The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 217 - Live! Scott Dooley, Chas Licciardello & Ray Badran.

Episode Date: December 3, 2014

Terry Pedestrian, Dooley Beers and Twenty Bucks. Recorded LIVE at the Cafe Lounge in Sydney on November 30, 2014. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, it's only a few more days until our huge live end of year show in Melbourne, Sunday December 7th at Five Burrows in Melbourne in the CBD. We've got big guests, a huge surprise show at the end of the show and also if you listen to this episode and you're into it, we may have an update on something that we talk about in this Sydney live episode. So if you're in Melbourne this Sunday December the 7th, come down and hang out with us. Tickets are on sale now, littledumbdumbclub.com, and we'll see you there, mates. iTunes has always been tricky, hasn't it?

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, live from the Cafe Lounge in Sydney. What? I thought that was pretty good. I thought that was pretty good. No, I'm committing to this. Get on the plane. Get on the plane and fly back to Melbourne. Really commit. You've got your suitcase here behind you.

Take that with you. Guys, welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club live at the Cafe Lounge in Sydney. My name is Tommy Dazzolo. Standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Yay!

Yeah. So this is so far a bit of a technical disaster. It's not going how I would have liked. Yeah, if only we had have got a tech that wasn't a fucking idiot. One day we'll get there. One day we'll get there. Tommy Day, so he's doing tech tonight. So if you can't hear this at home, if this whole podcast is deleted,

sorry to everyone at home that's not listening. Yeah. The grand irony is they'll never get that message. Yeah, that was the joke. Oh, hey everyone. Yeah. Yeah. The grand irony is they'll never get that message. Yeah, that was the joke. Oh. Hey, everyone. I'm just so... Because I'm in control.

I see now why it's worth spending money on a tech. Because I'm now... Content-wise, I'm fucked. I'm just, you know... What's new? Oh, yeah. Yeah, hey, everyone. So welcome down.

Here we are at the Cafe Lounge in Sydney. Thank you very much for coming and checking the show out. I got a text message just before you jumped in. I got a text message before because, you know, like everyone in Sydney I believe has my phone number. So I, you know, like when we did the Perth podcast a couple of weeks ago, I got some text messages just going, hey, can I have some free tickets? And I'm like, that's pretty disrespectful, you know.

Like we give out episodes for free on the internet and everything. Just do your bit. Everyone here, awesome. Good on you for coming down and putting in some money and coming to see it. Did anyone sneak in? Did anyone not pay? Who are you thinking is going to say yes to that?

I don't know. I don't know. But our listeners would. There would be a certain delight in going yeah I fucked ya yeah eat shit yeah so

today I got one a text that was like that but like I think even worse than asking like for the Perth episode to be free for the Perth show to be free I got one today saying

hey man um can you get me in for free to Will Anderson's toe-fop gig and uh it's like don't even bother him to try and ask can you get me in for free to Will Anderson's Tofop gig? It's like, don't even bother him to try and ask to get in this for free.

Like, I don't want to see that shit for free. I want to see something good for free. I reckon you... Because I reckon you could do that if you wanted to, but I reckon you try and get a bit of contra out of this guy. Like, you say to him, if you get me proof that you've made 50 people listen to our podcast, I'll get you a free ticket to Tofop. What do you reckon?

Make him work for it. Yeah. You know what? I think Will would just go, go fuck yourself to me. So I don't think I've got any hand. No, but that's the great twist. Like we get 50 listeners. Oh, yeah.

And plus I get to get told to get fucked. Yeah. Sweet combo. Yeah. And then it's another great story for this podcast. Yeah. Well, this is what happened to me. I was here in Sydney about three weeks ago.

I went to the Newtown Festival, which is like a big outdoor... Fuck you from here. You know what it is. Who am I? Do you have festivals here? But I was there. I was in line for the toilets and... Clang.

Yeah. Yeah. Did a bori. How'd I get that? I was in line. You like when you're in a like lining up for a bathroom is a very solitary thing. So everyone's just like alone, like not speaking to themselves. And this girl comes up. I imagine

I assume she's here. Fuck, I hope she's here. She came up and she said, oh, you told me that's like I listen to Little Dumb Dumb Club. I love the podcast. Like, thanks so much for doing it. And I was like, oh, great. You know, coming to the show in a couple weeks. And she's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, like oh great I'll see you there but it's that weird thing where so everyone's in the line for the bathroom just not talking so that has everyone's immediate attention like that becomes like a mini show where you can see everyone just listening into

the conversation going what the fuck's this about and then she walks off and this couple behind me a guy and a girl the girl turns to the and goes, did she just say she listens to a podcast? Which I thought was very Sydney. Imagine. I like that she's getting disgusted by that whilst being this far away from someone doing a shit. Well, this is a weird

thing that's happened to me this week, right? So I put out a little album of my little riddles, of my little comedy riddles up on Bandcamp. Who here bought it? Bullshit. You two, yeah? You together? You both bought one?

Oh, you paid double? Round of applause for these guys. That was the most begrudging round of applause ever. It's not worth anything. You having money. So I put that up right and I'm trying to get it up on iTunes as well but you have to put it through this other site

that then takes a while for iTunes to approve it. So I'm on the train the other day when I was here and I thought, oh, we'll see if it's up on iTunes yet. So I put myself into iTunes, my name into iTunes just to see if it came up. It didn't come up. What up was uh a couple of podcasts I've been on this podcast and then under songs one track called a driving ditty for Tommy Dasolo and I look at it and I'm like what in the Christ is this is this like some kind of you know Homer Simpson Mr Sparkle kind of thing

and so I'm like well I've got to check out what this is so I pay the $1.69 and I download it and Is this like some kind of Homer Simpson, Mr Sparkle kind of thing? And so I'm like, well, I've got to check out what this is. So I pay the $1.69 and I download it and this is it here. This is what it was. Tommy DeSalo Drives his car every day Tommy drives to work where he stays Tommy drives home where he plays. Drives here, drives there.

Tommy DeSalo drives his car everywhere. Tommy DeSalo drives his car into town Tommy drives to the shops Tommy DeSalo never stops He drives here Good rhyme, a really good rhyme. He drives there Tommy DeSalo

Drives his car everywhere Tommy DeSalo He drives and sings along Just the girls, Tommy DeSalo Tommy DeSalo Here is your driving song Tommy DeSalo Key change!

He drives and sings along Tommy DeSalo This is your driving song drives and sings along. Told me to solo. This is your drumming song. Oh, wow. So... For the listeners at home, six women got their breasts out while that was playing.

But I don't understand. Obviously, he listens to the podcast or something, but how does he not get your name right when you say it every week? That's the best bit, yeah. So I'm on the train going into the city. I'm by myself. I'm freaking out at this point. I'm alone.

Well, no wonder because you weren't in your car. So I'm just in this carriage and I'm like, am I being watched? Like what the fuck's going on? Like, there was one... Tommy DeSalo is on the V line. Oh, man. Like, I'm going, what's a more insane theory? That this is...

That someone's written this about me or that it's a coincidence? Yeah. Like, they both seem like equally insane theories. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Right? So, anyway, I look at the artist's name and it's a guy called Terry Pedestrian. And so I think, well, that's how I'll get to the bottom of this.

I'll put him into iTunes and I'll look him up. And so this is what came up when I looked him up. MUSIC PLAYS Carl Chandler Drives his car every day Carl drives to work where he stays Carl drives home where he plays He drives here

He drives there Carl Chandler drives his car everywhere Carl Chandler Drives his car everywhere Carl Chandler Drives his car I can't help but notice that he's pronouncing Chandler correctly. Quick show of hands, do we want to hear the rest of this? Yeah.

He drives here He drives there I wonder which... Carl Chandler. Which one did he write first? Drives his car everywhere. Carl Chandler. He drives and sings along.

Is there a way that we can check? Carl Chandler. What's selling better out of the two? He drives a... No, well, this is the thing I've bought. So, okay, so we all get the thing I've bought. So, okay. So we all get the point. I bought mine yesterday, and you know, like, if you go on the iTunes store, it'll, like, rank

the popularity of certain things, like, when you look at them based on how much they've been downloaded. So when I went on his page today to get your one, the popularity of mine was through the roof, because I bought it yesterday. So, yeah. Was that one recommended for you?

Yeah, like Amazon, similar people bought similar things for this, yeah. So, I don't know. So, he's only got two songs, is that right? Um, there's a few more. Are we going to hear those? Are you that arrogant to think that you and I are the only people that drive cars in this country?

So, do you mean he's got one about everyone here? Is there a chance of that? I feel like this is a story that ends in us both being murdered. I don't know that there's any way that Terry Pedestrian doesn't come after us. I know a way if we both get in our cars and fuck off. And then he runs us down in a monster truck.

Yeah, it's really unsettled me. So I tried Googling him and you can't find, like I went four pages deep into the Google results for him and he's got his music on so many different websites and Amazon and Google Play and all those different things that four pages in

and you're still just getting results for where to buy his music. Right. So you can't, yeah. And are they all the same? Yes. Yes. And I don't, look, I don't want to spoil the rest of the podcast,

but let's just say old Terry Pedestrian may be a fan of some of our guests. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I like, but is this, he says Terry pedestrian. Is this some bitter rant against us because of our car driving abilities?

Yeah. I mean, maybe he's like, maybe, you know, maybe he's failed his like P plate thing. Well, he thinks this is part of the test. No, but he's just like, this is a fantasy for him. This is him wistfully looking at us and going, wow. If only I got to do that. Yeah, I don't know. So Terry Pedestrian, if you're listening, which...

If that is your real name. Once you're done crossing the street, give us a... I don't know, because, yeah, he might... How does he pronounce the name wrong when he's... I don't know, how else he... Yeah, you mean Terry Pardestrian. No, I just pronounced it because, yeah, how does he pronounce the name wrong when he's... I don't know, how else he... Yeah, you mean Terry Pardestrian. No, I just pronounced it right, sorry.

Terry Pedestrian. Yes, yes, that's what I wanted. So that's, I don't know, I'm a bit freaked out by it, but yeah. I want him to do the intro for every guest we ever have. Like, we should have that. He needs to write a song about Rad Dad. We need to use that. Yeah, we do need to get him to do Rad...

Did that really just get a wool? Fucking hell. Rad Dad drives his car. He drives his car down to... Brashers. Alright, should we bring on our first guest? Yeah. Alright.

Our first guest today... That is unless Will Anderson's getting hit up at the moment looking for free tickets for this podcast and there's someone outside. No? Okay, cool. I could list the credits of what our first guest has done, but why would I do that? Oh!

When I can get the great man to introduce him for us. Scott Dooley drives his car. Scott Dooley, everyone! Scott drives to the shops. Scott Dooley never stops. He drives here.

Hey, what happened at the end of the song? Oh. Now, Scott... What do I end up doing in the car? Do I drive here and there? What happens? I need to know. How often does he drive his car?

Now, Scott, I was looking you up today and tell me if this is right or wrong. Apparently you drive here, there and everywhere. Can you confirm or deny? Terry Pedestrian has hijacked my Wikipedia. So it's just all driving facts. No credits. If you said a song about everyone,

that would be great if Wikipedia reviewed all the songs and then added how everyone has a car from now on. Just put that on every celebrity's page. They just drive everywhere. Well, a friend of ours, Genevieve, is on there and I played it to her and they're all the same. So there are literally hundreds on there. Hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds.

And it's weird, like Damien Fleming. You're like, oh, he played cricket for Australia 20 years ago. Yeah, it's literally, it's like comics that have done a podcast for six months and then like Ricky Ponting. It's insane. And so I played it to my friend Genevieve, like her one of it, and she goes, I don't even have my L's. Like I've never driven a car.

So he's not even researching. This is your main beat with Terry Vanessa. You're fact checking these songs. Yeah. I like the idea that he's recording a fresh one every time he does it too. Like it's not even the same backing track. He's bringing the band back in every time.

They're just doing take after take after take. He's just in a horrible relationship. He just has to get out. Oh, fuck, I'll just get out of the house. I'll just do a song about fucking... What's the name of the guy that opened up the open mic four weeks ago? Let's do him. Yeah, there's just so many on there.

But you knew about it because I told you about it today. Yeah, because I'm the most narcissistic person in the world. No, someone sent it to me with you about it today. Yeah, because I'm the most narcissistic person in the world. So I was like... No, someone sent it to me with the same thing that you said, which is, oh, so it looks like you're about to be murdered and just that link. Yeah. That makes sense.

But I feel like because he's done... It's just all people that... Like, comedians-wise, it's like a lot of people that do podcasts and stuff. So I feel like he's just been waiting for it to come up on a podcast. Oh, right. So he's just masturb waiting for it to come up on a podcast. He's just masturbating furiously right now.

He's listening to this. Terry pedestrian. He's pulling his dick. We both got there. Scott, you're back from New York. You've been in New York for a little bit. I have. And you were telling me today you are in love. Sure.

Oh, really? Well. No, your exact words were. Scott Dooley is in love with someone. Yeah, it's Barack Obama. I am in a relationship with Barack Obama. Yeah, your exact words to me were, I'm kind of in love. And then you paused

and you said, nah, nah, we'll talk about this on the podcast. Don't get weird about it now. I didn't think you'd use the L-bomb. What if she listens to this and I scare her off? Have you not said it to her? No. Oh, man. Okay. She's right to be scared off

then. Why would you bring it up on here before you talk to her? I didn't think this would be the nature of the conversation. I thought the thing that you said that you would say that I had said to you would be the thing that you said on the podcast to me. A lot of prep goes into this, guys. This is Terry pedestrian levels of production that go into this show. No, but it interested me because I was thinking about you recently because the last time I saw you, before you moved to New York,

I said, how come you're moving? And you said to me, I've just broken up from this long-term relationship and I'm nearly 30, I'm 30, and I realise that I'm probably going to end up marrying the next girl that I sleep with. So it's time to... Very odd bunching tonight. Which isn't a great reason to move away. to... Very odd bunching tonight. Which isn't a great reason to move

away. Don't take that to... Yeah. Well, this is quite full on, isn't it? Let's get into it then. So, yeah, I did move away and I was... Yeah, I broke up with a girl and it's now the topic of my next festival show.

So you should come to that. But it's not going to be incidental. Oh, so that's the only reason you're uncomfortable about talking about it on the podcast is because you don't want to burn gear. I don't want to burn material. I get it. Oh, I get it. I'm still working a lot of it out. Yeah, real nice.

You're not getting anything out of Ticketmaster out of it, so you don't want to talk about it. Exactly right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so you fucked me up there, Daslo. I'm not. Or Dasalo. Yeah, so she's nice.

She's really nice. I like her. Cool, man. Good. Just shout her out on the... Yeah, I'm going to make you do that. No, that's right. So is she from New York or is she from here?

She's from New Zealand. Oh, okay. So you fucked up your news. You went to New York, didn't you? Now that... That you? Now that... That is some good wordplay. Classic Chandler.

Yeah, that's right. I was walking... That's poured a bit of gas on the barbie, hasn't it? Fucking here we go. Well, it's sparked up from, I don't want to talk about this. I'm just... I'm a bashful guy. That's fine. Yeah I that's fine yeah that's fine so I'm trying to play it cool right I'm still doing shit to try to impress her you

know what I mean like I'm not that stage where I've given up so the other day you get to that point so the other night I got home and I was faded as I saw I've not been that I was really in a weird place and I'd done... Like I'd had a lot of beers and... LAUGHTER Anyone at home is wondering why they got such a big laugh. We can't tell them. So I had all the beers and then a few beers afterwards

and then I had some beers. I got home and there was this spider, like this massive huntsman spider. It was so big I could hear it breathing. And I was like, fuck that. And I punched it to death. Right? Thank you.

Yeah. But then I felt horrible because as I punched it, I was like, yeah, look at this fucking guy. And I just felt like such a meth user. Because that's a real meth-y thing to do. You know, they're always, like, punching security guards and waking off and stuff. They love to whack off and they never come. It's a thing.

Not that I'm like, not that I watch them go, oh, he's going to come any minute now. And I'm like, watch this, he's going to come. So you were doing that when you saw the spider? No, I didn't. I can hear her falling in love with you as she listens to the spider. Okay, all right.

No, I didn't jerk off on a spider. But I was like, I punched a spider to death. And I punched her. I was like, fuck, that's crazy. I just punched something to death. And then I looked and there was a little spider that had watched the whole thing go down. So I killed it too.

You got it back then with that heart rendering. And then I felt horrible because I killed what could have been a crime fighting spider. Because like Batman, it watched its parents die in front of her. So if you're being mugged and you see a spider

signal, run. Because no one's coming to help you. I killed that spider. Is that a common thing for you? That reminds me of that documentary on Steve-O getting off the drugs where he's just trashing his apartment. Is that a common thing for you? No, I'm not on the drugs. I'm not on the drugs.

Beers. He said beers. I had beers. I mean, yeah, sorry, sorry. So I... Well, even that is concerning considering you're well-known for driving your car, everyone. Actually, now that I think of it, in all the songs of those

that I saw on that thing, like, there's no, like, I don't think there's any, like, professional race car drivers or anything in there. I think that would be where he'd start. I'm loving the idea of driving around in traffic where that turned up really loud on the car stereo singing a song about yourself. Carl Chandler

drives everywhere every day. I think as many of us... No, like when people do those like where they have those... Fucking how do you do that? Someone from the bicycle industry just walked out. So... Sorry Mr. Malvin Star. I reckon what we should do is we should have like,

we should get as many people together as we can that have songs by the great Terry Pedestrian. And we organise like a wacky racer style kind of. Oh, yeah, a race. And we just have that blaring out of some speakers. As we're just like, yeah. Like, yeah, we're all like a celebrity race before the Grand Prix. We're all in like a Ford Focus.

And then like Jennifer Hawkins flips and it's on the news. Yeah, the Pedestrian 500. Yeah, Pedestrian 500. Yeah, Tessa P. What a fucking bad C, man. Sorry, I just had a thing about Terry P. I wonder what he's doing right now. Yeah, like right now.

We were talking before about the whole Elton John, Bernie Taupin partnership. I wonder if he... We're so showbiz when we're not doing this. I wonder if he writes the lyrics and someone else writes the music for those songs. Oh, yes. Is it a two-man job?

Can we start a rumour now? Let's just start a rumour now. Just the people, if we get it going. You were doing coke? Yeah. We can cut that out. We won't no you won't no look just just make yourself at home buddy just when he got on stage i wanted to go how'd you get that uh if let's start a rumor now so we'll say oh, oh, Terry Pedestrian. But let's say it's someone like Nick Cave, or you know it's really David Bowie.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And then see if eventually someone goes, you know I heard Terry Pedestrian's actually it's a joke by David Bowie. Oh, like that rumor that went around that Slipknot and the polyphonic spree were the same people? Did you ever hear that? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, let's start that up. Who's another? Well, it's got to be someone believable. It's not Bowie, but Nick Cave's probably a bit much. Ivor Davies. Yeah. Like, that's from Ice House.

28 Days. Oh, the guy from 28 Days. What's his name? Who cares? Okay, let's try and start this. I just so desperately... You know what? My secret hope was that we would start playing that

and that somehow Terry Pedestrian's based in New South Wales. Yeah. He would stand up... Like Spartacus, but then someone else would go, I am Terry Pedestrian. I reckon it's this dude right here. If I had to pick a guy in the room that I thought was Terry Pedestrian, it'd be that guy there.

You in the hat, sir, in the glasses. The guy that bought your album. Yeah. Do you stand up? He bought your album. Don't make a dick of him. I'm not making a dick of him, but I think you look like, if you said to me

I don't think you look like Terry Pedestrian. If you said to me if I met you in the street and you said to me, my name is Terry Pedestrian, I would believe that. That's not bad. Why would you do that? Everywhere? Yeah.

Hang on. What's your name? We might be able to sort something out for you. If it's Ricky Ponting, you're covered. Got you. So can we cut out all the bit where I talked about being in love and maybe the drugs? Yeah, we can cut that bit out. I can get you tickets to Tofop.

Oh, yes. Scott Dooley, everyone. He's our next guest. Oh, no. Oh, here we go. It's just the Teflon nature of the teching tonight. It's so smooth and everything's right. I'll never bag one of our techs again.

That's a lie. Why would you be bagging them in the first place? Because they always fuck it. We've never bag one of our texts again. That's a lie. Why would you be bagging them in the first place? Because they always fuck it. We've never had a smooth podcast. Really? I don't think so. Well, you're the only constant in that though, aren't you? Now we're getting down to brass tacks.

You're saying I make the text nervous. Is that what you're saying? Guys, can we have a bit of shush for some music that was written by a guy sitting in the second row? Jazz Lissiadello drives his car into town. Jazz drives to the shops. Jazz Lissiadello never stops. He drives here.

He drives there Chaz Lissiadello Drives his car everywhere Chaz Lissiadello He drives Alright, what do you mean? Yeah! Just for everyone at home,

Chaz just danced the whole way through to that song with a Coke in his hand. So I'm pretty keen for you to open that up now. I'm just inspired by... It's like a mentor stand. That's Coke references, that's all. Just following along. That'll be a down as well, yeah?

I don't like where this is going. I'm not... I'm not a Coke head. Like, I didn't... Like, it was for the point of the story. Like, it's just better if you get home and punch a spider on drugs than if you're, like, hammered drunk. Because then it seems, like, a bit more violent somehow.

But if you're on drugs, like, that's totally a drug thing. Like, I took drugs and saw spiders and punched them. Like, I didn't take drugs. Yeah. Before we get back to Scott's drug habit, we should pay tribute to Terry Pedestrian because no-one has ever gotten my name right in history. Oh!

That's it. It was almost like an educational tape where I heard that and I was like, oh, that's how you say it. That's right. By the way, he fucked up your name. Don't forget that. Yeah, yeah. When I was at school, quite seriously,

I had a science teacher who called me Pizzarelli because she struggled that much with my name and she was racist. Yeah, that's very good from Terry Pedestrian. Very good. I reckon Terry Pedestrian is Wesley Willis. Oh, he's got a real Wesley Willis vibe. For those who aren't over 50,

Wesley Willis was a guy about 10 years ago on the internet. He was a homeless guy with schizophrenia. He put out about, what, 200 songs? Yes. And they're all almost identical, except they're about some kind of wild animal eating his arse out while he had McDonald's. Yeah.

And I never thought I'd say this, but Terry's pedestrian is actually more repetitive than that man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's extraordinary. Yeah, yeah. I was going to go and see him,

because he lived in New York, and I went to the first time to New York, and I was going to go and see him play, and he died three days before. That's a long way to avoid seeing you, Kurt. So how did you make that about you? And it ruined my trip. Well, without me added into it,

my story then is, so Wesley Willis died at some stage. But it was like one of those local news, you know those local newspapers they just give you the North Shore Times or the Wentworth Courier, and they've got to try to find that local angle on everything. I remember

after September 11, in the sport, there were three girls all in their sports uniforms looking sad and it was 9-11 cancels hockey tour. And the girls were like, fuck you, Bin Laden. Were they playing hockey in the World Trade Center? I don't know.

No, they were meant to go on a tour. And they're like, no, we can't go. Blah. They cancelled it. Sam Simmons' Klang actually told me once about one of the great... That'd be great if everyone in show business just had their last name was hyphenated with Klang at the end. So it's just built in. He told me he saw this horrendous like attempted upon

headline in the newspaper once which was like some story about a kid who had fallen into like a tip and there was like a there was like a sinkhole in it and he got pulled on it and this child died and it was like front page of the headline was, sucked in. Yes. And I love that someone has written that and they've gone, you nailed it. That's someone on the way out. That's someone's last day going, goodbye paper, goodbye journalism. Yeah, someone has to approve that.

That has to go through a chain of command to happen. Yeah. What was rejected? That's what I want to happen. Yeah. What was rejected? That's what I want to know. Yeah. What was like? Wesley, this person's death ruined my trip to New York. That would be a great editorial. Instead of the obituary, just your trip ruined.

So we got the tickets. Yeah. I was going to surprise my girlfriend. And the hockey girls. I was on the hockey trip. That's right. You were the creepy manager. We could have just gone with manager, but anyway.

Chas, last time you were on, you kind of – we talked a lot. We kind of think of you as kind of, I guess, the spiritual dad of this podcast in that you're – as we talked about last time. You've trumped us in fast food love. Yeah, it's hard to do. It's hard to do. In's hard to do, yeah. In fact, so you were on the show when you were in Melbourne for the Comedy Festival.

And we were up here not long after that and we caught up with you and you took us on like a guided tour of just all the convenience stores that you like to go to. There are some great convenience stores out here. There really are. At one point you were just showing us like the ice cream freezer and you were like, this is the ice creams they have.

Anyway, we won't get one now, but that's where it is. There's another one up the road that we've got to go to. Oh, yeah, every three doors. It's fantastic. I even took you to the finest Thai outlet in Sydney. Yeah, no, this is the thing. You talked up big that you could get us some great food in Sydney. And you're like, boys, I'll show you the real shit in Sydney.

And we get here and then you're like, so where do you want to go? And we're like, you tell us. But they're all good. Everywhere is good. We went to a place called Mr. Crocodile or something. No, Crocodile Time. Crocodile Time. Get it right, that's the one.

And it's since closed down but fuck it was shit. It was the worst meal I've ever had in my whole life. It was too beautiful for this world, Tommy. That's when I realised you've eclipsed me in these steaks because you and I both got something, I don't know, it was like a gravy soup with scrambled egg in it. You're saying it like it's weird. And I nearly vomited and you were like, fuck, this is great.

This is one of the best meals I've ever had. Yeah, I felt actually quite regal. Gravy and soup combined, they're both high-class meals as far as I'm concerned. Put them together, I'm like Penelope Keith. It's just fantastic. Was that a To The Men Of Bourne reference? There aren't enough of them made on podcast.

That is one of the deeper cuts I've heard. That's amazing. I'm just hoping that I can one day hear Penelope Keith. I like the idea that Terry Pedestrian sues us for using his music without permission. Apple come after us. No, I want to watch those sales tomorrow. When this podcast comes out and everyone hits up iTunes to get every one of his albums.

Yeah, Terry Pedestrian eclipses me in the iTunes charts for my album. No! Are you going to buy it tomorrow? Probably. Yeah, yeah, right. He has all the masterpieces. Sorry, you are him. I forgot.

Well, Chas, last time you were on we were talking about uh japan and japan yes the japanese and their love of kit kats and how they've they've you introduced the whole japanese multi-flavored kit kat to us yeah i hope everyone listening looked that up because honestly the japanese kit kat industry is just astounding we're talking talking rock melon Kit Kats. We're talking pineapple Kit Kats. We're talking rock melon and pineapple Kit Kats. They have hundreds of Kit Kats. They've got gravy soup Kit Kats. If they do, I'm right there.

People didn't just look it up. People started mailing us big bags of Japanese Kit Kats. For example. We got a fresh batch. Guys, there's a big chance you guys are going to get some weird fucking Kit Kats tonight. Oh my God. I've got a massive bag. So our friend of the show, big listener, Gene Venables, who lives in Japan.

You know, the great oriental listener of ours, Gene Venables. Gene Venables is the Bernie Taupin to Terry Pedestrian's Elton John. Yes. Now, he has sent us, because, you know, they're all quite small. These are very small Kit Kats. But what I like is he sent us, like, dozens and dozens. Dozens and dozens. And what he's actually done is, like, written, like, you know,

obviously they say what they are on the packaging and they've got pictures. So there's, like, one, for example, here. Like, this has got obviously they say what they are on the packaging and they've got pictures. So there's like one, for example, here. Like this has got strawberry maple and a strawberry, picture of a strawberry on it. And then on the back he's like written in borrow, strawberry. Mate, but wait, but look at my one. Just in case it was lost in translation. My one is like swirl of fudge. And on the back it says sweet potato.

Yeah. My one says roast tea. I didn't even know you could roast tea. Is that possible? Five minutes ago I didn't know you could roast tea Is that possible? Five minutes ago I didn't know you could have gravy soup My one is And look at this Carl to back me up I swear I'm not making this up

A toasted sandwich Oh yeah Literally is a toasted sandwich flavoured Kit Kat Oh my god And red bean toasty Yeah A bean toasted sandwich. But then this one, this one's just in a pink wrapper

with no picture or text on it and he hasn't labelled this one. Yeah. Well, to be honest, how the fuck would he know what it is? Yeah, true. Please tell me you aren't giving anyone else these Kit Kats. Do you want to try a sweet potato? Oh, yeah, let's go. Honestly, Japan's a great place to go.

Not just, oh, it's been melted. I'll just have to lick it out. Somebody turn that into a ringtone. Somebody. That'll be the Terry Pedestrian remix. Not only is Japan great for the kicker... You're really freaking me out. You're so good.

You're attracting me a lot. I know. You're really attracting me. I punched a spider to death, dude. A myth, man. Yeah, Japan's great because not only is it the kid cast, but also the other thing which I loved about it when I was there, thank you very much, was you kind of feel like a virus.

I mean, apart from I normally feel like a virus, you kind of feel like a virus because everyone there is so polite. You can do whatever you like and get away with it. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Are you one of these dudes that has a workshop and gets kicked out of the country? No, no, no, no. Honestly, they didn't even think about kicking me out of the country.

Honest. Like, I just... Honestly, it's true. It's true. You walk through the turnstiles. You can just walk through the turnstiles to the train station. The turnstiles into Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big entry sign. Population 121 million. At the train station, you walk through the turnstiles to the train station. The turnstiles into Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big entry sign. Yeah. Population 121 million. At the train station, you walk through the turnstiles and there's a police officer staying right there to make sure that you're comfortable when you walk through the turnstiles without using your ticket. It's like Demolition Man. You have just ended up in this place where it's all

civilised and technology and all the rest of it. How does that translate? And you are a virus that can just destroy them. And they can't do anything. You have made some real leaps here. Yeah, where does the virus come into it? Well, just because they are a perfect society where everyone's polite and everyone's civilised and everyone that says please and thank you and you act like an absolute dickhead, like me,

and you can just get away with it. I just see you now with the Australia flag boardies and the bintang single. I just mean that with it. I just see you now like with the Australia flag boardies and the bintang singlet like just being that dude. Which to be fair isn't that far off what he's dressed like now. Is this the first guest

on a live podcast that's ever worn shorts? I think it might be. I feel like you're insulting me by talking about the shorts and not focusing on the tradie shirt. Yeah. I feel like you haven't dressed

well enough for an audio medium. That's what I advertise my uncle's panel be the first. Yes. Yeah, I feel like you haven't dressed well enough for an audio medium. That's why I advertise my uncle's panel beater. Yes, yeah, yeah. Well, shout out to your uncle. You guys go really well in Ingham, don't you? Well, we do drive everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Does anyone want to try the other half of this toasty, toasted sandwich kick out? I think Chas does. Yeah, yeah. Nah, that's someone else sharing. So that was a red bean toasty. Yeah. And what did it what did it taste like?

I wish people at home could see the way that lady walked up. It was just so it was so official it was like, I'll take it. Like I've gone oh, I've got some toxic waste here

what should I do? And she's coming in a full hazard. Yeah, yeah. Bring it on here I know what I'm doing. And then eating it. What's the verdict? What do you reckon? It just tastes like regular Kit Kat

and it's slightly different. Exactly! Just so everyone at home hears that, it tastes like a Kit Kat except a little bit Japanese. You know, that sounds like the most racist Coco Pops ad ever. Just like a chocolate milkshake. Only a bit Japanese. You know, that sounds like the most racist Coco Pops ad ever. Just like a chocolate milkshake. Only a bit Japanese.

Only a little bit Pearl Harbor. Clang? I mean, there's a taste explosion in your mouth. That's all I know. Oh, that clears that up then. Should we bring our third guest out?

Sure, yes please. Now, look. Should we bring our third guest out? Sure. Yes, please. Now, look. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. How embarrassing. This is the first time that he's ever been on our podcast. I don't know how many other podcasts he's done, but I certainly know that it's a low enough number

to not have come into the field of vision of one Terry pedestrian. Should we sing it ourselves? Manual override. Manual override. Today, a very dear friend of ours who we've been gigging with all week, a fantastic Sydney comedian, Ray Badron. I think you all know the words. Ray Badron drives a car everywhere.

Ray Badron. Thanks. So can we, now that we've sung that, can we put that we've sung that Can we put that up on iTunes? Can we We've got that recorded This has been going up on iTunes for four years Oh that's right

This could be Terry Pedestrian's first rap beef Like we could beef with him For taking his song Someone could end up shot In a drive-by I imagine Not from him He he's a pedestrian. Ray, I'm very sorry, but I'm sorry to have to be the one to break that to you.

Yeah, that was a bit hurtful. You could have just said you were doing a live version of the song for me, that would have been a little bit nicer. Now that you've been on this podcast, I'm sure that's going to drop. It's going to be like Radiohead. No advertising, no publicity.

All of a sudden you're going to wake up one morning and there's a Ray Badgerin song on iTunes. My name was the trigger that was going to send that song to number one. Right. The other names weren't good enough. Everything else has just been working up to this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the idea that comics hit us up now and they're like,

man, I just want a fucking Terry Pedestrian song. You've got to get me on the podcast. You've got to get my name out there, man. That's going to be the new diss. Is he any good? Terry Pedestrian hasn't written a fucking song yet. And because they're all identical, I'd love it if it got nominated for the ARIA, but they all

had to be equally nominated for the ARIA. Like 170 people get on stage to collect the award. Yeah, yeah. It's like polyphonic spray. Or Slipknot. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows?

Ray, it was your birthday yesterday. We've been gigging with you all week. I got you a Kit Kat. Oh, thank you. I especially got you because I always knew that you liked cancer flavour Kit Kat. Okay, all right. Happy birthday. No, that's wasabi.

Wasabi Kit Kat. There you go. This one looks like it will taste like wasabi. Yeah, that's because it's written in biro. Wasabi. Okay. See, now, I... It looks good.

Like, it looks like better than a normal Kit Kat. No, you don't... It just looks like a Kit Kat. What are you talking about? It's still chocolate on the outside. It looks better than a normal Kit Kat. It's got like a green, some sort of green coming out of somewhere, right?

Yeah, that does look good. Yeah. Yeah, green is always super tasty. This is shit even for me. Oh, really? This is your gravy soup. It's kind of like wasabi, just a little bit Japanese. What do you think, Ray?

Yep, Japanese. Oh. Because, well, the ones that I've eaten, the last time we got sent, they all just taste like Kit Kats to me, and then just when you finish, you go, oh, yeah, that sort of tastes like whatever that was. We got one that it said on the packet, put this in the oven.

Yeah. So we put it in, then it just melted and stuck to my baking tray. Yeah. Shit. Yeah, yeah. It was hot goo. Yeah, yeah.

Why is that on the packet? Yeah, then I read the back of it in bio. It just said sucked in Kit Kat. Now, Ray, it was your birthday last night. You went out and did a bit of drinking after that. Before I met you, people would always say to me, have you done gigs in Sydney with Ray Badger? And I'd say no.

And they'd say he has some pretty spectacular drinking stories. Yes. That's very kind of them, I suppose. And also you told me you're in love. Tell us about that. Fuck you, Daphne. No, you told me a story last time I was here about you leaving your car behind one night that you were drinking

that I just loved. Yeah, so we had a few beers after a gig at the comedy store and a few Scott Dooley beers also. Stop. Stop. All right. I am nipping this shit in the bud right now. I am Terry Pedestrian.

Take that away from here, not the alleged decades of drug use. What was that you were talking about, buds? I don't smoke weed. We wanted to start to smoke weed, but we don't know where to buy it. Remember Tassolo? We tried. We didn't know who to buy it from.

What? Our big plan for this weekend was to play Mario Kart and get high, but none of us knew where to buy weed from. Haven't you been spending 10 minutes complaining about talking about drugs yeah but we couldn't buy it like that shows you how shit i am at drugs oh okay all right i don't take drugs all right you're just taking swipes now bringing bringing me into it i was at bible study class all weekend so i have no idea what you're talking about shout out to the sydney police that listen to this every week. So you're clear. You're clear now.

So, Ray. Back to Ray. Sorry. Sorry, Ray. That's all right. So, yeah, I drove into the Comedy Store. Regular routine is I'll drive in there on the Thursday night and I'll drink too much. I'll leave my car there.

I'll come back and get it on the Friday morning and then drive back in for the gig on the Friday night. I'll leave my car there again on the Friday night. I'll come back in on the Saturday morning, get my car, etc, etc. My car's there now. I like that you've driven in last night when you knew it was your birthday

night and you were headlining. You're like, I don't think this will get too out of hand. I've booked out half the comedy store for my friends and family. But it should be. We shouldn't have a big one. So I leave the car there. We go out.

We have a very big night. I end up getting home in the early hours of the morning. Go to bed. Wake up the next day extremely hungover. Lie down on the couch. Turn on the TV. And if you don't know where the comedy store is, it's in Fox Studios there next to the SCG.

Sorry, I'm going to have to correct you. The Entertainment Quarter. Oh, the Entertainment Quarter. They changed names. Yeah, so just in Moorpark, next to the SCG there. Left my car there. And anyway, so I wake up, I put on the TV, I'm just scrolling through the channels, and there was a big sports match on, I think it was cricket, and there's obviously a lot of

prelude to the matches of cricket. You know, they show the stadium, they show the grounds, and there was a big sports match on. I think it was cricket. And there's obviously a lot of prelude to the matches of cricket. You know, they show the stadium, they show the grounds, they check the pitch, and they take this big aerial shot with this helicopter of the SCG, and everyone walking into the SCG. And I've just woken up, and I turn it on, and I'm like, oh, is that my car, right? It's my car. It's on this street, right, in a clear way.

It's turned into a clear way now. And I'm watching it, right? Get loaded up onto a tow truck. I'm like, oh, that's my fucking car. You've got to be kidding, right? I'm like, oh. And it's just... No wonder Terry Pedestrian didn't write a song about you.

He was watching that telecast too. Before he even knew you did comedy, he's like, I will never write a song about you. He was watching that telecast too before he even knew you did comedy. He's like, I will never write a song about that guy. He was just working on the lyrics and then gone, he doesn't drive anything. Yeah, so I got a taxi, got to the destination and couldn't get down the clearway

in the taxi, so I got out of the taxi, ran down there and... Well, you're hoping to still intercept the tow truck. Well, I got out of the taxi, ran down there and followed... Well, you're hoping to still intercept the tow truck. Well, I walked next to the tow truck as it towed my car around the corner, right? You walked next to it? Yeah, well, it was in a clear way with a lot of people, so I was just towing it through all this.

So it was like a float. It was like a parade. And I'm telling the guy, like, dude, that's my car. You should have climbed on top of your car and just been like, hey! For everyone at home, it is like the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parades. I'm like, dude, that's my car. You should have climbed on top of your car and just been like, hey. For everyone at home, it is like the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parades. Like, thank God I'm not that much of a dickhead. Maybe I could just get into my car and drive it off and it'd just go to tow it.

Oh, it's gone. Oh, there is no car now. Well, yeah, yeah, you're getting towed and then somehow you jump the tow truck. Yeah, so, yeah, my car's been on TV. Hey, can I, I'm sorry, can I make a request? Just one sec. Oh, no.

Are you asking him for drugs? Can you please tell that story? Can we, I'm sure they'll cut it out. You don't know us at all. You know, to me, you remember how, like... Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll cut it out. You don't know us at all. You know, to me, you remember how... Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I know. Nah, let's not bother. Sounds boring.

Let's just sit here and make these people watch us eat chocolate for another 20 minutes. Are you happy to tell... I'm happy to tell the story. I think, if anything, it reflects more poorly upon you. All right, I'm in. All right, I'm in. Let's go.

Let's go. Dooley asked me to tell a story of the first time I tried Dooley beers. No. Look at him. It's backfired already. That's what I was like. I was like, man, it's going to be worse. How have you requested this story

where you're fucked four words into it? It's worth it. Ray, are you the person that Scott's in love with? Is that where this is going? Do you call your cock dooly beers? That would be a good ending to this. You say that again at the

end of the story, right? You'll even get a bigger laugh. Good that you've given away the punchline, but

anyway. So yeah, like I was 19 or 18 years old and I was in King's Cross and my friend took me into a

toilet cubicle. He said, try some of this. And I tried some, right? And then there was a hole in the wall and 20 bucks just sticking out of the hole in the wall, right? And I'm new to Sydney and I was like,

I was like, fuck, man, 20 fucking bucks, yeah. I was fucking grubbing. The streets are all paved with gold in Sydney I mean I'm like dude I don't know what are in these drugs but money

is coming out of the fucking wall I'm like I'm sure that just happened like I'm really sure that just

happened then not realising the transaction that I just got myself into the second half of the transaction cuts through the whole of the wall.

Oh, fuck, I get it. I'll refund it. I'm not trying to put it around. You're trying to poke the $20 note back into the member of... No, no, no, like a skill tester at an amusement park, right? Like I'm not allowed to touch the bus.

Oh, you rounded it around. Wrap it around and put a lucky band on it. Yeah, yeah. Which then he paid you another 20 bucks for. And that's when I fell in love with Scott Dooley. You're right! You're right! You're right You're right

Man I think about that story Every time I'm sucking a dick At the Glory Hall Oh man I Well Speaking of the comedy store

Like That's not what we were speaking of There's not a Glory were speaking of there's not a glory hole at the Comedy Store yeah we did perform there last night but not in that way so we were there

we were gigging you were headlining last night Tommy and I were doing spots and it's such a good gig at the Comedy Store it's so awesome

but I sort of remembered that I see whether it's on Twitter I just hear about famous people come along to the comedy store. That's always in my head, that famous people come along and just watch and I don't see that happen in Melbourne very much

and that's always in my head and last night I saw Dicko. If everyone knows Dicko, like Ian Dixon, whatever his name is, and I saw him and I was like, oh, and I sort of got a little bit hypnotised by it. And so I went, I sort of was there looking from afar for a while and I went, you know, when there was a break, I thought, I'll go up.

And so I went up to him and went, oh, are you, are you Ian? Are you Ian? Because I sort of got confused when I saw him really close. I sort of lost my nerve a little bit. I went, are you Ian Dixon? And he went, no. And then I was, then I go, oh, that's right. I don't even like that guy

and I'm stuck talking to a bad copycat of Ian Dixon and then I remembered that's not even his name it's Ian Dickerson so I've just asked him are you Ian Dixon and he's like I'm not whatever the fuck you think I am I'm was it it wasn? It wasn't him. I was just stuck talking for like five, ten minutes to a guy who kind of looked like Dicko. Oh, right. What is it with you and talent shows? You just fuck up. Yeah, yeah.

I was just saying what I wanted to say. Australian Idol's still on, isn't it? But I like how the start of that was you going, you know, you hear about these famous comics dropping into the comedy store, like Louis C.K. got on and Jim Gaffigan got on. And so what you think of Dick was you going, you know, you hear about these famous comics dropping into the comedy store like Louis C.K. got on and Jim Gaffigan got on. And so what you think and Dicko's like, Dicko's going to bump us

off the bill. Dicko's going to get up and do 10. Yeah. No, well I thought, because I'd already been on and I thought, oh this will be good because I've been on. I've done quite well. I've talked to him. And then he didn't even go well done. He was just like, oh yeah, were you on tonight? I'm like, yes. So, yeah. Is Ian here today? go well done he was just like oh yeah were you on tonight i'm like yes so yeah was he is he in here

today dicko mark holden what happened with mark holden i was away sorry this but what happened with that guy like i so just someone he was on dancing with the staff and he dressed as a clown yeah a few too many dooly beers before the record i think yeah he dressed as a clown and he did this weird act where then when they interviewed him afterwards he was like being really weird and racy for like 7pm. My mum was like I'm worried about him.

Why? He did have this little bit that he was doing where he kept bending over and he had like a little thing that he had where he could make a puff of smoke come out of his butthole. In the costume which was pretty cool. Jesus. Ray put 20 bucks in there.

The best thing about that, Mark, I don't think for me, was that why everyone, especially the host, the Daniel McPherson guy, got really pissed off because he wasn't taking Dancing With The Stars seriously. It's like, yeah, it's hard for me to take, I'm sorry I'm not taking this competition where we have someone who's an extra on Home and Away and they're celebrity dancing seriously.

Sorry. Yeah, and then they're all like, I hope he stays away from the final of it. It's like, you invited him, he's coming. That's how the show works. You ran a 30-second ad of him coming to the final. The best thing about that, though, was his defence, where then the next day people were going,

were you drunk, were you on drugs, like what was going on? And he was going, no, it was just so deep in the character of the clown that it just took me over and I couldn't control myself, which is an exceptional defence. But also the people are surprised. It's like, oh, that was really stupid. It's like, the plan was to dress as a clown. What did you think was going to happen? That was good and then it got silly. Also, the people are surprised. It's like, oh, that was really stupid. It's like, the plan was to dress as a clown. What did you think was going to happen?

That was good and then it got silly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've insulted Bozo. Yeah. It would have been good if his dance partner had been dressed as a big elephant and if she had her costume rigged up that was like, the elephant was just doing a big piss along the stage

and then he's mopping it up. Yeah, that would have been awesome. Go with the carny theme. A real missed opportunity. I'm surprised you didn't think of that. Yeah, it would have been more fun. Just run with the theme a little bit more. Are clowns known for wiping up elephant piss?

What do you think happens at the circus? What's your idea of the circus? I want to hear this. I went to a circus and I had to hear this. I went to a circus. I was like, I had to look through a little hole in a cubicle in King's Cross. It was fun, man. It was really fun. That was just a dude wearing too much makeup.

That wasn't a clown. Well, I think we've hit the low point of the podcast. Or have we? Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time that we get stuck into Australia's favourite and best and longest running radio serial. Fuck. Rad Dad. Yay.

Yay. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just ratting around in the Rad Dad way. Can we get a Terry Pedestrian to do the intro? There is a lot of pages in this script. Can we get a Terry pedestrian to do the intro? Oh! Yeah. Terry, we know you're listening, you fucking weirdo. Do that. All right.

Dules, you've got the first line. Okay. Please do Shakespeare proud. Jenny, can you step into my office, please? Sure, boss. Jenny, I know you've been working here at McDonald's for a very short time, but you've shown real leadership potential already. And the way you've dealt with some of our late-night customers

shows me that you've had a lot of experience dealing with people who have severe mental deficiencies. Look, it's not like I'm constantly around someone with severe mental deficiencies. What's a word that means more than severe? Anyway, look, I've decided to promote you to assistant manager. Oh, really? That's amazing. There's just one thing you

have to do first. To prove you are truly worthy of that 45 cents an hour bonus, McDonald's now has a new community initiative of getting older citizens back into the workforce. So we've hired a mature-aged person Oh, God. to work at this store, and I want you to show

him the ropes. Jesus Christ. Now, he's having a walkout for Red Dead already, alright? I'm surprised it took that long. Now, he's having a few problems with the technology so far. He just accidentally changed all the music in the store to Wheatus' greatest hits.

No, it doesn't sound like an accident. Anyway, Jenny, let me introduce you to McDonald's latest junior employee, Mr... Mr Radda. Is that your real name? Rings a bell. Hi, Jenny. What a surprise, eh? Yeah, who knew there was such a thing as bringing a tragic, out-of-touch douchebag relative that just got his hair dyed and cut just like Sugar Raider work day? Fucking hell.

Anyway, I'll leave him with you, Jenny. Train him up and see if you can get him dressed in a McDonald's uniform rather than... Sorry, Jenny, I... My brain medicine. Rather than that... Stay in it. Stay in the character.

Stay in it. Yeah, I am. You know Ronald McDonald. Get him in a McDonald's uniform, Jenny, instead of that crazy incubus singlet. Look, Rad Dad, how about you just serve the next customer that walks in and I can keep an eye on you and give you feedback?

Easy, I'll serve this one. Can I have a cheeseburger? Fuck off, idiot. Does it look like I work at McDonald's? Uh, yes. Okay, quick tip. Something I noticed very quickly about that exchange, you don't appear to realise that you work at McDonald's. So try and remember that for next time.

Now let's try another one. Well, okay, I can try it. Here comes another customer now. Hey, welcome to McDonald's, knackerbags. Name your poison. Hey, is your breakfast menu finished yet? I don't know. Okay, quick tip before we go any further.

My feedback is try not to call our food poison as much. I'll make it simple. Write this on your hand if you have to. Let's just try not to have any poison involved in anything you do. And yes, the breakfast menu is over. Now keep going. Okay. Oh, wait a minute. That guy's Chaz from The Chaser.

Yeah, that's my real name, yeah. Look, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I've just come from the doctor's and he told me my cholesterol is dangerously high. So can you just get me six Big Macs and what's the healthiest flavour of sundae you got here? Strawberry? Four of them then.

See this, Jenny? It's obviously a classic chaser prank. I give him his Big Macs and then he kicks me in the face or something. It's the old comedy rule of three. My fuckwit sense is tingling. Well, he's not going to get one over me, Jenny. I'm going to give him a

taste of his own prank-based medicine. Here you go, sir, whoever you are. Here's your six Big Macs and your four strawberry sundaes and here's a free sample of shaker fries. We're reintroducing them for summer oh thanks wait for it jenny i've covered these fries in a mixture of stuff i found in the car

that you always drive around yeah sand and that silicon grit stuff that you used to find in little packets at the bottom of shoe of shoe boxes this is amazing. Thanks so much. Wait a minute! Oh my God, this is disgusting! Where's the manager here? Yes, sir? What can I do for you? Well, notice my voice has changed. But I think there needs to be a more regal approach to the role of McDonald's regional manager. Now, what can I do for you?

Well, I've got a complaint about one of your employees. What? Which one? Well, the only employee of yours with a FUBU tattoo on his neck. I've just been served fries that taste like they're covered in sand and that powder that used to come free in a box of shoes. So listen to me.

If I ever get served something from the healthy choice menus again, I am never coming back to McDonald's. If you scrape off the sand and give it back to me, we'll call it even. Bradad! Is this true? Did you just give that customer sand and shoe chemicals to eat? Um, yes. But to be fair, my supervisor at no stage told me

That it wasn't cool to give poison to the customers Red Dead! You're fired! Oh, but I'll do anything to stay with the company Let me dress up as the ham rapist That's Hamburglar, Red Dead! Hamburglar! I knew it was one of the bad ones.

Jenny, I'm sorry, but you have to go too. You've done a good job here, but if there's one thing we pride ourselves on here, it's keeping those shoe chemicals off the fries. We'll miss you. Thanks a lot, Rad Dad. Now you've had me fired from KFC, Subway, Hungry Jacks, Red Rooster and Ollie's Trollies.

And they closed down before I was even born, so that was quite an effort. Now I don't have a job. What a perfectly shitty day. Well, Jenny, I may have got us both sacked, but there's always a silver lining. Check it out. I just found some free shaker fries on the counter. And they taste a bit like my old Reebok pumps. And the beach.

This is the best day of my life. Oh, Rad Dad. Fuck. Fuck. Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience. Yeah. Yeah. Hooray, I wrote that on the bus two hours ago.

Shout out to Chas for some great... One of his directions here was, that's amazing, thanks so much, yum, brackets, pretend to eat. So... I did my best. Really good stuff, man. Take us through your technique again just so we can see that. That's how I eat, really. Yeah.

I liked it better than the King of Norway that worked at McDonald's for some reason. They've got great pants over there for a while. It was. Behind you. I think you got confused and you thought at one point you thought you heard the sound. That's right. Here we are on the plane, Jenny. Oh, there's Big Ben.

Anyway. Do they still do? Here we are on the plane, Jenny. Oh, there's Big Ben. Do they still do... That was the classic Australian thing where they'd send the cast of Neighbours to London. They were always going to London. Do they still do that? What show in Australia would go to London now? The Block? I don't know.

I want to see... I've missed all this stuff, so you can film me. I want to see the That was the other thing. I've missed all this stuff, so you can film me. I want to see the woman who called the other woman a C-word on the block. Did you see that? I think that just happened... Did I just make that up? Did I have a stroke? That just happened out the front before in Oxford Street, I think.

That wasn't... Oh, maybe we'll talk about it later. No, yeah. You want to see her do what? Go to London? And call people cunts. Just hanging out? See, there you go.

That's not so hard to say, is it? I'm on edge, man. Everything I say gets thrown back in my face. I want to know, so, Scott, how long were you in New York for? How long did you live in New York for? Oh, I still live there. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I think you got your atlas wrong, because you're not there. Right. No, no, I'm here. So here's the thing, Carl. You can live in a place and then go somewhere else. Go on. You're in Sydney right now. However, all your stuff is in Melbourne.

Right, okay. No, I think all his stuff is technically in Thailand at this point, but anyway. No, all my stuff is right here, so it's all there. You literally, you turned up here. You came straight from the airport to our first gig. And I go, oh, so where are you staying tonight? And you go, good question. It's 9pm at night at this point and you didn't have a place to stay.

Did you think you were going to pick up? Have you ever done that? Well, I went to the toilet, I drilled a hole in the wall and I waited. 20 bucks later, I met Ray Bedron. Yeah, that's Airbnb. That's how that works, isn't it? Yeah, that's it. That's how it works.

So much semen. I'm just trying to think if that was a pun, but no, that was just you saying semen. All right. Yep. At least we're not talking about my drug years. Ah, fuck, I did it again. Yeah, no, I didn't have anywhere to stay until, yeah, nine o'clock. And so I started just texting anyone who lived in Sydney,

anyone who I'd ever heard had been to Sydney. Saddest booty calls ever. Yeah, can I come over and do absolutely nothing, just sleep? Is that cool? At Joel Edgerton, got a couch going or? Yeah, yeah I come over and do absolutely nothing? Just sleep? Is that cool? At Joel Edgerton. Got a couch going or...? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At Sydney Opera House.

I met you once at a party. They should have like one room. It's a big building. They should just have one room of it that's just like a dorm, that's like a hostel. Sydney Opera House? Yeah. Go on then.

So you think one room in the Sydney Opera House... Yes....should be devoted to transient living? Go on then So you think one room in the Sydney Opera House Yes Should be devoted to transient living Yeah I do It should be a halfway house I think that's good So after you get out of jail You move to Penelope Point for six months

And if you check in with your parole officer You get to leave the most beautiful place in the world That's a wonderful system Yeah Now that you say it out loud it actually sounds pretty great You want people to be rehabilitated a parole officer, you get to leave the most beautiful place in the world. That's a wonderful system. Now that you say it out loud, it actually sounds pretty great. You want people to be rehabilitated. I don't think I would be thinking of stabbing anyone if I was watching opera every night.

Oh, so... Hang on. So they get to go to the shows. So two things about this. You're paying money to stay in the dorm and you're getting comps to everything in there. And you think that there is literally just opera happening every night in that venue. It's your idea Dastolo. Yeah.

I'm down with the idea but I think he's got... You've made it silly. This all of a sudden feels like Reservoir Dogs where we've all got guns on each other. We've all got guns. Ray's got his dick through a hole in the wall. And that's the scariest

weapon of them all Mr White That deserved more That's it That really did That's I seem like you guys are not up with the spoof jokes

Yeah A good cum joke would have gotten a big laugh in Melbourne, Sydney Yeah You guys are just not cultured You can't come and stay at the opera house

At least before I had that line of being able to go, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, here's Rad Dad. But we don't have that now. I've got no way out. We could do Rad Dad again. I think my character's ready. I feel like I know him now. What would the voice be now?

Playfully racist. Do a spin-off. How would the voice be now? Oh, playfully racist. Yeah. Do a spin-off. How would the spin-off... What else does a McDonald's manager do? He moves to Donut King because he thinks he should be a monarch. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. And then he starts, like...

He gets right into it and, like, in the mall, he installs moats and drawbridges around. He turns it into a real kingdom. And then Ray Badrum walks in and sees the donut and goes, I know what would fit through there. Hang on, I feel like I'm... How have I changed to that guy in the story, right? You can't just change me characters.

I'm responsible for this. I made the mistake of doing that before. You were never the one putting your dick through the hole, to be fair. And then he's going to tow our cars away after this. You are everyone in all your stories in my head. Sorry. You're like Chris Lilley of your stories. Chris Lilley should have a bit in one of his shows where... Chris Lilley should do a movie with Eddie Murphy.

Yeah. And they should play each other. In fat suits. I reckon we'll see a day Where there's a Chris Lee show Where two of his characters Fuck each other That would be something

Walk out Noted Head of ABC Yeah we'll get straight to the ABC The picture Get calling Hey Chris I've got an idea I've got that fresh new sound

You've been looking for Yeah we want 15% of the idea Where you fuck yourself Well it'd be so hard to film right I've got that fresh new sound you've been looking for. Yeah, we want 15% of the idea where you fuck yourself. Well, it'd be so hard to film, right? But a good way of doing it would be if you had a hole in the wall, right? And he goes through, cut scene, other side, there you go. No, it's like when he actually...

Yeah, so it's Chris Lilley fucks himself based on a true story by Ray Badger. Yes. When they do the filming, it's Chris Lilley and Andy Serkis in just like a in like one of those motion capture suits and then they lay over a CGI Chris Lilley on top of that in post.

Should have done that while the getting was good. Chris Lilley drives everyone, including himself. Nah, okay. Guys, I think that is, I mean... Yeah, always finish. Nah, okay. Guys, I think that is, I mean... Yeah, always finish on a big laugh. That's a real peak.

That's a real peak for the podcast. Let's just run something into the ground and say see you later. We'll be back. No, alright. We're back to the Donut King. Don't put it on me, man. I'm not putting it on you. I'm giving you a chance. I've been under so much pressure.

Listen, before we go, the things we've learnt today is that I will embellish a story for comedy's sake. You've got to keep this shit in, right? Don't cut this bit out. Yeah. Because I'm still on delicate ground with a lot of different things.

Like, what if my mum hears this? She thinks I'm doing drugs. Actually, she won't know. She fucking still thinks Kony's going to stop her. So, yeah, don't worry about that. She's not onto the internet. What's worse, her finding out that you do drugs? I don't do drugs!

Or you finding out that she listens to podcasts? I hooked her up with Serial. You listen to Serial? You listen to Serial? You fuck with Serial? Yeah. Who do you reckon? Anand? Anand?

Jay? No whammies! There's people that don't know what the show is. Can I just say very quickly for all your talk

about dooly beers and stuff and being very bashful about that I watched you cutting up clips for your DVD today, including some extras.

Fuck, dude, again. Personal stuff. And there's a two-minute clip of you just walking around the city of Melbourne talking about how you're all on drugs. I wasn't on drugs. No, that's going in. No, we're okay.

I do have a DVD coming out. It's called Debut. You should get it. It's Ripper. Everyone's gone silent now because they're just thinking about cereal. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. What about that phone call? The times don't match. You should get it to Ripper. Everyone's gone silent now because they're just thinking about cereal. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

What about that phone call? The times don't match. They don't. There was no phone in the Best Buy, man. Think about it, Baltimore police. It's nothing like The Wire. Nothing like The Wire, the Baltimore cops. Just find a body and they're just like... And what about the naked man?

What was up with that guy? And what about that manager from McDonald's in it? He was like... I found a body! I think it's Adnan! I liked the guy who found the body, who's parked his car on the side of the road and then walked 6km inland to take a piss.

That's the bit that I liked. Yeah, he was up to something else! This is literally for three people in this crowd right now. It's not even for me. But if you... One thing that is good is we're cheapening the murder of a young girl. So that's good. We are.

Sorry. Always winning back, guys. Why don't you close on your big Phil Hughes joke? You've been a bad boy, Ray. There's no Kit Kats for dessert for you. And Scott Dooley has hit the streets to score. That is true. No.

Scott Dooley is now standing out the back of this room with his arm open, with a needle in his arm, plunging heroin into a vein. Scott Dooley is just that scene in Scarface with a mountain of cocaine right at the moment. He looks like, remember when the guy that did that Coney video was like jerking off in public? He looks like that right now.

Nude on all fours, just going for it. So you committed to the walk off earlier, but Julie really, he must have gone outside and a little bit down the street and then just gone this is stupid. Then I had to defend my honour. Well guys, I think that is actually all the

time we have for the little dum-dum. Please guys, give a big round of applause to Ray Badren Chaz Lichardello and Scott Dooley Thank you guys so much for coming out Give yourselves a round of applause A round of applause to the Cafe Lounge for having us Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time See you next!