The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 230 - Live! Matt Okine, Ed Kavalee, Ronny Chieng & Greg Larsen

Episode Date: March 4, 2015

Ten Cheeseburgers, Stefan and "Agro" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Adelaide, it is not long now until the live Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast happening in your town. Sunday, March 15, and for the love of God, get off your arses and buy some freaking tickets. Come down, it's going to be a great show, man. It's going to be the same as last Adelaide show, which was heaps of fun. So guys, yeah, generally we have really good ticket sales. Adelaide, you are dragging your little bloody pie floater behind. Dragging your little fannies along the ground. Yeah.

Taking your time. Then we're in Melbourne. Every Sunday of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Melbourne's selling great, but we can always have more. We want to fill this place up. We're a big chance of selling out all of our shows if you guys keep buying tickets at the rate you're doing it. So do that.

It's going to be heaps of fun. We've got heaps of great stuff planned for the drunk cast as well, which you can only get to if you've keep buying tickets at the rate you're doing it. So do that. It's going to be heaps of fun. We've got heaps of great stuff planned for the drunk cast as well, which you can only get to if you've bought a ticket to one of the four live podcasts. It's at The Joint in Elizabeth Street, Melbourne, at 3 o'clock every Sunday of the Comedy Festival. Plus every night of the Comedy Festival, our solo shows, 7pm Tommy Dasolo in Cutie Pie at the Imperial Hotel.

And Carl Chandler, world's greatest and best comedian, at 9.45 at the Imperial Hotel. And Carl Chandler, world's greatest and best comedian at 9.45 at the Vic Hotel. And also Brisbane. I'm there right now at the Brisbane Powerhouse doing Cutie Pie at 7pm every night. Tickets for that through the Brisbane Powerhouse or at TommyDassolo.com And because there's not long to go

before the big Melbourne Comedy Festival, a big, big amount of listeners we have in Melbourne. So remember, guys, hey, come along and see what we've said already. Our shows, we'd love to see you there. Also, you know, if you're one of those people that go to like 12, 15 shows, make sure you go and see your favourite friend of the show. You know, these guys give up their time to come along and entertain you and be awesome guests on our show.

So pick the people that have been the funniest on the show and go and see them be funny by themselves for an hour. Yeah. And also, final notice, I have something, Carl, that I need to tell you about. Yes. Since you're sitting down. Yes.

Since we have this platform. Yes, go ahead. Hang on, we'd better get to the show. Yeah, we'd better get to the show. Okay. Yeah! Hey, mate! Hey, mate! Hooray!

Welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club, live at the Sit Down Comedy Club in sunny Brisbane. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Yeah. He said it. He said it. Man. What have you got there, little Tommy? I've got a bag of McDonald's that... I was just at the door before the show started and a young man with a haircut that I think is called a front mullet, I believe. Is that what it's called?

I think that's just called the regular here in Brisbane. Boom, got you already. Oh, you hate me. He came in the door and he saw me and he started rifling around in a very dirty backpack and

I thought to myself this is it this is how I die getting gunned down in the doorway of the sit down comedy club in Brisbane

but no he presented me with a bag of McDonald's I have no idea why I have no fucking idea why I have a I have a I have a bit of McDonald's. I have no idea why. I have no fucking idea why. I have a bit of a guess.

I wish you hadn't have seen that, Tommy. This was the transcript. Hey, we've got a lovely heap of fans here tonight. We've got heaps of people. It's packed out the joint here. 16 people here, guys, listening at home. Give yourselves a round of applause. All 16 of you.

What a lively bunch. You've got a lot of hands for 16 people. Still more than Adelaide. Fuck Adelaide. Let's get that on the record. Looking forward to being there in two weeks. Looking forward to killing myself in two weeks and one day. Looking forward to having about as many audience members as chairs we have

on stage. But yeah. An hour ago I got a message from a young man that said, hey, big fan of the podcast, really want to come today. Don't want to pay any money for it though. But I do work at McDonald's, so if I give you a bag full of cheeseburgers, can I get in? I'm like, how insulting is that? Absolutely yes. Was this from at frontmullet on Twitter?

Are you the guy that works at Maccas that gave us... I mean, obviously, yeah, but are you the guy that gave us free Maccas a couple of years ago? Yeah! And last year we were wondering whether you... Because we hadn't heard from you and we were coming back here and we weren't sure if it was whether, A, you'd grown out of the podcast or, B, killed yourself.

And it's good to see that neither of those things have happened. What does that mean? In Brisbane? How old are you now? 19. Wow. Well, you're way too old for this podcast, actually. 19 in Brisbane on a Sunday, are they?

Shouldn't you be out smoking ice or something? Sorry, Tommy, what is the age for smoking ice in brisbane you see 19 that's what i saw on a current affair i like that that's now a set of precedent though like no money for live podcasts from now on just things we really like yeah just bartering from now on i'm fine like we would have used like hang on how much is a live podcast worth let's find out yeah let's get your mcdon McDonald's calculator app out, everyone. What have we got in here? Fuck, there are so many cheeseburgers in here.

That's like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten cheeseburgers. What's a cheeseburger worth? Pardon? They're $2 each. $2 for a cheeseburger? Don't jump ahead, man. Let me prove that I... That was actually really respectful.

He looked at the ticket price, 20 bucks, he gave us 20 bucks worth of cheeseburgers. And we literally, we would have just bought five cheeseburgers each with that money

if he had bought a ticket anyway. So he's just saved us the cheese. Don't put it, what are you putting them back in the bag for? Because they're on the fucking ground.

Yeah, good point. Why would I? What's it like around your place? What are you putting the cheeseburgers back in the bag for? There's food on the ground at my house. Oh, right. Yeah, like a little, I eat off the ground like a little dog.

Yeah, okay. Like a cute little dog. Okay, so that shows what our listeners think of us. They can buy us off with horrible fast food that goes on the ground. Yeah. I've got a quick tale of before we came here last week. I took quite a bit on the podcast about... Wait, quick question before you start. Would this tale go well

with a delicious cheeseburger? I'm off the bread, so I can't have it. Well, that's ten burgers for little Tommy. Please, I'll get rid of the story. Let's just all watch you eat the cheeseburger. Do you reckon the story would be better if I've had a bite first? Yeah, right, yes. And with such authority.

Yeah. Mmm. Mmm. Yeah. That's good. Well, we're watching you. You guys paid $20 each for this. Hey, most of you did.

I talk quite a bit on the podcast about where I live, Riversdale Road in Melbourne and for whatever reason, a lot of people see me on that road. What number? What's the number? Let's keep going with the story. You concentrate on your imminent death.

On your floor burger there. So, I was walking down Riversdale Road. I'm used to a lot of people yelling at me out of the side of the car. I don't know why I cop it on Riversdale Road. But anyway, I cop it a lot. So, I'm on my new health kick. I've been walking into the city. So, it's a good 10k walk. So, I walk all the way down Riversdale Road. And this is what happened to me last week.

I'm on a health kick too. Only stuff that's come from the floor. Okay, yeah. Very natural. They weren't grown there, but anyway. So, I'm walking down Riversdale Road. And I've got my notepad on me because the Comedy. Okay, yes. Very natural. So they weren't grown there, but anyway. So I'm walking down Riversdale Road and I've got my notepad on me

because the Comedy Festival is coming up so I need to think of new ideas, new jokes, whatever. So I stop at one point on Riversdale Road where it's a bridge that's going over

the Yarra River and I rest my notepad on the bridge and just then a car comes by and people yell out of it, yeah, fucking jump, you fuckhead! But I was like, you know what,

given what our listeners are like and their attitudes towards us, all of a sudden I'm like, oh, is that someone that hates me or someone that really likes me? Yeah, and is that directed at you or the notebook? The quality of what's in here, it should kill itself. Yeah, so I don't know whether that's a random or someone that's really into the show going,

yeah, this is great, kill yourself, you know? Yeah. You know, like that funny thing. Yeah. This is really good, by the way. You said you were going to get back on the bread at one of the live podcasts. Yeah, yeah, not this one. What better reason could there be than being presented with nine burgers that have been

sitting on the floor to get back on the bread? Yeah, I'll wait till I get one from the air, not from the ground. I don't want to be touching the ground. All right. So that's anyone listening who's coming to one of the Future Life podcasts. Yeah, yeah. Come in on a flying fox. I'm picky.

I am picky. I don't want floor sweepings of burgers. Can you tell another story so I can eat another cheeseburger? Who reckons I can eat all ten of these over the course of the book? Oh, really? Wow, the crowd lit up all of a sudden. Man, okay, well, this is it. This is now man versus food or boy versus food or whatever.

Follow-up question. Who would fuck me if they watched me eat ten cheeseburgers over the course of this podcast? Man, I'll fuck you if you don't eat them. You are guaranteed to get laid no matter what you do tonight. Should we introduce a guest? No, that's not... We've got ten guests tonight and Tommy's going to eat them all.

Yeah, I'm one down. Don't put your rubbish back into the cheese. What do you give a fuck? You're not eating them. What's wrong with you? You're not going anywhere near them. Don't put them on the ground. Don't put your rubbish back in the bag. I'm just worried you're going to take a shit on the stage.

Like, this is how you deal with food. Fucking hell. I'm going to be... You already look like you're in a sorority. Surf's up, dudes. If I eat 10 of them, I'm going to be doing something on the stage by the end of this podcast.

Please. There's... Like, this is... Wait. Hang on. What? Now you're just littering the venue. The tent is in here. Well, There's, like, this is... Wait. Hang on. What? Now you're just littering the venue. It's in here.

Well, it's better than putting garbage into food, you fucking idiot. It's not... Okay. Should we talk a little bit, because we're in Brisbane, and so we kind of, you know, when we do these interstate gigs,

we kind of like to try and get, you know, some sort of different people on the podcast. You know, not just people from Melbourne, who we have easy access to. Sure. Do we want to... Should we set this up? Should we talk about what we were trying to do this week? Yeah, okay. We were trying to think of Brisbane personalities and stuff like that.

Who's the most famous person in Brisbane? Wow. Me if I eat ten cheeseburgers in an hour. The guy that works at McDonald's. So you don't have any celebrities in Brisbane? Is that what you're saying? Stefan.

Is Stefan your neighbour? Who's Stefan? Stefan who? Stefan the hairdresser. What the fuck? What are you talking about? Are we being flash mobbed right now? Did he do your front mullet?

Are you serious? Did you just get your first hairdresser up here? What do you mean? Who's Stefan the hairdresser? He's very famous. If we are asking who is Stefan the hairdresser, that means he is not famous. In Queensland.

He owns the needle. What the fuck is going on? He owns the needle. What the fuck is going on? He owns the needle that you all shoot up with? What? Where are we? There's a... He goes out with Liz Hayes. What?

He did. So your celebrity is a guy that used to go out with someone who used to be on the Today Show. Is that what that is? Well done, you've made it, Brisbane Wood. People are tripping over themselves to yell out facts about Stefan. We should...

Unimpressive ones. Okay, yes. Gentlemen in the third row. Massive boat. Big boat. Big boat. Stefan has a big boat. Now people are chiming in with facts about the boat.

Did you all have an orgy on there this afternoon or something? What the fuck's going on? What are you... Is that all you need to do to be a celebrity up here? Be able to travel on the water without swimming? Okay, hands up. Who's had their hair cut by Stefan?

Not that many people. That's not a great example. And who here has never heard of this Stefan person, apart from us? Okay, a few of you. The rest of you have heard of Stefan. Can we ring Stefan now? Who's got Stefan's number? Let's get him on the show.

Is he... Oh yeah, thanks. Hey, not everyone's... We don't have that in Melbourne. Not everyone's phone numbers are on the internet, all right? Yeah, I'll download an episode of Stefan's pink boat cast where his number gets read out. Stefan... Stefan...

S-T-E-F-A-N. Uh-huh. But why is he famous? And what? He's got so many hairdressing salons. If I just put in Stefan hairdresser... He's got a chain of hairdressing Tell-ons and that's it

Is this him? Stefan.com.au What the fuck How did he get that? What? Someone just said Tommy at least he had a TV show. Oh, yeah. But did he?

We still don't know who the fuck he is. Yeah, does the cunt have ten cheeseburgers though? Yeah, yeah. Stupid. So he had a TV show. So what? The TV show about him cutting hair somehow didn't rate? Or what was his TV show? him cutting hair somehow didn't rate?

What was his TV show? It was about hair. Okay. Story checks out. So I've gone onto his website and the first product on here is that you can buy a clip-in hair extension. Are you sure you weren't on that page already? 200 bucks down from 225. That's a good deal.

No wonder he's number one in Brisbane. If he brought one of them along to the podcast, he could bring in nine mates. Why would he come to this fucking podcast? He's the most famous man in Brisbane. He probably buys his own cheeseburgers. That's how well he's doing. I fucking hate this guy.

I'll go on the record. I'll fight this guy. I don't give a fuck. He doesn't even have a photo of himself on here. I know where he lives. Read out... What's his address? He's on Eagle Street on the water. People are going, yeah, yeah, we know.

Everyone knows his address up here. Does he have a picture? I want to see a picture of this guy. I fucking hate this guy. He looks like Mario Fennec. Okay, what does Mario Fennec look like? Feels like we've been talking about this for half an hour and we're still finding out new facts about Stefan.

Alright, let's get a guest on. No, wait, we didn't, we got so sidetracked. Oh, we fucked up, we got fucked up. We thought this was going to be your number one celebrity. We tried to contact, we tried to get, what we thought was Brisbane's number one celebrity, we tried to get Agro on the show. Oh, who?

Someone's saying who, but they know Stefan. He owns a speedboat. We... Yeah. You know, you remember Stefan from The Cartoon Connection? Yeah. Yeah, which we sort of tried to get at. We were just obsessed with the idea of getting Agro, but, yeah, sorry, guys.

Aggro's got more stuff going on than us these days. Didn't reply to any of our emails, so very sorry, guys. We didn't get aggro. But we do have a couple of local... We have one local Brisbaneite, and we've got someone else that grew up in Brisbane, so we've got a good selection of Brisbane...

Yeah. Brisbane-ophiles. Should we start this? Should we bring out our first guest? Should you start your second cheeseburger? Shh, Def. Who said no? Get the fuck out. Alright,

guys. First guest today. You know him from the Comedy Festival Gala, from It's A Date, from last week on the Late Late Show. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Ronnie Chang! Go round.

Wow. Yeah! Ronnie has never been on stage before. That's like, hey everybody, thanks for coming down. That's like a step, there's like a giant table. Yeah, were you watching how we got on here? No, I didn't see, yeah. I tried to watch as little of the show as possible.

Is that how you got onto the stage on the Late Late Show? You climbed onto a table and then jumped off that? No, it's a lot classier than this place, yeah. Yeah, thanks for coming down. It's really surprising that people show up for this. No, I mean that sincerely. I don't mean that as an insult. I'm always surprised when people show up.

It still sounded like an insult second time. I got tonal problems. Do you know about Stefan? No, I don't know. When someone said Stefan, I thought he was that guy from SNL. That dude, the character from SNL. Yeah, the sketch. Well, we're learning.

You're just like us. We're learning a lot about Stefan today. Yeah. Apparently, I don't know if you were here, but he's got a boat. Yeah, I'd like to meet Stefan. Can I get my hair cut by him? Is he a cool guy? He's a hairdresser.

Of course you fucking can. He would be. You should know this already. He sounds like he's the number one hairdresser in Brisbane. You should already have a file being in he's the number one hairdresser in Brisbane. You should already have a file being in Brisbane of what number one of everything is. I got a gap of knowledge with Brisbane. I only know like three places to eat in Brisbane.

Oh, fuck. Really? Where? You can go Funny Funny, which has great Korean fried chicken. And then you can go to the Public Bar for Kentucky Fried Duck. And then you can go to... Is he making any of this up? No.

This is all legit. You guys don't know what I'm talking about? Okay. This delicious food got less of a response than a fucking hairdresser. What is going on? Yeah. And what's the third one?

The third one... That bag. Do you want a cheeseburger? No. More for me. How did this happen? We just talked about it like ten minutes ago. No, dude, I told you.

While you were sitting over there looking at the stage going, how on earth am I going to get on top of that? I was looking for an app to put text on an image. Because I was trying to make an inspirational quote of Brisbane. I hear they have good ones of them in Brisbane. I couldn't figure out which app to use. Does anyone have

any recommendations for text on image apps? What's the text you want to put on an app? I took a photo of the Brisbane City Hall and I was going to be like B-R-I-S.

Why is that inspirational? Who's inspired? Like seriously. I thought people would be like oh Brisbane. Yeah, it's cool. A picture of something in Brisbane and then you write Brisbane on top of it. No, seriously. I thought people would be like, oh, Brisbane. Yeah, it's cool. A picture of something in Brisbane

and then you write Brisbane on top of it. No, no, I didn't write Brisbane. He didn't write Brisbane. No, no, no. I wrote B-R-I-S. Not Brisbane. So it's cool. It's like Briz.

So he's inspiring people to have the confidence to shorten words in their own life. No, it's cool. Inspiring abbreviation. It was hip, yeah. It was a hip thing. It was like I put a filter on it and it was Brisbane City Hall.

I was trying to put your city in a good light. Putting it in a good light by just putting an abbreviated version of their name on top of an image. It's cool. Man, you shake your head now. Wait till you see the finished product. I just can't picture it. Sorry, Ronnie. I had some trouble at my hotel just now.

I showed up and then they gave me the key and I opened the door of my hotel room. There was someone already inside it. They gave me the wrong key. No, no. They didn't give me the wrong key. They gave me the correct key,

but they didn't know someone was already living in that room. So I went down and then they gave me another room and I went back up and then the key didn't work because it got demagnetized in the journey from the desk to the room. Or something. I don't know what happened. I went back up and then the kid didn't work because he got demagnetized in the journey from the desk to the or something I don't know what happened

I went back down and the guy was like oh dude I'm so sorry and I was like no I don't care it's okay and then we went back up and then he gave me

another room on the top floor to apologize and that he came with me and he couldn't get it to work and so I was standing outside

my hotel room for like five minutes and he went downstairs to like get the maintenance guy to get the master key I hope this story never ends yeah I reckon you've got another two cheeseburgers before this story ends.

And long story short I managed to negotiate free Wi-Fi my whole hotel. I love it I love it when hotel people screw up because you get free shit. Brutal misuse of the phrase long story short by the way. Yeah I love it when they mess up because then that means you can, they're apologetic, they give you fruit. What's the best free thing you've got out of a hotel? Fruit. Fruit, free Wi-Fi. It's good. You guys, when they screw up, you're like, yes, thank you for messing up.

You know free Wi-Fi doesn't cost anything anyway? What do you mean? Have you lived in a hotel before? No, I haven't lived in a hotel before. I live in my house. Where are you staying right now? Are you staying in Airbnb or are you staying in the comedy condo? I'm staying in a friend's.

A friend's house? Yeah, then you don't know what I'm talking about, you fucking asshole. Eagle Street on the water. If you stay in hotels, it's the worst. Wi-Fi, it's like 50 megabytes for like $30. Yeah, but are you paying for your hotel room? I guess so. I don't know, but it doesn't matter.

If you don't know, then you're not. No, it's the principle of paying $30 for 50 megabytes. It's ridiculous. What's 50 megabytes going to get you these days? You go on YouTube

and that rollover ad is already like 60 megabytes. You can't see anything. Imagine you'd paid that money for that data and then you use it to download a fucking shitty inspirational meme

and put it in a city hall. Exactly. You guys, you guys, wait till you see the finished product. It's the town hall at night,

city hall, what's it called? Town hall or city hall? City hall, whatever. City hall. That should be the text over the top of it.

What's this called? Town hall or city hall? I'll do that and then it says Breeze over the top of it. It's like some, it looks like a Nike ad. It's cool.

You should get these printed up as t-shirts in time for your shows next week yeah I don't know I'm feeling I'm not feeling t-shirts anymore as much

I feel like I feel like it's really bad for the environment no one wears them and everyone everyone who makes them always

it's like they always try to find the cheapest dude to make it and so it's always shitty quality it doesn't fit well and you just hold it that

one time for that photo and then you never see it again. I just think it's really bad fun. Quick plug guys, we've got some brand new Little Dumb Dumb Club t-shirts on their way over from Los Angeles. Shout out to Angelo Warner. Do you guys have t-shirts? Yeah. But where did you get the fit of the t-shirt? Like how did you did you just go I don't care or did you

put some effort into it? Yeah, we said I don't care. We sent them an order and said I don't care what it is Send it over in a sticky bag Well then you're going to get shitty products if you don't care You've got to pick out the cut, right? No, we've got This is so boring but Feel this, just feel this

Look how soft that is It's nice and soft What brand is this? MeUndies What? No, no Feel this. Just feel this. Look how soft that is. It's nice and soft. What brand is this? MeUndies. What? No, no. Do you know, I was wearing Uniqlo and then some guy... I wasn't even wearing...

Wait, I was wearing Uniqlo and then someone... You sure can tell a story. Yeah. Work out who's in this story while I eat a third cheeseburger. Someone came up to me and said, you know Uniqlo uses slave labor? You should be careful of what you say. And I'm like, fuck. I don't even know what to do anymore.

So now you don't want to be the face of Uniqlo. I don't know. And then someone else came after that person and said, hey, you know what? Everything is made by slave labor. So if you don't want to use slave labor, then you go naked. That's it. Just give it up. We're all pro-slaves.

So I don't know. Anyway. Ronnie, this is what. Over the summer, we did a little bit of fill-in on Triple J Breakfast with Nazeem Hussain. Yeah, congratulations, making the big time. Wait, what are you talking about? I was being sincere.

I choose to ignore all that laughter. Yeah, I was being sincere. I just, I have tone problems. That's all. I smell a cat fight. I'm going to get myself some popcorn. How many of those could you eat? How many of those could you eat?

He's going to have to find out. I feel awful, by the way. What's that, number three? We on number three? We're on number three right now, yeah. What's your record for McNuggets? Because Chicken McNuggets at 11pm. What's your record?

Probably knocking over a cool 20 bucks. 20 bucks? 20? That's okay. That's the biggest pack you can get, isn't it? Anyone here beat 20 nuggets? One sitting? Yeah. What's your record? 45. You were 15, it was a dare, and did you win

the dare? Well, in a way, you lost. Was the dare specifically eat 45 McDonald's? I mean nuggets? Eat 45 McDonald's? Did you? Wait, so you knocked him off by 10. Why didn't you just have 36?

107. Crush you, cunt. You know you win the dare when you just eat one more than him? Yeah, anyone beat 45? reals 45. It's really not something to brag about but I mean Man, so triple-j breakfast. Yeah. Thank you So we were on it and we heard when we were women there we heard about your exploits Feeling in there triple J. What the fuck happened? Oh, yeah, me and Nazeem were on Triple J.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. It was a legendary run. Yeah. So what we heard, we love this story about you. It's very Ronny Chieng. Oh, no.

Yes. Can we set this up by saying we specifically got told not to tell anyone this story? I chose not to remember that part. But we both got told it independently of each other. So we felt if Nazeem is telling us this that openly. Hey, I didn't say Nazeem told me. Oh, well, neither did I. Could have been anyone. Does this involve bodily fluids?

No, but go on with your story. Let's hear this one. No, no, that's fine. Let's hear this one. Yeah, this is like Agro versus Stefan. Yeah, if it's not a semen story, it's fine. Yeah, go for it. No, what were you going to say? What were you going to say? What I was going to say is let's listen to your story. No, no, no.

No, okay, well the story was Nazeem pissed in your mouth. That happened once. And it was an accident, so. No. So the story was that you were on what happens is he's on the other side of the desk. He's getting in a lot of messages

you know, whether they're phone calls or text messages or emails and stuff. What happens is he's on the other side of the desk. He's getting in a lot of messages, whether they're phone calls or text messages or emails and stuff. What was my mental state at this time? Was I angry? As usual, yes. Ronnie Chang mental state. Yeah, that sounds believable. So he's getting in texts, and then he's not telling you what they are,

and you're going, are we getting in messages about me? And he's like, oh, I don't know. And then you started edging around and finding out the messages that were about you and then finding out their phone numbers. And then you sat back down and got yourself on a website that would disguise your phone number

and started messaging them going, hey, bro, shut the fuck up. What the fuck are you talking about? Is that true? I can't confirm whether that happened, but yeah, we got abused and then we dealt with it. We or just you? Like adults, yeah.

You, just you? Yeah, me. Nazeem was like, I'm fine with this, you're like... Yeah, Nazeem is made of... He's got... I don't know if you guys know who Nazeem is. He's this Indian guy, right? And he's... He's what? Oh, he's Sri Lankan. Oh, dude,eem is. He's this Indian guy, right? And he's... He's what? Oh, he's Sri Lankan. Oh, dude, sorry.

Jesus. He's Sri Lankan. He's a Sri Lankan guy. He's one of my good friends. And he's made of really... His constituents... What do you call it? Constituency? His constitution.

His constitution. His constitution is really strong because he can do shit. He was on Balls of Steel Australia. Man, he's got Balls of Steel. He was doing shit which I wouldn't... His ability to stay in character while doing the most... Indian character?

No, any character. One time he did a prank and he got punched in the face and he stayed in character. That's ridiculous. Was that the full prank? Because that's Yeah Got you And anyway

So he reads abuse And he can brush it off And I read abuse And I get really sensitive about it And then I I don't know I just So you alleged

So you You got on this website And you send these things to people Saying what's your fucking problem Did any of them write back? No because I can neither confirm or deny that that happened. So no one replied, yeah.

That's actually a little awkward. I can't believe he told you that, because I told him not to fucking tell anyone. But that's still way better than the semen story. Fuck, is this a real story? No, it's not. Hey, should we bring in our second guest? Ronnie Chang, everyone.

I am three cheeseburgers down, by the way. Six to go. Oh, no, seven to go. Should I go? Yeah, no, move one seat down. You've done this so many times. So many times now. Our next guest, you will know him from Get This

and from Triple M Breakfast up here in Brisbane. Very happy to have him back down here. He's going to use the actual way to get on stage. Yeah, check this shit out how a real professional does it. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club Ed Cavill! Ed Cavill! He spoke too soon.

Yeah, go for it, man. Hey boys, how you going? I can't believe you pricks don't know Stefan. I grew up in Brisbane. He was my god. If him and Wally Lewis got married, that would have just been the best thing that ever happened up here. Did you ever meet his boat? Stefan's boat?

I think if you went on Stefan's boat... How do you put this? Stuff happened. Is this like Ronnie's semen story? No, no, no. Although you guys didn't drill down enough on, the story started with you, Ronnie, at Triple J that Nazeem pissed in Ronnie's mouth

and then it went down a really boring text message rabbit hole and me and everybody else is here going, get back to the piss in the mouth. Don't bury the lead. I was trying to bluff him. I was trying to get it back. That bit happened. No, it's fine.

I explained to Nazeem that I enjoy halal urine, and then he pissed in my mouth. It's that simple. It's that simple, yeah. I once ate six cheeseburgers in a row when they were 85 cents a long time ago, much like your friend who ate 45 chicken nuggets. Was it you? I guessed.

Wow. You've just got that look about you. I was thinking 20, 21, zero. That's my guy. Yeah, they were 85 cents and a friend and I challenged each other, how many can you eat in a row?

And I got to five and I was like, no, I've got to keep going. And after the sixth one, I just couldn't keep going. So you're three in now. I'm half of the way through to what you did. Right. But I'm also about half your size. Yeah, but I've been watching you from the back of the room,

and the last cheeseburger you ate in five bites. Well, people can't see this, but there's a screen behind the bar that's showing us. So I just, it's the worst, because I can just see a fucking projection of myself doing it. And I sort of saw out of the corner of my eye, I was like, that's fucked. They've left the TV on. There's some awful nature documentary on. Wildebeest just fucking going hell for leather on a carcass.

Did I mention we're recording our DVD tonight? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's all it is. We're just going to edit everything else out apart from you eating cheeseburgers. Yeah, no sound. Just, yeah. Silent.

Well, you know, if we get down to the last three and you're having trouble, we should Nutribullet them. Oh. What does that mean? There's nothing it can't do. What do you mean? What's a Nutribullet? Yeah.

Oh, mate. Oh, my God. Change your life. Are you in? Are you on? Are you serious? I'm fucking desperate for it. Have you got one? No, I don't have one. Oh, mate. You fucking changed your life. I reckon the odds of them on? Are you serious? I'm fucking desperate for it. Have you got one?

No, I don't have one. I reckon the odds of them having a Nutribullet behind the bar of the Sit Down Comedy Club are pretty fucking high. Really? It's a blender. It's not a blender. It's a smoothie.

That's a common mistake. Wait, I know what food would go great with this debate. It's a cheeseburger juicer. It's a very fast blender, Carl, and it makes smoothies. And I have one every morning in there. And it would fucking make short work of that. I just unwrapped this and I heard a definite turn in the enthusiasm for people watching me eat all this.

You're doing that thing where, you know, it's like a joke you see on some shows where they'll go for a long time and you're like, oh, this isn't funny anymore. But they keep going, keep going. Yeah. And then it's really impressive. That's where you're at. You're at number four. I know. And we're all, you know, worried about you,

but when you get to number 10, we'll carry you out of here on our shoulders. I know, but it's either like... Straight to the hospital. It's either like I bail out of the bit now and it's a little bit disappointing... No, no, no, no, no, no. ...or I die tonight.

Yes. Like, that's the only two options. You die on stage, cheeseburger in hand. Hang on, hang on. The way Stefan wants to go out, you know? Are you saying... So, is your appetite still pretty strong for this? It's going around? Not

in the slightest. Okay, let me make it seem a bit more appetising. Oh, now we're talking. They're going to drop. Do you want one, Ed? No, no, no, you're eating them. Fuck. Yeah, man. Did you eat breakfast? Yeah. He had a cheeseburger. Just to line

his stomach. What's the name of that guy who makes macaroons? Stefan. Yeah. He had a cheeseburger. Just to line his stomach. What's the name of that guy who makes macaroons? Stefan. Yeah. Makes macaroons. Is he one of these chefs, these celebrity chefs? Is it Manu? No, he's in Sydney.

He's a Sydney dude. Zumba. Zumba? So, Zumba. His name's Zumba? Yeah. Zumba. Adrian Zumba. Adrian Zumba.

Yeah, he made cheese. How do so many people know people I've never heard of? No, chefs are chefs are it these days chefs are the biggest thing going on they're rock stars

they're rock stars man Heston what's his face Blumenthal Blumenthal yeah you know he's classy because he does brioche rolls at Coles you know what I mean

yeah yeah yeah runs like the best restaurant in the world and that's his day job I'm getting dizzy no I know you are when we start turning into the characters

from the old McDonald's Happy Meals, like when he turns into Grimace and I become the burglar, but here we are. No, no, just fight through. This is a big, because when I wrote, I was a writer on your show TV Birth a few years ago now, and you were, you're a very health conscious person,

and you would sort of say what we were getting at the canteen, and you would kind of, you you would give us a bit of whipping for it and go, no, you should get a salad. You should eat more of this. And this is like a dramatic turn. Brisbane has changed you. Now you're bullying me into eating 10 cheeseburgers. But I'm a feeder. I'm a feeder and an enabler.

You want Tommy nice and plump. Yeah, I do. I mean, I'll start injecting you with those if I have to. Let's go on your boat later on. Sounds awesome. Yes, exactly. Keep you hooked. Is it okay to talk about this? Because Ed Cavalry's fiancée is... She's my wife, bro. She's Ed Cavalry's wife. She's Sri Lankan, yeah.

She's Sri Lankan. She's very fit, my wife. She's super fit and was a trainer. Did you go to the wedding? I thought you were talking to Ed. I was there for a bit. It was kind of dull. I left early.

Had a podcast to get to. What happened there? I don't know. It was one of the onions. Yeah, it started to go down the wrong way. My body's starting to reject it. We might have to start... If you're going to be filled with all ten, we might have to flip you and start shelving them.

I'm going to treat you like a vending machine. This is not even halfway as well. So you're off the bread? I am off the bread. Have you gone full Pete Evans or are you just off the bread? No, no, no. Just off the bread. Who's Pete Evans?

He's a chef. He's big in Melbourne. He's big in Melbourne? Yeah. He's gone. He's a My Kitchen Rules guy. He's full paleo and he's big in Melbourne? Yeah. He's gone... He's a My Kitchen Rules guy. Oh. Who's gone...

He's full paleo and he's just a pair of teeth now. Like he's completely disappeared. He's got a Playboy model girlfriend or wife. What? An Australian one? Yeah, yeah. Because he... I went too early.

I didn't know that was an option. I read about it yesterday because he's all about the... He's paleo diet and whatever and all natural and whatever. He's silicon in the diet? Yeah, well, that was an option. I read about it yesterday because he's all about his paleo diet and whatever. He's silicon in the diet? Yeah, well, that's exactly it. His girlfriend has fake boobs. Well, they might be saline. So that's all natural.

Is that natural? I don't know. Yeah. You ever dealt with a fake boob? No. Oh, wait. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. Keep going. Is this another free thing you got from a hotel? I'm not yeah I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure keep going yeah is this another free thing you got from a hotel yeah but you're right though about the hotels

anything you can get out of them like you're right the wifi is is ridiculous the wifi is ridiculous I don't know how they live with themselves the other thing is

the anyway the fruit pad the fruit platters. Platters, yeah, as a way of making you feel better. Hey, you know how in the last... I was listening to the other podcast the other day, the one with you guys and Bill Burr,

and you said something shocking. You said that you get a new pair of jeans every two months. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of crotch wear. Because of crotch wear. Because I'm a fucking idiot and I only have one on the go. Because you fucking eat 50 cheeseburgers. And every now and again your crotch just explodes. Well, my crotch wear because I'm a fucking idiot and I only have one on the go. Because you fucking eat 50 cheeseburgers.

And every now and again your crotch just explodes. Someone puts 10 cheeseburgers in front of me I get the biggest boner that anyone's ever seen. The front row better watch out. Although the Nuggets man might like it. Back to his roots.

You know Tommy starts eating and goes straight to his dick. Yeah. Well, I had a friend of mine once, he was a model, he was a very image conscious guy and he was starting to eat a lot and not care. And I said to him, you know, you're worried about... He goes, oh, I'm putting on weight but it's okay. And I said, what do you mean?

You have to be on camera all the time? What do you mean? And he goes, oh, because I put on weight, just not too birdly. And I said, where do you put on weight? And he goes, arms and cock. That's not true. Can we have an interval so that I can have a lie down? That's a serious question.

We need to introduce our third guest. Okay. Ed Cavill, everyone. Hi, everybody. Just shuffled down one. Guys, this. Hi, everybody. Just shuffled down one. Guys, this next guest, it is his first time on the show. We get a lot of requests for him to be on. You know him as the host of Triple J Breakfast.

Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Matt O'Kind. Matt O'Kind. Well, well, well. Matt O'Kind. Came on the right way. Couldn't be professional enough to wear pants Welcome to the You didn't say anything to Ed about not wearing pants We're Brisbane boys

We are from Brisbane This is, mate, we are going to I was going to wear shorts I thought it was disrespectful I put on some pants Mate, this is Brisbane Look out there 90% of these people

No pants at all How do you guys feel about coming on Doing something for free That you do every morning for money? Not completely free, cheeseburger. No, thanks. Fuck. Alright, so

Ranger Stacey, Brisbane Slam. The whole Cartoon Connection squad. Ziggy the Bagman. What about Matilda? Who's Matilda? The giant mechanical kangaroo from the Commonwealth Games Hang on, go back

Who's Ziggy the Bagman? Ziggy the Bagman, he lives in Toowong, Indooroopilly, Taringa area He kind of migrates around that area Okay, that still hasn't explained who Ziggy the Bagman is I think Ziggy the Bagman explains exactly who Ziggy the Bagman is All of your local celebsgy the Bag Man explains exactly what Ziggy the Bag Man is. All of your local celebs here in Brisbane

sound like characters that a bad improv group made up. Like, I'm Ziggy the Bag Man. Because a lot of them are... Matt, a lot of them are sporting-based. Well, yeah. Darren Lockyer, a bloody legend, mate. Yeah, bloody legend. What sport did...

Wally Lewis, mate. The king. Pete Evans doesn't have a bloody statue of himself, does he? Exactly. Have you gone to the Wally statue no well fuck you know what I mean

disrespectful yeah exactly right I'm not going to be able to walk out of this venue I'm not seeing any fucking statues it's just down the road yeah so

Ziggy the Bagman Ranger Stacy Agro Tuffy does anyone know Tuffy I don't remember Tuffy's just like

a covers a covers like a guitar player but he just fucking plays everywhere you know what I mean like it's like Tuffy? I don't remember Tuffy. Tuffy's just like a covers guitar player. But he just fucking plays everywhere. You know what I mean? It's like Tuffy's playing at the Normanby, at the RE. Hang on, hang on. And he's here tonight.

Tuffy. I wouldn't be surprised if Tuffy was upset. Are we naming celebrities or local homeless people? There can be two things. All right. Bruce Page and Kay McGrath. Kay McGrath. She came to my house when I was a kid. I was a child and Kay McGrath. Kay McGrath. She came to my house when I was a kid.

I was a child and Kay McGrath walked into my house. Fuck you two. It's the weirdest city in the planet. And I was stunned. Mum's like, this is Kay. Because my mum was working on the Olympic. Remember when Brisbane tried to get the Olympics in 1992? Stefan's needle.

And she was there. She was hot. She was hot as. I remember when Stefan the bag man came to my birthday party. Wow. I know. Oh, I know. What about that?

What's that woman who hates Asians? Oh, Pauline Hanson. Yeah, Pauline Hanson. She's Ipswich celeb. Yeah, mate. We don't claim her. That's a whole other celeb. Sorry, that's Queensland celeb. The Corb't claim her That's a whole other Sorry that's Queensland The Corbys

Chappelle's family Oh yeah But they're Logan They're Logan I'm sorry We've got a Corby In the front row That's fucking Logan

Oh What are the two The woman in the front row Is like She's Logan I should know I had to drive all the way Out there to get stuff from her

What are the two Australian guys who one guy played the piano? In Decent Obsession? No, no, no. Savage Garden. Both from Queensland are in Decent Obsession. They're Logan as well. I don't want to freak you out, Bertie, but I think those hallucinations have kicked in.

What do you mean? Are you talking Brisbane CBD area? But that's no one. Who's from the CBD of Melbourne? Who's the mayor? Who's from the CBD of Melbourne? Who's the mayor? Who's your favourite Burke Street celebrity in Melbourne? Hey, I'll tell you what though. David Jones.

I had a friend in primary school, really close friend. We sort of grew up, you know, going to the same school. His mum, before he was born, was married to fucking Stefan. Cop that.

Cop that in your cheeseburger hole, mate. Cop that. That. Bang. I am almost Stefan. You're right. If we were playing seven degrees of Stefan, he's winning right now. Why did that get framed as a burn on me?

I'm not up here going, I know Stefan better than anyone. No one has a deeper connection to Stefan than me. When they asked me about his boat and I had to hesitate, did you understand why I was hesitating? No, but I suspect I know why. Well, because I can tell a story that's not Stefan which is related. Does anyone remember Rene Rifkin? Oh, yes.

The flamboyant stockbroker. Is he Brisbane? Wait, no. Who not Rene Rifkin? Someone else as well? Is it Denise? Oh, she's got the schools, the business schools. Serena Rosso. She's a Brisbane celeb. Anyway, tell the story. No, no.

Serena Rosso started Facebook. Is that another drug dealer? Yeah. For those who don't know, Serena Rosso started Facebook. No, she didn't. But anyway, Matty, so Renee Rene Rivkin, when I moved to Sydney and I was going to school there, we lived sort of near where Rene did his thing.

He was a very flamboyant eastern suburbs... He did his thing. I'll get to his thing. Identity. And he paid a few of my friends, the better-looking ones, to wash his boat. And the deal was is they'd go down there in the board shorts, shirt ones, to wash his boat and the deal was is they'd go down there in the board shorts, shirtless

and wash his boat and he'd sit on the back of it smoking a cigar and then they'd finish and he'd sort of give them all cash and then that was it, they'd go away and I remember after Rene unfortunately passed away, they mentioned the boat and they said it hadn't left

dock in 15 years. But fuck me, it was clean. You know what I mean? So were you insulted? Did you ever get the request to come in? Never got the fucking call up. I had pimples, you know, and I'd really turn it on when he came looking too.

Is Luke Longley from Brisbane or Perth? No, but if you want to go there, then we're talking Leroy Loggins. Yeah, exactly. Okay. The Bullets. The Bullets. Was Shane Hill a Brisbane? No, but if you want to go there then we're talking Leroy Loggins. Yeah, exactly. Okay. The Bullets. Was Shane Hill a Brisbane? No, he was Melbourne. Melbourne's so confused right now.

I'm trying to recognise a single name that's been said on this stage this afternoon. Well, you're learning something. Where's the big guy who is in politics? Lazarus. The guy in Lazarus? No, no. He's from South Wales. Claude Palmer. Yeah, yeah. Claude Palmer. He's Gold Coast. He's Gold Coast.

Okay. I'm trying here. Gold Coast. He's Gold Coast. Please. Are you just naming people that you know? Santa Claus? People from Brisbane?

Ronnie Chang? Ronnie Chang. Jonathan Brown. Jonathan Brown. Okay, yeah. I'd go Michael Voss if we were going to go there. That's fine. It's so weird how into this people are because we're just saying names

and going, yeah, he's from here and giving no other information. And people are gobbling it up. It's a really easy game of celebrity heads. People like that type of thing. Jackie McDonald. Brisbane, we're proud of it, you know. We've got a select few of weird people that no one else knows. You go anywhere.

Who has a famous bag man anywhere? We're winning that game. Who has an unfamous bag man? Here's something. I looked at your Wikipedia page today, Ed, and what I noticed was we get a tiny mention on it. There's a link down the bottom to us. And I followed the link and went, oh, cool.

And that's how I found out that my Wikipedia page has now officially been deleted. Wait, wait. It happened to me. That hurts. When did it happen to you and how did you find out? Well, because I wanted to know whether I had a Wikipedia page and I was like, I clicked on mine and then it just said,

no, it's been deleted because the information's not useful. That happens though because what you might have got is the fans of your podcast, this has happened to me before, is they get on it and they start adding dodgy and filthy details and someone at Wikipedia goes, well, I know Carl Chandler's a weird

guy, but I don't think he's made love to a hundred animals. And they delete it. I don't think he's ever love to a hundred animals. And they delete it. I don't think he's ever washed Rene Rivkin's boat. No, exactly right. Yeah, wow. This is the thing. Tommy's page is still up. Old Delito over here. Gone. Oh, you didn't.

Oh, wait, no. I thought you said you deleted Tommy's because you couldn't have one. No, no, no. He's still up. Mine's gone. Yeah. So he's winning. Can I make an observation? He just ate fucking four cheeseburgers. He ain't winning. Hey, put that on there, guys. It stopped. Oh, Christ.

You should do it. Yeah, see? Now they're back. They're back. They've come around. We've reached critical mass. This is, as a performer, this is a very tough call to have to make. But this could be your new thing.

Yeah, but why are you pretending like you're not eating that shit on a daily basis anyway? You're like... Saying I have a new thing implies that I had an old thing. Ronnie's a really

aggressive nutritionist, you know? Don't waste it. Someone, someone stole this from their work for you, right? Oh, God.

Someone stole this from their work and then took it on a bus for 20 minutes just for you to eat it. Do you know what you should do? Which McDonald's did you work at? Who was it? No, no, don't, don't. No, no, don't do that. Don't do that. Someone stole this from their work and then took it on a bus for 20 minutes just for you to eat it. Which McDonald's did you work at? Who was it?

No, no, don't. No, no, don't do that. The Valley, the one in the Valley. An excellent one. A fine establishment. A really good one. Shout out to the McDonald's that killed Tommy Dasolo. We're not going to get in trouble.

We can't do that. Matt's triple J antenna's going off. You're saying a product name. Ed Poles. Quick, quick. Someone say TV on the radio. If you eat ten burgers from McDonald's, you've got to eat ten burgers from all the chains.

Stop saying McDonald's, okay? Refer to it as a popular family restaurant. That could be Sizzler. Shut up. That could be... I've always wondered this. I've never worked for the ABC. How good is Sizzler, though?

It's spot on. Is Sizzler Queensland? I think it was Yeah it's going off It's never been better You know what else is Queensland? Rat poisoners They're Queensland as well Is Bundaberg Queensland?

Yes Bundaberg's Queensland Is Carlton Draft Queensland? No You live in Carlton Draft Queensland? No! You live in Carlton in Melbourne, you fucking idiot! Yes! Matt, you live in Carlton. Matt, do you get the feeling that...

Can you stop announcing where I live? You live in one Carlton street, Carlton. Sorry, everyone. What is Brisbane beer then? Forex. Forex, man. Forex, alright. Not, everyone. What is Brisbane beer, then? Forex. Not forest. There's some really good... Forex. Oh, Forex. Do you want me to spell it?

That's cool. That was the old joke. Why do they call it Forex? Because they can't spell beer. Which was never funny. Oh, shit. You've just said two brand names in a row. I don't mind saying Forex. Oh, shit, you've just said two brand names in a row. Quickly get yourself out of there. I don't mind saying 4X.

Oh, wow. How does that work at the ABC, though? I know you know how to say brand names. If I give you a brand name, like if I said, all right, you wanted to say Cadbury Chocolate, but you weren't allowed to say Cadbury Chocolate, how would you get around it but still be specific so that people sort of know what you mean?

Well, it just depends on what sort of chocolate we're talking about. If you're saying Cadbury chocolate, I'd be like, oh, and this particular chocolate was Schmadbury Schmocklet. Wow. Perfect. I came on your show in the morning and I talked

about the breakfast I had. It was like cinnamon clusters. And then until today I still get messages that people ask me what it was, like what brand it was. What brand it was. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, you're just not allowed to say that sort of stuff and I know that annoys you because you, I'm big into branding. You are so brand, yeah.

I'm like, Facebook, iPhones, Facebook, iPhones. your first show, your first show, you used to walk out

with a bottle of American honey whiskey and just have it placed label out on stage. Yeah, and speaking of, just take a sip because you wanted to be sponsored out on stage. Yeah, and speaking of... Just take a sip because you wanted to be

sponsored by Jim Beam. Yeah. And speaking of alcohol, always drink Singtari Bunga because that shit... You're on a deal, mate. It's tasty.

It's the perfect summer beer. It's light. And speaking of that, always eat five McDonald's cheeseburgers responsibly. The next time you go after that one, Tommy,

you should put those two together. Don't fucking give it away. Seriously, guys. You should put those two together. It'll be easier. I think this bite has to be my last. No, no, no. Five is still.

Go fuck yourself. Who's eaten? Hands up if you've eaten more than five cheeseburgers. Fuck. Fuck. See, this is a... Exactly. What the fuck just happened?

Shut up, Stefan. They will rush the stage and force feed you if they have to. I've already thrown up the shelving idea. This is a bit of Man Vs. Food where he's coming along, he's doing it easy. Great show. You hit the wall. You hit the wall.

This is a bit where the vision goes a bit blurry. Yeah, I know. I'm well aware. And then all the crowds start going, you can do it, Tommy. No. That's a voice of reason. That's the lady I'm

staying with for the next week, so she knows her bathroom is getting obliterated tonight if I finish this bag. That's your toilet yelling out. It's more likely to go the other way, though. You're more likely to be backed up for a fair while. Like, you might have to get the other way, though. You're more likely to be backed up for a fair while. Like, you might have to get the coffee enema happening.

You might have to neutral port your own arse. I've just gotten a... I've just gotten a... I've just gotten a surprise text message. Yes? I've just gotten a message. Something's just come through. Have you? Yeah, we got a...

This is very unexpected. Okay. We talked about this earlier, Something's just come through. Have you? Yeah. This is very unexpected. Okay. What? We talked about this earlier, but somehow we mentioned that we tried to get someone on the show and couldn't. Yeah. And I've just gotten word that I think this is true. Is he here? No.

Do we have? No, he's not. Is Agro here? Hey, help! I think we've... Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Agro.

Oh, my God. It's Agro. Hi, Agro. From Cartoon Connection. You look... Agro, how are you? You look different. Agro.

You look better. Agro, take this microphone. Help. Help. Hi, I'm Agro. How's it going, everyone? Agro, it's going great. Oh, yeah.

I just thought I'd come down and say goodnight to all you cunts. Agro, do you know Stefan? Yeah, Stefan personally, and this is a fucking true story, Stefan personally gave me some hair and body wash and I used it and it was great. Agro, you look hungry. I put cheeseburgers here now

and I'll start to eat them. Would you like me to feed them to you? It might be easier. Yes, I can't see. I forgot to put on my eyes. I can't see a fucking thing. Okay. Is that nice?

Is that nice, Ed Gray? I'm burning my own hair. I hate this. I live in a nightmare. I don't know how many people here are my age and remember growing up with Cartoon Connection, but I'm going to admit to being a little bit sceptical about this. I don't know...

Tommy, it's just that thing where you grow up and your memories aren't the same as how you remember them. That's all. I don't know. I'm sorry to tell you, but I really don't think that you're actually aggro. Well, if I wasn't aggro, why would I be in Brisbane and all furry? Like, obviously, I'm definitely aggro. I just think you're some weird guy who's tried to get a free...

No. Some fat idiot who's tried to get a free cheeseburger. No, no, you're all right. No. And you've... It's not even a good costume. Like, it's... For the listeners at home,

it's a head that's been ripped off a teddy bear and then you've cut a mouth hole out of the teddy's mouth hole and then you've got the teddy's body on a coat hanger just hanging out of your collar. And you're bringing down the good name of the sit-down comedy club by posing next to it. And you've... For some reason

you've made a cut in the teddy bear's knee as well for no apparent reason so stuffing is just leaking out of it. No, that's just I fell over on my skateboard. Agro does kickflips. I don't know. Who thinks this is

actually agro? Definitely agro. Definitely agro. I know what Anne-Marie's pussy looks like. I'm't know. Who thinks this is actually aggro? I'm definitely aggro. I know what Anne-Marie's pussy looks like. I'm aggro. I'm definitely aggro. I know all the inside knowledge about the show back in the day. I've seen the

Channel 7 blooper reel that they used to play at the Christmas party of aggro and he never said anything that bad. I don't know. I don't know about that. I've seen all the pussies on that show. And that clown, you know that clown that was on there? Crikey the Clown, yeah. Yeah, he was a pedophile. Now this is.

He was always handing out those magic needles to the kids and sprinkling magic dust on them. It was... And that's why the show got cancelled at the end. I don't know. Do you know what Agro's done, though? Agro had this cheeseburger.

He didn't really take a bite out of it, but he did have it sort of in his armpit, Tommy. Yeah, you should have a taste of that. No, this is... Well, that'll be the sixth one. Then you're on equal air. Is that all I've got to do? Oh, fuck, I feel so sick.

You've at least got to equal air. And you know, I mean, it wouldn't be right. It would be insulting to Agro if you're not to eat his pit burger. Tommy, Tommy, just eat the cheeseburger for Agro. I did. Just put it in your cup, come on. You did give me This is Tommy, yeah? This is Tommy?

That's Tommy. This is Tommy, come on, put the cheese, put it in your cup, come on. Fucking do it. Fucking eat the beer. I did not grow up... I'm sorry, Mum. I did not grow up in Australia. I don't know who Agro is. This is extremely confusing.

What do you mean? Isn't it clear he's a popular children's entertainer? I'm an Aussie fucking icon! Why is your polo tee tucked into your underwear? Yeah, why? Is that the weird thing you take out of this? Yes. Is it, Ronnie? There's no reason to tuck your shirt into your underwear.

No, it's for safety. Everything else is okay, but that... The shirt stays tucked in if you tuck it into your undies. That's the key. That's where you can learn from Agro. The sweat patches. I'm always teaching lessons. Yeah.

He's so sweaty. He's so sweaty. I'm not that sweaty. I've just had a rough time. I've had a real rough time over these last couple of years. Because normally you wear black to hide sweat stains, but for some reason, like, yours just accentuates the liquid coming out of your armpit. Why did you hang around here after the gigantic high that was me eating your pit burger?

That was your out, you carpet-faced fucking idiot. Yeah, all right, fuck off. I've got to go to do a corporate gig at a chicken shop. Agro, everyone. Oh, Christ. Oh, you know what? Takes me back to childhood, you know? Yeah.

Sweaty man. Oh, my God. That was very exciting. We haven't finished that burger. Yeah, finish the burger. You've got to finish at least that one. That's number six, yeah? Just to tie with me.

That's six. If I top Ed, will that be enough? Top is seven. If you top yourself, that'll be more than enough. So, was Agro a puppet? Top is seven. If you top yourself, that'll be more than enough. So was Agro a puppet? He still is. Yeah, he was a puppet. Was he like a

muppet? Yeah. He was more like the first thing you said, a puppet. Anyway, finish that burger. Yeah, I'm getting there, but while I finish it, should we go into a bit of... Why are you getting up? Because I thought we were going to sit over here and so I put all the stuff under here. Should we move for you?

It is time for Australia's favourite, longest running, most consistently great radio serial. Best written. Raji, get the music ready. It's Rad Dad! Thank you. music ready it's right there thank you

Matt you got here late so I don't think we've given you any context for what this is you play yourself keep it going we want to hear that while we all sit here in silence and wait for a tan. Rad dad. He's the raddest dad in town. Rad dad. Can you start burger before we start this? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, that's gross.

Rad dad. Rad dad. I had... Fuck. I can't... I can't read. I've lost the ability to read. It's a great product.

Rad Dad, I just had a dream. I hadn't seen you in months, and then I read on Wikipedia that you were dead. Wikipedia? What? It's like Encarta 95 for people who aren't dried up old farts. Jenny, I'm not dead. You don't have to worry about me. Oh, I wasn't worried.

I, like most people, was actually pretty relieved to not hear from you every week. Well, anyway, Jenny, here we are in Queensland. Despite you saying I never take you on holidays, I've proved you wrong once again, just like I did last night. Last night I said I bet you could stop acting like a fuckwit for two seconds, so I guess you're right, you did prove me wrong. Anyway, isn't this great? Spending your school holidays in the Sunshine State.

That is a weirdly unselfish move from someone who usually eats my entire birthday cake. Hey, to be fair, I thought I was just eating cake. I have no idea when your birthday is. Well, I guess I'll take anything I can get from this relationship until you turn 43 next year and I can legally put you in a home. Okay, Rad Dad, what do you want to do first? SeaWorld? Treasury Casino? Climb the Story Bridge? Stefan's boat? Yeah and and don't say Expo 88. Well I was kind of thinking you'd find your own fun I mean aren't you 18 now? I'm 12. Well in some cultures that's even older. No it's not. Rad Dad are you saying you want to leave a 12-year-old girl by herself in a strange city

in a state so fucked that they named a town Maryborough too? What are you planning on doing? Wait a minute, you've got your best billabong t-shirt on and you only wear that on a special occasion. Oh shit, you're going to schoolies, aren't you? Well, yes, Jenny. Look, I missed out on schoolies when I first finished school. There was a sale at the FUBU store

and I camped out for three nights to get 25% off a puffer vest. And I've always semi-regretted that, despite the fact that I'm still wearing that vest right now. Look, relax, there's plenty of good stuff to do in Brisbane. All you need is an expert on what the best things to do are. And look, there's a travel guide right now. Excuse me, sir, can you tell my daughter what there is to do in Brisbane? Yes, you fucking old man.

Of course I can. I know everything. What are you looking for? Entertainment? $20 or $30 range? $30 to $40? $40 or $50? Although by looking at you, let me guess,

you're looking for like the $2 to $5 range? Hey, I can push it up to $60 if you think of something good. Oh, yeah, sure. I got a place in mind. It's a quaint little place we have here called Child Protection Services. Okay, sounds great. Don't wait up. Awesome.

I've gotten rid of the old ball and chain. I'm a free man on the loose in the Gold Coast. I think I'll stop in here at Movie World first on the way to schoolies. And I think some people say the Gold Coast doesn't know how to do culture. What do I do first? I know, score some drugs. Wait, there's a performer. Performers know where all the best gear is.

Excuse me, dude. Yeah, what is it, mate? You wouldn't happen to know where any hooch is? Any Scooby Snacks? Any Marijuana? Hey? Have you lost your mind? I'm a cop.

Oh, shit. In that uniform, I just thought you were part of the Police Academy stunt show. So just to be clear, that's a definite no, yeah? Piss off, mate. You're just lucky I'm busy. You know what? If I wasn't about to get lunch, I'd suspect you fit the description of the idiot who rings here every day harassing Movie World to make a ride based on Romy and Michelle's high school reunion. But imagine going around a big bend on a rollercoaster and hearing Romy say,

I invented post-it notes. It'd be the ultimate adventure. You get in that tab and piss off before your stussy hat allows me to arrest you and hearing Romy say, I invented post-it notes. It'd be the ultimate adventure. You get in that tab and piss off before your stussy hat allows me to arrest you on suspicion of being a massive fuckwit. Get your stuck-in-the-90s arse out of here. Oh, yeah, I'm really stuck-in-the-90s. Not.

Okay, I guess that was lucky. Wait, cab driver, stop here. Triple J are doing a live broadcast just over here. I've got to check this out. And on Triple J, that was Mark Ronson with Uptown Funk. I'm Matt, lucky. Wait, cab driver, stop here. Triple J are doing a live broadcast just over here. I've got to check this out. And on Triple J, that was Mark Ronson with Uptown Funk. I'm Matt, this is Alex. And don't worry, Alex, I've got this covered. We're here in the heart of Schoolies.

We're on the Gold Coast. There are thousands, literally thousands here celebrating the end of their school days. Alex Dyson, how does it look to you? Wait, wait, wait, no. I'll answer that. Let's grab a Schoolie now and ask him. Mate, how are you enjoying Schoolies? Hi, Helen. Wait, wait, wait, no, I'll answer that. Let's grab a schoolie now and ask him. Mate, how are you enjoying schoolies? Hi, Helen. Hi,

Mikey. Schoolies are the bomb! Sorry, wait, I'm getting word from my producer. I'm not actually allowed to talk to 43-year-old toolies. I'm sorry, mate. I actually have to talk to an actual schoolie. Wait, wait, wait. I am a schoolie. Ooh, dude, you must have been kept down 26 years in a row, which, by the look of you, is completely

possible. No, no, no, wait, Sandman, I swear I'm 17. Yeah, okay, okay, if you're really 17, name five songs from Triple J's Hottest 100 this year. Alex, shut up, shut up, will ya? Don't help him out. Five songs from this year's Hottest 100, easy.

Mm-mm-mm-mm by the Crash Test Dummies, Gangster's Paradise by Coolio, Cause I Got High by Afro Man, that cool rap song about scallops with the lot, and Who Farted by the Vaughns. Bang. Wow, wow.

Okay, I was going to recommend you listen to Double J, but I think your references are even too dated for that, so is there a single J? Screw Triple J anyway. They on purpose totally ignored the massive campaign that I got going on BuzzFeed for the hottest 100 this year. Oh. Were you the one that started that whole Taylor Swift thing?

No, I did it with Papa Roach. Radda, there you are. I convinced the tourist guy to help me look for you. I can't have you ODing on drugs here. If you die, that 40 grand debt you have racked up at Mossimo will be passed on to me. Oh, excuse me, are you really Matt O'Kane from Triple J? Yes.

Good lord, can you tell me something? Has anyone texted in anything about me? Oh god, Alex, take us to a song. Okay, now Alex's mic is cut out. Can anything else possibly go wrong? Hi, it's Agro, guys. I'm always happy to come down and look at lots of pussies. Agro, now we're talking.

I've got a feeling this school this weekend is going to be a disaster. Not a Rad Dad! Rad Dad is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Wow! Alright guys. It's pretty fascinating. We are very nearly out of time here.

Another episode. We get it. It's finished. That did end on a bit of a big cliffhanger, didn't it? That felt like playing the ending twice felt like killing an animal that's diseased and now putting another bullet into its head to make sure it's healed. Or eating five McDonald's cheeseburgers and then being forced in public to eat a sixth one. I feel like the only thing left to do in the episode is for me to finish off this sixth cheeseburger. That's a great idea.

Tommy! Look how gross. in the episode is for me to finish off this six cheeseburger. Tommy. Look how gross. Dude, you're attracting flies. That's how disgusting this is. One last bite, Tommy. Come on. Get it down, brother. Yeah, he's done it.

He's done it. Straight to the hospital. Now you've got to swallow and then you have to open your mouth to prove that. Yeah, yeah've got to swallow and then you have to open your mouth to prove that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, come on. Fuck.

Yeah, no one's leaving until you've swallowed the whole thing and you've kept it down. That sounds like something that happened at Stefan's party. Ah. So Adriano Zumba once made cheeseburger macaroons. I like it, Ronnie. That was meta. That was meta. Yeah.

Hey, have you got any more, sorry to change the topic, but have you, you know, Rad Dad's because you got offered this role, you know what it was, because you hadn't had,

have you had an audition since then? Have you been back to the Yeah, I've had plenty of auditions since then. How are we going? Zero for about 30, I think.

Have you? I think I've been in the middle of an audition for bowel cancer for the last hour. Just Ronnie and I were at the back earlier and we both agreed that just the two of you you're looking more and more like a like an old married couple. And someone is

letting herself go. Alright well guys I think that's just about all the time we have for the Little Dumb Dumb Club this week. Give a big round of applause. Matt O'Kine in the house. Ed Cavill.

Thank you all very much. Ronnie Chang. Can we have a Ronnie Chang plug for him? Talk to his boss? Oh yeah, so you guys all have, you guys both have shows

at the Brisbane Comedy Festival happening, what date? My show's starting on the 13th and the 15th of March. Yeah. And in Melbourne

you've got your show what's it called? The Other Guy. The Other Guy. Matt Nykone. It's really good. I've seen some of it it's really good.

Thank you Ronnie that's very nice. Tone problems I'm sorry. Ronnie Chang's got a show as well. I got you. What's your show called?

You Don't Know What You're Talking About. Okay. That's what the show is. Is that aimed at us or is that retarded? There's a little double meaning It's a reference to myself Ronnie Chang, you don't know what you're talking about

I think Ronnie Chang doesn't know what he's talking about You've been reading that text line, haven't you? Yeah So I'm doing Brisbane My two shows sold out already So I had an extra one So please come for that, it'll be really cool Help Ronnie out My two shows sold out already, so I had an extra one, so please come for that. It'll be really cool. It's at the Brisbane Powerhouse.

Yeah, help Ronnie out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Help him pay for his Wi-Fi. Guys, my show is currently happening at the Brisbane Powerhouse until March the 8th. Cutie pie.

Come check that out. And also, who wants a cheeseburger? Oh, wow. Oh, no one. After they've watched you eat six of them, they're like, that is not a delicious option. No one's willing to eat a sympathy cheeseburger? Yeah.

For Tommy? Oh, there he is. Yeah, the guy who brought them in. You gave them to us. The guy who brought in one's a cheeseburger. Are you going to sell them back to your work? Does anyone want a cheeseburger? I have a feeling Agro is probably going to be pretty keen to...

Yeah. He's empty. Hey, Brisbane Brisbane Brisbane weather is great Agro's hand reaches out through the curtain alright guys

one more round of applause for our guests thank you so much for coming down and we'll see you next time Tommy and Carl everybody

see you next time bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye Yeah, thanks.