The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 187 - Dave O'Neil & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: May 7, 2014

Poster Competitions, Dead Elephants & Bollywood Roadshow.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey Sydney mates, this is it. Only a couple of days until we're up there. What do we got for them, Carl? We got... We got the live podcast at 5.30 on the Saturday, May the 10th. We've got special guests. We've got special things happening. Yeah. Yeah, then we've got straight after that. We're sold out on the Saturday, our solo shows, aren't we, Tommy? Yeah, but we've got them on the Sunday. There's still some tickets left. You're at 6, I'm at 7.15, so you can make a little arvo of it. You know, you've got to come back twice because you've dragged your heels. But it's going to be worth it. Carl Towns has got talent at 6 o'clock.

And Tommy Desai, Dreamboat at 7.15 on a Sunday. Yep. So come down. We're really looking forward to seeing you guys. This is it. This is your last chance to get on it before we're down there. All the tickets and stuff are at littledumbdumbclub.com. And we'll see you there. See you, mates.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Daslow. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting opposite me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Now, look, normally up the front here we like to – we have a bit of a chat, you know, just you and me. It's a bit weird not doing a live one, isn't it? Yeah.

It's weird being back in Podcast City. Yeah. You and I just – we hang out. We kind of – you know, it's a little chance for the guests to just hear us. Read our diary entries. Yeah, just do all that sort of stuff. But, you know, we've got a guest in today who's – at the same time he's one of our favourites, but he's also one of the most kind of disrespectful i've got him i've got a fist in his

mouth at the moment just to stop him from biting my point is should we should we bother should we oh man oh man you're talking about me you're gonna introduce your guests that's that was my point well is it worth us well let's let's crack straight in okay it's just a you know it just a delight to have him not fucking eating at the moment. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, I am hungry. Just start gnawing on that couch cushion if you get peckish. Yum.

Because we've got a lot of stuff to talk about. Sure, let's go. It's just going to be constant interruptions if we don't. Okay, well, first of all, joining us, you know him from Open Mic Life, the podcast. I doubt it. I doubt it. I doubt it. There it is.

Hey, just trying to help a guy out. From Live on Bowen, he's our little mate. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Dilrok J Singer. Yeah, thank you. Will they just credit you made up then? Do any of those things exist? You may know Dilrok from Apple Cart to the Dozen and Simon Wobzy Wobza.

He also won the Your Poster competition. Oh, he did. Winner. Winner of the Your Poster competition. But just to be clear, you didn't design that poster, did you? No. So you didn't win anything. No, no, I promoted it.

You promoted a poster. Well, I've shared it around to people. How many people entered that? I mean, your poster wasn't that good. Seriously? Shout out to whoever did design that poster. For context, this is a competition that your website

that we've talked about, a comedy website that we've talked about a little bit, where you uploaded your poster onto Facebook and whoever got the most likes, they won a whole bunch of product. So that got like 500 likes, which is far more exposure than my podcast or the TV show that I've done. So I think actually that is a credit. You may know Dilrock from his shitty yet popular poster. You should just turn your podcast into a poster.

That's the way of the future. Also joining us, you know him from all manner of things on the telly, Tractor Monkey, Spicks and Specks. No poster though. Agony of manners. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Dave O'Neill. Thank you. Carl designed my poster.

Yeah, did you enter it into the York poster competition? In terms of interrupting, I genuinely had this moment just then when you were going, hey, mates. I was like, I was not hearing the music. And I was about to hum it along. And I thought, oh, that would be weird. Oh, that would be good. We should get you to just do our theme music now.

That would be much better. I'll do it at the end. Talking about Comedy Festival, now you're renowned as having the best laugh in the business. The best laugh. Is that fair? It's unfortunately more popular than my actual comedy. But you could say that about a lot of things. No, but my proper headliners have, like,

hit me up and asked me to come to their media nights, but they've never offered me any gigs. Oh, great. So you must get requests for every review night. Close to, yeah, a fair amount. Like, genuine private messages going, hey, I've got my media night. Can you get me up? Wow.

See, that's interesting because when you, as a little behind the curtain thing, when you're doing the comedy festival, you assign a media night and then all the reviewers that want to come, they automatically get two tickets. And then you see people that you know who are reviewers on Facebook going, oh, I've got a free pass to this show if anyone wants to come along. And it's a little bit scummy, the idea that they just automatically get a plus one.

I didn't have a media night this year. Didn't you? No, I didn't fill out the form. Sweet move. Seriously, it's just a list of internet people and, you know, trolls and stuff. I'm not having them. Are they trolls if they're in your show?

Are they trolls then? Right, right. If they turn up. Yeah. Yeah, well, oh, yeah trolls then? What? If they turn up? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They can still be trolls and turn up. And then one year I fill out the media form.

People come along. They just slag you off on the internet. They don't even have a free ticket. They want to slag me off. They can pay. See, I didn't have a media. I said to, look, the big newspapers can come, but that's it. I don't care about the internet.

Yeah. But my point is they automatically assign the reviewer a plus one for their girlfriend or whoever. They should automatically assign a free ticket for Dill. They should just go around scouting people with good laughs. I'd prefer every reviewer just gets one ticket. I'll let in anyone. And then 15 tickets just get assigned to people with good laughs.

That's how it should go. Well, it's funny you say that. You know, people – I think this year there was a lot of blogs and whatever getting free tickets. Oh, anyone can try and get free tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone's just chancing their arm at the system. Someone messaged me saying, oh, they were only allowed to get X amount of free tickets because they were just a blog that sort of no one read.

So they go, oh, yes, sorry. So I couldn't get a free ticket to your show so i won't be going to see you it's like you can still see me you just have to pay like everyone else does only there was another way it's so easy to get free tickets you know i my partner was a big fan of rob patterson i told you this story from Twilight. And he was coming to Sydney to do a press conference and a media night and show the film Water for Elephants. I can see why she went for you. Yeah, yeah. The resemblance.

I'm like a fat version of Rob Patterson. I'm like Rob Patterson's dad. Are there any fat vampires? You're very pale. That's about it. Werewolf. Yeah, I'm very pale. And so I just rang up.

And you suck. Yay. Oh, that's disappointing when Dil doesn't laugh at a joke. Because you can really hear him not laugh at it. That's a pun technically too, I think, isn't it? No. Anyway, and so I just rang up the publicist and said, oh, I want to come to the movie.

I want to come. And they went, oh, yeah, no worries. They didn't ask. And she said, oh, I want to come to the movie. I want to come. And they went, oh, yeah, no worries. They didn't ask. And she said, where are you from? I said, I'm from the ABC. So you just say a general organisation that's so massive they can't check. Yeah, great. And then if you were a terrorist and wanted to kill Rob Patterson,

it'd seriously be so easy. There's someone listening to this that does have designs to do that. Kill Rob Patterson. Surely, yeah. Movie premieres are very – I've gone along with a friend of the show who will remain nameless who reviews movies on radio. And he's put down for tickets. Like he's on the list.

And he said, just come with me and just say you're from – it's the opposite. Is it Margaret Pomerantz that we're talking about? Yeah, no, it's David Stratton. Is it the movie guy, Mark Thingo from Triple J? Yeah, Mark Finnell. Yeah, me and all those guys. We're all mates. It's the opposite.

Don't say it's such a big one. Just say it's a really little one. Just say you're from like Cinefm or something that they don't give a shit about. But I should try it on. I've been meaning to actually start trying it more often with like concerts and stuff like that. I reckon you could get free tickets. Yeah. I reckon it would be that hard.

Because here's the thing. I don't buy tickets to anything, even if it's not comedy, because I always just sort of think, oh, like I, I'm very, like I'm never organised enough to get them when they go on sale

and there's a part of me that thinks. You think to yourself, I'm Tommy Dasolo, I should be able to get into everything from there. I should probably go see The National or whoever I want.

But it's just, I know enough people that surely a ticket will just drift into my field of vision if I want it. That's horrible. And then it never does. And then are you cool with people giving out free tickets to your shows?

Yeah. To people with good laughs, sure. Yeah. God, I prefer to buy a ticket than go through all that. Yeah, yeah. You have money, Dave. I've got money. You're right, I do.

We're just giving a guide to people to come into our show for free next year. I've got a blog. Well, they want to get into my show. I can tell you now They can buy a ticket Yeah But we had a thing With the time I came to your show

I bought a ticket to your show Chandler I bought one Did you really? I bought one Well I just thought It was too late to ring you And so I just bought one It's probably quite expensive

It was too late For what you get Certainly It was too late to ring you I was like at the box office And some guy was there going What show is it about? And the woman goes

We've got Carl Chandler Who was on at the same time as you? Olly Clark I don't know Who? Oliver Clark maybe Yeah in the same room In Portland

Oh Rhys Nicholson We've got Carl Chandler Not the whole guy guys Rhys Nicholson We've got Carl Chandler I'm going to Carl Chand Or Rhys Nicholson. We've got Carl Chandler. I'm going to Carl Chandler. He goes, you all right? So I've got another guy into your show.

Oh, wow. Flaring for him. The street team. The Carl Chandler street team. He just wanted to see whatever you wanted to see. What's that? He just wanted to see whatever you wanted to see. I think he was just lonely.

I don't know what the story was. Carl, I was in your show the same night as your girlfriend. Yes. And I was going to bring that same night as your girlfriend was in. Yes, and I was going to bring that up. Don't worry. So you've heard this already. So what happened was, Dill, with his lovely, generous laugh,

well, the thing was, you'd already sort of heard the story of my show, so you didn't hear you laugh too much, but you just heard you laugh whenever I sort of improvised with the crowd and stuff like that, and then you went crazily to town or made a mistake yeah

you just started squealing laughing whenever I sort of made something up and so but then you were quiet for the rest of it so it was very

I love the excuse making that's going on in your head like that I'd heard it before he wasn't laughing because he'd just heard it before yeah you should start your own blog yeah

so he he goes crazy and then we get out of there and my girlfriend sort of said, oh yeah, it was a good show. I'll tell you what was annoying though. The worst bit about the show was that woman behind me just screaming laughing. I've been copying it so much.

I came to Spleen last week and Adam Richard was emceeing. You were on as well, Dom. Oh yeah. Oh man, do you remember his exact wording? No. He goes something along the line. Adam Richard was emceeing. You were on as well, Dom. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Do you remember his exact wording? No. He goes something along the... Adam Richard was emceeing. He didn't acknowledge...

To be fair, you were sitting in the audience like a fucking idiot. Not only in the audience, in the second row. In the second row of a comedy gig. Comedians generally don't sit in the crowd. No. I had a friend of mine. She wanted to...

You had a look on your face like you'd never seen comedy before. I genuinely love comedy. This was like my first night off from gigging and I thought, what am I going to do? I've got to split. Take up one of the seats that punters... Yeah, yeah.

Well, to be fair, two of them. Two, two. There we go. There's that annoying woman. It's that crazy lady. So you had a girl that wanted to go with you. No, no, just a friend from work. She had a really rough day and she just wanted to get her mind out of things.

So she was going to go by herself. So I felt a little bit bad. So I thought I'll accompany her. Who are some people who ask her to sit there while I'm hanging out backstage? Yeah, sure, sure. Right? But then Adam Richard goes at the end of the bracket, he goes, all right, everyone, just go for a drink.

And while you're there, just think about whether your laugh defines what you're like in bed. Because if that's true, then that bitch over there is a horny 80-year-old woman fingering herself to pack to the rafters. Oh, my God. And then backstage, he goes, were you on a date? I'm like, does it fucking matter now? I like how that ripping you, like, so harshly, you've still got a dated reference in it. Pack to the rafters.

Pack to the rafters. And then we brought the night home by Tommy Dasso saying something to it as well. Well, because I was on, no, yeah, we were talking about it backstage and just saying I should just go out there and single you out and just kind of rip you because I was on at the gig. Because you were laughing that much. Everyone backstage, there was ten people backstage, and we were screaming through the curtain,

shut up, Dil. Just shut up. I'm having a nice time on my day off from comedy. I've got text messages from all you guys. What's a girl from work think about you and your laugh? What does she think about comedians saying to you, stop laughing at us? And texting you saying, go kill yourself.

Well, I want to distance myself from that text, so I don't know anything about that one. That channel is written all over it. No. No. I heard you on this podcast with people. Welcome back to the workplace bullying hour, everyone. Your list of catchphrases are, great dickhead and neck yourself, cunt.

No. No. But I, so I got up at, so basically it was us talking about what's the worst thing that you could say to Dylan the Crowd and then I ended up – I said to you, Carl, what will you give me if I do this? And you said a pint and I went, well, that's enough. And I wrote you the line, let's be fair. Yeah, it was you going – it was you trying to think up the worst thing that you could say in a spot.

So I get on and I'm sort of, I felt like I hadn't, because you'd laughed at the start and I felt like I had an opportunity then and I'm like, nah, it's right at the start. I don't know if, and then I missed it and I was kind of regretting it because I thought, oh, I don't know if I'm going to get another opportunity. And I'm sitting at the back of the room just having completely forgotten about what the bet was and that we'd had a bet and I was just enjoying the gig. Yeah.

So then I do a new bit that went okay but didn't quite end how I would have liked it to. And that was the end of my set and I thought, oh, I need a – jeez, I need some kind of dismount here. And I, as a supportive friend, gave it a bit of a laugh and it was a good joke. I heard that magical noise and it all came back to me and I remembered, oh, I've got a ripcord I can pull here. So I said my exact words to you were, what was it? This guy. No, no, well, at least that got a laugh from the horny old bitch

up the front. And I'm going to meet up with her after this gig and give her my big old dick. There was a bit of, I took a bit of, I think big old was my addition. It was like you saying I should say give her the dick. No, no, that was mine. Did anyone laugh? You got an applause break.

I got a round of applause, yeah. So then I put it on Facebook the next day that I've done that. By the way, because I'd completely forgotten about what had gone on, what the dare was and all that sort of stuff. And I'm up the back of the room on my haunches on the ground, doubled over laughing. I love your haunches. Just nearly crying laughing.

And people are just standing around me going, what's going on? And then I get up and my ego kicks in and I go, I wrote that. But I've never seen you – when I got backstage, you walked around a minute later holding a pint in tears. I've never seen you – oh, no, no, hang on. I've seen you laughing that much at something and it was, again, it was something that you wrote on Facebook that had made you laugh that much. Oh, really?

Yeah. The thing is for me, like, I used to be really insecure about the laugh because I know how fucking annoying it is, right? But then after a while I thought, I used to be really insecure about the laugh because I know how fucking annoying it is, right? But then after a while, I thought, you know what? It doesn't matter. But now I'm starting

to feel insecure again because I'm like, I worry that deep down in some sort of subconscious attention-seeking behavior, I'm worried that just because I'm not on stage that offstage,

I'm trying to still grab attention, right? And I'm worried that's what you guys are going to think. So now I've gone back to the thing of suppressing my laugh.

Are you trying to help out? Is that what you're trying to do? No, I was just having a good time and I just love like's what you guys are going to think. So now I've gone back to the thing of suppressing my laugh. Are you trying to help out? Is that what you're trying to do? No, I was just having a good time and I just love like – My mother-in-law has got a big laugh like that too. Another horny old woman obviously. How often does she get big old dick, Dave? Jesus Christ. I can't answer that.

Well, because you said all that to me two nights later I was at a gig and you came along to watch after another gig that you'd been at and you said all that to me and I was very reassuring. I was like, no, no, because, I mean, that's the danger with having a big laugh is that there's a couple of people that are in comedy that we won't name who have big laughs that it kind of tips over into sounding a bit like they're taking the piss. Right. That's the danger of having a big laugh is that it kind of tips over into sounding a bit like they're taking the piss.

Right. That's the danger of having a big laugh is that the rest of the audience get drawn to it and they go, this isn't that funny. And that person's laugh sounds a bit like they're kind of being sarcastic or whatever. I can't believe you haven't got a job in commercial radio yet. Tim Smith used to have a great laugh like that too. Clang. Yeah, clang.

So I reckon you could easily be the guy in the background laughing. Well, I reassured you about it and then so you started laughing more at the gig and I was hosting and then at the end of the gig I've bought the line out again. I've gotten the audience to give you a thanks. The exact same material. So it's gotten two trots now. It's kind of on the border of becoming my catchphrase. I'm thinking of getting my T-shirts printed up. Shout out

to the horny old woman who's going to get my big old dick. And I get sweet percentages of all t-shirt sales obviously. Yeah, we should register that phrase with APRA or something just so anytime someone says it, we get the coin. I had Hugh's yell at me at his show. I was in the balcony at the back. Really?

And I lost it. What, in the theatre? In the theatre. And he goes, you know, he just stopped and I started laughing and he stopped and he goes, what the fuck was that? Is there a fucking kookaburra up there? And then later on in the show he fucked up and he did his classic, anyway, good on you, good on anyone, whatever. Good on you, good on you. And then I started laughing.

He goes, shut up, kookaburra. Just laugh at the jokes. That would make some sense. If anyone out there wants to do some fan art, we could combine Hughie's one and our one, like a horny old woman Kookaburra. But, Dil, did you do a – I mean, I didn't see your show this year, but it was about losing weight, wasn't it?

It was meant to be about losing weight. Right, so five months ago I realised that it's been like 20 years that I've been fat and I've just not found the body weight. And you're what, 19? Dilrach is the fat fetus. Dilrach, joy singer, can't get out. Can someone shut that kookaburra out? What a great poster image that is. That is not winning your bet in any way.

The overweight kookaburra. Get out. Oh, Jesus. No, it was like i've been it was about i just never had the motivation to lose but i'd start on a diet and then i'd like drop it or start an exercise like um and just sort of lose track so i thought okay if i lock in a festival show about losing weight that like that's so publicly declared going hey guys so that's why i took a photo of me in a really tight shirt to give me that motivation that looked like a big shirt to me but anyway to be fair he's actually large was it large or it was large i'm sorry i have to keep hitting him back over the net if you keep serving him up i'm sorry I have to keep hitting him back over the net if you keep

serving him up I'm sorry but yeah it was actually talking to someone about this the other day that I'm not comfortable around a comic

unless they make fun of me because comedians never make fun of the people they don't like to their faces yeah absolutely so this is just

a genuine joy thanks Will I love that you guys like me now sure but yeah Dave's not teeing off in the same way that everyone else is he must hate you no I actually have a beef to pick with just a genuine joy. Thanks. I love that you guys like me now. Sure. But yeah. Dave's not teeing off in the same way that everyone else is. He must hate you.

No, I actually have a beef to pick with Dave as well. Oh, I bet you got a beef. Anyway. What? Medium rare. Yum. How much weight did you lose anyway? Oh, no, I did.

I lost a bit. I lost eight, yeah. Eight kilos? That's great. Yeah, it's like eight out of 40. So it's a long way to go still. But it was something. But the show was more about...

How much do you weigh? I'm about now 112, I reckon. 112? You're heavier than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty bad. It doesn't look like it because I'm pretty good looking still. Yeah.

That was not a gag. because I'm pretty good looking still. Yeah. You've got a new haircut. That was not a gag. I've got a joke in my festival show that I did this year and on the last night I said, it's just a joke about someone weighing 160 kilos. That's a lot.

Yeah, which is a lot. You sort of think, okay, I'll exaggerate it in a number. I think it's a loser. Yeah, there's no one going to be sitting in the audience that weighs that much. So I did the joke and then two people in the audience on the last night, I assume they're podcast fans, I think. So they'll love this.

Yeah, no. So I went really hard at it and laughed way longer than everyone else did. And I went, oh, what's going on over here? And then the overweight guy out of the duo stood up and went, I'm a massive fat fuck. That's a typical dumb joke. A massive fat fuck. Yeah, like not like one of those average fat fucks that you see out there.

I'm next level. Yeah, but like that explains it as well. The reason I laughed at the fat joke is because I'm crying inside. Yeah, I'm hurt by it. It's the only way to stop the tears from coming out. What about you, Dave? What? Have you ever gone on like a big sort of weight loss sort of ambition?

I only, I've thought about doing it as a show. Because you did, now correct me if I'm wrong you broke your leg on a radio stunt once doing a BMX trick jumping dicko yeah yeah and you lost a lot of weight after that

which is also awesome doing a BMX stunt breaking your leg on radio yeah yeah because it's a great visual medium you could have just

done a sound effect yeah you could have just gone I made it everyone I know I thought about that a lot yeah no I know. I thought about that a lot. Yeah, no, I lost about 25, 30 kilos.

Wow, from being, because you were cooped up in bed with a broken leg. Yeah, vomiting, got in the hospital for a few weeks, couldn't eat. From a broken leg? Yeah, I couldn't. Well, because of all the drugs, it was all morphine. Morphine. I think it was morphine. Yeah, yeah, and I couldn't eat. I couldn't eat. It's hard to It was all Morphine Morphine I think it was morphine Yeah yeah

And I couldn't eat I couldn't eat It's hard to remember morphine When you're on it I guess Because the first couple of days I felt great Because when I broke my leg I didn't feel any pain

It just went You can hear it It's on the internet of course I filmed it And you can hear it break And then I didn't Oh I can hear it break on YouTube Yeah yeah

Oh wow It goes Like that And because the bones I landed on really... Oh, I can hear it break on YouTube? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. It goes like that. And because the bones just... I landed on my leg. My leg was straight and I landed on it. All my weight went on it. And yeah, and then I went to the hospital. And then after a few days, the morphine just kicked in.

I was sort of vomiting. And the other thing was that then I went home and I couldn't drive or anything. And I was in a wheelchair. And my wife controlled the food. Yeah. So she put all the food up high. It's a true story and i couldn't reach it so i was just laying in bed and i couldn't eat so i lost about yeah 25

30 kilos then put some of it back on and then you know it goes up and down so david you suggesting that we break dill's legs right now that seems like that's the way to help you unusual because i was doing no exercise at all. We need some podcast stunts. Radio stunts, they love a radio stunt. They're always trying to come up with new ideas. I will give, if we get a radio job, first day on air, I will give my big old dick to a horny old woman. Live on the air.

That's what I'll do as a stunt. Yeah, you can nominate the old woman. People can vote. You will lose a lot of weight once you break your big old dick. Yes. Because my dick is how I get food. From the high shelf. Yeah, I just put it into the fridge and put donuts on the end of it.

And so if they're up a couple of shelves higher on the fridge shelf, then I'm not going to be able to get to them. It is a yo-yo thing though, isn't it, Dave? I actually lost some weight about six years ago because my brother and I had a bet. Like I'd lost about four kilos or something. Is he fat too? No, no, no.

Oh, he's big, but he's not like, no, he's in better shape. But he said, I started and lost like four kilos. I'm like, yeah, man, I think this is it. He's like, yeah, that's bullshit. You always say that. And he's really rich, my brother. And he said- Why is he rich?

Oh, he lived in Monaco. Does he sell food rich, my brother. And he said, okay. Why is he rich? Oh, he lived in Monaco. Does he sell food to you? Yeah. He has a food van outside Jill's house. What an amazing, like, what an absolutely. It was not really high up on the shelf that I can't reach. That's one of the meals that your mum used to make. Jill got mum's favourite curry.

What an amazing relationship that would be if that were true. Oh, man. Just imagine that. Imagine the guy who's just living in this fucking palace. Meanwhile, his brother's got diabetes. He sweats when he thinks. He can't move. And he's happily just churning more money out of the poor guy.

I just want to say the joke I said then sounds like a grade four joke. But, man, I'd be proud of that joke in grade four. Why was he in Monaco? Yeah, his ex-girlfriend. No, no, no. His ex-girlfriend lived there. He moved over there. Then they broke up.

And then he just had this sick job. Doing what? I've been there. There's not much to do. He's 33 years old and he's retired already. He's moved back. But what did he do? Like he worked in a hedge fund, which is some sort of...

He sells drugs, doesn't he? No, no, no. Hedge funds is taking money off other people. I don't know what he did. But he's quit it. He retired at the age of 29 and he's just done nothing for the last... Oh, well, they can't catch you once you've retired, so... He's fine.

They just burn your tax file number after that, I think. No tax file number because it's Monaco. There's no taxes he paid zero taxes I pay more taxes there's only yeah there's only one reason to move to Monaco

and it's to do dodgy tax stuff isn't it well that was not his original reason he stayed in Monaco for the dodgy tax what was his original reason the girlfriend

he had a girlfriend is he still there no he moved back to Sri Lanka now because he's like he's just living off all the money just misses paying tax

is he one of the top 10 most wanted on the Interpol list? God he'd be big news in Sri Lanka though No no no He keeps it quiet? Yeah He's not super rich He's just rich enough to live hang out He's not like the guy who created Flappy Birds

And then people are just coming around to his house And like Wanting money Trying to kill him Wanting money and like Fucking harassing him for making a game that's... He's rich for Sri Lanka, put it that way. He can live for the rest of his life off his savings. Well, it's a third world country, so he's got a bit of a shack for the neighbour.

It is officially third world. Of course it's a third world country. Oh, I don't know. No, no, it is. What do you think a third world country is? Then name me a country and I'll tell you. All right. Well, what's the second world country?

The Soviet Union. Is that the second world country the Soviet Union is that a second world country yeah okay yeah it was you

know someone asked me the other day but it was a term coined by the Americans and stuff like that

so we're in the first world the Soviet Union is the second world and the third world is where dual rights are

everywhere just specifically my house so there's that you know people on Twitter will go oh I can't find my

favourite CD first world problems what's the second world problems are the stars you've turned up and taken my brother away It says that people on Twitter will go, oh, I can't find my favourite CD, First World Problems. What's the Second World Problems? The stars you've turned up and taken my brother away. They're talking. Second World Problems. Second World Problems.

The Berlin Wall's come down. Hashtag second world problems. That didn't get enough traction. I just got beat by Rocky in the fourth movie. Hashtag second world problems. I took my dog and put it in a rocket. Second world problems. Rocky and Bullwinkle out-thoughted me again.

There's a massive line for the beach routes. Oh, God. Second world problems. See, not paying any attention in geography and history classes. Coming back to bite me on the arse now. I thought to myself, I'll never need this. And I've got nothing to contribute. You must know a Russian reference.

Because that's what I learned at school. Rocky and Bullwinkle and Rocky. Yeah. Yeah, in Rocky 101. All I know is Rocky references in Russia. Rocky and Bullwinkle and Rocky. Okay, what about this? Oh, they opened me up and then lots of little versions of me kind of came out.

Second world problem. Babushka doll? Is that a woman giving birth? Yeah. Oh, God. That's all I've got. That's like the only thing I know is babushka dolls. I'd like to go to Russia.

I've never been anyway. So you don't want to go to Russia? Yeah, I'd like to go to Russia. Why? Just check it out, man. It's cold. Just go there, check it out. I was watching a documentary about Pussy Riot last night. Edit out the Riot, man. It's cool. Just go there, check it out. I was watching a documentary about Pussy Riot last night.

Edit out the Riot fight. Enough about your personal life. Yeah, yeah, the band, the punk band. Yeah, yeah. It didn't look that good. It didn't look that good. No, no. Some of my brothers have been and said it's, you know,

but it's really interesting, I reckon. Really interesting. My dad went and said, they're poor and they hate us. That's what he said. They're poor and they hate us. Was that the postcard? No, that's what he said. The Russians were poor and they hate us. That's what he said. They're poor and they hate us. Was that the postcard? No, that's what he said.

The Russians were poor and they hate us. Specifically Aussies or just the Western sort of idea of the world? No, that's the right. What do you mean? No, he went on some bus. Dad went on a bus tour there in Russia. Yeah, but when he says they hate us, does he mean like the whole Western? I was going to say, that's pretty tough if it's just Aussies. No, no, no what we've done to deserve

that, specifically. You're going back to Sri Lanka. You go back quite often. Do you tour? Do you do stadiums? We have huts. What cricket team did he play for? The stadium that's named after your brother. You get a good deal on it to do your comedy festival show there. Were you middle class? You were middle class

there. There's a middle class in Sri Lanka? Yeah, I would say middle class. You've put up on Facebook recently your passport photo. Is that your current passport photo? Yeah. Or is that a new one? That's your current one. That's like three months ago, four months ago that I got done.

Is that an old one? But that picture's quite old though, isn't it? No, no. That was like taken that day. What? Yeah. When I went back to Sri back to the one with the mustache yeah yeah yeah so that's a three month old picture four months old yeah it looks like it was taken

what it looks like it was taken in that eric banner movie where they chopper you look like chopper you're fat you've got a handlebar you've cut your ears off no the one with about the Moscow Olympics Munich Munich Munich Right It looks like you were in Munich the movie No no so what happened is You've got a wide lapel jacket on You've got a moustache

I've got a pink tie and an orange shirt Man No what happened was I You have got trendy more recently though When I first met you you were a daggier that's for sure Yeah you and Adam Richard told me to stop wearing clothes that show off my rancid gut Adam's words obviously daggier, that's for sure. Yeah, you and Adam Richard told me to stop wearing clothes that show off my rancid gut. Adam's words, obviously.

But it was, yeah, you, Simon Paul, Chris, and Adam Richard just ripping into how I dress while I was on stage. Yeah, yeah, it was that gig I ran where you guys were judging and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were judges. And they just judged. I'm like, look at you three blokes. I'm going to go on my way.

While we're talking about this, is this okay if we put a picture of this photo that we're talking about up on our Facebook? I'm already worried about identity issues because I thought I blurred it out enough, but I don't think I've actually blurred it well enough. There's still some numbers you can identify.

Don't worry, no one wants to steal your identity. You'd have to get three people dressed up in one outfit one of those guys on that Malaysian Airlines his name was Dilraba Singh

we know who he is a fan of the Dum Dum Club has got on there a fan of the Dum Dum Club has got on there oh man when Dumb Clubs got on there. Oh, man.

When I go to see Al-Qaeda cells sitting around in Melbourne just looking for someone to have a look. Someone rode a BMX into Dave O'Neill's leg and we've checked his passport. It's Dilrach. Dilrach J. Singer. No, when I go back to Sri Lanka, I don't shave and I just sort of let, you know, I don't bother cleaning up.

Yeah, natural. You don't want to be a target for kidnappings or something like that? No, just lazy day. Like, it's just, you can't be bothered. I'm on holiday, right? And in the last week, I needed to get my new passport done and I just started shaving, but I just left the top of my mustache and I thought this would be funny and I combed my hair in a side parting

and I went and showed my brother and he laughed so hard that I was like, oh, what if I actually got my passport done this way? What if this was in charge of whether or not I'm allowed into countries? Cool. Because you know the motto of Tullamarine Airport, we love a laugh. Well, that's what my dad was so pissed off. He was genuinely super angry.

Why? Tull, I hear just to reflect their slogan, I hear Tullamarine are kind of modifying themselves to be a bit more like Luna Park. So you walk into a big laughing gob. He genuinely soaps up. He actually said the words, he's like this is not your comedy

festival. This is a real document. This is something well designed. Legible. My dog post well designed. Legible. My door post has got more likes still. Listen you horny old bitch, this is no laughing matter. But he was like, this is because it's valid until I'm 40. I'm like, yeah, it'll be

funny until I'm 40, but he hated it. But the next day, our typical dad, he'd got a massive printout of it and framed it and put it in my brother's office. And you don't get any questions at, you know, customs or anything? Okay, so the... Customs don't take you out back and give you that big old cavity search. Well, it's actually my Sri Lankan passport, which I hardly use anymore.

It's my, because I have my Aussie passport and that's what I used to travel with. Sri Lanka. You're a dual citizen. Yeah. Oh, that's what your brother does, sells passports. Yeah. So that's the real story. That's why I knew it was fine for a gag because I'm never going to really use it.

Right. Yeah, right. So what? So you come through customs, you show them both or just one? No. So when I land in Sri Lanka, when I leave Australia, I show them an Australian one. Yeah. And when I land in Sri Lanka, I show the Sri Lankan one.

Sure. If anyone listening works for like ASIO or customs or anything like that, hit us up because I'm very interested in the legality of all this. Like how, like just having a gag, having a gag passport photo.

Yeah, true. Because you'd never get away, you'd never get away with that here if you went into the, if you went into the chemists with like, you know,

a little Hitler moustache and some fake buck teeth that you'd bought at bloody Granny May's and a fucking hat with a propeller on it. If you get pulled over and you've got boggles stuck on your testicles, there's your picture of your driver's licence. That's not going to super fly.

They're not going to let you. You're right. But hey, fair play to you. If you've gotten that one part, if you've managed to get your licence and your photos. I'd love to laugh as well. To be fair, it was in Sri Lanka where you would have just paid the official 50 bucks, wouldn't you?

It's all corrupt. Your country's shit, just to confirm that. Third world problems. Third world benefits. Third world benefits. I want to marry that girl. You got 100 bucks? There you go. I only know Sri Lanka from the Duran Duran film clips.

Remember them? They're all filmed there. The Rio album. I know them. No, no, no. They look beautiful. I know Sri Lanka from life. You know Simon Le Bon or Dick Rhodes?

Yeah, that's the Wham film clip. Well, what I was going to ask you, Dave. Now, you've been cool with me. You've given me a lot of paid work Not that much More than I deserve We went to Moree together Have you told these guys that story?

About the dude who took us to his house? The dude who shot an elephant? You gave the punchline away Chris That's extraordinary Tell the story like it's Pulp Fiction Exactly Now, all the listeners, we can edit that bit out. That's extraordinary. Tell the story like it's Pulp Fiction, all right? Yeah, exactly. No, because we did a gig in Moree,

which is in the middle of, close to the Queensland border in New South Wales, near Tamworth, but like three hours. And you guys flew in early because there was a 7.30am plane. Yeah. But I said, I'm not doing that. So I flew to Tamworth and drove. That's right. And, but you had to hang out with the mayor.

No, the mayor. I was, this is like my first interstate trip getting flown. And I'm like, man, I literally jumped up and down on the bedroom in the hotel room. Cause I was just so excited that comedies got me a hotel room and stuff. Right. I'm surprised you got into New South Wales with that dodgy passport. It was a multicultural dance and comedy night. Yeah, that's right.

Were you the only multicultural thing in Moree? Is that what it was? He was the multicultural. The first Sri Lankan they've ever seen in Moree. Because it is very model culture. There's aboriginals, but none of them were there. The guy goes, I think there's one here. Maybe. Yeah, he was pretty uncomfortable, man. Because it is very model There's aboriginals But none of them were there The guy goes I think there's one here Maybe

Yeah He was pretty Uncomfortable man So once we get to the airport They pick us up And like Oh let's go to the mayor's For breakfast

And I got all excited I'm like wow this is cool We're going to get to the mayor's For breakfast And it was a fish and chip shop It was a service station She was cooking In a service station

It was her just actually Frying up burgers and stuff. She's the mayor, right? Oh, wow. This is humbling. Why don't we live in this town? That's incredible.

Oh, wow. I would vote for a mayor that did that. Yeah. We need to get on it though. What's it called? The multicultural, what is it?

The Multicultural Comedy and Dance Festival? Yeah. We need to be in the Multicultural Comedy and Dance Festival in Sri Lanka. And we're the multicultural

Yeah Right We can just get this podcast Onto that thing If you learn to fucking Keep your trap shut About my last name Dasolo's gonna get him

Like that counts That's multicultural enough You've been there in Moree Yeah And then you went to the guy The dude One of the council's house The guy who organised it

I can't remember his name Either He's an older guy He's like an older guy. He was really sweet and sort of really like excited to have us and it was a typical thing

of them trying to make jokes to make sort of feel like they're part of the game. He owned car yards. He was a car dealer. Right. And we got this massive, massive house,

huge backyard and stuff. Oh, you weren't there at this point. No, I wasn't there. No. Did you eat an elephant burger at some stage? That's what the mayor was doing

No, but he had a fake crocodile Stuffed crocodile thing I'm like, oh, that's really cool He goes, yeah, yeah, that's real And I was like, nah, you can't He's like, no, seriously, I shot it And then he pulled out this album Of all these animals

I love the idea of shooting a crocodile, by the way I understand some hunting, but it's like just sticking a gun in a lake and letting go. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. It was horrible, man. And all these horrible, horrible photos. And then there was one of him standing in front of an elephant.

And I was like, like me and Des Dowlin, who was organizing the gig, we were just like blood running cold going, what the hell is happening here? And then he go, and he shot the elephant. I'm like, isn't that illegal? And he goes, oh, no, mate. If you've got enough money, you can do anything over there. In Africa.

And I was like, fuck, I can't do it. I actually walked away because I was about to get into an argument. I'm like, no, no, this guy's fake. He shot an elephant. That's incredible. And then when I got there, I got there just before the gig, and you go. Did you feel weird about it? I know what you're going to say.

Oh, no. Considering he'd shot something smaller than you, did you feel weird about that? When he said go for a walk in the backyard, did you turn around? He had the gun out the window. Run, Jess. Jess is running the golf cart. Hey, you don't have to be so dressed up for this gig.

Here's a nice grey sweatshirt and some grey track pants you can wear. When he said to you, why don't you go into the bathroom and clean your ivories, did you get scared? I was suspicious when he chucked his radio on and it went... Did he point at the piano and go, that's you? And this is a Sunday morning, so then you all went out for a white dill rock sale, yeah? And then when I got to the gig, everyone's point,

that's the guy who shot the elephant. And seriously, every time I looked at him, I just kept thinking about the elephant. Nah, because he was a sweet guy, but he was just obviously... I do love this. ...a different view on the world. I love the picture you're painting of, like, you get offered this gig in a town where they fly you and put you up.

So you've just got this obligation to just go around to everyone's house. It's like they think they've hired a male escort. Seriously, yeah. I've done gigs like that before and you turn up and the guy picks you up at the airport like in Mildura or somewhere and I go, so can I back the hotel? Nah, mate, we're going to check out the venue. Then we're going to have dinner with my friends. And you have to like entertain people for hours and then go and do the gig. Like they're a we're going to check out the venue. Then we're going to have dinner with my friends. And you have to entertain people for

hours and then go and do the gig. Like they're a make-a-wish kid or something. Yeah, they show you around. And that's what happened with you guys. You spent all day with these guys, didn't you? And they wanted to keep hanging out. And luckily, I think someone put the foot down and said, nah, we're just going to hang out in the motel or whatever. And that's when

they got the idea going, oh, okay, we'll leave these guys alone. I think they felt obligated.ated they feel bad they want to show off their town they want to show for sure they're not that actually and that sort of stuff is interesting to a point but you also go that's it's one of there's not many jobs where it's like you know you don't like if your toilet's broken you don't get the plumber in and go oh mate let me just show you my collection of comic books that i've got in the bedroom this is what i just leftovers of what i had for dinner last night. The tallest block because I put some of the elephant down.

Unbelievable. That's awesome. What I was getting to is, Dave, we're cool, but I'm very insecure. I need people's validation. You haven't accepted my friendship request on Facebook yet. Is that a race thing? Yeah, that's a race thing.

No, I've got a whole list of them. I'll go through them. To be fair, your profile pic is that dodgy part of your pic. It looks like you're trying to hack Facebook. My credit card's going to get skimmed. You're behind the dead elephant. I've accepted this. He's a great guy.

And I've accepted the guy who shot the elephant I think there's a few headliners I think Thornow as well Yeah but sometimes I don't go through I don't even know where to look And sometimes I just pop on my phone Oh yeah yeah yeah

Alright I won't take it personally I'm close to 50 So Hey Dill As someone who is friends with Dave O'Deal on Facebook What's that like? It's pretty great

It's fucking It's pretty great I It's fucking, it's pretty great. I have a fan page. How did you get that? Yeah. I have a fan page and a personal page. I got both. I'm a fan and a friend. Oh, yeah.

You'll book me for gigs from that same page. Oh, really? You still won't accept my friendship request. Send me messages. I'm going to go home and do it. Oh, sweet. This is too good. You can talk more about the elephant more. Become one of to go home and do it. Oh, sweet. This is too good. We can talk more about the elephant more.

Become one of the Illuminati like us that are friends with Dave O'Neill on Facebook. It's pretty hard. It's great. You get that little cartoon picture of the cat holding the little bowl. Yeah, yeah. You know, when I first started it, before I was on Facebook, there was a guy pretending to be me on Facebook. Oh.

Yeah, and he would put status updates. This is true. Someone goes, oh, no, you know who I heard? My mum said, oh, apparently you're not friends with Susan, your cousin, on Facebook. I said, I'm not even on Facebook. She goes, yeah, you are. And someone showed it to me, and there was a photo of me

and this guy, and it had, going to the movies with Rove, having a great time. What? What? That's weird. I know, and then there was another one hanging out with Hamish and Andy. He sort of had this view of my world. I love that, though.

I love, like, fake celebrity Twitter accounts. So if someone's trying to inhabit the mind and go, now, what would Adam Sandler be talking about on Twitter? Just had a great bloody meeting with Rob Schneider and David Spade and that Tim guy that's in all the movies. I've always wanted to do a fake celebrity Twitter account or Facebook account. You've had a couple. Have I? Yeah, you had an Ackermanis one that got shut down.

Yeah, I had a Jason Ackermanis one that got shut down. You had a short-lived Jordan Paris one. A what one? Jordan Paris. I did too. You call him a celebrity. Why would you have a fake Ackermanis one? Just to be stupid. I was just doing jokes. And did too. You call him a celebrity. Why would you have a fake Ackermanis? Just to be stupid.

I was just doing jokes. And I had a fake David Quirk one. It was when Ackermanis was all the glass of Milo stuff. He was in the news a lot. So he was kind of ripe for spoofing. I would like to have one of a celebrity that's not on Facebook or whatever yet, but not one of those, you know, you don't put Brad Pitt or whatever, because people are going to very quickly figure out that's not you.

Not real. You want a really mid to lower level celebrity that is still going to have enough fans. Someone who's just about to break, you mean? No, not even that. Someone that may be a character actor from the US. Oh, okay. Someone that people would look at the face of and go,

oh, yeah, I know that guy. That guy was the third... Made one of the vampires in Twilight. Yeah, you're right. But see, you'd never find them because they'd all be like that's you know now

it's like that's a big part of how you get famous that there'd be none of those guys that aren't already on there

there are still people that aren't though that would be a part if you're in the arts that would like an acting thing

that would be a part of your strategy there's plenty of comedians you and I both know that aren't

on twitter yeah and you and I know them and no one else knows them yeah

but yeah maybe that's a point no there'd be like Denise Scott was saying that she just got on twitter on Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. And you and I know them and no one else knows them. Yeah. But, yeah, maybe that's a point. No, they'd be like, Denise Scott was saying the other night, she just got on Twitter, so there'd be people like her that aren't on Twitter.

Rod Quantock wouldn't be on Twitter. Oh, there you go. Fake Rod Quantock. Fake Rod Quantock. Oh, the East West League. You should do one like a, a special one, like a drunk Rod Quantock

or something like that. So he wouldn't be on Twitter? No, no, no. Yeah, you've got to think of someone a little bit older, I reckon. I'd say most of the younger people would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've got to think of someone a little bit older, I reckon. I'd say most of the younger people would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's an older person. Maybe it's a... Like Eric Banner's on Twitter now. He'd be a classic. Stephen Curry wouldn't be on Twitter. Yeah, right. So he'd be a good one to do.

They're too close to me. Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty... That's a dangerous game. Yeah, someone who it's never going to... Like a musician or something. The drummer from a band or something like that. Yeah, yeah. See, that's not a bad idea. That's a dangerous game. Someone who it's never going to happen. Like a musician or something. The drummer from a band or something like that. Yeah.

That's not a bad idea. That's a good idea. You mentioned Eric, but when I started comedy, I used to go to the workshop at the Comics Lounge and you were one of the guest speakers. And before you spoke, you said – So this is your fault, Dave. I inspired you.

Yeah. And you started by – before I give you advice – Wait a minute. You said diet tips? Is that what happened first time? There's a Comics Lounge, before I give you advice. Wait a minute, you said diet tips? Is that what happened first time? There's a comments lounge workshop? I'm in Jenny Craig.

He said, break your leg first of all. Keep your food low where you can reach it. Stick to time when you're eating. No, you said before you give any advice, you need to point out that you were the one person who nearly talked Eric Banner out of doing Chopper. True. It's a true story. Yeah, he told me that he was going to do a movie.

I used to be his support act. And we were on tour in the city and he goes, I'm going to do this movie about Chopper-y. I'm like, what? You want to do a movie about Chopper-y? I'm like, what, that criminal guy? Because I'd read a few of his books. I'm like, nah, mate, nah, nah. Then he brings the director. This is Andrew, the director. I'm like what that criminal guy because I'd read a few of his books I'm like nah mate

nah nah then he brings the director this is Andrew the director I'm like this guy like he looked very young Andrew Dominic going yeah I almost talked him out of it

he's like and then he showed me some photos he's done some testing and stuff and that but you're right I almost talked him out of it at which point did you go

oh fuck and he's the one and then you're listening to his advice at the workshop that was the guy who talked Eric that's why he started with that before I could get on with it.

You know, there's a history in my family. My brother, I found out this is true the other day because I interviewed her, the woman in question. My brother was in a band in the 70s, and this girl came to audition as a backup singer, and he said to her, you can't sing, you're no good, Marina Pryor. Oh, wow. And I interviewed her, I I asked her and she remembers it

oh yeah alright so you're and when you go back to we started talking about you being in Sri Lanka so you when you go back home

and you're going back home soon yeah you what do you do when you go home I literally and this I mean in the literal sense

like as soon as I arrive in the airport mum and dad and my brother are there to pick me up and take your shoes off close to about 80% of my brain switches off because I'm like alright I arrive in the airport, mom and dad and my brother are there to pick me up. Take your shoes off? Close to. About 80% of my brain switches off

because I'm like, all right, I'm in the company of people who care about me. I don't have to worry about anything. I get home. I jump into a sarong, no shirt, and I pour myself a glass of scotch and I drink till I pass out. That's day number one.

What? And then I'm just chatting to mom and dad and stuff. It's so good, man. Honestly, I love it. Do you all dress in a sarong? No, no, just me. What? Is that the only reason you go home?

Well, dad does as well, but he doesn't do it during the daytime. I just arrive and I'm like, this is it, sarong, no shit. Is it a night time wear thing? Is it a sarong? It's like, yeah, it's a pyjama pant. Oh, okay. And also there's a formal version. It's like the national dress, right? Sure. But there's also, it's like a night time thing thing? Is it a sarong? It's like, yeah, it's a pyjama pant. And also there's a formal version. It's like the national dress, right?

But there's also, it's like a night time thing. And it's great. You just, one layer of clothing. But your family don't dress in it. It's the national dress. Oh, my dad does. My dad. But my family wouldn't do like a national.

Does everyone outside, like, is it a common thing to wear then? Not anymore. It's been fairly westernized these days. But like, if you go out of like, you know, the city and stuff, sure. People's like birthdays and stuff, they might wear sarongs. Is it still dangerous in Sri Lanka?

The war was finished, isn't it? It's getting better. We got our first highway. That's really cool. Are you going back to open it? My brother's

already done it. Or block it. Or do the steamrolling on it or whatever. But people aren't used to it. People are going too slow on the highway or people are going in the wrong direction.

It's genuinely one of those things that none of the serious guys... Because accidents in Sri Lanka happen all the time, but it's very rarely super fatal because you can't really speed because the roads are all congested. So now that the highway has come in, everyone's really messing it up. I'll tell you what you do. There's dogs running on the highway. You go over there, you set up a camera over the highway.

You register the trademark for Sri Lanka's world's worst drivers. And then you pitch this to some networks. You're going to make some, you can get in the ground floor of this. You're going to make some sweet coin. That's off the back of my commercial radio career as a giggling dickhead in the background. Thank you. Yeah. There must be radio in Sri Lanka though.

There must be local radio stations. There must be. There must be. What's the traffic report like on Sri Lanka FM? There isn't actually What are the gotcha calls? Who are they pretending to be? When they're trying to gotcha call people Hello, I am from Australia

I am a customer calling for my phone's not working I am Bobby from Melbourne. On the sarong thing quickly, I don't know if I've ever talked about this, but we went to Fiji a couple of times on a family holiday when I was growing up and they've got their similar dress. I think it's called the sarong. It's just like a dress. It's the wraparound thing, yeah.

And so they all wear that and my dad was quite taken by this. So he bought a whole bunch. And then he went through a phase where every time mum and dad would have people around for dinner, he'd sarong up for it. So everyone's there in a suit. But he'd get them modified. He'd take them to a tailor because, you know, it's like you have to do a pretty complicated sort of tucking in kind of thing.

It's got to be pretty complex to make sure it doesn't fall down. So dad would go and get a bit of Velcro strap kind of put in just so he's got it sort of perfectly modified, which I kind of like, you know, sort of taking it on, sort of co-opting it, but also just corrupting it to your own Western needs and just having dinner parties where you're sitting there in a weird little thin dress.

And he's the only one in the dress. Because it's thin fabric too. Yeah. Yeah, he's not saying to everyone, just everyone just frock up. Let's all. Swing it. Nah, people just come around and go, why are you wearing that? And he's like, oh, because we went to Fiji last month, obviously.

They're cultured. Are there comedians in Sri Lanka? Yeah, it's very slapsticky and it's like political satire because politics is huge in Sri Lanka and about the corruption and stuff. Mainly on the TV, TV, radio, sort of comedians? There are a couple, but again, very sort of broad characters.

There's no stand-up. Stand-up's getting bigger because of YouTube. Like Russell Peters will come down and sell out massively. But that's about it really. There's no one else. I definitely want to do stand-up there at some point. Can you go back and do a show? Can you or not?

No, I couldn't. No, definitely not. Why not? Apart from being shit. Apart from the fact you shouldn't be doing them here. You should try and get that Yorke prize to kind of transfer over to post distribution. Be a lot cheaper.

You're 500 bucks from Plackett. You'll get way more for that in Sri Lanka. You'll get a billboard for like eight months. You could buy that highway. I could buy Placket, you'll get way more for that in Sri Lanka. Yeah. You get a billboard for like eight months. You could buy that highway. Buy a placket. Your face just on the highway, stretched out. The Dilrub Highway. What, your material wouldn't go over well?

No, yeah. Well, the swearing would be a bit of an issue for one thing. But Russell Peters swears, though, doesn't he? He does, but he kind of is like, because he's a big name foreigner kind of thing, everyone's a bit like oh that's okay whereas one of the locals being sweary and talking about

you know he's Canadian or something religion religion would oh I'd get fucking my parents would be in trouble if I spoke to

the way I speak but I'm sure you not too bad not like in Pakistan Pakistan and stuff they would actually stone you and shit like American comic

Kumail Nanjiani had to drop like an hour show of his because his parents were threatened to be killed oh wow yeah so it's not that bad

but I know that like mum's a conservative Muslim and like prays five times a day and stuff and the really annoying thing is she doesn't

understand hangovers so in the morning when I'm feeling shit she'll like try to chat to me and stuff but she won't get through but so my stuff about religion and things

like that would even though it's very sort of balanced I like to yeah they'd be like no you can't talk about yeah because this is this seriously is this is a festival show in itself like that would be such a great show you i'm being quite sincere you a show about you going over to do a show in sri lanka would be fascinating yeah like there's jokes that i've already sort of compiling that will only work in s Lanka and that I think are really good. Like references from school and stuff, which will never work here, but I think would really kill back in Sri Lanka.

Give us an example. Like you've... I genuinely don't remember. Ladies and gentlemen. No, you know what? It's to do with words and things. The monkeys will come out of the trees, grab your textbooks. Welcome to the Sri Lanka chuckle hut.

Please welcome to the stage your first act. This is flashbacks to the Nick Cody episode I did. Really? Any elephants? No. Hey, is Sri Lanka a Muslim country? It's not, though. No, it's not.

It's a Buddhist country. Yeah, Buddhist, yeah. There's a big population of Muslims there. Well, my mum is one. Your mum. So what would be an example of a Sri Lankan joke that you would do

it would be something to do with okay it's to do with words it's a Sinhalese word which would never work but there's another thing I'm trying to think of

this idea that my brother had about these snakes I really man it doesn't work. Well, that's like good stuff so far.

Yeah, yeah. That's the reason I don't do it here. We've got snakes. We've got snakes. Very forgiving crowds over in Sri Lanka, hopefully.

A little known secret that Carl Chandler's always happy to lend his time to support and develop material with comics. Just take him out for lunch.

Any comics that are listening, hit Chandler up. He's happy. He loves it. No. Just call back to something we were talking about before the show. It's Carl Nurturer Chandler.

That's his second name. Just as a quick little thing, there just happens to be a lot of open mic comics at the moment thinking that they can bring me out and shout me two dim sims and I can rewrite their festival show. The incubator we like to call him. You're a comedy egg and Carl just sits on you,

warms you up with his little pot pot and then you hatch out. It's like the Sundance workshops. Script workshops. The shit comic magnet. Is that it? Joke Dr. Carl. But what would the Shrouding King equivalent of

here in the Western world or whatever talking about the food on airplanes or the, you know. What's a common thing? The Melbourne hook turn. So I think the material that would work really well is if you satirise the politicians, like you talked about certain things they were doing. Oh, okay. Or the differences between like, you know, Sri Lankans and Indians.

Slag off India? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on in India? What is the difference between Sri Lankans and Indians? Is India like the Frankston of Sri Lanka, where you just get easy laughs by ragging off on it? Who is from India?

Well, you can fuck off. Yeah. Oh, I thought they were checking teeth at the door. Yeah. Sri Lankans look down on India, don't they? No, it's more like, say, we're the New Zealand to India's Australia, if that makes sense. We're the smaller... Zealand to India is Australia. Oh, yeah.

Where the smaller... You're the smaller nation. Yeah, they're the island. We're punching up. Yeah, right. So when someone laughs randomly in a show, it's like, oh, seems like someone from Sri Lanka's in tonight. They just got the joke from half an hour ago.

Too busy rooting your sheep, were you? I'm actually going to write that down. Got your bloody sarong in your ears tonight have you mate any Sri Lankans here oh they're all the doll that's right get out welfare yeah India is far more

developed than Sri Lanka so we're definitely the underdog oh okay like the the movie industry in India

like there's Indian movies are bigger money money maker in Sri Lanka than actual Sri Lanka movies. Like, we get bullied out. Oh,

the cricket would be a huge bit of material. Cricket? You could talk about cricket. Massive. Like, I could do a whole hour about cricket.

I just based on this. They know, they love Gilchrist and stuff, don't they? They love Gilly and Gilly. We love Brett Lee. Yeah. India loves Brett Lee more though

because he like sang with the band and stuff. I've seen that film. I don't even like cricket but I know they love him over there well there's 10 minutes on cricket hey just based on this chat I'm starting to think

the three of us could go over and do cricket we'll open for you we'll do support for you who was here when the Duran Duran filmed this though who's weird is that I'll still be the talking guy

something weird happened on the way I shot an elephant what are you doing What weird is that I'll still be the talking guy. Something weird happened on the way I shot an elephant. What are you doing? Finally, we're getting on some Bollywood roadshow. This is great. Collab for roadshow. To the roadshow. Oh, God.

Well, guys, I think that's just about all the time we have left for Little Dum Dum Club this week. Dilraka, Jay Singer, Dave O'Neill, thank you very much. Thanks, Paul. What have you guys got to promote? You've got, obviously, your Sri Lankan tour. Yeah, I've got my podcast, Open Mic Life pod, and that's about it, actually, at the moment. I'm going to be in Perth. You have Perth people?

Yeah, for sure. We've got heaps of Perth people. And in May, I'm going to be there in Perth for about a week and a half, so come and say good day. That'd be nice. I've got a comedy fun house in Melbourne every Wednesday night now it's started up again I host every week

yeah a lot of fun really fun gig come along yeah and it's Dilrock J on Twitter yeah it's Dave O'Neill so you shunned

Mr Dave O'Neill you went with it's Dave O'Neill not the Dave O'Neill not the real Dave O'Neill someone else chose it for me so I don't know why that happened

someone else what your Twitter person when I was on radio they had a social media guy set it It's Dave O'Neill. Not the Dave O'Neill. Not the real Dave O'Neill. Someone else chose it for me, so I don't know why that happened. Someone else. What, your Twitter person? When I was on radio, they had a social media guy set it all up. Right. He's the guy who also set up your Facebook profile and is hanging out with Rove. And also the one that says, do not befriend Dilraba. No Dilraba.

At no Dilraba. We've got our Sydney shows coming up this weekend. Saturday. If you're doing this fresh, it's this. Saturday afternoon at 5.30 at the Factory Theatre. Live little dum-dum club with some huge guests. It's going to be heaps of fun. There's not many tickets left, so get on it.

I want to say, this is something you don't know yet, but there is a massive surprise on Saturday at the podcast. So get on to it. It was something I was going to spend nearly the whole episode talking about. Is it something that starts with N? Who knows, mate? Oh, you fucking piece of shit. N, is it a big old dick? Oh, I'm getting a big old dick, aren't I?

That's no surprise. Nicole Kidman. Yes. She's definitely going to be there. Okay, great. Cool. So that sounds cool, I guess. Whatever.

We're sold out on Saturday. Our solo shows. The podcast is still available. On Sunday, we still... How big are the rooms? They're slightly bigger than Dilrock, so about a thousand seater. Seamless. Fucking seamless.

Shut up, Kookaburra. Shut up. We've got tickets left for our solo shows on the Sunday Calm down I'm at 6 o'clock and you're at 7.15 Yes, I believe that's the case The Factory's a lot of fun, come down and hang out We're very much looking forward to seeing all you guys there

And the show's been great Thank you so much to everyone officially We haven't said a proper thank you to everyone that's came out To the Melbourne shows To the solo shows and the podcast And a big thanks to everyone that bothered to come to the drunk cast that we had on the last night of the festival, which was heaps of fun. I think it was the best run of comedy festival podcast that we've had.

They were all super fun. The audiences were great. Big turnout. And, yeah, we really do appreciate people kind of, you know, putting their money where their mouth is and coming out and taking the time to say hey. Because this is free. Because this is free. Yeah. people kind of, you know, putting their money where their mouth is and coming out and taking the time to say hey and be there and stuff. Yeah, because this is free.

Because this is free, yeah. Yeah, so you've got one more chance to say thanks for us giving you free content for a year. So come down, if you live in Sydney, come down on the Saturday or the Sunday. And hey, let's say this, just any Sri Lankan listeners we have, let us know. Get in touch, let us know if you'd come out and see Dil do a gig. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe we can get that going

yeah sure weird thing to plug right at the end there but everyone switched off by now anyway so who gives a fuck guys thank you very much for listening

and we'll see you next time see ya mates Dave didn't do it of course