The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 216 - Fiona O'Loughlin & Lawrence Mooney

Episode Date: November 25, 2014

Male Escorts, The Great Gay Bender and Fiona's Crack Pipe. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey Sydney, this is the last time we're going to bug you before our big live show there this weekend, Sunday, November the 30th at the Cafe Lounge. Totally come down, heaps of special guests are going to be there, it's going to be so much fun. Tickets on sale now, littledumbdumbclub.com and Melbourne, this is the second last time that we're going to bug you before our big live show, Five Burrows, Sunday, December the 7th. Once again, tickets at littledumbdumbclub.com and we've got an extra special treat planned for the end of the show that's going to be crazy fun so don't miss out also i have just released my new stand-up album dreamboat it is online right now it's uh

parts of my festival show mostly my festival show from this year with a few older things thrown in. I'd love for you guys to check it out. It's $7 right now. It's at tommydassolo.bandcamp.com. I'd love for you guys to hear it. And, yeah, I hope you enjoy it. See you at a show. Bye.

Bye. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day to you, Ed. We're doing a much requested reunion special. Would you call it that today?

Reunion? Yeah, I guess so. Sequel? It's a Hall of Fame episode revisited movie. Is that it? Yeah. Are we just checking to see if they're still alive? Is that what we're doing? Yeah. The height of arrogance really, isn't it? Just a lot of real self-congratulating going on here. We just felt like we should keep an eye on these guys. Yeah.

That's all. We're in one of our guests' house and they have a cat that I've just very recently discovered I am allergic to. So let's rip into it. So you're the next one off the perch. Is that why your stomach's swollen up? Yeah, you fat fuck. All right.

Well, that voice belongs to the host of Dirty Laundry Live, Lawrence Mooney. Hello. I'm still alive. Lurching from little dum-dum club to little dum-dum club in the hope that they'll ask me back and give my meaningless life some meaning. And also joining us, we're in her house, June Northern herself, Fiona O'Loughlin. Yay. I'm loving the June Northern thing taking off.

I just love it when people ask me, you know, are you a bit June today? Yeah. Is that your life now? People ask other people. Oh, really? Is it catching on? It's become a thing. Thanks to you, boys.

Awesome. Because you did mention like – Probably thanks to you. I think you should take more of the credit. Is June Northern any relation to Gordon Southern? I imagine – No, they're poles apart. So we did If You Haven't Listened, which I think is probably unlikely, but we did an episode with Lawrence and Fiona a few months ago now

where the lofty subject of suicide came up pretty early on. It was finally made funny. We finally cracked the case. I reckon we bloody accidentally did crack a code. Yeah. And we demystified it to the point where people were thanking us for our frank and honest discussion on the Twittersphere, but also in person.

And somebody got in contact with you from Perth who you spoke to for a long time and gave good counsel to. Well, I hope I gave him good counsel. Yeah. I just, it was it's incredible that something that was born, I mean this podcast is shit most of the time and had a really

sagacious moment. This is my favourite podcast. As if you listen to anything else. I listen to The On. What other podcasts do you listen to that you're not on? I'm saying it's the best podcast I do. You self-absorbed asshole. But it is so self-absorbed.

And to think that out of that absolute selfishness could come some good. Yeah. It's extraordinary. For something that when we walked out, I literally went, I don't think we can use any of that. Did you really? I thought the same thing because when it first came up, I was like not engaging because I was like, well,

I'm going to have to edit this out. And then at the end when people were like, thank you for being so open and stuff, I was going, I wish I'd talked about when I tried to kill myself. What a loser. That's it, I'm going to go and try and kill myself. I was successful. You had depression envy.

Yeah, so I've had a few cracks in between this podcast and the last one. Oh, yeah, yeah. Where did you go? Well, have you been self-harming your face? I'm taking up chandeliers. Bloody stocking trade here. I'm taking up chandeliers. Bloody stocking trade here. He'd be trying to stab himself in the stomach from the inside with Mars bars.

You're sitting next to each other both in shorts, so you do look like a couple of real ratbags. I'm a weird work experience. I say so. You are nothing but a ratbag. Where did you come from, 1880? I like how we're very encouraging as well. We're in Fiona's house and we're all drinking straight away.

Meaning turned up for six packs. It's not like it's night time either. It's just mid-afternoon beers. I like it. People get loose around me. Dave Hughes told me this. He said, you just hang around long enough at the party and you feel loose because everyone else is loose. We all know people.

Loose by osmosis. No. Yeah, I guess. And you find out people's deep, dark secrets and you're sober so you've got crystal clear. You just start relaxing like they start relaxing. I love making my dad laugh. That makes me laugh a lot.

Making him laugh is one of my favourite things to do. So it's like a loop. So I just sit next to Dad at Christmas time and egg him on. He's 84 and he can still pull a four o'clocker. Right. My mother fell down the stairs of the Rhino Room at 75 and broke her nose. They're a couple of wild people. You say fell.

You're at the top of those stairs Mum watch out Watch out Help me Help me Just another Just another reason To get a strange story I just think it's weird

To fall down a flight of stairs And only break the nose Yeah How do you come out of that With no Like it's such a specific Narrow area It's a hell of a nose

It's a good of a nose. It's a good nose. She was in the right place when she went to the rhino room, let me say that. She's got a horn out the front. Oh, dear drinking. I was drinking last night. I was drinking last night and I, this is, you know, I drank way too much and I was talking to another comic. Same.

What sort of a drunk are you, Carl? What sort? Well, maybe this will explain. So I was talking to another comic and I got enough in me where I was like, you know what your problem is? And I just went through their problems in their career and went, this is what you do wrong and these are all the mistakes you've ever made and this is what you do as a person.

This is what's ruined your comedy career. So know just take that on board and then he goes all right wow that's a lot um okay i i think i'm gonna drive home now i'm like oh are you are you not drinking no i haven't had one oh i've seen you do that to a lot of people in fact you've done it to me oh really and you know where you did it to me? Where? Viva Las Vegas. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. We were in Gamblin' Bill's Gamblin' Casino,

our favourite casino of all time, and it was like five in the morning and you just gave me the fucking, gave me the business. Do you know, I saw you, Lawrence, give a comedian a serve and it was awesome. Oh, no.

No, it was like watching a film noir, right? I won't say his name, but I'll say it to you guys. Do you know him? The guy that you talked to? Post-Eggman. Oh, okay, right. How's this for a scene? It's beautiful sometimes.

Because I like Beau. Yeah, it's beautiful watching things through sober eyes. And it was the last night of the comedy festival and everyone was hanging out at the front of the high floor. Hey, Hans. You. Blind. Well, no, you just like, because you're never a mess.

Like, I disagree, but anyway. Oh, okay. I've never seen Lawrence messy. I've only seen... Have you seen me messy? You were very messy a couple of nights this year at the comedy festival. During the comedy festival, when you're crawling on your hands and knees through the bar

going up to open mic, Comet's going, I'm on TV, I've run out of money, buy me a beer. And I'll remember the ones that didn't. Jimmy James Eaton looked the other way. And he's not an open marker. Oh, that buggers up my theory of you being this. Because you were like, you know, it's like the king,

one of the kings of this great industry. There's only one king. There's gorgeous Bo. And Bo was like a puppy dog and he'd had too much to drink. But that's a different kind of drunk when you're that young, you know. And he's fawning at you. And he's going, oh, Lawrence, oh, I love you so much. You never give me anything, Lawrence.

Come on, Lawrence. Oh, Lawrence. So he's asking for a fucking drink. And then you snapped. And it was like I couldn't take my eyes off it. And it was like you turned into the most fucked up Richard Burton. Like can you imagine a fucked up Richard Burton? And you just turned around and went, what do you want? No, first you said fuck off.

First you said fuck off. Fuck off, what do you want? No, no, said fuck off. First you said fuck off. Fuck off, what do you want? No, no, it gets better. It was genius. It was poetic. You've gone, what do you want? Do you want me to make you better? Yeah, it's like,

the kingmaker. What do you want? Do you want me to make you better? And then I gave him advice. No, then he just kind of slunk away to, God bless him. To northern himself. Obscurity. Jesus. He went north.

I took him. He went north for the winter. I took him around the corner and breastfed him and he was fine. He is young, isn't he? Yeah, and he's funny. Yeah. He's good. We went to Leangatha, where he's from, to do a cricket club

and it explains so much about Bo. He's got a wry appreciation of humanity because, you know, country towns produce the likes of you, Chandler. Yes. And he's got that beautiful, yeah. I think country towns do create great. Where are you from originally? Are you from a country town?

Tiny country town, Wurruka. How many people? 300. Oh, wow. Yeah. I remember once in Easter holidays, in the Easter holidays, my sister said to me, do you want to come up the street and see if we can see a stranger?

Big times in America. And Father Christmas, I remember one year looking at him like, he looks a lot like the butcher. Then he picked up my brother Richard because we'd line up and go into the town hall and see Father Christmas. And he picked up Richard who was in front of me, and he goes, hello, Richard, and what's your name? Santa.

We never said Santa in South Australia. Always Father Christmas. Always Father Christmas. Very formal. What is it? Do you think it's South Australian? I think it's a particularly English tradition. I was very Father Christmas in formal What is it? Do you think it's South Australian? I think it's a particularly English tradition I was very Father Christmas in our family

Santa Claus was, yeah, something cheap and tawdry Oh, so you said Father Christmas Yeah, we were very Santa's like real American, isn't it? Is it? It feels like that's the American It feels wrong to say Santa My kids still don't say it

Although they're 28 and 27 Hi, Santa My kids still don't say it, although they're 28 and 27. Hi, Santa. I wonder if there's, like, what do you reckon the oldest is that someone's, you know, still believed in Santa? What do you mean still believed? Like how old have they been when they found out that it was not real? What? What the fuck have you just done to my Christmas?

How did you find out, Lawrence? Oh, a kid at school. And I wanted to believe and it just spread like wildfire. Yeah. So I went home and I demanded the truth from my parents and they said that it was very funny because I said, don't lie to me, tell me the truth. And they were like, you know, very amused by it. And I said, no, there really is a Father Christmas.

And then I said, if there's not, and I find out there's not, you'll be put in a home. When I get old enough, I'll put you in a home. That's a very adult way of thinking from a guy who believes in sex. Yes. She's got the wherewithal to think of that. She's very vengeful. I will deal with you when the truth comes out.

My mother was so – see, we didn't get any joy at Christmas. That's why I still... That's when you're meant to get joy. I know. Celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. It's meant to be joyful. Well, it just wasn't because Dad was a farmer and

it was really stressful. It's harvest time. They had a lot of kids. Not much money. Mum would flip out. She had a lot of kids, not much money. Mum would flip out. She was in the worst mood ever on Christmas Day. My mum would flip out just before Christmas Day. Yeah, and before. And call a cancellation to Christmas Day.

Oh, great. Same. Every year. It's not happening. Some indiscretion at a family barbecue. If you boys are going to behave like that, there'll be no presents, there'll be no presents, there'll be no food, and no Christmas. She just goes to the calendar and cuts off the square

that's got the 25th on it. This is a devout Catholic that prays. It should be her festival. Mum used to go, Christmas? Oh, bloody cancel Christmas. And I actually thought she had that much power. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Because they do. Your parents do. Your parents could just get up and there'd be nothing and they go, no, we're just going to sit here in silence today. I wish they would cancel Christmas. I find it a little bit interminable and it makes me kind of a bit nauseous just thinking about it.

Well, because I'm an only child, right, and my mum is one of those people who wants to start. We know. Yeah. I'm a fat only child, right, and my mum is one of those people who wants to start. We know. Yeah. I'm a fat only child from the 1800s. You're the one that owns all the equipment here that clearly your dad brought for you. See exhibits A through to 1 billion. Oh, yeah.

And also please note that I said brought for you and used the wrong word. Yeah. Fucking idiot. My mum's one of those people who just wants to start getting Christmas organised in like September. And she's always like, what do you want to do? I'm like, it's Christmas. Like whatever is happening, I'll go to.

And this year, because it's my first Christmas that I'm not with my girlfriend in like four years. I think she's like thinking that. Has your girlfriend gone away? Have you broken up? We've broken up. Oh dear. Their relationship, June Northern. Oh dear.

I didn't know that. I've got a rope in my kit. I've got something here you can use. You can just use your belt. It's really easy now that you think about it, Tommy. Yeah, it's cool. Thanks, guys. I'm sorry, Tommy.

When did it happen? When did you you think about it, Tommy. Yeah, it's cool. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Sorry, Tommy. It's fine. When did it happen? When did you break up? Okay. Like a month, two months ago now. After four years. Yeah. I've never broken up with anyone.

You've been dumped a few times? No, no one ever asked me out. When you say you've never broken up with anyone, what about the dissolution of your marriage? Yeah, that's it. Jesus Christ. Oh, that's right. That's right.

You know those five children you've got? I've got another question for you. Have you ever had a drink? Look, I did try a vodka cruiser once. I quite liked it. Do you know what? I went a bit silly on it. The next 15 years were a blur and then I just came out the other end in rehab.

Anyway, very quickly, my point was my mum... Oh, no, no, we're still on the relationship stuff, aren't we? Yeah. Should we talk about... Come on, tell me how... There's not really much to talk about. As the dearly departed, much-loved Dave Grant would have said, was it a mutual decision between her and six of her friends?

It's very apt, actually. It feels like it's exactly like that, yeah. But anyway, so mum's like, I think mum's like a little weary of me, you know, not having someone to bring to Christmas. So she's just thrown this out the other day. She's like, we might have something here. And you know, if you just want to just bring a friend along if you want, if you've got any friends that want to come along, it's like, is that, I was like, I get it.

Like, thanks. That's very nice. But that's not a, like, who's. Going on a date to Christmas dinner. No, not date or just like mates. Well, you might have an interstate mate. Well, yeah, maybe. Yeah.

We have in recent years invited a couple along to our Christmas dinner. They're friends of mine and my wife's, but they don't have relatives in Melbourne, so they don't have somewhere to go. Yeah. Is this a boring story? Because you glazed pretty badly. No, I'm just thinking it's Christian.

And it was nice, and that is the Christmas... It's a Christian thing to do. Yeah, to include someone that is otherwise... You know, like Fonzie sitting around his tree on his own. It's a Happy Days reference. You guys are too young. Fiona, it's a Happy Days. And Mrs Cunningham goes upstairs and they have pretty

ribald sex. He gets hurt. Her head's in the sink. He's just pounding her from behind. Wasn't this meant to be advice for me? I don't know where this turned off. I would say, if you're feeling lonely, bang an elderly neighbour. Okay.

As a Christmas present. Why don't you have a Mrs. Robinson Christmas? Or maybe we could auction it off on the podcast. Come spend Christmas with me and my family for one lucky listener. Have you ever taken an older lover, Tommy? Like a motherly figure to show you through the tricky ways of cunnilingus? Not that old. Okay.

I'm sitting right here. You put your knee up kind of under your dress so it kind of looks like you've got a huge boner under there as well. It's good visual. I see what you're trying to say. Would you like a huge boner under there? Jesus. Can we just talk quickly about Christmas guests?

That'd be a, I've got to say, it'd be a pretty hideous sexual coupling watching Tommy Dasolo have sex with Fiona O'Loughlin. Because you said the right word, it would be coupling. If you're really hot, you mate love. It would be coupling. If you are ordinary, you have sex. No, if you're really old.

Old people couple. Right. You're not old, but it's a good word for it. Coupling. I love it. Coupling. I don't really have sex anymore. I just lie there with it in.

It's in. Okay, so this may or may not have happened in the last week. Here we go. Here we go week Here we go Here we go Here we go Talking about hot sex Someone may or may not that you know That could be sitting in this room Right

Has been without sex for eight years Right I fucked the cat when I came in So it's not the cat Oh right okay And one of my best and dearest closest girlfriends came up

with this idea that I should hire a male escort. Yes. Which I may or may not have done. Now let's just talk about male escorts. Anyway, that's all the time we've got for the little Dumb Dumb Club this week. Thanks for listening.

G'day, mate. Hey. I'm still recovering. When you hire a female escort, which, you know, has happened in the history of the world. Have you ever? Had a sex worker? Yeah. Many.

Because I'm still not quite over it. Both in establishments referred to as brothels, street sex workers in my car and escorts in my home. Wow. The trifecta. Yeah. Escorts in hotel rooms and... Is there anywhere else to do it?

There's nowhere else. You've done it The Grand Slam Yeah I've taken part in the Grand Slam Of sex workers Yeah Three years in a row

The major You've got all the majors in one year I I I actually feel No shame About anything Which is

Which is dangerous Which is dangerous But the thing with it – So why do I have to be carried with so much shame when you don't? You feel shameful because, I don't know, there's so much loaded onto having sex. It's so very more than normal. Right. You know, it's not a fringe thing of the sleazy underworld on the outskirts of town.

Fast women and men are having sex for money. A lot of people are having sex with sex workers. Wow. So what have you experienced? Were they all positive? Were there any... It goes from... Because you're going into that world where it's like a lot of people don't know about that world.

It goes from incredibly warm and generous women who have great sex with you and leave you feeling a lot happier than you ordinarily would to the most broken people basically having a transaction and making you feel like you are defiling them, which you probably are because they're working basically for cash because they're in a desperate situation. You feel like an exploiter and you feel like the classic white male fucking heinous coloniser oppressor

that I am. So it can go from those extremes. coloniser, oppressor that I am. So it can go from those extremes. I think my blood pressure is soaring through the roof at the moment. Not with excitement. Which one were you in that one? Did you have a warm and loving great sexual experience?

No, I didn't. For one, like, I've told you... Were you pulled by a darkie? I told you how... You know Lawrence more than the boys, but it's like I've evolved into a completely different human being. Like, I used to be the girl outside mass

handing out anti-abortion pamphlets. Oh, really? Right. It's like I don't recognise the person I used to be. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I don't, but I can imagine what that must be like. If someone had told me, you know, fast forward, I'd be divorced. No one gets divorced in our family, you know?

Right. It's a big thing to do, isn't it? Yeah. And then all of a sudden I haven't had sex for eight years. And I – just this friend just convinced me. This is a really close friend who I've known forever and I admire. Did you have sex? No. Because when you do, you're going to make some pretty unnatural sounds.

If you haven't been penetrated for eight years, when it finally happens, it will sound like a bear who's caught his leg in a trap. You just go... It'll be the sound of two... It'll be the sound of two Olympic Games colliding at the same time. This is the fundamental difference between men and women. Women have to be emotionally invested.

Yeah. You see, in what this guy... It was so... In here? No, he's in a hotel in Sydney. I think there's something else to a woman's arousal which is a little bit... Well, it's connected to emotional investment,

but that is being relaxed and being... Oh, well, they're... ..and being calm. And I think that a really intuitive sex worker, and probably not one who's on smack or some other way detached, but an intuitive sex worker can do that. They read the situation, they know who they're dealing with, they probably have an innate sense of

what you want and need and they can make you feel relaxed. And I think that that is their great skill. I'd like to just run out the rest of the time on this podcast with you doing the noises that you think Fiona's going to make. It'll sound like someone blowing the conch in Lord of the Flies. Conching.

We've got the male ice court's phone number. We've got it. Isn't that what you're showing me right here? No, I was just showing you how funny it is. Oh, the exchange. He's high there at the hotel. I'm in room 308. Mrs. O'Loughlin.

Mrs. O'Loughlin. Right. Very formal. High there at the hotel. And so you laid eyes on him. You clapped eyes on him. He came to your room. Yeah.

He came to 308. Okay. So this is something that I'm interested in with the male sex worker. Because, you know, as all of us who own a penis know, that the erection can't be... It's not money on the table every time. Sure. There's sometimes when it doesn't show up. So are you guaranteed a hard-on?

I don't know enough about it. Surely, but surely that's like, if you're a male sex worker, surely that's like... I changed my mind, but it was too late. I'd given him the money. And we watched... And he was too young and he was thick. So what was he, 20s, 30s?

He was about 27, 28. Right on! Yeah! And did that freak you out? He was about 27, 28. Right on. Yeah. And did that freak you out? This is coming to Deslo's Christmas dinner. Yeah, it freaked me out. Did you sit down with him and watch your episode of Australian Story? No.

Instead of doing it? Did you play our podcast? I said, do you... No, I said, do you mind if... No, 15 minutes of excruciating. Oh, so you did do it? No. Excruciating.

I'm not going to say... Making out? Cuddling? Oh, really? Yeah, trying. Foreplay, right. Excruciating, though. Yeah, because I didn't know this guy from Adam and it wasn't normal.

And my Catholic head was exploding. I think it's good that you don't know him. I think if you call a sex worker and you know them, I reckon that's more pressure on everyone. And then I said, I'm so sorry to waste your time. I don't want my money back. Do you want it? I put the kettle on.

On what? We both lay in bed and watch South Park. It cost me 550 bucks to watch South Park. What episode, though? Hundreds. He had them all on his phone. He had a really – you're watching it on his phone. Yeah.

Wow. Wow. I know the cliche of things in hotel rooms are expensive, but $5.50 to watch South Park. You should have just gone and gotten an episode of South Park from the shops and replaced it with that so you don't have to pay as much. Just a mistake. For me, a mistake.

But, no, I mean, a lot of people do that. Like a lot of men will do that with prostitutes, I know, where it's just like it's not about the having sex. It's about the intimacy and it's about having someone around. But I'm so judgmental. I only have to read about a politician paying for sex and I just think pig. You know, like

I'm such a Fucking idiot. Fiona, I'll sit in Dudley. I'll sit in bed. I reckon the judgment that goes along with people who employ sex workers or have sex with sex Dudley. I reckon the judgement that goes along with people who boy sex workers or have sex with sex workers, it's just kind of

archaic bullshit. Why can't people have sex with a sex worker and not have their morality or their position or standing in society, you know, questioned? Yeah. Fiona, next time you're lonely, I'll sit in bed with you and watch South Park and I'll do it for $3.50.

$3.50. Now, I defy you to find a better deal out there anywhere. I can't say fairer than that. Tommy, that is a deal. You are on. Yes. And none of this phone bullshit. I've got an iPad.

Bigger screen. Better resolution. I've got a Netflix account. All the episodes are on there. Go for your life. So what kind of worker are you? You're like a video worker Yeah

I'm a loneliness worker You're a cuddle worker I'm a cuddle worker Yeah Right A cuddle fish Yeah So what

Was he a good looking man? Yeah but that was all It didn't matter? It was all Did you see his cock? It was all just irrelevant. Is he here right now? When you're pointing that...

I know, but this is a podcast that will go out on the internet and can be heard by everyone everywhere. I might be making a call to Carl, because Carl's a friend of mine and sometimes I might be making a call to Carl because Carl's a friend of mine and sometimes I might just... Really, would you, after the fact, go, I want to... The question I was going to ask was going to edit because I have a bit of trepidation about some of the things that I say going out on the air thinking,

would a prospective employer want to hear that? You don't need to – you don't have a prospective employer. Prospective. Oh, Jesus. Prospective. It's like I'm your retard friend. It is like that. Did this guy – was he a fan?

Was he familiar with you? Yeah. Oh, so he'd never heard of you? He was borderline, like I would say borderline idiot. Right. Like numbskull. Right. Nink and poop.

What about that time you did a guest voice on South Park? He didn't know you from that? Remember there used to be an old... I was happy that he laughed at South Park. That was like... That's good. Yeah, what if he'd been like, let's cuddle in bed and we'll watch my favourite comedy show?

No, not cuddling in bed. Okay, just lying there. Sorry. I'm very sorry. Where did we get to... How did we get to South Park? I just said... I just said, I can't...

I'm sorry, I made a terrible mistake. And he said, how about a few eps of Cartman? Was that his suggestion? He wanted... He thought he could talk me around. Oh, really? Yeah. And I knew he had a snowball's chance in hell. How was he going to talk you around?

Did he start to dirty talk you or how does... No, he started to remind you of all the things you could have bought with that 500 bucks. Oh, no, you're just a bit shy. Da-da-da. It's natural. Blah-blah-blah. But his head was, I mean, no. He wasn't that intelligent.

I don't think it matters. I think it was a terrible mistake. What are the chances that he would be a guest on this podcast sometime, now that we've got his phone number? Well, it's going to cost us a bit. Why don't you podcast him and have sex with him at the same time? Just to get our money's worth. Well, so, Lawrence, you've obviously got more experience.

Yeah, years ago when I was between the ages of 20 and 21. That was your sex worker year That was the international year of the sex worker Carl, you seem to have a burning question on your lips I've got many questions Because you're talking about trepidation of saying stuff To me, when I think of Lawrence Mooney It's open book

It's all on the table My brand is the honesty That's you The most honest comedian in Australia think of Lawrence Mooney it's open book it's like it's all on the table my brand yeah that's the honesty that's you the most honest comedian in Australia I've got a similar brand and it's um tiring sometimes right and confusing but also richly rewarding in the fact that you do get to do a little bit of self-analysis and it's therapeutic. Yeah. And once you've said it, you realise that it's not such a big deal

and if somebody takes it a front from it, well, that's their deal. But you also find, as a comedian, that it's kind of lucrative. Well, it's another thing. No one can damage you. If you're honest about everything you do. It's like that thing, anytime I fuck up,

I just go on the front foot and get it out there. So it's like no one can tell this story about me behind my back. I've taken complete ownership of it. You can't get at me kind of thing. Yeah. Well, that's how comedy works, isn't it? When you do something like that, you can't go and do a gig and open with, I only had 200K last year.

Oh, no laughs? No laughs from that? Oh, I'm not. Yeah, it's firmly established that there's no laughs in success. Yes. Yeah, I've got no issues in my life. I'm living in this sweet house. I've got a car and a lot of folding.

I'm off to Europe. Anyway, here's Bo Stegman. Said with a lot of affection too, I like Beau. Now we've talked on a previous episode about, I'm a bit fascinated by the Lawrence Mooney lost years. Oh my God. Where you've said you just, whether it was a midlife crisis, whether it was some sort of bend away,

especially sort of signified by you dyeing your hair blonde. That wasn't that long ago. Yeah, 10 years now. Really? Yeah. It was the end of 2003 and the blonde year was 2004. No. That was one year.

It was one year. Right. Did I have an accident and fall into a coma? I would swear that it was two years ago. No, that was 2004. Wow. And the final tips of the blonde hair were cut from my head probably February 2005. And this is what I've always found interesting is that I first met Lawrence Mooney in the crisis years.

So that was my first. You were a troubled man. I was a troubled man. I was a troubled man. I'd broken up from my life partner. Who looks like Julia Roberts. Yeah. And still does look like Julia Roberts. Holy crap.

Really? I took a photo of her the other day to prove my point. From Pretty Woman? Just Julia Roberts. She's quite a beautiful woman and the mother of my oldest child and so I split up with them because you don't split up with one you leave your child as well

and then went and lived in self-imposed exile down the bay in a shotgun shack drinking and smoking myself to death. Really? In a shotgun shack? What does that mean? A little small house away from the prying eyes of do-gooders. And I was doing breakfast radio on Mix 101.1,

part of the ARN network. Mix 101.1, more music that makes you feel like your arse is being eaten away by a horrific flesh disease. Jesus, Lawrence, but you were doing... He's died, though. So you were in that state, you were in that troubled state with probably the most

money you'd ever had at that stage if you were doing breakfast radio. So that's a man wanting to do the wrong things with the access to the cash where you can do them all i gotta say that was not a sex worker period for me yeah because the blonde hair did something that was amazing that was it attracted all the people all the wrong attention so people uh that you need because you need to fill the void, but people that aren't that great for you are attracted to blonde hair.

And often it's other blondes that just go, like, kind, here we go. Really? Men or women? No, women mostly. It's like that thing where you go, same t-shirt. Men rarely. Same t-shirt. I used to be a bottle blonde. Yeah, and you attract, you know, all the right slash wrong attention.

And so it was a busy time in the old boudoir. I didn't know you that well. Would you say that were your unhappiest years? I was unhappy because... You couldn't have made, because I was already married. That must have been a blow. I was... That is a bizarre juxtaposition, though, because you've got that going on,

but you've also got what, for many of us in stand-up, especially in Melbourne, is kind of the dream gig of doing breakfast radio. It's not a dream gig. It's because you don't have any freedom like you would in the world of stand-up. I have never, ever, ever, ever dreamt of it. It's just big cash, which is great.

And that was lovely. But there was this point towards the end of the Comedy Festival 2004, and it was during the Comedy Festival that they were in Melbourne after we split up, then they moved to the country town. So they moved during that Comedy Festival. I was doing breakfast radio. I was exhausted. I was partying too hard.

So I was just, you know, hungover and drunk and drug remorseful. My car broke down. I had a really bad cold and I was just squatting on the side of Burwood Road. And I thought, this is the worst I've ever been. I feel so shit. Car got fixed. Did a show. I can hit the hi-fi.

I remember saying to Fiona O'Loughlin around about that time, I said, I've just got this fear that I'm becoming quite sleazy around women. And you just laughed like a drain. Just laughed and laughed and laughed. I said, you have nothing to worry about. You've got no idea what sleazy means. So I grabbed you on the gnaw. Oh, that's funny.

I can't remember saying that. It's a very nice thing to say and very reassuring. No, because it was... Because nobody wants to think that they're turning down sleazy street well i'll ask this if this is all right and i only ask this because i've of you talk about fluid sexuality and i've heard that you talked about this on radio before but was there a there was a period where you were experimenting with the other sex the great gay bender of 2002. 2002, that was. Yeah, that was after my relationship broke down

and I went to Sydney to do a show at Belvoir Street B and I was living in Darlinghurst and it was the gay and lesbian police and fire games. And I thought, just go on a gay bender. Scratch the itch, find out what it's like. And it's a pretty full-on world to get involved in when you've just kind of like had hetero world for a while because the sex is so available.

Yeah, sure. Anywhere, anytime. So if you couple, and Henry Rollins does some great gear on this, couple the male libido, and I'm not diminishing the female libido. I have no idea exactly how it works. But the male libido... I don't think Mooney's going to be sitting in bed

with anyone watching South Park. Well, my libido is dropping off quite radically as I get older. But, you know, I'd probably... If I was to give myself a score out of ten, I'm probably an 8.7 in the bedroom at the moment. Maybe you could come on over and give me a favour. We're all in the hay.

You repulse me. There is that. No, friends can repulse each other. So anyway, the availability of sex coupled with the male desire just to blow, it's like gay world's an amazing place to go. And surely you would, I reckon you would be quite a trophy as well. I, yeah, I was doing all right. But what if you're...

I don't think many people knew who I was. Oh, right. I reckon this... You're a good looking man, you know. Thanks. You got a bit of Jack Nicholson in you. Yeah. That would have been a...

That's pretty fun. Oh, I do. Every girl I know has got a crush on Lawrence Mooney. Really? Including me, yeah. They should put their crush on Lawrence Moonies Really? Including me They should put their hands up and just Why? You've already got the prize I'm married

You've got the prize So how does it So in those In Sydney, in that sort of thing So how is it physically working As in you're going to bars And people are coming up to you And approaching you

Or you would go after a certain type If you go Say, you say, the traditional Friday night, go to the pub at the end of the day, you go to the Columbia Hotel in Oxford Street and start drinking. If you're standing on your own, guys will come up to you, say, hi, what's your name? And you go, blah, blah, blah.

And they go, do you want to go back to my place and fuck? And you go, yeah. And, blah. And they go, do you want to go back to my place and fuck? And you go, yep. And go back. Oh, what a world. What a world. Bang. Have sex. You both do whatever you need to do.

It's kind of perfunctory. It's not like, let's, you know, make love. It's like, what do you want? What do you want? You do it. You go back and you're drinking again. And another guy comes up. It's like, do you want to do it you go back and you're drinking again and another guy comes up it's like do you want to come back to my joint it's like i've just come back to the pub so i'm

gonna have a few more beers try and recoup but you know let's see in an hour i think to get sex that easily you've either got to be gay or host a podcast like that's the only two ways yeah but the great thing about gay world that hetero world could learn about, and maybe it's not possible in hetero world, is that in gay world you don't go out for dinner and then go to a night club or go to a show and you've had 13 beers and go home and try and have sex.

Have sex at the beginning of the night. So it's not an issue. So you can go out and party or go to a show or go to dinner and you're not thinking, God, I want to have sex. See, on a Saturday night, you've already had sex in the middle of Pluck-A-Duck during Heyo Saturday.

You're back at the pub by red faces. You are so funny. If you're a single guy on your own, you can have as much sex as you want early on in the evening before you've even showered and got ready to go out. Is there a protocol to who goes what and where goes what and who goes first?

No, you describe what you want. Did you have a type? Some guys want anal sex, some guys just want oral sex, some guys want to perform oral sex. It's many and varied. Well, not that varied. It's like there's a number of options and you describe what you want.

Do you know what a friend of mine just told me? Now, you probably will never look at me again without she really is retarded. I did not know, and this is as honest as I'm being, I had no idea that guys like giving oral sex. Right. I thought it was a... Oh, an obligation.

It was a punishment. It was a favour. Oh, no. It was a return favour. I think there are some men who think of it like that, but I think by and large... There's a lot of guys that like to chew women. Let's all go on record as saying it's a

positive thing. Let's all... I like it. So three out of three. I like it a lot. God. Do you know, I have to believe in reincarnation now. It's the only option for me. I have to believe in reincarnation. I feel like I was a little nervous. I feel like we were

more nervous around that than we were the whole time talking about neck out. I feel like we were more nervous around that than we were the whole time talking about neck out. I hope no potential employers know that I like eating pussy. I'm not going to get that Coles trolley job because I like to suck a bit of minge. Mr Moody, would you mind listening to this with us? Hey, mate. My name's Lawrence Moody and I'm the CEO of Going The Ground. I'm sorry you're not fit for this job.

I think it's fun. I think it's fun. The discussion about sexuality and, you know, whatever form that takes, is there has been a little bit more trepidation than that free-flowing discussion about suicide. There's still so much shame attached to it and stigma. Well, I feel like I enjoy these podcasts, like the last one and this one, because for me it's more of a Q&A.

I'm asking about stuff I don't know about. And I'm a wealth of knowledge on this subject, so we might go over time. You're absolutely right. It is so bizarre that even on stage, like, if you do stand-up and you, you know, if you talk about sex on stage, you've got to be really careful about the way that you do it. And, like, it's a thing that everyone does, that everyone knows about.

It's like in terms of with stand-up, you're trying to connect to people and you've got to be relatable and you've got to talk about stuff that everyone knows. It's one of the few things that pretty much everyone or the big bulk of your audience are going to know about, but it still feels like you bring it up, you have to be so careful, do you know what I mean? You feel people go, oh, don't talk

about that. It's spoken about well. You can see the audience just laughing in relief that they're identifying with the fact that they're not alone. I get that delicious laugh from saying, you know, sex, because I've set it up by saying I'm lazy and I'm not well. You know, that's a get-out-of-jar-free card for everything.

But I go, sex, honestly, it's awkward. You've got to take your pants off. And I'd rather eat a Toblerone. And there's a certain amount of women in that room because married men get so lazy at pleasing women. So they don't want to have sex. So many middle-aged women don't because it's another chore. So I love that.

You do have to make an effort. You've got to kind of reinvent your sex life. If you want to. Otherwise, fucking pull it. But put in the effort too. Like make something kind of unique happen. It becomes so, you know, our processes become so predictable. What's something unique that you can make happen?

Give the listeners some practical advice. Catch venereal disease and give it to your wife. That's new. Okay. Can I very quickly ask you? What's something unique that you can do? Maybe

something that you've never done before. Which often involves going down to sexy land and buying some kind of contraption and you think, this is going to be demeaning and horrible. But then all of a sudden your wife's wearing a massive strap on, plunging you in the a-hole. You think, this is good. This is good.

This brings me back to 92. This is some pretty sweet times. Can I just ask, so you're talking about that year, your 2002, the year of the gay bender, and it sounds like you had a fantastic time. Yeah. What was it at the end of that year that made you go, ah, that'll do? I don't think you were doing it around the clock for that year.

No, no, it was a period at the end of 2002. I actually probably think... This is just before my acid days, I think. Yeah. I think, you know, I'm innately heterosexual with a little bit of bisexuality in there, which would make me bisexual. So I'm probably...

I'm not pulling away from the term, but I prefer women. Yeah. So you came out of that phase and then you thought, well, now that I've got that out of my system, time to dye the hair blonde. Yeah, that was a bit later on. But yeah, that flowed on. But yeah, I like the softness of women, whereas I don't see the real attractiveness in the hardness and hairiness of men.

That's it. That's not something that I'm actually physically that attracted to. Yeah. We used to have complaints, like you do life drawing class and there'd be girls always complaining that there wasn't guys in the class and it was like that was sexist. It's like, no, guys look fucking terrible. Guys are horrible looking things.

Whereas if you draw a lady, it's like all these silly sort of curves and guys are just like walnuts stuffed in a plastic bag sort of thing. It's just a horrible thing to look at. Yeah, harder lines. But some people, Carl, find that very attractive. Well, women obviously find that very attractive because it's the opposite. Yeah, the other. It's the other.

And, you know, gay men find it very attractive because that's what they like. I don't like the hairiness particularly I like the softness Yeah And women are kindly They take you to their bosom And they look after you Get off your phone No, sorry

Fucking What are you doing? Are you texting that guy back? Are you going to give him a second chance? What are you doing? You're doing a Sudoku over there I don't know what I'm saying. I did get really stressed about talking about that,

so I kind of... Oh, right. You distracted yourself. I distracted myself. You don't want to talk about sex anymore. No, no. I'm happy to talk about it. I just...

About your... I was a bit shocked that I told you about my escort. But that's fine because nothing... Nothing happened, yeah. And even if it did happen, that's fine. You shouldn't be... You shouldn't feel any shame whatsoever. You're an adult

and a sex worker came to your bedroom and you had an experience with him. Well, it's like Jesus, are we that kind of Victorian? It was like, oh, the shame. I'm a scarlet woman. Let's just have an orgy on the podcast right now. Let's do it, guys.

Finally, let's go for it. We really need your money up front, Fiona. Let's warm Fiona up with a couple of episodes of Southpaw and see where this goes. Is there any animation? Do you do Flintstones? Family Guy? No, it was just, what do you like?

Puppetberry Hound? Probably a normal conversation that a sex worker would have with his customer, what do you like? But instead, we were talking Strawberry hound. Probably a normal conversation that a sex worker would have with his customer. What do you like? But instead we're talking about cartoons. Is that porn for you? I said I'm not a big animation lover but I quite like South Park.

Oh, and that's why he then dialed that up. Yeah. So he's just got this library ready to go on his phone. Easy night's work for him. Absolutely. Some sweet coin. Can you imagine? That would be quite frightening knowing you're answering the door to a 51-year-old.

It could be throw mama from the train, you know? And you checked into the hotel under the name Jude Northern as well, so he doesn't know what he's going to find when he walks in the room. I think so. I'm going to have to clean this up. He doesn't know if it's like both of when he walks in the room. I'm going to have to clean this up. He doesn't know if it's like both of you are going to check out at the same time. Oh, dear. Dear me.

It will work its way into a show. It's a great essential service. I remember Judith Lucy had a routine about getting a sex worker. I can't remember how it went for her. Thanks for bringing it up. Tommy, have you ever thought... I mean, you're a single man now. Yes.

Have I thought about... Sorry, Fiona's going to get some... A box of books. A box of books. A box of maybe comic books for an ex-lover. Should we take a hold? No, I think we could talk to it. We can fill some time while this is happening.

Have I ever thought about... Because you're a single man, so this is you now. So you're out into the single world now. I've been single for like not quite two months. So I'm not yet at the point of going, bring on the prozzies. No, no. It's still, the healing stage is still happening. And when is exactly that

stage? Exactly a week. That's what my therapist said. We'll talk about this next episode. While we're in Sydney. It's not a cheap thing to do. I mean, you know, you spend money. It's like...

We're in Sydney next week together, you and me, Tommy. Yes. How about $2.75 each? We get this going and we watch some South Park in the hotel room. What do you think? Sure. Let's do it. Three of us in bed watching cartoons.

We've got his number. Yeah. Do you want to do it? Let's do it. Can you get your listeners to give you some Bitcoin to help buy the sex worker? We should just... Kickstart of the South Park. We should kick start of the South Park. Let's hire him just for the podcast. You need to suck both of our dicks live on stage at this podcast that we're doing.

We put a bed on stage at the live podcast. Because we're always trying to do sort of like visual things at the live ones to kind of make people at home feel like, fuck, I should have gone. What better way to instill a bit of FOMO into our listeners than getting a live blowjob during a podcast? It would be a waste to get fucked by this prostitute just on the podcast without anyone watching. What about this?

Here's an ethical question for you. Do you think hiring a sex worker for sex is less exploitative than hiring a sex worker to mock on your podcast. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, because it's not their... Yeah, he's like... He hasn't advertised himself on that escort site

as a podcast-performing monk. He's a sex worker. But it's interesting that it's like, well, we can just pay him to do anything. If he's a sex worker, why don't we just pay him to get on our podcast? You're right. We'll take the piss, and if we're under an hour, we'll get him to clean the dishes, you know?

Yeah, you're right. It's sort of like going into Bunnings and going, give me a haircut, you fuckwit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just here. You're taking money. Therefore, you've got my money. You need to do what I say. In reality, I don't think in reality anything like that would happen. What would happen if he turned up and we had

arranged that sort of system? We would have got there and got very, very scared of the whole situation and gone, we'll just give you double the money if you want to leave now because we're not grown up enough to know what's going on in this situation. But I also imagine that if that unfolded, you'd be quite polite and interested in what he does

and you'd treat him respectfully and I think he'd be okay with it. But I think it's an interesting ethical question. Like, I was prepared to be paid for sex, prepared to be paid for anything. Yeah. Yeah, because you think your thought process is surely that's not as bad, which the implication is that it's bad to be being paid to have sex. It's absolutely not.

And you want to do that. You've decided to do that job. There's some element of badness about it. That it's shameful or you must be at rock bottom to want to take money for sex. And I've met a sex worker who I didn't meet as a sex worker, met through a friend of a friend, and we were at a dinner party, and it's like she's an ice addict, and she works as a sex worker because she loves smoking ice.

And she looks like, you know, a normal functioning human being. She's not like, you know, scarred or rotten teeth. She just smokes ice, and she needs a way to make it. The bonus is when she smokes ice, she said her libido goes through the roof and she loves fucking and being a prostitute makes it perfect. So she's got a lot of repeat clientele

to come back to her because she's an awesome at sex. Right. That is a, that's a happy story until you've been on ice for a really long time and you die. Yes. So your question to me was would I consider going to a sex worker? Well I guess

my question to you is is it possibly part of the stream because without having a partner you're out there now. You're out in the world again. Carl's alluding to the fact that you may never pick up a freebie again. I at this stage of my life

A freebie. That's how I refer to relationships. That's civilians. Here's my beautiful wife coupon. Can I put this one on tick? Here's my beautiful wife lay-by. I buy her clothes

And she gives me a freebie At this stage of my life I don't think I would But that's not to say that I'm Completely closed off to the idea And I think I would never I don't think I could perform in that situation Yeah

You'd be surprised The expertise of a sex worker too. Ah, yes. Okay. They have had many nervous, non-performing or maybe even sexually dead clientele, clients who they've resuscitated because they are experts in their field.

And that's something that you also get is this range of expertise. Yeah. I don't want to go also get is this range of expertise. Yeah. I don't want to go too early on this, but should we be checking on Fiona? I know she's laughing. We heard a laugh from the bathroom. She's still here. Probably as she's tying a rope up, but yeah. She's trying to drown herself in a toilet, but it only flushes for so long.

June, are you okay? There is a great book actually called Paying For It a cartoonist who decided that his relationship broke up. It's a true story that he kind of, like a memoir but a comic memoir that he illustrated where his relationship broke up and

he went, I'm just going to have prostitutes for the rest of my life from now on. Like all my relationships. And it's like about him kind of getting into it and stuff. Not funny, but worth checking out. It's called Paying for It. Sounds fascinating. Yeah.

I like exposés and that sort of stuff. Yeah, it's great. Living the life. It's cinema verite. I'm just going to watch South Park and not pay $550 for it. So got some books delivered just then? Is that what was happening? They're in the shed. Why, got some books delivered just then? Is that what was happening? They're in the shed.

Why did you get books delivered? Why are they in the shed? Because this is too small. For books? For my books. How many books did you get? How big are the books? I got four boxes.

From where? I buy them from my publisher. Oh, your autobiography. Oh, yes. They're mine. I wrote them. I thought you meant a box of books that you're. Oh, your autobiography. Oh, yes, they're mine. I wrote them. Oh, I thought you meant a box of books that you're going to work your way through. Oh, no, sorry.

I would never interrupt. So does the book sell well after gigs? Yeah, like I'd say I'd sell one DVD to ten books. Really? Wow. A DVD is the wrong kind of merch to have. They want, and it really works if you've done a great gig.

Right. You know when you have a gig where everyone agrees? Oh, yeah. And if you've had one of those gigs. I read a blog about one of you. Yeah, it's a really good cash spinner. Taxman, if you're listening, I do put... I do declare.

I do declare. Your earnings. It's what my mum said about my book. She said, do you know, Kenneth and Jane Anderson read your... Kenneth and Jane Anderson bought your book. Aren't they amazing? Yes, they are. I just want to quickly go back to Tommy.

So Tommy's single. Tommy's single. Has there been any action, Tommy? You know the answer to that question. It's a firm no. Oh, hold on. Want to do a shout-out or not? Why would I do that?

I knew it was only a matter of time until you brought this up and I felt very conflicted because on the one hand it's like you don't tune in to like mornings and, you know, see them going, did you get a root last night, Stefanovic? So it's like why should I? But then I was like, see them going, ah, did you get a root last night, Stefanovic? So it's like, why should I? But then I was like looking back and going, oh, we did that whole episode with Dil where we just grilled him about one night of his sex life

and like how hypocritical of me to not... But it's also, it's... Yeah, I mean, it's not just about whether or not I am comfortable talking about it. It's like there's, you's like there's other people involved. You were living together with your girlfriend. Have you split the house? She's moved out and I now live there with new people.

Do you know people who... I've known people who've split up with their partners and continued living together. I did that for three years. I did that for six months. In the same bed? I know people who've just gone, we can just sleep in the same bed, this is cool. I wasn't allowed in the marital bed.

I had to pull out a bloody mattress or sleep on the living room floor for the last three years. I've got to say, some of the breakup sex was some of the best sex of the relationship because you're unencumbered. You've gone through that kind of emotional territory of talking about the reasons why you broke up. You've deciphered the relationship and you're kind of free again and also there's no you know

minor hurts being carried into the bedroom yeah well fuck it it's over yeah and yeah it was good i once broke up might get myself to to Alice Springs and see if someone's interested in a last hurrah. Copper freebie. Get one of your coupons. Hey, speaking of that, because you parked my interest with something we were talking about before

I think before Carl got here. It's a very fluid podcast this one. Guests just coming and going. before Kyle got here. It's a very fluid podcast, this one. Guests just coming and going. I'm interested in relationships

with, I call them civilians, people who are not comedians that you're going out with. were you telling me a story about someone being very rude to... Oh, no, it was Lawrence's wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I had the most...

Because my husband didn't understand the scene at all. And you know how we kind of talk... What I love most about stand-up is that you don't need the disclaimer, just kidding. Yeah. You could say the most particularly, I just love the way you can say anything to Carl Chandler. And you, it's glory.

It's just glory. Me to a lesser extent, but yeah, certainly Carl. Years ago. Fucking piece of shit. To the point you get so, you know, racist, homophobic jokes, you know, that are being ironic. Yeah. That they get so bad you go, holy fuck, am I a seriously evil person?

And then you see those reports in the paper, like what you're doing, I guess, is trying to shock your friend as much as you can. We're playing. Yeah, but it's all a game. But if anyone else saw that It'd be in the paper going Someone kill these people now

And we would not have a leg to stand on Because it's like we sit around backstage And we'll say the most horrendous stuff To try and get a rise out of each other And then something like the Jackson Jive happens on Hey Hey And the defence of that is There's just a bit of a bloody joke light and they didn't mean it and it's like, well, that's kind of the same defence,

do you know what I mean, which makes it very hard. We were talking about partners that aren't in the biz, so civilians. Yeah. And I remember once being in the hi-fi and, you know, you have the same running joke with a comic too and it's not as funny as it was the first time but you still play along. It's good, a running joke.

And I used to actually get laughed at in the early days because I was so straight. Like before my boozing got out of hand. You know, I was a mother. I didn't take drugs. I did my job. Even as a booze hound, you're still pretty straight. It wasn't as if you started, you know,

just owning a whole lot of sexual proclivities or even doing illicit drugs. You're just a tragic old booze hound that used to shit your pants at regular intervals. It's exaggerated. So I've walked into the Hi-Fi with my civilian husband and Charlie Pickering yells out from the other side of the bar. It was fairly early in the night so everything was audible. And he used to yell this out every time.

And he'd go, Oh, Lachlan, put the crack pipe down and take a look at your life. And it was just like a riff, you know. So I've walked in, same thing, O'Loughlin screams at me, put the crack pipe down, you know, look at your life, blah, blah, blah. My husband, knowing nothing about this world, he goes, what did you just say to my wife? And I died a thousand deaths.

I was just like, I didn't even know where to begin to fix this. Charlie, to his credit, came over and apologised to Chris and had to explain that it was a joke. How funny it is that you're on credit. Jokes are good when they need explaining. Well, just because I feel like there's literally no more topics that we could possibly cover. We're going to have to go and do some tragic things each to our lives

to have something to talk about next time. Yeah. Nearly at the bottom of the well. Yeah. Well, I think we should wrap it up there for this week. Lawrence and Fiona, thank you very much for joining us again. Pleasure. As always for your openness and honesty.

Things coming up that you would like to plug? I am going to be in Queensland this weekend, but this is going to go to where, when? Next week. I will be in Darwin for the final night of my Australian tour on the 29th of November. Wow. And come along.

There's still some tickets available. I'd be interested to know if we have any Darwin listeners. I don't think we've ever been. I'm sure we do. I'm sure we do. Sure there's a Darwinian up there somewhere. Yeah. And you're hosting, you're part of the ABC New Year's Eve celebration telecast this year?

Yes, I'll be doing a section called the Pub Quiz, which is a kind of a round up and reflection of the year's events. And Fiona O'Loughlin? Well, I think I'll just plug the Yarraville gig which is I don't know the date but it's

in Yarraville and it's soon. It's a good gig. It's such a beautiful gig. And also to America Land to have a crack. Oh, really? That's good. Oh, here we go. I thought you should have been promoted on the Last Comic Standing series that we're on.

Your gig was good, but I think that NBC were a little ingenuous getting us over there. I don't think they intended to promote any of us because you should have been promoted. Oh, thanks, Loz. I'm glad it didn't happen then. Not because you're funny, just because you're a woman. Yeah, that's right. I should, you know, give you a chance.

No, I used to be worried about it. I used to think, oh, fuck, I'm too old, I'm too old. Now I'm like, no, no, no. You use your age as a point of difference. Just this mad fucking Australian. And you've got experience. You've done things.

And also I don't have to give my backstory. I can choose how much. Do you know what I mean? Is it just because Joan Rivers is dead, you're like... Yeah, totally. Well, there's no impediment to being a stand-up. You don't go, I'm too old, give my backstory I can choose how much do you know what I mean is it just because Joan Rivers is dead you're like yeah totally well there's no impediment to being a stand up

you don't go I'm too old or I'm this or I'm that it's like are you funny is what you're saying funny done yeah

it's totally egalitarian in that sense so when are you you're funny well we're doing it in bits and pieces like not going for six months

or anything but I would say my mum's here so I've got to go. She's 82. And very impatient. I've been waiting for an incredible smash to happen on that corner.

It'd be so much fun. I'd have a bird's eye view. Sorry, guys, I've got to go. Yeah, we'd better go. Yeah, yeah. Guys, we've got to go. Guys, I'm putting up a live stand-up album on Bandcamp today at TommyDassler.com. You can find that. We've also got the live... This is your third album, isn't it?

Second. By the time this goes up, where are we? We're in Sydney. This is our last chance to go and see us in Sydney. Our last plug before the Sydney show. Sydney this Sunday, November the 30th and the weekend after that in Melbourne, the 7th of

December, Sunday at 4pm at Five Burrows. Tickets for both of those, littledumbdumbclub.com Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See ya mates!