The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 192 - Celia Pacquola & Geraldine Hickey

Episode Date: June 10, 2014

The Door Story Part 2, Rooting Sideways and Four Coloured Gentlemen.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead, TV's Carl Chandler. Thank you. That's how I want to be introduced every week from now on, please. Oh, boy. Okay.

Shitheadery's very own Carl Chandler. That's me. The fans are furious. Last week I did not get to finish my door story. There's been tweets. There's been Facebooks. There's been Instagram pictures of people shrugging their shoulders in dismay. This week there's going to be more disappointed people,

but that's because you're going to finish the story. Well, no, I think I really want to know that people want to hear the end of it because it's pretty good and I want people to prove to me that they're going to really appreciate this story. So if you want to hear the end of this gut-busting yarn. Are you putting on the door story on pay-per-view? Is that what you're doing? Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

Yeah, you've got to pay me 50 bucks. Really? It's like a Kickstarter and then you just come around to my house and I just tell you the end of it. So previously on the little dum-dum club, I'm in a public toilet, I'm leaving the public toilet and I'm opening the door. Right. What happens next?

Why is this a choose-your-own-adventure now? No, no, it's just trying to sizzle it up, trying to, you know, make people want it. Should we have a competition where people guess what happens? That's actually really good, yeah. I'll give a bit more detail. I'm in the public toilet in Collins, up the top of Collins Street,

in that little shopping centre thing. Why didn't you say that last week? Possibilities are endless. I've just been to the doctors. So there you go. There's a little more detail you can play with. I'm starting to believe the character now. Yep.

I'm starting to understand where he's coming from. Yep. And I've done a number one. Oh. And I'm leaving the public toilet. So guys, get your pens out. Get stuck into your fan fiction. Oh, boy.

Today on the show, two special old mates. Very excited to have them back in. First of all, you've seen her on Problems. Please welcome back in the little dum-dum club, Geraldine Hickey. Yay! Thank you. A frantic race to pick up the microphones. I thought you were going to say something else other than Problems.

Oh, yeah. What else have you been in? SBS 2. Oh, yeah. Stand- have you been in? SBS 2. Oh, yeah. Stand Up at Bella Union. I was on there for a lot longer than I was for problems. Yes, that's very true. Yes.

I can't believe I forgot that. We watched that. We had to do a thing for that. And is that still on iView? You can still go and check that out. It's still available. ABC have bought the rights and put it up on there. It's still available on SBS On Demand for the next two years.

So getting quick. Oh, right. Okay. Is that really a thing? You had to sign over the digital rights for two years? No, I just saw on the thing it says available till 2000 and maybe it's three years. Three years? 17.

SBS are available for a couple of Commonwealth Games. SBS are pretty confident in this internet thing sticking around for a long time On that, I was at a gig the other night And a friend of the show, Adam Rosenbachs, was there And he's got a notebook that's got all his stand-up stuff in it And on the front, he's written in text, stand-up 2014 to 15 Which I thought was pretty confident that he's going to go the distance, stick around at least another year. But what I get out of that, he's not just doing the years, he's doing the financial

year. Yeah. Well, yeah. But also, he's not at all confident. He audits his jokes, that means. But also, he's not at all confident in himself filling up a notebook full of jokes within one year. He thinks he's still going to be on the same notebook.

Well, that's what I do. I give myself a year for a notebook. You give yourself one year. Like he thinks he's still going to be on the same notebook. Well, that's what I do. I give myself a year for a notebook. You give yourself one year? Yeah. Okay. Anyway, also joining us, she's a friend of Adam Rosenbach's. Oh, come on. You would have seen her on Spicks and Specks.

Have you been paying attention? All sorts of other things. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Celia Pakola. Hello. Yay. Hi. Just back from overseas. That's right. A little jaunt. You. Just back from overseas. That's right.

A little jaunt. You've got all those credits. Does it get to a point now where if you aren't on a show, you look at it and go, what's your fucking problem? What's wrong with me? What's your problem, Tony Jones? I've got opinions on shit. Oh, yeah.

What haven't you been on? Let's try and start a campaign. What haven't you been on? Very quickly to the top of her head. Q&A. Q&A. Yeah. Okay.

Was there any other show in Australia where you can have guests on? I haven't been on the show that you were on this morning, Carl Chandler. Studio 10. Studio 10. I keep meaning to say Studio A. I know. I was going to say Studio A as well. Are you only allowed to be on shows called Studio A?

Studio in the title. Studio 54 coming up. Carl Chandler doing some go-go dancing. I had sex with the entire cast of Hot Chocolate. So, entire cast. The cast of that band. The cast of that band. Yeah.

I can't think of, what have I, what else is there that you can be a guest on? What about in the UK? Would you be on Top Gear? Oh. I haven't been on Top Gear. I've not been on barely anything in the UK. Oh. Barely anything.

That sounds like a great show. It's not until 2am, but it is. We're feeling your pain that you've probably only done six shows in the UK. Yeah, it's pretty hard. You just went with that. Life sounds awful. Yeah, I mean, you know, like I'm doing Nevermind the Buzzcocks. I was like, I mean, it was all right, but it's no Studio 10.

Hey, I'm happy to throw your bone here. People writing fan fiction about my door story, if you want to write Celia in, I'll give you permission. How the fuck did you not finish that story? Harley Breen smoked a joint before the recording, which might have had something to do with it. What a very different evening we're having, drinking green tea, sitting around.

What end of Collins Street? Like 100 Collins Street? You are sucked in. I forget what it's called Oh That's a It's got like a doctor's offices in it That's a popular hangout for

Gay men to hook up Oh is it really? I like that you did Everyone who can't see it Gerardine Hickey Just when she was pausing I think did like a crab pincer movement Yeah

With her fingers And then went Gay men I'm like is this a new Yeah That was me on Grindr. I thought that was you. You saw a man go in and fuck a male crab.

That was you. That's what they do. Have you ever seen? I think an important bit of information for the story is you left the toilet, the whole room or the cubicle, which was confusing to me because I thought you meant you left the cubicle, but then you said you did number one. So I'm like, what are you doing in a cubicle?

That's a big detail, Celia. I don't know if I should save it all for your submission. Okay, all right, all right. Can we talk about Studio 10 this morning, about your performance this morning? Sure. Both Geronimo and Hickey and I lived together and we had breakfast, we ate porridge together

and watched your little face on our little TV. It's becoming quite a little habit because you both came and sat together and watched my Comedy Festival show this year. Yes, we do a lot of things together. I know. We're quite the couple. Yeah, Carl, it's almost as if they're friends or something.

I've heard of that concept. It's just you. You're our hobby. We only get together to do Carl things. Yeah, it's true because we bought tickets for your show as well. We planned it out. We're like, what's Carl up to? What can we go and see Carl do this week?

Oh, Carl's doing something here. What do you call yourselves? Chan fans? Chan? No, not so much. I'm here and you guys won't even look me in the eye. Like, what's having support like? It sounds great.

I don't know. It just sort of so – it just happened today. But what was good about the show, like, this morning, which was weird. I don't know if anyone's already told you this. Do you want to do – it's a panel show it's a morning television yeah yeah it's on for our yeah for our international listeners it's a kind of the view style i guess sure yeah it's like in format like if there's five people sometimes you sit at a table and then for another random reason you're sitting on a couch yes that's that's yeah why do they do that?

I don't know. There are a lot of things about that show because I watch – it's my morning show of choice. Is it really? Yeah. So Studio 10 is on at 8.30 in the morning until 11am. It's on Channel 10. It's a morning show with a bit of advertorial stuff. Yeah, a lot of advertorial stuff.

A little bit, yeah. There's a lot of weird things about that show that like when it started you'd look at it and go oh well they'll probably get rid of that and then it's still that like so you're a guest on it this morning for the whole thing yeah and the guest is always sitting like in the middle of the panel that's what i was gonna say when i saw it when i first saw it it looks like you were hosting the show yeah it's bizarre visually i quite like it as an idea because sometimes and i don't know whether you've ever seen this on or felt this on panel shows quite often they'll put someone that hasn't been on right on the end and it's very hard to sort of get into the conversation if you're

right at the end of one side so to be in the middle i'm in the middle of it and it sort of was a lot easier to get into conversation too much in the middle it really looked like you were the host but you were waiting so you're like why isn't the host taking charge but you couldn't have because you were like i especially enjoyed the moments where you clearly didn't realize you were on camera yes yes of which there were a buzzfeeds article worth of visual i when i turned it on you were you looked like you were at a cross between like a funeral and the most boring lecture of all time. There was a lot of great kind of caught off guard moments. That's my resting face.

We talked about this before, how you always have people come up to you and go, hey, cheer up. Yeah, I'm one of those guys. Yeah. So watch the tape back and really get into some. I won't be doing that. I thought your shirt was very nice. Thank you.

And clearly you did as well because you've still got it on. I've literally come, I've still got my makeup on. I've come straight from the airport. So I've been here. It's very natural. Thank you. I don't know why I'm taking, you know, applauded for that. But anyway, yeah, I've come straight from the airport.

So straight from one medium to the other. Did you enjoy it? Would you do it again? Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, it was fun. Did they give you breakfast? No. I didn't eat until I got to the airport.

So no. That's a tough deal. Any show bags? Any freebies? Oh, no. No. Look, I don't want to bag anything about it because I really enjoyed it. And thank you very much to Studio 10 for having me on.

But they gave away some chocolates at some stage finger up to it and well he said that no no no he's wearing a t-shirt under that shirt that says morning show forever yeah yeah picture of larry on it just so you know if you're listening bring back carrie ann kennedy but um yeah they gave away chocolate to everyone in the audience and i made a little joke going oh isn't that nice he gave away chocolate to everyone in the audience. And I made a little joke going, oh, isn't that nice that you gave away chocolate to everyone in the audience and your guest host? And they went, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then nothing was said and then I didn't get any.

You've got to be more obvious. I think that was pretty obvious. I don't know how much more obvious you could be. Can I please have some chocolate? That's a modicum above that. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you can only get more obvious by just like wrestling it off one of the old women in the audience who's already been given it.

And again, they insist upon showing the audience of that show which does not need to happen. I think they were better today. I've watched it a little bit and I always think that those morning show audiences, they just get wheeled in from retirement homes and whatever and they're just there against their will or something like that. But today they were okay. They were laughing.

They were all right, I thought. What's the name of the guy that does all the... Jono Coleman. That's it. He does the infomercials and the warm-up. What did he do in our youth, though? What was that show that he was... Jono and Dano.

He did Breakfast Radio, I think, and he did some TV as well. Oh, he did that video hits thing on a weekend. I think so, and he did a talent show called Press Your Luck or something like that. Yeah, yeah. No, I remember him from some – like a video hits thing on weekends and it's one of those weird things where I just remember him going, oh, coming up next, here's a clue, and he had salt and pepper shakers

and he was doing this weird dance with salt and pepper shakers. Anyway, yeah, you guessed it, salt and pepper. What a weird thing from childhood for your brain to cling on to for all these years. Yeah, I know. I have a lot of those. Yeah. It's like Eden Gahar.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Vidiot. I just have an image of his face in my head and that's it. Vidiot, what a great show. That's all I remember. I don't even remember. Why hasn't Vidiot been brought just have an image of his face in my head and that's it. What a great show. That's all I remember. I don't even remember. Why hasn't Vidiot been brought back?

Was it a quiz? But it was like more about the – it was like you would have to watch a video clip, a music video and then guess what happened next and they would have like a – I remember they had one where they had a room, like a picture of a room and there'd be things in it and you had to guess like who the musician was that it was their room just based on things that were known about them what a great show bring that video i say um i so when i did this show this morning there is three there's four regular hosts and one of the hosts was away so they had a replacement host and i probably didn't get that

much information about what was going on so i didn't actually know who it was and so they came in and were sort of like oh you know just doing their thing and i was sort of like so do you do the news or whatever and she said i used to be the premier of new south wales so you were on the news so i'm close I'm not a million miles away No I wasn't wrong Everyone You know you guys read the news In a way

So That's fair enough Oh man I did feel I did one bit I saw That I really felt for you Was What were they

They were talking about I don't know Someone who'd been in a siege With the police And killed themselves And they just And the camera very ambitiously Every now and then kind of snuck over to you like, well, he hasn't said anything yet.

He's going to have something to throw in on this, isn't he? And just your face just like radiating going, don't put the camera anywhere near me. I have no interest in joining in in this. Yeah, because there just happened to be quite a few serious news stories. And, you know, Charlie Chuckles here isn't here to talk about genocide or anything like that. He's here for the odd spot when someone gets a penguin stuck up their ass

or whatever. I'm not there for any incidents of murder or manslaughter. It happens a bit like a couple of times on having been paying attention, they screw you over a bit in that way. There was one where there was a clip of someone interviewing a guy at the Winter Olympics and he was crying. He was like, why has the reporter made this person cry? And we're like, they told him it looks like a sperm or something,

you know, like, look, this is fucking dumb shit. He goes down the mountain with a fucking ass. And then he's like, no, his brother had died and the reporter brought that up. And you're like, fuck you. What a stick job. Thank you for throwing us all under the bus. But it was fun.

So then the next couple of questions every time he'd be like, whose flag is this? And I'm like, I don't know, someone whose brother died? Is that what you said? But, yeah, it's tricky when you're like, ah, well, because you know, yeah, you're expected to be there. I would like to see a whole game show based around that where the actual answer is something awful.

Really horrific. And they just go on, make some little jokes about him before we tell you what's just happened. Just to see how tentative people are by the end where it's like, what happened next? I don't want to say. And by the end they'll be like, this guy had a penguin stuck up his arsehole

and you're like, I'm not touching it. He was probably in love with that penguin. Probably a fairy penguin. Yeah, there you go. You'd be good on this show. Yeah, fairy penguin. Yeah. There you go. You'd be good on this show. Yeah. Fairy penguin. But yeah, news and comedy stuff together is hard.

Yeah. Because it's... That was a gay joke. Oh. Oh. Because they're not fairy penguins. You didn't do the crab pizza thing as I didn't know. I got it.

Thanks, Tommy. Yeah. Yeah, I was there. I was with you. The kind that hang around those Collins Street toilets, eh? Oh. More fanfic ideas. Bring penguins into it.

Jesus. So I've been up and back in one day to go to Sydney to do this show. We've all got stuff going on. Particularly me. This is my question. This is a bugbear of many people, I reckon. The old cushion around the neck. What do you call that?

The neck cushion at the airport? Yeah. I think just that. The neck cushion. Yeah, neck cushion. I think just that. The neck cushion. Yeah, neck cushion. Yeah, that's what it's called. So, and people put that on a bit before they go on the flight and that's sort of a bit annoying to look at.

Do you think? That's what people think. Have you not seen Adam Rosenberg's material about this? Sorry, is that the definitive opinion on neck pillows? No, but I've seen him do it. You know him and have gigged with him. Have you really not heard him do that? That's in the 2015 section of his notebook.

I don't think he's gotten around to doing that one yet. I'm not doing material. I'm just observing something. So this is a question to the panel. All right. When you saw – Oh, shit. You've grafted one of their ideas.

That's the guy who's once sat in the middle of a panel. Hey, when you say annoying to look at, I wouldn't go that far. I would. I see it and go, oh, that's an interesting life choice they've made I don't know that it doesn't bother me, doesn't ruin my day Does it annoy you? What is the question? Does it annoy you?

Is that the question? No, no, no, not at all, no So this guy's wandering around with a neck cushion around his neck, obviously You know, a fair bit before But it's for a flight to Sydney in the middle of a day. Yeah. It's an hour flight. Yeah.

How much cushioning do you need? Yeah, it's supremely unnecessary. I also – it's like, you know, if you fly one of the cheaper airlines and the ones where you have to buy your food on the plane and you get a flight to Sydney with Tiger or something and someone goes in on the $20 sandwich that you have to buy and you go – What are you doing?

It's two in the afternoon. You're getting there at three. You're nowhere near lunch or dinner. How badly have you messed up your day that you're on this plane going, I can't fucking handle it. I need a sandwich. Yeah, I popped the headphones in. I didn't get through a whole album.

Yeah. So it's not like you listen to an album at home and go, oh, God, my neck isn't sufficiently looked after and I'm hungry as well. What a nightmare. Yeah. Maybe they were at the end of a long-haul flight. Like they'd just flown from somewhere else and they're on that high stretch. To be fair, though, they're probably looking at you going,

look at this arsehole wearing his make-up at the airport. He's better than us. Like he's some kind of showbiz star. Both thumbs pointed at himself going, did you see morning TV this morning? Walking around with cardboard cutouts of Joe Hildebrand and Ida Buttrose. John O'Coleman. Yep.

What's Ida like? But do you reckon the guy with the neck cushion, neck pillow, is it? I think it might be. Yeah, anyway. I think that doesn't matter. Anyway, do you reckon he – did he look quite smug? Did he, was he looking around going, what a bunch of losers? Yeah, that's right, I know you want this, I know you want it.

Because the people that are wearing them are often wearing it with giving off a bit of a vibe of like, I travel a bit, I know what I'm doing, I know I'm going to get cramped. And look, let's be honest, once you're on that plane, it's a pain in the ass getting it out of your bag and putting it on. You put it on an hour before, you let it get comfortable, you let it mould to your shoulder. I experimented with an inflatable one once.

I'll be honest. Yeah, I had an inflatable one. What do you mean experimented? Well, I thought maybe this would help because I travel quite a bit. Has the magic of travel worn off for you? Well, the best thing happened, the flight coming back this year, this week ago or whatever, on the flight, got on the flight from London and I bloody knew one

of the flight attendants who worked in first class. He's a guy who, yeah, a guy that I know and he walked down and went, I was like, oh, holy shit, and he gave me a glass of champagne. It was like, he's like, who yeah a guy that i know and he walked down and went i was like oh holy shit and he gave me a glass of champagne it was like hey he's like i'm in first class but um another dude came up and he's like take care of this one who came up and later gave me the sweet headphones like it was the greatest thing ever and he came and brought me secret secret wines and awesome stuff and that was exciting and first class pajamas which i kept so you're You're the only one in cattle class wearing first class pyjamas. Yeah, I didn't put them on.

I was going to say, I'm wearing them now. How's everyone around you dealing with this? Because there's no hiding it. Everyone's kind of packed in. Read and weep, suckers. Yeah, that's... Everyone was in a really good mood because the flight was pretty empty anyway. Oh, great.

Because no one's coming to Australia at the moment because it's cold. Yeah. So everyone had like heaps of seats. So everyone was in a fine mood. Did you get your own row? Did you all idea? I got a window and one more. So I got two on my own, which was enough.

I had going to and from the States at the start of the year, whole road to myself there and back. Bloody beautiful. Probably kind of the same thing because, like, who's going to America in January? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I still get excited. I quite enjoy it.

I quite like the time when no one can get in touch with you and you watch movies and that kind of stuff. Yeah. If I wrote a book called The Greatest Things in the World, that would be one of them, getting on the plane and having three – a whole row to yourself. It's like free first class. You feel – you really feel like you've cheated because you get a full,

you basically have a bed. That should be the 12 days of Christmas. Instead of all that bullshit about partridges and people leaping and all that shit. Stuff that you actually really want that would be awesome. Yeah, a full row to yourself on an airplane. Awesome. There's got to be more stuff.

Yeah, one down, 11 to go. That would be three seats are empty. Three seats are empty. Three seats are empty. Three seats are empty. Three seats are empty. Two neck pillows and five bucks in your jeans pocket. Oh, yeah. Good one.

No, that, oh, yeah. One conclusion to Dasolo's door story. There's got to be more. I reckon by the end of this we've got to have come up with more. Yeah, yeah. It's a little exciting. So what have we got? We've got two neck pillows, five bucks, three seats.

Three seats are empty. So we're four down basically and we've got eight. We've got to do the number. There have to be a number thing, don't they? It has to still fit in with the tune as well though. I reckon that's a secondary issue. No, we can make it. We are going to be here all night.

This is going to be like the Brill building in here with us writing this song. We'll get listeners to contribute to that as well. With a bit of time. The new 12 days of Christmas. I reckon we can knock this up as a single by the end of the year. This is just

amazing. I used to remember, it used to be the best thing ever, is being woken up early. If you had to work that day, woken up early by a phone call, you're like, oh, goddammit, early, and the call is, it's too quiet, don't come in. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, it's the best. Yeah.

When you're hungover as well. Yeah, and you're like, I don't want to go in the phone rings. You're like, who's fucking calling me? They're like, don't worry about it. You're like, yes! Because you can appreciate it. Yeah. Knowing you had to go in. Maybe that's like, I don't know, what number could that be? I don't worry about it you're like yes because you can appreciate it knowing you had to go in maybe that's like

I don't know what number could that be like four more hours sleep yeah yeah in the morning or something I don't know yeah well it'd be one unexpected day off

yeah we've already got one conclusion to your story we've got a great one already I'm not budging on this one's pretty popular what you need we need some good 8s and 9s

and 11s and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh, man, eleven. Twelve's like a dozen or something. What about getting a great – Nuggets. Nuggets? Twelve nuggets when you ordered six.

Oh, that's not bad. When does that happen though? Well, if it happened, how good would it be? Yeah, okay, cool. You know what's a great thing? You think someone's actually got fucking partridges in a pear tree? No, this is pretty fantastical. I just like the idea of someone going, six nuggets, thanks,

and then looking at the box and it says 12. I reckon it could have happened. I think that could have happened once in the world. Sure. Crazier things have happened. Everyone's occasionally got an extra biscuit in a packet or something, like opened a double Twix or something. It's funny you say that because I think about that a lot.

Like if you think about like the worst or dumbest thing that could have happened and then go, it must have happened once. Like I don't know why I was thinking about this on the way here. Someone out there has had a sex dream about Tony Abbott. Surely. Yeah. That's happened to someone. You'd like to think his wife has.

The one I always go to is someone would have fucked a Ferris wheel. I don't know why I always think that. Oh, really? I read someone would have. Someone definitely would have. There was a thing. There was a documentary series about people who have that thing where they like think that they're in relationships

with inanimate objects. Someone married the Berlin Wall and was devastated when they pulled her husband down. Like, oh! Seriously. And then wasn't she the, who was the one that married the Eiffel Tower? Someone else. It might have been the same lady.

Oh, what a skank. What a fucking slut. Any fucking building will turn that one's head. She is not a one-house lady. It's a shame that didn't come up this morning. I'd love to know what Ida thinks about these two inanimate object relationships. I like the commitment, though. She's happy to commit to these landmarks.

Yeah, yeah. I know this story because it was when I used to write for Good News Week, like six years. It was one of the stories. But there's a particular story about this woman. There's a lot of stuff going on. I was on TV today. No, no, no.

But anyway. Shut up. I think it was this story was about this woman marrying the Berlin Wall and she was upset that it had been pulled down. But I just love – I'll never forget the final sentences of the article. You know how they give you a big wrap-up of what they're doing now? So it's like blah, blah, blah. She was devastated when it was pulled down and this is a story.

She is now currently involved in a relationship with her next door neighbour's fence. And I just think that is so wonderful. That's a movie because I just really feel for the neighbour having to run out with a broom every morning like get off, get out of it. So like I'm trying to just in my head I'm trying to think what side of – like the front fence because like, you know what I mean? Is she putting her tongue through the railings?

Is that how that works? Because if it's a wooden – In my head it's a fence that's like in between their properties, then it's kind of technically her fence. So I think maybe it's the fence between her neighbour and her neighbour's neighbour. No, because she would – So she's having to like get into their house to sort of do things.

No, but that wouldn't be her neighbour's fence. That would be her fence. So it would be the front. I reckon it must be the front pickety fence. Yeah. But can you imagine just like, get off my fence. Running up like trying to shoo something off the thing. It's like if you just formed a relationship with your,

whoever lives in the next apartment, just their front door. You're just like, what are you doing here? Like, we're just dating. Yeah, don't try and break us up. Don't get all Yoko on us. Even though it's like a genuinely crazy thing to think, it does sound kind of nice, doesn't it? Like those things where you've invented a reality

and you just buy into it and then you're happy. Do you know what I mean? You're dating a Ferris wheel. It can't go anywhere. It's never going to break your heart. Sure, everyone calls you names and people make documentaries about you and then you get ridiculed on a podcast. You're not listening to them.

Hundreds of people are riding your partner. Do you reckon anyone's in love with the Melbourne Eye? Is that what we call it here? The big wheel? Is that what they call it here? What's it called? Do you have that in your country? It's called the London Eye and then they've ripped it off.

Yeah, people are drawn to self-destructive relationships, so what better than the Melbourne Eye? Is it? No, it's the Southern Star, isn't it? Southern Star. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I think you're right actually. I believe it's the Southern Star.

Yeah. It's the terrible decision. Yeah, yeah. Has anyone been on it? I don't mean just here in this room. I mean like in this city. Has anyone? I used to go out with it.

Yeah, they're still. No, someone has. They're still on there. They got stuck at the top. And you wouldn't commit to it. You wouldn't marry it. It got fed up. And that's when it melted. Yeah, that's why it broke down. It was trying to slowly melt its way

onto the West Gate. So close yet so far. It was trying to melt its way onto the West Gate. Hey, that's the thing. I wonder if anyone's in a relationship with the Westgate. Oh. That is a self-destructive relationship. Ladies love a bad boy.

Yeah, yeah. Ladies love a dangerous. Dark past. There you go. You've seen some shit. There you go. That's the architecture equivalent of a leather jacket for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you could be in a relationship with one landmark, what would it be? Oh, great question. Really great question. For me, is there like a big fish taco somewhere? Of course, which one? I'm actually amazed that there's not. Like there's so many other big things. Yeah.

Like the big fish taco. Yeah. It's quite specific. But like is there a town that's kind of like known for its like gay, you know what I mean? Like is there like a town that's like known for its gay population or something like that? You know what I mean?

There is. Daylesford. Daylesford, yeah. Daylesford. Daylesford, yeah. Daylesford. Why don't they build a big fish taco? A big fish taco. Daylesford, that amazing, amazing combination of like it's known for its gay community now but it's like to me it's half gay community,

half some of the biggest rednecks in Australia. Yeah. A very weird combination. It's very pretty there, though. Is it just because it's nice and there's a lot of spas and stuff and it's like, is that it? It's because it's like an hour away from Melbourne, I think, isn't it? It's just like a nice place and it's just far enough away to go, oh, yeah, that's a

nice little thing to go for the weekend. Is that, that'd be right? Yeah, yeah. And also, I just think years ago there was was a couple of BBs up for sale, and some lesbians bought them, and then... They just bred. Yeah. No, they rang their mates.

Right. And they went, come on down there. Because I used to play soccer for Dalesford, and it was, you know, there's like hill people that live there. Yeah. It's really... Like, I couldn't imagine how the two get along, because it must be just constantly

Gay people driving up and down the main street And hill people going No! Stop it! The lesbians and hill people are very similar So it's fine Sweet combo Yeah, it is a sweet combo They can both dig holes and fix shit

Oh, okay, alright Very happy marriage then I like your really polite, rational, kind of homophobic guy. Just stop it. Well, I figured that. Please, I don't understand. The fire would have come out of their passion to start with because they're just constantly doing it.

So by the end, they're just pleading. They're just tired. Yeah, they're just exhausted. Stop. Stop. Please. I've got nothing else. Yeah.

I just have to appeal to your sense of decency. Let's talk about Celia. So you've just come back from the UK and you did an interview for the project with some Hollywood, some people too big to even go on Studio 10. Surely not. It is possible. So Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt. Yeah.

And you're in the same room as them. Yeah. That blows me away that I know – I'm impressed with myself that I know someone that's been in the same room as Tom Cruise. It's crazy. Like it's ridiculous. Tom Cruise is kind of – Like it's ridiculous to me that it happened. Yeah, Tom Cruise is like – I would say the only other – it's him and Brad Pitt who are like – I think they're above celebrity.

Do you know what I mean? They're like these – Not of this world kind of – They've been so famous for so long. Yeah. That it's almost think they're above celebrity. Do you know what I mean? They've been so famous for so long that it's almost like they don't exist. Quite a similar experience like you talked to Tom Cruise today on Studio 10. I asked a

question to Inglebert Humperdinck That's pretty cool The guy who reads the news in Sydney No The guy that reads the news in Las Vegas What's your question? Who are you? What's your question? Did you used to be in New South Wales?

Tom Cruise, he's someone that I don't think I really would get Spun out by many famous people But he'd definitely be in the list Of just going You're more than a person You're I should only be seeing you

In Madame Tussauds I shouldn't be seeing you in person in Tussauds. Yeah, it was so, it was the, it's the weird, it was the most surreal day of my entire life.

So, and it's not like I'm anyone special. The only reason it was me doing it is because I was in London and the project was like, who's there? You know what?

I was the only person in all of London. Yeah, yeah, it was like, ironically, it was like Vanilla Sky. Yeah, it started 28 days later, yeah. So,, it was like Vanilla Sky. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, they started 28 days later. Yeah. So it was one of those junket things. You know when you see the footage of them sitting in a hotel room? Yes. So they sit in the one room and they get reporters coming over and over and over. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. Horse and hound. Not in here. So originally, the original email I got through was going to be on a helicopter. They were going to be like, you're going to interview Tom Cruise at the front of a helicopter and then you get on a helicopter with Tom Cruise and you fly around London and he points out. We want you to interview Tom Cruise. That's kind of not enough, sorry.

You're going to need to juice this up for me a little bit. I had to give him my passport and I was like, yes, yes, of course, I'll do whatever, yes. And then they came back and went, no, they've passed on you, unfortunately. I was like, ah, crap. And then it was a week later, they went, it's back on, but it's not in a helicopter anymore. So it was this whole rollercoaster of like, oh no. Anyway, so it was in a hotel and I had no one there with me.

Like the project were really great at answering all my questions because I've never done this before at all. So I'm like, what happens? Do you go in and shake their hand? Does someone tell you when to start? Do I look at the, you know, like I had no clue of any of this stuff. But so they were really helpful but I had to just rock up at this, the fanciest hotel I've ever seen in my whole life in London.

They had an entire floor and you had to go check in with the press people and I just spent the whole day acting the shit out of the fact that I've totally done this a million times. Yeah, yeah. In between giggling, I just couldn't stop fucking laughing. Got yourself a little hat made up that had a thing saying press sticking out of it. Well, I felt like I should have a sash on me that says Australia

because it was like the UN because I was like, I was Australia. I met the German, there was a representative from Germany. There was like eight, the Japanese had like eight of them. There was the American dude, there was people, all of these, right? And you get a show bag and you just sit around and then they come and they go, Celia, we'll get you to come downstairs because you're going to be first. I was like, sure.

You were first. I was first. I reckon that's what you want. I mean, if you're doing those things like late in the day, they're over it. Yeah, at least they didn't – yeah, they hadn't been there all day anyway. And then you get taken to a smaller holding pen and I just giggled and I just laughed.

I'm like, yeah. And they're just, just stand here. We're going to come and get you in a minute. I'm like, shit. And then I got taken through to, they're like, they're in there now. But we haven't, we haven't quite started yet. But do you want to come in and stand side of things so that you're ready to go? Right.

So I go into this room and that's the first time I see them. So they're sitting down in their chairs. There's about 30 people milling around. Right. But they don't know I'm there. But I'm looking at them frantically, trying to look at them going, they're just normal people. They're just people. It's just a person. This is totally

sort of. There they are, whatever. But what was really cool is that they were joking around as they were setting up their microphone, so they didn't know I was there. Any of the reporters were in there yet. I was a reporter. Journalists. I had my little hat with the card in it.

Jimmy Olsen's on the scene. And they're direct and then they were joking about like, oh, yeah, someone sat down to sort of test the mics and went, so guys, if you could have one day to live over and over again and they both went, oh, and just started joking about how much they hate that question and the next person who asks that question, they're going to shoot them. And I was like, good mental note, don they hate that question and the next person who asks that question, they're going to shoot them and I'll just, and I was like

good mental note, don't ask that question because I was absolutely going to ask that question. But can you tell us some of those questions that you were asked to ask? No? Alright, never mind. Oh no, I just there were some questions that I Good question Geraldine, you should go

to London next time. No, no, no, I just because you know there's stuff that I just wasn't – wouldn't suit me to be, like, flirty with a – you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But that's not a secret. Like, of course, they'd be like, any personal stuff. Yeah, or about their – like, how's it like having kids and stuff. Even though I've just fucked it up anyway by the first thing I said

was talking about do you find Australian accents sexy? And then he looks mad because he's divorced one of us. What was it like going up Dawson's Creek? What was it like going up Dawson's Creek? But I was just so paranoid because he's gotten – we all know he can crack it at people. Yeah. We all know that.

No, but he's yelled at an Australian. Don't you remember that thing where he's like, you need to put your manners back in? Do you remember that Australian reporter, journalist interviewed him when he fucked up and when he sprayed water, when that guy sprayed water? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I was just paranoid to be like, so, as a

gay fucking weirdo, Scientologist man, do you like to fuck gay weirdos? You're an alien. That's how I would have tried to get on side with him be like hey bro let's say we turn these cameras off and do some good old-fashioned dynetics testing hey measure some salt levels but he was actually do you want to see my xenu he was he was really they were really nice and they saved it i feel like i got away with it but it was weird just looking at his face just going That's his face And he could just He could

Like when he turned the charm on He'd just go You could Have anyone Forget anything If he had turned it on If he had got to the end of it And then gone to you

Yeah Hey Yeah I like that question about What day we could live forever and ever Yeah That's a good That's a great

Little idea I'll tell you What day I'd love to live forever and ever The day The day when we Root sideways Yeah That's a great little idea that you picked up. I'll tell you what day I'd love to live forever and ever. The day that you and I. The day when we root sideways. Yeah. Always good to call back to something that happened before we started recording. I think it's still funny.

Everyone knows. Everyone who listens to this would know that clearly it was Carl Chandler who said that off air. So you've got to turn the charm on at the end and then go on, how about you and me, little Skippy, we go out to lunch, we see what happens.

Are you kidding? Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, of course I would. What if mum had cooked you a lamb rice butt? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Nah, fuck mum. So you would have, you would have totally, Of course I would have. Yeah. Who am I going to go? I would.

Yeah, no, but some people, but I like that answer. That's why I'm asking because some people go, oh, no, but some people – but I like that answer. That's why I'm asking because some people go, oh, no, no, no. I'm like, I like the idea of Tom Cruise having sex with you. Yeah, me too. Me too.

Oh, really? Well, he's – because before I did, I was watching a lot of his other interviews and, like, I think he's really interesting. I think I believe that he really does care about making movies and stories and he loves film. Yeah, I think he's probably a bit of a weirdo, but I think you can't be that famous and not be a bit of a weirdo. Yeah, I mean he sort of became a bit of a –

and I guess he maybe still is to a certain extent like a bit of a punchline. I've heard that film's really great, but my instinct is if he's in something, it's like, ugh, Tom Cruise is in it. But The Last Mission Impossible was awesome. And he – like I hadn't seen him in something it's like Tom Cruise is in it. But like the last Mission Impossible was like awesome and he like – I hadn't seen him in something for ages but you watch and you go, oh yeah, this guy's a movie star. This is wild. Like he's great at this.

He's actually – I actually did like it a lot. Yeah. I've heard it's really, really great. And I'm not making it up. I fucking hated Oblivion which is his other film. Oh, right. Okay. That last one he did.

Yeah. But this one I liked. Oh, yeah. I did the press junker for that. I forgot. And then I banged Cruisey. Anyway, so that happened sideways. So the short story is it other film. Oh, right, okay. That last one he did. Yeah, but this one I like. Oh, yeah, I did the press junker for that. Did you? Yeah, yeah. And then I banged Cruisy. Anyway, so that happened sideways.

So the short story is it was amazing and then we got on a bus and they took us out to the Warner Brothers studios where they filmed the whole movie and that's where I became friends with the representative from Mexico. The journalist from Mexico. She was great. She was great fun. So, yeah, so surreal.

The whole day was just ridiculous. Is this a weird thing to say? Like, I'm surprised that, like, he even does press. Like, that's how famous he is. I'm amazed that, like, people are let into a room with him. Do you know what I mean? It just seems like, I don't know. He's got to that level where it's like people don't need to see him anymore.

Yeah. Just he gets to sit in his house And decide who comes in There's about three people That come in And that's it He should be some sort of recluse Yeah And like the idea of him

Still having to go around And sell a film that he's in Like anyone's On the fence about seeing it Knowing he's in it And then like Nah but he said it's good on that show So I better go watch it

When do you make the decision To have a private jet Like when I'd like to see that line Of who's got the private jet and who doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Because I think most people in Australia would – every time I go to the airport, I get on the plane, I always think – I'm always looking for celebrities.

Yeah. I'm always looking to see who's on Jetstar with me. Yeah. Who's flying themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like I've done, you know, gigs at music festivals and I've been on flights with members of bands where I've thought, ah, they're just on a – you know, they're just on a little shitty virgin flight with me. I think I've been on flights with members of bands where i've thought huh they're just on a you know they're just on a little shitty yeah i've been on flights with members of bands but i just i just don't know if they're in a band or you've been on a plane with someone with long hair and you just presume

it is hard to tell these days and you know like like men in their 30s don't in leather jackets and and stuff don't travel in groups sure Sure. Unless they're in a band. Yeah, you're right. That's what I think. Yeah. Or they're going on a dirty weekend away without the mids head. Well, it's impressive either way. There's no visual Shazam where you can just hold your camera phone up to them

and try and get – or just put on Facebook and go, does anyone know these people, these famous people? So be the new app, Face Shazam. I'm sure someone's working on it, yeah. I've done that a bunch of times where I've seen a bunch of coloured gentlemen. Oh, my God. Jesus, does this podcast have a ripcord? Fuck, just say black.

Like just say you saw some black men. Oh, that's very disrespectful. Were you talking about Asian people? No, no, no. I would never talk about them. Coloured people could just be like the Wiggles, to be fair. Yes, exactly. That's who it was, coloured gentlemen, the Wiggles.

Yeah, let's start that as a thing, referring to the Wiggles as those coloured gentlemen. I love that. No, I's start that as a thing. Referring to the Wiggles as those coloured gentlemen. I love that. No, I saw some African-American people. Five coloured gentlemen. Is it five or four? It's five or four. I don't know.

I hope there's four. Four, because we need four. We need five. Wait, we need a four, don't we? We don't have a four. Four coloured gentlemen. But the 12 Days of Christmas is supposed to be things that you really love. I don't really love the Wiggles.

You would have at one point, though. Actually, I love that reference. Yeah, you really love. I don't really love the Wiggles. You would have at one point though. I love that reference. You really love referring to the Wiggles as four coloured gentlemen. Yes, you're right. You love the quick wit of your little buddy. Yes. I love that joke. It's up there with lying down on a long flight on a plane.

Yeah. That's the same as your joke. So you've seen some suspicious looking types. Yeah, I've seen some potential murderers. No. All right. So. No.

I saw a lot of African-American guys together, you know, in their sort of hip-hop gear and just went, okay, that's someone, but I have no idea who that is. And then I'd like ring friends and go, hey, there's like a bunch of black dudes here. Who do you reckon that is? And they're like, oh, fucking I don't know who that is. Please call the like ring friends and go hey there's like a bunch of black dudes here who do you reckon that is and then i don't know please call the cops on my behalf either call the cops or rolling stone so you yeah what you never they're quadruple zero so it's you know it's pretty easy you never found out who they were no no i've done that a couple of times i just never knew who they were i saw nwa at the zoo that was a couple of times. I just never knew who they were. I saw NWA at the zoo.

That was fun. That's pretty great. Yeah, yeah, they looked there. Oh, no, I didn't. That's a lie. That was a lie. It was a public enemy. Sorry.

Oh, racist. Now that is racist. Should we cut into... Oh, yeah. Why don't we cut for another instalment of Australia's longest running and most popular and most consistent and funniest radio serial. Rad Dad. Rad Dad way. Gotta wipe your kid, your cat and your dog. Now see me be right in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother, cause I'm Rad Dad.

He's the raddest dad in town. Rad Dad. Oh man, there's never anything good on TV in the mornings. What's this show? Oh, it's just one of those massive infomercials disguised as a morning show. Oh, well, there's never anything good on TV in the mornings. What's this show? Oh, it's just one of those massive infomercials disguised as a morning show. Oh, well, there's nothing else on. Oh God, what's this idiot trying to sell? Dressed in a Bloodhound Gang t-shirt? Thanks, Ida. My name's Raddad and I'm here to tell you all about an exciting new product.

And joining me today is my daughter, Jenny. Say hello to all the criminally insane and unemployed people out there in daytime TV land, Jenny. This is the worst bring your daughter to work day ever. Brighten up, Jenny. I know it's 8.30am, but there's no reason not to be wearing a big old smile. Rad Dad, how many cups of coffee have you had this morning? 68. Jesus Christ, that's a terrible number.

You're right. I just had one more and now I've had 69. High five. Thanks for alerting me to a comedy goldmine, Jenny. This isn't funny, Rad Dad. You've drunk almost 70 cups of coffee over the last two hours. You could suffer a heart attack and die and then you wouldn't be in my life anymore. Actually, that sounds really good.

More coffee, Rad Dad? Great TV comedy there, Jenny. Now, folks, if you're anything like me, you love skateboarding and hate having to do boring chores. Well, now you can do both. My new product, the Rad Mop, provides a fun way to clean up the house while busting out some sick pop shove-its. Wait, is this why you've dragged me all the way up to Sydney? So you could do an ad for a skateboard that you've gaffer-taped a mop onto the bottom of? Show a little more respect to this invention

slash your billion-dollar inheritance, Jenny. Hey, if my schoolmates are watching this in class, for God's sake, please switch over to behind the news now. But don't just take my word for it. Let's hear from some satisfied customers. I thought the rad mop sounded like a stupid idea, and boy, was I right. The mop itself was one of the cheapest pieces of shit I've ever come across,

and I've come across a lot of pieces of shit. It scratched up my floor, had sex with my cat, and now I'm never going to get my bond back. Fuck you, rad mop. My little cousin bought the rad mop thinking it was just a skateboard. The bristles from the mop got caught in the wheel that he lost control of the skateboard, skating into the traffic and was hit and killed by a four-wheel drive. I'll never get to hear his laugh again. He was so innocent.

Every night I lie in bed and I pray that whoever invented this awful, awful device will one day suffer in agony like me and my family have had to do since we lost little Jaden. See, it's fun and easy to get the mopping done with the Rad Mop, and it can be yours for just 17 instalments of whatever you have in your pocket right now. Call now. Our operators are standing by.

Hello, you're on the air. Go to hell, you piping hot dickhead! Up yours, hoover shit neck! Hoo boy, these feisty callers are giving me hot flushes, causing my chest to contract and making my arms go numb. I think you're having a heart attack. Uh, Jenny, quickly get to the phone and order me another coffee. Another number 69, yes!

Oh, Rad Dad! Rad Dad. Rad Dad is filmed in front of a live studio audience. That was the first time that we've actually recorded the episode actually of Rad Dad, actually like where it comes in the episode. In real time? In real time. Yeah. So like our guests now could comment on how they,

because normally, you know, the guests are just going, ah, that was great fun, but they haven't recorded it yet. And then they record it right before they leave and Carl writes in jokes about Harley Bream wanting to have sex with a child and he has no way to defend himself. That was some very impressive acting, Hickey. Some great emotional breakdown stuff there. Yeah.

Is that going to be, can you put that on your IMDB? Is that possible? Can you do that? Rad Dad? Yeah. We'll call Tony Martin. Yeah, yeah, call Tony Martin. Yeah. Is that going to be – can you put that on your IMDB? Is that possible? Can you do that? Rad Dad? Yeah. How do you – we'll call Tony Martin. Yeah, yeah. Call Tony Martin.

Yeah, easy. On that phone call that we all know. Phone number. The Martin hotline. Yeah, yeah. Our mate. Yeah, our mate. Now, Celia, also you've been in the news again.

Yeah, but – yeah. No one's answered what building they want to have a relationship with. Oh, you did? What did you say? Fish taco. Oh, the fish taco. The one that doesn't exist. Once it gets made. Why didn't we take that answer? Now you said the West Coast.

I want to pick the West Coast, but I can't. I feel like a bridge as well. I don't think it's the West Coast. It's a bit too broody for me. I'm going to bridge as well. I don't think it's the worst case. It's a bit too broody for me. I'm going to pick Luna Park. Because I like that big old mouth. Be a big old Nick. It's a callback.

He seems like he'd be fun. Yeah, I'm sure he's a great guy. I could go on a little pirate ship whenever I wanted. Oh, yeah. You know, I'd have a lot of fun. I'm a big fan of Luna Park. Yeah. See, I feel like I'd say like the State Library is quite a nice building

but then I'd have an affair with the Arts Centre. Yeah. It'd just lay there. Yeah, it'd just lay there. It'd make me feel dumb. Going over to the State Library would be like boning one of your university lecturers, you know? What's that like?

That's the equivalent of like chasing, you know what I mean? It's like an older, distinct... Yeah, that'd be just weird. I'm just saying. I don't know. I just think what's a nice building. But I like out the front of the State Library that it's got those stone statues that looks like a previous building has sunk into the ground.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it looks like Atlantis' library is coming to earth. So there, yeah. Bits of sunken building. But, you know, you're dating this building and then, like, you know, people are constantly doing protests and rallies and stuff out the front with that kind of buggy. You know, you just want to go see your boo but you can't get through

because there's people there. Every time you want a hot night of passion, it keeps telling you, shh. Yeah. No dirty talking. Josh Earl's always leading children through it. I was going to say, yeah, you're in at the right time because Josh, you know, Josh isn't in there anymore but, yeah,

that could have been awkward. I bumped into him in there once. It was very funny. Yeah, I'll bet. Because he used to do, did you know that? He I bumped into him in there once. It was very funny. Yeah, I'll bet. Because he used to do – did you know that? He did school tours through the State Library. He used to work at a school where I now work. Oh, really?

Yeah. What a funny old world. Welcome to new segment, Josh Earle's resume corner, everyone. I want to have sex with that school that you both worked at. No, you don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. Yeah, it sounds, from what he said about it, it sounds like a pretty fun old time.

An easy lay. Yeah. I went to, when I was a kid, I went to Luna Park one day with a friend of mine and it was like this day where it was like, there was like a little bit where you could go and there was just like unlimited party food. It wasn't someone's party though. I don't know what the occasion was.

But anyway. It probably was someone's party. No, actually, no, I know what it was. Who decided it was unlimited food? You or someone else? No, I do know what the reason is. It's actually kind of a bummer to bring up. It's a me being sick related thing.

We're back on Celia's show now. This will be funny. That's right, I had cancer. But anyway So I went along with a friend And he just ate so many hot dogs Those crappy little cocktail Frankfort style

Just ate so many of them And then we went on the Gravitron And he spewed and it kind of went back up All over him The colour of those Little boys when they come back up is like nothing I've ever seen. It was like coral.

It was like a beautiful glistening pinky. Like the colour of the water that's left over after you've cooked them? Yeah, but then, you know, that chewed up as well with a bit of bile in there. They're just all over him, just trapped in it, in the Gravitron. Can't get out. They're not stopping the ride just because one person puked. Yeah, that'd happen every time.

But did you hear the – have you heard that urban legend about the girl that went on the Gravitron? Oh, no, it was the Roundup. Remember the Roundup? That was one. No, I just thought of something terrible. I want to have sex with the Roundup. I don't know what the Roundup is.

Oh, it's not the Gravitron but it's outside. Oh, okay. So everyone can see you, right? So apparently there was a girl that was just wearing a singlet top with no bra and then her dick came flying out the side. Oh, this never happened. She just went the whole time. And then her head went this way and her legs went that way.

No, no, it was just the whole time her trying to get it back in, but she couldn't because, you know, you knew your arms. Your pin, yeah. So she just had to poo there. And the arm would just fly up in the air. See, that's what I like about being in a relationship with Luna Park, the kind of rapey vibe you have going on, pinning people down. Is this a folk story or did you go to sleep one night watching Porky's

and it's got mixed up in your head? I think – Maybe both. I reckon that's true. That's not that outrageous. That's not a there's a crocodile in your toilet kind of thing. I reckon that's pretty much could have happened. Yeah.

I reckon it definitely happened. Theme park urban legends are great though. There's a whole compile of like Disney World urban legends about when and how people have died. Oh, really? People who've gotten the sack for doing lewd things while they're dressed up as Donald Duck. It is, yeah, if you Google it, there is, man, there are some,

and a lot of them are true, but there are some spectacular ones out there. Like people, yeah, people like drinking the water in the. I used to work at Australia's largest indoor theme park, which is Galactic Circus. I was just going to say. We went there the other night. Yeah, we did go there the other night. I've never been there.

Oh, my God. It's pretty fun We had a great time That was a pretty pivotal Because you can drink In a penny parlor Is that the Oh no

Not in In Kingpin you can drink In the bowling alley At the back You can drink in there But you can't drink alcohol in But We'd have like these

Like smaller rides there Like It would just be like You're in a car And it would move but you're completely enclosed in this thing. But the amount of times that I caught like 16-year-olds giving gobbies to each other.

Oh. That thing was a lot. Because, you know, they'd just close the thing but the game wasn't on. Like they'd put no money in it. Was it Galactic Circus giving a gobby to a teenager because that was their choice of architecture they had sex with?

Oh, Galactic Circus would be a good one to go out with. Although it's indoors. It stinks in there kind of. It's indoors. It stinks in there. So you could just... Basically if the ride was rocking.

So they get in this thing and then they close the doors And then obviously you just stand there And you wait for a bit and they'd put no coins in or anything And you just go Give them a minute, give them a minute And then security would just go over and fling the door open And then it'd be like Because you're 16 and you're both

Both of you have parents There's nowhere that you can do some good old jerking off. Yeah. Except for Galactic Circus. Except for the number one hot spot for jerking it. But also, like, you know, I'm sure the kids go in there and they go, this is the best plan of all time. No one is going to know we're doing this.

We are so smart. We're just giving people ideas, but all you have to do is just put some coins in, guys. Yeah, yeah. And to be honest, we'll put some coins in for her pleasure. Well, very quickly, speaking of video games, I play games

a bit. I'm a bit of a fan. And I bought the new Mario Kart game that came out last week. Man, it is so fun. But anyway, I bought it and you can play online, but it's kind of like with video game systems, it's kind of a bit like Facebook. You have to be friends with each other on each other's systems so i put a thing out on twitter going hey i just got this game if anyone has one of these machines and

wants to play me this is my username and then i had a bunch of people who i presume are friends of the show hit me up and when you make a request of someone you can put in a little message and a number of people wrote to me with the message, that's your mate. So shout out to those people. Yeah, if anyone listens to this, my username is just Dasolo. Let's play some Mario Kart. Do you have to have that's your mate? That's a thing we've started doing. We're talking about it a lot on the show.

You know, like you see someone fucked in the street and you go, that's your mate. Ah, your team. Yeah, yeah. Same thing. Oh, is it? Yeah, yeah. Like it's the thing where if you get to the end of the world

And you've only got a team of people To help get you through the end of the world But I pick your team Right Okay So it's like So you deliberately pick the worst people Yeah yeah

Right What? Yeah you have to spend the rest of your life With that dumb cat Right Your team Right I also Oh I see I also on the day that I bought it with that dumb cat. Right. Your day. Right. I also.

Oh, I see. I also, on the day that I bought it, I went into Big W to go buy it, Clang, and I walked in at like 8am and I was walking through the shop and this guy who worked at Big W kind of intersected me and he goes, you here to buy Mario Kart, mate? And I went, yeah. And he goes, sold out. And I went, oh. And I go, how did you know that I was here to buy Mario Kart, mate? And I went, yeah. And he goes, sold out. And I went, oh.

And I go, how did you know that I was here to buy Mario Kart? And he goes, you just had that look about you. The saddest moment of my whole life. No, that's not sad. It's better than you look like you're just browsing in Big W. Because you had her perfect. I was dressed as Princess Peach. So, yeah, fair play to me.

I like the idea that he's trying to pick everyone. What are you looking for? A six pack of socks? You look like it. And you've chosen wrong. You would make a convincing Yoshi? Or a toad? Yeah. They're two pretty separate ends

of the spectrum there. One's like really little with a fat head and then one's quite large with a fat nose. Story checks out. the spectrum there. One's like really little with a fat head and then one's quite large with a fat nose. Yeah, I was just trying to say. Story checks out. Okay. More fan art for James Fosdyke. Me as Yoshi.

Oh, the greatest. You know he's not just pixie photo. You can just get portraits all the time. Here's the challenge. You as Toad riding you as Yoshi. Oh, okay. Cool. Who would Carl be? Wario. No. Wario? Yeah. Wario.

The fat smelly one. Is he smelly? We don't know. He's my character of choice. Me too. I love him. You've got to smash people out of the way rather than speed. I'm no good with the quick ones. I like King Boo.

Oh, yeah? Just because of the noise that he makes. Have you ever played a video game? I like being an adult. That's just me. Have you not played Mario Kart? I'm not a gamer at all. You're a Mario Kart.

No, no, you know what? I'll tell you what. That is one of the very few exceptions. If you had that on now, I'd go, oh, I'll play that. But there's very, very few. And people do that. Because you can play two players on the one system and you can go online and we can make a little character of you that you can play as in the game.

Any Dumb Dumb listeners, let's say you and I together take on some listeners at Mario Kart. If you're into it, that would be a real treat, I imagine. Well, let's do that one day. We'll put it up on Facebook and Twitter and give people a bit of warning at a time or whatever. Next time we do a podcast at your house, I'm happy to do that because I can play it. Great. Awesome. You and me taking on people at Mario Kart.

Can you play double players? Yeah. You can have two people online. So we can set up a thing where we're both on the one system and then we just say, hey, anyone who's friends with me, jump on it this time. And we can have up to ten other people. We can take on ten listeners of the show.

Is it like – I'll just drop some old school references that we should have done in Rad Dad before. Is it like Daytona or even before that where there's something in the machine that basically means that if you go a bit slow, you've always got that chance of catching up? It's sort of rigged. It helps you out if you're coming last. Yeah, because you pick up items that you can throw at people.

I know that. But on those penny games, like racing games, you always seem to go, okay, if you have a crash, you're a bit far behind. You always drive a bit faster than the other cars. Yeah, do you know what? It's not like that anymore because I played Daytona with a friend on Sunday night. Right. Me.

And she was miles behind. Yeah. We know who it is. We know her. We know her name. Not to name drop it, but. No, but it wasn't you. There was another friend.

I played Daytona with Tom Cruise's boo. It was another friend. And she was miles behind. And I was like, oh, I'll let her catch up. And then I made the mistake of just going, oh, I'll just go into the pit stops. I'm still doing stuff but I'll just go in here and then she can catch up. In an arcade game you went into the pit stop.

You're paying money to go into the pit stop. I didn't pay money. I've still got contacts at Galactic Circus so we've got free games. I can't believe There's a pit stop Like Yeah I went in there It was a big mistake Alright

It's a trap I went in there And then she came around Let's learn I won't be using Those Super Mario guys If any Grand Prix drivers Are listening

I will not be doing that I'll float Because I thought Oh just like She was like Half a lap behind And I thought Oh this won't take too long.

This would just be a good way for her to catch up. Just go and say hello to the crew. And then she lapped me and then it was like, anyway. You couldn't catch up. You shouldn't have gone into the pit stop. But Daytona kind of prides itself on being a little more like, you know, realistic whereas Mario Kart's just chaos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so there's things you can get that deliberately are going to root the first the player in first like just knock them out and you get them if you're in last so it's quite easy to make a comeback yeah yeah um just a thing if there's any single people listening and you're on tinder who is your mario kart player of choice is an excellent opening question oh oh yeah it's a great one yeah who's your mario kart character of choice and what building would you fuck? Yeah, yeah. That's a great, that is a great one to combo right there.

And what would go under the number eight in the 12 Days of Christmas? Eight is a tricky one. We'll see ourselves with that. Well, guys, I think that's just about all the time we've got left for Little Dumb Dumb Club this week. A few things for people to submit into us. Finish off the fan fiction of me opening the door. We've given you much more work than we ever put into

our own show. Yeah, it's homework. It's like school now. Send us in. It's like we've all quit comedy to become high school teachers. And send us your ideas for the new 12 Days of Christmas. Of awesome stuff. Let's be clear. 12 Days of great dream stuff

that you really want. Sweet treats. Sweet everyday treats. Hidden life treats. If you're on, if you have a Wii U, add me. My name's just Dasolo, D-A-S-S-A-L-O. And we'll schedule the Dum Dum GP, which should be a lot of fun. Jordan Hickey, Celia Piccola, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thanks.

Jordan, have you got some things that you would like to plug? Sure. I'm doing Melbourne Fringe Festival. I don't know. That's months away. That's months away. That's all right. That's fine.

People listen to this, like, you know, well in the future. Yeah. Well in the future. In a well. In that movie that Tom Cruise is in, they're listening to this episode right now. Like Adam Rosenbach's notebook, they're listening to this. and they're listening to this episode right now. Like Adam Rosenbach's notebook, they're listening to this.

But yeah, I'm doing a show at Melbourne Fringe Festival. What's it called? Listen Out for the Castanets. Oh. Cool. It just sort of be funny in a time travel movie, someone going, quick, what year is this? And someone going, wait, I've got to get Adam Rosenbach's notebook.

What year is Rosenbach's doing? Yeah, what year is this? I'm so far behind on my podcast. Celia, you're going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this year? Yep, that's August. You've got things in this great country of ours to put. I'm only here for a short time, so I'm packing it in. People are already like, get off our fucking TV. So I'm sorry if over the next few weeks I'm on too much stuff.

You are sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But find me on Twitter. So I'm just here much stuff. You are so... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But find me on Twitter. But yeah, so I'm just here for a little bit. But if you're in the UK, please come to my show. Yeah. My Melbourne show in Edinburgh.

I'm going to come to you, Sean. Jordan's going to come. We're going to have a great time. Yeah. I'm going to go. Cool. Just to go to her show. And fuck the castle there.

There's a really great castle. We're going on Hickey and Celia's castle fucking tour 2014 to 15 Kara, Adam, Rosabax Oh so you're like older men Yeah I have got my web series Cheap Lunch

Some new episodes are coming out in the next couple of months at CheapLunch.tv if you want to check them out if you haven't before. Also I do another podcast every now and then about sports. We're talking about the World Cup at the moment. It's called YouBeauty. You can find it on iTunes and at YouBeauty.Podbean.com. Five Burrows Comedy every Thursday night in Melbourne.

Thursday night. Always got awesome, awesome headliners and all the best friends of the show and some of the worst ones too. But in the city... Sweet plug. In the city, 68 Hardware Lane. Guys, plenty of people from interstate come along, which is always appreciated

and they always say hello as I'm giving you change for a 20 at the door. And hey, bonus treat. You're away for a couple of weeks. Oh, yeah. This guy is running the ship. Yeah, little Wario himself. Little Yoshi. Yeah. Licking up your coins. You're a warrior. Oh, little warrior himself. Little Yoshi.

Yeah. Licking up your coins. You're a warrior. Oh, that's right. I don't know. I don't care. Guys, littledumbdumbclub.com. We've still got some T-shirts left.

Send us, hit us up. We love hearing from people. The email and our Facebook and stuff is on our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. Thank you very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. This fucker's castle's sideways.