The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 201 - Live! Bart Freebairn, Dilruk Jayasinha & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: August 14, 2014

Spreadsheets, Life Drawing and One Out of Ten. Recorded LIVE at The Producer's Bar in Adelaide on August 12, 2014.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, thank you so much to everyone in Adelaide who came down to be a part of the recording of the episode that you're about to hear. We should quickly mention there's a little bit of a recording thing. The first couple of minutes is just recorded on the audience mic and then after a couple of minutes it kicks in and you'll be able to hear it properly. Why is that, Tommy? Oh look, maybe certain technical aspects of the show didn't... Don't they have an on button in Adelaide? The on buttons go the other way. It's like the America of Australia.

Anyway, if seeing these kinds of technical faults live sounds like a thing that you would enjoy and you live in Perth, well then good news. You can come and see us do a Dumb Dumberpalooza in Perth, well then, good news! You can come and see us do a Dum Dumapalooza in Perth Sunday, November 2nd at Rosie O'Grady's. Tickets are on sale now at littledumdumclub.com. It's going to be the same deal as what we just did in Adelaide. So we both do an hour of stand-up, and we're bringing guests from Melbourne with us.

It is going to be an absolute hoot. Man, if it's anything like the fun we just had in Adelaide, we've just had 24 hours of laughing nonstop. And this episode's really fun as well. Yeah. It's also fun as well as all the other dicking around. Yeah, it seemed like everyone in Adelaide really had a good time. People sort of went out of their way to tell us that they appreciated us coming.

It was cool to meet everyone and it was cool to have a space for three hours and sort of do everything of what we do, do the stand up and do the gigs. So yeah, so come down Perth, check it out. Exactly. We'll find some late night bakeries in Perth as well. Like all the people that came out and followed us last night to the 24 hour bakery, thanks to O'Connell's, bakery at O'Connell's. Yeah, so if you want to be part of all that fun, all the extra bits of fun that is a live

podcast with us, please do that Perth. Yeah, Saturday, November 2, little dum-d that, Perth. Yeah, Saturday, November 2. Little Dumb Dumb Club. Sunday. Sunday. Sunday, November 2. I don't think this specific day of the week is a big hold-up. Sunday, November 2.

Rosie O'Grady's Little Dumb Dumb Club.com for tickets and we'll see you there. See you, mates. See you, mates. Hey mate, welcome finally to the live little I'm sure he's being in awe of us. Hey, mate! Welcome, finally, to the live Little Dumb Dumb Club 201st episode from Adelaide at the Producers Bar. My name is Tubby Dazzalo. Standing next to me is the other heart of the show, Carl Chandler!

G'day, big head. I've got the shortest microphone cord of all time, look at that. This is good. This actually... That's going to ruin all your touching that wall material. This is bizarre that this is happening, because I think I've talked about this on the show. I have a recurring dream about gigs going bad. That was no dream.

And one of the big ones is I'm doing a gig and the cord is like this length. So I'm like trying to do gear and any time I try to move it's like that. This is literally a nightmare come to life. Wake up! You're hitting me way too hard. It's a nightmare come to life Marcel. Thanks a lot. Hey everyone. For people listening at home, if the audience sound a little flat, it's because they've sat through two and a half hours of average

at best stand up. Hey, you didn't go for that one. Well, I'm Carl everyone. I charge people money to hear a story that they heard for free a year ago. In some cultures that's a compliment. In some cultures there's a horny old bitch up the back who I think enjoyed hearing that. Yeah. Ooh. That is good stuff. I don't think she's horny anymore. How's everyone going?

You all good? It's a Tuesday night. You're all... I get that distinct impression everyone's like, yeah, we'll put up with your little stand-up shows. We like the other thing better. So here it is. There's a couple in the front row. The man has his hand on his partner's leg as if to say, we'll make it through this together, baby. It's okay. It's gonna be alright.

This can't go beyond Thursday. Who has work tomorrow? Ha ha! There are IMDCs, aren't there? Like, people have left. Is that right? Someone's nodding his head, yeah. Of course they have. Who doesn't have work tomorrow? Who's got nothing on tomorrow? Yeah! All the comics up the back.

All our guests. Who good has no work tomorrow? Who's coming to the bakery with us later on? Who's coming to the bakery with us later on? Yeah, nice. Enough people. So I haven't really been following this super accurately. So it's Bakery on O'Connell is where we're going, yeah?

Because they've gotten involved on Twitter. They've started campaigning pretty hard to have us down there. Yeah, which is pretty impressive given they've got 43 followers. It's more than the other bakeries. It's more than the other bakeries. It's more than the other bakeries? Well that's a pretty shit compliment.

Who's following a bakery anyway? Oh my god, what's your update this morning? Still got pies? Still not closed guys. Still not closed. Hashtag open forever. Who reckons O'Connell's the best one? Is O'Connell? I really like O'Connell.

Who disagrees? What about De Villis? Yeah, this guy. Yeah, De Villis. That's the one where you can drink. No, but that's a very good point. And what about the other one, Enjoy? Enjoy. No, fucking Joy.

That's just... Yeah, that's two people trying to overcompensate. Like the one time I've been to Davili's, we went at like three in the morning, and it was full of mostly senior citizens. It was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. Like, fully old people, just there at 3am. Really? Yeah, I really enjoyed it.

It made me feel good about the future there's always something there's a light at the end of the tunnel I'm gonna move to Adelaide as soon as I turn 30 I've just given up is it the new Brisbane so instead of having nice weather it's like we'll go with the Pisa oh yeah yeah no Daviliiers is like Australia's Florida. Yeah. The elderly get shipped off. I want to die in there. I want to die in De Villiers. Here's something I found out recently. A friend of my girlfriend's, her family dog died in the middle

of a walk. Have you ever heard of that happening? Wow. Isn't that insane? Yeah, how does your walk finish? It's like the dog is on a routine and knows how long the walk takes and is just tired. And he gets up over there and goes, nah fuck going back, I'm out. How did you discover that? It's sort of a bit like, this is getting a bit heavy. Nice little visual joke for the podcast. Yeah. So we flew here.

Please don't step on it. It's already torn enough as it is. You've gained an extra millimetre there. We flew here at, we got into town at 8am and then we walked around town at 10am desperately looking for anywhere that would serve us beer. Ah, ah, ah, you're missing one point. We did publicity first. Oh yes. Did anyone listen to our interview on Who Gives a Fuck FM this morning? Is it Fresh FM? Did you actually listen?

Tommy Di Salo. Yeah, no, the best bit was... Tommy DeSalo. Yes, I've heard of him. Before we go in, the guy goes, so is it DeSalo? And I go, nah, it's Dasolo. But I just resign myself and went, well, he'll fuck it up. That's happening, for sure. And then as soon as we get on the air, he goes,

anyway, we're here with Carl Chandler and Tommy Daso, who gives a fuck? But he kept saying it, Shanwa. Look, he was a very nice guy, but he was the most commercial FM DJ I've ever heard on community radio. So we were getting ready for the interview

and he's like, all right, here we go. We're going to talk about your little podcast or whatever you do on your little internets or whatever you do, right? So here's what we're going to do. How about this? I've got an idea. I've got a little funny plan. Look at this. I've got a Chinese do, right? So, here's what we can do. How about this? I've got an idea. I've got a little funny plan.

Look at this. I've got a Chinese menu, right? A Chinese restaurant menu. How about you both have a crack at reading it out? One of you speak in the accent of a sexy lady, and the other one read out the contents of the Chinese restaurant menu as if you were pregnant. Yeah, now, and I want to stress, that's, that's, that's exactly what and how this guy said it.

He's not putting any, because this is the thing, what happens a lot on this podcast is you tell me a story about an interaction you've had with someone, and I laugh, but there's a little bit of me that goes that's bullshit there's no people that fart. But then every now and then I'll be around you and I experience a little bit of your world and as he was saying this I was like I can't believe I'm present for this like if I heard this second hand I'd go no way this happened as a suggestion. But what's a pregnant accent? How does it come out through your voice that you've got a little human in your guts? We should have done it because you nailed it just then It's sort of to me it's sort of reeked of those were the two ends of his scale so

We'll try it as a sexy woman and see how the menu sounds. And then on the other end of the scale, a pregnant woman. Yuck, the most unsexy thing you can imagine. Is that what he was getting at? I think that was his point. It's like a before and after. You're a sexy woman here. How do you sound saying the Chinese menu there?

And then after you got rooted, how do you sound now? But it was great because we had a couple of different, like, we did two, three bits with songs in between. And he sort of at the start, he said it and we just went, oh, oh. We sounded a lot more scared than that. We were just both looking at each other. He kept coming back and he goes, and he just kept holding it up. And it was very important to him that this specific Chinese restaurant got roasted. It was very important to him.

But when he was trying to win us over, he did say, come on, it'll be funny. It is Chinese. Should we... Do we even attempt Mongolian Black beef So which one are you? Well I've eaten a bit today

So I'm obviously the pregnant one Oh man that's Like you don't need Like if you want to hear Pregnant woman or a sexy woman, why chuck Chinese into the mix? It's dangerous enough already. Yeah, I think he...

Yeah, it would have gotten racist pretty quickly. Because it does remind me, about two weeks ago, we did an interview for ABC Radio in Melbourne and we had another thing where I was ahead of the 2000... The 2000 Sydney Olympics. Yes. Back when this podcast first started. Little Dunlop Club with Carl Chandler and Cathy Freeman, yes. Yes.

So I get the phone call from ABC saying, if you want to come in and talk about the Little Dunlop Club 200th episode. And I said, OK, do you want me to bring Tommy in? They're like, who? Like, Tommy, you know, the other guy on the podcast, bring him in. You know, he does the podcast with me, so it would know the other guy on the podcast, bring him in. He does the podcast with me, so it'd be a bit weird if I didn't bring him in. And the producer goes,

oh, if you can't bloody talk by yourself, I suppose you can bring your mate in if you have to. I don't know if it's like I have to bring him in. It's like he's half the show. It's like, oh, whatever you have to do, go for it if you can't do it yourself. I'm like, alright, whatever you have to do. Go for it if you can't do it yourself.

I'm like, all right. So we go in, and then we're on air in like three minutes. And then the same producer comes up and goes, so three minutes to go. What's the highlights of your podcast? So we can just play it two and a half minutes to go now. What's the highlights? What's the best bits of your podcast so we can go and play it we've got two minutes to go yeah she goes just find us a great

30-second bit that's really funny that we can play on the radio just find us that now and we're like we've got no time to do we're walking into the studio now we've got no time so we go in there and then what they've actually done that they've asked for the highlights so when they go to play what they thought were the highlights they just played hey go to play what they thought were the highlights, they just play, hey mates and then cut to us saying, hey mates. They just hit play at the

very start of an episode. And then when we came back in the next bit, it was like, see ya mates, here they are again. Were they the best bits we do? The beginning and the end, yeah. When we were full of promise and hope that this might be good. Yeah.

And then the best bit when you're gone. Yeah, and then we realised when it was all over, finally. This is a lot of behind-the-curtain stuff that I don't think people are finding interesting at all. Like, oh, boo-hoo, you got to go on radio in Melbourne. Fucking good one. We drank dirt today. Fuck you. Yeah.

All right. Do you want to get a guest on? Yeah, let's bring in our first guest. So we brought some guests over for you, which we're very excited that we were able to do. First of all, if you've been walking around the city of Adelaide today, you may know him from drinking since 10am this morning and not stopping at all. You may know him as playing a hyena in an episode of Rad Dad semi-recently. Please

welcome into the little dum-dum club, Ben Lomas! Ni Hao. You know it would be funny if you stuck something up underneath your shirt. How about fuck you? Do it, so read out a Chinese menu with that in your gut. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Ni hao. Can I have sweet and sour pork meat? That just proves we made the right decision this morning.

At the risk of sounding racist, me no right. You've said that so many times, I should almost have it printed up on a T-shirt. Have we got seats here? Yeah, we've got seats. We can fully sit down. Well, we've got seats. They've got garden furniture.

Can anyone past row three see me from being in this? You look slightly disabled in that shirt. Yeah, I feel. I feel slightly disabled. It's okay, Tommy. Oh, no. It's just like we don't have a photographer here. Can I ask this of Adelaide very quickly? Is it true, is Hanson here tonight?

Not here. No, they might be. Put your hands up if you're Hanson. Yeah, if you are Hanson, if you're a friend of the show and you're in Hanson If you're the hot middle girl in Hanson They are in Adelaide tonight? Oh right

Because that was part of the tweet when O'Connell Bakery were putting out tweets going Hey Dumb Dumb Club and Hanson Music come down for some pies Now Hanson are big come down for some pies. Now, Hanson are big enough that they can afford to go to Davili's. They can afford to cab a little bit further out of town. Yeah.

Because this is what happened. They played, Hanson played in Melbourne a couple of nights ago. And I walked past the hi-fi bar where they were playing. And there was a big line of girls waiting to go in to Hanson. I walked past that. And this is 100% true, as I walked past, one girl goes, is that Carl Chandler? Which I

never thought there'd be a Venn diagram of little dum-dum Clark and Hanson and there'd be something in the middle, but there is. I bet that didn't happen. I bet she said, is that Hanson's dad? And you've heard what you want to hear.

That may be true. Ben Lomas, we've flown you here. You've shown just absolute professional disregard for the sanctity of the little dum-dum club. We've been drinking since 10.30 in the morning. No, you've been drinking since 10.30 in the morning.

And we started, we tried to look for a place and we ended up at Brunetti's. No, Brunelli's. Brunelli's. Whatever. We just spent the whole time drinking there while students were doing their homework yeah desperation we tried all these pubs we're knocking on the window going it's 930 why won't you let us in and then we get to a cake shop going have you got any booze in here? Alright.

It's the first time I've ever had eggs Benedict and washed it down with a Han Superdrop. It's a pretty powerful combo. It's a good way to start your day. We were walking around pubs and then we'd see like, oh, their furniture's outside, they're already setting up. And then we'd knock on the window and the barman's just like,

just fuck off. Is that an Adelaide thing? Your furniture and your bars is just outside all the time? Is that seriously a thing? Fuck this place. That's bullshit. Put it inside. Put it out when you're open. Is that on your emblem instead of like Waffle or anything?

It's like outdoor furniture. Is that what you're proud of? Should we bring our second guest on? Sweet, I'm glad I chatted up. Can I have a beer? Well, no, we'll get ten more minutes out of this. Let's let the good times roll. Yeah, yeah, let's get you to drink a jug on the podcast.

Okay, that's not encouraging. People are wooing. Who seriously wants that to happen? It is someone... Ben, you know, you've just had a child and it is our invite for you to come over here for no good reason. You're like, I'm there.

Well, no, that's it because we haven't talked about this on the podcast. Yeah, and I didn't want to talk about it either. This is the first time we brought up you having a kid on the podcast because we had you on when you were expecting a kid. We've had you on since you had a kid. Yeah.

And someone told me this because, you know, a lot of comics when they're expecting a kid, every podcast because we had you on when you were expecting a kid. We've had you on since you had a kid. And someone told me a story because a lot of comics, when they're expecting a kid, every gig they go to, they'll tell all the comics around, they'll start talking about how they're about to have a kid. It's a fucking easy round of applause. Assholes. But you, you, like, someone told me a story that they got a lift home from a gig

with you and there was like a child seat in the back ready to go and they went oh what's that? and you went oh we're having a kid please don't tell anyone about this what's your angle? what's going on?

I just didn't want to talk about it the whole time and the worst thing about it was when that comedian came in and was driving like what's the deal with that? my girlfriend's just really young breaking out role Harris gear already the worst thing is I don't know why I just didn't want to tell I just wanted to keep it separate you know comedy life and personal life but as I was driving I tried to make up for some fucked up story

I was like yeah I'm looking after my brother some fucked up story. I was like, yeah, I'm looking after my brother's kid. He goes, do you have a brother? I was like, nah. I also like it, we're talking about this morning, sort of joking about as we're drinking beers in this cake shop. Lovely cakes. Just going, oh yeah, thanks for

coming over, whatever. And then you go, if I can just invoice you for $20 for this gig, just so my wife doesn't expect anything. That is not true. It is true. So you're going to come back with an invoice for $20, just feeding the little child, just got my $20 gig for

going to a different state. Does this all check out wifey? And then when you look at my bank statement it's like, why did you withdraw $400 at 11 o'clock at night? You got paid $20 and you withdrew $400 worth of booze from a cake shop. Story checks out. I just spent $200 on

pies and the rest on water. Why don't Bakery O'Connell now authorised to access our account whenever they want? Why are villies foreclosing on our child? Hey, I support my child, okay? With $20? Yep. Alright, should we get our next guest out here? Hey, Dil, very quickly, can you use my bag that's next to you? Hey, I wonder who our next guest out here? Hey, Dil, very quickly, can you

my bag that's next to you... Hey, I wonder who the next guest is? Nah, it could be anyone. But no, it's, anyway, it's there. We'll get Bart to do it. It's... Hey, I wonder who our third guest is? It's next to Tim, like behind the desk there.

Can one of you get the book that's in there and bring it on with you? I'll... This is a reminder to myself to edit this out tomorrow I just got two fat laughs fat laughs with Carl Chandler it's a comedy term you wouldn't understand guys second up in low mass everyone father of the year, Ben Lomas. Our second guest tonight, we've also brought him over to Adelaide with us. You know him as a horny old bitch who on numerous occasions has received my big old dick. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club,

Dilrock Jacinta. Gonna move down one. Thank you, Tommy. What the fuck's this? Why the fuck did you bring me a Terry Pratchett book? That's not from my bag. Where did you get this? Oh, you've done me in there.

Well done. Was there a Terry Pratchett book here? Is there a virgin in our midst? Are you being serious that that's not the book you wanted? No. Oh, you're not just doing one of your little comedy bits? No, I'm not. No, the comedy bits are clearly... We're doing the podcast now.

Oh, right. That's why people are laughing. This isn't comedy. This is the little dum-dum club. Oh, right. Okay. Where did you get... Is this just seriously sitting there?

So obviously I've gone through someone else's bag and the one darker skinned person has just been rummaging through the bag. So I guess some stereotypes check out. It's from a library too. From the Adelaide City Library. Who borrowed this?

Show yourself. Is that you? Who is reading it? Show yourself. Is that you? Who is reading it? Show yourself. I will end you with this. Anyway, welcome to our Discworld podcast. Then someone with skill 12 and stamina 24 stabbed another cunt. That's all I got. Oh, wait.

Terry Pratchett. Oh, no, it's Terry Fat Shit. Oh, it's Ben Lomess' joke notebook. Yeah. Don't give him any praise. I have to say, before we do anything... We have done something. Well, arguable.

Just quickly want to get this out of the way. I just want to say this is pretty cool that you guys got us over here it's really like for a new comic like me to be exposed on this very popular podcast it's cool that you have fans that have given you enough money to fly us over here all that's great

but if anything the way things have gone since you picked me up from my house, since Carl picked me up from my house at 5am, if that's any indicator to go about the way things have got to go, fucking hell, like, alright. Chuck us a beer, let's go cunts, let's do it. Alright, I'm ready. What was all that stuff before you asked for a beer?

It was a really big build-up for a beer. It's just me bragging about getting up at 5 a.m. It was my sincere thank you to everyone before I make a dick of myself. Once upon a time... Can I have a beer? Yes. Let me see what Discworld has to say about this. Is that... How many pages is that? Is that longer or shorter than Dil's last sentence? Oh, there it is. Now you see why I needed the beer.

But we have flown you guys over specifically for the podcast. We did look at all of our mates and go, which people have got absolutely nothing better to do? Hi. Who's gonna be best suited to sit next to each have got absolutely nothing better to do? Hey, who's going to be best suited to sit next to each other on a plane back to Melbourne? These two fuck fucks.

Very, very, very, very clearly one on each wing. Nah, Ben's already eaten both wings. Kirstie's a disgusting fat fuck. Shut up, hang on mate. You are so much better than me. Hang on, hang on. Stop saying the word wings. It's making the two monsters hungry.

These two got into a stoush over Facebook chat last night when we sort of sent them the itinerary of what we were going to do today. And what was it? It was all of a sudden... How did it even start? It was... Dil called Ben a fat, disgusting fuck. No, Ben said, oh, we can grab a cab from the airport. Maybe Dil can get one of his cousins to do it. Yes, I did. Yeah, so I guess it's not... So then it went, you did. Yes, I guess it's not... So then it went, you saying something like,

OK, Ben, you fat, disgusting fuck. No, I said, if it's Ben, we probably should get a maxi because he's a disgusting, fat fuck. Unoriginal. Yeah. And then what did you go back with, Ben? And then Ben, without any context, just said back... You fat curry fuck.

It was between mates. The laziest racism of all. Just taking your thing from the culture and wedging it in there. This should be happening on a train and someone should be filming it for YouTube. I hope a bit of this podcast gets played on A Current Affair. And we become a viral smash. Now, Dil, what I want to bring up with you is I learned something about you the other day which I find absolutely fascinating.

Now, we have flown you over here and you're a good man. I like how you keep saying we've flown him over here. I wonder where this is going to go. Do you want a beer? Is that what you're trying to build to? What I'm saying is you flew here, we grew here, alright? You are such a bad person. Mate of a dastardly, so we are now a grow here. Anyway, hi to Tracy Grimshaw.

So, no, no, no, what I find... What I find great about you is the other day you said to me, hey, just so you know, I haven't forgot, you bought me two beers a couple of months ago. I need to pay you back those two beers. I'm like, don't worry about it. Yeah, right, okay. I'm like, don't worry about it.

You're like, no, I've got this thing in me. I need to repay it. I actually, I've got some sort of chemical imbalance where I need to bring it back. I need to pay it back. And I'm like, what are you talking about? So explain. I hated my mates who would buy rounds of drinks and not...

Oh, sorry, get rounds of drinks and never buy the shout back. So I always feel really guilty that if I've ever bought a round of drinks and if I don't get to pay it back, what I do is I have an Excel sheet at work... LAUGHTER ..called Hasso.xls, Which stands for have a shit one Which is all my little debts That I owe people

And there was Kyle Chandler, two beers, five boroughs And I paid back You have a lot of spit No I'm just really broke What else is on there? What other things do you owe people? I had a Finnish housemate who lent me an egg What other things do you owe people? I had a Finnish housemate who lent me an egg.

This is true, she's since moved back to Finland. Xavier Mikuliti's heard about this and gave me $2 just because he wanted to be on the list. About to make an entry on your list. Do you have to follow everything on the list? I feel more comfortable if I can clear it off, yes. So if I hack your computer and put Dad Blowjob, you've got to do that? Jesus.

Oh, come on, it's fucking 11 o'clock or something by now. That means that Dad didn't get anything out of it. I don't owe him anything. He's already got my sweet lips around his... Oh, Dil. Hey!

Hey! If you boo me, that's racist. Oh, now it's kicked off. This is great. So what... You've got egg on a spreadsheet. Like you are... Yeah, one egg.

You're going to rock up and give someone an egg. No, she's moved back to Finland. I've tried... Are you going to fly to Finland and give her back the egg no that would be insane you post someone an egg i've not looked into it because i think it's so stupid but i do yes it is sorry i couldn't hear you over the giggles of your own fucking joke Disgusting fat fuck You already said that What else do you have on the spreadsheet?

Sexual favours? There's $48 to Victor, my barber $48? What kind of fucking haircut did you get? I also get my eyebrows waxed $48 to Victor, my barber, who... $48? What? What kind of fucking haircut did you get? I also get my eyebrows waxed from Victor, who is a good man. He's a good Lebanese man. So what, he gave you, like, a free haircut or something?

He didn't give me a free haircut. He just said, OK, I'm constantly broke. Like, whenever I get a bit of money, say comedy starts going well, I shave off one day of my accounting job. Or as soon as a bit of money comes, I go into a place that's too expensive for me to live in. So I'm always constantly living on a little bit of money at all the times. So things are going well?

Yeah. I'm in Adelaide. To talk shit for an hour. I think I'm doing alright. But yeah, so it's always, I'm constantly in like low cash flow. Put it that way, it's an accounting term Sorry, stop looking at me like that

Yeah, so it's like People that I owe money to or whatever Don't forget to invoice for $20 Alright, that didn't work But no, I think Daniel Connell, he's there For one VB at the Comics Lounge Yeah, there's a few comics on there that I'm trying my best to try and get it back to them. Everyone in this audience has to shout Dil something tonight.

So he's guilted into coming back to Adelaide to pay all of you back. Stuff shit into his pockets. Let me get my laptop out first, though, so I can enter you into hassle.sql. But when you... Can we finish the gig by you standing at the back getting the Excel spreadsheet out on your laptop and people just putting stuff into your pockets.

And you trying to keep up. Yeah, that sounds like a terrible idea. Let's do that. So when you pay people back, do you tell them you're off the spreadsheet? I try not to. I can't remember telling you this, to be honest. Was I pissed?

You were talking to me, so yes. And what's the feeling of relief like when you get to hit delete on one of those cells in the Excel spreadsheet? I'll bet. I'll bet. Seriously, it's really satisfying. Because the list used to be massive when I was really broke. And now it's only a couple of people are like interstate or overseas or whatever.

So it's starting to... As soon as you get that money for that sweet egg. Just got to get rid of the egg. The egg is stuck there. I'll screenshot it and send it to you. You can... I didn't ask for it. You keep asking me what's on the list,

so I thought that'll do. Bonus content for the podcast. I'm just loving the idea of... The word egg. I'm just loving the thought of poor Victor the barber just walking around, 48 bucks lighter in his pocket. No, I like the idea of you, since you're constantly drunk, just walking into a barber going,

here's the egg I owe you. Or I like the idea of, like, you go into the barber shop to pay Victor back and they're like, didn't you hear Victor was walking down an alleyway last night and a gunman came out and said, give me 48 bucks right now or I'll blow your fucking brains out. And he couldn't do it and he's dead now. Deleted. Come on. None of you know Victor the barber.

Fuck off Don't give me that But I still don't understand You paid for the haircut So what's the 48 bucks for? No I didn't Thank you I didn't have enough money on me at the time

I'm going for the haircut And the eyebrow waxing And he's going Oh so that'll be 48 And I'm going Oh I don't have any money on me So you went there Why did you walk into a barber's with no money?

Is it a thing where the haircut itself is five bucks and the eyebrow waxing has looked at you and gone, yeah, that's going to be 43? My nab account sometimes let me go overdraft to 50 bucks and I had about, like, three bucks in there and suddenly when I went to pay they decided to cancel my overdraft. Are you playing a barber on it?

Hey. That is a great... That overdraft that you pay interest on. Nah, it's worth it. My hair's too long. That is a great scam to walk into a barber and go,

I'll have a haircut, thanks. There you go. Got no money. What do they do? Stick hair back on? That's a great idea for any barbers listening The point is I need people to come to my festival shows

From now onwards so I can pay for my haircuts And my bikini waxing Maybe advertise it on this podcast By being funny Hey, hey, hey Leave that fat fuck alone Alright, let's get our third guest on Dil Darsin, everyone Put it on the mic, you disgusting fat fuck

Our next guest, you know him from something for the drive home, he's King Finty Wizard Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club Bart Freepen Yeah Oh, what's this more Terry Pratchett? Hey, there's your little book, bro. Are you on here promoting your new book?

Yeah, it's my book, Mad Faggots. And you thought Dirty Fucking Curry was bad. I was just sitting in the dark just going, no one has really gone where they've needed to go yet. We were that close to getting an FM radio job. Yeah. We were that close to being on Joy FM for breakfast. Oh, we're in a place where no one knows what that is.

No one knows what breakfast is. Hey, we just eat pies. That's just one meal. It doesn't even count. Now, um... But... It's a good sign when the host looks like he's forgotten one of the guest's names. No, I'm just wondering whether I should bring this up or not.

Yes. Nah. What are you going to bring up? Should I bring up... Nah. To be fair... Sorry. To be fair To be fair, Lomas giggling really doesn't mean anything That just means he's still alive

That means he just remembered his festival show title from last year I'll be caffeinated Carl's just feeling weird because what we're really here to do Is launch the Adelaide Biggest Loser Mr Rip McGee over here. I can run. It's fine. I'll be able to get away.

Actually, Ben, you are on a diet at the moment. Yes, I'm currently doing that. I am nailing it. I've lost five kilos with Michelle Bridges. Check out her website. She's a great girl.

It must be hard having to follow that punishing regime of drinking at 10 o'clock in the morning. She's obviously prescribed you. When you say I've lost five kilos with Michelle Bridges, I just imagine you're losing it through loads you're shooting into her. She's gained that faith. I am sleeping next to Dil.

Or again, if you don't pay Michelle Bridges to fill, she's just whacking that fat back onto you. Just add on Excel, she's made you be fine. She just sleeps. You owe her five kilos. I owe her 48 bucks. Are you going to bring up the thing?

Please do. I want you to Do we Let's take a Is it the thing we were talking about When we all had dinner before? Yes Yes It has to be brought up now

Let's take a vote I want it brought up Yeah I wonder what this is about Fucking cunts Monbeer Monbeer this is about. Fucking cunts. More beer. More beer.

I don't need shots. Yeah, you need shots. You've got to give him the glass for it to happen. Yeah, you better have a couple more of this before we deal with this. Oh, it's a frothy one. Do we want to get into this? I've got a thing that we can talk about for a bit. Let's talk about your thing for a little bit. Okay, well, this is like...

Boring! Get off, cunt! Sorry. Taste of your own medicine there. So there's this writer called Terry Pratchett and he's written a bunch of books. No, so this is quite a visual thing. If we can sort of books. No, so this is the thing. This is quite a visual thing.

If we can sort of get this ready, blokes at the computer. So this is like a visual thing and I know for people listening at home, they'll hate this but, you know, we'll put this picture up on the site because, you know, I think it is something that I would like to get into. So this is the thing that... It'll be right next to the screen grab of my Excel sheet, so stay tuned. Oh, no, put it, oh, fucking get it down. Oh, you fucked it. Oh, you fucked

this so bad. Oh my God, you fucked it. Everyone, close your eyes. Fuck me. Pretend you didn't say it. Fuck, minimise it. What are you doing? Have you never used a computer before? Fuck. No, no, no. It's moving now.

It says, no, what the fuck are you doing? Is that your... Oh, my God. Guys, welcome to the new iPhone launch. Oh, no. Is that your spirit painting or something? Is that your special... Is that your special painting that no one's meant to see?

Jesus Christ. All right. Okay. So, basically what happened is, this is a friend of a friend of mine. Her parents are pretty well off, right? And they have a little bit too much money.

That's not them. That's not my friend's three dads up on the screen behind us. So, they've got too much money, right? So what they did was, as a vanity project, they found a painter who they liked and they paid him to live with them in their house for a week and then at the end of that week,

paint a big painting of them, of the family. And so now... How much went on the Excel sheet? I wonder what it's going to be. I just can't imagine this. This is what someone came up with. Whoa! Holy crap.

After a week. Where's it gone? This is amazing. This is what I actually wanted. Where's it gone? Tommy's girlfriend. Where's it go? Tommy's girlfriend.

Can these guys that are doing tech for us go and live with Bill Gates for a week? We found Tommy's wank bank. How about you next time save on flying guests and maybe pay for a prop and tech? Nothing gets Tommy harder than necro-gobbies. Dil, Dil, just so you know, Dil, you owe them a fucked tech job. So, yeah, this is a man who lived with his family for a week and then he painted this portrait of them. So that's the dad up there in the car and what a terrible fucking painting of a car.

And he's got a bottle of wine in his hand and he's pouring it into the mouth of the mum, who's naked, just lying in the bush naked. What are you guys doing? With some little masked creatures kind of running around at her feet. And then if you look up to the right, there's...

See those two? See the water? There's two girls in there. The two people drowning. So those are the two daughters that weren't present when he did the painting. So he's just drawn them as two faceless crones. And then down there, see, there's a dog.

That's a dog that they're thinking about getting. They don't actually have the dog. But he's painted it. What about how he's written the word air there? I guess it is a hard thing to paint, so why not just write it? Yeah. So if you zoom out a little bit more, it's kind of like... So the dad is sort of...

Don't make them do any more. So the dad's sort of in a car and there's kind of like light beams coming out of the car. And I sort of like it because to me it sort of says that this guy has lived, you know, this painter has lived with this family for a week and gone, this fucking guy, he thinks the fucking sun shines out of his ass.

You know what? I'm going to fucking get him in this painting. I'm going to fucking get him good. But isn't that fucking wild? They paid a lot of money. And a guy lived in a house with these people for a week to do that. You could have just done that off the fucking street. No, man.

You couldn't do that after a couple of phone calls. Do you think maybe... You need to just spend time in someone's rumpus room to come up with that. Do you think... They say that he lived with them for a week, but what they really got him to do was just smoke DMT. And then just put him back out into the wild and he gave them the painting the day later.

And he just thought he lived with them for a week. He also thought he was Jesus, but whatever. Yeah, that's right. But it looks like Jetsons meets Jumanji. Very relevant today, my response. Oh. The wife being nude is just that is fucking wild.

What's going on with the skull in the flower? Yeah, I don't know. I'd love it if... Don't you put a skull in a flower every time you go to the bathroom? Why are there towels underneath the painting? To mop up the cum. Is that how you paint as well?

You eat the colour and then you... It gives the painting a nice gloss. Yeah, that's how you actually create. I would have loved it if the painter had ended up having an affair with the wife during the week and then he gets the painting back. And the painter's just put himself in there fucking the wife. Well, that comes up.

That's our new dream, I think. We've been talking about this week. We want to enrol in life drawing classes. Yeah, my girlfriend has to do a life drawing class for uni. So every Monday night, she goes in and a model is there. And I'm just... Every week she comes in and I'm just fascinated with, like... So you've got a male model.

What if you just drew him with like a giant boner with sperm shooting out of it or whatever? How's things with your girlfriend, Tommy? Any trouble in the bedroom? No, life drawing's really, really... I actually do life drawing. Anyway. Do you?

Yeah, I do, I do. But I took... Mate, the McDonald's sign isn't life. It's more to like, you disgusting fat fuck. And by drawing him in, it's withdrawing money from his account to spend in there. No, but I took a friend of mine and we went for like two weeks and it was a woman every time and he drew and he got really into it. On the third week, it was a male, right? And he felt really uncomfortable and when the teacher came around

he felt so uncomfortable drawing a male that he just drew the window behind him. Because he's like, I don't want anyone to think I'm gay. He should have just written, I'm not gay. Well my girlfriend this week, she was drawing the female model and she was using ink and she accidentally did a blot under the nose

and accidentally gave the model a little Hitler moustache. And so then the teacher comes over and she's like, oh, that's really good, the form's really good and you're following this. And she's like, yeah, but I kind of feel really bad about it because I've sort of made it look a bit like a sexy Hitler. And the teacher goes, oh, yeah, I see that now. But this is just like a private hushed conversation. And then later on in the class, she comes back round,

the teacher comes back round for a second loop and sees my girlfriend and goes, so how are you going over here, Hitler lover? With no context to the rest of the class. And they're all just going, um, this sounds like we've got a good classmate here. Have I ever told you the story about when I Classic racism and Carl goes,

I have a story about that. You know how I've talked about pizza before? Who eats bagels? So much going on in that. So, when I was doing TAFE, playing, we've all got stuff going on. that. So, when I was doing TAFE, playing, we've all got stuff going on. How'd you get that?

Westgate Bridge. Yes. Disgusting sad fuck. Disgusting fat fuck. So, I was doing graphic design and then we had an assignment. Have I told you this story where it's like bad taste.

The subject was bad taste and people were like going here's... I think Lomas just fell asleep. Speaking of bad taste. So he worked with a friend of mine on this and everyone else was like doing these bad tastes. Oh, what about an orange ashtray?

Oh, that's bad taste. That's disgusting. We're like, that's not bad taste. Let's amp this up. So what we did for our assignment was we just did a picture of our teacher fucking my mate. And my

male friend, we just put his head on a porno picture on the head of a woman being bent over. And then our teacher fucking him from behind with this picture we found of him with just a look on his face like... LAUGHTER

I love that you stood up for this. Yeah. I can't work the eyebrows without this. So we just handed that in and went, there you go. And the teacher just took it and went, right. And then we always got our assignments back like a week later.

And it just disappeared from the pile. And so they're handing it to everyone else and we're like, where's our assignment? And they go, anyway. And just walked away. But it's like, you can't really get in trouble for saying you fucked me like do you think now let's go around the room one by one do you think do you think hands up do you think

do you think do you think do you think if you're listening at home fast forward the next 40 minutes is just this we got 65 yeses you are what you don't know is that they gave me the highest order of tape you just don't it's not acknowledged but in the secret vaults you're the king of oh did I clock type yeah you want a image that image is heritage listed now I beat the big boss yeah so at any point you could walk into any tape and tell people what to do and they would listen to you. I walk in and they go, oh, he's the guy that photoshopped a picture of a teacher fucking a student.

Whatever you want, mate. Yeah, it's like Lord of the Rings but TAFE. It's like Return of the King. They'll be like, he's back! So now do we talk about the thing? Yeah, I need a drink for this. I really think that we've put too much effort. It's built up so much now.

Probably done. Yeah, probably. Let's talk about how fucking sad we're going to be when Lormus dies from morbid obesity. Let's do that. As he preserves himself another beer. You are going to regret this much, fat friend. Let's do this quickly before we get into Dil's thing.

There's been a lot of talk of appearances. I, last week, and you know this already, Lomas, I got emailed last week and got asked to go into an audition, which is, you know, I don't get all that often. I was pretty excited. I was like, okay, cool, getting auditioned for an ad. Oh, cool. Yeah, it pays good money.

Oh, this will be really good. And it was like for okay, cool, getting auditioned for an ad. Oh, cool. Yeah, it pays good money. Oh, this will be really good. And it was like for the next day. And then I read the brief of the ad, what it was, and the character that they wanted me to play was highlighted. And I'm reading the script and I go down and I get to the bit where my character that I'm auditioning for comes in and the highlighted bit was, the camera zooms in on an unattractive man.

If attractiveness could be measured on a scale from 1 to 10, then this guy is definitely a 1. Yeah. And that's where I'm at that I emailed back immediately and went, oh, yeah, thanks so much for thinking of me. I'll see you tomorrow at 2pm. Fucking can't wait. You walk in, they go, more like a zero.

Sorry, mate. You know, Tommy, it's your confidence that makes you a one. Well, that's the thing. We didn't tell you to bring your own special effects on your face before you walked in the audition. It's such a fucked position to be in because it was like paying good money and so there's that thing of going,

oh, I want this, but then if I I get this that means I'm just super fucked that's like validation that I'm just so fucked and I get up in the morning to go to the interview and I'm like normally you know you try and you know when you get ready in the morning try make yourself look as good as you can I'm there going should I just try and make myself look mega fucked so I so I like I went had a big like greasy, spicy lunch because I thought I'll be sweating and I'll look fucked. Oh, is this where Lawmass comes into the story? You know...

My acting coach, yeah. The way that they could have taken it... Inspiration. Take it to the next level is what you could have done is just photoshopped your face onto a whore's body. And then... We're back at TAFE now. Yeah.

So I go in and the one thing that's getting me through this day of just going, what a fuck thing, because I realise that's the dream for any kind of, like, you know, comedian or performer, would be to have enough going on that you can get an email like that and write back and go, go fuck yourself and not need that money, right? So I go in, the one thing that's getting me through the day is just thinking,

how fucking good is this waiting room going to be? Like, it is going to be, of other people waiting to audition for this ad, it is going to be a fucking zoo. This will be so good. No, but this is because people are going to walk in and go, oh, well, you've got it. You are one fugly

motherfucker. I get there, I get there, I turn up, I sort of, I sort of brace myself to walk into the waiting room. There's no one else there. I'm sitting there, it's ten minutes, I'm running unopposed in this thing.

There's no one coming after me. Finally, a guy sort of walks... Because it's like there's the doorway into the waiting room that I'm in and then there's like the bathroom kind of here. And so he walks past the doorway towards the bathroom. He's clearly just gotten there. He's this like big, big dude. He's really sweaty. He's like...

You mean Dil? Yeah. He's this like grotesque... You're both fat. He's this grotesque warthog of a man. And I look at him and I go, oh. And then at the same time I go, fuck, that's me.

In someone's head, that's me? Like it's me and him against each other? That's both your mate and you. So anyway, I auditioned and I didn't get it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, ladies, you're looking at a bona fide two out of ten. You're way too hot.

You're way too hot to be on television. Well, I mean, that's the thing. If you don't get it, you go, I was too hot for that. Too good looking for the ad. No one wants to feel sad when they see ads. Like, oh that blog's way too ugly. But now, but that's going to be the brutal thing

is now when the ad comes on seeing whoever's in it and going fuck, someone thought that could have been me. Like someone looked through a book with my photo and went he's our guy. Do you know was it for an ad? Yes. And what was the ad for?

That's all I've been saying is this is an ad. So Tommy, you're trying to say this was for an ad. No, it's to be in fucking One Direction. It's to be in Hanson later tonight. Have you spoken to Adam Rosenbach about that since? What?

Didn't he get the ad in the end? Oh sorry, I thought everyone knew who he was and he was the calls man. Edit point. Can we pay extra to fly you back tonight? Let's start a Kickstarter with the audience to get Dill out right now. Crowd sauce, Dill. Oh, speaking of Dill.

So, we were talking before with Bart. Yeah, I was there. We all had a lovely dinner before the show. Yeah, we went to a hamburger place, which is really weird to not be eating pies

in Adelaide. It was really strange. Yeah, because Michelle Bridges told us to do that. Yeah. No, so we went to Burger Theory. It was it was really strange yeah because Michelle Bridges told us to do that yeah great woman no so we went we went to Burger Theory yeah

it was more than a theory they actually just had burgers oh that's a great concept yeah you go in one cheeseburger I wish we could guys we just

sounds like a great idea to me we just wanted to think about you know what it would be that'll be ten dollars yeah I'm so hungry I got some it would be. That'll be $10. I'm still hungry.

I got some hypothetical fries. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. So what else happened? What else happened? We talked about our lives. You wept a little bit just about how happy you are at the moment.

Yeah. Very emotional. Yeah. Tommy got his nuts out. Yeah. Just a little bit just about how happy you are at the moment. Very emotional. Tommy got his nuts out. Just a little bit. It wasn't bad. It was fine. They're hot nuts. And they're a four out of ten. I reckon they're seven out of ten.

They got two ads. Yeah. So... We are dancing around this one. Yeah, yeah. So essentially I've matchmade Dil a little bit. It's not really that big a thing, is it? It sounds like we're trying to cover up some kind of murder.

Really. We've been dancing around. Like, we killed the woman at the counter and we ate her as the burger thing. Yeah. We were sitting there having dinner and then you, out of the blue, went, Dil, I reckon I can get you laid tonight.

Yeah. Oh, and you feel... No, I just, I think I said, Dil, are you single? Because he's usually just always, his dance card's full. Isn't that right? Isn't that right, Dil? Two women started laughing so hard at that in the front row. That is brutal.

Who's laughing at the thought that Dil's dance card would not be full? Are you guys... What is a dance card? Very quickly to the tech guys, if it's not blindingly apparent by now, we can get rid of the painting behind us. Oh, no, you've got the remote for the projector. What else have you got? What other pictures have you got?

That's still at the point of orgasm. What else have you got? Is there any pornos on this? No, I just want to add on that. Pull up a porno. Seriously, get on beak.com and play a porno. What? I don't know.

Is that how this podcast is going? I mean, whatever podcast. I mean, hi. All right. Do you listen to porno podcasts? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Finally, we can hear what a sexy woman or a pregnant woman sounds like.

Hey, mates, here's my boner. So how about we preface this? Can I just add something to that? When we arrived to Melbourne, like, you know, Carl, you're in a relationship, Tommy, you're in a relationship, I'm in a relationship, we were like, well, it feels like a bit of a bucks night. Let's play become the wingman for Dil

and he can get laid or he can meet a lovely lady now we were all talking about it and then Bart arrives and within laid or meet a lovely lady so we can

fuck a lamppost or there can be a woman involved Dil fuck that tree or say hello to that woman you fucking choose fuck the tree

or say hi to the woman you cannot do both. Pick. I am going to have to be strict on this deal. You can only do one of those. I'm going to have to put my foot down. And if she takes off tonight, we are still going to the O'Connell's bakery

and you're going to have to put your dick in a sausage roll. Sausage roll? In your Excel spreadsheet, one tree, Tommy and Carl. That's where he was back. I just want to... How often have you match made someone and it's actually worked? Never. It never actually works. I don't think it can ever work.

Yeah, not anymore you dumb fucks. She's in the crowd. She's actually sitting in the crowd. No, she isn't. Anyone out of interest? Has anyone ever gotten two of their friends together or gotten... Here we go. It's actually worked. Are you guys a match, mate? They were holding hands and then they stopped.

Have either of you had sex with Dil? Have you matched with someone? Yeah. Married? They got married? At my wedding, my... What accent is this that's going on? Have you traveled before, Tommy? Hang on, hang on, hang on. At your going on have you traveled before Tommy?

hang on, hang on, at your wedding are you married to her? okay so what the fuck oh man you have no idea how happy this is coming right now anyway this is

drinking the water here but it ain't dirt welcome to Cheaters. Welcome our fourth guest on the podcast, Tommy Habib. So you've match made and there's wedding bells in there. I match made my best man and his maid of honour. It's her. He's my best mate and she's my ex's best mate. No, it's a fake accent.

This is too much. Can we get the laptop up and get paint and do a tree of how this all works? What's going to happen is you're going to go to the wedding as the best man and then you're going to be match made with the best lady. Is that what that's the name? The best lady. Oh, right. Okay.

What? You guys could give it. Oh, man. I'd feel bad for you, but I don't know what the fuck's going on. Yeah, exactly. I don't know how to feel about that. Is that good or bad? I don't know. It's a complicated relationship that has one place, but going

down. What happened to your wife? Oh, fuck now! Jesus! What are we, Jerry Springer now? So I suppose what I'm saying is I don't think matchmaking works very often, but I genuinely think that this match that could potentially happen could be good. Yeah, I agree.

Keep you updated. I definitely agree. Look at this handsome face. Yeah, I wouldn't fuck it. Yeah, one person laughed. That's a good start. That's the plot twist. We're reducing the number of girls that laugh every time I'm complimented. The plot twist is that I match made these guys.

What girl here doesn't like a guy with a big spreadsheet? That was good. What girl here doesn't like someone who can't pay his haircut bill? Who has to get his barber on lay-by? Who doesn't want to root someone who owes someone an egg? I owe you an egg and I will fertilise it. Hey, Tim and Marcel, I don't suppose you guys have any idea how long we've been going for at all?

Any idea? Oh, great. But is it time to go into a bit of Australia's favourite and longest running. Most consistently funny and written way before five minutes before the start of the show. It's time. Serial thing. Adelaide. Get ready for...

Rat Dad! Rat Dad! You guys all got it? You all good? And... We probably won't play the tune this week. Oh no, I haven't given it to him. Oh, we didn't do that?

Can we get a picture of the skull guy back up again? Oh, yeah. Can you? Does that have any reference? No, it's just on Marcel's computer. Okay, cool. Creepy. It's Indiana Jones, right?

Yeah. This isn't part of the script. No, that's part of the Harrison Ford podcast after this one. Terry Pratchett's Rad Dad. Here we go. Alright, here we go. I feel like it really needs the theme tune. There's Rad Dad here and I'm here to sing.

Riding around in a Rad Dad way. I feel like it doesn't need the theme tune. The Bollywood edition of Rad Dad. That's good. It's pretty bad, but you laughed at it, so we're all in this together, motherfuckers. Let's get Brett Lee to dance to that theme song. Brett Lee.

That's a great reference. Well done, Carl. I like that. This is awesome. Oh, we've been drinking since 10.30. Sure. That's a disclaimer. Hey, well, here we are, Jenny.

You can take off your blindfold now. We've gotten off the plane. We've caught a taxi. We've stepped out of it. And we've arrived at your dream destination, just like I promised you, if you got good marks in school. Oh, Rad Dad, you've taken me to Disneyland?

Yes! Wait, this is Adelaide. Oh, Disneyland. Sorry, my phone must have auto-corrected. Anyway... Anyway, don't forget to wind your clocks back. Adelaide's half an hour behind. Great, then Adelaide is catching up to you.

It only needs to go back another 18 years and start wearing a Screaming Jets T-shirt and you'll be all square. Hey, and hey, at least I'm not wearing a Hanson T-shirt. What sort of shitty taste in things would you have to have to be into that kind of thing? I don't know, Rad Dad, but if you'd like them, I can nearly guarantee that anything else you'd like

would be absolutely shithouse. Anyway, hey, who's this crazy guy approaching us? Hey, guys, I'm Freddie Fricos from Rundle FM. Freddie Fricos, you know that reference that you all know? Yeah, you've gotten... You've gotten about three words of that correct in that sentence. The most happening community radio station in Adelaide.

We're doing an outside broadcast right here in the middle of Adelaide. And here's your big chance to win some prizes. Like what, you disgusting fat fuck? Well, I'm sorry,

you little child. It's been a long day. The prize bucket's almost depleted. But we have a mystery day. The price bucket's almost depleted, but we have a mystery prize, plus a copy of 28 Days, the last album of Stussy Jumper. This homeless guy's gave it to me.

Oh, my God, despite you not being able to speak English, I'll take it. What do I have to do? Well, all you have to do is read a Chinese takeaway menu. I have here, in a pregnant voice. In a pregnant voice? What does that sound like? Hey, excuse me, miss. You're pregnant. What does your voice sound like? I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not pregnant. Also, I'm a man.

Oh my god, I'm totally sorry, dude. Here, have 20 bucks as my way of saying sorry. No way if you... No way if you give me 20 bucks. That's totally gonna wreck my spreadsheet. Look, are you going to do the voice or not?

How about you try this guy? Nah, mate, but I can totally hook you guys up with chicks if you want. Look, I'll do it. Beef and black bean. Lemon chicken. Well, that was as shit as the thing I've heard, but I've got to give these prizes to someone. Hashtag winning?

Oh, that... Awesome! So, what's the mystery prize? Oh, that... You've got to rename the city. Oh, wow. What are you going to call it? Guys, welcome to Rad Dadalade!

Rad Dadalade! Yay! Ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da! Who's Rat Dad? You're a computer set. I'll find the cash on the top, everyone. Can you guys go back and fix whatever the fuck Lomas was on about? It was good reading.

It was good. He took on the character. Yeah. What did you call Frujoks? Frujkos? Frujkos. Freddie Frujkos. Famous Greek comedian around Melbourne.

You fucking love him over here, don't you? You bloody Frujkos. You always go on about him. Call him the Frujkos-er-er. Adelaide goes crazy for Frujkos. You know what's going on about him? I'm the frucosera. Adelaide goes crazy for frucos. You know what they go crazy for now? What was it? Fruchox.

Ah, fruchox, yeah. No, you'll get it next episode. To be fair, Ben can't see through all those cheeks pushing into his eyelids. I just love it. I just love it. It's just non-stop but

so much fun you guys should do it at the end of the night just as he's walking out just go bam ba-dum ba-da-da-da-da-da

oh man have you guys have you guys ever seen a fat off it's phenomenal when I when I said I could get you guys are staying

in a hostel room together there's gonna be some serious hate fucking going on later when I said I could get till late I was just gonna dress up ben better than a tree or is it yeah so this is so yeah i mean we should start wrapping this up because yeah no we should keep this going

because this is doing nothing but getting women moist. It's so not happening now. What? After all that, I'm not going to be elbow deep in puss? Are you crazy? You weren't right up until you said elbow. Because index finger would have surprised So you guys know You've heard that Adelaide has Krispy Kremes now Yeah

Oh yeah And someone's been stabbed for them already Give us your total opinion You guys know that In every other state it's fucking gone under and they just sell them at 7-Eleven because no one gives a fuck anymore. Do you guys know that?

That's going to be so bad. What? What? Well, shit is going to be fucking crazy when that comes to town. Holy shit, 7-Eleven! Wait till one starts up and you get to buy some Coke. I don't get it. Like, I know that's the most...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Is that true? No 7-Eleven? It's the most hack cliche thing to come to another, like, you know, you do comedy and you go, oh, is this on? Do you guys have cars here? But how is it it's half an hour flight away and you don, oh, is this on? Do you guys have cars here?

But how is it it's half an hour flight away and you don't have fucking 7-Eleven? What's going on? Good news, guys. There's someone here to open one up. I was pointing at Bart. Bart studied business, starting up things at Tate. I'm a very good worker. He's a hard Tate I'm a very good worker I scare people off by saying cunt

but I'm a good worker Do you want to top your Mikey faggot? Yeah, there you go Sorry, another reference that completely makes no sense Yeah, it's just a hate speech reference Sorry, Mikey means your marriage certificate for equal... I don't know, I'm drunk.

That is almost going to cost you sex tonight, I think. Well, I'm remembering back to earlier on when I said, who has work tomorrow? And most of the people here put their hands up. So I'm thinking maybe we should wrap this up for this week. No, fuck them. Okay. What else is going on?

Put up more images out of Marcel's... And we'll just bloody riff on it. No, I think that's it. Is that it? Let's go. That's it. That's it for the

Little Dum Dum Club for this week. Please give a big round of applause to Bart Freepart, Gerard Jossia, Ben Limas, Adelaide,

thank you so much for coming out this was such a fun night we really appreciate you guys buying a ticket and coming down yeah see you next time

see you mates