The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 210 - Harley Breen & Oliver Clark

Episode Date: October 16, 2014

Bad Wishes, Sexy Toddlers and A Big Night At Spleen.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, we've got some live stuff coming up that we need to tell you about. Perth is happening very soon. Sunday, November the 2nd, Rosie O'Grady's in Northbridge Pub. What can people expect? 4pm? Yep. We're bringing over some of our very, very, very favourite guests from Melbourne. So you'll get to see us and some of your favourite comics.

All in a big live show, plus our solo shows, Carl Chandler's Got Talent and Tommy Dasolo's Dreamboat. Yeah, that's it. Well, it's not really that show, but it is. Both of us doing an hour of stand-up. Yeah. Yeah, and then coming up in Sydney also, Sunday, November the 30th in Sydney. Tickets are on sale for that now.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can go to get both those things. Guys, come out, support the show. I mean, we say it a lot, but yeah, it's so great to meet the people who listen and to feel like you guys think it's worth leaving the house to do, you know, putting that little bit of extra effort to see the show. That's a nice little subscription fee in a way. If you enjoy the show, here's your chance to come and give 20 bucks back. Get off your fanny.

Come on down. Give us your money. Yeah, that's it. Also, we're hooking up some live stuff for Melbourne towards the end of the year that's it a lot of response to the bus tour which is looking

more and more like a reality but at the very least we'll be doing definitely some kind of live normal live episode I think we'll lock in

very soon we'll lock in a December Melbourne live podcast and then maybe we'll look at that Maryborough bus tour in January I reckon that's it yeah

cool and then also on top of that if you're listening to this in the next week I'm doing a one off of Carl Chandler's Got Talent, my festival show from this year at Five Burrows in Hardwood Lane in Melbourne on October 23 at 7 p.m.

just before the regular Five Burrows comedy show at 8.30. So it'll be a sweet combo. You come down and see both of them or just see one of them. Only $12. So you can get those tickets on Try Booking or just on the door. Cool. See you there, guys. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you for tuning in. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Hey, now we've spent a fair bit of time on this show, and also I've done it in my stand-up, talked about getting a wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation when I was a kid, and wishing for a shitty laptop that is now landfill somewhere.

That wasn't your wish. Can I have a shitty laptop? Well, it wasn't what I specified, but it was what I got. So I now, because that's kind of out there, and I've talked about it a fair bit, any time Make-A-Wish does anything... I thought you were going to say shitty laptops want you to be the figurehead for them. Yeah, why aren't I getting hit up by Dell to do an audition for them? I'd be good in a Dell commercial. Just going, ah, it's not as good as a Mac, Dell.

If it's good enough for a little boy with cancer, it's good enough for the rest of you. So, yeah, now, any time Make-A-Wish do anything, any time there's a big enough story about Make-A-Wish, it's just instantly people hitting me up going, ah, it looks like it's better than yours. It's like anything's better than mine. A bag of jelly beans is better than mine.

And also, to be fair, I got better from cancer, so that's the high point in that story for me. Exactly, yeah. So someone tweeted me on Sunday saying, hey, you're off the hook for worst Make-A-Wish of all time. Some kid just got their wish granted to meet Tony Abbott. And so I thought this would be funny. I got on Twitter and I added the Make-A-Wish Foundation

and I said, did you just make some kid meet Tony Abbott? What the fuck's wrong with you? And then my friend who was with me… Hang on, did he get in that position? Did he get cancer from meeting Tony Abbott and then made a wish after that? That was like someone else's wish. So my friend looked it up and it turned out the story was it was like some 10 year old refugee kid who is sick and just wanted to meet tony abbott to say thank

you for bringing my family to australia and and helping us flee our our war-torn land and so i was like well well that tweet's coming down because i was like but it was like that that kind of that nice but also sad reminder of like oh i'm not famous enough for this to be an issue do you know what i mean like if i was if i had any kind of profile within 15 minutes that tweet would have been like there's a refugee kid you fucking asshole right yeah that'd be good that i mean is that your aim maybe to get famous enough that Make-A-Wish start saying, you know, start using your name in the selling point, as a selling point, you know? Yeah, I mean, I kind of, yeah, I mean, I have a routine about them on YouTube.

Like, I think that they maybe want to jump off the back of that. Yeah. There is stuff insinuating in the routine that they cause people to die. So, I can sort of see. But hey, if they want to rebrand and become a bit more edgy and a bit more hip, maybe that's something they should do. Hey, should we introduce our guests? Sure.

First of all, his album Atomic Thrust is available now on iTunes. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Oliver Clark. Thank you. What a treat to be here. If you were struck down by illness right now, what would you make a wish be? Big question for three minutes into the podcast. Oh, man, I don't know.

I would like, if I was struck, I'd like just to end with the best shit ever. Like, you know, like, because you have relief every day and if it's one of those clean snaps, you feel pretty good. Imagine if it was the best ever. Yeah. So you're saying, like, people get their final meal if they're, like, on death row or whatever. But really, what's after

the meal should be the bit that's actually factored in. Yeah, but having said that, what is the meal might impact the shit. Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. So the meal might be pretty bad, to be honest. To make it a good final shit. Clean snap. I want to say that you're known for your album.

What's the album called again? Atomic Thrust. Atomic Thrust. And known as the latest instalment of someone yelling shit at me from a moving vehicle on Riversdale Road near my house, which you did last week, which is very good. Last week, exactly. Just screaming at me at the side of a truck. Yeah, your reaction was pretty good though.

He just turned and pointed and laughed. That's good. What more do you do? I don't know, maybe a hey. Also joining us, you know him from It's A Date. You know him from Adam Hills Tonight. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Harley Breen. Thank you very much.

It's great to be here with such a wonderful gentleman. Yeah, right. What about you? What's your final wish? What's your make a wish? I've put some thought into this since you asked, Oliver, and I would love to be shaved of all of my hair. Completely hairless.

Just completely hairless and then inserted into like a human-sized condom in circumference. I think both of you guys. Someone's good. So many layers. Completely shaved, covered in oil, put into like a – in circumference really tight around my body but it's suspended from ten floors up on an ankle

and then I'd just like to slide through that. See, I think you guys misunderstood the question. I meant like if you're sick and you can be granted a wish. It's still not worse than your wish. But you're both just saying like a thing that you'd like to do before you die. It's not your bucket list. It's like what's a big thing. No one's going to tolerate a naked man going through a large condom in the nude

if he doesn't have cancer. Yeah, that's fair. To be fair, if you made those wishes, they'd be like, yeah, you do sound like you're about to die. It sounds like you've got brain cancer. One of the key signs of having brain cancer is that you just start having stupid ideas. Yeah, that's the first sign.

I've had brain cancer for ages. Might start a podcast. Another struck down by brain cancer. Now, we've all had a lot of fun here today. Yes. Thanks for tuning in, guys. What a treat. Great start.

Well, I think three out of four of us have had – a favourite topic on this podcast is auditions. So we've all been auditioning today. Arlie Breen doesn't audition. No, that's not true at all, Carl. Here we go. Plenty of auditions and will do in the future. It's just that I try and avoid them.

Yeah, you try and avoid them because – And it's very easy. You try and succeed in avoiding them. Yeah, you have vehement issues with most products on the market. No, that is... I'm not as militant as you would believe. Okay, well, I'll name some products. I consume all the things that I wouldn't advertise.

Would you do an ad for cigarettes? No. Would you do an ad for fast food? Would you do an ad for McDonald's? No. Would you do an ad for fast food? Would you do an ad for McDonald's? No. Would you do an ad for socks? Yeah, probably. Socks made of meat.

Long condoms. Yes. Durex. Would you do an ad for Durex? Of course I would. You would? Safe sex, yeah, definitely. All right, fair enough.

Would you do an ad? I'd love to. Actually, Durex, if you're listening, I think it's a great message. We need to get it out there. Just lower your prices. Make it more accessible. Oh, really?

Too expensive? Well, the government could offer subsidies. Absolutely. Making it more affordable. Anyway, sorry. That is a great pitch. That sounds like you really... You know what doesn't need any subsidies?

Going bareback like a real fucking man. Which is what we auditioned for today. Do you know what does need subsidies then Is all of your healthcare needs After you get gank cock Oh boy That's not a real disease Gank cock Infection

So I was You know We do Rad Dad We do the radio serial Australia's longest running And most successful And most consistent Radio serial Rad Dad Which Spo do the radio serial, Australia's longest running and most successful and most consistent radio serial, Rad Dad, which, spoiler alert, episode coming up today.

Oh, back from hiatus. Yeah, the return of it. Back from summer hiatus. The return of a show that's been highly requested to stay away. I don't think a single person has said to us, where is it in the maybe eight weeks that we haven't done it. No one wants it. Least of all me.

I've had horrible experiences. Well, you've got another one coming up in about 40 minutes. Yippee! I've got friends. You know what it is? It's kind of like our thank God you're here. Because comedians come on the show, they read out a Rad Dad script that they've never seen before

and they just get shit canned in it. So it's kind of like, it's more like, oh, fuck, you're here. You're here and bend over. Thank fuck you're a dumb cunt. So Oliver Clarke and Tommy Dessler, you went on an audition today. I went on a separate one. The origin of the Rad Dad story was I was called in for an audition

to play a Rad Dad now I was called in to play a Dad without the Rad just a Dad no radicalness required in this so that's why

had to pare it back slightly yeah yeah exactly you're wearing a sensible collared shirt I noticed have you come is that what you wore in

exactly yes it is so I've got like a grown up shirt on you do look like a sensible Dad yeah well I look like a sensible dad Yeah well I look like one

But yeah I don't reckon I got the role It was a It was a thing where I had to play You know that That stupid thing Where you get a script Or you don't get a script

I didn't get a script I came in I looked at the money involved I thought well This is clearly not a speaking script This is not enough money To be learning any lines So this is good

I just have to come in It's like you need to do A bit of improv in there. I'm like, okay, well, that's warning. Alarm bells right there. You're writing the script as you do it. Yeah, yeah. Stealing your ideas.

Do you think you'll get this ad for Space Jump Enterprises? So I walked in. There was a friend of the show, Nick Maxwell, from the podcast The Sweetest Plum. He was in going from the same role. Immediately I'm intimidated because he's a good performer and a good actor. But he's quite, as he's wont to be, he's a bit down about his situation. He was a bit just sitting there going, oh.

He gets called in first and I'm excited to see him. I haven't seen him for a while. I'm like, oh, this is good to catch up. He gets called up. I go, oh, what are you doing after this and as he walks into the door he goes drinking heavily this is 10 30 this morning um so i get my turn i go in there and it's this thing where i just before i go in i get given a uh lines i get given like a storyboard it's like he's oh a storyboard yeah storyboard yep here's the lines uh here's the's like here's oh a storyboard yeah a storyboard wow yep

here's the lines here's the first half here's the second half so I'm sitting there swatting going alright okay I think I've got this I think I can do this

without the paper or whatever we go in and they go alright sit down do your lines whatever and it's an ad with a kid so I'm the dad the kid has to walk past me

and pick up some stuff and come past again or whatever and then this is bullshit that you're getting called in for a role with a dad who has a kid and we're not going in as a package deal.

Yeah. That is bullshit. No, they needed a male. That's bad. Being a woman is bad. Oh, shit. So I go in there And I go I'm waiting for the lines

I'm waiting for the lines They go They go action Or whatever And I'm like Oh so what do I What do I do What do I do now

And they go And they go Just go And I'm like Oh I'm waiting for the lines I'm waiting for the lines You have to do the lines first And they're like

Oh we're not doing The first half of the script And I'm like Well why would You have to do the lines first And they're like Oh we're not doing The first half of the script And I'm like Well why would you give me The whole thing Like literally 15 seconds ago And expect me to know Just cut to the second bit

I'm like okay So I go to do the second bit And they go Oh by the way We've changed that one line That's left in there as well Just say whatever you want Awesome

What am I doing What sort of a So I did it quite badly I felt very bad For the kid that was with me because he was literally just walking behind me. Oh, there's an actual kid? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Kid in school uniform. He walked behind me. What the fuck is going on here? It's Wednesday. What was that? Wait up. And this kid also...

What were you auditioning for? Simon Towns' Wonderworld. For the role of Simon Towns' Wonderworld For the role of Simon Towns So the kid The kid just says The kid's like 15 So I'm like going How fucking old do you think I am? How do you think I've had this kid?

And then the director goes Just just think the dad of modern family. As I'm about to say something, just think dad of modern family. And I'm going... Technically there's like four dads in that show. Yeah, but he says an actor's name who I don't know which one it is. So very quickly I'm like, the fat gay one? So what do I do? So I don't know what dad it is.

I presume it's the guy with the brown hair, the black hair. And I'm like, what do I do with that information? Like, you know, it's that thing where I've got one line that I've had to make up and then he goes, think the dad in Modern Family. I'm like, okay, I'm thinking him. It's not affecting me at all. I'm just going to say whatever it is straight away, whatever. So I say it and they clearly go, oh, that's no good.

You know that thing where it's like, oh, try saying it better. Yeah. Okay, cool. I hadn't thought of that. But I had a bit of this where today because the one I was doing was with another person but then there was a bit where we both had to do a bit individually and like you do like the guy. And now the prefix is I've been called in to be the dad and you've,

is this right? You were called in to be handsome guy. Yeah. Hello. Yeah, that's right. So after talking a few weeks ago about the handsome man, after – well, this is the thing. A few weeks ago I got an audition that was – the role was on the brief was

we zoom in on an unattractive man. If attractiveness had to be measured on a scale of 1 to 10, then this guy is definitely a 1. That was the thing I got. And then today I'm an attractive man. Yeah, with a funny face though. They're just playing games with me. Yeah, attractive man with a funny face.

I think someone at the casting agent wants to fuck me. Like this is negging. They're negging me. They're full on negging me. They need you first. Yeah, career negging. Like they're negging me. They're full on negging me. They need you first. And now they – Yeah. Career negging. Yeah.

We did have a haircut today. So, you know, a haircut's like eight out of ten difference. Yeah, exactly. But so that thing where you're watching someone else do it and they do it three times and then you do it and the guy's like, yep, great. And you go, is it better or worse to be asked to do it more? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Is it like we want to see more or is it like you do it once and they're like that was so bad there's no point asking this guy to do it again

because there's no chance of us getting anything good out of it that's it people get me to repeat my lines I'm like

I don't know how to do it once or twice or three times it just doesn't matter as soon as I get in there I'm ticking down the moments until I'm asked to leave I think I'm officially retiring from not getting roles on ads.

I think that's it. I think I'm going to – I mean it feels like people are forcing that retirement upon me anyway, but I think I'm going to draw a line in the sand. Unless you're a firm out there that's like a chocolate mousse firm or fast food, something like that, that you go, we need Chandler in this role. I don't want to pretend to be anyone else. I want to be the guy that comes in, insults someone in a food ad,

and I'm out of there. Just comes in there and goes, what are you eating that shit for? Eat this shit, you fucking idiot. Boom. If you like the sound of that. Well, this company, if you're out there. Nando's is on the phone right now.

How did you feel like you went, Ollie? So we were going for the same thing. We won't say what it is. I feel like it went okay. But once again, I don't know. You just can't tell, can you? You kind of do it. You don't know what they're looking for. You don't know if you've delivered it right. You can't tell by their expression because they've got nothing to do with the choice

anyway. They're just pressing record on them. I had a weird experience with the guy kind of recording it, like the casting agent guy, where he came out and he called my name out and it was like a little bit earlier than I thought I was needed and I was just talking to someone else and I was like, oh, what? And he was like, Tommy, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's me.

And then when we got in the room he's like, what was all that about out there? And I was like, oh, I don't know. Sorry, I was just off in my own world. He's like, yeah, because I said your name and you freaked out. What were you doing? And I was like, yeah, I don't know, I just, sorry, I was just off in my own world. He's like, yeah, because I said your name and you're like, you freaked out. Like, what were you doing? And I was like, yeah, I don't know. I was just talking to my friend and I don't know what I thought.

And he goes, yeah, it was just really weird. And it just went back and forth like that for like. So he made it even worse. Yeah, literally a minute. And then in my head I'm going, well, I'm not getting this. He did that same thing to me when I got up. So what was that about? It's a power play If he rings you

You know If you get the role Potentially And you get an email When Thank you Yeah and it's sent To Tommy Dassler

He doesn't want you Thinking who the fuck's that And not answering the email Yeah it's true Yeah he just wants to Make sure that I know Who I am Yeah

It's interesting that he Did the same thing to you Yeah maybe this is I think it's his way Of getting to know you Maybe the product That we actually I think it's his way of getting to know you. Maybe the product that we actually... I think it's his way of getting you to know you. Yeah.

So, Tommy and Desi, we're sitting in your house. We're recording this from Casa del Allsop today. Yep. And is it something we should be bringing up on the podcast? There's been... It's a bit empty. Yeah, it is a bit empty. It's probably not something that's... You've got a bit less something that's in spite of what I told you a week ago.

Something that my girlfriend has moved out. Yeah, that's all. It's still ongoing. But yeah, that's where we're at. Is it the first time in the podcast history where there's a chance for a listener to sleep with one of the members of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Did you guys just become blokes world? What the fuck kind of shithouse prize is that?

I'm trying to help my friend. I'm playing devil's advocate. I'm trying to get my friend out there If things aren't going so well I'm trying to Who's this friend you speak of? My god I nearly bought that too

Oh yeah Chandler's got your best intentions Yeah Not future stories Yeah It's like you're investing In future podcasts Halle Breen

You've been living the single life I'm a single man I would say this about you You have been even more single Lately than ever before You've always been a man that I sort of thought As a single guy, as a good looking big single guy You could be out there

You could be taking your choice Of the single ladies out there Fuck you have been out of the game for so long. Jesus Christ. I'm going to make a choice. Chandler's life is over, everyone. You could be dancing with any girl in the Pride of Errand. Any girl at all.

You know what? If I was from that era, I would do a lot better. I liked all of those parameters. I think that's good. Yeah, right. There's no parameters anymore. No. There's no – I don't even know anyway. I was never a part of the game in the first place.

People keep saying to me, are you back in the game? Because I'm recently single. I don't even know what the game is. I was never a part of the game in the first place. People keep saying to me are you back in the game? Because I'm recently single. I don't even know what the game is. I've never been in the game. I was never in it. But you got married quite young. Yeah, I had one sexual partner before my wife and then got married at 24. What's that one sexual partner from

before doing now? I saw her recently. Her name is Zoe. She was a lovely girl. My first girlfriend. We broke up. Yeah. Whatever. I don't know.

She lives in Queensland somewhere. There. Really? We stay in touch a lot. Well, right in, Zoe. Is she single? Because I have a friend. I think she might be. I don't know.

Yeah. I can see the sort of lady that would go for you would probably be right into me as well. Sure. We are very similar. Handsome man one and handsome man two, right? Big handsome man and little handsome man. So you've been – I feel like you've been doing a lot more dating.

You've been doing a lot more – Oh, there's no dating. Getting into the – being more social maybe? I have had some dalliances. Some more dalliances. Alright. Rendezvous.

Yes. Yeah. In fact, the other night I had the first in my entire life I was the recipient I think that's the right word. Oh, you got bummed. You got bummed. Oh, yeah, I got bummed. Well, kind of. entire life I was the recipient I think I will just be sparing in some details because some aren't necessary for the story but I because there's other people involved. Well, please have some.

Because otherwise this is a story about you having a wank. Yes. My hand walked into the room. Please have some respect for podcasting and give us the full story. Righto, whatever. None of this copping out bullshit. I was out fucked up on a lot of drugs at five o'clock in the morning. No, we need to know details. Stop holding back.

Oh, no, hang on. And at five o'clock in the morning I decided there's nothing more for me to gain here. I'm going home to my house. And through a series of messages between myself and this young lady, it was arranged that she would arrive at my hotel room. It's like 5 o'clock in the morning. She's going to bed. But I had said I have no intentions of anything happening.

I have to go to bed. I have two shows tonight, which is not far away, considering the sun's now up. But you're more than welcome to come here. She had nowhere else to go. Jeez, she sounds great. Did you meet when you were buying a copy of The Big Issue off? Oh, dear.

It hasn't started well. Sun coming up, she starts work early. Well, her sister had apparently kicked her out of her house quite early in the morning because she was there with another bloke or something to that effect. And so I'd offered my service department is where I was staying. Service department. Not your services, but your service department. Just my service department.

I was going to bed. What city is this in? Sydney. Okay. You're giving away who the girl is. Yep. Harley fucked the bridge, everyone. So anyway, about quarter past six finally she's like,

oh, I'm here. I'll come down and let you in. I go downstairs out of my fucking head, I'm off my brain and she's standing there with her sister and this, like, a very greasy looking person is the best way I can explain it. Like he looks like an Australian version of a Jersey Shore character, like big sort of gold-hooped earrings. So this is a race thing when you said greasy?

No, no. Okay, actually I did say greasy at the Jersey Shore, which is technically Italian. I didn't mean of any ethnicity. I just meant his hair was slicked back. Can you say something? Oh, again. But can you say a Greek person is greasy?

Because it's greasy. No, they're Italian from Jersey. Oh, yeah? Very good point. No, but that's not what I was saying. Anyway, whatever. So this girl's – This guy just looks like he might –

So Vince Colosimo's in the lobby. He's ready to go. He didn't – He looks a lot like him. He seemed like a cheery guy, whatever. But I'm like, well, what are you doing here? So they all come up to my hotel room because I failed the ability to say anything.

I come up and then I was sitting there. I just really wanted to go to bed. And then at 7 o'clock I went back out to the balcony and they were just all sitting there having beers going, whew, yeah. This is like a really corporate office service department so that everyone's just going off to work at that time of the morning. And they're over over my balcony going

yeah woo well that's my perception of what's happening so I just walked out and said to the the girl that I've been talking to

I went hey you're more than welcome to stay you two fuck off which they all laughed about they're like yeah

that guy is crazy I'm like alright I'm just going to bed so I go to bed. They finally leave and walk out of the – before they come into the room that I'm in bed and go, hey, bye, mate, great to meet you. I'm like, yeah, okay, that's good.

You're here. Then the sister just gives me a bottle of vodka. There you go. I'm like, the sun is up. Go, leave. They leave. Then she gets into bed and proceeds. Anyway.

Here we go. There was a lot of, I was really starting to go, well, I'm just going to pass out. I'm going to sleep. And then just a lot of another human on me all the time going, come on. Just come on. I'm like, just fuck off. I just need to sleep seriously what

is it's like having a a fully full-sized toddler on you just yeah come on let's play very bad very bad simile given what's going on wanting to have sex with you yes you know when you pick up a sexy toddler well i, being honest with you, it wasn't too dissimilar to my child getting into bed in the morning and just being a pest. Anyway, I'm going to end this. You will do no such thing. Anyway. Oh, God, it's exhausting.

So which is exactly what was happening. Have you been up all night now? At one point, no? At one point No At one point I was asleep And I actually got flipped over And she woke me up And I went

Are you familiar With the concept Of free agreement And consent Because at the moment You're being really fucking rapey Anyway I finally got a tiny little bit of sleep

and then I just had to get up and do stuff for the show. I had a solo show to do that night at the Comedy Store, which was I had all this shit I hadn't organised. I had to print out all this stuff and do some musical stuff. Yeah, good plug. Really hype it up. Yep. There was lots of stuff to do.

No, I'm an idiot. I could have done it weeks ago. I could have had it done ages ago. Anyway. Good plug. If you're around two weeks ago, if you can get back in time and fill the room, that would be great. I get to the store and she was coming to the show.

Right. The toddler. Sexy toddler was coming. No, I didn't say anyway. Right. Just the crazy person that was in my room. Yes. Who was a very lovely person that was in my room. Yes. Who was a very lovely person.

It's a fucking shit story. I like how you're not wanting to put details out that you're being so vague about who this person is in case they listen that you won't even give out their gender. Yes. Well, it could be anybody at this point, couldn't it? It doesn't have to be the Sydney comedy store. It could be the LA comedy saw This might not even be Harley Brain

This might be Oliver Clarke's talking When I had finally asked her To leave my apartment Because I had work to do I said to her Now I'm looking forward

To seeing you tonight At the show It'd be great When you come Don't be drunk Don't be late And don't heckle me Right

And then I said to her Actually I can't tell you what to do in life. Do whatever the fuck you want. But those three things, I'd really love it if you didn't do that. Mum, yeah. This story just got good. So in the middle of the show that I was doing, 15 minutes in, she walked in late. I heard the rat.

You can't see when the bat. How do you know that it was her walking in 15 minutes late? I only know in hindsight. Right. I didn't know at the time. Yeah. And then, so I'm doing the show. Halfway through the show, I have this story.

I talk about sort of being single and the fact that I haven't been that lucky in love. And I go, it hasn't been all that bad. And I get this bit of material where I talk about chatting up a girl. I go, I was chatting her up. She was chatting me up. We were doing that kind of mutual chatting where you hope the chatting stops and you just start having sex. And I hear from off the back of this room,

there's about a – I'm not going to say how many, because either way, you fuckers will be horrible. So not many then. There we go. Whatever. I go to see where she is. So the one person in the crowd yells something out. There was 120 people in the room and she was up the back

and I just, as I said that line, I just hear this person go, what? And I went, oh, fuck, in my head. I went, just keep going. I kept going with the story. And then the story goes to where this character that I'm talking to on stage goes, asks me a question. And I said to the audience, I think I answered it too abruptly because, you know, I scared her off.

Because all she asked was, have you ever thought about having more children? And again, from up the back, she goes, no, I didn't. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hi. Hey, ladies and gentlemen. That is actually somebody who I was in bed with this morning. Thanks for coming along to the show.

But no, this story is not actually about you because it happened a fucking year ago. So thanks for being here. And then just went on with the show. And then 15 minutes after that, I only know this in hindsight as well, she was kicked out for unrelated instances. And she had nowhere to go either. I'm drunk and disorderly.

Back to the soup kitchen for her. Yeah. Back to the super engine for her. Well, it seems like a great wide world out there and I'm sure looking forward to sinking my teeth into it. And anyway, look, we spoke the next day on Facebook and she was apologetic and I went, no, it's fine. I've got closer friends who've done worse. I'm doing a podcast with them. So are you going to – do you think you'll see this girl again or –

Oh, probably not. But you're still catching up with the greasy guy though. He was great fun. Good fun. Hey, at least you got a bottle of vodka out of it. Yeah. I did. They probably just lifted it out of the minibar in your room, to be fair.

No, that was a part of the story I didn't tell. While I was trying to fall asleep that ridiculous early morning, she was calling reception. She was on the phone to reception for half an hour, booking, getting food and wine and all that. And after she'd given all her order, the reception went, this is a service department. We don't have any of those facilities here.

Try this number. And she called another number. Apparently it was the same guy going, yeah, no, we don't have a kitchen. That'd be pretty funny, like, you know, you rent a house, you're renting a house and you just call up the landlord and pretend that you think it's room service. G'day, mate, just the chicken wings and some chips and he's going, you rent's overdue fuckhead. Your show was like at 7pm and this girl has got in such

a bad shape that she doesn't know what's going on at like 7.15. Yeah, she wasn't, well, she was having a great time. She was doing a lot of drinking anyway. Good on her. Well done. But just maybe, you know, don't come into the show. You can just keep drinking. Had she paid for a ticket? No, that's the best part.

There's no win for old Breen out of this one. Well, I look forward to seeing this on DVD when it comes out. You were filming that night, yeah? I nearly was. Oliver Clarke, now you did a gig at Comedy at the Spleen and that's a room I co-run that's come up on the podcast before. We all gigged down there. Harley Brain right here is a former Spleen comedian of the year.

Love it. It's my favourite room. Yeah. We gigged – oh, you gigged at Comedy at Spleen on this last Monday. Did indeed. And you know what? A lot of stuff goes on. Like it's been running for six years,

so we've got some stories that have come out of Comedy at Spleen. There's actually a story that prefaces this that we haven't talked about. We did talk about the time where someone shat themselves in the seat in the audience. In about the fourth row back in the audience. And very recently there was a weird night and there was

a girl in probably the third, fourth row that didn't laugh all night and it just happened that the spotlight hit her. So everyone was coming off stage going is this girl that just isn't laughing all night? And just happened that the spotlight hit her so everyone was coming off stage going this girl that just isn't laughing all night and I think David Quirk friend of the show

came out at the end of the night he was the last act on and he sort of pointed her and went you haven't laughed during this whole act you're really not

into me are you you're really not enjoying this and she sort of pretty stonewall face and we get to the end of the show and some of the

crowd members came up and went just so you know what she was doing during the show was giving a hand job to her boyfriend in the gig. Excellent. Whoa! Shit.

I've got to go to Spleen more often. So, yeah, at an open mic gig, she just – and she's at like third, fourth row. That's pretty ballsy. Yeah. But what's – I don't know if I'd want anyone giving me a wristy without any expression on their face. Yeah, that still doesn't explain it. You can give a handjob and still laugh at some great open mic comedy

happening on a Monday night for free entry right in front of you. Yeah, the laughing jiggle would help the wristy. Yeah. Well, I guess she was just concentrating. The laughing jiggle. So hang on, for the whole gig, so this is like some kind of tantric handjob that's lasting two and a half hours.

Something here doesn't add up. She took a break at half time to get a drink, I think. Start to explain why she wasn't laughing. You can't be wanking the whole time. Yeah, but can you laugh and do that at the same time? Well, I have. I shudder to think what she... Look what I'm doing.

This is ridiculous. I'm doing it again. I shudder to think what she threw into the donation bucket at the end of the gig. Great night, boys. Just give it a little in there. Guys, have you enjoyed it to put your hands together. Oh, I'm stuck.

Just walks past and goes. So anyway, let's add to the stories from Comedy Explained. So this last Monday night, Oliver Clarke was on. If you've seen the great Oliver Clarke was on. If you've seen the great Oliver Clarke do Stand Up Before He, how would you describe your outfit? It's show-busy Vegas style. Yes.

A blue tuxedo. A blue tuxedo, very shiny. A velvet suit. Satin. Satin and velvet. Yeah, bow tie, the works. The whole thing. Obviously, you're coming in, you've got your gear with you so you can change into it in the venue.

You're not rocking up wearing that. Well I knew I was going to be, well I didn't know I was going to be on at half time but once I saw the list I thought, oh I'll wait till half time to get changed and then I'll be on. Wait till that girl in the fourth row takes a break. Takes a break, yeah. So you, Carl just mimed taking

a break from a handjob. It was a good mime, to be fair. He went up and down, up and down, stop. Sort of stopped. It was such a better mime than when I was miming eating breakfast at this audition this morning. That was terrible. Oh, mime audition.

Oh, yeah, it was so bad. So Oliver Cogill was on second half. You went and got changed? Went and got changed halfway through in the little nook upstairs near the manager's office. Backstage, yeah. Yeah, backstage. Which there's a toilet next door. Yes, yes.

So that little nook. Yes. So I got changed, put my regular clothes, civilian clothes into the bag, then went downstairs and hung out with the comics waiting to go on. Yep. And then went on and performed Went on and performed Yep

Great gig, great crowd Yes Then Then The end of the night concludes Well, that's the conclusion Went upstairs Went and packed my bag up a bit more

Went to grab it and walk away and went Hang on a second, where are my jeans? Started looking for my jeans They were nowhere to be seen i'm going well okay this is weird because i know i put my jeans here it's not like your keys and wallet where you might just put everywhere else it's like i put them here when i got changed and they're not here now so i thought maybe a comic was having a lend asked a few people yourself we're a bloody cheeky bunch yeah you know and I thought well it's not that funny but I'll give you

credit anyway the ultimate prank yeah you thought you'd lost your pants rang up the chaser so it seemed they'd done anything

no it wasn't them it is a good prank oh yeah so you're getting quite concerned very concerned that I asked you

I said where are they couldn't find them yeah so then what happens at Spleen is it's this weird set up where Ivan, the owner, has got a bit of an obsession with CCTV, I think. Yeah. If you come in and have a look, there's a TV in the bar that shows like 16 different angles of the bar, which is weird because it's a shithole of a bar.

It's tiny. It's small, yeah. Yeah, and it's pretty run down. It's like there's 16 angles of every, it's like no one's going to, you know, I think they're just stopping people from coming in and doing renovations or something like that.

But it's also, it's like there's all those angles of surveillance yet none of the doors lock properly. Yeah. So if you're concerned, just make it a bit more secure. Don't just have these cameras so you can just see the people

when they're up there. It's like Sliver. and Ivan's the guy in charge with all the angles. So he's concentrating on that but there's like a cockroach infestation in the place. But he's concentrating on the high tech. But to be honest, I think those cameras are there for purely people not having sex in that place because after midnight it gets debaucherous.

Mate, it's a mess that place. It is a mess but it's a fun mess. Wasn't this the story That they used to have These like big lock-in Sex parties up there At like 3am or something I heard that happened A few times

Yeah, I heard that Again, I gotta start Going down to Splendor I think that's when They installed the cameras After that Yeah To catch them

Yeah I haven't heard one person Had sex in the toilet And you just put Cameras Yeah, yeah Just sat there ready Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah so you come

down and this is the point where um i'm at the bar you come down and go oh my jeans are gone you know so then i uh the owner ivan he's got access to all those cameras yeah he takes you straight upstairs into his little bat cave that he has up there with all the cameras whatever now he goes up there you start watching footage. They rewind through footage and the thing that happens downstairs at the bar is there's a big screen and we can see exactly what you're seeing upstairs. Yeah, it's a feed.

Yeah, it's a feed. It's linked. So you can't, we're not watching anything else except for what you're watching. And generally they use that because there's a camera pointed at the stage for the gig and because the front bit is full so like in the back bit of the bar you can, like people can still see the stage for the gig and because the front bit is full so in the back bit of the bar people can still see the gig on the screen. Just for context, that's why there's a big screen behind the bar.

So they could just turn the screen off for this process but they haven't. Absolutely. What he's doing is he's got an audience in the bar. Yes. I'm in the bar, I'm watching. So it's you and Teresa behind the bar. She's also quite concerned about my pants.

We're sitting there watching So we're watching. We're sitting there watching what you're watching upstairs, rewinding, fast-forwarding, rewinding, getting to a point where we can see you getting changed, not getting changed, but we can see you hanging your pants out, then going backstage, whatever, and then we're going, okay, it's got to come up. All of a sudden we see like very quickly this sort of figure.

Figure. Grab the pants, put it behind his back. Well, we don sort of figure grab the pants put it behind his back well we don't see him grab the pants but we see him go into the toilet with a jacket on

and a t-shirt underneath come out only with the t-shirt and a parcel wrapped up in his hands like like looking a little dodgy

you know carrying something behind his back yeah I don't know what was going on but we went that looks dodgy let's freeze frame that his back as well, I think. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what was going on. But we went, that looks dodgy. Let's freeze frame that.

So I'm watching that in the bar. And as I'm watching that in the bar, I'm looking at the guy going, that's a comedian that's been on tonight. That's a guy that I, it's a guy, you know, sometimes we have people on that we haven't really met before. So he's a guy that's a traveller that's gone, hit me up a few weeks ago. Can I get on? Yeah, sure.

I'm like, is that that guy? Is it that guy that's a traveller that's gone hit me up a few weeks ago can I get on yeah sure I'm like is that that guy is it that guy that's great and I look around and the bar like two people away from me he's at the bar drinking

watching it this guy so he's I look at him and then I look up at the screen and I'm like when's the penny gonna and he keeps

rewinding it fast forwarding and we're just getting doubly triply sure is this gonna be the guy is this to be the guy. Is this the New Zealand guy? Yes. Ooh, baby.

So we're watching this New Zealand comic who incidentally had hit me up for a gig and going, I'm a professional comic. I'm like, well, after seeing his act, I don't know, I think he's earning his money through stolen goods or something. Brilliant. So I'm watching it and going, oh, oh, oh Oh Looking back and forth

Then this guy Looks at the And realises what's going on With the security footage Starts watching it And I'm like And I watch back the footage And go

It's him And I turn around And this guy Mid swig of a beer Has just gone Dropped it And then gone Walked out the door

Mid conversation He's like chatting up a girl And then he's like, we go back to your place, like, oh, I think I'll just go home. And then walks out the door and I yell at Teresa, the bugger, and go, is it him on the screen? I've got to find out because I'm going to run after this guy. We've got to find out if it's the guy.

And she goes, I don't know, I think it is. I go, run upstairs, ask Oliver, is this the guy? Because I can't just crash tackle him if it's not him. And so she runs up. I walk out and watch him walk down the main street, walk down Bourke Street. I'm keeping an eye on him going, oh. And then she runs out and goes, it's him.

And then we just Starsky and Hutch style just run down the street and chase this guy, run after him for a block, grab him. And then he just goes, goes, what's going on? And I'm like, where are the jeans? We know about the jeans. We know about the jeans, buddy. And he's like, what are you talking about? And it's that horrible moment where you go, oh, my God,

what if this guy isn't this guy? We've made a huge mistake. You just run after a guy going, where's your jeans? Jeans! You're already in. You're like American History X style getting him to bite down on the curve. He's like, I swear to God,

I don't know anything about the jeans. And he's keeping up his front as a thief would do. He's just going, I don't know what's, I don't know, I don't know what you're doing. And I'm like, let's go back because there's footage of you with the jeans. Awesome. And he's going. What have you just been like, you know what you've done.

You've committed a terrible act. And then you take him back and you just show him surveillance footage of his gig from earlier. You went 30 seconds over. Come back and say sorry Yeah, I've been with a joke about rooting a sheep So I'm like trying to figure out what to say I haven't thought it through at all

And I'm just going And he goes, what do you want me to do? And I'm like, well, come back and watch the footage of you with the jeans Did he admit to it at this point? No, no, no He's just playing that dead back to me Just going, oh, what do you want me to do? And I'm No, no, no. He's just saying that. He's still denying it. He's just playing that dead back to me, just going, oh, what do you want me to do?

And I'm like, well, get the jeans back. And he's like, well, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you. And I'm like, oh, well, just come back. Just come back with me. And he's like, okay, well, I don't know what that's going to do, but okay, we'll come back. And I go, all right, good.

And so we walk back like 50 metres and he goes, yeah, I took the jeans. So where did he have them at that point? Well, I don't know because I'm just guiding him back and going, I don't know what to say. And he's going, yeah, look, it's a long story. I'm like, I don't know how long story. The story goes, it goes, I stole the jeans. I walked into a room, saw some jeans, took the jeans.

I done took the jeans. That's an unnecessarily long version of a story. And even that's really short. When I was a kid, my dad never let me have jeans. Look. He was wearing chinos, I think. Was he really? On the night of.

Did you get the jeans back? Let's not skip ahead. It's in depth. I feel like you've found a jean robber. Oh, no, no, no. That's half of it. That's half of it. That's half of it.

Wow. Yeah, let's have a break for that girl to stop masturbating and get back into it. I have a gig to go to in March. Come on, Harley. It's not the destination. It's the journey. Yeah.

So we're walking back with him. We're sort of frog marching him back, and he's just sort of going, oh, it's a long story, and I don't know. And I'm like, of going, oh, it's a long story. And I don't know. And I'm like, man, I don't want to hear the story. It sounds, what sort of story could there possibly be? I said, you're just lucky Oliver Clarke is a nice guy. Because if you had stolen my jeans, I would be really angry with you.

And he's like, yeah, look, it's the first time I've done a gig in Melbourne. It's probably not a good first impression. Oh, no, no. I'll book you again. It'll be as jeans guy. Yeah. Just jeans. Just jeans.

So we walk you back. Just in time for all of us to walk out of the bar. Yeah. And look, you are sunshine and rainbow all the time. You're one of the nicer guys I know. And I thought I could see you try and be nice. Instead, you sort of looked at him and went, yeah, what are you doing with the jeans?

And I'm like, I can't be here anymore. I'm going to dip out at this stage. Both, yeah, you and Trace fucked off and left me to have a chat with the guy. But it was funny because I saw him and I saw the look on his face that looked so guilty. I was going, did you take the jeans? And he just goes, oh, yeah.

And he's running his hands through his hair. He's almost got tears welling up in his eyes as well. And I go, so where are they? And he's like, oh, I could show you. But, well, look, I had a bit of an accident. And I was like, oh, here we oh here we go okay yeah keep going on he goes well you know i can show you the evidence but it's just not pretty i was like so what the fuck happened and he goes well before he was on after me in the gig by the way yeah he went up

to the toilet after i'd got changed done himself himself a mischief. Crapped his pants. But how do you do that in a toilet? He said, yeah, so there's a few holes in his story. There's a few holes in his story. Wait, so this is before he's been on or after he's been on? Before. Before. He shit himself before a gig.

And his reason, he said, was bad dumplings or something, right? Right. Pretty generic. Sure. Yeah. Anyway, he goes, yeah, so, and then I had to throw the undies away, which could have been in the package he was carrying down the stairs. I wonder what lucky lady he was going to give that to. Yeah, I know.

My darling. Well, he did see her in the audience. He was the only one to notice it. He was like, ooh, she looks like she'd like this as a prize. So he said he got rid of the undies and he goes, oh, then I was free-balling and I knew that if I went on stage I might shit myself again. Then I saw your jeans, put them on under my existing pants

and I go, what? So you're wearing my jeans right now? And he goes, yes. Oh. And I go, well, they probably got shit on them or something. He's like, well, it's a mess. And I go, well, they probably got shit on them or something. He's like, well, it's a mess. And I went, okay. And this is where I figured the biggest hole in the story is,

why would he hang around afterwards when you got stinky shit pants on? He's just done a very good con job on you because he knows there's no way you're going to ask to look at that. I know. Yeah, exactly. And I really should have. I really should have. Yeah, because we're talking afterwards going, yeah, you

should have said, show me your shit. Show me the shit and show me the jeans. Okay, but so we're saying we don't buy it. Well then what's the lie covering? What's the real story? Stealing jeans. Stealing jeans. He sourced jeans. He wanted the jeans. He stole the jeans. He just wants jeans. That's it. He just wants jeans. Yeah.

I don't buy it. Well, were they a good pair of jeans? They were pretty good. Are they the ones you're wearing now? Oh, so he didn't get it back? Are they what I'm wearing right now? They're a lovely jean. Not bad jeans. Are they the ones I'm wearing now, did you ask?

Yeah, did you get it back? Oh, no. Okay. No, I said at the end of that, I just went, he goes, oh, we can work this out, we can work this out. I was just like, well, look, I don't want the shit-covered jeans. You take them. He goes, oh, you know, I'll pay for them.

I don't want your money. And then just walked off. You in your silk He goes, oh, you know, I'll pay for them. I don't want your money. And then just walked off. You in your silk pants. Yeah. In style. And anyway, so I get a Facebook message when I get home from him and just pleading to pay for the pants.

And to not tell the story publicly. And to not tell a single soul. And you've made the right choice. Because fuck you, Pansy Man. So you've got this guy's details, Carl, because he asked you for the gig. Yes. Have you followed up with him? No, but what I want to say.

Not a simple, it's crook what you've done. It's crook at the very least. No, I'd rather leave it open so that when. So you're not going to name him? No, I don't think we do. Do we need to name him? No, I don't think we... Do we need to name him? No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so.

I think it's probably... I think it'd be fun if we named him, but anyway. Yeah, it could be, but... You know what? We've given out enough clues when he was on, what sort of person he was. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can go back.

I agree. You can go and find the evidence. Yep. But I left... I didn't respond to his Facebook message just because I didn't really feel like it. I was thinking maybe just blocking him. I don't really want anything to do with the guy, you know.

Yeah, he stole your pants and shit in them. Yeah. Well, you'd be the worst human if you then went, yeah, let's be friends. Right. Like, I would not trust you. Come over. I've got heaps of jeans. Because, you know, shitting your pants is one thing.

That's fine. Yeah. Shitting another man. Everyone does it. It's been done. That's fine. Shitting another man Everyone does it It's been done That's fine More sympathy I could not have Sure

But when you then Bring me into your situation By stealing my pants But you shit in someone else's pants That's a whole different problem Like if you're that sick It's a whole confusion sake Yeah

If you're just sick Yeah you just go to Whoever's running the gig And go man I've got to go home I'm sorry I'm really cruel Yeah but see That's what Oliver said.

Like, he shit himself. Then, you know, apparently, hypothetically, he shit himself. Then done the gig with shit in his pants. He'd obviously wiped up a storm. Like, he'd obviously wiped up a lot. There's a lot of holes. Then hung out afterwards. Yeah.

Hanging out afterwards. Because I tell you what, shit. Drinking in the bar. Shit, when it's not in water, stinks. Like, it re afterwards. Yeah. Hanging out afterwards. Because I tell you what, shit. Drinking in the bar. Shit when it's not in water stinks. Like it reeks. Yeah. Yeah, you guys were backstage with him. You would have.

Would have smelled something. You would have been smelling him there at the bar. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. Anyway. You've got to hit him up. You've got to hit him up and go, look, I just, look, whatever, man.

I've just got to know. Just come clean with me. There's no shit is there. You just wanted the jeans. You just saw the jeans and you went, I'll have them. You should do that. Message him now. See if we can get a response within the time limit of wrapping up this podcast.

We've got another five or so minutes on the clock. Just send him a message and say, hey. Well, look, in between the time I didn't get back to him, he sent me another one saying, look, I've just bought your gift voucher. Well see, but that's where I'm confused and conflicted because his want to pay you and his constant

offering suggests that he may indeed have shit his pants. I know, but at the same time, he didn't confess straight away to Carl. Get him on the phone. Call him up right now and get him on the phone. And his perception of a mess could be quite different to what we're imagining and maybe it's just the fact that now he doesn't have any jocks. Yeah.

Here's the message he sent to Comedy Explained. Hey there, look, I'm sure Oliver has filled you in on what happened and why I did what I did. That's a thumbs up. Before I went on stage. I feel terrible and I'm so embarrassed I did. That's a thumbs up. Before I went on stage. I feel terrible and I'm so embarrassed. I'm not that sort of guy

to shit your pants. I'm not the classic shit yourself sort of guy. Maybe this is why he's over in Melbourne. He got run out of New Zealand for just stealing pants left, right and centre. I'm not that sort of guy and it was a stupid movement in a moment of panic. I'm sorting it out with Oliver. I really hope that this of guy and it was a stupid movement in a moment of panic. I'm sorting it out with Oliver.

I really hope that this doesn't get out too much and affect my reputation too much here in Melbourne. Awesome. Other than that, it was a great gig and I was honoured to be part of it. Is that what he said? Brilliant. Oh, wow. Wow. Brilliant Oh wow Wow It is an honour though

To have the chance To steal pants Of such high calibre acts High calibre pants Oh mate I would love to get my hands on them I mean Tommy Little Was on that night

You know He's doing well He's doing breakfast radio He was on breakfast radio coin Oh imagine you Nabbing yourself That pair of jeans That'd be That's a good game That's some good jeans Oh He's on Breakfast Radio coin. Oh, imagine you nabbing yourself that pair of jeans. That's a good game.

That's some good jeans. Oh, you could get some good money for them on the black market. You go backstage at Spleen. We've got the five previous Spleen Comics of the Year in a frame. I've got a suggestion for this year's one. It has to be this guy. It can't not be this guy. Of course it can be.

I'm on the panel. I think it's more of a thing of, like, this is obviously more sought after. Let's give out a pair of pants instead of a trophy. The Spleen Comic of the Year, they get a new pair of pants. No, you've got to make Pansy the Spleen Comic of the Year. The Spleen Comic of the Year this year has to be Pansy. That would be so good. You would be

the ants pants. Wow. Wow. Well, is there any more? Is there any more? Okay, so he said,

I'll send you a gift voucher. What to? To what shop? I don't know, but he said, to get yourself a pair of pants

or two. So, I'm hoping it's kind of sizable. You know what? I don't really give a shit. You're coming out on top of it though. You've got two pairs of pants. Yeah, could get a few pairs.

But he goes, I'll send it to you when I'm back in Kiwiland, which indicates that I'm probably not going to see that. No. Yeah, you know. Or it's for a shop in New Zealand. Yeah, exactly. I'll get you this Australian gift voucher and then post it from New Zealand.

Yeah. So serial liar is what I'm sort of post it from New Zealand. Yeah. So, serial liar is what I'm sort of classifying this guy under. Yeah. He did have a glint in his eye. Did you see that? No, there was a glint of his odour. Oh, God. There was a glint in his arsehole.

At the very least, hit him up and say, what was this dumplings restaurant so we know never to go there? I'm writing a message right now. Look, what's done is done, but I'm intrigued. Seriously. Was there any shit? Or did you just want to steal the joke?

Or did you just want those pants? Thanks. P.S. Great set, by the way. Yeah, yeah. P.S. Did he do a good set? P.S. Great set by the way Yeah yeah P.S. Did he do a good set?

P.S. Honoured to have you That's what I've seen Alright Let's see if I get a message You will now that you said Honoured to have you The fucker won't be able

To help himself Yeah Alright so is this time I think this is time for Oh we're pretty much have you? The fucker won't be able to help himself. Yeah. All right. So is this time? I think this is time for... Oh, we're pretty much almost near the end, but we can go out on a rad dad. Yeah, that's what we're going to do.

Cool. All right. I can't just promise it to all the hordes of fans at the same episode and not follow through, unlike the Kiwi guy did. Yeah, okay, sure. Well, guys, just to buy us some time while we wait to hear back from this man,

Yeah, okay, sure. Well, guys, yeah, just to buy us some time while we wait to hear back from this man, time now for the return of Australia's favourite and most longest running and best radio serial, Rad Dad. Rad Dad. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just ratting around in the Rad Dad. What's wrong, Rad Dad? Jenny, look, what I'm about to tell you is going to be hard for you to believe. It may even make you think less of me.

Impossible, Rad Dad. I mean, in a lot of ways, you probably see me as a bit of a father figure. So, look, believe it or not, I just got dumped. Whoa, that absolutely shocks me, Rad Dad. You mean to say a woman was seeing you? I know, I know, it's hard to believe that someone you look up to Someone who you see as the epitome of manhood Someone who owns more Mossimo gear than anyone else in the Southern Hemisphere Can be rejected by someone

What happened? I don't know what it was, Jenny Maybe it was too much Mossimo, not enough hot tuna gear. Maybe she couldn't accept that she'd never be as important to me as Papa Roach. Or maybe it was that neck tattoo you got yesterday of a topless Shannon Doherty. Who knows, Jenny? Women are a mystery.

You'll learn that when you grow up and become a woman and become a mystery. The only mystery here is how you ever got laid and how I was ever born. What's that, Jenny? Oh, I was just making a complimentary remark about how Shannon Doherty really brings out your Adam's apple. Thanks, Jenny.

Look, don't you worry about me. It's 2014. It's never been easier for me to meet people thanks to the internet. Just today, I downloaded an app that is sure to sort out my relationship snafu I've made a few connections online and well, actually There should be a knock on the door very soon There we go What's happening, Red Dead?

Well, I've reacted to my relationship breakdown in the most adult way I can think of I've organised a threesome Now Jenny, if you can go watch Fraggle Rock or whatever you kids are into these days I'll just open this door as I speak to unveil the beautiful vixens who will totally get up in my... Oh, holy shit. Don't tell me

you're Rad Dad. Fuck me dead. What a dumb looking sack of shit. Oh, wait, wait, this may not be him. Excuse me, sir, but do you have a much less ugly and stupid looking brother? Who are you guys? We're the guys who arranged to have a threesome with you today.

On Grindr? Braddad, Grindr is a networking app for gay men. How was I supposed to know that? Grindr? It sounds like a place to meet cool skateboarding chicks. Oh, dude, a gay app? Oh, I can totally understand where I've gotten confused and thought you guys were girls,

because your name is... Adrian? Right, and your name is... Robert. Okay, I'm not sure where I was on that one. Well, look, let me tell you, boys, this has been more than a bit of a shock for me. Yeah, well, it's been a complete waste of our time looking at you.

Well, I mean mean We're gay But we're not That gay I mean I'm straight But to be completely honest I'd still like to get into one of your pants But why? Because I've shit mine

Rad Dad Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience Well Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience Hell Fucking hell I think we can all agree that episode was an honour to be a part of Another triumph The Bard I feel just as dirty as that New Zealand comic guy did after he did what he did Well guys that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club

for another week. Oliver Clarke, Harley Breen, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. And bearing so much of your souls. Oliver, you've got things coming up. Atomic Thrust is on iTunes. It certainly is. I've got a revamp of the comedy festival show at the Quarterly Retour.

Oh, excellent. 25th of October. Three pairs of pants going behind the scenes at that gig if anyone wants to come down. Look at these jeans. Oh, I've got a bit of that going on. Big rip in the. Oh, excellent. 25th of October. Three pairs of pants going behind the scenes at that gig if anyone wants to come down. Look at these jeans. Oh, I've got a bit of that going on. Big rip in the crotch, yeah.

I like your shit, yours as well. I've been reduced to... Well, I really... I did a patch of pair in the crotch. Yeah. Oh, it's brutal, isn't it? That's brutal. That is very funny

if you start selling merch your pants backstage. You actually have to sneak in to get them. I love it. I like wear them for like 20 seconds. You must pay in a New Zealand gift voucher to get them.

Harley Green, what have you got coming up? Just gigs around town to take me through to the end of the year, but a new show underway. Cool. Just a fully naked encounter. Awesome. Yeah. Look out for that for all the festivals.

All the festivals next year, yeah. We've got our Perth is very soon October no November the 2nd at Rosie O'Grady's pub in Northbridge starting at what time are we starting at is it 4? 4 o'clock

4 in the afternoon tickets going quickly but yeah come down bring you know get some mates into the show if they haven't heard it yet

you know bring people along yeah yeah good idea yeah guys with live shows coming up if you want to bring mates along yeah get them to download some apps.

It's easy. It's free. It's easy to get people, you know, into it. Find your favourite apps. Yep. Also, Sydney is now on sale November the 30th. On sale now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for both of those things.

Yep. I've got my rerun of my festival show, Kyle Chandler's Got Talent in Melbourne at Five Bars Bar, October 23 on the Thursday night at 7pm. So go on to, I don't think I've got that on Little Dun Dun Club, but I will have that on there very soon. But that's the date, that's the time,

that's the location. Come down and have a look at that if you didn't see it during the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Cool. And if anyone out there is feeling generous, I could use a cuddle. Guys, that's all for this week. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.