The Joe Rogan Experience - #2256 - Protect Our Parks 14

Starting point is 00:00:00 The Joe Rogan Experience Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! Cheers! Mazel Tov! Hey, speak of Mazel Tov, all I've been doing is sending Ari my algorithms flooded with Jewish stuff. I know. My algorithm is flooded with Jewish stuff. I know. My algorithm is flooded with like Jew rules. It's just rules from like low level influencers

Starting point is 00:00:30 in the Hasidic community. It's crazy what you've like. I get so many of them every day, so I send them to him. What are the rules? Oh, it's all like, are you allowed, when you're frying pin, when you use your frying pin for eggs, are you allowed to use it for me? Say you go on vacation and your pot isn't kosher, what can you do on the Sabbath?

Starting point is 00:00:50 You're gonna take it to the ocean, throw it in the ocean. They're throwing the fucking pots in the ocean to make it kosher. And you have to let go of it. You have to let go of it. They have a rule, you have to drop it in the water and let go of it. Are they following these rules? Oh yeah, those people are. And it's also funny, like you click on the link

Starting point is 00:01:06 He says you and the first thing you hear is Yeah, they don't really control the weather obviously Hurricanes wouldn't hit Florida. Ah good point. They're barely get their pots kosher. Yeah, no they make them hit Florida's they get their wills Yeah, it's hilarious that hit Florida's they get their wills It's hilarious that some people are saying climate change. This is climate change Whiny liberal Or lunches. I know that you I'm doing a new you are saying I'm doing a new thing that I'm doing the juice When I talk like this is a whiny liberal. It's fucking climate change wake up. No. It's arson you fucking idiots I think it's mr.. Beast you set up a new video

Starting point is 00:01:58 That's a strong accusation bold no no just kidding But they've been trying to get rid of the homeless for a while, but the homeless are doing it well They're flammable Everyone is but they they're more inclined to use fire to get their anger out. Yeah, that's true Yeah, she over men actually caught people lighting things on fire. He filmed it. He put it up on his Instagram really Yeah, yeah in the middle of the firestorm people were lighting things on fire to contribute to the fire. Wow. You've got losers You have a hundred thousand losers that are just camping on your street What do you think's gonna happen? What do you think's gonna happen when the people with the houses are in jeopardy?

Starting point is 00:02:38 What do you think is gonna happen when these people that are living in? 50 million dollar houses and you're camping out a block block away Which is exactly what's going on over there and the looting and the looting well They looted people's houses when they found out that places were getting out evacuated Swarms of organized gangs were showing up this lady said a hundred guys Showed up in front of this house, and she thought they were helping our neighbor move They just broke down the door and started stealing TVs stealing everything house burnt down That's kind of an if the house burnt down, but that what if the house doesn't burn down. You just stole all their shit Yeah, right. Yeah, it's like you can't do that

Starting point is 00:03:19 But I see their point to if I was super poor yeah If I was super poor and we were living in the fucking Hood and then someone came along and said look they are evacuating these fucking communities anyway, man fuck it Let's go get paid like let's go get the house gonna burn down They're gonna get insurance and if you look you get caught they just let you go. Yeah, that's true They just let you go and then didn't buy and say he's given full coverage for this one Didn't Biden say he's giving full coverage for this one? How can that be? That's so much money.

Starting point is 00:03:45 He's delusional. It's the same thing as, you know, forgiving college judges. He also said he was going to pardon anybody going to Saudi Arabia. He also said he could have beaten Trump. He said that too. Crazy. He did say that also. No, no, in the election.

Starting point is 00:03:53 Oh, wow. He said he could have beat him in a fight too. That would be great. Imagine those two fighting. How much would you pay? It'd be just like the Jake Paul Dyson fight. I'd pay some to be there. That'd be a good deal.

Starting point is 00:04:01 I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. I'd pay some to be there. Oh, yeah, you said you could beat him in a fight, too Those two fighting how much would you pay it'd be just like I take Paul to be there Be so sad Yeah, Trump would get him though. Trump would fall 100% tackle. Oh, yeah, he's trying to bite his face off He would he would grab his thumbs shove them into his eyes and bite his face off Yeah He would he would grab his thumbs shove them into his eyes and bite his face off Totally different kinds of humans

Starting point is 00:04:29 Yeah, that's Biden is used to like Secret Service around him his whole life Trump is a psychopath Yeah, he will throw those thumbs right as fucking eyeballs like the mountain did to the gay guy Was it? Who did that with the Jamaicans? Steven Seagal movie, yeah he had a movie with the sword fighting He eyeballed those guys Listen man, if you watch the UFC

Starting point is 00:04:56 eyeball pokes, even to the most badass fucking dudes in the world are devastating Crazy, like a nut shot is way easier to recover from than a fucking hard eye poke poke. That's true It is funny to see them all tough and they go. Oh, yeah, we owe you my idea Yeah, but it's just so crazy. We still have this you still allow fingers my eyeball is totally unnecessary This doesn't contribute to fighting have it fingers free. Don't let the John Jones saying

Starting point is 00:05:21 No, no, they need a glove that covers the fingers. it's real simple and then you have thumbs still but you're gonna eliminate the amount there is Ari called it. That's what Trump would do to Biden. So fake, it looks so real back there. That was 1990, that stuck with you. That's crazy. Who's he fighting predator now these were Jamaican drug dealers No, you know, it's a good movie Alien Romulus the new alien movie. I went on a little vacation and I watched it on the plane Oh my god, gotta be careful the movie Plane movies seem better than they are. Every time I'm on a plane I go, that movie was fucking incredible.

Starting point is 00:06:09 Then I go home and show it to someone. I cried watching Home Alone on a plane every time. I cried watching Babe, I cried watching Sandlot, and Cronin Edible. I watched Rudy once, I was like fist bumping. McCusker walked by me and I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy and it was at the end when it was just aliens one of the guys dies in it and then it's just a bunch of aliens show up and like celebrate his life yeah I was sobbing he walked by it was just aliens like you guys what's wrong with you are you guys old enough to remember when they would just show a movie on a plane yes one movie yeah I already I know you guys old enough to remember when they would just show a movie on a plane? Yes one movie. Yeah I already I know you're starting now

Starting point is 00:06:49 Would have to pay for headsets yeah, I mean if you were cheap you just watch the movie with no sound yeah You have to pay for the Disposable headsets I don't even know if you're allowed to use your own didn't they have like a special Jack no one had their own Walkmans yeah, I had a little headphone jack I think they have a thing Jack yes that's right and you try to put your thing in yeah that's right now I'm remembering that we were more of a community back then we all to watch the same shit why do the headphones they give you suck not only I saw but you're only getting them Well, no, I mean my dispose they

Starting point is 00:07:28 Hit out shitty disposable ones, which I know that is why they suck but they've got to be able to make them better Yeah, they're too loud. The planes are loud. So you don't have the noise cancellation. You're still getting like the Breaking and making our announcement. That's at level 70. Oh question here's the real question this episode is brought to you by visible You know how most wireless plans feel like they're designed to confuse you with like hidden fees weird Subcharges family plans you don't even want not with visible on the visible plan It's one line of unlimited 5g data for just $25 a month flat rate No surprises powered by Verizon's network, so you know it's solid, and here's the kicker,

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Starting point is 00:08:33 slash rogin and check it out. It's wireless made simple. Terms apply. See their website for the details. How bad is it to have little electronic things in your fucking ear? I do it all day every day Yeah, I know right. Yeah, I've done quite a bit. Yeah, how mad is it for you? I? Mean it can't be good. No, it's terrible. Well fine. It's like smoking like people talk about but it's one of those things Where it's like hotly debated among even conspiracy theorists like some people say it's gonna kill you and other people is gonna say Where's the bodies no, but your're here and goes down, right?

Starting point is 00:09:05 I don't think so well you're hearing definitely goes down if you hear loud things So but if you have it low you know at a reasonable level, and you have it in your ear the real question is What's the electrical shit doing to your head? Oh? What's the EMF frequency do into your head? Yeah? Yeah Plug in ones are better than the wireless Plug-in ones are okay. I can't live with that where the bodies are the best So good right in your pocket. Yeah, but they're so good cell phone gives you cancer the balls for years all that shit Yeah I talked to some dude who had ball cancer and he told me that he got ball cancer on his right ball

Starting point is 00:09:50 Because that's where he kept his phone We're just looking at each other. I'm like I'm not sure if that's real that Lance Armstrong. No, it was a regular dude. Oh I would imagine Lance Armstrong. I mean if you just I'm not a doctor obviously But if you spend that much time with your nuts getting smashed by your whole body while you're pumping your legs up and down Yeah, it's got to be irritating and if you're not hurts and your Lance Armstrong. You're gonna keep pumping. Yeah Yeah, you're gonna keep on there the Roids or whatever who knows that I don't think I think it's more of Why I bet it's a bunch of I bet it's a bunch of shit, but it's a bunch of shit

Starting point is 00:10:28 I bet it's the amount of time on a bike. Yeah, right. That's gotta be brutal. I stay off those fucking things. Yeah Again, I'm not a doctor but for a regular For a regular person like how let's let's ask let's find this out let's Google is there a higher rate of testicular cancer among cyclists it's like CTE of the sack you just constantly getting hammered Your balls freak out one day and hit your wife. Your balls just kill a cop. You're going to make retarded kids with it. It's bad sperm. Your balls are getting smashed like all day on a hard seat.

Starting point is 00:11:15 It's not even a comfortable seat. No. Remember those seats we had when we were kids with like the back to it? Oh yeah. Sit on a bike. On a bike. You remember that already, running a hula hoop down the street with a stick? Okay, does cycling increase risk for testicular or prostate cancer?

Starting point is 00:11:32 Good, I'm not alone in my concern. So it says professional cyclists, number of studies have looked into the link, the findings to date are inconclusive. There's a question comes up often. Well the thing is is it's like how many of those dudes are like, yeah How many dive how many are getting cancer compared to like regular people? Just give me the data The amount of activity they're doing also like counteracts cancer stuff, right? That makes sense plenty of idea Alright, of course that makes sense plenty of me

Starting point is 00:12:08 Maybe it does up until a point like like tour de France Like I read an article where they were explaining and a doctor actually told me that this Prute he said this is true. You're better off doing the tour de France on steroids Of course actually healthier for you to do on steroids. What I said how and he said because it's so hard You your body gets Destroyed in a regular immune system a regular endocrine system. Just can't keep up. Yes. Can't keep up you almost Blood doping you almost need EPO you almost need steroids damn The problem is the guys in on the street dressed as Lance Armstrong who think they're on the road street dressed as Lance Armstrong who think they're on the road. Oh yeah. They take over the whole lane and they're going five miles an hour.

Starting point is 00:12:48 Their tight shorts? Yeah the shorts, the pointy helmet. Shut up. Well the thing is when they get a group of them together and they act like a gang and they take over the whole lane. Guys go to the side I'll be real patient and I'll yeah you know but I want to go to work I have stuff to do. And I could kill you so easily This cycling is the most our highest rated endurance. Whoa soccer's gotta be up at eight. Okay eight Boxing's eight point six interesting depends on who you're boxing swimming Wow I Don't know how are they proving that because where's wrestling? Yeah, where's wrestling if you don't think wrestling is in the top you're out of your fucking mind. It's way down there fuck off

Starting point is 00:13:30 What is it getting your skin Dorans listen to me fuck off basketball is ahead of wrestling fuck off They play longer. I know shut your fucking dirty mouth and American football should be up there. That's yes, so many breaks There's a lot of it doesn't matter. There's a break fucking grueling and it's three hours for sure Yes, a box soccer for cardio fitness. I never stop. Yeah, never stop. They want no one's punching you in the body Way harder than those way harder because you're getting endurance why getting pummeled ice and then wrestling a guy is Clenching up with you 100% of the time have you tried to you just wrestle we wrestle sometimes no It is so hard to do and Olympic wrestling like those guys are the fittest athletes on earth They're animals those guys their strength and conditioning routine is fucking crazy

Starting point is 00:14:28 when Daniel Cormier was telling me about this Russian dude that he could not be he's like we're so lucky this guy never fought he goes because if I forget the news name like Ram's a boat some crazy ass name he said his strength and conditioning coach he couldn't break him he just kept giving him more shit to do and he wanted more he was like what fuck man he goes I was trying to break him he goes he used Daniel Cormier's routine he just kept adding things and this dude just wanted to keep doing more he said he would have beaten all of us he said we've never been successful this guy fought in the UFC he needs Junta to overthrow see if you can find who

Starting point is 00:15:00 that guy's name is but he's an animal who's that new go Beatle Malley that guy's pretty? He's fighting this weekend against the toughest guy he's ever faced He's like umar Nurmagomedov umar is Kabib's cousin and he's a fucking savage Yeah, he's but he's different than kabib in that he's a striker like he's got wicked wrestling and wicked submissions But he started off as a kickboxer his fucking kicks are nasty I want to know who kicked Khabib off that plane. Wait. What crazy isn't it? I don't know what happened Some lady came up to Khabib when he was on the flight cuz he was in the escape row What whatever it is he was on a what?

Starting point is 00:15:40 Alaska, okay. No, it was something frontier. So she there's a video of it. It's crazy He's telling her you know I can do this else. I'm by the stick like I understand English I could speak English and they kick him off the fucking plane exit row thing verbal response Why is he flying front? He comes to me with questions Beginning he's saving up his money man. That's why he's not fighting anymore. He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care my the guy drives a Toyota Oh, even though I speak very decent English and can understand everything and agreed to assist she still insists on removing me from my seat

Starting point is 00:16:15 What was the base for that racial national or other one? I'm not sure but after two minutes of conversation she called security and I was deep playing from this aircraft after 1.5 hours I boarded another airline one and left to my destination I did my best to stay calm and respectful as you could see in the video But those crew members could do better next time and just be nice with clients pretty calm Very calm way to say he had to work so hard with the English on that tweet. Yeah I wish I was on that maybe she was just a Connor fan Yeah, she's like fuck off. I'm a John Jones

Starting point is 00:17:04 Go talk between those two it's weird when these super mercenary killers just can't win He's like I gotta get off the plane. I can't beat you up. Yeah, some lady has control over him. Meanwhile he can beat up everybody on the planet. It's really crazy when you watch it. Remove from the whole plane. Yeah, you can play it if you want. What, you just switch suites to somebody?

Starting point is 00:17:20 Damn. Damn. She's saying they're not comfortable. What? He should have just started swinging. Too bad she's not trans. Wow, I don't get it....we can go ahead and escort you off the plane. This is crazy.

Starting point is 00:17:48 Forget I'm major. You'll see the way. Okay, I'll call a supervisor and then we're gonna have to leave looking for a new plane. I mean, didn't Mike Tyson hit a guy on a plane? Yeah, but that was a different situation. The Mike Tyson guy was a drunk guy that was fucking with Mike Tyson. She deserves it. At this point, he's like, yeah, call a supervisor. He'll have my side on this. Well, not only that, he was calm and respectful, he obviously speaks English, and he knew... Yeah, he said, I'll assist, I'll open the door.

Starting point is 00:18:10 Fucking white ladies. But it's people are crazy. I sit in that fucking row. They put fucking slobs in that row. You get so fucked. Well, you'd love to be on that flight, go, ma'am, do you know who that is? Yeah. Like, do you know who that is?

Starting point is 00:18:22 Like, just let me tell you who that is. Let me Google him real quick. He's the eagle. Yeah, Jesus Christ. The only reason he's not killing it right now is because he's not in his own country Throw in a hole just for liberal ladies so weird to pile them up so weird to see that flight honestly we're laughing about it it's fucking sparta they probably got a couple holes filled with people and thug has said like no that's a nice hole if you live in a place where war was recent

Starting point is 00:18:54 they don't they have no room for horse shit you know if you go to those chechnya type places like there's no room for horse shit no room for horse shit they're going old school there. They kill gay guys Yeah, this country's where it's illegal to be gay they'll kill you paradise Why are you gay? That guy's amazing. Why are you gay? That you are transgender. Legit had a question. Didn't understand it.

Starting point is 00:19:28 That makes no sense. Who says I am gay? You are gay. You are gay. Do we bring in this guy? It's weird to get a Khabib just at an airport. Is this the guy? Gay rights actors. Mr.

Starting point is 00:19:44 Should I call you Mr.? Julian Onzima....gay rights activist. Mr.... should I call you Mr.? Jhephe Julian Onzima. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for having me. Good morning. Why are you gay? He says I'm gay. What?

Starting point is 00:19:55 You are gay. Is that Karen Bass? You are transgender. You are transgender. And you are a gay rights activist and an outspoken, uh, uh, lesbian? Homosexual? How can I describe you? Now we're looking at a raging debate.

Starting point is 00:20:11 I mean... He's trying to be like, oh, is this gonna sound gay to me? That's actually like an impressive activist. It said, should someone be gay? The lady? Yeah. I mean, she's in a country where people are like, What the fuck's wrong with you? She's like, we're just trying to get some rights. Yeah, she's not tweeting about it, she's in a country where people are like what the fuck's wrong with you We're just trying to get some right. Yeah, she's not tweeting about it. She's going there

Starting point is 00:20:29 I like it just shows you like Uganda you can you can complain all you want She's gonna be gone They're gonna throw off a building yeah, literally yeah, there's parts of this world What I was saying about places where you know you can't be gay like Heavily Muslim places my friend Evan the black rifle coffee guy you just met him in a day Evan Hafer he was telling me a story on the podcast about how many guys over there fuck kids Afghanistan he said it's unbelievable, but it's not gay. We were just having this conversation boys Boys and girls girls get married off when they're like nine years old eight-year-old men It's crazy. Well, that's in the crown. You're looking at a part of the world that like don't never went through the Enlightenment

Starting point is 00:21:19 You know you're looking at a part of the world that's been war-torn and like sort of separate from they're like old school people this is like a Window into the past. Oh, yeah, you can look at it in 2025 and it's a window to probably how the whole world behaved a thousand years ago Why aren't more people mad? Yeah, they didn't why do we get yelled at for saying homo? They don't publicize it So it's not something that gets discussed until someone comes on a podcast and talks about it Or you go serve over there overseas most guys don't know yeah my friends who've gone there and experienced it say it's it fucking truly Curdles your blood they just all have their boys all all over the place open open everywhere so to them

Starting point is 00:22:03 They're like Leonardo can't do anything there's a video so I see Titanic is number one feeling there's videos of boys like dancing for old men like sticking their ass out twerking for old men it's crazy they film it whoa see did he we hold him to the fire he's just Muslim that's just normal okay yeah Epstein, it's not even regular It's not like regular Muslim. It's like there's something Ancient about what that is. Oh, I'm a percent Islam's not it's middle east. Yeah I like it's just this part of the world It's not my dick Dave Chappelle is Muslim, right? Yes that that area. How do you how can you be Muslim and drink though?

Starting point is 00:22:44 Chappelle is Muslim right yes that that area how do you how can you be Muslim and drink though? Question can you be Jew and not throw your pan in the water? Yeah, you just not the best You'd gossip it was still Christian bro the best tunnel yeah Borat song throw the Jew down It's a catchy song So my country can be free It's a catchy song The running of the Jew was such a great opening He came back and did a one like years later He took a long time off of Borat. Let it kind of go away You know so a bunch of people don't know what it is and then he pulled it off again Yeah, no one Bruno was the funniest fucking thing dude is that because that one bombed. I think they yeah Bruno was hilarious It was so funny. He'd go and get

Starting point is 00:23:39 Love it. I watch on the plane and cry Love it. I'll watch on the plane and cry Guys so courageous yeah, yeah the balls it takes to pull that off and make it that funny Although Borat too he's kind of shitting on a lot of poor people and I got weird Yeah, how many saw that one? Yeah, but you know you take your swings. Yeah, sure sometimes you connect You're shitting on poor people. Yeah, I guess so. It used to be okay to do that. Like Sam Kinnison's best bit was the bit about starving kids in Africa. Oh, that's a great bit. Oh my god, that's so funny.

Starting point is 00:24:12 Fucking bit was so good. Go where there's food. Hey, come here! That's sand! You know what's gonna be 100 years from now? Fucking sand! We got deserts in America too! We just don't live in them, asshole! Oh, oh! Yeah, George Carlin saw that and was like, that guy's good. We got deserts in America, too. We just don't live in a mass hole Yeah, George Carlin saw that was like that guy's good Which gotta be a great feeling because he had that preacher thing You know he had that preacher thing that he brought to stand up And it makes you realize like got all these alt guys who get mad at people like putting out effort like you're being silly

Starting point is 00:24:42 It's the whatever is the best way you can get that idea out and for Kinnison Imagine him doing his shit deadpan like shut up. Oh shut the fuck out of it It's part of his fucking primal anger. So you had Berg being weird. It's like part of delivery Yes, right same thing and they are they asked him Kinnison like how come you don't you make fun of women? You don't make fun of men because a man has never made me want to drive into a tree He died by a drunk driver by a drunk by a drunk crazy Well, I always remember his bits, you know when I was in high school when my friends killed somebody driving drunk really? Yeah Yeah, it wasn't good friend of mine, but as a kid I went to high school Ted Kennedy

Starting point is 00:25:24 I would say hi to him. guy he fucked up he got really drunk one night and he crashed his car and he killed his friend and so can you sound this joke and where he would be like he goes we're gonna drink and we're gonna drive we're gonna pull it off you know why cuz we do it every fucking guy but to me this was like that ended well this was Kinnison when he was doing like an impression of Kinnison like Kinnison is a cautionary tale yeah because Kinnison was the best on earth for like three or four years the best on earth but the partying and the fame and it all went away if you're a you're a

Starting point is 00:26:01 stand-up comedy fan I implore you you, this is what you do, you go listen to Louder Than Hell, it's hard to find because it was so homophobic that Warner Brothers wouldn't sell it for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so homophobic. But please, it's art. Watch that, listen to that, and then watch his HBO special. They're both fucking great. They're both great.

Starting point is 00:26:22 Two amazing hours. Then watch Have You Seen Me Lately? Then watch the one he did after that. They're so bad. They're so bad. He's like playing rock and roll music. He's got a bandana on. He's so fat now.

Starting point is 00:26:37 He's so fat. He's like a ball. He believed his own hype too. He really bought into it. He was selling that instead of being Sam Kinnison, right? So it's like he got to the dance and then he was selling on Sam Kinnison instead of the fucking insight Yeah, and the comedy was just too much party and too much blow too much food and drink and hit girls on leashes in the beginning It was so yeah. Yeah, it all just it just became so dumb makes you think does the Middle East love 80s comedy?

Starting point is 00:27:06 It's just Eddie Murphy like these faggots and they're like yes Yes, but not if it's boy, right Yeah, it's like those that here's the thing about kineson though, this is what people have to kind of understand Until kineson and dice come along no one selling out arenas. This is what people have to kind of understand. Until Kinnison and Dice come along, no one's selling out arenas. This is a new thing. But did Kinnison do arenas? He did pretty big places, because I saw him at Great Woods. Great Woods in Mansfield, Massachusetts.

Starting point is 00:27:34 Find out what the capacity for that is. Never heard of Great Woods. I used to work there. Oh, as a security guard? Yeah, I was a security guard there. Ralphie opened for him once, he won a contest when he was a kid. Wow! When he was just starting, he was 17, won a contest for Sam Kenison. Hold on, that's a fact.

Starting point is 00:27:49 Would it be, hold on, hold on, would it be better just not even look it up? 19,000, okay, so he played a 19,000... No, no, that's the X infinity center, that's different. It says expanded. Oh, okay, so it used to be 12,000. So that where I saw him so I saw him in a 12,000 cedar That's crazy, but when I saw him it was one he was already declining It was the or the material was just not I didn't engage with it at all like the first thing I thought was genius. I saw the HBO thing. I'm like this is the greatest thing

Starting point is 00:28:19 I've ever seen in my life, and then when I saw him live. I was like ooh. This is like. This is missing stuff It's like missing of it's not funny. It's missing funny. It's like a lot of hype, but he was just partying, man. And you know, he just became bigger than life. And then probably didn't have any friends, Ralphie Mary, shares a story of Sam Kenison jumpstarting his career. There you go.

Starting point is 00:28:41 Wow, that's crazy. Sort of true. He said he came in and they were like, they like all like like started off like they were doing blow And they're like hey you're that kid okay? I'll meet you in a second like close the door We're doing thinking about the numbers like how can Ralphie mate when what year was Ralphie May 17? you know because I was 21 in 88 and So how much when did Ralphie open up for Sam it has to be around then Sam was dead

Starting point is 00:29:08 Yeah, Sam was dead and what was he dead Jamie? 91 or 90 I was in New York so it had to be 92 Yeah, yeah That's about So he has to be opening up for him somewhere in the night. I didn't know that Ralphie had done comedy that long. Yeah, he was good. He's a good comic. Yeah, that's way...

Starting point is 00:29:32 He crushed. Oh yeah, the stool. Such a friendly dude too. Such a sweetheart. Also, he was so fat that he could do the N-word. Da-da! He's like, you got it worse than me. Just hard also he was so fat that he could do the n-word It's like big pun New York Puerto Ricans get a pass they do yeah, I think big pun for real

Starting point is 00:30:06 Yeah, Wikipedia says he won a contest open oh How could I be right damn? He was only 45 when he died Ralphie was only 45 when he died playoffs. We're talking about playoffs you bet We are get in on the action with DraftKings Sportsbook an official sports betting partner of the NFL Scoring touchdowns is key to winning the playoffs, and you can score big by betting on them at DraftKings, the number one place to bet touchdowns. Ready to place your bet? Try betting on something simple, like a player to score six.

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Starting point is 00:31:01 Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPNY467369. yours. Varies by jurisdiction void in Ontario bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resources see DKNG.co Slash audio damn. I know this is off-topic Google how much big pun wade when he died You're never gonna guess how fucking big he was. Really? He bustered it? It was hilarious. Tell me. No, just guess Oh, I say 420. Oh, yeah, I guess you've hey wait Can you show a picture big part? Yeah? I could give you a roundabout can you get picture fat Joe and big pun together on the red carpet?

Starting point is 00:31:51 It's one of the funniest pictures you've ever seen That Joe lost weight finally how are these guys cool? Yeah? Damn big and tall store killed it okay his knees have to be screaming and agonizing. Which Spider-Man villain did it look like? Oh, yeah, Kingpin. Kingpin. Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:32:12 Damn. He's got the Doc Ock glasses. Also, when you're that heavy, do you really want that much weight around your neck? That's nothing at that point. That's an extra quarter percent. It's like riding free willy at that point. OK.

Starting point is 00:32:23 Wow. So much fabric. How you think you ways five The one on the left. I'd say 580 600 600 minimum big ton check it out 698 yeah That was a 600 for me. Yeah, he put one foot on two different scales over the total yeah Bro, that's so dangerous. He was like the best. Why don't you watch him now?

Starting point is 00:32:50 Big pun old big pun is like oh his raps are he was like the best really phenomenal. Yeah, he's phenomenal But yeah, that's actually in a Vinny Paz song. He says big pun was the best yeah Yeah, the Italian boxer no Vinny Paz the rapper. Oh, you know Vinny Paz the rapper You know Vinny Paz the rapper? From Jedi Mind Tricks bro Just play it for a second dude it's so good Is he still alive? Maybe not alive No bro he's fucking phenomenal

Starting point is 00:33:22 Rap live kinda blows It doesn't it's just a different thing Pull up cheese steaks from Vinnie pass Yeah, you know Big Pun eating one. Damn. Do you know him? Yeah, I know of him. Bro, give me the video for Cheese Jakes. I thought he was a boxer.

Starting point is 00:33:50 There was a video of him. Vinny Pass the end zone. There was a boxer from Rhode Island. Yes, but this is a friend of mine. That's why he likes Big Pun. Bro, this guy is good. This one song will turn you into a Vinnie Paz fan. Look how beautiful Philadelphia's It had a moment. Wait, could you go back a second? This is pre-pandemic. This is where I called that guy a

Starting point is 00:34:16 fag and he said I was a piece of shit right Right there that was the light I was racing to that light cuz helium's right here Yeah, I was racing to that light, because helium's right here. I was racing to that light and I saw that guy the whole length of that bridge. Is that the train station? Right his bike down. That's the 30th Street station.

Starting point is 00:34:32 That's 30th, yeah. This is before Trank. A knife in my palm sharper than a sniper in arm Righteous Islam, hypocrite that fight to be calm My life is just torn by a polar, icy and warm My life and a song, the reason why the viking's been gone A bison is born, army of God, Michael is born The uranium fission, secret of the hydrogen bomb The bible is gone, y'all are watching the viking perform And the nine milli louds...

Starting point is 00:35:00 Looks like Patton Oswald Yes, he does It's... Pattonzwell's very violent Good dude though. He's really good That guy's got some bangers man. He's got some bangers Yeah, I like what there's like there's a few rappers out there that don't get like the respect they deserve that dude has some bangers man he's got some bangers yeah, he's what there's like there's a few rappers out there that don't get like the respect They deserve that dude has some bangers. He's got some great fucking songs. Oh, yeah, was is he Puerto Rican? No, he's Italian. Oh, he's a time. Yeah, I think almost a Tyler South. You might have some other stuff

Starting point is 00:35:38 It looks that looks that's got South Philly written all yeah Philadelphia yeah, we go giant boxing historian to Comedian Pat and Oswald that's hilarious His Tyler Durden, it's well if you were a fat suit Vinny would have to wear a fat suit There you go, Nailed it. Yeah, a lot of comedians become rappers. That's always a bummer.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Tom McCaffrey. Joe DeRosa. Joe DeRosa's rapping? He's got a band. Sackle is a rapper. Sackle is actually kind of good. Sackle is kind of good. It's all words. It's lyrics. You know, it's jokes.

Starting point is 00:36:27 That's so funny. Lil Wayne has some lyrics where you're like, that is super funny. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Danny Brown. Danny Brown stuff is fun. Danny Brown is hilarious. There you go. Definitely. Put you out like Hannibal Buress. The Drake Kendrick beef had some very funny...

Starting point is 00:36:40 Yes. Yeah. Drake said to Ken, he's like, is it... When you put your hands on your woman, is it self-defense because she's bigger than you made fun of tiny the whole time. Then Kendrick called him pedophile and kind of won. What are you doing man? Dude you're having a good time man. A-minor. Take it easy. Slow down boys.

Starting point is 00:36:59 Jesus. Drake won. That escalated. I don't know. I stand by it. The best was the whatever the original Like diss rap from what's-his-name that Kanye put him on to it's like you you have a child you do not take care of oh Fucking what's-his-name? We're gonna have the snakes push a T. God damn that one hard not the best song

Starting point is 00:37:20 Yeah, I don't know it none of these distracts. You can really rap like dance Uh you could with eat well. Yeah, you can't that's why Kendrick in these distracts. You can really rap like that. You could with eat well Yeah, you can't that's why Kendrick's was so good because he made it like a pop well The number one was Nas and JZ JZ called either fucked up He got the greatest lyricist of all time angry at him boy, and he wrote a song where he cooked Jay-Z for like five minutes He cooks him. It's like it and sometimes. He's just talking Can we we're gonna lose the rights to YouTube?

Starting point is 00:38:05 Yeah, we'll probably have to. What's up guys? Hey yo, I know you ain't talkin'. Uh. Ether. Give me a look. He went hardcore Christian. It starts off with gunshots.

Starting point is 00:38:17 What's up niggas? Yo, I know you ain't talkin' bout me dawg. Uh oh. What? Fuck Jay-Z. You been on my dick nigga. You know I'm spout nigga. Fuck Jay-Z. Fuck with your soul like Ether. Oh Who's the best, pot, knives and big? Ain't no best. East, west, north, south, flossed out greetings. I embrace y'all with napalm.

Starting point is 00:38:48 Blows up, no guts. Left chest, face gone. How can I be garbage? Send me autos at your college. Burn it at the side of your dome. Come out of my throne. I got this. Locked since nine one.

Starting point is 00:38:59 I am the true name of rapper that I am. I can't keep up with these blacks. I can't. It's so quick. But now I keep my eyes on the Judas. With Hawaiian Sophie fame. Trying to hear it, but these blacks. I can't. It's so quick. Trying to hear it, but it's grass. I listen to a rap song like ten times. Me too! I'm an old honky. You gotta see it written.

Starting point is 00:39:14 Yeah? Yeah, I can't follow along. I'd like to see it written. A lot of lyrics. I'm just like, I gotta see it on paper. It's actually what I wanna start doing. I was watching... You gotta see it on paper? Yeah! You're missing half the thing if you see it on paper. You miss one line the thing you see the one line that you guys are so white you

Starting point is 00:39:28 ever watch like black guys here white music for the love that shit I might do that with you guys let's just let you listen to rap and you guys both go what I'm in the YouTube channel say you see the YouTube channel tribal people tribal people try yeah and they like You ever seen the YouTube channel Tribal People? Uh oh, easy. There's a YouTube channel called Tribal People Try and they like try Kentucky Fried Chicken

Starting point is 00:39:48 for the first time, they're like unbelievable! Hold up! They like try all these different foods. They get Sprite, they're like... And then I heard it got demonetized. It's too racist? I think they felt like they were taking advantage of those guys. Well, we're helping them, we're showing them Sprite.

Starting point is 00:40:02 I don't think these guys even know what the fuck YouTube is. Like these guys are like legit tribal people He's got some sort of a connect with them he like gives him a bag of rice And then he's making millions of dollars I would wonder Deal with those fellas yeah, but either way Beads and blankets channel it's fun watching people that have never experienced like American culture try a ding-dong You ever see you ever see fat black checks try Jewish food? No

Starting point is 00:40:30 I try like mozz like oh not bad good cracker You want it you guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra giving tribal people rice sure that's rice Matt Rive. Oh my god. Matt Rive, he's the Asian version. You were doing a Norman before, but you like set it up and everything. That was beautiful. I'm doing it. Yeah. You like created the environment for a Norman? Yep. I wanted to hear it. I was on board. Like you created an environment for it. You didn't just do a Norman.

Starting point is 00:41:01 A Norman's like a response. Like you made Rome and then you made your own Norman have you seen Matt Rice? He's the Asian guy Only cloud work Where you from from you want something I did you want water I don't get out all right this is living boy you're about to get an influx in Texas with the fires it's about to get a lot of people here that we can get more comics. Yeah. Oh, yeah, somebody lost a new spaces Well Whitney's about to have no homes She was thinking anyway, she's thinking about Texas anyway, but it was very close to her house her Posts are getting a little unhinged. Well, she's gotta get over here. First of all, she's already

Starting point is 00:42:04 Posts are getting a little unhinged well. She's got to get over here first of all she's already I'm sure the middle of a war zone like we got illegals lighting fires that are Causing a hundred fifty billion dollars for the damage if they if someone dropped a bomb on the palisades it wouldn't have done as much damage True Except it would have killed more people yeah But if they evacuated the area because they knew a bomb was gonna hit and they and the bomb did that like that's just Like a bomb yeah, and if there's human beings that lit those fires and caused that to happen which it seems there are They it was literally like they had a bomb. It's just we don't think about it that way because it's not an actual bomb That's lower free palisades

Starting point is 00:42:44 Is it going strong going strong It's not even a little loud. Is it going strong? Going strong. Oh, it's still going baby. They said the winds are going to get to 70 miles an hour tonight. It's weird seeing rich people get fucked because they always get away with it because they can have a private jet or private security. You can't have a private fire department.

Starting point is 00:42:58 Well they actually can. I didn't know that. Kanye had one that set up at his house Calabasas yeah, because when I got evacuated in 2018 I know the people in Hidden Hills Which was down the road for me not too far from where I was living people in Hidden Hills where the really rich folks the celebrities had Private fire departments, so you hire someone to come and protect your home exclusively die there go down with the ship Crazy, okay, hey, hey homeless guys

Starting point is 00:43:37 Can't leave my friend. I've got nothing to lose my friend bud has never evacuated. He lives in Belle Canyon I got evacuated three times. He does not evacuate He stays at his house with a fucking garden hose and he's going to the bitter end That's the one thing I would I would I can see staying for a hurricane and being like we're gonna sit here and drink He saved his house Really? He saved his house With a garden hose Holy shit

Starting point is 00:43:53 He got a bunch of hoses and he fucking saved his house He kept the fire from getting The fire destroyed the entire like he lives on the edge of a canyon the entire canyon was gone And he saved his house Didn't you drive home once where the fire was on one side of the highway and not on the edge of a canyon the entire canyon was gone And he saved his house Did you drive home once with the fires on one side of the highway and not the other one side of the highway for an Hour you could feel it. Well. You could see it It was coming down like snow like the ashes were dropping like snow and I saw a dead guy So a guy was trying to run across the road and he got hit by a car

Starting point is 00:44:19 Oh, yeah, I always saw like his leg my friend saw him get hit. Oh Yeah Yikes, I saw him as I was passing I saw like his leg my friend saw him get hit. Oh, yeah Yikes I saw him as I was passing I saw like his leg. It's one of those weird memories Oh, it's like did I just see that like what did I just say? Yeah, like it took me a while like your mind's like Don't let that in what did I see I saw a guy get his head smushed Really? He's a tow truck driver He got out on the to change it and a truck hit him And I was like the first car to drive past, and there was just a guy without a fucking head. Whoa!

Starting point is 00:44:50 We saw a guy at the Hyatt, the old, the Andaz, the front pet, like we saw it just like you look, and he was like there in the air. Oh my God! No way! Is there a bounce? Off the Andaz roof? One of the balconies, these have balconies facing sunset. What is that that Brody? During the strike committed suicide

Starting point is 00:45:25 That is a crazy story the story of the strike when you realize that at one point time they were getting no money No money for comedy no money Leno saved it and then they're like finally we get $15 did Lennon Yeah, he pretended get hit by a car and they were like alright. What are we doing a guy died? Leno got hit by a car. Let's pay these fuck for real. Yeah, I didn't pull it up That's good. No we talked about last time but another comical injury said he got hit by a car He's beaten like Rihanna Up eyepatch yeah, I fell down a hill getting burned a lot on fire sums up He looks unhealthy like a woman in the Middle East yeah The thing about injuries like that when you get that old yeah like they take years off your life

Starting point is 00:46:09 Oh, if you fall down a fucking hill yeah Maybe he's dating Nancy Pelosi's attacker Drink drink so he's just getting beat up all day long. He also doesn't do squats His ankles the resiliency of a popsicle stick You know you take a wrong step and that shit's gonna snap off and you're gonna go for a tumble Yeah, before walkers that we get older you gotta work out you really do you might hate it. Yeah, you hate it Who cares just fucking do it so you don't die Do it so you don't fall in the tub?

Starting point is 00:46:44 Yeah, you know like for real like you got to be able to stop yourself from oh, yeah Just fucking do it so you don't die. Do it so you don't fall in the tub. Yeah. You know? Like for real, you gotta be able to stop yourself from falling. Oh yeah. Like the deceleration, you have to have the ability to do that. I've been falling in a fucking tub in a while, man. I feel like, because I haven't stayed in a shitty hotel. With a tub.

Starting point is 00:46:57 When you have to stay in those shitty, they're like slick. They are slick. Yeah, they're slick, they're angled. The UFC canceled a fight once because a dude was cutting weight in the bathtub and he blacked out and banged his head. Whoa. So, I finally brought the ingredient, Jay Leno getting hit by a car.

Starting point is 00:47:11 By a Biff Manor. Do you pretend? Yeah. Okay. He faked it. Sort of, sort of, sort of. The two jumped out of the way, but there was a loud thump and Leno crumpled to the pavement. Mannered freaked out, running inside the club to confess his sin.

Starting point is 00:47:23 Leno, for his part part moaning on the ground Dressen Dreeson kneeled next to him his phone his pals badly hurt Jake Can you hear me Jay Leno open his eyes and winked? That guy jumped off the Hyatt, but isn't that crazy try to hit the store. Yeah realized a half second out. I heard that guy sucked Yeah, for sure, but that's the problem. Wait what a guy committed suicide, and he sucks he crossed the comic Come on. He goes. I'll I'll perform you can't have comics like perform. I'll perform for you You'll be loyal after I'm gone and Mets he was like thanks for your service, but like we have good lineups now Yeah, so no so he jumps off the high in the air goes on the make at the store

Starting point is 00:48:05 I didn't even make it to the belt he tried to kill himself on this try to hit the store 9-eleven that's a dude doesn't understand physics. Yeah, that's a guy who I think she could fight Guy doesn't know far you can jump Right it's the same mindset right We all know those guys who bomb. They get off, they're like, hey, good crowd. And you're like, you should be killing yourself. What are you talking about? Yeah, there's a lot of weirdos like that, man.

Starting point is 00:48:31 Psychologically ill people. So the guy didn't get booked, so he tried to jump off a building onto the- But the thing is, the guy was terrible. Severe depression. Well, yeah, even if he was good, that's no reason to kill yourself. No, it's not. But he's like, this whole idea, like idea like oh he killed himself for the strike. No No, he was just nuts. He was just a crazy

Starting point is 00:48:52 There's a you're blaming it on that thing how many guys when you started we're just like on tilt just a little but they Would do real good. Sometimes you're like maybe right? Maybe he's gonna make it and you're all kind of in the same boat having sort of similar sets There's a few of those guys like maybe that's almost worse because it keeps them in Yeah, you know it's real weird when you get an email from one of them fellers oh One open for you. I get those you're like You ain't done comedy for a decade They make it so uncomfortable

Starting point is 00:49:32 Decade I'm already bringing like an opener and like what about an MC? I'm like, oh shit You got to scramble to find them here and they go fine. I'll just do a guess at like fuck I'll just do a guess at and bring a camera crew There's no way 20 minutes and bring one guy bring friends in the green room and oh yeah Fun time the invasion of your privacy just because you're being kind That's the worst yes, that's okay. You're a grown-up. It's just some of them are like such pressure They push emotional but like we are still friendly right? How do you pray on that that's why you have to have like a level of separation like an Adam Eaget in your life I don't think it's a level of separation go Adam won't let me have you on my

Starting point is 00:50:11 show I'm sorry Adam makes rules but it's Joe Rogan friends I know. The only way it works is Adam you know he that's what he wanted to get the job. He's fucking miserable. He's pulling his hair out job he's fucking miserable What kind of prayer do I have to make over the sink has been happy since he stopped eating doughnuts Adam was the best Fathom. I know he was dying. He was like dying Me good. He's bleeding out of some reason. Yeah, listen he needed cleaning Period yeah, I was having a period there. He's becoming a woman. I think he had a butt period a lot Yeah, but period is that a hemorrhoid no, I think he was having like internal but period It wasn't good. He's better now. He's better, yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:06 He's a worry guy. Worries about shit. Oh, I don't know. And he's passing on to his dog. You ever meet his dog? Shaken? That's what happens. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:14 We take a drive to the woods just to go, and the drive, he's like slobbering. I can't take this. As soon as he's out, he's like, oh nice woods. It's the meanest thing I do, but I'm always like dude your dog If a dog's never driven, and then you drive it like you have to drive them when they're little yeah Yeah, you did couldn't take it like a little was it when he got it. Nothing. No remember you bring it He brought it a full pumpkin and shit, and it would it would come into the room and like hide under the table You know that's when I started like stop bringing this fucking dog Is it a rescue dog what kind of dog pug it's like a Dalmatian

Starting point is 00:51:55 Dog it's named ice. It's great good dog. It is a good dog I feel bad making fun of a guy's dog his dog named dice. Yeah, that's cute, and it's a Dalmatian Yeah, it's cute. It's an it's a Dalmatian. It looks like a dice Yeah, you've tried that with me too your dogs your dog sucks. I'm like I do like that's retarded I do like there's no part of it. That's like you got a great dog Yes, and you can't say it about a kid, but you can say it about their dog Yeah, get away with your kids. I go yeah, whatever You can say to some guys yeah, I just had enough with their sons like enough Enough he's 26 years old get out of my fucking house. You can tell that guy's kid sucks. Yeah, that's true like your kid sucks

Starting point is 00:52:43 He was sucks. Yeah, that's true like your kid sucks. He was right What have you noticed? That's the weird thing about today like there's a lot of 26 year old dudes living with their parents Yeah, you got that right that when'd you guys leave that's 25? 23 I was 20 18 18 out of the house out time about college gone Yeah, 20 I was out of the house. I went and they wanted me out of the house when I was 18. I went back after college for a year Yeah, I mean, oh no No, it was a good year really. Yeah, it was nice. Just drinking with Phil every day No, I was just reading and jacking off in the basement Some kind of a real job and you didn't

Starting point is 00:53:24 Like a priest you got some kind of a real job, and you didn't You figured out a way to disobey them Back then I get I get it. I know I was fighting. That's all I was doing So I was fighting right out of high school. So like I just I didn't want to go So I understand why they wanted me out of the house. Like you're living an unrealistic life. I nailed it. That was great. That was really good actually. That was low-key great.

Starting point is 00:53:50 Is that like the least impressive skill of all time? Like someone makes a drink by spitting bottles in the air and doing all that shit. Whoever wants it, if you see them doing it, like can you just make the drink? I just want to drink. Yeah. I don't need a witty bartender. Right. No. I mean if you're really that funny you just make the trick. I just want to drink. Yeah I don't need a witty bartender right you know if you really that funny should go to stand up We're talking rude bartenders of the last the way you want yeah, yeah, we don't have that and then they walk away You know fuck was it yeah, yeah, especially like if you're a good tipper like come on man. Don't make me yeah

Starting point is 00:54:20 If you I want to be well. I want I want you to have a good experience here I don't want this to be a standoffish bartender a buck for a beer though Get rid of that you open a beer cap a buck a buck is a max a buck is too much I know like if he's whipping me up a my tie you can't think look how happy is with himself shut up, bro You can't think that anything you're doing In a bar is like paying for things in a store. Yes, you can't think that anything you're doing in a bar is like paying for things in a store. Yes. You can't think of it that way.

Starting point is 00:54:49 You're paying for this experience of being in public and this dude, this is his job. It's not supposed to be reasonably priced. I'm okay with one dollar. When it starts to be like a $12 beer and it's like, no, you don't get two bucks for this. I live a hundred dollars. Really? What? Yeah, I get a beer, I live a hundred dollars. Come on. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I don't get two bucks for this. I live a hundred dollars really what yeah, I get a beer I leave a hundred dollars come on. Yeah, not kidding. I don't care

Starting point is 00:55:08 Money you're you gonna notice it or is he gonna notice it are you gonna notice if you have a hundred dollars? You're not gonna notice the $100 from anyone in this room. It's like it doesn't exist He's $100 you don't know exists you might know a thousand dollars exists You might know ten thousand dollars exists, but if you look at your bank account It's a hundred this way or a hundred that way it makes zero different. Yeah, that's for one time. We're in bars every night Yeah, we spent eight grand by the drinks yeah good perfect you guys get after it last night a little bit me and DeRosa and medical I had your show at the mothership. Yeah five o'clock show killer and mine Oh, oh, you know Lucas the guy who made our suits he went to show us. Oh

Starting point is 00:55:55 David August yeah, he's the best. He's the best man love that guy We're gonna kill Tony shoot our suit are sorry to deflect sorry that Like a bad drug dealer We're gonna kill Tony suitor. Sorry to deflect sorry that The suit was good mine mine was a little small and I said Hey, was the Vegas better when the mob was running it? Yeah, right? Oh, everything New York was. We got ladies on fire in the train. Yeah, it seems like New York was a little better when the mob was running it than when the Democrats are.

Starting point is 00:56:37 I'm just saying, like the mob would have done something about the fire in the train. There was a street in the East Village worth Was it the Hells Angels to have their head? Yes? They did like a three three yeah the safest block. Oh, yeah, you couldn't do shit now Well that was always the thing about if you lived on Staten Island Or if you lived out all the cops yeah, yeah, or if you lived where you know fucking when? What's his face was alive John Gotti was alive, like his neighborhood was super safe.

Starting point is 00:57:07 Nobody's breaking into anything over there. No, and you get a turkey on Thanksgiving. Throwing those butter balls out. Yeah, but at what cost? I like the turkey thing. They all do the turkey thing and act like they're innocent now. That's a good move. That's a nice move.

Starting point is 00:57:21 They go, look, I gave the whole neighborhood turkeys. Yeah. They go, oh, all right, well then, yeah, the murders, yeah, we'll forget about them. How many turkeys? So they can see you live in a neighborhood of 100,000 people and you give out free turkeys. How many turkeys do you think you're really giving out?

Starting point is 00:57:35 Probably, it's a photo op, so probably like 50. Families, five. How many turkeys do you have to buy? I think. Because if you run out, people are gonna get mad. They're gonna talk shit. I went to John Gotti's gonna get mad they're gonna talk shit The people relying on those yeah, it's been up this year, but I'll tell you what Might get a my fucking turkey? The people relying on those? Crime's been up this year, but I'll tell you what I might get a free fucking turkey out of this whole thing

Starting point is 00:58:09 We're gonna eat good here at Thanksgiving The protection racket Yeah, that's how they get you We'll help protect you That's what the United States government's doing, so the entire citizens of the United States Homeowner tax It's protection We got you, you gotta be careful about China China wants to steal your data Homeowner tax protection

Starting point is 00:58:40 Does China want to fight us why are we trying to fight China's stealing China's data and they're throwing drones over New Jersey It's a war Hey, why are we war with them? I don't we're not a communist It's just a big they are. Oh, I thought they were I think they're allegedly but oh They point their own government. It's about that money right now. It's about that money, too It's a weird sort of a merger which makes it very difficult to doubt battle with because you have a dictatorship That's connected to a thriving economy Tell me this tick-tock. They're like they're stealing your data, but is it also all the American companies? You know what team are is on? Oh yeah, the Heaps, the ADF

Starting point is 00:59:24 Free Palestine I'm on team green You know what they needed? Xi Jinping to visit LA They'd clean it up in a day Isn't that funny? They could get it done They did it for China when they came to San Francisco Crazy Yeah, that's right

Starting point is 00:59:41 Did you see Gavin Newsom's latest speech Where he was talking about About doing something with the land have you seen that Jamie? Gavin juice them Jamie have you seen it? You see Danny policy is fake of a speech Just making him say dumb shit tricks me a lot he goes we put fire our our our Tardent on Yeah, that news is a lot of water. See if you can find this video because what's really weird is he does like a little dance with his shoulders when he talks about it. Watch this. This is so crazy.

Starting point is 01:00:15 Great hair though. Listen to this. Beautiful. With a myriad of issues, I was just talking to Josh Green, the governor, down in Hawaii. He had some ideas around some land use concerns he has around speculators coming in. Oh yeah. We're already working with our legal teams to move those things forward and we'll be presenting those in a matter of days, not just weeks. Legal teams. But look at this, like the thing in Hawaii has been a fucking disaster for the people that lost their houses

Starting point is 01:00:46 No one's rebuilt. No one's rebuilt, right? So he's talking about that and talking to the governor who's obviously Mishandled that it's also like what's the real answer is like it's fucked but hey, yeah. No, no. No, what is this? I don't know. What is this? It's a fun thing. He put is getting excited about it. Yeah, we're talking about I don't know. What is this? It's a fun thing. He put is getting excited about it. Yeah, we're talking about some speculation some land That's like a lady see what is doing somebody new no His excitement for the possibilities that they might acquire some of that land What does that land become now? How many of these people are gonna be able to rebuild what happens with the Coastal Commission? What happens with all the insurance companies that decided to cancel their fire?

Starting point is 01:01:25 Yeah, so what happens with all this is not as simple as anybody thinks any fire would be like you get your insurance money And you rebuild you don't rebuild Somewhere that's bigger than Manhattan. They lost what's larger than Manhattan and also insurance is not gonna pay Then there's a little as possible gonna take forever. How are they gonna have the money? How are they gonna have a hundred and fifty billion dollars? But that's the amount of money they require So was the government gonna do it is the Biden administration gonna step up? So if they did for Ukraine they spent a hundred and seventy five million dollars in Ukraine

Starting point is 01:02:00 How much they gonna spend on the palisades and if they did it for the palisades the Hollywood Hills gonna be like what the fuck dude what about us right what about us what about all these other fires what about North Carolina yeah North Carolina people are waiting in line for hours for propane because they don't have gas they're trying to stay alive because they're fucking heaters need gas no propane no game but yeah you're right. Hey, Katrina! I went through, I was in Katrina, I was in New Orleans. Nice long pause. It was the same shit.

Starting point is 01:02:29 Yeah, weren't they saving the rich people? Yeah! Yeah, but this is crazy. This is way worse. If they bail out the palisades, that's crazy. If you don't bail out Maui and it's a year later, and you decide you're gonna bail out the palisades, so they're kind of stuck, because all they would have taken is is five billion dollars And they accidentally paid an extra six billion to Ukraine. They're like don't worry Just as an accidental six billion to help Maui yeah rebuild entirely so for five billion dollars they can everyone could have got their home back and

Starting point is 01:02:59 Everything could have been settled and no nothing's been done. Yeah, we keep sending money to these other countries Well, how come these countries throw us a buck every now and then? And no nothing's been done. Yeah, we keep sending money to these other countries Countries throw us a buck every now and then 78 years here's the thing even if you are supporting the idea of sending money to Ukraine. I'm not arguing against that I'm saying they accidentally sent six billion there and no one cared and they didn't send five billion to Maui right and they could have also just get it back like it's not actually you're not shipping a big thing of money just like I think you're wiring oh really so I can make cash just buckets of money cards we should buy Greenland isn't that what Trump's trying to do a lot of resources over there?

Starting point is 01:03:46 Let's get it well if global warming hits we got a sweet. I like it if global warming really takes off Get some green one going you know there's 56 K. We can kill them in an hour There's only 56,000 people there the whole island really yeah, wow give it a good. What are they like? Really yeah, wow give it a good. What are they like? Hang out one of those guys their houses are we like what do you think are they like shacks? Colorful they probably smell like old hot dogs. Yeah, yeah They've been fucking yeah, what have they been eating? What kind of like fermented shark meat gotta be?

Starting point is 01:04:23 Oh easy gotta be It's cute little town, actually. Yeah, nice colorful shacks. That is adorable. Where's the bar? Show me the bar, cause there's gotta be a bar. Oh, they all hit their way. It's gonna be a good bar. That's gotta be a good bar.

Starting point is 01:04:32 Or a really bad bar. Some real fisherman drunks. I mean, how many times does everybody date everybody else's ex in that town? Everybody, you just gotta get over it. Yeah, you gotta get over it. You just gotta move on. It's like high school, you just gotta get over it. It's like high school. You just got to get over it

Starting point is 01:04:46 That's not very good. She's dating him now Yeah, what do they do for electricity? I fucking What do they do? Is it Norway that they have a dating app that won't let you fuck your sister? I said Iceland you have to know if you're True they tried they tried giving out the Middle East and they were like no we like it. They have to go. It's all relative That was a conversation that Gavin McGinnis and I had on the podcast at one point in time He was talking to me about the numbers of people that are inbred. I think it was Middle East was in Palestine or Pakistan One of them. It's like 40%

Starting point is 01:05:21 Definitely no Breeds what are you talking you breed in Brooklyn? I'll tell you that cousin do they in Brooklyn? Yeah, really bad. That's like Instead of two Israel look up the numbers you can look at us serious huge serious huge Palestine's huge You're deflecting away from Israel just magically is not one of them They're all there'll Europeans that live there inbreeding rates in Israel vary by population group at the highest rates in the

Starting point is 01:05:52 That Arab Bedouin population is at a close to the bed, but that's the arrow Right is really Arab Israeli Arab. Okay, so Jewish population is only 2.3%. Yeah, the Palestinian is like 40 Look at that Israeli Arab population is 25.9 Not close, but that's a crazy number. But look at the Bedouin population. It's 44 percent Look at that 44 Error set which is high has resulted in a high prevalence of genetic disorders and infant mortality Don't you love? This is what I love about AI it has to tell you sometimes yeah

Starting point is 01:06:31 Before they catch it when you ask questions like this on a giant podcast before they catch it well it gets out Yeah, I goes. Yeah, I'll fucking and a I just tell you ways Everybody's like oh my god like what what did they say we didn't say shit we read something off the fucking AI That's what we did we're talking about real data. Oh, yeah But that's the thing it's like people that live in liberal areas like Silver Lake and the fucking In the East Village they don't realize that there's parts of the world that are really, really, really fucked up right now. Really fucked up. And you can't make this place like that place.

Starting point is 01:07:11 Because you won't survive with your blue hair. You won't survive with your fucking nose post that makes you interesting. That fucking stupid bull ring you have in your nose. You're not gonna survive. That's what they did to all the people that kicked out of their neighborhoods. Yeah, you're not gonna survive with your

Starting point is 01:07:24 they, them pronouns. They're throwing you off a roof Throwing off a roof. It's so it's like the rich kid is like fuck you mom, but you got it made downstairs meanwhile the migrant kids like I love you dad don't leave I think we need to take an opposite approach in this country instead of like letting all the fucked up people in What we need to do is like spread the good Like buy all the other countries like slowly like Greenland start with Greenland. Then we buy Mexico Guatemala's probably for sale He wants to take over the Panama Canal

Starting point is 01:08:02 Fantastic let's buy Panama that way Take over the Panama Canal Fantastic let's buy Panama Taking over the Panama Canal we'll get Elon involved. I don't mind the canal that was make a new coin We built it we could sell a hock to a point they built it, but we we paid Yeah Did you see the other idea about the Gulf of Mexico? You know you can't grill drill in the Gulf of Mexico law is that right? But here's the thing change the name to the Gulf of America now you can drill change laws yeah is that why he wants to do

Starting point is 01:08:27 it yeah I thought I know that's why I change it and I was like you want that drill and the eighth grade level Gulf of America fifth graders idea of like that should be Gulf of America and Canada's a new state apparently it's fucking genius Trudeau resigned yeah I mean it's fucking what he's doing is kind of crazy He's not even an office yet, and he's like fucking I'm getting out of hand with this fight But he's not even an office yet And the kind the whole world is like shifting all the all the social media companies go you will do it all look at what? It look at Facebook look at Zuckerberg like MMA fighter now

Starting point is 01:08:59 Yeah, but they were just doing what the other people wanted whoever's in charge like sure sure sure yeah, no way Yeah, no, okay sure We'll do it your way make money. We don't care. You're like you're gonna flip back if something flips back I'm gonna keep stealing data. They're gonna flip I think most people found out about it because of the Twitter files, and then the outrage was so high They were worried about losing in the next election, and I think they've realized that probably lost them this election So when things like that happen you can you, like there was a point in time when in during the Obama administration where they were talking about us going to war with Syria.

Starting point is 01:09:32 Do you remember that? Oh, 10 times. Yes. We kept saying no, we said we got to overthrow Assad and they go, well, America said no. And then they go, actually, we got to help Assad because of these other people. And America's like, no, we've just done with these. He made, there was a press conference And the press conference is so rejected

Starting point is 01:09:48 It was so wildly rejected in the public that the the Pentagon shifted course and they decided not to attack Syria It was like really yeah, we had eight wars going on They're like the country was like we're not doing this one and obviously I have a cursory understanding of the entire conflict I have a very very small understanding of the conflict but the reality is like if things get too rejected if too many people like fuck this yeah well I think that's probably what happened with all this Twitter shit when they got those Twitter files and they found out the FBI was suppressing real information and then they found out that you know when Zuckerberg was on here and he was

Starting point is 01:10:23 talking about the Laptop and they were telling them it's rusting Disinformation and they were telling them to wrote they told them to remove that meme You know that meme of Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at a television screen In ten years like did you take the kovat vaccine if so you may be eligible for a class action lawsuit And it's like it's like we Yeah, once upon a time. Yeah. Yeah, it's a classic take that one down

Starting point is 01:10:50 They asked him to take out a clearly not real Do you know the mean do you have a Jamie cuz I have it on my phone a great me I said away how about a Trump and oh Biden having a full-on? Yeah, what did I say? How wild? You're right Obama the black how wild was that to watch though? It is a little disappointing though because both those guys benefit so much on every American on both those sides hating each other I know and then you see them together, and they're like haha We go you know what it's like just like Clinton Trump at the old parties like they're all just friends

Starting point is 01:11:20 They eat at the same dining hall. Yeah, they're all pieces of shit Well, you know it's like it's like guys fight And then the fights over and they talked so much shit about each other before Right hug it out. They're all emotional. That's what it's like. Yeah, come on. They're not fighting. They're talking about yeah We're professional. This is like Like this is Hitler and I need to have a revolution to fight him and then hi How you gonna go hey? It's so And then hi honey go hey He was saying that neo-nazis and white nationalists. Yeah, we're very fine people

Starting point is 01:11:52 Remember that yeah He's like I had to say it. I can't it I get it yeah Yeah, they just sit down and they work it out, but meanwhile the rest of us my you know Neighbor has a fucking science is real flag. Yeah You know black lives matter these guys. That's what they're putting out there. Yeah, it's causing division and you have a yeah Joy division well It just makes you realize this is the reason why cults exist because it's really easy to shift someone's opinion about things It's really easy most people are really weak. Yeah, they're all looking at the fringes of each side Yeah, so like the shit about like 90% of the people on that side doesn't,

Starting point is 01:12:27 they're like, yeah, we agree with you. Yeah, 90%. Yeah, it's nuts. It's just weird that it works so well. It really does work and people make it their whole personality, their whole identity, and then if you push back, they hate you. He's Hitler and I'll sit next to him at Carter's funeral. And laugh. And we'll joke around together. Meanwhile, Biden's asleep. You see him fall asleep? Fell asleep. see him fall asleep Fully fell asleep

Starting point is 01:12:49 Four of them But my favorite part was when Kamala Harris shows up and she fucking stink eyes both of them Yeah, she stink eyes Trump and Obama and then sits down It doesn't say hi or shake their hands nice and then looks over and sees that Biden or that Obama and Trump are talking to each other and she goes like this she's like yeah and she's with her husband and it's like when Shane was talking to Chappelle Louie and people like fuck I gotta be nice to you now Bill Clinton was there too he was checking checking out Kamala. He's like Pantsuit you are half black Look how angry she is look how angry she is it's unbelievable

Starting point is 01:13:35 And it's like look at Obama and Trump just no one looks at each other sit next to him. Yeah Guided him over he has to sit wherever the fuck she tells him to is the white Chris Brown look they're looking at each other Look at Trump is holding it. I want to be on what she's on right now look at this wife. She's so happy She's got the hand-based tail out of him. Melania. Melania's like, I can't fucking believe I have to be first lady once again. Man, Jimmy Carter, that fucking fentanyl, it'll get you. Yeah, at 100.

Starting point is 01:14:13 He made it to 100 though. That's true. Kamala knows she's on camera, so she's just gotta act more pissy. But look at them just two talking to each other. Look at the honker on that guy in the back. Jesus, that's quite a beak. She's gotta be able to hear them. That's a beak. That's a big yeah, that's a lobbyist

Starting point is 01:14:34 Me my right near Pence Like it I think he shook hands with Pence damn which is why who did Trump. Yeah, it was Penn's like literally called him Hitler Was his vice president like what did Penn say what it was like the worst thing Penn said about but Penn's definitely said he Shouldn't be president. Yeah, and then he won again and Penn said You gotta shut the fuck up and you gotta shake his hand You lost deal with this all pants announced. I was watching the news live when Pence announced his presidency, it was great. Really?

Starting point is 01:15:08 It was like on Hannity, he was a guest on Sean Hannity. They did it like, he was about to announce and they were like, we gotta take a commercial break. Then he comes on, he's like, I'm gonna run for president. There's like 12 people on bleachers like. Bro, you lost. Damn. Right now, you just lost.

Starting point is 01:15:21 I can't, I'm still on the fence. Well, did you'm still the conversation Yeah, what Tucker when Tucker was talking about the problems that America has and he said that's not my job Do you ever see that it was I've seen and I feel for pence on this one that was it seemed like a misstep Oh, it was he just said the wrong he phrased it wrong. Yeah, but it's the worst thing you could possibly This is what he did. He reacted to an attack. Yeah, but it's the way like you can possibly This is what he did he reacted to an attack so the attack was on him Yeah, so his reaction because he's a guy who likes to be in power That's not my concern like his reaction is to shut you down people so he said it's not my concern

Starting point is 01:15:57 That's not my concern like he's trying to shut him down, but he's doing it a stupid way No, he's trying to like exert his authority. I was the vice president. Let me tell you how it works. Yeah. That's not my concern. My concern is... Yeah, these guys. Shit. After he said it, he was probably like, shit.

Starting point is 01:16:13 He's too religious, that guy. Pensey? Yeah, he was obsessed with no abortion and... He got made fun of for not... I don't mind that. That's a nice... What? Gate conversion? He was like, I'm not going to dinner

Starting point is 01:16:25 with a lady unless my wife's there. And everyone was like, what are you, sexist? It's like, no, that's a somewhat valid, I want an elevator with one. Especially in his business. Yeah. I mean, his business, they're sneaking whores in all the time just to ruin your life.

Starting point is 01:16:39 A doctor needs a female nurse in there with him. Yeah. So like. They're sneaking in people to try to, like they have Chinese ladies who are banging these dudes They try to be fired how quick really? Yeah, they turn out to be so would you not get a nine and a half on an elevator with you and all of a sudden she just on her knees like Nine half because they don't believe them. Yeah, send in a six with cocaine

Starting point is 01:17:04 And then nine half because they don't believe them. Yeah, send in a six with cocaine Some pouty lips and let's party I think they're all freaks and I think it's it's just Slow to be revealed because they're all like guilty of it Like when you hear a guy like Clinton get busted or JFK like this is not a normal I mean this is a this is like it's probably Prevalent in the entire group of people when you talk to people that are like congressman As you talk to people that are honest like look there's a lot of freaks a lot of people that are partying Yeah, you're doing wild shit

Starting point is 01:17:40 They were doing showbiz type shit, but they were presidential candidates that big like I never got the chance to do this Dork my whole life yeah Gorbachev. Yeah, I couldn't wait to get some clam There's a dude in a dress. He weighs a hundred pounds. You're just gonna get him to suck your dick You don't know that fire it up that fucking mirror on the walls a two-way one on the other side Yeah, I mean that's laughing watching The oral office it's all did he's mentioned it got burnt to the ground that's The baby oil goes up. The baby oil, yeah. Oh yeah, it's so unaccelerant. It started the fire, it's so important.

Starting point is 01:18:28 It's probably not baby lube. It's probably lube, and I bet lube burns forever. Oh yeah. I bet lube is like lava. Grease fire. It just burns forever. It's probably some sort of synthetic shit. When are we going to get the real dirt?

Starting point is 01:18:41 All I got is a hallway beat up on video. But I need a you know Bieber's crying J Lo's nervous if I had to guess if I had to guess this what I would say There's a lot apparently of famous people involved in this which means there's a lot of accusers And there's a lot of money that people won't get if these people go down so if you're a lawyer if you're a lawyer and you're Involved in this whole thing the move would be like we could go public with this and this would be the end That is not our interest. Yeah our interest in is a settlement and then next thing, you know

Starting point is 01:19:21 Someone or yeah, who's really good at basketball or fucking someone Maybe maybe all maybe though. It's all Everyone let the party's early every time be like Epstein though. It'll be the same thing It'll be like nobody ever gets in trouble Did you see that prosecutor though the guy who said there's some very famous names and you will be stunned at what you'll see What on diddy or Epstein diddy? Yeah, my people will not let those names come Here's the thing if the videos exists You don't think that somehow enough this guy's got it in the prosecutor's office

Starting point is 01:19:53 He's never did they know but no one talked about the names and there was a video and it was gonna come out It was like they kept quiet about all of it. They never released the names They never said there was video. No one confirmed anything It was all just rumors. They just wait till we stopped asking and then they're like it went away Maxwell just went to jail for what? Recruiting for what but recruit who for what for who who was there? But what'd you do? What happened picked out 15 year old from high school and where'd they go? I think they Pussy so let's say you selling cocaine. Yeah, you sell cocaine who'd you sell it to I sold it to this guy Oh, yeah, well now that guy's in trouble. That's how it usually goes

Starting point is 01:20:39 That guy who else you sell underage prostitutes? You're going to jail for selling underage prostitutes to who'd you sell him to well that Guy gets in trouble to automatically kill Epstein You blame it all on him how good must she be a keep in secrets? He's pretty good We're all surprised. They didn't kill her right yeah, they like barely arrested her wasn't she like not in jail Right yeah, they like barely arrested her wasn't she like not in jail Yeah, she was like an episode of a fucking CBS drama here She was hiding in a cabin in the woods like prison break is she still there

Starting point is 01:21:15 No, she's in jail. She is in jail. She's in a jail where you get yoga you finger yourself watch TV Yeah, it's like it's like a fruity jail like oh like an easy jail I wish she'd start a podcast how great would that be great? I would listen tails of the island. Yeah That on gas digital Killed her how they not she's in prison until July 17th 2037 That's when they're gonna kill it low security prison in Tallahassee low security Tallahassee that's nice Drop a rocket ship down in the middle of the prison yard and escape

Starting point is 01:21:58 Yards will be able to do shit forcefield around a rocket More disgusting what to be more She's pretty hot. She'll put a force field around her rocket. She's a hot old lady. Pull up her nudes. You guys are ridiculous. You guys are disgusting. Demi Moore. I don't know if she's that hot. She kept it together. Late, how old is she? Well Demi Moore's on all kinds of crena chrome and C.

Starting point is 01:22:14 Crema chrome? Whatever it is. She's harvesting. Do you guys get questions about Hollywood parties now? I have to tell people like, oh I wasn't even, I don't even know anyone who was not invited to those. Yeah. There's levels of Hollywood. It's not all of us in. I have to tell people like I wasn't even I don't even know anyone kidding who was not invited to those yeah

Starting point is 01:22:31 There's levels of Hollywood. It's not all of us in yes. It's Matt Reif and those he ain't invited It's high levels. I got roped into going one to one night with Chappelle Well it was in we were at the Comedy Store and Dave is like come on Joe I gotta go to this party how you gonna say store and Dave was like, come on Joe, I gotta go to this party. How you gonna say no? And I was like, all right, let's go. And so we drove my Porsche up into the Hollywood. It was like I was seen in a movie, like two comedians like having fun, leaving the comedy store, driving up to the movie.

Starting point is 01:22:54 And we're going to Naomi Campbell's house. Whoa! Or some guy's house who was having Naomi Campbell's party. And we're on an elevator, like this little outdoor elevator with Demi Moore and some other lady and It's outdoor elevator like you're sitting in like a cart It's like taking you up the side of the hill and as we're going up the side of the hill we look at this What they had a party house so they had a regular house and a party house

Starting point is 01:23:17 What and the party house was so high up the hill that there was like a 50 foot Gigantic photo of a naked Naomi Campbell Wow one of her modeling poses yeah and then you go up there and it's like fucking Lenny Kravitz and all these famous people like just famous everywhere yeah it was weird it was so in at one point in time Naomi Campbell she had a book of all her modeling stuff and there was so many photographers there at one point she starts posing like snapping pictures So yeah at her party and all these cameras are going off and she's posing and just watching it all

Starting point is 01:23:51 Bizarre and then me and Dave are hanging out and Dave goes man. I never want to be that famous Dave I go I got news for you. You're the most famous person here. No, I go. Yes Yeah, you're the most famous guy here and the most, no. I go, yes. Yeah, you're the most famous guy here. And the most talented. And we were both laughing. Lady Craven's pretty talented, too. I had one hit. Oh, he's got some bangers.

Starting point is 01:24:12 Dave can do a monologue right there on the floor. He's got mama says, he's got fly away. He's got some bangers. Fly away, that's a nursery rhyme. Also, American Woman was a cover. I know, but he's got bangers. He's good. He's good, and he's hot.

Starting point is 01:24:24 He's a fucking punk. I agree, Chappelle is more talented, but you know need to's got bangers. He's good. He's good and he's hot. He's a fucking Chappelle is more talented, but you know need to be disparaging about no No, I'm just saying it's just funny these comedians show up and they can do a they can do a couple hours I got albums they can do a riffing sesh, you know crowd work But she can what she got she can pose she can pose Howdy she can be pouty on command takes you a while Exactly, we didn't stay long then we left when we went back to the store and then like wow that was so weird I was why I shut party. Yeah, I talked to you after that. Yeah, we talked

Starting point is 01:24:53 I think it was that one. Oh, yeah, and I was like are they're like rotten and you're like, yeah They've gone sour as a comic you go to those part. You feel like a gargoyle. You know, like I'm so ugly compared to these Oh, yeah, beautiful. You can't talk to them regular no fuck around no way The thing is like if you go and you talk to a bunch of celebrities the odds are they're gonna be more guarded than even Regular liberals. Well, you got regular liberals and then you got celebrity liberals Like they have to be careful of every fucking thing They say they have a couple of drinks in them and you got your phone out and you start recording them saying something crazy It could ruin their life. Oh, yeah, like what do you think about these immigrants?

Starting point is 01:25:38 Some of them are okay, but most of them That's like their chef. Yeah, right Celebrity take to Twitter and you're just like his agents failed him. Whoa you fucked up Yeah, well you get a player agent can't watch you 24-7. They want to keep going to these parties Yeah, like a Kimmel type, you know, he's just playing. Yeah, this party's suck after a bank They suck they feel like two and you go alright I get it no beer pong no beer pong ever Comedians if you found a comic at the business of Marc Marin at that party it flocked to him who's grilling I know I don't like you don't you know it's like one of those

Starting point is 01:26:19 Comedian that's doing better than you that you hate right now than you that you hate right now. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Please, go public with it. Let's talk about it. But you know, like if you're at the airport and you see a comic, you're like... Sick. Yeah, like come on, let's talk.

Starting point is 01:26:33 That's the best. Even if you don't even like them that much. It's like you like them way better than these regular idiots. I was hanging out with Jake Johansson once, he's emceeing in DC Improv. He's a clean guy, and we were talking, we were talking about hookers in Tijuana and he goes, listen that's not my world at all, I'd rather be here with you guys talking about that than with my wife's dumb friends talking about garbage. You just ratted that boy out.

Starting point is 01:26:55 Sorry. You just got in a fight from years ago. Listen, you don't have to worry about his wife or his wife's dumb friends. His wife. I've been sitting here waiting for one. I've been waiting. You're going to the chamber. What? Or his wife's dumb friends wife

Starting point is 01:27:14 I got news for you his wife and their dumb friends are never listening to this podcast Zero chance they're listening to protect our parks well clean comics are always the wildest You know they're so clean comic at a party flock to that motherfucker You see a clean comic at a party? Flock to that motherfucker. Cosby? He's got some stories. Cosby's gonna go nuts. Cosby partied. Yeah. Find John Heffron and get him some Adderall. Oh man. You ever get drunk with Regan? It's wild. I'm not gonna say anything. Regan's an animal. He just gets drunk. He's not like...

Starting point is 01:27:40 Well he's a fun guy to talk to. He's having fun. He's having fun to talk to is what he's saying. He's not saying hook no, I I know but I'm saying it started with Cosby and then it was like you're right. He went up to everybody. You're right. Regan's not he's way worse than Cosby. He's a sweetheart of a guy too. He came to my show in Philly in October and then he came to the bar with us after. That's so cool. He's the man. Super super nice guy. He's the man. Me and DeVito were having a sober month and then he came to the bar with us after it's so cool man super super man he is the man Vito we're having a sober month and then he was gonna come

Starting point is 01:28:09 in Kansas City was like hey I got an early show can I come hang out we're gonna drink and we're both like we're drinking right yeah yeah that's a sick move to go to like the theater the arena there and then good just find out who's at the local club he did it to me I was like I'm gonna drink there it's awesome awesome it's the bar open and if you find a fun dude who's in town, it's great. It makes the experience of being in town so much better. And the club is like, yeah, we'll stay up to date. Yeah, come on in, sir.

Starting point is 01:28:32 I was bombing at the Charlotte Comedy Zone. Bombing, there's 12 people there. I'm headlining, it was horrible. And I heard one cackle in the back. And I was like, well, at least I'm killing with that guy, you know, that whole thing. And I get off and it's Regan. And he's like, let's go drink.

Starting point is 01:28:44 And we went out all night. That would make you feel so good. Huge. Yeah, that's hilarious like ten years ago the late night midnight shows those were always death Yeah, those rose death because people were so hammered by the time they got there and they're half full But then the clubs greedy and they just want to Show your repeating jokes you don't remember, what the fuck are you talking about? Did I say that? You have to have a very set order if you're going to do two or more shows. Easily.

Starting point is 01:29:11 There's too many heck, I did it this last weekend, I was like, the last show of the set, it was like, no way have I said this. And then you start laughing, you're like, are you laughing at me? Yes, yes, exactly. Will you tell me? It also looks the exact same too. From your perspective, it's just a light in your face. You can't really see anyone. Well the problem is when you're doing long sets too.

Starting point is 01:29:31 Long sets are like a zone you get into. And when you're in the zone, you're kind of like riding it. You're kind of like riding the show. Which joke do I feel like right now? None of us have scripts. So it's like there's no order. You're riding with it. You're fucking around you're riding with it And so you forget what where you are on the ride cuz you're on the ride again

Starting point is 01:29:50 Yeah, this is the first part of the ride have I done that bit yet? Oh my god, Mike. I'm so out of order and it's later in the night. So I've been drinking too Oh, yeah, that's it. Now. I'm shitface. Yeah Back to the mothership So when you forgot about that oh Threw up behind the stage and went to sleep yeah Sleep a foot away from your own you levels you'll allow when you're drunk Spot yeah, I went to the club the next day, and I was like sorry. I puked They're like yeah, we know some guys holding a mop. I was like ah I said a medical arrangement

Starting point is 01:30:30 The edible arrangement was very thoughtful. Thank you. It was really not horrible. Yeah, yeah, sure I'm gonna clean that shit up. Yeah, well fun place to work. Yeah, it's a great Found the nook I found the puke nook you know you at a puke anywhere you want to go in that little weird closet that little Right where everyone has to stand before they go She's to smell what happens when it goes wrong Sorry, I had a puke on stage No, never I had a piss on stage one so bad that I had to like get Jay to come back up at Bellhouse

Starting point is 01:31:03 I was like by five minutes. I was sick on stage one time and I was doing a show and it was coming up and I had to swallow it. Oh no. Whoa. Yeah, I was like, oh no. Yeah. That's terrible. I swallowed, I got lucky. I pulled out of it and I made it but I was like this could be so rough. I might vomit on stage because I was I knew I really should be at home in bed, but I like was already out Well that way you're listening to your act. I did this

Starting point is 01:31:30 Did the second set and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna puke You know that feeling if you're reading in a car like if you're in the back seat of the car and you're reading you're like You know that feeling if you're reading in a car like if you're in the back seat of the car and you're reading you're like Oh, no The watery mouth yeah like where it's coming up you're like Your body's freaking out like why is this motherfucker moving when we're still yeah This is crazy if you don't see the outside and see the line of the road and engage it That's why people get seasick like why are we moving right? of the road and engage it that's why people get seasick like why are we moving right you must be drunk you must have food poisoning whatever the fuck's

Starting point is 01:32:10 in you let's get it out now we've all had the shitting on stage where you go like I have a turtle head going you're really just tightening that rump hey I feel like it goes away though as soon as you get on stage yeah a little fight or flight but every now and then you just like oh I a crazy meal light oysters in the green room, and you're like It's a photo of me doing my Comedy Central Bragging half-hour But I have a crazy virus and I was shitting myself on stay like gurgling Well, you were doing the special my big taping. It was like the biggest I had ever done half-hour special whatever man I want to see that. I'm sweaty. I had a h pylori you get there from eating ass Yeah, you consume feces first of all congratulations. Thank you

Starting point is 01:32:59 His name It's all about timing! It was John Panett. Oh wow, you do look sick. I'm wearing a ton of makeup, but I'm like bloated. You look like a chubby... I was the same weight I am now, but just that, I'm so fat and sick. You look like a little boy.

Starting point is 01:33:20 So were you sick days before as well? Yeah, but they're like we're not changing it, this is when you to do it look at a neck everything. I mean I look like Ralphie Bay You actually look cute you look like good Rubik you look yeah, that's the word like I want to pinch your cheeks I don't even know what year ago that is hey have you the one of you guys seen a drone you guys are each The ones that everybody's complaining yeah, Yeah, they're all over Jersey. Like what did you see? They're like the size, they're huge.

Starting point is 01:33:47 They're like as big as a car. And they're black with a ton of lights on them. Really? They just whizz by quick. As big as a car? Yeah. Wow. I did the comedy dojo in Morris Plains and they're all over.

Starting point is 01:33:58 Oh, a Tripoli spot. Yeah. And Joey Diaz is there all the time. Yeah, that's where Joey Diaz has been working out. There you go. Joey Diaz is there all the time. Yeah, that's where Joey Diaz been working out. There you go Joey Diaz is coming back. We're doing a fight companion for the Sean Strickland Drekas du Plessis fight. When's that? That's in February, February 8th and Joey's gonna be on fight companion. Oh, yeah Eddie Bravo had to go teach something. He's got something going on and

Starting point is 01:34:26 Brian Cowell's not gonna make it either. What's he teaching English? jujitsu mother Best coaches on the body. How dare you he's got a hundred schools. Yeah, Eddie Bravo has a hundred years of schools I'm a white belt. Yeah, Eddie brah. Yeah, he's been running 10th Planet since 2003 Yeah, what color 21 fucking year boy, that's why I bought Ari a year's worth of jiu-jitsu for Christmas. Yeah He swept me once He caught me slipping You must have you must have destroyed I was happy I was happy I did destroy me

Starting point is 01:35:19 You're gonna pay for that now, but I didn't do it extra. I never heard him. I never destroyed you destroyed No, I like I never like really went full. She was the one there's just like five foot Japanese guy brown belt at the time It was and I made a mistake of getting his back And then I want me off and then he tapped me 34 times in 18 minutes Holy shit good guy. Yeah, super nice guy, but he's an animal Shadecki Shigeki Shigeki is one of those guys like you would never think he's like five foot three you'd never think you'd like no I fuck this guy up. I'm gonna throw this guy for my life with that guy We would cold and we would battle to the death to like it was for my life like he was dangerous Chinese He was dangerous Japanese Japanese. Yes catch you in arm bars transition to a leg lock

Starting point is 01:36:05 He'd be fighting off a choke and like woof You get out of that role. Thank you That was good. That was good. That was good. Damn. There's a few of those guys that he had Eddie Probably had some assassins there, but already got pretty fucking good Yeah, he was tapping people but when you swept me that one time I was like this motherfucker. I'm like He was tapping people. But when you swept me that one time, I was like, this motherfucker. I'm Mikey, I gotta get back to the board.

Starting point is 01:36:26 And you couldn't take me off the board. He caught me slipping and he exploded. He exploded with a butterfly sweep. And he snatched an overhook and went right into a butterfly sweep. I was going over, I was like, this motherfucker caught me. And he just makes it, he puts it in your head where you're not even thinking about it.

Starting point is 01:36:40 You just go. Yeah. I got Shane. I got Shane for a second. No you didn't. I tapped you once. What, when? Out there. No chance. 100%. Oh Shane for a second. I tapped you once well when when out there no chance I don't think I'll tap you We could go to the right now

Starting point is 01:36:55 Yeah, we had to start with you on my back sitting down your 700 pounds I know if you guys rolled Ari would get you you did tap big fun. You'll get you I got you twice you eventually get tired, and you catch in something you wouldn't know it was more tired than I was I was sure well He's definitely tired out you know, but he just lies there and takes his time wait You're saying I did not tap you twice with an arm triangle with an arm trying yeah, I don't remember this position Remember going like this Is that when we started with my arm like that first and second time no Hold on we had every single time we had to start with him on my back

Starting point is 01:37:30 You made us start with him literally arms around me. I made him start with over under from the back That's what it was over like like an Eddie Bravo tournament the Eddie Bravo Invitational when it goes in overtime you have two positions you can start from you can start from the back or you can Start from spiderweb. It's an even position. Yeah, no Started punching you for real. Oh, yeah Stop you're like Lewis you're like you just do the MMA because you want to When Ari was training he would have got you though I'm not a punch. He would have fucked you up. No. You're not a lot of punch. Oh, I don't know any of the moves

Starting point is 01:38:11 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's that's I could lay on him and hold his arms down, and you did yeah You got me more than I will stop before I stop on that. Oh, yeah interesting. yeah, what am I early tournaments? It's like you guys to be fully we did this I know I was killing him, but we should start from slap hands You riled up twice. Yeah, I tried to do fucking And then I had you already knew it had you ever done jujitsu at all Know that one day nothing no no fucking around with your friends rolling around trying to choke each other you know football. Yeah, yeah, I was just Hold on say why are you guys pretending that something happened? Happening no no one it's not a real tap. It's a tap from an advantageous position It's like it's not the same it literally started with his arm around my neck

Starting point is 01:39:23 It was unfortunate is my move. I could do okay All right off all right, whatever. He's cracking up another but let's see what happens It doesn't change the fact that it happened. Let's do it on kill Tony you guys go at it wow that could be fun Tense this is intense. We can do it bro, I want Tense this is intense we can do this bro, I want You ever think about getting back to it all right, I think about it, but I get

Starting point is 01:39:55 Your people yeah, but you just like get yourself in a little bit of shape before you do it gotta get in a treadmill That's a bigger thing well start doing just walk to my car once You got in really good shape when we're doing so rocked up. You got in very you got ripped You got six back gotta have a reason you are lean now. Yeah, Ari had to have a competitive when you're reasonably I liked Ari did it with with will to know Zempik. Yeah, that's right Yeah, there's a cheat code now a lot of people are thin There's a cheat code now a lot of people are thin Fucking dad his dad's a legit Holocaust survivor Yeah, is your dad gonna do the podcast he could talk about we talked about yeah, yeah Yeah, we kind of went away with covid and stuff. Yeah

Starting point is 01:40:42 That's Reich! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA I'm just now like how far can he go? That's right is great Six million beans I was I don't know have I was Jamie have I played before these Scottish guys with Tourette's on here Oh, that's great. It's like my favorite This is just a fun thing Mental diseases and speaking in a different tongue. I was watching it first off Scottish is the funniest possible accent Accent there's a documentary. I think it was National Geographic a long time ago, and I watched it when it came out Y'all these guys rule hold on this isn't this isn't it? They all dress like you yeah, I know I went over there. I was like these are my people yeah

Starting point is 01:41:49 I'm Scottish and Irish obviously hold on we'll find one Different one this is these are the guys though You're Irish though right yeah, are they gonna yell out? They there's three dudes hold on Jamie find the one with three dudes link up and go on a Is this like a long documentary and there's like a section of the documentary? No the whole thing's late. It's just a different video. Oh Yeah, if you type in Scottish Tourette's but Jamie let me see it. I mean obviously highlights Go to that one four minutes, I swear I can't help it funny no funny highlights

Starting point is 01:42:34 Well, those are also hilarious. Okay, we hear I'm trying to best to hold and hold and shagging Work is a 10-minute walk away from his home It's never nice yet they oh we feel Some kind of harmony There's one part though because the whole point of it is these three guys link up that have it severely right? And they're like we're gonna go we're gonna start a commune or not a commune We're gonna find a place where we can chill out in wilderness They go to a lake scream at each other all they do is they play a game with her

Starting point is 01:43:16 They're trying to hit each other in the nuts with the ball Quizzes and stuff at the centre. Something like plain charades. Charades. Let me hear a little bit of him talking. One of you can figure out. I'm never ever the person that stands up and has to act out what film it is or whatever. Because I can't even do it to myself. I'll stand up and I'll say, Jaws!

Starting point is 01:43:39 And I'll go, right, that's my turn over. I didn't get a word of that. He said I can't do charades because I'll just go up there and say the answer. He goes like, what movies? And he goes up and he goes, Jaws! We're gonna crash! What? We're gonna crash?

Starting point is 01:43:55 The border between England and Ireland. Wow. The border between England and Ireland. Wow. Holiday. Type in holiday. I'm a chicken. Bam! I'm a chicken. These three fucking rule this.

Starting point is 01:44:11 Paul doesn't just take around Carol. He constantly takes around their children. Hold on. Taking around the kids is hilarious. That's dangerous. There's no flies there. National Geographic. there's no flies there national geographic cake a log conflict

Starting point is 01:44:25 haha it's funny that they swear on Jamie this is the best part of the whole thing right here he taps him on the head it what haha so good that's good stuff you gotta make you punch it haha it's probably cool they get to hang out together yeah right That's so good. That's good stuff. It's probably cool that they get to hang out together though, right? Yeah. So they don't care. No.

Starting point is 01:44:51 That's like the only time they could be here. Yeah, they should have a podcast. They should. That would be hilarious. Try to hit each other in the nuts with a ball. No defending? From behind. That's a weird choice.

Starting point is 01:45:01 They don't have long balls. But they're playing like a really serious sad music moment They killed it That's nice. That's kike. That's kike. That's the last one. Oh man, I can't believe you guys said Ari fucking Tad. That's so crazy. Twice.

Starting point is 01:45:32 Twice. Norman, I'm certain you don't remember. I had no idea what you guys were talking about. I didn't know if I was here. I remember you jumped on everybody. You jumped on the whole pile of people. Norman did. Now I remember when you were killing him. You were killing him with an arm bar, then I jumped on to try to help and I think I made it worse.

Starting point is 01:45:46 I held on way too long. I was like, Joe, she's gay, fuck you pussy. I got a photo, that's how long. I popped my shoulder up. Well you wanted to play football. You were trying. Yeah, I thought I was doing good with the pushing. Yeah, but the problem with that is like, I want you to push me.

Starting point is 01:45:54 Yeah, you just pulled me. Yeah, I'm like, good, I arm dragged you. I'm like, this is fun. It was fun. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

Starting point is 01:46:02 I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, that is like I want you to push me. Yeah, like you just pulled me Yeah, I'm like good. I arm dragged you like this is fun It was pretty ridiculous We got all scratched up everybody got their knees all scuffed up and our elbows all fucked up on a carpet Carpet where you were all yeah, we have mats here We were too drunk to make it to the mat the best point You guys are going at it like crazy and Carl is just like That's literally like pretending to drive a car when there's a car right next to you, right?

Starting point is 01:46:42 Yeah, it's too far when you fuck fuck a girl in the bathroom the beds right there But you couldn't hold it. Yeah, but that's fun something exciting. Let's see what the sink can do yeah Think and hold you up. Mm-hmm, but if it doesn't that's a real problem Breaks Takes me the bathroom I never jump on the sink Pissed in the sink at least a thousand times in my life Oh, yeah, how many times you piss? Oh, yeah more often. Yeah, I pissed in the sink. There's a lot of people don't like that Now you run the water. I like it. They don't know I like I piss in the shower every time I get the shower same

Starting point is 01:47:17 Of course, I want to oh, yeah I went to Wells Fargo for you. We we went to the 676ers locker room. All the urinals start up here. Ah, man, it's crazy. Oh, the giant guy? Yeah, then John Stockton comes for a visit. He's like, what the fuck, man? He's white.

Starting point is 01:47:35 He's white. I think I might be one of those Scottish guys. He's got another one. He's got another one. He's white. Groundskeeper Gilly. Wike. The best thing about pissing in the shower is when you don't even acknowledge that you're pissing.

Starting point is 01:47:48 Like, you're just washing yourself and peeing at the same time. You let it flow. Yeah. God, feels good. Like, our ancestors used to do, they used to just pee. They didn't hold it in. No. Why would they hold it in?

Starting point is 01:47:58 But even a dog like Ben's, the shower, you're just like, yeah, letting it fly. It's so nice. Peeing in your own backyard feels good. You feel like an American Whenever I take my dog out to pee I pee It's like the five-second rule we drop food Five second rule really helps

Starting point is 01:48:25 Just think about all the ass of Norman's eaten and think about how ridiculous would be to not eat food off the ground facts yeah, you gotta do it Fucking leftovers at restaurants. I hear is when you went to the bathroom. Why not breakfast? Norma just would see like at the cellar stuff coming back It works this has never not worked for me you go up to a table that's been sitting there for a while at a restaurant you go you want to clear this out of the way and they go oh please and you just take their wings wow it's never not worked because I just eat their wings yeah it's wings there then

Starting point is 01:48:57 they find out that you were not working there well that's a matter they were not out of the way yeah probably watch that guy just took our wings he's eating them yeah they've never questioned it they just run away that's a matter they wanted out of the way. Yeah, probably watch that guy. Just took our wings. He's eating them. Yeah They've never questioned it. They just run away That's so weird how many times you done that? Doesn't norm it is the biggest joy? Is it because you don't want the food to go to waste you're hungry both well you have money I had no money back now But now you just do it for the goofs, and I had no food in my house as a kid

Starting point is 01:49:23 I think it fucked me up. So it's right there. It's right there when we were at Bonnaroo, and he went Norman went off to hang out Have some fun somewhere and then I came back there was a staff party crawfish boil comes back three hours later I was like ah what a crazy night look at all these on head like unused heads just sucking Like Lily Phillips sucking the heads is delicious. Oh yeah. You gotta suck the heads. You gotta do it, it's all the flavor. Prawns too, you get like a big juicy prawn. And you cook them in garlic and you suck the heads.

Starting point is 01:49:51 You've gone from trip to prawn? You're gonna lead us to. No. Shrimp's great too, but prawns are a different animal. What's the difference? They're longer, it's weirder looking, they're kinda cool. Prawns, they have like a long shelly head And get that brain juice

Starting point is 01:50:12 But brain The same thing you know when you have peeled shrimp when you have to peel it yeah So you eat ass Who doesn't at this point? I grew up in a time when nobody ate ass back in my day. Nobody shaved It was chaos Porn that's porn's visit biggest victory porn's biggest victory over culture is shaving a pubic hair here I just do a joke about it where if aliens came and they were studying the development of the human race They'd be like what happened to the pubic hair like what happened? There's no documented more like direction. Nobody told people to do it

Starting point is 01:50:52 It's not a public health concern Nobody like issued some sort of a statement that you should start shaving your pubes right everybody when they started seeing porn They all started shaving their pubes great also kind of taught him how to give head to yes They're getting a little rowdy with the head It's ladies due to porn when they get a little rowdy and they start gagging because of porn now every girl does that right? I've used porn to watch how to eat out. Maybe get some tips. I think they're exaggerating I was talking to our friend Whitney Cummings was explaining how. I never get that reaction. She didn't know she was she was the one the gagging conversation She was saying that she went down this guy. She started gagging. He was like stop stop. What are you doing? Yeah?

Starting point is 01:51:32 Yeah, it's overkill. It's overkill. I'm showing your enthusiastic. I did a joke in my special about that Oh, I've had girls get like yeah Don't oh yeah, yeah, right? Yeah, yeah fucking right This is your life. Don't oh yeah. Yeah, right, but yeah, yeah fucking right That you want that is that no I must born I think it's porn's right when girls give a head now like but in the weird It's cuz like it started out just people having sex and then once people saw people having sex like let's kick this up a notch Yes, you know I like that part. Yeah, why don't you tie each other up? Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? You remember that one guy that got arrested? He actually went Jeremy No, no, no, he went to jail for there was something about the way that they tried him in, Florida

Starting point is 01:52:11 He was famous for like horrible stuff like he would open up girls bottles Rocco so Freddy no, no, no, no, no. He was an American guy cowboy hat Very disgusting style of porn that it was the idea of like these things keep accelerating getting more and more deviant because people get more max hard so that guy wind up because they tried him in Florida yes no that was back when that was back when... That was back when... This typical Buckeye... Typical morning ass freak Buckeye

Starting point is 01:52:48 His championship week, you guys are ready to show the thrushes He fucks a Buckeye Sammy's ready Cuckeye You can't hear it You can't let him do that You guys have to bet, you have to win your money back that he stole from you at the blackjack table. He stole from me?

Starting point is 01:53:06 That's what I said. Whoa. The money he stole from you. No, no, no. Jamie, pull it up. That's your job. You have to pull it up. This week? Jamie pull ups. Pull it up.

Starting point is 01:53:20 Can't find it. Jamie got some money from Shane. Jamie borrowed money from Shane and didn't give him a cut didn't give me a cut Oh, really? What do you mean? I got a cut of the winnings Gotta give him a gapper don't you know what a gapper is son? I know a gaper No a gapper like so let's say if if you and and Shane are playing pool and you're gambling and you don't have any money you say Can you give me a hundred dollars? Yeah, of course. I give you a hundred bucks You win three hundred dollars off of Shane you throw me fifty bucks you throw me a gap Give me a little bit. Give me a piece. Give me a piece of the action

Starting point is 01:53:55 That's right. You're gonna have to pay me a hundred bucks back anyway So it was like, you know, I gave you the hundred bucks so you can get an action So even though you really technically only owe me 100 bucks, if you want this to keep happening in the future, you throw me a gapper. So you throw him 50 bucks. I like it. I do have an important question.

Starting point is 01:54:12 It's a free 50. An important question for the podcast. Jamie, who's the, who's the Epstein pedophile that paid for Ohio State's roster this year? This is information I mentioned to you before, so I don't know that it's even true. What? Jamie always takes the establishment position. Who's the Epstein guy? Do you want to talk about the Catholic Church? Lexner? No!

Starting point is 01:54:36 Lex Wexner? Jamie. That's his name. Now Lex Wexner, what did he do and why does he pay for your entire roster? And most of your campus? He donates a lot of money to Ohio State. Yeah what did he do though that's like suspect? your entire roster? And most of your campus? He donates a lot of money to Ohio State. Yeah, what did he do though that's like suspect? He's a big businessman. I don't know what he did specifically. Did he do anything weird? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:54:51 Jamie has a lot of insinuations to make. No, I mean just insinuations. I have no idea what he did. I don't know either. Do you want to go on Reddit? Just Google him. See what he did. Jeffrey Epstein worked for him.

Starting point is 01:55:01 Jeffrey Epstein worked for the guy who paid for your roster? Oh boy. Interesting. You're going to get a head coach spazzing on you again. worked for him. Jeffrey Epstein worked for the guy who paid for your roster. Oh boy. Interesting. It's disgusting. You're going to get a head coach spazzing on you again. Well. Oh boy.

Starting point is 01:55:11 Interesting. Ryan Day can spaz all he wants. Lee Savin is the goat. Interesting. Ryan Day, born on third, thinks he had a triple, can talk all the shit he wants. Born on third. Wow.

Starting point is 01:55:22 Third, right? Wow. Oh, you missed it. We got it. Third Wow Third Right Wow Oh Now but if we do bet we're definitely using the spread what's the spread? Yeah, but you're gonna do that You already think you're gonna lose no you can't you can't ask for a smile. We go money line. I'm getting the What do you read what Shane would be happy if Notre Dame loses by nine? No wait a minute wait a minute Wait a minute you won't bet 50-50 Probably not on this one. Is your gay. I'll only know how many no real so upset with you right now

Starting point is 01:55:57 I'll only bet with real fans like Tony Hinchcliffe Wow The true Buckeye fans We're in Texas gear at the Texas This is outrageous Wow. Wow. The true Buckeye fans. How's that? Ouch. We're in Texas here at the Texas-Ohio State Game. This is outrageous. This is getting crazy. Where is this game taking place? Wait, what?

Starting point is 01:56:11 Pull that up. Sit Lana on Monday. Pull that up. Uh-oh. Are you guys going? Hot Lana. I'm definitely going, yeah. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:56:17 That'll be fun. I'm able to go. Bring my father. Tony's gone. Big Phil. Phil made it to week one, and then he had a heart attack week two against Northern Illinois

Starting point is 01:56:25 Is that put him in the grave is he all right? He's back. He's been training Consistently to get to this game hell. Yeah See I get plus 280 Lines ridiculous if you guys are men you Bucks he bets 100 bucks I'm part that Gucci shirt. Yeah, do a hundred bucks. Whoa was getting on your shirt Sure, you took the picture with Trump I sent you guys Nice doesn't you bought that shirt just to go to the fights? Yeah, there are Gucci Versace

Starting point is 01:57:19 Do you know that do you have that shirt Jamie we need the photo of that shirt? I don't know but he does have a ponytail Yeah, J. Most cling into that air. Yeah Jamie I sent you the the Leonardo DiCaprio meme to please I haven't seen that one This is the one that you get banned All right, you get banned from fucking Twitter for this one or from chains blurry All right, you get banned from fucking Twitter for this one or from fans change blurry And he's old so he probably used to be taller that's true Well barons like eight foot nine

Starting point is 01:58:08 Yeah, well and Dana white and probably not's probably not done drunk. Dana White's the guy who got him on here. Legitimately. Did you hear a loved one take the vaccine? Maybe it's a... And they took this down. That's not even fake news. That's an in-the-future idea. It's clearly a joke. Isn't it crazy though? Kooky. Kooky times. Well, they didn't take it down. I should say the government told Facebook to take it down. It of things that Zuckerberg talked about he's like what the fuck We're not gonna take down humorous memes This is crazy, and that's when they started bringing him to court and it got They had to like remember well. Yeah, yeah, and he was drinking water like a lizard

Starting point is 01:58:37 Yeah credit for that because it's freaking out the amount of fucking Photographers in front of him you ever see it not just that he's freaking out. Like you're literally talking to the government who are thinking about shutting you down. Yeah, and then that one guy was like, are you worried about the weight of all the data sinking an island? Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:58:54 Whoa. What? He goes, yeah, all the megabytes. Oh my God. Yeah, right, and he was like, no, I'm not worried about that. How about dudes were asking him like, why am I talking to this guy? Boomers. What state do you run? Weren't dudes asking him like Google questions? He was like no, I'm not worried about Dudes asking him like Google questions. Yeah, he runs Facebook like it was the whole thing was like so Like they weren't prepared. Yeah, right a few of them, but that's the thing about being a congressperson

Starting point is 01:59:22 Like how many of them? Like I don't care about logging how many congresspeople are there? I have no idea OC how many Jamie 435 435 congresspeople That's a lot have you seen that one wacky lady with the crazy glasses from Connecticut Is that what she from with the blue hair Taylor? great lady where people were like bringing her up because she was god I forget what the Ridiculous argument she was making about which whenever I was like who is this crazy? Rachel nutty equity Argument, but with these bananas glasses on hmm like a character. Who's a hot lady battling the trans in there?

Starting point is 01:59:57 Nancy mate She's battling the train well like she's gladiators with those big fucking kids. She's like we're done with trans babe Well, there was a first the thing is there was a first first openly trans congressperson And she was saying that person's not going into the women's room. Mm-hmm Yeah, and then the trend the shit and then the am I remembering this right then the trans lady was like I just won't and it was like how dare you that's the crazy lady That's hilarious

Starting point is 02:00:27 You're like a macaw you got to listen to some things that she argues some of the things she argues is hilarious Wow, she's like fully fully woke like with her purple hair She's like deep day and the trance like an art teacher. It's probably put a mask on the moment. She was done I'm amazing. She doesn't have a mask on what she's up there. I See people with masks on every day. Yeah still and Tejas 100% every day. Yeah, I see him every day That's so killing me which there's an account of this kid that's like you we need to be wearing That guy seems really yeah, he said five years remembering to mask up really not yikes Yeah, well, just you mean there's a lot of people like that that they cracked

Starting point is 02:01:14 They cracked see the video the guy driving over a Trump sign then he got the flat tire They put like yeah The guy who wired his Trump sign with electricity? No. So when they run up, they grab it and they get zapped. Fuck! That's genius.

Starting point is 02:01:29 The guy who ran over it was like, I fucking hate this man. And the wife's like, why'd you run over it? Yeah, he blamed it on that guy. People are so nuts. They suck. Ay, ay, ay. I saw a video of this lady, she hit and run,

Starting point is 02:01:40 this other lady, and she's running away, and the lady catches up to her, and she's filming her, and and she's screaming don't you have a fucking heart I'm broke and she starts screaming and like pulling her fucking shit out of her glove box it's all chaos yeah yeah yeah you fucking bitch you fucking have your fucking heart like whoa yikes some people are just correct yeah people and Trump being president like ultra cracked them yeah because they were told that this is gonna be the end of all their freedoms again locked up No one's gonna be trans. They're gonna throw gay people off the roof Shane's got the glasses on it's about Norman Norman went for it. Let's do it

Starting point is 02:02:17 Three you have to get crazy. I was at a bar with DeRosa last night Matt Edgar What do I see on top of the shelf behind the bar to roast likeosa's like, let's do shots. I'm not doing shots. DeRosa loves shots. Loves shots. Loves ruin or night. Yeah, that's a problem. He loves talking you into it. And I was like, I will though have a beer the right way. And I looked up behind the thing. No way.

Starting point is 02:02:36 And this fucking thing is up there. Ah. Fucking go. Get me that funnel. And the bartender goes, what funnel? And I'm like, that American flag, that American eagle. Wash it out. Bring it. Give me that. He didn't? He didn't let you funnel? No flag that American Eagle wash it out bring it give me that he didn't Let you funnel. No he didn't wash it out Brought her over

Starting point is 02:02:56 How'd you know the bartender's like how'd you know that and I'm like I just know things bro I put that on the mat. Yeah, you better believe I am that Eagle I'd love to see what the sales did with this show At freedom funnel big spike it had to go This show has been a giant boon to the smelling salts market Mark has gone through the fucking roof. Yes It barely was around nobody cared nobody cared now kids are doing it when they work out you see those videos Yeah, you can't lift the bar It works videos where they're giving them to

Starting point is 02:03:41 Like just strangers no like Walmart. No like here try this and then people like is that fentanyl? What the fuck did you just give me? It's yeah, kind of sad actually. I'm okay If Joe wants it that'd be fun. I'd like to do it The hit one too. This is a strong. Oh, it's a strong. I can smell it here What are they like my ex? Ready here we go. God! Birds!

Starting point is 02:04:10 Birdies Sam! Hey by the way How about these parks in LA? We're protecting them. Huh? Yeah. They're on fire. We're here to help. We are protecting them. I think we're protecting them. Got a whiff from here

Starting point is 02:04:26 get in there Norman get a big whiff come on man he keeps cleaning in it hurts oh that stings what do you guys enjoy about that give it to Shane

Starting point is 02:04:42 he's going in get in there son. Oh this is gonna be so bad. Let's go. That hurts so bad. Burned the nose hairs. Let's go. Let's go.

Starting point is 02:04:49 Goggles. Golly almighty. Get in there like a man. Like a man. Hold on. I got a little there. Yeah, yeah. I can get a big one. Theo took a huff the other day.

Starting point is 02:04:58 A dab will do ya. There you go. You barely got in me. Fuck you Joe. I got a d- You know you're right. You're turning pink. There you go you barely got any fuck you Joe All right get that beacon Get in there Ari get that schnoz to work. Yeah, it's kosher. I checked that guy

Starting point is 02:05:25 That guy on that video said it's kosher because I threw in the ocean haha remember when we could just do blow yeah we still do it oh that was a big one oh he took it on the chin oh man Brian Simpson still has the best reaction really? Brian Simpson took his headphones off and ran out of the building pull it up it's like sour it's like black people they laugh for see magic Lock up the deodorant see magic's playing a kill Tony's band Wake you up man. Yeah, you get a hangover. I'll cure it. Oh, yeah

Starting point is 02:06:02 Things way worse watch Bryan Simpson here? Oh, I can't wait Oh, man, this is going the rest of the absolute underneath some Ellen stuff Bro, this hurts from here. Oh man, Joe It really is it's Brian has no idea yet work of the devil here we go get the camera on He didn't take the headphones off! He just ran away with them on his head! Wow! That's a great impression of a kid.

Starting point is 02:06:32 Great impression of his dad. It's still burning. Get the fuck out of there. Ah, Brian's the man. We lost him. Brian is the man. Brian just did a show with me. He was in Dallas Dallas or San Antonio So is there that killed WAP bit is one of the best bits in car

Starting point is 02:06:50 It doesn't get the credit deserts offensive as one of the best fucking bits. I've ever heard in my life about a good bit I'm not gonna wet ass pussy It goes into like the the England Empire and like it's such a good Like the the England Empire and like it's such a good Having a song about wet pussy such a well crafted bit. It's so good It's one of those bits where you see you go. That's a piece of art right there That's a fucking he takes you on a journey through history He could write ends it with a bang jokes all the way through. Oh, so you're such a funny guy He writes, but it's like he's he effortlessly kills more than anyone

Starting point is 02:07:26 I've ever seen in my life effortlessly kills. Yeah, I think he was high as fuck we did a Antonio's think no, but I know I was with my think was he on stage. Yeah. Yeah, so I was everybody else like nervous And then you look over and you see him and he's Yeah you look over and you see him and he's He's no problem with silence just talking yeah, yeah killing like he everybody else would get up there and be like oh fuck fuck fuck right No, he's you know. Yeah, he's composed. He's great. Yeah, man It's such a fun guy to such a good dude to hang out with like yeah Best green room hangs and when you crack on him he laughs hard

Starting point is 02:08:02 Yeah, that's the key like a dude who could take a joke Yeah, some guys are really good at dishing them out. I can take a joke, but already did not Just for the record I definitely only whimpers Remember you faking you cock sucker I got right on top you tried to save me from Joey Rogues Yeah, you got some some real beef on you well that was a moment where I had to show Shane what the fuck is up Whoa, there was a little crazy with the football stuff. Yeah, but there was no I was a hundred percent aware What was gonna happen? There was no party. Oh, you had a gleam in your eye. I thought you you thought we'd take oh yeah for a second You're like I got this guy four foot eight

Starting point is 02:08:57 We've had that we've had this conversation. I think every protect our party Yeah, every time you do you have no clue how life works and like I think the three of us could take Him yes, the only one every time that says he would literally kill all three of us. I know I got him in a choke hold you got a choke old Look at the arms Look at the thighs weak ass Look at the thighs! Weak ass. Compared to a lot of dudes I am.

Starting point is 02:09:27 That's the thing, there's a lot of dudes I know that can fucking murder me easy. See the problem- That's what's uncomfortable about being around the UFC. Like, you get delusional. Yeah. I know a 135 pound dude that could fucking take your life. What was up with that last fight where the Herb Dean kept calling it, he kept being like, stop, work, work, and you're like the old mallee fight

Starting point is 02:09:46 Yeah, I don't know what was up with that. Yeah, I get the guy in trouble. No, I mean, I think he's getting Instruction from someone who's telling him about the action moving when fighters go to the ground They're not doing anything keep the action moving. I think I don't think that's herbs call I think someone's directing him because one of things things that, and I think, by the way, I always say Herb is the gold standard. He's as good a referee as ever existed. He's like, there's him, there's Mark Goddard, there's a few guys that are like right up there that are like elite of the elite.

Starting point is 02:10:15 Like you see them refereeing a fight, like they're going to handle it. It's going to be perfect. It's just like, you know, it's a tense job. And if people are breathing down your neck saying to keep the fights moving, you know, it's a tense job. Yeah. And if people are breathing down your neck saying to keep the fights moving, you know, what's, he said something to the, something along the lines of, if someone would like me to just let them

Starting point is 02:10:34 fight out on the ground no matter what, I wish someone would tell me that. So that means that someone's probably told him to keep the action moving. That sucks. Yeah, they want it to be more entertaining. They hate those fights. You know who probably told them that?

Starting point is 02:10:46 That's white. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he hates a fight like that where there's no action. The guy just takes the guy down and hits little punches. He hates that shit. Even if you're winning, he wants guys to go for the finish. He wants guys to fucking brawl. He wants it to be exciting Yeah, I guess for them too. He's like look you want to make money in this sport

Starting point is 02:11:09 You got to leave the fans wanting to see you fight again Yeah, that's true and the difference between a guy who's a champion who you know can make good money versus a guy like Conor McGregor is Conor McGregor gets people excited about seeing him fight. He puts asses in seats He knocks people unconscious so when you see that guy fight, you know, you're gonna see some wild shit either He's gonna win or he's gonna lose but it's gonna be a fucking brawls Yeah, guys never been in a boring fight in his life. No, he knows how to promote. He knows how to put up that old guy That guy didn't really Yeah, that guy swallowed that punch to yeah. Well, it's not much of a punch was more than a smack. Yeah

Starting point is 02:11:52 That guy you hit probably had a drunk chin like a pub in Dublin He's been knocked around a million times. Hey, I remember the war. Those Irish people, but they're still fighting. I was reading about France in World War I and World War II. France lost 25% of their men in World War I and another 25% in World War II. 25%? 25%. You guys watched the Chamberlain thing on Netflix? It's great.

Starting point is 02:12:20 What, Neville? Neville. Wait. On Neville Chamberlain? Yeah, yeah, the British guy. Churchill. Churchill. Oh, what did I say? Chamberlain. Yeah, but that was the guy before him.

Starting point is 02:12:32 You figured it out though. Thank you. But, uh, yeah, the Churchill doc is incredible. Sipping. Ron Howard did it. Yeah. They bombed the shit out of Dresden. Dresden? Is that right? Yeah. They bombed the shit out of Dresden. Dresden? Is that right?

Starting point is 02:12:46 Yeah. Okay. They just bombed like killing civilians. Like the IDF. That was Slaughterhouse 5. That's Kurt Vonnegut. Dresden. Yeah, that's right.

Starting point is 02:12:54 It's a good time. It's kind of crazy when you think about how that was not that long ago. No. These people lost 50% of their men. Wow. Yeah. Fuck, man. Isn't that wild?

Starting point is 02:13:03 Fuck. And now we have people doing it again. They're saying let's do it again. And they would just bomb London randomly. Like Hitler was like, oh you're gonna push back on me? Just go blow up buildings. And they knew the codes. They couldn't say let's stop these like bombing because then they'll know we have the codes. They just had to like try to evacuate the right people the right time. Crazy. they were sleeping in the subway. Who does it keep calm and carry on? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:13:29 But then the FDR kind of shit on Churchill. Yeah. And then he made friends with Stalin, who was a big fucking liar. Well what was the... I just watched it. DeStefano, you would know this better than most. DeStefano was trying to explain this, him and Janis were on that Churchill had a wild idea to invade Russia I

Starting point is 02:13:50 Think the end of the war at the end of the war. I think at the end of the war it was Churchill He he recognized the Soviet Union was like a major problem. They got rid of Churchill as soon as the war ended Yeah, basically, it was our peace time. He lost after that You can't won the war. Yeah, the election he wanted to he wanted to fire it up again I think water fire it up. I think Patton. That's a go. Yeah, the Soviets and Eisenhower There was a lot of people that went yeah, it's Batman versus Superman. They're like you can't allow this guy unchecked You can't allow rush operation unthinkable That's not a related possible future war plans developed by the British Chiefs of Staff Committee against the Soviet Union during 1945 The plans were never implemented the creation of the plans was ordered by British Prime Minister

Starting point is 02:14:34 Winston Churchill in May 1945 and developed by the British Armed Forces Joint Planning staff in May of 1945 the end of World War two in Europe One plan assumed a surprise attack on the Soviet Union or Soviet forces stationed in Germany to impose the will of the United States and the British Empire upon Russia. The will was qualified as a square deal for Poland, but added that does not necessarily limit the military commitment. The assessment signed by the chief army staff on 9 June 1945 concluded it would be beyond our power to win a quick but limited success and we would be committed to a protracted

Starting point is 02:15:10 war against heavy odds. The code name was now reused instead for a second plan which was a defensive scenario ... Don't throw it. Don't throw it. Don't do it. I don't trust my arm. Defend a Soviet drive towards North Sea and Atlantic Ocean, withdraw American forces from the continent. Jesus, that's fucking terrified.

Starting point is 02:15:34 That's terrifying. These motherfuckers love war. Oh yeah. The Soviet Union was evil. Well, also, they lost a lot of people during the war and they were a little bitter about that And they knew they were about to get the nuke oh Yeah, oh it was like now America is the only one with the nuke and they got a bunch of those rocket scientists from the fucking We get it done now

Starting point is 02:15:58 We're the only ones that ever have the nuke right The crazy thing was the rocket science Right the crazy thing was the rocket science Nazi but who Come on over what's the lady that wrote the Jacobson any Jacobson and rice Book and it's terrifying terrifying the nuclear ones the scariest nuclear ones the terrifying one Operation paperclips crazy too because she delves deep into those things but the nuclear ones like oh my god This is the Russian version of it Oh a secret Soviet operation in which more than 2,500 German specialists scientists engineers technicians who worked in

Starting point is 02:16:40 several areas from companies and institutions relevant to military and economic policy in the Soviet occupation zone of Germany and Berlin, as well as around 4,000 more family members, totally more than 6,000 people, were taken from former Nazi Germany as war reparations to the Soviet Union. War reparations. Yikes. It took place in the early morning hours of October 22, 1946, when MVD, previously NKVD, and Soviet Army units under the direction of Soviet military administration in Germany headed by Ivan Sarov rounded up German scientists and transported them by rail to the USSR.

Starting point is 02:17:19 By rail. Yikes. Wow. They didn't have any use for this. Much related equipment was also moved, the aim being to literally transplant research and production research centers, as well as a V-2 rocket center of middle work from Germany to the Soviet Union and collect as much material as possible from test centers such as a Luftwaffe Center, Central Military Aviation Test Center at, say that word, what's that word?

Starting point is 02:17:44 Erpro-Bungstel. Erpro-Bungstel Recklin. Recklin. Uh, taken by the Red Army on 2nd of May 1945. Fuuuck. What type of German goes and works for the goddamn Soviets? Nazis. They're just taken away. Say what you will about National Socialism, but at least it's in ethos. Yeezy-jeezy. Good point. You're gonna get in trouble. Socialism releases an ethos Some cubes in here that CIA guys ice cubes, please there's ice in there young guys That's why it passes to you poured it into his glass

Starting point is 02:18:26 Drop it back in now Gusting You got a few we'll get some more sniffles. Hey, I'm scared. Okay the the whole fucking Nazi scientist thing is wild. They just accepted those guys you go to Alabama. It's all Braun I got Braun built everything out there. It was an asset. It was like gold. Like golden land. Nazi, like that kind of thinking was like too important. We need the gold, we need the Nazis,

Starting point is 02:18:52 bring the scientists over. What town is that in Alabama? It's got a club there. Huntsville. Huntsville, that's it. It's all Nazi down there. It's all Nazi. It's hilarious. It's like Nazis and black people, that's it.

Starting point is 02:19:02 It's quite a town. Yeah, it's an urban club in the middle of the smartest town. Every single comedian that goes there must do the same joke. I did it. I did it. So you guys have fucking nasty you fucking Rockets going up They had a rocket factory in Florida that was run by a Satanist What yeah, yeah an open Satanist. They're in the middle of the whole fucking rocket development program. Yeah, this guy was, he ran this place that's now like one of those haunted places where people go to visit and if you go there there's like spray paint all over the place and like devil signs and shit. Oh nice. People have gone

Starting point is 02:19:39 there and like tried to find ghosts. Jack Parsons. Jack Parsons. So this guy, let's see if we can get an article on him Parsons. So this guy Yeah, this guy was like literally one of the fucking main rocket and horny Are there any cold horny guys cults guys are so horny so horny practice the occult and let us sex cult He was also one of history's most important rocket scientists Fucking free whack off you idiot. Let the guy cook fucking freak. Just fucking whack off you idiot. Well let the guy cook. Let him cook. These brilliant people are all twisted. Look at Diddy. Back then all

Starting point is 02:20:08 those scientists were getting crazy pussy. They were all wild freaks. They were banging their graduate students. Oppenheimer. Oh yeah they were all banging everybody. That whole movie is just fucking every other scientist's wife. That's true. Their wife. I know we've already done it.

Starting point is 02:20:24 We did wife yeah do it again he was a good look for the heaps yeah he did well, fucked hard killed a lot of people, great job did a lot of fuckers did Finely fuck a lot too right? I think Finely was into pussy too

Starting point is 02:20:40 they were all chasing tail turns out dudes like pussy scientists they were like rock stars back then Yeah, well, I'm not Einstein well. He was a little old that's fine But yeah, he was a little old and that was a part of why those guys wanted to be famous sure they wanted to be like Intellectually famous and be like the big man on campus Scientists you guys got a lineup, but he's got 74 children They just weren't fucking because they couldn't and now that they can have Instagram accounts. They're fucking yeah

Starting point is 02:21:19 They're good boy. Oh, yeah, Neil the grass is up your anus A lot of black holes. Oh Jesus quasars There we go. What a ring on it Saturn Jesus Christ I've been drinking so when you saw these drones they make any noise Not really they were so high up But but how do you tell how big it really they were so high up but how do

Starting point is 02:21:45 you tell how big it was it was really I mean it was pretty fucking big you couldn't miss it and they were fast as shit too really if you missed it you missed it wow yeah it looked like a UFO it looked like an SUV with lights on it on the bottom and was the shape of it? Kind of a, sorry, a little semen. You know, kind of like a rectangular, black rectangular with lights on it. And you could see the propellers? Yeah, oh yeah. Wow. But they were quick, they were moving. The thing about these things is they're able to stay up in the sky for five hours at a time. Five hours? The one I got from my nephew Bar Mitzvah, 30 minutes. Yeah, that's most of the ones that we have in America

Starting point is 02:22:32 That's that fucking freedom ball Fucking bizarre that that kind of just went away well Trump said he's gonna say what they were But then it kind of fizzled just say it well he said they know what they are when I get in the office it's one of the first things that I'm gonna disclose to the American people. Yeah. What do you think it is? I heard they're missing weapons. What? I heard that. I heard that one that they were they were scanning the sky they were looking for a radioactive signal there was some guy that was a drone manufacturer in America we played his video and he was saying that they do have the capability to look for gamma radiation

Starting point is 02:23:08 and that there was a nuclear warhead that was unaccounted for. Yes. They were worried that someone slipped it into the country. But we've been diving down that rabbit hole. It doesn't seem like that makes sense. Oh, they'll be doing that? And why not just say that's what they're doing? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:23:23 I don't know. Because then people would freak out I always go with that mass hysteria reason. I never buy it Well, here's the other thing on if they don't have to tell you why would they tell you they don't want to but because it just Makes more work for them. It isn't mass hysteria. I guess it's not it's not yeah, just minor hysteria No one really cares. Yeah, there's so many things going on simultaneously. I'm sure it's something else. There's two fucking wars You know there's a shit blowing up in Syria Oh, yeah, things are happening left and right Syria Syria like they lost their government. Oh my god

Starting point is 02:23:51 It's all like I got it like like Ellen Did he die they killed him right? We're trying to figure out if he's his plane blew up We heard his plane blew up and we heard it didn't. Did you see his plane went off the radar? No What is the clip? She says they're gonna do disclosure and that there's two kinds that they that they don't know what it is well click on that shit because this is Shane's girl he loves her oh she is pretty unexplained what's the company full screen it's a government agency that investigates you a piece they investigate a lot of other things as well but the little piece I am told this starting this year and all my senators in a gamer chair. That's where you know things are good.

Starting point is 02:24:26 And they will explain how they've been debunked. I've been briefed on this. And then some of the ones that are unexplained, they will also release to the public. They're also going to. That's what you said, sort of. I didn't know what the hell that meant. Huh, what does she say on this one?

Starting point is 02:24:40 Classified information you can't talk. Is that. That's interesting. Why are you skipping ahead because they're giving with their idea on what's what they think it is and she's just more cagnon which okay let me hear what she says the government is gonna start putting out some the information on which ones are that they have debunked and how they debunk them because I think that information would give more trust in the process too with the government because I don't trust them I don don't trust at this point any government agency because we've been lied to for so long by all of them.

Starting point is 02:25:11 But then while they do that, they're also going to release information on what is unexplained. What's the company? Aero. It's a government agency that investigates UAP. They investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be doing this, I am told, starting this year, starting over the next couple of months, start releasing information on videos and photos that they have debunked and they will explain how they've been debunked. I've been briefed on this and then some of the ones that are unexplained they will also release to the public. So I think that's a great first step in some transparency.

Starting point is 02:25:40 Have you ever met any of the Arrow? Beautiful eyes. Isn't it interesting though that a congresswoman can go on An internet show and say I don't trust anybody in the government now and everybody's like right yeah, right Yeah, that shit never happened before I know but now it's like oh We can't be saying that you're the government, but here's the thing it's like But she's a representative like she's not like someone in the deep state She's not someone working for the military

Starting point is 02:26:05 industrial complex right so but you never saw that on any television show in the past meet the press would never say not a chance in hell they edited out and the congressperson would never do it they would never say that the world is fucking government agencies the world's fucking different it's fucking different now yeah she's on a podcast politicians are on podcasts It's all cookin well people are it's probably millions of people watching her Oh for sure versus you know you go on CNN you get five minutes and 35,000 people are watching it. Yeah, right. That's real. Those are real numbers damn. Yeah

Starting point is 02:26:41 It's it's a the world has fucking changed its And then this time around, here's what's really crazy. So many people are trying to go to the inauguration. Like, everybody wants to go there. Really? Yeah. Celebrities want to go there. Business people want to go there. It's a totally different vibe.

Starting point is 02:26:55 Because they don't want to take pictures? Let's think about going with AB. It's not the best guy to go with. The best Twitter follower out there. Cracker of the year. Let's go. Let's go. Best Twitter follower out there. Easily. Hilarious.

Starting point is 02:27:06 Yeah, Jamie told me about him first. I was like what? It's as funny as it gets. He's fucking hilarious. He's supporting the Irish quite a bit. How do you feel about that, Jamie? That CTE SPN shit is hilarious. Whatever you need. I mean as long as it's not Lex wax. Are you guys betting or not? I'll bet him a hundred bucks. You gotta bet a a better thou Jamie a hundred bucks. Let's go higher You look a little nervous, I'm not nervous you look like when Ari was choking You got to be able to reuse them with this. You have to.

Starting point is 02:27:49 This is gonna keep rolling. We gotta find a fresh one. You gotta grab them wherever they are. Yeah. They're like Pokemons. No, I'm not nervous. Go, Ash. There you go. So what do you think? Alright, Jame-o.

Starting point is 02:28:01 It's gonna be a good game. We did 500. Let's do 500. Jame-y, 500? Five even. You even you guess what no no you've got to do it What do you want idea how much of an advantage? It's not money But you make way more than him, so we got a even it out. I mean he's he doesn't spend Jameau's frugal. Yeah, JMo. Yay! He's got that money saved. He's not frugal like you.

Starting point is 02:28:26 He's got a nice car, you piece of shit. What, you got a Tesla? I got a Hyundai from 1987. Wooo! Damn, JMo. Got that mile less, son. Did Lex get that for you? That plaid.

Starting point is 02:28:34 Wexner? I'm not seeing the right name. Go ahead. He got that plaid. What's his name? I know. Elon does it. Les Wexner?

Starting point is 02:28:42 Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Wexner. Les Wexner. Les Wexner. Les Wexner. Les Wexner. You got that plan. What's his name? I know he won does less Western lecture lesser less westerner West Chester Ari. How come you still haven't bought a nice car? Yeah Listen New York why you're my feelings when I get out of New York. I will not move here So you get a car done get a face laser? If I buy you a car will you drive it? Oh, yeah, okay? Your special comes out.

Starting point is 02:29:06 Yeah, my special's out today. If you move here, I'll buy you a dope car. What's it called? You two? Hold on. You make more money than him. Yeah, you make a lot more than me. Well, I helped you pick out your car. I told that fucking salesman to shut the fuck up.

Starting point is 02:29:22 I'm like, let me sell this shit. You picked that white thing out? I out your car. I need another car salesman to shut the fuck up. Yeah, I'm like really sell this shit It hugs you when you make turn all that car so gives you a nice hug that you're As class it is a beautiful It's an amazing vehicle true. It's so well engineered when you're in that thing you just float over the bumps. It's nice It's such a good car. It's not it's It's such a good car Well there was all these empty fucking

Starting point is 02:29:59 Tell everybody out there in the public you're an asshole for this You spent $85,000 on those plants? That's insane. It was a bargain. I like it though, dude. It's a total new look. Original. Yeah. Dude, I love it. This better be funny. Oh, it's not funny. If you bomb in the jungle. What are you, Vietnamese? I like it, dude.

Starting point is 02:30:20 Does it have anything to do with the theme of what you're talking about? He's in the shit. Oh, nice. I saw it last night at the creek. You have the you know the best backgrounds you did the candles in your last one Oh, that's right. Yeah, my backgrounds are boring as shit I think we can all agree the worst background was disease when he had that background sideways We could see people walking around They try to get wacky Side we could see the people mulling around

Starting point is 02:30:54 Stage like what are you magic before we do with some is in your face and the crowd has to see a guy circling you With a steady cam you have to ignore it yuck Yeah, anyway my new specials out right, America's Sweet Hearts on Netflix everybody. Check it out. No diss on Aziz. I like Aziz. Yeah. It's not that. It's just like filming it like that. Here's the man. Why would you do that? Aziz is cool. That fucking R Kelly bit, that R Kelly bit is a banger. His R Kelly bit? I don't know that one. Oh, it's great. It's like his early days, like when he's first popping. Oh, okay. It's a great bit. It's a great bit about In the Cl bit about in the closet the whole fucking in the closet video series, which is You ever see him singing in jail no, he looks like he's having a good old time in jail like they all love that

Starting point is 02:31:45 R. Kelly's in there with him. He's like singing with these dudes. Oh hell. Yeah, well p diddy's basically the barbershop Yeah, having a good time with some fellows. You know Luigi's in the same jail as p diddy no that's crazy olive oil meets baby oil How many panties does Luigi get in the mail? Shit hold on how many beers we heard that's five You got some of them up if I want to believe Janine, I'll give it to you. That's when you thought it was over. No, it's going the whole run. You've got to set some of them up if you want to keep it rolling. You've got to set them up. Yeah. I'm going to get another beer.

Starting point is 02:32:32 This joke has to come out before I get another one. It's a chess move. I didn't even want the ice. I just wanted to say it. That's ice. How's the border looking? That's ice. Yeah, think about being like hiding.

Starting point is 02:32:46 Yeah. Shit, there's spotlights. And one guy going, that's ice. You see the one guy that they arrested in California, they arrested him, he had a blow torch in his hand. Jesus Christ. The neighbors arrested him, the neighbors grabbed him, they called the cops, they arrested the guy, and then they let

Starting point is 02:33:02 him go. Damn. I need light. There was No evidence that he was doing Well he was an illegal he'd already Is this guy the guy that had been deported already and came back in that was the guy who lit the lady on fire? That's right. He's coming in now. Yeah, he had been The fact that there's, the guys that are doing this are illegal immigrants, it's very funny to like work your way the whole way to get here. And then? And then just set a lady on fire. Well, you're acting like it's hard to get in here. How about set a palisade on fire? It's pretty hard to fucking get in here. For some people, but I think a lot of people are

Starting point is 02:33:38 just... Well, how many people died in the palisade's fire? And that was Arson. A hundred, two hundred? Instead charged with felony probation violation her Investigation remains active now. That's just joy Could be joy Dominic Dominic joy is her name Dominic Dominique. No, it's not That's I think that's a lady a neighbor. She has citizens arrest so she made the citizens Renata yeah cramp They've got video of people lighting the fires She made the citizens arrest. Renata. Cramp, Renata. Bro. They've got video of people lighting the fires.

Starting point is 02:34:07 They've got video from the sky. Are these copycats now, where everyone's just trying to do it? I don't know if it's organized or not, because the way they're doing it is very clever. So they're doing it in the correct place that you would start a fire if you wanted the wind to blow straight through the palisades.

Starting point is 02:34:19 It doesn't, it's not like an idiot who just lights a fire that's like near it. They're lighting a fire with the wind blowing the exact direction and they did it in specific strategic locations, if it's all arson. It was done very strategically. Because the way it burned through the city, the fucking videos are insane.

Starting point is 02:34:37 On the hill too, the way it lights up on a hill, it just goes so fast. There's 100 mile an hour winds, Ari. Like trucks fell over on the highway You see the the highway no people were driving by the highway And there was fucking 18 wheelers just tipped over all over the place yikes Yeah, that's how bad the wind was the guy he said he was trying to smoke weed. Oh, yeah with a Do it now there's a butane torch which he couldn't afford a lighter hey, buddy a blowtorch

Starting point is 02:35:02 Oh, yeah, that was pretty later. I didn't see it was like it wasn't a blowtorch is more expensive than a fucking lighter. I didn't see it It was like it wasn't a blowtorch, but it was like a man who couldn't afford a lighter You can go into a restaurant get lighters for free or just light it off a house No, you need a torch to do dabs if you're a dabs guy you need a torch Dabber he's coming from Mexico to dab in America. Well, Lewis is from Puerto Rico. That's America Yeah, good point sort of it's America. Yeah good point. Sort of. It's America where you don't pay taxes and you can't vote. Oh shit. Yeah a lot of guys go over there You know that's the scam. That's like the Peter Schiff scam

Starting point is 02:35:31 Well, you go over there if you live there like 51% of the time or whatever it is like there's some number you don't pay taxes So you don't pay federal income taxes, and you can't vote. Is that why the Paul brothers are chilling? Oh yeah. Big Buckeye fans. Yeah You got a lot. Yeah, that's why they go over go over there yeah they go over there for tax reasons oh it's like a Swiss bank like Peter Schiff talked about it on my podcast and a bunch of fellas hopped on that band was like oh nice I'll do that yeah cuz like he was explaining why you should do it kind of why we has very high property tax. Yeah. Like you wind up paying.

Starting point is 02:36:06 That's why you rent. You wind up paying. Yeah, if you wanna rent, you can do it. Yes. Florida, no income. Yeah, same too. Tax. Oh really?

Starting point is 02:36:14 No income tax. What? Yeah, but we're saying that property tax. You didn't know that? No. Why the fuck do you think we all rent? Yeah, that was the reason. I thought you just loved Tony.

Starting point is 02:36:21 Yeah. You want flying cockroaches? Flying cockroaches. They have those here? they have those here yeah a lot of Christians here that's Christ yeah right we thought we're over that's crisis great that's a classic that I haven't got one in come on robo yeah you gotta think I plan ahead there's not a lot of those words left. Yeah, start rhyming in your head.

Starting point is 02:36:46 That's what you think. They're out there. I thought that was a lead up. Oh, I wish. Bro, I was watching this video with this lady who is in the middle of surgery and she gets a call from United Health seeing if the person who is undergoing surgery

Starting point is 02:37:01 needs to stay over. Why does the person need to stay in the hospital? She's in the middle of doing surgery, and she does this video. She goes, okay, I was just in the middle of surgery. I had to stop, scrub down, take off my stuff, answer the phone, because United Health was trying to figure out if the person

Starting point is 02:37:17 who I'm operating on right now needs to stay, why they need to stay in the hospital. And they can't just get an assistant to do it. They just try to fuck you. Insurance is out. This is why I don't have any. Well, here's the thing about the Palisades. The Palisades is gonna be crazy because-

Starting point is 02:37:34 You're not wrong. A bunch of those insurance companies, they stopped fire insurance. They all bailed on it. Exactly. Yeah, so it's like, how many of those houses are ever gonna get rebuilt? Oh, who has the money well the Hilton's so they'll be bailed out to still be crooked well

Starting point is 02:37:51 Here's what's probably gonna happen a bunch of people about to step in and offer them pennies on the dollar for the land Because they don't have anything anymore, and no one wants to be there anymore, and you can't afford to rebuild There's gonna be a ton of people that can't rebuild Yeah, take the money So let's say you rebuild you spend a few million dollars to build a fucking house there And then you can't get fire insurance on that and then next year it happens again. What if it happens again? It happened in 2018 it happened just six years ago remember those crazy videos where they're going up to 405 and it looks like

Starting point is 02:38:20 Oh, yeah, Armageddon a whole side a lot of it was because the last two years was so flush They called off the drought in LA for the first time in 20 years Yeah, and they go to there was so much that died those died and then now that's all like burning Yeah, well they didn't clean it up right they didn't clean it up And the fucking reservoir was empty and then you throw some more like 11 million gallons was just sitting there empty Damn the whole thing is so mismanaged and so insane and then on top of that arson and then also those wins and the way they deal with crime the People those climate change the fucking climate hasn't changed since 1877. They've never had wet

Starting point is 02:38:56 We got good rain two years it filled up everything and they were like great The drought is over scientists called the drought over in LA for the first time since I've lived there I remember that. And it was like, nice. And then that made a new problem. They didn't do anything. Well, here's the thing about raining. When it rains, then it means more vegetation.

Starting point is 02:39:12 So then when it dries up after the rain, you're extra fucked, because now you have extra dry shit. Get a two month dry period, you're fucked. Yeah, dude, I got evacuated three times. Wow. I've been there. Yeah, I've been there where the fucking two houses in front of my house burnt to the ground. How about neighbor's house survived my house survived, but on our street

Starting point is 02:39:28 There was like four or five houses that were good I was in Cuba when they had to evacuate people me and Bobby there hurricane came it was so orderly really they had Three people rushed to the hospital that was the only pro a pregnant lady and two old people That was the only problem Canes all but these are hobbles that the Red Cross goes door to door says you come you come let's go and everyone just goes Red Cross does it I think so I swear it's in Cuba maybe I'm wrong I think so interesting but then they just go door to door like let's go but they've already mapped out which ones have to be evacuated like you're

Starting point is 02:39:58 going to gymnasium let's go let's go let's go everybody's completely forgotten about North Carolina I know they got 750 Island it goes on assassination attempts like everything just goes away fucking news cycles so fast now It's our brains are it's so tick-tocked. Yeah, we're all tick-tock tick-tock We got tick-tock brain who Elon said he might buy which you got too many things Let him buy it brain who Elon said he might buy which you got too many things Yeah, how about the lesbian running that uh, we're running that fire department. Yeah, she's doing a great job How did I not get that Joe when it gets in your head sit on it be ready For like a like a big like when there's a heckler and you're like oh wait so let's say something again You're gonna get one while you're commentating

Starting point is 02:41:23 We might not even have the fights in LA next weekend Oh, they're supposed to be Dan is talking about maybe moving into Vegas if the fights if the fires get he said right now We're still scheduled to be in Los Angeles But if the fight if the fires the rares they'll move it till they move the ramps yeah, did they friends playoff game? When was that oh, that's right? Wonder why the fuck they said farm stadium. Yeah, what day was that? What day was it supposed to be tonight pass on tonight? Oh, yes This is all conspiracy Vikings it's Monday today's Monday the fights are sad like

Starting point is 02:41:55 So we don't know also like Just move it right just move it just move. They're going through shit Yeah, and I'm sure some people want the vice but also like dude. They're dealing with shit right now. Yeah, yeah, there's no one there So if you're gonna move it move it now So we're gonna get hotel rooms and all that shit cuz you gotta go to Vegas can't be there anyway You gotta get flights. Yeah, like it About to get an influx of people. Oh, they're coming here hard, too.

Starting point is 02:42:27 Yes, San Diego. I've been a lot of people who rethink it. Florida. People got to rethink a lot of things right now. San Diego underrated. Oh, San Diego's great city. What do you mean, underrated? That's the best.

Starting point is 02:42:36 It's the best. San Diego rules. This gets lost in the SoCal argument they always talk about. It's a great town. It's a great town. It's the best town. LA weather without the guns. Get hookers with one little passport. I thought about abandoning la and going down to San Diego

Starting point is 02:42:48 I was like they have the fucking comedy store in La Jolla Oh, I work out of there work out of there Norman's gonna be there. I'm doing in my special in San Diego later San Diego's the best great comedy town. Yeah good people first place ever did an arena burritos We did a 420 show there, and I was like can we do an arena the first place ever didn't arena burritos We did a 420 show there and I was like can we do an arena the first place ever didn't arena Nice, it's a great fucking town. It's also a military town too So people like a little bit more fucking they got their shit together, right? Yeah, there's no acting. There's no They just they're so oddly conservative they had to sue the city to get medical dispensaries open Whoa, yeah, they're like if it is medical you have to provide a couple of these so ridiculous and all the Christians like sort of

Starting point is 02:43:31 Like we don't want this here. Well, it's the military. They don't want all the soldiers Fucked up on hash and you're fucking machine gun in the wrong plane They're worried about refer madness they're worried about the propaganda they distributed themselves. I'm so high. Well when you got a bunch of people who don't get high talking about what happens when you get high, you got problems. But they got it though. Yeah, they got it.

Starting point is 02:43:56 Okay. Yeah. New York's got mushrooms, you see that? That's crazy. What, on the ballot? No, we sell mushrooms legally now. That's wild. Yeah, they're at Bodega's.

Starting point is 02:44:04 Not legally. Not legally. To get over those people getting lit on fire. There's packaging on mushrooms it's crazy they don't they're not trying to hide it it's about to be legal yeah the way they're packaging it that nobody's concerned so it's not legal no oh is that no these bodegas are going for it yeah but also the bodegas that sell weed that they can't they go hey do you have any marijuana they go wait? I'll come right back I go next door like that's not legal But it's great. They're hiding them in the fucking basement there again. They were hiding my citrus skull in Queens

Starting point is 02:44:35 I've used every tunnel. Oh really? Oh, yeah, that's what I put up. I'll make a dispenser Mushrooms, that's true Kingpin show it's humid you see that kingpin show Penguin sorry That was good penguins great Colin Farrell kill fucking amazing Hard to believe that's him one of yours you ever seen him talking in an Irish accent with the fucking suit on yeah He's thanking everybody. Thank you for the fucking great show. It is kind of sad that that's how scared We are making a new show that

Starting point is 02:45:05 We're like this is tied to Batman, but it's nothing to do with Batman We have to get them in with the bat I think it'll eventually have something to do with Batman because the end of it spoiler alert men remember they throw up the bat sign Yeah into the show yeah Fucking dark series though great great great time great like you would think like I'm not watching a show about the one exactly Yeah, but he's so good I carry how many is this for you? This is my personal. No you didn't before no, okay? I'll get back to it Where you trying to get that twice again?

Starting point is 02:45:37 After he gets after he gets this down we're gonna ask him more about that bet Jamie oh Jmo is very confident with this moolah this is great this is the light the life uh he should be confident he's a fucking eight and a half point favorite that's crazy how's it like enjoy it Bud light I mean That's a fucking super easy Bud light Now it's been awesome those guys rule. Yeah, you brought Bud like back You really did but I'm okay again. I never left bro kid rock drank a Bud light on this podcast It's over we gotta get Dylan Mulvaney on here. Let's hear her side of it. Is it true that that person became a man again?

Starting point is 02:46:26 I have no idea. I genuinely don't know. That was a TikTok thing. Is it right? I don't know. It's gonna happen I mean if who knows fucking Zuckerberg made that transition She will. She's next. You hit me a beer. Alright. Absolutely buddy. Thanks, brother Yeah, they must love these shows. I mean, this is a giant commercial. Honestly, I think that's how it happened. Coming on here with Joe, yeah. Joe being like, if you go back to the first couple,

Starting point is 02:46:52 Joe's sitting there going, Bud Light should sponsor you. Yeah, that's right. Think about the amount of millions of people that have seen you drink 50 Bud Lights in a show. Bud Light gave me a commercial once. Bud Light gave me a commercial once. I had to play a carpenter, which even though it fits, doesn't fit. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 02:47:10 And I was like, hey, I'm not right for this. I play HR guys, and they go, we had a massive campaign with Carlos Mancia and we felt bad and we wanna just give you money. Ah! Really? Yeah. They should've given him money. He's the one who outed them. Yeah, I'll take it. See what I mean? Bud Light rules.

Starting point is 02:47:26 Bud Light rules. That's hilarious. Are they back? Are they coming? I know they lost it. I don't know. Everybody's drinking it now. I did a comedy tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron that was a Bud Light tour. Back in the day. Bud Light. Oh yeah. Is Ari Shafir-

Starting point is 02:47:42 Oh Jesus! Propaganda. Look at this fucking guy. Why do I have overalls on? Yeah, is our Back when you could have white people in a commercial he said he would give me a bud light if I carpeted the house And I went nuts there's no no trans people at all no commercial no no interracial couple nothing We're doing a ceiling. What was that? I put carpet in the ceiling. I want a bud light so that Carpet that's horrible casting What are you doing in the ceiling? What was that? I put carpet in the ceiling. I wanted Bud Light so bad. Who are you? You're the carpet. That's horrible casting. Yeah. Look at this guy.

Starting point is 02:48:09 Yeah, it was bad. It really was reparations. I guess so. Hilarious. I was like, I've done a bunch of these. This one doesn't make sense. Yeah, but hey. So hilarious.

Starting point is 02:48:18 That was back when they paid moolah, big bucks for the commercial. Oh yeah. It was not bad. Kept me in business for a while. Mailbox money? Ari was getting in business for a long time by winning poker tournaments. No way. You play? Commerce, Hollywood Park. When Ari, frugal Ari, back in the day, like when he was making money, like he started making money playing poker. But Ari was like super successful with these fucking poker tournaments. I found out a key secret that Mexicans that get drunk on payday are not the best

Starting point is 02:48:52 It was a job oh yeah, I'd get in there also once I was just starting to get high and I could see through people You see the fear I just know what you have I I just know. I wasn't good like, you know, real pros, but. Yeah. In like minor pros. You could throw those guys off by sucking. Dude, I read a book of Pokertails once, I was in the World Series, Cashed, World Series, main event.

Starting point is 02:49:16 Did you really? Yeah, and some guy was playing against a pro. And so there's 5,000 people in there, you know. And you're playing a pro that everyone knows, that's a legit guy and I just read this Mike Caro's book of poker tales, which is hilarious because the whole section on a race Which doesn't apply anymore but it's in there and one was if you look at someone's chips That's because you have a strong hand and you're looking those chips like those are gonna be mine

Starting point is 02:49:40 This is good stuff was bluffing knew that guy knew that tell and as I was bluffing I just glanced his chips real quick to give him a fake tell and he's like well done you did you faked him out yeah you double faked up yeah I cashed how much probably won like five five six seven grand or no Yeah for sure that's Know that you pulled that off Grants you want to commerce terms you went like 15 grand it kept me and then you had to get a walk to the is there A bit advantage to having a little performance of like like you could be performing. Yeah people talk a lot. They're bluffing

Starting point is 02:50:24 White dudes who bet back at you just get out. They're just looking to play right? They don't want to take chances unless they have it. Yeah, leave them alone. Hmm. How about that interesting? Yeah bravado It's like look like hey man. You're gonna call her. Oh Now You go the shade. Did you say that to them? Do you talk shit to know? I just called and then just knew it you ever talk shit No, not there. No, really. I just be happy. I just be fun talking shit is an extra element of A poker table is crazy. Do we have me and great Lawrence are my agent?

Starting point is 02:50:56 What's over playing in the World Series and and we're there's a big breaks every like five hours Go for an hour go have whatever and I'm like, but we're both complaining about bad beats I'm like fuck this fucking sucks This guy called me all the way out of the river hit a two on the river Fuck him right then one of those guys in a wheelchair those all heads, you know He reels wheels by and we're like this fucking so that life's pretty good Things are okay America's sweethearts on Netflix right now messages like that $80,000 in plants

Starting point is 02:51:31 Candles cost the candles cost less 5000 candles one for what yeah, yeah dollar candle It was a lot. They're all a lot. I don't kids how much did the candles cost I? Remember being less well like we're spending more than the fucking candles and really get audience plants But the candles you got to keep redoing every doing so you have to hire Handlers and then they burned out faster than we thought when the AC was on There were 24 candles yeah, we put him in she tested them like 24 hours You're fine

Starting point is 02:52:03 And then in the room AC was on like they turned into four-hour candles and we had to source 5,000 candles overnight on a Saturday Yeah, what's with you guys in candles What's with you guys in Nobel prizes Constantly setting the curve With Germans and engineering? Why? What's the reason for that? Like, why were they so good?

Starting point is 02:52:29 Yeah, why that? I think they have no fun over there. They're all business. Their cars are great. You think it's a meth thing? I'd be a ozor. They're all doing meth, right? Well, their porn is weird, too. That's a meth thing, too.

Starting point is 02:52:41 Oh, guess this. I found this out today. What's the number one city in the country? for drug abuse Drug abuse wait wait per capita or toy yeah, yeah like totals like percentage of people that are abusing drugs, but major city otherwise Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah on Salt Lake City. No no, that's a big one though a lot of that there It's gonna blow you away hold on let's all guess it's gonna be some Springfield, Missouri nope Mark pilliard nope Phoenix

Starting point is 02:53:12 They were talking about coke and meth they were talking about the percentage of the population that does coke and meth I thought you meant like degenerate drug addicts No, it's it's the apparently it's because that's the trafficking route where the coke comes across the border, right? Because you know it probably comes through the bottom of Arizona and shoots through Phoenix and everybody gets coked up in Scottsdale Yeah, they got a lot of money. Oh, they love Kirk coke out there. Yeah. Oh, yeah coke makes you forget about herpes. Yeah Yeah, we have coke coke and herpes like cook it. I only have herpes Yeah, we have coke coke and herpes like good. I only have herpes

Starting point is 02:53:53 Those uh cougars out there they're all in golf carts and fucking dentists with fake tits a great place to be divorced I get divorced and you want a party open carry. Yeah, let's fucking go you want someone out of the house Free wings let's go It's desert They don't have any comedy clubs, so Three wings, let's go. Yeah. Yeah, this is nice. I like talking about this. It's desert though. Yeah. It's a nice idea. They don't have any comedy clubs though. What, Phoenix?

Starting point is 02:54:10 Phoenix does, and Tempe does. No, Phoenix has a big team. But Scottsdale. State of Miami was just here last weekend. Oh, and Scottsdale. Yeah, Scottsdale is one though. Do they? What are they gonna have?

Starting point is 02:54:17 Omaha ranked as the worst city for drug use through the United States. Oh, come on. This weighted system, what's the weighted system? Highest drug rate. They had Phoenix at the top for cocaine. Yeah. No, come on weighted system. What's the weighted system highest drug rate? At the top for cocaine. Yeah Go to the numbers go back up Jamie just go to that chart make it bigger Phoenix number one 15% of the population

Starting point is 02:54:51 See what it says this is what it is. Oh, it's Phoenix. This is my relation that have used wow that's just Cocaine that's whites isn't that crazy 15% that one million five 63 people and 15% of them are doing math that's wild That's wild. That's a lot of people. That's good. It works 15% of them Yeah, there's people listening to this on meth right now look at substance use estimated by city number one albuquerque Marijuana oh yeah, oh alphabetical look at this 61% marijuana what's the lowest percentage of marijuana users? Denver, 64%. Look at all that percentage of marijuana, it's so crazy. Everywhere it's like 60 plus percent.

Starting point is 02:55:29 San Fran, 54, that's low? Wait, what? That's ridiculous, they're lying. What? San Fran's lying. No way. That's a lie. Literally no way.

Starting point is 02:55:37 Do not trust. They're lower than Wichita, shut the fuck up. Zero chance, it's San Fran, they're known for it. Virginia Beach, 61%, San Francisco 54 fuck off This data's bullshit. You ever done it? You ever done meth? No. Oh Didn't you do it accidentally once? Yeah, you clean What's it like? You can start cleaning things? Yeah, but it makes you really horny It just heightens everything really paranoid really horny really you want to do shit. It's like Adderall

Starting point is 02:56:02 Is it the same as Adderall? Do you have the same feeling? Yeah, but it's times a thousand a thousand. Maybe not a thousand, times a hundred. Whoa. Yeah, it's a good time What's this makes ballplayers immortal? What is this? Oh shit. Oh it's called Greenies. What? Greenies? Yeah, they did that a long time ago, 2006. Is that the DACA? It's some kind of like outfield mess and Adderall sort of. What's his name? Doc Hudson? It's called Dexadrine. Ohhhh, yeah. On acid? Throwing the no hitter on acid? Yeah. Oh that was acid. Look at some form of like outfield mess and Adderall sort of. What's his name? Doc Hudson? Dexadrine. Ohhhh. Doc Green? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:56:28 On acid? Throwing the no hitter on acid? Yeah. Oh that was acid. Wasn't that like he didn't know that he was going to have to play? Yeah. He was like tripping balls so he just showed up on acid? Doc Johnson?

Starting point is 02:56:36 No. Doc something. Doc Holliday. No. Doc? Doc of the Bay. And it was one of the first like animated stories. Yes.

Starting point is 02:56:44 It was so well animated. It was a great story. Dock Ellis. Dock Ellis. Dock Ellis! Dock Ellis! No hitter on acid. Ellis Island.

Starting point is 02:56:50 I wonder what that was like. I think he was beaming people. He was hitting people with... He was throwing walks. What's he? Yeah, it wasn't like a perfect game. No. But he didn't... nobody hit him. That's crazy.

Starting point is 02:57:00 So he was walking people. Oh really? Hitting people. Oh, so everybody makes it seem like it was a perfect game like it was a perfect. It was still it was still great. It was in great Can you imagine we've all done shrooms or been high on stage and had to pull it together for an hour This is a fucking major league baseball game, right? But he's only doing one thing 20,000 people watching one thing though, but he's back then

Starting point is 02:57:23 Fourth inning that Richard Nixon was a home plate umpire Oh never mind. I take it back. Wait what I try I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire and once I thought I was pitching A baseball to Jimi Hendrix whoa to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate Amazing just by the way in 84 you got real acid. That strikes! Yes! That's a new one!

Starting point is 02:57:52 Yes! Yes! That's incredible. They don't have full footage of the game. They didn't record everything back then. Because they didn't have anyone to broadcast it. Right, right, right. They didn't broadcast every game you got to film everything that's right the olden days He films everything

Starting point is 02:58:14 I've I'm friends with Matt so I'm not like talking to him now Now it's like a sweet guy Scottish Tourette stick where I'm sitting around my house, I just go, Matt Rife. Yeah. And people are like, what the fuck? He is killing it. Oh yeah. He is. That's a whole new province. He's a good bro too.

Starting point is 02:58:35 He's a good guy. He's a good bro. Very good guy. It's a whole new kind of comedy. Yeah. Talking to the audience always. Always. Always.

Starting point is 02:58:43 I feel like that could bite you in the ass though. Casual. It can, but it hasn't. It hasn't yet. If you're good at it, you can keep doing it. I mean, I know guys who do a lot of crowd work and they'll do shows and the crowd's yelling shit and they're like, this is the stand-up portion. And they have to wait and the crowd's like, oh, we don't care about this. They don't care. We want to hear you talking to us. No, but that happens to everybody.

Starting point is 02:58:58 Like, I'll go up there and people are like, do Trump. Right. Right away. Yeah. No matter what. Yeah. Remember when Chappelle's show was on on Chappelle at a real hard time I'm rich bad. They would just get it out. He wanted to yell it out. They just wanted to yell it out all the time

Starting point is 02:59:13 Yeah, that's a problem Yeah Hey Think came a flying All right, where we eat nice steak let's celebrate my new special America sweetheart on Netflix right now is it right now it's out right now okay let's watch it all the way through and is it out right now is it out tomorrow it's out when this is out okay he says some crazy is that like

Starting point is 02:59:40 midnight tonight yeah 14 all right yeah let's go some real ballsy material here Thank God they fucking listen to you. I Like to fuck around What when you feel I try to get a Kanye song? Okay, how much that's why I asked each of you like the five million dollars How much dude, he's like people trying to appeal to a sense of there's a whole thing about how we should respect Kanye's music and not listen to his fuck Right and I'm like maybe I can appeal to that modest mouse was like will be cool if you want to but Kanye's people We'll go first of all are you not referring to him as ye in this

Starting point is 03:00:17 Yeah, and I'm like this is lost you have to refer to him as yay, yeah I'm like well, I'm gonna take the Kanye and just cut yeah,, just like I'm sure they want me to read it just like have yay Have it say yay like have a little blur like Kanye. Yeah, so if you just cut it out easy Yeah, but if you just like he calls himself. Yeah, right so if you just like cut off the con and have like a dead Like nowhere sure I'd say that's not worth the song at the very end Which song a black skinhead yeah, I knew it that's great my whole tour Yeah, this is like I went all that anti-semitism is happening Christine O'Croson called me. She goes hey I know he's like supposed to be anti-semitic, but have you ever black skin?

Starting point is 03:01:04 No church in the wild He's got some bangers So I'm a monster come on flashing lights Here's his new album is fucking amazing too. He's a mistake. He's a fucking killer Yeah, but I'm only song and then new albums so fucking good things He goes on like conservative podcasts, and he wears like a fucking stock Alex Jones was the funniest He's done more than one of those right he texted me that yes Yeah, did I talk about that on here say it again was I was on a flight back to New York

Starting point is 03:01:38 When he was on Alex Jones saying he loved Hitler And I was just watching it on the flight with the Holy Bible hand on it saying he loved Hitler. And I was just watching it on the flight. With the holy Bible. Hand on it. And then I landed, I landed in JFK and the first text I got was, yo, it's Ye. And I was like, this is one of my friends,

Starting point is 03:01:53 they're fucking with me, no chance. And then I get a phone call that's like, do you wanna fly to Miami right now and do a sketch with Kanye? And I was like, I don't know, man, he just said he loved Hitler. Today. The tire for the sketch would have been incredible I think it was me as Trump and him as Kanye. I know I should have done it I regret it. You can do it later. You do it now. You do tonight I would love to do it if he ever wanted to be here

Starting point is 03:02:29 As long as you refer to him as yay, he's the he's the best. He's awesome He really is awesome. I want a great artist you're gonna get a crazy person Exactly period it's kinesin or Kanye or fucking Jimi Hendrix. They're out of fucking mind everyone. That's a giant bit my special Van Gogh everyone forgot Van Gogh was cool. What the fuck bro? Hilarious like a good game love that he does that like yeah, you can't say shit. He's an artist. Yeah, he's a wild man Wild dude, you know that you want those songs. That's what you get Yeah, you don't get those songs from some fucking policy and on your song on Netflix. I loved it. It's the it's so nice What is really well documentary one of the guys that came up with the maid?

Starting point is 03:03:15 While he was Kanye was coming up old footage About it's a really nice him and his mom and yeah Yes in Chicago. Oh, that's great Kanye. I'm just like put amazing footage No, it's a classic no, it's really really awesome really good makes you love Kanye. Yeah, he's just like a little scared boy Yeah, I just like what do you want from listen to the music? I think they wanted to stop shitting on Jews Yeah, man, listen. He's having fun. He's having fun. I forgive him. I forgive him Yeah, he's just too early They're keeping notes you better be careful

Starting point is 03:04:03 Every few years the Holocaust numbers come up around the score Jews, but every few years the Holocaust numbers come up They're running the score up a little every few years the Holocaust numbers trying to get those numbers raised No, I try to bring them down point for a lot of people trying to bring them down. Oh, yeah, which is a weird Either way, it's weird. Hey, they had blacks retards and gays on that gypsies and gypsies Catholics not a big deal. You don't hear us, belly aching. Yeah, they were inclusive. I think they killed like seven of us.

Starting point is 03:04:29 Seven. I was in Slovenia, I heard somebody doing a tour and they were like talking about Nazis and like, you know, a lot of Slovaks also were killed, so in some ways it's worse than the Jewish part. Everyone's like, bro, Jesus. Hold on a second, I think Slovakians yeah yeah they got fucking murdered how many if you look into now I think it's more if you go into like the Balkans and all that area that they got fucked up

Starting point is 03:04:56 damn nice real Balkans are wild too mmm that's again those people like women can drive is that right through the war stop? Oh, yeah, I have my cars were general I'm sure they give it a women drive now, but you know It's like those hard war torn Yeah, that's the reason why the fighters that come out of there so fucking scary of course like marauder Rob Wabish Willie the fall terrifying those guys that have been through like Chechnya, those Chechnya dudes, Dagestan dudes,

Starting point is 03:05:27 like, those are hard people. Yeah. Do you ever have to have somebody tell you how to pronounce someone's name? Yes, I fuck it up all the time. Like over and over. Some of them are ridiculous. Some of them I get like during the weigh-ins.

Starting point is 03:05:37 They don't look anything like what they sound. Really? The weigh-in is my most stressful time in all of commentating Why because I have to remember all these fucking names and they're hard dude Sometimes I have to write them out phonetically some of them don't look anything like They got like a oh with a line through it doesn't work Piece it's so loud in that thing and there's people and you know, and you're yelling it over a microphone

Starting point is 03:06:01 I can't hear them. Tell me sometimes they'll correct me. No, I have to say it the second time I say it right, but they don't look anything like what they say Especially like Russian names. Yeah, they're crazy. They must get that though. Oh, yeah Every few weeks I forget how to say Khabib's awesome It's it's one of those like there's so many clip. Oh, yeah Yeah, I fucked his name up my mouth didn't work right. It's a tough name My mouth is didn't work right, but he's fighting for the title this weekend. Umar is umar is fighting Marab, norah's garbage. Yeah, that's crazy boy if it happens I mean where's it gonna be if they move it to Vegas?

Starting point is 03:06:46 Is there a place that's open I guess like where do they put it? Yeah, it's like the pearl It's just a habit. I mean is the T-mobile even available like Jamie on a Saturday T-mobile this Saturday night, where's T-mobile? Can you cancel one of your shows? Wherever you are Arena Unless there's nothing until the somebody's bar mitzvah. So we from today, okay Jews bar mitzvah, so they do have it open So that's rabbi if there's a 70 mile an hour win tonight you Said the Lakers and Clippers were supposed to start playing again and they're playing with the Clippers or the fights are where the Clippers play

Starting point is 03:07:29 Mmm, okay, they play tonight. They have separate stadiums. They're gonna play tonight. Yeah Tough time separate arenas now a new arena Giant new arena they should it looks like they've lived in a shadow for too long good name for a rabbi Clippers Who has more holidays Jews or trans trans have holidays, what are you kidding trans Remembrance Day trans visibility day? That's green that giant screen that goes around the whole thing. It's like the biggest Out inside and outside smart. Where is this? Is this the sphere right next to so fi Wow? You're fucking you gotta go there that place In this thing right here, they said it's a little bit all it's just ones from the bottom all the way to the top

Starting point is 03:08:12 Yeah, you have to be no like they're not gonna allow any opponents fans to us at the army Well, that's my team Why won't they let opponents fans at their home home field advantage? Oh wow that seems dirty Yeah, the Yankees when you buy Yankee tickets if you had an LA and an LA credit card like you can't buy these tickets mmm Really yeah, they were like we don't we want home. I'm like I live in New York I'm a dad seems so crazy Jesus Christ that seems crazy bombers place. I get you know to make the rules. I guess Yes All that what were you talking about Jews wait out before that?

Starting point is 03:08:47 UFC UFC yes, I had a thing on you. Oh the female fighters are getting hot Yeah, I don't know their names. I don't watch but I see the way ins Damon Wayans Thank you, what's her name Valentina Shevchenko pull her up she's the 125 pound champion for me She doesn't fight you anymore though, she was doing bare-knuckle boxing. I was like Knuckles and she was hot Lady bare-knuckle Rachel Ostevich. yeah, they both it was the hottest fight of all time this page I got kind of mentally fucked up from that Connor throwing the thing at the bus. No who was that? I don't know was like

Starting point is 03:09:54 Might have been Rose Jelman you maybe Rose Rose. She might have gotten fucked up. That's Paige way. She fought bare knuckle She fought a couple of times Cute doesn't look great in... Bare knuckle? Where's she from? Well, beat up, nobody looks great, Ari. Utah maybe? I kind of like her beat up. Jesus Christ. That's such a crazy way to make a living.

Starting point is 03:10:16 She's got rib tits. There was a bare knuckle fight this weekend that was so fucking bloody. It was the cra- Go to the Jackson Wiggle John Twitter page. Wiggle John? page Wiggle John They post a clip from this bare knuckle fight that was this past weekend It was so horrible this guy's face was just a tomato. Yes, they big red Just wound his whole thing. He was still fighting Jesus look at his face This guy's face was just a tomato. There's a big red, just wound.

Starting point is 03:10:45 His whole, and he was still fighting. There's two. Look at his face. Oh! No! Look at his fight. Look at his fight. Is that Jamie fighting him?

Starting point is 03:10:53 Bro, this fight is crazy. It's me and Jamie after a while. But meanwhile, he fucking, with that blood, he drops this fucking guy. I mean, this is- No, he won? I don't know who won. I just saw this clip. I didn't even know the fight was going on, but this guy's face is a mess. In the UFC this is stopped

Starting point is 03:11:09 Nah, by now it's not stopped. If it's a woman. He's still going. With that much blood. Renee Aldana She her face was so bad. It was fucking horrible. His face looks like period six. Bro these guys are both just duking it out And every time you're getting hit you're hitting by bones. So bad. But look at that guys I just blew up from that last punch. Oh, I mean this is fucking horrible, dude. Oh Lord look at this. I mean this is the guy with the fucked-up face. Just drop that guy Everyone's cheering with her. Oh my god. It's so primal. Did he win is that? Yeah, one of the fight. That's it Oh, where's he from that is crazy? What are these gentlemen's names? We should say their names. Yeah. Oh, yeah, does it say? Cody Cody East and Dylan Rush. They're probably American. Fuck Albuquerque, of course

Starting point is 03:11:55 Do not piss test these gentlemen you want to fight on math here Fuck yeah That guy's you know how hard it is to fight with a face that's that broken I mean every time something hits you it's just like jolts of electricity going through your skull Look at the beginning of the fight Fucking insane. Oh, you got a hand of the guy anyone fucking terrible Now that was page van zandt Now imagine if that was Paige Van Zandt. Still would.

Starting point is 03:12:24 Of course she would. Stitch her up. Put a towel down. Stitch her up, let's go. Put a towel down like period sex. Exactly. Who's the other one you said? Valentina Shevchenko. Shevchenko. She's hot. Pull her up will ya, sloppy jalopy?

Starting point is 03:12:42 We lost Ari. Shevchenko. Oh, and the chick she fought, Alexa Grosso, the former champion, she's hot too. Oh, geez. Bring it on. They're all pretty. There's a lot of very pretty fighters in the UFC now. There's Valentina.

Starting point is 03:12:54 She's very pretty. Yeah, very pretty. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's great. I like the rock. She's sculpted. Very ripped. Very ripped, dude.

Starting point is 03:13:02 She'll fucking kill you too. But not too ripped. She'll fuck you up. She's also very ripped dude. She'll fucking kill you too, but not too ripped She'll fuck you up. She's also like a competitive shooter. She does like those competitive like pistol also actually kill you Really do like a legit assassin. She's a terrifying woman damn Hot and terrifying would you mind if your daughters did this that's tough, huh? Rough I think if I had sons I'd make them at least learn how to fight Yeah, but I wouldn't want them to fight like don't first of all if you're my kid you're growing up with money

Starting point is 03:13:35 You're fucked you're gonna find some hungry animal that grew up poor Right unless you're a real complete psychopath, and you can fucking rise past that most rich kids are just not gonna do well Yeah, you're not gonna have that that hunger I know we've never had to worry about food Crime and you've never been beaten up, and you've never been you know yes You can it's possible you could have a champion that came from a wealthy family, but I don't think I've ever seen you know It's impressive about a champion But like a real killers come Christian Christian McCaffrey. Yeah running back. Uh-huh his dad was an NFL guy

Starting point is 03:14:09 Yeah, he grew up. He grew up with like a dad that was like this is how you play football Yeah, I made him a freak. I don't know I think in football it can work I think football is a little different than fighting though because in football. There's a thing You know there's a play different than fighting though because in football there's a thing, there's a play, it goes down, you do your best. You're not duking it out in the fucking fifth round where your leg is imploding and your liver's bleeding and your ears are ringing and you're still trying to win. Yeah, that takes a specific type of poverty

Starting point is 03:14:39 in your background. It's just fight growing up. But what if you got a tutor for fighting since you were five? These kids are getting Jiu Jitsu classes. What the wonder boy like a tutor for fighting since you were five, you know, these kids are jiu-jitsu classes I think that I could be wrong. It could be where the sport heads to rich kids We're like people with a train but boxing never did but poor kids are gonna train too. Yeah, they're gonna be angrier So just get a fucking if you start training jits at like five years old. Yes is different You're gonna just as a master at it. It's different just jits is different because you're not getting hit but like boxing boxing never never got like that's why there's no

Starting point is 03:15:10 I mean now there's some white boxers, but like well you got like Tyson Fury who's a fucking gypsy Yeah, so like his whole family Out since they were kids just retired Jewish boxers. He doesn't retire No, he's not retiring. No, no ESPN today. No, did he today? Today he retired? On ESPN it said Fury says that's it. Really? I think he's done that once or twice.

Starting point is 03:15:31 Oh, is that today? Is that Jamie? Wow. I'm never right. Well, good for him. Good for him. Good for him. That was today.

Starting point is 03:15:39 It's been like three times today. Tyson Fury retires. Wow. Well, one of the greatest of all time. I don't believe him, says another guy. You know it's been like three times today Tyson fury retires Wow One of the greatest of all time. I don't believe him says another guy well He might come back like if they offer him the Anthony Joshua fight I know they talked about that didn't he didn't he retire before the Bruce or no Tyson sure yes He did yeah, we he retired when he was having real mental health problems Mmm, he like almost committed suicide do He almost drove his Ferrari off a bridge Whoa is that right?

Starting point is 03:16:06 Yeah, he was losing his mind. Tyson? Yes. You ever hear him talk to Ari Hilarani about like the He called him they were interviewing and he was like hey today's the anniversary of when you first took the Oh yeah, it's really nice. The heavyweight title. That's a really cool speech. Yeah, I mean it's sad. It's sad But he's like how do you like it goes honestly? It's pretty shit. Yeah, when you beat. What's his name? Who's the Ukrainian boxer? Oh Vladimir Klitschko? Yeah, isn't that who we beat to get the guy who's the mayor of Kiev? Yeah, is that really whoa? Cool mayor Here is his brother the mayor he's a he's the mayor right his brother

Starting point is 03:16:40 But the Vitali was the mayor of somewhere else to the Vitali is also a politician Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's crazy. And they both saddled up to go to war too. So did Lomachenko. Yeah. He's the mayor of Kiev. Yeah. So what was his... So Vitaly's the mayor. So Vladimir, what is Vladimir's position? What does he do? So Vitaly is the mayor of Kiev and I think I think Vladimir is a politician as well Isn't a Filipino guy a politician too? Yeah. Yep, Manny Pacquiao. He's a politician. Yeah. So what does he do? Does he have some sort of a Ukrainian army? These are the guys are the real deal. Yeah. So I'm with a fucking terrifying shooting gun. Yeah. Terrifying dudes and those are serious. Phenomenal boxers too. Especially

Starting point is 03:17:29 the brother fatality was an animal. They're both animals. I mean, yeah. But he was more technical than his brother. His brother was a destroyer. Just fuck people up, man. He was a giant dude too. And they were, they're both brilliant. They're both PhDs. PhDs. Yeah. Do you see this? What's this? You can fight in lacrosse like you can in hockey No, you're not alone who's this fighting the referees not doing shit. They wait till they go to the ground No, they're fighting. I know but they can't get it in cuz they'll get punched. They wait so it goes Yeah, but that was one and done, but they let them fight. Yeah, that's all okay. That's the same as it hockey

Starting point is 03:18:06 They let him go on the ground. That's what I asked. Is it like hockey where they? Toronto Toronto's Buffalo that's crazy Buffalo guy if lacrosse does this it might be good. That's true. It might get off the gloves to step up for his boy like hockey That's crazy. I was worse than those New sport where you're allowed to punch in the face Because this was never the case in any other sport like if this is a basketball they would have stopped this a long time ago Yeah, oh, yeah, so they're letting guys box because this is different too because you have shoes on so you can get grip and move Yeah, punch hard.

Starting point is 03:18:45 The thing about hockey is like you're hampered. You fall fast. Yeah, you're flopping around in fucking skates. Well he was probably disqualified forever after that. I don't know man. Looks like you're allowed to do that. They fought man to man. Really?

Starting point is 03:18:56 Yeah, looks like you're allowed to do that because the referees didn't jump in. It's a penalty but you're back to that game. That changes sports. Oh yeah. You start throwing that into basketball They used to in the 80s NBA was all that Parish people fucking punch lamb beer, but you may All the time lamb beer shout out Notre Dame, but here's the thing

Starting point is 03:19:16 What are you allowed to do like you allowed a leg kick? No, no if you like a dream on found out you're not a little it's what it's gay No, no if you like it Jem on found out you're not a little it's what it's gay Draymond found out he tried to like it all the time Cross game and you like it Hit me why wouldn't I kick your leg who's that box of the one it gets we're going against the rules or we're not we're not playing Now we're fighting I'm gonna kick you of course Yeah, I had a special I think you don't know what to do a bellator guy kicked me in the leg and he he went

Starting point is 03:19:58 In slow mo kicked me in the leg it hurt for a week good half No right above the knee on the side of the thigh Thanks fucked me up. Yeah, I had a couple drinks, and I was going come on have you ever seen Alex Pereira like gently leg kick this lady. Yes, no she asked him to she's like just don't hit me hard He gently taps her leg hurt. She falls to the ground then she took a photo of it afterwards her whole fucking leg was bruised Wow about that fucking Asian guy that was swallowing those you see those no homo. Oh, yeah guy in Korea Yo, bro that guy's an animal who the fuck is that guy who knows? Wait a minute

Starting point is 03:20:41 And by the way that hurts like This guy's getting mad now he's like, but he hitting him full blast, but he's hitting him pretty hard, man. She bang, she bang. Look at this guy just dancing. That's crazy. Look at that, he took it. That guy's an animal. No, I swear they should've known where he was like body's off to.

Starting point is 03:21:01 Look, he tells him to hit him again. And he hits him hard. Watch this. Look, go ahead. It's like body. So he tells him to hit him again, and he hits him hard watch this like the guy He hits him pretty hard, dude That's kind of crazy Prayer is a good-looking guy. He's a handsome fella especially with the suits on yeah 26 leg kicks that is so girl Just touch it hurts.

Starting point is 03:21:26 It hurts so bad. But wait for it. Watch when she shows what it looked like afterwards. She shows what it looked like afterwards. Look at that. Oh my god. Isn't that crazy? It hurts so bad. He just touched her. Just touched her. Now imagine that fucking dude. That's crazy. He just literally touched her. Yeah. That was something.

Starting point is 03:21:42 Imagine that dude ate like 21 of them? 26. 27. That's crazy. Yeah You might have just been just really good at putting on ID Joe Joe Biden himself Joe Biden himself There's people that are just built different man. That's true that dude is obviously something different something's going on Leah Thomas Yeah You guys wanna hear my impression of Frank Sinatra at a Penn swim meet yes, that's guy

Starting point is 03:22:31 No, I just didn't know you do it you gonna pee or am I gonna pee what are we doing here? I'm good for another 20 minutes. Yeah, it's almost five o'clock already. I say we keep it rolling. I'm having a nice Coffee that song keep it Joe Joe keep on all you got on the coffee. Like that song, keep it rolling. Jojo. Keep on rolling. What happened to you? It hurts, it's so cold. Ah, it's good now.

Starting point is 03:22:50 Too cold. Give Norman one. I'll stick with the liquor here. Yeah, Norman and I got to suck an ice cube. It's all right, trick what you want. Good rapper. What is your shirt, Ari? What is that? Is that from your special special?

Starting point is 03:23:06 Oh, dude, give me one of those. Yeah, I was for me stay positive. Oh nice. Yeah, what award for the show? HIV Why stay positive what is that the name of the special I hate his fucking positivity the whole theme of the I hate his fucking positivity the whole theme of the Self out of his anger So anger all the time if he's not in here He's trying to America's sweetheart is the whole the whole theme is like get off the news live your life touch grass No, I think you come from a guy with a severe social media addiction. I know right kind of hilarious Baby, that's Kyla

Starting point is 03:23:41 Kind of hilarious. And a baby. That's Kyla. That's Kyla. Thank you. Perfect. Let's go. What size? XL.

Starting point is 03:23:49 Oh, that's too big. The back is for my closer. About this Holocaust image that died. XL. That's what you are, right? Yeah, larger XL. I can wear either one of them. That's nice.

Starting point is 03:23:58 That's how I want to wear it. Positivity is special. It's just like, guys, this shit's fun. Hell yeah. Kanye is nice. That'll go viral All right That is an XL! It fits good!

Starting point is 03:24:21 It fits good! Yeah dude. Damn! That's crazy! Available at orangechafere.com right now. orangechafere.com ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna pay for this special. Yeah, he's got $85,000 worth of plants to cover.

Starting point is 03:24:31 I'm gonna debt. Netflix did not cover it. Please help me. I love the trailers like, coming soon on Netflix. Netflix didn't cover the fucking... Fuck no. They didn't cover the plants? They didn't cover enough.

Starting point is 03:24:43 I'm out a lot. Bro. At least they put that fucking special on. At didn't cover enough. I'm out a lot Put that fucking special on Lisa put up and they're putting you up. Yes Yes, beautiful like April or May or something yeah now likes is taking some fucking chances I think that fucking roast that that Tom Brady that turned it around baby That was the number one most watched thing on Netflix ever they must have been like like, oh. Yeah, oh, this woke shit is not really selling. You don't wanna laugh. Yeah, fuck yeah. Sports and comedy coming together.

Starting point is 03:25:11 Fucking fun, have some actual fun for once. And it ruled. It ruled. It was funny as hell. It ruled. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. By the way, that probably saved Tony's ass. Because then people say, oh, that's what he does all the time.

Starting point is 03:25:24 You asked Tony to do Tony at a fucking political rally. Which is all he can do. Which I told him don't do it, but he doesn't want to listen. We have the same agent, he was like, I'm getting death threats from Trump guys. Like if he doesn't win, I'm gonna die. They might actually kill Tony. You know they had stories already written blaming it on Tony. Already written.

Starting point is 03:25:42 I love those leaked stories that come out once in a while. It's like, oh shit, that didn't happen yet? We have the stories ready because they don't write the story based on who wins. They write stories like, if Trump wins, we're going to blame this. And if Kamala wins, we're going to blame Tony Hinchman. What happened to journalism? It's done. The internet killed it.

Starting point is 03:26:02 Clicks. It's also the format sucks. The, the TV format's the worst. And then the news format, you want me to read paper? But also they became so self-important. It's the same people that gave Chappelle a 0%. Yeah. And it's like, oh right, you guys are trying to be part of the story instead of just reporting on it.

Starting point is 03:26:18 Yeah. All those little things just led to the end. And that led to the fire. Yeah. Just a little bit, a little bit. A little bit. A little bit. I mean, you want to red pill people, burn their fucking house to the end and that led to the fire Little bit I mean you want to red pill people burn their fucking house to the ground And then watch the governor do a little shimmy when he talks about acquiring the land Well shimmy about well figure out a way to what's this boy was we having news him from figure out a way to purpose Satan from

Starting point is 03:26:50 From Ohio, I don't know California was the mayor of San Francisco California how long has he been them where'd he go to school? Stanford he's gonna governor for a while. He's friends with a lot of people we like they're all friends I know he behind closed doors I think he's like us I think a regular college basketball coach my incorrect oh yeah we'll talk after Santa Clara yeah from California he's just a fucking I knew he was it I knew his whole thing has been preparing for him to run for president He acts like a president. He talks like a president and if it wasn't for this, you know past election

Starting point is 03:27:31 He probably would have ran for president now. He's fucked but he thinks he's not fucked So he's talking like he's got it all under control to change everything and make everything better click some early life stuff I want to learn about this man. I want to know they're talking about fast-forwarding the application process for all these people To rebuild their homes where they gonna get the money newson's aunt was married to Ron Palos an attorney for Getty oil Hold on a second get a conspiracy theorist in there Not actual no name you dumbass That's all I can see I don't know I don't know this is gonna be a good game

Starting point is 03:28:02 That's all I can see. I don't know I don't know. It's gonna be a good game Went to a French American bilingual cap to the top. I want to learn about this Redwood High School Jesus Christ, he had severe dyslexia and still affects him our mother It's like we the people that we get to pick from yeah, that's the thing Yeah, It's like there's no real options. Well, who wants to do that? Well, he got recalled. He got recalled, and he still won. Really?

Starting point is 03:28:29 He tried too early. Yeah, if they did it now, he'd probably lose. Yeah. But look how many people in California this year voted red. A giant chunk of California turned red. Oh, a giant chunk. You compare the map from 2020 to 2024,

Starting point is 03:28:43 it's like most of the state is red except for the high population centers all those areas down south like near San Diego all that shit wasn't read so problems you get a DI hires or candidate That's DI Jamie toss up some Jeremiah love highlights Jamie tell us up some Jeremiah love highlights What are you guys betting? What is the bet? I think it should be something not money wise okay? The beer into his asshole you have to funnel it back in your mouth Yeah, let's go trade jobs for a week

Starting point is 03:29:38 Yeah, yeah, Jam, I love highlights Jam I love your freshman ultimate wide receiver in the country He's turning Ohio I was trying to try and turn around last time Notre Dame beat Ohio State Cuz they haven't played for a while I know but they played six times in the last like 20 years In the last 20 years zero, okay? 20 years probably like 94? Have Irish people won 95 rivalry renewed Have Irish people ever complained about that mascot? small, little, midget. All the Irish guys? They complain a lot about England.

Starting point is 03:30:26 About England? That's true. Yeah, could you play kneecap and Jeremiah Love Highlights at the same time? What's kneecap? They're a band. You're gonna love kneecap. Can you play Get the Brits Out and we can drink a little? What's kneecap? It's a band. It's a rap band.

Starting point is 03:30:40 They rap in Irish rap? Irish rap? They rap in Irish? Really? Whoa, I can't understand that. You wanna hear this? Oh rap in Irish. Yeah, really? Like house pain listen how good this is all right you don't need to watch get the Brits up. I like to illustrations We're on our mad one shout out my boys kneecap are they still around so yes back in the news It's your favorite Republican hoots Toot toot Oh bro, I'm putting this on the Spotify

Starting point is 03:31:24 Oh yeah, I'm putting this on the Spotify. Oh yeah. I'm putting this on the list. Is that the Queen? Queen in a box? Yeah, that is the Queen. Lizzy's in a box. Lizzy's in a box. Go for a dance. Go for a dance. Go for a dance. What's it called again? What's the song called? That's called Get the Brits up get your Brits up Got it. It's in Shit rocks. It's on the pole. That's them That's terrifying. Oh, yeah, no they're all Irish gore. No, that's not true. They're actually good. They're actually good dude They're pretty good course fun. They're awesome. How do I not know about these guys? I knew let me hear what they sound live

Starting point is 03:32:03 Go for a dance These are tough people Rapping in a polo shirt, but it's out Crazy How many people you think you live in Ireland? It's not that big of a place, but it has such a huge influence They all came to America exactly, but it's so many yeah There's a lot you ever had born fighting they don't love condoms great Bunch of kids and Protestant yes, see if they have any sure see if they get wild jobs at their show in Philly

Starting point is 03:32:49 We really I not know about these guys. How can we never told me about them? They're not the best He's really in Philly this I this is maybe not my best story. This is the last time I did cocaine Oh come on the last time it was it was with these guys So they have a movie Oh come on the last time it was it was with these They have a movie It's really good, but my girlfriend. I watched the movie, and I was like oh fuck. I forgot I told these guys I'd go to the show tonight I was like why don't you stay home, and I'll be back. I'll probably be back by midnight Soon as I got the green room that

Starting point is 03:33:23 I got the green room back All right, I'll do it And then we were out till I got home at like 5 a.m.. And the door was locked But she has to lock the door it's fine. It was a right. Yeah, you know They have to we had to go to sleep with the door wide open. Yeah, just so drunk ass Bring a key bitch key bump. I said no, that's the first couple times No, is that the Philly place yeah, that was a good place. It was a great place Yeah, never got any furniture in there You like it when you I loved it Do we went did the 999 all of us and we're walking up to where the Phillies play and this is Shane

Starting point is 03:34:26 Now yeah, and and just walking down the street not that many people when they did recognize like what the fuck Is the hero of the town Philly rules dude? It's the best. I do love Philly. I threw up in your toilet. You did and then you denied it Yes, obviously, who'd you blame it on O'Connor? Black down he was like O'Connor 999 that was tough. Oh my god. No, what happened? What's a 999? There's a challenge Go ahead. There's a challenge. That's no one should do. Yeah It's nine hot dogs nine beers beers, and nine innings. The baseball, yeah.

Starting point is 03:35:08 And the games move faster now. Yeah. So it's tough. It's two and a half hours, about three and a half hours. But we got there early and we were like, Nine hot dogs, nine beers? Nine hot dogs during a baseball game. Shane hooked it up with the booths.

Starting point is 03:35:19 Yeah, we got the booths and the hot dogs stocked for us. Not the booths, the booth or whatever. Box. Box, yeah. That helped a lot because we can get 12 ounces instead of 16 Yeah, and no lines for the bathroom o'connor we got there early o'connor had seven hot dogs done before the national I'm gonna handle this well He was fully asleep like a heroin addict. Wow.

Starting point is 03:35:47 And the eighth woke up like, dude, you got five beers left. He woke up and we were like, bro, you're so close. He got the beers easy, but we were like, bro, you're so close. Just eat three hot dogs right now. Yeah. He did it. Hot dogs. Who did it?

Starting point is 03:36:00 You failed. I did like 15 beers. I could eat the hot dogs. Yeah. That's a lot of hot dogs. 17 beers. Shockingly, Foley did not do it. Where's the room? Really? Where's the space? You failed I did like 15 years the hot dog. Yeah, that's a foley Shockingly Foley did not do it. Where's the room? Where's the space? Where's this? Nine? Are you a pile of food? I said you're column puke literally every single person column puked in the bathroom into the sink for no Reason yeah

Starting point is 03:36:22 No, no, it's just making bad decisions. He knows better nine beers Yeah, nine beers you gonna make beers is easy for you who did it nine beers during a baseball game is a three-hour game Yeah, 15 easy. I was being the goalkeeper at people like give me beers. I was like nope Yep, counts. Are you go? It was with are you Chris and Tommy nice? It was great guys? Yeah, seven dogs before the national anthem was I watched him right now. I was like o'connor. What are you starting to fast? You're gonna die. They're not digesting. They want to do it over the whole course and let your body break it down He's not a big guy. He's got abs does he Connor's a fucking beast yeah, damn

Starting point is 03:37:06 What's this from? July? Yeah. Depends on when you've eaten though. If I haven't eaten all day I could do nine. Oh we didn't eat. No one ate all day. We're like, although Foley was sitting down hitting, he was doing chicken wings for the rest of the week. There was other things in the box. He was also eating like a cheese steak. I think it's why I'm in Philly.

Starting point is 03:37:22 I think I could eat nine hot dogs if I haven't eaten all day. The bun though, the bun is what gets you. The bun will get you. The bun, hot eat the bun, we're allowed to fix it? It's the nine beers and nine dogs. Well when you see those dudes doing the hot dog eating competitions, no bun. They dip it.

Starting point is 03:37:35 No, they dip the bun. They dip the bun. Right. They break it down a little bit before it gets in there. That seems like it's cheating. It's rough. I had two hot dogs right away. I was like, I forget.

Starting point is 03:37:44 I don't think they should be allowed to eat. I hate hot dogs, they're disgusting. No, don't dip. It sucks. I had two hot dogs right away. You know I was like I feel it I think they should be a lot of hate hot dogs. They're just no don't do it I don't know either by a dipping do it real who leaves a hot dog that way eat a hot dog like an American I agree pussy Joey chestnut, and you should probably have some mustard on that Yeah, he quit he quit the biz couldn't beat uh couldn't he couldn't be Joey his health was deteriorating. I'm sure He's not a big guy yeah, no, he's Japanese stretching the shit out of his gut. Oh, yeah Yeah, oh that feed. Oh you got videos. How many hot dogs is that guy? What's his not what's his record? He was up there. Six million?

Starting point is 03:38:25 No, like what does he eat? 63 hot dogs? I think he got to 70 or something. Wow! So what's Chestnut? He's bigger than that. I'm sure Chestnut's talking about... I want you to think of a bucket full of hot dogs. That's what that is. It's like a bucket full of hot dogs. 66!

Starting point is 03:38:40 Young Chestnut. Did Chestnut win? Yeah, he's the current champion. The crazy thing is these aren't big guys. No win yeah, he's the The crazy thing is these aren't big guys no no it's a gift jeez you've seen some of the other shit They eat to them look at all size the stack look at the stack Look at the stack now the one above that Jamie the one above that yeah that one Look at the size of that stack of hot dogs. We're just eating hot dogs for the sport. That's fucking insane That doesn't even make sense like how's it fit in his body? He can do it It doesn't seem like it would fit though right well if we have fast tablism. You know some people

Starting point is 03:39:14 space Like burners is a they burn it like where's the last hot dog? It's got to be like right here Is that his wife? She's pretty hot his wife Female champion Right here is that his wife Swallow a wiener that's crazy that the females went to it's a belt to that will fit you imagine dating a lady That was a fucking hot dog Born star Fucking honor in that yeah hot dog 58 oh man the woman a 51 hot dog

Starting point is 03:40:05 Is Mickey su do that Jesus Christ? She's a beast look at that They used to have 30 used to be 30 and three quarters They give her a three quarters that guy lady got 39 a half That's like when you're five. I'm five and a half imagine. She didn't swallow you like come on This is crazy bitch. You ate so much ketchup. Yeah 51 and I 51 and Be sick 10 minutes she 51 hot dogs in 10 minutes 57 and 5 minutes

Starting point is 03:40:42 Bro that's more than 10 a minute. That's so crazy Fucking move Is he swallowing Bro that's more than 10 a minute, that's so crazy That's crazy 57 in 5 minutes Just the fucking movements Oh Connor's a pussy That's so crazy What the hell? Is he swallowing everything? Is he chewing? 9 hot dogs in 4 hours will put you in a coma This is crazy

Starting point is 03:40:52 Dude we told Aaron Judge we were doing that We need to watch this We told Aaron Judge, the MVP that we were doing that He's like, oh cool Cool guys We should see that We should see that What?

Starting point is 03:41:02 I want to see him eat 57 hot dogs Pull it up I want to see how they do it because they chewing barely they slide it down It's wet soggy. They throw up right away No comedy store waitress are you allowed? Look at this guy Look at that. He's wolf dipping it and shoving him in his mouth. That is The salt would kill you too. Oh, yeah, what do they win nothing money?

Starting point is 03:41:26 They win us talking about what are the groupies like for this sport? Every five he eats his $5,000 getting donated The guy with the cameras like I'm gonna get barfed on this is did somebody say something about Gary Busey Yeah, I thought that guy looked like him Bro that guy's wild you seen his Instagram lately no You know Gary Bruce he had a horrible motorcycle accident with no helmet on and shifted his skull one of his eyeballs Like down here. Yeah, so is he normal now? No, that's when he became not normal

Starting point is 03:42:04 Before that like when he was on lethal weapon, but he was a great actor. He's a little bunch of fucking great break Yeah, he was great. What was that reality show with that was post that was post-impact He almost died. He fucking hit his head on a curb See how that left eye is lower than the right eye left eye Lopez He's he's listen to him talk though, too he's just That ain't care bucey, yep run from president Sounds like Joe Biden for real. That's what I'm saying. It is a baby squid.

Starting point is 03:42:49 Oh, look at those teeth, bro. He's out there. I had a conversation with him on the phone once. A friend of mine was at his house and he goes, hey, Gary Busey wants to talk to you. I talked to him for like three minutes. It was just like rambling, just crazy talk. Sounds about right. I think he was talking about Jesus. There's like a lot of nutty shit talking his sons around to his sons an actor Oh, yeah, Jake Busey. Oh, yeah, he's a great actor man

Starting point is 03:43:14 He played that guy who was like trying to blow up the world in one of those movies. Oh No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He played the guy who blew up the space machine in contact No, no, no, no he played the guy who blew up the space machine in contact Why remember in contact the first one blew up and then the fucking watch had to go off Jodie Foster Yes that movie he blew up. It was a fucking father the whole time remember They were supposed there was this machine that let them go to this other planet Remember it spins around circles drops it. That's him he played he played the Christian He plays the Christian preacher

Starting point is 03:43:58 That's his son that looks like that sabotage is the he sabotages the space machine. Imagine your dad is scary, juicy. Do you remember that movie? That movie was fucking great. I like that, I saw it in the theater. That's Carl Sagan's book. Jodie Foster was alright. She was alright. McConaughey was good in that movie too. McConaughey is such a fucking beast.

Starting point is 03:44:20 He was really good though. He played a very good fucking psychopath Christian. Solid movie. He looked like very good fucking psychopath Christian. Yeah. Solid movie. He looked like a cult leader for sure. Legit. What's that other one, Interstellar? Yeah, the other McConaughey movie. Fucking great movie. Don't watch that on a plane. That turned me around on McConaughey a lot. You didn't like him? I didn't like Ramcon McConaughey. Wow.

Starting point is 03:44:40 Tropic Thunder was the first thing that I was like, McConaughey's alright. What about the AIDS one? That was after Tropic Thunder was the first thing that I was like McConaughey's all right. What about the AIDS one? That was after Trump. Bro that movie fucked him up. Yeah, it did. Physically fucked him up When did Dallas Buyers Club? Was that before it? That was after. Do you know that movie's about Fauci? Oh yeah, come on. That's what it's about. Get out of here. It's about Suppressing therapeutics for AIDS because they wanted everybody to take AZ to your Dallas Buyers Club 2013 Oh, he got way later. He got wrecked doing that movie man Like yeah, cuz he had become like an a Z guy so we had to lose a ton of weight never really look the same

Starting point is 03:45:14 I have to even wolf down to 135 pounds in five months Wolf of Wall Street, he still looks a little gone. Nothing's worse than the machinist. Oh Nothing's worse Christian Bale. I. Oh, nothing's worse than that. Christian Bale. The amount of weight he lost for that is. No, he almost died. Yeah. Yeah, that's like literally like starvation.

Starting point is 03:45:32 Like your organs are failing. You get down to that kind of weight. That was the craziest. And the movie sucked. I know, that's the worst part. He did it for a movie that sucked. And he's one of the greatest actors of all time. Wait, didn't 50 Cent do that and the movie sucked?

Starting point is 03:45:42 Yes, he did. 50 Cent got like, really? He did it too. He did it too. Yeah. What was that movie? If you're getting that low you don't got the energy to put in a really good performance. Right. And then the script sucked. Cutting weight. Yeah. It's like remember when he hung out upside down for the Super Bowl? What? That's like DMX. No way. Yeah. He's a dime. And then he got big again. Remember when he was in the Super Bowl He got big because he's like fuck this I went the opposite way I mean he got crazy he used to be ripped remember Oh, yeah, 50 Cent used to be fucking Jack. He's on stage

Starting point is 03:46:16 You look like an MMA fighter plowing Chelsea handler. He was on a liquid diet for nine weeks yikes doing liquid diet right now for nine weeks yikes doing liquid diet right now weird thing that like Robert De Niro started everybody off on you know remember game what we gained all that weight for raging bull oh yeah that was like the first time an actor had ever gotten really fat for a movie yeah Matt Damon did it too he got real thin for a liquid courage how about the lady for under fire the monster lady oh yeah getting ugly oh yeah charlie's the world getting ugly for a role shaved her eyebrows off got fat and shaved her eyebrows off serial killer eileen warren oh awesome that's it fucking great movie though yeah it was shout out to my friend patty why that movie together

Starting point is 03:47:01 patty jenkins okay she directed it all right and charlie's thrown fucking gained like Why that movie together? She directed it And Charlize Theron fucking gained like a hundred pounds for that movie. That was crazy. Yeah, she got super fat You did it just for funsies. Oh, no, this was one of the best ones Wow, what did he do it for he got so sick of actors letting the character get in shape in season two Because the actor gets like a personal trainer. He goes no in life you get fatter so that's for an entire season yeah well move it was this oh that's hilarious he's a hunk cuz he was a hunk and then you decided to get fat good friends slightly a hunk then he got very fat and then he became a super hunk and yeah it's just him and Ryan Reynolds being hunks on in soccer being

Starting point is 03:47:41 silly hunks being silly hunks, which is the funniest guy. Yeah, yeah At least Joe keeps his shirt on usually Most of all yeah Van Wilder based on Burt Kreischer in that nuts Nuts, it's literally a movie based on Burt Really is yeah, they wrote a story about it for Rolling Stone magazine the original title was the interruption You gotta go pee come on good You gotta go pee come on. No, I'm okay

Starting point is 03:48:30 Damnit. I'm gonna pee for the third time. I did the sauna. Wait the third time? That's the rice The fact that you can still get one this many hours in. I was waiting for you to do the third one. I know I know. I do another one! You went through that too long. You went through that too long. Sorry, sorry. No more knives. That's the rise. Every five minutes, Norm is pulling out a knife and no one's even noticing. Don't do that.

Starting point is 03:48:54 Don't do that. Thanks. Thanks. Oh my god. I just did, uh, Something's Burning. That show's still going. How's it, Well? It's about LA now. It's great Now that it's free. Yeah, the shackles it was in that's contract this news No, that's that story is it from Burt to tell but for us to know what the fuck yeah

Starting point is 03:49:23 We'll tell you the whole story. Oh no, I don't want any of this. Business fucking sucks. Everyone you think is cool sucks. It doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't have to be that way. You're good at it, like, let's make it cool, let's have everybody pass around money the way you should. It's supposed to be. Everybody should be fine, have a good time, let's all have fun together.

Starting point is 03:49:43 But that's not how it is Everybody wants it all they want the giant chunk of it. You know we're talking about the other day. We're talking about Festivals yeah, you know these festivals They'll sell you know tickets for a giant arena and they'll take a Giant chunk of all the money and they have all these comics up, but everybody's there to see the comics But you're you are making up Well, we have employees. Why do you have employees like what is this?

Starting point is 03:50:09 What is your business your business is like selling other people's art at a cut rate? Right you get them all together because they're all here like it doesn't make any sense You know it led to the way cab drivers were so shitty that led to uber. Yes that led to Burt's tour Right it's like fun festival tour right because I just run it myself then cut you guys out shitty that led to Uber. Yes. That led to Burt's Tour. Uh-huh. Right. Burt's like fun festival tour. Right, right, right.

Starting point is 03:50:28 Because I just run it myself then. Cut you guys out. They offered me one of those once and it was like so ridiculous. You did one at Toronto? Which one? I think you did JFL 42. No, I head-blown it.

Starting point is 03:50:40 No, it was the, JFL was going on and I did an arena, I did it like with them, sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But it wasn't the same thing. It wasn't like what they do because What they were doing was like you would go and do one of those big shows with all these names on it And they would give you like let's just say a number like X Yeah, I was like but how many these people are coming to see me Like you're gonna put my name on the thing They exactly you're gonna take you're gonna give me a tiny

Starting point is 03:51:04 Amount of money in comparison to what I would make if I did the show and I could just do a show Like this doesn't make any sense and it was all because they have employees But why yeah, but then they went under there you go. Oh, yeah Yeah, cuz it's like you can't that doesn't make any sense Yeah, because you get to a certain point when you're selling tickets like why would I not sell? Why would I not make money when I'm selling tickets for you? It doesn't make any sense, but is there a thing where sometimes you do a fest and the fest helps you sell tickets Yeah, maybe when you're coming up right, but once you already can sell out big places

Starting point is 03:51:37 And they're asking you to sell out a big place, but they want the money like what are you talking about? This doesn't make any sense There's like five people on this show that can sell out of 10,000 seat arena Right and they're all getting a fraction of the money and you guys are getting most of it It's like there's a bunch of those things that happen and without names like the South by Southwest was the craziest one They offered to have me come down and you know what they're gonna. Give me they're gonna Give me free tickets to watch the other shows They don't offer me drinks they they are they didn't offer me a hotel they don't offer me flights no flights but like those things that's

Starting point is 03:52:19 fucking crazy like that's crazy like what is your business model based on like your business models based on selling tickets? So you have artists perform you sell the tickets you make all the money He's gonna hear us right now fuck. He's probably in the lobby when he comes back anytime you're quiet. He has to talk Oh, he panics We panics if he doesn't think things are funny I'll give you start talking about fucking weird DNA shit or something He's the most successful autistic person

Starting point is 03:52:59 Looking I haven't seen his ass I haven't seen his ass His right cheek You're gonna want to see Jeremiah love score touchdown versus Penn State you think it's gonna happen wait now hold on that was fun Oh, look at this air. That's insane. No wait to wait to see the bro. That's insane The effort he put in to score so that show that again. Oh, it's crazy that it that was that leap right there Look at that. That is insane But the phone he's got a hurt knee look at that yeah look at that right brace on his right knee is fucked up He didn't get a lot of it. That's so crazy wait till you see the touchdown. He's yeah

Starting point is 03:53:39 He did that all with his left leg. Yeah, like he's favoring his right No, yeah, when he goes down for an extra two yards I know that was like a lossy. Yeah, that was like to But that's a fucking player you want on your team. He's the first player no names had a while That's like a complete mutant wow he's what's wrong. Just watch this touchdown run look just watch the effort Anybody's game at this point Wow Wow, I mean fuck Penn State we Childs getting fucked today. Don't get me wrong fuck Ohio State for sure, but fuck Penn State that was we needed that win Yeah, as my whole childhood was on this game. You know I never want to see a live football game until I move to Texas. I see him all the time now UT

Starting point is 03:54:28 Yeah, UT. I went to Dallas, and I saw the Cowboys play the Jets. Oh It's incredible Gating a college is Yeah, I've been to a bunch of UT games. I through a shot the cannon. It's well really shot the camera It's so loud so scared and they got a bull wandering around like a real bull like I was afraid of the bull I touched it like a to the autistic man university Montana game Like you can touch it. I went to Montana game. We're gonna tailgate hopping and so I was like we should do something It was opening game. We just made 200 jello shots

Starting point is 03:55:07 I mean how you tell me walked around passing a people the people that are in the jello shots could not contain their excitement It's like what the and like what's this for like for the whales and they go, okay Yeah, just to make up we make up charities like to raise awareness for you know homeless moms I'm like nice, okay And then we got into like the official tailgate and that we got talking to like you can't pass out alcohol at a place where we're serving alcohol People love jello shots that makes sense. Oh, yeah, quick in the cave has jello shots now That makes sense. Oh, yeah, quick in the cave as Joe shots now

Starting point is 03:55:47 Stuff a red or a green Get out of town. Yeah motherships gotta start doing jealous shots. Yeah. Oh what I miss ah Shit I saw the eyes what that size What that's us When you left I was like just be quiet mark Silence out there for you I don't want to do tricks when guys go because you guys gonna go Kill Tony tonight. Yeah, who's the guy who's the guest on kill Tony tonight? It's us we are Protect the arena with kill Tony on New Year's fucking amazing Yeah, the he fucking and they had to the day before I did the

Starting point is 03:56:33 Night before the 30th he sold out two nights Yeah, two nights in a row I'm doing that two years in a row two nights in a row at the arena mad packed with fucking crazy fans Dice clay performed it was amazing wow the fucking kill Tony experience is so different It's so it's such a fun show every time it's a new show every time The fans are so rabid they're so happy to be there It's fucking incredible when he did MSG all the comedy clubs in the city filled up with those fans They're like, well, Tony, let me see the Stannums

Starting point is 03:57:06 and the Cellars, and it was just like, you were a hero everywhere you went for like three days. That's how it should be. You know, we could do that here. We could have Austin like that all the time. Keep expanding. I need to buy a theater. I'm gonna buy a theater right here.

Starting point is 03:57:18 You gonna do it? Do it. I think that's the next move. I think the next move is to buy a big place where big names can come in for the weekends, you know, and just give them a sweet deal. Give them a deal the same way at the mothership like I'm most of my theater like what's that money are Theater that can entice like big name people to come in

Starting point is 03:57:44 I don't know if you have a theater that can entice like big name people to come in Yeah, because it's not you can only get such a high name to do a 250 seat room unless it's a weekday weekdays It's easy guys like to come and fuck around like our Tuesday night shows are some of the best fucking chose my driver He was like you come a lot. I was like I mean I used to come once a year But now it's like I come to a podcast like may as well my buddy built a place to the greatest But now it's like I come to a podcast like may as well my buddy built a place to When we were there the other night that fucking lineup was great That was crazy was Ron white Theo Shane who else? Segura that's right Segura Simpson me Tony. Oh, yeah fucking incredible show perfect no women Tony you fucking incredible show perfect no women

Starting point is 03:58:27 We have some funny I know before was Whitney yeah, I go bro Whitney's killing it right now something about having a kid like made her extra funny That's did it to Louie No, Louie said that he was like I had a kid and I was like I gotta get to work right right right same hour You can't you can't dilly-dally when you've got mouths to feed that aren't right exactly it gets heavy you got one coming right yeah one week yeah one week right now it's not mine anything if it comes out black you're cool drink this you're free that's true what are you gonna do it's like a man where is your nerve how nervous are you I'm a little scared but I'm excited to be discussed this

Starting point is 03:59:09 Crack heads of kids Night thinning! Night thinning home run! Yeah, that a baby! Books! Ow! Easy! Come on! America's Sweetheart on Netflix right now. America's Sweetheart available right now. Do you know what you're going to name the kid? Yeah, we're going to go with Jussie Smollett. Yeah, we're going to just see Smollett

Starting point is 03:59:49 I do I can't say You know what set your kid up Privacy laws for the miners. Yeah, well privacy laws for everybody. Yeah, it's the laws weird man. This is like idea like it's journalism like nah No, you're just well the weird one is when someone buys a house and even if they buy it under the LLC Immediately the house gets put up on the internet This is the fucking plans of the house right? This is the best place to stalk these bushes where they can't see you Yeah, that's not weird. It's weird everything about you. Wow It's like we're moving into this place

Starting point is 04:00:25 Where no one's gonna have any secrets anymore with all this encryption? That's gonna get broken because of quantum computing with it. We're fucked so think about it's a 2010 It was the year we gave up privacy They were sort of filming everything on your iPhone you had a camera on you. Yeah, just kind of all agreed We're done with privacy well is this kind of a come a point where encryption fails Yeah, and so all this I message shit like everything's gonna fail. It's a black mirror episode isn't it it all secrets get out Really, it's like and it's like there's oh no It's Westworld, and then it's just like it's just mayhem and war people are fighting against each other

Starting point is 04:00:57 Season three I think it's gonna be an understanding Not at first live everything not at first well if everything not at first something fuck somebody's life or girlfriend. Oh, yeah You tried even to do it really yeah, I think Swear to God the cloud there's an episode where everybody read everybody's texts And then it's just we gotta move our tux over to fucking whatsapp and delete them every day But if everyone's texts are out knowing you can't yeah, but ours are worse ours Change is fucking rough just the means alone to cause real problems My whole algorithm right now is just hitler playing basketball my is Jews

Starting point is 04:01:41 There's a couple in there that are like- My whole algorithm right now is just Hitler playing basketball. Maya's Jews telling you what's- Jamie, Jamie, can you please put up a Hitler highlight video? It's about as funny as a guest. AI playing basketball? It's so good. It's him walking into the arena. Him playing football is so good. What is it, AI? It's AI, it's just the- yeah, they just superimpose him onto Patrick Mahomes.

Starting point is 04:02:02 Does he win all the time? Because that's concerning. They show him walking into the arena, like nothing can't run, and then he- Yeah, they just superimpose them on to Because that's that's so funny They show them walking in the arena And everybody was crazy In the UFC one probably Because you mentioned that Which makes it funnier I've seen a lot of George Floyd verse Derek Shovan

Starting point is 04:02:29 The park once playing it's a black eye playing with a Klan outfit on he was just dunking on this white dude there's a Derek Shovan verse George Floyd fight and it's It's a McGregor verse Eddie Alvarez Funny what it can do now with those did Ian LeBron and did you see the video that kill Tony had made? Before the MSG show fucking no no no before the recent one pull it up for the recent one did the New York show They those got the door brothers did it You know those guys yeah, those guys are fucking incredible. Yeah, the door. They're incredible. What look at this. It's so good Jamie'll find it. It's so good you watching you know this is so wild this like William Montgomery's in it David Lucas is it's crazy

Starting point is 04:03:19 Yeah, God blows his brains out in it. It's fucking wild Well that fucking Biden Trump thing you guys then say is that 30 million? Give me the volume What are we doing the show oh. The show's over. Redrum? All we know is Redrum. Redrum. Redrum. Redrum. Redrum. Did they not post-

Starting point is 04:03:54 What the fuck? No, this is all AI. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of these guys are really doing this. What? This is all a I Really? Yeah. Yeah. No these guys are really doing this what this is all fake. Yeah, it looks so good Yeah, it's all AI man. Holy holy holy

Starting point is 04:04:28 Look at this whoa The girl too Whoa, that's good. Oh, yeah, he's gonna fuck us imagine another 10 years I've seen that David Lucas looks at somebody David Lucas won't leave a breadcrumb. Is this crazy? That's crazy This is freaking me out isn't it amazing that's amazing This is not none of this was acted out and imagine what this is gonna be like in five years from now exactly You know year call. Pussy ass mother fucker. Yeah. Nice.

Starting point is 04:05:27 It looks really good. It looks amazing. Williams my favorite. Jesus. Hey. Fuck. Damn it. Tony.

Starting point is 04:05:42 They got me. They got ya. Oh Jesus. I love Puerto Rico. I love Puerto Rico. He's dressed like Woody. Is this amazing? Yeah, how about Trump throwing Tony on the bus? Selling out Tony.

Starting point is 04:05:56 Trump dog was just like, I don't know him, I don't want to know him. But he doesn't know him. I mean he almost lost the fucking election. He goes, I don't know him, I don't know him, but I don't know He almost lost the fucking election. He goes. I don't know I've done. It wasn't cool You got a denounce. Yeah, no, I like the vice president guy said he goes I haven't seen it because shut up already with jokes. Oh, yeah, JD van What were they talking about because he was like why are we talking about this?

Starting point is 04:06:27 Yeah, yeah, they were just trying anything Or internal polling like they were lying like their internal pollings We're gonna get wiped out and they were lying and they were trying to make it look like it was gonna be yeah And they were gonna win and so everybody be excited and they were asking for money like the whole time and then asking for money We're still asking for money, but they were asking for money when they knew they were gonna win those texts and then they're asking for money when they know They were losing up Mark my words Money the whole time and then after they lost asking for money wait mark your words what he's gonna do kill Tony one day Trump Donald Trump I bet

Starting point is 04:07:00 Tony's like garbage not special but like clip whatever set was like when he set it up I just wanted Shane is Trump with Donald Trump Literally called garbage The one that he released on Twitter Chop kids still do it. They could still do it He could tell me what killing it and kill Tony's gonna keep killing it someplace that fun Yeah, it's also it's like you realize what it is now Thomas. That's what the guy does watch him in a roast He's awesome at it watch him do stand-up. He's awesome at it. That's what he does and all that shit about things Oh, they can't like helps the number It did bro. He went on stage in the middle of it all on stage

Starting point is 04:07:54 It was like fucking the Rolling Stones just showed up He went on stage at the store at the mothership brother, and they went fucking bananas might as well be the it's funny main room I call that other than I never call a fat reaction the comedy audiences give to someone who's like Outed whatever you want word you want to use is like they're just like wait up or yeah So they know what's happening, and they're like we don't like it. You're our guy. Yeah, they know what's going on It's like that cancel shit doesn't work anymore. It's just fucking stupid especially over a joke like that Yeah, shut up. I know shut up But it was funny because he got canceled once and then he got over it. He's like bro

Starting point is 04:08:31 I thought the first one was bad. He goes this one was rough. He said he didn't sleep until I endorsed Trump He goes that was the first time I had any sleep in two weeks He lost weight. Whoa He was so scared. He lost weight what? Whoa, he was so scared he lost weight what yeah Extra he couldn't eat said he couldn't eat. It's blowing away in the Santa Ana winds Sam Morell has some friend that lost an 82 million dollar house Most expensive house to ever burn in the fire what friend does Sam I didn't even ask I'm like if you want to tell me you could tell me I'm not even gonna pry handler

Starting point is 04:09:11 He knows somebody like that she says somebody had an 82 million dollar house. It might be Sandler. That is a good guess He's friends with Sandler. He is if anybody's gonna have a 82 million dollar house See the conspiracy theories. Why is Tom Hanks house not get burnt down? They did that in Maui too. They did the same thing. Why did this? Why did this? Yeah, those conspiracy cards Skip conspiratars are the best. Yeah, they have an answer like it's cuz of this and I go Direct energy weapons I can't be a EMF direct energy weapons

Starting point is 04:09:50 Russians Chinese deep state it'll come back. I mean Katrina fucked the whole New Orleans up and we're all back and running It'll come back. Yeah, it'll take palisades, but yeah, man. It's not even like some homes is all the house What how do you even get started with the Mexican going? Build our house bro. It's bigger than Manhattan Build our house bro. It's not bigger than Manhattan Larger than the size of Manhattan is burned like by I think I'm gonna have times I think it's fine out that's correct. I know it's what what burned not just palisades, but all the fires together It's larger than that happens. She I mean Fucking I know but he east to west. It's big enough. It's 14 by 2.

Starting point is 04:10:26 And then imagine going up to like, to like, old stand up New York. All fire. Like that had to be rebuilt? And the whole Central Park. Crazy. Just Manhattan so dense with tall buildings in that same area. The robbies, the cherry rooms. This is just residential homes, but the size of land is bigger than Manhattan.

Starting point is 04:10:44 They'll never, I mean, it's gonna gonna rebuild aid before they even start on more than houses But what also they got to go through the Coastal Commission that that's unbelievably brutal. What does that mean the regulations? Yeah, it's fucking brutal. What's that pool? They'll fuck you Imagine a house. It's crazy pretty sad. What's that lady the fitness lady Suzanne powder? No the other Julian Michaels is just talking she was on a podcast we said it took her after the last fire a Year to get the permit to clean up after the last fire. There you go a year She said she had dead animals in her clean up. She couldn't clean up the pool She had a it took her

Starting point is 04:11:27 She said there was animals that died in the pool because they were trying to escape the fire We mean clean up they could they weren't allowed to clean up you have to get a permit to clean up What government a year everyone's at the right? It's a left. It's all of them Is the coastal commission on their Bureaucracy yeah, but that's the left too much government too much government, but it's California is uniquely retarded Yes, that's true, especially the coastal area and Bill Maher been bitched by that for 20 years Uniquely difficult to build there like I had a friend who was building a house there He's like don't do it don't ever build a house here. He goes. It's drive you fucking crazy

Starting point is 04:12:01 It took years and years and years to get approval It lives in Wales just look up your ass with a fucking microscope with everything you're doing and they have the ability to do it So of course they act on that, you know, they have power over you They have power over these rich people so they flex and I'm sure there's a lot of payola moving around You should move to Mechanicsburg. Yeah, that's the spot. That's the spot. Especially if you're Shane Gillis.

Starting point is 04:12:29 I love passin' that sign on the way to, I don't know what club you passed Mechanicsburg. Pittsburgh, hell. It was that. It was me and Column and Nate were driving. We're like, oh, wait, that's a real place. That's it. That's it.

Starting point is 04:12:38 It's not just from, like, movies. What, Pittsburgh? No, Mechanicsburg. Mechanicsburg. Oh, yeah, yeah. Is Mike of the Mechanics in there? Shit rocks. What's that? Mike of the is that the kind of poison is from mechanics? Hanson's from University of Maryland we got poison that's something it's pretty good. Yeah rules Jamie play a little poison

Starting point is 04:12:59 Fire it up. Is it 18 a life? No, that's that's not who's what's poisonous big hits. Where are you from? From DC. Oh DC just outside that's's different No, it's just outside DC in Maryland It's just like easy into Maryland That's mechanics for Pennsylvania Just waiting there Just waiting to take a look there. Oh Interesting choice to play a better song in your music video the old bosses had a hair that was all they did yeah look at that come on bro that's what mechanics brick does kicks open the door to a fucking concert

Starting point is 04:14:17 I don't want to wash dishes and why would you watching Washington at all with that going on cuz he's trying to make it in the band Ari Man this was gay That's the last one. That's bye. That's gay. That's bye. How'd they stay so thin back then? Heroin, coke, AIDS. Ah, that'll do it. Iggy Pop still ripped. Isn't it crazy how they used to dress?

Starting point is 04:14:57 Like the hair and everything? Oh yeah. Like what happened? And Nirvana killed that like a bullet. Yeah, they're like, actually you guys are super lame. Cut your fucking head. When Nirvana came along, actually you guys are super lame. Yeah. Cut your fucking head. When Nirvana came along, it just died. It killed hair metal. Killed it.

Starting point is 04:15:09 Killed it. Never mind killed it. You guys are phonies. Yeah. Rightfully so. Rightfully so. But it was just crazy, the shift in culture from. This needed to stop.

Starting point is 04:15:17 Yeah. Well, you know what? Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin. Ah. That's a great quote. That's a t-shirt. Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin. Yes.

Starting point is 04:15:26 Yeah, because they killed all the psychedelics. So the 60s were all the psychedelic. The 70s, everybody was just recovering. And then the 80s come along, and everyone's doing coke. And the music got awful. Bravado music. It's just weird. Everyone's wearing makeup, and they're all fucking

Starting point is 04:15:41 dancing around with their tight pants on, with their butts in their hands. 80s has some dance. Eyeliner and teased up hair. It was weird. Makeup and they're all fucking dancing around with their tight pants on Eyeliner sure teased up here. It was even the cool ones like Don't you And then iron maiden oh iron maiden's killer yeah, so you get you get a lot of weirdness You had dudes dressed up like gay bikers. Yeah a lot of that a lot of things just terrible

Starting point is 04:16:15 fucking Fucking rocking the glam look if you see all these guys on the side of the highway They're hooking. It's so great to be the fucking fat guy in the group like guys Are you sure we all want to dress like this? Better be playing drums with the eye behind the t-shirt. Yeah. That guy would be like, are you sure this doesn't suck? Right. How weird is it, like, there was a time where you dressed in a way that no one would ever dress in public and it was cool. Yeah.

Starting point is 04:16:56 Well, the best was me and Diaz were at the griddle. Look at that! Look at that! It's like caution tape. You'd see those people on Sunset at like 3 p.m. Damn, I would fuck with like 3 p.m. If you're doing Matt the guy on the right sucking your dick What order I go left right middle right middle I go

Starting point is 04:17:35 Beat the Olympic boxer I go one that huh Judas Priest was the crazy for one is hot one obviously one all the way left I'd go all the way to the right The club is there. Look at their lipstick, that's so crazy. They're wearing lipstick. Look at the nails. And their earring. They're fucking mortal. Who the fuck is Cry Tub? Who the fuck are these guys? I've never heard of it. This is why they went too far. They went too far. They went way over to being a girl. Cry Tub. Cry Tub. If you tried to do that now, people would think you're culturally appropriate and trans people. It's true. The rules of glam metal. You know what's really funny? The straight girls who put fake dicks in their underwear and they they get a lot of money on only fans. They tricked me Underwear I had to shop through on Amazon to bring out my fake dick or fake pussy on kill tony Oh, how many they have started pussies for trans people?

Starting point is 04:18:48 Oh, you attach a pussy to your dick. So it looks like you have a pussy. No, that's what I defined to get on kill Tony There's a hole where you can stick your dick in to hold it and it's got the tendrils to like hold it in And so like you have a puss. Oh what? Like a flashlight that you strap on. Yeah, and then harlow-williams figured it There was also a hole right through the body Double chin they're crying tough Second from the right balls like that yeah Boss, you know the second from the right balls. We used to look like that. Yeah

Starting point is 04:19:28 Jerry girls yeah Ross in the early days this is a 1984 this is not the cover band. This is a different band These are looking at Maris. I try tough. Yeah, this is a demo track from 1984 Let's hear it. Let's hear it all more eyes of a killer here. I'm more eyes of a killer. Not bad. This makes this kind of music makes you shake your butt like this. Like Gavin Newsom. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to appropriate some land.

Starting point is 04:20:03 You ever hear Charles Manson song? Yeah. It's good. It's not not bad It's good folk music Charles Manson, he got together with Brian Wilson Oh, I- Yeah, Brian Wilson They went together? He was like threatening, he was threatening Brian Wilson's life Like he was trying to- So like, produce this for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Starting point is 04:20:14 They- he got in with them, like, you know, probably brought a bunch of the hippie girls around What are you guys part of over there? A while ago, yeah His- What are you guys right over there? It's fun. It's good. It's not bad. It's folk music. It's better than Bob Dylan Bob Dylan sucks. This is fun. Does it smell like shit? Does anyone smell it? I don't smell it. Let me hear some more. This here's more of that Manson He's not gonna get any money from us. Yeah It's not bad kind of Neil Youngie It's not bad guy I

Starting point is 04:21:03 was I was on a Fuck fuck Bob Dylan train for a while. Yeah Then you start listening some Bob Dylan here comes the story of the hurricane hurricane Is a waste of time I saw the movie well apparently they made a little they fucked around Don't still live we have Google. Why are you changing the history? Biopic's always suck. What do you call them? Biopic's? Biopic's.

Starting point is 04:21:32 Am I wrong? No. They fucked around with the actual story. You guys are the expresso. Yeah, they added a lot of shit. It's biopic and then the dummies took over and called it biopic. It's biopic. it's biopic and then the dummies took over and called a biopic Shallow make it I'll say that biopic. What's that?

Starting point is 04:21:55 She'll do what he's Bob Dylan. Oh in the movie. I didn't see great. He killed it in a good way, but biopic Oh, I'm wrong. Well guess what? I'm wrong. I like to take this moment to apologize. Jamie's a little nasty ass will do that. Fuck you. You know what? While you say something Jamie's a little bitch ass. Go Irish now. And free Palestine. All of this because of you Jamie. You did this. That's not right. Jamie what's the bet before we wrap this up?

Starting point is 04:22:21 Push ups. Why don't you guys pick stuff out of each other's hair? That's lies Okay, that's not bad. Yeah, consider. Oh reaching for straws. We're reaching. What's the bet? We do have a very guys are something like on real. Who's that running back that punches girlfriend the elevator Ray? Who's that running back that punches girlfriend in the elevator ray? What did you say we have a what we have a we have a Advantage in the I don't know I got one. It's not fair. I got one spit straight up Jamie Really if you lose I got one too if you lose Shane has to take care of your dog for a week She has you lose. I don't think your girlfriend. I don't know if no day loses. I get your dog Your dog for a week Loses I get your dog he tricked you did you hear what he said Jamie he tricked you I wasn't saying yes to y'all, but he almost tricked you I get Carl

Starting point is 04:23:20 He almost tricked you he was like setting himself up to win if he lost That was genius It's just there's not many bets. I can win in this situation Well, you got a bet like men 30 push-ups like bet even something like that. That's too easy So easy not as this too easy if you're talking shit. It has to be a bet bet He's got to do a not money set five minutes at the mother shit. I like that. Oh you lose and then He's got to take over the board for you I like that Jamie we do a five-minute set if you lose I mean I don't have any material

Starting point is 04:23:59 What's the equivalent of me doing that if we Each of you do it what's the one minute each of you do what's equivalent? You have to let are you get you in a triangle I already got From the back now real triangle like why everybody knows you didn't dude you whimpered Picture of him breaking my shoulder giving the thumbs up dude everyone knows I didn't win for Tap twice you went like with him. Yeah, bro. You showed his broke on their own Yeah, they're fucked up. You gotta get did you get the stem cells? No you gotta do that Heard after that for like a real week just bloody knees. Yeah, I wasn't sure like lead later Yeah, my knees were also grabbed up didn't care for it. Yeah, be honest, especially you you've been through the staff

Starting point is 04:24:45 You know what happens you get infected? Oh That's right Everybody the whole time has been saying no names gonna lose every week so go on even up in the title game 500 bucks even up What could you know 500 bucks Jamie five minutes said? He said fine five thousand. Oh whoa five that's more fun now we're talking five thousand with the spread deal now we're talking nope why that's what the bet is if I bet online that's what you're betting on get away with that five thousand EV up even up that's just a bad bet on my part

Starting point is 04:25:19 I could place that bet online and if you're gonna talk shit you have to bet yes like it's a real bet you're gonna mayors and bet each other Against a real fan I'll bet against Tony or Matt rise Come on man true the true Ohio State fans about 500 bucks. He's a real high-safe man Even up no 500 bucks. Oh, hi states represented by Tony and Matt rise Put some money up. You know you won't go even I would for 500 Without a zero You should because I'm not afraid. I know but that's the point. That's I know you're

Starting point is 04:25:56 You're already conceding. It's not a fair bet. It sounds like you're conceding defeat. It's not a fair bet Yeah, but if you're gonna talk shit, you have to take a not fair bet. Yeah, I'm not talking shit It's a football game. They start in the beginning. There's the same amount of athletes. There's not a fair bet Yeah, but if you're gonna talk shit, you have to take a not fair bet Yeah, I'm not talking shit on a football game. They start in the beginning. There's the same amount of athletes. There's not they bought more athletes What do you mean? So is there more playing at one given time? Yeah, they know it's 11 on 11 They bought more athletes because they have a sex offenders money Lex Wessler Friedman So Lex Wessler Friedman So What's his name Wessner what's it Wexner So he what was his ties to?

Starting point is 04:26:37 Epstein Epstein ran his money for a little while Epstein ran his money Most of us like he paid for all you guys like libraries and shit he donates a lot of money so he's a lot of money yeah who gives a fuck getting into the weeds here is about academics I'm just I'm just wondering they're all so I'm like he's trying to back out and spend any money on their players no they did spend money on that. Where'd they get their money? Just guys with good education. That's a lie. Catholic Church?

Starting point is 04:27:10 Where's that money? Goddamn, you boys should thank the fucking church for the western civilization. Go ahead. Thank the Catholic Church for western civilization, you peasants. How dare you. They're gonna let the gays be priests now is that right yep that's a bad thing that's wrong they've been the priests no they allowed them it's okay now oh really yeah the catholics what do you mean the pope just made a ruling the gays can be priests

Starting point is 04:27:39 what i mean most priests just can't fuck are gay but the but the true that's head. That's actually fuck either. Yeah, so fine. Yeah Wait, did he say that or no? Yeah, he did say it. Yeah pretty did right? I think it's like one of them army things like don't ask don't tell That was cutting edge of liberal Just don't tell us your gang you're cool. Yeah, was the Obama no Obama administration Clinton. I believe it was Obama I Believe don't ask don't tell was 2012. I thought it was Bill Clinton pull it up When was going on don't tell they were both against gay marriage right they were until 2013 so was Hillary I think originally it was Clinton what year was don't ask don't tell Jamie I

Starting point is 04:28:24 Think it was Clinton. What year was Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Jamie? I think it was Obama. I'm pretty pop. 93. 93? Really? Yeah, that's Clinton. Oh wow, that is Clinton. And he was cutting edge of like, hey, Gates, shut the fuck up.

Starting point is 04:28:33 God, I thought it was way later than that. That's pretty old. I gotta be honest, Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I'd love that now. Fire it up. I'd love that now. Fire it up. When did they call it, Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Fire it up. Fire it up. When did they call it, Don't Ask?

Starting point is 04:28:45 Fire it up. I don't wanna hear about it. Shut up. All you fuckin' non-monogamy people too, shut up. They repealed it. Oh yeah. They repealed it in 1994. Whoa!

Starting point is 04:28:54 Look at that, repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. What does that say? That was quick. Okay, so. Until 2011? Yeah, it was in effect until 2011, interesting. That's hilarious. Who repealed it? Oh, then they just let gazer.

Starting point is 04:29:06 And now they give you extra money for a sex change. What? I'll take some of that. Yeah, people you could join the military and get a sex change in the Biden administration. Is that true? That's true. Yeah, see if the military will pay for your transition Education I'm actually now Whoa 2021

Starting point is 04:29:50 15 million dollars not that much for them of the 243 gender reassignment surgeries performed on military personnel since 2016 1650 of them took place between 2016 and December 31st 2017 and 50 of them took place between 2016 and December 31, 2017, and 193 occurred from January 1, 2018 to December 31, 2019. The first two years, the President Donald Trump announced via Twitter that he would bar transgender individuals from serving in the U.S. military. Dave Smith has the best idea about that.

Starting point is 04:30:21 Him saying, transgender shouldn't be in the military, and all the liberals are like, how dare you? He goes, oh yeah, right, cause your stance should be, transgender should also kill unarmed people in the Middle East. How about just don't kill? You guys are getting it wrong. It's just weird if they're paying for their surgeries. Are there surgeries paid for by the military?

Starting point is 04:30:41 Find out if that's the case. All of that 15 million, you missed that stat. 3.1 with surgeries and 11.9 was or 11.3 was psychotherapy Pentagon has spent 15 million dollars in the past five years to treat 1,892 transgender troops how much separate true how much do they pay for the regular troops 11.5 million for psychotherapy 3.1 million for surgeries that's wild they did pay for the surgery that's wild

Starting point is 04:31:15 Removal of breast testicles hysterectomies and labial plastis creation or resurfacing the fresh the flesh around a vagina reshaping it Rush must be laughing their fucking asses off How wild is that? Russia must be laughing their fucking asses off. Ah, loose lips. You ever seen their commercials? The Russian commercials when they shit on America? No. So it's like, how many genders do you have? It's very funny.

Starting point is 04:31:52 It's always just mocking all the crazy gender shit we're involved in. How long before that just goes away? The gender stuff? It might. I think it goes away. Could be a fad. Yeah, it was a fad. It drops down to the stable 1% that it's been forever.

Starting point is 04:32:04 Yeah. Yeah. Could happen. Just Just report. I think overreported I think young kids growing up in it now We're gonna well the problem is now they have these gender reassignment surgery centers are trying to make money and They they're still open and if they're open they're gonna try to make money So you know they just just ram kids through there. They just give them hormones like yeah. Yeah, you need it Yeah, they just they're trying to make a ton of money They just ram kids through there. They just give them hormones. Like yeah, yeah, you need it, yeah. They're trying to make a ton of money. There's so many of them now.

Starting point is 04:32:28 If you go back to like 2007 and see how many gender reassignment surgery centers there were, and now in 2024, it's bananas. They just erupted like Starbucks in the 90s. They're everywhere. I think the reassignment will end because it's like when they say like, your dick doesn't make you a man,

Starting point is 04:32:44 so then like, well you can be a woman with a dick, right? That's acceptable. So like then just be that Some people want to get snipped. Well, that's just that's just cosmetic then It's your dick and your pussy is not what makes you a man or woman Yeah, but right so that one you then it's just cosmen you need to affirm. Well, who cares Notre Dame, Ohio State You need to affirm you need to affirm well who cares Notre Dame, Ohio State You guys bet a thousand dollars even up. That's not money Because I want to see it's literally like a title I spent so much money on your team Notre Dame spent twenty point four million side revealed by quarterback Riley Leonard in eye-opening take

Starting point is 04:33:26 Teams that don't have to officially reveal their finances. What does side revealed mean? Yeah, this means nothing. This is called literal fake news. What is this from? X. X is always right. Yeah, what is this from? Jamie. Community notes.

Starting point is 04:33:37 Jamie, check the community notes. Jamie. Are you gonna be sad on Tuesday? Oh. Am I gonna be sad if No Name loses the national title? Yeah, you will be. I don't know. I'll tell you this, I'll tell you you this i'm gonna go down there i'm gonna take my dad i'm gonna say i'd love nordia to win one for my dad it'll be nice trade debts Sure, we're podcast Whatever it takes yeah, okay, that's fair both of you. Yeah, the pocket sure the part is a shirt five minutes What does the shirt say no?

Starting point is 04:34:09 My dad Maybe that's a ten-point spread That's literally I think of a think of Jamie's my dad's on a bad shirt to wear this is a big deal you get out of a thousand I was sure you're gonna. What are the odds the odds what though the odds be greater small? Oh, no, no, whatever, but what? What is it plus 295 so that's like a UFC fighter guys plus 295 sometimes they win they do trickling versus out of sign Exactly fight math, but 295 sometimes they win they do trickling versus out of sign exactly fight math, but

Starting point is 04:34:53 We're not betting even on that I'm getting plus but it's not about the money it's about it's about the the push to your team It's about like I support my chain if I was you I just throw that money down. Don't do the t-shirt Maybe I'm afraid to throw the money where I'm sure thousand bucks. You wear Notre Dame bucks No, Jamie thousand bucks even up, okay, okay? We got that's it Jamie I hate it incredible. I hate it do the shirts do something embarrassing if you lose I want to see You saw me a couple thousand Dollars from Vegas really what happened Oh my shit. You'll be $5,000 from Vegas.

Starting point is 04:35:23 Really, what happened in Vegas? How's that? That's where I, I, He didn't get a Gapper. You get all the winnings now? He had nothing, I paid for this man to live. That's not how it worked. Really, you got mooch?

Starting point is 04:35:32 It's not how it worked either. It's not how it worked either. Jamie the mooch. You free love work man. Jamie the mooch. What happened? He didn't throw him a Gapper, we talked about it. No, that would be, that would be like,

Starting point is 04:35:42 I didn't have any money when we went to the casino, but that's not how it started. Sweet Jamie the mooch. You just, wait, so you just took your piece of cheese and ran away. That's nice No, he took more than I gave him half the winnings I gave him half the winnings and he should not have gotten that much money. You gave him half the winnings? Yeah Oh, wait a minute. Oh, all right Yeah, hold on a second I thought he just gave you the money back you son of a bitch

Starting point is 04:36:02 That's why it's been a thing for three years No, but he was so upset about it. No, no, no, you're wrong. You got it. That's a lot of shit. Jamie, you sat through four hours and didn't bring up that information? I brought it up for a year and a half. I know, Jamie.

Starting point is 04:36:18 What a warrior. He goes on the playground podcast and starts talking shit. Sorry, I called you a mooch there, buddy. Jamie, wow, he gave you more than a gapper. He didn't have to give you half the winnings. That's crazy. A quarter of a top. Cause he could have lost it all and he would have paid you that money back. No, it wasn't just one gapper was it? What do you mean? I had to keep doubling down cause your hand. Do you want to explain what happened now? Did not. So we're going to tell lies. Tell

Starting point is 04:36:39 it up. Oh, that's a dollars. It was a thousand dollar hand. Two aces come out. How much did I put up on the thousand? I split the aces. I paid for that. The second time aces came out, I didn't have enough to cover that one. I had 400. I borrowed 600

Starting point is 04:37:00 from Shane. A fourth time it happened again. How many times did you get aces now everyone at the table then bullies Shane in a saying you have to pay the thousand I did and then we won all four hands Wow And we're starting to collect the money because everybody else won to there's chaos at the table I said that's going how much money do I get and I gave him a stack of chips I said is that good enough and and he then he turns into he goes, I don't know, what are you getting? I didn't say no.

Starting point is 04:37:27 Wait, was it 5K though? I ended up, well we only won 8,500 so I think I ended up giving him like 4,200. What? Okay, okay. That's a good mensch. I think it was fair. Bro, it's more than fair. How were you talking shit about that?

Starting point is 04:37:39 I was just making fun of him. Yeah, and then he was just talking shit. You just lied. I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed too. He gave you more than you need to give you know You got the story wrong and said it and I sat back and let you say it wrong. That's what CNN does Oh my god, they do worse. He's real fake news now Wow Jamie wins and I feel like he's gonna win this bet too. I feel like he's getting a thousand bucks

Starting point is 04:38:01 You're gonna have to wear a t-shirt as well thousand bucks in a t-shirt Jamie's my dad and Shane is my dad I Don't get the dead thing. I don't know the No, no, what about my dad is my or Shane's my bitch or something He's my I am I am Jamie's bitch. There you go. That's it. That's it. That's a shirt. You make the shirt I'll get made on team Jay now Jamie the show's not about you the show's not about you

Starting point is 04:38:44 Longest you've ever spoken on the show I think. Jamie, could you toss on Michigan Ohio State highlights from this year please? Oh shit. Go blue. It did be Alabama which is nice. Toss on Michigan Ohio State could you? That's not your team. I'll play Northern Illinois. Whoa!

Starting point is 04:38:59 That's not even the whole Illinois. Whoa this is fighting. This is getting nasty. This is getting nasty. This is a nasty tone to his voice. Did you notice that? He is a little nasty. Nasty tone to his voice Nasty he's thinking about the 4200 bucks and giving you a thousand He could have given him a thousand you guys you guys gotta understand the extra thousand It's all he talked pays the money back and gives you a thousand

Starting point is 04:39:18 You should have been happy I was happy I didn't have to pay you that money back. Oh, no, I didn't care Oh, he lost he was gonna pay you that money back if you lost, right? I didn't care at all. If you lost, he was gonna pay you that money back? You cared. No, no chance. How much was that Versace shirt? Wait a minute, wait a minute. That was free. Oh no, that's free. Oh, so you gave it to him, you gave it to him.

Starting point is 04:39:30 Yeah, on a good bet. So it wasn't a loan. If you gave it to me, why'd you give you any money? Oh! If you gave it to me, why'd I give you any money? Damn! Because you did the right thing. Snippy!

Starting point is 04:39:40 I gave you that money for free. But he did give the right thing, and you've been fucking with him this whole time. I've never fucked with him. He went on and was waiting about it. Ohhhhh! Come on bro. You can break it up. I didn't go on the Flager podcast and talk about it.

Starting point is 04:39:52 Jamie's been complaining about it ever since. Ari, how do you feel about this? I feel a little betrayed. I feel betrayed. It's like when you find out a news story. It's like not the real thing. Yeah, Ivermectin. This is Ivermectin. So you guys think I'm the one who betrayed you? Oh man, I couldn't care less Man I think you just curse Notre Dame. I think it's gonna be a blowout this weekend And then next protect our parks Jamie's gonna just trounce you. I will not do that

Starting point is 04:40:12 I was gonna pass an expert like our box that's good She sure is in your butt right now, and you're not even gonna notice you never you know you guys are turning nasty Obviously you guys don't know how to handle booze you guys are starting to act like rotten fucks And that's fine That's fine, I'm having a nice time. I'm enjoying myself Jamie. Can you put up Jeremiah love? Guys need to bet 4200 bucks Even up I said five yeah 42 is the right amount anywhere else, but that's where you got it. What are you paying this guy a year? Give it to a straight thirty four thousand dollars

Starting point is 04:40:56 They're gonna make some good amount of money. Oh really more than a red band. Oh, yeah I don't know what red band said I don't know Well. I don't know what red band makes I'm guessing Yeah, but like I'm saying like right now. Uh-huh Jamie makes more money Do you know you you rollin because Adam and Eve is not your main sponsor anymore? I saw some thread that was saying that that my my whole show is like a deep state operation Thank you, and then so oh look at that and then someone was saying that my whole show is like a deep state operation. Thank you. That's a good one. And then someone was saying, yeah, a deep state operation that was founded in 2009 by

Starting point is 04:41:31 the Fleshlight. Fleshlight. I like that. Who stood to gain? Who followed the money trail? It was such a fleshlight. Imagine if the Deep State was so clever that they created this podcast. That would be a fucking genius move. Could you imagine a retard?

Starting point is 04:41:48 You're an industry plan MMA commentator and used to host fear factor Like this is our guy an industry comedian who says a lot of ridiculous shit. This is the guy are you sure we're slowly? Bill would you do for fear burn yourself almost and then I dropped it. Sorry. It's funny. You bring that one You want a fresh? I saw that article There's an article that was Joe Compromise like a next date. Oh, and I was like I almost like you want to reply like no, he's not That's exactly what they would say That's how you know the conspiratars have no boundaries like Like, everything's a conspiracy. They'll keep going forever. Nothing can just be legitimately successful.

Starting point is 04:42:28 No band, no nothing. No movie, no actor. There must be a reason. You must have done something. If you become a famous actor, for sure somebody fucked you. Yep. You know? For sure.

Starting point is 04:42:39 Big Jay had that joke in his dog belly. He was like, try to defend that you're not racist. I was like, no, my cleaner's an Asian. You can't do it. You can't do it. You can't do it. Well, that's why they use that all the time. Dog belly he's like try to defend that you're not racist like no my cleaners Well, that's why they use that all the time of course on you and you have to say no I'm not and then you're already fucked. It's on you hate women. Wait a minute. No, I don't It's already out there fuck a woman in the ass. It's already. Oh, she loved it I'll show you the text messages the video of you fighting the guy on fear factor goes through my algo Once a week. Oh, yeah ready to go. Yeah Did you actually fight him? No, there's a lot that was cut out of that though. Oh, let's hear it. Well

Starting point is 04:43:17 That guy had already they had warned me about that guy because he had yeah He did something to his wife like physically physically, and he also, like, there was a counselor on another show, he threw the counselor to the ground, he was a violent guy. And so when he was in my face, I'm like, this guy might hit me, and so I just decided to grab him. But I pushed him away from me a couple times,

Starting point is 04:43:36 and that's what they didn't show. He said something, and I pushed him away from me, he said, don't fucking touch me, I go, oh, what, bitch? Then I pushed him again, I go, what the fuck are you gonna do? And I pushed him again. I'm like, all right, we're doing this. So I just grabbed the back of his head. I'm like, I'm going to do one of two things. I mean, they're going to strangle him or I'm going to knee his fucking face

Starting point is 04:43:54 into another dimension. So I just grabbed a hold of the back of his neck and I'm like, if this guy hits me, I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do. If he hit me hard, I was going to knee his brains into oblivion. And if he didn't hit me hard, I was gonna strangle Thank God you didn't host a family feud. So I was just holding him. I was just holding him because it was like it was too dangerous He was screaming. He was very he'd already had a history of violence. He was in my face So I think I could get sucker punch like anybody else and if you get sucker punch you get fucked up Oh, yeah, you don't know a punch is coming you get rocked you can get knocked out Anybody can happen to me and if he knows that a punch someone could just swing a punch and just because you think you're a

Starting point is 04:44:32 Tough guy you get hit in the jaw. So I was like, this is too close. So I just like clamp I just grabbed a hold of his neck. I'm like what we got nervous about your gig at all worried soon I was never nervous. You're in the moment anyway. You're not thinking about what's crazy Is those dudes that think? like if I was ever about to fight someone that was like a fight or too close and like push me away or like in any type of fucking actual cognizant Hold I'd be like I got to leave this guy alone Yeah, when you grab a guy's neck, and he's never had his neck grabbed you grab the back of his neck

Starting point is 04:45:04 I would stop right there. I'm gonna neck like that. You got you realize you can't do anything I can't get away. I have to go forward. That's not good. You have this feeling where you're like Oh Yeah, hey, let's talk about this, but I was yeah, but I was like okay if I do this no one gets hurt But if I do this and he hits me then I have to do something Yeah, so that was what I did the best one I saw live was there was a heckler at the comedy store. Oh, now we're talking.

Starting point is 04:45:28 Terrible, ruined the whole show. Rogan's on. They'd run him out of there. And Joe's just like, shots for everybody. He bought the whole place for a shot. It was crazy. When we kicked people out of the comedy store, I would buy the whole audience shot.

Starting point is 04:45:40 It was like, this is a bad feeling. It was like a bad feeling. I was like, let's just buy everybody shots Yeah, the guy in the front patio comes up afterwards and it's like you fucking bitch I'll do and the Joe was just so calm you could just you read him You're like you're not gonna do anything and the guy was like oh fucking like you won't though and then I mean You knew the guy wanted to do shit, and you just called them on it it was pretty funny man a lot of shit went down on that patio that was the men's scene thing too. There was no crowd control there was no crowd

Starting point is 04:46:14 murder went down on that patio yeah I got shot but there was no crowd control and so like there was no security like you had wild crazy people that were drunk out of their ass looking to start fights and there was no security. Like you had wild, crazy people that were drunk out of their ass looking to start fights. And there was no crowd control. The crowd, the guy. Hookers would show up. That guy ruined the entire show and they never got kicked out.

Starting point is 04:46:33 The early days of the comedy store were crazy. It was so crazy, there was no crowd control. So like a group of drunk guys started yelling at people. That was the night. They yelled at you for the whole night. They ruined the whole show. Can someone, no one did anything. One of the best was Jim Painter was on stage once,

Starting point is 04:46:51 he was a door guy, but he was doing a set, and then some guy started heckling, he was like, hey, you keep shutting up, someone's gonna throw you out. He's like, who? He was like, me, as soon as I get off. And then they got heckled him again, he goes, I'm done, and he just grabbed the guy

Starting point is 04:47:02 and pulled him out. He's wearing his store shirt, he's like, that's's my job to throw you out It was just so crazy because we had comics that were door people and some of them weighed 18 pounds You you said to some guy he had a heck of the main room He goes you got to go and I was like I guess it's me and I went over there like 130 I was just starting and I was like you gotta go the guy goes No I was just starting and I was like you gotta go the guy goes No

Starting point is 04:47:29 There's something about that place that just attracted the most psychotic people Do you remember the fucking guy that you almost got sued by because I said that you were his lawyer Completely schizophrenic and I told him Ari is your lawyer I was gonna handle you and Ari starts saying as your lawyer I'd advise you and so Ari starts giving him like legal advice I'm your lawyer and then in the conference you called me good. Hey, somebody's gonna call you. You're my lawyer I was like what it's like wait somebody's coming right now. You're my lawyer With that is a directive Ari came down and was like negotiating like legal points with this fucking completely insane

Starting point is 04:48:06 24 and then the guy says he's gonna sue him so he sends like a legal letter. Oh I had to actually get a lawyer to help me out Oh, yeah, you know what he sued me for but all the riches in the world Was on his document. That's pretty good. That's how you negotiate. That or $88 million. Who was it? Dr. Evil? $88 million.

Starting point is 04:48:32 That was fucking insane. Didn't you think he was Jesus or something? I thought he was Jesus. King of Kings. I kept him on the line for about a year. I kept talking to him. He'd call. He wanted to sue the San Diego State Hospital, which definitely fucked him up. Definitely fucked him up.

Starting point is 04:48:48 He might have had a case there. Yeah, yeah. You actually should contact the rent lawyer, because it sounds like you're messed up. Call Morgan & Morgan. Bro, there were so many crazy people there. God. It would just attract the most bizarre people, and we would always talk to them. We would always be in the back parking lot with like completely insane people.

Starting point is 04:49:04 Complete lunatics. No security. You're right on sunset That was like the heart of it was also the magnet there was something about that store Made it deal with the devil so it was just like that's why they won't burn. It's already been burned Mmm something about that place. They tried to kill it with the fucking landslide they reinforced the wall I thought keep it up It was a time where the back area was bowing so hard from the ground like it was so close to a landslide I wouldn't go in

Starting point is 04:49:29 that back area well I was like guys I would tell them when it rains don't go back here see things go like yeah many landslides rocks would fall and the thing was bowing like they had these big timbers like these fucking beams these pressure treated beams and they were Boeing and I was like guys don't be back here this is how people die this happens and I was telling the store I was like you got to do something like this harsh of my mellow man they didn't want to spend money they didn't want to spend any money landslide I would not go back and when I would be back there if I was feeling paranoid I would I would fucking try to be like close to the door Like if you heard something, you know, John died through the door. I was like really thinking about it. They finally fixed that

Starting point is 04:50:12 They fixed it and reinforced the shit out of it, but it was like sketchy one time. It did fall Remember, there's a bunch of chunks that felt yeah where the cars park and then there's a the Herc I'm not a hurricane an earthquake one day We didn't feel it in there because it's Satan and you get out like What the fuck happened out here? Yeah, we had a little mini landslide back there I was telling him like one day this whole fucking thing is gonna come through look what you're stopping it with Yeah, you're stopping with a couple of beams and some like rebar like this is not gonna hold this it was already going like this Just animals the better we were playing Brody was playing drums like like just like turned over trash cans like playing. Yeah, it was like 3 a.m

Starting point is 04:50:49 Chairs were all out there chairs and pails and then somebody up there who bought a house thinking oh views of sun Didn't know this was gonna happen and then just goes a vet It's like 3 a.m. And he goes guys keep it down and Joe has a go keep it goes move Keep it down and Joe Rogan just has it go keep it goes move Terrible spot Place for a home. Yeah, well comedy used to be so lawless and wild westy and then it got weird rules. There's a bullet hole in the sign back there from Kinnison. Kinnison shot the sign. Exactly.

Starting point is 04:51:33 And they didn't even fucking ban him. They cleaned that bullet hole up Ari. They cleaned that bullet hole up. They fixed it. Yeah but they fixed the sign. No a few years ago. They fixed the sign. Why would you fix the sign? The broken glass was there because kinesin shot through it leave it there what and still lit? I didn't know they do that. They fucking replaced the glass. I don't replace it. No That place was crazy. It was so fun. I imagine being there during the kinesin days of their own coke

Starting point is 04:52:00 Oh my god fucking in the back room Marin said that we did so much coke with them He had voices in his hit voices in his head for a year a year a year Good Lord year first podcast I remember a time before digital cameras somebody was like to dice was like I took a picture of you and he's like sure Hey, are you take the picture? And he gives me that he gives me the their camera like this he goes hey Are you take the picture? their camera like this, he goes, hey R, you take the picture, and he hands it to me,

Starting point is 04:52:23 he goes. Cause he knew he wanted you to cut the heads off in the picture. Yeah, and I was like, man. And then he goes, did you get me in it at all? I'm like, no. He goes, nice. Okay.

Starting point is 04:52:36 I'm like guessing what he meant. Who do this, Dice? Now all that fucking guy does is take pictures. That's true. I'm sitting in the green room, he comes in, who are you? Are you the one that wanted the picture? His whole thing is performance art. Like even back then he was doing that. He would go on for two people. He would say to the comics, he goes, watch how, come in, watch me, see how long I can go before I say anything. Wow.

Starting point is 04:52:59 And so he'd go on and he goes, hey, put his thing down, tap his fucking cigarettes didn't like him just chewed him and then he goes So is that the you know hi ya when you're out there and talk to the guy and You know you're taking the thing and uh For like six minutes just not saying anything. No. Yeah, the flight with him, right I Saw a video of you guys. I look like me Some guys just bugging some guys trying to get worked on on a flight Seconds, but I thought that was you. Yup. What's he saying? What's he saying? She's actually with me and she does like everything I need like with the phone and you know like the Netflix.

Starting point is 04:53:55 You know what I mean? I got it. You know, I'm not her and we've been- This poor guy. We've been working on this for a little bit so uh- No, I know. I'm just- and we've been this poor guy for a little bit. So no, I know I'm just just You know Some tech guy flying into the Facebook algorithm Got work to do damn Facebook algorithm. I got work to do. Damn.

Starting point is 04:54:26 I was all excited. The middle seat's empty and then here we go. Dice. Dice. That's fucking with Dice. He's not fat at least, this will be good. But you know what a healthy ego you have to have. We got that today.

Starting point is 04:54:37 We got that. Dalmatian. First guy to ever sell out Masses Square Garden, sold it out like 100 times. And here he is. 100 times? Talking to people. He sold it over a bunch of times. Masses Square Garden? it out like a hundred times and here he is talking to people It's over a bunch of times master garden twice early I sold Madison Square Garden a bunch of a bunch of he's got the record first time does do it

Starting point is 04:54:53 Yeah, I think so, but when I said it no one had ever no one ever done it I did it twice right away, and then in the middle of that in the prime of his fucking career He releases a 2 CD set of him bombing It's him pop it. He's a lap to last time that's right. I danger fields. Yeah, it was so he was like How do I follow the biggest album maybe of all time I go the other way the other way yeah Yeah, just bomb on purpose with Rick Rubin producing it is And Rick Rubin loved it. He was trying to do well no, but he was doing it to a crowd He knew what no no no he didn't have any material you need to go back and listen to that again

Starting point is 04:55:29 I got no material. He had no material He was just making things up while he was up there this guy gets up. You're about as funny as a glass of milk Fucking turrets 20 people in the audience, and he's filming a recording a two CD special Whoa back then albums were what specials are yeah more more so it was huge Yeah, it was here, but it was crazy like that. He did it was it I haven't heard in so long was it Joyable, or no, it's horrible. Okay. It's all concept. It's all concept. It's bombing. He's bombing It's nonsense and he's doing it It's nonsense. And he's doing it on purpose.

Starting point is 04:56:05 Rock said it's his favorite album. Oh, well it's just crazy because he's just, you can't believe he's doing it. Right. Yeah. It's like a Banksy. But it's crazy, it's his favorite album because he's just had the balls in his prime

Starting point is 04:56:17 to do something so insane, like as a piece of performance art. Yeah, performance art weird. He just doesn't get the credit he deserves because so many people hated on him for a long time. They hated on him because of his success. They didn't like the fact that this guy was doing nursery rhymes, and he was like selling out arenas.

Starting point is 04:56:32 They didn't like him. They didn't like that he was dirty. But they were looking for excuses because before that, when he wasn't famous, they all would go see him. They would all see him at the store. They all loved him. Everybody like dices up, and they'd all watch him and he would kill and then he got famous and they're like

Starting point is 04:56:48 Well, I don't like what this guy's doing. It was like the first cancel culture It's how it always is that people just bitter about someone's success So it's like if they were open mic or something like that guy's great, but that their theater act We'll fuck them. Well, you know when he did MTV and he got banned Uh-huh the same thing with Tony Tony doing Madison Square Garden for the Trump administration. They asked Dice to do a fucking set on one of those MTV Video Music Awards things. And he did Dice?

Starting point is 04:57:11 And he does Dice and they banned him for life from MTV. It was a big deal. It was a piece of, he's like, the fucking tampons! Oh! And they were like, no! They told him not to do that material apparently like yeah Did it of course he did it and he got banned for life and then everybody went on the I hate dice train and comics like Professional comedians who were like comic I guess them I must

Starting point is 04:57:38 Now that I know I know now they must that are like alt comics and the guys that weren't doing as well as him Same kind of shit you always hear and they found some reason why he's everything that's wrong with comedy You know it was just it was so dumb man. It was so it was so weird that is a bummer But it's crazy to see people's arcs like look at Dice now look at Roseanne now Where are we gonna be Dice is interesting though? I talked to him at the stand last week two weeks ago And it was like of all the guys who started that, way back then, they all moved in, either quit or became actors or whatever, they stayed in stand-up comedy for 50 years.

Starting point is 04:58:12 Oh yeah. He did movies and TV. He just did them. He never left stand-up. He only did Ford Fairlane, you know, that was the big one. He did one big movie and it didn't do that well, and then he kind of just went back. And then he's been in stuff. He did that TV show, remember he had that TV show yeah, bless this house. I think it was called Natasha. Ligero was with Natasha

Starting point is 04:58:38 He's just in these But Ford Fairlands is his his thing for failing was done big episodes of shows Remember Dharma and Greg yeah Dice undisputed 2007 Tosh point oh yeah, but what was the show that he did was it the guys no no no the TV show Was it called dice yeah? 13 and that's really great Show was it called dice yeah, yeah 13 actually great Really yes

Starting point is 04:59:12 Jim Norton bless this house. That's it bless this house. That's the show that's he tried 95 nice Wow Yeah Dice? He came back and said, I had a wife and the wife tells him what to do. Wow. Hold on, was he in Rugrats? Did I see that? Yeah, he was in Rugrats. Bless this house. What the fuck is that? No, what is that? That's an old...

Starting point is 04:59:33 Look at him! He's in a sitcom. He really tried to do straight up sitcom. Yup. And he kinda changed his fuckin' act for a little bit. I can't hear this. It looks like he didn't. Yeah.

Starting point is 04:59:43 I'm looking for information. I'm looking for a piece of celery. Oh, that's enough. That's enough. That's just King of Queens. That's all of them. That's all of the sitcoms. We don't want that. Remember Grace Under Fire? She was a pillhead. Well, she went nutty and threw a drink in the face of Chuck, what's his name? Laurie? Chuck Laurie, yeah. End of story for your career. That was it. Wrapped it up. That's why you never see that show in synd yeah. End of story for your career. That was it. Wrapped it up, that's why you never see

Starting point is 05:00:06 that show in syndication. Too powerful. She was a feisty coos. There was a few of those moments that happened with comics where they went nutty and then you never see that show again. Titus. Chris Titus, yeah.

Starting point is 05:00:15 Oh, is that right? Yeah, that show disappeared. What happened? It buried that fucking thing. What happened to him? Maybe it became like a cool, tough. What is this? Future guys clan, Rugrats.

Starting point is 05:00:22 Rugrats, ah! Let me hear it, let me hear it, let me hear it. If we can't fix it, it's time to nix. A dog? I don't like dogs. I probably saw this episode. Wow, how weird.

Starting point is 05:00:38 Damn. What did happen to Tux? Show business is strange, you know? It is. Strange fucking business. I think the strangest thing that I was ever a part of was when you were getting kicked out of your own show Because you wouldn't do a special on Comedy Central That was the wildest thing to be a part of because you were you were freaking out you explained to me on the phone You were you wanted to get money to pay the staff. You were like, I'm gonna pay everybody, I'm gonna do it out of my own pocket.

Starting point is 05:01:07 And I said, wait a minute, I'll go and host it for free. Remember, it was that. Yeah, they were like, no. I said, I would host it for free. I said, I would take over his job and I would host it for free. I said, I'd do it for free. They wanted to punish him because he didn't want to do

Starting point is 05:01:21 a special on Comedy Central because he got a Netflix deal. This is when Netflix was popping off. And Comedy is about and his show was one of the most successful shows on Comedy Central Great show. Yeah, this is not happening was one of the big shows it had billboards on Sunset. Yep It's so wild it kicked off your own show Like now we do the road. It's mine showed Integrity you showed it. He wanted to get on Netflix. He was going to give all the money. He was gonna pay the entire staff.

Starting point is 05:01:50 He was gonna go into debt to pay the entire staff because he knew that they were getting fucked, that they had all signed off for that. So, you know, if you're a cameraman or if you're, whoever the people that are working behind the scenes, there's a whole crew of people that were gonna be out money because of him. He's like, I'll pay those people.

Starting point is 05:02:04 Five seasons they worked on that. They blackmailed me. They go, either sign with us There's a whole crew of people that were gonna be out money because of him. He's like I'll pay those people five seasons They worked on that they blackmailed me they go either sign with us or these people all be out of work with two weeks to go Good luck paying their rent. How do you wanna play? I'm like you Wow, they said it that way. Yeah Fucker I was like, I'm not prepared for this I'm just not only that but you were within your rights and your contract to do that that special on that It's in his contract that he could do that. It was like I made one on my own Wanting an Ari Shaffir's Last nails in the coffin for Comedy Central because it was one of their best shows and Roy Wood did a great job

Starting point is 05:02:41 But the problem was everybody knew what happened and And then I wasn't there editing it anymore. Yeah, but everybody also knew what happened. They were all grossed out by it. They were like, what? Because you were real public about it. You did my podcast. I should have been more public about it. I could have stopped it if I went on here and be like, hey, Viacom is blackmailing me. I wasn't that big back then. It wouldn't have done it. It wouldn't have done it back then. It wouldn't have had the impact that it would have. If you did it today they'd be fucked. Oh, yeah, I mean it would kill their fucking career It would kill the the network and you would royer cool. You guys worked right called me and said

Starting point is 05:03:15 He goes unless I get permission I want to do it and I was like no we need to say people jobs Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the mouth. It was the move, but you know you showed so much integrity That was a ballsy move, because most people, when the shit hits the fan like that, and they're worried about losing their gig, they cave in. And you're like, uh-uh. Like for the principle of the thing.

Starting point is 05:03:32 I was poor for too long. Mitzi made us poor for too long that I was like, well, I already have no money. Yeah, and you could always tour. You could tour. I could just go back to that. You could probably make more money doing stand-up than you would do in a show anyway.

Starting point is 05:03:42 God, that sucked. Yeah, you editing it was the secret sauce. Yeah. Yeah, you were so was the secret sauce. Yeah. Yeah, you were so dedicated to it. They said we couldn't use a comedian's input on their own stories. What? They were like, I was like, no, I'm gonna let them

Starting point is 05:03:52 tell me what they want out. And they go, no, no, that's a press hit, we can't do that. I was like, and then I go, oh, I'll just call them directly. Yeah. So I called them each, I'm like, what do you want? I'll just make them my notes. Just show me what you want out and stuff. What a mensch. No, you did an amazing job. Yeah, show rule. him each like what do you want? I'll just make it my notes Yeah, just show me what you want out and stuff what a mensch no you did an amazing job

Starting point is 05:04:08 It was a great show you and I was there when you developed that she did a great story on it Yeah, great one the fuck the woods the Alabama woods true story to that's crazy. That was a crazy one crazy story But who who is the fighter? I don't want to say okay Okay, the guys had gone through enough okay when you I saw you develop it at the lab at the improv For an hour. I was like what is he doing? I was like what is he doing over here? What's all right doing? He's like storytelling shows like what is this it was weird? I was like comics have cool stories I know but it was like you had a vision and you started to piece in it together then all sudden

Starting point is 05:04:44 It's on fucking Comedy Central. I'm like, look at Ari, like this is crazy. You pulled it off. Do you ever feel like, hey, why am I so judgmental? Why am I judging him for trying to story show and then it blew up? Yeah, you go, hey, what's he doing? Oh yeah, oh yeah, for sure.

Starting point is 05:04:57 But you know, in the beginning. You don't want them on show, it wasn't that. I was like, also plenty of, you see your friends doing dumb shit. Sure. You go, what the fuck is he doing it nine times? Are you gave me the worst advice ever he's like go to show It was a fun live show we had fun every time

Starting point is 05:05:19 And then eventually was like I guess TV Yeah, dude, you you fucking killed. And you should bring it back. Yeah, you should. Netflix should do it. Maybe I'll bully them too. Ooh, I like it. They should do it. You should bring back This Is Not Happening.

Starting point is 05:05:32 Why not? Do you have the name anymore? Who owns the name? Neither one of us own the name. It's both of us, like, if we do anything with that name. How about you call it This Is Happening? This Is Happening. This Is Still Happening?

Starting point is 05:05:42 Yeah, why not? Wait, who's neither one of us? Neither Comedy Central nor me can do it without the others. Well, just wait a year, Comedy Central's. Yeah, yeah, wait one of us neither Comedy Central nor me Just wait a year Comedy Central's yeah, they will be for sale you can probably buy out yeah, they got burned up What are they now? They're like all this is a production company. They're not even South Park in all right? Right South Park's on hulu Central either it's no it's a pretty it's a comedy central production. That's on paramount on so what is on Comedy Central either. It's not? I think it is. It's a Comedy Central production that's on Paramount, on Hulu. What is on Comedy Central now?

Starting point is 05:06:08 Old reruns. Of The Office? Of The Office in Saifur. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Wow. Damn. It used to be The Spot. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 05:06:15 The Chappelle Show. It's sad. It was a great album for comics. One of the greatest sketch, if not the greatest South Park. Tosh.0. Yes. Second best sketch of all. Forca Holloway.

Starting point is 05:06:23 Isn't that crazy? Money and Teal. Yeah. That was a more improved version of it. Park Tosh point oh Crazy That was a more improved version of it yeah kind of amazing it was a great spot And then big remember they wanted to do like an app like you will do your special on their app Oh, it was like who's gonna get your not let Joe Rogan just Who's a Rogan Segura? Chrysler that all hosts Ali host, Ali Siddique, they're like no, anyone we suggested, they're like no.

Starting point is 05:06:47 Yeah, we said we'd host it for free. Wow. Save money. Yeah, you don't have to pay the fucking guy hosting it. They were so butt hurt. Oh, dirty pool. So dirty, that's so dirty. So dirty.

Starting point is 05:06:59 Yeah. What a dumb fucking thing to do. They fucked themselves. Soda wore an Ari Shaffir shirt on that season because he was was on a contract with Comedy Central, cause I can't pull out. But I'll wear a shirt that says you. Yeah. So crazy. Soda's the best.

Starting point is 05:07:13 Soda rules. Did you make any money on that show at least? I did back then, but. Alright. Dude, it was a big fucking show. You remember the Stern debacle? Yes! Stern's shitty. Who's this guy? Nobody knows him of an Ari stands in front of his billboard on Comedy Central No one's heard of you and then tells him to fucking go to Netscape Navigator to look it up

Starting point is 05:07:33 I know you old people don't understand Google Jamie help me with that video Because you were kind kinda kissing his ass while you were doing it. It was amazing. Mr. Stern, I meant no disrespect. I was amazing. Calling you an old man and blow him and Clint Eastwood's dicks in an old man cap.

Starting point is 05:07:52 He spent a half an hour talking about you like he was gonna ruin you. And you fucking owned him. It all helped. And then he never talked about you again. Yeah, I think his staff was like, guy. Bro, you should not, not the staff, the fucking internet. Like the beating that he took from that

Starting point is 05:08:07 Was yeah, it was like such a checkmate move because the photo of you standing in front of a billboard on set the odds of it happening Why was he going at you I said something about Dead it was it was my podcast. He was off He was saying something I was like fuck him fucks dirty's out of touch him and Clint Eastwood should go blow each other's wrinkled Dicks in their old man camps. Yeah And then right at the time he was saying podcast are not the future you got to do radio Yeah, and it was like bro. It's okay. You're out of touch. You gotta be a broadcaster

Starting point is 05:08:42 You gotta work your way up 30 minutes. He spent on me He thought that was real back then that's funny They all thought it was never gonna they thought the podcast thing was just a what are these guys wasting their time? I know so funny look at him now For Christ you're on some radio show Yeah, they had an ad for like me on these or something and Bert was like how much to make for that the guys like I do Okay, and he goes let's because I have them who is a sponsor and he goes, okay How much to make us that. The guy's like, I do okay. And he goes, let's, cause I have them too as a sponsor. And he goes, okay, how much do we make? Same time. Burt loves that. Same time. So they go, okay. And then at the same time he goes, one, two, three,

Starting point is 05:09:12 go. And the guy goes, $75. And Burt goes, $3,500. And he goes, what? He goes, $75. What? Because yes, CBS has taken all your money. Louis did that to Schultz, you see that episode? No. Louis did a flagrant. He was like, because Schultz just put out a special behind a paywall, and he's like, you did that, I got the idea from you, and I made a ton of money. And Schultz is like, well, what did you make?

Starting point is 05:09:36 He goes, you go first, and Schultz goes, five million. He goes, that was stupid. You shouldn't have told me. Because Louis wouldn't say. Wow. But he made way more than that. Yeah. If you, well, also with him, like that was the only way to see him, because it was in like the height of, so like the thing about people wanting to rebel against cancel culture,

Starting point is 05:09:52 they had to go to his website to get it. He was always the first to do that, Louis. That time and then like the early time, $5. No one else had the success, he had it with that first one. Yeah. Genius. A million dollars in like a day? Yeah. Genius. And million dollars in like a day? Yeah, genius, genius.

Starting point is 05:10:05 And he said he made it so easy to get, you'd be better off buying it than stealing it. And also he realized from that point on, like hey, I'll just do all my own stuff now, that way they can't just take it away from me. Yeah. Like I'll always have a direct connection to my fans, he always had email lists.

Starting point is 05:10:20 Yeah, and his email list, he writes things, it's like, it's good. Yeah, he gives you a newsletter. Yeah, but it's funny It's like it's it's genius even his TV show was different. Yeah, I don't know it's all to take less money Oh, yeah, and he fucking edited it all on a little MacBook and it is Like one of those little tiny 14 inch MacBooks. Yeah He's a different breed and now you know like you can't fuck with him You could do whatever he wants now like he's basically different breed. And now, you know, like you can't fuck with him. You can do whatever he wants now.

Starting point is 05:10:45 Like he's basically got his own fan base. They all gotta leave him alone. Yeah. Kind of amazing. He's got new material, killing. He's always killing. He took about a year off, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 05:10:58 A year off. What, that time? Just chill out. This latest time. Yeah, after the Gordon. Yeah, he said, he's like, I'm not doing stand up anymore. Every time I talked to him, he was like,

Starting point is 05:11:06 well, since you're a former comic, you wouldn't understand. He's like, shut up, Ari. Yeah. He doesn't needle him. How's your sculpting class going, loser? He did love that, he loved that sculpting. He loves sculpting.

Starting point is 05:11:17 Yeah. Hilarious. All right, boys, I finally have to pee. All right, Jesus. So let's wrap this up. That's unbelievable. Yeah, I've gone five and a half hours without being solid good We do five and a half at least

Starting point is 05:11:29 One thirty two did five for sure go watch already special go Netflix right now America sweetheart eighty five thousand dollars were the plants watch it all the way to the Watch it watch all the way through wasted eighty five thousand dollars Watch it all the way to the end. Even if you can't watch it, watch it all the way through. You just wasted $85,000, huh? No, we spent it. We could have gave that to us.

Starting point is 05:11:45 Look at it, it's beautiful. To the fire. We're gonna help people. What do they do with those plants after? Just throw them in the garbage? Throw them out, straight in the trash. The flowers we gave to the staff. We saved the park.

Starting point is 05:11:53 That's right. That was the biggest park we've had. God bless. All right, praise Allah, folks. Bye, everybody. We'll make be drunk to the stories. Love everybody. Praise Allah. That'll be the rhyme of the day.

The Joe Rogan Experience - #2256 - Protect Our Parks 14

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