The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 212 - Ronny Chieng & Demi Lardner

Episode Date: October 28, 2014

Uniqlo Focus Group, Porn Jail & Karl's Injury.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Perth, this is your last warning before our big live show this Sunday, November the 2nd at Rosie O'Grady's in Northbridge. It is going to be so much fun. We've got some guests coming over. It is both of us doing our solo shows from this year's Comedy Festival and it is going to be a ton of fun. If you've delayed in getting a ticket then please snap one up now because it'd be so great to meet all you guys and see you out.

This is our first time in Perth. We're really hoping we can pack it out and have a great time. And if you've got your tickets already, then good on you. And we cannot wait to see you there. Oh man, it's going to be so much fun. So that is happening this Sunday, November the 2nd, 4pm in Northbridge. Tickets are on sale now, littledumbdumbclub.com. And we'll see you there mates Hey mates welcome once again into the little dum dum club for another week my name is Tommy Dasolo thank you very much for joining us sitting opposite me the other half of the program

Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Hey you sent me a screen grab of something the other day that kind of really freaked me out. Oh, this sounds libelous. It was someone who listens to this show, who's a friend of yours who I don't know, and it was a screenshot of a text just saying, I just walked past Dasolo sitting by himself on Bourke Street.

And it really, like, it kind of freaked me out, but it's kicked off a chain of events where I've had a number of... You've killed yourself? Yes. Yes. Yes. Goodbye, everyone. I said a week ago. Welcome to my wake.

Yeah, no, I had a – like I was walking through the city the other day and I locked eyes with this guy as I was walking past him. And he's gone, oh, it's Dasolo. And I'm like, yeah, okay, yep. And then he just, as he's walking off, just starts chanting, moose, moose, moose, moose, which like I get, it's like, oh, he listens to Dum Dum, but that's not my thing. No.

That's you. Yeah, yeah. But I need. You see Bert and Ernie and go, cookie, cookie. You see Popeye and go, lasagna, lasagna. But then, right, this is the, so then a few days after that, Saturday night, I was on a tram coming home from St Kilda and it was about 10pm and I look at Twitter and I've got a tweet from someone saying,

hi, Dasolo, I'm sitting opposite you on the tram. I know you can see this. Look up. And I'm like, well, I can't get out of this. So I look up and there's this guy and a girl there and we have this quite nice chat, you know, about 20 minutes or so. On Twitter? Yeah, just go back and forth.

My notifications blew up. But then, right, I chat to this guy. I was like, this is, you know, this is a really nice guy. I had a good chat with him. And then I get off the tram and I'm like, nice to meet you. And then about 10 minutes later I check Twitter again and new notification, he's just followed me on Twitter. So like after he's done all that. So after he's – so like how did he – why did he hit me up?

How did he know who I was? He doesn't follow me. Yeah, right. He didn't seem like he listened to the podcast. Right. So I guess what I'm getting at is this is the test. Like if that was you, hit me up. Yeah.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. I just want to know how he – because that's bizarre, isn't it? So we're just doing marketing analysis now to find out how people know you. I'm doing tram analysis. Right, okay. Yeah, I just want to know how we, because that's bizarre, isn't it? So we're just doing marketing analysis now to find out how people know you. I'm doing tram analysis. Right, right. I'm doing street analysis.

How do you know me? Yeah. Tweet in. Today on the show, first of all, joining us for the second time, you would have seen her on Stand Up at Bella Union, just back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. It's Demi Lardner. Yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Hey. Hey, little mate. It's Demi Lardner. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Hey. Hey, little mate. How are you? Yeah, good. How are you? Just fix those levels up. As known on sinking boats when people yell out women and children first.

What is that? That's the credit. What I'm going to need to start doing on this show, I should have put an effect on my voice because I was listening back to an old episode the other day where we had a female guest on and it is like I get what people say. Can we do it like CB radio? Can you go Tommy speaking when you start talking? It's like a game show.

We have to buzz in with a different buzzer every time I want to speak. I can go, yes, Tommy? Yeah. Good. Okay. Thanks, Carl. It's impossible to what? What?

Tell us apart. Tell between us. Oh, between you two? Yeah. Good. Okay. Thanks, Carl. What do you mean? It's impossible to what? What? Tell us apart. Tell between us. Oh, between you two? Yeah. Yeah. Because of my feminine little voice. Also joining us, you would have seen him on the Comedy Festival Gala, on Problems, on It's a Date, on Legally Brown.

On his own multiple one-hour comedy specials. It's Ronnie Chang. What up, bro? Great to be back in the club. Picking on some Bob. I got what you need. You guys too white for 50 cent? No. What? In the club. Is there anyone who's too white

for 50 cent? Yeah. He was that commercial and he's big. I have a sensor on my radio. It blocks out anything except for white people. Except for Fleetwood Mac. That's a great reference. And we're in Ronnie Chang's house right now.

This is genuinely exciting. I was excited. Demi was petrified. She's scared of your house. I was somewhere in the middle. I was like cautiously optimistic. I'm like a snake, man. I'm more scared of you guys. You guys in my house, you guys start drinking beer.

Yeah. Just start spilling it everywhere, not caring. Wearing your shoes in here. We did get a very strict take your shoes off as soon as we came in the front door. I'm so sick of telling people to take their shoes off. Yeah, but it's not like this place is like a sterile lab. Like I walk in here and this is just like a frat house in here. Really?

Yeah. This is like this stuff all over the place. I'll say this and this is just like a frat house in here. Really? Yeah. This is like this stuff all over the place. I'll say this. It's a little messier than I was expecting. No judgment. I'm just saying

I thought, you know. But I've been to both your houses. My house is way cleaner than both of yours. I genuinely thought as soon as we sat down on the couch you would burn it

after we got up. It would be that sterile. Let's do this fun game where we just describe what we can see. So for some reason, there's a banner saying happy birthday stuck up in your kitchen. For some reason. I'm going to guess the reason. Well, when's your birthday? I can't tell that.

It's a security issue. It's a security issue. Okay. You know in Facebook when you forget your password and they ask you for your birthday? Yeah. This is exactly why people shouldn't know your birthday. But that's more on those websites having that as the security question because that's not a secure piece of information.

There's multiple steps. I'm saying why make it easier. Okay. Is it within the last month? Maybe. All right. I think I've picked the reason. What else can we see? There's a copy of Time Magazine on the floor

There's I was about to say You've got the exact same pair of boots as me And then I realised they're my boots Get out of We've got a guitar That's what I'm fascinated by Yeah do you play the guitar

No Why is it there It's my Housemate My housemate from two housemates ago He left it here He went back to Malaysia He just left this guitar here It's my housemate from two housemates ago. He left it here. He went back to Malaysia.

He just left his guitar here. It's a pretty good guitar, actually. It is, yeah. There we go. There's proof. That's good stuff. Only the good ones make that noise. I don't usually get people in my house, so it's cool, I guess, that you guys are here.

Welcome. Thanks, man. It's a qualified, I guess, so that's nice. Now, you've been busy. You've been touring around. Yeah, I've been doing a mini tour of Australia. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Where are you headed next?

I'm going to two districts in Sydney, the north and the west. Then I'm going to Newcastle. Oh, yeah. I've got three more dates left for this show. How has your life changed in the last two years like now that you're

like massive I'm not are you making like millions like how much money are you making just like a lot you can't say the exact amount

because that's a security question on Facebook that's your password how much money do you have right now no it's going okay I mean it's

man I don't know how to put this. Like, success is weird. Like, it's not, well, yeah, what is it? Like, you... Don't ask people that run a podcast. You, like, how am I going to put it? Like, you can sell out theatre shows around the country, but, you know, still, I don't feel like it's any different.

You're just like anyone else. You're the same guy. You've got your housemate's guitar. You've got a copy of Time on the floor. the country but you know still i don't feel like it's any different things are still it's just you're just like anyone else you're the same guy your housemate's guitar you got a copy of time on the floor you're just like your regular joe aren't you just limos you know drive me to the airport like it's just oh that's well that's a bit of a change that's a bit yeah no i don't know i it's a bit of change from the monster truck you used to take to the airport yeah i don't know it's just it feels the same like you do a show and after the show it's the same. Nothing changes. Yeah.

I know people who listened to the show and heard you last time will be wanting an update on this. How's the Uniqlo sponsorship coming along? Any updates on that? Yeah, their freaking Twitter account

got deactivated. So you can't, I can't harass them anymore. They've blocked you, I think is what happened. Yeah, everyone on Dumb Dumb Club was helping me out and then what happened recently

was I was at JFL at the Sydney Opera House. Just for laughs. Just for laughs. And Mel Buttle was there and I was telling her about Uniqlo and Mel Buttle had no idea what Uniqlo was

and I said, no, you'll like it. It's your kind of thing. And she went, as soon as she got on it, she was crazy about it and I just said, so she was like thanking me on Facebook, it and I just said, so she was like

thanking me on Facebook, right? I just said, hey, can you just help me out one thing? Can you just use your massive Twitter poll

and just send her one tweet and just say, Ronny Chieng, introduce you to Uniqlo. And she's like, yeah, yeah, of course,

I'll do it. And then she's like, which one, Singapore or US? And I'm like, no, Australian one. And she's like,

there's no Australian one. And I was looking at it and it's like, the Twitter account is suspended. I don't know what happened. They must have posted nude photos

or something so I posted on their Facebook page Uniqlo Australia and I was like hey do you know your Twitter account suspended

and they were like oh yeah yeah we're on it we're on it yeah what have they done to get their account suspended yeah I don't know

just a live webcam of the change rooms yeah their Twitter account got suspended not deactivated not cancelled suspended live webcam of the change rooms. Yeah, their Twitter account got suspended. Not deactivated, not cancelled, suspended. Yeah, so they violated some kind of terms. Yeah. How bad do you have to be on Twitter?

There's a lot of heinous stuff on Twitter. What do you do as a clothing store to get banned from Twitter? I know, I'm curious as well. I like the idea that it's nude photos of the models. Like, you're dumb, you look without our clothes on, hey? Before and after. I like to think that Twitter are just big Ronny Chieng fans. It's like, well, if you're not going to sponsor Ronny Chieng, then you're out of here.

Are you going to fully take that jacket off or are you going to keep it half on? Speaking of... It's fully off now. Speaking of... I'm wearing a Uniqlo t-shirt as we speak. Is that Uniqlo t-shirt? That's Uniqlo. What made you get it? I was in Uniqlo are you doing? I'm wearing a Uniqlo t-shirt as we speak. Is that Uniqlo? That's Uniqlo.

What made you get it? I was in Uniqlo. Yeah, but what made you go Uniqlo? No, it was pre. This is Uniqlo in Singapore, mate. I'm old school. Hey, you know what? This is under my jumper.

I'm wearing a bit of Uniqlo as well. We're just discovering. I'm wearing. I bought Demi from Uniqlo. I'm wearing a Uniqlo t-shirt right now as well. This is a Uniqlo t-shirt. Three out of the four participants on this podcast wear Uniqlo. I'm wearing a Uniqlo t-shirt right now as well. This is a Uniqlo t-shirt. Three out of the four participants on this podcast wear Uniqlo. Uniqlo?

Come on. We are killing it with the advertising. What does Uniqlo mean? The Uniqlo-clo club. That's something. You want to change the name of it? That's not catchy enough. What about the Uniqlo-clox clan?

Demi, do you like Uniqlo? No about the uniqlo clucks clan demi do you do you like uniqlo no okay what's your what's your fashion style uh nothing kanye west t-shirt that's it um john connor from terminator 2 wait do the listeners know what demi looks like because you keep you know oh boy looks like the the fifth one inside a babushka doll. Just like a fucked up face. No, Demi is great. I don't know why people.

Why people? Who else? There's no assessment of quality in there. They're just stating the fact. She's little. She's little. She looks a bit like a boy.

She keeps her hair short. That's one post on Facebook where Demi said, look, this is getting ridiculous. I went to see a nurse and she sent me to the children's section of the hospital. Did that actually happen? Was that last night? Yeah. No, it wasn't.

She didn't even, she just wouldn't speak. I went up and I was like, hey, can I see a doctor? And she was like, no, we only treat adults. And then she said. We don't have any tools that small. She said, can you make your way to the children's hospital? Like, do you have someone to take you? I have a wowie pop.

Am I a child? And then she was like, oh, no. And then she looked at my ID and she was like, you're older than me. So I was like, so it was like, first of all, she didn't trust me as a child to get to a different place on my own. And second of all, your doctor was eight. So I was like a shit child and a shit adult at the same time. That's a funny thing to go from like, I need to get this kid out of here

to like, I can probably learn some life lessons from this person who's a bit older than me. Here's the thing. When you meet someone, when you meet, like if you met a boy in the past where he's been attracted to you and you start dating or whatever, don't you immediately, is there a part of you that immediately sort of goes, why are you attracted to?

I've told you this, that I judge people who are attracted to me because it's like, are you a pedo? You know? Look, a lot of people say things like that to me because it's like are you a pedo? You know? Look, a lot of people say things like that to me. I can't remember them all. Oh, man. Oh, no.

Oh, God. But you know what's funny about that is that you immediately after that post where you lament being treated like a child in a hospital,

the next post is like you walking out of a convenience store holding like five child in a hospital. Yeah. The next post is like you walking out of a convenience store holding like five sticks of bubble gum. Yeah. Yeah. And you're going,

oh, went into my brain. I only bought this. Yeah. You've got a fever and the only prescription is Hubba Bubba. Yeah.

You had like five sticks of Hubba Bubba in your hands and then you're complaining about being treated like a child. I'm just like, yeah, but she didn't,

I wasn't holding it when I went into the, I didn't, I wasn't throwing gum at the nurse when I went into the complaining about being treated like a child. I'm just like, yeah, but she didn't, I wasn't holding it when I went into the, I didn't, I wasn't throwing gum at the nurse when I went into the hospital. You eat like a child and then you get

treated like a child. Yeah. You walk into the hospital and you got a slingshot in your back pocket and you've injured yourself giving Mr. Wilson a bit of hell.

Yeah, yeah, Demi the Menace. I look and act like a child and I would appreciate if people didn't notice that. How bad? Sorry. Yeah, I've never really thought Demi was a child.

Oh, good. Thanks, Ronnie. So you just went to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, big month overseas. Yes. For a little boy. Aw. A dumb little boy. Was that like your first kind of big – oh, no, because you went the year before, didn't you?

Yeah. Also, by the way, for people at home that can't see this, we're seated around a table. You literally look like you're at the kids' table right now. You're sitting on a much smaller table. Yeah. Why does that – Do we need to cut the crust off this podcast for you? If Uniqlo sponsored just this episode, like between the four of us,

if we all did some modelling, we've got a broad range. Little boys. Uniqlo childs. Uniqlo children. Why would you be cutting my crusts off? I clearly need them. Like to get big and strong. Yeah, I know, but that's more of a parent point of view,

as in the child's point of view. Once the crust cut off, don't you understand what you are? Clearly not. That is a good point. Us as a demographic, we look like a good line-up. We look like the new nuclear family. Yeah. We're a good focus group.

Between the four of us, if they wanted to test a movie out, they'd get a range of ages, races, sexes, body types. Sexual orientation. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Great. Okay. So Demi said that you, Edinburgh,

you're talking about being in Edinburgh. Because you, this is the thing I found funny, because I don't feel like I'm talking out of school here but you and I are good mates are you guys

yes who is she good friends with when Daslo grows out of something he gives it to Demi oh man the cracks

just keep just will not let up but yeah it was a kind of a constant thing where you because of the time difference you would go out drinking and I'd be having lunch Just keep – just will not let up on this. But, yeah, it was kind of a constant thing where you –

because of the time difference, you would go out drinking and I'd be having lunch and you'd pop up on Facebook going, I'm drunk and I'm having the greatest time in the world. And then the next day I'd be like, I hate it here and I think I'm going to kill myself with quick comedy. It's like when you kill yourself, you don't then need to quit comedy. You're done. Yeah.

Did you say you were going to quit comedy, Edinburgh? Oh, yeah, tons of times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have the highs and the lows. Yeah. Yeah, that was great. Thank you, Tommy. That was very nice of you to deal with that.

Yeah, I enjoyed it. It was a good time. I enjoyed being a part of helping you through it. I enjoyed reading it back. Yeah. And you, I don't know, do you mind us talking about this, about when you watched a porno? If not, I've got plenty of stories.

Yeah, well, I've told everyone else. Cool. Yeah. Do you want me to say anything? Yes, yes. All right. Wow, have you been on either end of an interview before? I was, now it's upsetting.

I was on my own in the place that I was staying. I was staying in a friend's house and she wasn't in the house because she had us a job and I, oh, Jesus, I thought I'd watch some pornography and then this. What sort? Oh, just. What? Just the type where the people are doing it.

All right. With their doodles. Okay. Okay. I just think Uniqlo are going to want to know what type of porno one of their models watches. Yeah, I think we're losing our Uniqlo to us. In the catalogues, Demi won't be watching the pornography, just to be clear to Uniqlo. No, I was just looking at a Uniqlo catalogue.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's good for her. What higher compliment can you pay than jacking off to someone's catalogue? Yeah. These prices are so good that they literally make me erect. Oh, the colours. And then there was a pop-up that I'd never seen before because it was like country specific and it was like,

stop, Westminster Bridge Police Cybercrime Unit. And it was asking me to pay a bunch of money to not get arrested. And I started crying and I called my mum. And I read out the whole page to her and I was like, mum, I think I'm going to jail. And she was like, nah, mate.

That's not going to happen. Heads up, you may not have actually talked to the Prince of Nigeria as well. Oh, really? There's no worse jail than porn jail as well. That's where they stick all the real sickos. What does your mum do? She used to be a prison guard. She runs a hotline for idiots.

That's right, prison guard. She used to be a prison guard. Oh runs a hotline for idiots. That's right, prison guard. She used to be a prison guard and then she's... Oh, what? Really? Yeah.

Both my parents did. That's why they met. Does she look in any way like you? She's shorter than me. What? Yeah, she yells a lot. She's shorter than you

and she's a prison guard? Yeah. How does that work? I don't know. Does she have mad skills? Not really. I could bash her. She was a really small person with no skills and she was a prison guard.

I think they're selling her short a little bit. I think what happened was she went in and she just started yelling in the interview and she was like, see, I can do it. And they went, all right. Everyone picked on her apparently. They froze her hat. Are they criminals just escaping non-stop in Adelaide when your mum was a prison guard? Like Sideshow Bob style? Yeah. What did you say. They froze her hat. Are the criminals just escaping non-stop in Adelaide when your mum was a prison guard? Yeah.

Like Sideshow Bob style? Yeah. What did you say? They froze her hat? I think they filled her hat with water and they froze it and they put tar in stuff. That's probably getting off pretty lightly in prison to be fair though. There's a lot of people with shivving stories.

Yeah. Mum's got a cold hat. My dad got stabbed with pens a lot. What does he do? He was a prison guard. That's where they met. Was he a prisoner? So he got stabbed with pens and they were just ineffectual and he just struck them out.

No, there was a lot of ink in him, I guess. Your mum and dad met in prison? Yeah. Wow. That's intense. Yeah. Yeah. That explains a lot.

Like why you were a convicted rapist. Oh, there you go. Are you Nicola? Nature versus nurture. Yeah. Yeah, I'm from the prison adoption program. They bought me from there. So how does your prison guard mum react to getting a call from,

like what time is it here when you call up saying, I done watched a porno? I reckon it was like 3am and I called her and she was just like, no, I don't reckon that happens. I reckon you're fine. And I was like, but I think, and then I called the police and I was like, hey. Oh, she just I called the police and I was like, hey. Oh, shit, yes, come on.

You called the police? Yeah. Back home or Scotland Police? You called Scotland Yard. Scotland Yard. Hey, go figure this one out. Did you try to be essential? Hello, Scotland Yard's wolf division.

Oh, man, you got scammed. Did you try and call the queen as well? That was the thing. That's what kind of got me was that there was a really badly Photoshopped picture of the queen up in the corner. Just looking really mad. Wait, do you use the internet a lot? It was because it was in a different country and I just got scared. Do you use the internet a lot?

Yeah, I do. You grew internet a lot? Yeah I do Like you grew up on it? Yes Yes Ronald Dude I Man I got scared

You got scammed Yeah I didn't get I didn't pay them You didn't pay them But the fact that you were like Oh crap The police are onto me now

That's Yeah I thought well And then the police said What were they going to arrest you for? Just for watching Pornography But that's not illegal For looking at a boob But that's not illegal though Yeah I thought well And then the police said What were they going to arrest you for? Just for watching But that's not illegal For looking at a boob

But that's not illegal though Yeah Yeah but Like you've got your own Yeah but I was in a different No because it said You've got to pay this money on this website Or we come and arrest you

So they're hoping that You'll be enough of a dumb fuck They were like Go down to the It said something like Go down to the were like, go down to the – it said something like, go down to the shop and get a – Go down to the shop. Go down to the shop and get some bubble gum.

It was like, go down to the shop. And then come back and then pay your fine and jump around three times. Yeah. Yeah. Click your heels together three times and say, I want a spoof. Did your mum ask you what it was you were watching? She did, but I was just like, it was just regular porn.

And then she called me back after I called the police and they were like, it's fine. And then she, oh, this was the worst. What did the police say? They went, nah. They just said no and she went, just go to a computer shop. Did you get the impression that they've been called, that they received this call a bit?

Not at all. Okay, so then what did your mum say? She was like, oh, we all watch a bit of porn. Your dad and I watch a heap of it in Division 8. No, I don't reckon my dad's ever watched porn. My boy was just like me. What a nice bit of bonding. What a weird life they have.

So they're just trying to stop people from stabbing each other in jail and they get home and their daughter rings up and goes, I think they're going to put me in jail with you guys. I think you're going to have to look after me for 50 years because I watched a penis. Hey, yeah, if your you guys. I think you're going to have to look after me for 50 years because I watched a penis. Hey, yeah, if your parents are prison guards and you get sent to prison, this is kind of like still living at home, isn't it? Yes.

The most depressing version of living at home. But I like how I've said that as if I've stumbled on some kind of secret life hack. Like, hey, maybe this could work for me. I reckon that wouldn't happen. I reckon they'd put you in a different jail. Well, only one way to find out. Quick, boot up a porno.. I reckon that wouldn't happen. I reckon they'd put you in a different jail. You might. Well, only one way to find out. Quick, boot up a porno.

Let's get the cops around here. Your mum and dad are putting an even more severe curfew on you? Lights out at 6 o'clock rather than like 8 o'clock? I probably do deserve to go to jail for that. Were they really strict? Huh? Were they really strict when you were growing up? Nah, because they weren't together.

They just bought me stuff. Right, right. Yeah. But they weren't together but they still worked in the same prison together? No, they like met in the prison.

I think they were like, they had different partners and they started cheating on them and then they had me. And that's why they were in jail? Yeah. Thank God.

It was community service. All right. And did you feel, because the impression that I get, I'm friends with your mum on Facebook for some weird reason. Yeah. And I get the impression that you've got a pretty, like, a pretty open relationship with your parents. Open, yeah.

I don't. I fuck people up with my mum. I don't exclusively root my mum. No, but I mean, like, you seem like you have a pretty, like you post, you know you don't really hold much back on Facebook. Like you'll post a lot. Oh yeah, or in person. Yeah. At all. So I get the impression that like you calling up and saying I've watched

a porno, your mum would have been like, oh she was like, that wouldn't have been that weird of a thing for you to say. Um, not really. I did apologise before I said it. I was just like, I'm really sorry that I'm saying this to you because it was like a weird, like because usually it's just like, shut up, you can't. And it's just like mean to her.

But this was like, I am embarrassed and I'm sorry for you that I'm embarrassed. That you have to hear this. Yeah. So that was bad. But yeah, she's good. So you turned 21 recently. I did do that. And you So that was bad. But, yeah, she's good. So you turned 21 recently. I did do that.

And you had a birthday gig. You had like a roast. Yeah. In Adelaide where you're from. And your parents were there and they roasted you? Yeah. Now that's wild stuff. Yeah, I don't remember what they said.

There's a video of it. I've got to watch it back. Meanwhile, there's like 200 prisoners running free in Adelaide. No, they got the prisoners to come down and roast her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're dead, you little boy cunt. Yeah, you got me. I haven't seen a girl in six years.

And you're the closest I've seen, so I'm going to bum you. I do remember. Sweet roast. I do remember. The only thing that I remember is my mum telling me. The only thing that you remember? This was like weeks ago. What happened?

No, no, no, because I was really, really drunk. I was necking beers the whole time I was sitting on stage. What does necking mean? Sculling them. Okay, cool. Far out. I remember mum telling me that everyone I've ever dated is gay, which makes sense for the girls, but like. Because I remember mum telling me that everyone I've ever dated is gay.

Which makes sense for the girls, but like... And then my dad asked for lemon chicken. I don't know. It was a good time. I went to see Natalie. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I did my show at the Gov. What do you think of Adelaide, Ronnie?

It's cool, man. I went to Chocolate, the Hague's. You know those guys, the chocolate factory? Yeah, I went there. Went for a, man. I went to Chocolate, the Hague's. You know those guys, the Chocolate Factory? Yeah, I went there. Went for a tour. It's cool. You know the Hague's Factory? The guy learned how to make chocolate from Lindt.

Oh, from Lindt. Yeah. He wrote into Lindt. The stuff that comes out of your belly button. That is some good chocolate. Did you go to the beer house? The Lobethal Beer House? No, I didn't go there.

Oh, jeez. Go there. Adelaide is, yeah, it's cool. Out of 10, what would you give it? Adelaide? Yeah. As a city or as like a... No, as a spaceship.

As an... As a spaceship. I have to give you a solid zero there. As an experience. As a town. As a... As a place? Yeah.

Give it a... As a friend. I'll tell you after the podcast. We don't want to alienate any listeners Yeah it's good You just toured there You don't have to suck up Well the thing is

If you say anything less than a 10 It's insulting right So If you gave me a 9 I wouldn't be insulted Yeah but that's You've got lower standards Don't you feel like

You've got to keep people at 9 At the most To keep them working That's true Because if you said to Carl As a friend You are a 10 out of ten, then he'd just clock off and put even less effort in

than he does now. Do you want him to be striving to get that extra one? I'd take an eight. What would Adelaide take, though? See, I think anything... I think eight is fine. I don't think you've got an eyelid at eight. Yeah, Adelaide's a solid 7.5. Okay. I think that's a fair number.

I'll say this about Adelaide. I really like it, and maybe this is just the people that I've met there, but I don't think there's any other city where the people who live in that city are so into the city. Like, everyone you meet is just always telling you facts about Adelaide. Really? Old people, though? Older people, yeah.

Yeah. Because it's full of old people. Yeah, but you don't get that anywhere else. The younger people think it's kind of shit. Is it violent in Adelaide? On Fridays, yeah. Hindley Street. Well, Demi's mum and dad have got to have something to do.

Yeah. Well, so, Ronnie, this is what I read today that I'm fascinated by. So you've got your beer sponsorship. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're the face of – Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Ching Dao. Qingdao.

Qingdao. Here's the deal. In Chinese it's pronounced Qingdao. Yep. But for white people they want it to be

pronounced Qingdao. Qingdao. Which is actually the incorrect pronunciation but whatever. Yeah. The most incorrect one

is Qingdao. Right. So what do you want me to say? Say Qingdao. Qingdao. Yeah. Alright. Qingdao. So most incorrect one is Tsingtao. Right. So what do you want me to say? Say Tsingtao. Tsingtao. Yeah. Alright, Tsingtao. So you're the face of Tsingtao.

And always drink responsibly. Yeah. So I read today that Tsingtao is having a competition for you to host a party and you get to go along

to Ronnie's dream perfect party. Yeah, I get to go as well. So that's it. You've got to, people can enter via the website or whatever

and they go along and your boast, your ad is like, it's going to be the best party ever, the best drinks, the best DJ, the best music,

the best... There's no way it's going to live. So you get to pick the venue, you get to pick the destination. Yeah, I got to be honest, we haven't really organised

What if you pick The Carlton United Brewery No I think I'll put in effort I'll make sure It's the party I think is good Ronnie's perfect party

I guess I'll put in effort Alright I'll put in effort I'll make sure it's good I'm not gonna bail on it So are you actually Organising the party yourself I've got some say in it

But I don't You know I'm not like calling up People and organise Who do you want? What DJ? If you can get any DJ for it what's your number one DJ?

Well the key to DJ is you've got to pick a DJ and you've got to go with him and you've got to back him. DJ Urtsi. You've got to accept you've got to tell him look no requests.

Anyone comes up no just say no and then refer them to me. And then I kick them out. That's how it works. No requests just play you've got to trust

the guy's playlist and play it. That's it. So you don't care like the name or how famous the DJ is? Oh, I didn't even think about that. I don't think I can get

You just want it to be someone who doesn't take requests. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even think about fame. Like who's a famous DJ who would want to do this kind of bullshit?

I don't know. It'd be like, I don't know, Calvin Harris or someone like that? Calvin Harris would come and do this. Big name? I don't know. It's a corporate event, isn't it?

There'd be some sweet bunts in it. Yeah, I guess so. But it's, you know, it's not. Not the higher echelon. Yeah, we're not Heineken over here. We're Qingdao, you know? What if you DJ yourself? Yeah, I could DJ.

I could put a playlist on. I bet my playlist is probably. Get a magician. Get a magician to come in. I love magic. Oh, you do actually. I was saying that to be funny but I forgot

you actually love magic maybe I'll have some guys do some comedy how does that sound you guys free on I'll book you guys in yeah what's the date we'll do it

okay I'll contact your managers yeah well you're sitting right in front of him so shoot if I look in that fridge am I gonna how many

am I gonna find any non-Ching Dao drinks or alcoholic beverages? You're not going to find any non-Ching Dao. I'm checking. I'm doing it. Because that's the other thing. You're going to have this perfect Ching Dao party.

The perfect party for you would be no Ching Dao since you don't drink beer. I do drink. I'll have a drink at this party. Tommy's back from the fridge. Is there any hint of a beer in Ronnie's fridge? It's completely clear. Of anything? No, there's a lot of leftovers.

Right. Yeah. Jing Dao leftovers. A lot of juice. A lot of juice. Why don't you get bloody Just Juice to sponsor you? I got to tell you something, guys. I don't spend a lot of time in this house anymore because I'm away a lot.

So a lot of the stuff here is actually not mine. In fact, this might not even be my house yeah just touring a lot so I can't I mean none of that food in the fridge is mine so I don't know what's going on okay none of this mess on the floor is mine what about this guitar this is not mine the guitars not mine this little boy over here this boy is not mine either this porno that's on the screen it's been playing on a loop since we got here can we if you got here. Can we, if you've got plus ones,

can we somehow snag a ticket to the women's party? If you want to come to my party, just ask me. Well, that's what I'm doing right now. Come to my party. Come to my party. Here's the official invite.

Come and party. I'll hook you guys up. Can you guarantee? Can we raffle off, can we raffle a ticket for a dumb dumb listening? Can we? That's a great idea actually.

I'll speak to the guys. I think they'll go for it totally. Can you just guarantee that I won't get carded? I can't guarantee that but I'll guarantee if you get carded I'll still get you in. Unlimited hubba bubba I reckon. Nothing gets a party going like people blowing bubbles.

Slash puppies, the lot. Here's another question I want to ask you, Ronnie. We worked on a show called Double Dribble Together. My ankle still hurts. here's another question I want to ask you something because we worked on a show called Double Dribble Together yeah my ankle still hurts oh yeah

you did sprain your ankle yeah it was great yeah I still can't lateral movement left oh really getting killed on the courts everyone I'm the guy on the court now

who is so bad people look and go yeah you know what I tore my calf a week ago and so for a week I've been really really hobbling down the street.

But you get that bit where you cross the street and I'm crossing it like dragging my leg. Like an exaggerated. Your useless leg. Yeah, yeah. Like an exaggerated zombie. And people will literally, I can see the fear in people's eyes. Because when you walk that weird, people go, you are on drugs. You are not in control of all your senses.

That's a combination of your face yeah we've got to talk about this because you so you play indoor soccer once a week Carl

and this is like the third time that you've torn a muscle you're injured again yeah new injury you've injured yourself several times

so this is the comedians group of comedians who play indoor soccer on Sundays I mean what's got to happen before you just realise that your best days

are beyond you? No, no. You're too old. You can't. I'm worried you're slowly killing yourself. It's because I play so hard. It's nothing to do with age

because I push myself. You're playing too hard for your age. Everyone gets injuries. Everyone gets injuries. Yeah, but you're getting them just more consistent and they're getting worse every time

no no no have you joined the 40 and over league if I if I if I wasn't so good

if I didn't have so many gifts to bring to the game then maybe I would but I pull this

team out of the jaws of defeat every week and if I wasn't playing you just sound like you're

reciting something to me that you've said to yourself in the middle because you know these questions are coming and you know you're going to get grilled. So how many muscles have you torn in the past, what? I tore my groin in February, unrelated to soccer. And a big alert came up on the screen, you are under arrest.

As soon as the tear is... Getting arrested for tearing your own groin. It's like sound activated. Yes. The best moment in the world is Ronnie laughing way too long at something. First it was the bum problems.

Now you've done what you're doing. Don't ruin this for me. Oh. This is literally, so when we worked on Double Dribble, we consciously every day went, let's try, all we tried to do was make Ronnie laugh that much every day. So,

I tore my groin in February and then last week I tore my calf muscle. So, that's the two injuries. So, what's the prognosis here? Will you ever play again?

Yes, of course. Of course, I'll be back in a month. You have surgery? How do you tell someone shit and not need surgery? How do you tear as much shit

and not need surgery? Because the body is magical. It heals itself. Can you stretch? Can you do something different in your routine to stop this tearing? Yeah, but that's it.

That's it. You know what? All I did wrong was I stretched but I didn't stretch enough because it's a group of comics. When you start and get together

all you want to do is talk shit and be an idiot. So I did a bit of stretching but then someone was talking about something funny and I'm and get together, all you want to do is talk shit and be an idiot. So I did a bit of stretching, but then someone was talking about something funny. I'm like, okay, I'm going to do that instead. You start doing a bit and then they see you on your toe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Muscle off the bone. You sound like a trial show. Yeah. You're just in the league so you can play against other people who are strangers who haven't heard your material and you're all just running around on the court doing bits. Oh, did we talk about this? Because there was actually one of the first matches, because there's so many comics in

the team, one of the first matches, I'm not sure if you were there for that one, Ronnie, where like, like I go pretty hard when I play and I was playing with Nick Cody that day and he goes pretty hard as well and we get to the end of the match and we'd like, I think we'd been verbally assaulting the opposition as well as like hitting them pretty hard and stuff like that. And it gets to the end and we're really fired up. It's like, they're the enemy. We're like hitting this guy.

And then he comes up at the end and we sort of turn around and go, what? And he's like, hey, big fan of the podcast. You guys get recognised a lot for this podcast. I'm surprised. I think every single person that's ever listened to us must have come up. Because the numbers don't stack up otherwise. How are this many people? There's more people

coming up to you guys than listeners. It's remarkable what you guys have done with the podcast because you guys are what? Probably the number one podcast.

Vanity alert. Name dropping clang alert. Are you guys the number one? What's number one? I don't know how you say what now. Probably TOEFOP. They would definitely be. They would be definitely. TOEFOP is number one? What's number one? I don't know how you say what now. Probably Tofop. Oh, they would definitely be.

They would be definitely. Yeah, Tofop's number one. Definitely. Cool. But what I wanted to ask you was, because we spent so much time together, like we were there every day for like a month or something like that. So we got to learn.

It was almost like a bit of cabin fever. We got to learn everything a bit more about each other. Yes. What was fascinating to me was that what I found out, what I got out of the whole experience of doing that show was that Ronnie Chang goes and has a shower every time he takes a dump. Yes. Really?

No. It's true. And so he has to plan if he's out and about. Yes. He has to plan, hold it in, whatever he has to do until he comes home, until he's got access to a shower. I'm not crazy. Yeah.

No, you are. If I have to go, I'll go. You know there's paper that you can like wipe your ass with? That's what that's there. It's not reading matter. Sure. So how about I take a dump on your floor and then you use paper to clean that up

and let's see how far you get. Your ass isn't made out of carpet though, I think. Well, I mean, there's stuff in and around it. No, I'm not. Hey, I'm not bringing. You can take a dump. Demi's running banging. It's interesting learning what people's buttons are.

Yeah. I'm not denigrating your choice. I'm open to learning about it. Okay, cool. Yeah. Well, yeah, you just wash your butt after you take a dump. I mean, there's not much to it. You want to be clean. You don't want your butt to have about it Okay cool Yeah Well yeah You just wash your butt After you take a dump I mean there's not much to it

You want to be clean You don't want your butt To have shit on it Yeah I will say The times when I'm thinking Okay I should have a shower now And then I go

Oh I actually need to take a dump So I'll just do this Before I have the shower Yeah And then you Just immediately being in the shower After it Yeah

That's nice I do like that There you go But to me that's like A nice little treat That it's like Oh isn't this nice That the timing of this Has worked out It. I do like that. There you go. But to me, that's like a nice little treat that it's like, oh, isn't this nice that the timing of this has worked out? It's not something that I would adopt and go,

this is how I'm going to live my life forever. A bit of chocolate cake, you don't want to have it every day. But when you do have it, it's not very nice. Chocolate is an awful choice of metaphor for what we're talking about. I mean mud cake. All right. Yeah, but there's absolutely, I don't know, there's nothing wrong with...

No, no, no, there's nothing wrong. It's different. That's why I'm fascinated. But it doesn't become an income. It's like you've got to leave after we do this to get a flight to go to the airport. Yes. So if you need to take a shit,

you're still going to have the shit. Doesn't that interfere with timing in your day? What about if you're in the air? If you're in the air and you need to take a shit, does that mean you get in that cubicle and take all your clothes off and try and fit yourself under that? No, look, when I said you got to go, you got to go. Does that mean you get in that cubicle and take all your clothes off and try and fit yourself under that? No.

Look, when I said you got to go, you got to go. I've taken dumps without taking a shower afterwards. I felt incredibly dirty about it. And as soon as I land, I'm right there in that shower. You try and open a door on the airplane and throw yourself out. Once they taser you, you have to deal with it when you get there. I don't know what happened. I don't know where I got that from.

And I realized I think I got it from... Probably your OCD, I guess. No, I mean, I didn't think it was a weird thing until... Yeah, I think my mom kind of... What? Walked in on you on the toilet? No, no, no. Walked in on you shitting in the shower?

She was always, like, very particular about after you go to the toilet. Like, did you get yourself... Did you get it all? And I was like, whoa. Oh, no, my mom was like that as well. Yeah, it's a mom thing. Because when you first get toilet trained, she'll be like, did you get yourself, did you get it all? And I was like, whoa. Oh, no, my mom was like that as well. Yeah, it's a mom thing. Because when you first get toilet trained, she'll be like, hey, this is on you now.

And she can always check up, like, hey, so what happened? Did you get it all? Make sure you get it all. Don't walk around with that stuff in your butt. Oh, really? I'm paraphrasing here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so that... No, that's a direct quote from Mrs. Chang. That's why. So what did you guys do when you guys first started going to the toilet? Shit my pants, walk around all day. Sure. What do you mean?

So when you first started going to the toilet, did anyone monitor or follow up? When I very first started going, I remember there was a bit of parental wiping. Yeah. Would happen. Oh, yeah. Is that weird? I was really, I felt real stress About saying that

Because I thought What if this is a thing That no one is familiar with And it's going to be One of those moments Where it's like You had a fucked up Weird childhood

Dad was touching your ass Unnecessarily Dude parents Of course wiping Your child's butt What the hell What are you going to do? Are you going to

Wipe your own butt When you're four years old? Yeah sure Yeah probably At four At four? Yeah I was at school I was at school at four So if I wasn't going to wipe your own butt when you're four years old? Yeah, sure. Yeah, probably. At four. At four? Yeah. I was at school.

I was at school at four. So if I wasn't going to wipe it, who was going to wipe it? Bullies? Before, okay. Before four. Well, okay. Everyone has a different age, but anyway. Yeah.

Ten. Eighteen. What was your age? When you started wiping your own butt. Yeah. I had to fight my parents to let me do it on my own. Oh. 18 what was your age when you started wiping your own butt yeah I had to like fight my parents to let me do it

on my own was it like getting a pen licence yeah yeah yesterday did they use prison guard techniques to fight you

and then wipe your butt did they beat your ass with a phone book so it wouldn't show up any bruises did they put your butt in solitary confinement? Yeah.

Wait, how do you know about the phone book trick? I don't know. I've heard it referenced on a movie or something. Okay. How do you know about it? I used to do a joke about it.

Oh, really? About beating a kid. That's how we all learn about things generally through your one hour stand-up comedy. Dr. Carl Chang. Yeah.

Beat down on it that way there's no physical bruising. Yeah. Or the damage is internal where it counts. Yeah. Put a book, be down on it, that way there's no physical bruising. Yeah. Yeah. All the damage is internal, where it counts. Yeah.

Yeah, so what happened? Did you wipe your butt? No. What happened? Well, I just, I don't know,

I guess one day, I was just like, you know, you're old enough to do this by yourself now, and then I've been, it's been smooth sailing ever since. Do you think you did a good job? Do you think it's worse? I mean, I have no...

I don't often... Yeah, it's not... I don't really ever think about it and go, boy, dad would have done a better job than this mess that I just made. What I'm saying is

there comes a point when either because you chopped it off or various situations that you start wiping and you just can't get it all. Oh, yeah. I've been in those positions. And then what happens?

You just give up? No, I just... You keep going. Until't get it all. Oh, yeah. I've been in those positions. And then what happens? You just give up? No, I just keep going. Until you get it all? Yeah. What do you do? Take a shower. Right. Yeah.

Maybe that's just answered what my question was going to be. But you said you found this out through working together and being in each other's company each day. What was the line of conversation that led to this nugget coming out? Probably when he started taking a shower in the middle of the room. Why are you doing that? Because I just shit. Ronnie's wet and he smells like shit.

How did it come up? I don't know. I don't know. It's that thing where I think in any working environment, I ask way too many questions and then you get down a rabbit hole and then all of a sudden something like that turns up. Yeah. And that's why you have no job.

You're getting fired. Nice to meet you, boss. What do you do when you shit? Yeah, and then there's like two types of shitters. There's like people who shit and then they stand up and wipe their butt

and there's people who shit and remain seated and wipe their butt and these two groups of people don't know each other exists. You know what? I've been thinking about this for many years because I'm a stander and then I saw a thing on a movie where someone

was sitting down and they did it and I've harboured this for a long time of thinking, am I wrong? Am I a freak? Demi looks freaked out, man. Demi's never shit. Demi. Demi's never shit. No, I don't know. Demi's never shit. Demi. Demi's never shit.

No, that's... You've been sitted? But that never happens in movies. Do you remember... Not the movies I watch. No, I'm not saying I didn't call my mum about it.

Riori, Riori. Mum, I watched someone stand up to wipe their bum. You're brown bread, governor. Stop watching shitting pornos. No, I'm not saying I've seen it in a lot of movies. I saw it in one movie. It was a scene in one movie.

What movie was it? It's a movie called The Rules of Attraction. That's gross. Based on the Bret Easton house. Yeah, and then the other permutation you can add to this is that some people fold the tissue paper and some people just scramble it up and just wipe it like a brush. Yeah, and then there's those two people. Some people take a shower after and some people just scramble it up and just wipe it like a brush. Yeah, and then there's those two people.

Some people take a shower after and some people don't. Some people meaning 99.9% of the world. Yeah. I like the idea that there's people still listening to this who at the start of this conversation went, the shit stuff won't last that long. This isn't my bag. This will be a couple of minutes.

They're not still going to be talking about this 15 minutes later. How do you do that? We put up the back of the podcast. So I think that's something. That's very appropriate. What's your stats? Do 60% of people stop listening after the first 30 minutes? We don't know that.

You don't know that? Okay, cool. I don't think there's a way to tell. No one stopped us in the street to go, just so you know, I get maybe 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah. No one comes up and goes, I know you from the first half of the little Dumb Dumb Club podcast. Women in comedy.

Yay. Well, I think it's time to take a clean break off this bad boy and just do some serious wiping up. I think we should all take the same shower after this. And pose for Uniqlo's new swimwear. Yeah, give it to Uniqlo, that photowear Yeah Give it to Uniqlo That photo If they want to get Their Twitter account

Suspended again Here's four of your Models in the shower Together Post shit I'm going to put My mum on speed dial then Demi and Ronnie

Thanks heaps for joining us Thank you Demi have you got Anything coming up That you would like to Plug I'm going to have my show In Adelaide Fringe

And Melbourne Comedy Festival It's called Birds with Human Lips That's going to have my show in Adelaide Fringe and Melbourne Comedy Festival. It's called Birds With Human Lips. That's going to be happening. Come to that. Do that. This is a great time.

I'm fascinated by what everyone's name of their comedy festival shows are. Ronnie, next year. Shower, don't wipe. Ronnie Chang, you don't know what

you're talking about. Yes. Cool. That's next year's tour. And you still got a couple of dates. Oh yeah.

So I'm going to Chatsworth and Parramatta in Sydney. So come for those if you want. It's a 2014 show, Chang Reaction. I'm also going to Newcastle. That's where. Cool, man. Always heaps of Ronnie Chang fans on this show.

So awesome. And, hey, let's get on to Chase at Ronnie Chang on Facebook, on his official fan page or on Twitter, and find out about this Ronnie Chang party. Yeah. I'll email them so you can hook up. I don't know.

I always feel weird. Like, even at the start of the podcast, you're asking me what's it like to... It's just weird talking about... Sorry, what I'm trying to say is I don't know anyone

who actually want to come for this party. Yeah, of course people do. But, yeah, it'll be cool. It'll be fun. Even if it's just four people, I'll still have a good time. Yeah.

So that's how I... That'd be good. Maybe some of the thousands and thousands of people that come to your show. Yeah, but that's the thing. They don't... You know what I mean? I think my... I think you're funny. They don't want I... That'd be good. Maybe some of the thousands and thousands of people that come to your show. Yeah, but that's the thing. They don't... You know what I mean?

I think my... I think you're funny. They don't want to have a beer with you. Yeah, they don't want to hang out. My guys are like... They don't come on Twitter. They just come. Yeah.

Like the show, they leave. Maybe they hate the show. I don't know. There's going to be people... Heaps of people coming to that party now and just watching when you go to the toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what about... Yeah, what about at that party, watching when you go to the toilet.

Oh, what about at that party there's a toilet that's just surrounded by a shower. So you sit on it and then when you're done, you just stand up and you push a button and jets just come down from the ceiling. Yeah, because it's your dream party. You can choose. Well, actually, it would just make a hole so you just shit directly

into the shower. Just... Dreams can come true sometimes those handicapped toilets have showers in the same space so yeah they can be men

women Ronnie Chang guys this is the last time you'll be hearing us before our Perth live episode it's this Sunday

at 4pm at Rosie O'Grady's in Northbridge. Tickets moving quickly. We'd still, we'd love to see anyone there who's on the fence about coming. Both of us doing our solo shows. Some big guests coming over with us. And it's,

I'm so looking forward to it. I've spoken ill of Perth in the past, but I am genuinely jazzed to get over there. Perth, come along and make us have such a good time that Tommy Daslow completely changes his mind about Perth. Yeah, there we go. That's your challenge. Be like these Adelaide people.

Come along. Tell Tommy why Perth is good. Make us have a good time. We're on, what, November 2nd on Sunday, 4 till 7.30pm, and then we'll be hanging around afterwards. Yeah, come do it. I'm on the west coast and I'm looking for love

oh yes single Perth ladies thanks very much for listening everyone and we'll see you next time peace out see ya mate bye