The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 186 - Wil Anderson & Chas Licciardello

Episode Date: April 29, 2014

Richard Greco, Kentucky Father Christmas and Two Pots of Tea.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, Sydney mates. It is not long now until we head up to your city to do a live Little Dum Dum Club podcast and our solo shows at the Factory Theatre. May 10th is the day that the live podcast is happening on. May 10th and 11th are when we're doing our solo shows. And if you want to come and see all three, that is the podcast, my show and Carl's show, in the same day, there's a three-show super pass that you can get for just $50. Everything's at the same venue.

It's super easy to work out. The super passes are nearly gone, so if you want them, jump on them now because there's barely any left. There's plenty of space for the solo shows on Sunday if you want to come to that. We'd love to see you down there. It was so much fun last year going up and meeting all you guys. So, yeah, you can get your tickets right now from littledumbdumbclub.com.

Hey, mate. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, have you read The Slap, the book The Slap? No.

But you know what it is, Australian novel. Yeah, yeah, it's about what, a family that slaps another family's child? The whole family slaps a child. Voltron style. I just join the hands together. I just line up, yeah. So it's someone slaps a kid that Voltron style. I just join the hands together. I just line up, yeah. So it's just someone slaps a kid that's not theirs and so my girlfriend borrowed it from someone and she read it and she said

it was really, really good so I thought I'd start reading it. So I was sitting there with her the other day and I just started reading it and I thought I'd like just do something silly and pretend to be reading it out but like make it sound really bad. So I'm sitting there and I've got the first page open and I go slap went the man's hand across the boy's cheek.

Everyone looked around in terror. Was this really happening? Did this man really slap a kid who wasn't his? And then I've put my head up and I've gone, I don't know, this sounds like it's going to be a bit shit. And my girlfriend's just kind of absentmindedly doing something else and she goes, nah, it gets better. I'm like, no, no, that was me pretending about the book and she's

like oh i'm like but does it actually get better if you thought that that was an actual bit of the book it says like the large print version of the book yeah so now i was just like obsessed with like coming up with like bad intros to every book like well boy i'm a wizard thought harry potter to himself should i get rid of this big scar on my face? Yeah Should we bring in our guest for today? Am I going to make it through the episode? Is my voice going to hold out?

Yeah, you've got the festival shit voice I think that's a term Yeah, I've got the sweet timber That I sometimes get First of all, making his debut On the Little Dum Dum Club You know him from The Chaser's War On everything among many other things Please welcome on the Little Dum Dum Club, you know him from The Chasers War and everything among many other things. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Chas Lodgett.

Does that work? Yeah. Does that work? Because you've got the headphones on. I don't have the headphones on. Yeah, I can hear it. Yeah, with the drum roll. I just bailed out because I realised I don't know how to pronounce your last name.

I don't either. Does anyone know? Cool. Lichardello. He's good. Lichardello. He's good. Lichardello, there you go. Actually, a lot of people get my name wrong. You'll be surprised to hear.

I'm not surprised at all. No, but at least you had the decency to bail out because my favourite story about mispronunciations was my Year 7 science teacher literally went through the entire year, not just getting it wrong once, the entire year calling me Pizzarelli. And I did correct her. I just wanted to be polite because we are of the same ethnicity.

That's right. Common courtesy for one of my brothers. We come from the same village. Oh, you're autistic too. Also making a return to the program, you know, from Tofop, Fofop, Gruen, pretty much everything. Please welcome back into Little Little Dum Dum Club, Will Anderson.

At least your teacher kind of knew your name. I went through entire year 11 chemistry. My teacher's name was Wally Vermaelen. He was Canadian and he used to talk about peanut butter sandwiches and what was the Canadian, what's that TV show that everybody, Degrassi Junior High. He would always talk about Degrassi Junior High. And for one year I used to sit next to a guy called

Mark Howard, who's now like a big time sports reporter on like Channel 10 and on the radio and stuff. But we were like, you know, best friends at high school. And for one year, he used to call me, you, you, Mr. Howard's friend. For one whole year. And you got his name, which was weird.

Right. And he couldn't remember Will Anson. Yeah, but Malin, you think – I've had trouble with – my show this year is called Willuminati, and on paper, which is the only place I'd ever – when people said, you know, what's the name of your show? Yeah. I just shot them the thing up, well, I'm going to call it Willuminati, right? Yeah.

And I thought that was going to be a great name for the show, but I've done a bunch of radio interviews. We do to Anna Cross even how to say Illuminati. Oh, yeah. And, like, mate, when James Brayshaw, the footy guy, to radio interviews we do to aren't across even how to say Illuminati and like mate when James Brayshaw the footy guy

tried to plug my show at the end he almost turned his head inside out it was like half way through the title he had a stroke

but hey maybe they are part of the Illuminati and that's just a trick to throw pretending that they don't know how to say

their own thing that's good if anyone that's a sweet Illuminati move that's the first thing they go for like the That's a sweet Illuminati move. That's the first thing they go for, like the grill team. The grill Illuminati.

Most powerful people in the world. Can I ask you, Will, is that the reason why all your shows have your name in it? Because it's a cry for help because that teacher who couldn't get your name. Do you know what? When you think about it, it could be. It actually could be. Speaking of names, I, at the end of my festival show every night, I have to go in and kind of clean up the venue before the next show.

Will, I'm sure you have a similar experience here. But sometimes people have left their – You literally have to clean up the venue. No, no, because I have like – I've seen a show, it gets very messy. Right. It actually does. I have the audience throw underpants at me. Right.

So I don't like get rid of them. But people often leave – sometimes people have printed out their tickets and they just kind of – they just leave them behind. They just leave their trash behind. I don't get rid of them. But people often leave. Sometimes people have printed out their tickets and they just leave them behind. They just leave their trash behind. I don't want any memory of this. I don't want to claim this on tax. No, I don't want my accountant seeing my shame. But so far the two people that have left behind tickets,

they've both had names that I'm now obsessed with. The first one was two tickets under the name of Howard Boy. How could that? Howard Boy. And then last night there were two tickets under the name of Richard Greco. How could that? Could it have been the Richard Greco? Is that?

21 Jump Street. Maybe. Man, you're too young. Is there any chance that Richard Greco came to your show? That would be pretty amazing. Yeah. And he's like the guy, he didn't even point me out. Poor that Richard Greco came to your show? That would be pretty amazing. Yeah. And he's like, the guy, he didn't even point me out. Poor old Richard Greco.

He's like, you know, I want a bit of attention these days. I've gone off the radar a little bit. You know what? I could be a celebrity in like, you know, I'll find like a good medium-sized comedy festival show where I'll definitely be the most famous person in the audience. Medium. That's very kind of you.

And I bowed down on what I was going to say at the last moment. I rounded you up. It actually makes perfect sense, though, that Richard Graco would go to Tommy's show because his whole career was hanging around drug dealers who were like kids. So now he goes to see comedy, where's he going to go? He looks like a kid. I hope that you don't actually have a cold because i've got a bit of a cold as well and we've both got the same sort of croak but um i hope you don't have a cold i hope i'm in

the podcast where your voice finally breaks yeah historical moment come back next week and it's all like hello maybe maybe it's just like a a publicist that's got like a celebrity into your into your crowd to get you in confidential right yeah rich That's what I spotted last night. That's what I spotted. Richard Greco. But also like, he'd be sitting there going, oh, it's a small room, this is embarrassing, he's going to point me out and make fun of me

and then it hasn't happened for the whole hour. So he's just, that's how he's, he's just, I better leave the ticket behind with my name on it. So he knows

that Greco was here. He got Greco'd. Yeah, because you know, you got Greco'd. This is a true story. Josh Earle, a friend of the show, once did a show five, six, seven years ago. And he had a publicist.

And he was asking the publicist, what do you do? And the publicist shot him an idea, pitched the idea. What I'm going to do to get bums on seats in your shows, I'm going to get a celebrity into your crowd in your show. And it's going to come up in confidential. So the celebrity was Belvedere from Good Morning Australia with Burt Newton.

How did you get Belvedere? Oh my god. How did they get him in there without the paparazzi fighting? Well, he wouldn't have been dumb enough to leave a ticket behind, that's for sure. Booking name Belvedere. But then the saddest part of that is I don't think it even to leave a ticket behind, that's for sure. Booking name, Belvedere. Belvedere.

But then the saddest part of that is I don't think it even actually ended up happening. I don't think Belvedere – No, Belvedere had something better to do. It's like, keep my name out of this. Yeah, Belvedere had tickets to Husey that night. Couldn't make it down. How's this? I don't know if this is true.

I haven't actually contacted him to see if this is true. So Ian Bagg, is true so Ian Bag do you know Ian Bag wonderful yeah he was on the show last week yeah very funny like one of the best comedians in the world

and like a guy that I've known for a lot of years and I just like think the world of right so the other day he's tweeted he's gone

I've booked two tickets to the third row of Will Anderson tonight and he said I'm not going I just want him to see what empty seats look like, right? And I thought, that's pretty funny.

So I replied back, mate, don't be silly. You couldn't get two tickets that down to the front at this late stage. You know, joking around. But then I've gone to my show that night and in the third row, middle, there are two empty seats. Now, I don't know if that's just the biggest coincidence of all time or Ian Bagg is a fucking

cool motherfucker because about three months ago he must have thought of that practical joke and done it so I haven't got back to him to know

if that's true but yeah well he's gone he's had to go in through Ticketmaster and go can I have the contact details

of who bought these tickets for this seat on this night and then he's had to like pay them off or kill them kill them. Kill them on the way to the venue.

Just for the joke. He's devoted. Well, maybe he got Greek-o'd again. That's his way of doing it. He puts you off more by having empty seats, but he knows you'll put Dassler off more by actually showing up. That's more of a surprise when people turn up to his gig. I would love if they went to those two empty seats

and there was just a ticket that said, you've been Greek-o'd. Just G's scratched into the seat. I've got to say, actually, I never realised when I went to your show, just how good friends you were with Ian Bagg. He just bought almost every single ticket. And then the house. Practice good.

So we're talking about just before i'm a bit sick as people can hear you'll enjoy this the other day uh i had to go to the chemist actually to get because i take uh blood pressure medication i have high blood pressure so like most cold and flu medication i can't take because it kind of messes up your blood pressure so i I just have to kind of tough it out, right? So I was with my dad and I was like, oh, I've got to go into the chemist and get my prescription refilled for my blood pressure pills. And dad comes in with me and he'd been saying, have you gotten anything? And I'm like, I've got throat lozenges but I can't really take anything. So I go and I give my prescription to the chemist and they start filling it.

And then dad goes to the pharmacist, hey, question. Now, he's doing a show in the melbourne international comedy festival at the moment and he's having to talk on stage for an hour every night do you have anything and i'm like oh please make this stop and i just i just cut it off i'm like oh look no i just i'm talking for an hour you know if you've got just a spray or whatever and they're like and then dad just keeps coming back to it and going because he's a performer in the comedy festival. And it's like a pretty small chemist and there's a line of people and it was just torture.

It was just, and I could see all the people in the line like snickering, going, oh, God. And then the chemist jumps in and he goes, so you're a comedian, are you? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And he goes, you seem like you'd be pretty funny. I'm like, do I? Has Belvedere come and seen you yet? You're that big?

I had to get cold and flu tablets. I was doing the project and so I went to the pharmacy at Como where they film in South Yarra and I've gone in and they said, do you want the pseudoephedrine? And I was like, yeah, I guess, yeah, no, yeah, I would like that, sure. And I think you're meant to give over your licence or whatever these days because the bikies make a mess or whatever out of it. And so I was all ready to give my licence and then they're like,

no, no, just have them. So I was talking about this on stage at the shelf the other night and then the pharmacist who sold me the drugs were there in the audience. Oh, wow. So I probably could have got heaps of other stuff. They were obviously fans. I was like, what else have you got? of other stuff you know they were obviously fans i was like what else you got what else can you keep off the books like seriously slip me some valium i'd like some of that like whatever at least an s26 yeah did they have that stuff under the

counter because remember in the old days i don't know whether this was ever true or not but like you'd go into a video shop and like have you got anything under the counter and be like yeah because that's where we got the porno. Have they got stuff literally under the counter that's just reserved for celebrities? Have you got celebrity drugs? Yeah, I hope so. And I hope one day I'll be famous enough. Just for Michael Jackson's doctor.

Right. Hey, question. So this is recorded on Good Friday. Good question. How do you guys stand on this? Do you eat meat today? Yeah. Yeah. Because you're? Do you eat meat today? Yeah Yeah

Because you're not supposed to eat meat on Good Friday Yeah but I'm not Christian Yeah okay Well I'm not Catholic or I'm not of that way You're not supposed to drive on the Sabbath but Oh really aren't you? No I don't know any of these things

You're not meant to use electricity and stuff on the Sabbath I actually observe it I do not eat meat on Good Friday. Yeah, I don't either. But you're a veg, aren't you? I'm a vegetarian. Sorry, I just stepped on your joke. And not every Friday.

You have a good Monday through Sunday. I am nailing it all week. Not just on Good Friday. Get it? Nailing it? Because he got crucified. So I... But you actually do it. all week, not just on Good Friday. Get it? Nailing it? Because he got crucified. But you actually do it. You're actually not going to eat meat today. Yeah, I don't do it. Really? Yeah, I'm not

religious. You're not religious but you just don't eat meat. Because it's one of those things where it's drummed into me by my mum who's not religious at all. Right. She just goes, oh, it's the day you don't eat meat. I'm like, okay. And I just think of her on Good Friday and go, oh, well, I better not I better just eat a pancake. But you know what? That's a version of like you know, and go, oh, well, I better not. I better just eat a pancake. But you know what? That's a version of like, you know, there is.

I've got Jewish friends who aren't like, they're culturally Jewish. That's what they call it, right? They're not, they don't really believe in the religious side of it, but they observe all the, you know, the dinners and all these sort of things because it's part of their culture. That's what you're doing. You're just culturally observing this weekend. You're not buying into the idea that you have to do it or you're going to hell.

You're just like, oh, well, this is the day where we do that. We get a day where we get to eat pancakes all day. Swings and roundabouts. I literally ate two pies last night at 11.55 just so I could get through today. Is this honestly like for all the bad shit that you do in your life, you think that just not eating meat on one day is going to wipe the slate clean and it's going to make it all okay at the end. Are you trying to say that that doesn't work? When you meet your maker and you go,

there's plenty of times where I could have had a schnitzel but I didn't, and he goes, okay, in you come, mate. Yeah, one 364th of my days on earth I did a pretty good job there. We'll just go back into that. I created a little bit of religious debate earlier in this festival. It wasn't my fault. I didn't mean it at all. It had nothing to do with me, to be honest.

But the Herald Sun letters pages were alight with the fact of, you know, comedians being blasphemous because the Herald Sun did this big Last Supper photo. Oh, yes. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they got a bunch of like the, you know, the comedians who had been around the festival for a while

and they did that. You know, the scene that everyone from The Simpsons to The Sopranos have kind of, you know, parodied, right? So we all get there. They're putting a bit of makeup on because there's this big thing. They've got free coffee for us all. There's like some snacks and stuff.

And yeah, it's the day before the festival starts and it's all these people you've worked with for years. So it's like great. It's like, oh, it's nice that we're all here and we haven't started yet so we don't have to talk bullshit about the shows. We can just have a good time. God, we're all good friends.

Isn't the best thing about this industry that we're all just good friends and we all get along very well and no one else is bitchy about anybody else? And then the photographer says, hey, Will, can you sit in the middle like Jesus? Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Awesome. Have you ever felt a room – like the piano player in the corner just stopped. Oh, my God. Ever fell a room, like the piano player in the corner just stopped. Actual Jesus going, how'd you get that?

So who was up for Jesus? Was there a feeling in the room of the two contenders? I mean, it was apparent to me that in the photo that was in the paper, because the whole idea was that everybody, so I was in the middle, so I looked straight out, and then everyone kind of looks vaguely in towards that's how it works and there was only one person

who wasn't looking in who was also going for the camera oh yes and they were actually in the Judas position I won't say what their name is but I'll just refer to them as Juzy say no more say no more Denise Scott we know who it is I won't say what their name is, but I'll just refer to them as Jouzy. Say no more.

Say no more, Denise Scott. We know who it is. Oh, wow. I love it. That's pretty great. That's pretty great. Wow. Even at the top. Yeah.

Wow. That's awesome. It was fun. So I'm particularly interested in your dietary habits, Chas, today. Yes. Oh, here you go. Because I feel like you share a dietary sort of vibe with us. You're a big fan of really bad food.

We all had a drink the other night at Hairy Little Sister and you had a big backpack full of snacks that you bought from Melbourne Central and you busted out a snack that I remember from my childhood that I haven't seen in many years, the Mammy Monster Noodle Snacks. Exactly. It's like you call them noodle snacks, I call them healthy chips. What they are, they're basically like an uncooked two-minute noodle cake. Yes, with flavouring.

With flavouring on it. With flavouring. That was the... You look like the poorest uni student of all time. You can't even afford water. Yeah, they were like the hit of the playground when I was at primary school. And I talked to people about them and they're like, what are you talking about? Like no one my age remembers them.

And I didn't even know they were still out there. Oh, they are. I make sure I find them. Because basically my whole life is a massive struggle between the fact that I'm obsessed with weight but also obsessed with junk food. Which makes it very tough. So basically I just go out of my way, just find as many forms of low-jewel fast food I possibly can and cram my mouth with it. And then when I'm not having that, I'm having like carrots and fennel because I don't want to waste any calories on actual food. Oh, wow.

All my calories have to be devoted to Hungry Jacks or McDonald's or whatever. And so, yeah, so there's no pastas, there's no breads, there's nothing like that. No, no, it's either I'm chomping on a fennel or a red capsicum or I'm chopping on like a fat burger. You're not touching the middle of the food pyramid at all. You smashed a carrot just before we did this, which I think is the first time a guest has ever done that. And the reason for that is just before I came here,

I smashed two crepes. That's the way it works. It's very strange. It actually culminated on probably the least romantic honeymoon you could ever possibly have. Worked for me. I'm not sure about my wife. You fucked a donut.

Okay, the second. Oh, no, that does sound romantic. The second one. But then you stuck a banana up your ass. So it's fine. It's fine. It was consensual, okay? The banana was into it.

Anyway, we went to America for my honeymoon. That was the first time I'd been to America, which is my spiritual home. Yeah, yeah. And I just thought, right, okay, I've got 18 days to eat this place dry. Right. You're about to say out, weren't you? Hang on.

Still thinking of the banana. Yeah. You had to say out, weren't you? Hang on. Still thinking of the banana. Yeah. So my wife, unfortunately for her, she contracted food poisoning on day one, which is probably what you should have done with the kind of stuff we were eating.

Yeah. And I thought to myself, well, honey, you'll need to sleep that off while I go walking around New York trying to eat as much junk food as I possibly can. And so basically for the entire two weeks, I was literally having 12, 15 burgers a day, just having as much as I possibly could. And then in the morning, waking up, because I had jet lag at like 6 a.m., waking up and just hitting the gym for two hours on the treadmill. And I just try and burn off all this crap I was having all day.

That's the way to do it. Well, you think that's the way to do it. But let me tell you what happens. You get very sick, Carl. Oh, really? You get very, very sick because your body's not really designed for that. And so I had a great time. But when I got home, I was basically in bed for another three weeks.

It was kind of win-win, really. I went to New York with my girlfriend a couple of years ago and I had that similar thing where it was just like, oh, I've got to eat as much pizza and burgers as I can. And New York is like I've got pretty dodgy gut and New York is just, we've talked about this before, such a big tourist city is so bad for public toilets. Like there's none of them anywhere.

Because to New Yorkers the street is a public toilet. Well, that's true, yeah. But this was the point where my girlfriend had moved over to America to work and I hadn't seen her for six months and so we're sort of reuniting in New York and most of our trip was her just sitting in a cafe by herself so that I could go in and use the toilet. It was, yeah, no romance at all, just a disgrace.

Yeah, I must say, I discovered exactly the same thing. Starbucks is the toilet of New York. There's three of them on every corner yeah and uh yeah but they say they you know they have signs going toilets for customers only which they do here sometimes but no one ever enforces it but they enforce it there they see you go and they're like where are you going buddy you're like oh just the just really sick just the toilet they're like nah sorry get out you're like oh being banned from the dunny yeah yeah yeah i've've got a new favourite fast food place. Well,

do you call, you have to call pies in Australia fast food. Yep. It's pretty fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They cook them in front of you.

Yeah. Now, I'm working at the moment on Spix and Spex's in Elstonwick and it's just around the corner from this bakery and it sells excellent pies and I'm a big fan. It's called Frank's Bakery. I would promote it for people that want to go along

if they ever sold pies because here's the thing. I love pies there you go in there the shop is about 60 feet long you go in there every i go in there every day quarter past 12 12 o'clock 12 30 walk in can i get a pie thanks no we don't have any every day every day you go in there they don't have any pies they've got a massive massive oven oven's about 20 feet long what do you mean they haven't made them yet or what? Yep. At lunchtime, they don't have any pies.

At lunchtime, you go in. This is honestly the question I ask when I go in there. Instead of can I have a pie, I walk in there every day and go, do you have any pies today? And they say no. Bees still go in every day. I've made it my thing now. Is the shop actually open?

Are you coming in before the shop's open? And they're like, why does this weird guy keep coming in? It doesn't sell cakes. It doesn't sell any other sort of pastries or whatever. There's a few French sticks. It's essentially a shop with two French sticks in it. And every day I go in and go, can I apply? And I just kind of think the owner, Frank, is going to snap at some stage

and realise this is just a ridiculous game we're playing. I'll cook at least one today because I know I'm going to sell it. He doesn't. And I don't go into stupid time. I go in between 12 and 1 and go, I have to ask, do you have any pies? And he goes, no. Yesterday I went in there. It was a new record.

I went in there. I went, can I have any, do you have a pie today? I said, do you have a pie today? And he goes, we don't have any hot food today. Sorry. Like, why is the shop open? Carl, I hate to break it to you, but there's clearly a drug front. Right.

And you've just announced it on air and you're about to die. Yeah. I walked in. If you say pies in quotation marks, you'll probably get something. Right. I walked in yesterday, and this is Good Friday today, so it's Good Friday Eve. I walked in yesterday at 12.30 as Frank is hanging up a banner outside

the shop saying, Hot Cross Buns. Yep. On Good Friday Eve, that's when he's decided to put up the banner and there's four and a half shopping hours to go until Good Friday. Well, you know what it's going to be now? It's like, he probably used to make pies and for whatever reason in that area they just don't sell.

And then now you're coming in every day and demanding it. But of course, I know this from talking to you spix and spex is about to wrap for the season yeah so what it'll finally be is he finally goes like you know what the demand's out there yeah let's start let's just make hundreds of pies every day he finally and then that's the day when spix and spex has ended so you're not coming in anymore and he's just there with all these pies going oh for fuck's sake he's at the front going, Hilsey, come back. But this is the thing. So I go back to the office every day

and I just say to everyone, they don't have any pies. Again, they don't have any pies. And they're sort of the same as you. They go, why do you keep going in? I'm like, it's the principle. Because apparently I live in a sitcom. So I keep going and going,

there's no pies again. There's no pies. And they go, oh, you idiot. You don't know the trick. You know what you've got to do? You've got to ring up before you go. Ring up and make sure they've got one. I'm not ringing a bakery.

I'm not ringing a bakery an hour in advance going, make sure you have a pie today. It's a lot more sensible to walk in and ask every day. The first one would be ridiculous. Only an idiot would ring a bakery. A normal person would go in every single day and repeat the same mistake. I enjoy the game. Because I've been noticing you've been getting a lot of pie face

during the comedy festival. Is that what that is? Just quenching your insatiable thirst for pies. Yeah, Frank's been cock-teasing me and then I have to get it in some way. Here's what you should do. If you want to fucking up the game, if you feel like it's at a stagnant place where it's going nowhere,

next time you go in and you say, do you have any hot pies? And he's like, I don't have any hot pies. And you reveal from your pocket a hot pie and go, well, I have one. Your move, Frank. You should sell him pies. He needs pies. Do you want to buy one? You hand him a hot pie And then he hands you

A page of music Based jokes Whoa That's the thing I noticed when I went in there yesterday He had a beret on That's like a That had the Freemason symbol

And I'm like Maybe I'm not doing the handshake Maybe there needs to be Some sort of password Or whatever We're covering a lot of Secret society stuff On this episode.

Right. Illuminati, the Freemasons. Well, are you – Starbucks. I believe. They won't let you in the toilet because they're having Illuminati meetings. You're not part of the Illuminati. Oh, shit.

In King's Cross there used to be a cafe that you could go to and you just had to order – I think it was like two bags of tea or whatever and they would sell you pot. But you had to do it the right way. You had to order like a pot of tea and like an actual, you couldn't just go in and get the drugs. You had to like, well, from what I heard. The way it was explained to me.

It was a secret code. You had to order a pot of tea but just say the not of tea bit. A real secret code. No, but it was. It was like you had to say I'll have two pots of tea and like one of them you actually had to like, they would bring you a pot of tea and like, and the other one they kind of sneakily did the thing. But then you had to sit there and have the pot of tea because that was part of the cover

of the ritual. I had to have a pot of tea, one cup, two cups, one for me and one for my friend Cheech. But what about like, surely that must go wrong with the people who legitimately do just want two pots of tea. Right. Just getting narcotics thrusted at them. I think they did a really good job of making the cafe look like somewhere no one who wanted two pots of tea

would be able to stay. Right, right. It was not a place you wanted to linger because it was full of stoners. Around the corner from me there was this chicken and chip kind of place that's closed down and there's a big thing at the front saying butchers opening soon. I'm very excited about having a butchers around the corner from me and seriously thinking about when they open up going in and trying to get on the ground floor and go for a job

there. Really? Working at a butchers would be a lot of fun. You reckon? Yeah. Wouldn't you have to be dealing with blood and crap and – Well, don't be the happiest man. You're looking happy.

He's smiling. He's loving it. People love Butcher's. Butcher's are the happiest people. Yeah, it's true. They absolutely love it. Why? I don't know why you come in.

I don't know, but they're always happy. Yeah, they're just like over the top. I reckon you'd have to audition Butcher's because you need that performing arts sort of thing or something. That's why I think why you come in. I don't know, but they're always happy. Yeah, they're just like over the top. Like I reckon you'd have to audition butchers because you need that performing arts sort of thing or something. That's why I think I'd get in. Hey, mate, how are you going? Do you want some dead animals? How are you going?

That's what it is, I reckon. It's to mask the thing that you're just in a tomb, just a place of death. Yeah, nobody wants a maudlin butcher. Enjoy your sausages and the souls of the dead animals. He's just like pointing it's going to happen to all of us one day.

You don't want to buy any chops from Marilyn Manson. Maybe it's the opposite. Maybe they are psychos and that's why they're happy because they've finally found a job they can do which is legal.

It's like, yay, I can slaughter animals all day. It's my job. It's just like American Psycho out the back.

Yeah, you go out the back and they have a cow like wrapped in plastic like Dexter. It's like, is this really the way we butcher? This is the way we do it now. It's to mix it here with just it's hip to be square on. Just repeat. Now, Chas, you've introduced me in the last couple of days To some Because you're I thought I was a serious Junk food guy

Yeah But I've met my match Well and truly with you Probably have You've sent me some Sweet Japanese Yeah Details of

What is it Kit kats I didn't know this exists Yeah So they have a What a kit kat And a Fanta fetish Yes they do

They're obsessed with Just those two particular brands Like yeah because We were talking about How you went to Japan And I was saying Well because we were talking about how you went to Japan. I was saying, well, you like junk food. Of course you went to Japan because you had Kit Kats. And you're going, what?

Sorry, Kit Kats? What? Kit Kats? Have a break? What are you talking about? But no, in Japan, seriously, they put out a new flavour of Kit Kat probably every two weeks. They've had 200 new flavours in the last four years.

Are you serious? I am serious. 200 new flavours. And they're combinations like passion fruit mint and stuff. I you serious? I am serious. 200 new flavours. And they're combinations like passion fruit mint and stuff. I've got some of them here. I made sure I kept it up. Oh, awesome. Purple sweet potato Kit Kat.

What? Yeah. Sure. Intense roast soybean Kit Kat. I didn't know you could roast soybeans. Yeah. Let alone intensely. What else is there?

Red bean matchy flavour, brackets, I think. I'm not sure that's the official term. I think it is. Yeah, sour orange, green tea. Yeah, I've tried the green tea one. Now, that's the one that I had tried. Someone, one of our listeners to Tofop from Japan sent us some green tea ones. So I did eat those

they were quite nice well if you go to an Asian an Asian market in Australia you can usually find six or seven of them but seriously in Japan they're just everywhere

and the weirdest thing is there's different they've got so many flavours there are different Kit Kats in different stores like they've got four like a scavenger hunt yes

it was for me literally I was there for three days all I did was walk around Tokyo buying Kit Kats because every store around Tokyo Buying Kit Kats Because every store Has different flames

Of Kit Kats They actually have A Kit Kat store An actual Kit Kat store Where you can go And buy soy sauce Kit Kats Yes No thanks

Soy sauce Kit Kats Is the Kit Kat shaped Like a little fish No I reckon that'd be alright Because it's like chocolate And it's salty It's like chocolate caramel

And chocolate salt I reckon you could do it They are all and it's salty. It's like chocolate caramel and chocolate salt. I reckon you could do it. They are all alright. I love any time it's like... Oh, yeah. Do they have the big finger? They don't, actually. No, they don't have the big finger.

No, they don't. Because that's the other thing with Japanese junk food. It's all very small. Right. They don't like the big quantities. It's all these tiny little petite size. All their Kit Kats are like the little snack fun size. They're all like that.

What's the best one you've had? The best flavour of Kit Kat? What was your favourite? Oh, God. Oh, God. It's like choosing between your limbs. Which is another flavour of Kit Kat. Shedless limbs Kit Kat.

Look, I would say strawberry peach was very, very good. I do love that when a specific, when like a brand that that kind of everywhere has, just in one country or whatever, they'll branch out and go crazy. And you'd think, like, because it's the same brand everywhere, that everywhere would do it.

But it's like every other country just goes, nah, we'll be right. Just the normal one for us, thanks. I do think that's really interesting, like from country to country, some flavours are just like, like the Americans put peanut butter in everything. Yeah.

Like, you know, they must when they come to Australia and they're like, why doesn't Americans put peanut butter in everything yeah like you know they must when they come to Australia and they're like why doesn't everything have peanut butter in it tell you something I've noticed sorry to interrupt

but also in America what is raspberry for Australia in America is cherry every time you see something you think is going to be raspberry like an ice cream

or ice block it's always cherry it's just this weird little they probably think we're the weird ones because we've got raspberry so it's just this direct replacement of everything that we have as raspberry in America is cherry it's always cherry it's just this weird little they probably think we're the weird ones because we've got raspberry so it's just this direct replacement

of everything that we have as raspberry in America as cherry it's so weird that there's just the small differences in taste though because we mostly

eat the same stuff but there's just a few things that are like no no we have to have this grape over there grape hasn't really

taken off here no and cinnamon they love over there as well oh my god I was going to say that in Holland all I do is I love grape. Grape hasn't really taken off here. No, it hasn't. And cinnamon they love over there as well. Oh, my God. I was going to say that in Holland, all I do is just go around the world sampling junk food.

In Holland. I love it. Their flavours of milk are just bizarre. Like we're talking lime milk. We're talking passion fruit milk. We're talking berry milk. We're talking like just – This is one thing that you don't want to muck around too much with milk, I think.

Big M used to do it a lot, Big M, back in the day. Oh, well, they moved to Holland, let me tell you. You're talking about not mucking around with milk. They really muck around with milk. I think they're good for tea as well, if you want to go over there. Lots of different flavoured teas. I'll have 12 pots of tea. But they've actually got this weird sour milk

which tastes like it's off. Now that's what you want to mess with. When the milk tastes like it's off. We have that here as well. Do we? We just don't sell it. We have it here eventually. I was going to say that Japan though

is really the home of this kind of stuff. It's really our spiritual home, like junk food lovers, because they treat their fast food places with the kind of respect they deserve. Like, for instance, you might not know this, but… The best sentence that's ever been said on this podcast. We very much are. Can you join our podcast? I feel like I've been part of it all along.

I think it's Christmas. You can look it up on Google there, along. I think it's Christmas. You can look it up on Google there, everyone. I think it's Christmas Day. In Japan, their traditional way of celebrating it is going to KFC. What? In all seriousness. I think it's Christmas. Check it out.

It's a public holiday. I think it's Christmas. It might be Easter. It's one of those very special days that we all celebrate with our families and stuff. They literally have to book out KFCs. You have to book it like a restaurant to go to KFC. And there are queues for miles. Kentucky Father Christmas.

Very good. Very good. But what's next? Is there like – You know the best thing about that was I was sitting here and I was going to do a Kentucky Fried Christmas joke and I was waiting just for a pause to get in and then I missed the pause and you had a much better joke.

So I was like, one of those times where I was like, oh no, that was better. Good choice. You could have thought about a better joke when you were waiting to get in. Mate, learn from this guy. You could be picking up trash tickets at the end of your festival show.

Mate, that's why Greco saw you and not me. But what is, because you know like Santa's different in different places. Is it Santa in Japan? Is that who they had? Does anyone know? I think they, in a way they pinch a lot of sort of American traditions ironically. I think there's like baseball.

I think there's a bit of Santa there but they don't really follow it properly. It's just KFC. Maybe it's just the colonel. It's just the colonel in disguise. Well I guess he's got the white beard. He's jolly. He's always smiling. Instead of leaving

out cookies you leave out some nuggets for him. That would make no sense. He already has nuggets. I would certainly

stay up all night to see the Colonel. Let me tell you. I saw mommy kissing Colonel Sanders. I like how you've gone that makes no sense as opposed to

the folklore of a fat man coming down a chimney and leaving presents for everyone in the world. Oh, man. Hey, just quickly, Chas, I want to tell you this. Before I left the house today, I told my girlfriend I was coming here to do the podcast and she said, who's it with? And I said, I will. She goes, oh, that'd be great.

And I said, and Chas, and there was enough of a pause where I was about to say, you know, from The Chaser. Yeah, because you don't know how to say his last name. That's how he pronounces it, from The Chaser. That's my new last name, actually, from The Chaser. But I said, Chaz, and I left just enough of a pause, and she goes, Chaz Bono.

Ah, yeah. And I go, no, from The Chaser. And she goes, oh, that's a shame because it'd be great if you did an episode with Chas Bono. I'm like, would it be a great episode of our podcast if we have anything to talk about? Any questions? It's nice to be confused with Chas Bono as opposed to Chas and Dave

who I've been confused with before now. There's nothing more disappointing to you as a Chas when someone would wish you were Chas and Dave. That's very, very disappointing. That's a generational thing that you can figure out how old the person is you're talking to. That is true. Someone from Chas and Dave is like,

well, good luck at your 70th birthday. I just realised that when I looked at Tommy's blank face. Just looking around the room. But that's the thing I dislike when people, you cop that a bit and people go, oh, no, I don't know Ches and Dave or whatever because I'm not a million years old. It's like, well, you know, I know Shakespeare. I wasn't around for Shakespeare, but I've got Google. Yeah, look, it's fair cop to compare Ches and Dave to Shakespeare.

I'm with you on that. I support you all the way. They were the Shakespeare of their day. They won't be recognised in this lifetime, but like 200 years from now, when people are redoing Chas and Dave interpretations. Well, I'm talking about getting confused with people. Like I, you know, comedy festival time,

you know, trying to get people into shows and stuff. Someone tweeted me the other day going, oh, great. Asked my friend to get us tickets to Tommy Little and she fucked up and got tickets to At Dasalo instead. Like, oh, it should be a great show tonight. People resentful in the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, mate, like I have like, I mean, this is very common for me. I know I've spoken about this before, but like I often get like tweets from backstage and stuff from somebody who's just said, you know, you tweet me and say, I just heard someone in your, like, you know, in the fo foyer saying i think he's the guy who does advanced australia fair you know to jimmy barnes working class like people think i'm madame pills and they come to the show like still see that so there's still these people just sitting there going i see that's fascinating because i understand that from like a you know someone who's not like you know super into it or whatever just

a casual observer but to actually be walking into the show not knowing what the fuck you're about to walk into. People are just – people are fascinating. That's the main thing you learn with festivals. Oh, man. Like, well, yeah. Look, you know, they're big crowds. They're like – they're all very different and they all react

in different ways and like – I mean, like people want different things out of the show. I had a couple get married in my – well, not get married, get engaged in my show like early on this year? yeah this year well just over the top of you

they just started proposing no no no the dude had hit me up he hit me up beforehand because they came to my show every year for the last five years and they'd been together for five years

and it was like a special moment and whatever and so do you put it in the show where you go oh there's a five minute chunk in the middle of my show I'll just put the proposal in that bit

so it sort of covers up for it or what? no mine's the opposite I'm like I'm putting it-minute chunk in the middle of my show. I just put the proposal in that bit, so it sort of covers up for it. No, mine's the opposite. I'm like, I'm putting it in a position in the show that it can't fuck up the show, right? So I always do it just before the end of the show where I do my thank yous and plug some other shows and whatever because I've had to do it a couple of times over the journey and I always do it there.

So I've still got a bit of the show to go, but it's only five minutes or whatever after the proposal thing and i only ever do it with people that i know you're pretty sure that they're going to say yes and normally what i do is like they'll normally sit in the front row and this couple did so like for the first five minutes or whatever when i'm doing audience stuff i particularly just hang shit on them like you know i find out what they're doing how long they've been like just hang shit on them and like through the audience just like hang shit on their relationship and then so when i come back at the end and give it a bit of like five years mate you're like seriously can you like you know and then it normally creates a very organic moment for like where you can go you know what

you should propose right now bang but when i did it this is the bit i didn't know all his friends had as a surprise but they wanted to see it. So about four rows back, they'd all booked a row that she and he, well, I mean, he probably knew about, but she didn't know about. So they were far enough back that she didn't see them to ruin the surprise and know it's a... And they have jumped up with a camera crew bigger than they use at the ABC. Why do these guys have lights?

They've got cameras. So two cameras. They're filming. It was a really cool moment, but I've never tried harder. It was like the first Wednesday of the festival, which is not necessarily the biggest night of the whole thing.

And you could be tempted to go, well, it's just Wednesday, I'll just do my best. But when people are going to remember this night for the rest of their life oh my god I tried hard

I didn't want to get to the end and go into it and just have the dude looking at me like nah I don't want to remember tonight for anyone

move on I'll go to Hugh's tomorrow night and see if it works out there I want to take on I want to become the opposite of that if anyone's coming

to my show and you're thinking about ending a relationship, hit me up and serve your partner the divorce papers for myself. That'd be fun. Yeah, the reason we broke up is I wanted tickets to Tommy Little. And then she fucked it up. Then I met Richard Gruco and he was hot, so I hooked up with him instead.

It's funny where we're talking about My fast food thing Before When you bring up proposals Because Once again My whole life Revolves around this shit Do you know how I propose

To my wife Your wife Wendy I propose to my wife By By Opening up a burrito kit An old El Paso burrito kit, and wiring up the ring so that inside, and then resealing it,

so that when we opened the burritos, it would spring up in the air and kind of surprise her and have a candid camera kind of a vibe. Or possibly blind her. As I discovered. If only I'd talked to you first, Will, because that's exactly what it did. The one voice of reason over here. That's right. Straighten the eye.

And it actually worked out well because in the end she probably only married me because at that moment she was damaged goods. She thought, well, I can't have anyone else now because I'm blind. So you spring-loaded it? I did. Like a can of peanut brittle? Yes, like a little rubber band and stretched it. It seemed like a great idea.

She's like, they're really enthusiastic in the ads. When that little girl says we can have soft and hard ones, they seem wrapped. That's a joyous occasion. We can have both burritos and me. That's right. Yay. Yeah.

Chas and I both barracked for the same football team, the Western Bulldogs. That's right. And one of our hero players, Adam Cooney, who won a Brownlow medal, proposed to his girlfriend using a burger ring as the ring. That's right. My hero.

Only I thought that first. You must have loved him more at that time though when he combined your two interests. Very much so. That's a beautiful man. I've got my set of Western Bulldogs supporters and it's that admirable thing because you guys are proper supporters because you haven't been a sport with success.

No, we have not. You know, whatever the opposite of bandwagon jumpers are, that is you guys. Because I'm only, because I bagged for Essendon in the AFL and I'm still, I'm only just becoming, I think, like one of you guys where it's like, I haven't had success for 14 years now. And I've been enjoying it.

I've been like, because I had the 80s and 90s were great. And now I'm starting to go, okay, I think I've earned my badge now. I think I'm ready for something to happen. Do you think that? Yeah. Because we haven't won a premiership to happen. Do you think that? Yeah. Because we haven't won a premiership since 1954. So get in line, Tiger.

Look, preliminary finals are beautiful things. You'll only appreciate them after a while. I've got an update for the Japan KFC. Yeah, yeah. Is it Christmas? Yes. The tradition of eating KFC at Christmas dates back to the 70s. Because in a land bereft of turkey, fried chicken was the next best thing.

Oh. The store's canny manager was paying attention, passed the word on to the hires up, leading the successful to launch its ludicrously successful Kurosama Masad Nikwa Kentucky. Meaning Kentucky for Christmas campaign in 1974. There you go. How could you fail without campaign in 1974. Oh, there you go. How could you fail? He took it on, guys.

He took on the pronunciation and good on him. I know. I mean, I've got to be honest with you. Like, for someone who can make things racist, you'd manage to do that without it sounding very racist at all. Yeah. Wow. Yes, that's an actual thing.

That's awesome. I'm heading there for Christmas. I've talked on this so much, on this podcast so much. I think I'm doing it this time next year. Me and the girlfriend are planning to go to thing. That's awesome. I'm heading there for Christmas. I've talked on this podcast so much. I think I'm doing it this time next year. Me and the girlfriend are planning to go to Japan. I've never been. Well, now you know what to buy. Kit Kats fans.

We didn't mention the fans. Fanta's everywhere. There's like 70 flavours. And different flavours of Fanta as well. Yeah, like melon. It's not really Fanta anymore if it's not orange. Isn't that the point of Fanta? You're so traditional. No meat on Good Friday. point of Fanta you're so traditional

no meat on Good Friday only orange Fanta you're getting the 21st century Carl there's Kit Kats that are here there's ones that are just balls and it's like is that a Kit Kat anymore they're just balls of chocolate they have Kit Kat balls

it's an offshoot is it a break that's what defines a Kit Kat is it a break then it's a Kit Kat do you take, yeah, okay. It's an offshoot. It's in the same family. Is it a break? That's what defines it as a Kit Kat. Is it a break? Then it's a Kit Kat. Do you take a break to eat it? Yeah, yeah, okay. But that's a good point because it's like, yeah, just by trying to attach the name of the brand on it

to get that traction when it's a completely different thing, that's kind of like, you know, if just my show in the festival was called Will Anderson, you know what I mean? It's not you at all. It's just a different thing. It's an offshoot. Or Tommy Little say

yeah well I guess so I kind of am doing that just using my first name trying to pick are you ever I'm sure I'd love

I'd love it if you guys had this but this is what I'm getting this year people that I know friends of mine will hit me up multiple people

will hit me up and go yeah you're going to go to the comedy festival haven't seen anything this year oh Ronnie Chang sold out.

Luke McGregor sold out. Any other tips? There's a lot of good shows going around. I haven't got to see any because I've been at my own show. They go, oh, not to worry. I'll ask someone else. No, I've got good mates. No, no, I get people hitting me up for tips.

But I like when my friends don't come to my show. Do you know what I mean? I'm fine with that as well. I guess it's just that thing of going. Like, oh, yeah. Yeah, just say, oh, no, I've seen you enough. Right. That's fine.

I have friends, though, who, like, because I've been doing this 19 years now, this festival, like 19 different shows, and I think the only person who's seen all of them, I might different shows, and I think the only person who's seen all of them, I might be wrong, but I think the only person who's seen all of them is my sister. And Belvedere. And Belvedere. He has a seat, special seat every year.

Yeah, Greco broke his run this year when he had those empty seats there, all bought by in bag. I got a lady who sent me tickets from the last sort of 15 shows or something that she had this year, like, you know, a photo of all the tickets. So there is some people who've been for a fair amount of that journey, which I admire because a lot of it was shit. But I thank you for saying something in me and sticking with me.

But I have friends who came the first couple of years who've never been back, you know, because they came out to support you when you start, but you're so terrible that, like, their experience of, like, and they don't come back yeah and i'm like you know that like i'm really good at this like people pay heaps of money you know what if you ask me on the day i couldn't even get you a ticket and it's my show and they won't come because they just assume you're still as shit as you were 18 years ago that's hilarious because i reckon I've got friends that are the same that have done their thing first up and then gone

yeah yeah you know 72 virgins blew up we get it there's a harrowhole pool yeah yeah

we get it that is still good material still works that's hilarious that you've got the same people what do you reckon

what's the like oldest recording you have of yourself doing stand up that's out there oh I mean Lou Stomm do you reckon, what's the, like, oldest recording you have of yourself doing stand-up that's out there? Oh, I mean, Lou Stomm. Do you know who Lou Stomm is? Champagne comedy fan. Yeah, Lou would have some tapes that he could probably use

as hostage information against me. He was a guy who, for people listening, used to run a thing called Champagne Comedy at the, was it the Comics Lounge? It was also the Armadale. Armadale, that's where he would have stuff of mine. Yeah, and it would be on Channel 31. The gig that you do that they'd film and they'd put it on Channel 31,

it's public access TV in Melbourne. But when I would do it, he'd say you can get a tape of it from me and he'd sting you like 90 bucks for the VHS. Yeah, well, I think even back in my day, I remember at the Armadale they used to have a gig called Monday-itis where I once did support for a young up-and-coming comedian who wasn't even headlining at that stage in his own right. day like i remember at the armadale they used to have a gig called monday itis uh where i uh once did support for a young up-and-coming comedian who wasn't even headlining at that stage in his own right eric banner and uh it turned out he did fine for himself uh but um and you do gigs with

stubsy and guys like that you know like back in the old days and yeah lou would film them and i think the going rate was like at 35 at the time but like for a struggling stand-up comedian like $35 for a VHS tape of like six minutes of you being terrible was like it was a lot of money

but if your house got reception of channel 31 you could have taped other people's spots and undercut him and sold him for $20 the worst

the worst one that it's earliest recording if you're thinking of like what's really really terrible that's out there. That you would not want to be out there. Yeah. Someone somewhere will have tape of me doing stand-up on Recovery.

Oh, yes. I remember seeing you on Recovery. Yeah, okay. That's one of the first things I saw of stand-up, because I used to watch Recovery, and I didn't really have my head around stand-up much of the time. No, neither did Recovery. Yeah, yeah.

No. And I didn't know what I know now and everything but i remember that as a day of learning about stand-up comedy right so i started i watched that and just went oh this is just like watching hey hey or whatever i'd seen elliot goldberg i'd seen a couple people like that and i remember watching you and watching the crowd and going oh this isn't right no no you shouldn't be doing this this is like nine o'clock and these teenagers are all there not in the mood and it's too early and i'm like i've learned something about comedy that but not even just that like this is how it gets better so uh basically so yeah it's nine o'clock in the morning

you're doing stand-up comedy on television the audience who are there are all teenagers right like you're there for recovery they're not here to see stand-up comedy but then they make you do it to a camera and like nothing like so you're doing it to where there's no one and the only audience is to your side and behind you. So they're not even hearing what you're saying because you're speaking in an opposite direction. They're just behind you going, hi, mum. Hi, mum.

And how far into your career are you at this point? Was this one of your first TV spots? It was my first TV spot, I reckon. Well, my first stand-up TV spot. I might have done Good News Week or something before that. Or Richard Feidler used to have a show on the comedy channel that was kind of like an early version of those sort of shows. So one of those sort of shows. But early enough where you feel like this is going to be,

this is like make or break. I was probably like 23 or 24 or something like that. And also I had auditioned for the recovery hosting role like the year before or whatever and hadn't got it. Right. Right. So not only did I want to do a really good job, right? And anyway, so it's terrible.

Like terrible. Like death in a way that you can't even imagine. Like, death being. Australia's got talent. Right. Oh, yeah. I could have built a whole show around it if I'd had the foresight, right? Hey, man, you have the fucking audience in front of you.

How about you shut up? I know. So the thing about it is you hope that it's 9 o'clock in the morning and no one has seen it, right? So most of my friends are comedians. They're probably not going to be up at that time of the morning. I walk out of the studio. Okay, so I've got to have done Good News Week at this stage

because Paul McDermott has my phone number. So I guess I'm 24, 25. And the minute I've got out of the studio, I've just got a phone call from Paul McDermott that just said, I saw that. Jesus. Well, you know what? I'll quickly plug this because I've been emailed a few times by people to plug it.

But Chas, you're the host of Stand Up at Bella Union on SBS2. And it is a great show and everyone should watch it just because it's stand-up on TV, which is very rare. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So it's a great opportunity for... The audience is sitting at the right spot. It's not at 9am. That's right.

And another reason you should watch it is because I don't do stand-up. So that's a very good reason to watch it. No, but it's actually a really, really well-shot show. Yeah, it is. It's a great vehicle for stand-up comedy and the more people that watch it, the more chance of people, you know, at our level, get to do stand-up comedy on tv so hopefully goes to the second season and yeah it's a lot of friends of the show and stuff on there and that's where i met you a few months

ago yes uh at a recording um you were there to to do the the bits and bobs the interviews and stuff like that at the recording and um and i met you and it was it was great to meet you for the first time because you were a big fan of xavier michael eddie's friend of the show so we're talking about that and it's all going well because I was saying, hey, you know what, I helped book all the acts. And that was my proudest moment to be able to get Xavier over the line as a headliner on this TV show. Because I think Xavier's awesome and I wish he'd get more breaks because I find him just one of the funniest guys in Australia.

Conversely, I was on their list and you got me knocked off it for not being ethnic enough. Well, that's technically true. I could have got in a lot more trouble. Could have snuck in. But, yeah, so we were talking about that and you were going, oh, good on you because I love Xavier too and I think he's so funny and I'm going to pick him up, I'm going to make him a star, I'm going to put him in TV shows.

And look what's happened. Yeah, yeah. No, but you were so effusive and so over the top. I was like, great. Yeah, we both shared this love for Xavier, great. then that night i happened to mc the gig i went on didn't do that great i walk off go to leave and you go good to meet you anyway i was just being restrained you know what i know what i know now about j was probably just thinking, oh great, the gig's over, it's crepe time.

Get out of here. You did ask me, you said, please tell me exactly where the closest KFC is. Yes, I seriously did. I had the hunger. It was almost Christmas time. Apparently your ideal business would be KFC Kentucky Fried Crepes. Oh, just imagine.

Tommy, you were about to make that joke, weren't you? But better. But better. but a better version I'll tell you a secret by the way while we're plugging things something which hasn't been plugged enough

on the show is recovery there's one other person a real secret who made their debut on recovery and that is Chris Taylor

as the gimp oh are you serious Chris Taylor was the gimp I did not know that Chris Taylor from The Chaser I don't remember the Taylor as the Gimp. Oh, are you serious? Chris Taylor was the Gimp. I did not know that. Chris Taylor from The Chaser. I don't remember the... They had this guy with a mask on. That's the Enforcer, isn't it?

Yeah, I was like, the Enforcer. The Enforcer. Look at you, you're like name recognition. I love your old school references. Carl's sitting there watching you going, I wish that was me. This is a lot more about Chas, though, that Gimp is just at the forefront of the game.

No, it was a Gimp master. I thought Angus Sampson was the... Wow, he might have been at one point in time. Oh, it's like James Bond or Doctor Who. Yeah, I think they rotated them without much consequence. Yeah, like the one from Top Gear, the one who drives the cars. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Gimp.

Well, there you go. Driving around in a Gimp-mobile. I don't know if you read reviews of... Yeah, the gimp. There you go. I don't know if you read reviews of – and look, I'm only bringing up this review because I was angry when I read this review and I wanted to make the point and I had nowhere to make the point and suddenly these topics come up and I'm like, brilliant, I can make this point. But someone gave the review –

they were reviewing the stand-up at Ballet Union show in the Green Guide and they basically said that it's a great show but nobody wants to hear comedians talk about their craft. Like the guy just said, nobody wants to. And I was like, I'm guessing some people don't want to but like Mark Maron has the biggest podcast in the entire world and it's just him talking to comedians about their craft. It was just such a definitive statement for someone to put in a review.

To be fair, that guy did actually ring everyone in Australia. He rang me. I said, no, I don't want to hear anyone talk about their craft. He said I was involved. That's going to be on the next census that comes out. Are you interested in comedians talking about their craft? Why, Andrew? Jedi.

It's the wrong one. Guys, I think that's just about all the time we have for the little Dum Dum Club for today. Chas and Will, thank you so much for joining us. My pleasure, thank you. Chas, anything coming up that you would like to plug? Stand up at Bella Union. Yes, stand up at Bella Union.

That's right. I'm going to put a couple of you people off my back. What is it, Sundays, SBS2? SBS2. Very good. Javier Micoletti is coming up in the next couple of weeks. Oh, cool. And he's very good.

He is. He is very good. He's excellent. Get into him. And KFC. I'd like to plug. KFC.com.au. They've got an app at the moment.

And the checkout. The checkout. Oh, yeah. Forgot that. Yeah, yeah. I'm kind of spent my entire life working on the checkout at the moment. Right. Yeah. They. I'm kind of spent my entire life working on the checker at the moment. Right. Which is, yeah.

They're two very different plugs. So you've got my consumer-watched television program. And also, KFC is great. Well, there's great value. They never rip you off. I can't wait to see this plug section dissected on the next Gruen. Oh, this is a whole Andrew Bolt column. We won't plug the checker. They're doing all right. KFC is struggling,en. Oh, this is a whole Andrew Bolt column. We won't plug the checkout.

They're doing all right. KFC is struggling, though. Yeah, exactly. Pop up. Yeah, that's right. Check out when... That's 8 o'clock on Thursday nights. We've got Best Ofs for the next four weeks,

so don't miss them. But then we've got seven more. I'll call a clip show where you're in a coma and you remember all those clips. Pretty much, yeah. That's right. Will the Melbourne Festival be over by the time people hear this, but you'll be in Sydney? Yes, and i know that you have some international listeners so i'm in

acme and um acme comedy club in minneapolis next week and then uh healing in buffalo new york the week after and then i am in uh portland for the uh bridgetown comedy festival the week after that and then i'm in sydney for sydney comedy festival for willuminati. What's the dates for Sydney? 17th, 18th, 19th or something like that. Anyway. Cool. And you're also going to be in the first episode of the second series of my web series, Cheap Lunch, which is coming out soon, CheapLunch.tv. That we filmed in America.

Yeah, we filmed in Cantor's Deli. Yeah, it was fun too. We've got our, by the time people hear this, May the 10th and the 11th at the Factory Theatre for our solo shows May the 10th the Saturday we're doing a live little Dum Dum Club

there's a super pass where you can come to all three of the shows for 50 bucks on a Saturday they're selling it pretty quickly I think tickets are moving pretty fast

so jump on that if you want to come see us do that hang on if you can't do that we've got the Sunday and that's all we're just in a container in the container ship it's very weird so unlike last, if you can't do that, we've got the Sunday and that's all we're just in a container

in the container ship. It's very weird. So unlike last year, if you can make it down and pre-buy your ticket so I don't have to go to a park and fly drunk people and then they come in and throw stones at me for an hour which it was one of the highlights of my stand-up career to be honest because it was

I wish, I was so much fit by the end of a couple of festivals that I just had 25 drunk people spewing at me. And I turned it into a good show, but the shame is no one will ever remember what happened that day. It was one of the highlights of my festival was seeing your face as you walked out of the room. It was amazing. And I think we talked about this, but one girl, like in a room full of people going insane, butting their heads on the room. It was amazing. Yeah. And I think we talked about this, but one girl, like in a room full of people

going insane, butting their heads on the ceiling, one girl managed to get chucked out. Yeah. And then she walked out and started making it

with Dave Williams, who was completely sober. The look on your face after that show was like the look people used to have on Who Dares Wins when they'd have to

evil-can-evil style drive over a huge ramp when they've landed it. It was like, oh God, I got away with it got away with it yeah yeah well you know the weird thing that you missed from that show there was actually a note on the chair that said you've been greek guys thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you mate