's all the dead air yeah uh man this shit's in town like sweating i feel so bad if you have to edit that shit out we're not cutting it out okay we're not cutting it out it's what happened i know look here's the other thing i don't this show is different than just a hang you know if we were

hanging and you said that fine but this show is about what you went through yeah like i i gotta say i don't know no one's ever come on here and talked about someone doing that to animals and then telling the kid, like I did this and I did that. Yeah. Where's Rex? I smashed his head. Like,

yeah, that's fucking, it's a wonder you're not a psycho. Well, that's like, I'm, I'm grateful that like, I somehow shielded myself from like,

not, I think it's because i would watch i use like tv as an escape and so that kind of can normal you out a little bit like you're watching sitcoms and stand up and so you get to see like oh this is how normal adults act or like what i'm going through is not regular you know it's it's fucking weird and now you also realize how fucked up it is that you're looking at comics and going this is normal that's all fucked up your show yeah that is why like you know that's a great point is not normal this feels way better than this yeah you're just like a nine-year-old watching mark maron talk about whatever and you're like

this is regular yeah this is this is fine um dude this has been a great episode thank you for coming thanks for having me man this is uh this i love this show and i'm like thank you that that's uh i've never said most of this stuff to like that not alone not only like on you know a mic or whatever but just to most people but you were like you have a gift to to fucking open people up thanks tom yeah thanks for having me brother uh well before we wrap up let me ask you after everything we've talked about now this is going to be interesting advice you would give to your 16 year old self oh man i forgot about that you said that earlier and then i got lost in my own bullshit i would would say the thing that changed my life for the better

is when I really took in, like, you're going to die someday. Like, in 200 years, you will be nothing. And so use that to your advantage. Like, don't be afraid of anything. Like, I was really afraid of, of like embarrassing myself socially as a kid and i think like by taking risks like even doing stand-up i wish i had done it earlier like uh like a lot like chapelle doing it at 14 or something if you think like you know i want to do something but i'm like i'm shy whatever get over that shit it's you're gonna be dust in 200 years so keep that in mind I know it's not a positive like it's not always a positive for me it was a big

positive it's three as I started stand up as I was like I want to do this I'm so scared uh of it going bad or that I'll have some sort of fear on stage or something and then it's like who gives a shit uh yeah that and uh play sports more i don't know yeah and never and i played too many video games uh get out of the house but a lot of this was out of my control but remember you're gonna die and let it motivate you hell yeah that might have been an insane thing to say i don't know i'm off the rails um one more time plug and promote whatever yeah uh tom takar uh on all the socials thakkar i promise i won't say uh anything too disturbing on there and uh and then yeah the specials on youtube now and wherever you get your albums except for spotify and that is takar noir thakkar n-o-i-r and stand byA-R-N-O-I-R. And stand by your band, The Podcast.

Get on those. All right. Thank you very much for being here. It was a great episode. Don't overthink it. You're good to go. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, ryansickler.com.

Get your tickets for the live and a live tour. Come out and see me on the road. Again, tickets at ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week