The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 226 - Bill Burr & Ronny Chieng

Episode Date: February 4, 2015

The Beatles, Fake Facebook Accounts and Ripped Jeans.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, we are about to head around the country and do all sorts of live shows for you. What have we got, Carl? First of all, Brisbane March 1st. We've got the live podcast up there and then you've got... I've got my solo show, Cutie Pie, that is happening at the Brisbane Powerhouse from March 3 until 9. Tickets for my show are at TommyDassolo.com. Tickets for the podcast at LittleDumbDumbClub.com. And then...

Adelaide, March 15. Yeah, we do the live podcast there plus straight after that. That's in the afternoon. At night I do the first ever performance of Carl Chandler, world's greatest and best comedian at about 8.30 at night. I do my first ever performance of eating at all of the bakeries in one night and dying in a gutter. Is that your first or?

I've never done them all. Oh, right. I've done multiple in one night but I've never gone to all of them. All right, let's do that. Finally do it. And then we come back to Melbourne and we've got every Sunday night of the Comedy Festival live Little Dum Dum Club podcasts culminating in the final night drunk cast,

the now infamous unrecorded drunk cast that you can only get into with a ticket to one of the other podcasts, plus our solo shows all through the festival. I'm at 7pm at the Imperial doing my show Cutie Pie. I'm at 9.45 with my show Carl Chandler World's Greatest and Best Comedian

yep and all this stuff you can find tickets and the links for at littledumbdumbclub.com it's such a fun time of the year to meet you guys

and see the people who listen to the show and yeah if you want to give back for all this free content all of you know your nice little free funny hour

that you get every week you know that's your way of giving back and like Tommy said we'd love to that you get every week, you know, that's your way of giving back. And like Tommy said, we'd love to see you down there. Yeah. All right. We'll see you there, mates.

Hey, mates. Welcome into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Daslow. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. The dingiest room we've ever recorded this in? No, it's the best. Is it the best? No, it's not the best.

I wish people could see this because it's disgusting in here. What? You guys go ahead. Well, big surprise who our guest is with us in this dingy room. Welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Ronnie Chang. Hey, what up, man? Yeah. Thanks for having me. Hey, the acoustics in this dingy room. Welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Ronnie Chang. Hey, what up, man? Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Hey, the acoustics in this place are terrible. Yeah, I know. I'm dealing with that right now live on the mixing desk. How are you dealing with it? I'm boosting up the gain. Oh, you know how to do shit?

Yeah, I know how to do a little bit of shit. That's cool. Well, I... Is Magoo over there? He's like a master. I don't know what you're doing. You're just pitching knobs.

Magoo. Yeah, do you like that reference? Yeah, I love that reference. Magoo is... This guy... You guys, Carl's like a master he doesn't know what to do you're just pitching knobs Magoo yeah do you like that reference yeah I love that reference Magoo is this guy you guys Carl's like 40

Magoo is a movie from like the early 90s at best no that's Mr Magoo Magoo is like an Australian

record producer and that's showing that your favourite musical artist of all time is Taylor Swift so and Kay Perry

yeah who do you like more oh that's a tough one I, so... And Kay Perry. Yeah. Who do you like more? Oh, that's a tough one. I think I've got to go Kay Perry for longevity. Yeah, yeah, because she's been around for like two years rather than one. Yeah. See, this is that.

Why do people got to be music elitists? Just listen to what you like. Like, why, you know... Yeah, but that's easy. It's an argument to be made by someone who likes crap music, though. I listen to alternative stuff But What's alternative?

You know The Beatles Justin Bieber The Beatles The Beatles No but But you gotta admit Katy Perry's stuff

Pretty catchy Yeah sure So what's the problem? I'm not Hey I'm. So what's the problem? Hey, I'm not saying there's a problem. Like if Taylor Swift, that Shake It Off song, if it was made by some indie Melbourne, everyone would be like, oh my God, it's the greatest thing ever.

Oh, if Magoo had produced it, I would have beat off to it. I don't even know who that is, but yeah. That guy we were talking about mere minutes ago. Yeah, Mr. Magoo The music producer So Yeah But like you go off at me For eating McDonald's You're like

Like Katy Perry That's like McDonald's of music No you can't compare Come on McDonald's is doing you Active damage Yeah

How is Katy Perry Damaging your body Your brain Yeah What It's uplifting Have you heard What's that song

Firework Yeah Firework It's so uplifting It's your favourite artist You should know the song Yeah I'm sorry Name a Beatles song

Go Hold My Hand Your Hold My Hand Your Yeah Now is this Is that possessive You're like

You apostrophe R-E Let it be Yep that's one That's another one We are Sgt Pepper's Party in the club.

That is an alternative song. Listen to K Perry's, what's it, Firework, right? Baby, you're a firework. Let him know what you're worth. You've got a really nice voice. Make him go, uh, uh, uh. As you shoot across the sky uh uh

that is that is some of my favourite K-pop right there even brighter than the moon moon moon

and then she's got one of those because it's like I can't believe we're going to release our first single from a podcast this is going to be awesome

just keep going keep doing this all night I can't remember I used to have this on like vinyl by heart don't you ever feel I used to have this by... Vinyl? I used to know this by heart.

Don't you ever feel... I want to hold your hand. Let's stop with the singing. We should mention because obviously in the title of this episode, there will be another name listed that people are listening to this not knowing the context of what this bit with the three of us is. Have we accidentally gone on to www.worstkaraokeofalltime.com and downloaded it? I mean, we get a lot of shit for, you know,

just treading water before we introduce a guest. And given the name that is in the episode title of this episode, people are sitting there going, they're really just going to sit there and sing Katy Perry while Bill Burr sits in silence? Like, these guys have finally fucking lost it. And, you know, Bill Burr sitting over there in the corner really, you know, wanting to get on as well.

Yeah. It's frustrating for him. Do you want to let the cat out of the bag or? I prefer my cat to remain bagged for at least. No, no one will get it. If you leave it in the bag, just tell them. Okay. Well, okay.

So this is us. We're doing a little introduction. We went last night backstage at Hamer Hall and we recorded a chat with the legendary Bill Burr, who, Ronnie, you are supporting at the moment on his tour. Yeah. And you got in on the episode as well. And we were lucky enough to get him. He requested we record it in between his two shows back-to-back,

so we only had 20 minutes, which is why we are giving a bit more extra content now. It's not padded out. It's not padded out. It's content. Valuable content. Strange request from him, I have to say, when he said, I have two shows, one at 7 and one at 9.30. How about we do it in between the two shows?

There's a half hour turnaround. Come backstage and we'll do it there. And I was like, is this ideal? I want to say it's lucky we even did it there. And I was like, is this ideal? I want to say it's lucky we even did it because what you told me was when we were going back and forth and you were going back and forth with Dave Anthony and in the morning you sent me a message that said, okay, so I heard from him. He said, let's do it at 9.45 in between the shows. And then you said to him, Carl's got to run Portland Hotel Comedy. So I don't know. We can't really do that time. I'm like, wow, we are really going to say to a guy,

I know you sold out 5,000 seats and you're going to do two shows, but Chandler's got his 80-seater to worry about, so Greg Larson's going to hop up for five minutes. Trying to look out for you, man. You're an enterprising businessman. He gets it. As soon as you told me that, I went, okay, well, the interview's off. We're definitely not doing this.

But also it was like, you know, at least it was like in the realm of still doing something comedy related. I'm like, the interview's off. We're definitely not doing this. But also it was like, at least it was like in the realm of still doing something comedy related. I'm like, he'll get this. What if I'd gone, look, Carl's got a shift at McDonald's. He's working the deep fryer. His bosses are real hard ass.

That's an impressive story for me. So you guys came in between the shows. I was there, obviously. So you guys came in between and you guys were in between and you know you guys were really industrious with it

industrious you came in you got it done you know you knew the clock we knew who he was always an important first step

let's go to it let's just go to it oh we're gonna throw to it now okay here it is this is us backstage at Hamer Hall talking to Bill Burr and Ronnie Chang alright here we are is us backstage at Hamer Hall talking to Bill Burr and Ronnie Chang.

All right, here we are. We are backstage at Hamer Hall and our guests on the show today, first of all, old mate of the show, Ronnie Chang. What up, bro? Thanks for having me. And you know him from Breaking Bad, visiting the country on a huge tour of the country. It's Bill Burr. Yeah.

Very exciting. Otherwise known as the closer for Ronnie Chang on his tour of the country. It's Bill Burr. Yeah. Very exciting. Otherwise known as the closer for Ronnie Chang on his tour of the country. He requested that I come in and close for him.

What it is is people can only you know handle his level of hilarity for like 30 minutes and then they just have to be

they need such a break to have someone of my caliber come in and cleanse their palate. A little bit of an after dinner mean. Yeah. Yeah. Just you know palate. A little bit of an oestrogenamine. Yeah, just relax.

A little cappuccino at the end. I saw Ronnie, the first time I saw him, I was on a plane. I was flying. I don't know where the fuck I was flying. I was in the States and they showed something you did and you were talking about trying to explain technology to your mom. What I liked about him was, you know, I didn't know where you were from.

Being Asian, he had the hardcore accent. None of your act was about that. You were talking about your life. And you had passion and all that. And I was like, yeah, that's the way he told the story. He's like, this guy, if you stick with it son What's You put your time in And you do the right shit No I appreciate it

You could be a fucking monster That's good to know That you actually did So you have actually Just randomly saw Ronnie Like on a plane or whatever Because when he said Oh Bill Burr

Asked me specifically to do I'm like bullshit No some manager did that Bill's never fucking heard of you Ronnie You're full of shit I didn't even believe it When he contacted me I was like this isn't Bill Burr

I thought it was you. I thought you created an account and you messed with me and I was like, this isn't Bill Burr. There's no way. What are the odds of him watching a set

and then coming onto Facebook? Guess what, Ronnie? It was me. This is an elaborate ruse. What a great prank. It worked out great because I ended up...

I don't even know why I watched it. He's an actor. I don't even know why I watched it because I don't watch stand-up because I don't want other people's jokes in my head. But there was some...

I think maybe because it was an overseas thing and I'm trying to keep expanding where I tour with each hour that I write. There was something about it that I just turned it on. I can't even remember why. And then he came out and i was fucking dying laughing on the plane and i was just like yeah you know i'm still a fan of stand-up so i love when i see somebody coming up that i can tell is gonna be uh an asset it's gonna help you out i mean for the artist stand-up that it's gonna keep going you know what i mean that you know

you get worried you You see kids today, the fucking level of video games and just the shit that they can do without leaving the house. You just get worried sometimes that they're going to look at stand-up

like it's this corny thing where you just like, I'm up there like, Mammy. Well, it sounds to me, Ronnie, like you should be giving some kind of cut from these gigs

to the Qantas in-flight entertainment program because that's... It sounds like Bill's going to adopt you and make you a ward of the state. When he called you an asset before it sounds like he's just after a kidney or something. No, I meant like for comedy.

I just meant a stand up like this guy's going to, yeah, like you need people from each generation to pick the fucking ball up and run with it. That's what I meant. So I just watched the, you guys are doing two shows tonight. You just did the first one.

Ronnie opened and did an awesome job. And then as you pointed out when you came on, very Ronnie Chang moment. No, no reveling in the applause. Just gets to his last joke and then goes. That's when the opening act does that, dude. Get your applause. This guy fucking murders for 20 minutes.

They're dying laughing. And as they come down off the lap, he just goes, all right, you ready to see the guy who came here to see? Yeah, but the place went nuts. The place went crazy. But they wanted to applaud for you. Ah, Jesus. I'm so worried.

Another reason why I think he's going to be one of the greats is he has fucking no self-esteem. Because he's stupid. I get it. He has fucking no self-esteem Because he's stupid I get it I'm always like How long can I buy Before these guys turn on me

And they start going You want Bill Burr Get the fuck off We'll take them to realize Okay, okay, let's go Bill Burr's right over there Let's go, all right I made it

They understand They understand Yeah Everybody gets Even if you're not in show business They understand I used to do that to myself I opened up show business, they understand. I used to do that myself. I opened up fucking all kinds of people

and I used to think that like, oh, they're going to be pissed that I'm here or whatever. And once you go out and you're funny, then it becomes, it's like this bonus. Right. Like, you know.

Yeah. I mean, I was only going to do an hour and 10 minutes anyways, so all your shit's going to be a bonus. So then if you actually kill, then what they do, you know what I'm going to get? bonus So then if you actually kill Then what they do You know what I'm going to get? Because you fucked up the end of your act

Now I've got to answer all the tweets Hey, who was that guy? Who was that guy? Yeah, give out your Twitter handle In the 9.30 show Close with your Twitter handle See, this is a problem, Bill See, with our show that he did during the festival last year

He's got fucking Ronnie in like 60-foot high letters. He's used to people reading that behind him and going, you know who the fuck I am. Oh, yeah, you don't get to bump that in and out just for your 20-minute support and set it in the art centre. That would be great as you're doing the last joke. Some stagehands come out and just slow it like letter by letter, just moving the R and then the O.

Just gradually pulling it on. Stop with B-I-L-L. Leave it up for the second show I'll put Quam and Fung I don't give a shit Or he can only open For people whose names Are sort of an anagram

Of his name So like It's Nile It's Nile He'll open for non I don't know This is I love this dressing room

Because you're performing At the Haymer Hall Which is like An art centre sort of thing You've got a fucking piano In your dressing room Which is insane Well this is for like you know real artists yeah yeah so it's always funny to play one of these because the sound is so ridiculous in like these symphony places and you're just up there telling dick jokes or whatever so um i don't know yeah no i'm amazed

that uh you know people give a shit to come see me out here. So I've been having a great time. I started off in Perth. I went to Bon Scott's grave, big ACDC fan. Yeah, yeah. And I had a great show out there. And I just did a special, so I'm really just putting together my hour here,

throwing shit against the wall. And I still have some bits left over from the last hour that didn't make the special. So people seem to be enjoying it. But it's fun to be back just doing stand-up. I had a writing gig uh

i have an animated show coming out on netflix so i was doing that and like doing very little stand-up which is not like me at all so it was really fucking you know i was eating my balls coming out of it man like just going on stage it's just like i just spent like you know i always talk about my life so my last two and a half months Was like fucking Sitting in a writer's room Nobody wants to hear that shit Yeah So I did a bunch of sets Before I came down

To make sure that I could get back to like You know Being remotely funny I know it's like You know you're touring around Doing gigs And you've got to find something

To do during the day or whatever And probably you're used to Everything in America And whatever So coming out here Like you're doing that in Perth And you're at the tennis today In Melbourne Yeah I went And that just kind of Came together the last second I fucking looked out my hotel room used to everything in America and whatever. So coming out here, like, you're doing that in Perth, and you're at the tennis today in Melbourne?

Yeah, and that just kind of came together the last second. I fucking looked out my hotel room. It was right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had been to the U.S. Open, and I had, you know, I went to that a couple times, and at some point, I wanted to go to Roland Garros or Wimbledon, and I just wrote off the Australian Open.

I was like, what are the fuck? I mean, you guys are so fucking, I was living in New York at the time. I mean, it's literally a 24-hour flight. What are the odds I'm ever going to even be there? So I just was like, that's never going to happen. And then all of a sudden we landed and, you know, I'm looking out my window and I was watching one of the matches. Oh, really?

I'm looking out the window and I'm like... Are you staying at Margaret Court Arena? That's a good view. Yeah, it was the guys were playing and it was a fucking great match last night, and I was just like, you know, should I go? And I said, ah, fuck it, I'm going to go. Oh, you went last night? No, I went today.

Oh, you went today. But today, what was that, like doubles, women's? I didn't go to the doubles, but Sharapova beat this other Ova from Russia, and she kind of fucking dominated her and then Serena played this what the fuck is her name

Madison Keys I think yeah that's right and you know the first one was like 7-6 tiebreaker and then she just

kind of fucking fell apart and Serena took over so I mean it's a legend you know someday is it weird to go to do that

that's your time off here. You're coming over watching other Americans entertain you. You're not even seeing anything from here. No, but going to a tennis match is funny because it's a fucking level of wealth that is hilarious. Like, you know, those people who are wearing, like, they have the sweater draped over them,

over their shoulder, and they're not doing it, like, ironically, not like some hipster thing like they literally have it because like that's what they do when they go on their fucking yacht and they're staying there all night and they're going to see the later match sort of people that have pianos in their

backstage rooms yeah I mean that's not my piano dude like a lot of like I don't know loafers with no socks and I always I don't know, loafers with no socks. And I always, I don't know, I always feel, when I go to, if I ever go to a big golf event, like I went to the Masters one time,

and I went to a couple US Opens. It's just like this certain kind of fucking people that just makes me remember how I failed everything in school, and I had to do this dancing monkey shit to fucking put food on the table. That somehow worked out. But when I go around like this it's like a there's a whole like when you sit amongst those people it's like you know people who are like literally changing shit yeah i mean technologically politically like what like there's just you know and they smell it on you when you sit down they just say yeah it's, this guy scalped a ticket.

Well, are you going to be, you're here for the Super Bowl, correct? Are you still in Australia when the Super Bowl is up? Yeah, I didn't know my team was going to fucking get there. Oh, right. So you get to do that weird thing of, it's like 9 a.m. here or something. Yeah, I'm worried that I'm going to be in flight to New Zealand when it's happening because I think it comes on Monday over here. I just hope we

win, man. I just hope we win. Because bars here, it's become bigger and bigger, hasn't it? Like screening the Super Bowl in Australia and bars do this thing where they're like, yep, we're open at 9am and it's just all the booze is available and just fucking go for it, guys. Let's be pissed before midday on a Monday. Yeah, we'll watch a World

Cup final. We'll watch something like that. But if I lived down here, I would definitely get into rugby and Aussie rules football. Like when I first got cable, they actually would show those games. Like I think it was an ESPN first came out, and they needed programming.

And that's our 24-hour sports channel. I don't know if you guys have that shit down there. So it's true they actually play AFL overseas because every time they hit a grand final. At the time. At the time they did. And then I don't know if you guys have that shit down there. So it's true that I actually play AFL, obviously, because every time I hit the grand final. At the time. At the time they did it. I don't know where it went. Now I'm sure it's like

a special channel, but when we first saw it, we were just like, dude, what the fuck is this? And these guys, I mean, this is like 30 years ago. I'm dating myself here. I was probably like 13, 14,

and they were like, they just looked like wild men. They had long hair. It was coming out of the 70s yeah yeah facial hair and they look like fucking somebody let's let people in the jail and they were running around no pads and it was it was fucking awesome and we we used to watch it all the time it's like that documentary the battered bastards of baseball have you seen that netflix doco about about that, the Portland Mavericks that were like that. They would just let anyone on the team. Like they were just this scrappy,

like all these fat dudes, all these like. Really? And it's like the same thing. Like Portland? The Portland Mavericks, yeah. Portland what? United States?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oregon or Maine? Yeah. Shit, I didn't see that one. They didn't show that one to us yet. At least I haven't seen it. It's on American Netflix. It's really good.

What's it called? The battered bastards of baseball. And that's real? Yeah. Yeah, it's on American Netflix. It's really good. What's it called? The Battered Bastards of Baseball. And that's real? Yeah, and it's hilarious and the end of it is, you know that episode of The Simpsons

where Homer has the softball team and it's like, you know, that guy falls down into the black hole and all that stuff, like all that crazy stuff

that happens to everyone else in Homer's team. They do that at the end of this doco about what those baseball players are doing now and it's like that. Like one of them's in witness protection one of them they get to him

and literally the caption is no one knows what's happened to this guy like it's it's insane it's fucking hilarious i gotta watch it but yeah that's that's kind of what afl is just yeah that's how impressed impressed that you actually saw afl because over here when they play like the afl grand final they they sort of say to everyone This This match will be seen by 600 million people All around the world And everyone goes No one's fucking watching it

Apart from in Melbourne and Sydney No one watches it But apparently There is some cable TV They 30 years ago they showed But I think I'd have to order Like a special channel

But I would totally Like Get into it like Dave The guy who's been The road manager Was He's into the

Was it the magpies yep and i was like magpie that's a fucking funny name i'll you know i actually went to go buy a t-shirt but all they had was the jerseys yeah yeah they look like referee shirts yeah yeah so i was just hoping because i saw like the their logo man thought it looked cool and if they just had it on a t-shirt be something different i have to go back to the states with because everyone has cool jerseys like you know nfl stuff and to the states with because everyone has cool jerseys like you know NFL stuff

and all the sports in America got cool jerseys in the APL in England and stuff like that our jerseys are just singlets that make you look

like a fucking idiot like no one would wear that as a cool I don't like soccer jerseys because they have all that advertising all over it and I just

they never say the name of the fucking team it says like Barclays and fucking you know Budweiser and all it's

like a nascar but that's bizarre but like the same as like basketball you don't see any sponsorship on basketball like for someone that you know we sort of see america as this place of you know vegas and neon signs and heaps of advertising whatever and all of your jerseys all your sports jerseys don't have any advertising on them i find. It was a big deal when they got the Nike swoosh, just that little thing to be on there. Well, I find it bizarre. You guys, you can't even see the fucking number after a while. It's literally like a stock car. So I just wish that they had...

I don't know. What do you guys think of... What is your idea of America? I can tell you this. I was shocked at the amount of violence down here when I watched the news. Yeah, man, I thought like you guys,

I thought the news was going to be, I thought it was more easy going down here. Some family got hacked to death in Perth. No,

crime has reached Australia. You can turn that speaker down right up there. There was some fucking, I guess it was a hit and run. You know what's funny?

This is an American to me. Like, it was a hit and run and they put like those little numbered cones down. This is an American to me. Like, it was a hit and run, and they put, like, those little numbered cones down. Yeah, yeah. And where I'm from, that's shell casings

that they're counting up. I don't know what they were counting up, like the fucking articles of clothing. Yeah. I didn't get it. I mean, I was on a fucking treadmill with the sound down, but it said hit and run.

Watching the tennis from your fucking penthouse apartment. It said hit and run. Well, I'm trying to stay in shape while I go through all of these fucking countries, and, It said hit and run. Well, I'm trying to stay in shape while I go through all of these fucking countries and, you know, you try different beers

and, you know, eating all this fucking shit you wouldn't eat. So I made a promise that I was going to go to the gym every goddamn morning. So I've pretty much done that. Yeah, great.

Well, we just came in through the entrance. What do you call it? The stage door. The entrance, yeah. The entrance, the door. You have doors in America? Yeah, cool um so we came through there and i'm waiting for tommy to come and pick me up and we're going to come in together and whatever and uh then uh this guy this weird guy just sort of walks in and your stage manager was there going hey hey and he got

all the way in and then he sort of chased him out and kicked this guy out who was out of his mind and as he's like kicking this guy out who's off his face, he walks out and then sees me and goes, hey, Carl, love your stand-up, buddy. So if you stayed Jim and I had let him in, we could have been talking to this guy as well. So you guys have a crossover audience. That's where the two circles combine, me and you, Bill.

Dave is on point, man. So I've had other guys where that guy literally would have got all the way in here and I would have talked to him for like fucking five minutes going like, how is this guy affiliated with the venue? He must own the venue or something. He's a piano player. Yeah, and then you just find out he's just some fucking guy from the crowd. That's weird.

Do you get a lot of – because your stand-up is a lot of – like you have a lot of very strong opinions and thoughts and ideas and stuff, and you kind of don't, you know, you don't relent on them. You go very hard. And, like, tonight in the show someone kind of called out and you dealt with it, like, amazingly. It was really cool. But, like, I would imagine, do you, does that then lend itself to,

like, if you go out and talk to people after the gig, is it just a lot of fucking arguments and, you know what I mean? You don't get much resistance no most people get it like yeah there's a that's like a big story now to fucking sit there and act like every time you go up and do your set like somebody films it and there's this big fucking controversy it isn't it's all it's people come they know it's a joke they're having a good time but uh yeah you know if you go out there in the crowd it's it's like look the first 99 of the fucking uh line is cool it's those last 10 people yeah who wanted to be they've stuck it out for hours no they they on purpose wanted to

be at the end of the line because they they have some sort of fucking something they want to give you some sort of idea or they're just fucking weird or they want to do drugs with the idea you don't even want to like you know i had someone like the other night came out to me and it's just just coming up to me and it's just literally like is this person uh socially awkward and you just start watching their hands as you're slowly backing away going all right man okay cool you know you know it's just weird vibe. Well, even that thing, you know, you've got a reputation as, like it even says on your poster, I think, for this tour, the comedian's comedian.

It doesn't say that on the poster. It does. It does. Someone's getting fired. Dave, is that like, I would have, you know, that sounds nice. That is so fucking horrible. I didn't know that that was. Is that a negative thing?

Because I would just imagine That means because All these open mic idiots Would just come to you And you know That guy that probably Tried to sneak in Was an open mic Or probably I would imagine

That's what he sort of Seemed like to me So does that mean You just have to deal With so many more Open micers No I mean it's obviously It's an unbelievable

Flattering thing Yeah For somebody to say But like You know Nobody I started with feels that way and they just tell me

I stink and they give me shit and all that type of stuff so I think but there's also there's a lot of piggybacking in like reporting or whatever

so if one person says it then it's out there and then somebody just grabs it and blah blah blah like I love when they always say you know you know you've been called

an animal hater and I always just go oh yeah, you've been called an animal hater. And I always just go, oh, yeah, by who? No, there's just a lot in the internet stratosphere, and they try to dance their way out of it and just be like, you just, did you do any research before you're going to throw this out here and now start talking about this? But then they just get to write, like, he bristled when I brought it up. It's like, no, I made you cite your fucking source

And you don't have one You don't have one but you get the last word That's why you know they actually asked They asked did I want anybody to come And review the show and I was like no I've done just fine with word of mouth You're gonna come here and even if you like the show You're gonna

Like they're a critic They can't help but shit on it. Yeah. I've never had any show I've ever done and the critic, whoever fucking reviewed it,

I've never had them say something negative that I'm a derivative of this person or like, you know, he seemed to be in, despite the awkwardness

in the crowd, he seemed to be blah, blah, blah through a mostly something else positive. They just can't fucking say something. They just can't go fucking wire to wire and just say, hey, it was a good show. You got your fucking money's worth. They just have to fucking. So it's at that point it's like well whoa there you go so it's it's one of those fucking things where it's just like so i'm going to give

you free tickets for you to take the piss out of me yeah you buy a goddamn ticket and it's so pointless on these tours too because you're just doing one night in each city so by the time it is in print it's like you're in the sky you're you know what i mean you're gone the whole purpose of a review is for someone to look at and go should i go to this thing no it has nothing to do with me it has to do with the reviewer it's all about them and their their their witty way and their style and all of that type of shit and it has nothing to do with you or the fucking show and you know it's it's a shit show so like i know that that's part of this game but i'm i don't help it along i just look at it this way my stand-up specials and my podcast whatever that

gets me gets me so i don't have to deal with those people so yeah you just have to deal with two podcasters barging into your your fellow comics i don't give a fuck well the stage manager got distracted by the the drug adult guy out the front we just swapped by the side-addled guy out the front. We just swiped by the side. Dave Anthony told me to do this part. Yeah, yeah.

He said I should in front of the show, Dave Anthony. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, do you have a piano in your dressing room as well? Because you've got a piano as well.

Side piano, a little side piano, played some chopsticks on it. This guy was over here playing a piano and I was like, oh, what was it? I walked in,

I walked in, I'm playing a piano and then I went back to play chopsticks. Hey, Ronnie, are you it? I walked in, I walked in, I'm playing a piano. And then I went back to play chopsticks. Hey, Ryan, are you doing New Zealand with me too? Yeah, yeah. Good. All right, cool.

Well, we better wrap this up. We got the wind-up call from the stage manager. You guys have to do second show tonight. Yes, we do. So yeah, Bill Burr, thanks heaps for joining us. Thank you for having me, man. See you next time. I appreciate it.

Bye. Oh, and we're back. And wasn't that a lot of fun, hey? Now we're back. Now we're back. Oh, hang on're back. And wasn't that a lot of fun, hey? Now we're back. Now we're back. Oh, hang on, hang on. I think that's the sound of everyone switching off. Yeah, so there we go.

We did the chat. Very interesting. Obviously, none of us listened to it just then, but we did it not even 24 hours ago, so it's pretty fresh in the memory. There was a big slub in there where you heard Ronnie not talk for quite a long time because he just left the room during it. Just walked out.

I think you heard an announcement over the speakers at one point that Ronnie was due on stage or something like that. Yeah, I had to go do the show. So I had to leave the podcast. And also I felt like what you guys said. You put Bilbo's name in the title. People tune in and listen to him. Why do I need to talk?

If only you had some fans, Ronnie. Yeah, man. Dude, it's like I just feel no one's… No, but that's great because that was the best thing about talking to him, like him talking about you. Like he was genuinely interested in you. I was so embarrassed by that, man. I was like, please don't talk about me.

Just go into him, you know. No, no, no. Then he started talking about me. I was like, oh, crap. Yeah, that's much funnier. It was embarrassing. Hey, so now that he's not around… He said some very kind things to me now that he's not here what's he like yeah what's he really like are you kidding like you what was your vibe when

you talked to him yeah like oh well like lovely guy but also you know we're interrupting his you know 15 minutes of downtime in between two shows which is a super cool guy man yeah and the whole conversation we had with him was he knew was going to air so he's not gonna go you're a fucking pair of assholes aren't you yeah I feel like he definitely would

if he thought that having seen his act and stuff yeah I don't know him obviously I don't know him that well but the past two days

I've been working with him he he gives off he gives off a stronger just a regular guy vibe than anyone I've ever met other than Carl Chandler

yeah because Carl is literally just a regular guy have you guys gone out for meals or anything yet no no no and I try to like you know

I don't want to what's it called like be a good guy I don't want to be like overbearing and so I try to give him his space

and I'm trying to be professional you should just like constantly be asking him for his autograph like if every two hours want to be like uh overbearing and so i try giving him space and i'm trying to be professional you should just like constantly be asking him for his autograph like if every two hours you just ask like just constantly see how many can you can you do this as a challenge see how many bill burr autographs you can get before the end of the tour like if you do it once he'd be like this guy's a bit of a fucking idiot and then if you literally you just come back into the room 20 minutes later with a fresh poster hey man sorry and every time you literally you just come back into the room 20 minutes later with a fresh poster

hey man sorry and every time you pretend it's like you haven't done it yet get him to sign your shirt every shirt you ever wear get him to sign it before you go on stage and then wear the same shirt

the next night and the next night have the autograph crossed out and then get him to sign another part of the shirt yeah after you bring him on at the end of your set as you're crossing over

on the stage stop him then with a marker and a poster and ask for his you're crossing over on the stage stop him then with a marker and a poster and ask for his autograph and then walk off the stage and try and sell it he's a really cool guy and uh very normal and he and i touched upon this but like i can't believe like you said oh he hit you up personally and whatever and then he said on the on facebook i don't think you mentioned that in the – was it over Facebook? Yeah.

That's funny. Yeah. Out of the blue on Facebook page just going messaging you. Is he there on his real name or is he – you know, when people switch the letters in their name? So it's Bill Burr. It's Bill Burr. It's Bill Burr.

They'll never find me. Bob-ah. No, he's Bill Burr. But his profile photo isn't the real one. And even if it was the real one, you wouldn't believe it was him. You know what I mean? What's his profile photo?

I don't want to say it because it might be, but it's not his face. Is it you? Give it away. It's you now, isn't it? Just look for a Bill Burr on Facebook that doesn't have a picture of Bill Burr, and that's him.

But anyway, you can't... Yeah. What's his phone number? You don't have his number? No, no, I don't. What if you're running late? How's he supposed to ring you up? As a tour manager, man.

Oh, right. What's the tour manager's phone number? This isn't Portland Hotel. We're not collecting Gold coin donations Yeah it's not Portland Hotel There's actually someone Here running it properly

Instead of running off To do a podcast But it was super cool That he did it with you guys Right how cool was that Yeah And he was positive And he gets it

And one thing I feel Is that he's Essentially touring Off the back of his podcast He doesn't really Have a TV show I know he's got Numerous television It's not off his podcast It's off his stand up He's't really have a TV show. I know he's got numerous television appearances.

That's not off his podcast. That's off his stand-up. He's got albums out. He's specials. His stand-up. But I think, I don't know the answer to this, but I mean, we are fans of stand-up and we know him through stand-up

and we understand that his podcast is an add-on to his stand-up. But I feel like a lot of people found him through podcasting. Have you guys bonded over the fact yet that you're both losers who do a podcast with no one else? You two are off the back of the Ron way or whatever it's called, the Roncast. The Roncast. The Roncast.

What are you like now? That's a cool name. He's laughing, not me. I just said it. The Roncast. What's wrong with the Roncast? I really like it. It's good.

It's the Ron effect, isn't it? The Ron effect, yeah. I thought it was Roncast. What, you didn't know the name of my podcast? No. All right, Ron effect. The Roncast? I really like it. It's good. It's the Ron Effect, isn't it? The Ron Effect, yeah. I thought it was Roncast. What? You didn't know the name of my podcast? No. All right. Ron Effect.

The Ron Effect, yeah. You should be the Roncast. Why? Why not? It sounds good. The Roncast is someone who doesn't understand the internet. But what's the Ron Effect? What's the Ron Effect?

That's why it's like, you know. Because it sounds like it's a pun, but it's not a pun at all. It's not a pun. It's just. It's just two words that don't match. No, it's like, you know, subversive. Because it sounds like it's a pun, but it's not a pun at all. It's not a pun. It's just two words that don't match. No, it's just a thing. Like, you know when they go like the Colbert Protocol? Who's ever done that? What's a TV show that ends with protocol?

There isn't one. There is one. I know. Look, it's more of a comparison. It's like when you put two words together that don't belong. It's like saying the vanilla car. That's what your podcast is called. Yeah.

Well, it's better than call it the Ron podcast. The Ron cast. The Ron cast. Yeah. The Ron cast. I never asked why you guys call this the Dum Dum Club. It just sounded funny. Just three words.

Just three fucking words that you guys put together and you're giving me shit for calling mine the Ron cast. All right. All right. I'm changing it to the Ron cast. That's what we're called now. What about one where you do a different job every episode and it's called Changing Lanes?

Changing Lings? No, not Lings. Lanes. Changing Lanes. No, I don't know. The gimmicky podcast? I don't know. You guys, I feel like you guys conquered the market

in two comedians just talking to a microphone. Like no one can do that anymore. We did scorch the earth pretty hard with this baby. It's done now. Everyone has a twist now. Everyone has to have the, oh, we're gonna,

like, whatever. You gotta put a twist on your podcast because of you guys. Yeah. In Australia. Which, that would be us too if we'd started this any later.

Right, exactly. The only reason we did this is because no one else was. Well, I mean, there were people doing it at the time but you know it still wasn't saturated

people listen to the Bill Burr interview before going boy I hope this ends with these guys going a bit in depth of the history of this podcast

that I'm now listening to yeah it's a bit inside baseball isn't it so what do you do today what I do what do you do today that's a bit inside baseball for me

for you I went and I bought these jeans because my others had a big rip in the crotch. How many jeans do you have? Well, this is the dumb thing. I only ever have one pair on the go at a time. So they're done within like two, three months. That's not too dumb.

Two months. Do you go through a pair of jeans in two months? I continually... That's a lot of herding cows that you do in your little cowboy jeans. I'm continually getting a big rip in the crotch in the same part. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing.

Is it your walking technique? I would love it if some expert could tell me what I'm doing. Do you do splits in your jeans? Not that I'm aware of. But clearly I'm going through them at such a rate that I'm doing something wrong. Do you rub it up against your dolly at night? Is that what's happening? I drag my little bum across the carpet when it gets itchy.

Do you do high kicks? No, no high kicks because that's the other thing. I'm not an active – like I'm not – I never run for public transport. Do you do the Frosby flop? I don't know what that is. What is that? It's high jumping. What do you call – what's that?

The term from the 40s? Yes. The Frosby flop? The Frosby flop. That's how people high jump. When you see someone high jumping's that? The term from the 40s? Yes. The Frosby flop? The Frosby flop. That's how people high jump. When you see someone high jumping, that's what they're doing. They do. You know why people call it that?

People call it that because no one had ever seen anyone do it like that before. And they went, hey, man, do you see that guy do the Frosby flop? He didn't just jump over. He did this flopping thing. Now people just call it high jump because everyone jumps like that. Yeah, yeah, sure. For the past 60 years, everyone's been jumping like that what about that

Cosby flop though hey Cosby flop how quickly do you go through a pair of jeans how often do you upgrade your jeans I'm I appreciate your

minimalist lifestyle so I would I would go man I I wear one like I only have one pair of jeans I do the same

yeah but I have I have other pants because mine it just because I never know and. I need to get... Because mine, it just... Because I never know. And then I'll be sitting there on the tram and just, you know, just flesh showing out of the crotch. No good.

Yeah. That's how all my jeans end up. But how does it tear? The moment that it tears, what were you doing when it tore? It starts to fade and then I'll be... Like, it starts to... I can see that it's like, you know, going. But then you still wear it. I still wear it. What starts to I can see that it's like going but you still

wear it I still wear it well because it's my pants I've got to wear it once you see it going go get some new ones I know I know that's not my way though Ronnie you know you can repair jeans yeah that's what I should do I should start repairing them but the thing is that in Australia repairing jeans is not cost effective because I have like half the jeans, you know, half the price of jeans to repair. How much money is in your bank account right now? Great question. I don't know, man. I don't know.

How much cash do you have on you? So you wouldn't carry cash? I've learned to carry cash. I've learned to carry cash. Yeah, because I'm... You learned. I learned that you can solve almost any problem happening in your day if you have 100 bucks on you. Yeah, rip in the crotch of your jeans.

Straight into the repair shop. You're late for something, get a taxi. Whatever it is, $100 will solve a lot of problems. Just having $100 in cash. So you had to learn to do that because you're such an efficient person. You think you're living in the future and you can just have this cashless society.

But you've been brought down to earth. What's wrong with cashless? Do you guys go cashless? I can't wait to be able to pay for shit with my phone. What? Pay for stuff with my phone. That scares me. I don't like the idea of that.

I like cash. I carry a lot of cash. When you guys are running an illegal podcast. Illegal podcast. You want to do it in cash? There's a good thing to put out about yourself on the record. If you see Carl Chandler

in public and you roll him, it's going to be fucking worth it. You're walking away with a fist full of lobsters. That's a, you know,

that's a non-purpose thing I've said because I'm starting up my own fight club. So, bring it on. You get 200 bucks for your troubles.

Have you been in a fight before? You're from Marimbanong So you Yeah How many fights Have you been in? No I've been in like

Marimbanong I don't know Whatever you call it This week Yeah yeah We change We change the name Of our town everywhere

Yeah So the terrorists Can't find it Yeah Because we carry A lot of cash there So we change our town name. The Franklin Mint is based in Maryborough, isn't it?

So people from Bendigo and Ballarat don't come and roll us every week. How many fights have you been in? I think I've only ever been in one fight. Oh, can you tell us about it? I think I was in like year seven or year eight. That's dumb. Yeah. It wasn't a heavyweight.

It was a very, very, very bantamweight fight. Yeah, bantamweight. So what happened It was a You know what This is how dumb the fight was That I was in right This is how dumb it was

I was like Going back and forth With this other kid And then all these other kids Were around And then they just decided You guys are going to fight tomorrow That's it

And we were both like Okay are we And they're like Yeah this is what happens now You guys are going to fight On the oval Behind those trees over there On the oval 12.30 tomorrow afternoon You guys are fighting Yeah And it was like Yeah this is what happens now You guys are going to fight On the oval Behind those trees over there On the oval

12.30 Tomorrow afternoon You guys are fighting Yeah And it was like Neither of us said Yes we want to fight But they went

This is what's happening So I'm like okay So then we went over there And then And then word spread Through the school Yeah so there was a big Crowd that came over

To watch and whatever What was better What was better at school Than hearing rumour Of an after school punch up Oh man Just last period of the day Going this is going to be so good. Anything but this because this is the fight of two guys.

Like I'm sort of slim-ish build now. Like when I was a kid, I was so thin. There was nothing of me. And I was just fighting this other weedy nerd. And then we're there. And this is how good I was at fighting or even into the idea of fighting. We're facing each other There's all these people around us

You turn around And then I go To him So Shall we start now? And then what happened? Shall I said shall before a fight

Did you bring out your little glove And slap him Yeah yeah yeah You guys turn Walk ten pieces And then Yeah And then we started fighting

And then it was like really bad fighting because neither of us knew how to punch each other. Slap fighting. No, it was punching, but it was like 12-year-olds fighting each other. So it was pretty bad. I think nothing happened. I think sort of like we punched each other a few times

and then I think the principal saw us and came over and we split up and then to convince him so we wouldn't get in any trouble, we sat down together and pretend to be friends. That's really funny. That is so funny. And then he comes over and he goes, he comes over and goes, you guys were fighting. And we're like, no, we're not.

We're friends. And he goes, oh, okay. I thought you were, I thought you were, I thought you were fighting. There was some fight. There was a fight. I know there was a fight. What was the fight over? What was the fight over?

That is so dumb. I'm jacking him off. See, it couldn't have been us. Here's what was the fight. I know there was a fight. What was the fight over? What was the fight over? That is so dumb. I'm jacking him off, see? Couldn't have been us. Here's what was the fight over. And I go, football. It was over football. It was over, you know, two football sides. And he goes to the other guy, who do you barrack for?

And he said, Essendon. And he says to me, who do you barrack for? And I go, Essendon. Because I barrack for Essendon, but I couldn't, I actually couldn't bring myself to name another team You're fighting over which one of you loves Essendon more A group of people gathered to watch you guys be friends Hey guys, did you hear? The word's gone around the school

Did you hear? These guys are friends in Barrick for the same football side We're going to see this What about you, Ronnie? Have you ever been in a fight? No We're going to see this. Don't watch these guys be friends. What about you, Ronnie? Have you ever been in a fight? No. I can't recall.

All right. Well, that's all the time we have this week on the podcast. Okay, cool. No. I feel like you... Yeah, that was a joke. Okay. I've done... I mean, I've actually done pretty intensive martial arts training

until I injured my shoulder. I couldn't do it anymore. Really? Yeah. I did Wing Chun for like five years. So then you've kind of been in a fight. That's controlled fighting. Yeah, I've been in controlled fighting and I got mugged at knife point once.

What? I got mugged at knife point by three people. I didn't have anything on me. I had my phone. You didn't have your daily hundred bucks on you at that point? Yeah, I didn't have it at the time. Could have got out of that situation with a hundred dollars. Could have bought their knife off them? Yeah, I didn't have it at the time. Could have got out of that situation with $100. Yeah.

Could have bought their knife off them. Yeah, instead I lost a kidney. No, they... Where was this? Where was it? Just in front of my house. Where? What's your address?

I don't want to see. No, where? What? In Melbourne or? Yeah, in Melbourne. Oh, really? Yeah. Near Melbourne University.

Yeah. Central-ish. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, these three kids came out in bicycles. Central-ish. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, these three kids came on bicycles. I saw them. I got my spider sense start tingling.

I ran. I saw, I looked at her face. I just ran because I knew she was going down. It's that weird thing where you can sense it. I ran.

This weird thing with three punks on bikes with knives chasing after you. I got a bad feeling about this one. It was just like loitering and then I ran up this hill and I was getting away

from them easy. Super easy. Wait, what hill? Their pants were baggy. They couldn't, yeah, it was running uphill. I was running uphill and they couldn't catch me

and then I slipped and fell and then they, and then they, then they, you know, they got me and then they took out the knife and said,

What time of day is this? It's like 7 Early It was early 7am 7am mugging Yeah No 7pm

I almost got I almost got to a public area I mean I don't know If that would have stopped them But They were just kids man They were like 14 year old kids At a time I was like

Oh really? Yeah 14 year old I was like early 20s And they said Give us your stuff And I was like I don't have anything on me

I got this phone that's it they took the phone and that was it and I called the police the police took my shirt because their fingerprints was on it

apparently they were checking for fingerprints because they grabbed me by the collar so they took my shirt so then you just walk home shirtless from the cop shop

and they took that shirt and that shirt was actually a really expensive shirt I didn't see that shirt for what brand what's that brand that starts with M is shirt I didn't see that shirt for what brand what's that brand

that starts with M is it Mossimo Mossimo yeah that's a brand and then they took it and then I didn't see that shirt for three years

I didn't see that shirt for three years did the cops take it off you by knife point yeah that's how they mugged my shirt off

by the time you got it back was it still in fashion or was it just like oh boy I can't wear this now it was out it was the it was back when the it back, was it still in fashion or was it just like, oh boy, I can't wear this now? It was out. It was back when the two pockets in the front

were in fashion and it looked like an army shirt, kind of like, it was an army color. And when it came back, it was out of fashion. Did you just get it in the mail

or did the police come and hand deliver it? They called me and they told me to come collect it from evidence like three years after. I was like, wow,

I can't remember that. I went to collect it. Also, about like six months after the incident, they asked me to come in and do a sketch of the attackers i couldn't remember after six months yeah i couldn't remember anything did you do a sketch of your shirt and say have you seen this i should have but yeah i couldn't remember a thing and i just i kept telling them hey i can't remember and they're like it's okay just do the best you can just

as described you know wait you oh no so someone else is doing the drawing? Yeah, of course. Right. You made it sound like you yourself had to do the drawing. No, of course not. You know what? That would be good if there weren't sketch artists and like you have to do the drawing yourself. Yeah.

That way like people would take life drawing and that kind of stuff a little bit more seriously. You'd call life drawing self-defense classes. Yeah. I got mugged by a naked man next to a bowl of fruit. Yeah. Ronnie, after he got mugged. Mugged by the police.

Your shirt missing. I just love you bringing this shirt home after three years and it's kind of like, you know, like a guy coming back from war and it's like his relationship with his wife is all different. Things have changed. You're just looking at the shirt. You're like, it's a different world now. I can't wear this.

Yeah, I still have it. It's hanging up in my closet. I can't wear this shirt. How are the police dusting your Mossimo shirt for fingerprints? For three years, yeah. For three years? Was there a full-time guy on that case? Did they wash it before they gave it back to you?

Yeah, CSI. They were trying to analyze the fuck out of that shirt. Have you ever been in a fight? Not really. I've been in an altercation at a party where I punched someone and then just walked away. I've said this on the podcast like three times now.

Oh really? Yeah, I've told it many times. Three times I haven't listened to it. Yeah, exactly. Did you punch yourself yeah I punched myself and then I was like this is embarrassing I gotta leave

no I there was this guy that was giving me a hard time giving a lot of people a hard time was very very drunk and I kind of

called him out on it and then he was like what are you gonna do about it you punched him and then this kind of people kind of gathered around in that real high school way and you said

shall we start now yeah I, shall we start now? Let us begin, fellow. I can't imagine you doing that. Yeah, like it freaked me out. I did it and then I left and I was just like at home going what the fuck did I just do? I was like so out of character. So you punched him and then he just took it and then you went, not for me. Yeah. And then walked away.

I left and it was like kind of the end of the party and it was like late and I just went like I know this isn't how it happened but in my memory it's like this it's like i was getting a lift home from a friend i punch him he goes down friend comes up behind me and goes hey the car's here and then i just walk out that's how it that's how it is in my memory i know it wasn't like that can you remember who else was there can you just check out what happened it'd be interesting to see how what do you mean like actual events what do you want me to get people in here now to verify

no no I'm saying you yourself on your own time go ask people hey do you remember when I punched that guy hey what happened I'm trying to think who from there

I'm still in touch with my friend Pete I'm still in touch with the guy that you punched yeah we're pen friends yeah

I got into a little fight with Dave Quirk's friend at Dave Quirk's party oh recently yeah he's got a lot of skate punk friends oh dude his friends I got into a little fight with Dave Quirk's friend at Dave Quirk's party. Oh, recently? Yeah. Because he's got a lot of skate punk friends. Oh, dude.

A lot of punks. His friends are so... Some of those guys are such big assholes. They're just looking for trouble. And this guy kept, like, doing this thing where he kept on, like, putting his hands on my face. Oh, yeah. Straight up. And I kept blocking it, you know.

And we kept doing that for a while and I knew that if this keeps up it's going to be a fight when drunk people at parties get real touchy especially the face

it's so it's so off-putting it's so aggressive you don't touch another person's face you know when they don't want it that's how you start fights

it's like you didn't go to the police you could have gone in there they would have taken your face for fingerprint for the next three years you come back your face is out of fashion. Three years older.

It's like, oh, what the fuck happened? How did I get these wrinkles? Oh, man. So nothing happened? You kind of... No, so I'm a bit smarter with that stuff where I'm like, I foresee a fight happening. I'm like, okay, I better not.

But we scuffled a bit. We had to build a scuffle. But yeah, nothing happened. And I walked away from him a bit. That's good to know. Bill Burr, have you been in a fight? Oh, no, that's right. He's not here?

He's not here. He's a cool guy. Is it weird that we're not talking about him? I guess it's too inside baseball. We just had him on. Well, yeah. What else is there to say about him? We're talking about fights.

We're bigging ourselves up, making ourselves look like big tough guys. Yeah, and we're not tough guys at all. Just so he knows If he's listening back to the episode If he's back in the country And we ask him on And he says no We'll find him

And we'll beat the fucking shit out of him I'll sucker punch him And then turn around and leave Yeah He brought his wife along For the whole tour And his wife Nia Very very lovely

What's her phone number? And she's super nice. And what I did was I sent them my list of things to do in Melbourne. Oh, and it would have been a very comprehensive list. So they've just been at Uniqlo all day since they got here. Like, I have this

list that I sent to visiting comics to Melbourne. Oh, really? Yeah, this is where you go. And it's not an exhaustive list. It's a very like, keep it simple. These are achievable things. Tell us the list you go and it's not a exhaustive list it's a very like keep it simple these are achievable tell us the list tell yeah it's cool yeah because you know people give you recommendations and they'll give you literally like 50 restaurants you're like no no just pick just just plan a day for me just give me stuff that's all in the same you are nothing if not thorough Ronnie Chang so look there's a lot of we have a lot of listeners that visit Melbourne so we're recording in Melbourne we have a lot of people who visit Melbourne when

they come they come and you know come to the gigs that we're at. Like we're at the Portland Hotel tonight. No, tell us the list. Yeah, I'll give you a background. I won't tell you the actual list. Where's the best place to get held up at knife point? Why won't you tell us the list? I'll tell you what's on the list.

It'll make you want the list more. Sort of the same thing. That's the same thing. I'll take it. Hang on. I'll tell you what's on. So I have like four or five brunch places. I have lunch places organized according to $10 to $20 and $20 to $30.

Now I've got dinner places organized according to $10 to $20 dinners, $30 to $40 or $40 to $50 dinners. What about $20 to $30? Yeah, yeah. Hang on. There's a real gap in the market. What gap? You said 10 to 20 and then you go 30 to 40.

Oh, 20 to 30. 20 to 30. That's the sweet spot for me. That's what I look for. He doesn't want to give that sort of information away. He wants that all to himself. And I've got rooftop bars in Melbourne. I've got hidden bars in Melbourne.

All right. So I'm going to pull you up here because you give yourself this vibe that you're very comprehensive and you know everything. I went for a drink with you a couple of months ago or so now and we were having a drink in this place and you go,

no, we don't want to go here. I don't want to be here anymore. You come here too often. Let's go somewhere else. I know all these other places. So we went to a place. The first place we went to, that's you.

That's classic you. That's classic you. You listen back. It's the same voice. I thought your mouth was numb or something. So we went to this place the first place we went to that's you that's classic you you listen back it's the same voice I thought your mouth was numb or something so we went to this place first place we went to

that you demand we go to closed not open at all closed it's not my fault it's not his fault at all

if you know everything why bring us to a place that's not open what was it I don't know it was closed so anyway next place

we go to you don't like that place either so we're sitting there we have a drink and then you go to you don't like that place either so we're sitting there we have a drink and then you go hey you look over a balcony and you go

hey that place looks cool over there and we go that's the place we just came from oh okay it looks cool oh I remember this it was with your friend

from Monrimburnong yeah you were showing him the sights yeah and then we went to what was the town called on that day That he was in town Mary

Mary's town Yeah Mary's town Mary's town So then Mary's town Whatever they call it that week Yeah So then

Mary fuck That's what it's called What So then We go You go oh yeah that place Oh no that's the place we went to So then you go Okay let's leave here I'm done with this place I thought of another place So then We go You go Oh yeah that place Oh no that's the place we went to So then you go

Okay let's leave here I'm done with this place I've thought of another place So then we leave We get down Because it's like a rooftop bar We come all the way downstairs We get onto the footpath

And then you go Okay see you guys I'm going to go now We're like I thought we were going to another place You go No no I'm going to go home So we're like

We're not even left in the place We were drinking at You just left us You left us on the street It was just the three of us right It was the worst tour It was like But let me tell you something Secret laneways We're not even left in the place we were drinking at. You just left us on the street. It was just the three of us, right? It was the worst tour. It was like secret laneways and bars with Ronnie Chang.

This is the worst. This is the problem with people. You take them out to places. They just won't stop complaining. You put yourself out there. You were the one complaining the whole time. You put yourself out there as an organizer. You go, hey, guys, guess what? We always come to this shitty bar.

I'll bring you someplace else. Everyone goes, yeah, let's go. You bring them there. It happens to be closed, and suddenly you're in trouble. You're in trouble because you tried to do a nice thing and bring people, take them out of their comfort zone, show them something nice. I take it back.

I'm sorry for not being happy with standing cold outside of a wooden door. But did you like it? Did you like the place? Yeah, the door looked great. No, no, the rooftop. Oh, the rooftop. The rooftop was fine. You were the one that hated it.

You were the one complaining. I didn't hate it. I said it was good. I just got to go. I had to go that time. No, no, the rooftop. Oh, the rooftop. The rooftop was fine. You were the one that hated it. You were the one complaining. I didn't hate it. I said it was good. I just got to go. I had to go that time. No, you wanted to take us to another place. That's why people don't show you places. Because if they show you places, and God forbid it's closed or it's not as good as...

So what you're trying to say is right now, Bill Bear and his wife are standing in the cold, outside a door, shivering, cursing the name Ronnie Chang. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. If this is the best that Melbourne has to offer us, we're never touring here again. But Melbourne City is a real cool city to hang out in. Why don't you give some of the places away to the listeners at home?

I can't do that. Why not? Because it's a proprietary list. You can't just give out information like that. Are you on the take from these places? Why don't you go to Coca-Cola and just not... Just give us a recipe, man! Just give us a recipe! McDonald's, you guys are so tasty. Just give us a recipe, man. Let's just do it. Let's just give us a recipe. I've got McDonald's. Hey, McDonald's, you guys are so tasty.

Just tell me how you make it. Just tell me how you make it. Is that how you think people work? I don't think Coke would give you their recipe. I think McDonald's would happily tell you how they make their food if you just walk in and ask them that. I think they would happily say to you, we heat up the burger, then we put a bit of cheese on it, then we put that in a bun,

and then you eat it. How about instead of you making it, then we put that in a bun, and then you eat it. Instead of you making it, let's just make it for you. How about this? How about if you want that list, send me an email or tweet, and then I'll see how many people want it. You'd rather do that. No, I want to see how many people. Okay, all right.

We'll promote this. No one cares. We'll promote this. Ronnie's Guide to Melbourne. Yeah, just send it. It's like a fact sheet after the end of Burke's Backyard or Better Homes and Gardens. We should have that because I've had listeners hit me up and say, hey, you know, where's good in Melbourne?

Where's good to eat? Yeah. And I'll send them things and then like when we were in Perth, a few people came up to me at the live show and were like, hey, great gig in All But. Oh, man, some of the places you sent me to in Melbourne. Oh. So good.

Yeah. And I get more pride from that than anything else. Like knowing that someone has had a fucking good meal. That's all I need. Yeah. So, you know, I don't know, hit me up or somehow. Yeah, we'll do that. I'll send you my list.

I'll send you. If only there was a way to hit you up. Yeah. How are you going to hit me up? Get a website. Tweet it. Tweet it, Ronnie. Go to my website.

Tweet it, Ronnie. Tag Dumb Dumb Club in it. What's How many people How many What stats do you need How many people do you need Before you put out the list

I'll be reasonable But what do you think Is a reasonable number Like what's your 10 You get 50 You get 50 people 50 people is a lot

Well you're not gonna get 50 people Yeah we are No we're not 50 people Yeah Okay Okay 50 Yeah

50 It's like we're gonna be Setting up 43 fake accounts Yeah anyway It's just a list of be Setting up 43 fake accounts Yeah anyway It's just a list of The list of categories This is described So you know

You don't need to keep Plugging what a list is We've been through this But yeah Just people get so Like they get So bitchy about Recommend

I only recommend it to friends Because I know they want Bitch more Stupid People with expectations Oh you there The first one was close The second one

I couldn't get I couldn't get It was bacon I couldn't get vegetarian That's a classic Maribyrnong accent as well There's no vegetarian food I went there

It was crowded It was so crowded I couldn't get a seat It was stupid There's a pub near my house I reckon it's leading With the wrong thing When you've got a sign In the front of the pub, right,

that says, come and check out why 4% of people online don't like our pub. And it's like got the reviews of like, oh, the beer was too cold. Yeah, one of those places. But it's like, don't publicise the 4% of people that didn't like it. What are you doing?

No, but that's them trying to be, you know, irreverent and funny and, hey, you're talking about it. Yeah. Right. Hey, there you go. I'll put it on the list. I'll put the bar on the list. How about those guys

who, those guys, the restaurants which go, you know, the best fish and chips ever. How does that get you? Does that get you in? If someone goes, this is the best, whatever.

It doesn't get me in. It annoys me. What also gets me is our world famous burger. What scale is this on? Like who's called that? Do you go in and buy it just to prove them wrong? No.

You don't? I think about it. Yeah, it's on my list. Sorry, I phrased it wrong. The phrasing is always the best whatever in the world. So the best fish and chips in the world. The best burger, best fries in the world. There's a place around here that says the best curry

in Melbourne in big letters and then above that in tiny letters it says is this and then right down the bottom at the end of it a tiny question mark. So if you're up close to it it says is this the best curry in Melbourne? But just the only letters that are big are the ones that say

the best curry in Melbourne. Now that's bloody, that's that cheeky Indian wit, isn't it? I love that they've done that just so technically they're correct. Yeah. In case someone goes to shut them down. Yeah. Come after us, coppers. Yeah.

That's not a police issue. That's a civil issue. I think it's called what's it called Poofery no that's not the word you're a lawyer yeah there's something it's like

would you take that case if someone tried to shut that Indian restaurant down no it's an established thing to go hey this is just you know

you can write bullshit on your shop that's a thing it's exaggeration for advertising yeah anyway look this is too well that's such's a thing. It's exaggeration for advertising, yeah. There's a snap. Anyway, look, this is too bad.

Well, that's such a thing. You're allowed to exaggerate for advertising. Yes, yes. So you can say, this has got onions in this burger and then not have onions in that burger. That's not exaggeration, bro. That's a lie. Oh, okay.

Hey, let's put a pin in this. Should we wrap this up? Yeah, let's wrap this up. Ronnie, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you for joining us last night as well. Thank you to Bill Burr. Thank you to Dave Anthony for teaming that up. Puffery, shit.

I almost ended the podcast saying Poofery. I meant Puffery. Sorry, Puffery. I did think Poofery sounded pretty funny. Yeah, that's why. I was like, no, that sounds really bad. It doesn't sound like a legal thing at all. It's Puffery.

It's Puffery. Sorry, Puffery in advertising. Oh my God, I almost ended the podcast. People are thinking I'm... Man, you nearly... A lot of potential lawyers out there nearly got in a lot of trouble when they listened to comedian Ronnie Chang and based their opinions on that. Ronny, festival show's coming up for you that people can find the dates and stuff, ronnychieng.com.

Yeah, ronnychieng.com. Where are you going, Melbourne? I'm doing, man, world tour. I'm doing Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Tasmania, Canberra Singapore, Malaysia Edinburgh, London I'm in LA in February LA in February? Yeah, LA in February

just trying to just hustling Cool man, we've got all our stuff on sale, littledumbdumbclub.com Melbourne, Adelaide and Brisbane as well as our solo shows. You can find all that over there. Your solo show is called?

Cutie Pie. And where are you going? You're going Perth? You're going Brisbane? Yeah, I'll be in Perth now when this is on. That's happening until Feb 9 at Fringe World, then Brisbane from March the 3rd, and then Melbourne from March 26th. Yep, I'm just doing Melbourne.

So Carl's Jail world's greatest and best comedian is in Melbourne one show only in Adelaide as well one show only yep one and done hey that's cool guys

it's cool that you guys got Bill Burr thanks man thanks very much for listening guys and we'll see you next time see ya mate mate

uh oh uh oh that's not on right? Yeah that's on Anything else? Uh oh