The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 188 - Live! Myf Warhurst, Ronny Chieng & Sam Mac

Episode Date: May 13, 2014

No Lights, No Sound, No Idea Who Kamahl Is. Recorded LIVE (barely) at the Sydney Comedy Festival, May 10, 2014.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Now this, as people will have seen already on the episode description on Twitter and stuff, this is the live episode that we recorded in Sydney. However, this bit you may have noticed. The audience isn't into it so far, this bit. This is dying. Why are we talking like this live on a stage in front of people?

This is a weird choice we've made. Give it up, everyone, if you're enjoying this so far. Guys, seriously, get into it. Oh, God. So the reason we're doing this is because we had a bit of – we had some technical problems at the start of the episode, which you will be well aware of if you were at the gig. Or if you're listening to this episode,

we might bring it up once or infinity times. So it sort of felt like we should drop in at the gig. Or if you listen to this episode, we might bring it up once or infinity times. So it sort of felt like we should drop in at the start and give a bit of context to what you're about to hear because it does come in very abruptly in the middle of some tech difficulties. And I think from listening back to it, it's kind of hard to ascertain exactly what was going on. So let's talk through the day.

The show was at 5.30. Yep. About three o'clock we get to the venue and we we do a tech rehearsal yeah we do about an hour of checking mics over and over and over and over again yeah yep so going through going down through the line doing a bit of check one two on all five of the mics that we had and then all of them being switched off and then us doing that again and again and again and again yes we could not have checked it more yep um then what was meant

to happen we were meant to give a signal when we were ready for the recording to start. The crowd has come in. Yeah, the crowd's come in. And we're giving a signal for the theme music to come on. And then we're backstage eating a bit of free Nando's that we were very generously supplied by Nando's. And as we're halfway through a fillet, our theme song comes on very loudly.

Probably would have been more beneficial if Nando's had supplied us with a competent tech after everything that happened. I think even a Portuguese tech not being able to read the board or anything would have done a better job. The little cartoon chicken from the Nando's logo getting behind the panel would have been better for us. So yeah, there was a lot of screaming, a lot of foul language. We walk on, so to set up, we walk on stage, we run on stage, I should say,

as we hear the theme music, we run on stage. There's no spotlight, so the whole, absolute whole theatre is in darkness. No one can see us at any stage, can they? No, no. It's pitch black and the mics aren't working and the theme music is still going full bore, like louder than it ever needs to be. So we're in a full house and people are just looking into darkness,

hearing the music really loud and not being able to hear us except for us screaming over the top of it going, fucking turn this on. And I think the thing that I found most interesting about it was that people seemed at the start like there was a bit of a vibe that people thought it was a bit, like that we were doing it deliberately, which it's a room full of people that have heard the show that know us.

Why would it be a bit? Really dumb, ruckus, dead fits at the moment. So this drops in. So we cannot undersell how long that was. It was about five minutes of us in darkness and silence. Yes. Just screaming into the abyss. Yeah.

So what you're going to hear is this is midway. This will come in midway through me screaming into a microphone that then all of a sudden gets turned on. And then maybe a minute after that you'll hear people in the crowd cheer as the stage is finally illuminated and the final piece of the puzzle drops into place and now we can begin this show that people have paid almost $20 to see. The final piece of the puzzle, the puzzle that is turn the lights on,

turn the sound on. What a puzzle. So look, we're talking about it here. It's a two-piece jigsaw puzzle, guys. We're getting it off our chest here just because we didn't really talk about it much in the show after it happened. You'll note the professional courtesy that we pay to our tech. You'll note that we kind of just dust it under the rug and that the show goes on. So yeah. Or the opposite. you know, you'll note that we kind of just dust it under the rug and that the show goes on.

So, yeah. Or the opposite. Or you'll hear us talk about it non-stop. Yeah, or you'll barely hear us talk to the guests. Anyway, guys, enjoy it. And the next thing you're going to hear is me swearing suddenly into an active microphone. Enjoy. Fuck me dead.

Hey! Yeah! As a special treat, guys, you know this is not going to be recorded. This one works. Okay, this one officially works. What about this one? This one's on too.

Fuck yeah. And what about this last one? This is on as well. All right. Special treat, guys. All four out of five mics work, guys. So one, two. Is this one working?

Is that working? Fuck. How bad of a show is it where people are just excited by machinery that slightly works? And is this part of the curtain well enough illuminated? Can everyone see? Honestly, do we have those spotlights on or not? Do we? The front row has more lights than me.

Good looking people in the front row. I'm doing it from the front row. Yeah. Cool. Can you see me well, Tommy? I can see you really well. Can you see me? No.

Okay, cool. Which is perfect. Yeah, great. Anyway, Carl, what did you do today? Let's not burn this gold. I'll tell you what I did today. I sat in here for three fucking hours making sure everything worked properly. Yeah!

Holy shit. I just got a tan. That is from zero to 100. Should we? I mean, obviously we've got to restart this. Yes, that's obvious. But now you've gotten a little extra treat of that you couldn't have gotten at home.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, what a treat this has been. All the people at home had no idea we were this incompetent. So, suck it up, guys. Okay, all right. Should we go back? Yeah, the magic of theatre.

There's a backstage mic. Is there? Technically. But, hey, someone who's back there, can someone back there test out the... Who's just saying no? What's that? Why is that happening?

No, that's not working. No. No. My name's Carl and I'm a big doodle head. Oh, no, it's working. That's a weird thing to say as a test. Sorry? That's my mic, yeah.

There you go. I think we're going to be okay in spite of all this. This seems like a good bunch. Okay, look, no, let's go off and we'll play the music and you guys cheer and we'll pretend that it... Wow, that's fucking rolling the dice. What? We're going to try and play that music again, aren't we?

Okay, look. Let's, okay. Can we do that? Can we play the music again and then start again? Okay. Is that a thing? All right. So we'll go, okay.

Everyone just pretend that this didn't happen. Is that cool? Fuck me. All right. Yes. Yes. Hey, mates. Hey, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club.

So far, 100% flawless live recording at the Sydney Comedy Festival. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me is the other half of the show, the perfectly illuminated Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Yay. Oh, God. Wow. Guys at home, you missed out on a three-hour sound check. Chandler. G'day dickheads. Oh god. Guys at home, you missed

out on a three hour sound check. We completed three hours and then once we got everything right we then turned everything off again just then when we walked off stage. So it's off to a flying start. And you know, like even like this is kind of the vibe of our show

that everything's fucked and nothing ever goes right. But even in spite of that, I can feel people in the room being like, oh, boy, this isn't going to be much good. There's not a lot of confidence here at the moment, I have to say. It's going to be good when people walk out and they'll go, those two guys were better than the light and sound at least. That was something. Shout out to everyone in this audience for leaving one perfect empty seat right up the front. That was something. Shout out to everyone in this audience

for leaving one perfect empty seat right up the front. That's great. Yeah. What happened here? You didn't want to sit too close to a stranger. Oh boy. And there's like, because oh look, we'll say this up the front. What we did do, what we did bribe you for, it was almost like we knew things were going to fuck up. We gave you free

chicken on the way in. So that's, well probably about 12 of you. Yeah, shout out if you had Nando's the way in. So that's, well, probably about 12 of you. Yeah, shout out if you had Nando's. Have you got some Nando's? Yeah, a few of you, cool. I've got a very angry back row. All right. There was chicken.

11 people in. Sorry, guys. But yeah, we did, if you have followed us on Facebook and Twitter this week, we have been pumping Nando's a fair bit. And they came through with a message that we didn't want to give out too early. They did say, hey, really excited about everything. We're keen to cater your podcast.

We're like, great, awesome, bring it on. And we went back and forth and then they go, oh, just by the way, we mean the five of you on stage. That'll excite everyone. 120 people have come in and paid 20 bucks to get in to watch us eat chicken. But the best part was there was a point in there where they said oh it's going to be a bit hard to get the chicken down there. Yeah. So we don't have anyone who can deliver it so you'll have to come and pick it up yourselves. And we're

thinking oh that's fine with 120 bits of you know meals of chicken but then we found out it's five meals. So they've gone, you get three, five bloody chicken thighs, but you've got to come get it. It's like I have had better deals than that put in my mailbox. That's just a voucher. Hey, are we recording? Cool. All right.

Hey, you never know. No. Well, I think I do know. So who have we got? We've got some people that have travelled a little distance to be here. How many people are doing the three-show superpass thing? Okay, cool. Some of you are liars because that venue out there is fucking small.

And a lot of people looking right up at us going, no fucking way. This will do, thanks. Yeah, this will finish by 8 o'clock. Then we've got to do a two-hour sound check of your other show. Yeah. Who's travelled a long way to... Who's travelled a good distance to be here? Like, who's come from out of Sydney?

Anyone? Hands up. Some Newcastles? Yeah. Yep. Wollongong. How far away is that? Somewhere.

I reckon of all people, you'd know. That is the laziest Google Maps ever. Somewhere. You've got an umbrella with you, so different climate at least. Yeah, cool. Anyone else? Northern Beaches. Oh, couldn't you say that any faster?

Northern Beaches? Where's Northern Beaches? Somewhere.aches. Oh, couldn't you say that any faster? Northern Beaches. Where's Northern Beaches? Somewhere. Somewhere. Yeah, good. North. Yeah, that's it. Fuck.

Have we got anyone in here that isn't a smartass? Have we got anyone? Hey, you may have noticed down the front we've got someone taking photos of us. It's something that I lined up. And those photos are being taken with my ex-camera. Because what I've done is I had a camera for sale. I bought a camera a couple of years ago

and I wanted to get rid of it and I put on my Facebook that I'm looking to get rid of this camera. Does anyone want it? And a listener called Steph who is friends with me on Facebook, clang, she bought it off me. Are you clanging her or Facebook? A bit of both at this point. So what I've

done is I've sold a possession of mine to someone who listens to the podcast. Oh, we finally made money off this podcast. And I have to say, I felt a little bit weird about it. I don't know. It feels like a weird thing. But then I was thinking maybe the show will be better if we just turn it into like a live trading post.

Like if every episode, if I just get on. Like if I started the show will be better if we just turn it into like a live trading post, you know? Like if every episode, if I just get on, like if I started the show with a list of things that I'm selling, if you, be honest, if you guys wanted it, would you hit us up and buy it from us? Would you do that? Okay. Yeah, would you buy like technical equipment from us given our start today? Well, we've been in Sydney for a couple of days. It's nice we've run into a few people that listen to the show already so far.

We went out to dinner with Chas from The Chaser last night. Oh, not impressed? Fuck you. And it was a nice moment because we ran into someone. I don't know. I think he's here tonight. We ran into someone at the pub last night. Yes, sir.

Right. We saw you last night. We ran, that was nice because you came up to us when we were talking to Chas and didn't give anything to Chas and just gave it to us. Which made us feel a lot better. But then we went outside and this

like really hot chick just went up to Chas and staring at him and we were like, ah, I would have traded her for you to be honest. But still, thanks for coming, sir. We appreciate your continued support. If you'd like to buy any old video games, feel free to hit me up. I've got quite a selection on offer at the moment. If you can tech, we'd love to hire you.

Man, is the tech deleting our podcast right now? Yes. Yes, he is. And a big shout out for people at home, again, that it's great that you guys come along to the podcast. We really appreciate it. It's great to come somewhere where we don't really know anyone and you guys pack out the joint and that's awesome.

And, yeah, like we said to the people that are coming to the solo shows later on, I just want to say something about my last solo show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, we did a bit like this. So we did the other way around. We did my solo show, then we did the drunk cast, the unrecorded drunk cast. And so my last show was just full of people that were going to go to that drunk cast. So it was just full of people walking in with like two pints each, just ready to get absolutely charged.

So they were going crazy the whole show. And it made the show go for an hour and a half. It went way over. And towards the end, it was like five minutes to go and a guy just stood up and went, hey mate, you better finish this up quick

or I'm going to be late to the drunk cast. I'm like, mate, you're not going to be late because I'm not fucking there. So in case anyone's worrying about this going over time, you'll be fine.

As long as I'm still up here, you're okay. Yeah, there's no stress. There's no stress at all. What else? What else? We'll talk a little bit later about the meal that we had last night with Chas, maybe. Because I had maybe one of the worst things I've ever eaten, which was just fucking horrendous. Hey, don't leave us hanging.

We'll talk about that later, guys. Stick around. What, should we bring on a guest? Yeah, sure. Okay, let's bring on a guest. Our first guest tonight, it's... Yeah, yeah. That's what we decided?

Yeah, okay. Fuck. Well... The other thing was we were backstage waiting for a cue for when the show would start and we'd be ready and then all of a sudden the music started playing. So there's not... Anyway, fuck it.

All right. Guys, our first guest tonight, he's been on the show many, many times before. He's completely sold out his run at the Sydney Comedy Festival. You've seen him on It's A Date, Problems, all sorts of things. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Ronnie Chang. Wow. What up, bro?

That is an even bigger ovation than our lights working. That is impressive. Good Lord. Oh, is that the new one? I love it. Yes. It's got some religious overtones. I'm trying.

Good lord. Are you trying to bring in a new kind of religious fan base? Is that the idea? No, no. I'm trying to... Taking his name in vain. Yeah, cool. Great. Just as good.

Don't piss off the Lord. Enough bad things have happened here today, alright? What happened? Nothing happened. Everything's okay. Don't piss off the Lord. Enough bad things have happened here today, all right? What happened? Nothing happened. Everything's okay. Exactly. Nothing happened. Things were meant to happen that didn't happen.

They don't care. These guys don't care. They're happy to be here, right? You stress out more because you're organising it, but they don't care. These guys are happy to... You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? I just...

I saw a lot of faces going, yeah, he's right. Fucking get over it. Yeah. And deliver some goddamn content. What would we have to talk about if things didn't go wrong? When have things ever gone right for us to talk about? All right, good. That joke being a great example.

Even this, you guys get proper mics. I get Kamal's mic from the 70s. It's that or it's an old SingStar microphone. And what I noticed as well, I don't know if this has changed, but this stool you're sitting on, look how... Why have I gotten all the bad stuff? So rickety. Honestly, that feels like Dolly Parton on the Don Lane show or something.

Wait, who's Kamal? Who's Kamal from the 70s? Kamal's your mate. What? I don't understand. I don't understand any of this. In a lot of ways, Kamal from the 70s? Kamal's your mate. What? I don't understand. I don't understand any of this. In a lot of ways, Kamal's you. Who is Kamal?

Kamal's just like a singer from the 70s. He's still around today. He's still alive. Is he ethnic? What's the joke? I don't understand. What is it? Does anybody here know Kamal?

I always feel like I'm... Hands up if you know Kamal. Is he Australian? Right, everyone's enjoying the hands up at home on the podcast. Is he Australian? Got this running smoothly. I think he's originally Sri Lankan, I think. Is he Australian?

Well, like I said... He'd be a citizen now. He's been here for like 40 years or something. Is he really young? Yeah, but you guys all know Kamal, so you're not too young. That's fine. You guys look just stunned. What were you expecting?

Hey, did you tell them I was going to be on? No. Oh, so it's a surprise. That's cool. But then they saw me walking back in Fortress to get a spoon to eat some Nando's, so I ruined the surprise. You fucked up.

Oh, but then they could have thought... You totally put the tech off. Yeah. No, they could have thought You totally put the tech off. Yeah. No, they could have thought I was just here to be watch the show. They didn't know I was on it so I still preserved the surprise.

Yeah, yeah. Well done, Ronnie. I'm trying to improve my posture. I've just got horrible posture. Oh man, I'm the same, yeah. Yeah, it's every day just a constant battle. Yeah.

Because to do like that feels abnormal, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. And that's bad. It's bad that this, like, that feels abnormal, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. And that's bad. It's bad that this feels abnormal. That feels abnormal, yeah. Like, I'm working now.

Yeah, I'm totally just burning calories right now just doing this. That's, we should, you know, we should spot a, spot posture each other.

We should sit like that so neither of us has to. Yeah, okay, let's do it. Welcome to the stage, Van Halen. Just fucking podcasting up against each other. Yeah. Doing a fucking big podcast solo.

Yeah. And you know, to be honest, you know what those stools look like? They look like you should be shitting in them. What do you mean? Don't they look like some sort of nappy you can sit on? No, they... No. I feel...

I feel sitting like this with Ronnie I feel like we're on like a dating show or something. Yeah. We can't see each other's faces we have to talk to each other

decide where we want to date. Yeah. Ask Ronnie a question. You have a lot of meat on your back. Why do you have so much I've got a lot of what? Why is your back so meaty?

Yeah. I've got a lot of back fat. Like we mentioned the Nando's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. It's lucky we didn't get catered more. Oh so we can talk about Nando's now? You said Like we mentioned, the Nando's. Yeah, that's nice.

It's lucky we didn't get catered more. Oh, so we can talk about Nando's now? You said we couldn't talk about Nando's. When did I say that? Backstage you're like, don't talk about it because we're not really sponsored by Nando's. So are we actually sponsored by Nando's? No, we're not sponsored by Nando's.

Are you guys sponsored by Nando's? No, no. We got like five free chicken wings. That's what we got. Oh, okay. We got like five free chicken wings. That's all we got. Oh, okay. This is a really bad dating show. Is that your first question for your date? Are you sponsored by Nando's?

Okay. Yes, let's go out. My first question to you, Ronnie. Do you have bum problems? No. Oh, no. No bum problems. Does he have a skinny back, Tommy? Yeah, it's pretty toned.

It feels pretty toned. Back's pretty tight. Yeah. But he's also wearing like a smoother sort of slicker, like his jacket, so I'm kind of getting a bit of friction. I know we're worried about this not being recorded, but I'm not that worried anymore.

I got a Nando story for you, but before I do that, you should introduce your next guest before me. Why? I don't know. The next guest isn't Johnny Nando's, by the way. Is that the name of the guy who started Nando's? Yes.

But why? You see, I don't understand this. The great Portuguese genius, Johnny Nando's. Oh, Johnny Kamal Nando. That was him. See, I don't understand what you're talking about. Why would you say Johnny Nando? Because you're making fun of the fact that Johnny Nando sounds like the guy who would have started Nando's.

Right? That's the joke, right? Yes. Yeah, but he didn't actually start Nando's. So there's no joke there. How are you a comedian? Yeah. How can one of the most popular comedians in this country have such a tenuous grip on how things...

I don't know. I just have this problem. I need everything. Like, I can't have discussions where something's inaccurate. So you just tell... I haven't been to one of your shows. Is it just facts for an hour? Just facts.

It's just reading off Wikipedia. One hour of facts. Keep it really simple. You hit up chairs Forks The sun No Chandler Some of us have more material than that

So if people go to your show And then to say something a bit more light hearted And less serious They go check out Dr Karl Because man he's Why do you say Dr Karl He's not a doctor What?

Did you say Dr Karl? Yes He's not a doctor No I'm not him Then who? Then who are you talking about? You know Dr. Carl. It's like Dr. Mario when he puts his little stethoscope on

and then suddenly he's Dr. Carl. We've all met Mork's brother, haven't we? Wait, who's Mork's? You see, I don't know what... What's Mork's? I don't understand any... No, who's Morkz? You see, I don't know what... What's Morgz? I don't understand any... No, who's Morgz? Seriously. You are. You are the biggest fish out of water in Australian comedy.

I have very little idea of what's going on on a day-to-day basis in Australia. Oh, we've got... Where do we... Oh, God, there's so much to get through. There's so much to explain. Oh, man, imagine how we're going to have to explain our guests to get him to talk to them. No, I love your guests. Who are they? I don're going to have to explain our guests to get him to talk to them. No, I love your guests.

Who are they? I don't want to say it's your show, I don't want to... It's Johnny Nando's. Here he comes. Do you know which country

Nando's from? Portugal. No, it's not. It's South Africa. Suck it, bitch. Yeah.

It's South Africa. Everybody knows that. You've got to know your facts. The new slogan for Nando's too, suck it, bitch. Yeah. Suck our delicious chicken.

Comma. You bitch. That's horrible. We're never going to get sponsored by Nando's. Do you guys want to sponsor my Nando's? Do you guys want to sponsor it? I'll hook it up. Do you guys want to sponsor my Nando's?

You'll do it. I've got some Nando's stories for you from the UK. When I was in the UK, there were some Nando's stories. Oh, great. But first of all, that's what Nando stories. But first of all, let's get another guest on. Ronnie Chang, everyone!

I was just pointing at you and you went for a handshake. It was a cool moment. I'm very confused. Really? Hang on, did we remember to invite our next two guests? Are they actually back there?

Can anything else go wrong? They're there? Yeah, cool. Our second guest today, you'd know her from the Ridge Spics and Specs. She's back in the country now, hosting a show on Double J. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Miff Warhurst!

Ronnie, do you want to move down one seat? Ronnie, you go there. Yeah, but my name is... And Miff, you take... Yeah, so, no, no, just you go there. And then, yeah. I brought chocolate mousse for you. Yay!

Yeah. What an entrance. Thank you. Oh, just the one? Okay, all right. No, but we do... We've got a whole bag in here. Nando's chocolate mousse. Hey, thanks for the stools. Thank you. Oh, just the one? Okay. Nando's. No, but we do... We've got a whole bag in here. Nando's.

Chocolate mousse. Hey, thanks for the stools. No problem. I'm just trying to get Nando's to sponsor us. Subliminally. Yeah. Nando's. I've got a problem.

Yes. How am I going to get up on this stool? Oh, yeah. Without sharing... Yeah, let's do that. How am I going to get up on this stool without sharing way too much information with everyone? Hi. There's a spare chair. There we go.

No, I'm fine. I'm up. What would you rather? Would you rather... I actually don't mind. I'll stand here like this and we'll be fine. Thanks, Ronnie. Would you rather a seat?

No, no, I'm fine now. Oh, you're fine. I'm fine. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. As long as I don't do a Madonna. What's a seat? No, no, I'm fine now. Oh, you're fine. I'm fine. I'm up. I'm up. That's fine. As long as I don't do a Madonna. What's a Madonna?

I just did it behind Ronnie, but everyone can see the knee out. Oh, is that like Sharon Stone, you mean? A little bit, yeah. Oh, okay. I was going to say that, but then I sound like an idiot. Thank you. Who is... Oh, it's okay.

Yeah. Yeah. That's all. I'm sorry. Thank you. Who is... Oh, it's okay. Yeah. That's a... I'm sorry. No, I was just going to say there's a lot of chocolate mousse here from Nando's. Nando's.

Nando's. Yeah, yeah, we're aware. We organised it. Nando's. Now, Ronnie, have you heard of chocolate mousse? Yes. Okay. But not Nando's chocolate mousse.

Okay. I didn't know they made chocolate mousse. Sure. Yeah, it's Portugal. What else are they doing? Well, there's Portuguese egg tarts. Delicious. There's soccer players.

Colonialism. Wine. There's colonialism? Is that the... Yeah, they conquer a lot of shit. Portugal. Yeah, other people have conquered shit. That's not just Portugal.

Yeah, I know, but they're one of the guys who conquer lots of shit. They had Macau for a while. They had a cow? No, Macau. Oh, okay. They had East Timor for a while. They had a little bit of Malaysia for a little bit. Portugal.

All great things from the home of Nando's. Suck it, bitch. No, Nando's is from South Africa. So that means Johnny Nando's isn't Portugal it, bitch. No, Nando's is from South Africa. So, that means Johnny Nando's isn't Portugal. He's in Portuguese. No, he's probably like South African Portuguese. Right, right. Yeah.

Anyway, myth. Hello. Hey, thanks for coming. Now, you moved to England. Yes, I did. After Spix. Yes. And how long have you been back for? For three weeks. I don't even know. Oh, really?

I don't know who I am right now. Oh, wow. You've only just got back. How long did you live in England for? About a year and a half. Oh, really? And then, yeah, got the job and figured. Ronnie, please.

Sorry, I'm sorry. Mifs lived overseas for two years and you're cutting her down with free moose. No, no, I'm sorry. It's all right. Can I ask you quick? Because last time free moose. No, no, I'm sorry. It's all right. Can I ask you quick? Because last time I saw you, it was in Melbourne and you were just visiting. And you were telling me you took cats over to London with you. And you've now, I presume, I hope you've bought, have you bought them back?

Well, no, this is the problem. Oh, boy. Terry and Steve, who I thought I was going there for a long, long time. And it's not often they start a new radio station. So I figured I had to come back for that. So you just started at Double J. Yeah, that's my new job. So I have to come back.

And the laws to get the pets back in had changed in the last couple of months and now my poor little grey guys are stuck over there. Terry and Steve, that's all right. I love it. Use the microphone when you are. Didn't know it was going to be that sad. I probably wouldn't have brought it up if I'd known that it was going to get an awe. What are your cat's names?

Terry and Steve. Yeah. What? What? She said that just before. Oh. Sorry. In kind of the way that you, like, the new digital station,

the new digital arm of Triple J is Double J that you're on, maybe we could start kind of a smaller version of this podcast. Can you get smaller? That Ronnie hosts called The Little Dumb Club. It's just scaled one back. Just a lot of questions. Hi, how are you? What is you?

Oh, drop off. Okay, that's cool. Hey, I've got a great Kamal story for you. is you? Oh, drop off. Okay, that's cool. Hey, I've got a great Kamal story for you, since you don't know Kamal. He's a very generous and lovely entertainer, as we all know. He came on Speaks and Specks, and he was just gorgeous. But I'd heard a story for a long time about Kamal. Because as an entertainer, you've got to look your best.

You'd know all about that, Ronnie. And he likes to wear, you know, like a wig to look his best. Because, you know, he's getting on in years. Things happen. And just to kind of fluff it out a bit. But what he does so that no one will notice, and it's just gorgeous, is that he wears four different wigs over a period of a month. Oh. So it looks like once over a period of a month.

So it looks like once he's just had a haircut and then it's grown a little bit the next week and then it's grown a little bit more and then by the fourth week, oh my goodness, Kamau, you need a haircut. And he should have a fifth one that's just like in the rotation that's bad haircut, that's like a little bit dodgy. So every like eight months or so he goes, oh, the guy, the bloody barber did a real number on me. Harumph. Just to.

You know, the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is a wig. You know that saying? Poor boy. That was all right. That was good. Yeah, that was all right. Yeah. Don't be led by them.

No, they were led by him. Oh. Yeah. Hang on. We're having a problem. That's okay, we'll be fine. We'll be fine. I think if you did wear wigs, everyone would have to

do that. I'm amazed by Bert. Everyone knows that he's wearing the wig, but he's still doing it. Doesn't that kind of defeat the point? Don't you just give up and go, oh well. Have you seen Bert without the wig? Yeah. It's like people in the same positions that wear hats.

Tommy is wearing a hat right now. Nando's. I'll just blame that one on the techie. So who's, which bird are you talking about? From Sesame Street, Ronnie. Sesame Street? Yeah. That's not his real hair.

Alright. So, but this actually, not to go too overboard with the sponsorship thing, but this ties in well. Because Nando's in London is, it's like a different beast over there. It's like gourmet. Yeah. People go in there and think they're going in for this gourmet chicken experience.

And they have table service and everything. And then it's just the exact same shit that it is here. No, it's not. It's better shit. Is it? Yeah. This is actually, Triple J's Matt O'Kind does a whole bit about this. So I don't want to butcher it

or take it away from him. But basically, in Nando's in the UK, there's like a sign-up sheet. When you go in, you have to put your name down to get a table because that's how classy it is.

And also, it's actually really good. It actually tastes different. It tastes a lot classier. And also, oh shit, that ruins our sponsorship. No, it doesn't.

I'm actually, I'm dissing when Nando's Yeah, we're going to miss out on six chicken wings next time we do a live podcast. It's fine. The biggest thing about Nando's in the UK, and maybe Miff can confirm this, is that if you're a comedian, if you're a very high-profile comedian,

Nando's gives you a black card. What? And with the Nando's black card, you can have unlimited Nando's meals as long as you have that card for free. Really? Yeah. It's the Nando's black card, you can have unlimited Nando's meals as long as you have that card for free. Really? Yeah. It's the Nando's black card.

All right. Who's got a black card? Everyone's got access to Twitter, yeah? At Nando's A-U-S. Hit them up. We want a black card. Oh, you guys think you can get a black card? Yeah.

Dude. This black card. Yeah? Yeah. It's like you need some serious, you know. Have you got one? I don't. This black card. Yeah? Yeah. It's like you need some serious you know. Have you got one? I don't have a black card. What do you have to do to get a black card? You have to like be really really like funny and successful.

Or save the life of someone who works at Nando's. No no but you know seriousness yeah I've seen a black card once it was flashing in front of me. Look I don't want to say it but it was some guy he just pulled it out. Why not? Why wouldn't you want to say who's got a black card once. It was flashing in front of me. Look, I don't want to say it, but it was some guy. He just pulled it out. Why not? Why wouldn't you want to say who's got a black card from Nando's?

He said something to do with the thing. I don't know. Look, I don't want to get anyone in trouble here, all right? How can that get anyone in trouble? I don't know. What if there's a term that you can't show the black card to people? Oh, my God. Who has ever said, I can't believe you told everyone I had a black card at Nando's?

Yeah, exactly. But I've seen a black card. It flashed and you just got food. Who had it? For free. Dude, there's some guy in the UK. It was a comic. It was high level.

Not that we're not high level. You know, not a myth. But I'm just saying. Who are you protecting? Dude. I know. Do you honestly think that Nando's UK head office are listening into an Australian podcast going,

if we hear anything about our black cards on there, they are null and void. Just tell us who it was. Echelon, man. That's Echelon. I'm not saying shit. Man, oh man. Was it Kamal? I don't know who that is. That's exactly what someone would say

if they're trying to protect them. He sounds really famous. I hope I wasn't being insulting to him. I just don't know who he is because I'm not. Can we get the tech to flick Ronnie's good anecdote switch please to get a fucking name? I'm going to tell you a name and it's going to make a difference. Yeah. Yes, that's what makes a story.

All right. It's Daniel Sloss. Okay, right. Yeah. I wish you hadn't have told us now. Could have been good if we hadn't run up a hill for 20 minutes to get to it, maybe. Disappointment, yeah. Man, is he going to be pissed at you now?

The black card exists. It's real. It's a thing. It's out there. Maybe one day. There's a ramen place in Melbourne that does a thing where if you get a card and if you get 300 ramens, you get free ramen for life. And I've never been more motivated to do

anything in my whole life. Where are you at now? Oh, I haven't even bothered to get the card yet. And I've never been more motivated to do anything in my whole life. Fuck, how good would that be? Where are you at now? Oh, I haven't even bothered to get the card yet. Because I found out about it too late. I found out about it like 15 times in, where I just went, oh, but it's sort of... Wait, you get one free ramen if you eat 300 ramen? Oh, my God. What did you say?

What was it? You get free ramen for life if you have 300. If you get 300 stamps on this card. Oh, bro. Dude, I'm like, that's easy. That's like a Sunday. I can do that. No, but from the one place.

Yeah. Not just over. Yeah. Where is this? I'll get it tomorrow. Okay. Let's do it. Yeah.

Let's go. Let's go do it, man. Let's share it. Easy. 300, that's nothing. What is that? All right, let's get on our third guest here. Yeah, let's get on our third guest here. Mick Walhurst, everyone. Yeah. Yay. Just want to move down one seat. Oh's go. Let's go do it, man. Let's share it. Easy. 300, that's nothing. What is that? All right, let's get on our third guest here. Yeah, let's get on our third guest here.

Mick Warhurst, everyone. Yeah. Yeah, just want to move down one seat. Oh, God. Oh, sorry, oh, sorry. We should have. Oh, boy. Watch out.

No one can see Madonna now. All right, guys. This guy has been on the show once before. He's from Sydney, and we had such a fun time with him last time. We thought we'd invite him back. You know him from the project. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Sam Mack. Yay!

Hey, guys. Thanks, Ronnie. Hi, everyone. Yeah. Sam, what have you got in your bag, Sam? I have gifts as well. Oh, wow. This is going to be excellent, I bet.

Not for you, though. I'm going to a party. I'm going to a birthday party after this. Oh, wow. This is going to be excellent, I bet. Not for you, though. I'm going to a party. I'm going to a birthday party after this. True story. And you've got so little trust for the management of this venue that you didn't want to leave it backstage. You thought your stuff would get flogged. Sam Simmons is backstage.

Ah, okay. Which is interesting that Myth was comfortable leaving her handbag backstage. Oh, boy. I got some sweet cash out of that. Sweet double J cash. Drinks on you after the gig. So what are you giving to your... What's the birthday?

So my friend Jamie, it's his birthday, and I got him a book. I can show you the book. It's called Images You Should Not Masturbate To. Jamie will bloody love that. I'm waiting for Ronnie to go, I could do that 300 times on a Sunday. That sounds like a challenge to me.

I will earn that black card. White card. Oh. I can just... Just to sort of give people listening in the vibe of the book and people in the audience, there's an old lady playing piano.

You should definitely not masturbate to that. Ronnie, get your eyes off it. Or the clam. It's an actual clam, just pointing that out. Not Granny's clam. See, what I did, though... Jesus. Hear more of that on Double J, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, what I did was I wrote some personalised messages in it for Jamie, for my friends. So for example, there's four shots of a tradie, basically of a tradie's arse, and he's doing his tradie-related duties, and I wrote next to that one, you are being watched, Jamie. Just in case he was considering masturbating

towards that one. Oh cool, just put the fear of God into him, yeah, just really spook him. You should actually... I can do that. That's easy. What else? What else is Jamie getting? It's a joint birthday.

It's Georgie's birthday as well. Do you guys know Georgie? Georgie Clark? No. Okay, good. Thanks for bringing it up. That's like that story you guys told before about the Nando's black card.

No one knew the guy at the end. It was a long wait, wasn't it? Yeah. But we enjoyed the journey. Yeah. We thought it was going to be like Rowan Atkinson or something. Are we enjoying this, guys? I met Rowan Atkinson.

You met Rowan Atkinson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You met Mr Bean? Is he the Mr Bean guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met him. Yeah, I met him. I met him.

He's really cool. He's a really nice guy. Very, um... Very... You're sitting up on your seat. Good posture. Very stiff upper lip. That's not your lip. He watched Matt O'Kline's show.

What an honour. Mr. Ron Atkinson himself came to watch the show, you know. And one of my friends asked him for a photo. I was uninvolved in that situation, but my friend asked him for a photo and he was just like, oh, thank you so much. I appreciate that. But I don't like photos.

And he just continued on. I was like, he's a cool guy. Let me ask you this, Ronnie. Because you're a star on the rise. Would you ever get to the point where you do that? That move of not allowing photos? Oh, I'd do it right now. No, I'd never do that.

Anyone wants to take a photo, feel free to take a photo. Anytime you want. 24-7. If you take 300 photos of me, you get free photos for life. That's all. No, I would take photos of anybody, anytime, anywhere, any setting. Any setting? Any setting.

Any situation. I'm there, man. Someone breaks into your house, you're asleep. I will take a photo of that guy. I will. You'll take a photo of them. Is that what you situation. I'm there, man. Someone breaks into your house, you're asleep. I will take a photo of that guy. I will, yeah. You'll take a photo of them. Is that what you said? I will take a photo.

I will take a photo of anybody underwater, in space, on planes, anywhere. You are willing to take a photo in space? Yeah, Navy SEALs. You're putting it out there? Yeah, Navy SEALs. What about just them?

Were you okay with that? Yeah, I'm okay with that. Anytime. Anytime you want, man. Any angle. I don't care. I'll do this for you. I don't care.

I don't care about angles. I don't care about poses Anytime you want, man. Any angle. I don't care. I'll do this for you. I don't care about angles. I don't care about poses. Anytime. Lighting. Any lighting. Whatever. Go for it. Oh, man.

We've got that covered. Should we? Yeah. Sorry. I was going to say, Miff. Going back to, because we've been talking about London pretty heavily. So you've been there for a year and a half. What were you doing?

Not much. No, I was just doing lots of freelance stuff, writing a column for The Guardian and doing stuff like that, really. Not working super hard, which was excellent, may I say. If you can do it for a while, I encourage everyone. But, yeah, I had to come back. Oh, we're doing it. Don't worry about that.

Have you watched... I wanted to ask you about this. I started to talk to you about it backstage. I wanted to ask about watching Spicks and Specks. Have you watched it since it's the new Spicks and Specks? What is that experience like? Is it weird? Good jokes, isn't it, don't you think?

I hadn't seen it until Wednesday night. So that was the first time I saw it. Great writing, that's what you thought when you first started watching it? Brilliant writing, that's what you thought when you first started watching it? Brilliant writing, yeah. But yeah, it was good. I really enjoyed it and good luck to them, you know. But it was weird, I have to admit. It was weird.

I was hoping you'd slag them off. Yeah, I think we all were. Yeah, that's not what I was... But it's like watching someone wearing your favourite dress and you just sort of sit there and go... And is it too tight on them, would you say? No, and it sometimes might look a bit better on them. And you think, oh, oh, okay.

And then it was fine. Then it was over. I'm having that experience right now. I was going to wear that in my solo show tonight. The front row get a nice little treat. And now that trick's out in the open, I can't do it. I really wish I didn't wear my dress. Oh, yeah, us too.

I didn't wear my dress. Oh, yeah, us too. Should we get into Australia's favourite and longest running radio serial? Should we do that? Should we? What are you talking about? Just checking your phone in the middle of it. Cool.

No, I just want to see where we were in the show. Okay. Can we get the music? Can we try the music? Let's see how we go. Alright. Are those new shoes? Are they Timberlands?

Are those Timberlands shoes? Tom and... No, man, they're Wolverines. Wolverines? Yeah. You guys are reading ahead. Rad Dad. All right, here we go.

Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience. Pretty short one this week, guys. The best one ever. I wrote that one too. God. Alright, here we go. Oh, I am so sick of the radio these days. They never play anything good.

It's all celebrity clingers on that aren't even musicians. Jenny, did you know that even Kim Kardashian's husband is having a go now? Hey Rad Dad, you might find this interesting. Apparently Triple J has launched a new station called Double J that plays a lot of songs that Triple J used to play about 20 years ago. What the fuck? That'd be right up your alley, wouldn't it Rad Dad?

Rad Dad, are you trying to fuck that radio? Language, Jenny. Oh, yeah, that's the offensive bit. Not the grown man trying to force his penis into something that he bought at Harvey Norman for $48. Anyway, it says here on whatever it is that I'm reading this on that Double J isn't actually on the radio.

You stream it online. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Stephen Hawking. I got to do what? That was a sound effect. It was just so loud. I wonder who that is interrupting our conversation about technology. Hello.

What up, bros? I'm Ronnie Chang. I couldn't help overhearing your questions about streaming radio. Sir, get your groin away from that Panasonic and show me to your computer. No problems, Ronnie. Here it is. My top of the range,

state of the art, blueberry flavoured iMac. Oh, I should be acting, right? I'm not just reading off the page I'm acting It's weird that you would ask a question like that Oh god No offence Mr Dad but I wouldn't use that computer as a dick towel Luckily I encountered enough of you technological

savages to learn to bring my own computer along to these unrequested IT excursions. Now, there you go. There's the Double J website. Here we go. We're officially streaming. I'll just turn the volume up. And that was Monkeys Gone to Heaven by the Pixies.

You're back with me, Forrest, on Double J on another lovely afternoon. How are you guys today? We've been taking a few calls. Let's take another one. Hello, Rad Dad. Oh, shit. This is going to escalate quickly.

Hi, Miff. Long time listener. First time caller. Been loving the show forever. Remember that time you played Monkeys Gone to Heaven by the Pixies? One of the highlights, I reckon. This is super request, right?

No. Great. So, I'd like to request Who Farted by The Vaughns. Thanks, Miff. Triple G! Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. Okay, guys.

Apologies. Obviously, Double J doesn't have the budget to screen all of our callers. Let's try another one. Hello, Rad Brad. Hi, Miff. Long time listener. First time caller. Love the show. Long time listener, first time caller. Love the show.

Say hi to Tunny for me. This is still super request, right? No. Great. I'd like to request Pauline Pantsdown's I Don't Like It. Still as topical today as it was back then. Triple G! OK, well, we'll take one more call, please.

It'd be great if we could just get some callers that aren't so stuck in the 90s that they think Jeff Buckley is still alive. Right. Right. Hello? Tubular Father? Hi, Miff. Long-time listener, first-time caller.

Glad I caught you before your finished super request. Can you play me anything that... Can you play me everything that the presidents of the United States ever recorded? Okay, thanks. Triple G! Oh, God, if I only had some technical expert in here to make sure I didn't get any more nuisance calls from stuck-in-the-past old tragics. Hey, where did you

come from? Oh, hi Miff. My name's Ryan Chang. Sorry, I just let myself in. I couldn't help but overhear your IT problem. And I think I have a way of rectifying it. I'll be back. Okay, Rad Dad, have you had enough hassling Double J? Give one of your fellow

43-year-old skateboarding mates a go. Okay, just after I make one more request. I haven't heard happy birthday, Helen, by things of stone and wooded for a while. Who's that pounding their fist into the door? Hi, it's me, Sam Mack. Just wondering if I have anything to do in this episode. No, not really. To be honest, you're a last minute replacement for Husey, so we didn't

really prepare anything. Can you do a Husey? Hey, y'all. Wow, that's a remarkable Carl Barron. I sure hope there's not another knock on the door. Oh, there we go. Oh, hey guys, I'm Roy Chang.

And I'm back. Rad Dad, you love the whole Request Fest, right? Sure do. I'm Roy Chang and I'm back Red Dead you love the whole Request Fest right? Sure do Well it works both ways Miss Mife Warhurst

She's right there Yeah Miff We've been calling you Miff the whole day Miss Miss Miff

Warhurst I've been gone for that long of Ultimo Sydney has made an old school request of her own this Malaysian fist to your crotch oh you piece of shit

that hurts me even more than the current state of the smashing pumpkins oh Rad Dad's getting angry I'm still Husey I'm still Husey Is that Husey or Arnold Schwarzenegger? pumpkins. Oh, Rad Dad's getting angry. I'm still Husey. Is that Husey or Arnold Schwarzenegger? It was supposed to be

Yoda. Well, I guess we've all learned a lesson today. Jenny, you learned to respect your elders. No, I didn't, you stupid hacky sack playing old fool. Ronnie learned about computers. I knew about computers already, you weirdo in a Stone Temple Pilots tank top.

Miff learned about her audience needs and Sam Mack learned how to do a killer impersonation. Mmm, hughesy I am. And I guess I learned that I should finally get my dick out of this radio before I give this trans sister a trans brother. Oh, Red Dead! get my dick out of this radio before I give this trans sister a trans brother. Alright dad. Okay, now we're going to do the director's commentary where Ronnie goes through and asks us what all the references in there were.

By the way, I like, you know, we'd like to work on radio. Who's Geoff Buckley? Myth. Sorry, By the way, I like... You know, so we'd like to work on radio. That's a thing we'd like to... What? Who's Geoff Buckley? Myth. Sorry, myth. Can you explain?

You know you have to have a working knowledge of most things in general in life. I thought I did, but I guess not. I just like this bit here where it's like, you know, your idea of how you do radio. Let me just read out this bit that you wrote of Myth's dialogue. You're back with Myth Warhurst on Double J on another lovely afternoon. How are you guys today?

Classic, classic radio banter, isn't it? How would you do that? Pretty much like that, actually. I take it back. I'm sorry. Oh, that reminds me. This is what I wanted to say I never do this, I never sort of look at our iTunes reviews but we had a couple of iTunes

I went back today Don't look at online comments man They're not all haters surprisingly Why not? Have you had a bad time? What do you get? I get some pretty nasty stuff I can't even say on internet. You can expect more of that from Kamal later tonight.

Let me guess, given that you don't want to say it, is one of the reviews just the words Daniel Sloss? No, no, no. But it involves two words that have the same initials. DS? Yeah. Dipshit? No.

Die? No, down. Shit hit Dipshit? No. Die? No. Down? Down syndrome? No, don't say that. Don't worry. Just say it. Is that seriously what someone left as a review on your podcast?

Oh, someone said something involving, not my podcast, but one of my videos on YouTube, on Reddit, on something, yeah. I'm sorry I brought this up. It's okay. Well, these were positive reviews. Okay, let's go. That's fine. I like this. So there's a couple quick ones uh funny mates five stars from tony the tygette

weird misspelling um carl tommy and friends always bring the funny with great tales of misadventures and regular updates of their fast food travels carl even enjoys direct contact from listeners. Listen carefully for Rad Dad. I don't think you need to listen carefully for it. Like, we don't whisper it. How many people in this room just saw that secret thing that we did? Did anyone notice it? A little Easter egg?

I know we did our best by turning off all the mics and lighting, but... And the other one was, which I enjoyed a lot, was the review is called Mr Blister, for some reason. We get five stars still, so that's fine, from Skeptoid. My favourite podcast, true talent, listen, listen, listen, to the lesbian and the grouch. Which I'm like, finally, if we do FM radio, that's our time. Yeah.

Welcome back. Hope you're having a great afternoon. How is everyone? Welcome back to the Lezzo and the Grouch. Wait, who's the lesbian and who's the grouch? No, no, I said amongst the two of you, who would be the lesbian? We understood the question. Oh, okay.

You just asked at the same time twice. Yeah, I thought you misunderstood what I didn't understand. No, that wasn't our problem with it. We understood it, unfortunately. So who is the grouch? Well, who do you think? I feel and I'm just saying I'm just saying here, I'm just putting it out there I just want to put it out there that I've got a black card

so be... I feel like the lesbian is Tommy and you're the grouch. Yay! I can't believe... Well done on that Sudoku. Yeah, I cannot believe that got a round of applause. A friend of mine who listens to the show came up to me the other day and he goes, oh, I love that Rad Dad bit you do is really funny. I always love listening to that.

He goes, hey, just got a question for you. Is Jenny meant to be hot? Like, she's meant to be eight. And he's like, yeah, but when you're writing her dialogue, are you thinking that she's like, you know, she'd one day be like hot? I'm thinking we've got five minutes till the show, so I've got to churn this shit out quickly. Because the only thing you're getting out of that

is he's just hearing his mate's voice. And then saying to his mate, are you hot? Yeah, like I'm just sitting there thinking about myself going, yeah. I am a beast. Sam, this belongs in the book. Things You Shouldn't Masturbate. Yeah, this podcast. Burn this podcast on a

CD and put it in that book. Things You Shouldn't Masturbate To. Speaking of, you were telling me something last night about a doctor's... Oh, that's what this podcast needs. Yeah, this story. Go on.

I... So I had this thing happen recently where I... So I have high blood pressure. I have to take pills for that every day. That's a medical condition, Ronnie, before you ask. Yeah.

Clang. I could die if I don't take medicine. Anyway. Did you take your medicine? Yeah. Okay, good. I took it today, yeah. But anyway, so a little while ago, my girlfriend and I had, we'd, you know, we'd just, we'd

been intimate. Sexual clang. The end. What else is going on? How'd you get that? With the vague hope that one day I might marry her. Sex. That's your mate.

So anyway, I was like, I had this, like, I was just lying there afterwards and my girlfriend said oh you know you're okay and i said oh look to be honest i'd recently after that happens i've been getting these like really bad headaches like really bad splitting headaches and she said oh you should ask your doctor about that and i i didn't want to because the doctor that i see is like an old family doctor and i just was like like she was just like too weird about it so then anyway like a couple days later my girlfriend goes oh i found out what that thing's about it means it's a it's a blood pressure thing so you probably hadn't taken your pills for a couple of days and that's probably why it was happening i'm like oh you know you're right like i hadn't i was in between going and getting them

i go out of interest how did you find out that that's what it was and she goes i googled cum headache but i would love to think so that's in my girlfriend's search history forever now Googled cum headache. But I would love to think. So that's in my girlfriend's search history forever now. Great. I'd love to think that she wasn't looking up your problem at all. It was just a coincidence when she looked that up. She wants to start DJing and she wants that to be her name.

And she's just seeing if anyone else has it. Does anyone not look up stuff because, and maybe it's just me, but I think, all right, I could look this up, but if I die tonight, then someone's going to look up my search history and then everything will be revealed. You can actually have auto-delete your search history. That's a feature that you can have on your computer. Oh, so you've heard Sam. Which makes me sound really messed up.

How do you know this? It's an actual feature. It comes from the guy with a book saying things not to wank to. What's the weirdest thing you've Googled, you've had to Google? Well, see, this is the thing. I think the same thing. Like we're staying at our friend's house at the moment and I think we're using their Wi-Fi

and I get halfway through looking up something and then going, oh, is there some sort of IT central within this house where someone's sitting there going, oh, looking up big boob blowjobs or hypothetically. So that's what you're doing in that room. You know, just whatever. You know, whatever you're looking up. Yeah, yeah.

Because mine would be like that. My girlfriend's would be like, cum headache. And then the next thing I Googled was on her computer. It was like, how long can you keep chicken in the fridge and then eat it afterwards? Cum headache. Well, off the back of that, because that made me think, I... Off the back of that. Yeah.

Because it made me immediately think, when you told me that, I had a thing where when I moved back in with my parents when I finished uni, I had... Fuck, you're cool. Coming from the guy who moved out of his parents' house last week. Not accurate at all. Oh, the from the guy who moved out of his parents' house last week. Not accurate at all. Oh, the week before. So, when I moved back in with them, I had like a spare room

and that was like the computer room. And, you know, you're a fully grown adult without a girlfriend, with access to a computer. No, I'm just saying things are going to happen. Like, everyone here in this whole room's done it. Some people are doing it as we speak. Hang Like, everyone here in this whole room's done it. Some people are doing it as we speak. Hang on, has everyone in this whole room done it? Let's poll everyone individually.

You've got your hands in your lap right now. Oh, no, right. So, I... Is that the respect you give your audience? These people have paid money to come in. If that's what you say to them, I love this show. They won't be back, but anyway. So, my... What's happening?

What are you talking about? Do people pay money to come in? Don't remind them. They got chicken. Oh, thank you. You drove me insane. I know, I know. What happened? I'm glad you were concentrating on the dialogue. I was kicking a sticky tape all day.

Sorry. Sorry. Fuck, this is a really weird one. This is a weird one. So, I... When's Paul Foot coming out? Fucking hell. What happened?

That woke you up, didn't it? Yeah. Great. What's wrong with Paul Foot? Hang on, stop the show. Ronnie's got a question. I'm sorry, continue. This is highly unorthodox.

So anyway, I had this computer room and my mum sort of walked in on things happening. And so it was just that thing of, you know, everyone pretended nothing happened. And then, like, no one said anything until a week later when my dad said, all right, you better go and finish your work and get ready for dinner and don't go looking at those sperm movies. That's what my dad calls pornography.

Sperm movies. Shout out to Pixar if you're listening. That could be your next animated pornography. Sperm movies. Shout out to Pixar if you're listening. That could be your next animated feature. Sperm movies. Yeah, yeah. Let's go in the grouch in. Sperm movies. I think it's just about time to wrap it up.

Because we've got to get to our shows and do all that stuff. Sure. Do we have anything else off the back of the... Yeah. Okay. Oh, you know what? I want to say this. Alright. I'll have one more story the back of the mic? Yeah, okay. Oh, you know what? I want to say this. All right.

I'll have one more story. Are we enjoying this? No, they are. No, they are. Because I'm very conscious that 41 of you are coming to the rest of the show later and I want you to be in a good mood. And I feel like the 40 people who aren't laughing tonight are coming to my show. I had an operation last week.

I had a little thing cut out. I had a little mole, little sort of lesion thing cut out. Are you okay? No, I died on the operating table. I'm really sorry to hear that. So I went in there and, you know, it's that thing where the doctor's trying to distract you because, you know, they're doing something to you.

And, like, I'm in the office and they've got to put anaesthetic in and then they've got to cut this bit out of my head. So as I'm on their table, they're, like, talking to me and going, trying to distract me and whatever and going, oh, what are you doing tonight? And I just went, oh, look, I'm going to some, I'm going out. Oh, what are you going out to do? To see.

I'm going to watch stand-up comedy. I didn't really want to say, oh, I'm doing stand-up comedy. I didn't want to get into that conversation. So I said, I'm going to watch stand-up comedy. Oh, that's interesting. Wouldn't that be hard? That would be like really hard. And he's starting to put the anaesthetic in.

And he goes, wouldn't that be really hard? I mean, imagine being Imagine being Greg Fleet. And I was like, you're putting a needle into me right now. So I'm doing a pretty good job of it. All right, those are the people coming to my show. Great. Yeah, they're all with you. They're all with you.

I had Lee Zek surgery once. What does that mean? Sorry, I feel like I'm running check. Yeah, that's okay. You guys have, have you had LASIK before?

LASIK? So LASIK, if I can quickly explain the difference, LASIK is when they cut the epidural of your eye, the epidermis, sorry,

that outer layer of skin from your eyeball, which grows back every day, so don't worry, okay? It cut off. So it was a waste of an operation then? No,

no, no. Cut it, and then they open it like a flap it was a waste of an operation then no no cut it and then they open it like a flap and they zap it and then they put it back right and then it heals and then you're good to go that's lazy lay zek is when they cut open that skin they open up the flap they zap it and then they just throw away that throw away the flap yeah what what's it all for oh it's to get your eyes so You're no longer short-sighted. But so why are people bothering...

Close strong eyes today with comedy. Why are you bothering to have the flap closed off if you can just get rid of it? Because if you can close down the flap, it heals quicker. If you lose the flap, you have to regrow that whole flap. Conversation is making me very hot and bothered for some reason. Sounds to me like a sperm movie. Oh, man, sperm movie.

Remember the good old days? That is a ridiculous name for porn. Just in case anyone didn't get it. We're all up to speed now. Guys, I think that is all the time we have for the little Dumb Dumb Club this afternoon. Guys, please give it up for Sam Mack, Miff Warhurst, Ronnie Chang.

Finally. Finally, we don't have anything to plug at the end of the episode. Yeah. Can I plug my show? Please. I'm doing a show at the Enmore Theatre Theatre 28th of June. Come if you can in Sydney. Man, this is the amount of people you knock

back from your show. What are you talking about? And also there's Moose here. You should give that out that Moose. Yeah. Oh, we're definitely doing that.

Yeah. We'll chuck Moose at the audience. Yes. Yeah. Hey, thanks for coming everyone. Yeah.

A round of applause for our three guests. We got some merch for sale and we'll see you at the front. Thanks guys. See ya mates.