The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 190 - David Quirk & Greg Larsen

Episode Date: May 27, 2014

My Generation, Metal Spoons and Fake Dominoes.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another episode. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Hey, we're doing this in the living room, aren't we? Yeah, on that Channel 10 show with Amanda Keller. Yeah, it's very nice of them to let us on the set. They're in between takes.

No, we normally kind of squashed into my study, and I thought we'd kind of, it feels a little bit more, you know, it's a bit more open. It feels like we're in mum and dad are out for the day. Well, they are. And the kids are going, oh, what can we do? Pretend to have a radio show? That'd be great, wouldn't it?

Let's all sit around and talk to each other. Speaking of which, my dad is, he's in Adelaide. He's gone to Adelaide for a couple of days. So mum's- I've got stuff going on, all right. My mum's home on her own, which is like, you know, they're like an old married couple. So like they're never, they're like never apart basically. So I felt-

They're like Paul McCartney and Linda. Sure. Yeah. They're like- They never spend a night apart. Yeah. They're like Bert and Ernie. Yeah.

Gay. Yeah. Gay puppets. Your mum night apart. Yeah, they're like Bert and Ernie. Yeah. Gay. Gay puppets. Your mum and dad. Yeah. So I went and had dinner with mum the other night. My girlfriend came along. We went and had dinner at a pizza place near where she lives.

And it was nice. I could tell mum really kind of enjoyed, you know, not being alone in the house. And then there's kind of this sad moment where we're driving back to her house and mum's just kind of like just suggests every option she's just kind of wants everyone to be comfortable all the time so we're halfway back to her house and she goes oh so what do you guys want to do now do you want to go home or we could just just go for a drive should we just go for a drive i'm like it's like 9 30 at night on a sunday i'm like, where are we going to drive? But mum's so accommodating that...

That's old school, just going for a drive. Just going for a drive. And I kind of wish I'd taken her up on it just to see, like, yeah, let's just hoon down to Frankston. Let's go, mum. You could have done that thing, just go for a drive, and then you just slowly fall asleep in the back. And then when you get back,

you make your mum and dad carry you out of the car while you're pretending to be asleep. Was there anything better when you were a kid? Being carried in from the car. Oh, sweet relief. Anyway, one of our guests is writing down a note for something that I should talk to him about. It says, I can't...

If only he was allowed to talk on the podcast, he wouldn't have to write this down. Well, first of all, you know him from the TV series Problems. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, David Quirk. Hello. Hello, guys. Very hello there. This is one of our best podcasts, David Quirk, I think.

That's true. I'm sorry about those former podcasts. Hey, no. They're all good stuff. If you're listening today, I'm sorry about all the podcasts I've been a part of up to this point. Hey, go back. Today's a new page.

Pause this one and go back and listen to all of David Quirk's previous appearances in preparation for this one. If you have the time, I recommend it. If you have the time, I still don't think you should. I like what you guys are talking about going on drives. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a nice thing, going carried into the car. Great, alright, thanks. What about your other guest? Yeah, sure. Also, he's been on the show once before. He did a show in the Comedy Festival, won an award for it.

You might have seen him recently on Dirty Laundry Live. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Greg Larson. Hello, thank you. Thanks for having me. Has there ever been a guest of ours that's done less TV than us? I think every time

we have a guest on, it's like you've seen him on these shows. I think everyone's been on TV more than us. Yeah, well as of... What does that say? What does that say, do you think? Do you think you're spending too much time podcasting pod? Yeah. Do you think that's what that means?

Is it slowing you down? Yeah, that's what everyone on TV is thinking. They're thinking, nah, they're probably doing their fake radio show. They wouldn't want to go on TV. Yeah, they're doing... I don't know what it is. It must be something connected.

We must be doing something wrong here. I mean, what's going on? Yeah. It's very... Yeah, it's very weird. Perhaps your voices are just too rich. Yeah. And you don't need to be visual.

It's overpowering our visuals. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, but Greg, you're a TV star now? Yeah, I'm a big TV star. I've been on TV twice now. Three times, if you count when I was a kid and I was on a game show and won a Ripkill prize pack. Oh, really?

What game show? It was called My pack. Oh, really? Yeah. What game show? It was called My Generation. Oh, okay. You get to go on with your dad or mum or like your stepdad or whatever if you don't have a real one. I think I went on that game show on Sunday night. Yeah, and it was a game show I went on as a kid and I was trying to track down the tape of it from Channel 9.

Well, I say I was trying to. I sent someone an email saying, hey, how do you get the tape from the from channel nine and i well i say i was trying to i sent someone an email saying hey how do you get the tape from the game show when you're a kid and they went i don't know and then that was the extent of my uh my who was the host on the on the game show i don't know some guy aggro how can you not remember the when you've been on tv that would be the biggest thing in your life and you can't remember who the host was well like the problem was it was just really it was the whole thing was just mired with like just disappointment because the only reason i went on that show was to win a super nintendo like it was it was a shit game show what year was this it was definitely not no amazing or anything like that this was uh i was

in year seven so 90 95 96 yeah it was in year seven and the prize was a super nintendo and it had been on the air in like 2010 or something did you get a few t-shirts or something sorry yeah I got a Rip Curl

prize pack just decked out in Rip Curl only a surfer knows the feeling is that Rip Curl or is that Quicksilver I don't know the slogans

I thought you would know that but I did get most of that stuff stolen when I went to high school so fresh gear who stole Rip Curl t-shirts off you But I did get most of that stuff stolen when I went to high school.

Fresh gear. Who stole Rip Curl t-shirts off you? Not just like my Rip Curl bag. I had a Rip Curl watch. I think part of the reason it got stolen was I used to get picked on because I always wore all Rip Curl stuff. Everyone was just like, oh, it's the Rip Curl man. They give you shit and then they fleece you

for what you're wearing. Yeah, exactly. It's like, what a dickhead, I want it. Look at the dumb shit you're wearing. I want it. That would have been

about the same time as people were stealing, was it Reebok pumps? I remember people were robbing people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Was that a bit before that?

That was, I remember Reebok pumps being big when i was in about grade yeah earlier four or five because i had this russian kid in my class that had ribok pumps and he was like real afraid of guns and stuff he was afraid of guns well not gun like like someone got like a water pistol out he i don't know he came from not russia like i think like yugoslavia or something he was like a refugee and someone pulled out a water pistol and he freaked the fuck out. And he had Reebok pumps.

That's what I remember. Okay. Old memories die hard. So you didn't win the game show, obviously. No, I won. I won, but they rotate the prizes. So like I didn't get a Super Nintendo that week. I got a Rip Curl bloody prize.

That's a big drop off from someone one week get a Super Nintendo that week I got a Rip Curl bloody prize pack. That's a big drop off from someone one week winning a Super Nintendo to the next week winning some surf clothes. That's a huge drop off in estimated value. Like that's... Depends how big the prize pack is though to be fair. If you were smart you could have sold the gear. Honestly it was

a huge prize pack. Like there was a bag there was a wallet, there was a key ring. There was a key ring? Yeah but it wasn't it was a good prize pack. There was a bag, there was a wallet, there was a key ring. There was a key ring? It was a good key ring. That stands out. And the kid that stole my hat, this fucking idiot, he stole my hat. I left it on the port rack and

went inside, came back out, it was gone. The next day he came to school with the exact same Rip Curl hat except it used a texture to colour in the white parts blue. And you could tell that it was a texter. He hadn't filled it in all the way. And I was like, that's my hat.

And he goes, no, it isn't. It's mine. I just bought it. Oh, my God. Wow. You didn't believe him, did you? No, I did not believe him. You knew.

Why did you leave a hat on the rack anyway? Because you're supposed to. And then they get signed. And the same thing happened to my X-Files hat. From that X-Files prize pack that you won? When you were on the X-Files and you won. So you go on this show. Is that your other TV appearance when you do the X-Files?

No, but I did meet Gillian Anderson from the X-Files. Are you serious? Yeah, at Westfield Shopping Center. Scully. It was so good. It was one of the happiest memories of my childhood. So was this X-Files time she was out here on the junket for the movie or something? Oh, I can't remember specifically.

Was she your step-mom on the game show? On my generation. No, I went on with my dad. We just annihilated the other team. They didn't even get a question. Was it a quiz show? It was a quiz show. It was a general knowledge?

Yeah, it was like a general knowledge quiz show. Me and my dad on one team and some girl and her mum on the other team and just bam, just smashed them to the point where my dad actually went in and said, hey, do you want to at least give them one? Because the score was like 260 to 60. What did he want to give them, like a pity prize? No, dad was like, just let him get one question right. And I was like 260 to 60. What did you want to give him, like a pity prize? I was like, just let him get one question right. And I was like, no way.

You could have at least at the end given them the key ring out of the Rip Curl prize pack as a little sympathy vote. No way. And you smashed those aliens on the X-Files as well. So that was good. So you're winning a Rip Curl prize pack. Was there a prize for your dad, like for the older generation? What did they get?

Yeah, coolest son. That's what he gets. That's what every father wants. The coolest son award. Surely your dad should have taken the Rip Curl stuff and you got something else. Well, that's the thing. The Rip Curl stuff was too cool like dad would never wear

that but then we the the the the boy and his dad in this case me and my dad why did I say the boy in his dad dad gets a Rivers prize pack yeah sounds pre Rivers we we had to battle and play a video game to see who would who would win the video game bonus prize okay and I the video game. Oh, I vaguely remember this now. To get a bonus prize. Oh, okay. And I think they change the prize depending on who wins, the dad or the kid.

Now, the kid always wins in this because, like, who's this dad playing video games better than his son? Who wants to put that to air? Exactly. He's a 40-year-old man whipping his 10-year-old guy. If you made that show now, there would be dads that would throttle their kids. Yeah.

And I reckon it would make for more interesting... Times have changed. And dad just blowing his son's brains out on Halo would be fascinating to him. See, I did lose to my dad though when we played this game.

I totally lost. Oh, really? Because on the thing, it makes it look like you're watching this giant movie screen with the video game. In reality, it's this tiny little screen and I didn't wear my glasses because I was like, I didn't want to look like you're watching this giant movie screen with the video game. In reality, it's this tiny little screen.

And I didn't wear my glasses because I didn't want to look like a nerd on TV. With your dad, yeah. It would be a shame if you didn't look cool on TV with your dad. While you're playing video games with your dad. You want to look cool while you're smashing a girl at her mum. While you're getting beat at Frogger by your dad you didn't want to look uncool how do you play

competitive Frogger you play the Frog you play the log your dad plays the truck yeah has that attitude changed oh great

how do you feel about glasses now on TV you're more comfortable I'm more comfortable wearing glasses on TV you don't mind looking uncool

that's what you got out of that experience well society has changed glasses are cool now I would say so what game were you playing it was I don't mind looking uncool. That's what you got out of that experience. Well, society has changed. Glasses are cool now, I would say. Glasses are really cool. So what game were you playing? It was, I don't even, it was like, and this is the thing, it was just out on PlayStation. I was practicing Sonic 2 for weeks because they, all the kids played Sonic 2.

But then the PlayStation 1 had just come out. Yeah. Like it was brand new. And they were like, bam, we got a PlayStation 1. It's some skateboard game. And I couldn't even see what was happening. I was like playing like with my eyes squinted, like leaning over trying to play and just, yeah.

And did your dad have glasses on? No, he doesn't wear glasses. He's got good vision. That's a shame. Yeah. Are you really his? I hope so. So hang on, let me get this straight.

So you're playing against another team to decide who gets the prize yep but then only one of you gets a generational specific prize pack and you have to play so you then your team competes against each other yes exactly see which person in the team gets the bonus i kind of like that so you have to you have to work together and then at the end you have to sort of turn on each other oh i really like that exactly what it is yeah there can only be one person walking out at the end of have to sort of turn on each other I really like that that's exactly what it is yeah there can only be one person walking out at the end of the day

yeah only one winner what's bizarre is there's four of us and none of us know what this show is called even the guy who was on it no My Generation

oh was it called My Generation yeah I thought it was Now You See It no I vaguely remember it now that you say you were playing video games against each other at the end

I remember seeing that and going that's weird to be me watching someone playing video games there were a few game shows that did that though i mean amazing did that i think they'd play super nintendo at the end because that was always my dream i i man i wanted to be on a game show so i think everyone yeah had that when i was a kid i would always watch it and go what

what's mirabara primary school 404 doing wrong yeah we're not getting a go at this yeah like did you actually think that? Yeah. I've never had that thought in my life. You didn't think about 404 Primary School? I didn't think, why is Bright P12 College not getting any of this good stuff? I never thought that. I did.

I always thought. Or Pawpunker Primary School. I started thinking, do they approach the schools? Do the schools approach them? If they approach the schools, what would happen? Would we have to have a thing at 404 where we had a mini competition to find out who's the best game show dude i i very vaguely remember me and some friends having a conversation with a teacher at my primary school and going what's hey what's going on here how do we you know you you sort this out get us on there yeah well

because that was the other thing good good on that my generation for actually giving you the prize because i remember there were a lot of game shows at that time where you'd win something for your Because that was the other thing. Good on that, my generation, for actually giving you the prize. Because I remember there were a lot of game shows at that time where you'd win something for your school. You'd win a computer for your school and you'd walk away with nothing. And I just used to look at that and feel sick. And just the look of the kids at the end trying to be excited, going, ah, great. Now there's one Macintosh computer at the school

that I'm never going to get to use because every arsehole is going to be lining up for a crack at it. Yeah, and I've had to be on TV in my school uniform, look like a dickhead, and then that's all you get. You just get a computer that you're going to be given anyway. I would be interested to hear if anyone listening, I reckon statistically speaking the number of people that listen to this show, there must be, there'd be a few listeners who've been on game shows.

Yeah. Yeah, right in. Just yet more people that have been on TV more than us. Yeah, sure. Tell us your experience. You have to assume. You have to assume. One has to assume, yeah.

But, man, that's super – oh, man, I would give anything to see the tape of you getting smashed by your dad at Tony Hawk on PlayStation. I would just love to be on a game show now. It should be – I mean, we've got enough – What show? What have we got better to do? We should be trying to get on. If this podcast thing doesn't work out, I reckon, we've got enough. What show? What do we got better to do? We should be trying to get on.

If this podcast thing doesn't work out, I reckon you should have to get on. What game show would you like to be on? I tried out for Sale of the Century. My sister's been on it twice. Oh, really? Twice, yeah, but never. How does that work? Oh, she's crap.

But how are they letting people on there? Like twice as in carryover champ thing? She never did well once she was on there. She claims to get on there is harder than the actual game, although she never did well on the game. I agree. Because I did... I reckon I tried out for it when I was like 18 or something

and it was really hard, but I think there was three stages and I nearly got through to the second stage and it was really hard to get. Everyone else I went on with got nowhere near what I got and so nearly everyone

got kicked out of the first round. It was quite hard and you watch it on TV and you go, oh, they're all easy but it's because it's a lot harder to get on

than actually being on. No, yeah, that's what I've heard. Do you know, it seems like the bulk of my friends have been on, what's that other one that's on the mid-afternoon?

It's very popular. They use the gold. Deal or no deal? Yeah, every person I know seems to be on it. A lot my friends have been on it. What's that other one that's on the mid-afternoon? It's very popular. They use the gold. Deal or no deal? Yeah. Every person I know seems to be on it. A lot of comics have been on Deal. I'll be honest. I'm feeling less clever than usual today,

and I cannot understand that game. Really? I can't make any sense of it. Too many numbers for me. You don't need to know anything. It's just a roll. You're just guessing. There is actually no skill involved.

You're just pointing at suitcases. I'm thoroughly against it. Even my dad likes that show. You're against pointing at suitcases. I'm thoroughly against it. Even my dad likes that show. You're against it, but you don't know what it is. Yeah, because, you know, like dumb people fear things that I don't understand. Yeah, yeah, right. That's me, basically. It's like that show is lightning and you're a dog.

Yeah, pretty much. I'm against it. You know, a few years ago, Luke McGregor was nearly on, he got into like a second audition thing and then he was dead at the last minute. For Deal or No Deal? Yeah. He got too nervous and didn't go.

Luke McGregor getting to what? I know. Yeah. How on that? I mean, that would have been incredible television, McGregor on Deal or No Deal. Yeah. I mean. Well, you know, we've talked about parents a lot and we're talking about McGregor.

So I went back to Maryborough. I went to my hometown last week for the first time in I don't know how long. I just never, ever, ever go there. Who's up there that you know? Anyone? Mum and dad. Did you say Maryborough? Yeah.

Like Queensland Maryborough? No, no, no, no, no. There's two Maryboroughs. There's one in Queensland and there's one in Victoria about two hours from here. Country Victoria, population 8,000 people So I drove back there Because when I see my mum and dad Usually it's sort of in Melbourne

Or it's in a third place Why do you never go back there? Hey That's bizarre that you never go and see your parents No I see them But I see them in other places It's strange Yeah I don't go to the childhood home

I don't go to the town That's weird Yeah anyway So I went back And it was very weird Because you know that thing Of you If you go back to your town

Hometown Everything You know how everything's A lot smaller That you remember it Well if you don't If you go back once In a lifetime

Yeah I imagine it would seem that way How often do you go Well I'd go back Several times in a year Yeah you've had plenty of time To do It's been a gradual growth

For you So you're not caught off guard Yeah Well yeah I mean Similar to me But I just haven't been there For like two years several times in a year. Yeah, you've had plenty of time to do it. It's been a gradual growth for you, so you're not caught off guard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, similar to me, but I just haven't been there for like two years or something. Oh, God, that's very funny to me. Yeah.

So what looked particularly small to you? Oh, mum and dad. No, everything. Everything was, you know, a lot smaller and whatever. The set for the game show, the Mary Pirro Television game show, is a lot smaller than you remember it. They knocked down all my schools. All the schools I've been to, they knocked them down.

I don't know if that's directly related to the fact I'm there. I wouldn't mind betting that it is. It's like if they'd knocked down a haunted house to make sure the trouble never happened again. This must never happen again. And what was the best thing? I know they're building a new haunted batch of apartments on an ancient chandler school burial ground anyway um i uh i was talking to mom and

dad around the table they because you know that you talk to them about comedy and about what you're doing and whatever and so they have that you know very vague i'm sure your folks would be the same tommy that vague knowledge of who people are that you work with and do gigs with and uh so she they had the comedy festival guide so they'd been sort of going through it and going oh yes and you know this one don't you carl you know this one's your friend isn't he and this one's whatever he's your mate yeah yeah all that stuff and he got and mom goes um oh yes and uh tommy's been on the TV. Your friend? Your friend? I'm like, oh, Tommy Little?

No, no, no. No, Tommy. Your mate from the show. Tommy Daslow? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been on the TV. I'm like, really? What TV has he been on?

He's on the new Hyundai ad or something. I'm like, no, he's not. No, he's not on a new car ad. He is. He's actually on the new Hyundai ad. Something I've been meaning to tell you. I was like, it's not. I had sex with your mum.

He's like, he's not on it. He's not on it. She's like, it is, it is, it is. And I'm like, even dad's like, don't you think car would not? If Tommy got a new 30K TV ad, $30,000 ad, that it'd come up in conversation, where, look, you watch it next time and you tell me. So is that true, Tommy? What you haven't accounted for is the notion of shame,

which you get when you do bad things, right? That's not – it's $70,000 that I got paid. No, I'm not, but I'd love to know who that is. I saw – and I saw the guy. Oh, okay. He doesn't look like you. Oh, I'm not, but I'd love to know who that is. And I saw the guy. Oh, okay. And it doesn't look like you. Oh, really? That's awesome.

What about that McDonald's thing? See, that's interesting to me because your mum's – I don't think I've ever even met your mum. So why she would be so confident about seeing a moving, talking image of me is very strange. Yes, but she – yeah, they were going through the guide. They were going through And going Oh yes this is your mate

And whatever And then talking to each other Like mum and dad were both Sort of talking to each other Going You know this one And one of them would go Oh yeah I know that one

Whatever she goes And mum goes You know There's that one that you know He was great Luke McGregor Dad's like No I don't know that one

She's like Yeah you know You know Luke McGregor He was on the We watched the gala and he was great on it. He was like one of the best ones on the gala. Remember that? And he goes, no, I don't remember that. And I said, you know,

he's got red hair. No, I don't remember that. He's from Tasmania. No, I don't remember that. He talks like this. Oh, that one. There you go. McGregor just needs to get a few more Hyundai ads and then he'll really cut through with the Maryborough population That's his credit

Yeah As heard saying But I like that before that you said He's from Tasmania Like he comes out with a T-shirt on that says Yeah He talked about that on TV

Oh did he? Okay Yeah So Yeah It was It sounds like a bloody good trip to Maribor. It was a bit...

Was it nice? No, it was weird. It was really weird. Well, it sounds weird. Yeah. Because that's the thing... In a good way. No, not really.

It's just weird. It was just full of people because it's full of people that I don't know now. Everyone I knew in Maribor has moved away and you just walk down the street and there is no one that you recognise. Isn't that nice though, in a way? Not really. No. No.

Because it's full of not great people. It's just, yeah. So you guys all have that in common that if you like, you're from, you're all like a little bit, how far away is your town that you grew up in? About three and a half, four hours. So you've all got a town that you can go back to. See, I don't have that. I wish I had.

Where were you born? Malvern. He was born in the Bourke Street Mall. Yeah. Yeah. I came out of the big clam purse thing. I just crawled out of there. August the 25th, 1986.

Venus de Asselo. Very Melbourne. Because where are you from, Greg? Are you from Toowoomba? Or did I make that up? No, no, no. I'm from Ipswich. But like to me it's basically Brisbane. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like I'm right on the border. Like I'm just from another city. Yeah. So when I go back to Brisbane it's not like, oh, wow, I'm back in the old. But still you've moved from Brisbane to Melbourne. So you've got like a kind of a home that you can go back to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. You've moved from Brisbane to Melbourne. So you've got like a kind of a home that you can go back to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. Maybe you'll like move to Geelong so that I can like come back to Melbourne to visit. Just pop in, see what's going on down there. Move? Yeah. Because that's the thing. Because I moved from Maryborough to Ballarat to Melbourne very gradually. And every time you move, you look back at the smaller thing and thing and go Oh how did I ever live there Yeah

You could never go back To be fair though You did that though Didn't you You went from Maryborough To Ballarat Didn't you then go back To Maryborough

Yeah for like a year Yeah But to be fair I was thinking Only one How did I ever do this Yeah how did I get that Yeah

Where was it You were doing that job You were writing for A TV What were you doing You told me You made a joke. Oh, I can't talk. Working at the newspaper.

Yeah, newspaper. David Quirk, everyone. What was your role? I was a designer, typesetter, whatever you call that. Yeah, that's boring. I'm sorry I brought that up. Yeah, no, that's fine. He left in splendid fashion, though.

Yes. Have you ever talked about that? Yes. Oh, damn. Can you edit that out? But I went to... This is the sign of... This is the good thing about going to Merrimack, damn. Can you edit that out? But I went to, this is the sign of, this is the good thing

about going to Maribor, seeing all the signs of progress, seeing all the stuff that you wish had been there when you were a kid because I went to,

I actually went to the Maribor McDonald's which I'd never done before so I was pretty happy about that. They've got all this sort of stuff. They've now got

an Indian restaurant. There was only ever one decent restaurant in Maribor that everyone would go to if there was like a special occasion which was Peach Village, the Chinese restaurant.

The Chinese village. The Chinese restaurant. Peach Village. Yeah. Peach Village. That sounds like a track on Mario Kart. Yeah. That sounds like my hometown.

I only had one. What? Peach Village. No. David Quirk from Peach Village. That's where I'm from. Four hours away. It's a beautiful town.

Peach Village. Peach Village. But in Bright Bright aka Peach Village they had the Chinese family ran the Chinese restaurant that's it yeah

I feel like every small town has one Chinese restaurant yeah just the one Chinese and you get your sweet and sour and lemon chicken beef and black bean

yeah beef and black bean yeah so it's now got an Indian restaurant which I was like that's radical isn't it really happy with and so I took mum and dad there

and mum and dad there and mom and dad have never i don't think i'm not even sure if they've ever had indian food before and uh they were in there and it was just that thing of them going every time they take a bite they'd be like oh this is nice isn't it what do you call this and then like the sound like they're from another planet the indian the indian waitress was coming up and they're going like, this is very good, isn't it? Thank you. Thank you for the...

Tell the chef, me reiki. What's the Indian equivalent of me reiki? Don't. What would that be? Yeah, so that was over the top. that i think the waitress started to think what's wrong with these people like she ended up going have you have you have you been here have you been here long have you been around here long and mum's like we've lived here for 60 years there's because my parents have moved recently

to Brighton, which is a quite, I guess, affluent suburb. I don't think you could pick a more affluent. I don't think you could pick a more affluent suburb. I'd say maybe Toorak would be close. It's like Toorak by the beach, basically. And when we went out for dinner

the other night, there's a Thai restaurant that we walked past called Thai Dentity. Why do they have to do that? But that to me, that's weird to see. That's like the name of a Thai restaurant that you'd see in a small country town where it's the

only one. Do you know what I mean? Thai Dentity. Yuck. That's a long bow. For not much result. Is that the worst name of anything? Yeah. Identity. Thai Dentity. That's a long bow. Who the fuck's going in there? For not much result. Is that the worst name of anything? Yeah. Identity. Tie.

Dentity. That's what it is, right? I would love it if it said tie-dentity and then in brackets tie-identity. And then in another brackets after that, get it? And then a little winky face emoticon thing. What about this? Tie-sexual. Yep. Yeah. Instead of bisexual. That's thing. What about this? Thai sexual. Yep. Yeah?

Is it a bisexual? That's great. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah, all good stuff. I want to go to Thailand now and just walk around going, oh, I'm Thai sexual. Yeah.

And where are the ladyboys? Yeah. But I think that really bums me out when someone's opened up a restaurant of a cuisine from another country and they've felt like they have to give it a silly little pun title to get the Westerners in. It really depresses me. Particularly the Thai restaurants do that. They always do.

It's like bow tie and all that stuff. I don't know why the Thai is so… Thai me kangaroo down sport. Yes, exactly that one that everyone goes to. Why do they need to do that? No one else does that. Yeah. It's just really hard with other nationalities.

Like Indian, what are you going to say? Like Indy, yeah. Indy Yum. There you go. That's good. I'm going to open up an opposition Indian restaurant in Maryborough now and bring those other guys down. That exists.

Indy Yum surely is out there. If you Google it now, I guarantee you'll find a place. Let's fucking prank call them and order bloody Papa Tums to number one Bum Street.

Yeah. Hello, is this Indie Yuck? Gotcha. Quirk, you've written a note down here. We should mention you've put your arm out of the sling.

I'm just having a rest. You've got a broken elbow, is it, at the moment? It's true. It's actually broken. Fractured radial. Put it back in the sling. Put it back in the sling. I'm currently holding the microphone, folks.

I'm risking it. We're talking about food so much, and this is related to Quirk's position. I'm getting hungry. I actually brought in a treat, something we've never done before. Because we got drunk last night, I did something I don't usually do, which was I went to – I just had lunch at Domino's Pizza. You just did today? Yeah, I just had Domino's here.

Good God. Yum. Yeah, you like Domino's, don't you? Well, no. Yeah. Domino's, it's terrible, but come on, it tastes great. How can it not taste great? What do you mean, how can it not?

It's just cheese and fat and salt. It just tastes good. Your body is designed to want to put those things in it. Well, I think I treat myself as not probably the right term, but I think I have like a Pizza Hut style pizza, I reckon, once a year, maybe once every 18 months. You just have that stage where I drove past today and went, I should – today's the day I don't pay $20 for a store pizza.

And it's like going home, isn't it? It is like – because when you're a kid, I think that's sort of your first experience with pizza. Oh, yeah, yeah. Is your shitty Pizza Hut style pizza. And then all of a sudden you become an adult and you're like, I'm not doing that anymore. But having one when you're an adult, it just takes you back.

Well, to me, that reminds me of being in TAFE. So it should. It's the TAFE of pizza. No, but that's because when I moved to Ballarat and I went to TAFE for a year, they were all $5 pizzas. And so I was like, okay, I'm going to eat five dollar pizzas and so today

I had a five dollar pizza as well pizzas and video rental are the two things that have never got more expensive don't you think I think video rental

may have gone up no I don't think it has really how much are they I think some places they're doing they're six they're doing seven odd dollars

for it overnight are you talking about the ones that haven't closed down yeah yeah yeah new release can I just do a little timeline you said you had we started this at midday Some places they're doing seven odd dollars for it overnight. You're talking about the ones that haven't closed down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. New release. Can I just do a little timeline?

You said you had lunch. We started this at midday and you had lunch of Domino's pizza sometime between 10 and midday. 11.30? I ate it on the way here. That's a horrific brunch, breakfast. Did you eat while driving? Yes. Did you eat a Domino's?

Yes. Especially when there's an excellent pub near me that I suggested we get lunch at after this. So it's very... You said you might have to eat before that, but I didn't think you were going to throw it all away with a fucking Domino's. I ate a whole large one.

It's almost like having a beer before midday, isn't it? It's just like, well, it's an all-time low, isn't it? It's not sitting that great. Your day is... Nothing's going to get achieved today, really. Yeah, that's calling it in, yeah. Yeah, that'll explain for most of my content on this podcast. Yeah, you said you had something to show us.

You're bearing gifts. Is it going to be a bag of diary that you did in the car? I bagged it. I was good. No, I'm doing on-air tasting of a new moose. Is it Domino's Moose? Domino's Moose. Oh, boy.

You taste it, then we'll compare notes afterwards. Oh, good. Oh, you've had it. I know the moose, mate. I know the fucking moose. Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. You've got a whole bit in your set about this, haven't you? I actually did.

It's not a bit that I've only ever did at that one time that you saw and it wasn't a written bit. It was just me talking honestly about how I ate too much Domino's. Is this the time you went on a game show with your dad and you had to eat moose together at the end?

I'm looking forward to next year's full hour. Just moose. Moose by Greg Larson. That's a good show I could do. Just to commentate what's happening here, Carl's having trouble even getting the packaging open. I really am. Yeah, that packaging, I've never seen...

Put the microphone down, Carl. It sucks. It's like when you buy a CD or DVD at JB Hi-Fi and they've got it wrapped in like eight different things of plastic. Is this looking correct to you? Pull on that. Is this lift to open? Yeah.

Well, I'm lifting it. What does that mean? What a great on-air tasting. Oh, here we go. He's gotten into it. It says lift to open. Yeah. Well, I'm lifting it. What does that mean? What a great on-air tasting. Oh, here we go. He's gotten into it. He's cracked it open. It looks good. The mousse is open.

Give us a... For something that's been sitting in Carl's bag for the last hour and a half. I know. It's pretty creamy, yeah. I have a fridge here you could have put it in. There'll be no drama there. Oh, there won't be any drama. No, there won't be any drama.

It's salted caramel chocolate mousse. Ooh. I'm a little bit nervous about it because I like my mousse just, let's not muck around, just chocolate. Why do you need to put salt in it? I will say I've just recently gotten onto the flavour of salted caramel in my ice creams and stuff. Big fan.

I think you're in for a treat here based on my experiences. That's a nice little preview to what I'm about to experience. This is the worst Zoot review of all time. No, I don't think it is at all. You're eating it with a plastic fork. Why have they given you a fork? No, it is a spork. Oh, yeah, but what are the prongs doing?

What are you going to need prongs for? Well, this is the thing. This is what very much annoys me as a full-on moose connoisseur. Yes. When I get... That's unquestionable, yeah. A full-on moose connoisseur. A flight out chocolate moose connoisseur.

How good is the term full-on and then the word connoisseur? I'm a full-on connoisseur of that. We should mention... I'm a connoisseur flat knackers. We should mention for the listener at home, Carl has a visible obvious erection right now as he's opening the mousse. It's creeping into the mousse.

I'm about to feed it some mousse. That caramel is going to get a little bit salty in a minute. Yeah, but when I buy mousse, they very, very often just give you the mousse, which happened today, just give you the mousse

and you go, what am I supposed to eat? How am I supposed to eat this? They assume you've got a home to go to. No. You've got your own cutlery somewhere. It's that or they just make a judgment call and they go, even if we give you cutlery, you're just going to eat this out.

You're just going to put your face in and just go to growl. I have. I have done that because they put it in a bag and you go, there you go, and they put any cutlery in there and you get to a stage where I've been sitting in my car. Crying, yeah. Yeah. I've eaten the chips and the nuggets or whatever I've eaten

and got to the moose and gone, what do you do here? Like, I've eaten it with car keys and stuff. Oh, no. Yeah. Just anything,. Just anything. Hey, this unlocks a secret. That really surprised me. I don't know if we've talked about your bizarre car

that you have to unlock from the boot. You have to unlock your doors for your car from the boot. So maybe it's like flecks of moose have gone into the lock and maybe that's somehow to explain it. Yeah, my car, the mechanic one day, I had my alarm on, the car left it on, didn't give them the buzzer to unalarm it. And they just got in however they wanted to. And then now you can't open any of the other doors unless you open the boot.

So there's this ridiculous little song and dance that you had it's funny watching you do it because you do it you do it many many times a day you're just it's just auto it's just muscle memory for you at this point

you're just on autopilot especially say if I'm going to pick you up on the corner of Burke and Swanston or something like that and it's that thing where I pull over

and what? his birthplace yeah when you picked me up from the hospital just after I was born. I just grab you out of the humidor crib and then take off. So I have to pull over

and then I'll remember, you know, that thing where the car's still running, you're just stopping in traffic and then I go, oh shit, none of the doors are open apart from the driver's side. So I've got to get out in traffic, like put it in neutral, get out in traffic, open the boot and then get back in the car. Oh, so you can't even pull the little thing up from the passenger side from inside.

No, not from inside, no. Fuck man. But what I was going to say, this reminds me talking about the spoon and whatever. And I talked to you about this. the spoon and whatever. And I talked to you about this. I was on the tram the other day and I saw someone eating a Magnum ice cream with a spoon. Sorry, I'm an idiot.

No, not Tom Selleck. Not the gun. Not the gun. I saw someone eating a gun on the tram. That's fair enough. The story checks out, to be honest. Yeah, someone eating a Magnum ice cream with a metal spoon. Now, okay.

What? On a stick? Yeah. No, no, but they had the ice cream. They'd left it in its packet. Oh, like cradling or something? Yeah, using the packet like it was a bowl. Bizarre.

And they were just eating ice cream out of their fake bowl. And how were they puncturing the layer of kind of chocolate dip, you know, the hard chocolate on the top? Are they kind of getting the spoon and kind of making a dent? I imagine they would have started with car keys probably. Yeah, probably. Just punctured it with it. Like any normal person.

No, you don't use a moose spoon for ice cream. You are not a real lady. Moose spoon. It's like never bring a knife to a gunfight. Never bring a moose spoon to a magnum eating session. The word moose spoon is like salad door. It's just a beautiful moose spoon. Say it.

Roll it around in your mouth. Yeah, salad door. Salad door is like the most perfect kind of combination of words in the English language. Yeah, apparently it's like the most. It just runs together. Yeah. Just the way it looks and the way it sounds.

Cellador. Cellador. It sounds like one word, doesn't it? I think it gets mentioned in... Donnie Darko. Donnie Darko, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And the director's cut that he brought out that was like an hour longer, there's an alternate scene where they talk about moose spoon as well. Can we just see you eat this moose, please? I just, like, everything is just fading out. I'm just looking at the moose. I want to see you eat this moose please? Everything is just fading out I'm just looking at the moose I want to see you You're in the I mean your seat is directly faced

Me and Quirk can't really For me the moose is obscured by Quirk's knee I just want to talk very quickly Before we get to the magnificent moment About this woman on the tram Who was eating the Magnum with a metal spoon And she brought Because she's got a metal spoon. So this was a plan.

Like, she didn't just find that spoon on the tram. Or, you know, have it just hanging around. Hey, she might have. I mean, it's an insane mind you're talking about here. Yeah, yeah. She could have just found a spoon on the tram and thought, I've never done, let's give it a crack. Is there a worse idea in the world than finding a spoon on the tram

and then immediately using it? That gives me an idea of leaving cutlery on trams with a little kind of note on it. Yeah. If you find this, let me know what you did with it. I like it. I sort of like the idea of just making that dining experience a bit more classy.

See, there are things you could eat with a spoon like maybe you have a bag of Cheezels. You could eat them with a spoon. With a wooden spoon, that would be great. But like a Magnum, that is batshit crazy because there's a stick in the middle. What happens when you get to the stick? You've got to work around it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is mental. A Motsan doesn't come with its complications. It's like when pubs have a burger and it's huge and they put a big kind of stick, not a toothpick, but what do you call it? A skewer.

In the middle and it's there to keep its structural integrity because the burger's huge and stuff's going to go everywhere. So you keep it in when you start eating. But you do, otherwise it falls apart. But then you've got to make a call. When do you pull it out? Because otherwise you're just going to go everywhere. So you keep it in when you start eating. No, you don't. But you do, otherwise it falls apart. But then you've got to make a call. I don't either. When do you pull it out? Because otherwise you're just going to start stabbing yourself in the face. I think you're alone on that one too.

Really? I've never, like I pull the stick out straight away. I leave it in. You pull it out and then sort of grab it with your hands. Yeah, but I leave it out. That hasn't worked out for me in the past. Do you just pick it up with the stick? Is that how you're eating the burger? Yes, yes. Like a magnum. Everything I learnt in life is from ice creams. I can't stop thinking about the idea of someone on a tram.

I want someone to recreate that and send us a picture. Someone on a tram eating Cheezels with a wooden spoon. Just dipping a wooden spoon into a box of Cheezels. Hey, please, let's have a fan art competition. Send us a photo of yourself eating Cheezels with a spoon. What have you eaten on a tram with a spoon before? Give us a call. Because to be honest, as crazy as that is,

it reminds me that given that I've eaten moose with car keys before, I have done that before where I get to a stage now where I know I'm going to go somewhere and eat moose. That's definitely going to happen in a day. So I have left the house with a metal spoon in my pocket and then walked home. Like just gone somewhere with the express idea of eating moose.

Because quite often I go to Nando's or wherever where they expect you to get something with the moose and I'm like, no, I just want the moose. I just have one moose, thank you. And then I walk home with a metal spoon and eat the moose on the way home with a metal spoon. Just wait till you get home though. Why would you wait?

Why would you walk and eat moose? I can see maybe eating like a banana or something, like some kind of fruit you can hold with your hand. Yeah. But something you need two hands to eat with. It's not an on-the-go snack. You wait till you your hand. Yeah. But something you need two hands to eat with. It's not an on-the-go snack. You wait till you get home. Yeah.

You wait till you sit down and put on some bloody Breaking Bad or something and just relax. Yeah, sometimes. No, I think it's okay to do it. Oh, the official show of chocolate mousse, Breaking Bad. Yeah. I'm going to let you, that slide. I think it's okay to walk and mousse eat. Yeah.

But I think you should stop saying the word metal spoon because it's implied that it's metal. Do you know what I mean? No, it's not because I've got a plastic one right now. No, but metal's the default. I think if we're talking about a plastic spoon, we'll say plastic spoon. Yeah. Right, right, right.

Okay. Yeah, all right. Fair enough. Like when you're out with someone and you're getting a drink and you order first and you go, I'll have a Diet Coke, and that then forces them into going, I'll have a regular Coke, please. Oh, I love doing that to people.

It's joyous. Yeah. Something about it just tickles me a great deal. Or when you're talking about the sequel of a movie and people go, oh, you know, like Anchorman 1, like people just attach a 1 that was never in there. I just want to go back quickly to you eating the moose with your keys. Now, I want to get into the thought process that was why is that – why was that better to you than just eating it with your hands

or just putting your mouth straight into the cup? Well, you can't put your – how could I put my mouth into that cup? You can not necessarily put your mouth into it, but you could sort of squeeze the sides of it and eat it. That's what I would do. And that's better than keys? Keys is like, you may as well eat it with a 50 cent piece. Just

filthy. It's impractical. It's impractical and filthy. Or if you're on a diet, a 5 cent piece. So just little bits. As my mum once said, you wouldn't want diet, a five cent piece. So just little bits. As my mum once said, you wouldn't want to put a 50 cent piece in your mouth because

you wouldn't know where that's been. It could have been up a China man's bum. She said that. In an older, less respectful time that was a thing she said. It could have been on a trip to the old peach village. It's a good reason for not going to peach village. All their utensils could have been on a trip to the old Peach Village. Yeah, yeah. That's a good reason for not going to Peach Village. All their utensils could have been up at Chinaman's Bar.

Yeah. Okay, so that's photos that we need. We need a photo of someone eating Cheezels with a spoon and then eating a mousse with a 50 cent piece. And a spoon being up at Chinaman's Bar. Yeah, sure. And a photo of Carl's mum eating Indian food with a 50 cent piece. Scooping some butter chicken out on a little 50 center some pal makhani

and I am bringing them it's only a couple of weeks to go before I bring my mum and dad to Thailand with their mind being blown by eating Indian food before I bring them credit where it's due I am a great man and we're out of time it's a shame he's not going to get to eat I'm being blown by eating Indian food. Before I bring them. He is. Yeah, I know. Credit where it's due.

I am a great man. Okay, and we're out of time. It's a shame he's not going to get to eat that. Well, I feel weird eating it with a spoon, to be honest. So, I don't know. To make it feel naughty. Maybe I could eat it with this. The corner of your laptop. Eat it with my Apple TV remote.

Yeah, that makes way more sense. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that's under warranty. What, the mousse? Yeah. Okay, here we go. I'm going to's under warranty. What, the mousse? Yeah. Okay, here we go. I will warn you as well, a lot of the salted caramel aspect is down the very bottom.

Oh, that's how they get you. Dig deep. Should I just ignore that? Sorry? No, go to the bottom. It's up to you what you want to do. No, but that's good because you get to taste the pure mousse and assess it on its own terms

and then you can bring a bit of salted caramel in and, you know. Here we go. A moment of silence. I don't know if the podcast can truly recreate what it's like to eat moose. Hang on. Let's get some photos. This is really exciting. Wait, I'm going to video.

I'm just talking to you. If you've just tuned in, I feel sorry for you. If you've just walked in the middle of this podcast. If you've just tuned in, how does your iTunes allow that? Okay, we're on. We're on. So there's video that's happening right now.

We've just got the chocolate there, so no salted caramel. Cool. And he's putting it in his mouth. Oh, there we go. First taste. What's he think? That's nice.

Yeah. Yeah. It's made that way. Right. Yeah. All right. I'll get some salted caramel. We've done it.

We've found a sport that's less interesting than golf, everyone. Oh, that's good. It adds a new dimension, doesn't it? Because this has been in my bag for half an hour. So this is not even at peak performance at the moment. No, no. This is good moose. That's unrefrigerated bag moose.

Yeah. And it's still holding its own. That's impressive. Yeah. I like the texture. I like the consistency. Listen to that. I like the consistency.

I'll be going back for this. I'm Carl Taylor and I'm eating moose. So what would you scale? I mean, you know, like in any kind of review thing, they'll have points for, you know, consistency, flavour, size. Yeah, look, I think it's only $3 as well maybe or was it $4? I don't know because my mousse when I had it came in a package deal. A package deal with a lot of pizzas.

Oh, a combo. A combo, yeah. You're getting a 1.25 litre Coke in there? Oh, mate, I got a 1.25 litre Coke, got a lot of pizzas. Oh, a combo. A combo, yeah. You're getting a 1.25 litre Coke in there? Oh, mate, I got a 1.25 litre Coke, got a couple of garlic breads, got like three pizzas and a mousse. It seems like when I was growing up, it seemed like everything at every store came with a 1.25 litre Coke. Yeah.

It's just constantly hearing that phrase on television. Even Target by bed comes with a 1.25 litre Coke non-stop. How did it happen in our society as well? A 375ml can of Coke comes with a 1.25 litre Coke. It's non-stop. How did it happen in our society as well? 375 ml can of Coke comes with a 1.25 litre. Who decided that 1.25 litres was going to be the gold standard of measurement of Coke? Like, why not 1 litre, 2 litre, 1.25? As you say it, though, I've suddenly realised,

I bet if it was ounces, I don't know how many fluid ounces that is, but I bet it would be like a nice figure. Yeah, yeah. And I reckon that would have been all over for men. Oh, you think it's from an American, an Imperial? Yeah, like 375ml cans. I reckon that would be an exact amount of ounces probably. You might be right.

Maybe. That reminds me of what you were saying before about pizza. It takes you back to childhood. See, because it doesn't for me because growing up in Maryborough, there was no chain stores. Yeah, yeah. So pizza to me is... I just remember what they used to call this guy.

Oh no. They called... There was one pizza place in town and it wasn't dining, so that's why Peach Village was the place to go. But you could take away pizza from the pizza parlor and they called him

Woggies that was the name of the guy because you know he sold pizza there was a thing on I think at Current Affair or something the other night someone's opened

a place called Woggies and it's been a big thing in Queensland yeah and the owner's just going what I'm a Wog and I'm. Yeah, and the owner's just going, what, I'm a wog and I'm bloody embracing it. And then they're interviewing his kids going,

yeah, we're all wogs and we love it. Yeah. Very weird. Our brother killed himself last week, but anyway. But pizza's great. Yeah. But my experience with pizza was great because it wasn't Pizza Hut, it was this place, which was the one place to play pinball and video games in town.

Would you have had a pinny parlor? Yeah, I can relate a bit. Did you have a pinny parlor in Bright? Yeah, you'd go to the Park Inn. You couldn't get pizza there, though, but you'd get fast food and you'd play games. Park Inn, was it a pub? No, it was just a takeaway joint. It was called the Park Inn because it was near a park.

Right. And I don't know if that was to do with you could park your car there. But it wasn't an inn? It was an inn. It was like sort of where Christ was. It was an inn, you know. What's an inn? Why double N?

Isn't an inn a pub? Isn't that what an inn means? Isn't that where Jesus Christ, they took him the night he was born? There was no room at the inn. Oh, no rooms at the inn. That's right. Yeah, it's like that. Right.

I tried to give a biblical edge to the podcast. I'm sorry. no rooms at the inn. That's right. Yeah, it's like that. I tried to give a biblical edge to the podcast. I'm sorry. It was like that inn. It didn't have Jesus in it. That's why it was called an inn. That's why it's comparable. It's a lot like most things in life.

They don't have Jesus Christ in them. I've got to admit, I've got a very large bias against Domino's because there used to be a pizza place near mum and dad's called Mario Boys and they just it's already close to my heart because they've just ripped off Mario and Luigi and put little

pizza hats on them for their logo which I mean as a big Nintendo fan growing up I saw already it had a real place in my heart and the pizza was excellent it was just a little Not a chain, just a one-off But awesome pizza, such good pizza Me and my mates used to just love it

It was so good And then it closed down and a Domino's opened up in its spot And I can never forgive Domino's For taking that away from me I love this So Mirabar has a Dominoes now so i went back and it closed just as i was sort of i think in that same week though and visited last week and there was two rumors going around why it closed and which and it's just classic small town even like i would

have thought you can't have these rumors anymore because the internet it just seems like crazy rumors so the rumors were that someone was saying, oh, it closed down just because, you know what? I just saw plenty of people going in there with money and then they'd come out and they wouldn't have the money anymore but they wouldn't have any pizza. So just a big drug front. That's what Domino's is, just a massive drug front.

I just like the idea of this guy seeing people walk in with just big cash in their hand, in their fingers, just going, la-di-da, walking in with the cash exposed. Yeah, the guy from Monopoly walking in with his big sack with a dollar sign on it. Daddy Warbucks is walking in there with Orphan Annie. Scrooge McDuck. The whole lot of them. Pouring his whole pool of coins into Domino's. A whole lot of them.

Pouring his whole pool of coins into Domino's. And the other rumour was that someone was legitimately saying that it closed down because it wasn't a licensed Domino's store at all. And Domino's drove through Maryborough and saw it and went, that's not ours, and closed it down. Like someone had opened a shop and just gone, scanned in a logo of Domino's and whacked it up on a wall and then just made their own, just gone, oh, what have they got, Caprichosas, I guess?

Hawaiians? All right, that'll do. Garlic? Yeah, it's like... They're the most ridiculous rumours, both of them. It's a Thai family. It's a knock-off. It's all a little bit cheaper.

The moose is $2 a tub Yeah Yeah Isn't that Wouldn't that be an amazing idea If that was actually true That someone had just Made up a Domino's franchise

That would be really good That would be really good In a town of like 8 to 10,000 people Just gone Like someone's just gone To Ballarat for the day On a day trip

And seen a Domino's there And gone Alright I think I've Memorised everything They've got on their walls. All right, we'll go and make a replica. Well, this makes it sound like I'm living a depressing life, but there was another thing I saw recently on A Current Affair.

There was a – I can't remember where this is. It's in some small town, but there was a place that it set up called Hoggies, a little takeaway place. And this, you know, husband and wife put all their money into it. You know, they just want to make, you know, good burgers for the tradies in the area. And Hogs Breath have taken them to court and gone, nah, we own the licence for the term Hog,

so you've got to get rid of that little fucking pig that's in your logo, get rid of Hog in the name. And so now they've got this petition going and it's kind of a, it's like it's your classic David and Goliath story except Goliath is really shit. David's not very good either. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah. And all about a great thing that you want in your advertising as well, a dirty old hog. Yeah. Don't steal my great idea of a filthy pig promoting food. Yeah. We've talked about it a lot, but the hog's breath. Wouldn't there be a hog's breath in Ipswich?

Yeah. I've been to hog's breath twice in my life and it's just – yeah, it's the worst thing because it's so expensive for being so shit. Yeah. It costs like $50 to get a meal. Maybe not $50, but probably $50. It costs like $50 to get a meal. Maybe not $50 but probably $50. It's – yeah. It's just mental.

It's like TGO Fridays is expensive and it's not great food but like you can tell that they think it's good food. Do you know what I mean? Like they're trying at least to make it good but it's still – it's got to be kind of mass produced in a way. I do find that an odd idea. Because the whole spread is just like... TGI Fridays, I find odd, the concept of,

thank God it's Friday. What? Because now I'm having a chicken salad. What does that mean? Finally. The wife doesn't let me do this on Wednesday. I wait all week to eat overpriced nachos. But here comes Friday.

I guess I'm allowed to do it now. Is there a TGI Fridays in Melbourne? Yeah. Yeah. In Chapel Street. Yeah. I saw one of the homeless beggars from outside of Spleen, one of the big regulars of people asking for money,

eating breakfast at TGI Fridays a few months back. And I was like... How's he done it? You couldn't, like for someone that is begging for money, you couldn't spend that money any more poorly by eating dinner, eating breakfast at TGI Fridays. To Chapel Street as well. You couldn't find a more

expensive breakfast. Yeah. And at Chapel Street as well. Like if you're yeah, don't go there. That's going to be an expensive meal. A friend of mine when we were in high school did a trial shift at TGI Fridays and didn't get asked back but they'd given him the polo shirt to wear and then he'd take it at home thinking, oh, yeah, well, I'll be needing this again and then they never gave him another shift.

So he would just wear it out like to parties and stuff and go, pretty cool, right, gals? And they'd go, not in the slightest. Would he do that unironically? Yes. He thought that was a good thing? Yes. Is there a –

No, he's a guy who it's kind of hard to tell where the irony kind of begins and ends with him. I should have done that because I did a trial shift at Subway. begins and ends with him. Sure. I should have done that because I did a trial shift at Subway. Oh. I must admit when I was a kid I did think like that was one thing I was obsessed with was like if you're in an op shop

and you'd find an old like a Blockbuster video pole, I was like, oh, that's so cool because it's like you work at Blockbuster but not really. Did you have your Subway? Did you ever wear your Subway shirt out? No, no. It was part of the reason I didn't – like I was just humiliated. This trial shift itself was humiliating.

Part of the reason was that the Subway shirt they gave me was too tight fitting and I felt really uncomfortable. And then like the 16-year-old kid who was training me was like, you know, like talking down to me and stuff. I'm like, this is demeaning. And then I couldn't – like I couldn't cut the bread properly He was like, you know, like talking down to me and stuff. I'm like, this is demeaning. And then I couldn't cut the bread properly and I kept like fucking it up. I see why the kid was talking down to you.

You can't even call yourself an artist. You can't even cut a fucking loaf of bread. You've got all fucking Jackson Pollock on your fucking sandwich. And when was this? Was this like six or eight months ago? No, no. But I was like 22. I was a man.

I was an adult man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were paying me like $11 an hour. I didn't even ask. I didn't even get paid. I didn't even ask for the money. Because I just didn't want to go back. And I couldn't be bothered handing in a thing with my bank details. There's a slight burden to being paid in that regard sometimes, isn't there?

Yeah. I cannot believe how much in this podcast, maybe I don't listen to the dum-dum enough. At all. At all. Okay, I'll be honest. But I cannot believe how many weird, bad chain stores, food or...

We've actually talked about fast food less on this episode than usual. Wow. Yeah, this is a slow burn for us I am floored the fans are furious and we've we've picked a great guest given that you're a vegetarian yeah I don't enter

any of those places Subway maybe Subway Hogs Breath what are you getting Hogs Breath would be like where do you get your sustenance is that what you're about to ask

no no yeah well that's one of my questions where are you getting your what are you getting at Subway? Are you just getting – do they have a veggie – They do a veggie delight. They do a veggie patty. Oh, they've got a veggie patty.

Okay. Ask Greg Larson about it. The veggie patty – The veggie patty, like – And you're a vegetarian too, aren't you? Well – Or have you gone back? Well, I don't know.

I'm going – I've had a slip-up. What did you do? I've had a slip-up. It was because – You've had two years of eating meat. I know from people who live with you that you frequently just have chicken bones lying around your room. That's not true. That's not true.

That's a lie because one time... That's not true. It led to you having the nickname Chicken Bone for a little while, I believe. That actually bothers me because all my housemates eat way more chicken than me. Like, phenomenally just on another level of chicken eating. Well, you live near me and we live

near one of the greatest chicken takeaway shops of all time, Super Tasty Rooster. Give them a good plug. Super Tasty Rooster, if you love eating chicken, you'll love Super Tasty Rooster. Let's be clear. Let's put it out there that we are full on up and flat out up for sponsorship.

If fast food people want to, you know, we've got a passion for eating really bad food. I feel like people hear this and they think, oh, that's cute that they joke around about that all the time. Not in any, like it was actually devastating that Nando's, it looked like they were going to come to the time. Not in any... It was actually devastating that Nando's, it looked like they were going to come to the party. Did we actually speak exactly what happened? Because if you listen to the live episode from Sydney a couple of weeks ago with Sam Mack and Miff Warhurst and Ronnie Chang, we had Nando's Australia were nice enough to give us a big lunch pack,

quite a big pack of food that we gave out to the audience and stuff like that. But the message that they gave us was, yeah, so you get all this, but just to be very clear, we thought about sponsoring you and then decided we wouldn't do that at all. No, it was after some consideration. We will not be pursuing sponsorship at this time. And in no way, because they just emailed us off the back of everyone who listens to this show tweeting at them. Yep.

And in no way had we pitched and gone, this is what you'll get. No. And it was like, after careful consideration, was there any, like did anyone sit in a room for more than 30 seconds and actually discuss the pros and cons of putting money behind a podcast? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, it wasn't talked about at all.

We didn't request it. And then they, yeah, after careful podcast. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't talked about at all. We didn't request it. And then they, after careful consideration, no, no. So, but, guys, if you're a fast food conglomerate that you're listening,

you're listening at the moment. I hate you. If you get sponsored by any company like that, not that this will bother you guys, I will never come back on this. I'll never align myself with any of that.

You may as well get sponsored by Hitler. Hey, but, hey, Hitler, if you're listening, and if the numbers add up... If you're delicious. What's Hitler's moose like? Can Greg do an apprenticeship with Hitler?

Hitler can't be as bad as Hog Breast Cafe to be fair You're angry because the chicken bone thing You don't think that's fair You think that's kind of an unfair I don't think the chicken bone thing is fair I tried to be a vegetarian And I'm going to try again

What slipped you up? What slipped me up was It was a very conscious decision We drove up to Sydney and I said, I'm going to be eating Maccas on this drive up to Sydney. You just said to yourself. You were like Babe Ruth just pointing out of the stadium. Pointing up at the gold ashes.

I'm going to eat McDonald's on this trip, boys. Get ready. It's always good to have a statement of intent before a big road trip. Yeah, exactly. Columbus said, I'm going to discover America. I'm going to eat a fucking Grand Angus. But it was just like I just knew that we're going to go up there and like literally what am I going to eat if it's not McDonald's?

Because it's just McDonald's. Sure, because that's all they have in Sydney. No, no, on the drive from Melbourne to Sydney on the highway. Oh, okay. And on the drive I was to Sydney on the highway. Oh, okay. And on the drive, I was like, I mean, I could have packed lunch, but what am I, some kind of lunch-packing guy? So I just... You're right.

If you're a vegetarian and you go out on a drive, boy, your options are... There's not too many vego truckers that are pulling over and... You guys. But that's true. What am I, aren't I living proof? You're not a vegetarian trucker. No, that's true. You got me there. Yeah, there living proof? You're not a vegetarian trucker. No, that's true.

You got me there. Yeah, there is that lentil as anything just off the queue my way attached to a BP. I don't understand. There's a lot of grass that you can just pull over and eat. I think I've eaten paddocks. Can I leave now? So you did it. You let it all go for Maccas. Yeah, and actually I feel like I let it all So you did it. You let it all go for Maccas.

Yeah, and actually I feel like I let it all go for Maccas and then I just never got back on the – then I was in Sydney and I got really drunk and then Henry was like – my friend was saying, hey, let's get some chicken wings. I'm like, yes, that's what I want so bad and I just ate chicken wings. And then I've been kind of ill for the last week as well so like i've just been like i don't give a fuck i just

want to eat whatever i'm just like eating like crap food that's a great impression of you that you just did yeah i just did a really good impression of me i like the logic of that as well oh i'm really sick i'm gonna go out of my way to eat fast food yeah exactly that is that is literally the logic that goes through my head i feel feel like I'm dying. I want to put dead things in me. Yeah. We should talk about, we should wrap this up pretty soon, but we should talk quickly about now Fancy Boy, which we mentioned at the start of the show,

which was a show that you and a few of our friends did during the comedy festival. Are you a sketch troupe? Is that what you would describe yourself as? Yeah, like a sketch troupe. A skit collective. Like a bunch of skit boys. Yep.

It was a great show that was on during the Melbourne Comedy Festival and you're bringing it back, I believe, for the Melbourne Fringe and Sydney Fringe Festival. Yeah, it'll definitely be back for the Melbourne Fringe and the Sydney Fringe. But before that, you have some sketches, some stuff that's going to be on ABC's iView as part of their Fresh Blood thing.

Yeah, that's right. Fresh Blood is like a whole bunch of different sketches from different people around the country. Starting on June 1st, all these different sketches are out. And our sketches, I think, are on June 22nd. June 22nd. And a few... I don't think there's other people that have been on this show

but they're off I think Michael Hing's got one hasn't he oh Michael Hing yeah Michael Hing is doing a Fresh Blood thing but Greg's specific thing it's a whole bunch

of different groups so yeah Fresh Blood in particular there's people that have been on this show but yeah a lot of our friends have stuff on and it's basically

the ABC they gave a bunch of funding to a lot of different sketch groups to make content for the web it's a I think it's pretty cool I wasn't involved in it anyway but I think it's a pretty cool thing that they did to get stuff like that up it was pretty cool it was a lot of different sketch groups to make content for the web. I think it's pretty cool. I wasn't involved in it anyway, but I think it's a pretty

cool thing that they did to get stuff like that up. It was pretty cool. It was a lot of fun. And there's definitely people like dumb dumb listeners will know in our sketches. Yeah, cool. Plenty of friends of the show. Yeah, I've seen a couple of sketches and they're very funny. Yeah, cool. There's one with Ewan McGregor in a car that's very funny. Yeah, that's a good one.

And pretty much John Campbell was the main writer for all that stuff. Boring. Ex-comedian John Campbell. Retired comedian. So yeah, guys, check that out. You're obviously into web stuff because you listen to this. So yeah, support that.

I guess they wanted to get good views and then they'll maybe do more and stuff like that, which would be great for everyone. Guys, that's just about all the time we have for the Little Dum Dum Club this week. Greg and Dave, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm sorry we didn't talk about KFC and just some of the other great, great corporations.

Hungry Jack's didn't get a go. Hungry Jack's didn't get a look in. It's a real shame. Apologies, guys. None of the American chains got a look in. Wendy's, Carl's Jr. Ollie's Trollies didn't get a go. Red Reezer. eat more McDonald's.

Dave, is there anything that you'd like to plug apart from the veggie bar on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy? Apart from apples. No, I've got nothing to plug. You've got shows coming up that you'd like to... No, I'm going to leave town. I'm going away for a while. Very quickly, do you want to publicise your Possible?

Oh, yeah, I'm going to do another P. Very quickly, do you want to publicise your Possible? Oh yeah, I'm going to do another Possible if you're listening folks to... A fundraiser? Yeah, it's like a fundraiser.

I was going to take my own life and if you want to prevent that just donate to my Possible account. It doesn't matter if you don't

but don't do it out of guilt. So what's the target? Oh, I haven't sorted that out. You just came up with a great idea of killing yourself target if you have oh I haven't sorted that out you just came up with a great idea of killing yourself

and monetising it but not you didn't ever figure so how much do you need to not kill yourself I don't know

it needs to be enough to probably live for another six or eight six to ten months so what was that probably eight grand

eight grand yeah if you donate I just want to live for another eight months come on guys thank you and good night spend a grand a month okay well David Quirk Grand. Yeah, if you donate... I just want to live for another eight months. Come on, guys. Thank you and good night. Spend a grand a month.

Okay. Well, David Quirk, possible.com slash David Quirk. You can donate to that. Yeah, I might do it. Seriously. That'll be kind of cool. Anyway, let's go.

Greg, the Fancy Boy stuff is going to be on iView June 22nd. You also run a gig in Melbourne called Crab Lab, which is a fun room. We've got, what have we got? Send us an email, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. It's been a bit of a lack of correspondence lately. Give us a mailbag. Yeah. Give us a mailbag. Get a picture of yourself eating Cheezels with a spoon.

What's been great, people are always great on Twitter and Facebook, so follow us along on that sort of stuff and we always have some great visuals and stuff on Facebook that people send in yep guys thanks very much

for listening and we'll see you next time see ya mates