The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 211 - Tom Gleeson & Adam Richard

Episode Date: October 22, 2014

Jeansgate Update, Five Pillows and Competing Sausages Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates in Perth, we've got a show coming up for you very soon, Sunday, November the 2nd, Rosie O'Grady's in Northbridge, Carl, what can people expect? 4pm kick-off, Tommy Daslow, Hour of Solo Stand-Up, me, Hour of Solo Stand-Up, then a live podcast with three awesome, definitely awesome guests. Yeah, who travelled over with us for the show, and that's going to be great. Also, Sunday, November the 30th in Sydney. Same deal. Sweet guests. Live podcast.

On sale now. Not same deal. No stand-up. No stand-up. But same deal in that great times. Yep. And awesome friendship. Yes.

Both of those are on sale now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Come down, support the show, and say, hey, we'd love to see you there. Hey, mates. you there. Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Now we've been getting messages all week, people frothing for an update on something that we talked about in the last episode. How about we introduce our guest first so we can clue them in on it? Yes.

First of all, joining us this week, you know him from Fox FM and from Speaks and Specs. Please welcome back in a little dum-dum club, the fabulous Adam Richard. I have been fired from both of those jobs, but thanks for bringing it up. We dream of being fired from something. Yeah. Must be nice to be in a position where you can get fired. Yeah, I dream of someone saying, get the fuck out. You were fired from that show too.

Oh, yeah. What's that like? Also, speaking of being fired from television shows, from this week live, it's Tom Gleeson. Yes. Is that a fight? That wasn't a firing though. That's not fair.

I think that Adam wasn't fired either. You were discontinued. That's different. Both shows were cancelled. Both shows ran out. I don't count that as being fired. I'm not sure that I've been fired yet. I've been on lots of things that have just ended though. I've been on a lot of things that never were. I was on a reality TV show that didn't finish.

Like it was a competitive reality show and it just stopped. Those are the big ones when they don't invest in When they've started a storyline And it's going that badly That they can't even be bothered seeing it out One of my favourites was a reality show Called The Resort

Oh I remember The Resort John Stevens From Noiseworks was the host Anyway it didn't rate really well And I remember that they had to finish the show off camera to satisfy the terms and conditions and to comply with gaming laws. Is it like that itchy and scratchy and poochy thing where they just

at the end go, then poochy went home to his home planet. So they just had to live their lives and see out this contest. To see who ran the resort the best, except it wasn't being filmed anymore, but someone won whatever they won. At the end, whatever it was. That was at the same time as Hot House. That was the other one.

Oh, the Hot House. Two big Channel 10 hits that year. I'd love that to happen to Big Brother, that thing where it's like, let's just keep them living in a house for six months. No one's being filmed anymore. They're just trapped in a share house for six months. Have you seen that show?

I think it was a Charlie Brooker show where they were in Big Brother and zombies came. And so they just lost contact with the outside world. This is a scripted show we should point out. But they filmed it in the Big Brother house in England. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because I thought, hang on, I didn't know zombies existed.

You did. You looked so confused. I read the paper for a week or on, I didn't know zombies existed. You did. You looked so confused. I read the paper for a week or so. I can't believe they haven't done it. I don't know if they've done it in other countries, but I can't believe they haven't done this as a twist on Big Brother. Just saying to them, guys, we've run out of money. We've had to switch the

cameras off, but you still have to stay in here for another month. And then we just get to see what really happens. No, no, no, you don't because they're not filming. No, no, but they keep filming. Oh, okay. I get it. Tom got fooled as well.

See, it's got legs. You can fool Tom Gleeson. You can fool anyone. No, because I was just imagining them not being filmed and not having to watch them and I think that would be even better. It's just Sonia Kruger giving us a recap. There are some people that you don't care about living in a house and you're unaware

of it. That's a great show for me. It's real life. To not watch. That's the whole world going around. That's Channel 7 pretty much for me. So off the top of the show, what you were mentioning Tommy, just to get Tom and Adam up to date with this story.

Last week we talked about a story where comedy at Spleen, the Monday night show going on in Melbourne that I co-run. Tom Gleeson, you're hopping up tonight. You'll have been on while Tommy's comes on. He was there last week during the gig that we were talking about. You were too? Okay.

So something must have happened after I left, I think. Yes, something seriously happened. Were you special guest exclamation mark? Yes, I dropped in. So after I left, I think. Yes, something seriously happened. Oh, you special guest exclamation mark. Yes, I dropped in. Yes. So after you left, there was an incident where Oliver Clarke was on in the second bracket and obviously he gets dressed up and all that sort of stuff. So he gets there in his normal street clothes.

He rocks up, gets changed into his performing gear. In his satin pants. In his satin pants pants all that sort of stuff the jacket the bow tie whatever comes back off stage and then goes

where are my jeans where are my street jeans and he's like oh I don't know I don't know no one cares whatever then

end of the show he comes up this is why you should never do a character we get to the end of the show he comes up again I'm at the bar

after the show do you know where my jeans are no I don't know so then the owner takes him upstairs they check the security camera the footage is being beamed down into the bar so i'm watching that happen the security footage we spot the the assailant we spot the the the guilty the guilty party stealing the jeans on camera just so happens the guilty party is the same bar, we're watching the footage together of him stealing these jeans. Oh, so did you

look at the security camera footage? Hang on, that's this guy. The guy sitting next to you. He'd been on at the gig. He was in the line-up. He was a comedian. He was on the gig. Alleged. Established? Or doing... Fiona O'Loughlin stole his pants. Alleged comedian.

It was the bottle stealing. I know. And also a lot of established stacks go there to do new material and it's like, no, that's old material. That's someone else's pants. They go there to steal new material. You've plagiarised someone's pants. Spleens like a wedding.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, a lot of glue. Literally stolen material. So I look at the guy and I realise it's the same person. He bolts, takes off down the street. Me and the bar girl chase him down the street, bring him back up. He sort of denies it at the start,

then ends up admitting it. End of the story is Oliver Clark talks to him and his excuse was, I went to the toilet and I shit myself and I needed to put something else on. So then he put those jeans, he saw Oliver's jeans, put them on over the top of that, then put his own jeans on over the top of that. What? What? And then went on stage.

Like a big denim nappy. Yeah. Like a big denim nappy. Yeah. Like a double denim nappy. Did he use – Like a really cool nappy. So did he use Oliver Clark's jeans as underpants? Yeah, basically. Yeah.

Wow. So he went commando in Oliver Clark's jeans so that he didn't have to go commando in his own jeans. And I think maybe to create a bit more of a barrier for the smell, I'm guessing might have been the thinking. Oh, yeah, strap it in. Yeah. That's like having a perimeter fence and another. I don't understand the part where you go to the toilet

but still manage to shit your pants. I don't either. Yeah, that's what we got held up on. I don't either. There are a lot of holes in the story. I don't know whether he sat on the toilet and then just went and then went, oh, well, no one told me I had to take my jeans off. So it's taken him a while to get to that point.

Yeah. Or did you have an infant performing? No, no. So, yeah, an infant in Oliver Clarke's fully grown jeans. That's what happened. He's not that big, Ollie. Two kids on each other's shoulders in Oliver Clarke's jeans. It's like Muppet Man.

We wouldn't let this eight year old double act on a stage at Spleen so they had to get the trench coat. After the show they went into a porno theatre. It was the Lil Nelson tweet. So that was the story and then he

said he ended up saying to, being very embarrassed and saying to Oliver Clark, oh, I owe you, I'll get you a voucher when I go back to New Zealand. A voucher? I'll buy you a voucher in New Zealand and send it back to you. Well, that's not real. Yeah, well, that's what we're saying. We don't know.

We were very confused whether this was a real thing, whether this was just an excuse, like a really desperate excuse to go, no, I didn't steal those jeans. I shit myself. Because that's less embarrassing. Yeah. Shitting your pants and spleen in the toilets. In the toilets. Yeah.

Going to the toilet and failing is worse than being a thief. A piece of detail that I didn't bring up at the time when we were hearing this last week because I was hearing it for the first time and very overwhelmed. I was at that gig. I was helping you out. I was doing the sound. And a friend of mine, Genevieve, was doing support for Reggie Watts

while he was in the country. And they finished the gig and they came down to Spleen. So Reggie Watts walked into Spleen while this man was on stage and saw his act, right? And then at the end of the gig we're all standing around talking and this jeans assailant, but I don't know any of this at the time, this is before he gets busted, he's come up. This jeans napper.

He's come up to Reggie and seen Reggie and gone, oh my God, you're one of my biggest comedy inspirations. I love you. Apart from the Hamburg, what? Hey, this is Australia. We've got a long history of stealing things. But stood there talking to this guy for like 20 minutes, stood there talking to Reggie Watts for 20 minutes

and getting photos with him, which I just, that adds another insane. Stinking of shit. Exactly. Another insane layer that in his head he's going, is this the best night of my life or the worst night of my life? And when he ran out the door, when I said we're watching the security footage, he was trying to pick up a girl. He had no shit in his pants.

Nah, but I don't know, maybe that extra layer of denim just gives you a whole new range of confidence. Because it's like when you're doing motocross, motorcycle riding quite often because it's very muddy, you have like a visor on your visor that you can just peel off halfway through to get rid of the mud so you can see clearly. And maybe it's a bit the same. It's just like the second pair of jeans out the window

or in a wheelie bin on the way home and then he's fine again. But it's so nearsighted because it's like you think if you pick up this girl and you get into her room and you're going for it, there's going to come a certain point where she's going hang on, why are you why is the second pair of jeans on underneath this? Don't worry about the fact you're covered in shit.

Why are you wearing two jeans? You know that penis brain does not consult actual brain. Pen'm aware. Penis brain will go all the way to the end and it's not until you've got your hand on the penis. Sure, but also... Penis brain will steal another pair of jeans.

Yeah. That don't belong to you. Because if he's got three, then it's like... Oh, hang on, there's another fly in there. I feel sorry for the penis. I think he's copying the blame for something he didn't do. No, no, penis brain didn't steal the pants. Penis brain just wouldn't have realised he was beneath two pairs.

Right. Could have been something more innocent, though. Like maybe the ones he stole had a zip and the ones he owned had button up. Yeah. And he was feeling unconfident with the studs. Yeah. What if this was the podcast now? Like every episode we just relay this story to our guests

and get their take on it. I actually would love that. I think that's what it should become. You know, the most frightening thing is I actually got told this story on the weekend by a friend of Oliver Clarke's who came out to my house. Oh. It's travelling around the story. Told me, yeah.

And he told me the whole story and I thought this is extraordinary but I didn't realise that while he was telling me this story, I was there on that night. The whole time. You could have been caught into questioning. Jessica Fletcher in Murder, She Wrote. I was there in the anecdote all the time. Yeah, I was just sitting there.

Yeah, if it went to court, you could be called as a witness and just gone, did the accused mention any predilection for denim or curry? But this is the thing because we've since heard, not long after we recorded that episode, we heard from a couple of friends of ours who run other comedy gigs that he was up to some pretty spectacular work the week before as well. Oh, really? He was doing some, yeah, he made a real mark on the city of Melbourne.

He was putting back Australia-New Zealand relations by a couple of centuries, I believe. So anyway, the reason we bring this up is because on the episode last week when we talked about it, we sent him a message live on the show. We just want answers. We just want to know, he's left the country now, he's all safe. We just want to know, was it a ruse? You know, did he just steal the jeans to steal the jeans?

And so apparently in the week, it didn't happen on the episode, but you've gotten a response. Yes. Now, the last message I sent him last week on the show was... Was the question, are you a tea leaf or did you actually shit your pants? What's a tea leaf? A thief. Oh, okay.

It's me and me cockney rhyming saying. It's my new character I'm doing. It's weird getting innuendo from you that's not, that's just another word for, you use rhyming slang to describe something quite reasonable. Yeah, and I say pants shitter. I was trying to piece together, how does a tea leaf go up someone's ass?

That's what this must be about. I love a good nickname that goes much longer than the original word as well. Very pretty. So I sent him a message. Look, what's done is done, but I'm intrigued. Seriously, was there any shit or did you just want those pants? Thanks. P.S.

Honoured to have you. Oh, my God, you're such a suck. You are such a suck. No, no, no. That was in reply to his message. He explained what I'd done and then said it was a great gig and I was honoured to be part of it. So I said that as if I meant that. I know you didn't mean it, but you still wrote it.

Have you guys met yet? Handler, you two-faced arsehole. His response was, unfortunately there was. I wouldn't steal jeans that don't fit, especially from a green room. Especially from a green room. Especially. That's the worst place to steal jeans from. Yes.

Sent Oliver a gift card to clear things up. I asked Oliver on the weekend. Hasn't got a gift card. Still pretty embarrassed by the whole thing, but it'll make for a story. Oh, yes, it has. Thanks for having me. I'll hit you up next time I'm over

and I promise not to steal any clothes or shit on anything. Now, that's a big promise. That suggests that it's research, though. I reckon at next year's New Zealand Comedy Festival there's going to be a show called Two Jeans on Nick from Aussie. Two jeans, two jeans, one bog. Yeah. I was going to say, it needs to be a two jeans, one something reference,

given how much shit there is in this story. Yeah. You know what? It's that thing with telling a lie where people who are telling the truth don't actually volunteer many facts. Right. But when you're bullshitting. Yes.

You volunteer so much information. It's easy to spot, isn't it? When people just put in things that didn't need to be in there. Yeah. It doesn't matter what colour the car was. Because you're overthinking it in your head going, how do I make this lie sound real

how do I make this lie sound real and by making trying to make it sound real it becomes not real yeah there's too much information so if you chat yourself

you'd say you'd say why someone asks you why did you steal the jeans you'd say I don't want to talk about it you go

oh sorry I'm really sorry I shouldn't have done it I'll send them to you yeah I don't want to talk about it anymore yeah sorry I'm really sorry oh I shouldn't have done it I'll send them to you yeah I don't want to talk about anymore if you actually shut yourself you like I actually wouldn't be in the venue and I you would have run away yeah he did the gig like that's if you're that sick like you'd be thinking I'm too sick to go on like I'm, I know someone who's done a gig under those

circumstances. Dr. Showbiz takes care of it for that brief moment. Yeah, it was a TV taping and it was a friend of mine, they still did it. Can you name who the person was? No, no, it's her story to tell. Oh, it's her. Kerri-Ann. Kerri-Ann Kenley. It was Stand Up Australia

and yeah, she still had to do it. Like, she essentially, well, she thought she'd done a fart. She thought she only had a fart that she had just behind the curtain. She took a gamble on a fart and she got black. Just before that, yes. So she says the whole gig she was very distracted because she was wondering whether the smell had permeated to the front row. Whether people at home could smell it.

Yeah. She knew at home, like, from an audio and visual perspective, she was sweet. She was fine. But in the room, that sense of smell. Because the people are right there in that show. They're, like, just around. They're at our time.

Yeah. Because you play on that weird thrust instead of Australia. They're just around. Yeah, oh. Oh, yeah. They would have smelt a lot. Oh, wow. I can't wait till the end of this episode so we can find out who this is.

I've got some guesses that I reckon are probably pretty on point. Was it Shitty Flanagan? No. No, it was Claire Pooper. Oh, God. Oh, fuck, I'm going to look like a real loser if I can't come up with one. Mel Butthole. Yay!

No, three puns too many. Ah, shit. Oh, man. Well, yeah, I mean, there's still... I don't think we're ever going to get the answers that we want out of this. What I'd love is, thanks for having me, I'll hit you up next time I'm over. No. No, but you can just send out an alert to everyone else who's on the bill

and we'll all just take our, like put the belt in a couple of notches. Our jeans are unpinchable. We'll have reefed in wastes. We'll have chastity belts on. Well, I just think I leave my wallet and my keys and my phone, everything backstage usually. Yeah. I've done that before.

I've left like wallets and iPods and stuff around where I've thought, imagine if this got stolen because it's like, yeah, only six people have access to it. And it's like imagine having to have that chat because they're all mates of yours. Like imagine having to go, come on, guys, one of you has nicked my phone. Who is it? I still have a thing and I still think about it.

I was actually in bed the other night thinking about this, couldn't get to sleep over an incident that happened like 10 years ago. You know, you have those regrets and you just lie there and go, oh, why did I do that? I moved into a house. The first house I moved into in Melbourne was in Newport and I just moved into this guy who had a big moved into in melbourne was in newport and i just moved into this guy who had a big relationship breakup and he was a bit weird and i i moved in and he i think

he sort of wanted a mate and i was like oh no i'm just gonna do my own thing he sort of had all these mates of his over every night and just hanging out and i'd go away for the weekend and he'd have his mates like sleeping in my bed and stuff like that. Like, oh, this is weird. And one day I left quite a few hundred dollars on my bedside table and came back and it was gone. And it was like, all right. And these guys were like, these guys by this stage wanted me out of the house. It was very clear they wanted me out of the house. So I just pinched that money and I've gone, you know,

and I've just gone, oh, I'll just have to get out. I'm not even going to say anything because what do you do? Taking your money though, that maybe was like sanctions. It's like what they do with Russia. Like they're trying to destroy you economically. Right. We'll take his money so he can't afford rent anymore. I can't pay rent, guys.

Oh, yeah. Oh, what a shame. You've run out of money, have you? Yeah, just starving me out of the house. Yeah. So that happened. And then I get – and the guy kicks me out of the house after that. A couple of weeks after that, he kicks me out of the house via text message.

Yeah. And this guy's like twice the size of me. He was a massive unit. He just sends me a text message going, yeah, I think it's time for you to move out of the house. And then he hid for a month. Yeah, you money loser. Get out.

You with your – leave your money lying around that you just lose all the time. Get out of my house. I like people who hold on to their money. I work for the bank and this offends me deeply. I like people with wallets and bank accounts. You got no pockets, you fucking idiot.

He gives me a text message. I live alone and I hide cash in my house. You live a what? I live alone and I hide cash in my house You live a what? I live alone Alright And I hide cash in my house Yeah I'm married and I hide cash in my house Well that's sensible

Your wife can shop Yeah I know Are you like Walter White with it all just hidden up in a crawl space? Yeah it is I love Ellie but I wouldn't trust her with money Alright Does online shopping instead So he kicks me out by text message and then he

hides for a month he just leaves the house that isn't ever there where i'm we're not ever going to be there and then i'm literally i don't see him for a month until i i've texted him and gone okay i'll move out on this day on that day i'm moving stuff out and he pops in to grab something and tries to get out before he sees me and then goes, oh, oh, what are you up to? As I'm like carrying all of my belongings out of the house, he's like, oh, what's going on? I'm like, what do you reckon is going on when I've got like five pillows and all my socks and everything in my hands, put them into my car.

Hang on a minute. Five pillows? Well, I don't know. That's what people move with, isn't it? Old Chandler just rolling around all soft and squishy on his five pillows. Yeah, he didn't have a bed though. He was just five pillows on the floor. Housemates stole it.

I would have had more pillows if I hadn't lost all that money. I think the lesson we've all learned from this story is don't move in with anyone who's just broken up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so... Oh. Yeah. Vaseline's looking for a housemate. I just broken up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so and oh, yeah. That's why he's looking for housemates.

I am looking for housemates, guys. What's up? Little dum-dum club at gmail.com. That's what this is now. This is gum tree. The little gum-gum club. Wow.

I like how he said a fan of your podcast is going to move in. He'll just be like spending 99% of the time in the house going, oh, is there going to be a podcast recorded soon, guys? Is this where you record it, like here? Wow. That is a horrible way to get out of 20 bucks to come along to a live podcast.

Yeah. It'd be bad because we'd lose, like say a couple moved in who listened, we'd lose two listeners. You're not going to keep listening to a podcast that you live in the same house as. You just leave a door open. And you hear it. Now, much like the pants shitter, there's some big holes in this story, I have to say. Because the way you tell it is you're just minding your own business.

You're just going away on holidays. You're just taking it easy. You're just minding your own business. You're just going away on holidays. You're just taking it easy. And then for some reason, unbeknownst to you, they decide to just kick you out with no reason. You're doing something here.

You're not getting burnt that badly by people for just, as you tell it, hanging out and minding your own business. And who kicks out a housemate who's going away every weekend? That's the dream. No. As you pointed out before, have you met? No, but hey, look, that's a good point because someone asked me about a housemate on the weekend and they are the same as me and the same as you, obviously.

If you have someone that goes away, is out of the house all the time, you would think that's a great thing. But I've met, when I applied for share houses a bunch of times, lot of people i would say oh i'm a comic i i'm out a lot of nights and they go no we're not interested because we need someone to be a friend and be around the house yeah that's right people you see ads yeah people want social houses to be our friend yeah yeah yeah it's a little weird isn't it because it's sort of like it like everyone i think people think that they want a social house until it's like there's a tipping.

Do you know what I mean? It's like people want it – like I had a mate who used to have this housemate and he was like, oh, he's not working out. And I was like, what's wrong with him? And he said, oh, he's just in his room all the time, just does stuff by himself. I love that. But it was like, man, you have not lived with enough shitty housemates if that's bad to you.

Did you have share houses, Tom? time yeah it's been a while but i lived in a house in lane cove in sydney which is the most boring suburb there and uh everyone there is very old except for me and my friend who lived there and we had another person who moved in it was his ex-girlfriend and yeah and she was in her room the whole time yeah never came out yeah but it's hard not to take it personally because we thought we're pretty interesting yeah yeah yeah because you're from the country did you go to uni in the city yeah yeah so i was at uni it was when i was at sydney uni yeah but see i get it a little bit more now because people have laptops and people have netflix and they sit in there there was no internet as well people doing their rooms we knew well she didn't even have a phone line in there

right it's weird she's like reading and stuff. It's strange. What? Get her out. You know, we're just, you know, living a life in the lounge room and watching cool shows and talking rubbish and being boisterous. No, she was there the whole time. It was quite strange. Yeah, that is weird. With the door shut too in a house that had poor ventilation.

Also, being an ex, that's hard work. Yeah, that was strange, yeah. That's really weird. Yeah, it was a bit weird See that's Well that's the thing I used to keep myself to myself Because that guy

Was just a different person So I'd just go to my room Or whatever And so that's the same deal No you've done something People are social creatures though And they get suspicious Of people who stick to themselves

Weird Too often I listen back to the show When you tell a story And I feel like a detective Like replaying the tapes Of the interview And I go There's holes in this This doesn't stack up Did you go to the toilet And you tell a story and I feel like a detective like replaying the tapes of an interview and I go there's holes in this

this doesn't stack up did you go to the toilet and accidentally shit your pants and then steal a pair of jeans if it was the big brother house

like you wouldn't have been the popular one like you tell the story like you're the one who's reasonable and everyone else in that house is just quite unreasonable

well who tells a story from someone else's point of view yeah I think I was a bit of a cuck but who knows you know that you're the loser in that story quite unreasonable. Well, who tells a story from someone else's point of view? Yeah, I think I was a bit of a cuck, but who knows? No, you know that you're the loser in that story. Even as it was coming out of your mouth, you're like, hang on, I'm a man who boasts how much money he has by leaving up lying around.

Oh, look at my extra hundreds, everyone. And you spend all your time in your room not wanting anyone to go in there just keeping to yourself and the only time you're not there you leave money lying around just to see

who else goes in there like a trap why are you just leaving money why are you going away why aren't you taking the money with you well he leaves the money

there as like bait so that he can belt them to death belt whoever comes in with five pillows Scrooge McDuck just swimming around in his money pit. Yeah, yeah, that was me.

Yeah, and I'd go away for the weekend to visit my three nephews. We need a spin-off podcast, Little Chando. It's all about your life before you start this podcast. Chando babies. Did you spend time in the house or you were just always in your room? No, I would be a little bit in my room and then a lot just with my girlfriend at the time and just get out of the house. Oh, so with your girlfriend but at her place?

Yeah. Right. Yeah, which showed how much I enjoyed living in that house because she lived on army barracks. So I was spending time at her place, which was like a little prison. Yeah. Yeah, it was really weird. You thought it's nicer here.

Yeah. Yeah, there's no one stealing any of my money out here. There's a few pillows, sure, but, you know. You've trained pretty extensively with the Taliban, so that must have been a weird relationship for you to be in, like chalk and cheese. It was the original odd couple. My boyfriend just bought a house and he hasn't moved in yet.

All right, mate. We've all got boyfriends that have got stuff going on. And he's like, you know, it's a two-bedroom place and it's in Sydney so the mortgage is crazy so he has to get someone to move in. And a mate of his from work whose girlfriend is Japanese, she said she's gone, oh oh you should get a Japanese student to move in because she'll clean

everything but she won't ever leave her room oh right that's a good thing a Japanese girl saying no no this is fully terrible racial stereotype

get on to it yeah I know but it's like they're a creepy crawly in a pool you know they're just all those robot vacuum cleaners yeah

just comes out of the room every now and then cleans everything out and then goes again. At night you just leave the door open at night, come back, the floor's all done. Just like a schoolgirl from Tekken. Isn't that odd that people don't want creepy crawlies coming to their house? Yeah, you can't live with a creepy crawly, is that how you live?

Yeah. Terrible. So, well, this will be interesting Tommy Dasol Actually Having to get a Has your old housemate Moved out now?

He just moved out Just before You got here Oh really? It was looking like This was going to be the most Disrupted podcast of all time There was a truck

And he was like But he Literally like a minute Before Adam turned up Yeah he's out I think he's going to come back Tomorrow and tidy up but, yeah, he's gone. You've asked him to come back anyway. Please, just hold me.

Come and cuddle me in the night. Yeah. Just spoon me a little. Yeah. Is that why he moved? Because you kept spooning him after? Yes, that's why he moved. And he felt my arm kind of reach over him onto his drawer

to try and grab his stack of money that's sitting on there. And he said, no, don't do that. Yeah, no, but yeah, so now I'm here completely by myself now. Yeah, this is a big old empty house now. I'd be intrigued. That would be great if you did have a listener of the show move in. To be honest, I'm that desperate for people at the moment. Like I've gotten that few bites off my ad that I would genuinely consider it.

Actually, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. No, well, actually, how about this? Like often when people travel from overseas, they need somewhere to stay. Like they might be coming over from New Zealand. I'm just saying that if you leave a trail of denim from Tullamarine to here... Shitty denim all the way down. You could have someone living in your house and in your pants 24-7.

Yeah, if I just make my... If I make my username on Airbnb MrLevi, I'm sure I'll get a few nibbles. By the way, I had an idea. I think that Oliver Clarke kind of deserved it in a way because he does a character. Like he's doing a character on stage. He leaves his clothes backstage, I kind of think. So he's on stage doing a character.

So here's a new challenge I want to throw down to any comedian that's backstage. When someone doing a character is on stage, put on their real clothes while they're on stage and then walk on stage and do their real person as a character. So Oliver Clark, next time you see him on stage at Spleen, it would be great if someone walked out after him and pretended to be Oliver Clark, the real Oliver Clark.

How is it that it's literally for the audience, it's someone walking in just in street clothes. It really doesn't matter to them whose clothes it is. We actually had a little bit of that. I don't think we've ever talked about this. At the drunk cast that we did at the end of this year's comedy festival, you dressed up as your Gary Chook character and Nick Cody put on Carl Chandler's clothes

and then came and stood next to Gary Chook doing Carl Chandler jokes. So there was like a Carl Chandler thing. Was he wearing like that Freddy Krueger T-shirt? No. He was wearing a suit actually. Yeah. It made it sort of weird because he was dressed up in what I was dressed as that day, which was a suit, which is something I never wear.

Yeah. So then Cody's on stage going, I'm Carl Chandler. And they're like, okay, are you? Yeah. But also he could have put on a hoodie, which Nick Cody always wears. So he just dressed as himself simultaneously because he unfortunately was wearing a common trend. You don't even need to put the clothes on. Just walk on and just go, I'm this person.

Now it's interesting that you are bringing, you've brought up character work, you've brought it back to character work. Well, characters are terrible. Why would you ever do one? Well, we were hearing before the podcast that you used to do a character and you said you didn't want to talk about it and then you said that's why we should talk about it. But you started as a character.

You didn't even start as Tom Gleeson. I did start as a character, yeah. And what was the name of the character? Malcolm. That's it? Yeah. Did you have a car that split in half? No, at the time, why did I do a character?

Why did I do one? It was the thing in Sydney, wasn't it? I was in Sydney and I was in bands, right? So I'd been in bands for about five years before I did comedy. So I pictured, so when I used to play in the band, quite often we'd play for audiences that were rowdy, that you had to fight for their attention. Like they weren't watching before you started.

Like you had to get them to look at you and then what. So I imagine stand-up clubs were the same. I kind of imagined when you'd go on stage, everyone would just be milling around the room talking amongst themselves. Right. Not sitting politely facing forward. Yeah, and you'd have to do something really big and extravagant to get their attention.

Yeah, right. Almost like street performance. I didn't know that they'd just be listening and ready. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So I thought that I was too – that they'd just be listening and ready. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So I thought that I was too – and I also thought I was too boring. And you thought if ever you're going to get someone's attention, it's with Malcolm.

Yeah. Well, the name I guess didn't really matter. But, yeah, I had a wig and I had a flannelette shirt and tracksuit pants and really tight – and KT26s. Are you wearing the same uniform right now i am actually dressed surprisingly similar today very malcolm-esque you look like you look like malcolm grew up and got got a job yeah yeah but i was also at the time and the hair was ridiculous yeah it was it was it was hair that was kind of it was the same colour as my hair, so it was a bit off-putting.

You know what? It was huge. It was like a big bouffant. It was not dissimilar to Sam Simmons when he first turned up. Remember he used to always wear a wig? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, well, when Sam Simmons first used to perform, he always had a wig on and often a headband. Yeah.

And when I saw that, I thought, my God, that's kind of what I was doing. It was a little bit similar. Right, right. In terms of it being off-putting. But you didn have a voice for anything it was just you no I was just very aggressive yeah so well this is a thing like I actually I mean I only started probably doing rants and stuff like that about five six years ago like I kind of had not done that for a long time but I kind of brought it back from that. Right.

Because when I started it was just non-stop rant. The whole thing was a rant. There was no quiet moments. I was only doing five, ten-minute spots. Yeah. So then I kind of brought it back. But it got to a point where I was doing a gig at the Oatley Hotel in Sydney. Have you done gigs there?

No, yeah. I think I have, yeah. Yeah, it's out in the suburbs and I was i was carrying my little malcolm bag with the costume in there yeah and i was getting changed in the public toilet where the audience went as well yeah and i thought this has got to stop this is ridiculous when someone's shooting your pants yeah well if only that guy visited me did malcolm get big enough to have merch do you have malcolm merch what did i have no no i enough to have merch? Did you have Malcolm merch? What did I have? No, no, I didn't have merch. You know what? He – hey, I sound like an actor.

It's some important character that everyone cares about. I did do the character Malcolm on the Comedy Channel. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, quite a bit. Yeah. I was the Cam Knight of 1996. Oh. All right, so here's the thing.

I went to Officeworks the other day and, you know, Officeworks now. Yeah, we've all got stuff going on. Yes. Like I've been hit with my own scud missile. Was a European man there? He's in that ad, yeah I haven't imagined that Yeah, yeah

Ted Wilson's in the Officeworks ad So I went to Officeworks And, you know, out the front now They do the sausages as well You know, Bunnings has always had the sausages Oh Out the front On like a Saturday morning

Did they have all of them? I thought it was just that one in Preston In Which one in Preston? In Officeworks No, no, no, in Richmond This was in Richmond. This was in Richmond.

That's weird because Bunnings it fits because Bunnings sell barbecues and it's outdoor furniture but Office Works is. Yeah, yeah. That's not right. I'm going in for a stapler and a sausage, yeah. But Bunnings they only do it on the weekend. Office Works is a Monday to Friday situation with the sausages. No, is it though? Oh, the one in Preston is.

Oh, is it really? Every day. Yeah, Monday to Friday sausages. Sausages every day? Oh, the one that Preston is. Oh, is it really? Every day. Yeah, I made a Friday sausage. Sausages every day. Sausages every day. This podcast brought to you by Officeworks Preston. You know what? Last time you were on we were talking about frying up sausages.

We were talking about sausages. I do. I just kind of look like a sausage I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because maybe I was saying. You're a bloody sausage magnet. I was eating a sausage before you got here. Really? Yeah. I know eating a sausage before you got here. Really?

Yeah. I know Tommy's been a bit lonely. Poor mama. No, I'm like a baker's delight. Because we've talked about the office works up the road from me has drive-through sausage sizzle. What? Really?

You don't even need to purchase anything. You just pull up. You don't even have to get out of your car. They just fling a sausage through your window. Pardon? Is it Monday to Friday or just weekend? I think it might just be weekend. There's no way that's true.

That Preston sausage sizzle is going all the time. I'm going to go out there next Tuesday. Okay. All right. I want to believe that they're not raising money for anything, that it's just profit. I don't think they are. I think it's a shop.

That sausage sizzle is keeping the whole Officeworks afloat. No one's buying printers. It's a really busy Officeworks. Well, it's next to a Harvey Norman as well, so they've got it all going on. What have they got going on out the front? Depressed. No, it's just the car park next door.

You just wander up to the sausage. That would be sweet to set up a card table on the corner of Brunswick Street and Johnson Street in Fitzroy, do a sausage sizzle, and they're like, what are you raising money for? Me. Me. And you go, well, it's no-brainer. The sausages only cost this much at Coles.

They used to have a sausage sizzle outside the Smith Street Woolworths. They still do. They still do it pretty regularly, yeah. Can you do that? Can you sell food on the street without a permit? Can you sell? No. Can you do that? Can you sell food on the street without a permit? Can you sell – No. Can you –

You have running water at some point. Can I sell sausages at the front of your house here? Is that a thing? Probably not. But that would be an interesting – If you had a food truck maybe. Yeah. But that would be an interesting thing to set up and try and –

like set up in a public area and just be selling food and see how long you could go for before you – No, set it up in a restaurant. Like set it up like to really put the pressure on. Have a sausage chisel out the front of Vue de Monde. Yeah. But also, seriously, I've been to Vue de Monde. It's great.

But like the smell of sausages would seriously gazunk anything that they had going on because they've got all some fancy stuff and some truffle and this and some foam and then a banger. You're like, I'll have that. Yeah. Like a 38th floor. Like if you were down in the street having a sausage, it's like, yeah, I'm not going

up. Yeah. I can eat this down here or go up there. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's run that joint out of business. Well, you know, you go, you know, there's all those restaurants in the city in Melbourne that are like, you know, you can't book.

You've just got to wait. And so you go at the front of Chin Chin's and Mama Cedar and there's like dozens of people waiting. Oh, yeah. You just walk by with a bunch of sausages. Bring a waiter. Get into it. What do you reckon?

Or you even work for like a restaurant nearby and it's like it's just competition. So you just jam their holes full of some other food and you're not even selling it. You're just trying to take them out of commission. Or you just do it like you're a drug dealer and not make a big show about it. Just walk by and go, oh, you guys hungry, are you? No, I you're a drug dealer And not make a big show about it Just walk by and go

Oh, you guys hungry, are you? Oh, I've got a few sausages I actually had this happen to me once In Sydney Like, you know in Bondi they have like A porto, yes The pub's open until three But they're really strict on what time the food can be served at

Like the McDonald's and everything closes at one So there's this weird gap after three o'clock where there's no food available. I didn't know that, but that sounds like the worst thing of all time. Oh, it's Sydney. They're insane. Yeah.

So it's kind of like, you know, backpackers wander out of the pub and then they go off into the hills to forage for food. And there was this kind of heavyset guy. Me and my mate Sal were walking home from the pub and this guy goes, hey, hey. And kind of calls us over and goes, you want the kebab? I'm like, well, yeah, I'm fat and drunk.

What do you think? And that's how Grindr was born. And then he ushers me into this shop with like newspaper in the windows. It looks like it's closed down. And inside is a fully functional kebab shop. I love it. It's speakeasy. Full of drunk backpackers

and boombars just going crackers on kebabs. And then the police came and we all got shooed out into the street. Shut it down. The prohibition for sausages. It wasn't like you had to all pretend that you're doing something else in there. No, this is a Bible class.

No, we're all drugs guys. Reading the newspaper here at 3am. We're all buying heroin. It's like a scene from Biggest Loser. Like they would have a shot there. They're running. Oh, no, that would be another business idea. Park your food truck out the front of the Biggest Loser compound.

Oh, that would be sweet. Well, this was always my idea. I don't even know if I've brought this up on the show before, but this was my, this is an idea that I think would be a good idea, which is you go, you're a pizza delivery man, but you don't wait for orders. You just knock on people's doors. Because if someone

knocks on your door and goes, I've got a pizza, what are you going to say? Oh, you're like a pizza politician. You just door knock. Yeah. I bet you've got a pizza ready, are you going to say? You're like a pizza politician. You just door knock. Yeah. I bet you've got a pizza ready. You ordered a pizza. Oh, no. Do you want one? So you make like one of everything on the menu and you start off at the end of the street

and you go, mate, you're the first house I've been to. Anything on here, I've got it. Whatever you want. And then you just cross that off and you go down the street. Yeah. That's very good. Yeah. If someone rocks up to your house at like 6.30 and goes, I've got a pizza right here.

All you have to do is give us 10 15 bucks right now it's it's yours that even if i wasn't hungry i think i'd buy one yeah it seems like too good of a deal to me i do i do always buy the charity chocolate if some kid turns up oh really yeah yeah it's someone at your house bringing chocolate yeah well yeah well there you go. Yeah. I wonder if – well, that's the thing. I wonder how many houses you'd have to go to before you hit a policeman. Yeah. I had Jehovah's Witnesses turn up at my house the other day and it was – Well, they're having a convention.

No, no, I know. But this was like before – this was like a couple of months ago. And it was – This is not the week. Yeah. It was – you know, it's like the stereotype of like, first of all, I'd never had them come around, so I was doubting that they even existed at all.

But it was like this eight-year-old girl and this like 90-year-old woman on a Zimmer frame, a bizarre combo and not what you think of when you think of. And at first I thought, oh, this is a fundraising thing, I'll hear them out. And then they're trying to shove a watchtower in my face and I'm like, nah, not for us. And they just kept, they kind of kept it up.

And I had to just close the door on them. And closing a door on a 90-year-old woman and a nine-year-old girl is brutal. Nah, she deserved it. Imagine living 90 years, like having that much life experience and still thinking that door knocking for Jesus is a good idea. Like at what point have you not learnt that's a good idea? Yeah, yeah.

Like you've lived 90 years. You must have at some point gone, this doesn't work. Go to the Jehovah's compound and go door to door and go, excuse me, have you heard the word about cock sucking? Yeah. Well, I grew up next to Jehovah's Witness. And they once door knocked us and we were like, seriously, put in some effort. Like we're right next door.

But maybe that's how it starts. It's just slowly spreads out, you know, the houses around them. Yeah. So getting back to Officeworks sausages oh that's right yeah that's how we

started all this I went there the other weekend and they're selling sausages which I was sort of like oh really you guys are doing that and I'm

like okay well I always buy a sausage like it's the best food you can have why wouldn't you but what do you go just out of interest

in bread yep bit of tomato sauce in white no sauce. Onions? Onions, yes, please. Cheese if they've got it? Oh, I've never seen that.

Okay, sometimes you see that. Oh, yeah, they have cheese at some of the funnies. Mustard? No sauce at all? I am a, I don't know if you know this about me, but I never have sauce. You ride bareback? Yes. And I don't have sauce.

Let's get that going with some new slang. Sausage without sauce. Go and bareback. I was at the Lancefield show yesterday and I had a sausage. Yeah, I reckon that would have gone down well out there in the country. Bareback, please. But then you'd be on a bareback horse actually holding a sausage with sauce on it.

Double bareback. There you go. Double bareback. Well, you know when people, like, you'll have slang for, like, oh, I'm going to get some Cokes out of the Coke machine, and people say, oh, I'll have unleaded. I'll have diesel or whatever. Just do that.

Like, I'll have a sausage. Yeah, I've got a friend. Diesel. Like, what? That means no sauce for some reason. I've got a friend who orders, like, Bundy and Coke, because she's from Queensland, and she goes, oh, no speed humps, which means no ice, apparently. Right.

Wow. That's full on. I like that a lot. You're just slowing that shit down. Literally no speed humps because I want to drive after I drink this. Or at least punch someone. Yeah. So I go to this place.

I'm buying a sausage On the same table So this is the two things they're selling This is like three weeks ago Yeah Sausages And Easter eggs What?

Sausages And Easter eggs Wow It's like Six months since Well it's We're right in the middle And I was literally

Like I said to her What are you Really slow Or really keen Like which one the middle. And I was literally like, I said to her, are you really slow or really keen? Like, which one is it? And she was like, oh, I don't know. So I didn't get an answer out of it. But isn't it, it sort of is that time of year where you notice like people's Easter chocolate that they've found in the cupboard.

And they're like, oh, this is kind of going a bit white. You've got to get rid of this. What's Easter? April. May, June, July, August, September, October. That's six months. We're right in the middle. Yeah, but that's like the sausage person has found their stuff

from this Easter just gone. Who doesn't eat the chocolate at Easter? Yeah. And also where have they found the sausages? Were they next to them? I'm just trying to find answers in this crazy world of ours. I went to one of the 4,312 bakery cafes up on your

local street, Tommy. And they had in there what looked like hot cross buns without the crosses on them. And I was like, are you doing training at the moment? Getting the batch ready. So they're just a hot bun.

It was a pack of six fruit buns all joined together. So you're just a hot bun. It was just a fruit bun. It was a pack of six fruit buns all joined together. So you're going into a bakery and going, what the fuck are you on about having buns in here? Yeah. No, but fruit buns in a bag. I want a hot cross bun, bareback. It's exactly. I'll have a hot cross bun, no shit in its pants.

What is it with Easter now? Why October Easter? I also don't get the excitement about Easter eggs anyway. It's just chocolate in another shape. Yeah. The shape does not concern me. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know.

But that's all right. I don't let things hold me back at any other time. If I want something, I get it. You're an adult. You're earning your own money. Just go and buy heaps of chocolate any time of the year. You don't need Jesus and you don't need chocolate in a weird shape. It's for little kids to go hunting.

You'll work it out. No, I know that. I know. But I just hide Toblerones all around the yard. We'll do it this weekend. It's no problem. Like a full Toblerone or breaking a full triangle? I wouldn't do Toblerone.

It's too common. My wife, she's a food reviewer, so it'll be one of those gourmet free trade salted caramel numbers of a brand I've never heard of before, but they're really expensive. I'll snap them up and put them in the yard. I do agree. I'm going to hide some for free. I'm going to hide chocolate in Oliver Clark's pants next time at a gig.

I do think you're right, though. The egg is the worst shape to eat chocolate in. I think it is, yeah. It's no good. It's not good for it. It wasn't made to be in that shape. Because either you get just those little nuggets, the tiny little ones, and they're just thick, or you're getting the kind of the big ones

that have stuff in them that are just kind of hollow. You're just breaking off bits of that. Give me a block. If someone bought me a big, solid egg, I would probably marry them. Really? Like it was a big egg that looked like it was hollow and I'd go, oh, God, I need a solid old egg. But then I picked it up and it was really heavy because it was solid.

I'd be like, that's it, we're going to marry it. How are you eating it then? Are you shaving it off or are you just biting into a huge egg? I would just bite into a huge egg. You had to leave it in the sun for a bit and then really rip into it. Just bite in. Just tear chunks off. You'd have to lie on your back

in the sun with it on your head so that it just gradually melted into your mouth while it's sitting on your face. My mum still gets me to she's got a little Christmas stocking that she makes me return every year and every Christmas she still puts like Smarties and Violet Crumbles and stuff in there.

But here's the thing. So that's what happens. But every year I still go, I'll go, Mum, you know I don't like Violet Crumbles. So you're still 14. Yeah, yeah. But it's like because I'm 38, I'm like going, you've got 38 years to figure out what I like and what I don't like.

What's going on? I don't eat peppermint patties. What the new Metallica CD everyone at school has it? She's giving the stocking to what she thinks is seven or eight-year-old Carl and what she gets is 14-year-old hormonal Carl. You don't like those, Mum? Get out. Get out of my room.

I'm busy. Smarties aren't cool. Give me M&M's, Mum. You know that.'t like those mum Get out Get out of my room I'm busy Smarties aren't cool Give me M&M's mum You know that But that I prefer that over My parents haven't given me Like a gift gift

In Like In As long as I can remember Like every Not since they gave you The gift of life Well yeah

Every It's always just like Either here's some money Or Just buy something you want And give it to us And we'll give you the money and we'll work it out. But you're an only child, so you must have been living large for a long time. Hey, an only child with cancer.

There is no – Sweet combo. There is no bigger spoilage than that. Merry Christmas. Here's some chemo. Mummy, I found some chemo under the tree. That's not chemo, honey. That's humanity.

It's December 23 and I found chemo under your bed, Mum. What's going on? We need to have a talk. There's no Santa and you have cancer. Oh, brutal. That's how you and you have cancer. Oh, brutal. That's how you're finding out that you've got cancer. And there's no Santa. Talk about putting the cart with the horse before the cart.

Jesus. Oh, God. That would be grim. That would be a bitter pill to swallow. Guys, well, I think that brings us to the end of the little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Tom Gleeson, Adam Richard, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. Have you both got things coming up that you

would like to plug? You know, if anyone's listening from Sydney, I'm going to record my DVD there soon at the Comedy Store. That'd be good to go to. November the 15th? Middle of November? TomGleeson.com.au? That's right. That's the best place to go.

Or SydneyComedyStore.com.au And your new show for the next season for all the interstate listeners and whatever you're just doing your comedy festival show is going to be called Tom Gleeson this year. Yes. Self-titled. Self-titled.

I was thinking of doing that. By calling your show Tom Gleeson. We can do it as well. I was going to call my show Tom Glees Well, calling your show Tom Gleeson. We can do it as well. I was going to call my show Tom Gleeson. Adam Richard is Tom Gleeson. I have to say, that's great, but I also, I'm a little bit sad because one of my great pleasures every year has been seeing what you call your show. I genuinely look forward to seeing what your show titles are.

Yeah. Well, I can't, maybe I'll just do it this way from now on. Yeah. I might use the exact same poster every year too. Well, I was saying to you the other, last week, like you're so close to calling your show Go Fuck Yourself. I really should have gone with that. Go Fuck Yourself.

Well, maybe next year I'll just call it Nah. That'd be not bad. That'd be not bad, wouldn't it? Nah. Oh, nah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nah. Adam Richard, you've got things coming up. We've all got things going on.

What have you got going on? I'm doing gigs in Sydney as well. AdamRichard.com. I have all my gigs on there. Look it up. It's easy that way. Sweet. We have got very, very, very soon.

What are we? Very close to going to Perth and doing our Dum Dum Palooza, which is your solo show, my solo show, and live Dum Dum. Yeah, sweet guests coming over with us Sunday, November the 2nd at Rosie O'Grady's in Northbridge.

Tickets on sale now at littledumdumclub.com. We've also got Sydney on sale November the 30th up there. Sydney, you are being spoiled. Yeah. Again, moving, tickets moving very quickly

for both of those, so get on that, yeah, littledumdumclub.com. It's going to tickets are moving very quickly for both of those so get on that littledumbdumbclub.com. It's going to be quite a night in Perth as well because, yeah, I've got such an early night,

a flight the next morning that I'm thinking about staying up all night. Oh, got it. Well, I've got a red eye at like midnight. Oh, have you? Yeah, I'll be kicking on.

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. That'll be fun. Yeah. That'll be good after party. Yeah. And also sausages for sale at Preston Officeworks.

Yes. Not just the weekend, all through the week. We'll be doing a podcast signing out there next week. Go down there and tell them the little dum-dum club sent you. Yeah. What if we go out there and sign sausages for people? Is that possible? That's sure.

Go down there and get a free sausage, wear two pairs of jeans and shit yourself. I think people are way ahead of you in Preston. Well, guys, that is it for this week. Thank you very much for joining us and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.