The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 218 - Live! Joel Creasey, Ronny Chieng, Luke McGregor, Nick Cody, Dilruk Jayasinha, Greg Larsen & Jason English

Episode Date: December 9, 2014

Another JeansGate Update, Harold's Tribute and Karl's Wedding Gig.Recorded LIVE at Five Boroughs on December 7, 2014.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Punchline, Australia's number one source for comedy DVDs. And with Christmas coming up, if there's someone that you know that is into comedy, why not swing by punchline.com.au and find something cool for them. They've got all sorts of stuff from people who've been on this show. People like Fiona O'Loughlin, Eddie Ift, Harley Breen, and also DVDs by other great names like Carl Barron and Arj Barker. Punchline.com.au is where you should go if you are looking for comedy DVDs. And Punchline were also kind enough to partly sponsor my new CD, Dreamboat, which is now up on iTunes and at Bandcamp, tommydassolo.bandcamp.com, for just $7.

If you haven't checked that out yet, I'd love for you to listen to it. It's an hour of me doing stand-up. And finally, we've put on sale some season passes for Comedy Festival next year. You can come to see four live Little Dumb Dumb Club podcasts during the Comedy Festival with awesome guests, and that also gets you entry into the third annual drunk cast on the final night of the festival there's only a couple of these left so snap them up now littledumbdumbclub.com and enjoy this our fourth birthday live episode Hey, mates, welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club fourth birthday spectacular live from Five Burrows in Melbourne.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Welcome, our first guest. Standing next to me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Oh, good. Do you want to take that again from your mic? All right.

G'day, dickheads. Yeah, that's much better. That is a hot mic. That's what we in the biz call a hot mic. Fucking hell. How many tech difficulties have we had? And this has been going 30 seconds. This is...

But, look, I can't... Well, look, I think... I think the tech should get prepared for the volley of abuse that's about to come his way. We set that up not knowing that that would actually be a genuine thing. So the tech, for people at home, the tech is wearing a stack-out helmet. We'll leave a visual gag there for you if you fuck it up. You're probably not going to need it because you know what you're doing.

It's not like we're going to be abusing you three seconds into the gig. It's a pro set up. Any sound booth that has a fucking fridge back there is going to be good. Jesus Christ. But having said that, we can't blame everything. Apparently there was a bit of a delay here because Tommy didn't have the theme music for our own fucking podcast. Yeah, I didn't. It's on my portable hard drive.

Okay, alright. Hey, you brought it up. I didn't say bring this up. It's a funny story. That's just the literal facts. It's on my portable hard drive. It's a Toshiba. It's like 70 gig I think or something. Cost me about

100 bucks. It's just facts. Those are the facts of what's happening. Alright, so remember when no one laughed at the first bit and then you like continued it? Yeah. Right. Yeah, I think if I keep digging I'll get there eventually. Alright, good. Yeah. I got pictures of me dick on it. Yeah. Yeah. Another

helmet. Yeah. We are best friends. So it is our fourth birthday, which is pretty sweet. But to put that into context, someone here did just put on Twitter... Oh, now look who's not ready. Oh, sorry for the one second gap. You cunt. Fuck, now I can't find it.

Fuck! Fuck! We've already had plenty of tweets getting technical difficulties, so that's good. 40-year-olds trying to use social media. Just the fucking... Just the worst. 38.

Ah, fuck it. Anyway. I need to ask Nick Cody's mum how many days until your 40th. That'll be a good new Canada get going. That's something I don't want to encourage. Here we go. Yes, it's been four years for Dumb Dumb Club and still no radio gig.

Time to celebrate. Well, at least if there's any Austereo scouts in here tonight, they'll be suitably impressed. But... Hey, at least if we go into Austereo, we can bring our own fridge. That's something. That'll help, won't it? So it is our fourth birthday, and so, you know, we do a lot of complaining on the show that...

Oh, just about anything, but... Wait, on this show? Do a lot of complaining that we want sponsorship. We've always wanted sponsorship. We don't get any sponsorship. We had that little flirtation with getting what three nuggets from Nando's

that time they were good nuggets though yeah all three of them were that's pretty good I only expected two so it was a pretty sweet deal but hey

our fourth birthday the sponsorship it just came through guys so as of right now we have a short term sponsorship contract with a little company called Punchline Comedy.

So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is basically our sponsorship. They got us a cake. So that is Milan. That is Milan from Punchline Comedy. He...

Oh, he's inviting himself on mic. Okay. Oh, he's going for a handshake. Thank you, Milan. Thank you very much. Thank you, Milan. You're going to go over there. Okay, all right.

So for people here, you can see this. It's a three-decker cake. And see, we've got pictures of ourselves and our logo and stuff like that. That is all edible. So if you want to come up after the show and eat Tommy in my face, you can do it. That's good. Yeah.

So the free ride's over, guys. We've given you a lot of unbranded content for four years, and now it's just time for us to start chowing down on the corporate dick. Here we go. Ads every six seconds. The buck stops here. It's not going to be like that. I mean, not all the time we'd be saying, Gabrielle Iglesias collector's gift set with a

six box set, disc set is coming out and is an ideal gift for Christmas. It's not like we're going to do that every six seconds. Yeah, I mean, it's more likely that we're going to do stuff like say that Sanity have a four for $50 deal, which includes Charlie Murphy's I Will Not Apologise. That's more in the realm of the thing we'll be doing, you know, sort of tasteful stuff

that kind of blends in with what we talk about. What have we earned ourselves, like one layer of the cake at the moment? What? Have we earned ourselves one layer so far with those plugs? See, also you're suggesting that now the next thing that happens in this show is people just watch us eat a layer of cake? No. I don't know what he heard, but...

What's the flavour of the cake, Milan? Chocolate. Okay. And what's that icing? Okay. Where'd you get it? How'd you get that? Maria from the Great Australian Bake. Maria from the Great Australian Bake Off.

Maria from the Great Australian Bake Off. Hang on. Fucking how many sponsorship deals are we getting now? Our sponsors have sponsors. Does anyone know that show? Is that a cool thing? Is that Maria? Is Maria like a record?

Someone went like this. Yeah. Which sold it. Why aren't we getting Maria from the Great Australian Bake Off on the fucking show Milan okay oh we'll do some more ads for us she also does carrot cake well it's not quite a sponsorship thing but I did get an email from someone during the week suggesting something that we could do with the podcast tying in from a recent episode, now we did a follow-up with Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin.

Did people listen to that? Are people across that? Yep. Someone said, having just listened to the episode featuring Fiona and Lawrence, a fundraising idea appeared in my head like a male escort at the door of Fiona's hotel room. Doesn't really need to say anything else after that, does it? In the tradition of Get This doing caperol and the

less successful Borgist, where fans of the show dress up as the Borg from Star Trek, the little Dundum Club should do June Northern where fans send in photos of themselves posing next to their vacuum cleaner with the cord wrapped around their neck. Or standing in a shower with a belt wrapped around their neck and the shower curtain rod.

Brackets, what could possibly go wrong? Fans of the show could then vote for the best photo via a PayPal link that would make a donation to a suicide prevention charity. This would also suck valuable funds from the, in my opinion, wowserish and un-Australian dry July. So, there we go. June Northern. What happened? I don't believe in that. I believe that any one of you can kill yourself

whenever you want, guys. Don't be forced by any corporate event to do it in one month. If you want to do it now, fucking do it now. We're on the second story. Stop being fucking slaves to the machine, guys. Speaking of that, speaking of previous episodes and follow-ups from previous episodes,

we had, did everyone listen to the one with Oliver Clarke where we talked about he's stolen pants, he's stolen jeans? I don't think legally we haven't named who that is yet, but anyway. Fuck, I can't even remember who it is. This is to me in the future, edit out just before that and then cut in here. I'm going to fucking watermark that name all through the show, guys. Save it. Save it.

Oh, by the way, Nimmo, we're recording. Good. Oh, right, right. It's been all good stuff so far. Right. So, Oliver Clarke, and we left it a bit of a cliffhanger, so we didn't really know what happened. He took off back to New Zealand Fled the country in disgrace

Yeah, yeah, which is fair enough I would do that as well So we don't know what happened Hang on You're talking to the OC That's Oliver Clarke speaking, is it? I believe it is Oliver Clarke speaking Right, so we've clued everyone up

Your pants were stolen And allegedly shit in By New Zealand Comedy's own... Oh, my God. You've actually revealed the name. Yeah. Yeah, please stop doing that. Oh, no, Daslo did.

What a cad. Different C word that I would have gone with, but anyway. So, have we got any updates? We left it with, I think, I believe you had messaged him, you had emailed him and he'd said, he'd promised you a gift voucher, a New Zealand jeans gift voucher. And then he asked for your...

Yeah, he asked for your personal address. You were too scared to do that. So you gave your work address. Correct. So you to do that. So you gave your work address. Correct. So you wanted to get your jeans delivered to your work, which is fair enough. So then what happened? Has there been any update in the ensuing weeks? Well, he didn't really respond with the gift voucher.

And as you can imagine, that piqued my curiosity as to where it might be. And as you can imagine, that piqued my curiosity as to where it might be. So basically, I sent him the old Facebook message asking, what did I ask? It was pretty straightforward, pretty down the line. You know, no holds barred. I said, hey, did you end up sending that gift voucher? That's all I said. He responded with pretty much, I think a day later, saying, Howdy, Oliver.

Had trouble getting New Zealand currency onto an Australian gift card. I was meaning to just ask for your bank account number. It's far easier that way. Well, you know, as if only there had been something invented where we can travel to another country and exchange money for other money. You know, that's not his fault. Wouldn't that be handy? The technology just isn't there yet.

I get the feeling that **** ain't too bright. What gave that away apart from him shitting in your jeans? Well, apart from the fact he's a thieving cunt, it... I like how you've updated your terminology there. That's good. He's, uh... I like how you've updated your terminology there, that's good. Yeah, so he wants my bank account details pretty bad but I just don't think I should... Don't do that, he'll shit in it. Yeah, so I don't know what to do at this point. I think I should tell him, look buddy, you're going to have to work it out because it's not my problem.

I think it is your problem. Because you don't have any pants anymore. Maybe I could ask him just to send the jeans back. You want those jeans back? Well, you know what I know, he didn't shit in those jeans. Right, okay. Yeah, alright, well you know what? Good, let's get those pants back.

Yeah, we need to put them in some kind of podcasting museum. Yeah, exactly. For the amount of traction they've had on this show. The podcast is Smithsonian. All right, that's the new task. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the new task. I'll send them a message and ask for the jeans back.

Yes. And a jar of his shit, if possible. Regardless. Do it. All right, that's the new task. All right, thank you, Oliver. No worries, guys. Hey, happy birthday, yay Thanks buddy

Alright, hey, I'm gonna go and take a shit, see you later Oliver Clarke everyone Down the line from just, I don't know, Brunswick or somewhere Yeah, he's about two suburbs away He could have just come in and done that live. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Can I make a joke that might make me want to kill myself?

Can you make two? What? No, that makes sense. What New Zealand jeans store do you think he's putting the jeans wist? Oh. Oh. Do you think he's putting the jeans whist? I was just thinking, you can't just jeans.

You can't do it. You can't do just jeans in a New Zealand accent, can you? No. Just jeans. That's just it. Just jeans. That's a thing where they turn yous into ohs. Yeah. Just jeans.

That's a thing. Right, so we've got an update. What do you think our chances are of getting these pants back? Oh, man. Fuck. I mean, it's a bit of a sad moment where we're really rooting for getting jeans back that have shit in them. We're trying to convince these guys,

isn't that going to be a great campaign for us to get shitty jeans back? Not really. Don't get them back. Don't do that. But us trying to solve the mystery, like we get our hands on the jeans and having to take them to a forensics lab to find out did this denim ever have shit in it at any point. Are these the real jeans? These better be the jeans with shit in them or we're going to be disappointed.

These better not be dummy jeans. Boy, everyone's really sick of us talking about the jeans, aren't they? People were so enthusiastic when it came up. You liked it in the first step. All right, let's do something else. Fair enough. Let's get a guest on. Yeah, let's get a guest on.

Guys, again, we could introduce this guy. He's done a lot of stuff that you'll know. But why list credits when the sweetest credit of all is not going to play? Ronnie Chang He drives his car every day Ronnie Chang everyone! He drives to work where he stays Ronnie drives home where he plays He drives here

He drives there Hey everybody Happy birthday Ronnie Chang Did you know you had that song? No So you don't have any questions for us about it? Nothing really surprises me anymore

That song's actually what you were nominated for the ARIA for No wonder you lost So dare I ask, what the hell was that? Did you guys write that? What was that song? Yeah, we wrote it and recorded it I did the vocals and Carl played all the instruments Great job

Did you play that thing that you have to blow into to play the keyboard? You know that? You know what I'm talking about? What was that song? Yeah, we wrote it and recorded it. I did the vocals and Carl played all the instruments. Great job. Yeah. Did you play that thing that you have to blow into to play the keyboard? You know that... You know what I'm talking about? Anybody know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I know that... That thing. No, no, the blow keyboard. The one where you blow it.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to do. Yeah. What's it called? Yes, I played that. Oh, cool. What? Melodica. Melodica, thanks, yeah.

You were right off the mark with that. You've just been waiting for that information to come out in public, haven't you? Yeah. Oh, cool. What? Melodica. Melodica, thanks, yeah. You were right off the mark with that. You've just been waiting for that information to come out in public, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah, cool. Band camp just paid off for you, so yeah. You played violin. All right, we've all got stuff going on. Yeah, you just got fucking wrecked.

Fucking Chandlered. That'll teach you to engage with something that you enjoy. Anyone else want to helpfully answer a question? Bring it on. Wow, you guys are really aggressive. Wow, coming from Ronny Chieng. Are you chewing gum on this podcast? Yeah, I'm sorry.

I know, I know. I'm sorry. I didn't have time to spit it out. I didn't know I was on first, so you kind of caught me as a surprise. Is your leg okay? Cool. Why is there always someone with a broken leg in the front row of your podcast? There's not now.

Is it the same person? It's the same person. Okay. Is it the same leg? No. As same person. Okay. Is it the same leg? No. As in it hasn't healed yet, you asshole. No, that was like a year ago, wasn't it? No, it's broken arm girl.

You were broken arm girl. You just called yourself broken arm girl. And then now you broke your leg. Are you okay? What have you been doing? Take care. You play netball? Play netball.

Were they both injuries sustained during netball? You you play netball I never well they both injuries to stay in your netball you should quit netball no no I heard about this I heard about these netball injuries netball for some reason heard about them you heard about broken legs yeah like for some reason it's trending on Twitter fuck the legends are true yeah don't yeah don't believe the hype I mean good people people get so injured in netball. It's like they're playing basketball or something. You can't run with the ball. You can't like, you can't touch, you can't block.

You can't say bad words. Like there's all these rules. Like you can run into the middle on Tuesdays. Is that a rule in netball? You can't say bad words? My point is there's so many restrictions of netballs and yet they always have the most brutal injuries. Like you can't go into the middle during lunch times

and then on Fridays you can jump and I don't even know what the rules are. Boy, netball has turned into a real nanny state, hasn't it? Yeah. Fuck, can't do anything anymore. Stop the rules, just play basketball. That's how we do it. Stop the rules of netball. That's really ignorant, isn't it?

That's ignorant for me to say right I apologise No that's completely fine To tell women to stop their own sport No That's really sexist To go netball's a women's sport Men can play netball too hey

Do they though? Yeah Is that who broke your leg? I bet you play You play mixed netball right Mixed next ball right Mixed Mixed

Do you play next ball? Is it mixed netball right mix next ball right mixed mix you play next ball is it mixed netball okay a woman did this to you wait why are you no who did it to you then it just happened your leg just broke all right so why did they go why did netball get dragged into this dude it might be trauma stop asking her i'm allowed to ask someone about it but why'd you ask it like did a woman break your leg like Why did Nicole get dragged into this? Stop, dude. It might be trauma. Stop asking her. I'm allowed to ask someone about a broken leg. Yeah, but why'd you ask it like, did a woman break your leg?

Like a woman couldn't break your leg. Why'd you guys say it like that? You gotta be more PC, man. I've been harassed by so many women by this point. I know how to speak properly. That's sexist. No, no, I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just saying.

This is some really real shit. That was the joke that I was abused by so many feminists that I now know how to speak gender neutrally. It was a joke, forget it, don't worry about it. I think we'll be the judges on whether it was a joke or not. Does anyone wanna hear about my portable hard drive? Just to take some of the sauce off. What portable hard drive did you get?

What? What brand did you get? I think it's a Toshiba. Oh. Oh. I decorated it with little stickers. How do you feel about that? Oh, man.

Are you storing important stuff on that hard drive? Yeah. Okay, well then, good luck to you. All the episodes of this show. Oh, then that's fine. Do you... What? Is there an option?

That's fine then. You can lose that whole thing. Do you have a spare hard drive where you just put stuff you don't want on? No, but what I'm saying is there's some hard drive brands which are better than others. That's all I'm saying. So Toshiba, where do you rank them? I think the best one, you'll know this, Mark, is your professional photographer. Western Digital is the go-to, right? Yeah, there you go.

Western Digital. Yeah, and then... Alright, we better get a fucking cake out of them. What brand did you say? Toshiba. Whatever you said. Is Digital. Yeah, and then... All right, we better get a fucking cake out of them. What brand did you say? Toshiba. Whatever you said. Is that good? It's not good, so there you go.

Well, speaking of brands, so just before the show, I... Hey, data backup is no joke, people. You guys gotta... Yeah. It's all fun and dandy till someone loses 50 photos of their food. I actually lost 50 photos of my food. I was in Singapore and I had a big, I had a party because I don't usually have parties

so I had like the party to end all parties. I was doing a show in Singapore, I had all my high school friends come and i i i got so i lost someone stole my phone i got drunk and lost my phone and you got drunk yeah i got drunk i lost my phone and it sounds to me like someone wasn't drinking responsibly but yeah you gotta you gotta do that you know that word always? That means always. I was getting plastered responsibly. How about that? And I had people around me.

Like I was wearing a safety vest. Sorry, a bulletproof vest. Anyway, long story short, I lost my phone. Some woman called me up the next day. I'm not trying to speculate on what she does, but she called me up and she told me to come to the red light district to collect a phone. I went to Geylang to collect it. She wiped the whole thing for some reason

and she gave it back to me. I tried to give her a reward. She wouldn't take it. Why'd you give her a reward for wiping your phone? I didn't know at the time. I was like, hey, thanks so much. Here's 50 bucks, please. Thank you so much for returning my phone.

She's like, no, no, I don't want to take it. I don't want to take it. And then I got my phone back. It was wiped. I don't know why she wiped it. You know, like, no, no, I don't want to take it. And then I got my phone back and it was wiped. I don't know why she wiped it. She couldn't decide whether to give it back or take it. Then she bailed. She wiped it and she went, oh, I better give it back.

And she called me. Anyway, I don't know what happened. But all my photos were gone. That's funny that she was in the red light district and you tried to offer her money for a phone. She's like, no, no, I don't take money for that. That's disgusting. Yeah, but I don't know what she does for a living.

She lives there. It doesn't mean she's a sex worker. She could be anything. I'm just saying it happened. The deal went down in the red light district like the wire. That's what happened. So someone in the red light district right now has 50 pictures of what you've eaten.

Yeah. Wait, do you guys know what the red light district means? Are Australians familiar with that? Or is that like a... No, only you know, Ronnie. Outside Australia. Please educate us. What happens in the red light district?

Okay, well, in red light district... Have you got 50 photos of what happened there? Yeah, you give money and then this... Look, I don't want to... How are you going to... How are you going to describe that?

All right. I know this is... I know this is something you could say about anyone that you know, but I'm very interested in your sex life. What, you Kenneth Starr? Just because I feel like you would do it. I wouldn't say that about anyone that I know. That's fucking creepy.

It's a little creepy, bro. It's a little creepy. I got to tell you. As a bro, I'm telling you, that's a little creepy. As a friend. But because you're always looking for the most efficient ways of doing things. And the best equipment. I just think, how does that translate into that?

Right. Because like you said in another episode, that when you take a shit, you immediately have a shower. Yeah, yeah. I feel like as soon as you orgasm, you're like, I'm out, I'm going to take a bath, I'm out of here. Right. Is that true? What's your situation?

What's your handle on bodily fluids like that? Fucking hell. Right. So the most efficient position you want to go for is missionary. That's like kick-ass, you know, you just get... Look, I'm just... Oh, there's a t-shirt opportunity. Missionary is kick-ass.

Yeah, look... I mean, just last week I was doing a missionary and the girl was like, this is kick-ass. No, no, no. I like Ronnie Chang says missionary is efficient. That is heaps better. Hey, real men don't kiss and tell. That's how we roll.

Is that a saying? No. I don't know. But going back to brands, so I brought some beers over before, and you don't usually drink, and I gave you a beer. Yeah. And you were like, oh, yeah, I'll have one. Oh, great.

So I gave you a beer, and let's not say what brand it is, but as soon as you started drinking, I did take a picture of you drinking another brand beer that may or may not have been Zingdao. Why did you do that? I took a picture to get your reaction, which your reaction was, what the fuck? No! So I now have a picture of you drinking.

Could I bring down your sponsorship? You're going to end up leaving your phone behind in the red light district when you're there later on tonight where's the red light district of melbourne oh someone was too quick with that it's like the part that has the most traffic lights or something yeah yeah it was red lights the slowest traffic in melbourne yeah that's all we're saying why you gotta do that man just delete the photo why you gotta be a dick about people what you gotta hate on people's sponsorship like i didn't hate i didn't hate anything i just took a picture of That's all we're saying. Why you gotta do that, man? Just delete the photo. Why you gotta be a dick about people? Why you gotta hate on people's sponsorship? I didn't hate anything. I just took a picture of you enjoying something I brought you

and I thought, what a special memory. Cool, thanks a lot. And now we've got a photo of you off-brand. We can really bring you down. That's okay, man. They're reasonable people. Oh, I just looked at the picture. That's not very incriminating.

The photo's me like blurred up like that. You don't got shit on me. Pass your phone around. Let's all have a look one by one. Be nice with it, though. Still bit of show and tell. We'll put a... Yeah, it's like...

We'll go to a heap of effort to put a really bad picture on screen and pass it. All right, let's do something else. Yeah. Should we bring out our next guest? Yes. Ronnie Chang, everyone. Okay, cool. No, sit in that one there.

No, no, sit. Move one seat down. There you go. Yeah, there we go Very efficient That's nice Keep doing that, baby Rightio Second guest

Do we have an intro that we can play for our second guest? Oh, quick shout out to Uniqlo Nick Cody Drives his car Nick Cody Drives his car Nick Cody everyone Nick drives to work where he stays Nick drives home Where he plays

He drives here No I don't He drives there Nick Cody Drives his car Everywhere If my mum's in the seat next to me And I've got old ones Nick Cody. Drives his car everywhere. If my mum's in the seat next to me and I've got an old bus. You're still in your L's.

It's one of the most hurtful songs I've ever heard. You're still in my L's. You're in your L's? Yeah, I've got to get my licence by March next year. Otherwise I have to renew my learner's permit. Oh, hot damn. Fuck, I wish I hadn't have already used my learners permit. Oh hot damn. Fuck I wish I hadn't have already used my we've all got stuff going on. I think I have to call 1800 June Northern to renew my learner's permit.

And you're gonna have that when you get your P's you're gonna have that dumbass thing where you can only take like one passenger at a time for like six months? Oh I don't know the rule like Clearly I haven't looked into this. What is a car? That's going to be my first question. I sit in the wheel part now. All right, this is cool. So people gathered here, we announced during the week that we're doing a special extra show after this gig.

We are doing a live recording of the commentary for your DVD. Is everyone excited to sit through that? Everyone's sticking around for that? Oh, man. A lot of begrudging applauses there. That's fair enough. You get to watch my DVD with people calling me fuckhead over the top of it.

Have you got a commentary on your DVD, Ronnie? No, I don't. I don't care about a piece of opinions on that. No, I'm just joking. I just didn't get around to it. It's just Ronnie commentating. That is a good joke. That punchline was the most efficient way to get that point.

Good structure. Great joke structure. Love his jaw line. That's my commentary. What? My DVD commentary of myself. Oh great hair in that scene, that's a great cut. No, my original bonus features for my DVD was gonna be my first ever gig.

I have a video of my first ever gig. Oh nice, and what happened? It would've been cool, but I just didn't have time to pull out my butt and anyway. He saved it on a Toshiba hard drive. Oh I'm sorry for talking, this is Nick Cody's time no no no can I have witty reporte in this I didn't know don't hold it in you'll get sick okay cool I got to see Ronnie do something awesome before we know he's a bit OCD dropped his phone in between

the couch cushions over there in the crack and it went down underneath the couch and he was freaking out he's like oh man this is ruined my phone is disgusting and then he took his thongs off and put his feet on the seat oh why do you have thongs on oh just because i only wear shoes for shows i respect Because I only wear shoes for shows I respect. It's efficient footwear. You've got to give him that. No socks required. Thong's the missionary position of footwear.

I quite like that. They should get on that as a brand. Yeah, so now my phone has Ebola and I can't put it in my pocket anymore. So there you go. Send it to the red light district and get a what? A Vibola, easy. There you go.

Yeah. Yeah. in my pocket anymore so there you go send it to the red light district you can get a what a Vibola easy yeah yeah this is that witty repartee if you could add in before getting back to the commentary thing I would pay to see

a DVD commentary Ronnie if you watching your DVD with your stand up DVD with the CEO of Uniqlo and you're just trying to convince

him to sponsor you oh dude I would totally I'd be totally up for that how's that going it's not going good by the way Uniqlo is a great brand you guys Oh, dude, I would totally, I'd be totally up for that. How's that going? It's not going good. By the way, Uniqlo is a great brand.

You guys should try it out. I just went to Uniqlo. I actually just bought some Uniqlo stuff just before I got here. They have a great range of stuff. The thongs? No, no, polo t-shirts designed by Michael Bastien. You guys should check it out,

$29.90 at Uniqlo. And Myers, Myers Uniqlo. It's pretty good. Cool, that sounds like great clothes to maybe watch Kyle Barron's collector gift set. That's cool.

Including Carl Barron Live, whatever comes next, walking down the street in Wampoo Street. You know, I hear a great beer to have with that Tsingtao beer. It's just a great beer to have while you're watching Carl Barron. Yeah, well, why don't you have your first one today instead of what you were drinking before? Well, I would if this bar had any.

So, there you go. You burnt me. Should we get our third guest out? Let's get our third guest out here. Cody hasn't spoken enough yet.

Sorry, third umpire. Hey, Cody. Would you like to be sponsored by the US military? Got a G-Shock watch on. Be all you can be.

We've got the back. This watch is a Ronny Chieng- Approved. Yeah, Ronny Chieng-approved watch. See, that's what I've been doing. Instead of doing any research about anything these days, I just bring up Ronny Chieng and go, what's the best cheesecake?

This one on this street. Okay, thanks, Ronny. Bye. I should find a way to monetize this. Hey, is that solar-powered? I don't know, man. If it's not solar powered, it's not what you want. You fucking told me to get it.

I thought this was Ronny Chieng approved. Yeah, it is a Ronny Chieng approved watch. Yeah, but if it's solar powered, I think it is. It's tough solar then. Man, I just said, is this good? And Ronny said, yes. And I went, all right, fucking great. I'll get one.

Why does it need to be solar powered? Because then it can last two generations. Look, it's a long thing. Don't worry about it. It's a thing. It's a long-term thinking thing, Look, it's a long thing. Don't worry about it. It's a thing. It's a long-term thinking thing which you're clearly not interested in. Don't worry about it.

Just buy your shitty $5 watch from Thailand and just wear it for five days. Whenever I buy a watch... I don't have that $5 watch anymore, right? It died after six days. When I buy a watch... And we can also bank on the sun to be there forever. That's definitely happening.

Yeah. You want to just do next yes all right everyone Nick Cody everyone joining us next up also one of a one of our very dear friends joining us back on the show please welcome welcome, he doesn't have a... No, he doesn't have a song. You fucking... Put that fucking helmet back on. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back in the little dum-dum club, Dilraba Chai Singh.

Yeah! Thank you, boys. Happy birthday. And what a depressing way to find out where your career is at when you don't have a driving song. Yeah, even the guy that doesn't drive has a driving song. Neither do I, but still, I want a fucking driving song. I would love to see Pedestrian taking on your name.

I would be happy even if you changed the car to a taxi. I'm happy for anything as long as I get validated by Terry Pedestrian, you weird fuckhead what a weirdo but such a catchy tune Dear Rock J singer drives other people to the airport

it's right there Terry it's right there for the taking Dear Rock J singer gets complaints about his smell oh sorry it was all good when you guys did it Singer gets complaints about his smell. Oh, sorry.

It was all good when you guys did it. Funny how that works, isn't it? We didn't do that. It's meant to be funny if it's not real. So charge here. All right, I misread this. So charge there. So charge us everywhere. Everywhere.

Drops his flag, fall everywhere. Drops his flag, fall everywhere. People may remember one of the last times you were on the show we were talking about our adventures in Adelaide. Oh yeah, I don't remember that at all. It was not like people would meet me at gigs and go, oh, I can't believe

you admitted to that. I would never do that. What's wrong with you? Well, similar to the jeans update, we've got the girl on the line to get an update from her. No. Damn.

We were talking a little bit during that episode. Ben Lomas was quite fascinated with your snoring that kept him awake all night, that night after the gig. Yes, he wanted to kill me. Yeah, and you and I went to the movies together on Friday night.

Like some fucking losers on Friday night, hanging out with Tommy Dasolo at the movies. Yeah, two cool single dudes just hanging out. You kept falling asleep in the movie. I did. And I had to hear your snoring in the movie cinema. Oh, wow. Constantly.

Yeah. What did you fall asleep during? I was night crawling. It's a good film. Go check it out. How would you know? You gave it three. That sounds like a bad joke. How was the movie? I didn't even mean it like that. It was a bad joke.

How was the movie? I didn't even mean it like that. It was a snore. Yeah. Dil gave it three logs with sores going through it. Yeah. I really enjoyed it at the start with Jake Gyllenhaal. Then all of a sudden there was a part where I was really like a giant

and I was nude at school. Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah. And then the next bit was really weird where I was locked inside a cinema and couldn't get out. Tommy Woodell just left me there going, no, he's sleeping. Yeah.

But I did actually have dreams during the film because the dialogue sort of filtered into my subconscious and I was dreaming that I was hanging out with Rene Russo at one point. But I fall asleep a lot in cinemas. You fall asleep a lot? Up to once a day. Fuck, if the jokes are this good, yes, definitely fall asleep during this. It's going to happen right now.

He falls asleep every night. Once I was in a serious film and I was by myself and I woke up to the sound of people laughing because I'd fallen asleep and snored and their laughter was so loud that I woke up to that noise. I can't even remember what the film was,

but it was good. Go check it out. I give it three. I think I've told this on the show before, but one night during the comedy festival a couple of years ago, there was a guy in my show who, like, five minutes in I did a bit and people laughed and he out loud went, ha-ha, that is wild.

And then... And then literally 30 seconds later I look out and he's asleep and he's snoring and he was asleep for, like, five minutes and I'm commenting on it going, like, so here's where you are, man. I'm like, fucking check out this guy just having a big old snooze and like in his face and that didn't wake him up. He wakes up after ten minutes and then at the end of the show I'm like, you know, saying thank you to people as they leave

and he shakes my hand and he goes, mate, that was one of the best things I've ever seen. So I think what happened is like his dreams, like he just kind of counted his dreams as like part of my show. Like, oh, then I my show like oh then i was in space and then fucking and then mum was alive again yeah fuck off what a great what a fucking great hour so good so dill you know talking about you you uh the last time you were you know when you're in adelaide and all your sort of failures and whatever happened there but when you when you

came back what you know when you came back did did things would have picked up though like what is on your mind but you you know you you're a little bit unsuccessful in love but since then things would have improved though surely like you know like say you are say you are just i'm only thinking it because we're right here at five boroughs and you know you we all gig here and you are an extra crispy cunt. Like, really? Seriously? No, well, look. Does that mean you like him? Because I assume that... I had this...

Hey, he's on the DVD commentary. I'm just fucking punching now. Save it for your DVD now try and hobble him before it starts but knowing Dil he's just gonna fall asleep ten minutes into it yeah speaking of

whatever what do you want to know Carl it's more it's less what I want to know and what I already know that I want you to say by the way any casting agency he was pretending just before to not know what was going on.

Hey, I got my first second audition last week. Thank you. I don't even know why I tell you things. I was thinking to myself the other day going, shit, this is... Fuck, Carl Chandler is one of my closest friends in comedy. What a reason to kill yourself. Honestly, why do I tell you the things? That's fine, man. I'm not expecting you to keep it to yourself. Honestly, like, why do I tell you the things? That's fine, man.

I'm not expecting you to keep it to yourself. Hey, I was part of this, though. So I was here and there was someone that came along to the comedy night and thankfully I don't think, I don't believe they listened to the show, but let's find out. And I am genuinely sweating. What's new?

That's the climb onto the stool That's not the story That is Jays to Copeland Thank you very much Oh man That cake, I'm going to eat so much Just trying to Wash away the sadness

He's just taunting you over there He actually calls that a muffin. Thanks for having me. This is a great day to be alive. It's good to have mates. These are my close mates, Mum and Dad, in my new career. Don't worry about me going to a weird country. I've got friends to back me up.

So we were here. There was a girl that I met out the front, and she was a big fan of the night in general, and she was like she already knew me for some reason, and she's like, oh, great, I'll get a photo, and get a photo with whoever else is here. Here's my question. Who's Sri Lanka out there?

Who's Sri Lanka? I'm like, oh, you mean Dilraba Jaisingha? Yeah. He's hot. Like, awesome. Awesome. All right. And fuck you.

You guys. And what did a Labrador think? I don't know because Dil ate it. Yay. Yay. You high-fived over me. Like you were fucking eye-full-tabbling me in like a spit-frost. Just over me right there.

No, she was saying, where's Sri Lanka? Where? They are comparative sizes, so yeah. Hey, this is my podcast. Never. Over two. Oh. So, hey, anyway, back to the bit that you like even less.

So, anyway, she said, oh, who's Shrilling? I said, oh, Dilraba Jain Singh. And I thought, well, she mustn't listen to the podcast. Great. She's just a comedy fan. No, no, because, you know, you've been on there plenty of times. So, great, you're just a comedy fan. You enjoyed what Dil did tonight.

You think he's an attractive man. Great. I said, go and talk to him. Go and meet him. You know, he's single. You know, he's a lovely guy. So that happened. Then what happened

then you know i went home and lived the rest of my life without any questions i set that up what a sweet time um any questions guys i how can we do she will kill me okay so go on she's not here right no no no no this is only just for us. Did you get to take part in... No, she would have eaten it. Did you get to take part in a very efficient task? We'll get there. No, okay. I met up with her

for dinner at 8 and then about 8.20 Do you remember the dinner? This is when she said something? She texted me saying, hey, let's catch up for dinner at 8 and then about 8.20 So this is when she said something? Yeah, so she texted me saying, hey, let's catch up for dinner. I was like, cool. That sounds like fun. We go for dinner two days later and she within the first 20 minutes of us

for the first minutes of us chatting and getting to know each other, you know, I think it's still like kind of, you know, the sun's still out I think at that time. I don't know. She goes, oh, I was really excited

that you said yes to the date there on Thursday. I was like, oh, cool. She goes, yeah,

I was so excited. I went home and I smoked a ton of ice. Which is a Valentine's Day card begging to be invented. Hallmark, we're going to get sponsorships from them.

Hallmark, here we go. She was good in bed, though, so that's what's important. Roses are red, shards are white. I'm definitely not going to bed tonight. I love you. Go over. I'm definitely not going to bed tonight. I love it. Yes. Go over. Dill Rokchai Singer, everyone.

Oh, no. Oh, okay. Should we? We can do that thing later. Okay, all right. Yeah, sure. Okay, I think we're going to bring on a very special guest now. This is someone who you don't have to go, Ronnie.

You can stay. I don't know, but you don't have to... No, this is just a... Okay. Yeah, actually go. I guess this is just happening. This is someone who messaged us during the week. He wanted to come down

and do something. He's been listening since the very start of the podcast. I believe he's the longest listener that we have. The longest listener that we have? The person who's been listening for the longest. He's a big time fan and he wanted to come down and do something

for the show. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for our oldest fan, Harold Cribble. Yeah! Please give it up for our oldest fan, Harold Cribble. Yeah. Hey there, Carl, Tommy. It's good to be here. I've got to tell you, I've listened to you guys back in the day. I first heard about you through my mate Duncan.

Now, Duncan, he was at Geelong. Okay. He used to work as a butcher shop and I've met him through – I was doing surveying for the government back then. Yep. And I've been listening to your podcast for – oh, God. Well, I'm bloody nearly 93 now. For all the listeners at home, I'm an old man. I look very elderly and wrinkly.

You do need to explain that after you say you're 93 years old. Yes. I'm a wrinkly old man. Just say you can imagine. I love your podcast. Yeah, most old people do, yeah. I've been listening to it for a long time. Who's that man that you have on there?

Sometimes like Nick Cody. No, no, no. The man that you have on, he's been on Cody? No, no, no. The man that you have on, he's been on a couple of times. Will Anderson, maybe? No, no. The man with the thing and he taught, and he had that story. David Quirk, maybe?

He was like, he was, you know a man. Demi Lardner. No. Right. Danny McGinley. Oh, right, Danny McGinley, yeah. Yeah, he's funny. So, who's your favourite guest that's been on our show?

Oh, you know, there's so many to name, you know, him and that other one. Oh, we're doing this again, okay. Just all of them, yeah. Yeah, just all of them. But you've been listening since day one? Like, you found the point you were an early adopter? You know, like, decades and decades ago, you know. I was listening to your program from...

I think I was a boy. I think I was a little boy when I started listening. Are you sure it was our program? No, it definitely was. Because this is our fourth birthday show. Well, yes. Was Danny's reference relevant for you when you were a child? Back in the day, I tell you what.

No, I first heard it in the 30s. And it was when... Because I know, because I did a song about it. Because I recorded a song in tribute to the Little Dumb Dumb podcast. And because my friend had given it to me on her iRiver. Because back in the 30s, you didn't have an iPod back then. It was just the iRivers. The iRiver was back in the 30s. Because we've been playing songs recently. We've got some nice

tribute songs. I've got one that I've recorded. As I say, it was recorded a long time ago. So this is a tribute song for the little dum-dum club that you recorded in 1930. That's exactly right. Do you want to do it? I'd love to. Do you guys want to see Harold do his tribute song

from the 1930s? I'll try to get my voice back. Hello. Hello. Hello. Here we go. Carl Chandler he drives his car

all around the town. He drives his motor car to the shops. He drives up and down the town. Oh look, here comes Roddy Chang. Oh, but he doesn't have a car. No, he's got a bicycle. Imagine that. A Chinaman on a bike. Here we go.

Roddy Chang. He drives his bike all around Rottnest Island. Don't have a crash, mate. Oh, look. Here comes Dilruk Jaisingha. Oh, look. He's in a nice little automobile. He's got a lady in the back.

And he's only got a Barocca with him. What are you going to do there, Dil? You're going to need more than vitamin B to get into her pantaloons. Nah, you're all right, Indian Sri Lankan. I bet you're good at cricket. Oh, and here comes Fiona O'Loughlin. She's got the fanciest car of all. Oh, and she's driving to the fanciest hotel. She's checking in under the name of June Northern.

And she's going to drive her car down to the parking lot and seal the windows and gas herself to death. Don't do it yet, dull face, you've got some good jokes, Hollywood's calling. Oh wait, who else is there? Oh look, here's Luke McGregor. He's been on the podcast too. Tommy Dasolo, he drives his car, to the Red Rooster, to get some nuggies. And I told him KFC's got the best nuggies Little Dum Dum Club, they drive their car They drive their car

Oh no, they've run over Rad Dad Good Thanks everybody, that was me song Harold Cribble everyone Thank you, thank you Thank you very much Harold, lovely to meet you everyone. Thank you. Thank you very much Harold. Lovely to meet you.

What a joy. What a real joy. You assholes call yourselves fans. You've never done anything half as good as that. What a real joy. Should we bring out our next guest? Oh yeah, let's do that.

Guys, you would have seen this guy All over the telly He has just been announced as hosting the comedy festival Gala next year, which is very exciting Guys, go crazy and welcome into the little dum-dum club Joel Creasy Yeah Oh man I love podcasts

It's just good to have an extra masculine voice on the podcast Yeah Hi What was that? Thanks for coming down You're very welcome I'm very hungover Yeah you were saying before

I just went and got a Powerade You should use Barocca I'll take anything at this point I went and got a Powerade. You should use Barocca. I'll take anything at this point. I went and got a Powerade and then I was walking up as he was singing that song. I was like, what the fuck is going on? That is a shared thought by the room.

Now, you actually hooked up something for us recently which we were very thankful for. The McDonald's visit in Perth. I am very good friends with Ronald. Yeah. It was the best day of our whole life. Was it?

Yeah. And you saw everything? Mate, we saw everything. Yeah. Right. I used to work at McDonald's. I was the McCafe manager. Oh, yeah.

I was a real bitch. How'd you get that? I was awful. I was just so awful. Because I was like the McCafe manager. But in my mind, I was working at like the coolest cafe in Brunswick. But I was just so awful. Because I was like the cafe manager, but in my mind I was working at the coolest cafe in Brunswick. But I was the cafe. There was a dude in there who just had this office.

I can't remember what his title was. He wasn't the manager. He just was like this old man who just had this little room that he sat in. He was like caretaker or something. He came with the store. He was there in whatever store was there before McDonald's. And he just hung around. He was like caretaker or something. Yeah. Like he came with the store. Like he was there in whatever store was there before McDonald's and he just hung around. Yeah.

He looked like an old-timey prospector, like from a movie. And as we were leaving, we were like, whatever his name was, like, bye, nice to meet you. And he stuck his head out of his office. He's like, say hey to Joel for me. Like really, like that. My parents probably own him. Yeah.

Mate, like everyone in there was like, we were famous by Proc. Were you raised in McDonald's? It sounded as if, yeah. Are you a shop kid? Because I was raised as a shop kid. My mum and dad always had shops, and so I grew up in the back of the shop. Were you growing up next to the deep fryer? Yeah, absolutely.

I used to take people that were cool at school I wanted to impress. When I got my licence, I would take them to McDonald's for a meal. Oh, you would drive them at 18 years old? Don't bully me anymore. So is that what I should do when I get my licence? Is that cool? I'm still stuck on growing up next to a deep fryer. That sounds awesome.

I do have every McDonald's toy Oh really? Like all the old Because they don't do the Happy Meal toys anymore do they? Don't they? I don't think they do

Do they? Can anyone confirm I'm sure they still do Happy Meal toys Over in Perth you guys are just giving out diamond rings as Happy Meal toys

Yeah I have all the Snoopies Oh yes All the old DuckTales ones Yeah and people go mental I remember when

the Snoopies were out we would sell out of them. They'd come out at midnight and they'd be gone by 1am. People were fucking weird. People lining up around the block for the midnight launch of the Snoopy. Like it's the PlayStation 4 or something. Having said that, you're going,

what a bunch of weirdos. I've got them all. And when they did the Monopoly, you know the Monopoly yeah I am I got my hair and Park Lane because I just sat there opening cups yeah and yeah and wasn't allowed to and it was like oh you win it you win a car and I wasn't like oh you actually got it though you actually sat there opening I went and got like a box of the cups and took them home and then just rip them all like

that that would have been heartbreaking. But then again, your dad owns 17 McDonald's. He would have bought you a car anyway. My parents are really wealthy. I never told anyone that my parents owned McDonald's. Because in comedy, that's not cool. Because every comedian is like, oh, I've had such a tough upbringing. I'm like, I had a great upbringing.

I remember until you met us and we're like, do your parents own McDonald's? And you're like, yeah. And we're like, that's fucking awesome. Can we come over and play? Yeah, I know. Sri Lanka, I don't know if I told this on the podcast before, but Sri Lanka got the first McDonald's in 1998

and I would have been 14. Stone. I skipped. They also ran out of Snoopies at 1am because he ate all the Happy Meals. How's Joel Creasy not the bitchiest person on this panel at the moment? How's that happening? I was allowed to skip school that day

so I can line up to be one of the first customers and I lined up from 9am to get there for a 10am opening and I was one of the first 10 and I lined up from 9am to get there for a 10am opening and I was one of the first 10 customers of McDonald's in Sri Lanka which explains what you're looking at right now. That is so sad. What did you get? I got a Big Mac meal and a McChicken.

That's good. I was really happy. Two burgers at age 14. Yeah, that is stockpiling for the future. I was a virgin until I was really happy. Two burgers at age 14. Yeah, that is stockpiling for the future. I was a virgin until I was 21. Then what happened? You found someone smoking a pipe at the back of it? Hitting a glass barbie outside of five boroughs.

And by smoking a pipe, I mean... Anyway. Joel, you've just been uh in the last week or so as the host of the gala for next year yeah which is very i i run comedy now uh-huh i'm in charge of comedy now yeah that's why we got you on the show yeah yeah you keep going how did you get that? I don't actually know. I found out, like, I actually found out a couple of months ago. How did you get that? Because you shared the same manager as we used to

and he got us fucking nothing. Because he was getting me to work. How did I get it? I'm not sure. I don't know. You got it because you're very… Yeah, you're very… You should be doing it.

All right, he's up there, toots. You're not on the gala. Fuck! Fuck! The Oxfam and Quarter Pounder gala. It's like, yeah, we walk past the comedy festival office and we just notice there's a Macca's delivery truck out the front there every day. Like a minute i think i know what's going

on here the hamburger is running out going done you can rest assured there'll be no other gay comics on the gala decks yeah i'm kicking them all off oh putting the kibosh yeah no ballad no yeah all right i love it throw that hosting weight around i love it yeah he can he can do warm up well was this something because you know i bring this up because it's like such a big gig and and I love it. Throw that hosting weight around. I love it. Yeah, he can do warm-up. Well, was this something – because, you know, I bring this up because it's such a big gig and you, of course, Carl, you had a big gig last night. So, yeah, how long is this going to take? So last night, if you remember the episode,

I talked about how I did this weird gig about when I drank a jug of warm water on stage. I did that and then like a couple of weeks later I get an email that said, hey, do you want to come and perform at my wedding? And I was like, that's cool. How did I get that? And he said, oh, I saw that gig the other night.

And I went, oh, that's the gig where I just drank a jug of warm water. Were you there? Is this lady there? Because she's enjoying it way more than anyone else. And they went, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess so. And I I was like that's a weird decision to go I want that guy at my wedding and they're like yeah that's cool we saw it at another gig or something so just come along and I said yeah okay I'll do it and then I consciously did not read any of the details until yesterday and then I found out it was in Queenscliff, so it's like nearly a two-hour drive.

My gig started at 10pm, which is pretty late to go on at a wedding, I would have thought. I haven't done a gig at a wedding before. So I drove all the way down by myself, and I actually really tried to get out of it. I rang Josh Earl to go, do you want to do this gig instead? At like 8 o'clock, he's like, my kid just fell down a drain. I'm like, is... Yeah, well, it's probably going to pop out in the? At like eight o'clock. He's like, my kid just fell down a drain. I'm like, is...

Yeah, well, it's probably going to pop out in the ocean around Queenscliff, mate. So, yeah. Bring the fishing net down and sweet wedding catch. Yeah. And I was like, is that a yes or a no? So he was like, no, I can't do it. I'm like, okay.

So I drove down there and I'm so dreading it. And I'm driving down just complete darkness and I get there and I walk into the venue and everyone is in fancy dress, but just they're slaughtered. I find out that the wedding started at like 2 o'clock and they've been drinking since then. When you say fancy dress, do you mean like dressed up nice or do you mean like costumes?

Oh, sorry, costumes. Oh, wow. So I walk in and there's like someone dressed as a firefighter, someone dressed as a fairy, someone dressed as a burglar, someone dressed... Were you gigging at... Was it the wedding at a YMCA? Sounds like my wedding. So I get in there and I go, oh, do you still want me on?

Because I'm actually texting the guy on the way down Going You don't have to have me on You know Your wedding's probably going to go better without me It's going to be fine And he's Texting while driving

Just hoping that you crash and die So you don't have to do it Yeah On the Great Ocean Road Yeah And texting the guy on his wedding day Going Can I pull out of your wedding

So he didn't respond So I get there And everyone is just sideways drunk. And I'm like, oh, so what do I have to do? And they're like, oh, you can do it over there. And I'm like, okay. So I managed to get everyone to sit down right in front of me. So they're all crunched in like this.

I love it. Everyone's having fun. Pissed off their nut. You're like, come on, guys. Now can we just get just rows of six along here? Exactly. Like a child putting up a little display for their parents at christmas yeah and so there's no stage i'm just standing in front of people like this

and they're all they've been drinking for 10 hours or whatever it is and they're just screaming at me they are absolutely i'm walking and think it's going to be some polite wedding gig and it's going to be weird because everyone's a bit stuck up and whatever it is. They are just going, ah, ah, ah, ah. All of them just absolutely screaming at me. And I'm supposed to do half an hour and I can see the groom sort of going, checking the time, right, you started now. I'm like, oh, God. So they're just screaming and I'm going, man, I can't do any jokes

if you're just screaming at me. And they just kept screaming. I don't even have a jug of water near me. Yeah, so they just screaming at me. And they just kept screaming. I don't even have a jug of water near me. Yeah, so they're screaming at me. And then this guy in the front row just gets up and he's like screaming in my face. And then he takes his shirt off and throws it at me. Oh, my God.

Are you sure this wasn't like the Bucks do or something? Because this is fucking pretty wearing. Yeah, no, no, it was insane. And his shirt was covered in blood and he throws it at me and I'm like I don't know whether this is a costume

or a real thing because these guys are out of control and it's like if this is a costume you've just come as a guy with blood on his shirt and that's it

so he throws his blood shirt at me and I'm like oh that's insane okay alright and he sits down again and then I try and tell a joke again

and then he gets up and takes his pants off and throws them try and tell a joke again and then he gets up and takes his pants off and throws them at me. You should have collected and brought it for Olly Clark. What jokes were you doing out of interest? I don't think I even got one

out of that point. I was trying to explain how I got the gig and they were like, boring. Get off! Because that's such a solid opener too. I open all my gigs that way.

Hey guys, lovely to be here so you're probably wondering how I came to be doing this gig tonight basically what happened was three weeks ago I sent Carl a Facebook message saying can I have a gig at Five Boroughs and he said yes on this date

and now here we are and then that's normally the place is fucking lit up by then and you've got a solid opening a strong opener yeah just get them in so that happens.

Then this guy just gets up and goes, boring, and then walks to the other side of the room and stands in front of a wall and starts screaming at the wall. Oh, my God. Rather than seeing your comedy, he'd rather face the wall and scream at it. He's so angry that he's taking it out on the physical structure that he's in. Who else can I blame? But not only that, then two people get up and go,

that looks like a good idea. Oh, my God. There's now three people screaming at a wall. And I'm saying to the crowd, I'm saying to these people, I'm going, just so you know, I will never forget this gig. No. You will all be in the front of my thoughts forever. Will these three people, Dawn French,

Kyle Sanderlands and Timo Maddox, that's what this is quickly turning into. They're probably all going to be reviewing for the Herald Sun at Comedy Festival. If you're doing a show and you see someone in the front row covered in blood, you'll know to look out. Through wall screens.

See a guy with deep wounds, look what the Herald Sun are in. So then I go, I'm just talking to the crowd. I'm not doing material. I'm just saying, man, why am I here and whatever. And I said to him, man, this has not worked out well because you know what?

I live in Hawthorne. On the way back, I'm going to have to go over the Westgate and that is not good. That is not good timing given how the gig is going. And this guy stood up and went, don't take the Westgate,

take the Balti. There's no barriers on that. I'm surprised that wasn't balloons falling out of the ceiling because that's the millionth time you've referenced the Westgate. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, but instead of taking that as a joke, he's like, no, I'll help you out there. If you drive on the Westgate, you possibly won't neck yourself. So let's get this fax in there.

So they do that. They're just screaming and screaming. So eventually I just go, oh, look, I've got a – then one woman screams at me and goes – because they're all in fancy dress and she goes, you haven't even fucking picked the theme. You haven't even picked the theme. And I'm like, that was a thing that I should have been doing.

They're all dressed in just insane stuff. And she goes, pick the theme. And I'm like, I don't know. She goes, pick the theme. What do you think the theme is? And I went, drunk fuckheads? And they go, yeah! So then eventually the gig finishes,

and it's just like water torture, like how much I can get, how much I can take. Water torture. Like, that's how you got the gig in and it's like it's just like water torture like how much I can like get how much I can take water torture like that's how you got the gig in the first place yeah oh yeah I was thinking fondly

back to those memories during the gig so I go back I go back to the I finish and I walk off and everyone had been screaming at me and then as soon as

I get off they all go uncle uncle I'm like yeah I know what that means you just want to scream at me more so it's not going to happen so I go over and they all go, uncle, uncle. I'm like, yeah, I know what that means. You just want to scream at me more.

So it's not going to happen. So I go over and they've just been hanging so much shit on me. And then they all go over to me and they go, oh, that was great. That was great. I'm like, you were screaming at me. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. We loved it. We loved it.

It was great. And this guy comes over and goes, that was a great job. Sorry about all the heckling. And then the other guy goes, you're the one that went over and started screaming at the wall. He's like, oh, yeah, but that was funny. All right, and they're trying, all these people are like crowding around me trying to go, nah, you did all right. And this one guy goes, mate, you did all right

because man, this is how well you did. I was trying to fuck your gig the whole night and I still didn't fuck it properly. Like, oh, that's quite a badge of honor of mine so then i find out then the guy goes um oh you know you know remember your your show your million joke show whatever i go yeah i did do a show called million jokes or whatever 1.5 million jokes and they're like yeah yeah of course you did we all went and saw it i mean what do you mean you go oh us, all the crowd, like all these six or seven people, we came and saw your show.

That's why we booked you. And I'm like, hang on a minute. You're my fans. So I feel like I'm slowly growing a legion of fans. So every festival, eventually it's going to get bigger and bigger. I'm going to be playing the main town hall of just thousands of people going, you fucking idiot, yay!

No, but you're playing the main hall during the bridal expo. So Joel, if you can book me for the gala, I can guarantee a high volume of noise during my set. Yeah. I wonder if it's just facing the walls yelling at people. Yeah. You are getting paid for this gig, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Ten o'clock in, I mean, that shows what you think of me as a comic book. Yeah. But I'm up for doing free spots.

Yeah, he's not me. So then they were like, oh, look, you've copped all that shit tonight. I don't know if you meant this as a marketing exercise or not, but it has worked. We'll all be going to see you this year in the comedy festival. I were like, oh, you've copped all that shit tonight. I don't know if you meant this as a marketing exercise or not,

but it has worked. We'll all be going to see you this year in the Comedy Festival. I'm like, fucking do not do that. So he said, promising. So if you guys come and see my show, man, this is going to be the weird island of normal people inside a show where there's like a couple of dozen people coming in who are just going insane and like two or three people going,

what the fuck is going on here? So, man, that's going to be an interesting night i thought that might be able to give you some kind of a sort of advice for how to play the gala can you take anything out of that i've taken absolutely nothing out of that if they move the venue to queenscliff be concerned well your fans actually want to hear what you've got to say my fans want to hear what they've got to say and they sound like like i imagine that's what the audience are like a house I was gig is like oh like you know bogan hunters season one on punchline DVD available available for Christmas we've got one final guess. Should we get them on? Do you want to, Cody, shuffle off?

Yeah. Yeah, cool. Joel Creasy, everyone. Thank you. Am I leaving? Am I leaving? Stay here, please, if you can. I'm moving over.

Guys, you know him, once again, from all over the telly. One of our very dear friends. Please. Oh, no, hang on. We've got, yep. Who could it be? Luke McGregor drives his car every day. Luke drives to work where he stays.

Yeah, Luke McGregor. Luke drives here. Yeah. Playing the song to introduce people is just a really good way of making sure no one claps when the name comes up. Yeah. It just completely takes all the wind out of the sails. My ringtone. Huh?

It's my ringtone. Oh, right, okay. Yeah. Thanks for making me repeat it. How did everyone hear that except for the person closest to it? Yeah. No, I thought, anyway. Thanks for having me. Thanks for joining me repeat it. How did everyone hear that except for the person closest to him? Yeah. No, I thought... Anyway.

Thanks for having me. Thanks for joining us, Luke. Fourth birthday. Thank you for coming down. Thank you. It's good to... You didn't get anyone on tape, did you? The wedding?

Did I get that on tape? No. Okay. No, I didn't. I was trying to... Sorry? For your show reel. Yeah.

Man. You know what? I reckon I could sell it to half the people in this room. Yeah. You should put together a showreel that's just your anti-showreel. Oh. But it was sort of good. I walked out sort of feeling like I'd sort of been in the war.

So Cody probably wants to fuck me now. So, yeah. Cody fucks wars. Yeah. Cody fucks war veterans I love how you're comparing yourself to having a bad gig to people fighting in a war

I'm a hero guys Kyle Chandler, why am I not marching on Anzac Day I would love to see the reality of some of your stories I'd love it like you told that it was the most full on thing and then we see it and it's like everyone's really polite and well-behaved and one guy stands up to go and get a glass of water midway through and Chandler's like, this whole thing was fucked. People went crazy at me.

Fuck, I wish. I feel like I haven't told that story justice. Have you done any weddings, McGregor? I did one when I first started. Really? A wedding right at the start? Like I'd just started comedy and I said, can you em see the wedding I went you got it I'll start set minute out to 50 here and it was it was wasn't no one screamed at wall I guess I

got lucky you've got management and I just said the only thing that went it was fine which is normal the only thing that went... It was fine. It was just normal. The only thing that went wrong was when the desserts were time to come out, I was just off talking to someone. I just forgot that you have to say, oh, now the dessert's being served. I forgot that you had to actually... Do your job. ...empty the wedding. You don't know that it was part of it, announcing that food's coming out.

Yeah, I'll just introduce different places. How does that intro go? And now, ladies and gentlemen, cake. Guys, you've seen it in the freezer. You've seen it in your dreams. Give it up. Give it up for pancakes. Guys.

The wedding cake. I wanted to tell you, Joel and I did a gig last night, and I got a cat poem. To that to be I said I could shorten that bit but we went to a gay bar oh here we go that's how let's actually wasn't the bit I was gonna tell I was gonna tell the next bit the sex bit which is I fuck a dude yeah it was great what's the sex bit I Oh no, the next bit. Oh, the next bit. Sorry. I thought you said the sex bit. Well, it involves that. Anyway, it involves that. I was in a

cab and I was in a cab with this big guy and it was just silence and this guy goes he goes, oh yeah and he sort of nodded and pointed. I looked at the place he was looking and it was an attractive girl.

And then I went, hey, she's nice. And then more silence. And then after a while he goes, yeah, picked up a lady the other night. Wouldn't fuck me. Just kept driving. Was the driver me? That works on two levels.

It was weird. And I just said, yeah, what a prude. Got out. I got a message. Someone left a note on our Facebook page and I followed it up. There was someone, and I don't have the details now, but I don't think it's their real name,

but Mavis Farquhar that's on our Facebook page sent a message saying that in Queensland, Tommy Dasolo is quite a gay icon. And then I asked questions. I went, is this just a joke or not? And he said, no, he was in a gay icon. And then I asked questions. I went, is this just a joke or not? And he said, no. He was in a gay bar and overheard two bears saying they went and saw Tommy Dasol's show. He was very cute and they'd like to have their way with him.

Really? Right on. Two bears. So like two Adam Richards just either side of you. Single two months and he's bounced back. Still got it. Still got it. So at least if you go up there, you won't get daylight savings,

but there is another privilege that you can get. I think you'd be more of a cub. I'm a cub. I've been told that many times, yeah. Many times? Yeah. So this is no surprise to you? What's a cub?

A cub is like a baby bear. So hairy and fat, but small. Yeah. Yeah. Have I talked about the time, one time I went to a gay club with a friend and I was talking to this girl and I just felt like this weird need

to mention that I was straight to her and she was like, oh yeah, I come here with my gay friends every week. I hear that from men in here all the time. I'm like, look, I'm sure you do, but I seriously am straight. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, what? And just didn't believe me. Like, just didn't buy it.

You should have just made out with a buddy. Well, that's the next bit. That's what I did. So to stop the argument. Great work. I've lent in and I've kissed her for a bit and then we've stopped kissing and I've gone, I thought this was so cool.

I was like, so do you still think I'm gay? And she goes, yeah, you're definitely gay. Hang on, where did you kiss her? On the dick. That was Alright That time I was gays And he was Copeland Good alright

I love you Carl Yeah Should we get stuck into Look Yeah look On the birthday I think Our

It's getting close to Christmas So Our Christmas gift to you Is you know The longest running And most successful and most consistent... Oh, we heard an oh, no. Not oh, no. Hey, can we get Cody...

You guys have the worst fans, honestly. Do we need Ronnie as well? Yes. We need Ronnie and Cody back in. Did Ronnie leave? Yeah. Cody can do the accent, it's fine. Cody can do a Ron Chant impression. Did Ronnie really leave? Yeah, he just went, fuck this, and got out of here. No, he Ronnie leave? Yeah. Oh, well, we need something. Cody can do the accent. It's fine. Cody can do a Ronny Chang impression.

Did Ronnie really leave? Yeah, he just went, fuck this, and got out of here. No, he did leave, though. This is not an efficient way to do a podcast. Do a better impression of Ronnie's voice, please, Luke. No, no. No, Cody can do it. This will be like when we got McAuliffe to do Con the Fruiter doing Milo.

Do a Ronny Chang right now. Fuck this. Oh, seamless. Can we get the theme going, Marcus? Hang on. Close your eyes and you think Ronny's here. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just ratting around in the Rad Dad way.

Gotta like a kid, a cat and a dog. Now see me be rad in your catalogue. Yeah, word to your mother, cause I'm Rad Dad. It's the raddest dad in town, Rad Dad. Rad Dad, it's Christmas Eve. Do I really have to keep stitching together these fake Mambo and Stussy board shorts? I'm pretty sure this isn't even legal. The bit when I said fake was probably the giveaway in my opinion. Yes, Jenny, they need to be finished today and tomorrow. You know the

plan. I'm totally going to clean up at the Boxing Day sales when I sneak into Target and set up my own radical stall. Finally, this is the way I'm going to make my first hundred. But I have to go to bed soon. Santa won't come if I'm still awake. How about worrying less about Santa and worrying more about that singlet and stitching that musical fart coming out of that dog's arsehole? Now I'm off to bed, Jenny. Good night. Sweet dreams, you old dickhead. That bloody Jenny.

Those Mossimo Velcro wallets better be up to scratch or the fashion connoisseurs at Shop at Target won't be wanting to pay a full $3 for them. Whoa, what's that? Who are you? I'm the ghost of Christmas past. You look more like the ghost of a billion hot dogs past Jesus, you'd think I'd stop copying fat jokes when you're dead Anyway, come with me

I'm here to show you a Christmas time When you weren't such a massive cunt Speaking of massive. He fucking wrote this. Such an arse. He set himself up. Written in insults that can't be, like, retorted. Deal with your fuckhead.

Anyway, stick to the script. God damn it. Shut up, you stupid old prick. See, I wrote his retort in there Whoa, wait I'm seeing into the past Am I on drugs? No, but you could be

I've got some Barocca here Only 20 bucks I just sold some to Fleety before Well, I had to loan him 20 bucks before he could buy it off me But still Anyway, look over there That's you there as a kid Well, I had to loan him 20 bucks before he could buy it off me, but still. Anyway, look over there. That's you there as a kid, when all of your outdated references were... Well, to be honest, I think they were still outdated even then. But you were closer. Look, that's you in your quicksilver nappy.

But I look so unhappy. And that's because you didn't get what you asked for for Christmas. A casingle and a pretty fly for a white guy by the offspring. Which was probably an unfair request since it didn't come out for another 15 years. You really were a piece of shit kid. Woo! Oh God, are you another ghost?

Well, I'm glad you look healthier than the last one. That last spirit looked like he ate a ton of ghostly buckets of chicken. Shut up, you peroxide-haired, surf-necklace-wearing, powder-finger-tattooed piece of shit. Hey, at least I'm not into Jamiroquai. I'm not totally devoid of taste. Cosmic Girl is a great pop song, and no one can ever take that away I don't know, I'm not in this scene

but I feel like I should be involved somehow at this point Look, forget about him I'm the ghost of Christmas present and let's admit this quick, I've got to get back to the bedroom to finish up some business If you know what I mean. Are you saying you're a ghost that has sex? Marilyn Monroe, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Princess Diana.

I didn't write it. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. And let's just say the Virgin Mary is now just... Yeah, you're right. Anyway, I think you know where I'm going. Oh, you stepped all over my sweet Virgin Mary joke. Okay, we get it. You bone a lot of dead people.

Let's move on, ghost stud. Okay, now let's look at where poor Jenny is right now. Oh, look, she's really sick. She looks like she's going to collapse. And all from being overwhelmed in your 90s fashion sweatshop. I can totally see why you get those acting jobs on you today. I'm full on going to spew. I think I had too many of Rad Dad's Sub Zeros and West Coast Coolers.

Okay, sorry, your daughter is just underage drinking. And even worse, she appears to be the only drinking things from 1995. What up, bro? Finally, some terminology I can appreciate. I'm the ghost of Christmas future. Finally, some terminology I can appreciate. I'm the ghost of Christmas future. For the listeners at home,

Ronnie has just come back to do this. Maybe a time when I will finally have some Uniqlo sponsorship. God damn it. What is their problem? Is this Ronnie crossed with Arnie, by the way? Crossed with Yoda? Ugh. Anyway, I'm here to show you what happens in one year's time if you don't change your rad dad ways.

Hey, where are we now? Who are those people? Those are people attending your funeral. Reg Mombasa finds out you're selling dodgy mambo gear and sticks a trumpet all the way up your ass. Gee, it's a shame Rad Dad's no longer with us. I think it's a relief. Back on the gala. Eddie Murphy, everyone. Just crunch the gears from fourth into first.

I think it's a relief. Look at him there. Goatee, blonde tits, Reebok high tops, Hoodoo Gurus t-shirt. I'm glad he's dead. Yeah, fair enough. Good point. Anyway, I somehow act better as Ronnie than myself. Anyway, everyone's coming into the church now.

Better put on his favourite song as he requested be played in his will. Anyway, everyone's coming into the church now. Better put on his favourite song as he requested be played in his will. Raddad drives his car every day. Raddad drives to work where he stays. Raddad drives home where he plays He drives here He drives there Okay, now that's in my head. If he wasn't dead already, I'd kill that arsehole myself.

Come on, Ronnie. Sorry. Okay, now, Raddad, think about all the things you've seen tonight. I'm really loving this, actually. This is fun. Uniqlo, help me out. How you being such a fucking Rad Dad has affected everyone's lives. Now think about all of this when you wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, Rad Dad. What? Nailed it. That classic thing that you say every time you wake up. It's morning, Rad Dad, and I've nearly finished schtitzing all of your hot-buttered coin purses together. Only 300 to go.

Why, Jenny, why are you working on Christmas morning, you silly thing? What you should be doing is opening all your presents. You... you got me presents? Sure, here they are. Open them all up. Thanks, Rad Dad. Why, you've got me a great selection of punchline comedy DVDs that are now available for sale at sanity stores all over the country. Including these DVDs that are in a four-for-fifty-dollar deal,

including Greg Fleet, Zach Galifianakis, Harley Breen, Eddie Ift, Heath Franklin's Chopper plus Fiona O'Loughlin's Greatest Hits, subtitled Jokes to Neck Yourself By and a new DVD from Trevor Noah. Trevor Noah?

I'm surprised that DVD even turned up. Oh, Rad Dad! Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience. Oh, Merry Christmas, one and all. Do we... Should we relieve our guests before we bring on this last bit? We've got to...

Oh, should we? Yeah, maybe we should. Yeah, maybe that's easier. Yeah? Guys, give it up for Luke McGregor, Joel Creasy and Dilraba J. See you. Thank you. We have...

So what we've learned here tonight is... Oh, no, sorry, we didn't have to do that. We have one last thing. This is our friend Jason, who is a wonderful Melbourne comedian who you may have seen doing songs to close out our shows before. Jason English, who was part of Anyone for Tennis, so he's had a long history on the show doing musical stuff and whatever, and we thought we would promo his new CD.

He's got a brand new CD, Jason English, Cosmic Dancing Stardust. He's got some for sale after the gig, and please go to his website on jasonenglish.com. And he is awesome. All of his stuff, if you send him around the tracks, he's amazing. So what he's going to do now, it's like we're a proper talk show on Tonight Show. At the end, we're going to have... Jason's going to play...

Oh, jeez, it's a bit of a walkout. You need to do it full Letterman style where you're like holding this up so the camera can see it. The album is here. It's called Cosmic Dancing Stardust. And here's the first single

from the album. Please give it up for Jason English. Thank you. Happy birthday Dum Dum Club. Thanks for having me. This song is a bit

of a slow one. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Tommy and Carl drive their cars. They drive to work where they stay. They drive home where they play. They drive here, drive there. Tommy and Carl drive their car everywhere. Tommy and Carl drive their car in town. They drive to their shops.

Tommy and Carl, they never, never stop. They drive here. Oh, yes, they do. They drive there. Yeah. Tommy and Carl drive their car everywhere. Tommy and Carl, play, drive, and sing along. Tommy and Carl, this is your driving song.

Tommy and Carl, play, drive drive and sing along. Tom and Carl, this is your driving song. Go to punchline.com.au for all your Christmas gift needs. Chase and English, everyone. How about that, huh? How about that? Very nice. Available on iTunes right now.

Is that still Letterman? Are you still doing that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. Yeah, you know, he tucks a little sauce on the end when he really likes someone. Wow, that was just fantastic. I think it's really worked up about a band.

We should be inviting him over to the desk to chat after the song. Just to jam out behind his desk. Why is this so loud? Yeah. Hmm. All right. Guys, I think that just about brings us him over to the desk to chat after the song. Just to jam out behind his desk. Why is this so loud? Guys, I think that just about brings us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Big round of applause for everyone you saw on the show today. Ronnie Chang, Nick Cody, Dilraja Singer, Greg Larson, Joel Creasy, Luke McGregor, and Jason English. Thank you so much you guys for coming down and supporting the show.

For those of you listening at home, we really, really, really appreciate it. And we'll see you next time. See you next time.