The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 193 - Josh Thomas & Cal Wilson

Episode Date: June 17, 2014

Antibiotics, Power Rangers and Gorilla Weekends.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Voice kind of gave out there. I'm sick. I don't know what you're doing. Yeah.

Have I told you I've been on antibiotics for two weeks and I'm still not better? It's not good, is it? What's wrong with you? I don't know. I just have a bad cough. I don't even know what antibiotics mean. I don't take any form of medicine ever. Do you really not?

Yep. Is that like a belief or is that just laziness? I'm just a great guy and there's nothing wrong with me. Yeah, and there never has been. Really debatable. No, I just don't. If I ever get sick, I just think, oh, well, this will work itself out. I'm a strong believer that the body will work out everything, which is not true, obviously.

Yeah, I generally think that. And then I had a cough for like two months and I went, oh, okay, I'll go in. And so I've been on one form of antibiotics and that did nothing. And now I'm on a second form and it's still done nothing. I think there's like a super virus being developed inside my body. Yeah, because if I was a virus, I would see you and go, this is the perfect place to develop. The perfect breeding ground.

He takes no care of himself. He doesn't sleep that much. He's weak. We can just take him over and run him up. I like what he's done with the place already. It's a real fix-a-downer. Viruses aren't treated by um antibiotics what do you mean i don't want to put a downer on there you can't have an opinion we haven't been introduced

okay just i just just feels like this podcast is haunted i just wanted to just that's why it's a fact check that if you're a virus you can't take antibiotics if a bacterial infection virus is not affected by anybody so if you do have a virus the reason why the antibiotics aren't working is because you may as well be just eating plums. Well, spoiler alert, guys. One of our guests today is Dr. Andrew Rochford. Shall we introduce that voice you just heard? It's Josh Thomas.

I just don't want misinformation out there about, you know. So hang on. You take, because this is it. I think my doctor's like, I think she's actually quite bad. But it's an old family doctor and I kind of don't know how to get out of it. And I don't know how to find a new doctor. Like, how do you find a good new doctor to go to? And also you rejecting it, sort of walking and going,

I don't want to go to you anymore because I think I know more about medicine than you. Yeah, exactly. I know you've been doing it for 50 years. But I, you know, I've watched a bit of House. Yeah. And I reckon I've got the basics. I don't think you've even got that. I reckon just take Josh Thomas with you and get him to repeat what he just said.

Yeah, maybe. The challenge. But this is why we're getting super virus, like super infections, why they're getting immune is because antibiotics don't hurt you. So often doctors just prescribe them to see how it goes and to get rid of you. And it might work. It might be a bacterial infection. And then they're like, you're building up resistance.

I definitely expected this talk when we got you on the show, by the way. This is why we got you on. Well, very quickly, that other voice is the voice of Cal Wilson. Yay! I also agree with Josh Thomas about viruses and antibiotics. Do you have any other miscellaneous medicine facts? That if you take a contraceptive and you're taking antibiotics, the antibiotics can cause the contraceptive to fail.

Oh, yeah. Yes, not condoms. They still work okay on antibiotics, but if you're taking a pill. I'd love it if they were somehow affected by it. Just burn the rubber. It makes your sperm acidic and it just goes through. Yeah, because if you just go on antibiotics willy-nilly, your body just builds up.

Yeah, your body builds up a tolerance. Well, it's not your body. It's like the pool of bodies like everybody's body like the bacteria builds up a tolerance and then you need a new antibiotic and but then the bacteria spreads so it's like as a community oh right we're building up a tolerance it's not necessarily your own body yes yes no i know you mean exactly because that's that was always my thought i always thought you know what i'm not going to takein, I'm not going to take any sort of preventative drug or whatever because in that way I will build myself up a tolerance. But then I realised exactly what you're saying.

No, no, no, it's civilisation as a whole that is building up that tolerance. So I'm just building myself up to be killed by a fingerprint on a toilet seat or something. They're not building up a tolerance to aspirin though, but I don't want to get pedantic because I need to get on that rabbit hole. I think it's far too late to make that statement. Yeah, it's because I was on

a virus one and then the one I'm on now is bacterial. I mean, it's gotten better, but it's still there and you go, man, if I've gotten this far, what's next? Amputation of something. Yeah, for a cough. Just chop my arm off.

Take out the larynx. Yeah. Just keep chopping something off until something happens. Yeah, I need to get a new doctor. How do you get it? How do you find? Do you know what I mean? Why don't you just ask your friends that live in your area and go,

do you have a doctor? And when they go, yep. It's really hard to get a new doctor. We've got a lovely doctor. Come and live in Sunshine. But then how did you get in with your doctor? Because when I moved to Melbourne, I was an adult and I was like, oh, I need a doctor.

And I got sick and I called up and they were like, oh, if you're a new patient, you can only come in like Tuesdays and Thursdays, which was inconvenient because I was sick on not a Tuesday or Thursday. Because they're not into the schedule. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because we got out, I don't know. Because we weren't sick, we were going to get vaccinations.

So we could plan. I defined a guy I liked booking to see him for like no real reason. So then I was on the books. Sort of to catch up. So then next one you are sick. Yeah. Well, also I'm a homosexual. So they need to swab me like constantly.

Oh, really? Constantly swabbing. Really? Yeah. You're just always getting swabbed. Because when you go to the doctors, you've got to fill in a lot of forms. Usually I take nothing. Like it's always like heart disease.

Have you ever had a head lice or whatever? Are you gay? And I'm like, I don't have to pick anything. So if you tick, are you gay, what does that mean? If you do sex with other men, they swab you down. Do they really? Well, I mean, you've just got to like... They give you a choice.

They don't just start going for it. They're like, oh, when was the last time you got sex with her? They give you a choice. Can we swab you up and down or not? Well, yeah, obviously. They don't just stick stuff. It's rape. Yeah.

You can't just put cotton. But who's choosing yes? Who wants to be swabbed? People that don't want to die of hate. So this is how doctors work. See, I don't go. I'm worried about you, your sexual knowledge now. Sometimes if you have sex,

you're at risk of like diseases, right? Yeah. And homosexuals are at a higher risk because they're more keen to check. And so they, then they do that with swabs. Right. A little stick,

they put it down the eye of your dick. It's really bad. Really? It's a really unpleasant experience. Is that a regular thing? Is it like an umbrella? Someone used to say it was like an umbrella. It's not like a little umbrella, is it?

It's a complete urban legend. No, it's not like a little umbrella. When it's raining, it Is it like an umbrella? Someone used to say it was like an umbrella. It's not like a little umbrella, is it? It's a complete urban legend. No, it's not like a little umbrella. When it's raining, it opens out like an umbrella. No, it's just like a... Like a cotton bud. Yeah, like a tiny cotton bud. But I only had it once. He hasn't done it since, so I don't know.

He got all the wax out, so he doesn't need it again. I don't know. Pee in a cup. Blood test. Yeah. Oh, it's awful. It's difficult being gay. Yeah.

Look, I'm totally not going to do it now that you said that. The second thing of antibiotics that I went and got, when I went and got them from the chemist, he handed them over, and he goes, yeah, take one three times a day every five hours, with food or not, doesn't matter. And then he goes, he sort of gives me a bit of a look up and down. He goes, and you can drink on them, buddy, so don't worry.

I was like, what a just a judgment. You know what I mean? Like he really gave me a look and went, this is the – And then you put your wine bottle down on the counter. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is the information this guy needs. He's got the shadow. He stinks. As if you weren't happy to hear that, though.

Sure, but I was already planning on not drinking for a month. I was like, oh, what a waste. Why were you planning on not drinking for a month? Just health. Just general health. Look at me. I'm falling apart. And you're blaming the alcohol on that?

Yeah. It's alcohol. It's probably the only thing that's kind of easy for me to remove from my life out of everything else. You tweet a lot about fast food. Yeah.

I tweet about it. I talk about it. Do you not think maybe the fast food is less fun, isn't it? I'm just chuffed that you're actually taking in my tweets.

I'm nice to know that someone out there cares. I'm just sort of turning into an intervention about health. This has already been, see, this is what I mean. This already sort of turning into an intervention about health. This is already, see this is what I mean, this already has been better

than seeing my actual doctor. Like, this has been better for me. When you quit it for a month, did you do it as part of like, some kind of like, FebFast or no, no,

no one's getting any money for me doing this. So your doctor really, your doctor really should be following you on Twitter. He could have diagnosed you a lot better.

She, she, yeah. It's not just your mum putting glasses on. My mum sticks a little thermometer up my bum once a week and she says, yep, you're good. And I go, thanks, mummy. She might be a vet by the sound of that.

Or your nose is wet. Yeah, they don't need to put it up your bum anymore. I don't think you ever need to put a thermometer up your bum. I can't tell if I've ever had a thermometer up my ass. No, because it's not the 1940s. They have like little digital things they put them in your ear. Or the little weird ones that you get from Costco that you just hold by your forehead. When you said thermometer, I didn't think of like the long cylindrical thing.

I honestly thought of the thing where you have the earpieces in and then the metal thing. The stethoscope. The stethoscope. Putting a stethoscope up your bum. You really don't see doctors. No. I can see why I dropped out of Harvard now. I can totally see.

This podcast so far has been a great lesson in things you don't know. Yeah. I'm the opposite of Dr. Khan. Who doesn't want to try and infect Carl with something just to see what happens? Yeah. You know, I'm not volunteering.

I'm saying probably Deslo, you're in the sweetest position because you're a diseased guy. You know, I could cough on you and see to see how your body hacks it. Yeah. I'd say lick his face. That's probably the reach. Now that I know you've never had a sexual health check, I'm worried that you have chlamydia.

Yeah. Yeah. Because there's no symptoms. I talked about this once on the show before. The only time I ever went. Because you have had sex, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

And I once went because I was worried about... Because I think this is a general thing. I think everyone has this where maybe one testicle is slightly different to the other one. Yeah, I have that.

I have that. So I was worried about that at one stage and went into the doctor's. I just heard everyone turning this off in the future. I think I've talked about this in the past and I literally went in there with an ex the future I think I've talked about this in the past

and I literally went in there with an ex-girlfriend but she wasn't an ex at the time because that would have been weird and an older man

a very old doctor I just went oh I think my testicles are weirdly shaped what I'm loving about this and what the listeners can't see

is the way you're gesturing with your hands you're making a cupping motion but also you're sort of pulling it down I've got two hands for each testicle trying to find this the way you're gesturing with your hands. You're making a cupping motion, but also you're sort of pulling it down. I've got two hands for each testicle. Yeah, the scale you're using is huge.

I'm saying mangoes. We're going mangoes at this point. That's the scale we're working with. You would be on tour with the circus if that was true. You'd be at the Doctor a lot more. They call me the alpha man from the waist down. So I went, I don't know you know maybe they're a different shape i'm worried about i don't really know what testicular cancer is can

you touch it and find out whether i have it or not or whatever that old trick and he was sort of like oh no they look fine i'm like yeah but don't they isn't there a lump there shouldn't you touch it or whatever and i really sort of insisted on him touching my testicles in front of my girlfriend and then he this old man just goes okay and really reluctantly just on him touching my testicles in front of my girlfriend. And then he, this old man, just goes, okay, and really reluctantly just grabbed me on the testicles and then looked up to see me and my girlfriend looking at him and just went. Making out? Yeah. It just looked like some sort of weird fetish that we got away with on Medicare.

Yeah, great. This will be good. We don't have to pay for half of it. The government pays for us to get our jollies from an old man touching me on the testicles. And he was like, it feels okay. And we're like, all right, see ya. Was that the last time you went to the doctor? That was the last time I had my testicles touched.

No. When was the last time you had your testicles touched? No. Well, let's talk about something else now. No, let's talk about this. So we're recording this at Five Boroughs tonight. I do the Thursday night comedy, Five Boroughs comedy. And you guys have had to – thank you very much for getting through all the people that harass you out the front,

all the maitre d's that sort of fly you on the way in. There's no gap. There's no gap between restaurants. There's not even a narrow enough gap to walk down without elbowing someone in the face. It is cutthroat, isn't it? I didn't actually get flied. I know we spoke about this before and I was like, yeah, they're a nightmare. But I didn't actually get...

No one handed me anything. No, we're not handing you stuff, but you're directing to look at their giant board. Yeah, they're asking you if you want a sweet meal. Did you get any of that? They didn't do that. Really? I look like I can afford food. Maybe you look full. You look full. I look full? That's worse. Were you walking down the street going, mmm, I'm so full? I look full? That's worse.

Were you walking down the street going, I'm so full? I was walking very business. I was running a bit late. Did you have a napkin just mopping the edge of your mouth at every stage? So we're talking about a street in Melbourne that your gig is on, where we are now.

It's renowned for, for whatever reason, being the only street in Melbourne where there's a lot of restaurants where people will stand out the front and just every place will harass you to come in. And every time I walk down, I try and go, like, gee myself up to give off the vibe of I'm a local, I'm a local, I'm, it doesn't matter what, it's three in the afternoon. Surely being alone is like a giveaway. Yeah, exactly. And's three in the afternoon. Surely being alone is like a giveaway. And it's not an impulse.

It's not like you're going to walk down and, you know, at three in the afternoon, yeah, I'm going to sit here by myself and have a spaghetti marinara in the cold, outside, in the dark, and watch you harass everyone else. I know it's seven o'clock at night, but I really hadn't thought about dinner. You're right.

I will have those clams. Maybe you just have to walk down going, vegan, vegan, vegan, vegan, vegan, because then they won't have anything to serve you. Or just walk down with a Pizza Hut box and go, I'm taking care of guys. I've got the real stuff. Tommy does.

Yeah. I follow him on his Twitter. Yeah. He's always good. Yeah. Yeah, at least once a day I think I tweet about a food or a fast food. That could be your thing. What if you walked on stage every time with a Pizza Hut box

and then your closer is like, anyway, better go and finish this margarita guys see ya that's really great well one of my dreams is to do a comedy festival show at 7 p.m and the show is just me doing a comedy festival show while i ate my dinner so people come in and i'm just sitting at a table and the the upside of that would be i would only have to write maybe half an hour of material. Because the other half is just eating and chewing. And I don't think people would notice because it's advertised as that. So they're like, oh, yeah, he's eating his dinner without going – And does it bring your own?

Like are people picnicking? Are they bringing their own meal? I actually hadn't given it that much consideration. A potluck dinner with Tommy Desolo. Potluck with Desolo. Could you maybe encourage someone to be a really good audience member and the best one gets to have dessert with you on stage? That's really good.

Or they bring you food and you judge who's giving you the best food. It's a bit Masterchef. You would probably get a bit of that, Josh. People bringing you – because you like food. You're a more higher-end kind of taste than us. When I was more popular, especially with younger people, they would sometimes bake cakes or cookies or something. And there was always this moment

where you don't know if you should eat it. Because maybe they're trying to kill you with a cupcake. Which is a good plan. But I did anyway. So you would 100% eat everything or most of the things that got sent to you?

Yeah. Sent or just at a gig? At like signing afterwards. Right, right. See, I don't think poisoning – I always think that like – I reckon there'd be a person who would put like put pot into a cookie and bake it and give it to someone and not tell them and think that'd be a really funny thing to do to get this person like fucked up after the gig.

Or just like ejaculate into it or something like that. Yeah. Like that doesn't seem like. It could be both. Yeah. Why limit yourself? I could imagine someone wanting to ejaculate in a cookie and then give it to someone and not them not know.

Yeah. That makes sense to me. Every time they're seeing you on TV, they're like, yeah. He ate my ejaculate. Yes. Well, why I brought up outside the... I like how articulate this person is too, using the term ejaculate. So eloquent.

Articulate ejaculation. Why I brought that up outside all the harassment is because this gig is only... I moved this from Softbelly to Five Burrows and that was only about 18 months ago or something like that. And I go out and I do a little bit of flyering sometimes on nights. And so I stand at the very edge of the laneway, at the end of the laneway, and the first time I tried to do it, one of the restaurant owners or someone that worked there saw me do it and came up and went, hey, mate, I know you knew, but you don't do that.

You don't go and stand in front of my business. And I was like, oh, I'm not – sorry, man, I'm not in front of your business at all i'm i'm up the road i'm on i'm on the corner of the street i'm actually not near your business at all so it's fine he's like no but you don't cut my lunch by going in front of where i'm flooring people already i went man it's really sort of not your business i reckon i can fly wherever i want i think and he got he went oh right is that what you can fucking do Is it Right Well how about you try and fly When I fucking push under this bus mate

Yeah I push on those fucking strings And you go under a car I was like What What are you talking about And he's like Getting right in my face

He's big swat Because that's actually an example Of something you can't do You're not allowed to push someone Under a car No for sure That's a solid example And that's a bad

Yes thank you For anyone listening You're not allowed to do that No Yeah car. No, for sure. That's a solid example. And that's a bad – Yeah, for anyone listening, you're not allowed to do that. No. Yeah, yeah. That's a bad flyering technique as well to be pushing people. Don't do that town hall during the comedy festival. Sure, you get the instant impact and the publicity from that. But after that, it wears off and then what have you got?

He just went bang on. He was just threatening me with death. And it was just going – and I was like, man, I can't believe you're going so crazy about – like this is – that's insane. It can't believe you're going so crazy about like this is that's insane it's criminal what you're saying to me this is so bad

and then he's like well fucking you're taking food out of my mouth I'm like I'm not doing that at all and then I went if you just want to

look at the flyer it's for comedy he's like I don't fucking care what it is I go no but look at it I'm not flyering this is not in opposition against you

look at my flyer it's got Dave Hughes on it. It doesn't say spaghetti bowl and games. So it doesn't matter. And then as soon as I said that, as soon as I said that, he went, oh, sorry, mate. Come on. Let's go and have a beer together. I went, no, no, no.

30 seconds ago, you were going to push me under a bus. That's what you said. You wanted to kill me. He's like, yeah, but you don't have to pay for the beer. I was like, oh. Do you see him? Do you still see him? Yeah, I on purpose go all the way around the block to not have to go past him.

Wow. Because he just looks like, you know, underbelly. Definitely. He looks like a dude that has done that before Done that threat before And followed through with it before He knows the bus timetable Off by heart So it's just anytime Someone's fucking him off

He's like Oh it's 5.28 This is perfect The little The little Bourke Street From Elizabeth to Swanston Yeah That'll be coming in a second

Yeah That's pretty full on That's like so Yeah Because I was with you once And we were coming here And you led me on this Ridiculous

Path to get around here. I'm like, why are we just walking straight down the street like normal people? That's like avoiding an ex-boyfriend's house or something. Like, you know, we've got history. We can't. Avoiding someone after you've ejaculated into a cookie and given it to them. Yeah, all of those things. Josh, I don't think we've ever talked about this,

mainly because we've only had you on once before But I always forget that you and Tommy were in the same Raw comedy final together, weren't you? Yeah Yeah, I feel like we may We probably would have talked about that last time, maybe Did we? No, I don't think so Maybe not

Okay, yeah Runner up and winner Guess which order that was I don't think we need the word guess in there at all, actually Yeah, runner up and winner. Guess which order that was. I don't think we need the word guess in there at all, actually. I was the winner. I won. When you guys did it... I was the winner.

Yeah, you were the winner. When you did it, what did you think about the gig? Was there any doubt that you were going to win? Or was it close between you guys? You can be as arrogant as you want. I've got no fucking idea. It was ten years ago. But you won a national thing on TV.

My dad came up to me at halftime and he said, that wasn't very good. You're not going to win this. And then I won and I wasn't paying attention. I was like, oh. But then, yeah. Did you get a trophy? I got an oversized boarding pass. Yeah, and then a little plaque thing. And you get a trophy? You get like, I got like an oversized boarding pass.

Yeah, and then like a little plaque thing. And you get like a trip to Edinburgh. But the trip to Edinburgh is like just flights to Edinburgh and not, that's the end of the story. So I was like in Edinburgh when I was 18 just standing there. You've got gigs though. You get gigs when you're in Edinburgh. I should know this.

I've hosted before. I should know this. You enter so you think you're funny if you want. You can enter so you think you're funny. But that's not like part of the prize. It's just you're in town. So you enter their version. So I did that.

But you just sort of stand there. It wasn't good. It's a stupid price. But you've done okay now. You're all right now. I'm doing okay now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hated that trip.

It was so lonely. Was that the first time you'd been overseas? No, I'd been overseas the first time by myself and I just had nothing to do. I was just standing. Like, you literally, I got off the plane and was like... There's nothing to do overseas but just stand there. Is that what you're saying? Just so you know, while you were in Edinburgh, I was

working at Baker's Delight. So if that makes you feel better about the trip in hindsight... Was that the prize for second place? A one-year contracted baker's delight. That's just weird. That's so practical. That's such a practical second prize. You would have made more money than the winner.

Maybe, yeah. We'll give you a life skill. If this doesn't work out, you've got a life skill. It's not a bad job. You get as much bread as you want to take home with you afterwards. Day-old bread or day-old bread? Day-old bread, yeah. Cheesy Mutt Scrolls.

I love a Cheesy Mutt Scroll. Yeah, all the rest of it. That's like $7 value a day. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. That's something. That's a meal every day. But it is weird just to be sent to a city for no reason.

How much bread are they fucking giving you in Edinburgh? Isn't that? That is weird, right? Yeah, I do find that weird. They just put you there and then it's like. I don't want to comment. I don't want to comment too harshly on it in case this influences the position I will get in raw comedy next year.

Did you do raw comedy? Yes. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I was overlooked for the final. There was a decision made and I was a runner-up. I was a runner-up in the state final and I was

not. Do you know who beat you in the state final? Yes. It's only written in blood on his bedroom wall. Is it someone still present in comic circles? Yes, it was Nazeem Hussain. He's doing pretty well. But there was the winner and then three runners up and everyone went into the final except

for little old Chando here. So there was an executive decision to deprive me of the town hall stage. And I didn't even get a Baker's Delight job out of it. When comedians talk about winning Raw as if it's something they want, I always feel a bit like, oh, it's not. It was nothing. Yeah, but it's because you've been on TV and had your own show since then because it doesn't matter to you anymore.

But that was not relevant to that, though. Like, even at the time, I was like, because people were like, because I went back to Brisbane and all these comedians were, like, upset. Like, they were upset. They didn't like seeing me around. Why is that? Because I won the thing. Oh, they didn't like that at all.

Isn't that just a comedian thing where no matter what anyone else has, why didn't I get that? Yeah, it was like that. It's just a total, like, oh, how did you get that ice cream did you get that i never done a gig before i like turned up and won this thing completely back and i was really shit for the next six months as well yeah so some people are sort of doing stand-up for like three years and then they enter and you were a not a not a rarity but you were a case where you were sort of pretty new to it when you yeah just a tiny little five second thing in here when you said that just reminded me on the way here uh my girlfriend

said who are you doing the podcast with today? And I said, Cal Wilson and Josh Thomas. And she said, how'd you get that? So even influencing the non-comedians. Sorry, back to you. I don't know. Yeah. They used to like really big up the raw comedy wind to bring me on,

to like tease me, to like make the audience expectations really high. Because I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I'd only been doing stand-up for, like, a month. So they would, like, a couple of times be, like, really give me this big introduction. Like it's going to be the best comedian of all time. Just to, like, fuck me. Because audiences don't know that Raw Comedy means the best new comedian.

It can mean maybe to them that the best comedian overall. I remember hosting a Heat of Raw in the evelyn hotel years ago and this guy i was like you know i always like to have something to introduce people with like you know even if it's just a star sign or what you do as your day job or whatever and this guy was doing his second ever gig and i went what would you like me to say uh when i introduce you and he goes i'll just say i'm a comedian from ringwood i was like dude i didn't call myself a comedian for five years. I was a comedian for five years before I felt comfortable saying, that's my job.

I'm going to a physio at the moment. And me too. That's medical. That's like medical. You're going to a physio. It's on the verge of medical, maybe. Not for medicine, only for groping. Yeah, that's true.

Is it for your testicles? Yeah. Is your ex going? Is she paying for your visits? I'm going to have to soon go to a new physio because I had nothing wrong with me, but I've just made him beat me around the groin so much that now I need help.

They've actually swollen into the size that you were claiming that they were before. I'd never been to a physio because it is groin work. I did tear my groin. I was wondering why you were wearing a sarong, but now I see the reason. So I went to a physio. I've never been to a physio. And he went, okay, we've got to do all this because you've torn your groin.

It hasn't fixed properly, so now I've got to do it. And he just sort of was on the verge of punching me in the groin, just hurting me so. And I got up the next day, and my whole groin was black. It was brutal. and this guy while he's doing it he's trying to obviously take your mind off it because it hurts so much and so he wants to talk about whatever's going on and whatever you know great trick and he's going oh what do you do and i i still don't say to people when i don't have to what i do never in

a taxi yeah on a taxi yeah so i still say. Yeah. So I still say. Just quickly, Kel, what do you say if you get asked? In a taxi? Yeah. Oh, I try not to say anything.

I don't want to say I work in an office because I don't know what happens in an office. Exactly. Like, I don't know what happens in an office.

I do photocopying. Yeah, but that's too interesting. It's not that. What do you write for? Yeah, there's too many follow-ups.

What do you write for? Yeah, they say we write for an ISR, I write for a TV show and they go like, oh, that's interesting. What do you write for the Australian Post? Do you do the Etamoga Pub? Yeah. What do you write for? Yeah, they said we write for an ISR, I write for a TV show. And they go like, oh, that's interesting. What do you write for the Australian Post?

Do you do the Etamoga Pub? Yeah. Oh, you do? But you're both on TV enough that I would think a taxi driver, if you tried to fool them, would eventually go, hang on a minute. Taxi drivers are always out. Oh, of course. Taxi drivers are always driving.

Of course. Yeah, they don't watch TV. Maybe twice. Yeah. Or they tell you about, oh, what do I get? oh, yeah, I've never thought women could be funny. And then I just get that. I just get told, great, can't do my job. Great.

Yeah, it's always enjoyable. Yeah. So I tell my physio early days, I've told him that I'm a graphic designer because that's what I did, you know, before I went into comedy full time. So now there's so many times where I've got to do activities with him. He's just scrambling for more things to say, so he just keeps talking about it. About graphic design. Yeah, and keeps talking about what job did you do today?

And so I've just got to keep making up stuff about it. How are you with kerning? What sort of fonts do you use? I wish it was about that, but it's all about what job did you work on today? And I'd be like, oh, just for this magazine. What sort of magazine? But I reckon that's a good – because it's like you can just make up –

yeah, just make up a magazine. Like that's actually a good fake job to have because I think most people would just go, oh, I don't care. He's just sitting on Photoshop all day. I hate it because not only am I getting really injured from all his physio, I'm fucking playing theatre sports as well. But what is great, though, is that you do have the graphic design skills to be able to mock up a magazine.

So you need to show them. You can make anything up and then just bring it in. Yeah, just bring it in with his on it. It's called Monthly Shut Up Physio. That's actually given me a good idea for a business, like a physio, like any kind of medical thing where you're in there for a little while, like physio slash improv. You know what I mean mean so it's like a trained improviser doing physio on you and the agreement is you're gonna go in and make up a job and you know they they like ask

you questions about it and you bounce back and forth off each other like guess it'd be a bit of fun yeah that'd be a little bit of fun carl maybe you should um ask him about his life and not be so selfish i I know. Just stuff like, are you enjoying this? Are you enjoying this? You want to talk about yourself. It's like you want to talk about yourself. That's the good stuff.

But you've got nothing to say. What other groins have you touched today? I do. It's like that taxi conversation. It's like, oh yeah, busy today? What was the biggest physio you've done? What's your worst physio gig that you've done? What's your worst physio gig that you've done?

Did you ever kill a person? Did anyone ever offer sexual favours instead of money for your physio? My brother's a physio and his thing is people taking off more clothes than they need to. That's what he finds like. So looking at a woman's ankle and she'll take everything off.

But an elderly woman. Because there'd be people thinking, oh, this is just like a massage. Yeah. I also really don't want to say anything about comedy to him because he's one of these guys that is just trying to keep you happy all the way through it. So he laughs at everything I say no matter what. Honestly, it's just really dumb.

It's like, oh, did you work today? Yeah, yeah, all that. Did you work today? Oh, a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. I'm like, oh, did you work today? Yeah, yeah, all that. Did you work today? Oh, a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. I'm like, oh, what are you doing that for? Don't keep your powder dry in case I say something funny. Where have you got to go?

I'm in a lot of pain right now. You're great. Yeah, yeah. That's so good. What happened to your groin? I played indoor soccer and I got really worked up and I kicked this guy. I went in for a tackle and he was twice the size of me and he got me good and it tore my groin and it's really not good.

So he kicked you in the groin? No, we both locked legs together, but he was a lot bigger than me. So my leg went backwards and went, oh, the end. So now it's in that position where, you know, he's not like properly a doctor. So it's not like you've got something really like an illness and you go oh you've got to keep on these painkillers

until you get fixed and that will be in one month or anything so it's just physio and he just keeps saying come back because it's 80 bucks a session come back

speaking from the physio's point of view because my bro is one people never do their exercises so he'll go go away and put that stretchy band around your ankles and do 60 leg lifts

and you'll go yeah I'll do that oh can't be fucked and then 60 leg lifts. And you'll go, yeah, I'll do that. Oh, I can't be fucked. And then you might do two and you come back and you don't know why it's not fixed. Right. And then they just get really depressed and drink because no one's listening to them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

That makes sense. Yeah. Because you were telling me at the doctor, like at the physio the other day, he like just went to town on you and it was all bruised. Yes. Like the inside of your leg was all bruised. Yeah, that's what I was saying. And the way that you discovered this was after we'd done a podcast

at my house, you went to the bathroom and that's when you noticed the bruising is when you're in my toilet. Yeah. But I didn't know that. I didn't know that you'd had the physio work done. So all I saw was you come out of my toilet and go, oh, wow, Jesus Christ. I'm going, oh, great. This is going to be a fun afternoon, isn't it?

So, yeah, just a little tidbit there. Yeah. I was doing a bit of research on you, Cal, before we started. Because we've never met before. Yes. Cal, is it? Carol. It's always Carol.

Or Carl. I get Carl a lot. Do you really? Yeah. Loads of times. Kaz, Kat. No one ever quite remembers. Yeah, because I'm a Kyle. I get Kyle a lot. Do you really? Yeah, loads of times. Kaz, Kat. No one ever quite remembers. Yeah, because I'm a Kyle.

I get Kyle a lot. Yeah, yeah. People don't remember or they don't believe that that's your actual name? Oh, you must have meant to write Carol. Great. Like that. Or Carl. I get lots of Mr. Wilsons.

It's a guy's name. Cal Wilson is a guy's name. Yeah, right. Cal's not short for anything. It is, but I won't tell you what that is. Oh, really? Cal Gooley. Yeah. is a guy's name. Yeah, right. Cal's not short for anything. It is, but I won't tell you what that is. Oh, really? Yeah. Cal Ghouli. Yeah. Straight away. Straight away.

Calorie. Yeah, and it's actually started as a joke. What? Sorry? You want to tell us what it's short for? No, because that's my little thing. That's my... Are you going to take it to the grave with you? Does anyone know? No, because probably someone will get on Wikipedia and figure it out. You know your mum's on the podcast next week. We'll just ask her. As if Barbie would know what a podcast was.

Barbie? She's called Barbara. We call her Barbie. Oh, but you tell us her full name. Yeah. I tell her her full name. Yeah. She probably didn't want anyone to know that.

That's because I didn't name her, but she named me. She named you. Anyway, what was your research? Sorry, my question was, what's your real name? No. My question was, I looked at your IMDB and I didn't know this about you. That, you guess, you guess what I'm going to say. I was in the Planet of the Apes playing a soldier.

Really? Some dude called Cal Wilson was in Planet of the Apes playing a soldier. But I'm on IMBD as having been in Planet of the Apes in 1973. So for a three-year-old, I was pretty awesome. You were a hairy baby. I was quite tall, I was. I used that beer temper you were telling me about. Yeah, there you go.

Well, I hope this isn't the other one now. I'm hoping this might end up being the other one, the other Cal Wilson. Were you in Power Rangers Ninja Storm? I was not on screen, but I was the voice of one of the monsters. Of course. Flora Bundicus or something.

If I ever had to cast a monster, I would think of Cal Wilson. What does a monster sound like? I don't know. They altered the voice, but it was all kind of bullshit. No wonder they altered that voice, because that was weird. No, no, it was just weird. That's weird to be brought in specifically for a voice

where they're just going to put it through a computer and fuck it up anyway. Yeah, but we used to do that a lot. I used to do that a lot. So I had lots of voice work in New Zealand. So we'd do like loop group for Young Hercules and things. So we're, you know, all the background action in a, you know, it was a pub scene or whatever. There'd be like me and 10 other people in a room just chatting in American

accents for a whole day and laughing and singing and just doing stuff like that. It was hilarious. And dubbing in people's extra work that they hadn't done an accent that was good enough. And with Power Rangers they needed a like a monster voice

and so I did that yeah so like you know I voiced a kitten on an ad like all that kind of I specialise in puppies you know that kind of like small animals

and children I used to do loads of voiceovers I specialise in puppies well yeah your agent going any puppies involved sorry she's not interested

okay I did one puppy I did one cat. All right. They've got an American Sorbonne ad in and they've got to re-dub the puppy into a New Zealand accent. Get Cal in. Pretty much like that, yeah. Wow. So that was just a re-dub, but you didn't get to meet any of the Power Rangers?

No, I didn't get to meet any of the Power Rangers. That's a sweet credit, though. I'm surprised no one's used that on a poster for you before. I never even thought of it. Really? Never even thought of it, no. That'd be the only thing I ever thought of if I did that role.

But it was just like, it was like two hours in a studio, not even that, just doing, kind of, you know. Yeah, sure. Doing, and... That's pretty fun.

Like, Power Rangers is kind of right in my... See, I think I've watched that, because we're like the same age, you've watched that growing up. That was after me. That was after me. You know, Power Rangers. Because, like, how old are you guys? 27. Yeah, I'm up. That was after me. You know, Power Rangers. Because how old are you guys?

27. Yeah, I'm 43. So I was like way before Power Rangers. Yeah, they're still churning out new ones all the time. We had Monkey. Yeah. Monkey and... I had Monkey.

Yeah, sure. Well, talking about TV, I was on, last week I was on Studio 10 and I talked about that last episode. But thinking of what you said before, Josh, about your dad talking to you about the Raw Comedy Final once you finished it. So I co-hosted, so I was on for two and a half hours on that live show, Studio 10 on Channel 10.

Very nice of them to have me on. I had a fun time. It was fun. My dad rang me afterwards. And you know that thing where everyone you know, your family are going to be nice. Dad rang me up and went, look, watched it. And you know what thing where everyone you know, your family are going to be nice. Dad rang me up and went, look, watched it. And you know what?

We're family. We're family. I know. I know. I know. I'm your dad. Your mum's next to me. I know we're going to be biased, right?

I know we're going to be biased. But I thought you did okay. I'm glad you were biased. What were you going to say if you weren't related to me? Wow. My favourite ever comment like that was from my grandmother who said, I think it's wonderful the way your parents can still be proud of you. Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's pretty good. Well, going back to Studio 10. I want to know now you go back to Studio 10. I'll bring it up later. Okay. No, do it now yeah well last time

I was on this show you were auditioning for a panel show I remember we chatted about auditioning for a panel show I think you asked me how to audition

for a panel show but then maybe I just started telling you maybe you didn't ask and I just thought well I know what you think about auditioning for a panel show

yeah yeah yeah I think that if look I don't want to besmirch your advice but I think that went horrendously I think that went quite you know't want to besmirch your advice but I think that went horrendously I think that went quite you know what

what was that what was the show for it was a show now yeah I know you know what it was it was um Tractor Monkeys oh yes

yes yes yes which I auditioned for with Josh Earle and we both got booted out straight away and then 12 months later

they decided to make him host of Spicks and Specks. Well, then next year is your turn, Carl Chandler. Let's say that makes sense. Let's believe in that. There must be another reboot of Spicks and Specks coming down the pipe pretty quickly by now, surely. Either that or Spider-Man. I'll get one of them.

You'd make a great Power Ranger someday. Meow. Bit of that, bit of that. Why did it go horrendously? Sorry, I want to know. No, that's fine. I think, I don't know why. It just wasn't, I don't think we were given too much information about it.

So we just walked into it and it was like, there you go, just go. And like, go at what? You know. Yeah. And it was a bit hard. Those things. It was a bit hard. We probably weren't experienced enough or I don't know.

But it just was one of those things where they kept bringing up subjects that weren't that funny and we were like, oh, I don't know what to do. I used to do this day once for It's a Knockout. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's it? Sorry, tell me what It's a Knockout is because that is before my time here. So It's a Knockout is like an 80s show. They did a revival of it. And they just did that.

We filmed like six episodes in Thailand. They filmed it in Malaysia. It's all like kind of goofy games. Yeah. Not too far from Wipeout. Yeah, okay. Right? And they did a version in a while.

They did Knockout very well. And I did this day. I'm having a hard time now knowing which part of this I'm going to like. It's like, I shouldn't tell you. But we had to do a day. The bit where they took you to America and you saw her in Roswell. Probably read that out. They were bringing hosts in to see how we worked together, basically.

Man, I hope the It's a Knockout lawyers aren't listening to this episode. Yeah. Well, I don't want to say, like, who was auditioning. Oh, okay. Because it's like. All we know is Jules Lund and I'll tell you at the end

Richard Wilkins I'll tell you at the end okay but um ah let's ah let's move on

you edit this he's actually gone into a full flashback but we had to they were just hosts but they wanted us to see how we'd like call the games

but there was no game oh you were the commentator oh so you were like commentating nothing like the hosts they wanted us, so you were like commentating nothing. Like the hosts, they wanted us to like, they were like, just commentate it. And it was awful. And the whole day I was just like, this is awful.

So you were watching nothing and making up what was happening. Making up what was happening. Wow. And we had to like commentate. It was the most stupid day and it made me so angry. Anyway, it was awful. I went in for an audition. I just was reminded of this the other day.

I went in for an audition maybe about a year ago now and it was for something that I think is on cinemas at the moment. It's some tourism Victoria remote-controlled tourist thing. I don't know. It was to be the job was going to be that you would have, like, a helmet with a camera in it and like competition winners could sort of get in your ear and like tell you what to do.

So they'd go, go find me the best coffee in Melbourne and you'd ride on your bike and you'd go into a cafe and then they'd go, now do a funny dance for the person behind the counter or some kind of odd thing like that. So I go into audition and my friend had kind of got me into audition. So it's one of those, you know, when you kind of get asked, it doesn't feel like a big cattle call. So you start to go, oh, I might be a chance at this.

This seems like pretty personal. You might get to be the guy with the bucket on your head. Well, I mean, yeah, it was good money. So it was like, oh, this would be cool to get. And, you know, not too taxing. It'd get me out of Baker's Dollhouse. Yeah, sure. I am still working there, by the way, for all the listeners.

It's good that you wore your uniform. Thank you, thank you. There's a loaf of bread for all of you upon leaving the podcast to say thanks. But yeah, so I go in and... It's weird how you've written all your podcast notes on the bench in flower. And I've changed the theme music for this week to da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

So I, yeah, I go in and, you know, that thing where they go, just, you know, tell us a bit about you and you do that. And she goes, okay, now tell me a bit about your weekend. So I start doing that. I go, I went to a party and I did this. And she goes, okay, now pretend to be an animal. Pretend to be any animal.

And I go, okay. And so I pick gorilla because it's just, you just kind of hunch over a bit and sort of waddle around the room and I do that. And she goes, now tell me about your weekend as the gorilla. So I start just doing a bit of Tarzan work going, oh, me go to party and eat banana. And she lets me go for 30 seconds and then she goes, uh-uh, gorillas can't talk.

And I go, uh, what? And she goes, so tell me about your weekend as the gorilla but you can't talk. And so then I'm just like gesturing and you're going, I'm going, you want this, obviously you want this to be lifelike but you're believing that gorillas, even though they don't have the power of speech, can act out things.

They know what weekends are. They know what weekends are. Yeah, gorillas are finally knocked off on a Friday. Oh, great. Yeah, and really it should just be me just sitting in an enclosed space for 48 hours doing nothing. Linging a bit of poo. Yeah, and that's what I wish I'd done in the end.

But, you know, those things... That's what she was doing to you, metaphorically. Yeah, flinging career shit at me. I mean, she hated you. She just hated you. Did she even work you? That wasn't meant to be the audition. I've walked in and she's gone,

I've listened to this podcast, it's shit. Fuck this, kids. But, yeah, you know, it's a thing where you do those things and they've got the – you go, oh, thank God this is just for now and at least it's a good story for later on. But then you realise there's a camera in the room and it's like, there's a compile somewhere. I think I've talked about this on the show before.

There must be like casting agents out there that have some big names from before they broke going, I'm a silly little baby. Someone should go rogue and just put out all the big name shit they've got. I remember auditioning, having to do an audition for something once and it was one of those ones you film yourself and send us the tape because I was in Christchurch instead of Auckland. So they were like, I'll just film it in your living room and send us the tape. Oh, yeah. Because I was in Christchurch instead of Auckland. So they were like, I'll just film it in your living room and send us the tape.

And so this is ages ago, and I wasn't really sure of the technology of my video recorder. And so I'd recorded this audition and then had wanted to record just black after it in case there was anything else on the tape. And so I left it running with the lens cap on and then had a really full-on argument with my boyfriend and not thought about that and sent the tape and then i only thought about it afterwards and gone oh shit somewhere there's an audition for like an ad

and then there's just like oh my god that's great and that would have been great if you'd gotten the part off the back of the fight At the end Off the fight Passionate Screaming That's a memorable thing It's like We'll get the fighting one on We'll get the crazy one

She can really sell lemonade It's like Yeah The more like Of those kind of Behind the scenes Show busy things you hear Where it's like

There's all those stories About like You know People auditioning For Saturday Night Live And going in And just doing something Fucked to try and stand out.

And then Lorne Michaels goes, you're it. And I always think every time I go into one of those things, I go, is this the one where I just, like, drop my dacks or just do something really fucked to just try and, you know. Well, this is what I learnt about breakfast morning TV this week. Apparently, I found out, apparently you're not supposed to say the word dickhead before 9 o'clock. Is this some kind of morning watershed?

I don't know if that's a rule or not or whether that was just a choice that they made, but I let out the D-bomb, let's say, before 9 o'clock and I had an earpiece in. I'd never had an earpiece and immediately I was told very, in no uncertain terms, that that's the wrong thing to say. And I'm like in no uncertain terms that that's the wrong thing to say and i'm like yeah of course that's the wrong thing probably it'll be one of those things we used to have it um when i was doing drive radio of kids in the car kids in the car kids in the car you can't say stuff so before kids go to school no dickhead yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah did i have i talked about this on the show i did a thing on triple m at the end of last

year and uh it was it was just after Christmas and Lawrence Mooney was on and he was going to tell a story about a department store Santa and they said, when we go into this, let's all be very clear because it's Breakfast Radio, Santa is real, okay? So this is just, we're not saying it's a guy dressed up as Santa and he was telling, Ed Cavill was saying he was on air with Husey once and Husey made a reference to someone dressing up as Santa

and the switchboard just lit up. And he had to then come back and go, ah, sorry, kiddies, Uncle Husey was just being a bit silly then. And Ed was saying, I reckon you'd get less feedback for dropping the C-bomb on radio than you would for saying Santa's not real. And what are you doing on the podcast now? All of you are under five listeners on the podcast. We have their hearts broken.

No, they're just under five mentally. Physically, they're all in their 20s and 30s. Did you ever get, because you did drive for a little while, did you ever get into any hot water with that sort of stuff? Are you doing a podcast with Akmal coming up? Should we? You should. He was used, Akmal was used as the compliance training for radio announcers because he's so spirit of the moment and so he would say stuff

and it would just cause chaos, like hilarious, but just like people running around and going, oh, my God, oh, my God. I can't, I don't even know whether I can repeat. Oh, sure you can. I don't know whether Akmal would want me to tell you, though. He's been used for training, though. Yeah, just, you know, just stuff would pop out occasionally that would just be inappropriate.

His understanding of the dump button. So, you know, you've got seven seconds. So if you're on the radio, there's a seven-second delay, and so if something gets said, the anchor can press the dump button and you go live, so it cuts out seven seconds. So Akmal thought that the button operated by itself and, like, was an automatic sort of thing this one day, and he said... It's a robot that goes, ooh, he said shit, oh, activate.

It's like shit shazam Yeah, yeah like he insulted a listener and it went live It went live to air It didn't go in Sydney but it went live in Melbourne or something

and it was hilarious and wonderful and chaos Great Yeah But you should honestly let Mark Mell tell you if I don't want to tell his stories

Yeah, for sure I like it when I'm doing interviews, I don't want to tell his stories. Yeah, for sure. I like it when I'm doing interviews and you see their hand. You see like when the conversation gets a bit, the hand leans on the… A bit racy, yeah. It's getting a bit, yeah. Because on this show last week on Studio 10, they introduced me right at the very start by saying

how I had been on Australia's Got Talent last year which was just a very short little because I did my festival show about how badly it went whatever so their intro to it was saying hey so you were on this show and um you know we heard that it was like really bad and and even at one stage someone yelled out from the balcony effing get off C-bomb that was the intro for me and i was like oh yeah cool and i played with it and that was fine so that was the that was the intro that was like 8 35 or whatever it was so they said that right and i'm like oh yeah okay then the show goes from 8 30 till 11 o'clock so at 11 o'clock when 10 59 when we're wrapping up the show, they're saying, all right, thanks everyone for being on the show. Thanks to this guest and thanks to this guest.

And Carl Chandler, thank you. And I said, oh, thanks, guys. And as I said that, John O'Coleman, the guy that does the infomercials and who is the warm-up man, is sitting in the audience and he starts going, boo, boo. And look, A, that's not good. It's not the reference as well. It's not the reference.

Yeah, it's got the quote wrong. B, it's the wrong reference. And C... No one's listening. No one's going to remember that. No one's watching two and a half hours. Yeah. Come back to something that happened a season ago.

People are barely watching seven minutes. Yeah, yeah. All they've seen is the end of the show. Thanks, Kyle Taylor seven minutes. Yeah, yeah. All they've seen is the end of the show. Thanks, Kyle Taylor, for being on the show. Boo! A voice from the audience

going, boo! Boo! I'm like, oh, man, I'm glad I didn't watch the rest of this show. This guy sucked. How much have you watched that show before, though?

Maybe Coleman's just a real piece of shit. Maybe he does that to people every morning. He just boos the panel. Maybe that's his sign-off. His signature sign-off is just to boo everybody. Should we wind it up there? We've got a, you've got a bloody gig to do. morning. He just boos the panel. Maybe that's his sign-off. His signature sign-off is just to boo everybody.

Should we wind it up there? You've got a bloody gig to do. You guys all have a gig to do. Sure. It's ages away. It's 8 o'clock already. Yeah. Not a specific time whenever you're listening to this podcast.

Yes. Time flies when you're deathly ill, like I am at the moment. So have you been kind of fading in and out? Do we have a weird kind of rosy glow to us? Are we murky? Like how's the day? Yeah, it we have a weird kind of rosy glow to us? Are we murky? Like, how's it going? Yeah, it's all getting dark. Yeah, I can hear my grandpa talking to me.

Do we have wings on us? Can you see wings on us or halos or anything like that? If you died during the podcast, would you want Carl to put it online or would you want him to not put it online? You know, it's actually funny that you bring that up because I've thought of every time, like, if one of us goes away, like, if you go away, because we'll often, like, we'll record a bunch, you know, we put one out every week.

So, if one of us is going away for two weeks, we do. And I've often thought, like, man, imagine if your plane went down, you know, because you're going to leave in a few days. I'm flying on Malaysian air very soon. Yeah, and I think if you die – Tommy's just imagining if your plane went down often. But I think I'd have two there and what would I – You'd have to top and tail it with something really sad,

with sad music, and then you'd go, this is what he would have wanted. I would be happy – Yeah, and then it's him talking about his fucking balls being touched by a doctor. Wouldn't that be great if somehow because I died, it was in the paper and then obviously there's interest. It's like, oh, I wonder what his last words were. Yeah, yeah, when I lived in Ballarat, I got my balls touched by an old bloke. He didn't say Ballarat, Ballarat really.

Yeah. There you go. I was going to say, and then there'll be something unbearably poignant because you'd be talking about how excited you were about going on your holiday or something. Yeah. And then it would be like. But I've realised like maybe in the last year,

I feel like I've just done enough in my career now that if a plane I was on went down, I'd be mentioned as a showbiz person. I've done just enough to scrape in, I think. You wouldn't want to be on the same plane as many other people in entertainment though. No, like I said, when I did gigs at the Falls Festival and we flew down to Tasmania,

I was on the same plane as Public Enemy and Paul Kelly and Dave Thornton and I just went, poh, if we go down I'm not, no chance, no chance at all. But what would you, how would they describe you? What would they sum you up as? Et cetera. Just 200 dads.

Sold a cheesy mite scroll like nobody's fucking business. Some small children also perished. Yeah. Yeah. Small bearded child. Yeah. Beloved, hopeful, nearly was, you know, all those little things. What a shame.

Finally some good press for my comedy festival show and I'm not around to enjoy it. Best club man. Cal Wilson and Josh Thomas, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks, guys. Cal, you are going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this year. I am, I am. We've got a few listeners over there. Oh, well, please come to my show.

It's on the Gilded Balloon at 7 o'clock at night. It's called It Could Have Been Me. Excellent. And have you got any stuff locally? I'm doing a roadshow at the moment. Oh, cool. Gulban and Nauru are my next bits. Oh, great.

Lots of listeners go and see the road show. Yeah, it's great. So much fun. Yeah, cool. It's great. Great. Gulben and Nauru.

Gulben and Nauru. Are they two places where I made those pronunciations up? No, they sound like a place. Gulben? They sound like the worst. Isn't that like SPC?

Isn't there some fruit made in Gulben or something? Gulben. Gulben. Gulben. It's Guloulburn. That sounds like the worst comedy duo of all time. Goulburn and Nowra.

Am I saying Nowra correctly? I've got no idea. N-O-W-R-A. Nowra. Your thoughts are going to Goulburn and Nowra. I've never been to either of them, so yes, I am. I got excited in Armadale because we went to Armadale in New South Wales, and I got excited because when I asked what the big attraction was,

someone said, we've got a walrus. And I got really excited, because I was like, it's not near the sea, is it a swamp or river, does someone own it? And then after I'd gone on and on and on about how fucking great it was that they had a walrus, the guy goes, no, no, we've got a walrus. Still exciting. Some good bargains. They're a fine company.

Josh Thomas, the second season of Please Like Me, is there a date for that starting? August. August. Are you finished filming? Are you still filming? What are you doing? We're editing.

How exciting. Yeah, it's exciting. It's very exciting. Yeah, it just keeps going. That's cool. There's only a couple of months to go until that's out. So that's out on ABC1 or 2? Or is that...

ABC2. It's on ABC2. But with some enthusiasm this time. And, hey, yeah, for our American listeners, of which there are quite a few, it's on Pivot. It's easy to get in the US now, isn't it? It's not like a thing where you have to, like,

you know, import it or anything. It's, like, on a... No, it's on TV, yeah. On Pivot. But you have to have the cable channel. Yeah. I don't know how that works, really. Yeah, is it on...

It stitched me up. It's not because you don't live in America. I don't live in America, but I have to have the cable channel. Yeah. I don't know how that works, really. Yeah, is it on? It stitched me up. It's not because you don't live in America. I don't live in America, but I have to get my head around how. You've been on buses in America. I've been on buses, yeah. I presume it's probably on the American iTunes store if people want to watch it. Yeah, it is. Cool.

Great. Great. Guys, thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.