The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 191 - Harley Breen & Karl Woodberry

Episode Date: June 4, 2014

Opening Doors, Committing Crimes and Eating Kit-Kats.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Look at you just reclining back in my lounge room with your feet up on the coffee table like you're fucking on the joint. This is the only way to live.

It is. It's pretty sweet, isn't it? Yeah. You've got a pretty good angle going on there. I love to have my feet up on the coffee table like you fucking own the joint. This is the only way to live. It's pretty sweet, isn't it? Yeah. You've got a pretty good angle going on there. I love to have my feet up. Absolutely love it. It's good, isn't it? Especially when you're working.

I love to have my feet up. Really? It just makes it look like I'm doing my work even easier. Yeah, see, I can't work with my feet up because it's too much. I'm too relaxed. You know what I mean? It's like not good. All the blood goes from your head to your feet and you can't work.

You can't think anymore. Is that it? Yeah, that's exactly it yeah um it's it's i find it weird when you get told as an adult not to put your feet on things you know i mean like kind of feel like that's a rule that's enforced when you're a kid and then you get to a certain point where you go when you hit adulthood you know where your feet should go yeah exactly figured out that they can go up well you clearly don't i mean you're yeah i've sort of just told you off for it then yeah it was sort of a very subtle telling off but i'm not going to do anything about it hey uh do you ever do that thing

where you uh you like say you're walking out of a door and you're pushing it open like someone on the other side is going to open the door from their end at the exact same time that you're coming out of it yes i did that to someone today i was in the city and i was coming out of a public bathroom clang so i'm just being very distracted by the fact that two guests have got bored with coming out of it. I did that to someone today. I was in the city and I was coming out of a public bathroom. Clang. So I'm just being very distracted by the fact that two guests have got bored with their exciting stuff and have started to masturbate

their own microphones. Should we just... We've got to be punchier up top if the guests are whacking off their mics. We've got to be punchier. Should we just... Fuck my little door story. I mean, it's great. We've got to be punchier. Should we just... Oh, fuck my little door story. I mean, it's great.

It's got everything. It's such a good yarn. It's such a good bloody yarn, but I guess now we'll never know. I thought we were actually watching that opening bit of Seinfeld for a second. You know when you've got the door and they've got to open the door from the other side What's over there?

That was great that time De Niro was on Seinfeld As Seinfeld And back to wanking off my microphone I've stopped wanking Like I said, the start of Seinfeld Well, okay, first of all Joining us He's a good mate of ours

You may have heard him on the Wisdom Laughter podcast Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Carl Woodbury. Oh, man. So good to be back here. This is maybe one of the last things you're doing before you jet off to Thailand for two months. Yeah, going to Thailand tomorrow morning. Super excited about that. Go off on a high. Sweet. Going off on a high. Well, I did a show on a Thursday at one of Carl's rooms and I did a...

Five Burrows Comedy. Five Burrows Comedy. Hardware Lane. Hardware Lane. Thursday nights in the city. Don't interrupt, please. Sorry. Okay.

I didn't interrupt you with wanking before. So I'll just give you a break. Like bloody John O'Coleman on Studio 10 coming in here with your little infomercials in the middle of some ripping dialogue. Funny you say that. Just here's a bit of an announcement. I'm going to be on that next week. Oh, really?

I'm going to be on Studio 10 next week. Really? Listeners, watch out for that. How'd you get that? I wanked off Johnny Coleman. Oh, excellent. Microphone style. Did you buy a shark vacuum cleaner

and get it collected from the back of the Channel 10 studios? I actually had to have a look at that show today just so I knew what it was. What are you plugging? Well, that's the thing. I hit them up to plug my Sydney Comedy Festival show. Yes. And they went, yeah, sure, here's the date, June whatever it is. I'm like, that's a month afterwards.

And they're like, yes, and? I'm like, no more questions. So what, are you going on to talk about a show that you did a month ago? I don't know what I'm doing. They just said, here's the date. I'm like, okay, all right, I won't argue. And so, I don't know what I'm talking about. I've seen the show.

You will be in good company with not knowing what the fuck you're doing, trust me. Yeah, that sounds great. I'm really hoping to be in some form in an infomercial. I really hope. Because they're live infomercials, so you can actually do something. Surely. Like if I say on air, if I say on air, if we're talking and I say, can I be in the vacuum thing in a minute?

They can't say no, can they? Yes. I reckon they can. I reckon actually they will. No one's ever asked this. There's no protocol. What do we do? I guess.

Why don't you go and fuck up the commercial that's paying for this show? You're Graham Kennedy, aren't you? Yeah, come on. I'm sure you've got dozens of your little riddles about mops. Go in there and go wild, buddy. This will only be good for everyone. Also joining us, you know him from Adam Hills Tonight. He's currently spread eagle on one of my couches.

Please welcome back in the little dum-dum club, Harley Breen. G'day. What can we get you to do on, what little secret? Pay me the right amount of money, you can get me to do anything. None. That's just a plug for whatever people want, really. Not a plug for whatever people want. Whatever you need.

Whatever you need, call me. That's like that website. HarleyBreen at gmail.com. Can I do an infomercial on Studio 10 for whatever people want Harley to do? Yeah, absolutely. Put it out there. Special price today, whatever you got.

Life prostitute Harley Breen. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So, okay, what's your fee for doing anything? It depends. It's a case-by-case basis to me. Oh, okay. Like, for instance, the fee that I charged for this

is just the good company of you three men. Oh, right. Because that's what I was going to get. Good company. We may not be able to deliver on that fee. Did you do a niece program for this business model? Because that sounds pretty fucked. I got rejected.

From NIS? Oh, did you really? Yeah, yeah, they wouldn't have me. Because NIS is like a project that what? The New Enterprise Incentive. Incentive. C. C. It's for doll bludgers, alright? Fucking, yeah, you can do that whole acronym. It's a doll for people that are in the arts, is it?

Or for any sort of new businesses? Well a few years ago like there is ways still to get in but they cracked down on the arts specifically which

is great because we're already not considered for the doll in terms of being able to look for arts based jobs. You have to look

for anything and so then Anise was a way to do that and focus on your career and then they went yeah no more artists. What?

Because there was a lot of comedians doing it Dave Thorne's done it Sammy J Oliver Clarke did he? no

I think Oliver looked into it anyway I've done it he got rejected that's three of the big names of comedy obviously paid off for you

is that when they stopped it immediately after that that's when the arts program was shut down immediately. They said Thornton and Sammy, they were great, but for every two of them we get one Woodbury,

it is not worth it. Yeah, it's around, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, you walked into that. Yeah, it's the meatloaf program. Two out of three ain't bad. Yeah. It was hard for you to bring in invoices to claim when they're all from drug dealers.

Yeah. Aw. It was hard for you to bring in invoices to claim when they're all from drug dealers. Yeah. So you got rejected just because they were clamping down on arts at that stage? Yeah. It was more a case I could have gone back and resubmitted the application and just twisted some of the wording. Right. But I couldn't be asked. Why would you for free money?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well. That's a really good way of weeding people out. Put the slightest of hurdles in front of them and then just see who goes fuck this. I've been on the dole for some total of about two months, I think, in my life. In your life? Because I just would rather be broke than go through all of that bullshit. For sure. I've been off the dole for two months in my life. Because I just would rather be broke than go through all of that bullshit. I've been off the doll for two months in my life.

Nearly a true story. Did you guys swap over in those two months? Yeah. So I got a little bit of coin. That's my taxpayers, mate. My tax dollars that are paying for your shit, alright? I told you this, but I had a dream recently that we were hanging out, Carl, and you

said to me, yeah, I'm going on the doll today. And I was like, why are you doing that? And you're like, oh, well, I've got no gigs this week, so I'm not working. So what else am I going to do? I'll just go on the doll. Brilliant. And it was like even in a – you know, like sometimes in dreams, like the reality of it makes sense to you and you go along with it.

Like even in the context of a dream, I was going, this makes no sense. Why are you doing this? And you were like, no, I'll just go on the doll. And I was like, oh, maybe I'll come down and go on the doll with you. And we went and we had a fun old day in the doll office. It was good. Did we actually go to the doll? Yeah, yeah. Oh, right. We went to the doll, yeah.

I once sat in Frankston's doll office for the whole entirety of their opening time. So from, I think it's eight in the morning they open? Yeah. And they close at like four, don't they? It's not, they don't go through till five. Anyway, I sat there for the entire day. You don't even know normal business operating hours.

You should be on the doll. I don't know. You have no idea what place, right? No, no, no. It's nine to five, but the doll is eight. Oh, okay. Eight till four, so it doesn't, in wintertime, it's not actually dark when you have to go to the doll office.

It's like a bank, you know, so people can't, like, rob it. I love the idea of the opening at 8 o'clock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So meth heads have been up from the night before. Yeah, yeah. Is that the only thing? Because if you're getting up at 8, like, you shouldn't be on the doll. It means you've got your shit together a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was there at 7.30 and there was already a line at the front door. There was a big line-up with tents, people waiting for their stolen iPhones out the front. And what are you doing there? Why are you hanging out there for the whole day? It was a ridiculous promo on a radio show I was on for, what was that?

Was it called Prison Break? The film where the guy had... There was a promo for Prison Break at the Frankston Dole office. So people had to... I see you called Cairns of Rock. I can't remember why I was there because that was definitely one of them. But they had to find out where I was. Are you sure there wasn't a Prison Break?

And they all ended up at the doll. There wasn't a promo at all. No, you remember that? The guy had a camera phone and he was like oh I love this show I just had a bag with a recording device

in it and people had to ring up the station and guess where I was they'd cross to me live oh really every half an hour I think it was

sounds like you're waiting for a drug cartel not a phone you were the secret sound yeah basically but I'd say nothing I just had to have the bag with me

oh really and on and have the headphones on. And so... People just calling you annoying as fuck? And then when they cross to you, are you like going, oh yeah, I can see this person. Is that how they're guessing? No, I say nothing. They just hear the background noise. Did they know how radio worked?

Once they put me... So I did five different things. I was in a laundromat for a whole day. And nobody came into the laundromat. So then I had to start pumping coins into the laundry machine. It sounds like everyone in the office just fucking hates you and they're trying to get you out. Are you sure this went to air?

Well, once, Husey came down the line and asked me to say something. All right, mate, we've all got stuff going on. And I wouldn't do it. Like, I was just sitting there on my own and I can hear him in my ear going, hey, is the bug there, mate? Hey, what's going on? We can't really hear much. Like I was just sitting there on my own and I can hear him in my ear going, hey, is the bug there, mate? Hey, what's going on? We can't really hear much. And I was just like, nah.

Why? I don't know, because it just looked like I was a crazy person talking into a bag. I didn't have... And it was a packed tram. I'm like, I'm not going to start talking to this bag. You're not going to do the one thing that your job requires. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To have a radio career. Hey, why don't you just yell this out? So I was one of those dickheads, you know, like Alan DeGeneres does all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, thanks. But when you're just sitting in... Just to be clear, you're not working at that radio station anymore,

are you? No. But when you're just sitting in a Centrelink for a whole day with a bag of recording equipment, are you getting any questions from the staff and management going, hey buddy, what's going on? They knew about it? No, they got told, yeah. Okay. And how were they cool with that?

It was just one dude that got told, so the rest of the staff didn't know. I got just a couple of forms. I'd get in the line with my backpack on and just put it in a form. I was about to say, no wonder your niece program didn't make it through. It was a fucking recording device in a bag, right? That's the most fucked Dragon's Den invention ever.

No, they've got security footage of him in the Frank St. Centellink being shit at doing radio and going, this guy's got no hope of making it. The best one actually, I've got this, I don't know what that one was because it wasn't for Prison Break.

The Prison Break one I did as well, I had to do five different crimes. What? And people had to stop you doing yeah crimes and go oh is this for the radio yeah are you the blah whatever the prison and i'd go yes if they got me right but this is the thing so they came up and stopped you from raping someone and said can i have a prize there was a couple of them i'm not that comfortable So one was in Box Hill You know that really busy section Right near the shopping centre at Box Hill There's like four lanes going one way

We all know it as does everyone listening to the show You don't need to go into that much detail Because all of your listeners are from Box Hill That's what I said Everyone who listens to the show knows that And the crime that day was I had to flash someone. Oh, what?

So I'm just standing there with this trench coat on with no shirt on and just boxer shorts and flashing one of the staff from the radio station. And there's just hordes of cars driving past with no context at all. Me just going, blah. They don't all listen to Nova. Yeah, yeah.

Like, what just happened there? So you were just continually doing it until you got a call that someone had reported it? Is that what was happening? Yeah. So sometimes they'd come up to me or they had to call in and say, he's standing here doing this. So in Dandenong, I was standing there with a beanie,

black tracksuit on and a DVD under my arm. This honestly just sounds like you've had a mental breakdown and working for the radio is the scenario you've invented in your head to make it okay. Did you just watch Fight Club? Was Triple Zero just had nothing to do that day because every crime was being reported to Nova?

Anything that ever happened, they're bringing up music on. Yeah, someone broke into my house and stabbed my sister. Was that you guys? I was soliciting a prostitute so I was dressed up in a suit

and one of the promo girls was dressed up as a prostitute and I was soliciting her on St Kilda road and I said

I'm really not that comfortable about you're not I'm sure she was fucking wrapped about it that's why I was

uncomfortable I'm like this I don't think that's okay for your workplace to go yeah you're going to dress like a hooker today and how like for context sorry sex worker I know that's an offensive term sorry for all the women of the night

blasting this during one of their sessions shout out to all the joms that listen in and write us all the time I've met a lot of dum dum fans there's some fucking weirdos out there that are easy to have this on while they're on the job. I think that's true of fans of anything, though. But sure, I imagine we attract... I like all of them.

Just for context, how deep into your comedy career are you at this point? Like when you're doing this radio work? 2006. 2006. 2006 years into it. Wow. It was the year of my first solo show. So you're pretty, you're fairly new.

Green. Yeah, yeah. I'm not full time. That was my last job before I went full time. Right, right, right. Yeah, because that doesn't sound like a comedy job at all. Is that the last job that you put on your doll form? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just flashing people in boxes, soliciting prostitutes. The two months of doll was in between Fox FM and Nova because I got fired from Fox FM for pranking one of the promo staff's offices. Were you being paid by Nova to do it, though? When I told Nova, they were like, excellent, hired. Yeah, isn't that the dick? Yeah, because Nova, when they started, especially, they were like the cool, edgy,

this ain't your granddaddy's FM radio station. Because Nova, when they started, especially, they were like the cool, edgy. Yeah, they were. This ain't your granddaddy's FM radio station. We're getting our dick out at intersections. We're getting prozzies around the offices. Oh, boy, what are the bloody. We'd be at crosses as Fox in those nerdy Fox cars, whatever they were called. Black Thunder. No.

Black Thunders. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that Triple M? No. No, that's the Rock Patrol. It wasn't Black Thunders. Okay, yeah. And then Nova cool kids yeah. Is that Triple M? No. No, that's the Rock Patrol. It was the Black Thunder. Okay, yeah. And then Nova Cool Kids would turn up in there holding Sandmans.

Woo! We're all having fun. With the surfboard on the top of it still. It was like some sort of weird musical about gangs. We'd all turn up on the same corner and swap gifts. Really? Yeah, yeah. If we were giving out cokes, they'd get it.

Anyway, I didn't do that. Yeah, that was a West Side shit story there. Now that you say that, I don't listen to enough commercial radio. Do stations still do that? Just turn up and give away free shit to people? I always thought it was just a joke and no one actually did it. I've never seen that happen. I've seen it happen, yeah.

I'm aware of it happening for real. But I haven't heard of it happening for a long time. It's a very weird thing. People, the type of person that flocks to the back of a car is it do they have regulars they'd have regular yeah people used to follow us yeah literally would follow us i'd have fun um just driving around the streets when i knew someone was following us and we knew that we were going to a lunch break for the next four hours we didn't have a cross so i'd just keep driving company paid for all the fuel we had a car phone we talked to each other in two cars it was hilarious and then we'd pull up after an hour of driving

and the dude would walk over and go, oh, what are you giving away? Nothing, mate. We're just having lunch. And then they'd bring up and go, was the crime disappointment today? The prize they got for that one, finding me, was a trip for two to Alcatraz and $5,000 spending money.

Oh, what can you buy at Alcatraz? Until you get out. A lot of cigarettes? Didn't get raped in Alcatraz and all I got was this shirt. I love that. Commercial radio is pretty big on that. I guess free-to-air TV does it a lot too. Any new show that's coming up,

there's a contest to kind of get people interested in the show and tying in the theme of the show in a ridiculous way, which the idea that, yes, someone on the other side of the world comes up with an idea for a show or a movie and then two years down the line a marketing team is sitting there going, the show's about crime, so we'll get someone to get their dick out in the street. The filmmakers are happy.

The listeners are happy. We're getting listeners. Everyone's having a good time. I like the idea that he's doing this in 2006 and it's like, oh yeah, because it was a simpler time back then. That wasn't that long ago at all. How were they thinking that was alright

eight years ago? It was very odd. Two blokes stopped me as I was trying to rob a car in Ferntree Gully. I think that's where I was. Is it still part of the radio show? No. Because this actually, even though this happened a few years ago, this sounds like a plot from like a movie that's set 20 years in the future that's like a dystopian future where look at the depths they've sunk to

on radio in the future. Because it's sort of, even when you're in the Black Thunder, it kind of seems like someone could claim that as a crime because you're just passing a heap of free stuff out the back of a van. It's like, is that a crime as well? You just pop the boot and all of a sudden there are seagulls there and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird.

Yeah, anyway. Yeah, because I'd love to know. I'd love to see those people that would spend all day. It's like those people that sit at home all day and just answer radio quizzes and TV stuff and take five magazines and do the competitions. Those dudes that do the competitions full time. But they win shit.

They actually get shit. And that was the thing about prize pigs who'd follow you around. Prize pigs? Is that what they were called? Yeah. That was just not mentioned at the start of the story. Slid it in there. Yeah, prize pigs, mate.

That's like how everyone knows about those four lanes of traffic in Box Hill Good, that's great Back to the PPs Listeners, don't worry I am going to get back to my story about opening the door at some stage I can tell people are stressing out at home We're going to get to it Don't worry

We've taken a detour but it's going to be okay I'm in control I've got another story inside this one to tell as well. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah, so sometimes I turn up and just get Coke or a sticker. But other times I turn up and get a brand new iPod, a trip away, heaps of those things. It was worth their while to follow.

I went through a little phase a little while ago of just going on the internet and trying to enter every competition I could find. But that internet competitions are always, they're just fishing for your email address to add you to their mailing list. So suddenly I'm on a billion mailing lists and there's one website, a career one or something, that's always doing like a trip to South America

with $10,000 spending money and you enter, but then they do this fucked thing where they'll send you an email like a trip to South America with $10,000 spending money and you enter but then they do this fucked thing where they'll send you an email like a month down the line with the subject line, congratulations. And you go, and I fall for it every time I go, oh, oh my God. And you open it and it's just like, yes, congratulations Maureen. Like they email everyone who entered just to tell them about the one person who won.

And they called you Maureen. Yeah, I know. So I've had to change my name legally to Maureen Dassolo. Just to make sure you didn't win. Yeah, and I'm off to Venezuela. So it's going to be great, guys. I think that's actually your original name is Maureen. Maureen Alsop.

Maureen Alsop. Maureen Alsop. Yep. One thing about Maureen Alsop, she can open a door. I bet she can. I can't wait to hear about it. What about your Inception story within a story? It was just a sideline before I met a Dum Dum fan last week.

Quite an attractive Dum Dum fan. Shout out to attractive Dum Dum fans. Up in Armadale. Oh, mate, settle down. I do apologise, I forget your name. But she was very excited to announce that she was Team Chandler. Oh, yes. As all the attractive ones are.

Sounds hideous. Sounds like a real... To the effect of her dad heard it one day she was playing it and he said something to the effect of, who the fuck is that dyke talking? Which is an offensive word, but he was referring to you. This Armadale fan sounds like a real prize pig, if you know what I mean.

She's probably going to listen to this and go, I didn't say my dad said anything like that. I was just trying to have a crack at you. I'm going to open a door into her face. I love that you're doing callbacks to something that hasn't happened yet. Well, I kept meaning to say this. This is quite a while ago, but I wrote down a note. I remember about maybe it was even a year ago, you emailed,

because every time you go on the road, you'll meet Dum Dum fans a lot of the time. Yeah, just about everywhere. Yeah, yeah. And it'd just be nice to have that opportunity. Giggs, let's point out that we are not ever invited to do. In spite of trying very persistently. I represent the brand very well. I'm a company man.

Don't you worry about that. But I wrote down and sat thinking, that long ago I wrote it down. And you know you write little notes down and you don't know exactly what happened. But my note is to myself from about a year ago that you were on the road. You got sent.

It was either you met someone or you got sent a message from saying, hey, that you were on the road, you got sent, it was either you met someone or you got sent a message from saying, hey, I'll listen to the show. A big Dum Dum fan, Harley. The Dum Dum Club, it brings faggots together. What?

That's the note I've got. That's the message? Yeah. I don't know what that's got to do with anything. Oh, really? I think that's your head going. No, no, it's not. I had it written down

because that was the note. Is that my quote? No, no, no. That's something that someone said to you I've got it do with anything. Oh, really? I think that's your head going. No, no, it's not. I had it written down because that was the note. Is that my quote? No, no, no. That's something that someone said to you I've got it written down as. Oh. Yeah, that's highly likely. Why would you remember that? I've got no memory of that.

Okay, all right. Well, maybe this bit won't make it in. So I'm opening this door. I'm waiting for this. Go on. But Woodbury, Carl Woodbury. See, you call me Carl. I can't call you Carl. I Woodbury, Carl Woodbury. See, you call me Carl. I can't call you Carl.

I have to call you Woodbury. Wordberg. You can call me whatever you want, mate. Woodbury. Kurt Wordberg is his Facebook name. Kurt Wordberg. Yeah, which a lot of people pointed out. I don't have a fan base.

There was no need to change my name. But people, you know what? Positive thinking. It's actually going against you. Did someone actually call you Kurt Wordurzberg to start with? Is that why that started? Yeah. So I'd been doing comedy for about six months, right?

And unlike Harley, you know, who had cool radio jobs, I worked at a call centre. And my first... You heard all that story yet you still put cool at the start of that. That's weird. It's still pretty cool, right? Well, let's listen to Woodbury's story first.

Everything's relative. So I was opening this door, right? Oh, you hacked us, like. I've just barred up. Just like Chandler when he found a hot girl like his fucking podcast. How long does the story go for? Because I want a cigarette. You're on the job, mate. Your fucking great story's done it. Other people got shit going on mate

Really? You got shit going on? You go to Thailand for two months Clearly there's no gigs happening That was a slight lull But you know Absence makes the heart go fonder hopefully Room runners of Australia

In two months everyone's going to be like Where'd that Kurt Werdberg go? Remember Kurt Werdberg? What happened to him? No No it's good to be here for sure so

yeah I thought I'd go out on a high right yeah so you need to have a fucking joint for once anyway sorry so you opened that door

yeah I opened the door and some fuckhead old Harley was behind it yeah fair point so yeah I'd been doing content for six months and this was the first non-open mic gig that I did, you know.

So it was a charity gig at the Pine on Punt in Melbourne. You guys know where that pub is? Yep. Yeah, just near that Box Hill intersection. No, it's nowhere near it. So clearly you do need things explained, Tommy. That's ridiculous. People are going to get confused.

That girl from Armadale is going to come here to Melbourne and think that she can go to Pine on Punt and fucking Box Hill. Anyway, welcome back to the little Melways Club. Harley Green, campaigning to become mayor of Box Hill in 2015. Yeah, that's it. Hey. That's your political slogan? Yeah.

Fucking good luck, mate. Work for Fonzie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your niece. President Fonzie. Yeah. That's your niece program to be a fucking the mayor of Australia. So anyway, the story's not that fucking good.

So shoehorn in all your notes. What else you got, Harley? Keep the passion, lose the language. Thanks. Yeah, sorry, guys. So I've gone to do this gig, right? And it went pretty well. There's a fair few people there.

You're a fucking idiot. Good story so far. Yeah, man. It's got a great flow to it. I wonder why, you fucking assholes. All right, Banjo Patterson, get back to it. I'm listening. No, that's all right.

I'm listening. I'm listening. You're at the point on pun. I'm at the point on pun. Yeah. I'm listening. I'm listening. You're at the point on pun. I'm at the point on pun. Yeah. All right. In Box Hill. Let me know if you want me to turn Harley's mic off.

Yeah, can you do that? Go out for a spliff, mate, all right? Your energy levels are too high. They are. Good. And I've done the gig, and the photographer from the charity comes around. He goes, great, got all these great photos. We'll put them up on the website tomorrow.

Look out for it. Here's the address. I get there and I send the address to my mum all excited and she sends me back a message going, oh, I didn't see your name on there. And I'm like, oh, what? So I've gone to check it and it's got a photo of me. Underneath it goes, new comedian Kurt Wordberg.

Doing his best. Doing his best. Yeah. And I was like, Kurt Werdberg. Doing your best, the opposite of whoever captioned that picture. But then you changed your Facebook name to that, suggesting that

that's the biggest bit of promo you've ever done? As a reminder to aim higher. That caption really cut through. I've got to capitalise on this leader newspaper heat. Yeah, that's it. Sally, that's the only bit of media I've ever got, so I had to change it to that. I've had Harvey Green before.

Harvey Green. Harvey Green. I really like Harvey Green. It happened at that – last, most recent time it happened, it was just Harvey, not Harvey Green, Harvey Brain. What's that club in Perth that we hung out at recently?

Fucking Box Hill. Yeah, good one. The upstairs one? Lazy Seasons? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just dropped in, I was on my way through and I think you were on. That's right, yeah. And they said, do you want to jump up? I said, yeah, I'd love to.

I was doing five. The MC was like, oh, great to meet you, mate. He goes out on stage and does this wonderful intro that went to the something like, if you don't know this guy, then you don't know Australian comedy. Welcome to the stage, Harvey Breed. Everyone would have gone, who, if they'd heard my real name. Yeah, doing his best, which was then followed by us having beers

and an hour of you getting angry about getting your name wrong, which was a lot of fun. I didn't care. It was fine. It doesn't bother me at all. Harvey Green. I like that. That should be a little alter ego.

Next time a radio station wants you to commit some crimes, that should be who you dress at all. Harvey Green. I like that. That should be a little alter ego. Next time a radio station wants you to commit some crimes, that should be who you dress up as. Harvey Green. Harvey Green. I really like Harvey Green. Yeah, it's a good name. Yeah. What about Kurt Wordberg, guys?

It's all right. It's good. They're both good. It's good. They both hang out, I reckon. I reckon they'd hang out. They'd do a podcast together. I need a fake name.

Everyone's got a fake name here. Yeah. Charlie Candler, right? Charlie Candler. Charlie Candler, yeah. What's yours? Oh, wait, hang on. Yeah. His name. I need a fake name. Everyone's got a fake name here. Yeah. Charlie Candler, right? Charlie Candler. Charlie Candler, yeah. What's yours? Oh, wait, hang on. Yeah.

His name. He lives it, man. But what's the fake one and what's the real one, man? They're so intertwined. Maureen Alsop. Maureen Alsop. Oh, no, I'm Peter Walsall. I've got the great Peter Walsall.

Yeah. I don't know what that is. That is a story from a while ago. A friend's girlfriend bumping into me at a thing and then telling my mate going, oh yeah, I saw your little mate. So he does that podcast, Peter Walsall. Okay.

Just thought that was my name. Did it go pretty well back then? Yeah, it went great. Yeah, it went really good. Yeah. Hey, so you're off to Thailand tomorrow? Yes, off to Thailand. Yeah, awesome.

Because I'm going in two weeks or something like that. Yeah, with your parents? Yes, with my parents. I don't need to be chaperoned at my age, but that's fine. Are you going to Thailand with your parents? Yeah. Wow. Your parents have never left Australia.

Yeah. Excellent. Never been on a plane. But it's okay. I mean, they were a bit nervous about that. But, you know, the political climate in Thailand is pretty cool at the moment. So now they're not worried anymore. And we're flying on Malaysia Air.

So everyone's cool everyone is cool it's totally Asian light you know going to Thailand very easy introduction to Asia

normally yeah up until a week ago yeah up until a couple weeks ago have they packed all their red and yellow shirts they can wear

on simultaneous days I don't know what that is how that's the two factions that are oh really red and yellow yeah That's the two factions that are... Oh, really? Red and yellow. Which are the two colours that you wear all the time.

This is going to be great. You've got red on right now. I don't have yellow on. No, you need to... Well, the yellow are the ones that are in charge, so you probably shouldn't use yellow. Yeah, so the yellow and the red. So the red are the two...

Well, do they meet and fight at McDonald's? That's true, yeah. There's no McDonald's in Toronto. What a great way to trivialise a military coup. Yeah. We're about to be in the middle of it. People are being killed. They've had 13 coups since 1933, so it's fine.

Well, it's none of your brag about it. Boring. That's it. We need one. But you're headed off tomorrow? Yeah, headed off in the morning. You're over two months. You're doing like a proper big stint there.

Yeah, it should be really interesting. First time sober in Thailand. Really? So it's more like the first time you've been there then, really? Yeah, pretty much. I literally can't remember that much about Thailand from going there. I've been to Koh Tao. I was there for five days last summer.

I was there. I'm going there for a month. And I honestly don't – there's a guy there called Chopper who owns a – an Australian guy called Chopper who owns a bar there. And he took us out and I fucking – I don't know. It was an intense night. What happened? I think we did –

I honestly don't remember. Well, why was it intense then if you don't remember? Because I don't fucking remember. Sounds pretty relaxed. Yeah. Mate, I don't remember most nights of my life. Yeah. And then nothing happens.

Yeah, yeah. Just went to bed. Just get up. I need some cereal after that intense night I had. Unconscious. I don't know if I talked about this on the last time I was on here or not. You talked about getting into a fight at a hostel or something like that. Oh, I talked about that one?

Yeah, yeah. That was on the same trip but that wasn't on Kotown so but um I had an ex-friend who lives on Copenhagen which is an island

next to there and he's from the UK and he owned a resort that I went and did hosted drinking night games nights on every year for a few years

and you hosted that yeah before all the moon parties right and all the people would flock to the island to go to the full moon parties or the half moon. There's a shiver moon and a black moon.

One every week. A shiver moon? A shiver moon is the crescent. Oh, and they call it shiver? Yeah. Shiver moon, yeah. Shiver. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And I'd host these drinking games nights and this guy was a full-on Geordie from Newcastle. Massive pisshead. He was about 25. His parents were rich. They owned private hospitals in Newcastle

so they'd just fucking keep him in Thailand. He had a Thai wife. And in between the time that I went there and the next time, he'd gotten divorced because he was fucking prostitutes at his resort. The dad ends up being... Sex workers, but anyway. You can't say prostitutes at his resort, the dad ends up being...

Sex workers, but anyway, keep going. You can't say prostitutes? Sorry, I've interrupted. Keep going. We'll discuss it after, if you want. This is an actual good story, mate, so shut the fuck up for this one. Was this having sex with prostitutes, was this just done for Kotow FM? It was, yeah.

It was, yeah. Chucking icy cold cans of coconut off the back of a rickshaw. Wow. The longest bow of the episode there, guys. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be welcomed with open arms once we get to Thailand now. Big listener base there? If you are in Thailand, please. Hey, we should look it up. Yeah, I should look up on our Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go to Thailand now. Big listener base there? If you are in Thailand, please. Hey, we should look it up.

Yeah, I should look up on our thing, on our stats. Yeah, yeah, please, please give us a message if you're – we've got plenty of listeners in Asia, probably good or not, but I'm not sure if we have one in Thailand. But sorry, go back. Are you guys going to do a podcast when you're over there? Are you going to try and do a Correspondace? No, I don't think so.

No? I was going to say I'd come over for that. I've got a few things lined up that I'm going to do with your parents while they're away. Whoa. No, not at all.

I don't know what's going on there. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, this guy's... By the time... The last time that I went to the next time he'd gotten divorced, got shot by the dad

of his Thai wife. He was like a fishing mafia on the island. Got shot in the leg. Fishing mafia? Yeah, because the island's all fishermen on there, right? Same with Koh Samui. It started off before. Tourism was all fishing islands.

The mafia, you're going to sleep with the fishers. Yeah, we did already. That's my job. And so the next time I'd gone back He didn't tell us any of this stuff And I get there And I think I'm going to the same resort He goes

Oh no Woody mate We're fucking I'm down here now And he sort of tells me the story On his motorbike And I'm like Oh what the fuck And we get to this

Tiny little new bar That he's created And they had no one in it He had his dog locked in there So it was just full of dog shit I thought I thought I'm going back To this tropical paradise To like do these great Drinking nights I get back there It's just so it was just full of dog shit. I thought I'm going back to this tropical paradise

to do these great drinking nights. I get back there, it's just a tiny bar full of dog shit. And he gets it and goes, oh, we're going to go to this bar, it's going to be really fun, we go to this bar. And he's now got a prostitute girlfriend who's just obviously using him for his money. Sex worker. Sex worker, fucking hell.

I didn't say it. I just looked at him. I didn't even feel't say it. I looked at you. I just looked at him. I didn't even feel myself say it. It felt like Harley entered me. Like a sex worker would. There we go. He's away. Here's a can of Coke.

Wash the taste out of your mouth. And so, yeah, and so he starts to go out with this girl, this sex worker girlfriend. Very good. You happy, mate? Hashtag Q&A. And so I spent two weeks sitting at a prostitute bar just going,

no, thank you, no, thank you. Hang on. Fucking hell. I'm listening, yeah. But he'd get drunk and then just accuse me of wanting his prostitute girlfriend. Right. And the story sort of peters out from there. So we saved it, really.

And he got me into a fight at one of the half moon parties with a bunch of Israelis and he tried to stab them. And then we had to run off through the jungle and get his motorbike and then I had to leave the island. And that's the story of how I got to Koh Tao the last time I was there because we had to run off through the jungle and get his motorbike and then I had to leave the island and that's the story of how I got to Koh Tao the last time I was there because we had to get off the island. So what are you going to do this time

if you're not drinking? Probably my 12-step program where we make amends and go and apologise to everyone. Clean up the dog shit that's in that bar. Say sorry to a lot of sex workers. You'll turn up there and realise there was no dog.

It was you. You, that's it. You'll turn up there and realise there was no dog. It was you. You'd locked yourself in. And there's a pub full of your shit. The reason he took you to the other bar was because he wanted to get rid of you.

Yeah, probably, yeah. Yeah, right, yeah. Yeah, you go in there and there's just piles of shit with like photos of you in the room and like candles burning. He got divorced

because you fucked his wife. With a piece of shit. There's going to be Thai Fight Club. Hey, this is as good a time as any. We haven't done this for a few weeks. We're going to do an episode of Australia's Longest Running and most consistent radio serial. Let's take it away with the new installment of Rad Dad. Gotta wipe your kids, a cat and a dog, now see me be right in your catalogue. Yeah.

Word to your mother, cause I'm Rad Dad. He's the raddest dad in town. Rad Dad. Well Jenny, here we are in sunny Thailand. Yeah, no thanks to you arguing with the airport x-ray people about your stupid baseball cap with the fake metal peak. Jenny, those people might be governed by the police, but they obviously don't have anything to do with the fashion police, OK? And did we have to fly with an airline called Air Russian Roulette?

You're sounding a little racist, Jenny. What's wrong with a Russian airline? Well, for one thing, it's a Russian airline flying to Thailand. The sweetest mash-up of dodginess ever. The other thing, it didn't give me a lot of confidence when the pilot said, sorry in advance over the loudspeaker before we took off. And why do we have to go to Thailand anyway?

Jenny, I'm all about broadening the mind and experiencing different things. But we were just here two weeks ago. Harsh now, Jenny. Now let's go to our usual hotel and get ready to go to our usual restaurant. Oh, look, Jenny. What a country. This little store by the side of the road has really cheap copies of Sum 41's last album for only $1.

To be fair, Rad Dad, that's probably more expensive than what they are back home in Australia. And look, heaps of vintage super cool t-shirts. Billafong. Hang Nine. Oh, awesome. Billifong. Hang Nine. Oh, awesome. A classic vision road wear jumper. If I get that, all my friends down at the skate ramp are going to be so jealous. They're going to finally forget the time I tried to do an ollie off my car and totally smash the headlight on my Kia.

Oh, no. It's one billion baht. And I've only got 999 million. Please don't talk so loudly. You're going to attract all the hawkers and beggars and got $999 million. Please don't talk so loudly. You're going to attract all the hawkers and beggars and... Hey, guys. You want to have a really good time here in Thailand? I've got some stuff here that'll blow your mind, wink.

No, thanks. I try not to inhale anything that's been up the arse of someone who hasn't washed since some of my dad's pop culture references were relevant. Oh, great. pop culture references were relevant. Oh, great. Hey, have you got any pot? Any mull?

Any Scooby snacks? Any hee-jee-wee-jee? Even I don't know what you're talking about. Are you a narc? Only a narc would sound that uncool. Hey, you're the one approaching a man and his teenage daughter trying to sell drugs. Whoa, what? Are you a girl?

Sorry, I thought you were just a short little dude. I mean, with all that facial hair. Excuse me, I'm a little bit sensitive about that. It's just puppy fat, but for hair, it's a puppy beard. I'll grow out of it, that's what Rad Dad says. Yeah, I'd be taking advice about growing out of something from a 40-year-old wearing a Living End shirt. Anyway, let's keep going, Rad Dad.

We're sure to find more cultured, wise locals if we keep walking. Oh wow! That's exactly what I've been looking for. Excuse me man. The name's Rad Dad, friend. Okay, whatever. Now this is why I came to Thailand. How much? How much for what? How much for a go on your little

lady boy? I'm not a lady boy. It's a puppy beard, okay? Your lady boy sure says some cute things. How much? Look, buddy, you're really riling me up now. You carry on like this and sooner or later, Thailand is going to start getting associated with sex tourism. I mean, the girls on this island

have it hard enough already. I saw one give birth to an egg last time we were here. That was a stripper at a ping pong show, Rad Dad. My point is, I don't want my daughter to come here and hear some stranger saying horrible things that might scare her. I'll give you a million baht. Vision road wear jumper, here we come. Go for your life, buddy.

Just have her back by off season. Rad Dad, don't leave me with this guy. Hey, you weirdo. You don't want me. I don't even have a penis, you know. Don't worry. I can give you one. Rad Dad.

This is the worst episode of this show ever. This Thailand weirdo is about to hit me with his penis. Aren't you going to say anything? Well, I've heard of Bangkok, but this is ridiculous. Rad Dad. Rad Dad is filmed in front of a live studio audience. And we're back. Hadn't done that in a few weeks.

Probably to the relief of many, I would say. People still seem pretty split on whether it's a good feature of this program or not. Yeah, there are some people that are vehemently against it, but there are some... The last couple of weeks, there's been a bunch of people saying, where's Red Dirt?

Yeah. I've always enjoyed it. Okay. To be honest... You've never listened to it? Never. Have you not done one? I've done one

Okay so you've listened to that one So I heard that one Barely You heard your bits Password It's funny you were mentioning before Carl About the dog being locked in that shed Bar

What was it? Yeah anyway It's at Wurrberg anyway Wurrberg Sorry I'm very sorry Kurt I haven't talked about this on the show yet. I did this gig during the comedy festival that was at the Trades Hall and it was for a radio station that you have worked for previously, Harley.

So it could be any of them. Yeah, exactly. One of those things where they give out tickets to listeners on the air and it was on a Sunday afternoon. It was me and about five others on the bill, I think. So we're in this big, big room in Trades Hall doing this stand-up gig and it's a Sunday afternoon. I'm on like fourth, I think, so I'm sitting backstage waiting to go on

and the producer, the woman who's organising the gig, she comes up and goes to the two guys hosting it, goes, hey, we're going to need to make an announcement because the police have turned up because someone's left their dog in the car out the front of the venue and like the windows are up and the doors and the doors are locked and the dog's going crazy and so the police reckon it's someone from this venue so you're gonna need to go on and make an announcement about this like after the act that's on now because you know the person needs to let their dog out or it's going to die. Brilliant. And I'm sitting there.

This is right before I go on. I'm sitting there going, oh, this will be great. This is the best introduction you can get for a gig ever. So I'm sitting there waiting for this to happen. The MCs go on and I'm sort of planning, I'm just going to have to make my set about the dog thing because it's going to be so, there's going to be a thick kind of vibe in the air when I come out. So the MCs go on.

They don't mention the dog at all. They just bring me straight on. So I go on and I'm trying to do my gig but anyone who knows me knows that I love animals so I'm like doing this gig just knowing that there's a dog out in the street suffocating because i'm doing comedy like it hasn't been rescued yet because i'm doing my set so i just have this weird gig and then i get off and then the mcs come back on and then they make the announcement but they make they just basically say that information they go guys the cops are here There's a dog in a car out in the street.

Woodbury's fine. This is the licence plate. So you're going to have to go get your dog out, whoever it is. The licence plate is whatever, QZE413. And then they just kind of look. It's like there's 200 people there. And then they just kind of wait for like someone. And who in a crowded room full of people is going to volunteer and go,

oh, yeah, that's me. I've locked my dog in the car. So no one gets up. So there's just this awkward standoff for like five minutes while they go, seriously, your dog's dying. Whoever it is, there's no judgment here. Seriously, get up and let your dog out of the car. And no one does it.

So then they go. So then as a last resort, Harley gets there and goes, I've got my Black Thunder guys. I'm here with a radio station. I've got a free dog to give away at dog out of the car and no one does it so then they go so then as a last resort harley gets there and goes i got my black thunder guys i'm here with the radio station i've got a free dog to give away at the back of this car well it also get it the shame was me they had to guess what crime was being committed yeah and also the shame is you know the doors of the car are locked and this is before i had my great door opening skills revealed to me today so if i'd known them what i know now i could have stepped in and gotten the dog out. But so then a friend of the show, Demi Lardner, went on and did a gig. But it was a weird thing to be brought on to.

So it's later that night and I'm telling someone the story about how this has all happened. And they're like, the person I'm telling this to goes, have you told me that before? I'm like, it happened three hours ago. So no. And they're like, no, I swear I've heard that story. I've heard that before. And I'm like, is this just a person regularly going around to comedy gigs with old bloody red dog locked up in the back?

He loves it. He loves sitting out in front of comedy gigs. You know what he especially likes though? No air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Space dog. He loves it. Yeah, yeah.

Space dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sauna car So I'm going When have you heard this before And then the person goes Oh no, that's where it was It was that episode of The Simpsons

Yeah, that's what I was thinking It's basically that exact set up Yeah, so totally it's up until you don't have to go on And it's worse because you're distracted. Yeah. Yeah, it was totally that. I was like, are you Homer Simpson? Yeah, but what a wild event to have happen.

Is that the worst conditions you can do a gig under? The MC saying, there's a dog dying out the front of the venue. Anyway, here he is, Harley Breen. No, I don't think so. There's got to be much worse than that. What's the worst thing an MC could say before they bring you on? I did a gig once and a dingo walked behind me. The dingo took me jokes.

But you found out in hindsight because you didn't see the dingo. You found out it was actually. Was it Michael Chamberlain? It was actually Mrs. Chamberlain. A lot of people tried to deny it. Yeah, I was on a mine called Telfer Gold Mine out in the little sandy desert.

We all know where that is. No, you don't. Which lane were you in? The left lane and the right lane. There was a one track dirt road into this place. Then we turned up and we found out they've got their own airfield

with their own private Learjets I'm like I just drove for three and a half hours in dirt you jerk we get it you do roadshow mate okay no it wasn't roadshow

it was the Pilbara Comedy Muster yeah yes it was a lot of fun and I was halfway through the opening bit as the MC and the whole room

just went holy shit just don't move dude just don't move, dude. Just don't move. And I turned around and there was a dingo just gnawing on a little bit of my leg. Really? It was just gnawing on something out of the bin just behind the stage. It was an outdoor

beer garden was where the gig was. Don't move. I love that. I love that. Where should we put the stage for the comedy gig? Probably just next to that bin will do. And the dingo hut. Yeah, the bin. The bin full of dog food. So I just stayed still and then it looked at me and then just walked off.

I don't think it was any big deal. Everyone just burst into laughter and I brought on the first act. Was it the dingo? Did the dingo come back at all? No, it didn't. In a car? Yeah. That it's locked itself in.

Yeah, that's how they trapped it and got it out of there. Closed it in a car. Do we want to do this this week? We've been talking a lot about food on the show, especially recently. I mean, we always do. But a lot of talk about an episode a few weeks back with Will Anderson and Chas from The Chaser. We talked about Kit Kats from overseas. And we've been inundated, as in two people have sent us Kit Kats.

Oh, really? And here's the second bunch of Kit Kats. And the story with them was... Kit Kats from Japan. Yeah, yeah. They're weird Kit Kats. You've kept them in their packaging just so they didn't break on the way. Oh, they're in a little pillbox thing.

Yeah, they're in a little container thing. Because they're actually... Yeah, they've been chucked in the express post. Like, this has cost a lot of money to send this. To send the smallest Kit Kats of all time to us. Can I have a look? Yeah, for sure. Someone sent this to you from Japan? Yeah.

Excellent. And this is where I'm going in my career. I am planning to eat things that have been sent in the mail by people I don't know. Oh, mate, I'd smash them. We're about to smash them. Radio eating, it's the new thing. You just want to hear the audio. We could do our own bizarre version of the Black Thunder

where we just hop on a tram and tell listeners what tram we're going to be on at what time and if they find us, they can share some Kit Kat with us. Turn it into a restaurant tram. Or a reverse Black Thunder where we meet people and they give us food. That's way better. That's a great idea. We're going to be here. Bring shit.

Let's do it. Let's do the first annual Dum Dum Club offering where we'll just be in a park and you bring us picnic foods. They have those guys. It's called a homeless shelter bus. Okay. For those who are trying to picture it, can I describe it a little bit? I would say that it looks like a double Cadbury Favourites size.

Oh, yeah. That's a great scale you've used. So quite small. So what the instructions are with that thing. So we've got two of them. Instructions for a Kit Kat? There's a manual Yeah because this is what has to happen

You have to put them on baking paper And then put them under a hot grill What? Until they brown Because what they are Is their cream caramel Kit Kats Holy shit that's my favourite dessert What are you talking about?

Should I fire up the oven? You should Do you want to colour for me while I grill? Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Yeah. I'll go and do this. How good's your pre-heat time on your oven? This does seem like something you could have pre-planned, to be honest.

No. No, but we're in the moment. This is live eating. We are in the moment. Live eating. I'm going to live roll a joint. Well, at least this isn't being recorded, so you can get in trouble for saying that.

Oh, who cares? So Tommy's heating up the grill as we speak. We've got the smallest amount of Kit Kat to share. We're going to have a cubic half a centimetre to each, I think. How long does he have to have it under the grill? Well, it says until they're slightly brown. Well, that's the weird thing. Until chocolate's slightly brown.

So how are we going to be able to figure that out? It's white chocolate. It's white chocolate. Ooh, look at that. Is it baking paper or not? I don't think that's... The lack of your baking paper is probably not intrinsical to the taste.

I have to say, for a tiny, tiny little treat that I would imagine is intended for on the go, it seems very inconvenient to have to do this to it yeah well i'm sure in in japan uh you know there's grills all on your local street corner the grill app on your phone yes yeah yeah that'd be awesome your kit kat official grill app so um yeah you better back so they're just grilling away okay i feel like the mum of the podcast now coming in like,

do you boys want any snacks down here while you're doing your little radio show? A fruit cup? If only we bothered to edit it properly so we could have it as prepared earlier. I've always viewed you as mum of the podcast, to be honest with you. Maureen Alsop. But you're very caring. You always make sure we're looked after. There's always a beer in front of me.

Where's your beer now? Yeah, exactly. That's how drunk you are. Fuck up, cunt. That's a candle, dude. Maybe I am. Maybe I am. Maybe you am.

Maybe I am. Maybe I do. Yep. Oh, man. Yeah, so guys, if you want to send any other food, private message me. As this guy did, Paul Watson. Thanks very much to Paul Watson from Springwood in Queensland.

In Japan. We all know it. Well, yeah, he was in Japan. What? So he's been in Japan. Yes. He doesn't live in Japan. No.

He's heard you on the podcast, gone to Japan, I imagine, in the time since he's heard it. Yes. Or was he there listening to it? I think he may have been listening to it in Japan. Okay. And then when I'm going home soon, I better grab the smallest Kit Kat in the world and bring it home.

And so he's sent it to you from Queensland, not from Japan. Yes. What a legend. And he's a watchmaker and he's putting his business card. Yeah. Let's give him a quick plug And he's a watchmaker and he's putting his business card. Let's give him a quick plug. Inside Time Watch and Clock Repairs, shop 53370 Pacific Highway in Springwood in Queensland.

If you live in Springwood and you've got a dodgy watch. Yeah, go to him. Don't mind if it takes a while because he's too busy sending chocolates to podcasters. And we're going to say this on the show. Every watch repair comes with a free KitKat. So head on into Inside Time. That again is shop 53370, the Pacific Highway in Springwood, Queensland,

for all your KitKat and watch repair needs. Sweet combo. This is a genuine question. Is what you've just done illegal? Eat chocolate. No. Receive gifts from people and then give them a plug. I don't know what... illegal eat chocolate no receive gifts from people and then give them

a plug I don't know what is there any law governing podcast is all I'm asking how would how could we possibly

get in trouble for that zero cash for comment is that what's going on that's why it's a genuine question I don't know you can do that is this a genuine question

yes it sounds like it really shouldn't be. It shouldn't need to be. Thank you very much for the discussion and the answer. No, no, it's been great. Good on you. Imagine if we really did get slapped over the wrist for eating a Kit Kat and reading out a guy's business card on our podcast.

But we've treated you with that great impro rule, no and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like how you're saying it's illegal as you're rolling a spliff, dude. Hey, dude. Dude, I don't want anyone to know that about me. I've never talked about it on stage. You said you're rolling a joint before straight into the mic and then you're worrying about eating chocolate is illegal.

I'm about to smoke it straight into the mic. Here we go. Hang on. Hang on. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Do not look... They're very...

Tommy's saying that they're... There is no way, I've got to say this, from looking at it from this point of view of the grill, that this is a thing. This guy is having a lend. Oh, really? That is not a thing. Yeah, it's not at all.

It's not a thing. Oh, really? Yeah. But having said that, I haven't read any instructions on anything other than just what he's written. Oh, yeah, it's not instructions from Kit Kat. No, no, it's not from Nestle.

It's from a dude who fixes watches. So this is not an official advice line. He's told us to leave it under the grill until they've gone brown. What's happened is the chocolate on the top's just melted and it's made a bloody mess of our grill. That's one thing to say. It looks absolutely horrible.

They'll be pretty hot, I think. He did say to use baking paper, which you've not done, Tommy. Yeah, because we didn't have it. Baking paper on the top? So anyone listening, if you're looking for another idea of something to post us, baking paper would be great. Is it just white chocolate? I'm eating it.

This is like something that you left in your bag when you were at high school for too long. That's exactly what it is. In summer, that's all. It's good. It's chocolate put in the microwave. That's about what it is. Yes. It would have been better not had this done.

Yeah. Anyway, I'd like to unplug inside times. Is this it? Have we been pranked? Yeah. Mate, if you're repairing watches as well as you instruct people on how to cook Kit Kats, Anyway, I'd like to unplug inside times. Is this it? Have we been pranked? Mate, if you're repairing watches as well as you instruct people on how to cook Kit Kats, fucking hell. Has he addressed this to Who Dares Wins?

We've either been pranked or knowing the things that I do when I'm stoned, me and him would get along very well. Fixed watches. Send chocolate to strangers. Well, Carl, I think that was a very, your aspiration to do something on that Channel 10 show in the infomercial. That was pretty good. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It was pretty good practice. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. You nailed it, mate. I can definitely sell any chocolate cookers when I go on that show now.

Yeah. Oh, man. There we go. That was good. That was good. That was tasty. Yeah. That's two episodes. Yeah. We haven't talked about it because we had, did we talk about the other Shall we go? That was good That was good That was tasty Yeah We haven't talked about it

Did we talk about the other ones we had? We got some We got some A chilli one Yes A green tea one And a A chilli one

What was that? Cream cheese Cream cheese Yeah it was good Cream cheese sounds alright Yeah But they're all good But they're all just either white or dark chocolate

With a very faint flavour The flavours aren't that overwhelming I think there's a lot Because that faint flavour There's a lot, because that faint flavour, there's a lot of scientists working in Japan for very little. Yeah. Just for a slight, they're working a lot of hours for someone to react like this.

Oh, yeah. You're right, eh? Oh, yeah. It's a lot like comedy in that way. I see what he's done there. Very good. Very good, mate. I's a lot like comedy in that way. I see what he's done there. Yeah, yeah. Very good. Very good, mate.

Yeah, I won't be going again. I can see what he did. There is a dingo, so that's pretty good. Yeah, so guys, yeah, any food really at this point. Just, we'll have anything. Just go to. Send saladas. Send Anzac biscuits.

No, let's work on that. Let's work on a food drive, but for not the needy, just for us. For the greedy. Help the greedy. And nothing nourishing, just fast food. Is that it for this week? I think that might be it. How can you top eating chocolate, eating hot chocolate?

Yeah, on an audio medium. Carl Woodbury, Harley Breen, thank you very much for joining us. You can see Carl Woodbury at the Kotow Chuckle Hut coming up in a couple of months. The monthly Chuckle Hut. Doing a tight two hours if you get back on the grog. My show is entitled Sawaddy Cunt. In the dog shit room, the world famous dog shit room.

Harley, have you got things coming up you'd like to plug? When does this come out? Like right after you leave. Instantly. Right after I leave. Yeah. As soon as we turn that grill off.

The opening weekend of Falls Creek this weekend, that'll be interesting because there is no snow and it's not cold enough to make it. Right. That's what I hear, but that's where I'll be

and then after that I'll be in Coffs Harbour, if you're around there. Come up and tell me whether you're a team Chandler or a team Dassler. They'll be team Chandler. Yeah. It's a traditional Chandler area, Coffs Harbour. Yeah, they love you there. People can also see your dick on the Box Hill freeway on the side there,

in the intersection. No, no, we're about eight years past that. But thanks for listening to the story. Your dick has moved on to bigger and better things. I wouldn't say bigger. I wouldn't say better. I wouldn't say better either. No, my hand really doesn't compare.

Your hand's not even as good as a box you'll freeway. Anyway, if you're listening in, I'm single and fucking lonely. Woodbury, of course, you also have your podcast Wisdom Laughter, which has had I've been on it, people like Xavier Michaelides, the Nelson Twins, Harley Breen, heaps of friends of the show have been on it. So if you're out of stuff to listen to and you're looking for a little extra...

Even if you're last resort. Woodbury's last resort podcast. I've got to actually say I really enjoyed my time on that podcast. It was a good discussion. Thank you. That's at Wise Laughter, the Twitter handle, and Facebook is Wisdom Laughter, the podcast. We just talk about old drinking stories and sort of moral dilemmas that go along with drinking, inebriation, and all that kind of stuff.

It's a fun little after hour of comedy. Yeah. What have we got? We've got nothing really coming up to plug. We've got just regular stuff. We're slowly uploading a bunch of old episodes to our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. So a lot of people that can't find our old episodes on iTunes can either hit us up on

that slowly, getting all the episodes up, or the Libsyn page if you want to look that up. A lot of people don't look at that. But get onto the Facebook page. We always have a lot of visual stuff on that and the Twitter account, at Dumb Dumb Club. We've got a couple of t-shirts left. Yep. And we are in the process

of organising some live shows in Adelaide and Perth, are we not? Yeah, we are. Yeah, and we're talking about having new t-shirts and stuff soon, so there's a few things coming down the pipeline

in the near future. So get a hold of Facebook and Twitter because I think we've had some discussions about Adelaide and Perth already so that'll be coming up very soon I think. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you mates! You're nearly 40, right?

This is good. He's nearly 40. What a fuck up. I mean, I don't even have an ex-wife yet. That's exactly what I was thinking. Mate, I've been married and divorced

and I'm 34. What the fuck is wrong with you? I've lost my car. My bad. You said my bad alright stop having fun let's do a podcast well we've got that on record if we ever want to do anything

with that 37 seconds let's just cut it up and put it out of context right in the middle put us the easter egg right at the very end after five seconds of silence

okay great the hidden track of dumb fuckery Put us the easter egg right at the very end After five seconds of silence Okay great The hidden track of dumb fuckery